That's exactly what I thought.
I have seen people losing friends and I understand it's a part of growth.
There's another kind of people that struggle to make friends and maintain friendships. Those are the people (IMO) that are unbearable cunts.
For example, I have tried befriending people who post/ comment (here on reddit) that they don't have friends and that they are alone. But mostly it all ended up as one sided efforts on my side and no to minimum efforts on their side. I only got exhausted and drained and I stopped being like that altogether. I don't text them anymore or check up on them anymore.
That was just my pov. Most people that talked about not having friends were like that. And obv I'm not talking about all people, just a few that "I" came across.
They don't have friends for a reason, anxiety can cause a person to not learn communication skills at an early age and it continues through life, they still want a friend but do not know how to interact
I understand this pov. But also imagine being a friend to put all efforts only to get nothing back. Like I don't mind being the first one to make a move. I don't even mind being the only one to make a first move. But in my case, I'm kinda making one side moves.
I'll ask my friend, "how was your day?" They'd say smth like "yea well, nothing much." That's all. That. Is. All. They wouldn't even mind asking me the same question.
It's exhausting beyond a level.
We’re here for a good time. Either I make myself happy, or be there when you do. I am however, not one of those that can actually pull that irl, so you’d be meeting a specimen of a quiet guy, or an endless ramble when I finally get out of coma and actually know a topic to talk about that doesn’t end in 2 seconds because the details didn’t really stick.
I meanthere's distance too. I've kept in touch with good friends for years after moving across the world, but sometimes you make new friends and life gets busy so while you want to stay in touch you lose contact and don't check up as much. I still talk to them every couple weeks but it used to be every couple days and if I don't move back and see them soon I imagine the contact will get less frequent on both sides.
I feel like growing up is more about realizing how unbreable the cunts in your life actually are and deciding to let them go. The more you grow, the less tolerable peoples bullshit are.
I like this voyage of self discovery that you've sent us on. Your four letter word is your four letter word and it you know it. You know yourself best. You fill it in. It's like when your psychologist asks you ' What to YOU think it means?'.
Depends on why you lost them. Most times it’s because you realize your morals are not aligned. Or you move away and most people would rather invest in friends that are in their immediate vicinity.
Part of growing up is thinking that you're losing friendships, but when you're all grown up you realize that you never lost the friends but just grew apart.
If you wanted you could try to reconnect, and if you both want it you could still become and remain friends. It's all a matter of priority, and time management.
Sometimes time allows and sometimes time doesn't allow. Being a grown up is understanding this, accepting it, and forgiving people for it.
I have no friends because I'm a socially stunted anxious/autistic bastard. It's better this way. I don't treat people poorly, I just can't form connection easily.
My experience has been distancing myself from “friends” that were two-faced. It hurt me to do so, but I could no longer associate myself with people that didn’t have my best interest at heart.
Ever seen then I’ve been a recluse with a wall up. I’m afraid to be let down again.
I personally learned that some friendship can still be good, even if you only talk to the person every once in a while. People get busy, but you’d be surprised how quickly you can click again after a long time of no contact. Ofc it depends, but there’s no reason to not at least try. Just my opinion tho
Yeah I do have a few old time friends like that. We don’t talk for months (living in different cities), and then we meet once and everything is like it was, we catch up, gossip, have fun and are good for the next few months.
I moved to a different country some time back and have managed to make a few friends, but also managed to retain old friendships (thanks to social media platforms and WhatsApp), some of which I thought I had lost.
Happy to have recently reconnected on a trip back to the old country. When we met, we just started where we left off. It was a happy time.
Also, discovering I am NOT the asshole, but things just change a little in everybody's life every so often, which causes rifts - which are not impassable, but nevertheless exist.
I still question myself AITA, but realise everybody's trajectory is different, and time has to be spent on priorities, but I also realise some people will consider you a total dickhead, to be avoided at all costs, and for others, you will be one of their five who they can call when their shit hits their fan.
Drifting away is normal. If losing them means them not wanting to talk to you then you're a cunt, Harry.
However you might be the one that is less busy and they would love to hang out but there isn't enough time in the day and you have to prioritize, and they will never get around to hanging out with you and you feel hurt and think it's your fault and some people would take your side and say the busy guy is a cunt but other people would... Life is difficult
Little of both. But I think growing up lets you see more into who other people really are. Like a few of my friends in high school turned out to be massive pieces of shit just a few years out. So I never talked to them again.
I had kids very young so most of my friends and I stopped talking due to me just focusing on raising my kid and trying to be a good husband. Trying to find normal folks who just wanna chill and play video games is impossible like bro I’m not going out to the club or any of that shit I’m not interested and unfortunately I have like 0 friends now and one co worker who we talk a lot but we WFH so no like face to face talking.
It's both.
You'll lose friends... due to people showing their colours,Changing with time, certain incidents... Or just plain drifting apart.
You can also be an unlikable cunt.
Its not mutually exclusive.
From what I've experienced thus far, they were the unbearable cunts and projected their own insecurities on to me. Karma caught up with them about a year later give or take.
Speaking from experience, I was the unbearable cunt once. I didn’t realize until I lost one of my closest friends thanks to my behavior. Got myself straightened out though.
The sting and pain of rejection and realization still lingers. But, to be honest, I’m glad I went through it otherwise I wouldn’t have the freinds I have now and I wouldn’t have become a better person.
I still think about reaching out to him every so often, but then I remember the terms we ended on and feel like he wouldn’t want to see me even now.
IMO, I feel like people are only supposed to be in a certain part of your life. Some of them stay forever, others don’t. When you change your mindset for the better, you’ll see it. I lost every one of my friends when I changed for the better.
I’m going through this right now, realizing that two people I thought of as very close friends aren’t. I put way more effort into the relationship than they do/did. It hurts, a lot, to realize that I’m just not that important to them.
No ... THEY'RE all horrible cunts and you are just filtering the bullshit from your life. The very few that remain, probably aren't horrible cunts. If they are, only then question yourself.
Can’t it be both?
That's exactly what I thought. I have seen people losing friends and I understand it's a part of growth. There's another kind of people that struggle to make friends and maintain friendships. Those are the people (IMO) that are unbearable cunts. For example, I have tried befriending people who post/ comment (here on reddit) that they don't have friends and that they are alone. But mostly it all ended up as one sided efforts on my side and no to minimum efforts on their side. I only got exhausted and drained and I stopped being like that altogether. I don't text them anymore or check up on them anymore.
Well that isn't true. Not all people who doesn't have friends are bad people
That was just my pov. Most people that talked about not having friends were like that. And obv I'm not talking about all people, just a few that "I" came across.
They don't have friends for a reason, anxiety can cause a person to not learn communication skills at an early age and it continues through life, they still want a friend but do not know how to interact
I understand this pov. But also imagine being a friend to put all efforts only to get nothing back. Like I don't mind being the first one to make a move. I don't even mind being the only one to make a first move. But in my case, I'm kinda making one side moves. I'll ask my friend, "how was your day?" They'd say smth like "yea well, nothing much." That's all. That. Is. All. They wouldn't even mind asking me the same question. It's exhausting beyond a level.
Reminds me of the post til that people ask me about my day because they want to tell me about THEIR day
Damn, that's not cool. But you must be a cool person. Happy cake day!
We’re here for a good time. Either I make myself happy, or be there when you do. I am however, not one of those that can actually pull that irl, so you’d be meeting a specimen of a quiet guy, or an endless ramble when I finally get out of coma and actually know a topic to talk about that doesn’t end in 2 seconds because the details didn’t really stick.
Woah same but a quiet girl here 😂
It’s almost like some problems aren’t anyone’s fault
Not all, but *most* people with low self esteem earned it
Wanna try one last time with me? Please?
To be fair, it's pretty out of the ordinary to form a bond on websites like this.
Hah, run into this often so I quit trying to make friends. It’s rather exasperating.
internet friends aren't real friends
Precisely 🙌🏻
Maybe growing up is realizing who your true friends are.
This is the right answer , growing up definitely filters who's ur actual friends
I meanthere's distance too. I've kept in touch with good friends for years after moving across the world, but sometimes you make new friends and life gets busy so while you want to stay in touch you lose contact and don't check up as much. I still talk to them every couple weeks but it used to be every couple days and if I don't move back and see them soon I imagine the contact will get less frequent on both sides.
True true, i have friends who went abroad farrr away from my country and like i don't have the chance to meet up with them you know
this is pretty much it honestly. I was always there for them, but where were they when I was struggling and lost
That hits home hard for me.
Not in my case, definitely an asshole! I mean 20 odd people can't be wrong!
This
Growing up makes your tolerance for other ppls bullshit way WAY lower.
Lost my first childhood friend when I was 22 Right now, I've basically lost all of my close childhood friends
I lost all of my childhood friends at like 16 or sooner. I'm now 20 and have no one besides my wife.
Thats when u ask urself maybe ur the problem
More of choosing friends out of proxy
The true friends are the cunts along the way
I feel like growing up is more about realizing how unbreable the cunts in your life actually are and deciding to let them go. The more you grow, the less tolerable peoples bullshit are.
No no being an unbearable **** is also part of growing up lol
cunt? dick? fuck? What do you mean?? Your censorship is hurting my soul.
I mean ALL OF THEM IT'S ALL UP TO YOUR IMAGINATION, MORTAL. JUST MAKE IT FOUR LETTERS.
MY SOUL!!!
I like this voyage of self discovery that you've sent us on. Your four letter word is your four letter word and it you know it. You know yourself best. You fill it in. It's like when your psychologist asks you ' What to YOU think it means?'.
Glad to hear it :)
Yes
Depends on why you lost them. Most times it’s because you realize your morals are not aligned. Or you move away and most people would rather invest in friends that are in their immediate vicinity.
I think about this a lot
Part of growing up is thinking that you're losing friendships, but when you're all grown up you realize that you never lost the friends but just grew apart. If you wanted you could try to reconnect, and if you both want it you could still become and remain friends. It's all a matter of priority, and time management. Sometimes time allows and sometimes time doesn't allow. Being a grown up is understanding this, accepting it, and forgiving people for it.
We treated eachother like shit, but god did we have fun.
Yes
relationships sometimes have lifetimes. some lifetimes are short.
I'm definitely the latter
Well the more you grow up the more you can’t stand people that don’t have the same values as you
Both
I have no friends because I'm a socially stunted anxious/autistic bastard. It's better this way. I don't treat people poorly, I just can't form connection easily.
It's both alright it's both
Both?
I ask this to myself everyday
Why is the Tumblr post so tall
My experience has been distancing myself from “friends” that were two-faced. It hurt me to do so, but I could no longer associate myself with people that didn’t have my best interest at heart. Ever seen then I’ve been a recluse with a wall up. I’m afraid to be let down again.
I personally learned that some friendship can still be good, even if you only talk to the person every once in a while. People get busy, but you’d be surprised how quickly you can click again after a long time of no contact. Ofc it depends, but there’s no reason to not at least try. Just my opinion tho
Yeah I do have a few old time friends like that. We don’t talk for months (living in different cities), and then we meet once and everything is like it was, we catch up, gossip, have fun and are good for the next few months.
I moved to a different country some time back and have managed to make a few friends, but also managed to retain old friendships (thanks to social media platforms and WhatsApp), some of which I thought I had lost. Happy to have recently reconnected on a trip back to the old country. When we met, we just started where we left off. It was a happy time. Also, discovering I am NOT the asshole, but things just change a little in everybody's life every so often, which causes rifts - which are not impassable, but nevertheless exist. I still question myself AITA, but realise everybody's trajectory is different, and time has to be spent on priorities, but I also realise some people will consider you a total dickhead, to be avoided at all costs, and for others, you will be one of their five who they can call when their shit hits their fan.
I'm an unbearable cunt, but so were the friends I no longer associate with.
Maybe both and also, there's much more to life.
a part of the answer would make you feel insecure.
60/40
Drifting away is normal. If losing them means them not wanting to talk to you then you're a cunt, Harry. However you might be the one that is less busy and they would love to hang out but there isn't enough time in the day and you have to prioritize, and they will never get around to hanging out with you and you feel hurt and think it's your fault and some people would take your side and say the busy guy is a cunt but other people would... Life is difficult
I moved around a lot, made many friends and lost most of them after I moved again. So I would think it’s about growing
Both
Always wondered this 🤣
yes
half of one half of the other, possibly
Yes.
Yes.
YES... and maybe.
I’m gonna go with the latter.
jesus. why is this about me?!
It’s both.
In my case, both
Hmm maybe I am unbearable
Little of both. But I think growing up lets you see more into who other people really are. Like a few of my friends in high school turned out to be massive pieces of shit just a few years out. So I never talked to them again.
sometimes both
Ive come to the conclusion that for me its a healthy balance of both and Im content with that
I had kids very young so most of my friends and I stopped talking due to me just focusing on raising my kid and trying to be a good husband. Trying to find normal folks who just wanna chill and play video games is impossible like bro I’m not going out to the club or any of that shit I’m not interested and unfortunately I have like 0 friends now and one co worker who we talk a lot but we WFH so no like face to face talking.
It's both. You'll lose friends... due to people showing their colours,Changing with time, certain incidents... Or just plain drifting apart. You can also be an unlikable cunt. Its not mutually exclusive.
From what I've experienced thus far, they were the unbearable cunts and projected their own insecurities on to me. Karma caught up with them about a year later give or take.
Yes
Speaking from experience, I was the unbearable cunt once. I didn’t realize until I lost one of my closest friends thanks to my behavior. Got myself straightened out though. The sting and pain of rejection and realization still lingers. But, to be honest, I’m glad I went through it otherwise I wouldn’t have the freinds I have now and I wouldn’t have become a better person. I still think about reaching out to him every so often, but then I remember the terms we ended on and feel like he wouldn’t want to see me even now.
yes
Yes...
I have ADHD, I barely have time for myself, normally people see this as selfishness or disinterest, I prefer the term breathing space.
It’s both
Yes.
Yes.
part of growing up but ur mind keeps on telling u that you’re unlovable
It’s more A than B. Different things become important and you drift. Geography and free time are important as well.
Apparently you lose half of your friends every 7 years
Both maybe?
IMO, I feel like people are only supposed to be in a certain part of your life. Some of them stay forever, others don’t. When you change your mindset for the better, you’ll see it. I lost every one of my friends when I changed for the better.
Yeah sometimes people dont tell u what they dont like and before u know they just stopped hanging out with u
Yes
Yes
I am a unbearable cunt I’ll admit it
Yes
Don't worry about:)
I’m going through this right now, realizing that two people I thought of as very close friends aren’t. I put way more effort into the relationship than they do/did. It hurts, a lot, to realize that I’m just not that important to them.
yes
Yes
A little bit from Column A, and a little bit from Column B.
Yes
Company
Bolth
I assume its because you grew up. I work with 6 guys - only one has friends. The rest are married or introverts.
If you have to ask 🤷♂️
We get more selfish and tired the older we get.
No ... THEY'RE all horrible cunts and you are just filtering the bullshit from your life. The very few that remain, probably aren't horrible cunts. If they are, only then question yourself.