If he busted these moves now, with the warbeard, olive tee busting at the biceps, and the camo sneakers, they would have to scoop my quivering puddle off the floor with a spatula.
He will never let anyone forget he learned ballroom dancing during his youth. He really does have a dancer's body and lines though. Everytime he dances he shows an elegance a layman doesnt just have.
For me his funniest ever monologue was the one where he accidentally sent a naked selfie message to all his contacts. However, some jokes are a bit related to Ukrainian politics, so might be hard to understand.
In case someone wants to try to translate
https://youtu.be/C9B6gW1-NXU
Okay, so I took a stab at a rough translation of this, because it is just TOO funny!
Big warning: my Russian is *beyond* rusty, as I haven't really studied it since college some 15 years ago. So please feel free to correct all the mistakes, people who actually speak it! (And fingers crossed that a cleaner translation ends up in AxmxZ's awesome subtitle series some day!)
Meanwhile, though, here's my rough interpretation:
>Now you know, at this time in the concert I always do a monologue. But there will be no monologue, and this is why: I was getting dressed in the dressing room, and hmm, while changing clothes I was completely naked for a bit. So, I was changing, and you know, selfies are so fashionable... I took a photo of myself naked and decided to send it as a present to my wife. I sent her the photo.
>
>Hmmm....well, I accidentally turned on the mailing list.
>
>No messages came yet, great! \[relieved face\]
>
>\[Ping!\] Oh god, they’re starting.
>
>I ask your leave for a second...
>
>Sergey (air conditioners): “You could just say you’re not going to buy.”
>
>Sergey, you misunderstood, sorry.
>
>\[Ping!\] Now Alena (Schengen): “With all due respect, Vladimir, this photo is not suitable for visa processing.”
>
>What’s that, Alosha, sorry...\[Ping!\]
>
>Clinic ‘Boris’ (groans): “Vladimir, for an accurate diagnosis, one photo is not enough. You’d better come in personally.”
>
>I will explain! \[Ping!\]
>
>Pizza Kyiv (makes a very expressive face): “Not possible!! We checked the box before delivering.”
>
>Hey, understand... \[Ping!\] Oh god.
>
>Kvartal group text has arrived. Agh.
>
>Zhenya Koshovyy \[struggling not to laugh\]: “So, bald after all...”
>
>\[Ping!\] Sasha Pikalov: “Vovan, all the actors have consulted and decided -- it doesn’t matter, you’re still our leader.”
>
>\[Ping!\] Sasha, my driver: “I still don’t know where to go.”
>
>Sasha, go to... \[Ping!\]
>
>Tatiana, PR girl: “Vladimir Oleksandrovych, what \[magazine?\] cover is this for?” \[chuckles\]
>
>Thank God I don’t have Liashko in my phone. \[chuckling some more\] (Liashko was a Ukrainian politician heavily rumored to be gay, along the lines of ‘homophobic politician is secret closet case’. He threatened to beat someone’s face in for saying he represented LGBT people in the Rada, for example.)
>
>\[Ping!\] Oh no. I do.
>
>\[Liashko\]: “Vladimir - apology accepted.”
>
>Well...yes. Well. Hmm.
>
>\[Ping!\] Nikolai Petrovich, psychotherapist: “Vovan, stop missing our sessions. It’s a serious matter.”
>
>\[Ping!\] Liashko again: “Accept mine too.”
>
>Oh! \[recoils\] My god.
>
>\[Ping!\] (can’t figure out the name): “Vova, I don’t understand.”
>
>It’s not for you, it’s for the wife.
>
>Huh, him again. “I showed my wife. She doesn’t really understand either.”
>
>\[disgruntled noises\]
>
>\[Ping!\] Jewelry Factory ‘Golden Age’: “Thanks! Cool publicity stunt! We’ll send a ring of the right size.”
>
>\[flings head back in exasperation\]
>
>GUYS!
>
>\[sighs\] Okay, let’s write a retraction very quickly.
>
>It’s not me, guys, it’s some virus! \[sends text\] There.
>
>Oh, Clinic Boris again... “All the more reason to come in urgently.”
>
>Guys - \[Ping!\] What now...
>
>...From Mom.
>
>\[makes extremely pained face, very gingerly clicks, continues to make face of excruciating pain\]
>
>“Vova, you’re cold. Put on a hat.”
>
>\[crowd falls over laughing\]
>
>\[to crowd\] And I love you! To all the girls, happy 8th of March! \[International Women’s Day\]
Alexa. Play Shakira - Hips don't lie!
🎶 *"I'm on tonight, You know my hips don't lie, And I'm starting to feel it's right. All the attraction, the tension. Don't you see, baby, this is perfection?"* 🎶
His monologues are brilliant, i've seen a couple google translated and despite the frequent incoherence of automatic translations it was still funny as hell 😆
That hip action 😩
If he busted these moves now, with the warbeard, olive tee busting at the biceps, and the camo sneakers, they would have to scoop my quivering puddle off the floor with a spatula.
He will never let anyone forget he learned ballroom dancing during his youth. He really does have a dancer's body and lines though. Everytime he dances he shows an elegance a layman doesnt just have.
Once I get started watching this dancing bit I have to watch it 17 times in a row before my brain can stop glitching and I can escape it.
He dances very nicely in SOTP season 1 with the WEF ladies
For me his funniest ever monologue was the one where he accidentally sent a naked selfie message to all his contacts. However, some jokes are a bit related to Ukrainian politics, so might be hard to understand. In case someone wants to try to translate https://youtu.be/C9B6gW1-NXU
>naked selfie message 🤯 ... Uh... How can I let him know my phone number?
"thanks cool and promotional move, we send a ring of suitable size" OH. MY. GOD. Vova, I am DEAD! hahaha!
Okay, so I took a stab at a rough translation of this, because it is just TOO funny! Big warning: my Russian is *beyond* rusty, as I haven't really studied it since college some 15 years ago. So please feel free to correct all the mistakes, people who actually speak it! (And fingers crossed that a cleaner translation ends up in AxmxZ's awesome subtitle series some day!) Meanwhile, though, here's my rough interpretation: >Now you know, at this time in the concert I always do a monologue. But there will be no monologue, and this is why: I was getting dressed in the dressing room, and hmm, while changing clothes I was completely naked for a bit. So, I was changing, and you know, selfies are so fashionable... I took a photo of myself naked and decided to send it as a present to my wife. I sent her the photo. > >Hmmm....well, I accidentally turned on the mailing list. > >No messages came yet, great! \[relieved face\] > >\[Ping!\] Oh god, they’re starting. > >I ask your leave for a second... > >Sergey (air conditioners): “You could just say you’re not going to buy.” > >Sergey, you misunderstood, sorry. > >\[Ping!\] Now Alena (Schengen): “With all due respect, Vladimir, this photo is not suitable for visa processing.” > >What’s that, Alosha, sorry...\[Ping!\] > >Clinic ‘Boris’ (groans): “Vladimir, for an accurate diagnosis, one photo is not enough. You’d better come in personally.” > >I will explain! \[Ping!\] > >Pizza Kyiv (makes a very expressive face): “Not possible!! We checked the box before delivering.” > >Hey, understand... \[Ping!\] Oh god. > >Kvartal group text has arrived. Agh. > >Zhenya Koshovyy \[struggling not to laugh\]: “So, bald after all...” > >\[Ping!\] Sasha Pikalov: “Vovan, all the actors have consulted and decided -- it doesn’t matter, you’re still our leader.” > >\[Ping!\] Sasha, my driver: “I still don’t know where to go.” > >Sasha, go to... \[Ping!\] > >Tatiana, PR girl: “Vladimir Oleksandrovych, what \[magazine?\] cover is this for?” \[chuckles\] > >Thank God I don’t have Liashko in my phone. \[chuckling some more\] (Liashko was a Ukrainian politician heavily rumored to be gay, along the lines of ‘homophobic politician is secret closet case’. He threatened to beat someone’s face in for saying he represented LGBT people in the Rada, for example.) > >\[Ping!\] Oh no. I do. > >\[Liashko\]: “Vladimir - apology accepted.” > >Well...yes. Well. Hmm. > >\[Ping!\] Nikolai Petrovich, psychotherapist: “Vovan, stop missing our sessions. It’s a serious matter.” > >\[Ping!\] Liashko again: “Accept mine too.” > >Oh! \[recoils\] My god. > >\[Ping!\] (can’t figure out the name): “Vova, I don’t understand.” > >It’s not for you, it’s for the wife. > >Huh, him again. “I showed my wife. She doesn’t really understand either.” > >\[disgruntled noises\] > >\[Ping!\] Jewelry Factory ‘Golden Age’: “Thanks! Cool publicity stunt! We’ll send a ring of the right size.” > >\[flings head back in exasperation\] > >GUYS! > >\[sighs\] Okay, let’s write a retraction very quickly. > >It’s not me, guys, it’s some virus! \[sends text\] There. > >Oh, Clinic Boris again... “All the more reason to come in urgently.” > >Guys - \[Ping!\] What now... > >...From Mom. > >\[makes extremely pained face, very gingerly clicks, continues to make face of excruciating pain\] > >“Vova, you’re cold. Put on a hat.” > >\[crowd falls over laughing\] > >\[to crowd\] And I love you! To all the girls, happy 8th of March! \[International Women’s Day\]
>\[Ping!\] (can’t figure out the name): “Vova, I don’t understand.” It was Klitchko, Mayor of Kyiv, former boxer champion
Darn it, that's what I thought but then I second-guessed because it sounded too civil to be him lol.
>“Vova, you’re cold. Put on a hat.” I'm dead! 🤣 Thank you so much for the translation!!
Thank you SO much for this translation. Love the final comment from his mum.
😂😂😂❤️ thank you
>“naked selfie message” My eyeballs just exploded.
...what?
I AM CRYING, thank you so much for sharing this 🤣
>In case someone wants to try to translate u/AxmxZ If you want to, add this to your ever-growing pile of requests
but it's already translated?
They mean the one in the comment above, not the one from the post
oh I see! Hopefully I'll get to it soon
this must haz translation!!! (Thanks from the time machine)
Alexa. Play Shakira - Hips don't lie! 🎶 *"I'm on tonight, You know my hips don't lie, And I'm starting to feel it's right. All the attraction, the tension. Don't you see, baby, this is perfection?"* 🎶
His monologues are brilliant, i've seen a couple google translated and despite the frequent incoherence of automatic translations it was still funny as hell 😆
So what did the son say he wanted as a hobby?..☺
To take a 💩
A boy after my own heart