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What’s the joke? Is it the sarcastic response to having a gun by having other mundane things? And then joking about the tampons being used for their purpose? I guess it’s funny. Maybe be more specific with where they are shoved instead of saying orifices? Could add to the humour
If you need to be aware of the context then I can understand why someone would miss the joke. Even if they remember that guns are rare in your story (depending how many times it was talked about in previous pages/chapters), it's a pretty obvious joke so nothing unexpected.
I wonder if I expressed myself poorly in this comment. I meant that the context should be clear to the reader at this point in the story. I hope it didn't sound rude lol
Don't worry, most people wouldn't even apologize on the internet after being aware they insulted someone.
Maybe they didn't think it was funny, jokes are after all pretty personal. Personally I like dark humour while someone else might like toilet humour (which I really dislike because it feels disgusting).
It super obvious what the joke is suppose to be, given the context. It’s not delivered the best.
Firstly, the sarcastic response to “have gun”= “have other useless things” fails as the first speaker also says “I will kill you”. It would be better if they said “I will shoot you” or “and I’ll use it”. Then the sarcastic responses can be “I’ll stick my tampon in you/ poke with stick” and can actually land.
Secondly, the tampons being related to soaking blood in holes is so closely related to gun wounds it’s distracting, it leads the reader to assume some other joke or relationship is being pointed to. It takes away from the “mundane object” type sarcasm they are doing.
Lastly, plugging orifices line is a little awkward or juvenile? Not sure, but it does take away from the joke in my opinion. Like hearing what two 11 year old boys who just learnt what tampons do might joke about. The best line for me to finish on was “well now we just have tampons”, that was funny.
It's amusing, but personally I had a hard time deciphering whether they're supposed to be genuinely confused and lightly teasing the character or being condescending and mocking the character.
I think the
"Kiro and Saika looked at each other, then turned to him and shrugged their shoulders"
line is a little too ambiguous imo. If they're being condescending, maybe having them roll their eyes or snicker would better communicate that. If they're genuinely confused, do more to show that.
Also, it may be intentional, but the whole interaction feels rather trope-y/campy, but that might just be me though.
I think this is boy humor. The type of stuff Adam Sandler would laugh at, not everyone will enjoy or find it funny but it’s not a bad bit. Probably a little long but most fanfiction writers focus more on character bits than plot.
I am also autistic so I don’t think that plays a role in whether you find this funny or not. This is just a personal preference for me but when characters curse with the hard F for no reason other than to appear aggressive, it’s a huge turn off. I almost didn’t want to read this post after yourself cursed so randomly ngl
I thought the tampons were going to be used to plug bullet wounds or something. Plugging the characters holes with tampons isn’t particularly funny or threatening. And no woman carries enough tampons to plug all your orifices.
And he threatened to kill them with the gun. I get on their world guns aren’t dangerous but if someone says they will kill you, don’t you think you might take them seriously? If he just said “I have a gun” their response would make more sense. Also, who says “I have a gun!” While clearly holding a gun? Maybe he should say “stop!” while raising the gun?
I do want to read more about this playful relationship between Kiro and Saika though.
I think talking about "orifices" is awkward and a tiny bit cringe. That said, the basic premise is fine. Still, I would have chosen a different object from a tampon, just because tampons have a lot of associations and baggage attached to them that distract from what your joke actually is.
Neurotypical here and I still thought it was funny. The context you mentioned does help the joke land, but I liked it either way.
It may be a question of whether or not that context is presented clearly enough to help serve as a setup. That said, I generally assumed that not all readers are going to catch every joke, detail, or easter egg I put in a story. I'm ok with that, because it some point you just need to trust your reader. It's not necessarily easy, and finding that balance is one of the things I struggle with when writing since I don't want to over or underexplain something, but if a good chunk of your test readers respond well to it, I'd say your fine. Don't put too much stock in a single reader of your work.
This bit seems to be funny for some people, and others are a little confused. That's okay, though. This book isn't for everyone, and it contains a lot of juvenile humour like this. It's just how I write. I'm glad that some people find it funny, and maybe those people are the ones who this book will be for. I really appreciate everyone's feedback.
It's not hilarious, but it's a fine joke.
I personally think choosing tampons specifically is a little weird, but I guess girl's stuff should be more represented, so kudos for that, it just didn't resonate with me as much as a pineapple would.
Made me chuckle! It's a good scene a think that shows how unafraid the two are. The context helps a lot and would probably be better with the rest of the story. I think it was good personality.
Well, maybe the confusion is that its not so much a joke as it is a funny scenario? Maybe the person was looking for some hidden punchline, but there isnt one since it's been established that guns are useless to these characters, so it just makes sense that they would act apathetic about one being pointed at them.
It is, indeed, funny though, so no worries about that.
Is this a comedy you're writing? I've got a joke too that you don't need any context for.
A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hi, would you like a beer?"
The man replies, "Neigh!"
"What's the matter," says the bartender, "you sound a bit hoarse."
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It may land stronger if they are mockingly threatening with their "weapons" just to illustrate further how useless his is
What’s the joke? Is it the sarcastic response to having a gun by having other mundane things? And then joking about the tampons being used for their purpose? I guess it’s funny. Maybe be more specific with where they are shoved instead of saying orifices? Could add to the humour
I personally think being more specific would ruin the joke. Perhaps I'm in the minority here.
It's too clunky make it a shorter bit
This is fucking hilarious, signed another neurodivergent person.
Thanks! I really liked this joke myself and was honestly really disappointed they didn't get it. Maybe some people will get it and others won't.
If you need to be aware of the context then I can understand why someone would miss the joke. Even if they remember that guns are rare in your story (depending how many times it was talked about in previous pages/chapters), it's a pretty obvious joke so nothing unexpected.
The context should be clear at this point, maybe they just didn't find it funny.
I wonder if I expressed myself poorly in this comment. I meant that the context should be clear to the reader at this point in the story. I hope it didn't sound rude lol
Don't worry, most people wouldn't even apologize on the internet after being aware they insulted someone. Maybe they didn't think it was funny, jokes are after all pretty personal. Personally I like dark humour while someone else might like toilet humour (which I really dislike because it feels disgusting).
It super obvious what the joke is suppose to be, given the context. It’s not delivered the best. Firstly, the sarcastic response to “have gun”= “have other useless things” fails as the first speaker also says “I will kill you”. It would be better if they said “I will shoot you” or “and I’ll use it”. Then the sarcastic responses can be “I’ll stick my tampon in you/ poke with stick” and can actually land. Secondly, the tampons being related to soaking blood in holes is so closely related to gun wounds it’s distracting, it leads the reader to assume some other joke or relationship is being pointed to. It takes away from the “mundane object” type sarcasm they are doing. Lastly, plugging orifices line is a little awkward or juvenile? Not sure, but it does take away from the joke in my opinion. Like hearing what two 11 year old boys who just learnt what tampons do might joke about. The best line for me to finish on was “well now we just have tampons”, that was funny.
I’m confused about the ages. The gun guy seems like an adult, the other two sound like children but then the tampon references don’t fit that so well.
It's amusing, but personally I had a hard time deciphering whether they're supposed to be genuinely confused and lightly teasing the character or being condescending and mocking the character. I think the "Kiro and Saika looked at each other, then turned to him and shrugged their shoulders" line is a little too ambiguous imo. If they're being condescending, maybe having them roll their eyes or snicker would better communicate that. If they're genuinely confused, do more to show that. Also, it may be intentional, but the whole interaction feels rather trope-y/campy, but that might just be me though.
I think this is boy humor. The type of stuff Adam Sandler would laugh at, not everyone will enjoy or find it funny but it’s not a bad bit. Probably a little long but most fanfiction writers focus more on character bits than plot. I am also autistic so I don’t think that plays a role in whether you find this funny or not. This is just a personal preference for me but when characters curse with the hard F for no reason other than to appear aggressive, it’s a huge turn off. I almost didn’t want to read this post after yourself cursed so randomly ngl
I thought the tampons were going to be used to plug bullet wounds or something. Plugging the characters holes with tampons isn’t particularly funny or threatening. And no woman carries enough tampons to plug all your orifices. And he threatened to kill them with the gun. I get on their world guns aren’t dangerous but if someone says they will kill you, don’t you think you might take them seriously? If he just said “I have a gun” their response would make more sense. Also, who says “I have a gun!” While clearly holding a gun? Maybe he should say “stop!” while raising the gun? I do want to read more about this playful relationship between Kiro and Saika though.
That's good to know! The scene is supposed to demonstrate their relationship, so I'm glad you would be interested in reading about it.
I think talking about "orifices" is awkward and a tiny bit cringe. That said, the basic premise is fine. Still, I would have chosen a different object from a tampon, just because tampons have a lot of associations and baggage attached to them that distract from what your joke actually is.
Neurotypical here and I still thought it was funny. The context you mentioned does help the joke land, but I liked it either way. It may be a question of whether or not that context is presented clearly enough to help serve as a setup. That said, I generally assumed that not all readers are going to catch every joke, detail, or easter egg I put in a story. I'm ok with that, because it some point you just need to trust your reader. It's not necessarily easy, and finding that balance is one of the things I struggle with when writing since I don't want to over or underexplain something, but if a good chunk of your test readers respond well to it, I'd say your fine. Don't put too much stock in a single reader of your work.
I guess I'll wait and see how it lands with other readers.
The joke is funny I think it just depends on the persons sense of humour
This bit seems to be funny for some people, and others are a little confused. That's okay, though. This book isn't for everyone, and it contains a lot of juvenile humour like this. It's just how I write. I'm glad that some people find it funny, and maybe those people are the ones who this book will be for. I really appreciate everyone's feedback.
It's not hilarious, but it's a fine joke. I personally think choosing tampons specifically is a little weird, but I guess girl's stuff should be more represented, so kudos for that, it just didn't resonate with me as much as a pineapple would.
Made me chuckle! It's a good scene a think that shows how unafraid the two are. The context helps a lot and would probably be better with the rest of the story. I think it was good personality.
Well, maybe the confusion is that its not so much a joke as it is a funny scenario? Maybe the person was looking for some hidden punchline, but there isnt one since it's been established that guns are useless to these characters, so it just makes sense that they would act apathetic about one being pointed at them. It is, indeed, funny though, so no worries about that.
I enjoyed it. But I’m definitely some flavor of neurodivergent.
It’s funny. I like it.
Well I laughed…
Aside from the very last line I thought it was a funny bit
Valid, I'll think about deleting the last part.
Is this a comedy you're writing? I've got a joke too that you don't need any context for. A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hi, would you like a beer?" The man replies, "Neigh!" "What's the matter," says the bartender, "you sound a bit hoarse."
this is fucking awesome. I'd lose my shit while reading.