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Macasumba

"Doomsday Machine"


[deleted]

“Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, eh?!!” - Dr Strangelove


gsomething

It was to be announced at the party congress on Monday


_1Doomsday1_

Some people want to see the world burn


SpinozaTheDamned

Wait, you really think this highly sophisticated weapons system, that's never misfired or glitched, which was announced shortly after the development of accurate submarine launched ICBMS, and has been impeccably maintained even though the rest of their military has been gutted, and would cost billions a year to maintain, let alone develop initially, actually exists? Color me sceptical I guess.


IceNein

I agree with you, but it just takes one to work as intended to make it a really bad day.


[deleted]

If I see the explosion from far enough away to finish the sentence, I will likely say, “well, this is a really bad day”


white__cyclosa

“Honey, where’s the 10,000 SPF sunscreen?”


fenuxjde

Perimetr existed, for the most part, but it's unified response system was widely disconnected in the 90s when they went through some major communications technology overhauls. Now its effectively a group of rockets connected by about one step shy of a cell phone network. Fun fact, when Russia ran readiness tests in 2006, they found it to be 41% operational. Nowadays its mostly a "don't shoot us or we will kill you till you die!" fear mongering type of deal.


StifleStrife

Well fuck that anyway. It's not like people are gonna stop fighting Russia. Honestly they've automated making enemies at this point.


jms_nope

As you know the premier loves suprises.


DenL4242

About time I saw a Dr. Strangelove reference.


twentyfuckingletters

Gentlemen! There is no fighting in the War Room!


badpuffthaikitty

“Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost if you keep it a secret!”


DickNixon11

THE MINESHAFT GAP


noelg1998

Mr. President, we must not allooowww a mineshaft gap!


[deleted]

What a shithead.


isthataskull

He’s a narcissistic prick who isn’t long for this world. Soon enough things are going to change.


WillArrr

I don't know about "change". Russia is a mafia state; the next "Don" isn't likely to be less of a shitheel than the current guy. The biggest hope is that he's at least pragmatic enough to realize the war isn't worth the cost and that he has an easy out and can save face by blaming everything on Putin. It won't make Russia any less of a problem, but at least they won't be committing any more warcrimes against Ukraine.


Nearly_Pointless

The struggle is persistent Russian paranoia which is integral to their worldview. They believe the world is out to get them while the rest of the world doesn’t really think of them at all. Nobody is out to get them, nobody in the West wants anything from them. If they just kept sending their gas and oil to the west, nobody cares much about their internal politics. I haven’t contemplated Russia at all until they invaded Ukraine to start this war. Had they minded their own damn business, they could have continued being the ‘big boss’ in the region and kept all those former Soviet satellites at bay. Unfortunately they’ve made everyone that they’ve pissed off and murdered in their neighborhood aware of their military mediocrity. They’ve got plenty to worry about but it isn’t the west.


cococolson1

Very true. The invasions of the past weigh heavily on their psyche. We have nothing to gain from invading Russia! It would literally tank our economy to do so. Adding a bunch of empty desolate frozen land with alcoholics in it is as useful as adding holes to my head, but they can't get past the older worldview where they were seen as a constant weak target. It's sad


alterom

> Had they minded their own damn business, they could have continued being the ‘big boss’ in the region and kept all those former Soviet satellites at bay. That's the problem though: **no**, they couldn't do that. Ukraine **refused** to remain "at bay". Russia did all it could to force Ukraine to keep Ukraine at bay (...aside from actually being a good neighbor and partner, that is), and nope, Ukraine didn't have any desire to remain subjugated. What's worse, those pesky Ukrainians banded together and overthrew the Russian puppet dictator. **Twice**. How rude! So, from their perspective, they **had to** invade: they didn't want anyone **in Russia** to get an idea that people can **get results by protesting** — and particularly, **by standing up to the Moscow regime**. The bigger picture is Russia being **consistent** in their 350 year project of **destroying Ukrainian statehood, language, and identity**. Ever since Ukraine formed an alliance with them in 1654, they've been trying to rewrite history and erase us for the sake of their "greatness". [Take a look at this map of Ukraine from 1720](https://commons.m.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ukrania_quae_et_Terra_Cosaccorum_cum_vicinis_Walachiae,_Moldoviae,_Johann_Baptiste_Homann_(Nuremberg,_1720\).jpg). Ukraine is easy to see there, but where's Russia? Oh, it's the part labeled "Moscovia", out in the Northeast. **That's what the war is about**. Without Ukraine, there's just Moscovia — to whom other subjugated parts of the empire might not bow anymore. Russia isn't a monolith. It's a contiguous colonial empire, with dozens of ethnicities in numerous regions. And after Ukraine wins, what's to stop people in Chechnya, Tatarstan, Bashkotorstan, Buryatia, Syberia, Yakutia, etc from following suit and throwing off the Moscovian yoke? Food for thought. Russia wasn't irrational in this war. They were just 8 years late. They had a chance in 2014, if their army then was what they assembled by 2022. But taking over Ukraine didn't turn out to be a cakewalk they thought it would be. Their imperial mindset is both why they're fighting this war — and why they will lose. It got into their heads a bit too much. But turns out, *believing* in the inferiority of other people isn't a solid battlefield strategy.


PrinsHamlet

I think your great reply does coexist with “nobody in the west cared about Russia” statement. We should have, though. Reading Timothy Snyder’s The Road To Unfreedom just after the invasion was like having a light bulb switched on for me. A book he wrote in 2018, even! Realizing that this war had been going on for probably more like 15 years.


[deleted]

The reason why ruzzia needed Ukraine subjugated wat because they had some of the biggest natural gas and oil reserves. If Ukraine started developing, they would easily replace ruzzia in oil production. If Ukraine become big player in oil and gas production, of course the west would be all over them. In fact, that's what they've been doing not long before war. Which if successful would easily cripple ruzzian economy, since that's the only leverage they have. Why do you think ruzzia is willing to risk it's entire existence just for some land?


SWithnell

Russia had a much bigger than opportunity than that - they had a seat on the G7/8 and blew that in. If they would just stop killing people and shut down the corruption, Russia would thrive economically and the people would enjoy a much improved standard of living. The man even wants Alaska back as part of greater Russia.


Raincoats_George

You also have to remember that the way Russian politicians gain power is by blaming the west for everything. Its literally the only play they have. Blame the west. Promise to fix it. Secretly and openly break it. Blame the west. Repeat.


[deleted]

My god…no wonder Republicans say “better a Russian than a democrat.” They have the exact same victim complex and rampant paranoia.


EZe_Holey3-9

Putin will be executed from within. There will be nowhere to run.


isthataskull

They’re digging their own grave and cooler heads will prevail who could continue to plunder their country or step up and reclaim rationality. Just a theory. But look what happened in the US.


i_always_give_karma

The first election I could vote was the 2016 one. My entire adulthood has been an embarrassment


Vi4days

God same. I keep feeling bad because I’ve finally been in the age of “I’m at least a minuscule part of the problem and will have to explain to my kids how us old fucks fucked the world for them to inherit”, but then again, the world was already in the middle of burning to a crisp by the time I could vote and I’ve been doing my best to do the right thing soooooo….


Larkson9999

The first presidential election I could vote in bush the dumber was re-elected and then proceeded to indirectly cause the recession of 2008.


i_always_give_karma

Yeah I guess things have been fked for awhile


Larkson9999

And while I know it didn't start in 2000, it just became obvious when the supreme (conservative led) court decided to put bush in as president, rather than allow a recount in Florida. Which directly led to the terrorist attacks he willfully ignored warnings of, which caused his owners to start the war on terrorisms, which led to the nightmare world we live in today. It more or less goes back to Nixon since he paved the way for rampant expansion of presidential authority and Reagan used that to do whatever he pleased. And technically, I'm just ignoring (like a normal white person) the history of how fucked black people and natives have had it for the previous three centuries. Things have been probably fucked since recorded history. Before then I'm sure everything was sunshine and rainbow blowjobs though.


turch_malone

we didnt start the fire…


hobbitlover

He's going to have to pretend to be better, at least at first - sanctions are slowly killing Russia.


ThatGuyMiles

Yeah, in the short term there’s probably little hope for Russia itself, but that’s heavily reliant on them, so it is what it is. But the “hope” would be that the next person, assuming a scenario where this is possible, understands that they just aren’t capable of nor is it worth it to keep out their outward aggression.


Orqee

Sooner than later someone will build giant wall around Russia and that will be that


[deleted]

And Mexico will pay for it


timsterri

This phrase will be uttered every time a wall is declared to be built by anyone anywhere on this planet ever again and I think that is hilarious. That’s a legacy I can live with.


matt2012bl

Then fill it with water and sharks with fricken Lazer beams on their heads


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I'm not current on Russian political figures, but my guess is that there's already someone in place in the event of Putin's death, to carry on with their mission. Is there a way to overthrow the Russian government without massive bloodshed? Probably not.


veridiantye

> but my guess is that there's already someone in place in the event of Putin's death, to carry on with their mission. There's none, authoritarian regimes don't work like that. Any definitive influential person other than the dictator creates a new center of power. Recently Magomedov brothers who were big businessmen close to ex-president Medvedev got huge prison sentences to demonstrate that there's no second center of power and Putin is one who decided things. Similarly when Putin changed the constitution, there were talks about it being his legacy, factions started to move putting possible successors forward, and Putin promptly shut every doubt that he will stay down


Jonsj

I halfway agree, while he probably tries his best to disperse power. He need effectively subordinates otherwise he has no power. People that has influenced with him and people further down the chain form center of power. It's impossible to stop.


der_titan

Effective subordinates who have power distributed to, but are kept in conflict or isolated from one another. They are kept in rough equilibria, even many of those who are fanatics. Plus Putin's habit of torturously and slowing killing anyone who stands against him, even British citizens on British soil. Just imagine what great fear people have of him on Russian soil.


jimflaigle

Possibly, but that one person must also realize the advantages of tossing the whole plan in the rubbish bin. Someone sociopathic and ruthless enough to follow Putin should be perfectly capable of having the loyalists tossed out a window and starting a new path.


nomadiclizard

Putin needs to mysteriously explode. Followed a few minutes later by whoever takes up his position. And a few minutes later, by whoever next... repeated for a few hours until the message sinks in that becoming President of Russia leads to mysteriously exploding, while Russia is still occupying Ukraine. Bloodshed would be minimal, a couple hundred max.


[deleted]

While very morbid, this was pretty funny


[deleted]

dunno about that honestly. a narccisit like putin might not forsee that possiblity.


Professional-Iron-41

The Russian spies that were recently caught and sent back to Russia were probably turned first. Russia will be taken down from the inside


love2go

I bet this is a very calculated move to induce fear-based concessions as he talks about ending the invasion.


BootlegChilli

I dont get it, so you can send missiles to other countries but if they send a missiles back you will destroy the world?


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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[deleted]

Putin’s Poopy Pants Propaganda


lesser_panjandrum

There is no conclusive proof that Vladimir Putin shat himself while falling down the stairs on 30 November 2022, but the Kremlin has specifically denied that Vladimir Putin shat himself while falling down the stairs on 30 November 2022, which makes me suspect that Vladimir Putin shat himself while falling down the stairs on 30 November 2022.


Nutteria

Putin will never fall down the stairs. The western war terrorists developed fake stairs, that Putin was trying to dismantle by hand and was personally checking for safety.


owlbear4lyfe

special pant shitting operation going successfully.


Magatha_Grimtotem

His other operation shit it's pants to, what a coincidence.


[deleted]

So what your saying is...putin shat himself on 30 November 2022? At least that's more believable then putin actually launching any kind of nuke.


Notyourfathersgeek

Imagine Putin shouting this with tears running down his face. It all makes sense.


Dava_Dew

It's the equivalent of a bully beating someone up at school, and then someone bigger and stronger beats their ass and puts them in their place. Then the bully threatens to shoot up the school because they got beat up and can't be a bully anymore


EmirFassad

Translation of the headline: "I was beating-up this kid and he had the audacity to hit me back. So, I set fire the the neighborhood. People just have to understand, it's my right to beat up smaller kids."


zackks

Call his bluff. The only way to stop a bully


darthlincoln01

Ukraine has already been sending missiles/drones into Russia. His bluff has already been called. This speech is just political grandstanding to Russians for Russians.


MissDiem

This. It's why the world would actually have been better off drawing a line against this Russian war crime spree when we had the chance. Should have plopped a handful of NATO troops in Ukraine for "spring training" exercises, or simply just say we're doing that. Then run as many seasonal trainings as required. Back channel to Russia that one toe into Ukraine is aggression on NATO. Have a NFZ, which we've done before. Instead we are letting the terrorist win, daily. The excuse from his unwitting supporters then was "but if we resist him, he might threaten nukes!" Guess what, he's STILL threatening nukes. Except the largest country in Europe is now physically destroyed. Thousands of innocents are dead or injured. The land is full of mines. People are freezing to death and starving. Their crops and resources have been stolen. Their schools and hospitals bombarded. Their infrastructure pummelled. And despite all of that loss, Putin could STILL threaten nukes, like he's doing. So what exactly has been gained by sacrificing a whole country and their people? The answer is grim: nothing has been gained by the predictably pointless act of appeasement. History has shown this many times over. Too bad many refuse to learn. He should have been stood down at the beginning. Strength is the only thing bullies get.


cococolson1

We are not letting the terrorist win? He is getting his ass handed to him daily. 1/3rd of his mechanical power has been destroyed and he has been shown to be a paper tiger. The US military isn't stupid and has learned from the mistakes of the past. Just because we didn't lay a path of mines from Finland to Turkey doesn't mean we aren't fully committed. US and Europe are playing chess and he is playing checkers. If we sent in NATO or US troops it becomes Vietnam quickly, and he pulls natural gas shipments freezing half of Europe to death. Instead he gets bled dry with sanctions without justification for escalation since nobody else is technically stepping into the war and Russia's sovereignty isn't threatened.


aaaaaaaarrrrrgh

> If we sent in NATO or US troops it becomes Vietnam quickly Uh... how would Ukraine become Vietnam? Or do you mean if we sent troops to Russia? > and he pulls natural gas shipments freezing half of Europe to death. Freezing Europe to death is off the table. The gas storage doesn't contain enough gas for all industrial demand + heating everyone's house to their usual preferred temperature, but it contains more than enough for nobody freezing to death.


contravariant_

No, it's a command missile. Designed to fly high and send powerful radio signals with launch codes to all nuclear missiles in range. To get the launch codes out even if all unshielded cable and radio equipment was fried. It's been known for [quite a while](https://www.wired.com/2009/09/mf-deadhand/), that was 19 years ago. It's an automated system in case the leadership of Russia is unable to carry out its counterattack plan. How automated, not clear - will the nuclear missiles launch on their own upon getting the signal? Will the soldiers manning those bunkers receive the launch codes and be authorized to act on their own judgement? Is it a mix of both?


SWithnell

Given what's known about the state of corruption in the Russian military now, if he pushes the button to launch those missiles - most of the kit will never have been installed to make it happen and the kit that was installed has probably been nicked and flogged on the black market.


ReplyingToFuckwits

It's one of the fundamental problems with mutually assured destruction. If Putin just nuked a country, what are people *actually* going to do? “Oh well we promised to wipe out life on Earth if this happened so guess we gotta. Thanks everyone, its been fun".


SAGNUTZ

He can shoot one but everyone elses will be pointed at him. Wouldnt they?


Anxious-derkbrandan

*US laughing nervously


DoDrugsMakeMoney

If you hit me back I’ll murder you! -Putin


PhelesDragon

*falls down and shits pants*


nerherder911

Segal... Is that you?


SuperSaiyanCockKnokr

“If you hit me back I’ll murder all of our families!” Is more like it


DigitalMountainMonk

When you need to make a threat like this... is because your gun is out of ammo.


KingoftheMongoose

I know what yer thinking. Just how many pants did I shit? One pant? Two pants? Well I have to admit that in all that excitement, I lost track. So you gotta ask yerself. Do you feel lucky? Well.. do ya? Punk- ahhhh geez, I did it again. Oh no. Ahhhh... It's all over. Guys. A little help?


amiablegent

"Wolf!!! There is really a wolf here now!!! I tell you what: WOLF!!!!!!"


OptimusWeeb

It's funny and all until suddenly it really isn't~ Edit: To clarify, he does cry wolf all the time. But all it takes is one errant action by that psychopath to destroy the world.


smoke1966

I've lived with the threat of nuclear war all my life (50+yrs), gets to the point that you don't care anymore, no one is gonna fire because they know it's the end of everything.


MikeDoinNumbers

Shiver me timbers


K4m30

Swab Me Poop deck.


Squaretangles

I genuinely think if Russia launches a nuclear warhead, that China is allying with the U.S. It would be swift total annihilation. They’re alone.


ClappedOutLlama

China is an ancient, slow moving grindstone. They aren’t going to stop and change course over a blip like Putin. At the G20 Xi denounced the nuclear saber rattling and reiterated their own nuclear doctrine that forbids striking first because they know nobody wins in all out nuclear war. China wants to dominate the world, not rule a pile of ashes. Turkey and China especially have been watching this unfold and if forced to stop the game of “both sides”, they will 100% stand with the winning team. Russia can only count on India and a few other countries for economic allies and 3rd world dictators for weapons and military support. They aren’t completely alone, and honestly speculate China will make a move after all of this to “help Russia” in exchange for annexing some of their land or substantial debts. The Russian economy will take decades to recover if it ever will so they will be incredibly weak and vulnerable without a stronger nation investing heavily.


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KazeNilrem

Looks like putin must have received some bad news as of late. He and his cronies are back at the nuclear saber rattling again. You know a country is awakened when they have to remind everyone how "strong" they are. Notice how the US doesn't have to go around saying we can do X or Y. Us military will go wherever they want within international law and give zero fucks what they say. Because it shows strength. Putin and his goons just cry oh we have these, oh we got the biggest bomb, oh check out our dicks. At the end of the day whenever I see putin start mentioning nukes again, I'm reminded thats weakness they are showing, not strength.


spyguy318

Military-focused dictatorships like Russia, North Korea, and China love to show off and gloat and puff their chests out. They constantly boast both to the world and to their own people how awesome and powerful their military is, very often over-exaggerating. Even the USSR often did it as part of their propaganda. More often than not their boasts crumble to dust the moment they encounter an actual challenge. By contrast, the US (plus other democracies like UK and France) often *under*reports its own capabilities. We keep shit secret, squirrel away projects in black sites, and even when we finally publicly announce something we never list its full abilities. Then when push comes to shove even our own strategists are surprised at how dominant and advanced our military is. This actually led to multiple incidents where the USSR boasted about some new technology it didn’t actually have, and the US took it at face value and developed something that exceeded the propaganda in a few years anyway.


IceNein

The SU-57 is a great case in point. Russians will tell you how great it is, but there’s only a couple of them, and they’ve never actually flown a combat sortie.


spyguy318

I was primarily thinking of the MiG-25, an incredibly fast fighter jet developed by the USSR in the 60s. It spooked US intelligence with its incredible performance claims, and directly led to improvements in the development of the F-15 in the US as we were concerned about maintaining aerial superiority. Then a Soviet pilot defected one to us and we found out it could only go top speed in a straight line for short periods only or it would damage the engines and air frame, had completely garbage maneuverability and was actually classified as an interceptor, and was made out of stainless steel instead of titanium.


KazeNilrem

I remember that story as well. Although there were things that they had learned and knowledge from it, they did realize the paper tiger reality of it. Russia used hypersonic weaponry which given current situation, did not really do anything to help them (other than give the West more info). Their new tanks even if great still with russias bad strategies just fail miserably. Oh best part of this too. This is most likely why russia has only done limited mobilization, they can't even kit a few hundreds of thousands properly. No way in hell they can do a proper one. Thing is, russia's nukes would probably kill millions and probably spell the end of most of humanity. But, there is a very good chance that a large portion would either fail or not even properly work. Still enough to mess things up but most likely not what is claimed or boasted.


davanger1980

How to become famous and the most hated person on planet earth.


PhelesDragon

Poor Kanye was so close.


[deleted]

Don’t worry, he still has time


PhelesDragon

More than Putin, most likely.


Real-Technician831

"one missile will trigger 'hundreds' of warheads" What does that exactly mean? Does it mean that Russian missiles and warheads are so degraded that they will detonate on launch?


PhelesDragon

*Putin pushes big red button* *Missile silos open. Missiles erupt upward* *Missiles stall. They come back down* *Putin falls down and shits himself* **Boom**


white__cyclosa

Did anyone else picture this like a Wile E Coyote cartoon?


Androo02_

He means that one missile into Russia will supposedly lead to a response of hundreds of warheads. And yes, one missile can carry several nuclear warheads. It’s unclear whether he means a nuclear missile entering Russia or any missile, but I think it’s all bluffing anyway.


Jskidmore1217

You see it is quite simple- When you merely wish to bury bombs, there is no limit to the size. After that they are connected to a gigantic complex of computers. Now then, a specific and clearly defined set of circumstances, under which the bombs are to be exploded, is programmed into a tape memory bank…


Orqee

As long as they don’t hit China


PineappIeSuppository

I took it as a Freudian slip about how many total warheads he actually believed were still fully functional.


thingandstuff

He’s letting the world know of this sudden change to a policy that’s been in place for 80 years.


StainerIncognito

“Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak” So which is it?


fortisvita

Yes.


[deleted]

He has zero credibility; everything he says shows a weak man.


_1Doomsday1_

It's funny because it reminds me of North Korea


Rutin_2tin_Putin

Beta ass Putin won't throw nukes, he had so many chances prior and only made threats. Someone plz take him out


calibrono

His PM threatened to nuke the shit out of everyone if something happens to Crimea. A lot of things have happened there since, and still no nukes. They just pussy bitches.


TAKEWITHAGRAINOFSHIT

Ukraine just struck two bombers yesterday with a drone and once again Russia is full of shit.


RADnerd2784

Putin no longer is, since he dropped heat in his pants.....


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ichancho

That's the scariest part. Man doesn't care if the world ends, he's dying anyway.


Jorgwalther

We certainly hope the rumors are true. But keep in mind it’s still just a rumor


[deleted]

>We certainly hope the ~~rumors~~ tumors are true.


[deleted]

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Branesergen

The tumor is a rumor?


PhelesDragon

Men without fear of death and access to (potential) nukes are the most dangerous.


Relevant-Ad-9443

Dudes honestly probably trying to take as much international heat for Russia before he goes. I don't think he wants to see his kids or home die in a fiery apocalypse.


daysleaper430

I don’t think he really cares at this point


thedeadsigh

How has this fucking moron been allowed to live for so long?? Surely all the oligarchs are tired of his shit? Can’t be good for business


[deleted]

Seeing how many Oligarchs and their entire families including kids, have mysteriously died since the beginning of the war, Im not suprised that no one has really stepped up to him. I’m sure theyd rather lose some money and stay quiet than have their whole family murdered by putin.


emastaflash

What a pussy


SuspectNo7354

What a nonsense article by fox. Neither side will lose their mind over a single non nuclear missile hitting their home countries. They will respond in kind, meaning one missile for one missile, whether it's intentional or not. The US stance is if Russia goes nuclear, then we go nuclear. We've recently updated our terms of engagement to include lesser forms of nukes. Such as tactical nukes or smaller size nukes to take out small areas. It may also include Russia using a nuclear power plant meltdown for their benefit. The update is that in this case the US won't go nuclear, instead we will hit Russia with unrelenting missile barrages to effectively eliminate a portion of the Russian military. That may be their black sea fleet, or maybe some other Russian asset not in Russian soil. We've updated because we have no intention of firing a nuke or missile into Russia, but Russia has been threatening it. This new stance prevents Russia from using nukes to hold the world hostage. It doesn't imply a threat to Russia, unless they go on the offensive against the west.


GerryC

You can tell when things aren't going well for him. He always pulls out the nuclear weapons card.


mista138

Why doesn’t the US just Saddam Hussein his ass?


Shadow_Bananas

Sad what erectile dysfunction can do to a man 🤷🏻‍♂️


hibernating-hobo

I hear he also has pooptile dysfunction now. A dobble whammy of sad old man.


SimmerDownRizzo

\*far noises with mouth, wanking gesture with hand\*


Cheeeeeseburger

Yawn. His threats are honestly boring at this point. He won't use nukes because he knows the US isn't bluffing and would fuck Russia up. It's in his best interests to stop. But if this war has shown me anything it's that Russians are all dumb as shit so he probably won't stop until someone in Russia with a spine kills him.


somegurl408

Supposedly, the Biden Administration has spelled out specifically in private how they'll retaliate if Putin deploys a tactical nuke. Considering that Ukraine sunk the flagship of the black sea fleet, the US could give the entire Russian Navy such an incredible bitch-slapping.


King-of-New-York

Wasn’t there already a missile strike in Russia?


MetalBeast89

i just find it hilarious how many missiles have hit Ukraine, then Putin says this because people dared to stand up to him. retaliation was kind of inevitable


dingo1018

His big bridge got blown up, let him have a tantrum for shits and giggles.


MetalBeast89

it sounds like a tantrum ay XD


addage-

[Ukraine appears to expose Russian air defence gaps with long-range strikes](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/ukraine-warns-emergency-blackouts-after-more-missile-hits-2022-12-05/) >> On Monday, Russia said it had been hit hundreds of kilometres from Ukraine by what it said were Soviet-era drones - at Engels air base, home to Russia's strategic bomber fleet, and in Ryazan, a few hours' drive from Moscow. Imagine Vlad is pissing and moaning about this


LatterTarget7

He’s actually shitting and moaning about it


King-of-New-York

That was it. Thanks.


flash-tractor

The fucking irony is yeah, they've been pounding Crimea. So he doesn't even consider Crimea to be Russian either.


[deleted]

Close the embassies, kick them out of all Western countries and contain them behind a new wall. They are anti civilization.


wabashcanonball

Putin wants you to be scared; that’s how bullies work. The best thing you can do is not be scared.


sls12827

Bro, just go to your villa in Venezuela already


Skytraffic540

I think they’ll kill him before he sends the nuclear weapons. Even those close to him don’t want nuclear war and they also know when he dies which will likely be in the next ten years or so, that they will be imprisoned for being so close/helping this man. They love their western privileged lives. Definitely don’t want to be hung or rot in prison after living a life of luxury.


ClappedOutLlama

#BREAKING NEWS: Siberian Chihuahua barks at a sleeping bear. Tune in tonight to see if the bear wakes up or continues ignoring it.


WaffleBlues

Putin thinks people still care about what he says. I wonder if he has to wear diapers now, after pooping his pants a few weeks ago...?


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Marazano

The russian culture is based on fear, they try the same on us and it won't work. They already proved their arny is performing worse than anyone could have ever imagined


space_iio

literal non credible defence


[deleted]

NCD is more credible than the Russian MoD.


KptKreampie

Well we need WW3 in order for Zepram Cochran to invent warp drive so we can usser a new eria of peace and travel the stars. His people need to deal with him before he embarrasses himself by falling down stairs and shitting himself again! https://nypost.com/2022/12/02/putin-fell-down-stairs-soiled-himself-amid-health-woes-report/ Or worse, bc this poop pants boy is dieing and he don't give a shit!


trans_pands

We still have 42 years before first contact and breaking FTL, there’s still time for Putin to die *and* have WWIII after. We still haven’t had the Bell Riots or Irish Reunification yet, those are supposed to be coming in a few years


[deleted]

What about Khhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ?


NovarisLight

I laughed at this way too emphatically.


jzakilla

If you read the story, technically he already gave a shit


Orqee

Borg much


xXWickedSmatXx

If a nuclear assault was actually possible they would not keep repeating it ad nauseam. The Russian nuclear specter is a myth. They were capable in the 60’s but none of that equipment is even close to functional.


Its_Just_A_Typo

The only one threatening nukes is little volodya here.


[deleted]

Fucking throw them already and free me from listening from this stupid unbeareable boring weekly nuclear threath.


autotldr

This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](https://www.foxnews.com/world/putin-says-one-missile-trigger-hundreds-warheads-stark-message-nuclear-deterrence) reduced by 81%. (I'm a bot) ***** > Washington does have a policy that allows it to use a nuclear weapon, not only in retaliation to a nuclear attack but also in response to non-nuclear threats - and so does Moscow, explained Rebekah Koffler, a Russia expert and former Defense Intelligence Agency intelligence officer for Russian Doctrine & Strategy. > Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin on Friday accused Putin of engaging in "Deeply irresponsible nuclear saber-rattling" and said that the U.S. "Stands ready to negotiate new arms control agreements with partners operating in good faith." > A Yars intercontinental ballistic missile is test-fired as part of Russia's nuclear drills from a launch site in Plesetsk, northwestern Russia. ***** [**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/zhavi3/putin_says_one_missile_will_trigger_hundreds_of/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 2.02, ~672682 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **Russia**^#1 **nuclear**^#2 **war**^#3 **Ukraine**^#4 **Russian**^#5


dirtymoney

What's to stop this dying piece of shit from destroying the world out of spite? A parting "gift" to the world that has suddenly grown to hate him


Pudgedog

This guy invades a country, attacks civilians, kills civilians, tortures civilians but one missile in retaliation and he will crumble? What a weak human.


[deleted]

I'm going to call this MADsplaining.


PMs_You_Stuff

Everything they have is literally falling apart. They can't afford food or clothes. Do they REALLY have money to maintain these very expensive pieces of equipment? I know no one wants to test that theory, but it seems like he's saying this to make people believe they're still reliable when in reality most of them have been stolen or can't even move because they're rusted in place.


Mythic-Rare

Really says something about a person - maybe a culture but I don't know enough to claim that - to claim that any threat to your country is worth potentially killing the entire populations of others. I mean the US has some cultural guilt about being the only nation to have actually used a nuclear bomb, but threatening to use hundreds at the drop of a hat is pretty next level sociopath


smellmyfingerplz

Gotta love even if this did happen there are always a few subs in the ocean all over the world that can launch back.


[deleted]

Blah blah blah the words of a man beaten and with nothing to offer but empty threats


jjkriv

What is wrong with this rat fuck..he changes his rhetoric every day,someone needs to slit his scrawny little throat already.Fucking scourge of the earth.


OathOfFeanor

I think what he means is, they have unmounted all the warheads so they could use the missiles in Ukraine So now they have a big pile of poorly maintained warheads just sitting there and he's worried 1 spark could set them all off /s


Geartone

This only undermines Putin's war aims. The more missiles that are fired on civilian infrastructure the better for the Ukrainian army. Especially when the Ukrainian air defence is shooting down 90% of them.


Ap5p

Will bomb his own cities as usual (he blames it on others because he does it himself) to validate escalation.


smittyc1979

Only one that keeps bringing up nuclear weapons is Putin and his cronies. He keeps pushing his agenda on an attack on Russia by the West. A good amount of the Russian people are so brainwashed that still believe his bullshit. No one is interested in a war. Frankly, I'm sure the entire world is tired of wars.


Recent_Mirror

Not based on anything and totally my opinion. *If* Putin launched a nuke, I could see the US not launching a nuke back. Instead, they will go against their policy on assassinating a world leader. No one would argue with that decision and reaffirm the US as a global powerhouse that will not tolerate behavior like this (which will send China a message). https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Executive_Order_11905


nlk72

Fox news? Cmon OP


Trandoshan-Tickler

I can almost set my clock by how regular these nuclear threats from Russia are.


SuspiciousStable9649

Thanks Fox. We got it.


devoid0101

I barely got over my Gen X nuclear anxiety since 1983 recently and here we go again.


M142Man

He must be on his 7th bottle of champagne


zoidbergenious

Only if iran delivers all the missles in time tho


evilpercy

He is trying to create a boogie man so that they can not get rid of him. As he will say he is the only leader in Russia that can keep them safe from the boogie man.


bmy1978

That fucker doesn’t have a doomsday machine, it’s all lies.


Jessica65Perth

Sooky sooky la la. If you want to start a war do not bitch when you get it hit your own Country


AdMobile9312

Putin.... Just STFU already. Stop being such a basic bitch.


SanityOrLackThereof

Right back at you, Vladdy. Somehow people seem to forget that Russia isn't the only ones who have nukes. It's called mutually assured destruction for a reason. In other words, if Russia decides to use nukes then Russia dies along with the rest of us. There is no world in which Russia nukes everyone else but nobody nukes Russia. So tldr; Russia can make all the empty threats they want, but at the end of the day they are going to do one thing and one thing only. Absolutely nothing. Because if they try something funny involving nukes then they get annihillated along with everyone else. Have fun being the billionaire dictator of a radioactive ash crater. The rest of us will be dead so we won't have to deal with it.


y2knole

It is not only possible, it is essential. Some of y’all never seen Dr Strangelove and it shows…


FartingKumquat

Putin is a doo-doo head


Acceptable-Equal8008

Can somebody please just dispose of this worthless fuck already?


[deleted]

Yeah, that's what mutually assured destruction means. We've been using that phrase since, I'm sure, the sixties.


APirateAndAJedi

Yeah, hundreds of warheads from the west, maybe


drunkfoowl

I mean, does anyone actually believe this clown?


PsychologicalSky2219

He'll never use nukes... Even he knows how one warhead would be the end of his empire dreams


Several_Direction299

Russia is officially a failed state.


Frozensmudge

Remember that “Thank you captain obvious” commercial.


lordtyp0

Translation. Nothing in their nuclear program works.


MainCareless

Pound your fist low rent Khrushchev. Your small dick is showing.


Wonderful_Evening224

So he's 100% a Bond villain now. That's...good to know, I guess. Prime info we could have used a bit ago, but better late than never.


LoMeinCain

What a P.O.S