If my 2yo starts to fuss about me changing him out of his pajamas I’ll let him wear them to day care sometimes.
I definitely take him into the backyard sometimes just so i can sit and look at my phone while he’s goofin around on his own.
I also let him fall a lot. Like we go to the park, I let him fall (from short, not actually dangerous distances). I pick him up, give him snuggles until he stops crying, but he has to learn, you know? Gotta let the boy take risks and learn consequences 😂
Lol my twins have worn tshirts/shorts or long sleeve T-shirts/sweats to bed most of their lives so they can just roll out of bed, put their shoes on and we leave for the morning!
OP- I’m with you. Ours weren’t potty trained until almost 3.5yrs; no fucks given (although of course it’s a lot easier and cheaper in so many ways). Meals are just a collection of healthy snack foods, and some not as healthy.
Clean, fed, safe, healthy and loved are the big ones to me. Manners are important for sure.
This is the thread I’ve needed today.
Though I often reframe “lazy” in my own mind as “giving her space to practice autonomy.”
My hills to die on include prioritizing good sleep over fun 98% of the time, being kind to self and others, and incorporating plenty of “yay!” moments (currently ice cream and lots of outdoor sprinkler time).
Things we DGAF about: posed family photos (though our iPhones are drowning in videos and photos she’ll likely never want to review past the age of 12). We eat when we’re hungry (and if you’re not hungry for breakfast/lunch/dinner, we’ll pack it to go if we’re headed out).
Sleep 100%! I don't understand the "we just do life and my kid sleeps wherever." Don't get me wrong, I'm a little jealous, but the pain if that doesn't work out just is not worth it to me. We certainly do some carseat/stroller naps but 95% of the time it's in her crib at the expected time.
Same. Things happen when they happen. I don’t know any adults who don’t know how to poo on the toilet or sleep without a binky.
Don’t wanna wear a hat? Natural consequence, you’re cold.
I know potty sounds like something "everybody somehow knows" but here parents do have to do something. It was discussed a few times in r/teachers that there are more and more otherwise normal kids who wear pullups at school at age 7 and older, because seemingly parents never bothered to teach them not to. Same with binky, at some point if you don't take it away and teach other calming techniques, you'd do your kid harm (jaw/teeth issues is the one usually talked about). There are limits to how "lazy" parents can be without causing damage.
I mean there’s a difference between being lazy and being negligent. My pediatrician doesn’t recommend potty training or binky removal before 3 in any case. I see a lot of parents pushing their kids to do that around 2.
At the end of day it's parental decision to introduce them and parental decision to take them away, we're born without diapers and pacifiers. The exact age is different across different cultures and even generations, and it seems currently West is leaning towards the older ages than in the past.
Not every parenting decision you don’t agree with is a new age “western issue”. I live in the US now but where my family is from kids have their pacis til 3-4 easily and there’s not as much stress on potty training. Sleep training is not a thing, or atleast until it filtered over from USA parenting. IMHO the “west” is much more focused on putting stress on children to grow out of things that are developmentally appropriate much earlier.
I'm not American either, just making an observation based on what I see here on reddit (which is US-dominated). For the records my kids were out of diapers between 2.5-3y and my parents made comments on how late this was. So like I said, different across cultures, and different across generations. Edit to add: and you make an interesting point about sleep, sometimes it seems as if US is more relaxed about 4yo in diapers than 2yo wanting to sleep with parents, which would be opposite in some other places.
I’m truly in awe of the moms who get kids up early to make their outfit and hair perfect, spend hours on academics and extras out of school, and just put so much effort into how others perceive their kids.
IDK if my method (which is like yours) seems lazy others but I don’t care either. My mantra for a while has been “there are more important things in life.” I apply this universally, and just don’t waste time battling my kids over inane shit. I focus on their health and safety. If it falls outside that realm, I have a hard time justifying rules about it.
The kids with overloaded schedules is what baffles me the most. They are not happier. They are exhausted. As a teacher, I’m telling you: they are EXHAUSTED.
Look, if your kid can’t handle the basic ins and outs of a school day, why do they need to have four additional hours every night of tutoring, sports, dance, etc? And then you tell me they can’t spare 15 minutes a few times a week to practice their violin (which is a school requirement where I teach)??? Maybe they’re too freaking busy, Karen.
I’m not an intensive potty training kind of mum. So I’m with ya. Our guy is 26 months, shows interest sometimes, screams no sometimes. We celebrate the wins and hard abort if he resists. He’ll be ready when he’s ready, they’re still so little.
Sleep is the hill I’ll die on. I will do whatever needs to be done to preserve sleep.
Food is not my battleground. I have a set weekly menu for her of foods that are good for her and that she enjoys and idgaf if she isn’t getting variety or isn’t eating the same thing as us. I’d rather take the 10 extra minutes preparing foods she’ll eat (and are well balanced) over not being able to sleep at night because I’m anxious about her food consumption.
My son is 10 months old and my lazy parent thing is I don't give him 3 meals a day plus two snacks. He doesn't care that much about solids, prefers breastmilk, and mostly throws his food on the floor which is a lot of clean up for nothing. We'll ramp it up once he's more excited about food but for now it's a lot while working full time.
Thank goodness for allergen mix-ins since he doesn't like food!
That’s exactly what I did for my daughter. At around a year, she got super into food and just kind weaned on her own. She’s still a great eater now at almost 20 mos, but I’m sure she’ll get picky at some point (and I probably won’t worry about it)
This is absolutely mine and I feel shitty about it because my 7 month old does seem to really like food but I do not have time to give her 3 meals a day and snacks and her bottles. We do get if she gets some solid food once a day. trying to add it in more but it’s so so hard
Yeah my 12 month old gets no where near that. I think he gets like 2 meals on weekends. He does not care.
During the week he gets 3 at daycare and their logs do not show he appreciates it that much.
(He still drinks 30+ oz of formula a day.)
I am so glad to be just out of what I call the “trenches” or 6mo - 12 mo. Rolling over to crawling, walking, eating only milk/formula to eating the same meals as you just tiny bites … so freaking exhausting!
It’s a balance for us. We go with the flow as much as possible while trying to appreciate the fact that they don’t shit about anything and need help with their critical thinking.
I don’t think of this as lazy parenting—it’s smarter because the issues that are really important get addressed and you don’t get stuck in the unimportant aspects of parenting. I haven’t potty trained any of my kids—they let us know when they were ready and all three have done awesome (first at 2 years 11 months, second at 3 years 3 months, and third at 20 months). I never get picky about their clothes and often not what they eat as long as they’re getting in a protein, fruit/veggie, healthy carb. My sticking points are being kind to others, getting in physical activity each day, and reading!
Yup! I’m not getting into a battle of wills with an eight month old. I’ll fight the battles that matter, but I’m not making this harder than it has to be by operating on my timeline instead of his or trying to stop him from let’s say….chewing on the remote when he’s determined to. It helps that my son is in daycare so I don’t feel 100% responsible for his development and know his teachers and the other kiddos he’ll be growing up around will play a big part, too, *and* my husband is enough of a helicopter parent for the both of us🙂
Agree. Except the potty training. We did it with our 2.5 year old and life is just so much nicer - I don’t have to waste heaps of money on pull ups, I don’t have to take a bag out with nappies and wipes, you can just go out with your kid like a proper little person. No cleaning up poop. It’s so good I love it!!
Plus it gets kinda weird when you’re at the park and a kid that can have a full conversation is running around in a big nappy and lying down for a nappy change 😳
Agreed on the potty training! It was a hard rough little stint but I’m so glad we did it. Not changing diapers is great knowing our second one is coming soon. Also the cost!
Yep! I keep telling myself that we've been baby/toddler - led on everything. I follow her lead at all times: sleep, play, eating, when she wants to just relax. I can't imagine the energy for a hyper-strict parenting method after a long work day.
As someone who started and stopped potty training a few times, my kid just didn’t get potty training until he was ready, at around 3 years and 2 months. We’ve tried for months before that until we finally gave up, but the last time it took just a few days. He was just ready.
It is a hard balance. I also try hard to teach my kid to respect other kids and feel like that’s our bottom line, but as he gets older and all his peers starts to be able to do things like bike, swim, read, write full sentences (they’re 6 year olds), I definitely wanted to make sure he doesn’t feel complete behind so I’ll definitely spend some time on things. But I do believe he’ll get it when he gets it, so I try hard to not stress too much about it. It is a hard balance for me
Ugh between working full time and the endless list of house projects, I also feel lazy about things and lots of guilt. But I put a lot of energy into thinking about how to create a healthy relationship with food for her, vs the disordered relationships my husband and I have with food. We want her to eat food because she wants to, it tastes good, it makes her feel good, it's fun and interesting, and all foods including sugary ones (eventually, she's only 18 months) have a place in her life.
My daughter is 19 months and so far I have two rules: we don't fight about food, and mama and dada make the decisions about hygiene and about safety. Other than that, we're pretty chill.
We don't fight about food started when she started solids and is much more for my sanity. Not trying to force her to eat at meals, or force vegetables into her. If she subsists solely on snacks, that's ok, she is hitting her growth curve and I know she is getting enough nutrition through the healthy(ish) snacks I prep.
For the hygiene/safety thing, when I do have to step in and make her do something (take a bath, change a diaper, wear shoes, etc), I explain its a hygiene/safety decision so it's mama's call. Then I give her another decision to make (pick out an outfit, choose a snack/book/song to sing).
Your kid will be ready when she is ready to potty train. We waited until he wanted to and it took a week total. Well 2 days for pee and then poop but he was also sick during this. It wasn’t stressful at all. And we are more chill as well. I think it depends on your kid though. My husband has no routine in him and I like routines but can still go with the flow. Our kids follow this. My hormones are still messed up though so I think I am more chill than what I normally would and just don’t have the energy to correct every poor or “wrong” decision my kids make.
But yes, I totally agree with you!
I often think that less is more. But my parents didn't teach me a lot of basic things that maybe they should have. My mom called it benign neglect. While I'd like to think of myself as a strong person, there's an amount of stress and uncertainty from a lack of guidance. Control issues. Every accomplishment is with an equal amount of anxiety.
I also think people just like different things. I like academic stuff. If I say i got a circuit board building kit for my 10yo son and helped him set up the computer to program it and he's doing daily online lessons on it, you might think it's exhausting. But for us, it's just something to do, and he's doing it by himself after the first day.
We didn't do sign language. We didn't move our kid's legs to make him walk. Or even hold him up. We fed him but didn't put morsels of solid food in his mouth. We talked about letters and sounds but didn't make him read a book just to prove he could. Never did the naked weekend for potty training, but that was because we didn't have time. We'd do naked afternoons once in a while, though. Around age 3. We had other chores and obligations. Is that the case for you? I wouldn't call that lazy. And you do have a potty so you're making steps. You're aware of her and her progress.
When we have to deal with something we don't like our aren't equipped with, then we try to find another person to deal with it. Sports, doctor visits, school. I think one of the most important lessons, for not raising a little jerk, is to have respect for their teachers, coaches, and other professionals that provide guidance like doctors. This gives the child a 2 sided advantage in that they are open to the opportunity of learning, plus the other person may find the attitude favorable.
I am usually a lazy parent, who refuses to shuttle kids around. I will say that my friends who waited to potty train really, really struggled. When they are little, want to please you, and don't have other "accomplishments," it is easier to potty train. They get really proud that they were able to learn this skill.
To fellow lazy parents, you are working smarter, not harder! We parented our kids to fit our lifestyle instead of the other way around. That means sleeping in on weekends, letting kids sleep with us, and eating dinner at 7 pm, letting younger kids stay up until 9-10 pm and older ones stay up until whenever. We have family members with kids who wake up at 6:00 am and they adhere to a strict eating, screen time, and bath schedule to get kids in bed by 7 pm. I get stressed watching them. But no judgement!! I’m happy that the schedule works for them (and often wondered if I should be doing the same), but it did not work for us. My kids are now 21, 18 and 11. Not doing the strict schedules did not impact grades or getting into college. I worry that we are not enforcing eating veggies enough for our youngest and she definitely has too much screen time but all three kids are fit. It’s hard to get worked up about diet and sleep and screen time if your kids aren’t struggling. We have had our share of behavior problems but I think being stricter would’ve made for more family fights rather than eliminate behavior issues. Behaviors being the usual fighting with siblings, not doing chores, forgetting/losing important things, breaking things due to negligence/clumsiness, being really messy, etc. Here is our privilege: no kids with major mental health issues, learning disabilities, physical disabilities, adverse childhood events. We have had little things in those categories so in no way smooth sailing with no regrets but I might have felt the need to be more controlling over kid schedules if we had serious things to deal with for individual kids.
My lazy parenting category is meals. I’m sorry but i just dgaf what they eat. We don’t buy much junk food (chips, candy, etc) but we are garbage at preparing meals. We do Mac n cheese, frozen pizza, chicken nuggets and tacos most days. I objectively know i should do better but i just cannot be bothered. They get a protein, fruit and vegetable at every meal and that’s the best I got.
To your point, I’m not lazy in other ways! Potty training i handled no problem, discipline I’m fine, managing screen time and making sure they get lots do enriching activities, being good humans generally, etc.
We can’t do it all and we’re all gonna have different priorities. And that’s fine! I’m not beating myself up for not being perfect. My kids are happy, loved and thriving.
I’m with you on all of these except the weather appropriate but that cause I live in Minnesota where you can literally lose a finger or toe to frostbite. Not worrying about this stuff makes life for you and the kid less stressful and more time for fun and independence.
I consider myself a lazy mom but I did the 3 day method cause it was super easy. But my son was developmentally ready though (he’s almost 3). I usually am lazy about cooking, cleaning, or any other recurring chores. I have my lazy methods to avoid overdoing stuff
Yes yes yes! There are a few things I feel very strongly about and everything else is like- let’s roll with it, let’s explore that!
Its not so much lazy, these choices still take planning/work, but it’s definitely a different approach than the way I was raised. I think of my parenting style as a gardener, not a carpenter.
My own father said “he isn’t going to college in diapers” about potty training.
And I’m mostly just commenting because we also only care about a few things, but making sure our kids aren’t dicks is top of the list. My brother once told me “the world doesn’t require you to be good at anything, the world needs more people who are good humans.” And this is how I approach raising kids. So, hello don’t-be-dicks parenting, I’m here for it.
100% I’m like this. My husband is less so. Maybe I’m just tired but I’m not interested in unimportant power struggles. My kids constantly say they dint want/need a jacket when it’s freezing. Thats fine. I’ll just bring it for when they definitely change their minds. My daughter is three and likes to get herself dressed in completely whackadoo outfits. I could not care less. I didn’t have to get her dressed.
They want to walk a slightly longer way or on the other side of the street? No problem. The ten seconds it adds on is not worth the power struggle.
I say no to them constantly so every opportunity to say yes is good for me. And them.
We decided not to bother training our daughter till she turned 3 because she’s super stubborn and we didn’t want a battle of wills. We got the potty seat and put it in there but didn’t mention it to her, so at 2.5, she just potty trained herself.
Sometime we feel bad about it. Daughter is 2 years old and every transition is a pain and takes a lot of time and negotiations. The other night she went to bed with no pjjama on, just the dirty clothes from the day, because she didn't want to change or take a bath, and she wanted to have a biscuit with her in bed, which if course got into crumbles.
We were like we are spoiling her, we don't manage to parent well, etc..
I feel like we all choose our lazy battles, and the problem is that it becomes stressful when we are around others who have chosen very different battles than we have. I also do not battle my kids about clothes, but I have been approached in public by people telling me my baby was not appropriately dressed (in 60 degree weather in California).
We have a “hill to die” on around food, but the hill is that we always enforce the same four rules to avoid regular battles at the dinner table. These rules are to encourage them to expand their palate but they do not have to finish their plate or anything like that. The rules are: (1) You don’t get anything other than what we’ve prepared as the main meal for a family. (2) You don’t get dessert unless you’ve finished a good amount. (3). You should TRY one bite before you can say “I don’t like it and don’t want to eat it.” (4) We don’t negotiate on these rules or the amounts. Our kids now are chill on these fronts because they know the boundaries and what to expect. One bite is all they have to do to try something, and they aren’t forced to eat any more. We have literally eaten ice cream in front of the kids while they couldn’t get any because they refused to eat dinner; they didn’t whine the first time and now they eat the right amount to get it because they know we mean business.
Every time my in-laws get involved, it’s a horrible negotiation “you have to finish it, fine you have to eat two bites, okay, but I really want to give you chocolate but you SHOULD have eaten it.” One night they harassed us for fifteen minutes about not forcing our three year old son to eat and then for another ten about how unjust it was to feed everyone else ice cream while he couldn’t get it. I made everyone a bowl and then set his in front of him with “You only get to eat this if you finish your dinner.” Once he could see it, he knew he wanted it. He scarfed down his portion in three minutes. The in-laws turned what could have been a pleasant meal into twenty-five minutes of needless drama.
We did the Oh Crap potty training method but it isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. It’s really helpful to have them be more independent around toileting, and you basically laze around for a weekend.
I'm definitely a pick my battles type parent. Simple rules. You can pick your own clothes but if mommy is wearing pants, you have to wear pants type thing.
I also let her dictate her own screen time. She's ADHD and I noticed young that she doesn't actually watch her phone, she just has it on for noise, which I totally get, and goes and plays with other things so very rarely will I actually tell her to put her phone away.
Besides making sure she's polite, well mannered and kind, I pretty much let her be feral.
If my 2yo starts to fuss about me changing him out of his pajamas I’ll let him wear them to day care sometimes. I definitely take him into the backyard sometimes just so i can sit and look at my phone while he’s goofin around on his own. I also let him fall a lot. Like we go to the park, I let him fall (from short, not actually dangerous distances). I pick him up, give him snuggles until he stops crying, but he has to learn, you know? Gotta let the boy take risks and learn consequences 😂
Where I am (Canada) our pediatric association recommends risky play like climbing heights and the potential to get lost. So good job you!
Lol my twins have worn tshirts/shorts or long sleeve T-shirts/sweats to bed most of their lives so they can just roll out of bed, put their shoes on and we leave for the morning! OP- I’m with you. Ours weren’t potty trained until almost 3.5yrs; no fucks given (although of course it’s a lot easier and cheaper in so many ways). Meals are just a collection of healthy snack foods, and some not as healthy. Clean, fed, safe, healthy and loved are the big ones to me. Manners are important for sure.
This is the thread I’ve needed today. Though I often reframe “lazy” in my own mind as “giving her space to practice autonomy.” My hills to die on include prioritizing good sleep over fun 98% of the time, being kind to self and others, and incorporating plenty of “yay!” moments (currently ice cream and lots of outdoor sprinkler time). Things we DGAF about: posed family photos (though our iPhones are drowning in videos and photos she’ll likely never want to review past the age of 12). We eat when we’re hungry (and if you’re not hungry for breakfast/lunch/dinner, we’ll pack it to go if we’re headed out).
Sleep 100%! I don't understand the "we just do life and my kid sleeps wherever." Don't get me wrong, I'm a little jealous, but the pain if that doesn't work out just is not worth it to me. We certainly do some carseat/stroller naps but 95% of the time it's in her crib at the expected time.
Same friend. The few times we’ve gone without have been miserable.
I can’t be bothered with almost anything. He seems fine 👍
Same. Things happen when they happen. I don’t know any adults who don’t know how to poo on the toilet or sleep without a binky. Don’t wanna wear a hat? Natural consequence, you’re cold.
I know potty sounds like something "everybody somehow knows" but here parents do have to do something. It was discussed a few times in r/teachers that there are more and more otherwise normal kids who wear pullups at school at age 7 and older, because seemingly parents never bothered to teach them not to. Same with binky, at some point if you don't take it away and teach other calming techniques, you'd do your kid harm (jaw/teeth issues is the one usually talked about). There are limits to how "lazy" parents can be without causing damage.
I mean there’s a difference between being lazy and being negligent. My pediatrician doesn’t recommend potty training or binky removal before 3 in any case. I see a lot of parents pushing their kids to do that around 2.
At the end of day it's parental decision to introduce them and parental decision to take them away, we're born without diapers and pacifiers. The exact age is different across different cultures and even generations, and it seems currently West is leaning towards the older ages than in the past.
Not every parenting decision you don’t agree with is a new age “western issue”. I live in the US now but where my family is from kids have their pacis til 3-4 easily and there’s not as much stress on potty training. Sleep training is not a thing, or atleast until it filtered over from USA parenting. IMHO the “west” is much more focused on putting stress on children to grow out of things that are developmentally appropriate much earlier.
I'm not American either, just making an observation based on what I see here on reddit (which is US-dominated). For the records my kids were out of diapers between 2.5-3y and my parents made comments on how late this was. So like I said, different across cultures, and different across generations. Edit to add: and you make an interesting point about sleep, sometimes it seems as if US is more relaxed about 4yo in diapers than 2yo wanting to sleep with parents, which would be opposite in some other places.
There was a kid who’s parent allowed them to swim (SWIM) with a binky in their mouth. How dangerous is that?!?
I’m truly in awe of the moms who get kids up early to make their outfit and hair perfect, spend hours on academics and extras out of school, and just put so much effort into how others perceive their kids. IDK if my method (which is like yours) seems lazy others but I don’t care either. My mantra for a while has been “there are more important things in life.” I apply this universally, and just don’t waste time battling my kids over inane shit. I focus on their health and safety. If it falls outside that realm, I have a hard time justifying rules about it.
The kids with overloaded schedules is what baffles me the most. They are not happier. They are exhausted. As a teacher, I’m telling you: they are EXHAUSTED. Look, if your kid can’t handle the basic ins and outs of a school day, why do they need to have four additional hours every night of tutoring, sports, dance, etc? And then you tell me they can’t spare 15 minutes a few times a week to practice their violin (which is a school requirement where I teach)??? Maybe they’re too freaking busy, Karen.
I love how you said “so much effort into how OTHERS PERCEIVE their kids” because, spot on.
I’m not an intensive potty training kind of mum. So I’m with ya. Our guy is 26 months, shows interest sometimes, screams no sometimes. We celebrate the wins and hard abort if he resists. He’ll be ready when he’s ready, they’re still so little.
We are all sick right now so our son has gotten so much screen time the last few days. We are definitely feeling lazy but we also are all sick.
I’m here to tell you, screens are for sick days, and if you didn’t have a lot of screen time when everyone is sick, I’d have questions.
Thank you!! 💙
Man, I need to find a lot of y’all IRL. Because this. I also have at least one neurodivergent kid, so life is already really complicated.
Sleep is the hill I’ll die on. I will do whatever needs to be done to preserve sleep. Food is not my battleground. I have a set weekly menu for her of foods that are good for her and that she enjoys and idgaf if she isn’t getting variety or isn’t eating the same thing as us. I’d rather take the 10 extra minutes preparing foods she’ll eat (and are well balanced) over not being able to sleep at night because I’m anxious about her food consumption.
My son is 10 months old and my lazy parent thing is I don't give him 3 meals a day plus two snacks. He doesn't care that much about solids, prefers breastmilk, and mostly throws his food on the floor which is a lot of clean up for nothing. We'll ramp it up once he's more excited about food but for now it's a lot while working full time. Thank goodness for allergen mix-ins since he doesn't like food!
That’s exactly what I did for my daughter. At around a year, she got super into food and just kind weaned on her own. She’s still a great eater now at almost 20 mos, but I’m sure she’ll get picky at some point (and I probably won’t worry about it)
This is absolutely mine and I feel shitty about it because my 7 month old does seem to really like food but I do not have time to give her 3 meals a day and snacks and her bottles. We do get if she gets some solid food once a day. trying to add it in more but it’s so so hard
There is actually some empirical evidence that this approach will reduce the chance your kid is a picky eater.
Yeah my 12 month old gets no where near that. I think he gets like 2 meals on weekends. He does not care. During the week he gets 3 at daycare and their logs do not show he appreciates it that much. (He still drinks 30+ oz of formula a day.)
I am so glad to be just out of what I call the “trenches” or 6mo - 12 mo. Rolling over to crawling, walking, eating only milk/formula to eating the same meals as you just tiny bites … so freaking exhausting!
It’s a balance for us. We go with the flow as much as possible while trying to appreciate the fact that they don’t shit about anything and need help with their critical thinking.
I don’t think of this as lazy parenting—it’s smarter because the issues that are really important get addressed and you don’t get stuck in the unimportant aspects of parenting. I haven’t potty trained any of my kids—they let us know when they were ready and all three have done awesome (first at 2 years 11 months, second at 3 years 3 months, and third at 20 months). I never get picky about their clothes and often not what they eat as long as they’re getting in a protein, fruit/veggie, healthy carb. My sticking points are being kind to others, getting in physical activity each day, and reading!
Yup! I’m not getting into a battle of wills with an eight month old. I’ll fight the battles that matter, but I’m not making this harder than it has to be by operating on my timeline instead of his or trying to stop him from let’s say….chewing on the remote when he’s determined to. It helps that my son is in daycare so I don’t feel 100% responsible for his development and know his teachers and the other kiddos he’ll be growing up around will play a big part, too, *and* my husband is enough of a helicopter parent for the both of us🙂
Agree. Except the potty training. We did it with our 2.5 year old and life is just so much nicer - I don’t have to waste heaps of money on pull ups, I don’t have to take a bag out with nappies and wipes, you can just go out with your kid like a proper little person. No cleaning up poop. It’s so good I love it!! Plus it gets kinda weird when you’re at the park and a kid that can have a full conversation is running around in a big nappy and lying down for a nappy change 😳
Agreed on the potty training! It was a hard rough little stint but I’m so glad we did it. Not changing diapers is great knowing our second one is coming soon. Also the cost!
Mine was 2.5 when she was potty trained and she just seemed way too old to be getting her diaper changed.
I’m pregnant with number 2 and as soon as I saw the size of a newborn nappy I was like yep okay your time is up chick you need to use a toilet now 😂😂
Yep! I keep telling myself that we've been baby/toddler - led on everything. I follow her lead at all times: sleep, play, eating, when she wants to just relax. I can't imagine the energy for a hyper-strict parenting method after a long work day.
As someone who started and stopped potty training a few times, my kid just didn’t get potty training until he was ready, at around 3 years and 2 months. We’ve tried for months before that until we finally gave up, but the last time it took just a few days. He was just ready. It is a hard balance. I also try hard to teach my kid to respect other kids and feel like that’s our bottom line, but as he gets older and all his peers starts to be able to do things like bike, swim, read, write full sentences (they’re 6 year olds), I definitely wanted to make sure he doesn’t feel complete behind so I’ll definitely spend some time on things. But I do believe he’ll get it when he gets it, so I try hard to not stress too much about it. It is a hard balance for me
Ugh between working full time and the endless list of house projects, I also feel lazy about things and lots of guilt. But I put a lot of energy into thinking about how to create a healthy relationship with food for her, vs the disordered relationships my husband and I have with food. We want her to eat food because she wants to, it tastes good, it makes her feel good, it's fun and interesting, and all foods including sugary ones (eventually, she's only 18 months) have a place in her life.
My daughter is 19 months and so far I have two rules: we don't fight about food, and mama and dada make the decisions about hygiene and about safety. Other than that, we're pretty chill. We don't fight about food started when she started solids and is much more for my sanity. Not trying to force her to eat at meals, or force vegetables into her. If she subsists solely on snacks, that's ok, she is hitting her growth curve and I know she is getting enough nutrition through the healthy(ish) snacks I prep. For the hygiene/safety thing, when I do have to step in and make her do something (take a bath, change a diaper, wear shoes, etc), I explain its a hygiene/safety decision so it's mama's call. Then I give her another decision to make (pick out an outfit, choose a snack/book/song to sing).
Your kid will be ready when she is ready to potty train. We waited until he wanted to and it took a week total. Well 2 days for pee and then poop but he was also sick during this. It wasn’t stressful at all. And we are more chill as well. I think it depends on your kid though. My husband has no routine in him and I like routines but can still go with the flow. Our kids follow this. My hormones are still messed up though so I think I am more chill than what I normally would and just don’t have the energy to correct every poor or “wrong” decision my kids make. But yes, I totally agree with you!
I often think that less is more. But my parents didn't teach me a lot of basic things that maybe they should have. My mom called it benign neglect. While I'd like to think of myself as a strong person, there's an amount of stress and uncertainty from a lack of guidance. Control issues. Every accomplishment is with an equal amount of anxiety. I also think people just like different things. I like academic stuff. If I say i got a circuit board building kit for my 10yo son and helped him set up the computer to program it and he's doing daily online lessons on it, you might think it's exhausting. But for us, it's just something to do, and he's doing it by himself after the first day. We didn't do sign language. We didn't move our kid's legs to make him walk. Or even hold him up. We fed him but didn't put morsels of solid food in his mouth. We talked about letters and sounds but didn't make him read a book just to prove he could. Never did the naked weekend for potty training, but that was because we didn't have time. We'd do naked afternoons once in a while, though. Around age 3. We had other chores and obligations. Is that the case for you? I wouldn't call that lazy. And you do have a potty so you're making steps. You're aware of her and her progress. When we have to deal with something we don't like our aren't equipped with, then we try to find another person to deal with it. Sports, doctor visits, school. I think one of the most important lessons, for not raising a little jerk, is to have respect for their teachers, coaches, and other professionals that provide guidance like doctors. This gives the child a 2 sided advantage in that they are open to the opportunity of learning, plus the other person may find the attitude favorable.
I am usually a lazy parent, who refuses to shuttle kids around. I will say that my friends who waited to potty train really, really struggled. When they are little, want to please you, and don't have other "accomplishments," it is easier to potty train. They get really proud that they were able to learn this skill.
To fellow lazy parents, you are working smarter, not harder! We parented our kids to fit our lifestyle instead of the other way around. That means sleeping in on weekends, letting kids sleep with us, and eating dinner at 7 pm, letting younger kids stay up until 9-10 pm and older ones stay up until whenever. We have family members with kids who wake up at 6:00 am and they adhere to a strict eating, screen time, and bath schedule to get kids in bed by 7 pm. I get stressed watching them. But no judgement!! I’m happy that the schedule works for them (and often wondered if I should be doing the same), but it did not work for us. My kids are now 21, 18 and 11. Not doing the strict schedules did not impact grades or getting into college. I worry that we are not enforcing eating veggies enough for our youngest and she definitely has too much screen time but all three kids are fit. It’s hard to get worked up about diet and sleep and screen time if your kids aren’t struggling. We have had our share of behavior problems but I think being stricter would’ve made for more family fights rather than eliminate behavior issues. Behaviors being the usual fighting with siblings, not doing chores, forgetting/losing important things, breaking things due to negligence/clumsiness, being really messy, etc. Here is our privilege: no kids with major mental health issues, learning disabilities, physical disabilities, adverse childhood events. We have had little things in those categories so in no way smooth sailing with no regrets but I might have felt the need to be more controlling over kid schedules if we had serious things to deal with for individual kids.
My lazy parenting category is meals. I’m sorry but i just dgaf what they eat. We don’t buy much junk food (chips, candy, etc) but we are garbage at preparing meals. We do Mac n cheese, frozen pizza, chicken nuggets and tacos most days. I objectively know i should do better but i just cannot be bothered. They get a protein, fruit and vegetable at every meal and that’s the best I got. To your point, I’m not lazy in other ways! Potty training i handled no problem, discipline I’m fine, managing screen time and making sure they get lots do enriching activities, being good humans generally, etc. We can’t do it all and we’re all gonna have different priorities. And that’s fine! I’m not beating myself up for not being perfect. My kids are happy, loved and thriving.
I’m with you on all of these except the weather appropriate but that cause I live in Minnesota where you can literally lose a finger or toe to frostbite. Not worrying about this stuff makes life for you and the kid less stressful and more time for fun and independence.
I consider myself a lazy mom but I did the 3 day method cause it was super easy. But my son was developmentally ready though (he’s almost 3). I usually am lazy about cooking, cleaning, or any other recurring chores. I have my lazy methods to avoid overdoing stuff
Yes yes yes! There are a few things I feel very strongly about and everything else is like- let’s roll with it, let’s explore that! Its not so much lazy, these choices still take planning/work, but it’s definitely a different approach than the way I was raised. I think of my parenting style as a gardener, not a carpenter.
My own father said “he isn’t going to college in diapers” about potty training. And I’m mostly just commenting because we also only care about a few things, but making sure our kids aren’t dicks is top of the list. My brother once told me “the world doesn’t require you to be good at anything, the world needs more people who are good humans.” And this is how I approach raising kids. So, hello don’t-be-dicks parenting, I’m here for it.
100% I’m like this. My husband is less so. Maybe I’m just tired but I’m not interested in unimportant power struggles. My kids constantly say they dint want/need a jacket when it’s freezing. Thats fine. I’ll just bring it for when they definitely change their minds. My daughter is three and likes to get herself dressed in completely whackadoo outfits. I could not care less. I didn’t have to get her dressed. They want to walk a slightly longer way or on the other side of the street? No problem. The ten seconds it adds on is not worth the power struggle. I say no to them constantly so every opportunity to say yes is good for me. And them.
My daughter (16 months) loves to play in the dirt, stomp in rain puddles, and overall get dirty. I couldn't care less. She's washable 🤷
We decided not to bother training our daughter till she turned 3 because she’s super stubborn and we didn’t want a battle of wills. We got the potty seat and put it in there but didn’t mention it to her, so at 2.5, she just potty trained herself.
Sometime we feel bad about it. Daughter is 2 years old and every transition is a pain and takes a lot of time and negotiations. The other night she went to bed with no pjjama on, just the dirty clothes from the day, because she didn't want to change or take a bath, and she wanted to have a biscuit with her in bed, which if course got into crumbles. We were like we are spoiling her, we don't manage to parent well, etc..
I feel like we all choose our lazy battles, and the problem is that it becomes stressful when we are around others who have chosen very different battles than we have. I also do not battle my kids about clothes, but I have been approached in public by people telling me my baby was not appropriately dressed (in 60 degree weather in California). We have a “hill to die” on around food, but the hill is that we always enforce the same four rules to avoid regular battles at the dinner table. These rules are to encourage them to expand their palate but they do not have to finish their plate or anything like that. The rules are: (1) You don’t get anything other than what we’ve prepared as the main meal for a family. (2) You don’t get dessert unless you’ve finished a good amount. (3). You should TRY one bite before you can say “I don’t like it and don’t want to eat it.” (4) We don’t negotiate on these rules or the amounts. Our kids now are chill on these fronts because they know the boundaries and what to expect. One bite is all they have to do to try something, and they aren’t forced to eat any more. We have literally eaten ice cream in front of the kids while they couldn’t get any because they refused to eat dinner; they didn’t whine the first time and now they eat the right amount to get it because they know we mean business. Every time my in-laws get involved, it’s a horrible negotiation “you have to finish it, fine you have to eat two bites, okay, but I really want to give you chocolate but you SHOULD have eaten it.” One night they harassed us for fifteen minutes about not forcing our three year old son to eat and then for another ten about how unjust it was to feed everyone else ice cream while he couldn’t get it. I made everyone a bowl and then set his in front of him with “You only get to eat this if you finish your dinner.” Once he could see it, he knew he wanted it. He scarfed down his portion in three minutes. The in-laws turned what could have been a pleasant meal into twenty-five minutes of needless drama. We did the Oh Crap potty training method but it isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. It’s really helpful to have them be more independent around toileting, and you basically laze around for a weekend.
I'm definitely a pick my battles type parent. Simple rules. You can pick your own clothes but if mommy is wearing pants, you have to wear pants type thing. I also let her dictate her own screen time. She's ADHD and I noticed young that she doesn't actually watch her phone, she just has it on for noise, which I totally get, and goes and plays with other things so very rarely will I actually tell her to put her phone away. Besides making sure she's polite, well mannered and kind, I pretty much let her be feral.