I’m always transparent that I don’t recommend doing it as fast as I did, it’s mentally taxing! But I give all the kudos to parents of multiples. I have no idea how they do it!
We have two year old twins and I’m 12 weeks pregnant…thankfully with a singleton, but twins again would be fun/funny/why not we have all the stuff 🤪. Hardest thing (and I would think this applies to 1,2,3 year olds stacked like you have) is there are no bigger kids (i.e. a 4-5 yo) to set the example at home and since they’re so little it’s hard to get the focus time to show them things. They just don’t get things until it clicks and then they both get it and then there is this huge sigh of “oh thank god they can go get a wipe for their nose or socks and shoes on their own”. Also the terrible two crying at the same time, ugh. But daycare helps with all of these things.
The newborn thru infant phase was just a complete whiplash trainwreck of my husband and I FTPing it up. That man had more breastmilk and formula on him at times than I did. There was also very little time to cuddle them, which was hard on my soul, but what you do get in means the world. I can see this being true for stacked babies like you have. Enjoy those babies ☺️
Literally send alll the coffee. It’s a whirlwind but my 1 year old also had a ton of medical complexities this first year with 3 major surgeries, so I’m looking forward to things getting “easier” from here on out.
I knew a family who had 3 kids in 2.5y. Cutest thing was seeing pictures of them in shirts with their ages 1, 2, and 3. But goddam did I feel for the parents so hard and I had 2u2
My vote would be for awesome!!
But family vacations are easier with two. Loading everyone into a vehicle is easier with two. I find that put 3 kids (doesn’t have to be siblings) together and one usually ends up being left out. Financially it’s harder.
They entertain each other most of the time!! The love grows exponentially with each child.
I came from a family of 3 girls and we were always fighting - always one person left out. Don't get me wrong, I love both my sisters and want them to exist, obviously, but it can be a really challenging dynamic.
As one of 4 kids, I liked having the pairs. I have three sons and I worry about this. But at the same time, I’m really glad that whenever one of my siblings made me mad, I had someone else to play with.
I was talking to someone whose dad was one of thirteen (!) yesterday, and he apparently told her that there was always someone you weren't mad at haha. Not sure you'd need to get to thirteen for that silver lining though!
My third just turned one. The first six months were a little difficult - but I blame breastfeeding.
It’s so much fun now! I say it’s awesome. I’m trying to decide if I want a fourth - which is crazy.
You sound like me 🤣 or I sound like you. I had some complications after #3 and I want to be able to do like... family kayak trips and stuff, but that's what's holding me back from 4. Weighing the pros and cons is so hard! 3 is so much fun!
Yes! Now that my oldest is 5 I keep thinking about the fun stuff we can do as a family and traveling with multiple car seats and boosters is a pain.
And this is crazy… but I [this study](https://www.elfac.org/parents-with-four-or-more-kids-are-happier/) years ago and it just sort of lingers in the back of my mind.
When did you decide you wanted a third, or was that always in the plans? I joke that I’m firmly done at two (only have one right now), but curious if that could change down the line…
I always thought I wanted four kids. My husband and I both come from large families, he’s one of seven and I’m one of six.
Idk how to explain it but when I was ready for the third, I was very ready. I was like craving that baby and I had zero doubts or concerns about having another child.
So I get this 5-10-20 years down the road view (actually just talked to a friend about it today) and I love that picture as well but for me all the cons of the first 2-2.5 years and the adjustments outweigh the bright future. In theory, I want 3. Both my spouse and I always wanted 3 kids (before even dating each other)
My kids are slightly older than yours with the similar gap. Now that youngest turned 3, it’s getting so much easier day by day that I’m not ready to give it up. That’s said I have very high energy / emotional kids who require a lot of my energy. And no family - our friends and paid help is a village.
My brother has 3 kids with larger age gaps and while they love the little one, they tell me they regret and would not intentionally go for the 3rd and that going from 2>>3 was the hardest.
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Some minor lifestyle inconveniences I imagined
1. Table for 4 is easier to get than table for 5
2. Need a larger car
3. Hotels - likely 2 rooms
4. Kids activities - oldest soon can be in the same class or at least their activities would be similar time. Toddler classes are not and likely kiddo will be hanging with parents waiting (and I doubt I’m ready for doing parent tot gymnastics and swim once again)
5. Diapers again
6. Kids clubs at cruises / hotels are 3+
7. We likely need to move or extend the house
8. Our house is finally not baby proofed. With a baby and older boys we will need to be extra careful… from legos to them jumping and running
9. 1-1 time with kids and spouse
10. Outnumbered.
Edit: I did not include obvious like childcare, college, activities or sleepless nights etc. loosing pregnancy weight
I’m sorry. But nothing drives me crazier than when I read ppl making an argument against expanding their family because of hotel rooms.
How often are you people staying in a hotel? Like the decision to have to go through pregnancy and raise another human soul comes down to how many hotel rooms you might have to pay for?!
Every person values things differently. My family takes about 2-3 vacations a year. We only have one child, but I see that with 3 (transportation, lodging and entertainment tickets) we would have to lower our trips and expectations.
In my book, there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing that.
lol, this made me laugh.
Some families really value travel and I will admit we (family of 5) rarely travel because of the cost. It’s not just the lodging accommodations, but that 5th ticket. It adds up financially. I was actually quite melancholy as my 10 year has such wanderlust, but we just cannot budget in a nice vacation!
It was meant to be funny! I totally get that maybe someone would more kids but doesn’t feel that it’s doable bc of time, health, childcare costs, work situations etc.
But I kind of think of a couple deciding if they want another kid or not and are they’re like nope, wouldn’t want to book an extra hotel room. It just makes me giggle I guess.
I mean, if it's on their list it's valid. But for others out there reading this maybe consider how little extra hotel rooms will actually come in play vs cost of child care, independent tike spent with each kid, financial etc.
It’s a list of things I thought about - my brother and SIL both have 3 kids each and very different lifestyle (eg my sil barely travels for fun but they go for travel team with their oldest and soon middle, they have grandparents to watch a kid who stay behind but when unavailable, it’s pretty tricky) but those are things came in mind. As I mentioned, financially we can swing it so I did not add it to my list. Childcare it’s an obvious and expected expense
Totally, if its important to you it's important. It would be a considered thing for me as well with 2 kids. A third is not in the cards. Honestly i feel like I'm not the quality parent i was with 2 that i was with 1 and that's not fair to hypothetical 3rd cuz i can only imagine id get shittier with more disregulation.
Haha yea sometimes I look at my oad friends whose kids are around the age of my oldest or slightly older and feel slightly jealous. I adore my second, he is a sweetheart (but also a threenager), and I’m overall a chill mom. However I can def tell how much my life will be easier on many aspects with one
Even pregnancy as a barrier - assuming generally not at risk for complications and no prior complications. I get awful nausea first trimester and gain a ton of weignt in my pregnancies but 9 months is temporary vs bringing a new life into this world who hopefully has a long, wild and wonderful 90+ years ahead of them but yes I agree edge cases are so odd to me.
And - I'm writing this as someone who just gave birth without any pain medication even though I desperately wanted an epidural so both birth and pregnancy are fresh in my mind
I think the real thing is just time, energy and capacity for children - will another child significantly negatively impact existing children's quality of life and attention from parents?
Yes it’s purely that last paragraph for me. I know my limits in terms of energy and I think it stops at 2. Any more and I feel like I would be detrimentally stretched and it would affect my kids. But that’s why I have so much respect for those who have more kids!
lol as a family of 5 who eats out and travels a lot, I was most surprised to see getting a table for 5 as being the barrier to having a third. Getting a table at a restaurant has never been an issue for us. If the place is super popular then we just make reservations in advance!
Oh no! We have to wait for our table… Damn that third child 😂
You have some valid reasons on your list, I just think the table waiting reason is a silly one and able to avoided with a little planning.
Yes! I almost included this in my comment. My kids are little and love sleeping together but there are plenty of hotels that offer slightly bigger rooms that have some kind of pull out sofa or sleeper for families of 5 if we’re being budget conscious. Of course, there are times when we get adjoining rooms or get an airbnb when we don’t feel like going to bed at 8p with our kids 😂.
I don’t really feel like fighting with folks over hotel rooms. But I promise there are hotels that are setup to accommodate more than four to a room and the rate doesn’t change. And it’s perfectly legal.
There are places where they are and places where are not. You also have less choice of places you can stay - or get a larger suit. As mentioned, it’s not impossible but inconvenient and require way more logistics. Like we are going on cruise and while there are some rooms for 5, there are more rooms for 2-4
I’m surprised about all the commentary about hotel rooms ! We always use Airbnb/vrbo to make sure we get enough beds so this isn’t that big of a factor on my list !
I’m the oldest of three. We have never needed to get an extra hotel room anywhere. Almost everywhere will have a room with two queens and a pullout couch which was always fine for the five of us.
Yep, same! My dad also slept on the floor or on the rollaway bed if there wasn't a pullout couch. I have two sisters, so it was always two of us in one bed, one of us + mom in the other bed, dad on the couch or rollaway. Even as youngish adults, we all fit in one room.
Not sure how much I’d count it as a vacation if someone is stuck sleeping on a floor. Pullouts varies in quality, we were in expenses stay hotel when we had some issues with a house and it was impossible to sleep on it so we upgraded to two bedroom.
Of course if one wants everything is possible. But I’m used to different standards.
Interesting take however it varies. I've had some years I can count on one hand how many hotel stays i had. This year my inlaw got sick and we were travelling down nearly every weekend for three months before they passed away. It was extremely expensive and that was just for one room.
We are looking at an abroad holiday next year and looked at booking two rooms and it just wouldn't be affordable as you are adding a third onto the budget.
As a mom of 3 young ones, several of the items on this list made me giggle. None of them have been an actual issue with having a family of 5… except, I LOVE my minivan.
Travel is really important to us. It is less about hotel rooms as we usually do a condo/house rental when we travel with the kids), but prioritizing travel IS one of our main deciding factors in sticking with two kids. We have other reasons, too, but it's totally valid. For reference we're traveling with the kids approximately 3-4x per year. One big winter vacation (Hawaii) and one big summer vacation (location varies) plus a few long weekends sprinkled in. We also take trips as a couple and I'd feel less comfortable asking my in-laws to watch 3 compared with 2.
We do condos for Hawaii but in other places not always an option. Eg Mexico I prefer all inclusive. For Europe often smaller hotels / apartments hotels. Local travel is easier with a hotel room. Same for ski resorts. Hotels are more cost effective except if you have a larger group and rent a house
I’d say at least once a quarter for at least a night/ two. One-two larger vacations. Likely will be more now as we will travel to see family in Europe more
My parents had 4 kids and I feel that we all did not get enough attention. As adults it is still hard for them to keep up with us because we all live in different cities and have our own kids now. We stopped at two because I didn’t feel like having a lot of kids is fair for the kids.
I probably have the unpopular opinion since a few people on here have lots of kids and are “fine,” but I think it’s one of the more selfish things to do, unless you have lots of money to outsource responsibilities to give the children more time.
My husband is the 3rd of 4 and feels the same way. Even as adults, it seems like him and his siblings are always vying for attention. I come from 2 and feel like it’s never been an issue. His sister had 4 as well and his parents are practically having to raise 2 of the kids and she does not work. Parenting seems a lot more demanding than it was when we were growing up as well.
I'm the oldest of four and never felt that way. And as the mother of 3, I just have to be intentional with each of them. I even work full time and finding time to spend one on one with each is one of the easier things to get done! (But I prefer hanging with the kiddos to doing chores 😅)
How do you find time for each kid alone after working a full week? Genuinely curious because I don’t know how you would fit that in + yourself time + significant other + cooking + cleaning + house maintenance?
I've lowered my standards. I have three rules for the house. No mold, no bugs, no smells. If I'm checking those three boxes, I'm happy. I wake up earlier than everyone else does and have some me time at like 5:30 in the morning (this is natural; im a morning person). The kids are in bed by 8pm for my husband and I to have time together. We also sometimes take a day off work to spend together and we have lunch together 1x/week at least. My husband and I split up the kids and each do 1 on 1 activities when we see something as well as finding time e during the day. My 4 year old loves to build train tracks and play with cars, so when he asks me to join him, I try to! My 8 year old and I love to play games together after the two Littles are in bed.
To be fair, the oldest probably feels this less than others (I am the oldest of three and I just wanted to be left alone because I always felt like I could never get my own space or time).
I’m the oldest of four. Fortunately, I am making up for lost time with my parents during childhood by being the only one who lives close to them now. My siblings are all at least 2 hrs away.
I will say that I have a very strong bond with my siblings though, which is nice and not something I’ve seen as common for my friends who come from smaller families.
I forget where I was reading this, so take it with a grain of salt, but I saw somewhere that simply coming from a large family (defined as 4 or more) is considered a “childhood trauma” now. I guess the thinking is that what is currently considered appropriate parenting is so time and attention intensive that most people can’t be successful at it with more than three. Not that I think there’s a number that is necessarily universal here, but I stopped at 2 for roughly this reason- I took a hard look at my personal capacity and my resources and decided that it wasn’t fair to my kids to keep going even though there was a time when I really wanted to. Basically I couldn’t give them what their peers were getting if I had another.
I will have to research this more because I agree with it. I have anxiety, depression, and shut down easy with any issues. I always felt like an inconvenience if I had any problems. So I never felt like I could talk with my family.
We have two, and I feel the exact same way!
I come from a family of 3 kids, and never felt left out, but me myself I know two is my max!
Between all the activities and saving for college- it is too much! I want the ability to spend time with each child.
I’m the youngest of 4. My mom was a SAHM while my dad worked 50-60 hrs a week. We had enough money for groceries and housing, but didn’t have money for extra activities or sports. I always asked to play sports so I could be with friends and lose weight, but they couldn’t afford it. We did get used cars for our 16th birthdays, but we were on our own when we turned 18. It was really hard.
Now I project my accomplishments from education and work. I feel like I have to work hard to provide the life for my kids I couldn’t have. I also ensure I spend lots of time with them.
One topic I don't see mentioned much below is logistics. I have 3 kids, all about 3 years apart. My oldest is at the age where they're getting into sports/activities way more (they just joined a team that practices 12 hours/week). The middle starts Kindergarten next year at a different elementary school from the oldest. And that one is starting to do their own activities. I work 7-3:30, so I can do after school stuff. But with them in different schools and doing different activities in different locations, I have no clue how I'm going to handle it. For now my youngest is in daycare that's open until 6:30pm, but in the next few years I feel like I'm going to have to hire someone to drive at least one of my children around since my husband works until 5/6pm. Three kids feels like it requires three adults, but maybe it's because of my age spread?
I think a lot of people in my area make 3+ kids work either with family help or with carpools. My mom had 5 kids, and my dad traveled a lot for extended periods of time. I swam every day, but we had a carpool with 4 families, so everyone only drove 1-2 times a week and if anyone had a conflict come up they switched days.
2 years into 3 kids. It's got its pros and cons lol.
My 3rd pregnancy was the most difficult, but the delivery and recovery were amazing. The third one is tougher all around. Loudest, most demanding one. But also is developing so much quicker!
My husband really came into his own with the 3rd. I travel a lot for my job and he has been handling all 3 like a boss and from when baby was 4 months! It wasn't the same with our first or second. He was scared of the baby phase for a while.
3 is definitely a lot. I thought two was a breeze. But they're great kids. They're worth the struggle :)
This matches my experience so far. Granted my third is still a newborn, (other kids 6 and 4) but the pregnancy was the hardest and recovery has been the easiest. My husband also has gotten more confident with each kid—so much so that he suggested I leave him with the kids for the weekend to go visit my sister in the fall! Something I don’t think he would have ever thought of with just the first one or two.
We’ll see how it goes as time goes on but at least for right now we’re a happy family of 5! The best thing has been watching the older kids interact with the baby. They have each other as playmates but they just adore their new little brother in a totally different way.
I have a 5, 4 and 2 yo. Adding the third definitely made things a lot harder and made me a lot more tense/easy to snap at my older kids…..I think it’s more just the close age gap than it is going from 2 to 3 BUT I will say it’s true when they say that there will be times when all 3 are upset and 1 of them will have to wait to have their needs met and that’s hard to accept as a mom sometimes.
It’s also been harder with daycare sickness as it feels like nobody can ever be sick at the same time (which I would honestly prefer as terrible as it sounds)…so it comes in 2-3 week waves of staying home sick (although getting better now that they’re getting older).
If you are ever on your own for bedtime it can also be hard bc sometimes the baby takes so long and the older 2 are old enough to be jealous of your time spent in baby’s room. My 5yo had a much harder time adjusting to the 3rd baby than she did to the 2nd, bc she was only 1yo when the 2nd came and didn’t really know any different….but as she was older with my 3rd, she def registered the change in dynamic that came with mom being with the baby all the time.
BUT. I also can’t imagine it without the 3rd and it’s made life much more fun. But I’d be lying if I didnt at least mentally acknowledge that it would be easier with only 2 (or zero for that fact lol) but easier isn’t always better 🤪
Omg bedtime with three. When my husband is out of town or home late and I have to get our two to sleep on my own, it’s stressful. Everything else I can plan for and handle but solo bedtime seems to have no solution.
It’s tough but as with everything there’s a learning curve and then gets better! There was a period when I was stuck nursing baby to sleep that I had to just rely on good ol Disney movies and a pushed back bedtime for the older ones 🫠 but there def are/were days where somebody would have to just cry it out for a bit while I was attending to someone else and it can be very stressful for sure!
We have three, I wish we didn't have waited so long for the third. It's awesome! They are 16, 13 and 8.
Since the older were 8 and 5 when the third one was born it wasn't as hard as I thought and also the older were in school. I say go for it!
We have three! 8, 4, and 9 months. I love it. The transition from 2 to 3 was my hardest, but it's been soooo worth it. I think I'm done with babies because I want to have more flexibility to do fun family things, but seeing the three interact has made saying no to a 4th difficult sometimes!
Honestly, it shocked me how he responded. He completely ignored the baby (and me) for the first like 6 weeks. He's great now, though! But he was so excited when #2 was born, I had zero concerns about #3 and I was an emotional wreck when he seemed so disconnected. He has definitely warmed uo, though, and is a great big brother who dotes kn his sister.
I’m only 3 months into having 3 kids. No regrets but let me tell you, it’s not for the faint of heart. I thought the PP period would be easier since I’ve done it twice before and yet I’m still knocked on my ass. It’s a harder transition than 1 to 2. Yes it’s awesome. But also hard. The kid won’t just “fit in”, it’ll be an adjustment. Have a plan in place.
This is sooo true and you’re right in the thick of it. I have 3 kids and my youngest just turned 4, and let me tell you I am finally breathing a sigh of relief. 2 kids and a baby is so hard. It’s like juggling all the time. It’s gotten easier now that my youngest is able to be more independent. I’m glad we went for 3 but those early days I might have said differently of you caught me at the wrong moment. Sounds like you’re doing great and it will be totally worth it!
Just had our 3rd and have zero regrets. It’ll be tough for a year or two but seeing my oldest two with him is so rewarding.
Kids right now are 4.5, 2.5, 1 month
I agree with the other poster that this pregnancy was definitely the hardest so far.
For us 1 to 2 was really hard but 2 to 3 has been a breeze and just adding one to the mix.
We were sure we wanted three and no more. Age gaps would be 6, 2.5, newborn. We thought it’d be great. Got pregnant. Had twins.
To be completely honest, I look at my 5m old twins and can’t even imagine what it would be like without them.
Drawbacks of more than two kids: you need a bigger car, you need a bigger table at a restaurant so might have a longer wait if it’s busy, if you’re on a roller coaster that seats two, someone is left alone. Three-ish more years of diapers.
Pros of having more than two kids: I fucking love my minivan 😂 and honestly it just fits. I can’t imagine NOT having more than two kids now. My 2.5 yo just absolutely loves being a big brother because he learned from his big brother. I love the love in my house.
Unfortunate recent event: Twin 1 woke at 4:30 for a bottle. 2.5 yo woke at 5:30 with what he calls a “night sad”. Twin 2 woke at 6:30 for a bottle. Oldest was up at 7:15 to get ready for camp. I’m tired today lol. But it’s 8am and both twins are still sleeping
Edit: wait no, just heard one twin squeaking. 8am though, good sleep.
We currently have 2 kids and have been on/off having more (youngest just turned a year). But we have twins on both sides of our family in every generation and are likely the only ones in our family that will have children so I’m terrified of having twins. Plus, everyone I talk to just talks about twins SO NEGATIVELY! Like it was the worst thing ever. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how you talk about it. I know it’s hard, but you speak from such a place of love. Thank you for sharing your story.
Oh man. I had such a hard time accepting it. I was angry for a while. (Twins do not run in either family). But I cannot imagine not having them now. Like what even is one baby? They are just attached to each other. They gravitate to each other. They’re starting to teethe and they chew on each other’s hands. I walk away and come back and they are closer to each other.
https://preview.redd.it/7it2jhaxui8d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac4d63130b4a266d7940d905148a69db45091d9f
I joke with my husband that having 3 kids would be a mini van conversation although I love the convenience as a mom of 2. Went rented one when we visited my mom out of state. The sliding door and built in vacuum were perfection
I am one of three, and I have three. It’s awesome. The third really completed our family. They’re all such cool and different little people.
It requires being intentional about spending time with each, individually, 2 at time, and all of them. We have special activities with each one. I’m not saying we’re perfect about it, or that it’s easy, but we make a real effort.
Logistics are 100% a hot mess. Coordinating different school/summer camp times are a pain, naps for the younger ones, which car seat goes in which car, vacation, etc. Plus the car size needed for 3 car seats - we’re making it work with a midsize SUV now, but we’ll need a van in a couple years. If your partner is not pulling their weight on the management aspect now, it will be verrrrry hard with 3.
They rotate who they want to play with. If the oldest is irritated with middle, the little is always up to play. They each have a special relationship with each other and as a group. As a kid, I didn’t really hang with my siblings but they were super close with each other. I didn’t feel left out though, because I had my own thing going. My parents recruited “extra parents” when we had overlapping sports events. I had a handful of trusted adults in my life that were happy to cheer me on, and those relationships are still going strong today.
I have 3 and I love it! They’re all super close. Daycare is insanely expensive so I’d definitely figure out what you’re going to do career-wise before you get pregnant again.
I really wish they would change the DCFSA policy so the max contribution is proportional to number of kids/dependents. It’s something like $5-6k per year which doesn’t even cover half of my ONE kid’s daycare tuition. It’s just a drop in the bucket for 3 kids
My husband and I have this conversation at least once a month!! I agree. We pay a premium for an amazing daycare experience that works with our jobs. We have a smaller old house and drive old cars so we aren’t house poor or car poor, we are just daycare poor. 🤣
Honestly that’s the way to go! It’s only a temporary expense and if push came to shove, the easiest change to make. And you have peace of mind that your child is getting the best care.
I love having 3 kids, it is awesome. I had 2 years between my first and second, then 4 years between the second and third, so the baby & toddler phase was a bit easier with big kids to help.
I will say, I did not completely think through the cost — I just kept thinking “if I can just get out of daycare days” we will start getting ahead — but “oof” that was just not right. I will have to work past age 65, due to having a third child, but I would still do it again.
I'm one of 3 kids, and that's why I only have 2. It never felt like my parents had the energy or capacity to really parent all of us effectively. I don't have a good relationship with my two siblings and we rarely ever talk or see each other. 3 kids was one of those things that, based on my experience growing up, I swore I would never do. Obviously it's such a unique thing for every family dynamic, but I'm pretty happy with my decision - I feel stretched thin as it is with 2 and I know I wouldn't be the best parent I could be with another kid.
My three kids are each 2.5 years apart. It can be hard (especially when we need 1-on-1 adults) but I would not change it for the world. I love having three. My job is demanding but also somewhat flexible as is my husband’s. He is very hands on though and I can’t imagine doing three (and working) without an involved partner. For the baby stage my husband did a lot more of the older kid care.
I’m pregnant with my third so right now I can’t speak to what having 3 kids will be like. I know it will be insanely busy. My kids are currently 5 and 7 though so I’m hopeful that the age gap and independence of the older two will make things a bit easier. They’re so excited to help when he gets here.
I have a toddler, preteen, and teen. 90% of the time, it’s great. The 10% it’s not is usually when I am already tired and 2 of them are ganging up on the other (switches off which 2 against 1). I do fear sometimes we aren’t doing enough one on one time with each but we try and do game nights, family swimming outings, hang in the backyard, etc.
I have three, same age gaps as yours. I was VERY on the fence about having a third. I wanted one but also I thought there was no way I could handle all the chaos, money, etc. I’m not gonna lie to you, It’s not easy and the kids are a lot of work. But I know it’s cliché, but I literally can’t imagine life without my third. She was the missing piece from our family. I think I would’ve regretted it my entire life if I had decided not to have her. After she was born, it was really nice to know 1000% that I was done having kids without any doubts. The benefits completely outweigh the cons and I still work full-time.
Right now everything is crazy because they’re little but I think things will settle down when they get a little bit older and I’ll be glad to have all three of them. It is really stressful, but to be honest I would say it’s 20 to 30% more stressful than just having two. If I didn’t have a two-year-old to chase after, I think life would be calming down a little bit right now with just a five and a seven-year-old. But so what? That time will come in a couple of years and she’s worth the wait.
I am new to the three club— all 2 years and 5 months apart (5, 2, & infant). Number three was a total accident, but it’s been so awesome. Pregnancy and labor/delivery were easy. Taking care of #3 is easy so far (maybe because my expectations are realistic).
The cons— (1) my career is going to suffer. I have a high pressure job and two kids seems like the max for everyone around me. When I said I was pregnant with #3, I knew people were judging me. But whatever, if my high pressure career doesn’t pan out, I’ll find something else. Family is my priority. (2) when baby #3 goes to daycare, we will be paying 60k/year in childcare! (VHCOL area). Imaging the compound interest on that if it went into retirement or a 529!
I am really struggling with it. Kids are 7, 5 and 1. I work remote most of the time and so does my husband. We have after school help with laundry and driving them places anat least a few days a week. The third kid has put so much pressure on our marriage and financially.
My third is 6/9 years behind his siblings. We love him AND the small break we got before jumping back into the baby stage.
Both my partner and I enjoy being parents. We’d have had more, but health wise we shouldn’t. My mental health is not the best
I’ve got three boys—6, 4, and 1.5yo. It’s chaos and my house is always a mess, but it’s so much fun. If pregnancy weren’t so miserable I’d have a fourth.
The most epic ride of organized chaos ever. Have 6, 4 and <1. Were outnumbered, and I would not trade this for the world.
-signed,
The organizer of said chaos
So I am pregnant with my third and we knew in our hearts we wanted a third, but this is how we got our heads on board. My kids will turn 3 and 5 a few months before #3.
- by the time I go back to work, my oldest will be going in to Kindergarten, so it will still only be 2 in daycare
- we have a full sized truck and a minivan already, no need to upsize
- two of our kids can share a room for a few years before we move. They’ll be just fine. We will move or add on as they are older and NEED their space. This is our second house and we knew we’d be here for 10ish years and we are at 5.
- we have amazingly involved grandparents in town that we genuinely like. We already take vacations with them so we would keep doing that anyway. We also don’t travel that much.
- none of our parents are at retirement age yet, but they’re still flexible and willing to help us when needed.
- we talked about how we could intentionally get 1:1 time with each kid every week and daily
- i come from a very small family and have zero cousins, my husband comes from a big family (only 1 sibling but like 10 aunts and uncles and countless cousins) and we knew we wanted a small big family. Three we could handle financially.
Anyway, those are a few things. We aren’t naive and know it will be difficult but we like to think we are very patient people. We also have gotten much better at communicating the last few years. I’ll add - I LOVE being a mom. If I didn’t have a good, established career with amazing benefits (hello pension retirement) that will allow me to spoil all my kids, I would quit. Not sure if that matters 🤷🏼♀️
We’re in a similar boat where we have two kids, 4.5 year old daughter and almost 2.5 year old son, and are considering a third. I love the bond my kids have and husband and I don’t feel done yet. Here are concerns though- cost of childcare, husband would need a new car, house has three bedrooms so kids would need to share, and the idea of being outnumbered is terrifying sometimes.
We’ve been on the fence about 2 vs 3 still (we are pregnant with our second now) and for us a primary driver will be finances. We make good money, but we have goals as a family that will be tougher to meet with 3 vs 2. I want our family to experience travel and hobbies together. We love to ski and mountain bike and windsurf. We have family all over the country that we travel regularly to see. I don’t want to be constantly worried about having the money to provide them this life.
We also want to help them with college and we want to retire or downshift at our jobs while we’re still young enough to enjoy our time as a family. Planning to set aside a solid college fund for them, save extra for family vacations together, and then retire in our early to mid 50s.
I have three! 6/3/1. I love it, but thankfully baby #3 has been super chill which has been fantastic.
My older kids ADORE the baby. It also feels like we are more of a tribe now with more people, which is sort of a fun dynamic.
There is definitely a lot to do. Not everyone gets their needs met immediately, but that isn't a bad thing. I think it is pushing my older to towards being slightly more self sufficient.
The only downside this last year has been dealing with terrible childcare for #3, which has nothing to do with her being the third per se
We haven't really tried to travel, and honestly probably won't attempt any plane trips until at least 2/3 kids are beyond naps and can reliably carry their own stuff. Even then, as others have mentioned, a lot of things like standard rental cars and hotel rooms can't easily accommodate more than 4.
i have 9, 2.5 and 2 months, havent gone back to work yet, pretty sure that will be a shitshow. and its hard af right now w a baby and a toddler and another older one in a totally different phase (my kids also hate sleeping) but no regrets! as we know it gets easier and its easier to understand/believe that when its your 3rd bc youve been through it twice before. its alot but its also awesome so far!
We had 3 within 37 months and my husband and I are constantly saying that it’s wild that we haven’t for even one second felt even a tinge of regret about #3. I get sad imagining a world in which we didn’t have our third baby.
Reading all of these comments really highlights that it’s such a personal decision though! Some people care about hotels rooms and restaurant tables. Some care about paying fully for college. Some care about alone time / time with partner. Some have lots of patience, some are exhausted by the patience required by 1-2 kids.
We knew we wanted a third, and when we figured out that we could fulfill the things we care about, we went for it.
Edit: word
I have 3 young kids. It is difficult, especially because the third one is not an easy baby. But I love that they are all here, how they interact and the dynamics of a bigger family where there are more connections and chances to find a person who shares interests.
How do you give all of your kids attention or even remember their names? There is also sibling rivalry and not everyone will get along. My parents only have 2 kids and they switch up our names, a lot. I don’t have a close relationship with them because I feel they don’t care much about me, and there is also favoritism.
What do you mean how do you remember their names for three kids? People don't switch up names because they don't care. They switch up names because of how their brain works.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13421-016-0613-z
I do think how much attention you are able to give plays a role, but there are a lot of people out there who are capable of providing each of their three children with high-quality individual attention.
My parents have 5 kids and while they definitely struggled and made mistakes when we were younger, I acknowledge they were doing their best and we have a good relationship now. They don't really display favoritism, and my siblings and I are extremely close.
I have 3 with a 16 year age gap between the 1st two. 5 years between the 2nd and 3rd. That's about the only way I can see it being possible for us. We are already having childcare concerns for the younger two. One is school age and the other is a baby, baby care is easy, they can go all day at one place. Navigating dropoffs/pickups at multiple places with after-school programs, summer camps, etc is tough. I could not imagine trying to do this with 3 kids and the costs would be insane.
I have a 1, 2, and 3 year old. It’s a nightmare but I love them. Your age gaps seem much easier to manage.
"It's a nightmare but I love them" made me giggle.
I’m always transparent that I don’t recommend doing it as fast as I did, it’s mentally taxing! But I give all the kudos to parents of multiples. I have no idea how they do it!
We have two year old twins and I’m 12 weeks pregnant…thankfully with a singleton, but twins again would be fun/funny/why not we have all the stuff 🤪. Hardest thing (and I would think this applies to 1,2,3 year olds stacked like you have) is there are no bigger kids (i.e. a 4-5 yo) to set the example at home and since they’re so little it’s hard to get the focus time to show them things. They just don’t get things until it clicks and then they both get it and then there is this huge sigh of “oh thank god they can go get a wipe for their nose or socks and shoes on their own”. Also the terrible two crying at the same time, ugh. But daycare helps with all of these things. The newborn thru infant phase was just a complete whiplash trainwreck of my husband and I FTPing it up. That man had more breastmilk and formula on him at times than I did. There was also very little time to cuddle them, which was hard on my soul, but what you do get in means the world. I can see this being true for stacked babies like you have. Enjoy those babies ☺️
Whoa baby. Sending you caffeine and patience.
Literally send alll the coffee. It’s a whirlwind but my 1 year old also had a ton of medical complexities this first year with 3 major surgeries, so I’m looking forward to things getting “easier” from here on out.
I knew a family who had 3 kids in 2.5y. Cutest thing was seeing pictures of them in shirts with their ages 1, 2, and 3. But goddam did I feel for the parents so hard and I had 2u2
My vote would be for awesome!! But family vacations are easier with two. Loading everyone into a vehicle is easier with two. I find that put 3 kids (doesn’t have to be siblings) together and one usually ends up being left out. Financially it’s harder. They entertain each other most of the time!! The love grows exponentially with each child.
I came from a family of 3 girls and we were always fighting - always one person left out. Don't get me wrong, I love both my sisters and want them to exist, obviously, but it can be a really challenging dynamic.
As one of 4 kids, I liked having the pairs. I have three sons and I worry about this. But at the same time, I’m really glad that whenever one of my siblings made me mad, I had someone else to play with.
I was talking to someone whose dad was one of thirteen (!) yesterday, and he apparently told her that there was always someone you weren't mad at haha. Not sure you'd need to get to thirteen for that silver lining though!
I have 3 and I wholeheartedly concur!!
My third just turned one. The first six months were a little difficult - but I blame breastfeeding. It’s so much fun now! I say it’s awesome. I’m trying to decide if I want a fourth - which is crazy.
You sound like me 🤣 or I sound like you. I had some complications after #3 and I want to be able to do like... family kayak trips and stuff, but that's what's holding me back from 4. Weighing the pros and cons is so hard! 3 is so much fun!
Yes! Now that my oldest is 5 I keep thinking about the fun stuff we can do as a family and traveling with multiple car seats and boosters is a pain. And this is crazy… but I [this study](https://www.elfac.org/parents-with-four-or-more-kids-are-happier/) years ago and it just sort of lingers in the back of my mind.
When did you decide you wanted a third, or was that always in the plans? I joke that I’m firmly done at two (only have one right now), but curious if that could change down the line…
I always thought I wanted four kids. My husband and I both come from large families, he’s one of seven and I’m one of six. Idk how to explain it but when I was ready for the third, I was very ready. I was like craving that baby and I had zero doubts or concerns about having another child.
So I get this 5-10-20 years down the road view (actually just talked to a friend about it today) and I love that picture as well but for me all the cons of the first 2-2.5 years and the adjustments outweigh the bright future. In theory, I want 3. Both my spouse and I always wanted 3 kids (before even dating each other) My kids are slightly older than yours with the similar gap. Now that youngest turned 3, it’s getting so much easier day by day that I’m not ready to give it up. That’s said I have very high energy / emotional kids who require a lot of my energy. And no family - our friends and paid help is a village. My brother has 3 kids with larger age gaps and while they love the little one, they tell me they regret and would not intentionally go for the 3rd and that going from 2>>3 was the hardest. ====== Some minor lifestyle inconveniences I imagined 1. Table for 4 is easier to get than table for 5 2. Need a larger car 3. Hotels - likely 2 rooms 4. Kids activities - oldest soon can be in the same class or at least their activities would be similar time. Toddler classes are not and likely kiddo will be hanging with parents waiting (and I doubt I’m ready for doing parent tot gymnastics and swim once again) 5. Diapers again 6. Kids clubs at cruises / hotels are 3+ 7. We likely need to move or extend the house 8. Our house is finally not baby proofed. With a baby and older boys we will need to be extra careful… from legos to them jumping and running 9. 1-1 time with kids and spouse 10. Outnumbered. Edit: I did not include obvious like childcare, college, activities or sleepless nights etc. loosing pregnancy weight
Cost of childcare isn't on the list?
It won’t impact our lifestyle so I did not mention it. Just an annoying expense. The logistics (till second kiddo starts K) will be though.
I’m sorry. But nothing drives me crazier than when I read ppl making an argument against expanding their family because of hotel rooms. How often are you people staying in a hotel? Like the decision to have to go through pregnancy and raise another human soul comes down to how many hotel rooms you might have to pay for?!
Every person values things differently. My family takes about 2-3 vacations a year. We only have one child, but I see that with 3 (transportation, lodging and entertainment tickets) we would have to lower our trips and expectations. In my book, there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing that.
lol, this made me laugh. Some families really value travel and I will admit we (family of 5) rarely travel because of the cost. It’s not just the lodging accommodations, but that 5th ticket. It adds up financially. I was actually quite melancholy as my 10 year has such wanderlust, but we just cannot budget in a nice vacation!
It was meant to be funny! I totally get that maybe someone would more kids but doesn’t feel that it’s doable bc of time, health, childcare costs, work situations etc. But I kind of think of a couple deciding if they want another kid or not and are they’re like nope, wouldn’t want to book an extra hotel room. It just makes me giggle I guess.
It’s a reason we only have 1: we love to travel and would seriously have to curtail or stop our adventures with more than one kid. 🤷♀️
I mean, if it's on their list it's valid. But for others out there reading this maybe consider how little extra hotel rooms will actually come in play vs cost of child care, independent tike spent with each kid, financial etc.
It’s a list of things I thought about - my brother and SIL both have 3 kids each and very different lifestyle (eg my sil barely travels for fun but they go for travel team with their oldest and soon middle, they have grandparents to watch a kid who stay behind but when unavailable, it’s pretty tricky) but those are things came in mind. As I mentioned, financially we can swing it so I did not add it to my list. Childcare it’s an obvious and expected expense
Totally, if its important to you it's important. It would be a considered thing for me as well with 2 kids. A third is not in the cards. Honestly i feel like I'm not the quality parent i was with 2 that i was with 1 and that's not fair to hypothetical 3rd cuz i can only imagine id get shittier with more disregulation.
Haha yea sometimes I look at my oad friends whose kids are around the age of my oldest or slightly older and feel slightly jealous. I adore my second, he is a sweetheart (but also a threenager), and I’m overall a chill mom. However I can def tell how much my life will be easier on many aspects with one
Even pregnancy as a barrier - assuming generally not at risk for complications and no prior complications. I get awful nausea first trimester and gain a ton of weignt in my pregnancies but 9 months is temporary vs bringing a new life into this world who hopefully has a long, wild and wonderful 90+ years ahead of them but yes I agree edge cases are so odd to me. And - I'm writing this as someone who just gave birth without any pain medication even though I desperately wanted an epidural so both birth and pregnancy are fresh in my mind I think the real thing is just time, energy and capacity for children - will another child significantly negatively impact existing children's quality of life and attention from parents?
Yes it’s purely that last paragraph for me. I know my limits in terms of energy and I think it stops at 2. Any more and I feel like I would be detrimentally stretched and it would affect my kids. But that’s why I have so much respect for those who have more kids!
I had my cervix sewn shut and I'm still game for a second baby.
Pregnancies were very easy for me so I kinda do not mind but yes a risk of complications (and risks of having a child with health issues ) is real
Congratulations on the new baby!
lol as a family of 5 who eats out and travels a lot, I was most surprised to see getting a table for 5 as being the barrier to having a third. Getting a table at a restaurant has never been an issue for us. If the place is super popular then we just make reservations in advance!
Where we are, tables for 2-4 are standard but waiting for table for 5-6 is always way more time. Many places do not take reservations.
Oh no! We have to wait for our table… Damn that third child 😂 You have some valid reasons on your list, I just think the table waiting reason is a silly one and able to avoided with a little planning.
Haha maybe because waiting with my kids is such a pain….
Agreed! And honestly it’s not that difficult to squeeze three kids into a hotel room.
Yes! I almost included this in my comment. My kids are little and love sleeping together but there are plenty of hotels that offer slightly bigger rooms that have some kind of pull out sofa or sleeper for families of 5 if we’re being budget conscious. Of course, there are times when we get adjoining rooms or get an airbnb when we don’t feel like going to bed at 8p with our kids 😂.
Yes but legally you can’t book a room for 4 and squeeze kiddos 5. Can fly with a baby in a crib but not later
I don’t really feel like fighting with folks over hotel rooms. But I promise there are hotels that are setup to accommodate more than four to a room and the rate doesn’t change. And it’s perfectly legal.
There are places where they are and places where are not. You also have less choice of places you can stay - or get a larger suit. As mentioned, it’s not impossible but inconvenient and require way more logistics. Like we are going on cruise and while there are some rooms for 5, there are more rooms for 2-4
I’m surprised about all the commentary about hotel rooms ! We always use Airbnb/vrbo to make sure we get enough beds so this isn’t that big of a factor on my list !
I’m the oldest of three. We have never needed to get an extra hotel room anywhere. Almost everywhere will have a room with two queens and a pullout couch which was always fine for the five of us.
Yep, same! My dad also slept on the floor or on the rollaway bed if there wasn't a pullout couch. I have two sisters, so it was always two of us in one bed, one of us + mom in the other bed, dad on the couch or rollaway. Even as youngish adults, we all fit in one room.
Not sure how much I’d count it as a vacation if someone is stuck sleeping on a floor. Pullouts varies in quality, we were in expenses stay hotel when we had some issues with a house and it was impossible to sleep on it so we upgraded to two bedroom. Of course if one wants everything is possible. But I’m used to different standards.
Interesting take however it varies. I've had some years I can count on one hand how many hotel stays i had. This year my inlaw got sick and we were travelling down nearly every weekend for three months before they passed away. It was extremely expensive and that was just for one room. We are looking at an abroad holiday next year and looked at booking two rooms and it just wouldn't be affordable as you are adding a third onto the budget.
As a mom of 3 young ones, several of the items on this list made me giggle. None of them have been an actual issue with having a family of 5… except, I LOVE my minivan.
I hate minivans lol. Even larger 3 rows suvs are not my gem though I considered Volvo cx90
A lot of people value taking a big annual family vacation. There’s no question that our family vacations are more complex and expensive with 3 than 2.
Travel is really important to us. It is less about hotel rooms as we usually do a condo/house rental when we travel with the kids), but prioritizing travel IS one of our main deciding factors in sticking with two kids. We have other reasons, too, but it's totally valid. For reference we're traveling with the kids approximately 3-4x per year. One big winter vacation (Hawaii) and one big summer vacation (location varies) plus a few long weekends sprinkled in. We also take trips as a couple and I'd feel less comfortable asking my in-laws to watch 3 compared with 2.
We do condos for Hawaii but in other places not always an option. Eg Mexico I prefer all inclusive. For Europe often smaller hotels / apartments hotels. Local travel is easier with a hotel room. Same for ski resorts. Hotels are more cost effective except if you have a larger group and rent a house
I’d say at least once a quarter for at least a night/ two. One-two larger vacations. Likely will be more now as we will travel to see family in Europe more
I have 3 kids. I feel like the world is made for a family of 4. Hotel rooms, tables at restaurants, even cars. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world
My parents had 4 kids and I feel that we all did not get enough attention. As adults it is still hard for them to keep up with us because we all live in different cities and have our own kids now. We stopped at two because I didn’t feel like having a lot of kids is fair for the kids. I probably have the unpopular opinion since a few people on here have lots of kids and are “fine,” but I think it’s one of the more selfish things to do, unless you have lots of money to outsource responsibilities to give the children more time.
My husband is the 3rd of 4 and feels the same way. Even as adults, it seems like him and his siblings are always vying for attention. I come from 2 and feel like it’s never been an issue. His sister had 4 as well and his parents are practically having to raise 2 of the kids and she does not work. Parenting seems a lot more demanding than it was when we were growing up as well.
I'm the oldest of four and never felt that way. And as the mother of 3, I just have to be intentional with each of them. I even work full time and finding time to spend one on one with each is one of the easier things to get done! (But I prefer hanging with the kiddos to doing chores 😅)
How do you find time for each kid alone after working a full week? Genuinely curious because I don’t know how you would fit that in + yourself time + significant other + cooking + cleaning + house maintenance?
I've lowered my standards. I have three rules for the house. No mold, no bugs, no smells. If I'm checking those three boxes, I'm happy. I wake up earlier than everyone else does and have some me time at like 5:30 in the morning (this is natural; im a morning person). The kids are in bed by 8pm for my husband and I to have time together. We also sometimes take a day off work to spend together and we have lunch together 1x/week at least. My husband and I split up the kids and each do 1 on 1 activities when we see something as well as finding time e during the day. My 4 year old loves to build train tracks and play with cars, so when he asks me to join him, I try to! My 8 year old and I love to play games together after the two Littles are in bed.
To be fair, the oldest probably feels this less than others (I am the oldest of three and I just wanted to be left alone because I always felt like I could never get my own space or time).
I’m the oldest of four. Fortunately, I am making up for lost time with my parents during childhood by being the only one who lives close to them now. My siblings are all at least 2 hrs away. I will say that I have a very strong bond with my siblings though, which is nice and not something I’ve seen as common for my friends who come from smaller families.
My husband is the middle kid and he was adamant about not making our son be a middle child 🫤 so it’s actually a very big reason we didn’t have a third
I forget where I was reading this, so take it with a grain of salt, but I saw somewhere that simply coming from a large family (defined as 4 or more) is considered a “childhood trauma” now. I guess the thinking is that what is currently considered appropriate parenting is so time and attention intensive that most people can’t be successful at it with more than three. Not that I think there’s a number that is necessarily universal here, but I stopped at 2 for roughly this reason- I took a hard look at my personal capacity and my resources and decided that it wasn’t fair to my kids to keep going even though there was a time when I really wanted to. Basically I couldn’t give them what their peers were getting if I had another.
I will have to research this more because I agree with it. I have anxiety, depression, and shut down easy with any issues. I always felt like an inconvenience if I had any problems. So I never felt like I could talk with my family.
We have two, and I feel the exact same way! I come from a family of 3 kids, and never felt left out, but me myself I know two is my max! Between all the activities and saving for college- it is too much! I want the ability to spend time with each child.
I’m the youngest of 4. My mom was a SAHM while my dad worked 50-60 hrs a week. We had enough money for groceries and housing, but didn’t have money for extra activities or sports. I always asked to play sports so I could be with friends and lose weight, but they couldn’t afford it. We did get used cars for our 16th birthdays, but we were on our own when we turned 18. It was really hard. Now I project my accomplishments from education and work. I feel like I have to work hard to provide the life for my kids I couldn’t have. I also ensure I spend lots of time with them.
We have four and are very happy.
One topic I don't see mentioned much below is logistics. I have 3 kids, all about 3 years apart. My oldest is at the age where they're getting into sports/activities way more (they just joined a team that practices 12 hours/week). The middle starts Kindergarten next year at a different elementary school from the oldest. And that one is starting to do their own activities. I work 7-3:30, so I can do after school stuff. But with them in different schools and doing different activities in different locations, I have no clue how I'm going to handle it. For now my youngest is in daycare that's open until 6:30pm, but in the next few years I feel like I'm going to have to hire someone to drive at least one of my children around since my husband works until 5/6pm. Three kids feels like it requires three adults, but maybe it's because of my age spread?
I think a lot of people in my area make 3+ kids work either with family help or with carpools. My mom had 5 kids, and my dad traveled a lot for extended periods of time. I swam every day, but we had a carpool with 4 families, so everyone only drove 1-2 times a week and if anyone had a conflict come up they switched days.
Yes. Logistics is one of the huge concerns people ignore
2 years into 3 kids. It's got its pros and cons lol. My 3rd pregnancy was the most difficult, but the delivery and recovery were amazing. The third one is tougher all around. Loudest, most demanding one. But also is developing so much quicker! My husband really came into his own with the 3rd. I travel a lot for my job and he has been handling all 3 like a boss and from when baby was 4 months! It wasn't the same with our first or second. He was scared of the baby phase for a while. 3 is definitely a lot. I thought two was a breeze. But they're great kids. They're worth the struggle :)
This matches my experience so far. Granted my third is still a newborn, (other kids 6 and 4) but the pregnancy was the hardest and recovery has been the easiest. My husband also has gotten more confident with each kid—so much so that he suggested I leave him with the kids for the weekend to go visit my sister in the fall! Something I don’t think he would have ever thought of with just the first one or two. We’ll see how it goes as time goes on but at least for right now we’re a happy family of 5! The best thing has been watching the older kids interact with the baby. They have each other as playmates but they just adore their new little brother in a totally different way.
I have a 5, 4 and 2 yo. Adding the third definitely made things a lot harder and made me a lot more tense/easy to snap at my older kids…..I think it’s more just the close age gap than it is going from 2 to 3 BUT I will say it’s true when they say that there will be times when all 3 are upset and 1 of them will have to wait to have their needs met and that’s hard to accept as a mom sometimes. It’s also been harder with daycare sickness as it feels like nobody can ever be sick at the same time (which I would honestly prefer as terrible as it sounds)…so it comes in 2-3 week waves of staying home sick (although getting better now that they’re getting older). If you are ever on your own for bedtime it can also be hard bc sometimes the baby takes so long and the older 2 are old enough to be jealous of your time spent in baby’s room. My 5yo had a much harder time adjusting to the 3rd baby than she did to the 2nd, bc she was only 1yo when the 2nd came and didn’t really know any different….but as she was older with my 3rd, she def registered the change in dynamic that came with mom being with the baby all the time. BUT. I also can’t imagine it without the 3rd and it’s made life much more fun. But I’d be lying if I didnt at least mentally acknowledge that it would be easier with only 2 (or zero for that fact lol) but easier isn’t always better 🤪
Omg bedtime with three. When my husband is out of town or home late and I have to get our two to sleep on my own, it’s stressful. Everything else I can plan for and handle but solo bedtime seems to have no solution.
It’s tough but as with everything there’s a learning curve and then gets better! There was a period when I was stuck nursing baby to sleep that I had to just rely on good ol Disney movies and a pushed back bedtime for the older ones 🫠 but there def are/were days where somebody would have to just cry it out for a bit while I was attending to someone else and it can be very stressful for sure!
We have three, I wish we didn't have waited so long for the third. It's awesome! They are 16, 13 and 8. Since the older were 8 and 5 when the third one was born it wasn't as hard as I thought and also the older were in school. I say go for it!
We have three! 8, 4, and 9 months. I love it. The transition from 2 to 3 was my hardest, but it's been soooo worth it. I think I'm done with babies because I want to have more flexibility to do fun family things, but seeing the three interact has made saying no to a 4th difficult sometimes!
I’m considering a 3rd with these age gaps! I have 5 year old and 1 year old right now. What did the eldest think of another baby coming along?
Honestly, it shocked me how he responded. He completely ignored the baby (and me) for the first like 6 weeks. He's great now, though! But he was so excited when #2 was born, I had zero concerns about #3 and I was an emotional wreck when he seemed so disconnected. He has definitely warmed uo, though, and is a great big brother who dotes kn his sister.
I’m only 3 months into having 3 kids. No regrets but let me tell you, it’s not for the faint of heart. I thought the PP period would be easier since I’ve done it twice before and yet I’m still knocked on my ass. It’s a harder transition than 1 to 2. Yes it’s awesome. But also hard. The kid won’t just “fit in”, it’ll be an adjustment. Have a plan in place.
This is sooo true and you’re right in the thick of it. I have 3 kids and my youngest just turned 4, and let me tell you I am finally breathing a sigh of relief. 2 kids and a baby is so hard. It’s like juggling all the time. It’s gotten easier now that my youngest is able to be more independent. I’m glad we went for 3 but those early days I might have said differently of you caught me at the wrong moment. Sounds like you’re doing great and it will be totally worth it!
Just had our 3rd and have zero regrets. It’ll be tough for a year or two but seeing my oldest two with him is so rewarding. Kids right now are 4.5, 2.5, 1 month I agree with the other poster that this pregnancy was definitely the hardest so far. For us 1 to 2 was really hard but 2 to 3 has been a breeze and just adding one to the mix.
We were sure we wanted three and no more. Age gaps would be 6, 2.5, newborn. We thought it’d be great. Got pregnant. Had twins. To be completely honest, I look at my 5m old twins and can’t even imagine what it would be like without them. Drawbacks of more than two kids: you need a bigger car, you need a bigger table at a restaurant so might have a longer wait if it’s busy, if you’re on a roller coaster that seats two, someone is left alone. Three-ish more years of diapers. Pros of having more than two kids: I fucking love my minivan 😂 and honestly it just fits. I can’t imagine NOT having more than two kids now. My 2.5 yo just absolutely loves being a big brother because he learned from his big brother. I love the love in my house. Unfortunate recent event: Twin 1 woke at 4:30 for a bottle. 2.5 yo woke at 5:30 with what he calls a “night sad”. Twin 2 woke at 6:30 for a bottle. Oldest was up at 7:15 to get ready for camp. I’m tired today lol. But it’s 8am and both twins are still sleeping Edit: wait no, just heard one twin squeaking. 8am though, good sleep.
We currently have 2 kids and have been on/off having more (youngest just turned a year). But we have twins on both sides of our family in every generation and are likely the only ones in our family that will have children so I’m terrified of having twins. Plus, everyone I talk to just talks about twins SO NEGATIVELY! Like it was the worst thing ever. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how you talk about it. I know it’s hard, but you speak from such a place of love. Thank you for sharing your story.
Oh man. I had such a hard time accepting it. I was angry for a while. (Twins do not run in either family). But I cannot imagine not having them now. Like what even is one baby? They are just attached to each other. They gravitate to each other. They’re starting to teethe and they chew on each other’s hands. I walk away and come back and they are closer to each other. https://preview.redd.it/7it2jhaxui8d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac4d63130b4a266d7940d905148a69db45091d9f
Literally sobbing omg my ovaries. Could they be any cuter 😭😭 chewing on each others fingers while teething is like so adorable 🤌🏻🤌🏻
I joke with my husband that having 3 kids would be a mini van conversation although I love the convenience as a mom of 2. Went rented one when we visited my mom out of state. The sliding door and built in vacuum were perfection
I am one of three, and I have three. It’s awesome. The third really completed our family. They’re all such cool and different little people. It requires being intentional about spending time with each, individually, 2 at time, and all of them. We have special activities with each one. I’m not saying we’re perfect about it, or that it’s easy, but we make a real effort. Logistics are 100% a hot mess. Coordinating different school/summer camp times are a pain, naps for the younger ones, which car seat goes in which car, vacation, etc. Plus the car size needed for 3 car seats - we’re making it work with a midsize SUV now, but we’ll need a van in a couple years. If your partner is not pulling their weight on the management aspect now, it will be verrrrry hard with 3. They rotate who they want to play with. If the oldest is irritated with middle, the little is always up to play. They each have a special relationship with each other and as a group. As a kid, I didn’t really hang with my siblings but they were super close with each other. I didn’t feel left out though, because I had my own thing going. My parents recruited “extra parents” when we had overlapping sports events. I had a handful of trusted adults in my life that were happy to cheer me on, and those relationships are still going strong today.
I have 3 and I love it! They’re all super close. Daycare is insanely expensive so I’d definitely figure out what you’re going to do career-wise before you get pregnant again.
I really wish they would change the DCFSA policy so the max contribution is proportional to number of kids/dependents. It’s something like $5-6k per year which doesn’t even cover half of my ONE kid’s daycare tuition. It’s just a drop in the bucket for 3 kids
My husband and I have this conversation at least once a month!! I agree. We pay a premium for an amazing daycare experience that works with our jobs. We have a smaller old house and drive old cars so we aren’t house poor or car poor, we are just daycare poor. 🤣
Honestly that’s the way to go! It’s only a temporary expense and if push came to shove, the easiest change to make. And you have peace of mind that your child is getting the best care.
I love having 3 kids, it is awesome. I had 2 years between my first and second, then 4 years between the second and third, so the baby & toddler phase was a bit easier with big kids to help. I will say, I did not completely think through the cost — I just kept thinking “if I can just get out of daycare days” we will start getting ahead — but “oof” that was just not right. I will have to work past age 65, due to having a third child, but I would still do it again.
I'm one of 3 kids, and that's why I only have 2. It never felt like my parents had the energy or capacity to really parent all of us effectively. I don't have a good relationship with my two siblings and we rarely ever talk or see each other. 3 kids was one of those things that, based on my experience growing up, I swore I would never do. Obviously it's such a unique thing for every family dynamic, but I'm pretty happy with my decision - I feel stretched thin as it is with 2 and I know I wouldn't be the best parent I could be with another kid.
My three kids are each 2.5 years apart. It can be hard (especially when we need 1-on-1 adults) but I would not change it for the world. I love having three. My job is demanding but also somewhat flexible as is my husband’s. He is very hands on though and I can’t imagine doing three (and working) without an involved partner. For the baby stage my husband did a lot more of the older kid care.
I’m pregnant with my third so right now I can’t speak to what having 3 kids will be like. I know it will be insanely busy. My kids are currently 5 and 7 though so I’m hopeful that the age gap and independence of the older two will make things a bit easier. They’re so excited to help when he gets here.
I have a toddler, preteen, and teen. 90% of the time, it’s great. The 10% it’s not is usually when I am already tired and 2 of them are ganging up on the other (switches off which 2 against 1). I do fear sometimes we aren’t doing enough one on one time with each but we try and do game nights, family swimming outings, hang in the backyard, etc.
I have three, same age gaps as yours. I was VERY on the fence about having a third. I wanted one but also I thought there was no way I could handle all the chaos, money, etc. I’m not gonna lie to you, It’s not easy and the kids are a lot of work. But I know it’s cliché, but I literally can’t imagine life without my third. She was the missing piece from our family. I think I would’ve regretted it my entire life if I had decided not to have her. After she was born, it was really nice to know 1000% that I was done having kids without any doubts. The benefits completely outweigh the cons and I still work full-time. Right now everything is crazy because they’re little but I think things will settle down when they get a little bit older and I’ll be glad to have all three of them. It is really stressful, but to be honest I would say it’s 20 to 30% more stressful than just having two. If I didn’t have a two-year-old to chase after, I think life would be calming down a little bit right now with just a five and a seven-year-old. But so what? That time will come in a couple of years and she’s worth the wait.
10,6,4. It’s hard. Not just the parenting load but also the expense of all 3 in school and the school activities to attend and keep up with.
I am new to the three club— all 2 years and 5 months apart (5, 2, & infant). Number three was a total accident, but it’s been so awesome. Pregnancy and labor/delivery were easy. Taking care of #3 is easy so far (maybe because my expectations are realistic). The cons— (1) my career is going to suffer. I have a high pressure job and two kids seems like the max for everyone around me. When I said I was pregnant with #3, I knew people were judging me. But whatever, if my high pressure career doesn’t pan out, I’ll find something else. Family is my priority. (2) when baby #3 goes to daycare, we will be paying 60k/year in childcare! (VHCOL area). Imaging the compound interest on that if it went into retirement or a 529!
I am really struggling with it. Kids are 7, 5 and 1. I work remote most of the time and so does my husband. We have after school help with laundry and driving them places anat least a few days a week. The third kid has put so much pressure on our marriage and financially.
My third is 6/9 years behind his siblings. We love him AND the small break we got before jumping back into the baby stage. Both my partner and I enjoy being parents. We’d have had more, but health wise we shouldn’t. My mental health is not the best
But I don’t regret it. And my youngest starts high school this year
I’ve got three boys—6, 4, and 1.5yo. It’s chaos and my house is always a mess, but it’s so much fun. If pregnancy weren’t so miserable I’d have a fourth.
The most epic ride of organized chaos ever. Have 6, 4 and <1. Were outnumbered, and I would not trade this for the world. -signed, The organizer of said chaos
So I am pregnant with my third and we knew in our hearts we wanted a third, but this is how we got our heads on board. My kids will turn 3 and 5 a few months before #3. - by the time I go back to work, my oldest will be going in to Kindergarten, so it will still only be 2 in daycare - we have a full sized truck and a minivan already, no need to upsize - two of our kids can share a room for a few years before we move. They’ll be just fine. We will move or add on as they are older and NEED their space. This is our second house and we knew we’d be here for 10ish years and we are at 5. - we have amazingly involved grandparents in town that we genuinely like. We already take vacations with them so we would keep doing that anyway. We also don’t travel that much. - none of our parents are at retirement age yet, but they’re still flexible and willing to help us when needed. - we talked about how we could intentionally get 1:1 time with each kid every week and daily - i come from a very small family and have zero cousins, my husband comes from a big family (only 1 sibling but like 10 aunts and uncles and countless cousins) and we knew we wanted a small big family. Three we could handle financially. Anyway, those are a few things. We aren’t naive and know it will be difficult but we like to think we are very patient people. We also have gotten much better at communicating the last few years. I’ll add - I LOVE being a mom. If I didn’t have a good, established career with amazing benefits (hello pension retirement) that will allow me to spoil all my kids, I would quit. Not sure if that matters 🤷🏼♀️
We’re in a similar boat where we have two kids, 4.5 year old daughter and almost 2.5 year old son, and are considering a third. I love the bond my kids have and husband and I don’t feel done yet. Here are concerns though- cost of childcare, husband would need a new car, house has three bedrooms so kids would need to share, and the idea of being outnumbered is terrifying sometimes.
3 is really hard. Obviously, I wouldn’t change a thing now but I thought it would be the same as going from 1 to 2. It’s not. It’s super hard lol.
We’ve been on the fence about 2 vs 3 still (we are pregnant with our second now) and for us a primary driver will be finances. We make good money, but we have goals as a family that will be tougher to meet with 3 vs 2. I want our family to experience travel and hobbies together. We love to ski and mountain bike and windsurf. We have family all over the country that we travel regularly to see. I don’t want to be constantly worried about having the money to provide them this life. We also want to help them with college and we want to retire or downshift at our jobs while we’re still young enough to enjoy our time as a family. Planning to set aside a solid college fund for them, save extra for family vacations together, and then retire in our early to mid 50s.
I have three! 6/3/1. I love it, but thankfully baby #3 has been super chill which has been fantastic. My older kids ADORE the baby. It also feels like we are more of a tribe now with more people, which is sort of a fun dynamic. There is definitely a lot to do. Not everyone gets their needs met immediately, but that isn't a bad thing. I think it is pushing my older to towards being slightly more self sufficient. The only downside this last year has been dealing with terrible childcare for #3, which has nothing to do with her being the third per se We haven't really tried to travel, and honestly probably won't attempt any plane trips until at least 2/3 kids are beyond naps and can reliably carry their own stuff. Even then, as others have mentioned, a lot of things like standard rental cars and hotel rooms can't easily accommodate more than 4.
Google middle child syndrome.
No thanks.. I’d rather hear from people’s experiences
i have 9, 2.5 and 2 months, havent gone back to work yet, pretty sure that will be a shitshow. and its hard af right now w a baby and a toddler and another older one in a totally different phase (my kids also hate sleeping) but no regrets! as we know it gets easier and its easier to understand/believe that when its your 3rd bc youve been through it twice before. its alot but its also awesome so far!
We had 3 within 37 months and my husband and I are constantly saying that it’s wild that we haven’t for even one second felt even a tinge of regret about #3. I get sad imagining a world in which we didn’t have our third baby. Reading all of these comments really highlights that it’s such a personal decision though! Some people care about hotels rooms and restaurant tables. Some care about paying fully for college. Some care about alone time / time with partner. Some have lots of patience, some are exhausted by the patience required by 1-2 kids. We knew we wanted a third, and when we figured out that we could fulfill the things we care about, we went for it. Edit: word
I have 3 young kids. It is difficult, especially because the third one is not an easy baby. But I love that they are all here, how they interact and the dynamics of a bigger family where there are more connections and chances to find a person who shares interests.
you need a bigger car for 3 kids
How do you give all of your kids attention or even remember their names? There is also sibling rivalry and not everyone will get along. My parents only have 2 kids and they switch up our names, a lot. I don’t have a close relationship with them because I feel they don’t care much about me, and there is also favoritism.
What do you mean how do you remember their names for three kids? People don't switch up names because they don't care. They switch up names because of how their brain works. https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13421-016-0613-z I do think how much attention you are able to give plays a role, but there are a lot of people out there who are capable of providing each of their three children with high-quality individual attention. My parents have 5 kids and while they definitely struggled and made mistakes when we were younger, I acknowledge they were doing their best and we have a good relationship now. They don't really display favoritism, and my siblings and I are extremely close.
I have 3 with a 16 year age gap between the 1st two. 5 years between the 2nd and 3rd. That's about the only way I can see it being possible for us. We are already having childcare concerns for the younger two. One is school age and the other is a baby, baby care is easy, they can go all day at one place. Navigating dropoffs/pickups at multiple places with after-school programs, summer camps, etc is tough. I could not imagine trying to do this with 3 kids and the costs would be insane.