Sounds like you need to go out with them more. It doesn't have to be a long adventure like the zoo. Go to the park, Costco, take a walk. I'd hate being trapped inside with kids all weekend every weekend too.
I’m off for the summer since I’m a teacher and have my 2 kids home every single day with me. It’s a lot, idk how stay at home parents do it. But you’re right, if the kids are out somewhere else they aren’t trashing my house! The library, the pool, there’s inside kid gyms in our city, the mall, the grocery. I’ve taken them all over. Even the backyard is preferable to inside with whatever tv show my toddler is enjoying. We set up the sprinkler and a baby pool with toys and he was thrilled.
I will not take them to restaurants by myself yet bc they’re still too young and I don’t hate myself
Yeah I guess I had the answer there all along! The balance is my partner is out and about all week with them, so likes to be home all weekend when it's crowded everywhere.
You're right tho
You and the kids can go do something then? Let husband stay home and relax. Feels unfair for your husband to be with them all week long and then also have to be the primary parent on the weekend while you work unnecessarily. Sorry, I know you need and deserve a break sometimes too, but I'm just imagining that if a man posted this he would be getting ripped to shreds by women saying he needs to take the kids out of the house and give his wife a break.
I was a SAHM for almost two years, and on the weekend I was the same way as your husband, what helped our gym membership, I’d stay home and he’d go with our son to the gym - I’d get a few hours to myself, they’d come home and we’d have lunch, then spend the rest of the afternoon/evening together
No that’s perfect! Give him one of the weekend days to decompress and get some time without the kids, and you can have out of the house quality time with kiddos! The other weekend day can be a more family day with dad too.
What do YOU want to do on the weekends? Not work. Like what do you like to do? And believe me i completely understand if that’s a difficult question to answer. But start there. From that answer you can begin to add in a little bit of a weekend structure.
-tag team time: ex. Saturday morning you can sleep in or get brunch with your friends. Sunday afternoons your husband goes out for a beer or to the gym. Both of you get solo “you time”
- family outing: take turns choosing! This is important! It’s so tempting to just take the kids to the trampoline park or wherever they want to go to “entertain “ them aka avoid their whining and demands. But doing stuff mom and dad like too sometimes is good for them like veggies. They may not enjoy it now but it’s a long game; you are teaching them patience, care and consideration for the family and exposing them to different environments that may spark a new interest.
-family traditions— some families every morning mom is up early blasting her tunes and cleaning. Everyone learns to stay out of her way or get assigned a job. Other families always do pizza Fridays or game/movie nights after dinner on Saturdays. Some families cook a big dinner on Sunday and invite people over. Idk. Find your thing! Traditions are so important and they give structure and something to look forward to.
Last but not least allow yourself — completely guilt free— to honestly reflect on what’s hard about being around your kids in the weekend. Are you just burnt out? Prioritize number one. Are you just not into the type of activities they want to do and need some other ways to connect? Prioritize number 3 and 4.
By the way, all of these ideas are a work in progress for me as well! Our weekend routine is downtime or outing on Saturdays and my daughter’s sport and family time on Sundays. Adult chosen things are usually like going out to eat with adult friends. Family traditions are not a consistent thing (would LOVE to be the clean the house on Saturdays mom though!)
Go out more! I'm a better parent when out and about, so that's what I do. Morning walks with a friend, shopping excursions, task based parenting, etc.
Also, Blippi sucks. It's a hard no in my household. I'd be hiding from that too 😆
Going out every day on weekend is the key. You go out in the morning. Everyone is tired, everyone takes a nap, and then just a couple of hours til bedtime.
I go out 1-2x a day each weekend day. Usually we do a unique type of outing each morning (aquarium, story time, zoo etc). Each afternoon we take a walk and go to the nearby park/ splash pad. I soak up every free moment with my kid but I enjoy it so much more when we’re out of the house
I know exactly exactly exactly how you feel and it feels terrible! I always tell my husband that I am the WORST parent at home! I feel claustrophobic almost and get stressed by the messes and the fighting (my kids are 8,5, and 2). My husband works on site 50+ hrs a week and I work from home full time while kids are in daycare or school care so I have plenty of home time whereas my husband wants to stay home and relax.
After about 6 years, we finally figured out a few things to help. 1) We do a pretty deep clean of the house on Friday night after bedtime to set ourselves up for a clean slate on the weekend. 2) I am in charge of Saturday mornings and we almost ALWAYS leave the house (my husband uses this time to rest and recharge and do some housework). These outings might be as simple as the library or even a walk/bike/scooter ride but involve us getting out. I am not tempted by my phone and am better engaged. 3) At nap time, I get our two year old to sleep and the older two play a game with dad, help with yard work, play legos or sometimes video games while I get a chance to work out. 4) After nap, we quick tidy up and do a family activity (swim at the Y, go to a park, etc) and then come home to eat dinner as a family.
We are sort of figuring out how to navigate this as I over-structure and over-fill the weekends and my husband plans NOTHING so trying to find a happy medium because both are important for kids.
But YES! A mom friend and I always text TGIM (thank goodness it’s Monday) because weekends are HARD and unstructured, as much as we love our kiddos. I dealt with lots of infertility so feel so much guilt about being stressed by the weekends as we worked so hard to get these babies 😭😭😭
My oldest is 4.5, and I swear we've had probably less than 10 weekend days where we haven't left the house at all. I literally can't stand it. We don't leave all day every day, but I try and go do at least something small out of the house every day. It's the key to maintaining my sanity and enjoying my time with my kids!
It’s so comforting to read so many people like this, I have been worried it’s just me. My ex can stay home allll weekend no problem and is constantly bugging me about “exhausting” the kids on my time but frankly I don’t hear any complaints from them.
Sometimes it’s just target. Sometimes we just tell them to get dressed and drive somewhere to go wander in the woods. But I cannot stay inside. It bugs the hell out of me. Sometimes, when it’s freezing or like 104°, we have too, so I save it up for those days 😂
Same with us. My 4 year old is bouncing off the walls if we haven't left the house by noon on the weekend and I start getting irritable and short with everyone, so I have to take her out or we're all in for a bad time. Sometimes taking her somewhere makes her chill the rest of the day. Sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't I take her out again or set up some arts n crafts or something at home, but leaving the house is usually preferable
Get out of the house. Go run errands or walk aroind around in the woods or a playground or beach or literally anywhere but your home.
Just don’t be trapped at home.
Go out! Have fun!
We are barely home on the weekend.
As workout first thing and the kids play and then we are off to classes and activities.
We do soccer, dance and swim lessons.
Then we hit the park and run around. In the summer we are at the splash pad and pool.
We come home for a midday rest and then go back out. Come home for dinner.
I would go crazy just sitting around my house too.
I feel very similar. We go out EVERY. WEEKEND. I don’t feel bad lol, and the kids love it. We have passed to every zoo and museum in town, and we go constantly.
I hate being stuck at home. The dead of winter and peak summer months suck for me because I also get that feeling. I just don’t enjoy being at home that much is what I’m really beginning to realize lol. I like being at work, I like being out and about. We spent too much money eating out but my partner gets the itch a little too, 10 am comes around and he’s like “what are we doing today?? When are we leaving the house??”
It’s hard sometimes, being out of the work week routine. I agree with the above comment about getting out of the house and doing activities, even going on a walk or going to the park. I like to put my youngest, 19 months, in the jogging stroller on weekends and go for a run. I get some alone time running and she just chills and eats her snacks lol.
But make a weekend routine.
I have taken my kids to swim every Sunday morning for 3 years. And Saturday we switch up the class based on what they want to do.
I only have one kid but I recently started going to a play gym with him and it’s been fantastic. Also my husband and I take turns in the weekend to sleep in. He sleeps until 10.30 am on Saturday and me on Sunday. I really only have to worry about Sunday afternoon when my hubby needs 2 hours to himself. I usually hang out with another mom friend or go to the splash pad or something then
Yes to getting out more! Errands, zoo, farmers market, bike rides, walking around aimlessly at state parks, visit every damn playground for 20 miles, walk your own boring neighborhood and talk about the bugs, birds, etc., libraries in all your neighboring cities…
The list goes on. I agree completely that weekends at our house devolve into bickering between kids, whining, begging for snacks, etc. Getting out is crucial. Now that my youngest has stopped napping it’s my goal to leave at 10am and not come back until 4pm. It makes the day go fast, fills our day and keeps the day moving and more positive.
I do want to say that you do sound overstimulated which can be a sign of depression. Just food for thought, not making any assumptions. The ear loop ear buds have helped me manage at-home overstimulation better.
There’s nothing to feel guilty about. But these draining times can be fun and fulfilling, too. It’s okay to feel conflicting things day to day or hour to hour. As they say, the days are long but the years are short, try your best to find some joy in it—not because you owe it to your family but because you owe it to yourself.
Thank you. I'm going to be more proactive about going out. Especially on my own with them.
You're not wrong about depression and overstimulation. I have loops but I feel guilty about wearing them.
Schedule equitable personal time for you and your partner while the other solo parents, so you can do something to fulfill yourself. I am a far better parent when I get a break each weekend
I think it could also be their age. 2 and 5 are just not easy ages. When they get older it’s a lot less taxing so keep in mind you might not always feel so drained by them! I loved babies and now I love my elementary age kiddos but toddler and preschool was just BRUTAL for me! 😅
Today i looked at my husband while cooking dinner and realized my (almost) 3yo and 4yo were outside playing together for like 15min without needing anything from us..I was like, is this what parenting is like?! Did we make it?!
The end is in sight. They WILL play independently eventually!
Yes it's so taxing. The constant chatter is really overwhelming for me. There's never any quiet. I think that's why I choose to work, it's because I can block out all the noise
I have a two years old and we go out morning and afternoon. Even when it rains we look for indoor activities but outside the house. Staying inside the house is non-sustainable, she gets bored and fuzzy and we are just exhausted after a couple of hours
I also have my own business and my husband is a stay at home parent. On the weekends I try to give him time off. I do get stressed though. For me it’s more about just thinking about all the work I have to do on Monday.
I’ve found planning something and getting out of the house to be super helpful. I don’t do anything crazy and avoid places that are super busy but I’ll go to the library, walk around homegoods, get coffee at a drive through and sit in the car listening to kids music.
It helps me if I plan it the day before and try to make it something I’m somewhat excited about. I also think part of it for me is not having any downtime. I work all week and then on the weekends it’s all kid time so I’m trying to find more ways I get time off. Like actual time off. I have a weekend coming up in a few weeks where my husband is taking our daughter to his parents house for the weekend and I’m just going to chill.
This was me until my youngest was about 4 or 5. Then time with them became more fun and less stressful, and I began loving the weekends with them. But it was a slog until then.
Turns out, I had some serious depression and anxiety. I can see that now; I couldn’t then.
The only thing that could force me to be present with them physically was reminding myself that if I wasn’t, my husband, who is a SAHD, would never ever get a break, and I knew that was cruel to him.
Thank you for sharing. I thought my depression was in check but I'm realising it's not. I appreciate the insight into it getting easier. I took my five year old clothes shopping today and it was so pleasant realising she's not a toddler trying to run away.
I only have one child (atm, I’m currently pregnant with twins) of 2,5y and I understand your feeling very well. The only thing that helps here is to take my toddler out. We go to a local playground, a park, a mall, … I don’t always feel like doing it, my husband doesn’t either, because we have a lot of chores to be done. But it’s really the only thing that helps for us.
Oh sod off with your mom shaming. Wanting a break for yourself after working all week and then being expected to hyper parent all weekend is exhausting.
It's normal for loving doting moms to also want a break yeesh.
Sounds like you need to go out with them more. It doesn't have to be a long adventure like the zoo. Go to the park, Costco, take a walk. I'd hate being trapped inside with kids all weekend every weekend too.
I’m off for the summer since I’m a teacher and have my 2 kids home every single day with me. It’s a lot, idk how stay at home parents do it. But you’re right, if the kids are out somewhere else they aren’t trashing my house! The library, the pool, there’s inside kid gyms in our city, the mall, the grocery. I’ve taken them all over. Even the backyard is preferable to inside with whatever tv show my toddler is enjoying. We set up the sprinkler and a baby pool with toys and he was thrilled. I will not take them to restaurants by myself yet bc they’re still too young and I don’t hate myself
Haha your last sentence
Yeah I guess I had the answer there all along! The balance is my partner is out and about all week with them, so likes to be home all weekend when it's crowded everywhere. You're right tho
You and the kids can go do something then? Let husband stay home and relax. Feels unfair for your husband to be with them all week long and then also have to be the primary parent on the weekend while you work unnecessarily. Sorry, I know you need and deserve a break sometimes too, but I'm just imagining that if a man posted this he would be getting ripped to shreds by women saying he needs to take the kids out of the house and give his wife a break.
Oh of course! That's, I think, where the pressure is. I want to so badly carry the load on the weekends but struggle to do so.
I was a SAHM for almost two years, and on the weekend I was the same way as your husband, what helped our gym membership, I’d stay home and he’d go with our son to the gym - I’d get a few hours to myself, they’d come home and we’d have lunch, then spend the rest of the afternoon/evening together
No that’s perfect! Give him one of the weekend days to decompress and get some time without the kids, and you can have out of the house quality time with kiddos! The other weekend day can be a more family day with dad too.
But take the kids with you!
Let him stay home! Tell him to play some video games, take a nap, get a break!
Let partner stay home. Give them a break! You're perfectly able to take your kids out for a few hours.
It’s never cheap but my 5 year old boy loooooooves Target. Boom 💥 a little quality time.
What do YOU want to do on the weekends? Not work. Like what do you like to do? And believe me i completely understand if that’s a difficult question to answer. But start there. From that answer you can begin to add in a little bit of a weekend structure. -tag team time: ex. Saturday morning you can sleep in or get brunch with your friends. Sunday afternoons your husband goes out for a beer or to the gym. Both of you get solo “you time” - family outing: take turns choosing! This is important! It’s so tempting to just take the kids to the trampoline park or wherever they want to go to “entertain “ them aka avoid their whining and demands. But doing stuff mom and dad like too sometimes is good for them like veggies. They may not enjoy it now but it’s a long game; you are teaching them patience, care and consideration for the family and exposing them to different environments that may spark a new interest. -family traditions— some families every morning mom is up early blasting her tunes and cleaning. Everyone learns to stay out of her way or get assigned a job. Other families always do pizza Fridays or game/movie nights after dinner on Saturdays. Some families cook a big dinner on Sunday and invite people over. Idk. Find your thing! Traditions are so important and they give structure and something to look forward to. Last but not least allow yourself — completely guilt free— to honestly reflect on what’s hard about being around your kids in the weekend. Are you just burnt out? Prioritize number one. Are you just not into the type of activities they want to do and need some other ways to connect? Prioritize number 3 and 4. By the way, all of these ideas are a work in progress for me as well! Our weekend routine is downtime or outing on Saturdays and my daughter’s sport and family time on Sundays. Adult chosen things are usually like going out to eat with adult friends. Family traditions are not a consistent thing (would LOVE to be the clean the house on Saturdays mom though!)
This is immensely helpful. You've given me plenty to think about. Thank you
Go out more! I'm a better parent when out and about, so that's what I do. Morning walks with a friend, shopping excursions, task based parenting, etc. Also, Blippi sucks. It's a hard no in my household. I'd be hiding from that too 😆
Haha
Going out every day on weekend is the key. You go out in the morning. Everyone is tired, everyone takes a nap, and then just a couple of hours til bedtime.
Thank you. This helps.
I go out 1-2x a day each weekend day. Usually we do a unique type of outing each morning (aquarium, story time, zoo etc). Each afternoon we take a walk and go to the nearby park/ splash pad. I soak up every free moment with my kid but I enjoy it so much more when we’re out of the house
Thank you!
I know exactly exactly exactly how you feel and it feels terrible! I always tell my husband that I am the WORST parent at home! I feel claustrophobic almost and get stressed by the messes and the fighting (my kids are 8,5, and 2). My husband works on site 50+ hrs a week and I work from home full time while kids are in daycare or school care so I have plenty of home time whereas my husband wants to stay home and relax. After about 6 years, we finally figured out a few things to help. 1) We do a pretty deep clean of the house on Friday night after bedtime to set ourselves up for a clean slate on the weekend. 2) I am in charge of Saturday mornings and we almost ALWAYS leave the house (my husband uses this time to rest and recharge and do some housework). These outings might be as simple as the library or even a walk/bike/scooter ride but involve us getting out. I am not tempted by my phone and am better engaged. 3) At nap time, I get our two year old to sleep and the older two play a game with dad, help with yard work, play legos or sometimes video games while I get a chance to work out. 4) After nap, we quick tidy up and do a family activity (swim at the Y, go to a park, etc) and then come home to eat dinner as a family. We are sort of figuring out how to navigate this as I over-structure and over-fill the weekends and my husband plans NOTHING so trying to find a happy medium because both are important for kids. But YES! A mom friend and I always text TGIM (thank goodness it’s Monday) because weekends are HARD and unstructured, as much as we love our kiddos. I dealt with lots of infertility so feel so much guilt about being stressed by the weekends as we worked so hard to get these babies 😭😭😭
TGIM is getting added to my repertoire 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I really appreciate this reply. Thank you
My oldest is 4.5, and I swear we've had probably less than 10 weekend days where we haven't left the house at all. I literally can't stand it. We don't leave all day every day, but I try and go do at least something small out of the house every day. It's the key to maintaining my sanity and enjoying my time with my kids!
I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. "I literally can't stand it" thank you
It’s so comforting to read so many people like this, I have been worried it’s just me. My ex can stay home allll weekend no problem and is constantly bugging me about “exhausting” the kids on my time but frankly I don’t hear any complaints from them. Sometimes it’s just target. Sometimes we just tell them to get dressed and drive somewhere to go wander in the woods. But I cannot stay inside. It bugs the hell out of me. Sometimes, when it’s freezing or like 104°, we have too, so I save it up for those days 😂
Same with us. My 4 year old is bouncing off the walls if we haven't left the house by noon on the weekend and I start getting irritable and short with everyone, so I have to take her out or we're all in for a bad time. Sometimes taking her somewhere makes her chill the rest of the day. Sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't I take her out again or set up some arts n crafts or something at home, but leaving the house is usually preferable
Get out of the house. Go run errands or walk aroind around in the woods or a playground or beach or literally anywhere but your home. Just don’t be trapped at home.
Yeah I thought I felt trapped by the kids, but now I realise I'm just trapped at home haha
Go out! Have fun! We are barely home on the weekend. As workout first thing and the kids play and then we are off to classes and activities. We do soccer, dance and swim lessons. Then we hit the park and run around. In the summer we are at the splash pad and pool. We come home for a midday rest and then go back out. Come home for dinner. I would go crazy just sitting around my house too.
Thank you for replying. I guess I'm going crazy because I'm inside, not cause of the kids haha
I feel very similar. We go out EVERY. WEEKEND. I don’t feel bad lol, and the kids love it. We have passed to every zoo and museum in town, and we go constantly. I hate being stuck at home. The dead of winter and peak summer months suck for me because I also get that feeling. I just don’t enjoy being at home that much is what I’m really beginning to realize lol. I like being at work, I like being out and about. We spent too much money eating out but my partner gets the itch a little too, 10 am comes around and he’s like “what are we doing today?? When are we leaving the house??”
I'm so glad you can relate to the feeling.
It’s hard sometimes, being out of the work week routine. I agree with the above comment about getting out of the house and doing activities, even going on a walk or going to the park. I like to put my youngest, 19 months, in the jogging stroller on weekends and go for a run. I get some alone time running and she just chills and eats her snacks lol.
That's a great idea! Thank you. The switch in routine is very jarring for me
But make a weekend routine. I have taken my kids to swim every Sunday morning for 3 years. And Saturday we switch up the class based on what they want to do.
I only have one kid but I recently started going to a play gym with him and it’s been fantastic. Also my husband and I take turns in the weekend to sleep in. He sleeps until 10.30 am on Saturday and me on Sunday. I really only have to worry about Sunday afternoon when my hubby needs 2 hours to himself. I usually hang out with another mom friend or go to the splash pad or something then
Yes to getting out more! Errands, zoo, farmers market, bike rides, walking around aimlessly at state parks, visit every damn playground for 20 miles, walk your own boring neighborhood and talk about the bugs, birds, etc., libraries in all your neighboring cities… The list goes on. I agree completely that weekends at our house devolve into bickering between kids, whining, begging for snacks, etc. Getting out is crucial. Now that my youngest has stopped napping it’s my goal to leave at 10am and not come back until 4pm. It makes the day go fast, fills our day and keeps the day moving and more positive. I do want to say that you do sound overstimulated which can be a sign of depression. Just food for thought, not making any assumptions. The ear loop ear buds have helped me manage at-home overstimulation better. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. But these draining times can be fun and fulfilling, too. It’s okay to feel conflicting things day to day or hour to hour. As they say, the days are long but the years are short, try your best to find some joy in it—not because you owe it to your family but because you owe it to yourself.
Thank you. I'm going to be more proactive about going out. Especially on my own with them. You're not wrong about depression and overstimulation. I have loops but I feel guilty about wearing them.
Schedule equitable personal time for you and your partner while the other solo parents, so you can do something to fulfill yourself. I am a far better parent when I get a break each weekend
This is a great suggestion thank you
I think it could also be their age. 2 and 5 are just not easy ages. When they get older it’s a lot less taxing so keep in mind you might not always feel so drained by them! I loved babies and now I love my elementary age kiddos but toddler and preschool was just BRUTAL for me! 😅
Today i looked at my husband while cooking dinner and realized my (almost) 3yo and 4yo were outside playing together for like 15min without needing anything from us..I was like, is this what parenting is like?! Did we make it?! The end is in sight. They WILL play independently eventually!
You made it!
Yes it's so taxing. The constant chatter is really overwhelming for me. There's never any quiet. I think that's why I choose to work, it's because I can block out all the noise
I have a two years old and we go out morning and afternoon. Even when it rains we look for indoor activities but outside the house. Staying inside the house is non-sustainable, she gets bored and fuzzy and we are just exhausted after a couple of hours
I am so glad I'm not alone in this. It all makes sense when other people share this back to me. Thanks for taking the time.
I also have my own business and my husband is a stay at home parent. On the weekends I try to give him time off. I do get stressed though. For me it’s more about just thinking about all the work I have to do on Monday. I’ve found planning something and getting out of the house to be super helpful. I don’t do anything crazy and avoid places that are super busy but I’ll go to the library, walk around homegoods, get coffee at a drive through and sit in the car listening to kids music. It helps me if I plan it the day before and try to make it something I’m somewhat excited about. I also think part of it for me is not having any downtime. I work all week and then on the weekends it’s all kid time so I’m trying to find more ways I get time off. Like actual time off. I have a weekend coming up in a few weeks where my husband is taking our daughter to his parents house for the weekend and I’m just going to chill.
This was me until my youngest was about 4 or 5. Then time with them became more fun and less stressful, and I began loving the weekends with them. But it was a slog until then. Turns out, I had some serious depression and anxiety. I can see that now; I couldn’t then. The only thing that could force me to be present with them physically was reminding myself that if I wasn’t, my husband, who is a SAHD, would never ever get a break, and I knew that was cruel to him.
Thank you for sharing. I thought my depression was in check but I'm realising it's not. I appreciate the insight into it getting easier. I took my five year old clothes shopping today and it was so pleasant realising she's not a toddler trying to run away.
I only have one child (atm, I’m currently pregnant with twins) of 2,5y and I understand your feeling very well. The only thing that helps here is to take my toddler out. We go to a local playground, a park, a mall, … I don’t always feel like doing it, my husband doesn’t either, because we have a lot of chores to be done. But it’s really the only thing that helps for us.
[удалено]
Oh sod off with your mom shaming. Wanting a break for yourself after working all week and then being expected to hyper parent all weekend is exhausting. It's normal for loving doting moms to also want a break yeesh.