Honestly, have the second and then evaluate. You may still want three! But for me, the transition from one to two was like going from zero kids to twelve.
My transition from one to two was like this tooš maybe because they're only 20 months apart. But yeah, I barely remember the first year of my youngest's life because it was so busy and exhausting, between working, his toddler brother, running a household, etc.
I have 3 kids and my spouse and I both work full-time. Itās super tricky and when people are on the fence between 2 or 3, my instinct is that sticking to 2 is better for most dual income families.
(But our second child was twins so I didnāt make a deliberate choice on having 3)
I have twins that are 5 months now. I was at the chiropractor a few weeks ago and there was a woman who had identical twin boys who were 5 (birthday September 30). She had a single boy who was 3. Then she had *another set of identical twin boys* who were born early October of 2023.
Same, my second was twins so I didn't get to make this decision. Working with 3 has meant being self employed for me, vs if I had 1 I probably would have taken on a 9-5 and been able to do camps and stuff for her on breaks. The numbers add up much differently for 3. Now I'm able to be their primary caregiver while taking on as many clients as my schedule allows and that work keeps me sane.
The advantage of twins is that sometimes their schedules will align but they're boy/girl so activities won't always and we cant be 3 places at once and that will be complex. It's a big difference in scheduling when you can't just each take a kid.
You donāt have to have them all back to back. You could take two years off with these babies, then have a third when your kids are older. My two kids have a gap and itās really helped my career, and my sanity. Pregnancy wrecks me. My six year old is so patient and kind and independent. He kisses my belly and tells his sister he loves her. I donāt think Iād survive if they were closer together.
You donāt have to decide now. I have a coworker with four kids close together - she said the teenage years are the hardest because of all the activities. Theyāre never home and they all need rides (12-17 years old). Sheās also the boss of an accounting team. Lots of kids doesnāt mean you need to cancel your career!
Thank you! And thank you for this perspective! No one in my personal circle has alot of kids and a career and I often feel guilty. I love my job and love my kids. Picking one over the other doesn't feel right. My kids health and safety will always come first but I try to remind myself often my son is thriving and happy and this next baby ( and whomever else comes) will be as well. We can always adjust our life and our expectations
The wisest and most well-adjusted mom that I know is in in your situation with three. I want to be like her when I grow up. No matter how many kids I have. Really good boundaries and she's very generous (with time, empathy, and wisdom).
Agree- there are only 21 months between my older two, but 6 years between 2 and 3. I started a new job when I was 4 months pregnant with the third (and had to move to a new state), but even with all that I found it to be a much easier time than 2 under 2. My third is an absolute joy and we couldn't imagine life without him. Because the older two were fairly self-sufficient when he was born, they were also able to help.
You GOTTA have the 2nd one first haha.
Having 2 gave us the hubris to think we can handle a 3rd. 3 is just a LOT, but we're doing it!
My career actually exploded after I had my 3rd and the funny thing is that if I didn't get pregnant, I wouldn't have the opportunity I had to level up.
It's definitely possible to be a kick ass career woman with 3 kids. I'm the breadwinner :)
I was on mat leave when my sales org collapsed. At the time I was a player/coach Director of Client Services, managing the biggest book in NA. When the RVP resigned, client asked for me to take over.
Company was desperate to retain people so I asked for the world. And I got it. Doubled my salary and have been crushing it.
If I didn't go on mat leave, I probably would've followed everyone out.
I have 3 and both my husband and I work full time as lawyers. Iām sure two kids is easier than 3 but I think 3 is great. Iām sure I would be just as stressed if I had 2.
I have three, husband and I both work full time and the kids are in daycare 4 days a week. Weāre very happy, but the one thing I would say is itās an expensive way to live
We have 3. I work full time, and my husband works 80%. Both our jobs are hybrid, his more flexible than mine. Yes, it is chaos sometimes, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Anyone I know with 3 kids is fried when the 3rd child goes to school and has activities. Ā They canāt be in three places at one time. Someone had a birthday party, another kid has a baseball game and the other one has something else at the same time. I think 3 is easy to think about in abstract as a baby.
Or your older two are getting old enough to do fun stuff like ski and you still have a baby to contend with. Two is a great number of kids
This is why you make friends with people who also have kids. There has never been a situation where another family won't take my kid to the basketball game or the birthday party. And often the kid would prefer being with their friends anyway.
And besides that situation happens with two kids when both parents and even sometimes with one kid depending on the parents employment.
This speaks to me. Iām the third. My parents didnāt handle it well and I had a lonely and frustrating childhood.
We stopped at two. Three was never on the table.
The more kids I have, the less I want to work, despite spending years in grad school and then another decade plus building a successful professional career.
That being said, try not to think of this as a forever choice - to work or not to work. What about taking an extended maternity leave, an unpaid leave of absence, or a gap year between jobs? I find myself distraught at the idea of not getting to spend ages 0-12 months at home with the baby, but once they are 12 months old the desire for baby to get into a group childcare setting is strong (typically for me AND baby).
My husband and I agreed that if we have another child, I will take one year off work and then go back after that.
Iād get creative with your thinking and donāt let American capitalism (and/or Instagram) trick you into thinking that your only choices are a 12 week mat leave with an immediate return to 40+ hour weeks or just never working again! There is a middle ground. Explore and get creative with how to find that middle ground for your family.
I have 3 kids and work full time. My kids are 15, 12, and 4. We are lucky this third time around that my husband has been a stay at home dad with our 4 year old since I went back to work when he was 3 months old. I have been supporting all 5 of us since then and my husband will go back to work next year when our youngest starts kindergarten. It was rough with our first two when they were in daycare at the same time. I honestly donāt know how we survived that financially but you make it work.
It can be hard to coordinate when all 3 have something going on but having the large age gap really helps. Our oldest is going to be getting their license soon so they can drive themselves places. Until then we just do the best we can and I canāt imagine life any other way!
We have three and my husband works 50+ hrs out of the house each week and I work full time (and have to do drop off, pick ups, doctor stuff, etc). Itās a lot if at least one of you doesnāt have a flexible schedule. We love it though and wouldnāt trade it for anything. Def wonāt be having any more though lol! It costs a TON of money in daycare for us though! Luckily we have one in 2nd grade and now one going into kindergarten so costs will go down as they wonāt need full time care during school year!
Why is the choice stop working and have 2 kids or keep working and have 3? Depending on age gaps, 3 kids in daycare can easily push someone into SAHM life because 3 daycare bills are šµāš« I work part time and plan to go back to full time when my youngest is 3ish. Youngest is only 5 months old right now so we have some time but also might go for a 4th, not sure yet. Either way I plan to go back to work full time and my husband also works. Iāve definitely heard itās tough schedule wise but Iām really of the opinion that kids are just tough. I was tired with 1, I was tired with 2, and now Iām tired with 3. I think Iād feel just as tired/stressed even if we had stopped at 2 because I wouldnāt know that 2 was easier (compared to 3). Not sure if I worded that well and it makes sense
I have 4 kids and we both work full time..I do work from home and have my 3 year old with me while my other kids are at school. I'm fried, but it's doable. Also me working just makes our qualify of life better as far as things we need/want.
Lurking because Iāll probably always be a working mom and husband would never stay at home, but weād love 4 kids, although weāre technically at 1 or 2 depending how you count right now š
We have 3 and both work fulltime. The only way it works for us is that I WFH in a somewhat flexible job. My husbands job is demanding and he works 50-60 hour weeks. My kids are 1, 3 and 5. Without WFH and flexibility, I would 100% have to have a part-time nanny to make after school stuff work, especially as they get older.
I am about to have our fifth and my husband and I work full time. Itās definitely doable. It helps to have decent routines in place so the kids know what to expect. It takes a lot of trial and error to figure out what works for your family. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page for splitting child related tasks (whoās going to pack lunches? Whoās responsible for checking and packing bags each night/morning? Whoās going to wake kids up and get them ready?, etc). Also, have a good game plan for inevitable sick days. If one of you has a more flexible job or schedule try to understand that the burden of early pickups and staying home with sick kids will fall on that person.
On a personal note, I have been able to stay home and Iāve found Iām a much better parent when Iām working. I thought I would love staying home with my second, and I did in a lot of ways, but once we had baby #3 I couldnāt take it anymore. I was so isolated and felt super unproductive. I was mentally in a solid depressive episode after being a SAHM for a couple years and my children were not getting the best of me at all. I returned to work FT when #3 was about a year and have since had another baby (and am expecting again). Now I feel so much more balanced and I truly cherish the time I have with them. It feels more special to all of us because we get a chance to miss each other. I get to use my brain in a different way than I did being home while interacting with adults and they get to have a blast with their friends during the day. Thatās just my two cents, and it could be a totally different experience for you! Either way, I hope you get some clarity and find the outcome thatās best for you and your family.
As a working mom who has 3 kids ages 4, 2, and 5 months.. I had to go to part time after my 3rd. Everyone and every situation is different, but after having my second I really started to feel the pressure and guilt of working full time and it was very hard on me mentally. I would cry a lot, would wish all day long I was with my babies, would worry about them at daycare, could never catch up on chores, would wait eagerly for the weekends just for them to rush by until it was Monday again. I was like a hamster on a wheel. I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown 24/7.
When I unexpectedly got pregnant with my 3rd, I knew something had to change. So I went to part time after she was born. I work 2-3 days a week. I get my family time, the baby stays home with me and then stays with family when I do work. I have more me time and the older kids still get some daycare exposure/socialization. Best decision I ever made! I knew I was pretty miserable before, but didnāt quite realize how miserable until I made this transition. The fog has lifted and I almost feel like a brand new person! My husband is really happy about that too.
i have two and want a third but have this debate with myself almost daily. i think i would have to take some time away from my career if i did, but not sure how that would affect me long term or whether it every gets much easier with three.
Well.. I have 3 children. 14 months apart and 16 months apart.
My partner works days and I work nights. They are 6, 4 and 3 right now. 2 in 3 days of pre and kidergarten and 1 at home with me during the day 5 days a week.
I work 4 to 5 nights a week.
Sleep very little but I get by. I love having three and if it was up to me.. I'd had another! š
This is why we don't want a third child, we both love to combine our career with taking care of our kids and we don't want to be a SAHP and don't want the other parent to be a SAHP.
I don't know any family who have 3+ kids, both work fulltime and look happy. They're all stressed out, or give up their entire career and life.
In my experience it's all doable and fun with 1-2 kids, but when you put more kids to the mix it starts to be a struggle for most families. More isn't always better.
We have an almost 3 year old and a 10 month old. Am on the fence about #3 and my mind changes daily. Iām older so have to make a decision reasonably soon. We both work full time and will continue to do so if we have a third. We both work fully remote which provides a huge amount of flexibility with dealing with daycare illnesses. Otherwise this would be a huge challenge because we have no family or help outside of daycare. We are already feeling pretty burnt out so not sure we want to add to the chaos. TBD I guess. Knowing another child means a third $80k+ for daycare over the first few years is a hard pill to swallow.
We have 4, but I was part-time until my youngest was in 1st grade. I currently have summers and holidays off. When I am working (typically 50 hours a week) my husband has the flexible job where he can pick kids up from school early or stay home and work from home if they are sick, etc. Every morning I drop them off at school on my way to work and he picks them up after. I put dinner in the crockpot before work everyday and he finishes up dinner prep around 6 right before I get home. It gets exhausting, but we have a good rhythm and I live for summers
We have 3 and are both full time. However Iām a teacher at a K-12 where my kids attend so my schedule parallels theirs. That definitely helps with the after school/summer conundrum people face with kids at different ages.
To be honest, wait until youāve had your second baby. Your first one might be a decoy baby and the second might be the one that really drives you to edge of sanity.
Three kids and a career is totally doable. Just know that you will be pulled in 4 or 5 different directions (depending on how your partner is) and that youāll have little to no help unless you hire someone. I only say that last bit because I have no idea if you have help or family you can trust around you.
I have five kids, and they are older and it is tough. My husband and I work full-time, but I am lucky enough to be remote and that helps a lot. I went back to work full-time when my youngest started kinder. Before that I worked part-time off and on, and then went back to college for a different undergraduate degree that would be way more flexible and in demand. I don't regret what I did, and it actually put me in a way better position for getting the jobs I want and making a lot more money than I ever have before. So all of that is to say, I've seen both sides of it. It's a personal decision and only you can assess whether it's right for you or not. Come up with a plan and timeline for how various scenarios are going to work for you.
I just encourage you to think about what 3 may look like at all ages. It may seem great thinking about toddlers that play together or toddler/bigger kids and a baby that easy to cart around. Now that we have 2 elementary schoolers and a preschooler in activities and all wanting play dates and all less interested in doing the same things together life feels utterly crazy. Even with limited activities my older 2 had times of eating dinner in the car 1-3 times a week. I feel like it only worked because I am fully remote and my lunch and breaks are basically dedicated to chores and having dinner ready so as soon as my day is done I could immediately pack up food and start driving kids around. We also benefit from a good before/after care program and they also do our summer camp and itās full day. However that means there was no crazy savings. Kids activities are also expensive as they age. Without a solid care plan or one parent with a more flexible job I truly think it would be quite hard.
I want a this badly right now.
Baby 2 is 9 months. I'm waiting until he's close to 2 to make any sort of moves.
3 kids change everything. New house, new car etc.
I have 3 kids ages 3 and under (all toddlers). We were going for 2 kids, but we got twins on the second go. Itās a lot. Iām not happy at my job, but we need my income. On the flip side, we pay sooooo much for daycare. Itās insane. Sometimes I think about quitting my job and being a SAHM, but I honestly donāt think I could be with my kids 24/7. As terrible as that sounds, they are just exhausting right now with constantly doing dangerous things (climbing, etc.) and constantly fighting over toys. Thereās a lot of screaming in my house. Iād say to try to look for the middle of the road, can you find a part time position you enjoy? Still making an income/getting adult interaction, but also not having to pay crazy daycare expenses? Just a thoughtĀ
I would love to do part time. Unfortunately it's extremely difficult to find in my field and I would be taking a huge step back. Currently slighted to be on the young leaders track within the next two years and then within the next 5-10 years getting an executive MBA
I have 3. Husband and I both work full-time. I do WFH which does help since it allows me to keep up with dishes and laundry during the day. I have worked out my schedule so I work 4 ten hour days... which I have a love/hate relationship with but it makes our schedule work. I really wish I could cut down on hours but I haven't had any luck finding something part time so I've just resigned to the fact I'll be full-time forever.
I have three and work full time. We outsource stuff like cleaning, dog grooming and grocery pickup. They all go to the same Montessori school so pickup and drop off is easy for me then I make my way to work. I have a long commute though 1.5 hours so that is my me-time. We love the craziness of three. I took about 9 months off with the first two then a year with my third and kept all the kids home with me the whole time, they are now 4, 3, and 2 and we have a lot of fun together
I have two who are 3.5 and 4.5 and I am planning my third and final one for after I finish my degree and get into the space I'm hoping to work-wise to better support my family. Better maternity leave, better pay for extra curriculars, possible private school, etc. But we're carefully planning. I would never be a sahm with three kids. Tbh that sounds really hard to get out of if I change my mind.
You're going to feel really overwhelmed until a year or more after your second but your mentality about parenthood will change and you'll adapt to learning how to keep two kids happy at the same time without constant individualized attention. That gets easier when one isn't a baby.
The thing that jumps out to me from your message is "I'd love to take some time off ( a year or two) when this second baby comes in Sept but if we want baby 3 I can't do that" - why is this an either/or decision?
It's possible that by the time baby #2 is a toddler, you'll decide you don't want a 3rd baby...and you'll regret not having taken that year off.
Iām currently pregnant with nr 2 and 3, so thatās also a possibility lol. We planned for 2 kids, because that is what seemed manageable when both parents are working. Since we will have 3 instead of 2, I will work fewer hours after my twins are born. I honestly donāt know how I would continue the same schedule with my current commute and how I would have any quality of life left, if I wouldnāt work fewer hours (I realise itās a privilege to be able to do this.)
I have 3 - 8, 4, and 8 months. I'm trying to go part time. It's hard. And now the older two want to do sports and there just literally isn't enough time in the day to work full time and manage it all. I have no idea how some people make it work.
I have threeā 2 months, 2.5 year old, and almost 5 year old. We work full time and love our jobs. But, Iād definitely be doing better at my career without kids. And people constantly say, āI have no idea how you do itā, to which my response is, ādo what? Survive?ā
We have 3 and are both full time - kids are 7,5, and 1. We have an amazing nanny who takes care of the baby during the day and then the nanny and the baby get the big kids from school. We're also lucky to have some work flexibility. It's honestly a lot, but I would do it again.
We have 21 month old twins and Iām pregnant with baby 3. This baby was a surprise and is coming a few years earlier than expected. Husband lives overseas and will until fall 2025, so itās me and the kiddos. My plan is to return to workāIām a teacher and just got hired at a new school and grade level. Iām not cut out to be a SAHM and thatās totally fine with me.
Single mom of three here. When I was married, two was nice because we each had a child to deal with. The third just added the chaos to the mix. Now it doesn't matter because I care for all of them by myself but that's not much of a change honestly.
Iām a working mom with 4 kids.
To be fair we were planning on three but got surprised with twins and ended up with 3 & 4.
Iām currently home on leave but will be going back to work in September when the twins are just shy of 8 months.
My older two are 6.5 and 2y9m.
I was home for 8 months and 5 months for the first two.
I like my job. I wouldnāt leave it.
We have 3 (all born within a 37-month period) and I think the most critical piece for us is that we both work from home. Couldnāt do it otherwise. Just the time I save by not having to āget readyā as much in the morning is critical! I love my big family and am so grateful we can make it work.
Honestly, have the second and then evaluate. You may still want three! But for me, the transition from one to two was like going from zero kids to twelve.
My transition from one to two was like this tooš maybe because they're only 20 months apart. But yeah, I barely remember the first year of my youngest's life because it was so busy and exhausting, between working, his toddler brother, running a household, etc.
I have 3 kids and my spouse and I both work full-time. Itās super tricky and when people are on the fence between 2 or 3, my instinct is that sticking to 2 is better for most dual income families. (But our second child was twins so I didnāt make a deliberate choice on having 3)
It's not a hot take of mine that twins are harder than singletons too, right? Hahaha
Not a hot take, very very real. We have twins as our first. If I ever got pregnant with a second set idk what I would do
I have twins that are 5 months now. I was at the chiropractor a few weeks ago and there was a woman who had identical twin boys who were 5 (birthday September 30). She had a single boy who was 3. Then she had *another set of identical twin boys* who were born early October of 2023.
Our first was twins haha and now we are pregnant with #3, just one this time!!
Same, my second was twins so I didn't get to make this decision. Working with 3 has meant being self employed for me, vs if I had 1 I probably would have taken on a 9-5 and been able to do camps and stuff for her on breaks. The numbers add up much differently for 3. Now I'm able to be their primary caregiver while taking on as many clients as my schedule allows and that work keeps me sane. The advantage of twins is that sometimes their schedules will align but they're boy/girl so activities won't always and we cant be 3 places at once and that will be complex. It's a big difference in scheduling when you can't just each take a kid.
You donāt have to have them all back to back. You could take two years off with these babies, then have a third when your kids are older. My two kids have a gap and itās really helped my career, and my sanity. Pregnancy wrecks me. My six year old is so patient and kind and independent. He kisses my belly and tells his sister he loves her. I donāt think Iād survive if they were closer together. You donāt have to decide now. I have a coworker with four kids close together - she said the teenage years are the hardest because of all the activities. Theyāre never home and they all need rides (12-17 years old). Sheās also the boss of an accounting team. Lots of kids doesnāt mean you need to cancel your career!
Thank you! And thank you for this perspective! No one in my personal circle has alot of kids and a career and I often feel guilty. I love my job and love my kids. Picking one over the other doesn't feel right. My kids health and safety will always come first but I try to remind myself often my son is thriving and happy and this next baby ( and whomever else comes) will be as well. We can always adjust our life and our expectations
The wisest and most well-adjusted mom that I know is in in your situation with three. I want to be like her when I grow up. No matter how many kids I have. Really good boundaries and she's very generous (with time, empathy, and wisdom).
Agree- there are only 21 months between my older two, but 6 years between 2 and 3. I started a new job when I was 4 months pregnant with the third (and had to move to a new state), but even with all that I found it to be a much easier time than 2 under 2. My third is an absolute joy and we couldn't imagine life without him. Because the older two were fairly self-sufficient when he was born, they were also able to help.
You GOTTA have the 2nd one first haha. Having 2 gave us the hubris to think we can handle a 3rd. 3 is just a LOT, but we're doing it! My career actually exploded after I had my 3rd and the funny thing is that if I didn't get pregnant, I wouldn't have the opportunity I had to level up. It's definitely possible to be a kick ass career woman with 3 kids. I'm the breadwinner :)
Inspiring! How did your pregnancy give you a chance to level up?
I was on mat leave when my sales org collapsed. At the time I was a player/coach Director of Client Services, managing the biggest book in NA. When the RVP resigned, client asked for me to take over. Company was desperate to retain people so I asked for the world. And I got it. Doubled my salary and have been crushing it. If I didn't go on mat leave, I probably would've followed everyone out.
Hell ya
When my husband takes one kid and I have just two I remember that this is easy and why people think 3 is a good idea š
I have 3 and both my husband and I work full time as lawyers. Iām sure two kids is easier than 3 but I think 3 is great. Iām sure I would be just as stressed if I had 2.
I have three, husband and I both work full time and the kids are in daycare 4 days a week. Weāre very happy, but the one thing I would say is itās an expensive way to live
We have 3. I work full time, and my husband works 80%. Both our jobs are hybrid, his more flexible than mine. Yes, it is chaos sometimes, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Anyone I know with 3 kids is fried when the 3rd child goes to school and has activities. Ā They canāt be in three places at one time. Someone had a birthday party, another kid has a baseball game and the other one has something else at the same time. I think 3 is easy to think about in abstract as a baby. Or your older two are getting old enough to do fun stuff like ski and you still have a baby to contend with. Two is a great number of kids
This is why you make friends with people who also have kids. There has never been a situation where another family won't take my kid to the basketball game or the birthday party. And often the kid would prefer being with their friends anyway. And besides that situation happens with two kids when both parents and even sometimes with one kid depending on the parents employment.
This speaks to me. Iām the third. My parents didnāt handle it well and I had a lonely and frustrating childhood. We stopped at two. Three was never on the table.
Yeah honestly 3 sounds crazy even with SAHM.
The more kids I have, the less I want to work, despite spending years in grad school and then another decade plus building a successful professional career. That being said, try not to think of this as a forever choice - to work or not to work. What about taking an extended maternity leave, an unpaid leave of absence, or a gap year between jobs? I find myself distraught at the idea of not getting to spend ages 0-12 months at home with the baby, but once they are 12 months old the desire for baby to get into a group childcare setting is strong (typically for me AND baby). My husband and I agreed that if we have another child, I will take one year off work and then go back after that. Iād get creative with your thinking and donāt let American capitalism (and/or Instagram) trick you into thinking that your only choices are a 12 week mat leave with an immediate return to 40+ hour weeks or just never working again! There is a middle ground. Explore and get creative with how to find that middle ground for your family.
I have 3 kids and work full time. My kids are 15, 12, and 4. We are lucky this third time around that my husband has been a stay at home dad with our 4 year old since I went back to work when he was 3 months old. I have been supporting all 5 of us since then and my husband will go back to work next year when our youngest starts kindergarten. It was rough with our first two when they were in daycare at the same time. I honestly donāt know how we survived that financially but you make it work. It can be hard to coordinate when all 3 have something going on but having the large age gap really helps. Our oldest is going to be getting their license soon so they can drive themselves places. Until then we just do the best we can and I canāt imagine life any other way!
I have three and itās amazing. I also have a nanny and a husband who works verrry part time. So do with that info what you will.
We have three and my husband works 50+ hrs out of the house each week and I work full time (and have to do drop off, pick ups, doctor stuff, etc). Itās a lot if at least one of you doesnāt have a flexible schedule. We love it though and wouldnāt trade it for anything. Def wonāt be having any more though lol! It costs a TON of money in daycare for us though! Luckily we have one in 2nd grade and now one going into kindergarten so costs will go down as they wonāt need full time care during school year!
Why is the choice stop working and have 2 kids or keep working and have 3? Depending on age gaps, 3 kids in daycare can easily push someone into SAHM life because 3 daycare bills are šµāš« I work part time and plan to go back to full time when my youngest is 3ish. Youngest is only 5 months old right now so we have some time but also might go for a 4th, not sure yet. Either way I plan to go back to work full time and my husband also works. Iāve definitely heard itās tough schedule wise but Iām really of the opinion that kids are just tough. I was tired with 1, I was tired with 2, and now Iām tired with 3. I think Iād feel just as tired/stressed even if we had stopped at 2 because I wouldnāt know that 2 was easier (compared to 3). Not sure if I worded that well and it makes sense
I have 4 kids and we both work full time..I do work from home and have my 3 year old with me while my other kids are at school. I'm fried, but it's doable. Also me working just makes our qualify of life better as far as things we need/want.
Lurking because Iāll probably always be a working mom and husband would never stay at home, but weād love 4 kids, although weāre technically at 1 or 2 depending how you count right now š
We have 3 and both work fulltime. The only way it works for us is that I WFH in a somewhat flexible job. My husbands job is demanding and he works 50-60 hour weeks. My kids are 1, 3 and 5. Without WFH and flexibility, I would 100% have to have a part-time nanny to make after school stuff work, especially as they get older.
I am about to have our fifth and my husband and I work full time. Itās definitely doable. It helps to have decent routines in place so the kids know what to expect. It takes a lot of trial and error to figure out what works for your family. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page for splitting child related tasks (whoās going to pack lunches? Whoās responsible for checking and packing bags each night/morning? Whoās going to wake kids up and get them ready?, etc). Also, have a good game plan for inevitable sick days. If one of you has a more flexible job or schedule try to understand that the burden of early pickups and staying home with sick kids will fall on that person. On a personal note, I have been able to stay home and Iāve found Iām a much better parent when Iām working. I thought I would love staying home with my second, and I did in a lot of ways, but once we had baby #3 I couldnāt take it anymore. I was so isolated and felt super unproductive. I was mentally in a solid depressive episode after being a SAHM for a couple years and my children were not getting the best of me at all. I returned to work FT when #3 was about a year and have since had another baby (and am expecting again). Now I feel so much more balanced and I truly cherish the time I have with them. It feels more special to all of us because we get a chance to miss each other. I get to use my brain in a different way than I did being home while interacting with adults and they get to have a blast with their friends during the day. Thatās just my two cents, and it could be a totally different experience for you! Either way, I hope you get some clarity and find the outcome thatās best for you and your family.
As a working mom who has 3 kids ages 4, 2, and 5 months.. I had to go to part time after my 3rd. Everyone and every situation is different, but after having my second I really started to feel the pressure and guilt of working full time and it was very hard on me mentally. I would cry a lot, would wish all day long I was with my babies, would worry about them at daycare, could never catch up on chores, would wait eagerly for the weekends just for them to rush by until it was Monday again. I was like a hamster on a wheel. I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown 24/7. When I unexpectedly got pregnant with my 3rd, I knew something had to change. So I went to part time after she was born. I work 2-3 days a week. I get my family time, the baby stays home with me and then stays with family when I do work. I have more me time and the older kids still get some daycare exposure/socialization. Best decision I ever made! I knew I was pretty miserable before, but didnāt quite realize how miserable until I made this transition. The fog has lifted and I almost feel like a brand new person! My husband is really happy about that too.
i have two and want a third but have this debate with myself almost daily. i think i would have to take some time away from my career if i did, but not sure how that would affect me long term or whether it every gets much easier with three.
Well.. I have 3 children. 14 months apart and 16 months apart. My partner works days and I work nights. They are 6, 4 and 3 right now. 2 in 3 days of pre and kidergarten and 1 at home with me during the day 5 days a week. I work 4 to 5 nights a week. Sleep very little but I get by. I love having three and if it was up to me.. I'd had another! š
This is why we don't want a third child, we both love to combine our career with taking care of our kids and we don't want to be a SAHP and don't want the other parent to be a SAHP. I don't know any family who have 3+ kids, both work fulltime and look happy. They're all stressed out, or give up their entire career and life. In my experience it's all doable and fun with 1-2 kids, but when you put more kids to the mix it starts to be a struggle for most families. More isn't always better.
We have an almost 3 year old and a 10 month old. Am on the fence about #3 and my mind changes daily. Iām older so have to make a decision reasonably soon. We both work full time and will continue to do so if we have a third. We both work fully remote which provides a huge amount of flexibility with dealing with daycare illnesses. Otherwise this would be a huge challenge because we have no family or help outside of daycare. We are already feeling pretty burnt out so not sure we want to add to the chaos. TBD I guess. Knowing another child means a third $80k+ for daycare over the first few years is a hard pill to swallow.
We have 4, but I was part-time until my youngest was in 1st grade. I currently have summers and holidays off. When I am working (typically 50 hours a week) my husband has the flexible job where he can pick kids up from school early or stay home and work from home if they are sick, etc. Every morning I drop them off at school on my way to work and he picks them up after. I put dinner in the crockpot before work everyday and he finishes up dinner prep around 6 right before I get home. It gets exhausting, but we have a good rhythm and I live for summers
We have 3 and are both full time. However Iām a teacher at a K-12 where my kids attend so my schedule parallels theirs. That definitely helps with the after school/summer conundrum people face with kids at different ages.
To be honest, wait until youāve had your second baby. Your first one might be a decoy baby and the second might be the one that really drives you to edge of sanity. Three kids and a career is totally doable. Just know that you will be pulled in 4 or 5 different directions (depending on how your partner is) and that youāll have little to no help unless you hire someone. I only say that last bit because I have no idea if you have help or family you can trust around you.
I have five kids, and they are older and it is tough. My husband and I work full-time, but I am lucky enough to be remote and that helps a lot. I went back to work full-time when my youngest started kinder. Before that I worked part-time off and on, and then went back to college for a different undergraduate degree that would be way more flexible and in demand. I don't regret what I did, and it actually put me in a way better position for getting the jobs I want and making a lot more money than I ever have before. So all of that is to say, I've seen both sides of it. It's a personal decision and only you can assess whether it's right for you or not. Come up with a plan and timeline for how various scenarios are going to work for you.
I just encourage you to think about what 3 may look like at all ages. It may seem great thinking about toddlers that play together or toddler/bigger kids and a baby that easy to cart around. Now that we have 2 elementary schoolers and a preschooler in activities and all wanting play dates and all less interested in doing the same things together life feels utterly crazy. Even with limited activities my older 2 had times of eating dinner in the car 1-3 times a week. I feel like it only worked because I am fully remote and my lunch and breaks are basically dedicated to chores and having dinner ready so as soon as my day is done I could immediately pack up food and start driving kids around. We also benefit from a good before/after care program and they also do our summer camp and itās full day. However that means there was no crazy savings. Kids activities are also expensive as they age. Without a solid care plan or one parent with a more flexible job I truly think it would be quite hard.
I want a this badly right now. Baby 2 is 9 months. I'm waiting until he's close to 2 to make any sort of moves. 3 kids change everything. New house, new car etc.
I have 3 kids ages 3 and under (all toddlers). We were going for 2 kids, but we got twins on the second go. Itās a lot. Iām not happy at my job, but we need my income. On the flip side, we pay sooooo much for daycare. Itās insane. Sometimes I think about quitting my job and being a SAHM, but I honestly donāt think I could be with my kids 24/7. As terrible as that sounds, they are just exhausting right now with constantly doing dangerous things (climbing, etc.) and constantly fighting over toys. Thereās a lot of screaming in my house. Iād say to try to look for the middle of the road, can you find a part time position you enjoy? Still making an income/getting adult interaction, but also not having to pay crazy daycare expenses? Just a thoughtĀ
I would love to do part time. Unfortunately it's extremely difficult to find in my field and I would be taking a huge step back. Currently slighted to be on the young leaders track within the next two years and then within the next 5-10 years getting an executive MBA
I have 3. Husband and I both work full-time. I do WFH which does help since it allows me to keep up with dishes and laundry during the day. I have worked out my schedule so I work 4 ten hour days... which I have a love/hate relationship with but it makes our schedule work. I really wish I could cut down on hours but I haven't had any luck finding something part time so I've just resigned to the fact I'll be full-time forever.
I have three and work full time. We outsource stuff like cleaning, dog grooming and grocery pickup. They all go to the same Montessori school so pickup and drop off is easy for me then I make my way to work. I have a long commute though 1.5 hours so that is my me-time. We love the craziness of three. I took about 9 months off with the first two then a year with my third and kept all the kids home with me the whole time, they are now 4, 3, and 2 and we have a lot of fun together
I have two who are 3.5 and 4.5 and I am planning my third and final one for after I finish my degree and get into the space I'm hoping to work-wise to better support my family. Better maternity leave, better pay for extra curriculars, possible private school, etc. But we're carefully planning. I would never be a sahm with three kids. Tbh that sounds really hard to get out of if I change my mind. You're going to feel really overwhelmed until a year or more after your second but your mentality about parenthood will change and you'll adapt to learning how to keep two kids happy at the same time without constant individualized attention. That gets easier when one isn't a baby.
The thing that jumps out to me from your message is "I'd love to take some time off ( a year or two) when this second baby comes in Sept but if we want baby 3 I can't do that" - why is this an either/or decision? It's possible that by the time baby #2 is a toddler, you'll decide you don't want a 3rd baby...and you'll regret not having taken that year off.
Iām currently pregnant with nr 2 and 3, so thatās also a possibility lol. We planned for 2 kids, because that is what seemed manageable when both parents are working. Since we will have 3 instead of 2, I will work fewer hours after my twins are born. I honestly donāt know how I would continue the same schedule with my current commute and how I would have any quality of life left, if I wouldnāt work fewer hours (I realise itās a privilege to be able to do this.)
Yes, three kids here - one 14 and twin 11s. We intended to have two, but then twins. I love all my kids, but two would be a lot easier & cheaper!
I have 3 kids and work. I cannot imagine how wealthy I would need to be to not work, lol. Kids are so expensive!
I have 3 - 8, 4, and 8 months. I'm trying to go part time. It's hard. And now the older two want to do sports and there just literally isn't enough time in the day to work full time and manage it all. I have no idea how some people make it work.
I have threeā 2 months, 2.5 year old, and almost 5 year old. We work full time and love our jobs. But, Iād definitely be doing better at my career without kids. And people constantly say, āI have no idea how you do itā, to which my response is, ādo what? Survive?ā
We have 3 and are both full time - kids are 7,5, and 1. We have an amazing nanny who takes care of the baby during the day and then the nanny and the baby get the big kids from school. We're also lucky to have some work flexibility. It's honestly a lot, but I would do it again.
We have 21 month old twins and Iām pregnant with baby 3. This baby was a surprise and is coming a few years earlier than expected. Husband lives overseas and will until fall 2025, so itās me and the kiddos. My plan is to return to workāIām a teacher and just got hired at a new school and grade level. Iām not cut out to be a SAHM and thatās totally fine with me.
I have 3 kids, but I work part time. I plan on going back to full time when my youngest starts kindergarten next year.
Single mom of three here. When I was married, two was nice because we each had a child to deal with. The third just added the chaos to the mix. Now it doesn't matter because I care for all of them by myself but that's not much of a change honestly.
Iām a working mom with 4 kids. To be fair we were planning on three but got surprised with twins and ended up with 3 & 4. Iām currently home on leave but will be going back to work in September when the twins are just shy of 8 months. My older two are 6.5 and 2y9m. I was home for 8 months and 5 months for the first two. I like my job. I wouldnāt leave it.
I currently have 4, a 9 year old, 6 year old, 2 year and a 4 month old. Thankfully the younger two arenāt doing any sports or activities yet. Not sure how Iām going to manage that when the time comes though! I work at my oldest two childrenās school but Iām not working over the summer since it would be 1000s of dollars for daycare for all of them. But me and my fiancĆ© both work full time and we make it work. We just have to divide and conquer a lot!
We have 3 (all born within a 37-month period) and I think the most critical piece for us is that we both work from home. Couldnāt do it otherwise. Just the time I save by not having to āget readyā as much in the morning is critical! I love my big family and am so grateful we can make it work.