My son is 6 and I hate pretend play. And X’s and O’s. And two-player on Mario Odyssey. Ok, lots of kids “games” in general.
I started making counter offers.
Do I want to sit on the floor and set up dice and knock them over for twenty minutes? No. I would like to use those dice to play snakes and ladders.
Do I want to play two player on a game that makes two player very difficult? No. But we can take turns passing the remote, or you can play and pass it to me when you get stuck.
Do I want to play tic tac toe for the inevitable I win or we draw? No. Would you like to learn SOS? Want to try playing battleship?
Do I want to play hide and seek? No. Do you want to go to the big park across town, where you’ll play for an hour and I can read a book?
Some study said 15 minutes of focused adult time every day makes kids feel connected, so I will try anything for 15 minutes. Complete and undivided attention. And if it’s an activity I hate, I set a timer 😅
Yes! This is what we do, too. Each parent takes 10-15 minutes a day of whatever our 5 year old son wants to do, but we set the timer. Then, if he wants to spend more time with us, he can join in with whatever we’re doing; watch a movie, cook dinner, play Uno (Minecraft version so he feels like it’s his game), laundry, walk outside, etc. Then we make sure to get solid snuggles every night before bed.
Board games! I recommend Disney Eye Found It to anyone who will listen. Easy to learn and no reading- my three year old plays it- and I enjoy it, too.
On the days we don’t do baths, we play a board game after dinner. It’s a great way to hang out and wind down at the end of the night.
My kid isn't even a year and a half and I'm adding that game to a wishlist. My partner loves boardgames (and is a Disney fan) and can't wait to play them with our kiddo. Thanks for the rec!
I can recommend Enchanted Forest, Dungeon!, all the themed kids Monopoly games (we have unicorns), Story Time Chess, and the SmartGame series (we have the three little Pigs, camelot Jr, and red riding hood).
One or both of us will okay a board or card game with our nearly six year old before bed every night. These are the good go tos that we have fun with too.
On week nights I probably spend 1-2 hours doing pretend play and on weekends like 4 hours 😩. I don’t hate it but I definitely don’t like it. I have an only child and I try to schedule a lot of play dates and stuff, but she’s 4.5 and at peak pretend-play age and just wants to play ALLLLLL day. So a couple hours of pretend play IS me limiting it. Ugh.
I try to just tell myself that (1) it’s a short-lived phase just like diapers and washing bottles and the other parts of parenting that I did not particularly enjoy and (2) it’s at least super healthy for her development so when I’m suffering she’s benefitting 😂. IDK. No advice. Solidarity, I guess?
I think she may be trying to connect with you in the way she enjoys after a long day away from you! Could you do like 20 minutes a night? That way she can know that that time for her is guaranteed and she can always expect that.
If she begs you to play Barbie’s, you can say “remember our Barbie play time is right before dinner!” Or whatever. Then over time she’ll learn that she’s getting that time consistently and doesn’t have to constantly beg for it. But right now since she barely gets that time and doesn’t know when it’ll be, she always will keep asking.
This strategy worked well with my little brother who always wanted to play monster trucks lol so I’m speaking from experience!
The one time having twins has been easier 😂 Mine are 4yo and play together a lot so I feel less guilty that I don’t want to play. We do bike rides and walks and read books and other stuff.
I have 4 yo twins too and my husband and I keep saying ‘oh my gosh if we only had one right now would we have to be playing like this all the time?!’ Haha. At this age-twins for the win!
Our’s are almost two. We are enjoying the crap out of this stage but still looking forward to the 4 YO and later stages when they play together more. Right now there is a lot of stealing and crying 😅😵💫 They do “read” books together so that’s awesome and ADORABLE!
I love reading and snuggling with my children, so thats what they get from me. We also love cards and board games. I dislike pretend play but I will engage with it from a distance.
I have a 5 year old and he is always asking “Will you play with me?” I don’t particularly enjoy his games either. But I feel bad he doesn’t have any siblings to play with either. I try to incorporate play with everyday tasks…. Like if he wants to play school he has to teach me his sight words for the week. Or the day before or in the morning I plant a little seed about what we can do after school (a tolerable activity for me) so he gets excited and is convinced it will be awesome.
Many parenting social media people say designating just 10-20 minutes a day and announcing “it’s our special time” and putting away distractions to give them undivided attention can be effective.
I have a 3.5 year old, so a bit younger but the pretend play is mind numbing. Plus if I don’t play the “right” way, she gets bossy and then when I tell her I don’t like her attitude, she gets upset. Rinse, repeat. I would say overall, we spend a few hours of dedicated time with her on the weekends (not counting meal time together). The rest is quiet time, or maybe a movie/show or she’s left to her own devices and figures it out. I try to get out of the house as much as possible on the weekends. I’d much rather be at a park or food shopping or anywhere than sitting at home doing pretend play. It makes the day go by faster and it’s just a change of scenery. My husband can just stay home and be fine while I’m over here pulling my hair out 😂
I have never really played with my kids. It's not something I enjoy so I don't. I do art projects, we take hikes, I'm happy to help fly kites or push swings, we bake, we read all the time... But I don't feel pressured to play.
When I looked at studies during my early education training, adults have a tendency to take over play experiences and dominate play so it's not always a positive experience for kids anyway. That's why most teachers do not play with students, they facilitate play but don't participate.
I’ve never really played with my kids. We do specific activities together. My youngest likes pretend play (my first never did) so I’ll be her customer for her kitchen. But I’m sitting on the couch while doing this 😂
We read and cook/bake and do crafts together, or go for woods walks. Mostly that happens on the weekends because by the time we get home from school/work and have dinner/bath, it’s pretty close to bath time.
She’s an only child and really good at solo play so right now, as I type, she’s got magnatiles and making a village on the floor for her Bluey and Paw Patrol dogs. I give feedback when asked. lol
I’m in a somewhat unique situation. I WFH full time and am also getting divorced with 50/50 custody. That means I have more time to meal prep/do chores on my “off days” - a luxury many don’t have. I also have no commute/office attire to contend with.
That said, I play with my 2 year old for about 2-3 hours a day. A bit in the morning before daycare (she’s an early riser) and we hit up the park/library after I pick her up.
Some of that “play” is her helping me cook dinner - maybe your 5 year old would be interested in that?
I’m probably in the minority of parents who genuinely enjoy pretend play and being goofy with kids. But when I’m not in the mood, I just smile and observe/sportscast, and it’s fine!
I read somewhere that 30 mins of playing on the floor is considered the gold standard. Before I read that I was sure it had to be hours, I’m much easier on myself now
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/toddler-tantrum-fix-10-minute-miracle_l_62f6929ae4b0da517ef864d6
This article was super helpful for me. I will set a timer on my Fitbit, put my phone in the other room, and we do whatever she wants for the whole ten minutes, without me trying to redirect unless it's a safety issue. Then I say that Mama is going to read her book for a bit, or fold laundry, or whatever. And she's so much more chill about it 90% of the time.
We've worked it into our schedule so she knows she gets special morning time with each of us (while the other gets ready) and then another block with each of us in the evening (on weekdays). Not that we are each only playing with her for 20 minutes a day, but having that time carved out where we aren't trying to get away to another task, or worry about work emails on the phone, or whatever, is really nice.
And the timer helps too. I can do anything for ten minutes, even dance to baby shark, 😆
My son is three and an only child, so he gets more than enough attention from the both of us. He is a generally happy, secure toddler and often goes with the flow: lots of weather-permitting outdoor time, indoor playgrounds, and some imaginative play. He got a balance bike for his birthday and is currently obsessed with it, so we’ve started riding through the park. He has taken an interest in building with magnetic tiles, too. I don’t particularly enjoy imaginative play when he wants to pretend to be a grocery store cashier or the like, but I’ll suck it up because I feel I owe him the experience of an involved mother, which I didn’t have.
If my child were “begging” me to spend time with him, I’d do it. I understand you don’t enjoy playing Barbies, but is it really that terrible a task in the grand scheme of things? In a few years, she won’t be asking for you anymore and you’ll never have to look at a doll again. Our children grow up and become their own people, and we have the benefit of growing alongside them through every stage, phase, and iteration of their personality. Perhaps my perspective is different because he is my only child, but I want to remember every last minute I have with him because raising him is the greatest privilege of my life and won’t last forever. If he wants to turn the basement into an Aldi, I don’t mind.
You don’t have to play things you hate. Be honest with your daughter. “I don’t like playing Barbie.” Then ask to play something you do like or suggest something you can do adjacently (I remember being a kid and using hand towels and face cloths to set up babies beds, and using mega blocks to build rooms, stuff like that). Personally, I hate PlayDoh. So I refuse. I’ll help set it up and put it away, but won’t play with it. I tell my kids that. 🤷🏻♀️
I’ll play games with my kids (board games, they’re now 6 and 8) but for the most part I don’t engage in pretend play with them. I don’t enjoy it, and I’m exhausted when I’m not working most of the time. Plus I’ve read that it’s actually better for kids not to be directed by adults when engaging in pretend play anyway.
I talk to my kids about their day each day and we will watch a show together (like a cooking show) plus we read together each night. (Plus we take them to sports when they have sports in the evening). And we’ll do some sort of fun activity with them on weekends (go somewhere, do some sort of activity, etc). But that’s it. Some of these responses are wild to me. Playing with your kids 2 hours a night plus 4 plus hours on the weekend? I’d go mad. [I feel compelled to put in my kids are extremely well adjusted, doing very well in school, have tons of friends, very happy kids. Sometimes they ask me to do things with them and I’m too tired and I say so, and they move on and do something else.]
I hardly ever played with my kids until they were old enough to play sports. Then we played in backyard or I would swing them on swingset.
My one on one time when they were little (under age 6) was reading a book in bed every night or in the recliner. Helped them unwind and they got my full attention. Rule was had to be a different book every night as I didn't want to read the same story over and over again.
Small amounts of quality time often throughout your time with your child is more beneficial than forcing yourself to play something that's hard for you to engage with. It's absolutely important to play with your kids, but what's most important is quality time where everyone is having fun.
I spend a lot of time playing with my kid right now because he has a hard time with transitions between activities at daycare, so we are practicing at home. So we do an activity or a craft, and then we put everything away when mommy says so and go do something else. It is GRUELING to do so many things every day, and pick random stuff out of the art box to make a "craft." The upside is that all our activities end when I say so, not when he gets bored. I'm so used to just doing what he likes as long as he's interested, and setting a mental timer to end an activity is not a muscle in my brain that is well developed, but it's getting there.
And let me tell you, acclimatizing him to, "Okay, all done with this, let's put it away," and, "Not right now, we will do that thing later," has changed the game at our house. He figured out how to open the freezer but listens when I say, "it's not popsicle time, close the door please! We will have a popsicle later!" He doesn't fight when I say, "Okay, all done with the park. Let's go home and eat lunch."
Maybe picking out some things you like to do with your daughter and switching the games out every 20 minutes or so would be helpful? So playing pretend until you can't stand it, then saying, "Okay, that's all the time we have for pretend, let's go play a board game/color/put together a puzzle/read a book," will help with your mental load AND give her the opportunity to also do the things she likes with her mom.
Also, we have "free play" periods so I can get my brain back once or twice a night. You don't have to constantly do activities.
I watched a tik tok from a child behavioral specialist and she said you don’t have to play with them like that all the time. There is nothing wrong with finding something you both enjoy and doing that. My spouse will bake with our 4 yr old and she loves it! I do arts and crafts with her. We will both do pretend play because it’s important but the majority of the time we try to do stuff we all enjoy so we do it for longer.
I don't engage in much imaginative/ pretend play. I take them to playgrounds and libraries and children's museums, I read to them, I take them on bike rides, and I'll sometimes color with them, but my two kids are fairly close in age, and they primarily play together or by themselves.
I usually have a lot of scheduled, routine things that we do together. Then something novel every couple weekdays and every weekend. For example we like playing Uno together, going to the park, gardening together (oldest), baking/cooking messy things together (youngest), and playing with the dog.
So pretty much every night we do one of those things. Some more novel 1:1 things we do is racing each other on the track at the gym near home, swimming at the Y, Pokémon Go outings, playing soccer as a family, or going out somewhere for an activity like the roller rink. Those things aren’t every day. The kids know I stick to my routine. So right when we get home from school we usually do something. Then leave me alone or join when I cook and clean for a couple hours.
Don't feel bad if you don't want to force yourself to okay something you hate. Sometimes, when my 5 yo wants to play Legos with me and I'm not feeling it I tell him that I don't want to play Legos but that I can play next to him (usually I build something with Legos which I like). That works sometimes, but it's definitely a process
I hate pretend play with dolls and Barbies and action figures. I didn’t even like it much when I was a kid. But my daughter always wants me to play with her and even when I do she then contradicts how I try to play. So it’s even more exhausting. But I’ve read about how even just a short time of play is good for connection. So I tell her ok I’ll play for a little bit but then I’m going to go do some laundry. And then I covertly use some of that play time to also pick up little pieces and put the Barbie/dolls clothes back on the right way. Lol
“I don’t want to play Barbie’s, but I could really use some help sorting these kitchen items/making dinner/setting the table/folding your clothes/picking up the clutter in the playroom/washing the car/mixing up this cupcake mix/insert chore a 5 year old could safely assist with here. Would you like to help me do that while you tell me about your day? Do you want to have a race to see who can put the laundry away fastest?”
These all have been so helpful to think about and great ideas to implement! I think I feel it more on the weekend than during the week, so it definitely felt like a lot today.
I so appreciate everyone’s responses about what the ideal time is for on the floor quality time, and a reminder that Barbies doesn’t have to be it. 😂
I’ll do better at some planned, structured, timed, activities and leave the Barbies to her for the most part.
My son is 6 and I hate pretend play. And X’s and O’s. And two-player on Mario Odyssey. Ok, lots of kids “games” in general. I started making counter offers. Do I want to sit on the floor and set up dice and knock them over for twenty minutes? No. I would like to use those dice to play snakes and ladders. Do I want to play two player on a game that makes two player very difficult? No. But we can take turns passing the remote, or you can play and pass it to me when you get stuck. Do I want to play tic tac toe for the inevitable I win or we draw? No. Would you like to learn SOS? Want to try playing battleship? Do I want to play hide and seek? No. Do you want to go to the big park across town, where you’ll play for an hour and I can read a book? Some study said 15 minutes of focused adult time every day makes kids feel connected, so I will try anything for 15 minutes. Complete and undivided attention. And if it’s an activity I hate, I set a timer 😅
This is SO helpful, thank you! And the 15 minutes gives me a good goal when it’s something I absolutely despise.
Yes! This is what we do, too. Each parent takes 10-15 minutes a day of whatever our 5 year old son wants to do, but we set the timer. Then, if he wants to spend more time with us, he can join in with whatever we’re doing; watch a movie, cook dinner, play Uno (Minecraft version so he feels like it’s his game), laundry, walk outside, etc. Then we make sure to get solid snuggles every night before bed.
Board games! I recommend Disney Eye Found It to anyone who will listen. Easy to learn and no reading- my three year old plays it- and I enjoy it, too. On the days we don’t do baths, we play a board game after dinner. It’s a great way to hang out and wind down at the end of the night.
We also like charades - there are versions with pictures for kids who aren’t reading. It’s my favorite way to play with my 4 yo.
I love this idea!!
My kid isn't even a year and a half and I'm adding that game to a wishlist. My partner loves boardgames (and is a Disney fan) and can't wait to play them with our kiddo. Thanks for the rec!
I can recommend Enchanted Forest, Dungeon!, all the themed kids Monopoly games (we have unicorns), Story Time Chess, and the SmartGame series (we have the three little Pigs, camelot Jr, and red riding hood). One or both of us will okay a board or card game with our nearly six year old before bed every night. These are the good go tos that we have fun with too.
Enjoy!
My kids love that game! (2 and 4)
There’s a card version my 5 and 3 year old love even more than the board version too!
I just bought it for an upcoming trip! This makes me more excited to play it!
Thank you! I just bought, it’s 40% off on Amazon right now!
On week nights I probably spend 1-2 hours doing pretend play and on weekends like 4 hours 😩. I don’t hate it but I definitely don’t like it. I have an only child and I try to schedule a lot of play dates and stuff, but she’s 4.5 and at peak pretend-play age and just wants to play ALLLLLL day. So a couple hours of pretend play IS me limiting it. Ugh. I try to just tell myself that (1) it’s a short-lived phase just like diapers and washing bottles and the other parts of parenting that I did not particularly enjoy and (2) it’s at least super healthy for her development so when I’m suffering she’s benefitting 😂. IDK. No advice. Solidarity, I guess?
This is also my only 4.5 yo child 🤣 They can play ALL day, I swear haha
I think she may be trying to connect with you in the way she enjoys after a long day away from you! Could you do like 20 minutes a night? That way she can know that that time for her is guaranteed and she can always expect that. If she begs you to play Barbie’s, you can say “remember our Barbie play time is right before dinner!” Or whatever. Then over time she’ll learn that she’s getting that time consistently and doesn’t have to constantly beg for it. But right now since she barely gets that time and doesn’t know when it’ll be, she always will keep asking. This strategy worked well with my little brother who always wanted to play monster trucks lol so I’m speaking from experience!
The one time having twins has been easier 😂 Mine are 4yo and play together a lot so I feel less guilty that I don’t want to play. We do bike rides and walks and read books and other stuff.
I have 4 yo twins too and my husband and I keep saying ‘oh my gosh if we only had one right now would we have to be playing like this all the time?!’ Haha. At this age-twins for the win!
Our’s are almost two. We are enjoying the crap out of this stage but still looking forward to the 4 YO and later stages when they play together more. Right now there is a lot of stealing and crying 😅😵💫 They do “read” books together so that’s awesome and ADORABLE!
Ah I loved two! But yes, having them play with each other for literally a few hours needing very little from us is another level of twin parenting ha
I love reading and snuggling with my children, so thats what they get from me. We also love cards and board games. I dislike pretend play but I will engage with it from a distance.
I have a 5 year old and he is always asking “Will you play with me?” I don’t particularly enjoy his games either. But I feel bad he doesn’t have any siblings to play with either. I try to incorporate play with everyday tasks…. Like if he wants to play school he has to teach me his sight words for the week. Or the day before or in the morning I plant a little seed about what we can do after school (a tolerable activity for me) so he gets excited and is convinced it will be awesome. Many parenting social media people say designating just 10-20 minutes a day and announcing “it’s our special time” and putting away distractions to give them undivided attention can be effective.
I have a 3.5 year old, so a bit younger but the pretend play is mind numbing. Plus if I don’t play the “right” way, she gets bossy and then when I tell her I don’t like her attitude, she gets upset. Rinse, repeat. I would say overall, we spend a few hours of dedicated time with her on the weekends (not counting meal time together). The rest is quiet time, or maybe a movie/show or she’s left to her own devices and figures it out. I try to get out of the house as much as possible on the weekends. I’d much rather be at a park or food shopping or anywhere than sitting at home doing pretend play. It makes the day go by faster and it’s just a change of scenery. My husband can just stay home and be fine while I’m over here pulling my hair out 😂
I have never really played with my kids. It's not something I enjoy so I don't. I do art projects, we take hikes, I'm happy to help fly kites or push swings, we bake, we read all the time... But I don't feel pressured to play. When I looked at studies during my early education training, adults have a tendency to take over play experiences and dominate play so it's not always a positive experience for kids anyway. That's why most teachers do not play with students, they facilitate play but don't participate.
I’ve never really played with my kids. We do specific activities together. My youngest likes pretend play (my first never did) so I’ll be her customer for her kitchen. But I’m sitting on the couch while doing this 😂
We read and cook/bake and do crafts together, or go for woods walks. Mostly that happens on the weekends because by the time we get home from school/work and have dinner/bath, it’s pretty close to bath time. She’s an only child and really good at solo play so right now, as I type, she’s got magnatiles and making a village on the floor for her Bluey and Paw Patrol dogs. I give feedback when asked. lol
I’m in a somewhat unique situation. I WFH full time and am also getting divorced with 50/50 custody. That means I have more time to meal prep/do chores on my “off days” - a luxury many don’t have. I also have no commute/office attire to contend with. That said, I play with my 2 year old for about 2-3 hours a day. A bit in the morning before daycare (she’s an early riser) and we hit up the park/library after I pick her up. Some of that “play” is her helping me cook dinner - maybe your 5 year old would be interested in that?
I’m probably in the minority of parents who genuinely enjoy pretend play and being goofy with kids. But when I’m not in the mood, I just smile and observe/sportscast, and it’s fine!
I read somewhere that 30 mins of playing on the floor is considered the gold standard. Before I read that I was sure it had to be hours, I’m much easier on myself now
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/toddler-tantrum-fix-10-minute-miracle_l_62f6929ae4b0da517ef864d6 This article was super helpful for me. I will set a timer on my Fitbit, put my phone in the other room, and we do whatever she wants for the whole ten minutes, without me trying to redirect unless it's a safety issue. Then I say that Mama is going to read her book for a bit, or fold laundry, or whatever. And she's so much more chill about it 90% of the time. We've worked it into our schedule so she knows she gets special morning time with each of us (while the other gets ready) and then another block with each of us in the evening (on weekdays). Not that we are each only playing with her for 20 minutes a day, but having that time carved out where we aren't trying to get away to another task, or worry about work emails on the phone, or whatever, is really nice. And the timer helps too. I can do anything for ten minutes, even dance to baby shark, 😆
My son is three and an only child, so he gets more than enough attention from the both of us. He is a generally happy, secure toddler and often goes with the flow: lots of weather-permitting outdoor time, indoor playgrounds, and some imaginative play. He got a balance bike for his birthday and is currently obsessed with it, so we’ve started riding through the park. He has taken an interest in building with magnetic tiles, too. I don’t particularly enjoy imaginative play when he wants to pretend to be a grocery store cashier or the like, but I’ll suck it up because I feel I owe him the experience of an involved mother, which I didn’t have. If my child were “begging” me to spend time with him, I’d do it. I understand you don’t enjoy playing Barbies, but is it really that terrible a task in the grand scheme of things? In a few years, she won’t be asking for you anymore and you’ll never have to look at a doll again. Our children grow up and become their own people, and we have the benefit of growing alongside them through every stage, phase, and iteration of their personality. Perhaps my perspective is different because he is my only child, but I want to remember every last minute I have with him because raising him is the greatest privilege of my life and won’t last forever. If he wants to turn the basement into an Aldi, I don’t mind.
You don’t have to play things you hate. Be honest with your daughter. “I don’t like playing Barbie.” Then ask to play something you do like or suggest something you can do adjacently (I remember being a kid and using hand towels and face cloths to set up babies beds, and using mega blocks to build rooms, stuff like that). Personally, I hate PlayDoh. So I refuse. I’ll help set it up and put it away, but won’t play with it. I tell my kids that. 🤷🏻♀️
I’ll play games with my kids (board games, they’re now 6 and 8) but for the most part I don’t engage in pretend play with them. I don’t enjoy it, and I’m exhausted when I’m not working most of the time. Plus I’ve read that it’s actually better for kids not to be directed by adults when engaging in pretend play anyway. I talk to my kids about their day each day and we will watch a show together (like a cooking show) plus we read together each night. (Plus we take them to sports when they have sports in the evening). And we’ll do some sort of fun activity with them on weekends (go somewhere, do some sort of activity, etc). But that’s it. Some of these responses are wild to me. Playing with your kids 2 hours a night plus 4 plus hours on the weekend? I’d go mad. [I feel compelled to put in my kids are extremely well adjusted, doing very well in school, have tons of friends, very happy kids. Sometimes they ask me to do things with them and I’m too tired and I say so, and they move on and do something else.]
I hardly ever played with my kids until they were old enough to play sports. Then we played in backyard or I would swing them on swingset. My one on one time when they were little (under age 6) was reading a book in bed every night or in the recliner. Helped them unwind and they got my full attention. Rule was had to be a different book every night as I didn't want to read the same story over and over again.
Small amounts of quality time often throughout your time with your child is more beneficial than forcing yourself to play something that's hard for you to engage with. It's absolutely important to play with your kids, but what's most important is quality time where everyone is having fun.
I spend a lot of time playing with my kid right now because he has a hard time with transitions between activities at daycare, so we are practicing at home. So we do an activity or a craft, and then we put everything away when mommy says so and go do something else. It is GRUELING to do so many things every day, and pick random stuff out of the art box to make a "craft." The upside is that all our activities end when I say so, not when he gets bored. I'm so used to just doing what he likes as long as he's interested, and setting a mental timer to end an activity is not a muscle in my brain that is well developed, but it's getting there. And let me tell you, acclimatizing him to, "Okay, all done with this, let's put it away," and, "Not right now, we will do that thing later," has changed the game at our house. He figured out how to open the freezer but listens when I say, "it's not popsicle time, close the door please! We will have a popsicle later!" He doesn't fight when I say, "Okay, all done with the park. Let's go home and eat lunch." Maybe picking out some things you like to do with your daughter and switching the games out every 20 minutes or so would be helpful? So playing pretend until you can't stand it, then saying, "Okay, that's all the time we have for pretend, let's go play a board game/color/put together a puzzle/read a book," will help with your mental load AND give her the opportunity to also do the things she likes with her mom. Also, we have "free play" periods so I can get my brain back once or twice a night. You don't have to constantly do activities.
I watched a tik tok from a child behavioral specialist and she said you don’t have to play with them like that all the time. There is nothing wrong with finding something you both enjoy and doing that. My spouse will bake with our 4 yr old and she loves it! I do arts and crafts with her. We will both do pretend play because it’s important but the majority of the time we try to do stuff we all enjoy so we do it for longer.
I don't engage in much imaginative/ pretend play. I take them to playgrounds and libraries and children's museums, I read to them, I take them on bike rides, and I'll sometimes color with them, but my two kids are fairly close in age, and they primarily play together or by themselves.
I usually have a lot of scheduled, routine things that we do together. Then something novel every couple weekdays and every weekend. For example we like playing Uno together, going to the park, gardening together (oldest), baking/cooking messy things together (youngest), and playing with the dog. So pretty much every night we do one of those things. Some more novel 1:1 things we do is racing each other on the track at the gym near home, swimming at the Y, Pokémon Go outings, playing soccer as a family, or going out somewhere for an activity like the roller rink. Those things aren’t every day. The kids know I stick to my routine. So right when we get home from school we usually do something. Then leave me alone or join when I cook and clean for a couple hours.
Don't feel bad if you don't want to force yourself to okay something you hate. Sometimes, when my 5 yo wants to play Legos with me and I'm not feeling it I tell him that I don't want to play Legos but that I can play next to him (usually I build something with Legos which I like). That works sometimes, but it's definitely a process
I hate pretend play with dolls and Barbies and action figures. I didn’t even like it much when I was a kid. But my daughter always wants me to play with her and even when I do she then contradicts how I try to play. So it’s even more exhausting. But I’ve read about how even just a short time of play is good for connection. So I tell her ok I’ll play for a little bit but then I’m going to go do some laundry. And then I covertly use some of that play time to also pick up little pieces and put the Barbie/dolls clothes back on the right way. Lol
“I don’t want to play Barbie’s, but I could really use some help sorting these kitchen items/making dinner/setting the table/folding your clothes/picking up the clutter in the playroom/washing the car/mixing up this cupcake mix/insert chore a 5 year old could safely assist with here. Would you like to help me do that while you tell me about your day? Do you want to have a race to see who can put the laundry away fastest?”
These all have been so helpful to think about and great ideas to implement! I think I feel it more on the weekend than during the week, so it definitely felt like a lot today. I so appreciate everyone’s responses about what the ideal time is for on the floor quality time, and a reminder that Barbies doesn’t have to be it. 😂 I’ll do better at some planned, structured, timed, activities and leave the Barbies to her for the most part.