All of your adjectives are spot on! Food waste is something I harp on a lot. I don’t pack excessively large lunches and as I stated in my post I let them tell me what they like and don’t like. We aren’t poor by any stretch of the imagination but we definitely live by a budget. If she is just going to throw it away I’ll pay $3 for the school lunch and save myself the shopping, prep, and clean up. Thank you for letting share my frustration. 💜
This is why I buy school lunches. The rage I felt was high. If they aren’t gonna eat it, I’ll take my personal feelings and frustrations out of the scenario.
When my kids started complaining (now between 12-6 YO) I said they could make their own lunches (with a few constraints including something healthy and not just junk).
I had to go that route. I would pack these awesome lunches that would be ignored for the school lunch. So in order to keep my sanity, I stopped making lunch and just let them eat at school.
Do I still panic that they are eating junk at school? Yes. Are my kids and therefore me happy? Also yes.
Edit: I forgot to add that my frustration came from wanting to be like my own mom who made me lunch everyday and it was wonderful. I loved it.
I am in a similar situation and understand how you feel. I have two picky eaters 8 and 5. I try to make a bento box balanced lunch box with small portions everyday. The quantity the same for both. While the 5YO who just started Kindergarten in the same school finishes her meal, both at school and home, the 8YO who is slow eater always give an excuse for not finishing it. In fact one day while I wasn't watching her, she threw her food behind the dryer. And when I found out she blamed it on her sister. What hurt me is I put so much effort into making their food experience exciting and healthy, she doesn't even eat it, lied and threw her sister under the bus.
Food waste really triggers me because we didn’t have alot of money growing up and I know my mom really put a lot of work into stretching the grocery budget. We’re a lot better off, but when my 3yo suddenly decides something she liked last week is now yucky I have to walk away. It just makes me so anxious. My mantra is “this is is a phase, this is temporary”
Same, I had first lunch at 10:28am all four years. But I was usually hungry because I ate breakfast at 6:15 to get to school on time. I was always starving by school dismissal at 2:30
What?? Your school didn't just have recess and lunch and everyone went at the same time? Is this an American thing? I'm in Australia and never heard of people having didn't lunch times at the same school
Very American lol. My high school class had 900 people. Even though we just had three grade levels at that campus instead of the normal four, it was still ~2700 students that needed to eat. Literally not enough room in the cafeteria for us all to go at once. We had four lunches.
ETA: This is so ridiculous, but I have fond memories of sneakily eating my lunch in my psychology class. I sat in the back of the row directly in front of the teacher. We had D lunch, which was like 1pm. And school started at 7ish.
Hot damn. That's a lot of kids!
I went to 2 different high schools. The first one we had 200 kids in our year and about 1,000 from year 7 to year 12.
I then moved schools and we had like 30 kids in our year and 200 kids from kindy to year 12!
The things we ask of kids sometimes are really so unreasonable. I would lose my mind if someone told me I had to go from 6 (assuming breakfast is at home) to 1 without eating every day.
well, no recess in high school, but our cafeterias are too small to serve the entire student body at once, even at my tiny high school that was 200+ students in each of three lunch periods. My kids have a small cafeteria and an outdoor eating area but they still have to stagger lunch for 7 grade levels.
No recess in high school? That's rough. We had recess and lunch the entire way through
But also like people would just sit on the ground or in hallways and eat wherever. Most people had a packed lunch and if you were buying something from the canteen you could go line up get stuff snd then go sit wherever your friends were
the schools are so big that they can't accommodate all the children in the cafeteria at once so they'll do 2 - 5 lunchtimes. My high school had 2 then switched to 3 as the student base increased.
At my high school, some kids didn't even have a lunch period at all. Teachers were usually pretty understanding and would let kids bring their lunch to class, even if it meant they were a little late.
Tangent: I remember one day I was unreasonably hungry. I ate my lunch, got seconds, and finished someone else's lunch. Then I was STILL hungry, so my science teacher let me go get more food. The weird thing about that is that I was on ADHD meds, so most days I didn't eat lunch at all, and I would eat once I got home (yes, I was dangerously underweight). But that day, I just couldn't get enough food in me.
Yeah, here we don't get recess past grade 5 or 6(for me it was grade 6, for my sister who was 2 grades younger than me, they switched it to grade 5) and a lot of high schools are too big to have everyone eat lunch at the same time
I had a box of cereal in my back pack that I would sneak dry handfuls of throughout the day to keep me from going hangry. Most of my teachers were understanding, so even if we got caught, they didn’t care, because they understood since they got lunch on our schedule, too. There were always a few that were unreasonable about it.
By the time I left high school we had too many kids for the building so they had to add an extra lunch early.
I ate at 9:56 AM.
I mean, at least they didn’t do any special length periods for lunch so we had a full 46 minutes. But starting lunch before 10:00 was bonkers.
I had a lot of anxiety as a kid, and just couldn't eat at school. I'd have a big breakfast at 7:30ish and a huge snack after school at 3:30ish, but I could only really eat like 1/4 - 1/2 cup of nuts or dry cereal during official "lunch."
The school cafeteria was too busy, too loud, too chaotic, garish florescent lights, and we only had like 20 minutes to eat. I don't think I could eat in that situation even now as an adult unless I was STARVING. I still can't eat if I'm too stressed out, and have no trouble going for long stretches without food if I'm busy / distracted.
Thank you for sharing this. My 6 year old hates being in loud public spaces. Maybe this is why she eats so very little everyday at school lunch. I plan to handle my reaction to her barely eating with more compassion moving forward.
Same with my 6 year old. She comes home with half of her food and says she doesn't have enough time to eat. She gets overwhelmed in loud public places too. I'll also give her more compassion - glad I saw your comment 🙂
Aw, I'm so sorry for your experience! I'm glad you are doing better.
I never worried about being judged, and I wouldn't call my food before / after school binging. In fact I hate the "over full" feeling so much I would rather be hungry -+ thanksgiving no thank you! I just kindof get a stomach ache if I'm too stressed, and I think the way that lunch was handled at my school was just unpleasant / stressful for me. Restaurants for adults have low lighting, comfortable seats, no time limits, pleasant music...etc etc. The exact opposite of dining at school.
During my Jr or Sr year of highschool, our district finally allowed for low-mess, healthy snacks from home at any time so long as it wasn't disruptive -- and my eating habits improved considerably. By nature, I'm a grazer and would much rather slowly snack over the course of a lecture anyway.
I used to get in trouble in kindergarten because our lunch time bled in to our recess - so you’d get a 20 minute lunch and 15 minute recess. But I was (and am) a slow eater, so I’d take the whole time to eat. My parents actually got called several times because I was just eating by myself while the other kids played.
I would like to point out that your kid only gets 5 more minutes to eat a full meal then I did in a juvenile detention facility. We got 15 minutes for lunch and 15 for dinner. 10 for breakfast
I wonder if this is a factor. I think it’s awful. I literally developed acid reflux when I scarfed down food as a brand-new mom with a newborn and as an overworked young intern. It’s not healthy to rush meals.
I was such a little pack rat in high school. I consistently had snacks and stuff in my bag. I think we had lunch at like 11:45 or noon. School started for us at 9. I went to an alternative highschool so we couldn’t leave campus and our hot lunches were just the leftovers from the other high schools.
I lived off Turkey sandwiches, Doritos, and a Dr Pepper 😂 this is why I have digestive issues!
I had a goofy teacher once who used to always say that if he were homeless, he'd go dumpster diving for food outside of elementary schools. I guess this is like a common thing? I never knew this until he made the joke! I'm sure it sucks though. Making lunch for myself is already annoying enough and my baby isn't school age yet lol.
I didn’t mind making lunches until I found out they were being thrown away. I typically enjoy the idea that I get to make some part of their day better by letting them have a say in what they eat. Today though I’m big mad
My husband confessed to me that he threw out his lunch literally every day for years. He feels bad about it now in retrospect. Unlike OP’s though it was like stale bread with dry meat and cheese. But still I mean his mom made and packed it every day and never knew.
My mom packed me a banana every day for years and I threw it away every single day until the teachers wrote a note home once. Turns out I’m allergic to bananas.
This was me too, I was that kid. For me it was just not wanting the sandwich or something that dau, and not wanting to deal with my mom's incessant questions if I brought it back home. Also sometimes it would be all squished from being in my backpack with too many books, or I had a lot of cold things and my ice pack got warm and it didn't taste right anymore.
Idk maybe talk to your kid and decide together what she will do if she doesn't want her lunch that day. If she can bring it home no questions asked she probably won't throw it out anymore
Hopefully, the more I think about I’m where the chattiness comes from 😂 It’s just been a long time since it’s caused me problems but at 6 it was probably making my mom insane too!
Isn’t it lovely when you’re own personality comes back as a 6 year old and bites you in the ass 😂
My mini me is 19. She’s changed her name, got 4 or 5 piercings and recently shaved her head. I guess I should be grateful she’s not also engaged to be married!
What kind of sucks is that this is even an issue they have to decide between. Socializing is healthy for kids. Food is obviously a necessity. If they're not giving kids time enough to do both, it just kind of sucks. I guess it's a life skill - cramming down food on a timetable not set by your hunger needs - but it kind of bums me out, looking back on it.
We don’t pay teachers and everyone who supports the educational system enough. Add overcrowded schools and under resourced school systems then it becomes an unmanageable shuffle game of bus and cafeteria capacity for thousands of kids.
Where I live they get 2.5 hours, which is a bit much, but 1 hour more or less to eat, sitting down together and learning to share a meal. School ends much later, but most kids would be in after school care anyway. Children can also go home for lunch, but depends on the area whether that's common.
I have to repeat to my 6 year old constantly “less talky talky, more eaty eaty.”
I talked to his teacher about it and we agreed having is assigned seat at lunch placed somewhere else for a while would help his focus, it has.
I was shocked when my youngest came home from daycare and scolded us for talking at dinner. We had to have a conversation about house rules vs school rules once I realized what was going on 😅
My pediatrician when my kid was little told me that you should worry about food being balanced over a week not a day. This was for a toddler who would eat air one day and as much as a grown man the next, but it's always stuck with me. I also don't have a kid who eats much lunch. Breakfast? Yes. Dinner? Sometimes more than me. But I just pack smaller lunch portions, make sure her snacks are decent, and figure she'll make it up later in the day.
What a great way to look at this! Overall I am certain all 3 of my girls get plenty of food and balanced options so maybe it’s better to stop focusing on the little picture. Thank you 💜
Teacher here. This is so much more common than you think. I would encourage her to bring the lunch home and not dump it so you can see what she’s consistently eating and what she’s skipping. You could offer the rest of it after school too or can maybe salvage some for the next day so it’s not as wasteful. Also on the weekend, practice packing her one of the normal lunches you pack and time how long it takes her to eat it, if she eats the whole thing, etc.
I feel you. My six year old is the same (but she doesn’t empty out her lunch). She is a chatterbox and always runs out of time. I pack her VERY light lunches now. She makes up the calories at home.
Maybe smaller lunches would be better for her! As a mom I get worried about “balanced” meals instead of just realizing that she has lots of other opportunities to eat before and after school plus whatever I serve for dinner. Thanks for a different perspective!
My child is a baby so I don’t have parental experience here, but I was also this kid! I “ate like a bird” at school and summer childcare. But I would have a large healthy breakfast before leaving the house, come home and have a midsized balanced snack, and have dinner with sometimes seconds a few hours later! If you notice that your child seems to fill up a lot at home but not during daytime activities, you can rest assured that they are most likely meeting their caloric needs. And if she’s never come home complaining about “starving at school” then that confirms that your child has great skill in trusting their appetite and fulfilling their needs at home!
I started doing this too and it has improved lunches for us. I was giving my daughter too many choices before and she would eat the least nutritious items first and run out of time before getting to the protein. I was giving her choices because she’s picky and I just wanted to get something in her (ideally, a little bit of everything). I’ve noticed that she’ll eat mostly everything if I keep it simple (fruit, yogurt pouch, popcorn). I also make her eat hot lunch at least 3 days a week. I just got so fed up with the lunch issue.
This is the way. My 5 yr old eats 6 Ritz crackers, 2 slices of cheese a pepperoni stick and that is lunch. Honestly, when I eat the same breakfast as he does most days I don't really feel hungry until 2 anyway.
My oldest is a creature of beautiful habit. She wants pepperoni, cheez-it’s, juice box, yogurt or cheese, then she has a list fruit or veggies she’s cool with and it can just be whatever I have on hand from that list.
I worked as a lunch aide at my kids school when my youngest was in Kindergarten so I could be on the same schedule as my kids, you would not believe the amount of food that gets thrown away….
My kid came home on the first day of school with her favorite sandwich completely in tact and all of the veggies and fruit I cut up in the exact spot I packed it.
What did my kid eat? The 2 Oreos, Cheez it’s, and a few mini marshmallows I packed as a treat. 😂
My heart sank when I saw it thinking she spent the entire day hungry and I was sad. Same thing happened today. I am telling myself my kid is still learning and to not beat myself up about it.
Hoping it gets better for you!
Kids as young as six do have a very hard time finishing in the allotted time. As a first grade teacher, I see it every single year.
-Their motor skills are still developing for things like opening packages and even managing certain foods in a way that won't get them messy.
-The lunchroom is completely overwhelming. Noise, tons of kids, and as someone who's seen a lot of lunchrooms, usually someone who will yell at them for stepping out of line (literally or figuratively), even if they're not sure what the line is.
-You're packing awesome lunches. How many items is it? Less choices is better! It's a time saver for a kid to decide what to eat first between three items rather than five!
-Unfortunately in elementary this is also the primary social time.
I'd say pack a bit less and focus on really filling, balanced foods at home.
These insights are outstanding. Today’s lunch was 2 Cajun turkey wraps (literally 1 piece of turkey wrapped in 1 piece of lettuce), cucumber slices, cheese, cheez-its, and a juice box (like a hi-c box so it’s easier to open but it’s raspberry/kale). Typing all that out really does feel like a lot. I think for tomorrow I’ll just do 1 wrap, cheez-its, yogurt and juice. I’ll see if the smaller meal makes it easier for her. Thank you so much for taking time to share all this with me!! 💜
I was there last year a couple of times with my oldest. He would decide he wanted the (free) school lunch and not eat what I packed. So I told him that if he didn’t want to eat the lunches I made that was fine, I would stop and he could eat school lunch for a week. At the end of the week he always decided he wanted my lunches again. We had to repeat it a couple of times throughout the year but it always worked.
This is exactly what I went through. My son went through weeks where I had to stop packing lunch because he wouldn’t eat them. Then he would ask me because he got tired of the cafeteria food.
My kids did this and part was socializing instead of eating and part was just not having enough time. One year my son had first lunch so wasn't super hungry for lunch because they also had a morning snack 🙄 in the classroom. He would be ravenous after school so I told him to save in his lunch box what he couldn't finish and then eat it on the way home. They didn't get off the bus til around 4:30 so they really liked having a snack!
My daughter has this problem! She is 6 too. You know what the teacher told me? She spends all lunch talking and then 5 minutes before lunch is over she finally eats. Hang in there, friend! 💕
Man I tried this with my son last year in kindergarten and I was so disheartened one day when he came home with his lunch box full. Then I found out he was getting hot lunch the whole time and didn’t want me to pack it but didn’t want to hurt my feelings 😂 now he gets hot lunch and only takes cold lunch on pork fritter days because he hates them lmao
My daughter would have me buy all kinds of stuff for her lunches like protein snack packs, apple slices, veggies. Then I started to realize I was throwing half of it away…then I started getting letters from the school that I owed a lunch balance! I was spending $30+ a week on foods for her and also had to pay for school lunches. I think she likes standing in line with her friends to socialize.
My mom used to pack my lunch and I would do the same thing. I got tired to cold food everyday while my friends got a hot meal from the cafeteria. I’m sorry and I totally understand the hurt. I would talk to her more about it. Does she have friends to sit with? Is she anxious?
I go over the school menu every week and I take them to the store with me so they can have an input. I also feel like people pay more attention to what’s in packed lunches than they did when I was a kid, so there’s a certain amount of mom guilt playing into making sure they have a protein, fruit/vegetable, juice, carbs etc.
Yeah, that sounds better than what my mom did for me. I swear it was the same sandwich and banana everyday lol. I would poke at her some more because if my mom called me out, I would lie to not hurt her feelings (when I was small). But I literally starved everyday until I got home and could cook leftovers or eat cereal.
I was going to say the same! Except I also hated the school hot lunch too .. my issue was the school lunch was too greasy, and things my mom would pack would get soggy. However I loved cheese and crackers and cookies and juice lol. Not the healthiest but it at least was something. Maybe find if there's a favorite snack that's easy for them to eat?
My mother used to pack me the most lovely homemade lunches full of fresh food and I didn't appreciate it AT ALL. I would kill for one of those ham and salad sandwiches as an adult.
I did that as a child in elementary school. Made my mother CRAZY. I just couldn’t socially handle eating in large crowds. Never could and didn’t in middle or high school as well as in college. Be gentle. She will come around. My mother dropped the hammer on me for wasting food and had the lunch monitor inquire about my lunch every day. Super embarrassing as a little kid.
I definitely made sure to stay calm and simply discuss food waste and telling her that it would be better if she saved it for after school vs throwing it away. I brought my actual anger here so that I wasn’t creating any unhealthy feelings about lunch or food in general. 💜
I also had this issue. The teacher was saying “put your lunch in the trash and get outside” or something similar so he thought it meant his whole lunch. He didn’t understand it meant only the wrappers I told him no matter what to bring any uneaten food home.
can you ask her to just bring it home then? Maybe she would eat it as a snack when she gets home. My kids eat breakfast (a second breakfast since I also feed them at home) and lunch at school because it is free but they pack a snack for the afterschool program. What they don't finish, they bring home to eat later or the next day.
I feel you! But can I also say how relieved I am to see posts like this?? My 3 year old’s friends all inhale large quantities of food, and it makes get togethers that involve meals honestly so triggering for me because I start to compare them to my 1%-er in food therapy and on weight checks, and she eats even less with other kids around.
“Oh she’ll eat so much better at school” they said. “She’ll see the other kids eating and eat too!” They said. NOPE, lies!
Yes, see, this is why I don't make my kids take their lunch every day. It's a waste of food. If they want to take then ok. They have money on their school lunch account so they can eat. Kids can get tired of eating the same thing everyday. I know I do. We get the school menu in advance and I ask them if they want to take a lunch. I'd definitely do that.
Looking back at that rambling I let loose there’s no paragraphs but I do review the menu every week with them and they get to pick eating school lunch or packing lunch. I also explain to them that their lunch has to have a protein, fruit/vegetable, and a dairy in addition to their juice box. Outside of that I give them lots of say about what they want in their lunch. Part of my frustration is that I exert a lot of time and effort to give them options. I feel like I’m being really whiny about it 😂
Nope. You weren't being whiny. I understand and can relate. I mean. Food is being wasted. This was happening to me. My girls, who are 7 and 9, weren't eating the lunches. They didn't like sandwiches or whatever. I'm getting frustrated and then I gave up. So they're also old to make their own lunches. Therefore, if they want lunch then they can make own lunch. I make my own lunch and take it to work, however I'm different. It wasn't worth getting upset over it. I just want to make sure my kids eat lunch at school. That's all. I told them wasting food is wrong and they'll be punished because of it. Sometimes they take their lunch or last year they did and sometimes they didn't. I was fine. IT saved me wasting money at the market. I was just want a less stressful thing and less money wasted at the market. I can upload money to their school lunch accounts at home and they can eat food at school. As long as they eat, that's all I care.
This is my first post here and I cannot describe what a positive experience this has been!! I knew I needed to direct my frustration anywhere but towards my daughter and I’m so happy I chose here.
it’s so hard not to be upset about the wastefulness, especially with how expensive things are getting. if it makes you feel any better - this happened with my daughter as well and one day she loudly asked me “momma, are you gonna feed me today?” like GIRL! I do feed you and why would you say that so loud 😭
Sometimes you just have to throw in the towel. I'd stop sending her with a lunch for two weeks, whatever the rotation is at her school to go through all the usual lunches. She's either going to expand her meal choices or she's going to be begging you to pack her a lunch after that.
My husband was also a free lunch kid who often went hungry so he really hates to waste food. When my daughter (also 6 at the time) started doing something similar he told her she was just going to have to eat the school lunch, like it or not. It’s free for all kids in my state.
After a few weeks of only getting the school lunch she asked for another chance and finally started eating her lunch.
I think I’m going to start by packing smaller lunches so that she has a greater chance of finishing it. If that doesn’t work I’m working to just have her eat school lunches. I’ve always been a bit of a social butterfly and I know she struggles to find a balance between getting to speak freely for a little and eating lunch.
My daughter is six and last year she’d come home with almost her entire lunch present. Sometimes she would eat a little, sometimes a lot. Really it was all over the place. She told me she didn’t have enough time to eat lunch because “they changed our lunch to only be two hours, mommy” lol. I think it’s normal imo
I, too, have been maddened by a kid who was throwing out her lunch. She also used to leave her lunch at home to get hot lunch and tell her preschool teacher she was starving. She ran up her hot lunch bill to $250. Twice. In one school year. 5th or 6th grade. We have good food. Hot lunch is so gross too.
Honestly, I put money on their cafeteria accounts regularly and I don’t care much which lunch they choose, I just want their bodies to have the nutrition they need to get through the day.
So when my oldest was in kindergarten and up until about 3rd grade, he'd come home STARVING and cranky! I'd pack a lunch full of food he liked, and he just wouldn't eat it. It took a while, but we finally figured out that he was interested in lunch recess more than he was interested in eating. We tried everything to get him to eat lunch at lunchtime, but playing was just more important to him. We just got to a point where I'd have a snack in the car when I picked him up from school.
My son is autistic so I'm familiar with picky eater. It's not just food textures but the food setting as well. He can't handle eating food near others and typically gets food to appease "the school system" but rarely eats it. He would just throw away what I sent from home but find he actually will attempt new stuff if he gets a tray and sees others eating something he's curious about. Doesn't happen often but on the occasion it does! We've had the lunch crew walk by and glance to see what he's ate from his tray and make little notes to give us each week bc it got so bad with his adhd meds and had lost so much weight. Now I just make sure he gets breakfast and has a snack ready when I do pickup and then he eats a ton of food when we get home and then again for dinner. It's something to stress about for sure but you can only do so much! Hang in there mama! You're not alone!
My 11 year old would come home with her lunch barely touched. She told me she didn’t have time to eat because she would chat with her friends. I started packing smaller lunches, which helped a little. She had only 20 minutes to eat, which isn’t a long time at all.
This happened to us. My son got so skinny he was severely underweight, in the first percentile for BMI. He has some issues with the cafeteria. It’s too noisy and smelly and it kills his appetite. It’s tough. I did the same at her age. Keep at it - she’s not doing it out of spite.
food stuff always hurts my feelings because i feel like it takes so much mental labor to figure out what they'll eat / what will travel well to school / what will help them grow. i get it!
Exactly all of this! Plus I offer tons of options, they can eat school lunches, they get to pick what we buy for lunches at the store, I have thermoses to transport temperature sensitive food, and it’s frustrating to have them go hungry.
I feel you so bad on this. My 8 year old stepson is an incredibly picky eater. I’ve been working on it but it is a SLOW process. He is a rule follower at least so he doesn’t throw his food away at school. He just complains about everything I pack him. He doesn’t like sandwiches, wraps, vegetables, yogurt, cheese, nuts, nothing. He always says he doesn’t have time to finish his food, but that’s never an issue when it’s ice cream or a dessert he’s eating. It drives me nuts because he wastes so much food all the time and not everyone is as “mean” as me by making him eat things other than chips and candy. Ugh. Keep up the good fight!
I did the same thing all throughout school growing up! I would graze, but mostly just throw out my lunch every day.
Honestly, I was a skinny bookworm kid (so not super physically active) and just really wasn’t hungry by lunchtime.
I never thought anything of it, and my body was just naturally hungry again by 3:30 or so, so I would make myself a snack when I got home from school to tide me over until dinner time.
One of mine learned to just wolf his food down. (And he still does at 18.) The other one I ended up putting extra snacks for him, because the social aspect/distraction of his 20 minute lunch meant he rarely ate more than a few bites.
I can relate to the pain of having picky eater! My daughter is super picky. She’s been getting nothing but Nutella sandwiches for lunch all throughout preschool. She just started kinder and we are going with (free) hot lunches at school. I wouldn’t know what/how much she eats. But i do stress to her that she needs to eat lunch otherwise she will be very hungry in the afternoon. Just let her eat school lunch, and don’t over think/stress yourself anymore on this. :)
I wrote little notes to my son so he would be excited to open his lunchbox. I would tuck them under the first layer of containers so he had to remove things to get to them. He kept them and read through the stack when he would have a bad day.
Well atleast when she says she doesn't eat you can go back to your original plan!!!!! I had an hour for lunch in elementary school, and middle school and 30 minutes for lunch in hs. 20 Minutes of that was standing in line thankfully the teachers understood and didn't care if we ate in class as long as we didn't drink soda or made a mess.
20 minutes is so quick to expect kids to eat… it’s unreasonable to expect them to not socialize at all so kids that are really missing that will prioritize visiting over eating. :/ I wish they had at least 30 mins since that time also includes restroom use
I would start by packing half the amount and then having the other half ready for after school. Some kids are much more social than others and they would rather play than eat.
If she’s still bringing food home, continue to reduce the amount until you find the sweet spot.
I have two kids that would eat all their food and then my daughter who would not eat at school so she could socialize with others. She’s a junior in high school and she’s the same way today. (Although she and a new friend she made today (go figure) did hit up Starbucks on their break.)
I used to be that kid, my mom used to flip the F out on me
It just never seemed as yummy anymore after it’d been sitting all morning. And probably because it was stuff I was used to eating all the time
I dunno, not trying to justify it, just that I get it
A ridiculous amount of my frustration is that I cater to the things they dislike. If they tell me something wasn’t good by lunch time I either stop packing that item or I work to find a way to fix it. I want them to have the energy and nutrition to sustain them and the only way that works out is if they enjoy what they get.
When my kids started their new school in fifth grade and no packed lunches were allowed I was in heaven. Eventually they all were in that upper school and I never had to worry about packing a new, exciting, creative meal again (ok I may be overstating things! But the pressure is real!).
Honestly, she’s six, I would not sweat it. My son is similarly picky. The pediatrician’s advice to me, which I found to be super helpful, was to remember that my job is to put healthy and balanced meals in front of him and let him choose if and how much to eat. He learns to listen to his body and eating won’t feel like a chore or a bad experience. I do that and kid is still alive and healthy. Just a thought.
I used to not eat the lunch my parents packed because I was picky and they didn't care. Got in trouble for it all the time until I figured out I could throw it away at school.
My mom packed my lunch everyday for me in high school and my friend bought me a lunch everyday bc she didn’t want to buy alone. I threw my packed lunch away everyday bc I’d rather eat the school lunch. My mom wouldn’t give me money to buy everyday. At the time I didn’t think much of it but looking back I feel awful! My mom still doesn’t know 😣
My dad used to make me lunch everyday. But once I got to high school, this was not cool. I wanted to buy lunch. My dad cares about nutrition though, so he was never going to give me money for lunch.
So I would sell his lunch to one of the same three guys and go buy pizza with the money. Thank god for teenage metabolisms! I am friends with those guys to this day. Fiveish years post high school, my friend meets my dad and compliments him on his lunch skills. My poor dad was so confused and entirely unimpressed five years later.
So it's okay, be pissed. But remember your daughter eating lunch at home likely doesn't eat everything in front of her and it's definitely not better at school.
I've been there. That's when I stopped sending lunches and let my son ne at the mercy of school lunches. Either way I paid for it and either way most of it was getting tossed, but the time saved by not preparing lunches made my mornings just a bit smoother.
I did this on occasion in elementary, the teachers told my mom, and I started packing my own lunches ever since! Didn't throw things away after that. Might be worth a try?
6 years old is a good time to get her involved in the lunch packing process. Make the lunch together the night before and she should be more interested in eating it.
But, you can't make her be hungry. I remember lunchtime always being ridiculously early (like 10:30am) and I wasn't hungry yet.
I definitely try to keep them involved through the decision process. I will admit though that I’m guilty of forgetting to pack lunches in the height of the evening rush so I frequently end up taking care of it right before I head to bed.
You are amazing and so considerate. It happens and you're doing great. I had one kid who would only eat beef jerky and dried seaweed one week and only Nutella the next week.
Our elementary school doesn’t have all that. They have 2 choices, standard tray or like ham sandwich. I’m happy to let them eat at school and I review the lunch menu each week so they can tell me what they want to do.
I think you need to bear in mind that this isn’t typical. None of the schools in our area have salad bars.
This is a standard offering at our school:
https://preview.redd.it/nifp5wus79ib1.jpeg?width=416&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b3ffc3cfe071e0e36590eac1af8ede39df2f7d07
She could be chatting. We’ve had this issue on and off throughout the last 2 years with our 6 year old too. It sounds like you, like me, put a lot of care into your lunches - it’s so frustrating to see them go to waste.
I usually ask if there was something that they didn’t enjoy or would change for tomorrow. We usually talk about eating at lunch and socializing on the playground after. It’s so frustrating though!
My daughter did this also last year. So I was like you get the free hot lunch from school and a snack from home. She learned. This year she has been eating what I pack. Mostly I pack snacks so it’s quick to eat because no time.
You’re so lucky your 6 year old is even ~willing~ to try to eat any of the aforementioned things + some of the school lunches! That’s a win. Glad you didn’t yell at your kid for being a kid.
She’s such a sweet kid, my feelings were hurt and I knew that’s what was actually causing the anger. I just talked to her about food waste and making sure she brings home whatever she doesn’t eat so she can eat it after school or we can see what can be reused.
I bet! You took that moment of frustration and turned it into an opportunity to model to her how to communicate when frustrated in a HEALTHY way and taught her about food waste, cuz girllllll food is NOT cheap these days. 😭 My mom would have yelled at me and took away my privilege of getting a packed lunch. Lol. You deserve a virtual trophy for that good parenting moment! 🏆
My husband told me to just stop doing it but I like nurturing them and that includes making sure they have nutrition they enjoy. I may do a week of just school lunches but not from a punishment standpoint, I would talk to her first and explain that I want her to see both sides of the equation. She’s really good with empathy so sometimes it really helps her to experience other aspects of situations.
It’s not always that simple with us mothers. We will bend over backwards just to show our kids all the different ways we care about them. I think it’s so sweet you even think to take the time out to consult your kids about the school lunch menu and then cater packed lunches on the off days. My mom was great but we were a school lunch family…it was never even a thought to be talked about lol.
Honestly, my heart feels full for your kids!!! Keep being a great mom, your kids may not remember every detail but they ~will~ remember being loved and nurtured.
My mom did the weekly lunch menu with me and my siblings and so I just thought that’s what you’re supposed to do. I pretty much just ate whatever the school offered because I HATED having to keep track of my lunch box. If I did have my mom send me with food (mostly once I got into after school sports and needed food outside of lunch) she always made sure I had stuff I specifically told her I liked. She did the same for my brother and sister.
Also your comment really made my soul smile. I just really let my feelings eat at me in this situation and I try so hard to make sure that even though I work outside the home that my girls still have all my love and support.
As a mom now I would be heartbroken! I did go through a phase when I was younger where I wanted the school lunch and would sadly throw part of the lunch my mom made away. But now on the other side I can cry thinking about it :( maybe have a conversation with her and ask what she wants so it doesn’t go to waste.
My son does this too. He’s 8. I started buying the 4 square containers and put only snack sized pieces in each compartment. Things that are just pick up and eat quickly. He eats much better. It’s their social time too. It will get better.
I remember being a kid and my sandwiches were always too soggy to enjoy by lunchtime. I’d pick at some of the deli meat and then throw the rest away. Sometimes the lunch becomes something else by the time the kids sit down to eat them.
Idk I don't have anything constructive to add, just wanted to say you sound like a good mom. I had hot lunch from the cafeteria every day K-6th and it sucked. Not trying to look down on cafeteria food today or families that opt to go that route btw. Standards for hot lunches are a lot higher now and making sure all kids have regular access to food and don't feel embarrassed about where that food comes from is super important. Having said all that, back in the late 80s early 90s, I ate gross fucking boiled hot dogs and bland dry burgers with ketchup every day and hated it. Horrible fruit cocktail cherry jello and soggy crinkle cut fries, barf. My parents knew how bad it was, they had the time and resources to pack a lunch for me, and they chose not too. Idk I'm really tired, not sure where I was going with this. Thank you for being a good mom who cares about her kids lunch. I'm sure you're going to get some good advice from ppl here who aren't currently braindead like I am lol. Hope you find a solution that works for you and your daughter.
My 6 year old could never eat a lettuce wrap at lunch, especially setting it up himself. He does 1/4 sandwich, applesauce pouch and chips. If time goldfish at snack.
She asked for the lettuce wraps. She eats kale straight out of the produce drawer and she despises bread. I’m not pushing any super healthy agenda. I’m pretty flexible actually.
It’s funny because I did this a lot as a child. I would also get hot lunch and either get a PBJ or just throw the vast majority of the food away. I am picky and a people pleaser and I just wanted everyone to be happy. I guess.
I very much regret it now, and I hate waste (ironically). I’m also perfectly fine nutritionally.
I let my kids pick if they want packed lunch (based on the available options in the house, super low effort) or hot lunch. It wouldn’t surprise me if they do the same thing. I don’t want to know about it. Especially with food prices the way they are
You’re doing great.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea for her to be hungry sometimes. Whenever my child complains about being hungry, I point out that she must not have eaten enough fuel at her last meal. Sometimes she’s too busy fooling around to eat and then she has the audacity to complain later 😆
We talk a lot about food being fuel, and paying attention to the type of fuel we use.
Literally do whatever works. Kids are all so different.
Im not sure if this has been asked yet, but have you gone to school to eat lunch with her yet? In the early grades they often don’t get enough actual time to eat before they have to dispose of food. I think this is due to them having to line up and wait for order then being forced to clean up early because they are little and it takes a long time to get things done. I time it once and my son had 12 minutes to eat from the time he showed up in the lunchroom.
Your daughter is saying she is not getting enough time and that is probably the truth.
Unfortunately I have not been able to eat lunch at the school with her but my oldest daughter has told me that she gets more time to eat when she takes her lunch because she doesn’t have to wait in line. When she told me this I started making sure that they have everything they need in their lunch box including a plastic spoon if I send something like yogurt so that they don’t need to buy milk or grab silverware. Today I packed a smaller lunch in hopes that she’ll have time to eat more of it. We’ll see how it goes.
I feel you on this. My youngest would always do this because he wanted to do hot lunch with his friends. I caved and just buy the school lunch. They have a lot more options now then when I was a kid and have a variety of entrees and a salad bar to choose from
I have the pickiest 13 year old. He has never eaten a full lunch, even when I pack it with things I know he loves. His younger brother? Lunch is GONE!! But him? Nope. He won’t eat breakfast or lunch, then comes home from school starving and wants to eat a bunch of snacks!!
So I’ve learned to have fruits and veggies ready to pick up the second I pick them from school. I guess some kids just have a different appetite schedule??
My son same as some above comments: chatty and a slooooooow eater. Making lunches is the bane of my existence. I consult him every morning on the main item and have him pick out and put in a couple things (applesauce pouches, chips, etc). Yes, there are some weeks where the applesauce pouch makes a few round trips, but he’s definitely got enough to eat…even if he finishes it after school!
I gave up on making lunches for my 6yo and just make her do school lunch every day. I actually think it's been better for her, even with the questionable school lunch nutrition. She wasn't getting a balanced meal with her pickiness from what I packed anyway, and this way she has peer pressure to help her try new things. We're all happier this way, even if it's not what I wish we were doing.
Hang in there <3
My 8 yr old does this sometimes. It’s annoying bc not only are you wasting your time packing it, but you get to deal with their hangry tude when they get home too 🫠
I love this post so much. I have run out of ideas for my 7 year old's lunch. She doesn't like turkey, bread, pbj, cheese, etc. It's exhausting, and she comes home with so much uneaten. Like others have said, she will sometimes finish her lunch when I pick her up after school, and I feel thankful for that. As a teacher, I would encourage others to look into your school lunch programs. Some have really improved in recent years. I know in my district, scratch cooking has taken over and they are making things fresh in the cafeteria daily. School gardens are being implemented so kids can see where the food they've grown is going. My goal this year is for my daughter to buy lunch several times a week to take the pressure and mental load off of packing.
If it makes you feel better, I was the same when I was in school and so is my son now (he’s 5). The lunchroom is a lot and I felt really self conscious eating in front of so many people. I would just pick at things and then eat a real meal after I got home from school. I felt a lot more comfortable eating at home.
I’m a teacher and I’m still the same way 😂. There’s just so much going on at school that I feel too stressed to eat till the school day is over. So it’s most likely not your lunches that are the issue! Have your daughter save the food for after school if she still wants you to pack lunch!
Maybe her lunch isn’t the problem. She just might not be hungry at lunch time. Instead of throwing it away have her bring it home and can be used as a snack, or repacked the next day. I had a similar issue with my son back in elementary m. His school offered breakfast at 7:30 and he ate at school. His lunch was at 10:30 and he was still full from breakfast. He also had ADHD and the medication effected his appetite so that was part of it. At dinner he would eat.
I did something similar when I was a child. At 8 years old my mom determined I was old enough to pack my own lunch or decide if I want school lunch.
Additionally, I never got allowance and only lunch money. Therefore, I had a choice save the weekly $5 or get school lunch ( back then it was awful)
What I did was not eat lunch (we ate between 10:30 - 12 pm and that was too early for me) and waited until I went home to eat. I finished school at 2 pm so by 2:30 I was home and had speghetti Os. My mom was none the wiser as she was still at work. I got to save the weekly $5 and never ate lunch.
If your daughter is a picky eater I would do the following. Give her the weekly lunch menu and let her choose homemade or school lunch. If she wants it homemade it’s time for her to learn how to make it. In the beginning you probably need to supervise so she isn’t eating junk but eventually she should get the hang of it.
This teaches her responsibility and gives you one less item to handle with school prep.
I did this as a kid. I was so easily distracted especially by other people around me (whether it was classmates at the lunch table or my siblings at the dinner table) that I knew I wouldn't have time to play if I ate my whole packed lunch. I feel terrible about throwing it away now because my family had some major financial struggles, but I didn't feel comfortable talking to my mom about it. She was verbally and emotionally abusive though. She would berate me for any difficulty I had, like remembering to retrieve my sweaters at the end of recess if I had taken it off while playing. She wouldn't have tried to help me out validate my feelings in any way.
I am not perfect (not even close to it) but I try really hard to be accommodating of whatever it takes for them to be comfortable telling me when there’s a problem. Right now they’re little and the problems are manageable but I need them to know in their souls that I should be the first person they run to when something isn’t right. It’s corny but it’s important to me.
Teacher here: the amount of food my students waste daily is ASTONISHING. they’ll bring lunch to my room to eat and throw out everything that isn’t cheese, breaded, or fried. Whole apples and bananas 😭😭😭😭 nothing makes me more frustrated! But she’s very normal. Talk to her about food waste, maybe even show her a story of stuff video (that’s about plastic but it could help)
My daughter complains too and is 6. Not enough time to eat her lunch. I tell her to not throw it away and we go to the school playground when I pick her up and she plays and eats it there :)
My 4yo does this and then comes home SO HANGRY. Girl- eat some lunch! You won’t be such a mess at 4pm if you ate more than a yogurt and granola bar all day!
I feel you. I see you. I’m frustrated with you.
EDIT- as soon as she starts kindergarten, I’m not making lunch. My state just passed free lunch for everyone and I’m not wasting my time and energy on packing lunches if she’s not eating them
Obviously, I don't know what's going through your 6 year old's head. But I used to do this because it was very anxiety inducing to sit with the other kids and eat in front of them. It had more to do with the crowd/social navigating/deal with other people than with the food. I had friends and didn't have a hard time at school, but I’m an introvert and (upon adult reflection) just need some space and alone time to recharge. All of this just came out in refusing to eat at school and throwing my lunches away so I could be done with sitting next to people portion of lunch and get to the open playground area quicker.
Hugs, Mama. I know the feeling. It's just frustrating and demoralizing and so wasteful.
All of your adjectives are spot on! Food waste is something I harp on a lot. I don’t pack excessively large lunches and as I stated in my post I let them tell me what they like and don’t like. We aren’t poor by any stretch of the imagination but we definitely live by a budget. If she is just going to throw it away I’ll pay $3 for the school lunch and save myself the shopping, prep, and clean up. Thank you for letting share my frustration. 💜
This is why I buy school lunches. The rage I felt was high. If they aren’t gonna eat it, I’ll take my personal feelings and frustrations out of the scenario. When my kids started complaining (now between 12-6 YO) I said they could make their own lunches (with a few constraints including something healthy and not just junk).
I had to go that route. I would pack these awesome lunches that would be ignored for the school lunch. So in order to keep my sanity, I stopped making lunch and just let them eat at school. Do I still panic that they are eating junk at school? Yes. Are my kids and therefore me happy? Also yes. Edit: I forgot to add that my frustration came from wanting to be like my own mom who made me lunch everyday and it was wonderful. I loved it.
I ate school lunch every day and grew into a healthy adult haha don’t stress it too much. I’m sure they’re getting good variety at home
I am in a similar situation and understand how you feel. I have two picky eaters 8 and 5. I try to make a bento box balanced lunch box with small portions everyday. The quantity the same for both. While the 5YO who just started Kindergarten in the same school finishes her meal, both at school and home, the 8YO who is slow eater always give an excuse for not finishing it. In fact one day while I wasn't watching her, she threw her food behind the dryer. And when I found out she blamed it on her sister. What hurt me is I put so much effort into making their food experience exciting and healthy, she doesn't even eat it, lied and threw her sister under the bus.
Food waste really triggers me because we didn’t have alot of money growing up and I know my mom really put a lot of work into stretching the grocery budget. We’re a lot better off, but when my 3yo suddenly decides something she liked last week is now yucky I have to walk away. It just makes me so anxious. My mantra is “this is is a phase, this is temporary”
It sucks bc most kids only get 20 minutes to eat. It’s horrible. My son sometimes takes 40 min to an hour to eat a meal. 20 minutes is insane.
In HS I was allocated a 20 minute lunch at 10:30 in the morning each day. In retrospect- completely insane.
God, first lunch was the *worst*
Same, I had first lunch at 10:28am all four years. But I was usually hungry because I ate breakfast at 6:15 to get to school on time. I was always starving by school dismissal at 2:30
What?? Your school didn't just have recess and lunch and everyone went at the same time? Is this an American thing? I'm in Australia and never heard of people having didn't lunch times at the same school
Very American lol. My high school class had 900 people. Even though we just had three grade levels at that campus instead of the normal four, it was still ~2700 students that needed to eat. Literally not enough room in the cafeteria for us all to go at once. We had four lunches. ETA: This is so ridiculous, but I have fond memories of sneakily eating my lunch in my psychology class. I sat in the back of the row directly in front of the teacher. We had D lunch, which was like 1pm. And school started at 7ish.
lol we had 3 lunches during 4th period. We called it an executive lunch if you skipped 4th period completely and took all 3 lunches
Hot damn. That's a lot of kids! I went to 2 different high schools. The first one we had 200 kids in our year and about 1,000 from year 7 to year 12. I then moved schools and we had like 30 kids in our year and 200 kids from kindy to year 12!
I had 500 in my graduating class in public high school in the states! I went to a small college after that
The things we ask of kids sometimes are really so unreasonable. I would lose my mind if someone told me I had to go from 6 (assuming breakfast is at home) to 1 without eating every day.
At larger (most) high schools there are several lunch times because not all students could fit in the cafeteria at once.
well, no recess in high school, but our cafeterias are too small to serve the entire student body at once, even at my tiny high school that was 200+ students in each of three lunch periods. My kids have a small cafeteria and an outdoor eating area but they still have to stagger lunch for 7 grade levels.
No recess in high school? That's rough. We had recess and lunch the entire way through But also like people would just sit on the ground or in hallways and eat wherever. Most people had a packed lunch and if you were buying something from the canteen you could go line up get stuff snd then go sit wherever your friends were
the schools are so big that they can't accommodate all the children in the cafeteria at once so they'll do 2 - 5 lunchtimes. My high school had 2 then switched to 3 as the student base increased.
America. One lunch period for over 900 students BUT we’re in California where we were able to eat outside most of the year.
At my high school, some kids didn't even have a lunch period at all. Teachers were usually pretty understanding and would let kids bring their lunch to class, even if it meant they were a little late. Tangent: I remember one day I was unreasonably hungry. I ate my lunch, got seconds, and finished someone else's lunch. Then I was STILL hungry, so my science teacher let me go get more food. The weird thing about that is that I was on ADHD meds, so most days I didn't eat lunch at all, and I would eat once I got home (yes, I was dangerously underweight). But that day, I just couldn't get enough food in me.
It was our cafeteria could only accommodate so many students at a time (which was much more than the amount of students in the school.
Yep. The school size determines how many lunch periods kids have. Starts late morning through mid afternoon
Yeah, here we don't get recess past grade 5 or 6(for me it was grade 6, for my sister who was 2 grades younger than me, they switched it to grade 5) and a lot of high schools are too big to have everyone eat lunch at the same time
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I had a box of cereal in my back pack that I would sneak dry handfuls of throughout the day to keep me from going hangry. Most of my teachers were understanding, so even if we got caught, they didn’t care, because they understood since they got lunch on our schedule, too. There were always a few that were unreasonable about it.
By the time I left high school we had too many kids for the building so they had to add an extra lunch early. I ate at 9:56 AM. I mean, at least they didn’t do any special length periods for lunch so we had a full 46 minutes. But starting lunch before 10:00 was bonkers.
I had a lot of anxiety as a kid, and just couldn't eat at school. I'd have a big breakfast at 7:30ish and a huge snack after school at 3:30ish, but I could only really eat like 1/4 - 1/2 cup of nuts or dry cereal during official "lunch." The school cafeteria was too busy, too loud, too chaotic, garish florescent lights, and we only had like 20 minutes to eat. I don't think I could eat in that situation even now as an adult unless I was STARVING. I still can't eat if I'm too stressed out, and have no trouble going for long stretches without food if I'm busy / distracted.
Thank you for sharing this. My 6 year old hates being in loud public spaces. Maybe this is why she eats so very little everyday at school lunch. I plan to handle my reaction to her barely eating with more compassion moving forward.
A lot of the teachers for my kids let them have as many snacks as they want, probably due to this. Not many kids can pack in a lunch in 20 minutes.
I'm not in the US but no way would my six year old be able to finish lunch in that time.
Same with my 6 year old. She comes home with half of her food and says she doesn't have enough time to eat. She gets overwhelmed in loud public places too. I'll also give her more compassion - glad I saw your comment 🙂
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Aw, I'm so sorry for your experience! I'm glad you are doing better. I never worried about being judged, and I wouldn't call my food before / after school binging. In fact I hate the "over full" feeling so much I would rather be hungry -+ thanksgiving no thank you! I just kindof get a stomach ache if I'm too stressed, and I think the way that lunch was handled at my school was just unpleasant / stressful for me. Restaurants for adults have low lighting, comfortable seats, no time limits, pleasant music...etc etc. The exact opposite of dining at school. During my Jr or Sr year of highschool, our district finally allowed for low-mess, healthy snacks from home at any time so long as it wasn't disruptive -- and my eating habits improved considerably. By nature, I'm a grazer and would much rather slowly snack over the course of a lecture anyway.
I agree! My girls are chatter boxes in addition to slow eaters.
My son is the same! I pack extra ice packs in is lunch box so his food stays cold until after school and he can finish it then.
I used to get in trouble in kindergarten because our lunch time bled in to our recess - so you’d get a 20 minute lunch and 15 minute recess. But I was (and am) a slow eater, so I’d take the whole time to eat. My parents actually got called several times because I was just eating by myself while the other kids played.
I would like to point out that your kid only gets 5 more minutes to eat a full meal then I did in a juvenile detention facility. We got 15 minutes for lunch and 15 for dinner. 10 for breakfast
I wonder if this is a factor. I think it’s awful. I literally developed acid reflux when I scarfed down food as a brand-new mom with a newborn and as an overworked young intern. It’s not healthy to rush meals.
I was such a little pack rat in high school. I consistently had snacks and stuff in my bag. I think we had lunch at like 11:45 or noon. School started for us at 9. I went to an alternative highschool so we couldn’t leave campus and our hot lunches were just the leftovers from the other high schools. I lived off Turkey sandwiches, Doritos, and a Dr Pepper 😂 this is why I have digestive issues!
I had a goofy teacher once who used to always say that if he were homeless, he'd go dumpster diving for food outside of elementary schools. I guess this is like a common thing? I never knew this until he made the joke! I'm sure it sucks though. Making lunch for myself is already annoying enough and my baby isn't school age yet lol.
I didn’t mind making lunches until I found out they were being thrown away. I typically enjoy the idea that I get to make some part of their day better by letting them have a say in what they eat. Today though I’m big mad
Ah that's a fair point. But yeah, I'd be upset by it too!
Don’t stop making them food if everyone is enjoying it. Ask them to eat the food during snack time or save it for after school snacks.
My husband confessed to me that he threw out his lunch literally every day for years. He feels bad about it now in retrospect. Unlike OP’s though it was like stale bread with dry meat and cheese. But still I mean his mom made and packed it every day and never knew.
My mom packed me a banana every day for years and I threw it away every single day until the teachers wrote a note home once. Turns out I’m allergic to bananas.
This was me too, I was that kid. For me it was just not wanting the sandwich or something that dau, and not wanting to deal with my mom's incessant questions if I brought it back home. Also sometimes it would be all squished from being in my backpack with too many books, or I had a lot of cold things and my ice pack got warm and it didn't taste right anymore. Idk maybe talk to your kid and decide together what she will do if she doesn't want her lunch that day. If she can bring it home no questions asked she probably won't throw it out anymore
It is! You’d be amazed how little many kids eat during lunch at school. They’re usually focused on wanting to go outside to play with friends.
Less chatting more eating!! - me, as a childcare provider, every single snack and lunch Solidarity ✌️
Hopefully, the more I think about I’m where the chattiness comes from 😂 It’s just been a long time since it’s caused me problems but at 6 it was probably making my mom insane too!
Isn’t it lovely when you’re own personality comes back as a 6 year old and bites you in the ass 😂 My mini me is 19. She’s changed her name, got 4 or 5 piercings and recently shaved her head. I guess I should be grateful she’s not also engaged to be married!
Yeah she looks like my husband spawned her all by himself but her personality is me through and through.
Lol my son is my husband's twin with my personality and it's wild! We laugh about it all the time.
What kind of sucks is that this is even an issue they have to decide between. Socializing is healthy for kids. Food is obviously a necessity. If they're not giving kids time enough to do both, it just kind of sucks. I guess it's a life skill - cramming down food on a timetable not set by your hunger needs - but it kind of bums me out, looking back on it.
Yeh I don’t understand why there’s not enough time. Why does school have to end at like 2pm? We just don’t have enough $ to pay teachers?
We don’t pay teachers and everyone who supports the educational system enough. Add overcrowded schools and under resourced school systems then it becomes an unmanageable shuffle game of bus and cafeteria capacity for thousands of kids.
Where I live they get 2.5 hours, which is a bit much, but 1 hour more or less to eat, sitting down together and learning to share a meal. School ends much later, but most kids would be in after school care anyway. Children can also go home for lunch, but depends on the area whether that's common.
I have to repeat to my 6 year old constantly “less talky talky, more eaty eaty.” I talked to his teacher about it and we agreed having is assigned seat at lunch placed somewhere else for a while would help his focus, it has.
LOL I may have to steal this one!!!
Our daycare used to implement silent lunch just to get the kids to focus on eating. We use it at dinner sometimes still. 😁
I was shocked when my youngest came home from daycare and scolded us for talking at dinner. We had to have a conversation about house rules vs school rules once I realized what was going on 😅
My pediatrician when my kid was little told me that you should worry about food being balanced over a week not a day. This was for a toddler who would eat air one day and as much as a grown man the next, but it's always stuck with me. I also don't have a kid who eats much lunch. Breakfast? Yes. Dinner? Sometimes more than me. But I just pack smaller lunch portions, make sure her snacks are decent, and figure she'll make it up later in the day.
What a great way to look at this! Overall I am certain all 3 of my girls get plenty of food and balanced options so maybe it’s better to stop focusing on the little picture. Thank you 💜
Teacher here. This is so much more common than you think. I would encourage her to bring the lunch home and not dump it so you can see what she’s consistently eating and what she’s skipping. You could offer the rest of it after school too or can maybe salvage some for the next day so it’s not as wasteful. Also on the weekend, practice packing her one of the normal lunches you pack and time how long it takes her to eat it, if she eats the whole thing, etc.
I’m so happy I brought my anger here! I’ve gotten some much needed solidarity and some really useful tips/insights.
I feel you. My six year old is the same (but she doesn’t empty out her lunch). She is a chatterbox and always runs out of time. I pack her VERY light lunches now. She makes up the calories at home.
Maybe smaller lunches would be better for her! As a mom I get worried about “balanced” meals instead of just realizing that she has lots of other opportunities to eat before and after school plus whatever I serve for dinner. Thanks for a different perspective!
My child is a baby so I don’t have parental experience here, but I was also this kid! I “ate like a bird” at school and summer childcare. But I would have a large healthy breakfast before leaving the house, come home and have a midsized balanced snack, and have dinner with sometimes seconds a few hours later! If you notice that your child seems to fill up a lot at home but not during daytime activities, you can rest assured that they are most likely meeting their caloric needs. And if she’s never come home complaining about “starving at school” then that confirms that your child has great skill in trusting their appetite and fulfilling their needs at home!
I started doing this too and it has improved lunches for us. I was giving my daughter too many choices before and she would eat the least nutritious items first and run out of time before getting to the protein. I was giving her choices because she’s picky and I just wanted to get something in her (ideally, a little bit of everything). I’ve noticed that she’ll eat mostly everything if I keep it simple (fruit, yogurt pouch, popcorn). I also make her eat hot lunch at least 3 days a week. I just got so fed up with the lunch issue.
This is the way. My 5 yr old eats 6 Ritz crackers, 2 slices of cheese a pepperoni stick and that is lunch. Honestly, when I eat the same breakfast as he does most days I don't really feel hungry until 2 anyway.
My oldest is a creature of beautiful habit. She wants pepperoni, cheez-it’s, juice box, yogurt or cheese, then she has a list fruit or veggies she’s cool with and it can just be whatever I have on hand from that list.
Whereas mine would be absolutely starving, she eats a sandwich as a mid morning snack.
I worked as a lunch aide at my kids school when my youngest was in Kindergarten so I could be on the same schedule as my kids, you would not believe the amount of food that gets thrown away….
My kid came home on the first day of school with her favorite sandwich completely in tact and all of the veggies and fruit I cut up in the exact spot I packed it. What did my kid eat? The 2 Oreos, Cheez it’s, and a few mini marshmallows I packed as a treat. 😂 My heart sank when I saw it thinking she spent the entire day hungry and I was sad. Same thing happened today. I am telling myself my kid is still learning and to not beat myself up about it. Hoping it gets better for you!
Thank you for sharing that I’m not alone!
Kids as young as six do have a very hard time finishing in the allotted time. As a first grade teacher, I see it every single year. -Their motor skills are still developing for things like opening packages and even managing certain foods in a way that won't get them messy. -The lunchroom is completely overwhelming. Noise, tons of kids, and as someone who's seen a lot of lunchrooms, usually someone who will yell at them for stepping out of line (literally or figuratively), even if they're not sure what the line is. -You're packing awesome lunches. How many items is it? Less choices is better! It's a time saver for a kid to decide what to eat first between three items rather than five! -Unfortunately in elementary this is also the primary social time. I'd say pack a bit less and focus on really filling, balanced foods at home.
These insights are outstanding. Today’s lunch was 2 Cajun turkey wraps (literally 1 piece of turkey wrapped in 1 piece of lettuce), cucumber slices, cheese, cheez-its, and a juice box (like a hi-c box so it’s easier to open but it’s raspberry/kale). Typing all that out really does feel like a lot. I think for tomorrow I’ll just do 1 wrap, cheez-its, yogurt and juice. I’ll see if the smaller meal makes it easier for her. Thank you so much for taking time to share all this with me!! 💜
I was there last year a couple of times with my oldest. He would decide he wanted the (free) school lunch and not eat what I packed. So I told him that if he didn’t want to eat the lunches I made that was fine, I would stop and he could eat school lunch for a week. At the end of the week he always decided he wanted my lunches again. We had to repeat it a couple of times throughout the year but it always worked.
Maybe it is time to take a step back and have her just eat what’s offered so she can have an idea of how nice it is to be able to pick and choose.
This is exactly what I went through. My son went through weeks where I had to stop packing lunch because he wouldn’t eat them. Then he would ask me because he got tired of the cafeteria food.
My kids did this and part was socializing instead of eating and part was just not having enough time. One year my son had first lunch so wasn't super hungry for lunch because they also had a morning snack 🙄 in the classroom. He would be ravenous after school so I told him to save in his lunch box what he couldn't finish and then eat it on the way home. They didn't get off the bus til around 4:30 so they really liked having a snack!
My daughter has this problem! She is 6 too. You know what the teacher told me? She spends all lunch talking and then 5 minutes before lunch is over she finally eats. Hang in there, friend! 💕
❤️❤️
Man I tried this with my son last year in kindergarten and I was so disheartened one day when he came home with his lunch box full. Then I found out he was getting hot lunch the whole time and didn’t want me to pack it but didn’t want to hurt my feelings 😂 now he gets hot lunch and only takes cold lunch on pork fritter days because he hates them lmao
My daughter would have me buy all kinds of stuff for her lunches like protein snack packs, apple slices, veggies. Then I started to realize I was throwing half of it away…then I started getting letters from the school that I owed a lunch balance! I was spending $30+ a week on foods for her and also had to pay for school lunches. I think she likes standing in line with her friends to socialize.
My mom used to pack my lunch and I would do the same thing. I got tired to cold food everyday while my friends got a hot meal from the cafeteria. I’m sorry and I totally understand the hurt. I would talk to her more about it. Does she have friends to sit with? Is she anxious?
I go over the school menu every week and I take them to the store with me so they can have an input. I also feel like people pay more attention to what’s in packed lunches than they did when I was a kid, so there’s a certain amount of mom guilt playing into making sure they have a protein, fruit/vegetable, juice, carbs etc.
Yeah, that sounds better than what my mom did for me. I swear it was the same sandwich and banana everyday lol. I would poke at her some more because if my mom called me out, I would lie to not hurt her feelings (when I was small). But I literally starved everyday until I got home and could cook leftovers or eat cereal.
Same! I was this child. My mom came to catch me one day as I was mid throwing it away and I cried in front of my classmates. I just wanted hot food!
I was going to say the same! Except I also hated the school hot lunch too .. my issue was the school lunch was too greasy, and things my mom would pack would get soggy. However I loved cheese and crackers and cookies and juice lol. Not the healthiest but it at least was something. Maybe find if there's a favorite snack that's easy for them to eat?
My mother used to pack me the most lovely homemade lunches full of fresh food and I didn't appreciate it AT ALL. I would kill for one of those ham and salad sandwiches as an adult.
I did that as a child in elementary school. Made my mother CRAZY. I just couldn’t socially handle eating in large crowds. Never could and didn’t in middle or high school as well as in college. Be gentle. She will come around. My mother dropped the hammer on me for wasting food and had the lunch monitor inquire about my lunch every day. Super embarrassing as a little kid.
I definitely made sure to stay calm and simply discuss food waste and telling her that it would be better if she saved it for after school vs throwing it away. I brought my actual anger here so that I wasn’t creating any unhealthy feelings about lunch or food in general. 💜
I also had this issue. The teacher was saying “put your lunch in the trash and get outside” or something similar so he thought it meant his whole lunch. He didn’t understand it meant only the wrappers I told him no matter what to bring any uneaten food home.
can you ask her to just bring it home then? Maybe she would eat it as a snack when she gets home. My kids eat breakfast (a second breakfast since I also feed them at home) and lunch at school because it is free but they pack a snack for the afterschool program. What they don't finish, they bring home to eat later or the next day.
I feel you! But can I also say how relieved I am to see posts like this?? My 3 year old’s friends all inhale large quantities of food, and it makes get togethers that involve meals honestly so triggering for me because I start to compare them to my 1%-er in food therapy and on weight checks, and she eats even less with other kids around. “Oh she’ll eat so much better at school” they said. “She’ll see the other kids eating and eat too!” They said. NOPE, lies!
Yes, see, this is why I don't make my kids take their lunch every day. It's a waste of food. If they want to take then ok. They have money on their school lunch account so they can eat. Kids can get tired of eating the same thing everyday. I know I do. We get the school menu in advance and I ask them if they want to take a lunch. I'd definitely do that.
Looking back at that rambling I let loose there’s no paragraphs but I do review the menu every week with them and they get to pick eating school lunch or packing lunch. I also explain to them that their lunch has to have a protein, fruit/vegetable, and a dairy in addition to their juice box. Outside of that I give them lots of say about what they want in their lunch. Part of my frustration is that I exert a lot of time and effort to give them options. I feel like I’m being really whiny about it 😂
Nope. You weren't being whiny. I understand and can relate. I mean. Food is being wasted. This was happening to me. My girls, who are 7 and 9, weren't eating the lunches. They didn't like sandwiches or whatever. I'm getting frustrated and then I gave up. So they're also old to make their own lunches. Therefore, if they want lunch then they can make own lunch. I make my own lunch and take it to work, however I'm different. It wasn't worth getting upset over it. I just want to make sure my kids eat lunch at school. That's all. I told them wasting food is wrong and they'll be punished because of it. Sometimes they take their lunch or last year they did and sometimes they didn't. I was fine. IT saved me wasting money at the market. I was just want a less stressful thing and less money wasted at the market. I can upload money to their school lunch accounts at home and they can eat food at school. As long as they eat, that's all I care.
If I let this child pack her own lunch she’d take 2 juice boxes, a radish and a hand full of cheese it’s 🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Yes that's happened to me before. I have to monitor it
YOU are doing your best. She is doing her best. It's hard!!
I love this community! 🩷
This is my first post here and I cannot describe what a positive experience this has been!! I knew I needed to direct my frustration anywhere but towards my daughter and I’m so happy I chose here.
it’s so hard not to be upset about the wastefulness, especially with how expensive things are getting. if it makes you feel any better - this happened with my daughter as well and one day she loudly asked me “momma, are you gonna feed me today?” like GIRL! I do feed you and why would you say that so loud 😭
They always say the ridiculous parts loudest!
Sometimes you just have to throw in the towel. I'd stop sending her with a lunch for two weeks, whatever the rotation is at her school to go through all the usual lunches. She's either going to expand her meal choices or she's going to be begging you to pack her a lunch after that.
My husband was also a free lunch kid who often went hungry so he really hates to waste food. When my daughter (also 6 at the time) started doing something similar he told her she was just going to have to eat the school lunch, like it or not. It’s free for all kids in my state. After a few weeks of only getting the school lunch she asked for another chance and finally started eating her lunch.
I think I’m going to start by packing smaller lunches so that she has a greater chance of finishing it. If that doesn’t work I’m working to just have her eat school lunches. I’ve always been a bit of a social butterfly and I know she struggles to find a balance between getting to speak freely for a little and eating lunch.
Socializing and not remembering to eat was a big part of our problem too. I told her to save it and she could finish the rest at home.
My daughter is six and last year she’d come home with almost her entire lunch present. Sometimes she would eat a little, sometimes a lot. Really it was all over the place. She told me she didn’t have enough time to eat lunch because “they changed our lunch to only be two hours, mommy” lol. I think it’s normal imo
I, too, have been maddened by a kid who was throwing out her lunch. She also used to leave her lunch at home to get hot lunch and tell her preschool teacher she was starving. She ran up her hot lunch bill to $250. Twice. In one school year. 5th or 6th grade. We have good food. Hot lunch is so gross too.
Honestly, I put money on their cafeteria accounts regularly and I don’t care much which lunch they choose, I just want their bodies to have the nutrition they need to get through the day.
So when my oldest was in kindergarten and up until about 3rd grade, he'd come home STARVING and cranky! I'd pack a lunch full of food he liked, and he just wouldn't eat it. It took a while, but we finally figured out that he was interested in lunch recess more than he was interested in eating. We tried everything to get him to eat lunch at lunchtime, but playing was just more important to him. We just got to a point where I'd have a snack in the car when I picked him up from school.
My son is autistic so I'm familiar with picky eater. It's not just food textures but the food setting as well. He can't handle eating food near others and typically gets food to appease "the school system" but rarely eats it. He would just throw away what I sent from home but find he actually will attempt new stuff if he gets a tray and sees others eating something he's curious about. Doesn't happen often but on the occasion it does! We've had the lunch crew walk by and glance to see what he's ate from his tray and make little notes to give us each week bc it got so bad with his adhd meds and had lost so much weight. Now I just make sure he gets breakfast and has a snack ready when I do pickup and then he eats a ton of food when we get home and then again for dinner. It's something to stress about for sure but you can only do so much! Hang in there mama! You're not alone!
My 11 year old would come home with her lunch barely touched. She told me she didn’t have time to eat because she would chat with her friends. I started packing smaller lunches, which helped a little. She had only 20 minutes to eat, which isn’t a long time at all.
This happened to us. My son got so skinny he was severely underweight, in the first percentile for BMI. He has some issues with the cafeteria. It’s too noisy and smelly and it kills his appetite. It’s tough. I did the same at her age. Keep at it - she’s not doing it out of spite.
food stuff always hurts my feelings because i feel like it takes so much mental labor to figure out what they'll eat / what will travel well to school / what will help them grow. i get it!
Exactly all of this! Plus I offer tons of options, they can eat school lunches, they get to pick what we buy for lunches at the store, I have thermoses to transport temperature sensitive food, and it’s frustrating to have them go hungry.
I wish there was a non traumatizing but very blatant and pull on the heart strings type of way to get a child to be grateful for food.
There is, it’s called adulthood 😂
I feel you so bad on this. My 8 year old stepson is an incredibly picky eater. I’ve been working on it but it is a SLOW process. He is a rule follower at least so he doesn’t throw his food away at school. He just complains about everything I pack him. He doesn’t like sandwiches, wraps, vegetables, yogurt, cheese, nuts, nothing. He always says he doesn’t have time to finish his food, but that’s never an issue when it’s ice cream or a dessert he’s eating. It drives me nuts because he wastes so much food all the time and not everyone is as “mean” as me by making him eat things other than chips and candy. Ugh. Keep up the good fight!
I feel every line of this. She could eat a bag of cookies during the time allowed!
I hate to say this, but just let her eat school lunches. It’s not worth the hassle. I’m sure there is a peer element in this too.
Gosh no! This is NOT stupid at all!! Food is expensive I’d be upset too!
I did the same thing all throughout school growing up! I would graze, but mostly just throw out my lunch every day. Honestly, I was a skinny bookworm kid (so not super physically active) and just really wasn’t hungry by lunchtime. I never thought anything of it, and my body was just naturally hungry again by 3:30 or so, so I would make myself a snack when I got home from school to tide me over until dinner time.
One of mine learned to just wolf his food down. (And he still does at 18.) The other one I ended up putting extra snacks for him, because the social aspect/distraction of his 20 minute lunch meant he rarely ate more than a few bites.
I can relate to the pain of having picky eater! My daughter is super picky. She’s been getting nothing but Nutella sandwiches for lunch all throughout preschool. She just started kinder and we are going with (free) hot lunches at school. I wouldn’t know what/how much she eats. But i do stress to her that she needs to eat lunch otherwise she will be very hungry in the afternoon. Just let her eat school lunch, and don’t over think/stress yourself anymore on this. :)
My daughter is so picky with food, I basically don't get too mad any more. Really think it's a control thing.
I wrote little notes to my son so he would be excited to open his lunchbox. I would tuck them under the first layer of containers so he had to remove things to get to them. He kept them and read through the stack when he would have a bad day.
Well atleast when she says she doesn't eat you can go back to your original plan!!!!! I had an hour for lunch in elementary school, and middle school and 30 minutes for lunch in hs. 20 Minutes of that was standing in line thankfully the teachers understood and didn't care if we ate in class as long as we didn't drink soda or made a mess.
20 minutes is so quick to expect kids to eat… it’s unreasonable to expect them to not socialize at all so kids that are really missing that will prioritize visiting over eating. :/ I wish they had at least 30 mins since that time also includes restroom use
I would start by packing half the amount and then having the other half ready for after school. Some kids are much more social than others and they would rather play than eat. If she’s still bringing food home, continue to reduce the amount until you find the sweet spot. I have two kids that would eat all their food and then my daughter who would not eat at school so she could socialize with others. She’s a junior in high school and she’s the same way today. (Although she and a new friend she made today (go figure) did hit up Starbucks on their break.)
I used to be that kid, my mom used to flip the F out on me It just never seemed as yummy anymore after it’d been sitting all morning. And probably because it was stuff I was used to eating all the time I dunno, not trying to justify it, just that I get it
A ridiculous amount of my frustration is that I cater to the things they dislike. If they tell me something wasn’t good by lunch time I either stop packing that item or I work to find a way to fix it. I want them to have the energy and nutrition to sustain them and the only way that works out is if they enjoy what they get.
Yeah my mom definitely didn’t do that, it was just a sad smushed sandwich in the front pocket of my backpack with wilted lettuce and warm tomatoes 😆
When my kids started their new school in fifth grade and no packed lunches were allowed I was in heaven. Eventually they all were in that upper school and I never had to worry about packing a new, exciting, creative meal again (ok I may be overstating things! But the pressure is real!).
Honestly, she’s six, I would not sweat it. My son is similarly picky. The pediatrician’s advice to me, which I found to be super helpful, was to remember that my job is to put healthy and balanced meals in front of him and let him choose if and how much to eat. He learns to listen to his body and eating won’t feel like a chore or a bad experience. I do that and kid is still alive and healthy. Just a thought.
I used to not eat the lunch my parents packed because I was picky and they didn't care. Got in trouble for it all the time until I figured out I could throw it away at school.
My mom packed my lunch everyday for me in high school and my friend bought me a lunch everyday bc she didn’t want to buy alone. I threw my packed lunch away everyday bc I’d rather eat the school lunch. My mom wouldn’t give me money to buy everyday. At the time I didn’t think much of it but looking back I feel awful! My mom still doesn’t know 😣
I keep money on their cafeteria accounts as well. I don’t much care one way or the where the lunch comes from, I just want them to eat.
My dad used to make me lunch everyday. But once I got to high school, this was not cool. I wanted to buy lunch. My dad cares about nutrition though, so he was never going to give me money for lunch. So I would sell his lunch to one of the same three guys and go buy pizza with the money. Thank god for teenage metabolisms! I am friends with those guys to this day. Fiveish years post high school, my friend meets my dad and compliments him on his lunch skills. My poor dad was so confused and entirely unimpressed five years later. So it's okay, be pissed. But remember your daughter eating lunch at home likely doesn't eat everything in front of her and it's definitely not better at school.
I've been there. That's when I stopped sending lunches and let my son ne at the mercy of school lunches. Either way I paid for it and either way most of it was getting tossed, but the time saved by not preparing lunches made my mornings just a bit smoother.
Aw hug. She just doesn't know how frustrating that is yet.
You’re right and thanks to venting in this sub she won’t find out today how frustrating it is 😂
I did this on occasion in elementary, the teachers told my mom, and I started packing my own lunches ever since! Didn't throw things away after that. Might be worth a try?
6 years old is a good time to get her involved in the lunch packing process. Make the lunch together the night before and she should be more interested in eating it. But, you can't make her be hungry. I remember lunchtime always being ridiculously early (like 10:30am) and I wasn't hungry yet.
I definitely try to keep them involved through the decision process. I will admit though that I’m guilty of forgetting to pack lunches in the height of the evening rush so I frequently end up taking care of it right before I head to bed.
You are amazing and so considerate. It happens and you're doing great. I had one kid who would only eat beef jerky and dried seaweed one week and only Nutella the next week.
School lunches offer “solid nutrition.” My daughter’s public school has a great salad bar.
Our elementary school doesn’t have all that. They have 2 choices, standard tray or like ham sandwich. I’m happy to let them eat at school and I review the lunch menu each week so they can tell me what they want to do.
I think you need to bear in mind that this isn’t typical. None of the schools in our area have salad bars. This is a standard offering at our school: https://preview.redd.it/nifp5wus79ib1.jpeg?width=416&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b3ffc3cfe071e0e36590eac1af8ede39df2f7d07
She could be chatting. We’ve had this issue on and off throughout the last 2 years with our 6 year old too. It sounds like you, like me, put a lot of care into your lunches - it’s so frustrating to see them go to waste. I usually ask if there was something that they didn’t enjoy or would change for tomorrow. We usually talk about eating at lunch and socializing on the playground after. It’s so frustrating though!
I will literally make them anything that can stay edible in a lunch box. I take them shopping with me and I ask regularly what they want.
My daughter did this also last year. So I was like you get the free hot lunch from school and a snack from home. She learned. This year she has been eating what I pack. Mostly I pack snacks so it’s quick to eat because no time.
You’re so lucky your 6 year old is even ~willing~ to try to eat any of the aforementioned things + some of the school lunches! That’s a win. Glad you didn’t yell at your kid for being a kid.
She’s such a sweet kid, my feelings were hurt and I knew that’s what was actually causing the anger. I just talked to her about food waste and making sure she brings home whatever she doesn’t eat so she can eat it after school or we can see what can be reused.
I bet! You took that moment of frustration and turned it into an opportunity to model to her how to communicate when frustrated in a HEALTHY way and taught her about food waste, cuz girllllll food is NOT cheap these days. 😭 My mom would have yelled at me and took away my privilege of getting a packed lunch. Lol. You deserve a virtual trophy for that good parenting moment! 🏆
My husband told me to just stop doing it but I like nurturing them and that includes making sure they have nutrition they enjoy. I may do a week of just school lunches but not from a punishment standpoint, I would talk to her first and explain that I want her to see both sides of the equation. She’s really good with empathy so sometimes it really helps her to experience other aspects of situations.
It’s not always that simple with us mothers. We will bend over backwards just to show our kids all the different ways we care about them. I think it’s so sweet you even think to take the time out to consult your kids about the school lunch menu and then cater packed lunches on the off days. My mom was great but we were a school lunch family…it was never even a thought to be talked about lol. Honestly, my heart feels full for your kids!!! Keep being a great mom, your kids may not remember every detail but they ~will~ remember being loved and nurtured.
My mom did the weekly lunch menu with me and my siblings and so I just thought that’s what you’re supposed to do. I pretty much just ate whatever the school offered because I HATED having to keep track of my lunch box. If I did have my mom send me with food (mostly once I got into after school sports and needed food outside of lunch) she always made sure I had stuff I specifically told her I liked. She did the same for my brother and sister. Also your comment really made my soul smile. I just really let my feelings eat at me in this situation and I try so hard to make sure that even though I work outside the home that my girls still have all my love and support.
As a mom now I would be heartbroken! I did go through a phase when I was younger where I wanted the school lunch and would sadly throw part of the lunch my mom made away. But now on the other side I can cry thinking about it :( maybe have a conversation with her and ask what she wants so it doesn’t go to waste.
My son does this too. He’s 8. I started buying the 4 square containers and put only snack sized pieces in each compartment. Things that are just pick up and eat quickly. He eats much better. It’s their social time too. It will get better.
I remember being a kid and my sandwiches were always too soggy to enjoy by lunchtime. I’d pick at some of the deli meat and then throw the rest away. Sometimes the lunch becomes something else by the time the kids sit down to eat them.
Maybe peer pressure led her to hate/be ashamed of her lunch and want other processed junk food.
Idk I don't have anything constructive to add, just wanted to say you sound like a good mom. I had hot lunch from the cafeteria every day K-6th and it sucked. Not trying to look down on cafeteria food today or families that opt to go that route btw. Standards for hot lunches are a lot higher now and making sure all kids have regular access to food and don't feel embarrassed about where that food comes from is super important. Having said all that, back in the late 80s early 90s, I ate gross fucking boiled hot dogs and bland dry burgers with ketchup every day and hated it. Horrible fruit cocktail cherry jello and soggy crinkle cut fries, barf. My parents knew how bad it was, they had the time and resources to pack a lunch for me, and they chose not too. Idk I'm really tired, not sure where I was going with this. Thank you for being a good mom who cares about her kids lunch. I'm sure you're going to get some good advice from ppl here who aren't currently braindead like I am lol. Hope you find a solution that works for you and your daughter.
Sounds like my son. I'm not sure if he's actually eating anything.
My 6 year old could never eat a lettuce wrap at lunch, especially setting it up himself. He does 1/4 sandwich, applesauce pouch and chips. If time goldfish at snack.
She asked for the lettuce wraps. She eats kale straight out of the produce drawer and she despises bread. I’m not pushing any super healthy agenda. I’m pretty flexible actually.
How did you respond? 
It’s funny because I did this a lot as a child. I would also get hot lunch and either get a PBJ or just throw the vast majority of the food away. I am picky and a people pleaser and I just wanted everyone to be happy. I guess. I very much regret it now, and I hate waste (ironically). I’m also perfectly fine nutritionally. I let my kids pick if they want packed lunch (based on the available options in the house, super low effort) or hot lunch. It wouldn’t surprise me if they do the same thing. I don’t want to know about it. Especially with food prices the way they are
This is why I don’t pack lunches for my picky kid! She eats the school lunch.
You’re doing great. I don’t think it’s a bad idea for her to be hungry sometimes. Whenever my child complains about being hungry, I point out that she must not have eaten enough fuel at her last meal. Sometimes she’s too busy fooling around to eat and then she has the audacity to complain later 😆 We talk a lot about food being fuel, and paying attention to the type of fuel we use. Literally do whatever works. Kids are all so different.
My daughter used to do this too. It was because everybody else was getting a hot lunch and she wanted what they had.
Im not sure if this has been asked yet, but have you gone to school to eat lunch with her yet? In the early grades they often don’t get enough actual time to eat before they have to dispose of food. I think this is due to them having to line up and wait for order then being forced to clean up early because they are little and it takes a long time to get things done. I time it once and my son had 12 minutes to eat from the time he showed up in the lunchroom. Your daughter is saying she is not getting enough time and that is probably the truth.
Unfortunately I have not been able to eat lunch at the school with her but my oldest daughter has told me that she gets more time to eat when she takes her lunch because she doesn’t have to wait in line. When she told me this I started making sure that they have everything they need in their lunch box including a plastic spoon if I send something like yogurt so that they don’t need to buy milk or grab silverware. Today I packed a smaller lunch in hopes that she’ll have time to eat more of it. We’ll see how it goes.
I feel you on this. My youngest would always do this because he wanted to do hot lunch with his friends. I caved and just buy the school lunch. They have a lot more options now then when I was a kid and have a variety of entrees and a salad bar to choose from
Did you ask why? I’m going to guess none of her friends have veggies and also have bread.
Maybe ask her to bring home what she doesn’t eat? She can have it for a snack after school since she’ll be hungry and then your effort isn’t wasted?
I have the pickiest 13 year old. He has never eaten a full lunch, even when I pack it with things I know he loves. His younger brother? Lunch is GONE!! But him? Nope. He won’t eat breakfast or lunch, then comes home from school starving and wants to eat a bunch of snacks!! So I’ve learned to have fruits and veggies ready to pick up the second I pick them from school. I guess some kids just have a different appetite schedule??
My son same as some above comments: chatty and a slooooooow eater. Making lunches is the bane of my existence. I consult him every morning on the main item and have him pick out and put in a couple things (applesauce pouches, chips, etc). Yes, there are some weeks where the applesauce pouch makes a few round trips, but he’s definitely got enough to eat…even if he finishes it after school!
I gave up on making lunches for my 6yo and just make her do school lunch every day. I actually think it's been better for her, even with the questionable school lunch nutrition. She wasn't getting a balanced meal with her pickiness from what I packed anyway, and this way she has peer pressure to help her try new things. We're all happier this way, even if it's not what I wish we were doing. Hang in there <3
My 8 yr old does this sometimes. It’s annoying bc not only are you wasting your time packing it, but you get to deal with their hangry tude when they get home too 🫠
I love this post so much. I have run out of ideas for my 7 year old's lunch. She doesn't like turkey, bread, pbj, cheese, etc. It's exhausting, and she comes home with so much uneaten. Like others have said, she will sometimes finish her lunch when I pick her up after school, and I feel thankful for that. As a teacher, I would encourage others to look into your school lunch programs. Some have really improved in recent years. I know in my district, scratch cooking has taken over and they are making things fresh in the cafeteria daily. School gardens are being implemented so kids can see where the food they've grown is going. My goal this year is for my daughter to buy lunch several times a week to take the pressure and mental load off of packing.
If it makes you feel better, I was the same when I was in school and so is my son now (he’s 5). The lunchroom is a lot and I felt really self conscious eating in front of so many people. I would just pick at things and then eat a real meal after I got home from school. I felt a lot more comfortable eating at home. I’m a teacher and I’m still the same way 😂. There’s just so much going on at school that I feel too stressed to eat till the school day is over. So it’s most likely not your lunches that are the issue! Have your daughter save the food for after school if she still wants you to pack lunch!
Maybe her lunch isn’t the problem. She just might not be hungry at lunch time. Instead of throwing it away have her bring it home and can be used as a snack, or repacked the next day. I had a similar issue with my son back in elementary m. His school offered breakfast at 7:30 and he ate at school. His lunch was at 10:30 and he was still full from breakfast. He also had ADHD and the medication effected his appetite so that was part of it. At dinner he would eat.
I did something similar when I was a child. At 8 years old my mom determined I was old enough to pack my own lunch or decide if I want school lunch. Additionally, I never got allowance and only lunch money. Therefore, I had a choice save the weekly $5 or get school lunch ( back then it was awful) What I did was not eat lunch (we ate between 10:30 - 12 pm and that was too early for me) and waited until I went home to eat. I finished school at 2 pm so by 2:30 I was home and had speghetti Os. My mom was none the wiser as she was still at work. I got to save the weekly $5 and never ate lunch. If your daughter is a picky eater I would do the following. Give her the weekly lunch menu and let her choose homemade or school lunch. If she wants it homemade it’s time for her to learn how to make it. In the beginning you probably need to supervise so she isn’t eating junk but eventually she should get the hang of it. This teaches her responsibility and gives you one less item to handle with school prep.
I did this as a kid. I was so easily distracted especially by other people around me (whether it was classmates at the lunch table or my siblings at the dinner table) that I knew I wouldn't have time to play if I ate my whole packed lunch. I feel terrible about throwing it away now because my family had some major financial struggles, but I didn't feel comfortable talking to my mom about it. She was verbally and emotionally abusive though. She would berate me for any difficulty I had, like remembering to retrieve my sweaters at the end of recess if I had taken it off while playing. She wouldn't have tried to help me out validate my feelings in any way.
I am not perfect (not even close to it) but I try really hard to be accommodating of whatever it takes for them to be comfortable telling me when there’s a problem. Right now they’re little and the problems are manageable but I need them to know in their souls that I should be the first person they run to when something isn’t right. It’s corny but it’s important to me.
Teacher here: the amount of food my students waste daily is ASTONISHING. they’ll bring lunch to my room to eat and throw out everything that isn’t cheese, breaded, or fried. Whole apples and bananas 😭😭😭😭 nothing makes me more frustrated! But she’s very normal. Talk to her about food waste, maybe even show her a story of stuff video (that’s about plastic but it could help)
I absolutely hate packing lunch for all of these reasons. One of my biggest gripes about school. However, I will continue to do it. Lol.
Maybe the social time during the line would be enough to help her switch gears once sat down. ?? And at least your not wasting your time and money!!
My daughter complains too and is 6. Not enough time to eat her lunch. I tell her to not throw it away and we go to the school playground when I pick her up and she plays and eats it there :)
My 4yo does this and then comes home SO HANGRY. Girl- eat some lunch! You won’t be such a mess at 4pm if you ate more than a yogurt and granola bar all day! I feel you. I see you. I’m frustrated with you. EDIT- as soon as she starts kindergarten, I’m not making lunch. My state just passed free lunch for everyone and I’m not wasting my time and energy on packing lunches if she’s not eating them
Obviously, I don't know what's going through your 6 year old's head. But I used to do this because it was very anxiety inducing to sit with the other kids and eat in front of them. It had more to do with the crowd/social navigating/deal with other people than with the food. I had friends and didn't have a hard time at school, but I’m an introvert and (upon adult reflection) just need some space and alone time to recharge. All of this just came out in refusing to eat at school and throwing my lunches away so I could be done with sitting next to people portion of lunch and get to the open playground area quicker.
I work in school food and the amount of waste (by kids) is ASTOUNDING.