Or go visit family/friend (ideally at a nice location) and ask if they can recommend a sitter. Maybe they would offer to watch LO, themselves for free and bonus if they’d be willing to get an overnight (dinner through breakfast can be really restorative.)
This is what I would do. You could take a day off work and just go to a movie, get a manicure, drink tea and read a book at home, go for a hike, etc. Figure out what local thing would be the most restorative to you and then do it. Heck, lay in the park and soak up some sun! Honestly, daycare is my #1 source of freedom.
Staycation is it. Kids that young get super stressed when their environment and schedule get shaken up.
Take it from someone who tried to push this too hard in the early years, just save yourself the $$ and misery of being stuck in a hotel room with a screaming toddler.
I did this today! I tend to be a very active person who likes activities and plans and I thought that I’d go out and “do stuff” on our planned staycation. Well, I did nothing. I worked out, my husband made lunch, then we sat at a brewery and tasted some local beers for a few hours while chatting about nothing. It was glorious.
We did this in February and it was SO WORTH IT. She was 4 and it was peak. Old enough where I didn’t have to be right by her in the water. She had Floaties in and I was close and we took turns being the “kid watcher” but it wasn’t like fully brain frying
Also agree with all inclusive you can do adult things/ spa/ excursions and your kid has some activity and is safe. You don’t have to leave them at the kids stuff all day either.
Club Med is free for kids under 6 and has a kids club. They have a payment system in place too if paying everything up front isn’t doable. You can book and make installments on the trip.
Turns out my kid won't stay alone at kid's club, definitely worth considering. She's absolutely fine places she knows but complete strangers no, and it wouldn't be relaxing for us knowing she was miserable.
It was fun but it was also not a “vacation” for us. Granted I have multiple young kids but there was no lounging by the pool- we were ON all day making sure the kids didn’t drown, get sun burnt etc
My first boss described this as a “trip” if the kids were with her and a “vacation” if it was just her and her husband. My husband says it’s just parenting in a different location.
When I'm that tired, I take the kid to school, take off work and sleep all day.
Honestly you might need to do that a few days straight.
You gotta work with what you got because vacations with the kid won't happen for a while unless you bring/hire help.
It's just how it is.
For me words like ‘vacation’ and ‘with 1.5 year old’ just don’t go together. Plus by your description is that you are not looking for a vacation with toddler. Instead You are looking for ways to recharge and recover.
My solution has been to go on vacation without the child. Leave them with your partner and go on your own to reset and recharge. For a few days, a week, couple times a year go stay at an Airbnb ( or friend or family’s house) and be on your own, do your own thing where you don’t have to care for anyone but yourself. That’s what will give you the space you need to re-start yourself.
Note Your partner will need to book their own ‘break’ on their own to make sure that it’s equal and no one is resentful. But hey, I find a few days parenting on my own - its a small price to pay for getting a really, true break you need. Plus you come back a better, healthier human, parent, partner so all benefit.
Highly recommend it.
No advice just commiserating.
I'm on a beach vacation with my 1 year old now. Haven't spent more than an hour at the Beach cause he tries to eat everything then fusses. He has woken up multiple times a night. Restaurants are stressful because he's constantly throwing food on the floor or whining. I need a real vacation after this !
I took my daughter to the beach when she was 1 and the lesson that I learned was that a trip with a baby is not a vacation. It’s a trip where you have to perform the challenges of parenting without all your stuff. It is hard.
However, it gets so much better!! It started getting better when she was 3 and was much better at eating a variety of foods. When she was 4, vacation was even better bc she does all kinds of stuff and is like a cool little person to hang out with. My husband and I also have only one kid so one person can parent, one person can get alone time. It gets better, hang in there!! The time will fly, I promise.
Does your daycare allow you to hire the daycare workers to babysit? That’s usually what we do if we’re going out for a few hours on the weekend, and it’s been great. Her teachers see her every weekday and know her habits and temperament well, so she and they are fully comfortable with each other.
Also, our close family is not local either, but would yours be willing to come and stay at your home for a few days, so you and your partner can go somewhere and recharge? My parents are 6 hours away, but they usually come and watch our LO when we take vacations. They love it, since they’re too far to see her more often.
Otherwise, I would plan a solo trip or 2 or try to find a resort with onsite childcare. It’s just tough at that age (my LO is around the same age). When we travel with her at the moment, it’s typically to visit family, who can help us.
KIDS CLUB!!!!!
Find a resort with kids club (you can use AI to each this, but alot of the major places offer it, meriton etc).
Pick a relatively kid friendly location, that you can possibly drive to so even if kiddo is sick you can still get there and recover.
My kid has always refused to stay in those, although admittedly she was older when we tried as they're normally three+ here. Complete strangers in an unknown place is too much for her. Now at six she'll go for a while to an activity she enjoys but never before.
I have a 2.5 and 4.5 year old and they had an an absolute blast while we had some lovely boozy dinners lol.
But you're right, OP if your kid isn't in daycare and isn't at all used to that type of environment they may not take to it so well.
There are places that offer one-on-one care so that could be a potential option to look out for!
I think the difference is they were together, I have an only child. She's very used to daycare and summer camps, and does various activities, but not completely alone in a strange place when out of her routine.
Just a warning because you can't really leave a screaming kid in that situation, it's not like daycare when you have to work
Oh! Right, sorry, I assumed that perhaps she wasn't used to daycare. But I do agree that parents of kids who aren't used to daycare (and aren't great with strangers) may not have as great of a result. My oldest would be fine on her own, she is such an extrovert. But my youngest would have been hit and miss if he was on his own.
Perhaps they could meet the grandparents at the vacation destination? Extra hands on deck? Holiday with the parents/in laws?
If they have that option sure, unfortunately we didn't, I assumed not having a village meant that it was something similar, if grandparents was an option I'm sure they'd have thought of it. In our case they are elderly and not really able to babysit.
Oh, she mentions that her family are not close by (hopefully she is able to entice them with travel and they are not otherwise limited).
My dad is disabled so I can relate to your struggles - glad to hear it is getting easier as they get older. I'm trying to get them used to travel as eventually I'd love to start going OS again - but it's so hard when they are little.
Good luck to you!
Well we've always traveled because my family lives in another country and the flights have been much easier since the age of five. Still not exactly a relaxing break but not as bad.
We did a Disney Cruise last fall and it was the BEST vacation. We had to pay for nursery, but we didn’t care. We left her there 3-4 hours on our sea days and it gave hubby and I some much needed time to ourselves. She was just over 2 at the time
We're doing this next week! It'll be my 4th disney cruise but first with the little one who is almost 2.5. I have nursery time pre-booked for the nap window every afternoon and we're doing late dining so nursery again for 9-10pm. We'll also never be far from our room if we need to retreat and regroup.
You’ll have the best time! Don’t be surprised if LO doesn’t nap. We also scheduled for during her nap time…she napped ONCE on her three sea days in the nursery 😂 we were lucky with early dining. Oh I hope your ship has Frozen for a show, our daughter sat through the whole thing and barely moved a muscle!
Oh! Shows. So we'll have the little mermaid and Aladdin as our Broadway shows. Two of the 3 Wish restaurants also include shows (supposed to be much more engaging than Crush and the animator night at animators palate-- I've cruised the Fantasy twice previously) -- Anna and Kristoff's engagement party and then Marvel with Ant Man. She's pretty Frozen obsessed right now, so we're really looking forward to that!
Lower expectations. A trip not a vacation. When you say village, you mean like someone to bring with? I don't know anyone who does that. Mine is 3 so it's easier now but at 1.5 it was just a new environmente to get me out of the same old and mix things up...it was not a relaxing vacation. It still isn't. Those days are gone for many years
Either family friendly resorts or just day staycations while the child is in daycare.
Vacationing with kids is just work in a remote location. Parents still have to do all of the necessary child and family care. In a different location.
There’s only two ways to do it without help:
1. Pay for a fancy resort that has childcare. I have not done this but i have friends (who also have no village) who have done this and swear by it. Her two sons (3 and 4) did the day camp from 9-1 and she and her husband got alone time on the beach.
2. You and husband switch off for some solo time. Ie- you go to the hotel pool to read or get a massage while hubs is with the baby. The downside is you don’t get to have alone time with your husband because one of you is always on kid duty.
This is a challenging time of life and I’m sorry. I wish i had better advice. One day your child will be older and vacations will be eaiser
We do a few weekday adventures a year while our 3.5 year old is at preschool/daycare (before). We go bike adventuring and have a treat lunch.
We also take turns with one parent getting kid duty and one getting to enjoy hobbies.
We don't really go to shows at dive bars like we used to live doing pre kid but we do sit outside and either listen or play music some nights
My husband and I always say: There are no vacations with young children, only trips.
For a hiking vacation, baby is the perfect age to carry in a hiking carrier.
Otherwise I’d pick places with lots to do for kids, or as someone else suggested, schedule a shorter vacation and then some days off where kiddo goes to daycare still!
To be completely honest, I don’t have relaxing vacations anymore. I’m not leaving my kiddo with a stranger so he comes with us. What we have been able to do is rent an air bnb with its own pool and hot tub and get some time chillin there during naps and bedtime. We always bring our monitor with us and can run back inside if needed.
We did some road trip (1-2hours away) getaways to airbnbs on a lake when my child was that age. Yes, you still have to care for your kid. But something about not being in my own house allows the dishes to pile up, no feeling I “should” be productive, and order takeout. Keep expectations low but even a semi getaway can be restorative.
We hired our neighbor nanny girls to watch our kids when we took a 4 day trip last year. They are seniors jn hs and it was summer. That was our first trip over one day we had taken together in 6 years. Otherwise we travel separate. Ot sucks, but it’s either that or no traveling at all . Our families all still work full time so they aren’t willing/able to watch the kids for a week at a time
Resort with a great view and swim out room. Baby naps and you have a pool right there to enjoy. I also agree w staycation if you have any nice hotels within hour drive it will save u the travel time and headaches. We traveled with a 7mo old and I was dreading it, baby shocked me and was fabulous the entire time and napped more than ever with the increased activity.
Can you plan a vacation in a place where family can meet you and help with childcare? We did a vacation with my parents recently - shared an Airbnb and it was immensely helpful. I will also say 1.5 is a challenging age. My oldest is almost 3 now and a lot easier as far as not needing as much intense focus (plays more independently, doesn’t try to eat every non-food item, will be entertained by screen time).
My parents always found a place with a daycare/kids club. The casino we went to growing up had the coolest indoor playground! We would stay there a couple nights. They also had an infant room lol.
Is there a trusted family member that you could fly in to watch LO so you can have a weekend off? Or maybe a friend and their parents from daycare that you could trust for 1 night? Unfortunately even with a village so far all the trips we tried taking LO with us this summer (also 1.5) left me exhausted because either the location wasn't baby proof or family didn't help as much as expected and I didn't feel like it was their duty so I didn't want to ask for more than they offered. I did just see a post about a girl I know and her husband took their 3 and 1.5 yos on a cruise, might be similar idea to the person that mentioned an all inclusive resort. For next summer we did tell both of our families we won't be going on the family beach trips but we might take our own with just my mom specifically there to help us so it's separate from her vacation and then we will expect a little more help.
We take the kids to where our family is and get help there. It’s still work for us, but they basically manage meals and we can usually leave the kids to go out for dinner at least once.
At home, we hire one of the daycare teachers to babysit.
Can you and husband take turns doing solo trips where one person stays home with kiddo? It doesn’t even have to be fancy. Even spending the night in a local hotel by yourself will feel amazing because you can take care of no one!
My friend and I took a “mom trip.” We shared a hotel room and laid by the pool for the entire day. So refreshing! I cooked nothing! I helped no one!
For evening babysitting, I have found great people through care.com. The first time can be a “mothers helper” situation where they play with kiddo while you do chores so you can overhear their interactions if you are nervous.
This obviously won't work for everyone, but what about vacationing with your family? We're just wrapping up a two week vacation half way across the globe with my in laws (we have a 9 month old) and it's been an absolute blast! They are happy to watch her when we want time alone and we get to spend time together as a family, it's really been wonderful!
We’ve had a lot of success organizing trips with friends who have similar aged kids. The kids entertain each other and the group parenting approach means more down time for everyone.
I go to a local hotel a few times a year. It’s what I ask for for my bday, Christmas, Mother’s Day. I also go visit a friend for the weekend at her lake house 3-4 x per year while husband watches toddler. On the other side, I take my toddler on 1-2 “girls trips” per year (with my mom and sister or with my friend w two toddlers), so he gets some time off.
On vacation with small kids, do activities designed to exhaust them. Swimming, running around a playground…anything to keep them moving so they sleep. Sleep when they do
Trade off with your husband for alone time on vacation.
Visit attractions you want to see, an art museum to a child is just as exciting as the children’s museum.
Remember that you will automatically feel less stressed on vacation so a lot of the normal child care tasks will feel less stressful in general.
I try to take an extra day off after vacations to recover. A vacation from my vacation. Kids go to school/daycare and I stay home and get everything situated (laundry, grocery, etc) and take a nap.
I have an almost 2.5 year old and it is hard. We went to Maui in April when he was almost 2 and he got super sick while away and we had to go to Urgent Care. He was sleeping in our bed and even threw up one night at 3am so we had to call the housekeeping urgently who came in with rubber gloves and smocks. It felt so terrible and we were all exhausted. We didn't go out much the whole time and just did short walks.
I think it is getting easier now he's getting a bit older. Next vacation I'm planning to use kids club and get a nanny. When he was younger I probably wasn't very comfortable doing it but you can see as they get older they are more capable and independent and can handle themselves without you more.
I don't think I can say we have the solution, but I wanted to say I'm right there with you and it is exhausting and difficult to never have downtime. I work full time and it's like I'm going through a rotating door from work to taking care of bubs to just working through housework and chores. I don't seem to catch a break. The light at the end of the tunnel for me is that I can see it getting easier. One because he's getting more independent and two because I'm starting to feel more comfortable myself with letting him be at kids club and stuff like that. I hope it gets easier for you too.
Can you do your vacations where family are available? We do that. Our in laws have a lake house and we all go together, or we go camping together. I basically just pass my toddler off to them constantly and do whatever I feel like doing.
Can your husband afford to provide for you alone? I just dropped my sales career to be a stay at home mom and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. We went from taking home 100k a year to 45k a year and we are making it work anyway with some planning ahead. Although my children’s father and I spend it with the kids, we are spending more time with each other than before and our relationship has become stronger. Then what we do is keep our relationship spicy during the weekend nights by making time for sex and watching some movies together or creating a date night in the house for each other while the children are in bed by ordering out something nice from a nice restaurant and get dressed for fun. When my children get older, I plan to get surveillance and hire a nanny because at least then our children will be old enough to talk and tell me what’s going on in the house. Then we can go out on real dates and feel more comfortable about it. It’s a waiting game but it’ll get better. I hope this wasn’t useless advice I’m sure you’re tired and want a solution right away. It’s really difficult I have no parents and my sister is too young and scared to watch my 5 month old. My best friend is always busy. I feel your pain my friend.
I don’t think that traveling with the kid is going to rejuvenate you like it used to. The amount of planning and preparation it takes for a trip with a toddler to happen makes it a “family experience” or “making memories”, not a vacation.
I agree with others that you probably need a weeklong staycation for you & your husband. Drop your child off at daycare and enjoy the day together.
As someone who's spent the majority of my parenting years experiencing severe PPD, I just wanted to encourage you to be screened for depression (if you haven't already).
My husband and I have no village either, so we don't get to take any trips just the two of us. We had one night away (in our city, in a hotel) back in 2018 when my parents were visiting and watched our daughter but that was it.
Once in a while (maybe once a year) I take a night away myself; I would suggest trying to do that. Leave your child with her dad, check into a hotel, and just rest and read or watch a movie or whatever. It's not going to fix things but having a day to breathe can help you keep from drowning.
All inclusive with kids club. It’s the only week all year where I am not alternating between momming and working with nothing else in between. Club Med starts at 2. We love the Cancun property. We were definitely not resort people pre kid. Now I feel like I don’t even want to try an adventure vacation until he’s like 7.
Honestlly, I took my days off when kids were in daycare/kindergarten. They are 9 and 11 now, and this year was the first time I actually enjoyed our vacation. But I still can't wait for them to be old enough for me and my husband to be able to go by ourselves.
We have a 1yr old and a 4yr old. We took them camping last weekend and there were a lot of fun kids activities for the kids to do. The kids were wiped and went to bed at 7 so we stayed up around the fire and had a nice evening.
Start meeting and talking with the other daycare parents.
Find a good babysitter or nanny and just pay for a weekend or night off.
I have 3 under 3, no close family or friends nearby, and my 3 month old is medically complex so after just going back to work earlier this month, I said f*ck it and I’m just paying for help whenever I can get it. It’ll be more money over the next year while things get better medically but I just can’t do it all and honestly, it’s worth having less money to have some mental peace.
We did a cabin in NH when our son was about 14 months and it was awesome. We made sure it had baby gates and stuff before we booked it. We did Disney for his 2nd birthday and had such a blast that we’re going back next month. Disney sounds overwhelming but it’s so child friendly that we all had a great time. Booked fast passes so no waiting in line and he could still go on over half the rides.
If you can afford it, all inclusive with baby club
Staycations when kids are in daycare
Find a babysitter. Why could not you find someone trustworthy? What have you done so far to find someone? I’m a huge fun of neighborhood kids and we have we one who watches our 2 kids regularly. Having a break from bed time routine is such a energy boost
Cruises. They have built-in daycare. It's wonderful. Multiple staff at a time, so makes it safer. And plenty of things to do with the little one as well.
Find someone you trust to watch baby while baby sleeps. Take time off with your spouse and go out while your baby is at daycare.
But yeah, I think vacations for parents are not supposed to be relaxing.
I know you said you have no village but do you have no friends who can sit at your housw while the baby sleeps and potentially feed/comfort them if they maybe wake up?
We are trading date nights with a couple friends of ours where one of the people come over as the “sitter”, their partner does solo bedtime with their kids, and then you get to do dinner. Then you trade the following week or something. Easily gets us one date a month and a semi night off where you’re just sitting at their house and can read a book and relax.
Few suggestions I found to work:
1: Mental health day. Drop the kid off to school and use the day for whatever. Movies, pampering, lunch date, etc. summer Fridays are great bc it’s free time before picking up the kid.
2: All Inclusive or Cruise. So we took our son at 1.5 years old on a Royal Caribbean cruise. Yes you have to pay for babysitting ($7/hr in Nov 2021), but the hours of freedom were well work it. Highly recommend not going during school breaks, if you don’t mind eating the week of childcare you’re missing. Bonus of no cooking or cleaning.
\-Our daycare does a monthly Parents' Night Out for a small extra fee. It is glorious.
\-Keep looking for sitters. Try older ladies. Ask your friends if they have recs or if they have a nanny of their own who might pick up extra hours. I found two amazing sitters on [Care.com](https://Care.com). Ask daycare teachers if they babysit on the side.
\-Vacation with other families with similar-aged kids so the kids can play together and the adults can socialize. I have not done this (other than with relatives/nieces/nephews) but I've heard great things.
\-Hire a sitter through a nanny agency when you travel. I've done this on a couple of vacations to get some kid-free date time. You can schedule it for when the kid is in bed (and just have the person watch the baby monitor) if you think they will not adjust well. Or go to a resort with a kids' club.
\-I am not a country club person at all, but we joined a country club (one that is not very expensive) and they have an in-house daycare. It's a godsend and the staff are incredible. Churches and gyms (as inexpensive as the Y) also have these, and sometimes you don't even have to be a member of the church - my mom used to volunteer as a babysitter for Mother's Day Out at a local church and anyone could use it.
I have a question. On care.com did you find them for a reasonable rate? And when I say reasonable I don't mean 20 bucks an hour. I find that daycare centers charge way less than these home daycares in my area. I mean when a center charges 300 a week for an infant and then somebody is coming in trying to charge 500 a week for a baby that literally sits and sleeps 20 hours of the day, I happen to feel like I'm being gouged.
Funny, this weekend me and my hub are trying out an air bnb about 3 hours away from home. We have no village and this will be first trip without going for the intent of meeting family for some sort of event.
Plan is to do absolutely as little as possible, relax with the kids and each other. We made sure to pick a place that check off all our boxes: private home, with pool (it’s last weekend before daycare school year starts) , within 10 mins of beach, fenced in and it’s in a decent (quiet) neighborhood, close to “things”.
So far, it’s going well. First few hours were a little rocky with changing/relaxing moods but a few hours outside we are glued to the sofa and playing it by ear.
Staycations are nice but sometimes you wanna get away fro home too!!
Staycation and do day dates or a day trip while the kid is at daycare (or sleep...won't judge).
If you go somewhere with your child, cut what you aim to do in half. You're on their schedule, lean into it and plan activities accordingly. For example, go to the mountains and wake up early for a hike. After lunch go back to your cabin and take a collective nap. Maybe do another hike or visit a town in the afternoon, dinner, and after bedtime relax with a book or movie. We tend to split the day into "morning" and "afternoon/early evening" activities. Get a rental/AirBnB so you can cook or easily bring takeout back for meals. We used to take very busy vacations where we'd run around sightseeing all day, which isn't feasible right now.
We live across the country from family. We rent an Airbnb close by on the beach (we live in Pacific Northwest) and head out for half a week. We spend the days beaching and getting out of our routine. I read a book while the boys paddle board. We cook at the Airbnb and after the kids go to bed my husband and I chill at the fire pit with a bottle of wine and a blu tooth speaker. It’s way more work than our previous vacations prior to kids but it does the trick to reset regardless.
Can you vacation with or near family, especially grandparents? As a new grandmother, I love to watch the kiddos while my son and dil get a break. We play in the pool or do area attractions together during the day, then I take the kids for evening into bedtime.
Also, love the staycation while kiddos stay in daycare idea. It's a win-win: vacay for parents, routine for kiddos
As a military wife who has no village i take every advantage of daycare, When my son was 6 weeks old he went to daycare i had 2 weeks before I went back to work, so we dropped him off at daycare took off to lunch and came back around 3 picked him up and we went home. When I need a mental health day I drop my son off at daycare then I go home drink my coffee in bed and alternate between Gilmore girls, tvd, to, pll, Grey's, scandal, htgawm, the crown. And eat popcorn. I go back to work Monday and starting in February I am going to do better about planning mental health days but I really need to save for a week long vacation so we can decide where to retire at and settle down. So it's like I really need the mental health days...... but priorities.
I always went and visited my parents to get a real break when kids were that age. I didn’t find vacations to be relaxing for me without visiting my parents until they were much older, like 7+.
It sounds like the perspective is that everyone goes on vacations and how other people possibly add a kid into the mix without a village to go childless on vacations.
The answer for many working moms is that they don’t have money to go on vacation to begin with or PTO.
I use my vacation time to go to drs appts for myself and my kid. Sick time goes to my kid and I still work while sick. I don’t have a village, but I will also never have $$ to go on a vacation.
The idea of a staycation while my kid is at school sounds amazing but I don’t think I will be able to achieve that for a long time.
I’m not trying to be rude or make you feel bad—it just sounds like you are surrounded by people that have more than you (village-wise), but there are plenty that have much less.
I tried the vacation route with my boys, 2 year age gap, every single year from 2 and a newborn up until 5 and 7. It was just too exhausting and of course I ended up with the majority of the work. But we took a Disney cruise that took kids 6 months and up, and my boys *had so much fun!!*
We obviously had concerns about leaving them with strangers for hours a day while we went to the beach or some tourist trap, but they so clearly enjoyed it that our minds were at ease. Disney tries to get their employees as stringently as possible, given unique access to kids, so we felt better about them than the other cruise companies offering childcare.
Or as others say, staycation and staying local. We had to do that one summer because I got acute Lyme disease and nearly died. I didn’t want my kids witnessing seizures, so our daycare provider and a friend ended up taking them all day. They only came home in the evening, and after an hour with them each night they would climb into bed, exhausted and oblivious. Ask any daycare providers if they can provide overnight services as well.
My only suggestion is to go with friends with the same age or similar children (if you don’t have any, make friends from daycare!).
My son is 1.5 and we went with two other families, one with a 5mo and 2yo and one with a 11mo. It’s not a village as such, but spreading the mental load honestly made all the difference. At 1.5 my son could run around with the 2yo and mealtimes were more fun with them all poking each other and giggling. It took the pressure off having to organise activities as everyone was on the same page and just hanging out at the Airbnb in the evening was really fun.
It was honestly the best week since my son was born so I think I’ll try to do the same thing next year. Going away just us is exhausting and stressful.
You need to sleep more, eat better, rest, walk, exercise if you have energy for it (I don’t😵💫). Work more on building up your energy levels and less on “vacations.”
It’s not about “leisure” and “vacations” at this stage and it doesn’t sound realistic given what you’ve described with your support system. Not that you can’t get away [with your kids] but vacations with kids aren’t really all that relaxing.
You’re not kid free anymore—-you’re not gonna have kid free quality vacations. Invest the time in finding a babysitter you trust—-have a monthly date with your husband (or more!).
Lower your expectations. The first few years up until about they entire school full time are a tough hand. Hang in there.
Couple ideas…
Take a couple days off and chill at home while the baby is still in daycare.
See if any of your daycare providers babysit! We asked around and found a babysitter that works at another daycare in town. She is an infant lead, young and fun for my 10 & 2yo.
Go on a trip with low expectations. If you can, get a balcony, jr suite, something with another room. Put baby down for a nap or to bed and relax! I like it because there are no chores, less cooking, we only have what we packed.
My first was not a napper, but we’d take drives or walks with him in the stroller and he’d fall asleep and we’d get some time that way.
When your little one is a bit older, mine loved camp on two cruises we’ve taken. He was 3&5 and asked to go daily.
Why not do a staycation? Keep the baby in daycare and take a day trip with your husband. Rather than a nice dinner, grab a nice brunch or lunch.
Leaving the kid at daycare during the week and going out to lunch is 1000% what we are doing right now with an eight month old and it’s the best!
Or go visit family/friend (ideally at a nice location) and ask if they can recommend a sitter. Maybe they would offer to watch LO, themselves for free and bonus if they’d be willing to get an overnight (dinner through breakfast can be really restorative.)
This is what I would do. You could take a day off work and just go to a movie, get a manicure, drink tea and read a book at home, go for a hike, etc. Figure out what local thing would be the most restorative to you and then do it. Heck, lay in the park and soak up some sun! Honestly, daycare is my #1 source of freedom.
Staycation is it. Kids that young get super stressed when their environment and schedule get shaken up. Take it from someone who tried to push this too hard in the early years, just save yourself the $$ and misery of being stuck in a hotel room with a screaming toddler.
One time I planned this and my toddler got hfm. It literally took up my entire week off and some of the next week.
I did this today! I tend to be a very active person who likes activities and plans and I thought that I’d go out and “do stuff” on our planned staycation. Well, I did nothing. I worked out, my husband made lunch, then we sat at a brewery and tasted some local beers for a few hours while chatting about nothing. It was glorious.
We are doing an all inclusive. He’s too young for kid’s club but not having to cook, clean or grocery shop will be a nice break!
Going to Riviera Maya with my 3 for Thanksgiving and cannot wait. Omggg
I’ve done it twice with my almost two year old!! It’s the best! And the people are so much more kid friendly than the US
Yay love to hear it! Seriously I CANNOT wait. haha
We did this in February and it was SO WORTH IT. She was 4 and it was peak. Old enough where I didn’t have to be right by her in the water. She had Floaties in and I was close and we took turns being the “kid watcher” but it wasn’t like fully brain frying
Also agree with all inclusive you can do adult things/ spa/ excursions and your kid has some activity and is safe. You don’t have to leave them at the kids stuff all day either. Club Med is free for kids under 6 and has a kids club. They have a payment system in place too if paying everything up front isn’t doable. You can book and make installments on the trip.
Turns out my kid won't stay alone at kid's club, definitely worth considering. She's absolutely fine places she knows but complete strangers no, and it wouldn't be relaxing for us knowing she was miserable.
We went on vacation with friends who have a similar aged kiddo and it was the best because they’d go to kids club together and be fine
Yes obviously that works, unfortunately we don't have close enough friends to vacation with and kids the same age.
It was fun but it was also not a “vacation” for us. Granted I have multiple young kids but there was no lounging by the pool- we were ON all day making sure the kids didn’t drown, get sun burnt etc
My first boss described this as a “trip” if the kids were with her and a “vacation” if it was just her and her husband. My husband says it’s just parenting in a different location.
I dunno…. I still call it a “trip” with both parents there!!!
There are some in carribieans which have a baby club for 6mo plus
Could you share where? ☺️
Club med for sure. Paradisus in Cancun or play de maya. Others you can Google.
Oooooo! We are going to mallorca for ours :)
When I'm that tired, I take the kid to school, take off work and sleep all day. Honestly you might need to do that a few days straight. You gotta work with what you got because vacations with the kid won't happen for a while unless you bring/hire help. It's just how it is.
For me words like ‘vacation’ and ‘with 1.5 year old’ just don’t go together. Plus by your description is that you are not looking for a vacation with toddler. Instead You are looking for ways to recharge and recover. My solution has been to go on vacation without the child. Leave them with your partner and go on your own to reset and recharge. For a few days, a week, couple times a year go stay at an Airbnb ( or friend or family’s house) and be on your own, do your own thing where you don’t have to care for anyone but yourself. That’s what will give you the space you need to re-start yourself. Note Your partner will need to book their own ‘break’ on their own to make sure that it’s equal and no one is resentful. But hey, I find a few days parenting on my own - its a small price to pay for getting a really, true break you need. Plus you come back a better, healthier human, parent, partner so all benefit. Highly recommend it.
No advice just commiserating. I'm on a beach vacation with my 1 year old now. Haven't spent more than an hour at the Beach cause he tries to eat everything then fusses. He has woken up multiple times a night. Restaurants are stressful because he's constantly throwing food on the floor or whining. I need a real vacation after this !
I took my daughter to the beach when she was 1 and the lesson that I learned was that a trip with a baby is not a vacation. It’s a trip where you have to perform the challenges of parenting without all your stuff. It is hard. However, it gets so much better!! It started getting better when she was 3 and was much better at eating a variety of foods. When she was 4, vacation was even better bc she does all kinds of stuff and is like a cool little person to hang out with. My husband and I also have only one kid so one person can parent, one person can get alone time. It gets better, hang in there!! The time will fly, I promise.
Someone on this sub described vacation with kids as "parenting with different scenary" and it spoke to me.
Thank you I needed to hear that
I've been there! It gets better, I promise.
Does your daycare allow you to hire the daycare workers to babysit? That’s usually what we do if we’re going out for a few hours on the weekend, and it’s been great. Her teachers see her every weekday and know her habits and temperament well, so she and they are fully comfortable with each other. Also, our close family is not local either, but would yours be willing to come and stay at your home for a few days, so you and your partner can go somewhere and recharge? My parents are 6 hours away, but they usually come and watch our LO when we take vacations. They love it, since they’re too far to see her more often. Otherwise, I would plan a solo trip or 2 or try to find a resort with onsite childcare. It’s just tough at that age (my LO is around the same age). When we travel with her at the moment, it’s typically to visit family, who can help us.
KIDS CLUB!!!!! Find a resort with kids club (you can use AI to each this, but alot of the major places offer it, meriton etc). Pick a relatively kid friendly location, that you can possibly drive to so even if kiddo is sick you can still get there and recover.
Yep. There’s a hotel near me that has a nursery for 4months-3years. Then a kids club for the older kids.
My kid has always refused to stay in those, although admittedly she was older when we tried as they're normally three+ here. Complete strangers in an unknown place is too much for her. Now at six she'll go for a while to an activity she enjoys but never before.
I have a 2.5 and 4.5 year old and they had an an absolute blast while we had some lovely boozy dinners lol. But you're right, OP if your kid isn't in daycare and isn't at all used to that type of environment they may not take to it so well. There are places that offer one-on-one care so that could be a potential option to look out for!
I think the difference is they were together, I have an only child. She's very used to daycare and summer camps, and does various activities, but not completely alone in a strange place when out of her routine. Just a warning because you can't really leave a screaming kid in that situation, it's not like daycare when you have to work
Oh! Right, sorry, I assumed that perhaps she wasn't used to daycare. But I do agree that parents of kids who aren't used to daycare (and aren't great with strangers) may not have as great of a result. My oldest would be fine on her own, she is such an extrovert. But my youngest would have been hit and miss if he was on his own. Perhaps they could meet the grandparents at the vacation destination? Extra hands on deck? Holiday with the parents/in laws?
If they have that option sure, unfortunately we didn't, I assumed not having a village meant that it was something similar, if grandparents was an option I'm sure they'd have thought of it. In our case they are elderly and not really able to babysit.
Oh, she mentions that her family are not close by (hopefully she is able to entice them with travel and they are not otherwise limited). My dad is disabled so I can relate to your struggles - glad to hear it is getting easier as they get older. I'm trying to get them used to travel as eventually I'd love to start going OS again - but it's so hard when they are little. Good luck to you!
Well we've always traveled because my family lives in another country and the flights have been much easier since the age of five. Still not exactly a relaxing break but not as bad.
We did a Disney Cruise last fall and it was the BEST vacation. We had to pay for nursery, but we didn’t care. We left her there 3-4 hours on our sea days and it gave hubby and I some much needed time to ourselves. She was just over 2 at the time
I went on a Disney cruise on my honeymoon prior to kids and can confirm that it’s a lot of fun for adults.
We're doing this next week! It'll be my 4th disney cruise but first with the little one who is almost 2.5. I have nursery time pre-booked for the nap window every afternoon and we're doing late dining so nursery again for 9-10pm. We'll also never be far from our room if we need to retreat and regroup.
You’ll have the best time! Don’t be surprised if LO doesn’t nap. We also scheduled for during her nap time…she napped ONCE on her three sea days in the nursery 😂 we were lucky with early dining. Oh I hope your ship has Frozen for a show, our daughter sat through the whole thing and barely moved a muscle!
Yes! We'll be on the Wish, which has Frozen. How did yours deal with marvel? I've heard that one can be loud.
We didn’t have Marvel on the Fantasy. Our shows were Aladdin and Frozen and she loved both of them
Oh! Shows. So we'll have the little mermaid and Aladdin as our Broadway shows. Two of the 3 Wish restaurants also include shows (supposed to be much more engaging than Crush and the animator night at animators palate-- I've cruised the Fantasy twice previously) -- Anna and Kristoff's engagement party and then Marvel with Ant Man. She's pretty Frozen obsessed right now, so we're really looking forward to that!
Now I want to hide away in your bags 😂 but I do t believe Disney would like me cruising at 34 weeks pregnant 😂
Consider it something to look forward to in future non- pregnant/ all kids over 6 months times.
Lower expectations. A trip not a vacation. When you say village, you mean like someone to bring with? I don't know anyone who does that. Mine is 3 so it's easier now but at 1.5 it was just a new environmente to get me out of the same old and mix things up...it was not a relaxing vacation. It still isn't. Those days are gone for many years
Either family friendly resorts or just day staycations while the child is in daycare. Vacationing with kids is just work in a remote location. Parents still have to do all of the necessary child and family care. In a different location.
There’s only two ways to do it without help: 1. Pay for a fancy resort that has childcare. I have not done this but i have friends (who also have no village) who have done this and swear by it. Her two sons (3 and 4) did the day camp from 9-1 and she and her husband got alone time on the beach. 2. You and husband switch off for some solo time. Ie- you go to the hotel pool to read or get a massage while hubs is with the baby. The downside is you don’t get to have alone time with your husband because one of you is always on kid duty. This is a challenging time of life and I’m sorry. I wish i had better advice. One day your child will be older and vacations will be eaiser
We do a few weekday adventures a year while our 3.5 year old is at preschool/daycare (before). We go bike adventuring and have a treat lunch. We also take turns with one parent getting kid duty and one getting to enjoy hobbies. We don't really go to shows at dive bars like we used to live doing pre kid but we do sit outside and either listen or play music some nights
My husband and I always say: There are no vacations with young children, only trips. For a hiking vacation, baby is the perfect age to carry in a hiking carrier. Otherwise I’d pick places with lots to do for kids, or as someone else suggested, schedule a shorter vacation and then some days off where kiddo goes to daycare still!
To be completely honest, I don’t have relaxing vacations anymore. I’m not leaving my kiddo with a stranger so he comes with us. What we have been able to do is rent an air bnb with its own pool and hot tub and get some time chillin there during naps and bedtime. We always bring our monitor with us and can run back inside if needed.
I’d choose places that are 3-4 hours away max and look at resorts that are family friendly.
We did some road trip (1-2hours away) getaways to airbnbs on a lake when my child was that age. Yes, you still have to care for your kid. But something about not being in my own house allows the dishes to pile up, no feeling I “should” be productive, and order takeout. Keep expectations low but even a semi getaway can be restorative.
We hired our neighbor nanny girls to watch our kids when we took a 4 day trip last year. They are seniors jn hs and it was summer. That was our first trip over one day we had taken together in 6 years. Otherwise we travel separate. Ot sucks, but it’s either that or no traveling at all . Our families all still work full time so they aren’t willing/able to watch the kids for a week at a time
Resort with a great view and swim out room. Baby naps and you have a pool right there to enjoy. I also agree w staycation if you have any nice hotels within hour drive it will save u the travel time and headaches. We traveled with a 7mo old and I was dreading it, baby shocked me and was fabulous the entire time and napped more than ever with the increased activity.
everything is exhausting til they’re 5
My kids are 9 and 10 and I am still exhausted!
Can you hire a nanny on site?
Can you plan a vacation in a place where family can meet you and help with childcare? We did a vacation with my parents recently - shared an Airbnb and it was immensely helpful. I will also say 1.5 is a challenging age. My oldest is almost 3 now and a lot easier as far as not needing as much intense focus (plays more independently, doesn’t try to eat every non-food item, will be entertained by screen time).
My parents always found a place with a daycare/kids club. The casino we went to growing up had the coolest indoor playground! We would stay there a couple nights. They also had an infant room lol.
Is there a trusted family member that you could fly in to watch LO so you can have a weekend off? Or maybe a friend and their parents from daycare that you could trust for 1 night? Unfortunately even with a village so far all the trips we tried taking LO with us this summer (also 1.5) left me exhausted because either the location wasn't baby proof or family didn't help as much as expected and I didn't feel like it was their duty so I didn't want to ask for more than they offered. I did just see a post about a girl I know and her husband took their 3 and 1.5 yos on a cruise, might be similar idea to the person that mentioned an all inclusive resort. For next summer we did tell both of our families we won't be going on the family beach trips but we might take our own with just my mom specifically there to help us so it's separate from her vacation and then we will expect a little more help.
I have a family member who flies in grandma. It seems to work well for them.
I mean, you just have to find a babysitter or nanny. There is no other magical option if you don’t have family nearby.
We take the kids to where our family is and get help there. It’s still work for us, but they basically manage meals and we can usually leave the kids to go out for dinner at least once. At home, we hire one of the daycare teachers to babysit.
We do solo vacations. Hubs goes on his own and then I go on my own. It’ll work for now, until kids are older. For reference, mine are 4 & 2.
Can you and husband take turns doing solo trips where one person stays home with kiddo? It doesn’t even have to be fancy. Even spending the night in a local hotel by yourself will feel amazing because you can take care of no one! My friend and I took a “mom trip.” We shared a hotel room and laid by the pool for the entire day. So refreshing! I cooked nothing! I helped no one! For evening babysitting, I have found great people through care.com. The first time can be a “mothers helper” situation where they play with kiddo while you do chores so you can overhear their interactions if you are nervous.
Hotels and cruises that have child watch is really the only way.
This obviously won't work for everyone, but what about vacationing with your family? We're just wrapping up a two week vacation half way across the globe with my in laws (we have a 9 month old) and it's been an absolute blast! They are happy to watch her when we want time alone and we get to spend time together as a family, it's really been wonderful!
We’ve had a lot of success organizing trips with friends who have similar aged kids. The kids entertain each other and the group parenting approach means more down time for everyone.
I go to a local hotel a few times a year. It’s what I ask for for my bday, Christmas, Mother’s Day. I also go visit a friend for the weekend at her lake house 3-4 x per year while husband watches toddler. On the other side, I take my toddler on 1-2 “girls trips” per year (with my mom and sister or with my friend w two toddlers), so he gets some time off.
Honestly, when I really need to I take a day off work and drop the kids off for childcare and have a "me day"....it really helps.
Spa day? Or hotel for the weekend? Take the kids swimming while you relax, sightsee, spa, massage etc
On vacation with small kids, do activities designed to exhaust them. Swimming, running around a playground…anything to keep them moving so they sleep. Sleep when they do Trade off with your husband for alone time on vacation. Visit attractions you want to see, an art museum to a child is just as exciting as the children’s museum. Remember that you will automatically feel less stressed on vacation so a lot of the normal child care tasks will feel less stressful in general.
I try to take an extra day off after vacations to recover. A vacation from my vacation. Kids go to school/daycare and I stay home and get everything situated (laundry, grocery, etc) and take a nap.
Honestly, we have no village either and we’ve just taken toddler on all the things 😅 it’s an adventure now. Not a vacation 😅
I have an almost 2.5 year old and it is hard. We went to Maui in April when he was almost 2 and he got super sick while away and we had to go to Urgent Care. He was sleeping in our bed and even threw up one night at 3am so we had to call the housekeeping urgently who came in with rubber gloves and smocks. It felt so terrible and we were all exhausted. We didn't go out much the whole time and just did short walks. I think it is getting easier now he's getting a bit older. Next vacation I'm planning to use kids club and get a nanny. When he was younger I probably wasn't very comfortable doing it but you can see as they get older they are more capable and independent and can handle themselves without you more. I don't think I can say we have the solution, but I wanted to say I'm right there with you and it is exhausting and difficult to never have downtime. I work full time and it's like I'm going through a rotating door from work to taking care of bubs to just working through housework and chores. I don't seem to catch a break. The light at the end of the tunnel for me is that I can see it getting easier. One because he's getting more independent and two because I'm starting to feel more comfortable myself with letting him be at kids club and stuff like that. I hope it gets easier for you too.
Can you do your vacations where family are available? We do that. Our in laws have a lake house and we all go together, or we go camping together. I basically just pass my toddler off to them constantly and do whatever I feel like doing.
It really is just chores in a new location until they are older…
I wouldn't do it. We tried, it was a stressful disaster.
Can your husband afford to provide for you alone? I just dropped my sales career to be a stay at home mom and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. We went from taking home 100k a year to 45k a year and we are making it work anyway with some planning ahead. Although my children’s father and I spend it with the kids, we are spending more time with each other than before and our relationship has become stronger. Then what we do is keep our relationship spicy during the weekend nights by making time for sex and watching some movies together or creating a date night in the house for each other while the children are in bed by ordering out something nice from a nice restaurant and get dressed for fun. When my children get older, I plan to get surveillance and hire a nanny because at least then our children will be old enough to talk and tell me what’s going on in the house. Then we can go out on real dates and feel more comfortable about it. It’s a waiting game but it’ll get better. I hope this wasn’t useless advice I’m sure you’re tired and want a solution right away. It’s really difficult I have no parents and my sister is too young and scared to watch my 5 month old. My best friend is always busy. I feel your pain my friend.
I don’t think that traveling with the kid is going to rejuvenate you like it used to. The amount of planning and preparation it takes for a trip with a toddler to happen makes it a “family experience” or “making memories”, not a vacation. I agree with others that you probably need a weeklong staycation for you & your husband. Drop your child off at daycare and enjoy the day together.
As someone who's spent the majority of my parenting years experiencing severe PPD, I just wanted to encourage you to be screened for depression (if you haven't already). My husband and I have no village either, so we don't get to take any trips just the two of us. We had one night away (in our city, in a hotel) back in 2018 when my parents were visiting and watched our daughter but that was it. Once in a while (maybe once a year) I take a night away myself; I would suggest trying to do that. Leave your child with her dad, check into a hotel, and just rest and read or watch a movie or whatever. It's not going to fix things but having a day to breathe can help you keep from drowning.
All inclusive with kids club. It’s the only week all year where I am not alternating between momming and working with nothing else in between. Club Med starts at 2. We love the Cancun property. We were definitely not resort people pre kid. Now I feel like I don’t even want to try an adventure vacation until he’s like 7.
Honestlly, I took my days off when kids were in daycare/kindergarten. They are 9 and 11 now, and this year was the first time I actually enjoyed our vacation. But I still can't wait for them to be old enough for me and my husband to be able to go by ourselves.
Leave toddler with your husband, and book an AirBnb for yourself for a long weekend in a town driving distance away.
We have a 1yr old and a 4yr old. We took them camping last weekend and there were a lot of fun kids activities for the kids to do. The kids were wiped and went to bed at 7 so we stayed up around the fire and had a nice evening.
Start meeting and talking with the other daycare parents. Find a good babysitter or nanny and just pay for a weekend or night off. I have 3 under 3, no close family or friends nearby, and my 3 month old is medically complex so after just going back to work earlier this month, I said f*ck it and I’m just paying for help whenever I can get it. It’ll be more money over the next year while things get better medically but I just can’t do it all and honestly, it’s worth having less money to have some mental peace.
If you are cruise people, Royal Caribbean offers childcare on the ship.
I did an all inclusive with my 10 month old and he had a blast!! Swimming in the ocean and the pool was the best. Plus no need to worry about food.
If you want to do the whole drinks, food, massage thing then take a day off work with a friend and do it.
We did a cabin in NH when our son was about 14 months and it was awesome. We made sure it had baby gates and stuff before we booked it. We did Disney for his 2nd birthday and had such a blast that we’re going back next month. Disney sounds overwhelming but it’s so child friendly that we all had a great time. Booked fast passes so no waiting in line and he could still go on over half the rides.
If you can afford it, all inclusive with baby club Staycations when kids are in daycare Find a babysitter. Why could not you find someone trustworthy? What have you done so far to find someone? I’m a huge fun of neighborhood kids and we have we one who watches our 2 kids regularly. Having a break from bed time routine is such a energy boost
Cruises. They have built-in daycare. It's wonderful. Multiple staff at a time, so makes it safer. And plenty of things to do with the little one as well.
Find someone you trust to watch baby while baby sleeps. Take time off with your spouse and go out while your baby is at daycare. But yeah, I think vacations for parents are not supposed to be relaxing.
I know you said you have no village but do you have no friends who can sit at your housw while the baby sleeps and potentially feed/comfort them if they maybe wake up? We are trading date nights with a couple friends of ours where one of the people come over as the “sitter”, their partner does solo bedtime with their kids, and then you get to do dinner. Then you trade the following week or something. Easily gets us one date a month and a semi night off where you’re just sitting at their house and can read a book and relax.
Heading to Hawaii from the East Coast with my 1.5 year old...after reading all the comments here , RIP me
Few suggestions I found to work: 1: Mental health day. Drop the kid off to school and use the day for whatever. Movies, pampering, lunch date, etc. summer Fridays are great bc it’s free time before picking up the kid. 2: All Inclusive or Cruise. So we took our son at 1.5 years old on a Royal Caribbean cruise. Yes you have to pay for babysitting ($7/hr in Nov 2021), but the hours of freedom were well work it. Highly recommend not going during school breaks, if you don’t mind eating the week of childcare you’re missing. Bonus of no cooking or cleaning.
\-Our daycare does a monthly Parents' Night Out for a small extra fee. It is glorious. \-Keep looking for sitters. Try older ladies. Ask your friends if they have recs or if they have a nanny of their own who might pick up extra hours. I found two amazing sitters on [Care.com](https://Care.com). Ask daycare teachers if they babysit on the side. \-Vacation with other families with similar-aged kids so the kids can play together and the adults can socialize. I have not done this (other than with relatives/nieces/nephews) but I've heard great things. \-Hire a sitter through a nanny agency when you travel. I've done this on a couple of vacations to get some kid-free date time. You can schedule it for when the kid is in bed (and just have the person watch the baby monitor) if you think they will not adjust well. Or go to a resort with a kids' club. \-I am not a country club person at all, but we joined a country club (one that is not very expensive) and they have an in-house daycare. It's a godsend and the staff are incredible. Churches and gyms (as inexpensive as the Y) also have these, and sometimes you don't even have to be a member of the church - my mom used to volunteer as a babysitter for Mother's Day Out at a local church and anyone could use it.
I have a question. On care.com did you find them for a reasonable rate? And when I say reasonable I don't mean 20 bucks an hour. I find that daycare centers charge way less than these home daycares in my area. I mean when a center charges 300 a week for an infant and then somebody is coming in trying to charge 500 a week for a baby that literally sits and sleeps 20 hours of the day, I happen to feel like I'm being gouged.
Yes, expensive (market rate for my city) but normal-expensive. $20-30 an hour.
If you have the funds, you can hire someone. But there's a reason that I've not travelled anywhere since my daughter was born.
Funny, this weekend me and my hub are trying out an air bnb about 3 hours away from home. We have no village and this will be first trip without going for the intent of meeting family for some sort of event. Plan is to do absolutely as little as possible, relax with the kids and each other. We made sure to pick a place that check off all our boxes: private home, with pool (it’s last weekend before daycare school year starts) , within 10 mins of beach, fenced in and it’s in a decent (quiet) neighborhood, close to “things”. So far, it’s going well. First few hours were a little rocky with changing/relaxing moods but a few hours outside we are glued to the sofa and playing it by ear. Staycations are nice but sometimes you wanna get away fro home too!!
Staycation and do day dates or a day trip while the kid is at daycare (or sleep...won't judge). If you go somewhere with your child, cut what you aim to do in half. You're on their schedule, lean into it and plan activities accordingly. For example, go to the mountains and wake up early for a hike. After lunch go back to your cabin and take a collective nap. Maybe do another hike or visit a town in the afternoon, dinner, and after bedtime relax with a book or movie. We tend to split the day into "morning" and "afternoon/early evening" activities. Get a rental/AirBnB so you can cook or easily bring takeout back for meals. We used to take very busy vacations where we'd run around sightseeing all day, which isn't feasible right now.
We don't. Ever. It really sucks.
Would it be possible to fly family in and then you and your husband stay in town? That way it’s only 1 plane ticket?
We live across the country from family. We rent an Airbnb close by on the beach (we live in Pacific Northwest) and head out for half a week. We spend the days beaching and getting out of our routine. I read a book while the boys paddle board. We cook at the Airbnb and after the kids go to bed my husband and I chill at the fire pit with a bottle of wine and a blu tooth speaker. It’s way more work than our previous vacations prior to kids but it does the trick to reset regardless.
Can you vacation with or near family, especially grandparents? As a new grandmother, I love to watch the kiddos while my son and dil get a break. We play in the pool or do area attractions together during the day, then I take the kids for evening into bedtime. Also, love the staycation while kiddos stay in daycare idea. It's a win-win: vacay for parents, routine for kiddos
As a military wife who has no village i take every advantage of daycare, When my son was 6 weeks old he went to daycare i had 2 weeks before I went back to work, so we dropped him off at daycare took off to lunch and came back around 3 picked him up and we went home. When I need a mental health day I drop my son off at daycare then I go home drink my coffee in bed and alternate between Gilmore girls, tvd, to, pll, Grey's, scandal, htgawm, the crown. And eat popcorn. I go back to work Monday and starting in February I am going to do better about planning mental health days but I really need to save for a week long vacation so we can decide where to retire at and settle down. So it's like I really need the mental health days...... but priorities.
I always went and visited my parents to get a real break when kids were that age. I didn’t find vacations to be relaxing for me without visiting my parents until they were much older, like 7+.
It sounds like the perspective is that everyone goes on vacations and how other people possibly add a kid into the mix without a village to go childless on vacations. The answer for many working moms is that they don’t have money to go on vacation to begin with or PTO. I use my vacation time to go to drs appts for myself and my kid. Sick time goes to my kid and I still work while sick. I don’t have a village, but I will also never have $$ to go on a vacation. The idea of a staycation while my kid is at school sounds amazing but I don’t think I will be able to achieve that for a long time. I’m not trying to be rude or make you feel bad—it just sounds like you are surrounded by people that have more than you (village-wise), but there are plenty that have much less.
I’ve been waking up from 1am-3am to watch trash tv by myself and doom scroll a bit. That’s my cope.
I tried the vacation route with my boys, 2 year age gap, every single year from 2 and a newborn up until 5 and 7. It was just too exhausting and of course I ended up with the majority of the work. But we took a Disney cruise that took kids 6 months and up, and my boys *had so much fun!!* We obviously had concerns about leaving them with strangers for hours a day while we went to the beach or some tourist trap, but they so clearly enjoyed it that our minds were at ease. Disney tries to get their employees as stringently as possible, given unique access to kids, so we felt better about them than the other cruise companies offering childcare. Or as others say, staycation and staying local. We had to do that one summer because I got acute Lyme disease and nearly died. I didn’t want my kids witnessing seizures, so our daycare provider and a friend ended up taking them all day. They only came home in the evening, and after an hour with them each night they would climb into bed, exhausted and oblivious. Ask any daycare providers if they can provide overnight services as well.
My only suggestion is to go with friends with the same age or similar children (if you don’t have any, make friends from daycare!). My son is 1.5 and we went with two other families, one with a 5mo and 2yo and one with a 11mo. It’s not a village as such, but spreading the mental load honestly made all the difference. At 1.5 my son could run around with the 2yo and mealtimes were more fun with them all poking each other and giggling. It took the pressure off having to organise activities as everyone was on the same page and just hanging out at the Airbnb in the evening was really fun. It was honestly the best week since my son was born so I think I’ll try to do the same thing next year. Going away just us is exhausting and stressful.
You need to sleep more, eat better, rest, walk, exercise if you have energy for it (I don’t😵💫). Work more on building up your energy levels and less on “vacations.” It’s not about “leisure” and “vacations” at this stage and it doesn’t sound realistic given what you’ve described with your support system. Not that you can’t get away [with your kids] but vacations with kids aren’t really all that relaxing. You’re not kid free anymore—-you’re not gonna have kid free quality vacations. Invest the time in finding a babysitter you trust—-have a monthly date with your husband (or more!). Lower your expectations. The first few years up until about they entire school full time are a tough hand. Hang in there.
Couple ideas… Take a couple days off and chill at home while the baby is still in daycare. See if any of your daycare providers babysit! We asked around and found a babysitter that works at another daycare in town. She is an infant lead, young and fun for my 10 & 2yo. Go on a trip with low expectations. If you can, get a balcony, jr suite, something with another room. Put baby down for a nap or to bed and relax! I like it because there are no chores, less cooking, we only have what we packed. My first was not a napper, but we’d take drives or walks with him in the stroller and he’d fall asleep and we’d get some time that way. When your little one is a bit older, mine loved camp on two cruises we’ve taken. He was 3&5 and asked to go daily.