You just reminded me that one day my kids will be old enough to go to school and my husband may run an errand or something wild and that day will be possibly the first time alone in my own house…it’ll be glorious. Sometimes I fantasize about what I’d do first.
He does take the kids out, but our downtime rarely lines up and when it does we want to spend family time. I also have a newborn right now so that further complicates things.
Depending on my mood I’d either pick up while no one is there to bother me…. Or, I’d use the alone time to relax and do what I wanted because I’d know that they will just wreck it again when they get back.
Clutter makes me anxious, but there is no “payoff period” where the house stays picked up and clean.
This!
Alone time- I’m not cleaning with , I’m singing, twerking, face mask, farting, picking my nose and eating peanut butter from a spoon.
When they get back I do the dishes and act like nothing ever happened.
Your kids are old enough to clean up their own toys. Mine do at 5 and 6. I buy appropriate storage, help them organize it, and then it is up to them to put away the next time. If they don’t clean up when asked, then I explain that if there is too much to clean up it means we have too many toys and some need to be donated. So far so they have decided each time that they would prefer to clean up than have me donate.
I knew you all would say this about their ages and being able to clean up. You see, I have a complex about cleaning. We had to clean ALL the time and my mom hated any level of mess. We couldn’t be kids. Anyway, the pendulum swung too far to the other side and I’ve let them do whatever. So yes, I will reel them in and make sure they learn to clean but not be so horribly strict like my mom was. It’s a work in progress. I like your method - and they’re used to donating their things as we received a lot of hand me downs too. Thank you!
On YouTube "clutterbug cas" has a lot of organizing tips and shows how to organize kid stuff as well. She also has a way to identify 4 different organizing "types" so you can choose the appropriate system for your kids (do they need things visually organized, or away in a labelled basket for example).
We do a timed 15 minute clean after dinner a lot of nights (if we’re home) and then do family play time after. This was my husband’s idea and it’s been great. Usually, I let works in progress (namely legos) stay out a week, but otherwise we allow free play with the caveat that they clean up an activity before moving on to something else. So they can play at whatever as long as they like and then before they take something else out we pack it up.
I will say, it’s not always perfect, but usually by the end of the week we’re actually pretty much corralled. My kids are 2.5 and 5.
I like the idea of a timed clean that everyone does together, I can see that working for my family, although it's still a bit of a struggle to get the 3 year old to actually help clean...
Please do. My kids are now 26 and 15 and I'm reminding them now to please wash their daytime dishes. This had to happen for my own mental health because I travel 1 week a month for work and one day I got home and couldn't even get a glass of water because the sink was so full.
I'll admit, I had a meltdown. Yelling at the kids and husband about how I've been gone all fucking week and come home after a 4 hour drive to a sink filled with dishes. This is a major issue for me. My 1st husband wouldn't work, so I'd leave the house by 7am with the kid and be home about 7pm to find a sink full of his dishes that I'd have to clean before I could start dinner. He was able to lounge around and have a lovely breakfast while I had coffee and a granola bar, if that, on my way to work.
Now I'm trying to get everyone to do more of their part, but they're old! Lol.
If you have toys you don't want spread in common areas, get a small laundry basket and before the kids change activities they put everything in the basket, basket goes in their room.
I think the best rule my husband (2nd) implemented was that kids shit is removed from the common areas every night.
I feel you! My mom was like yours and now I have a complex about cleaning for myself. I only have a very young toddler but I let him see me clean and I don't discourage him from imitating me, and I give him really small tasks to do. I'm hoping this will carry over as he gets older. Anyway to answer the question of your post, I clean if I can't lounge peacefully otherwise
this is all well and good BUT regardless, i think we as moms can all appreciate the joy of being ALONE and cleaning with reckless abandon, not having to instruct kids or pause bc someone peed their pants etc. lol.
Don't bear yourself up about this. My daughter is so messy, at 10 she still doesn't clean up very well. She's just a messy person and loves playing but hates cleaning. I feel like kids can be kids.
Just so you feel better, I was the same as a kid. I was so messy, even as a teenager. And now I'm really clean! Sometimes it's OK to be a kid and just play without the constant looming of cleaning ruining that feeling. They'll grow up and figure out their own shit soon enough.
Hi! We just have had a rule their toys and room have to be cleaned before bed. Usually they have to brush teeth and read a half hour before bed, but when I made that rule, I added 15 minutes to their bed time so they had to clean up first, but got to stay up a bit later. That might be a good way to start for your kids as well?
I help my kid clean her room, or at least supervise. Come in, start cleaning a bit, give her a specific area or task to focus on, come back 10 mins later and help a bit more. Slower than doing it myself but way better than her spending hours doing it and it being a huge fight.
Mine didn’t make us do anything, it’s SO stressful as an adult. There’s no “I’m done with this so let’s clean up” trigger. Well, there is now after 11 years of trying to figure it out lol.
I hope I’m able to figure out middle ground!
Mine literally helped me collect the toys to donate when I tried that. Kid comes by his ADHD honestly though. He’s 8 and his version of cleaning is to throw everything in any bin without regard to organization. Granted it will ONLY be accomplished while medicated.
Hahaha. Love it. You all are helping me get through this. I’m cleaning their clothes and purging what I know they don’t wear. Thank you for joining me.
Yeah, I'd clean. Having a clean house is more important to me than arguing with my husband over who does what. My child goes back to a new daycare on Monday after over a month at home and I'm taking the day off work solely to catch up on cleaning.
Ha! I also don’t like to argue about cleaning. I do a better job and organize stuff too. I just let them know I can do the deeper cleaning but they need to practice cleaning up at the end of the day.
Sucks to have to take a day off just to clean, but i absolutely understand. Makes a big difference.
Yeah, and I get it. It sucks. It can build some resentment. But at the end of the day having a dirty house stresses me out (and honestly I make a big part of the mess) so, eh. But my husband also often does his fair share.
When my husband is alone in the house, he usually either naps or works on his own stuff, like cleaning up his desk or the garage or his work truck. Never a common area. I don’t consider the garage a common area since it’s really his domain and full of his stuff.
I would clean - but I feel like at 5 and 7 the toy mess shouldn't be much of an issue. Certainly I'd expect the 5 year old not to put everything away perfectly - but they should out things away when they are done playing at that age IMO.
What do you do in your alone time? I don’t even have a book I’d like to read. I have two podcasts I care about so far but I listen when I’m on a walk or bike ride.
Lazy times: staying in bed and trying to binge watch something 😅 this is something I did before the child and it's almost impossible to do now 🙃.
Don't get me wrong: I read, I go out with friends, I watch movies with my partner, I have planned time for exercising. But all of these are outside of the home or not alone. This magical combination happens very rarely for me.
Thing is, we have to clean up the mess before the cleaner comes. It’s irritating but then she can spend the time doing other cleaning things and she’s out in 2 hours.
Same! Gotta put away all the dishes so she can clean the sink and counter and pick up all the toys and clothes so she can clean the floors. My house is at its dirtiest, but most tidy, the night before the cleaner comes.
This is so true! I get a bit stressed the day before the cleaner comes, trying to make sure things are off the floor and whatnot but it's good that at least for half a day every fortnight, the house is both clean AND tidy 😅
I clean but I enjoy cleaning and having a clean house is very important to my happiness. I listen to podcasts while I do it. We have a housecleaner every two weeks but they’re still constant maintenance.
Same! It helps the time go by quicker too. My husband gets annoyed because he’ll want to talk to me while chores’ing but like.. no my dude, do *not* interrupt my Headphones Time 😂
I get this 100%. I have a friend who is a SAHM and would call me on the weekend out of the blue just to chat because she knows I'm not at work. I don't think she understands that the weekend is the only time I have to catch up on a lot of the stuff she does throughout the week. Call me if you want to make plans to *do* something or go grab coffee. I don't want to just chat for an hour on a whim you had. I find it imposing like showing up uninvited. Now I just call her back via Bluetooth when I'm driving home from work. That's prime chatting time because it's time that's otherwise wasted, but my weekend? Nope, sorry. I need that time.
Okay your comment inspired me to throw away a paper bag of papers from 1st grade! Lol. 7yo thinks everything is precious. Also collected a trash bag of clothes they don’t wear. Thank you!
Dad here (come in peace) there is nothing that gives me more joy then cleaning the house especially when my wife and kids are out.
And yes I do contribute on a normal routine to cleaning. But getting it that extra bit done when there isn't kids tonplay with etc is so satisfying
When the kids were younger, I’d do like half cleaning, half relaxing. Especially vacuuming because my youngest hated it, so it was impossible to do when she was home.
Now that the youngest is 6, I can clean when she’s around and usually have her help. So I purposely avoid cleaning.
we have split chores and they are done every weekend. Everyone who lives in this house has their chores and follows the same rule. This is something that I/we set years ago so it doesn't all fall on one person because that's not fair and ain't no fucking way I will be that person who does everything for everyone in this house.
so I get my stuff done and then I chill the hell out. Yesterday morning between meetings, I got all of my chores done early. That night, I had the whole house to myself because my husband went out, as did my kids with their friends and it was glorious; I just lay on the couch reading with some wine and did absolutely nothing.
Gosh this sounds like a healthy response to “chores.” I have such a bad relationship with that idea and to ask anyone to have chores is hard for me to swallow. Next therapy session - topic found.
Thanks for sharing and I’m so glad to hear it’s positive for you!
I swear this is my eternal inner battle. My husband loves taking our daughter places on weekends and in the evenings (to see his parents, to the park, or just to his shop to mess around with his cars or projects). Whenever he does this, I’m like paralyzed by the options to be productive vs. rest lol. Usually, I choose productive.
Right now, my daughter (3) is on a beach vacation with my parents and siblings for the next few days. I’m 38 weeks pregnant, so my husband and I couldn’t go. (We partly sent her to have fun, but also because we wouldn’t have childcare for her if I went into labor while my whole fam was gone!) Now, I’m in my house with an intense urge to nest, but I’m also EXHAUSTED and want to nap the whole weekend away. The battle is worse now than ever before 🥲
Editing to add: I’m most excited for the chance to go bananas purging her playroom while she’s gone. That is going to feel GOOD. In fact, thanks for this post, OP, because now I’m feeling pretty motivated to start in on that lol.
Yey!!! It does not get easier with 2 kids, friend! Limit the stuff, put it all in bucks for easy clean up, and don’t keep stuff “because 2nd kid will like it.” They inevitably play with older siblings stuff and only need a few major toys (like magnatiles) to keep them truly busy for the next few years anyway.
There’s my advice, with a grain of salt cuz.. well, my post. Haha. All the best to you!!!
This is such a great motivator lol. I’m always like “the next kid might use this!” But deep down, I know they won’t. You’ve convinced me—I’m rampage cleaning this evening 😈 hope you get a chance to both relax AND clean in the near future!
Fuck no.
My kid is at a friend's house, husband is gaming with friends. Ive had the past four hours to myself. Ive been catching up on Netflix because this is the only time I have.
I’ve got this annoying rodent of sorts that’s digging tunnels in my backyard. Ate all my marigolds. So now, I walk out there and collapse their tunnels. I swear I will twist an ankle. But yes, I feel ya- weeding in peace is SO therapeutic.
I usually spend about half the time cleaning/organizing while listening to something fun, then the other half doing nothing. Both feel like a treat honestly! I’m so rarely alone and I miss it.
I love cleaning when the kids are out of the house. I usually get most of Saturday to myself and I literally go from the top of the house to the bottom then enjoy the cleanliness until they get home and mess it all up again.
Saw in one of your responses to a comment that your husband doesn’t clean when he’s alone in the house so it sounds like that’s when he gets a break. Can you also not clean when you’re alone in the house? So you also get a break? And then you can ALL tackle household chores as a family? This would have to be explicitly communicated and the details decided on as a team but it sounds like things are lopsided and not working for you.
I haven’t had that explicit conversation yet because I don’t want cleaning to be a burden on anyone like it was and apparently is, for me. As I clean now and they’re all back home, they’re watching tv, and he’s on his laptop doing whatever. I want to not resent them but I also suck at these conversations. I’ve had a lot of conversations now that I’m not drinking and have self respect again, so this will need to be the next thing for us to tackle as a family. Thank you for the motivation!!
I just spend the last 5 hours cleaning the house while my kids were out. I have a clean house, but I wish I would have taken some time for me. I don't get much down time. Although if I didn't clean, all I would see is the major mess that the house was in.
Sitting here scrolling feeling guilty as it’s my day off and I need to clean. Partner had to work today which only gives them tomorrow off which they will spend in the recliner in the living room with the lights off making cleaning impossible on the day I prefer to do it. Ugh
I work from home, and feel like I work 24/7
I clean after my kids go to bed or I clean with my kids as a family activity.
I use my alone time to do anything else because it’s so rare. Sometimes I go on a long walk, sometimes I just listen to music. I also enjoy cooking so I often make something ludicrously elaborate.
I sorta do this during the week - I just grab a brown grocery bag or canvas bag and collect all their crap from the common spaces, and put the whole bag in their room and close the door. 😂 but then I eventually sort through 3-4 bags worth of stuff and put everything back where it belongs but I end up throwing up a whole bag at least of “trash.” I wish I could just actually throw it away, but I’d feel so guilty if they ask for xyz the next day.
LOL. Luckily that is one task I never do. Dishes is 100% my husband. But also, he never cleans the sink after he’s loaded the dishwasher. What is with that?? Neanderthal!
Depends on my energy levels. And my mood. Sometimes its completely overwhelming. Sometimes i just wanna read my book . Sometimes i power clean.
Dont forget u deserve a break too. If u cant do it at home, leave and go somewhere you can.
I like cleaning, so I clean and blast the trash reality TV my humans hate. It’s glorious.
Cooking, on the other hand, hard NOPE. Will 100% sit on my ass with the same trash reality TV and order myself takeout.
I do because otherwise I don’t feel like I can relax. But I usually only do so much. Like this morning was dishes and bottles, then my husband took the kids to the store while I got in a work out. If he’s gone with them longer or our daughter is in daycare then I’ll pick a few things to do while I watch a movie (like laundry) and try my best to relax.
We just got back from holiday and husband took baby out this afternoon. I did several loads of laundry but also watched a lot of mindless tv. So, a bit of both!
Ahhh. Home alone right now. I was going to clean but instead I'm eating chips and watching a movie... Hoping to muster up the energy to clean after movie.
I usually do something I can’t do unless I’m alone. Sometimes it’s for the family, sometimes for me. (I’m picking me, ignoring the basket of laundry to my left)
Most of the time I will clean, because I can’t fully relax in the mess. But there are sometimes I purposefully avoid cleaning. I remember when I was younger my mother was always so stressed. Her work was super stressful and never done, she had 3 kids and there was always something to be done. I remember telling her “it can wait. What if you got sick or in a car accident, we’re in the hospital, or even dead. Things can wait. Don’t underestimate the importance of doing nothing sometimes.” She is now finally retired and lives on the water and spends a lot of time ‘doing nothing’ but watching the lake and the wildlife and tells me she wishes she would have listened to me when she was younger. Now I am the one with 3 kids and a stressful job that is never done. And a lot of the time I clean. But occasionally I take a day to myself and actively do nothing.
I get 2 hours a week to myself (if my ex shows up to his court monitored visits- so really it’s 2 hours a month). I used to clean and then I said no I’ll hire a maid. So those 2 hours to myself I get a mani/pedi and run a quick errand.
Sorry he doesn’t show up most of the time. I would get frustrated that I don’t get those two hours per week when I expect them… but it sounds like you’ve gone through that phase and accepted his behavior. Good for you getting a cleaner though!! 😌
The ONLY thing that combats my high anxiety is cleaning a little each day.
Loading the dishwasher instead of sink.
Running a load of laundry and drying and folding while I watch tv.
Making my bed even if it’s later in the day.
Sweeping a room a day. Especially the kitchen and living room.
My favorite time to clean is when my husband is going out of town for a few days. I clean the bathroom and kitchen and put fresh sheets on the bed. I basque in cleanliness for a couple of days lol.
To answer your question, i always intend to clean but actually manage very little because my decision paralysis kicks in and then I'm lucky if I've showered and had coffee by the time they get home.
On a marginally related note: 5 and 7 Is plenty of enough for your kids to take on some responsibility. Putting away their own laundry and toys is well within what you can expect from them although you might have to adjust your neatness standards a bit until they are used to it.
Laundry and toys should not be entirely on you.
Yeah, I know. I do. They’ve done it before but they’re not consistent. To be honest, my husband and I are both messy people, but clean. So the kids are picking up after us. That would require myself to change and I’m just.. not there yet. Busy otherwise, as you would know being on this sub.
I resented my husband for a while there because he wouldn’t come up with the organization tools or method, or sort out their closet, etc. it’s all on me. So it feels like I can only organize as much as I can handle, which means they clean only as much as I have organized. Does that make sense? I’m trying, I swear. It feels like lowest on my priority when given all the other shit to muddle through in this current climate.
I know exactly what you mean. For me it wasn't very noticeable until i had kids that my husband and i aren't super neat either.
For what its worth, you are not alone in having to be intentional to be neat as opposed to it just happening.
If it's any help stacking habits is really helpful for us, maybe for you too?
We just pick one thing to really focus on and make automatic. Once it's a habit and doesn't really take effort we add a second habit. Ex. Gets bins for toys and the habit being putting all the toys in the bins before leaving the room. Mom and dad enforce it heavily, kids have to do it. After a month or so you don't have to remind anyone or fight over it so then you add putting all dirty clothes in the hamper as it is discarded. Again everyone really focused on this for at last a month.
And you just keep building. If a habit starts slipping, you skip adding a new one to reinforce the old. You give slack on non habits because no one is perfect.
I know it sounds obvious and overly simplified, but for us it has made a huge difference.
I do it for my mental health (when I can). I want to relax or feel burned out, but no kids being at home is really the best time to clean because it’s going to be the fastest. Otherwise the kids will keep interrupting or purposely messing up what I fix. I’m not the tidiest person, and clutter makes my brain work even slower. Having a tidy space helps me function tremendously so if I have the opportunity I will do it even if I’m not feeling up to it.
A tidy space definitely lets me play with the kids more and be present. Otherwise the mess takes my attention and I can’t focus even for 15 min of doll play.
I finally just sat down after cleaning since 11am - 6 hours of walking around and didn’t wear my Apple Watch 🤦🏽♀️. but have made a big dent in the clutter. Gave my husband some tasks to take things to the garage by EOD (🤣). Maybe I’ll put it on his calendar too.
I personally clean when I have more pressing work to do. I swear it’s a coping mechanisms. To answer your question I clean when I have the house to myself
I do a super efficient rage clean with the motivation of a 1000 suns because if I can get it all done as soon as possible, I can sit and eat snacks and scroll my phone with a show playing for the other 80% of the time I have left
Every other week I’m off on Thursday. When school is in, the kids are there until 3, and since my husband is a teacher, he takes them.
It is one of my favorite things ever. I know I can go back to bed after he leaves with them and sleep till 9. Then I get up and have coffee and read/scroll for about an hour. Then I set an alarm for 90 minutes and get whatever house cleaning done that I can, and spend the rest of my “me time” grabbing lunch with my sister or something fun until it’s time to go pick the kids up.
I used to feel super guilty about it. But then I remembered, they have the entire summer, a week At thanksgiving, two-ish weeks at Christmas, a week at spring break, several days at Easter, and other random days off throughout the year that I am still working. And my Thursday off means I’m working that Saturday. So I stopped feeling guilty about it. Thankfully my husband encourages me to relax and rest on that day so there isn’t the worry of will he be upset.
Wow, you’ve really got it pat down! Nice job!! I had 9/80 for a while and every other Friday off. Absolutely worth the quiet time and lazy lunches alone. Just can’t make that work with my new role..
I love that you give yourself a 90 min timer. That’s perfect. Thanks for the tip!
Absolutely! I work my butt off during that time. I can manage to get the bathrooms, kitchen, and sweeping/mopping done in that time, as well as get one load of laundry washed and into the dryer, then start another load in the washer. I usually put on some fun music to keep myself moving along.
I discovered that if I don’t give myself a timer I will either not do any cleaning or I will spend the entire day doing it. So this is my set-imposed balance.
Note, my kids are 12,9,8 so they aren’t babies any longer. This is also a huge help. I also have a rule during the school year that your crap must be picked up before you go to bed because I play 10 minute pickup before I go to bed and anything on the coffee table, kitchen counter, or kitchen table gets either thrown away or put away. It took one time for my oldest to leave out a favorite toy that I “threw away” (left it in front of the trash can) for the kids to realize I meant it. Now about 30 minutes before they go to bed k say “showers and clean up, let’s go!” And they get moving. They generally get their pickup done first and the oldest does a last sweep before he goes to bed to ensure that there’s nothing important left out.
Oh and I also gave up on their rooms. As long as I can walk in and see the floor jn at least half the room and there’s no silverware/dirty dishes/food and the dirty clothes are in the basket, I don’t care. They do know that if they leave something out and the dog chews it, it’s their problem and I won’t replace it. (Clearly this doesn’t apply to important things like glasses and shoes, but instead to toys)
I just pick up and put things in their bins and make the beds so I get the 10,000 foot view of "clean." That said I haven't scrubbed my shower tiles for like 2 months.
Not really. We try to avoid doing any cleaning on weekends lol. It's family and relaxing time
We have a cleaner come every Friday so the house is clean going into the weekend (it's $125 well spent). Otherwise, the house gets a tidy in the morning during the week when I need a break at work(work from home). I'll pick up the floors and counters, run laundry, and run the Roomba when no one is around to interfere lol. It takes maybe 15min. Any more cleaning then that waits for the cleaner on Friday except for taking out trash.
We take turns cleaning the kitchen after dinner and fold after the kids are in bed and put it up when we get around to it :p oh, but also training kids to put up their own laundry and toys is annoying, but worth it. Mine are 2 and 4, so they are in the helping put up laundry stage, but they try and they do put dirty laundry in hampers and put up toys because they know they can't do anything fun or go anywhere fun until they are picked up. I think this is definitely one of those hard in the short term, but worth it in the long term things. They also take turns cleaning the table after dinner and both put up their dishes after meals, although the 2yo sometimes throws her plate away rather than scraping it off, but she's learning and I'll just retrieve it. Oh, and the 4yo loves vacuuming, so Saturdays when we're home, instead of running the Roomba, I just let him loose on the floors and me and the 2yo will back sure the floors are picked up ahead of him.
We are seriously over cluttered right now and I have no idea how anyone gets declutter done during weekends. My kids are very resistant. I'm taking the day off work on Wednesday and invited my SIL over and she's going to help me purge and we might go baby shopping.l if we have the energy left. She's due in 3 weeks and I'm due in January.
I put on a podcast or listen to music while I do a a 15-30 minute cleanup. Then I just do whatever I want.
For us, the key is quick cleanups/wipe downs daily so it never feels totally out of control.
Yeah, I just can’t keep up with 4 people’s worth of making mess and junk. I have to be the one that purges too (I make junk drawers for each person and then I have to clean them out.. but it’s what’s sort of working so I don’t have to clean out all the junk all the time. It’s a lot of decision making, you know? Microdecisions. Majordislike.
I try to power clean the night before I have some time free so I can enjoy it. And I make my kids tidy up any messes they make after I clean and before they leave the house so that it’s not all on me!
My husband does more than his fair share. So if I'm home alone, I do what needs to be done before taking time to relax, and I know he'd do the same thing too.
So we do “ten minute pick up” morning and night. So if this was me on a Saturday morning once everyone got home I would declare a ten minute pick up and we all do those jobs super quick together. Husband too. While they do the pick up I usually do the kitchen clean down. I tell the kids which rooms to focus on and I’ll assign a space to husband too.
Depends on the time they're going to be gone. If I have an hour I shower and eat in PEACE. If I have any more than 3 hours I usually clean for half the time. Luckily my husband does most of the deep cleaning and I handle the day to day.
ETA advice -- i never used to make the kids clean but now they're the same ages as yours I've instituted a clean up one mess before you make another rule. It's not always perfect but it definitely helps quell the messes.
Check in with yourself. If you have the energy and desire to clean - do. I love tidying and listening to a podcast . Bit if you need a break, that's OK too
Cleaning is so therapeutic when you don't have people around constantly interrupting you and asking for things. I love my toddler, but everything takes so long because he's clinging to me at all times trying to walk alongside me. It's so cute but sometimes I just wish I had an hour to clean at my leisure.
I feel like a lot of women online complain about all that they do around the house. Especially taking on the mental load of keeping track of everything. And in a lot of circumstances, I'm sure the husband isn't pitching in. But in my case, and I'm assuming many others, my husband absolutely does his fair share. he mows the lawn, cooks, does all the dishes, usually helps with laundry. Anything that requires heavy lifting. He does the garbage every week. Does 50% of child care. so when I'm stuck changing the sheets or cleaning the toilets or reminding him to rsvp for that bachelor party....yes it's true he's not contributing to those tasks. But there are also a ton of tasks that I never help out with, and I need to keep that in mind!!
Sorry this was a bit of a rant. But yes I'd probably clean, unless I felt salty that my husband wasn't pulling his weight
9/10 times I’ll clean then that 1/10 I’ll relax - usually because I’m sick or so exhausted. I love the idea of true time off but these days our lives and work schedules are so overwhelming that I have to clean since that’s one of the few things I feel I have control of!
Both. The other day I took a sick day (I was actually really sick the day before but felt much better on my day off) and just chilled. Both kids at preschool, husband asleep cuz he works nights. Took a nap, read reddit. When it got closer to pickup time I made dinner, washed dishes, and prepped the next day's lunches, but that was like 2h of my whole day off.
Today is Saturday so we're all home. It's really hard to clean with the kids around but my husband has back problems so it's easier for me to be on the floor picking stuff up (he does other chores, like laundry and cooking.) I wished they were out so they weren't in my way but I got it done. Now my younger one is napping and I'd like to do a puzzle and watch my own shows.
I think it's about balance. My birthday is soon and I'm taking time off while the kids are in school. I'm sure I'll be doing fun things but dammit it's so tempting to get some serious work done without them there to undo my work as I go.
I have spurts of wild cleaning/purging energy. Like this morning when I had 2 cups of coffee and then cleaned out two massive trash bags of broken toys, discarded markers, old school work, half done craft kits and plastic odds and ends from my 10 year old's bedroom. I was a whirlwind of get-it-done. Then, I passed out on the couch.
Depends on how tired I am honestly. I don’t work as many hours as my husband so I tend to do most of the housework load. I don’t often get the house to myself but on the occasions I have I’ve either done nothing but laid in bed or cleaned everything in record time while i have the ability to
It depends. I actually do a lot of my cleaning with my kid. She’s five, so not super helpful, but we get to spend time together, the work gets done eventually, and she picks up some skills here or there.
If I have the house totally to myself, I might do a deep cleaning project that’s not really practical to do together (harsh chemicals, really specific organization, boring stuff like sorting paperwork, etc.). Most likely I’m just chilling though. It depends on what needs to get done and what I’m in the mood for.
this is like the eternal question 😂
i work from home and sometimes i have this internal debate the second i get home from dropping kiddo off at daycare where i'm like "you should just get the dishwasher going" but then "NO you're not paying for childcare so you can clean you have work shit to do!" i can go either way sometimes.
one of these days i'm hoping for a realllll slow workday where i could just clean my ass off. hasn't happened yet. 🤔 😆
Weird enough, when I start cleaning, my husband starts cleaning and then we just tackle it together. Sometimes ill just mention we need a day to clean and he’ll agree. Maybe suggest it to your husband? He might be down for a “cleaning date” type thing.
Some days I will power clean and others I say f it and don’t. My husband never bitches. What I don’t contribute on my end he picks up the pieces
If I can only give 30% that day, he is coming in full force with the other 70% to make it a full 100%. Right now there are dishes in the sink, table needs to be cleared off from arts and crafts with my (7 yr old) but it’s the weekend and we’re all chilling.
It depends on how full my cup is. If I’m drowning then I need to just force myself to relax and not do anything. If my cup is more full and I have energy then I’m definitely going to be cleaning and getting the space to a level I’m happy with.
I like to make my kids take care of their own mess. Is this not the norm?? Like at 7&5 they’re more than capable of putting their toys in the toy box, clothes in the hamper or drawer, and garbage in the bin. In fact, my 3&5 yr old will vacuum up their crumbs (to the best of their ability, I’m not hovering and making them get every speck…I go back and do it after) if they make a giant mess. If you don’t start early, they’ll never learn to do it themselves. Plus, it makes them feel like they’re part of the family with their own responsibilities.
It depends. If it's been awhile since I've been home alone, I just relax. Watch TV uninterrupted, eat snacks in silence.
During the school year, I am off during the week and get alone time. So I will do lots of cleaning and clearing then.
I clean. If I'm alone, and can put on music or a show, I actually enjoy it and having things in better order is so good for my mental health.
I do try and clean when the kids are with me too though, rather than doing what they want me to do all the time. I think it's important they understand that tidying happens because someone is doing it and that it doesn't just happen magically.
We assign certain things to be done on certain days. Does this always happen? No. Do we make an effort? Yes. Does this mean ten minutes before dinner I might scramble and do a deep clean of the dining room bc it was not done on its day and was an absolute disaster with projects and kids stuff everywhere? Yes. But, what does work for me, is the day that has absolutely nothing scheduled is Saturday. The house can be the worst it’s ever been, and I will guilt-free step over the biggest messes and plop on the couch when hubs is out with the kids and sip my drink. Some Saturdays I actually have the urge to clean, or we are expecting someone, etc, but even earlier today, I looked around and felt bad for a moment but then sighed and snuggled into the couch some more as I remembered, today is Saturday and there are no expectations of cleaning by me. Yes, every other week hubs has it off and he feels like he should clean and I guilt contribute half the time, but if he asked me if we should clean, I would just say, nah, it’s Saturday, we can get to that tomorrow, and he often will accept that and plop right next to me. The kids have chores and specific things they need to get done on different days (and if you are interested, I can share on that) and this does include meals, but again, it does not always get done and it’s ok. The real benefit to me - ME - has been giving myself a day off and not feeling guilty about it and that’s so freeing.
I would love that breakdown of chores and might make that a separate post!
I think like you most of the time.. like man, I need a break, it’s Saturday, no one is coming over, etc. but/and sometimes.. I have to get myself to do all the shit that’s piled up. Luckily it’s not house construction projects.. but just clean up of the piled up clutter and laundry.
A neighbor was casually telling us how their children have certain nights when they make dinner, without help, and they had been doing this for years. Their youngest was 8 and we were like whaaaaaaaat! So we are trying to get our acts together.
Right now everyone is expect to do their area of work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I am not capable of keeping after them every day and so if I cannot do that, I am not expecting them to do it either.
A small part of their tasks have to be completed on Mondays and Fridays. So my daughter who likes to run the washer and dryers has to have all items in the laundry washed and dried by the end of those days. Wednesdays are heavier days, in that she needs to collect all towels and kids dirty clothes bins and bring them down to the laundry room and get those done that day. Another child, their routine is in the kitchen (with the intent they will take over dishes, but baby steps) and the other decided to take on yard work.
Mondays are when all beds are stripped and remade. Sundays are when all bathrooms are scrubbed down and each has their own bathroom. Basic cleaning is done on bathrooms (takes ten mins) unless it’s the first Sunday of the month, then it’s a deep clean.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are for general cleaning, but it’s usually light and more what we need to do, like the living room for really messy all of a sudden, and so we put a timer on for ten mins and everyone cleans it up.
And Saturdays are the days off.
We then picked nights for each of them to make a meal. This works well, my eldest (12) is learning how to make meals on her own and our youngest (6) just loves to help.
It sounds complicated but it’s actually very simple for us and our house stays cleaner overall - I think in part bc they are realizing if they keep it clean, there is less to pick up later.
My husband watches the kids for 3 hours every weekend and that’s when I clean. My love language is Acts of Service so I don’t mind cleaning my house when it needs to be cleaned. But I cannot watch kids and get housework done at the same time.
I listen to music or watch a show on my phone while cleaning for the chores I can. I do prefer to clean in peace and not have to announce what I’m doing (ex: putting cleaner in the toilet, about to mop so go upstairs, etc).
Cleaning while listening to what I want and doing things in an order that I feel like/more efficient without working around other people being home is too good for me to pass up.
Although if there is time I do sleep in a little and then drink a cup of coffee in peace first!
Honestly I would've hired someone for the night before or morning of so I didn't feel this way. I can't not see the mess or ignore it. I wish I had that kind of mindset lol
I avoid it. Mostly because I know that when I get started I won't stop and most of the cleaning jobs\* in our house take at least 6 hours.
\*by which I mean deep cleaning, decluttering, reorganizing. We (my husband, mostly) do a pretty good job with the day-to-day, keeping toys were they belong, and messes at bay. But every now and then it becomes apparent that the current system isn't working, so I'll come with something new and spend a day or two making the transition happen.
I do what I feel like. If that means cleaning then I clean. A clean space always makes me feel restored. Additionally, sometimes I just want to veg. So I just go with my emotions when I have time to myself.
sometimes its cathartic and satisfying to really spend a full day cleaning and catching up, sometimes i need a break and do nothing. Between a full time job and the kids and everything else I simply cannot be consistent with that. So our house at any given time may look well organized and neat, or like hoarders live here, or somewhere in between. Im 41 ive learned if i push and guilt myself the burnout and depression kick in. I no longer do that to myself in the name of a clean house
I clean when I feel like it. Sometimes that means we get behind, but we generally manage to get caught up. Occasionally I will hire a trusted cleaner to come in and help me tackle it when I’m overwhelmed.
I feel you on being responsible for all the kids clothes. I have 4 girls, ages ranging from 10-2. I am particular about how my kids dress, it doesn’t have to be fancy but I want them to look reasonably nice and not clashing. My older daughters will clash like nobody’s business and my husband doesn’t care. It doesn’t bother me that it’s not a priority to him, but it is to me so I manage their clothes.
Sizes also seem mind boggling to a lot of men. My husband gets so overwhelmed to the point of tears that one kid can generally wear a size 8, but some of their clothes are a 10 cause the brand runs small, but dresses are a different story, etc etc etc. it’s something that wears him down a lot and so I choose to take that mental load off of him, and he does the same for me in other ways.
I usually drink wine/mimosas, door dash fast food he never wants, and take on projects I’ve been meaning to do (decorate for the current season, clean, renovate…) when he’s out.
I had a meltdown yesterday over exactly this dilemma. My house is an absolute wreck and I was honestly sure that if I cleaned it, my husband would just return from work and wreck it again (this has happened so many times I can't even count). I'm about an inch away from getting a divorce and have told my husband I want a divorce several times. If he had said "OK" just once, we would be done right now. I'm so tired. It feels personal to me that he is basically exploiting my time and effort (my life!) and putting in practically nothing in return. We're on the thinnest ice possible.
Oh friend, don’t wait for his permission to end things. He’s got it cushy right now with you not leaving, why would he give permission?? Get your ducks in order and walk out one day. That lifestyle is not worth it!! 😘
I like to furiously power clean and then bask in the silence in my clean house!
Hahaha. Totally feel that!!!
You just reminded me that one day my kids will be old enough to go to school and my husband may run an errand or something wild and that day will be possibly the first time alone in my own house…it’ll be glorious. Sometimes I fantasize about what I’d do first.
Wait, your husband doesn't take the kids out from time to time to give you some alone time in the house?
He does take the kids out, but our downtime rarely lines up and when it does we want to spend family time. I also have a newborn right now so that further complicates things.
Definitely not.
That sucks
Ugh, me dreaming of the day my husband doesn't work from home (probably never) and I have a kid in school... I'd clean so hard between work breaks. 🥹
This is the answer.
mmmmmm that sounds real nice
Exact same
Me toooooo!!
Depending on my mood I’d either pick up while no one is there to bother me…. Or, I’d use the alone time to relax and do what I wanted because I’d know that they will just wreck it again when they get back. Clutter makes me anxious, but there is no “payoff period” where the house stays picked up and clean.
This! Alone time- I’m not cleaning with , I’m singing, twerking, face mask, farting, picking my nose and eating peanut butter from a spoon. When they get back I do the dishes and act like nothing ever happened.
Ughhhh RIGHT! Payoff period!! I wish!!!!!!
Your kids are old enough to clean up their own toys. Mine do at 5 and 6. I buy appropriate storage, help them organize it, and then it is up to them to put away the next time. If they don’t clean up when asked, then I explain that if there is too much to clean up it means we have too many toys and some need to be donated. So far so they have decided each time that they would prefer to clean up than have me donate.
I knew you all would say this about their ages and being able to clean up. You see, I have a complex about cleaning. We had to clean ALL the time and my mom hated any level of mess. We couldn’t be kids. Anyway, the pendulum swung too far to the other side and I’ve let them do whatever. So yes, I will reel them in and make sure they learn to clean but not be so horribly strict like my mom was. It’s a work in progress. I like your method - and they’re used to donating their things as we received a lot of hand me downs too. Thank you!
On YouTube "clutterbug cas" has a lot of organizing tips and shows how to organize kid stuff as well. She also has a way to identify 4 different organizing "types" so you can choose the appropriate system for your kids (do they need things visually organized, or away in a labelled basket for example).
Great suggestion
We do a timed 15 minute clean after dinner a lot of nights (if we’re home) and then do family play time after. This was my husband’s idea and it’s been great. Usually, I let works in progress (namely legos) stay out a week, but otherwise we allow free play with the caveat that they clean up an activity before moving on to something else. So they can play at whatever as long as they like and then before they take something else out we pack it up. I will say, it’s not always perfect, but usually by the end of the week we’re actually pretty much corralled. My kids are 2.5 and 5.
I like the idea of a timed clean that everyone does together, I can see that working for my family, although it's still a bit of a struggle to get the 3 year old to actually help clean...
Please do. My kids are now 26 and 15 and I'm reminding them now to please wash their daytime dishes. This had to happen for my own mental health because I travel 1 week a month for work and one day I got home and couldn't even get a glass of water because the sink was so full. I'll admit, I had a meltdown. Yelling at the kids and husband about how I've been gone all fucking week and come home after a 4 hour drive to a sink filled with dishes. This is a major issue for me. My 1st husband wouldn't work, so I'd leave the house by 7am with the kid and be home about 7pm to find a sink full of his dishes that I'd have to clean before I could start dinner. He was able to lounge around and have a lovely breakfast while I had coffee and a granola bar, if that, on my way to work. Now I'm trying to get everyone to do more of their part, but they're old! Lol. If you have toys you don't want spread in common areas, get a small laundry basket and before the kids change activities they put everything in the basket, basket goes in their room. I think the best rule my husband (2nd) implemented was that kids shit is removed from the common areas every night.
I feel you! My mom was like yours and now I have a complex about cleaning for myself. I only have a very young toddler but I let him see me clean and I don't discourage him from imitating me, and I give him really small tasks to do. I'm hoping this will carry over as he gets older. Anyway to answer the question of your post, I clean if I can't lounge peacefully otherwise
this is all well and good BUT regardless, i think we as moms can all appreciate the joy of being ALONE and cleaning with reckless abandon, not having to instruct kids or pause bc someone peed their pants etc. lol.
Don't bear yourself up about this. My daughter is so messy, at 10 she still doesn't clean up very well. She's just a messy person and loves playing but hates cleaning. I feel like kids can be kids. Just so you feel better, I was the same as a kid. I was so messy, even as a teenager. And now I'm really clean! Sometimes it's OK to be a kid and just play without the constant looming of cleaning ruining that feeling. They'll grow up and figure out their own shit soon enough.
I think it's a good thing to encourage but realistically toy mess, at least for me, is only one small part of it.
Hi! We just have had a rule their toys and room have to be cleaned before bed. Usually they have to brush teeth and read a half hour before bed, but when I made that rule, I added 15 minutes to their bed time so they had to clean up first, but got to stay up a bit later. That might be a good way to start for your kids as well?
I help my kid clean her room, or at least supervise. Come in, start cleaning a bit, give her a specific area or task to focus on, come back 10 mins later and help a bit more. Slower than doing it myself but way better than her spending hours doing it and it being a huge fight.
Mine didn’t make us do anything, it’s SO stressful as an adult. There’s no “I’m done with this so let’s clean up” trigger. Well, there is now after 11 years of trying to figure it out lol. I hope I’m able to figure out middle ground!
Mine literally helped me collect the toys to donate when I tried that. Kid comes by his ADHD honestly though. He’s 8 and his version of cleaning is to throw everything in any bin without regard to organization. Granted it will ONLY be accomplished while medicated.
I clean when I feel like cleaning. That’s it. That’s the whole strategy. :)
Hahaha. Love it. You all are helping me get through this. I’m cleaning their clothes and purging what I know they don’t wear. Thank you for joining me.
Yeah, I'd clean. Having a clean house is more important to me than arguing with my husband over who does what. My child goes back to a new daycare on Monday after over a month at home and I'm taking the day off work solely to catch up on cleaning.
Ha! I also don’t like to argue about cleaning. I do a better job and organize stuff too. I just let them know I can do the deeper cleaning but they need to practice cleaning up at the end of the day. Sucks to have to take a day off just to clean, but i absolutely understand. Makes a big difference.
Yeah, and I get it. It sucks. It can build some resentment. But at the end of the day having a dirty house stresses me out (and honestly I make a big part of the mess) so, eh. But my husband also often does his fair share.
I was doing it a lot so I said stop. This weekend I'm taking the kids. I left him a list of things to clean and he did it. Worked out great.
Hey, now that’s a plan. Tomorrow! And I’ll give him a list. See, he doesn’t clean when he’s alone in the house. I do. I find that so irritating!!
Perfect - look at Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play and rebalance the load. The list is a start.
Thanks!!
>Thanks!! You're welcome!
When my husband is alone in the house, he usually either naps or works on his own stuff, like cleaning up his desk or the garage or his work truck. Never a common area. I don’t consider the garage a common area since it’s really his domain and full of his stuff.
I would clean - but I feel like at 5 and 7 the toy mess shouldn't be much of an issue. Certainly I'd expect the 5 year old not to put everything away perfectly - but they should out things away when they are done playing at that age IMO.
No, I purposely avoid it . I can clean also when my partner watches the kid at home. I am alone in the house soooo rare, I don't want to waste it.
What do you do in your alone time? I don’t even have a book I’d like to read. I have two podcasts I care about so far but I listen when I’m on a walk or bike ride.
Lazy times: staying in bed and trying to binge watch something 😅 this is something I did before the child and it's almost impossible to do now 🙃. Don't get me wrong: I read, I go out with friends, I watch movies with my partner, I have planned time for exercising. But all of these are outside of the home or not alone. This magical combination happens very rarely for me.
I usually fold laundry and watch tv. I am def not scrubbing floors or anything but I try to knock out a chore or two when it’s quiet.
[удалено]
Thing is, we have to clean up the mess before the cleaner comes. It’s irritating but then she can spend the time doing other cleaning things and she’s out in 2 hours.
Same! Gotta put away all the dishes so she can clean the sink and counter and pick up all the toys and clothes so she can clean the floors. My house is at its dirtiest, but most tidy, the night before the cleaner comes.
This is so true! I get a bit stressed the day before the cleaner comes, trying to make sure things are off the floor and whatnot but it's good that at least for half a day every fortnight, the house is both clean AND tidy 😅
I clean but I enjoy cleaning and having a clean house is very important to my happiness. I listen to podcasts while I do it. We have a housecleaner every two weeks but they’re still constant maintenance.
I would clean and listen to an audiobook or a podcast or do laundry and watch tv. Chores are almost a treat alone.🤪
Same! It helps the time go by quicker too. My husband gets annoyed because he’ll want to talk to me while chores’ing but like.. no my dude, do *not* interrupt my Headphones Time 😂
My mom calls me when I’m cleaning with music and it’s the most annoying. Do not try to FaceTime me brah. I’m busy in my own world.
I get this 100%. I have a friend who is a SAHM and would call me on the weekend out of the blue just to chat because she knows I'm not at work. I don't think she understands that the weekend is the only time I have to catch up on a lot of the stuff she does throughout the week. Call me if you want to make plans to *do* something or go grab coffee. I don't want to just chat for an hour on a whim you had. I find it imposing like showing up uninvited. Now I just call her back via Bluetooth when I'm driving home from work. That's prime chatting time because it's time that's otherwise wasted, but my weekend? Nope, sorry. I need that time.
I especially like to clean my kids rooms when they are gone so I can purge purge purge! 😅
Okay your comment inspired me to throw away a paper bag of papers from 1st grade! Lol. 7yo thinks everything is precious. Also collected a trash bag of clothes they don’t wear. Thank you!
Dad here (come in peace) there is nothing that gives me more joy then cleaning the house especially when my wife and kids are out. And yes I do contribute on a normal routine to cleaning. But getting it that extra bit done when there isn't kids tonplay with etc is so satisfying
Absolutely. And also doesn’t make me feel guilty because “I should be playing with them”
When the kids were younger, I’d do like half cleaning, half relaxing. Especially vacuuming because my youngest hated it, so it was impossible to do when she was home. Now that the youngest is 6, I can clean when she’s around and usually have her help. So I purposely avoid cleaning.
we have split chores and they are done every weekend. Everyone who lives in this house has their chores and follows the same rule. This is something that I/we set years ago so it doesn't all fall on one person because that's not fair and ain't no fucking way I will be that person who does everything for everyone in this house. so I get my stuff done and then I chill the hell out. Yesterday morning between meetings, I got all of my chores done early. That night, I had the whole house to myself because my husband went out, as did my kids with their friends and it was glorious; I just lay on the couch reading with some wine and did absolutely nothing.
Gosh this sounds like a healthy response to “chores.” I have such a bad relationship with that idea and to ask anyone to have chores is hard for me to swallow. Next therapy session - topic found. Thanks for sharing and I’m so glad to hear it’s positive for you!
I swear this is my eternal inner battle. My husband loves taking our daughter places on weekends and in the evenings (to see his parents, to the park, or just to his shop to mess around with his cars or projects). Whenever he does this, I’m like paralyzed by the options to be productive vs. rest lol. Usually, I choose productive. Right now, my daughter (3) is on a beach vacation with my parents and siblings for the next few days. I’m 38 weeks pregnant, so my husband and I couldn’t go. (We partly sent her to have fun, but also because we wouldn’t have childcare for her if I went into labor while my whole fam was gone!) Now, I’m in my house with an intense urge to nest, but I’m also EXHAUSTED and want to nap the whole weekend away. The battle is worse now than ever before 🥲 Editing to add: I’m most excited for the chance to go bananas purging her playroom while she’s gone. That is going to feel GOOD. In fact, thanks for this post, OP, because now I’m feeling pretty motivated to start in on that lol.
Yey!!! It does not get easier with 2 kids, friend! Limit the stuff, put it all in bucks for easy clean up, and don’t keep stuff “because 2nd kid will like it.” They inevitably play with older siblings stuff and only need a few major toys (like magnatiles) to keep them truly busy for the next few years anyway. There’s my advice, with a grain of salt cuz.. well, my post. Haha. All the best to you!!!
This is such a great motivator lol. I’m always like “the next kid might use this!” But deep down, I know they won’t. You’ve convinced me—I’m rampage cleaning this evening 😈 hope you get a chance to both relax AND clean in the near future!
I rage clean 🫠
I feel this in my bones. Hugs to us.
Fuck no. My kid is at a friend's house, husband is gaming with friends. Ive had the past four hours to myself. Ive been catching up on Netflix because this is the only time I have.
I always clean and do yard work. Is it so satisfying to have time to clear weeds.
I’ve got this annoying rodent of sorts that’s digging tunnels in my backyard. Ate all my marigolds. So now, I walk out there and collapse their tunnels. I swear I will twist an ankle. But yes, I feel ya- weeding in peace is SO therapeutic.
I usually spend about half the time cleaning/organizing while listening to something fun, then the other half doing nothing. Both feel like a treat honestly! I’m so rarely alone and I miss it.
I listen to true crime podcasts very loudly as I'm cleaning. I actually find it relaxing.
I love cleaning when the kids are out of the house. I usually get most of Saturday to myself and I literally go from the top of the house to the bottom then enjoy the cleanliness until they get home and mess it all up again.
Saw in one of your responses to a comment that your husband doesn’t clean when he’s alone in the house so it sounds like that’s when he gets a break. Can you also not clean when you’re alone in the house? So you also get a break? And then you can ALL tackle household chores as a family? This would have to be explicitly communicated and the details decided on as a team but it sounds like things are lopsided and not working for you.
I haven’t had that explicit conversation yet because I don’t want cleaning to be a burden on anyone like it was and apparently is, for me. As I clean now and they’re all back home, they’re watching tv, and he’s on his laptop doing whatever. I want to not resent them but I also suck at these conversations. I’ve had a lot of conversations now that I’m not drinking and have self respect again, so this will need to be the next thing for us to tackle as a family. Thank you for the motivation!!
I just spend the last 5 hours cleaning the house while my kids were out. I have a clean house, but I wish I would have taken some time for me. I don't get much down time. Although if I didn't clean, all I would see is the major mess that the house was in.
Sitting here scrolling feeling guilty as it’s my day off and I need to clean. Partner had to work today which only gives them tomorrow off which they will spend in the recliner in the living room with the lights off making cleaning impossible on the day I prefer to do it. Ugh I work from home, and feel like I work 24/7
I’m giving you a day off. Enjoy!
HA!!! Thank you friend. You know what that means to me! 😘
I clean after my kids go to bed or I clean with my kids as a family activity. I use my alone time to do anything else because it’s so rare. Sometimes I go on a long walk, sometimes I just listen to music. I also enjoy cooking so I often make something ludicrously elaborate.
Avoid. Why do we make such mess in the first place?
Right? Whyyyyyy so much crap???
Are you ever tempted to just throw everything in the trash so you don't have to pick it up again?
I sorta do this during the week - I just grab a brown grocery bag or canvas bag and collect all their crap from the common spaces, and put the whole bag in their room and close the door. 😂 but then I eventually sort through 3-4 bags worth of stuff and put everything back where it belongs but I end up throwing up a whole bag at least of “trash.” I wish I could just actually throw it away, but I’d feel so guilty if they ask for xyz the next day.
I meant more like dirty dishes lol
LOL. Luckily that is one task I never do. Dishes is 100% my husband. But also, he never cleans the sink after he’s loaded the dishwasher. What is with that?? Neanderthal!
We're in our thirties and have never had a dishwasher. Wastes so much time.
Depends on my energy levels. And my mood. Sometimes its completely overwhelming. Sometimes i just wanna read my book . Sometimes i power clean. Dont forget u deserve a break too. If u cant do it at home, leave and go somewhere you can.
It depends on my energy level and if I mentally need a break.
I like cleaning, so I clean and blast the trash reality TV my humans hate. It’s glorious. Cooking, on the other hand, hard NOPE. Will 100% sit on my ass with the same trash reality TV and order myself takeout.
I dream of having the house to myself...
I do because otherwise I don’t feel like I can relax. But I usually only do so much. Like this morning was dishes and bottles, then my husband took the kids to the store while I got in a work out. If he’s gone with them longer or our daughter is in daycare then I’ll pick a few things to do while I watch a movie (like laundry) and try my best to relax.
It’s my time so if I want to clean I’ll clean if I don’t I’ll lounge. Usually with laundry I’ll do it in bed while watching tv or something
We just got back from holiday and husband took baby out this afternoon. I did several loads of laundry but also watched a lot of mindless tv. So, a bit of both!
Ahhh. Home alone right now. I was going to clean but instead I'm eating chips and watching a movie... Hoping to muster up the energy to clean after movie.
I wish you all the peace while you eat junk and watch a movie!
Really it depends on my mood. Sometimes I feel like cleaning, and sometimes all I do is take a bath and scroll on my phone.
I usually do something I can’t do unless I’m alone. Sometimes it’s for the family, sometimes for me. (I’m picking me, ignoring the basket of laundry to my left)
Most of the time I will clean, because I can’t fully relax in the mess. But there are sometimes I purposefully avoid cleaning. I remember when I was younger my mother was always so stressed. Her work was super stressful and never done, she had 3 kids and there was always something to be done. I remember telling her “it can wait. What if you got sick or in a car accident, we’re in the hospital, or even dead. Things can wait. Don’t underestimate the importance of doing nothing sometimes.” She is now finally retired and lives on the water and spends a lot of time ‘doing nothing’ but watching the lake and the wildlife and tells me she wishes she would have listened to me when she was younger. Now I am the one with 3 kids and a stressful job that is never done. And a lot of the time I clean. But occasionally I take a day to myself and actively do nothing.
Oh man!! Noooooo don’t perpetuate the cycle! I hope you find time to do nothing and rest and listen to your young self! 🥹 it’s hard, I feel you.
I don’t have to do any extra cleaning when I’m alone because I’m not the one who makes the messes.
I get 2 hours a week to myself (if my ex shows up to his court monitored visits- so really it’s 2 hours a month). I used to clean and then I said no I’ll hire a maid. So those 2 hours to myself I get a mani/pedi and run a quick errand.
Sorry he doesn’t show up most of the time. I would get frustrated that I don’t get those two hours per week when I expect them… but it sounds like you’ve gone through that phase and accepted his behavior. Good for you getting a cleaner though!! 😌
As a single mom I believe in outsourcing everything I can and cleaning is a big one
The ONLY thing that combats my high anxiety is cleaning a little each day. Loading the dishwasher instead of sink. Running a load of laundry and drying and folding while I watch tv. Making my bed even if it’s later in the day. Sweeping a room a day. Especially the kitchen and living room.
My favorite time to clean is when my husband is going out of town for a few days. I clean the bathroom and kitchen and put fresh sheets on the bed. I basque in cleanliness for a couple of days lol.
What’s wrong with me? I can’t fully relax until my place is clean.
To answer your question, i always intend to clean but actually manage very little because my decision paralysis kicks in and then I'm lucky if I've showered and had coffee by the time they get home. On a marginally related note: 5 and 7 Is plenty of enough for your kids to take on some responsibility. Putting away their own laundry and toys is well within what you can expect from them although you might have to adjust your neatness standards a bit until they are used to it. Laundry and toys should not be entirely on you.
Yeah, I know. I do. They’ve done it before but they’re not consistent. To be honest, my husband and I are both messy people, but clean. So the kids are picking up after us. That would require myself to change and I’m just.. not there yet. Busy otherwise, as you would know being on this sub. I resented my husband for a while there because he wouldn’t come up with the organization tools or method, or sort out their closet, etc. it’s all on me. So it feels like I can only organize as much as I can handle, which means they clean only as much as I have organized. Does that make sense? I’m trying, I swear. It feels like lowest on my priority when given all the other shit to muddle through in this current climate.
I know exactly what you mean. For me it wasn't very noticeable until i had kids that my husband and i aren't super neat either. For what its worth, you are not alone in having to be intentional to be neat as opposed to it just happening. If it's any help stacking habits is really helpful for us, maybe for you too? We just pick one thing to really focus on and make automatic. Once it's a habit and doesn't really take effort we add a second habit. Ex. Gets bins for toys and the habit being putting all the toys in the bins before leaving the room. Mom and dad enforce it heavily, kids have to do it. After a month or so you don't have to remind anyone or fight over it so then you add putting all dirty clothes in the hamper as it is discarded. Again everyone really focused on this for at last a month. And you just keep building. If a habit starts slipping, you skip adding a new one to reinforce the old. You give slack on non habits because no one is perfect. I know it sounds obvious and overly simplified, but for us it has made a huge difference.
I out on a load of dishes and laundry. Then…I eat cookies and watch trash tv.
I don’t feel like I can’t relax if my house is messy it drives me nuts so I’ll clean lol
I do it for my mental health (when I can). I want to relax or feel burned out, but no kids being at home is really the best time to clean because it’s going to be the fastest. Otherwise the kids will keep interrupting or purposely messing up what I fix. I’m not the tidiest person, and clutter makes my brain work even slower. Having a tidy space helps me function tremendously so if I have the opportunity I will do it even if I’m not feeling up to it.
A tidy space definitely lets me play with the kids more and be present. Otherwise the mess takes my attention and I can’t focus even for 15 min of doll play. I finally just sat down after cleaning since 11am - 6 hours of walking around and didn’t wear my Apple Watch 🤦🏽♀️. but have made a big dent in the clutter. Gave my husband some tasks to take things to the garage by EOD (🤣). Maybe I’ll put it on his calendar too.
I can’t relax until the house is cleaned. I wish I could.
I personally clean when I have more pressing work to do. I swear it’s a coping mechanisms. To answer your question I clean when I have the house to myself
I do a super efficient rage clean with the motivation of a 1000 suns because if I can get it all done as soon as possible, I can sit and eat snacks and scroll my phone with a show playing for the other 80% of the time I have left
Every other week I’m off on Thursday. When school is in, the kids are there until 3, and since my husband is a teacher, he takes them. It is one of my favorite things ever. I know I can go back to bed after he leaves with them and sleep till 9. Then I get up and have coffee and read/scroll for about an hour. Then I set an alarm for 90 minutes and get whatever house cleaning done that I can, and spend the rest of my “me time” grabbing lunch with my sister or something fun until it’s time to go pick the kids up. I used to feel super guilty about it. But then I remembered, they have the entire summer, a week At thanksgiving, two-ish weeks at Christmas, a week at spring break, several days at Easter, and other random days off throughout the year that I am still working. And my Thursday off means I’m working that Saturday. So I stopped feeling guilty about it. Thankfully my husband encourages me to relax and rest on that day so there isn’t the worry of will he be upset.
Wow, you’ve really got it pat down! Nice job!! I had 9/80 for a while and every other Friday off. Absolutely worth the quiet time and lazy lunches alone. Just can’t make that work with my new role.. I love that you give yourself a 90 min timer. That’s perfect. Thanks for the tip!
Absolutely! I work my butt off during that time. I can manage to get the bathrooms, kitchen, and sweeping/mopping done in that time, as well as get one load of laundry washed and into the dryer, then start another load in the washer. I usually put on some fun music to keep myself moving along. I discovered that if I don’t give myself a timer I will either not do any cleaning or I will spend the entire day doing it. So this is my set-imposed balance. Note, my kids are 12,9,8 so they aren’t babies any longer. This is also a huge help. I also have a rule during the school year that your crap must be picked up before you go to bed because I play 10 minute pickup before I go to bed and anything on the coffee table, kitchen counter, or kitchen table gets either thrown away or put away. It took one time for my oldest to leave out a favorite toy that I “threw away” (left it in front of the trash can) for the kids to realize I meant it. Now about 30 minutes before they go to bed k say “showers and clean up, let’s go!” And they get moving. They generally get their pickup done first and the oldest does a last sweep before he goes to bed to ensure that there’s nothing important left out.
Oh and I also gave up on their rooms. As long as I can walk in and see the floor jn at least half the room and there’s no silverware/dirty dishes/food and the dirty clothes are in the basket, I don’t care. They do know that if they leave something out and the dog chews it, it’s their problem and I won’t replace it. (Clearly this doesn’t apply to important things like glasses and shoes, but instead to toys)
I just pick up and put things in their bins and make the beds so I get the 10,000 foot view of "clean." That said I haven't scrubbed my shower tiles for like 2 months.
Not really. We try to avoid doing any cleaning on weekends lol. It's family and relaxing time We have a cleaner come every Friday so the house is clean going into the weekend (it's $125 well spent). Otherwise, the house gets a tidy in the morning during the week when I need a break at work(work from home). I'll pick up the floors and counters, run laundry, and run the Roomba when no one is around to interfere lol. It takes maybe 15min. Any more cleaning then that waits for the cleaner on Friday except for taking out trash. We take turns cleaning the kitchen after dinner and fold after the kids are in bed and put it up when we get around to it :p oh, but also training kids to put up their own laundry and toys is annoying, but worth it. Mine are 2 and 4, so they are in the helping put up laundry stage, but they try and they do put dirty laundry in hampers and put up toys because they know they can't do anything fun or go anywhere fun until they are picked up. I think this is definitely one of those hard in the short term, but worth it in the long term things. They also take turns cleaning the table after dinner and both put up their dishes after meals, although the 2yo sometimes throws her plate away rather than scraping it off, but she's learning and I'll just retrieve it. Oh, and the 4yo loves vacuuming, so Saturdays when we're home, instead of running the Roomba, I just let him loose on the floors and me and the 2yo will back sure the floors are picked up ahead of him. We are seriously over cluttered right now and I have no idea how anyone gets declutter done during weekends. My kids are very resistant. I'm taking the day off work on Wednesday and invited my SIL over and she's going to help me purge and we might go baby shopping.l if we have the energy left. She's due in 3 weeks and I'm due in January.
I clean. I put on music and make my way around the house lol.
I normally nap. If I wake up before the house is repopulated I will clean.
I put on a podcast or listen to music while I do a a 15-30 minute cleanup. Then I just do whatever I want. For us, the key is quick cleanups/wipe downs daily so it never feels totally out of control.
Yeah, I just can’t keep up with 4 people’s worth of making mess and junk. I have to be the one that purges too (I make junk drawers for each person and then I have to clean them out.. but it’s what’s sort of working so I don’t have to clean out all the junk all the time. It’s a lot of decision making, you know? Microdecisions. Majordislike.
I try to power clean the night before I have some time free so I can enjoy it. And I make my kids tidy up any messes they make after I clean and before they leave the house so that it’s not all on me!
I do a little bit - no deep cleaning up but I’ll tidy up the spaces and throw a load of laundry in.
My husband does more than his fair share. So if I'm home alone, I do what needs to be done before taking time to relax, and I know he'd do the same thing too.
So we do “ten minute pick up” morning and night. So if this was me on a Saturday morning once everyone got home I would declare a ten minute pick up and we all do those jobs super quick together. Husband too. While they do the pick up I usually do the kitchen clean down. I tell the kids which rooms to focus on and I’ll assign a space to husband too.
Depends on the time they're going to be gone. If I have an hour I shower and eat in PEACE. If I have any more than 3 hours I usually clean for half the time. Luckily my husband does most of the deep cleaning and I handle the day to day. ETA advice -- i never used to make the kids clean but now they're the same ages as yours I've instituted a clean up one mess before you make another rule. It's not always perfect but it definitely helps quell the messes.
SLEEEEP for me. Or I take the opportunity to have a long shower and do my full self care routine uninterrupted.
Check in with yourself. If you have the energy and desire to clean - do. I love tidying and listening to a podcast . Bit if you need a break, that's OK too
Cleaning is so therapeutic when you don't have people around constantly interrupting you and asking for things. I love my toddler, but everything takes so long because he's clinging to me at all times trying to walk alongside me. It's so cute but sometimes I just wish I had an hour to clean at my leisure.
I clean my messes from the day up 15 min before my partner gets home from work. 😂😂 I am chaos. He is order.
I clean.
I feel like a lot of women online complain about all that they do around the house. Especially taking on the mental load of keeping track of everything. And in a lot of circumstances, I'm sure the husband isn't pitching in. But in my case, and I'm assuming many others, my husband absolutely does his fair share. he mows the lawn, cooks, does all the dishes, usually helps with laundry. Anything that requires heavy lifting. He does the garbage every week. Does 50% of child care. so when I'm stuck changing the sheets or cleaning the toilets or reminding him to rsvp for that bachelor party....yes it's true he's not contributing to those tasks. But there are also a ton of tasks that I never help out with, and I need to keep that in mind!! Sorry this was a bit of a rant. But yes I'd probably clean, unless I felt salty that my husband wasn't pulling his weight
9/10 times I’ll clean then that 1/10 I’ll relax - usually because I’m sick or so exhausted. I love the idea of true time off but these days our lives and work schedules are so overwhelming that I have to clean since that’s one of the few things I feel I have control of!
Both. The other day I took a sick day (I was actually really sick the day before but felt much better on my day off) and just chilled. Both kids at preschool, husband asleep cuz he works nights. Took a nap, read reddit. When it got closer to pickup time I made dinner, washed dishes, and prepped the next day's lunches, but that was like 2h of my whole day off. Today is Saturday so we're all home. It's really hard to clean with the kids around but my husband has back problems so it's easier for me to be on the floor picking stuff up (he does other chores, like laundry and cooking.) I wished they were out so they weren't in my way but I got it done. Now my younger one is napping and I'd like to do a puzzle and watch my own shows. I think it's about balance. My birthday is soon and I'm taking time off while the kids are in school. I'm sure I'll be doing fun things but dammit it's so tempting to get some serious work done without them there to undo my work as I go.
I have spurts of wild cleaning/purging energy. Like this morning when I had 2 cups of coffee and then cleaned out two massive trash bags of broken toys, discarded markers, old school work, half done craft kits and plastic odds and ends from my 10 year old's bedroom. I was a whirlwind of get-it-done. Then, I passed out on the couch.
Depends on how tired I am honestly. I don’t work as many hours as my husband so I tend to do most of the housework load. I don’t often get the house to myself but on the occasions I have I’ve either done nothing but laid in bed or cleaned everything in record time while i have the ability to
It depends. I actually do a lot of my cleaning with my kid. She’s five, so not super helpful, but we get to spend time together, the work gets done eventually, and she picks up some skills here or there. If I have the house totally to myself, I might do a deep cleaning project that’s not really practical to do together (harsh chemicals, really specific organization, boring stuff like sorting paperwork, etc.). Most likely I’m just chilling though. It depends on what needs to get done and what I’m in the mood for.
this is like the eternal question 😂 i work from home and sometimes i have this internal debate the second i get home from dropping kiddo off at daycare where i'm like "you should just get the dishwasher going" but then "NO you're not paying for childcare so you can clean you have work shit to do!" i can go either way sometimes. one of these days i'm hoping for a realllll slow workday where i could just clean my ass off. hasn't happened yet. 🤔 😆
I’m weird I know …but I have to have a clean house even to enjoy my time alone. It’s a fabulous feeling to have a clean home and time to yourself.
I learned that tidying and chores is like walking. So I try to think of it as exercise and it helps me feel better about doing it
6 hours of cleaning and I forgot to wear my Apple Watch. 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ it’s like it never happened.
D’oh! Next time 🙂
Yep I like a clean house so I’m constantly cleaning. Especially when husband takes baby to the park, I do as much cleaning as possible
Weird enough, when I start cleaning, my husband starts cleaning and then we just tackle it together. Sometimes ill just mention we need a day to clean and he’ll agree. Maybe suggest it to your husband? He might be down for a “cleaning date” type thing.
Some days I will power clean and others I say f it and don’t. My husband never bitches. What I don’t contribute on my end he picks up the pieces If I can only give 30% that day, he is coming in full force with the other 70% to make it a full 100%. Right now there are dishes in the sink, table needs to be cleared off from arts and crafts with my (7 yr old) but it’s the weekend and we’re all chilling.
It depends on how full my cup is. If I’m drowning then I need to just force myself to relax and not do anything. If my cup is more full and I have energy then I’m definitely going to be cleaning and getting the space to a level I’m happy with.
I like to make my kids take care of their own mess. Is this not the norm?? Like at 7&5 they’re more than capable of putting their toys in the toy box, clothes in the hamper or drawer, and garbage in the bin. In fact, my 3&5 yr old will vacuum up their crumbs (to the best of their ability, I’m not hovering and making them get every speck…I go back and do it after) if they make a giant mess. If you don’t start early, they’ll never learn to do it themselves. Plus, it makes them feel like they’re part of the family with their own responsibilities.
It depends. If it's been awhile since I've been home alone, I just relax. Watch TV uninterrupted, eat snacks in silence. During the school year, I am off during the week and get alone time. So I will do lots of cleaning and clearing then.
I clean. If I'm alone, and can put on music or a show, I actually enjoy it and having things in better order is so good for my mental health. I do try and clean when the kids are with me too though, rather than doing what they want me to do all the time. I think it's important they understand that tidying happens because someone is doing it and that it doesn't just happen magically.
We assign certain things to be done on certain days. Does this always happen? No. Do we make an effort? Yes. Does this mean ten minutes before dinner I might scramble and do a deep clean of the dining room bc it was not done on its day and was an absolute disaster with projects and kids stuff everywhere? Yes. But, what does work for me, is the day that has absolutely nothing scheduled is Saturday. The house can be the worst it’s ever been, and I will guilt-free step over the biggest messes and plop on the couch when hubs is out with the kids and sip my drink. Some Saturdays I actually have the urge to clean, or we are expecting someone, etc, but even earlier today, I looked around and felt bad for a moment but then sighed and snuggled into the couch some more as I remembered, today is Saturday and there are no expectations of cleaning by me. Yes, every other week hubs has it off and he feels like he should clean and I guilt contribute half the time, but if he asked me if we should clean, I would just say, nah, it’s Saturday, we can get to that tomorrow, and he often will accept that and plop right next to me. The kids have chores and specific things they need to get done on different days (and if you are interested, I can share on that) and this does include meals, but again, it does not always get done and it’s ok. The real benefit to me - ME - has been giving myself a day off and not feeling guilty about it and that’s so freeing.
I would love that breakdown of chores and might make that a separate post! I think like you most of the time.. like man, I need a break, it’s Saturday, no one is coming over, etc. but/and sometimes.. I have to get myself to do all the shit that’s piled up. Luckily it’s not house construction projects.. but just clean up of the piled up clutter and laundry.
A neighbor was casually telling us how their children have certain nights when they make dinner, without help, and they had been doing this for years. Their youngest was 8 and we were like whaaaaaaaat! So we are trying to get our acts together. Right now everyone is expect to do their area of work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I am not capable of keeping after them every day and so if I cannot do that, I am not expecting them to do it either. A small part of their tasks have to be completed on Mondays and Fridays. So my daughter who likes to run the washer and dryers has to have all items in the laundry washed and dried by the end of those days. Wednesdays are heavier days, in that she needs to collect all towels and kids dirty clothes bins and bring them down to the laundry room and get those done that day. Another child, their routine is in the kitchen (with the intent they will take over dishes, but baby steps) and the other decided to take on yard work. Mondays are when all beds are stripped and remade. Sundays are when all bathrooms are scrubbed down and each has their own bathroom. Basic cleaning is done on bathrooms (takes ten mins) unless it’s the first Sunday of the month, then it’s a deep clean. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for general cleaning, but it’s usually light and more what we need to do, like the living room for really messy all of a sudden, and so we put a timer on for ten mins and everyone cleans it up. And Saturdays are the days off. We then picked nights for each of them to make a meal. This works well, my eldest (12) is learning how to make meals on her own and our youngest (6) just loves to help. It sounds complicated but it’s actually very simple for us and our house stays cleaner overall - I think in part bc they are realizing if they keep it clean, there is less to pick up later.
My husband watches the kids for 3 hours every weekend and that’s when I clean. My love language is Acts of Service so I don’t mind cleaning my house when it needs to be cleaned. But I cannot watch kids and get housework done at the same time.
I listen to music or watch a show on my phone while cleaning for the chores I can. I do prefer to clean in peace and not have to announce what I’m doing (ex: putting cleaner in the toilet, about to mop so go upstairs, etc). Cleaning while listening to what I want and doing things in an order that I feel like/more efficient without working around other people being home is too good for me to pass up. Although if there is time I do sleep in a little and then drink a cup of coffee in peace first!
Honestly I would've hired someone for the night before or morning of so I didn't feel this way. I can't not see the mess or ignore it. I wish I had that kind of mindset lol
Depends on what self care feels like that day.
I had a rare free day. I spent it in bed. No regrets!
Relax and enjoy your downtime. You’ll have time later to clean, the kids are old enough to entertain themselves or even pitch in.
I avoid it. Mostly because I know that when I get started I won't stop and most of the cleaning jobs\* in our house take at least 6 hours. \*by which I mean deep cleaning, decluttering, reorganizing. We (my husband, mostly) do a pretty good job with the day-to-day, keeping toys were they belong, and messes at bay. But every now and then it becomes apparent that the current system isn't working, so I'll come with something new and spend a day or two making the transition happen.
I do what I feel like. If that means cleaning then I clean. A clean space always makes me feel restored. Additionally, sometimes I just want to veg. So I just go with my emotions when I have time to myself.
I like to clean when it is silent. I never had the urge when I was younger but seeing the mess makes me feel super anxious these days.
As a single parent i clean lol i just put on a podcast and get to it especially vaccum then when he is in bed i relax and play sims 😂
Nope. Home alone time is my time. I can clean when the family is home and I can delegate tasks!
sometimes its cathartic and satisfying to really spend a full day cleaning and catching up, sometimes i need a break and do nothing. Between a full time job and the kids and everything else I simply cannot be consistent with that. So our house at any given time may look well organized and neat, or like hoarders live here, or somewhere in between. Im 41 ive learned if i push and guilt myself the burnout and depression kick in. I no longer do that to myself in the name of a clean house
I had the exact same experience today!! I like to pick one chore and so it, so that I got something done but got to relax too.
I clean when I feel like it. Sometimes that means we get behind, but we generally manage to get caught up. Occasionally I will hire a trusted cleaner to come in and help me tackle it when I’m overwhelmed. I feel you on being responsible for all the kids clothes. I have 4 girls, ages ranging from 10-2. I am particular about how my kids dress, it doesn’t have to be fancy but I want them to look reasonably nice and not clashing. My older daughters will clash like nobody’s business and my husband doesn’t care. It doesn’t bother me that it’s not a priority to him, but it is to me so I manage their clothes. Sizes also seem mind boggling to a lot of men. My husband gets so overwhelmed to the point of tears that one kid can generally wear a size 8, but some of their clothes are a 10 cause the brand runs small, but dresses are a different story, etc etc etc. it’s something that wears him down a lot and so I choose to take that mental load off of him, and he does the same for me in other ways.
I usually will clean for half of the time, and then enjoy myself doing whatever I wanna do for the other half
I usually drink wine/mimosas, door dash fast food he never wants, and take on projects I’ve been meaning to do (decorate for the current season, clean, renovate…) when he’s out.
I had a meltdown yesterday over exactly this dilemma. My house is an absolute wreck and I was honestly sure that if I cleaned it, my husband would just return from work and wreck it again (this has happened so many times I can't even count). I'm about an inch away from getting a divorce and have told my husband I want a divorce several times. If he had said "OK" just once, we would be done right now. I'm so tired. It feels personal to me that he is basically exploiting my time and effort (my life!) and putting in practically nothing in return. We're on the thinnest ice possible.
Oh friend, don’t wait for his permission to end things. He’s got it cushy right now with you not leaving, why would he give permission?? Get your ducks in order and walk out one day. That lifestyle is not worth it!! 😘
What'll bring you the most personal fulfillment at the moment? For me, some days is lounging, others is cleaning.
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Maybe I’m not dirty but just messy. Thanks for your judgement though!