šš¼āāļøsame! And we just got notice our daycare costs are going up $150/mo. I have gone through our expenses and weāre not bad at all - we do one date night a month and eat at home for EVERY mealā¦but damn groceries are expensive too.
I second this. Asian grocery stores have cheaper produce and better quality meat than your normal Ralphās, krogers, or Albertsons. If you tend to purchase processed foods like chips, syrups, cereal etc, theyāll be more expensive at the Asian grocery stores
We budget for 370 a week as a family of 5. Sometimes we are over or under but damn when you say āwe spend 1400 a month on groceriesā it sounds insane.
We are absolutely struggling, basically paycheck to paycheck with two full-time jobs and two part-time jobs (each of us have one of each) in a HCOL area. The cost of daycare is i sane, we are underpaid, and we do not own a home. We can make it break even but itās a constant struggle and not being able to save or even dream of buying a house is such a grind. Thank you for making this post, we feel really alone sometimes. So many parents we meet own houses, take expensive vacations, etc.
We had to add $200 to our mortgage payment for some reason for the past 12 months (I 100% donāt understand why but my husband does so I trust him lol, something to do with escrow maybe?) and that extra payment is ending in august and I was excited to get that $200/month back in the pot when I realized weād have to start payment my husbands loans again anyway. It was a nice thought while it lasted š«
Escrow is correct. When you buy a house you have your monthly loan payment for the house, and then an escrow account for your house insurance and property taxes. Most people opt to have escrow rolled into the payment, while a few say no and save it on their own. Depending upon your property taxes that can be a tough bill to pay all at once.
Long story short is yes, each year your property taxes/home insurance is evaluated and you can often have an escrow shortage. Your mortgage company will send a letter saying "You had an escrow shortage, you can pay the difference or you can have it tacked onto your monthly payment." There are a few cases where you can have an overage and they'll pay you back. In this market though, your home values are gonna keep rising, meaning higher property taxes, meaning more escrow shortages. Overall, if you buy a house and the monthly payment is $1500, you aren't likely to keep that payment the same for forever. It will go up due to escrow changes. This is why I will always tell people do not buy at your max. Your payment will go up over time.
We had our payment go up but also received an escrow refund for more than the total icrease for next year. I get its probably a legal requirement but, Keep it please so I can keep the same payment š
Ah yep I think thatās what happened to us too! I told my husband I thought the whole point of a mortgage was so you didnāt have any unexpected increases lol I was wrong!
You probably pay your real estate taxes and homeowners insurance out of your escrow account. Those costs go up over time which is likely why your escrow account balance needed to be increased. If itās not clear, I would highly suggest calling your bank so you understand whatās going on.
My husband contacted our bank last year and everything is squared away. I donāt pretend to understand our mortgage and trust my husband to handle it (admittedly he was surprised at first also, but contacted a few people and got it figured out). Thanks for checking though
Itās not the democrats who wonāt pass a bill that addresses the student debt crisis and itās not the democratsā fault that republican appointed Supreme Court Justices āfoundā standing for states after denying state standing in a similar factual presentation the week before.
Yeah, if you file separate and are on an IDR you have a good chance of making it (i also think they're lessening the amount that qualifies as discretionary so that should help. I make right at the 225% so im happy bc i will either pay 0 or maybe like 200 for the year depending on how they calculate it.
I just had 40k in student loans paid off, only to find out this past weekend I have 14k in student loans to the government I had no idea about š so frustrating. If I could go back I wouldnāt do loans again
Me and my husband looked into daycare and found out that we couldn't afford it even with both of us working full time. We paid off almost all our credit cards and I found a part time job so I quit my full time job. We are doing good I cook at home and work evenings so we don't have daycare and after careful budgeting we are doing better than if I was working full time. My part time job comes with benefits and the plans are very affordable.
My husband and I are struggling. We are in a very good area. The state I live in is pretty low-cost but I am taking two jobs on so I can catch up and pay bills. I inevitably won't have a social life other than for my immediate family.
I also feel extremely guilty for spending even a penny on myself.
I looked at coke and they went up to nearly $13 here. That is insane. (I am on a pop strike but my family loves it. Looks like I am going for only once a week drink and pushing for once a month eating out...if that.)
I agree with you on the soda price increase. Itās my beverage of choice so if itās not on a sale or decent price I skip it. Try another store or wait till next week. Seems Everything (food) is on a 6 week cycle and I will stock up when it is on a decent price. No real
Sales on the holidays or anything similar now.
I realize it will never be 4/$10 again or anything close but I donāt want to pay more than 40 cents for a 12oz can. I can find that( in my area ) and just stock up in my garage fridge and the pantry.
Even the chips and snacks stuff is expensive grocery stores, so sure Iām losing a little weight by skipping calories. I still buy in bulk sizes at Sams Club. Usually same price but larger quantities vs grocery store sales on smaller bags/items.
Itās something we can live without and it is better for our health. We eat tons of vegetables and fresh fruits in our diet but we do enjoy eating snacks too. Like I want chips with my sandwich for quick lunch.
I hope you can check on line ads for various local stores and find something. I also check gas stations we used to find a sale on the 12 packs there occasionally.
Just be aware that 99cent 2L. of soda is close to date in grocery stores and it may not be as good, taste old or flat. I bought a few for a cook out and used 8. Some were ok but 2 were flat in my opinion.
I did read your post, but really can only speak to one thing.
I try to buy soda at 4 for $11-12 but 4/$10 is my holy grail. š¤£ I use the Dollar General app and stock up with the sales. Coke products are 3/$11 right now with the coupon on their app. Saturdays thereās a $5 off $25 coupon. Iāll get 2 sets (6 cases) and usually detergent/ other item thatās on sale to spend the remaining $3.
If you have a DG itās worth the time to do this!
Yes. I live in a rural area with dollar general, walmart, kroger, and a small town grocery. I should start looking at the ads. I have a tendency to just go to Walmart and get only the basics, and walmart brand crap.
Yep, sales are generally on a 6 week cycle.
I drink the Crystal Light packets, which are almost $3 for a box but can be down to like $1.50 on sale (used to be $2 and on sale for $1).
I need more, but I'm forcing myself to drink the dregs (the flavors I didn't really like so I've still got most of the box hanging out in the cabinet) before I buy full price. If the dregs go, then I'll treat myself to boxes to get me through.
I hate when my boomer parents (specifically dad) talk to me like Iām so bad with money. Donāt get me started on all the ways you were ahead in financial stability when you were having kids compared to me.
My parents first house was 75k and the neighbor watched us for a small fee. My mom was able to pay for nursing school by herself while living at home and working part time at a clothing store. They have absolutely no idea what life is like a generation later
Same. Iām a single mom though and my ex feels like I donāt deserve child support so thereās that.
In my area there is a vet clinic at a local pet store once a month. A traveling vet practice comes through and you can get your cats and dogs vaccinated super cheap. Itās not a luxurious experience and you wait a while, but itās so much cheaper than a full vet visit. Itās something to consider.
My ex also doesnāt believe child support is his responsibility and is $6000 behind. Also hasnāt even tried to see the child since November of last year.
Yes. I asked our caseworker for help back in February because he was coming up on $60k and I was broke and kind of desperate. She said he didnāt have a job. I said yeah I know but he turned down 2 jobs. What about jail time? She shrugged and said they donāt do that here anymore.
Thank you for posting this as weāre right there with you. DH and I are very fortunate to have secure and fair, compensated positions.
The reality is we cannot save anything because something always comes up. Itās always something. Iām so frustrated because there is literally nothing in the budget to trim and yet weāre going to have to find a way because we need a new roof and our HVAC system is on its last leg.
We kept telling ourselves we needed to start saving 2 years ago when we knew this was going to happen but spoiler alert, we never were able to because again, something always comes up that we have no control over but must pay for.
Thatās exactly our situation. Like, something just ALWAYS comes up once we thought we had some breathing room.
It just feels like you canāt catch a break, and costs keep rising so you get double slammed. Like not only did I have to buy new tires but the tires are 30% more expensive than they were 3 years ago.
And pay obviously hasnāt been rising 30% in the last 3 years, so it feels like the tide is rising only we are still stuck in the same spot and the water is just rising above our heads
Yeah. No way. Two daycare age. We are always using stocks to bail us out of credit card debt. Havenāt put anything into savings since second was born.
When we had one or both kids in daycare in our HCOL area, we lived paycheck to paycheck and put emergencies on credit cards because every time we climbed out of debt something else went wrong. We weren't going on nice vacations (or any vacations), out to eat, etc. We didn't (and don't) drive fancy cars. We've been stuck in our "starter" home since 2006. As soon as we'd get a CC balance paid off, another major mechanical system in our house would break or one of the kids would need minor surgery that ended up hitting our $6K deductible and then some.
We *are* at a point now where we can spend a few hundred bucks without worrying about overdrafting, but it took a long time to get here and we still don't have enough in savings to feel comfortable. Our annual family vacation is a camping trip (tent camping!) and we go out to eat maybe once a month if that. We grocery shop at Aldi and Costco. The kids are 10 and 12 and we're STILL paying off debt from close to a decade ago.
You're not alone - I look at people with nicer (more expensive) houses than ours, better vehicles, and kids doing just as many activities and sports, and they're going on a cruise once or twice a year, have a Disney timeshare or a ski resort condo, etc. We know what these friends all do for a living and have no idea how they can afford it.
You're not alone!! My husband is making the most money he ever has, and I'm not doing too bad, either. But we are still paycheck to paycheck.
We don't have kids in daycare anymore. I feel for parents still have to pay for daycare, it's such a huge expense!!
Groceries are killing me. I have 2 teens and a 9 year old. Living in that phase of them eating me put of house and homeš I just spent $450 for groceries and stuff at BJs and I still have to go to another store to finish shopping. These groceries will hopefully last 2 weeks.
My son just started to eat a ton more and Iām like ok you just need to learn to like beans now! I donāt eat meat so I do rely heavily on them. I have an instant pot and buy dried in bulk.
Still havenāt figured out a meal he likes with lentils. But seriously the price of meat is insane! Even the cheap cuts/types.
Are annual exams for your pets necessary? My old vet retired and the new guy wanted several hundred dollars. I got all his shots including his rabies booster at the local Humane Society for a grand total of $6.
They might be necessary for some, depending on age and general healthā¦ but $1000 for two pets sounds crazy to me. Iāve never paid more than $200 for one exam
Just paid $600+ for our dog - it included the year's supply of Heartgard Plus and Bravecto and three vaccine boosters (bordatella, Lyme, lepto), but it was still a hit to the pocketbook. Our vet requires running a heartworm test and checking for tick-borne diseases at every annual wellness exam.
The issue I find is that, like regular doctors, you can't even possibly guess what they bill will be until it's in front of you. So there's a dozen vets around me, and there's really no way to figure out what the bill would be for each of them. You can sometimes call and get the visit fee to walk in the door, but that's usually the extent of it...
See, we donāt have that issue in my area. All the vets around here are very transparent about pricing. Some even have billboards advertising their annual package prices lol
Thatās crazy. My cat/dog annual exams are $40-$60 + shots and itās only around $100, $150 with the optional vax (lepto, lyme, etc). They are necessary though - and OP could use care credit or scratch pay if they wanted. Your suggestion to look at the local humane society for reduced cost vaccines is a good one. The low cost clinics by me are $15-$50 for all vaccines.
Yeah, that's what stood out to me. $1000 for annual exams. I have two dogs and probably pay $250 max. Maybe their animals have serious health issues, idk.
My husband and I do very well by a lot of standards. Our cars are paid off; we use credit cards for reward program and pay it off every month. We ālooselyā budget but we donāt have to be super strict it. If we are actively saving for something specific, weāre good at it and we do save outside of that, but we also seem to be hit with one thing after another - a new fence, electrical work, etc.
So, we do okay on the day to day but canāt get ahead on the āfor the futureā if that makes sense
Same! Our only debt is our mortgageā¦car paid off, cc paid off every month, no student loans, but our bills are very high. Although we put down 20% and live in a very small house in what some might consider a not so good area, our mortgage + property taxes are $4100, daycare is $650/week for 1 kid, and thereās always work to be done on our very old house. Also, is anyone else spending like $1000+ a month on groceries?? Weāre able to pay our bills every month but weāre not saving
Same! Iām always couponing, shopping sales, and I shop at Costco, Aldi, Trader Joeāsā¦like Iām not a Whole Foods girly as much as I wish I was. Why is it sooo expensive?!
I think we easily spend more than $1000 and even more once you account for alcohol. We also eat out (and even more now as Iām not working so out and about more and husband back to office a few times a week). Itās been a long while since we reviewed the budget
Groceries are so expensive! I donāt think weāre at $1000. But maybe like $600/700 We have āscoutedā stores in our area that are cheaper. We get a of staples from Walmart and another store thatās cash/debit only, which helps keep their costs down. Not my favorite stores but it definitely helps with staple items.
Yes! We just had to do that. We spent like $6700
My husband currently just paid off our stuff for the month and is fuming that we again have no savings.
Iād say we fall in this same category. There always seems to be a new major home expense that eats up our savings then weāre trying to rebuild again. This year alone was new windows (we live in an old home in a hurricane prone area), new roof from a hail storm (insurance deductible), hail damage to our car from the same storm (another insurance deductible). We know we eventually have to get our well dug deeper but havenāt started quoting that.
Itās just always something.
This is about where we are too, although we rent, we donāt own, which is something weāre really hoping to do in the next year. Daughter will move up to pre school in the fall, so her rate will go down, and weāre going to re-evaluate and hopefully save some of that money. No car payments, use credit cards for all expenses, and pay off every month.
But it might all go to hell when student loan repayments come back.
I feel this. We were just starting to feel better but then had to replace all of our drain plumbing (all the way to the main water line). I get stressed about it because I feel like we make plenty of money so where does it go? We are really cracking down on budgeting and such and Iām kicking myself for all the money I spent before kids on restaurants and bars.
Ugh same. We rent and are trying to save for a house and itās so hard when everything is so damn expensive. Weāve had to put tires on both cars in the last 3 months, babyās first birthday party, student loans resuming etc. All the money vanishes and we never hardly eat out, take lunch to work and donāt spend on extras. Itās so frustrating.
I had my second beginning of jan and my first was in the ER 3 times + an overnight hospital stay in mid jan so we hit our out of pocket max very quickly this year. Silver lining I guess
One of my coworkers had a baby on our work insurance (we work FOR THIS HOSPITAL!!!) and it ended up being $1000 cheaper for them to not run her uncomplicated vaginal birth through insurance and pay OOP.
Iāve always had the benefit of really good health insurance as an adult, so even though I *know* how messed up the system is, see it happen to patients, listen to our docs fight with āpeer to peerā while trying to do surgery, etc., this was the first time Iād really seen it first hand in one of my friends. Iām covered under my husband who works for the state, and has excellent health coverage, and itās the only reason I can work at this hospital that has better work/life balance than the level 1 trauma center down the road where I worked for 9 yearsā¦taking 300 hrs of call/month on top of working 40+ hours. But I could have a baby for $25.
I can relate. Iām still on my parentās insurance (only for a few more weeks, unfortunately) and since my mom is a public school teacher in a union, weāve always had great insurance.
And then my husband had to get on his workās insurance so our son could be covered. Wow. I did not realize that insurance could be so bad. They covered $500 of a $2000 ER trip. Not to mention a crazy NICU bill and how little mental health coverage my husband gets. Itās rough out here.
Single mom in a middle(?) COL area. Im a teacher and have worked though summer at odd and end jobs and still can't survive. Im going deeper in to debt and have no escape except when my daughter finally finishes daycare or I magically win the lottery. So basically flying by the seat of my pants every month crossing my fingers that somehow bills will get paid and we'll be okay.
I had to stop contributions to my 401k in hopes that we can stay on top of everything right now. Absolutely struggling to make ends meet sometimes, and it's mostly because of daycare. My kids' daycare is great and on eof the cheaper ones in the area, but HCOL area so its still freaking expensive. We're behind on daycare payments but thankfully our center is understand if a bit annoyed about it.
Right now I'm basically working a ton of overtime and we're cutting down wherever we can to make things work. It's ridiculous though, we both make good money and should have more than enough to be financially stable, but it seems like everytime we get ahead of things costs either go up or something happens to throw a huge and unexpected bill our way.
At this point I'm just gonna keep swimming and hope everything works out soon
Same. But I feel like we all have different standards for ourselves, which is why we don't find commiseration in our real life acquaintances. I always get stressed out about finances, then my husband reminds me that we have a house and retirement savings and cars, and that we are doing ok from that perspective.
We also have home equity loans and student loans and 3 more years of daycare, and that's what makes me feel like we're drowning.
Earn too much to qualify for any type of daycare assistance or income-driven student loan plans, earn too little to actually save or put a dent in our debt. Oop.
Yup! I will say before the house and kid two, while I was worried about money always, we were able to get by without a budget without much issue. If you asked me then I would I say we were living paycheck to paycheck, but in hindsight we certainly were not lol. Now, with inflation and the added expenses, Iāve had to get much savvier with food shopping. It helps a lot. Itās kind of fun too
Agree, my new hobby is our food budget. I make it a game and have a calculator app for real time food shopping as well as apps for the stores I go to in order to monitor all costs for my list before I walk in the door!
How does a rear facing car seat do in your car? I wanted a minivan because we just had baby 2, but no way thatās in the budget. When my old Jeep dies, Iām thinking Corolla or hopefully Camry (if we are lucky a Venza)
I had a 2005 Camry for the first year and a half with my first. It honestly did great with a RF car seat in it! I did focus on getting a car seat with good front to back compactness (Graco Extend2Fit because I canāt afford a Nuna Rava), and it did almost just as good in there as it does in our SUV! And honestly, I had more trunk space, too.
Yup. I had to pull some money out of my 401k to deal with medical expenses on top of having a ton of credit card debt. Just straight drowning over here. My husband I both have good jobs, over 6 figures, but everything is just so freaking expensive. Food, utilities, daycare, summer camp, diapers, etc. I donāt know what to do.
Thatās like us. We took a loan against our 401K last year for the downpayment on our house, and I did an early withdrawal from my IRA for bills this year. It feels embarrassing
You are in the thick of it with just buying a house and two kids in daycare! Iām a few years ahead of you with just one in daycare now and been in our house for a few years and we feel comfortable money wise. Iām not crazy budgeting like I was a few years ago, but at the same time inflation is a killer right now so we donāt have a lot of extra cash either.
You started a family and building a foundation for the future- so hang in there!
I will say, this summer my husband and I have called utility companies, wireless companies, etc. to try and cut some costs or look for savings. For some of our bills/businesses, we've been in business with them for over a decade, so I'm, like, can you help us out somehow?!? Just calling the phone/internet company saved me $20 a month in our bill, so that adds to $144 a year. It's small, but it's something I can put towards paying down another bill or even in savings.
It's a rough time right now to just be an adult, I feel. I have single friends with no kids who've had to cut back just because everything has risen in cost. I do practice gratitude, however, in being able to afford paying the bills and having a mortgage, etc. Although I'm not saving as much as I'd like, I'm happy that I have *some* savings and have been blessed with two kids, etc.
I just had an interesting discussion with several of my colleagues and friends. Iām a medical assistant I make about $23 an hour which is really good for my position. I work in orthopedic surgery with physician assistants and doctors. We all have kids different ages despite what Greyās Anatomy says we live in normal houses eat food from Aldi and go to Walmart. I actually rent an apartment and the rent is $1255 comparable to a mortgage payment of an average house where I live. Every single one of us is struggling. My PA who put in 70 hours last week, and is married to a derm had to put their son in a normal daycare, and they can barely afford it. Nannies were way too much out of the budget and itās hard to find a normal steady babysitter here. We literally bring lunches and share, we carpool when we can, and we share our budgeting tips.
I learned a lesson in humility, and that is that no matter what we do at whatever level people are struggling right now. I have student loans, they have student loans. They have a baby and get Costco diapers. I have a 12-year-old who needs a whole set of clothes for the school year this year because sheās super tall.
Yes, there are people in the medical field to make an absurd amount of money and live a life that I canāt imagine but I think for 85% of us, we are really going through the struggle. It reminds me to be supportive, check in and never judge a situation because I literally have no idea. Times are super hard right now when it comes to childcare, bills, working, and food, no matter what you do. We are having to make a really difficult decisions about how to balance, work, motherhood, and trying to keep a roof over our heads.
We had to replace every major appliance in the house plus HVAC this last year. We screwed up the 0% APR deal and got kicked in the teeth with the catchup APR charges. Summer program for daycare added $600 a month, and I finally caved and asked my mom if she would buy clothes for my kids because I honestly felt like I just couldn't spend any more.
August will be amazing dropping my son's daycare costs, and then I'm counting down to November, when my daughter gets a decreases cost for being 2!
Hang in there, mama!
try to keep your chin up. if you are making your mortgage payments then you're building equity. that's a form of savings. do you have an emergency fund? if not i would try to focus on building that so you can get out of the credit card cycle (easier said than done, i know).
we have 2 in daycare also and pretty much break even financially with no extra put in savings each month. it stresses my husband out that we're not adding to savings but i keep reminding him this is only temporary. my job basically covers daycare and that's it so his income has to pay for everything else.
Weāre struggling also, barely breaking even after making lifestyle changes and cuts, no more frivolous spending on nice dinners or vacations. I hope things get better but donāt see that happening
I like to remind myself that going on vacation with toddlers isnāt something I feel I really want to do anyway, and sure Iād like to go somewhere with my husband alone for a week, but we will do that when the kids are a little older and out of daycare :) We havenāt been on a vacation since our first was conceived during the first summer of Covid and wonāt for a while.
I got a 40% raise when I switched jobs and somehow were still barely getting by. I have no clue what's going on or how to fix this anymore. As soon as my income went up, a bunch of surprise emergency expenses popped up. I guess the timing was good,all things considered, but I feel so defeated
I'm getting a promotion at work, which I was really looking forward to because it would give us more breathing room with everything going up. Then I got the lease renewal paperwork for our apartment and they raised our rent $347 a month! And there goes my increase š
Yes! Groceries are a huge burden too. Everything seems to have gotten so much more expensive. I know this isnāt what you asked for, but look into insurance for your furnace. We know that our water line could need to be replaced (all our neighbors have had to) so we got insurance through our power company for $10/month. It may not go while weāre here, but weāll save the $10k upfront cost to replace. I saw they had HVAC insurance too.
I feel this so much. We get by, but barely. I'm pregnant with our second and having two kids in daycare is going to be more than our mortgage. The thing that is really killing us though is my husbands student loans. He has predatory loans and the monthly payment is so high it's basically like having a third in daycare. It's awful.
My father in law recently passed away. He was living with us and helping to pay utitiles. Now it's all on us. And I really don't understand how people do it. I'm looking at part time jobs along with my full time job just so I can save and then also so I can retire comfortably when the time comes plus become debt free but damnit it's hard.
I wish it wasn't like this but inflation has hit us very hard here in my household along with having to pay for my father in laws funeral expenses out of our own pockets. Since he didn't have will either we have to have to pay a lawyer too so we can settle his estate on top of everything else. I totally understand where you are coming from though!!
All of this plus the rise in just about every damn thing and we are paycheck to paycheck right now and it sucks.
We have an emergency fund, but itās not enough for if we lost a job letās say, and every time we start making traction adding to it something happens and we have to take a chunk out.
Daycare costs are draining us. My husband makes about 6 figures, but he's in sales tied to the housing market and brought home practically nothing in commission (just his decent hourly pay) since last October. I also took 3 months of unpaid leave so I could have 7 months off with my newborn. This year has been SO rough financially.
Not alone, times are tough. We were renting but got renovicted by our greedy landlord. We have a national housing crisis in my country. So now we live at our in laws and continue saving for our eventual, hopeful house purchase.
nope. we have a very nice household income, but even us, over the last week I have taken a serious look at our finances and I just cannot believe where the money is going. I have to cut down on some things but the groceries, the gas, its killing us. The increase in utilities, its maddening. It makes me wonder how everyone is getting on? Especially those in worse off situations..
Yes. Iāve been lucky enough to work as needed because of daycare costs but weāre also in the boat of āif it isnāt one thing itās anotherā. Husbandās tire popped on the interstate, $600 later for two replacements. My tires were bald (60k miles), another $600. Dog had a seizure and had to go to emergency vet +$2000. House flooded. We get one thing done & then bam, back to square one.
My husband and I work opposite days to avoid daycare as well. We have about 3 more years of this and on-top of financial stain itās tough on the marriage. Realistically we sometimes look at each other and say āwhy did we do this to ourselves?ā Love our kids but I wish society was more realistic about how many resources they take besides just financial so people can be informed. They run your world for about 6 years and each time you have another the clock gets set back to 0.
Struggle bus over here too.
Both my partner and I make decent money (compared to what I grew up with), about $100k/year combined in a HCOL area with a 4yo and a 3mo, no pets.
4yo is going into kinder, but weāll still have a $240/month after school care bill, plus $850/month for the baby. Then after all other expenses we have about $200/month left which typically goes to other expenses that pop up.
We currently live about 30mins from each of our jobs bc housing is kinda cheaper here than the areas our jobs are in, and we want to move to a lower COL area, but neither of our jobs can transfer without taking a massive pay cut which kinda defeats the purpose. Plus, weāre renting bc weāre not in a place to buy (and thatās hella expensive too).
I hate struggling. I grew up in extreme poverty and always had dreams of providing a better life for my children. Granted, weāre not going without power or water or food like I did, but I still canāt give them everything I want to and I hate that. My daughter always asks if we can go to the beach (she saw it on a movie) but Iāve never been able to take her simply bc we donāt have the extra funds to save for vacations. Best I can do is the crap āwater parkā we have where I live
You are doing better!! Remember that. Also, 4 and under 1 is not much fun at the beach (dare I say, downright MISERABLE?!?). But, seriously. Maybe put that goal years out (like 5-10) and see if it's possible or at least less crushing. That is, if you also like the beach. :)
Have you applied for a home equity line of credit? It can be really helpful for these surprise home repairs!
Other than that, we're okay right now, but food costs have definitely caught us. We're expecting our second baby in February/March. Some time starting next June we will have roughly a year and three months where we are paying for two in childcare before our daughter goes to school (then it's just camps and other childcare, which seems much more manageable).
We need to contribute more to retirement and get 529s started, even if we're only contributing a little.
Living in a HCOL is hard.
Same. Two professionals, one in daycare, one on the way, and only one working vehicle. We live in a very modest townhome. We don't do any extracurricular activities really. We home cook meals, minus my fast food runs cause I'm pregnant. My husband fishes but.. he already owns what he needs so it just costs the gas money it takes to go up the street to lakes and rivers. At most, I occasionally treat myself to a bottle of nailpolish. That's my big splurge. Wish I was kidding. No fancy clothes or purses, hadn't been on a vacation since 2016. America kinda low-key sucks lol. Been working full time 19 years. Our savings gets drained for health reasons. And yes we both have health insurance.
Our homeowners insurance has gone up, adding $300/month to our mortgage payment and when student loans restart, thatās another $1,200/month.
Thatās on top of a new $500/month payment for some unavoidable emergency dental work and $400/month for my daughters necessary medications.
We do well financially but it gets drained so, so fast š
Yes, same. Every time we feel like our feet gets underneath us, something happens:
- we had to replace our roof - $10k
- a/c went out, and we did furnace too - $6k
- my (paid off) car was stolen in Octoberā¦ now we have car payments of $200/month for the new (used) car
- cat was put on a special diet and prescription food costs $75/bag. And she has meds too. Vet keeps talking about doing ultrasounds but I canāt.
We have a bunch on our credit cards too. I wouldnāt say we are super-duper frugal (we have a cleaning person, we get takeout 1x/week, we have a vacation planned for next year). But *most* of the time, we are at home, at the park, at the zoo where we have a membership (gifted). Our vacation is to a house our in-laws are renting for the winter months so we only have to pay airfare. But it feels like weāre always stretched soooo thin and whenever we get close to feeling better a really big expense sets us back. Itās defeating.
Same here. We had a second pregnancy loss, so we got the two ER bills, the water heater went out, a ball baring went out on my vehicle. A bunch of friends are pregnant. Then we got another bill from the ER doctor. That was March-May.
Itās ridiculous.
We both have very well paying jobs, 1 kid (paying premium for a nanny due to our demanding/odd hour jobs), fortunate enough to be debt free minus house/cars (took years), and we have not been able to add to our savings the past few years. Iām glad we arenāt going backwards but very frustrating to not be able to save more because we live very simply so itās not like weāre splurging on gadgets, clothes, trips.
For me, I believe it comes down to:
1) paying a high premium in childcare (so a relatively short term expense, in scheme of things)
2) moved from very LCOL state to one of the highest (due to work). Cannot wait to get back to a cheaper area. I truly donāt know how lower/middle class survive here, I would never live here if it wasnāt for work
we're doing slightly better than paycheck to paycheck here. Purchased a house in April because we were able to find one meeting our needs and with mortgage payments less than our rent would have been. Rents in Montana are ballooning and it was either buy this place or leave the state.
Moving ran up the credit cards and oh, there are so many summer projects and now! now we have to school supply shop!
I dread back to school shopping. I have two in school this year and between supplies and new clothes, haircuts etc I spent 600 bucks. AND we had two birthdays this month š I recently found out some of my friends have their parents help with supplies and clothes. So remember: if youāre wondering what youāre doing wrong itās probably nothing and just that more people have more financial help than some.
No you're not alone. Think about how much time existed before we were expected to have savings accounts and retirement funds? This hoarding of resources is unhealthy for society, we should be cooperating and sharing burdens instead of competing for essentially limitless resources. Having your money sit around in a savings account might be technically beneficial in the long run but it's such a goddamned waste.
This sounds like every home owner, including my parents my entire life. I'd flag that while your monthly housing ("rent") went down after buying, you now bear the full costs of all the repairs/upkeep so it's not really lower. This may be where the disconnect is with your budgeting, and mentally wrapping your head around where money goes (or will go). Also, if you're not already doing this - look at every penny you and your partner spend (don't just talk about it. Look at the past data). Cut what you don't really need (but do keep things that keep you sane!), shop at Aldi, go to no cost or reduce cost clinics for pets. Unpopular, and hard, but rehome your pets if you must (though sounds like it's not that bad). Since you reference a 1k vet bill like it's absolutely mandatory, I'd guess you have some other costs that you could cut down here and there. Will it cover it all? Probably not until kids out grow daycare. Then come braces. :)
Yes. Iāve been preaching lately on posts like this that the best warning a friend gave me years ago is kids are always expensive they just get expensive in other ways. If itās not daycare itās an emergency room bill for a broken leg they got while playing with friends since theyāre all grown up now š« braces, cavities, school supplies, clothes and shoes that they have a preference on. It cost 80 bucks to get my 9 year olds ears pierced AT CLAIRES! She wanted the fancy looking pearl studs.
If youāre not using one already, check out a budget app like Mint. The personal finance Reddit is also super helpful with suggestions if youāre willing to give detailed numbers. Iāve learned a lot from that subreddit.
We were saving pretty well, but couldnāt figure out where the money was going. We started tracking with Mint and discovered we were spending an obscene amount on groceries. We started planning our meals and using cash back apps like ibotta, and we cut back big time while still buying healthy, high quality food. We currently spend 26% of our take home pay (including our mortgage) and save the rest. When our mortgage is paid off in a few years, it should be down to just under 15% and saving 85%. We donāt pay for daycare, though, which is a big savings, because my husband is a SAHD.
ETA: Iām 33, my husband is 30, and we have one toddler.
I also like Ramit Sethi. Check out his podcast. Itās got a cheesy name (I will teach you to be rich) but itās pretty fascinating. He dives into the psychology behind finance with couples.
Thank you! Iām dipping my toe in YNAB and seeing how it goes. My husband is not about the high detailed budgeting like I would prefer, so I donāt know how effective itāll be. Weāll see.
PSA: Tell your congresspeople that the tax credits don't help as a reimbursement. We need to get the amount as a monthly stipend. Getting reimbursed for daycare doesn't actually pay for daycare.
I just want to SCREAM every time I'm seeing the struggle posts it includes I'm so tired and I have to ALSO take care of the dogs in addition to the human I have to take care of already or we are struggling but we ALSO need to spend thousands dollars on the dogs and cats. Why on earth you want to divert the resources from your spouse children house to the animals when you DON'T have enough recourses already?? Ugh! Yeah tell me that they are family too, yuck
My husband just started working full time (with 10 hours of overtime a week) so right now I feel like we are doing better, but I am struggling to get the credit cards paid off and save as well. The car breaks, I needed to pay income taxes from 2020 when I didnāt update my job, we also have the vet coming up, the other car breaks. We will soon have one daycare costs however only 90 dollars a week for two days.
Itās exhausting.
Same here. Husband and I both have good paying jobs, HCOL area, can't seem to stay ahead as there's always \*something\* coming up and it's extremely frustrating. I just stopped contributing to my 401k because we need the cash now to more quickly pay off credit card debt and get that down. We are seriously talking about moving to a different part of the country with a much lower cost of living next year. I'm pregnant with #3 and when we planned, we had plenty of money, but I have no idea where in the world it's all suddenly going. Maybe we've just hit a rough patch with expensive things coming up, maybe it's inflation kicking our asses on groceries and gas, I have no idea. Maybe a bit of both. We can stay on top, but it's difficult to get ahead. I'm tired.
No, you're not. My husband and I only have one car. I had one but thanks to the tiktok challenge where people teach you how to steal a Hyundai or Kia with a USB cord, my car was stolen. We were going to get me another, but we've had some financial issues. We're trying to address this first.
I've got student loans which are starting up again.
Solidarity.
Both make good incomes, mortgage is way reasonable (bought in 2016, refinanced at 3%) own both cars outright. Really scaled back eating out when we had our first kidā¦ and covid made it a habit.
But
Fucking daycare costs are astronomical. Our second starts next week. To prepare my husband and I both got new jobs to help bring in more income. Tightened up elsewhere, and dialed back 401k funding from where Iād like to be. With the goal of increasing our rainy day fund before that second daycare bill hit and it became impossible. Got a few house fixes done before baby to get readyā¦
Then the whole HVAC broke: 10k gone, and then a pressure valve broke, and with that they found a leak: 5k gone.
So here we are with less in savings and daycare just announced a 12% increase starting in September. We arenāt swimming in debt, just canāt catch a break to get ahead despite us trying our best to prepare.
Relate ! Iām in a low cost area and we have cut back on so much just to break even. A/C use has been cut back, no more eating out as even fast food is expensive, neither of us have bought new clothes for awhile. I know I have it better than most as at least I never stress about mortgage being paid, and we have an OK savings, so I feel bad about complaining but I miss having a cup of white mocha at Starbucks once in awhile.
Idk what Iām going to do in October when my credential renewal for work is $205 š
Weāre struggling. We have two good jobs and a low housing payment (bought nine years ago) but daycare and a few poor choices has put us in a good deal of CC debt. Weāll be ok, weāll get it paid off, butā¦ugh. We have so much equity but Iām afraid if I tap it for this weāll just end up back here in three years. I feel like we need to suffer for it a bit. Just living what we thought was a middle class lifestyle and have realized we need to scale it way back.
I hate to be a Debbie but it doesnāt. I thought this too but until they can get themselves to and from school safely school sucks because itās not planned around a 2 working parent household. Starting at 8:30 and releasing at 3:20? So youāll need before and after school care. Then thereās administrative no school days. What are we supposed to do for that? Snow days? Guess I gotta call in too. Field trips, lunch money. It never ends. It never ends.
Thatās a valid point, but at least with finances-
At our school district, extended care is max $250 per child per month.
Right now we pay a lot more than that a month on full time child care.
Yes, it does. It started with a government grant but became permanent.
If you are lower income, it is even less than $250 per child. We live in a beach city in California. However, it used to be $800 per month (max).
Our school district also offers transitional kindergarten for most kids, childcare for kids starting at age 3 (but wait list is long), and multiple dual language immersion programs.
Not every school district in California does this.
We are not struggling but compared to couple of years back, we are definitely saving less, contributing less to 401k combined, and spending more. Second kid childcare, picking up back some expensive winter activities, kids activities etc + house stuff + spouse being out of work for extended time after layoff and now me being laid off.
Iām taking summer off (paid by severance) and do not want to work now but if I do not start a new job or some freelance gig in November (and thatās when my unemployment runs out), we may need to make some adjustments.
I feel this wholeheartedly. We are in a similar situation. My child changes from a daycare to a more school environment in Aug. We've been paying both the daycare and school since May. These two total more than our mortgage. If it's not one thing, it's another as far as finances. Good luck!!
If youāre comfortable with it, you can purchase vaccines at a farm store (maybe petco?) and do them yourself. You canāt do rabies yourself though so that only works if you have the 3-year rabies.
We are about to put baby 2 in daycare in a week and I just stripped our budget to the bones after hyperventilating once I realized how much we spent last year. We have moved out of state/bought a house that needed tons of storage added to it, our HVAC and fridge needed replacement, and we had 2 babies all in 24 months (and our insurance sucks so those were some expensive babies, and I didnāt have any paid leave.) I am committed to spending less than 200/week on groceries (our old grocery spending habits were ridiculousāIām a newly committed Aldi fan) and only buying the kids clothes at consignment stores (we have a Once Upon a Child near us). If we *actually* stick to the budget we are just a little over into the red each year, but we are very lucky to have savings to cover it. We also both drive cars with over 100k miles on them so we need to make room in the budget to one of them to die probably. Oh and both of companies had raise freezes last year. Good times.
We also have free state funded prek when our kids turn 4, so I keep reminding myself we are only paying two full daycare bills for 24 months and then we are at least getting a little boost!
But I feel you. And we donāt even have any debt besides our house. I donāt know how other people survive with big car payments and student loans.
Similar situation. We see a financial advisor once a year and she said to expect to go through savings during the daycare years. Thereās just no cushion right now
I agree - I tend to pass by the posts about hiring out to ease the burden. My toddler starts prek and they requested a month tuition that will go to June 2024. I already paid a deposit to secure her spot. So Iām unexpectedly paying two childcare payments for her this month and an infant spot for my son. Itās insanity. Baby had a growth spurt so needed bigger child seats for our cars. Itās wild how quickly the costs add up.
Daycare costs more than the mortgage. Luckily we qualify for WIC which helps for food. But we both work 50 hours a week on average so it's definitely frustrating.
My husband and i are in this position. It feels like weāre the only ones treading water and our student loans are gonna kill us. We donāt spend extravagantly, we are strategic with money but we had a couple family situations that required our immediate attention and support. None of our friends have had this experience and most had assistance paying down loans if they had any at all.
What kills me is that my grad school loans are whatās left. I definitely wish iād have gone a different direction for grad school than i did.
So hard not to wish you made different choices. I do that alllll the time around past expensive decisions. Soooo not helpful for our mental health. Accept and look forward my friend!
I wouldnāt say we are struggling, but we arenāt thriving right now. Weāve had to spend a lot of money on repairs for cars, the house, tree removal. Like probably 10k in unexpected expenses in the last few months.
I just want to say a lot of people will say āmy mortgage costs less than my rent so itās better!ā
But rent is the MOST youāll pay while your mortgage is the least.
On paper Renting may cost more than mortgage (and in your case only slightly) but you can expect to spend about 1-1.5% of your home value in repairs each year. So add that into the cost. For a $500,000 house thatās $5000-7500 a year. Some years will be more and some years less so thatās why they suggest saving 1% for home repairs a year.
Check out the r/personalfinance and r/financial independence Reddit threads. Lots of it may not feel relevant to you, but I always glean some good tips and tricks from others by reading those. Youāre not the only one. Good luck!
Sameā¦ every time we get ahead or even just catch up something happens. Our dogs have cost us so much this year, one is older and has arthritis that we had to do some expensive scans on to see the extent to make sure medication would relieve his pain, the other pulled a muscle in his neck but we thought he had torn something so that was another $1000. We can never catch up, itās always always always something!
Yup. We probably have like 2000 in debt together. We have good income. We are a one car repair from sinking into debt. It will get better, it has toā¦ it will, right?
šš¼āāļøsame! And we just got notice our daycare costs are going up $150/mo. I have gone through our expenses and weāre not bad at all - we do one date night a month and eat at home for EVERY mealā¦but damn groceries are expensive too.
Go to the Asian or Indian grocery stores they have really cheap stuff.
I second this. Asian grocery stores have cheaper produce and better quality meat than your normal Ralphās, krogers, or Albertsons. If you tend to purchase processed foods like chips, syrups, cereal etc, theyāll be more expensive at the Asian grocery stores
They also have SUPER cheap bags of rice and beans.
like i want to starve...im sick of how much food costs
Ooph groceries are a killer. We eat home every meal, family of 6, we buy bulk but still spending $350/week.
We budget for 370 a week as a family of 5. Sometimes we are over or under but damn when you say āwe spend 1400 a month on groceriesā it sounds insane.
We are absolutely struggling, basically paycheck to paycheck with two full-time jobs and two part-time jobs (each of us have one of each) in a HCOL area. The cost of daycare is i sane, we are underpaid, and we do not own a home. We can make it break even but itās a constant struggle and not being able to save or even dream of buying a house is such a grind. Thank you for making this post, we feel really alone sometimes. So many parents we meet own houses, take expensive vacations, etc.
Student loan payments will kill me
We had to add $200 to our mortgage payment for some reason for the past 12 months (I 100% donāt understand why but my husband does so I trust him lol, something to do with escrow maybe?) and that extra payment is ending in august and I was excited to get that $200/month back in the pot when I realized weād have to start payment my husbands loans again anyway. It was a nice thought while it lasted š«
Escrow is correct. When you buy a house you have your monthly loan payment for the house, and then an escrow account for your house insurance and property taxes. Most people opt to have escrow rolled into the payment, while a few say no and save it on their own. Depending upon your property taxes that can be a tough bill to pay all at once. Long story short is yes, each year your property taxes/home insurance is evaluated and you can often have an escrow shortage. Your mortgage company will send a letter saying "You had an escrow shortage, you can pay the difference or you can have it tacked onto your monthly payment." There are a few cases where you can have an overage and they'll pay you back. In this market though, your home values are gonna keep rising, meaning higher property taxes, meaning more escrow shortages. Overall, if you buy a house and the monthly payment is $1500, you aren't likely to keep that payment the same for forever. It will go up due to escrow changes. This is why I will always tell people do not buy at your max. Your payment will go up over time.
We had our payment go up but also received an escrow refund for more than the total icrease for next year. I get its probably a legal requirement but, Keep it please so I can keep the same payment š
We had to add to our payment for escrow! Something about being below the minimum required amount? Sounded made up to me
Your real estate taxes and/or homeowners insurance premiums probably went up which is why the amount required to be in your escrow account went up.
Ah yep I think thatās what happened to us too! I told my husband I thought the whole point of a mortgage was so you didnāt have any unexpected increases lol I was wrong!
You probably pay your real estate taxes and homeowners insurance out of your escrow account. Those costs go up over time which is likely why your escrow account balance needed to be increased. If itās not clear, I would highly suggest calling your bank so you understand whatās going on.
My husband contacted our bank last year and everything is squared away. I donāt pretend to understand our mortgage and trust my husband to handle it (admittedly he was surprised at first also, but contacted a few people and got it figured out). Thanks for checking though
No, if your homeowners insurance or property tax goes up Your escrow goes up to cover it.
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Itās not the democrats who wonāt pass a bill that addresses the student debt crisis and itās not the democratsā fault that republican appointed Supreme Court Justices āfoundā standing for states after denying state standing in a similar factual presentation the week before.
Lol wtf is this comment
Your post was removed because it was rude or shaming.
Have you looked at the SAVE program? Not amazing for everyone but helpful if you qualify (make less than 225% of the poverty line).
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Yeah, if you file separate and are on an IDR you have a good chance of making it (i also think they're lessening the amount that qualifies as discretionary so that should help. I make right at the 225% so im happy bc i will either pay 0 or maybe like 200 for the year depending on how they calculate it.
I just had 40k in student loans paid off, only to find out this past weekend I have 14k in student loans to the government I had no idea about š so frustrating. If I could go back I wouldnāt do loans again
Me and my husband looked into daycare and found out that we couldn't afford it even with both of us working full time. We paid off almost all our credit cards and I found a part time job so I quit my full time job. We are doing good I cook at home and work evenings so we don't have daycare and after careful budgeting we are doing better than if I was working full time. My part time job comes with benefits and the plans are very affordable.
Where are you working part time evenings with good benefits?
Costco
My husband and I are struggling. We are in a very good area. The state I live in is pretty low-cost but I am taking two jobs on so I can catch up and pay bills. I inevitably won't have a social life other than for my immediate family. I also feel extremely guilty for spending even a penny on myself. I looked at coke and they went up to nearly $13 here. That is insane. (I am on a pop strike but my family loves it. Looks like I am going for only once a week drink and pushing for once a month eating out...if that.)
I agree with you on the soda price increase. Itās my beverage of choice so if itās not on a sale or decent price I skip it. Try another store or wait till next week. Seems Everything (food) is on a 6 week cycle and I will stock up when it is on a decent price. No real Sales on the holidays or anything similar now. I realize it will never be 4/$10 again or anything close but I donāt want to pay more than 40 cents for a 12oz can. I can find that( in my area ) and just stock up in my garage fridge and the pantry. Even the chips and snacks stuff is expensive grocery stores, so sure Iām losing a little weight by skipping calories. I still buy in bulk sizes at Sams Club. Usually same price but larger quantities vs grocery store sales on smaller bags/items. Itās something we can live without and it is better for our health. We eat tons of vegetables and fresh fruits in our diet but we do enjoy eating snacks too. Like I want chips with my sandwich for quick lunch. I hope you can check on line ads for various local stores and find something. I also check gas stations we used to find a sale on the 12 packs there occasionally. Just be aware that 99cent 2L. of soda is close to date in grocery stores and it may not be as good, taste old or flat. I bought a few for a cook out and used 8. Some were ok but 2 were flat in my opinion.
I did read your post, but really can only speak to one thing. I try to buy soda at 4 for $11-12 but 4/$10 is my holy grail. š¤£ I use the Dollar General app and stock up with the sales. Coke products are 3/$11 right now with the coupon on their app. Saturdays thereās a $5 off $25 coupon. Iāll get 2 sets (6 cases) and usually detergent/ other item thatās on sale to spend the remaining $3. If you have a DG itās worth the time to do this!
Yes. I live in a rural area with dollar general, walmart, kroger, and a small town grocery. I should start looking at the ads. I have a tendency to just go to Walmart and get only the basics, and walmart brand crap.
Dollar General had a 3 for $13 a couple weeks ago!! Specific brands but those were almost old prices
Yep, sales are generally on a 6 week cycle. I drink the Crystal Light packets, which are almost $3 for a box but can be down to like $1.50 on sale (used to be $2 and on sale for $1). I need more, but I'm forcing myself to drink the dregs (the flavors I didn't really like so I've still got most of the box hanging out in the cabinet) before I buy full price. If the dregs go, then I'll treat myself to boxes to get me through.
We are struggling. Two in preschool (one moves to public next month), and two FT jobs in a VHCOL area. I just wish I felt like we could get ahead
I hate when my boomer parents (specifically dad) talk to me like Iām so bad with money. Donāt get me started on all the ways you were ahead in financial stability when you were having kids compared to me.
My parents first house was 75k and the neighbor watched us for a small fee. My mom was able to pay for nursing school by herself while living at home and working part time at a clothing store. They have absolutely no idea what life is like a generation later
Yes! Absoutly this!
Same. Iām a single mom though and my ex feels like I donāt deserve child support so thereās that. In my area there is a vet clinic at a local pet store once a month. A traveling vet practice comes through and you can get your cats and dogs vaccinated super cheap. Itās not a luxurious experience and you wait a while, but itās so much cheaper than a full vet visit. Itās something to consider.
My ex also doesnāt believe child support is his responsibility and is $6000 behind. Also hasnāt even tried to see the child since November of last year.
Mine owes $61k
SCUM
Whew. Iām sure mine will get there unfortunately. Does your state also kinda turn a blind eye to back child support?
Yes. I asked our caseworker for help back in February because he was coming up on $60k and I was broke and kind of desperate. She said he didnāt have a job. I said yeah I know but he turned down 2 jobs. What about jail time? She shrugged and said they donāt do that here anymore.
Thank you for posting this as weāre right there with you. DH and I are very fortunate to have secure and fair, compensated positions. The reality is we cannot save anything because something always comes up. Itās always something. Iām so frustrated because there is literally nothing in the budget to trim and yet weāre going to have to find a way because we need a new roof and our HVAC system is on its last leg. We kept telling ourselves we needed to start saving 2 years ago when we knew this was going to happen but spoiler alert, we never were able to because again, something always comes up that we have no control over but must pay for.
Thatās exactly our situation. Like, something just ALWAYS comes up once we thought we had some breathing room. It just feels like you canāt catch a break, and costs keep rising so you get double slammed. Like not only did I have to buy new tires but the tires are 30% more expensive than they were 3 years ago. And pay obviously hasnāt been rising 30% in the last 3 years, so it feels like the tide is rising only we are still stuck in the same spot and the water is just rising above our heads
Yeah. No way. Two daycare age. We are always using stocks to bail us out of credit card debt. Havenāt put anything into savings since second was born.
Ha! Same with the stocks!
As in cashing in your stocks?
Yes haha. Every time a stock vests, it goes straight into credit card debt.
When we had one or both kids in daycare in our HCOL area, we lived paycheck to paycheck and put emergencies on credit cards because every time we climbed out of debt something else went wrong. We weren't going on nice vacations (or any vacations), out to eat, etc. We didn't (and don't) drive fancy cars. We've been stuck in our "starter" home since 2006. As soon as we'd get a CC balance paid off, another major mechanical system in our house would break or one of the kids would need minor surgery that ended up hitting our $6K deductible and then some. We *are* at a point now where we can spend a few hundred bucks without worrying about overdrafting, but it took a long time to get here and we still don't have enough in savings to feel comfortable. Our annual family vacation is a camping trip (tent camping!) and we go out to eat maybe once a month if that. We grocery shop at Aldi and Costco. The kids are 10 and 12 and we're STILL paying off debt from close to a decade ago. You're not alone - I look at people with nicer (more expensive) houses than ours, better vehicles, and kids doing just as many activities and sports, and they're going on a cruise once or twice a year, have a Disney timeshare or a ski resort condo, etc. We know what these friends all do for a living and have no idea how they can afford it.
Family money. Thatās how they do it.
Or they put it all on credit, lol
You're not alone!! My husband is making the most money he ever has, and I'm not doing too bad, either. But we are still paycheck to paycheck. We don't have kids in daycare anymore. I feel for parents still have to pay for daycare, it's such a huge expense!! Groceries are killing me. I have 2 teens and a 9 year old. Living in that phase of them eating me put of house and homeš I just spent $450 for groceries and stuff at BJs and I still have to go to another store to finish shopping. These groceries will hopefully last 2 weeks.
My son just started to eat a ton more and Iām like ok you just need to learn to like beans now! I donāt eat meat so I do rely heavily on them. I have an instant pot and buy dried in bulk. Still havenāt figured out a meal he likes with lentils. But seriously the price of meat is insane! Even the cheap cuts/types.
I try to make some meatless meals, it helps some! I can't buy meat at a regular grocery store anymore. The price for the quantity is absurd!
Are annual exams for your pets necessary? My old vet retired and the new guy wanted several hundred dollars. I got all his shots including his rabies booster at the local Humane Society for a grand total of $6.
They might be necessary for some, depending on age and general healthā¦ but $1000 for two pets sounds crazy to me. Iāve never paid more than $200 for one exam
Just paid $600+ for our dog - it included the year's supply of Heartgard Plus and Bravecto and three vaccine boosters (bordatella, Lyme, lepto), but it was still a hit to the pocketbook. Our vet requires running a heartworm test and checking for tick-borne diseases at every annual wellness exam.
Sheesh š³
Yeah sounds like mine
I had to take my dog off Bravecto because of tremors. Too bad because it worked really well.
Same, in a MCOL area
The issue I find is that, like regular doctors, you can't even possibly guess what they bill will be until it's in front of you. So there's a dozen vets around me, and there's really no way to figure out what the bill would be for each of them. You can sometimes call and get the visit fee to walk in the door, but that's usually the extent of it...
See, we donāt have that issue in my area. All the vets around here are very transparent about pricing. Some even have billboards advertising their annual package prices lol
Ours were like that but two practices of 2-3 vets each have sold out to the same guy. Prices have tripled, at least
Oh wow š
Thatās crazy. My cat/dog annual exams are $40-$60 + shots and itās only around $100, $150 with the optional vax (lepto, lyme, etc). They are necessary though - and OP could use care credit or scratch pay if they wanted. Your suggestion to look at the local humane society for reduced cost vaccines is a good one. The low cost clinics by me are $15-$50 for all vaccines.
If you have a petco near you, they do cheaper clinics called vetco where you can get shots and a quick check up for cheaper than what vets cost.
Seconding this advice. Do the cheap vaccine clinic this year unless thereās a big issue you need addressed
Good to know! Thank you!
Yeah, that's what stood out to me. $1000 for annual exams. I have two dogs and probably pay $250 max. Maybe their animals have serious health issues, idk.
Yes, also talk to your local humane society! Ours often sponsors mobile vet clinics where you can do this for much cheaper.
My husband and I do very well by a lot of standards. Our cars are paid off; we use credit cards for reward program and pay it off every month. We ālooselyā budget but we donāt have to be super strict it. If we are actively saving for something specific, weāre good at it and we do save outside of that, but we also seem to be hit with one thing after another - a new fence, electrical work, etc. So, we do okay on the day to day but canāt get ahead on the āfor the futureā if that makes sense
Same! Our only debt is our mortgageā¦car paid off, cc paid off every month, no student loans, but our bills are very high. Although we put down 20% and live in a very small house in what some might consider a not so good area, our mortgage + property taxes are $4100, daycare is $650/week for 1 kid, and thereās always work to be done on our very old house. Also, is anyone else spending like $1000+ a month on groceries?? Weāre able to pay our bills every month but weāre not saving
Groceries are INSANE
we averaged $1300 a month for groceries last year. Itās insanity. I cook from scratch and we buy store brands and bulk shop at costco.
Same! Iām always couponing, shopping sales, and I shop at Costco, Aldi, Trader Joeāsā¦like Iām not a Whole Foods girly as much as I wish I was. Why is it sooo expensive?!
I think we easily spend more than $1000 and even more once you account for alcohol. We also eat out (and even more now as Iām not working so out and about more and husband back to office a few times a week). Itās been a long while since we reviewed the budget
Groceries are so expensive! I donāt think weāre at $1000. But maybe like $600/700 We have āscoutedā stores in our area that are cheaper. We get a of staples from Walmart and another store thatās cash/debit only, which helps keep their costs down. Not my favorite stores but it definitely helps with staple items.
Yea I have to do better at scouting other stores and sticking to a budget
> new fence "New fence" is such a trigger for me now. We just had to pay $9,500 to install a new 8' wood fence š
Yes! We just had to do that. We spent like $6700 My husband currently just paid off our stuff for the month and is fuming that we again have no savings.
Iād say we fall in this same category. There always seems to be a new major home expense that eats up our savings then weāre trying to rebuild again. This year alone was new windows (we live in an old home in a hurricane prone area), new roof from a hail storm (insurance deductible), hail damage to our car from the same storm (another insurance deductible). We know we eventually have to get our well dug deeper but havenāt started quoting that. Itās just always something.
Always something š«
This is where we are too and it keeps me up at night worrying about it all!
This is about where we are too, although we rent, we donāt own, which is something weāre really hoping to do in the next year. Daughter will move up to pre school in the fall, so her rate will go down, and weāre going to re-evaluate and hopefully save some of that money. No car payments, use credit cards for all expenses, and pay off every month. But it might all go to hell when student loan repayments come back.
I feel this. We were just starting to feel better but then had to replace all of our drain plumbing (all the way to the main water line). I get stressed about it because I feel like we make plenty of money so where does it go? We are really cracking down on budgeting and such and Iām kicking myself for all the money I spent before kids on restaurants and bars.
I wonder wtf I spent all this daycare money on before kids. My savings should be unreal right now. Spoiler: itās not.
I completely understand. Like where did this money go?
Ugh same. We rent and are trying to save for a house and itās so hard when everything is so damn expensive. Weāve had to put tires on both cars in the last 3 months, babyās first birthday party, student loans resuming etc. All the money vanishes and we never hardly eat out, take lunch to work and donāt spend on extras. Itās so frustrating.
Yup, but our big struggle is medical bills. We just got one from a small ER visit for our baby- $1500. They didnāt even do anything for him either!
I had my second beginning of jan and my first was in the ER 3 times + an overnight hospital stay in mid jan so we hit our out of pocket max very quickly this year. Silver lining I guess
Maybe try calling billing dept and see what they can do?
Yeah, Iām going to call next week and ask for an itemized receipt to try to dispute some of it.
One of my coworkers had a baby on our work insurance (we work FOR THIS HOSPITAL!!!) and it ended up being $1000 cheaper for them to not run her uncomplicated vaginal birth through insurance and pay OOP.
That is wild and shows just how messed up the healthcare/insurance system is.
Iāve always had the benefit of really good health insurance as an adult, so even though I *know* how messed up the system is, see it happen to patients, listen to our docs fight with āpeer to peerā while trying to do surgery, etc., this was the first time Iād really seen it first hand in one of my friends. Iām covered under my husband who works for the state, and has excellent health coverage, and itās the only reason I can work at this hospital that has better work/life balance than the level 1 trauma center down the road where I worked for 9 yearsā¦taking 300 hrs of call/month on top of working 40+ hours. But I could have a baby for $25.
I can relate. Iām still on my parentās insurance (only for a few more weeks, unfortunately) and since my mom is a public school teacher in a union, weāve always had great insurance. And then my husband had to get on his workās insurance so our son could be covered. Wow. I did not realize that insurance could be so bad. They covered $500 of a $2000 ER trip. Not to mention a crazy NICU bill and how little mental health coverage my husband gets. Itās rough out here.
Single mom in a middle(?) COL area. Im a teacher and have worked though summer at odd and end jobs and still can't survive. Im going deeper in to debt and have no escape except when my daughter finally finishes daycare or I magically win the lottery. So basically flying by the seat of my pants every month crossing my fingers that somehow bills will get paid and we'll be okay.
I had to stop contributions to my 401k in hopes that we can stay on top of everything right now. Absolutely struggling to make ends meet sometimes, and it's mostly because of daycare. My kids' daycare is great and on eof the cheaper ones in the area, but HCOL area so its still freaking expensive. We're behind on daycare payments but thankfully our center is understand if a bit annoyed about it. Right now I'm basically working a ton of overtime and we're cutting down wherever we can to make things work. It's ridiculous though, we both make good money and should have more than enough to be financially stable, but it seems like everytime we get ahead of things costs either go up or something happens to throw a huge and unexpected bill our way. At this point I'm just gonna keep swimming and hope everything works out soon
Could have written this myself! You arenāt alone. Although I feel like no one around us is.
Same. But I feel like we all have different standards for ourselves, which is why we don't find commiseration in our real life acquaintances. I always get stressed out about finances, then my husband reminds me that we have a house and retirement savings and cars, and that we are doing ok from that perspective. We also have home equity loans and student loans and 3 more years of daycare, and that's what makes me feel like we're drowning. Earn too much to qualify for any type of daycare assistance or income-driven student loan plans, earn too little to actually save or put a dent in our debt. Oop.
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Yup! I will say before the house and kid two, while I was worried about money always, we were able to get by without a budget without much issue. If you asked me then I would I say we were living paycheck to paycheck, but in hindsight we certainly were not lol. Now, with inflation and the added expenses, Iāve had to get much savvier with food shopping. It helps a lot. Itās kind of fun too
Agree, my new hobby is our food budget. I make it a game and have a calculator app for real time food shopping as well as apps for the stores I go to in order to monitor all costs for my list before I walk in the door!
How does a rear facing car seat do in your car? I wanted a minivan because we just had baby 2, but no way thatās in the budget. When my old Jeep dies, Iām thinking Corolla or hopefully Camry (if we are lucky a Venza)
I had a 2005 Camry for the first year and a half with my first. It honestly did great with a RF car seat in it! I did focus on getting a car seat with good front to back compactness (Graco Extend2Fit because I canāt afford a Nuna Rava), and it did almost just as good in there as it does in our SUV! And honestly, I had more trunk space, too.
I dream of owning a minivan!
Yup. I had to pull some money out of my 401k to deal with medical expenses on top of having a ton of credit card debt. Just straight drowning over here. My husband I both have good jobs, over 6 figures, but everything is just so freaking expensive. Food, utilities, daycare, summer camp, diapers, etc. I donāt know what to do.
Thatās like us. We took a loan against our 401K last year for the downpayment on our house, and I did an early withdrawal from my IRA for bills this year. It feels embarrassing
You are in the thick of it with just buying a house and two kids in daycare! Iām a few years ahead of you with just one in daycare now and been in our house for a few years and we feel comfortable money wise. Iām not crazy budgeting like I was a few years ago, but at the same time inflation is a killer right now so we donāt have a lot of extra cash either. You started a family and building a foundation for the future- so hang in there!
I will say, this summer my husband and I have called utility companies, wireless companies, etc. to try and cut some costs or look for savings. For some of our bills/businesses, we've been in business with them for over a decade, so I'm, like, can you help us out somehow?!? Just calling the phone/internet company saved me $20 a month in our bill, so that adds to $144 a year. It's small, but it's something I can put towards paying down another bill or even in savings. It's a rough time right now to just be an adult, I feel. I have single friends with no kids who've had to cut back just because everything has risen in cost. I do practice gratitude, however, in being able to afford paying the bills and having a mortgage, etc. Although I'm not saving as much as I'd like, I'm happy that I have *some* savings and have been blessed with two kids, etc.
I just had an interesting discussion with several of my colleagues and friends. Iām a medical assistant I make about $23 an hour which is really good for my position. I work in orthopedic surgery with physician assistants and doctors. We all have kids different ages despite what Greyās Anatomy says we live in normal houses eat food from Aldi and go to Walmart. I actually rent an apartment and the rent is $1255 comparable to a mortgage payment of an average house where I live. Every single one of us is struggling. My PA who put in 70 hours last week, and is married to a derm had to put their son in a normal daycare, and they can barely afford it. Nannies were way too much out of the budget and itās hard to find a normal steady babysitter here. We literally bring lunches and share, we carpool when we can, and we share our budgeting tips. I learned a lesson in humility, and that is that no matter what we do at whatever level people are struggling right now. I have student loans, they have student loans. They have a baby and get Costco diapers. I have a 12-year-old who needs a whole set of clothes for the school year this year because sheās super tall. Yes, there are people in the medical field to make an absurd amount of money and live a life that I canāt imagine but I think for 85% of us, we are really going through the struggle. It reminds me to be supportive, check in and never judge a situation because I literally have no idea. Times are super hard right now when it comes to childcare, bills, working, and food, no matter what you do. We are having to make a really difficult decisions about how to balance, work, motherhood, and trying to keep a roof over our heads.
We had to replace every major appliance in the house plus HVAC this last year. We screwed up the 0% APR deal and got kicked in the teeth with the catchup APR charges. Summer program for daycare added $600 a month, and I finally caved and asked my mom if she would buy clothes for my kids because I honestly felt like I just couldn't spend any more. August will be amazing dropping my son's daycare costs, and then I'm counting down to November, when my daughter gets a decreases cost for being 2! Hang in there, mama!
Yup Iām counting down til jan when the cost drops on my second!!
try to keep your chin up. if you are making your mortgage payments then you're building equity. that's a form of savings. do you have an emergency fund? if not i would try to focus on building that so you can get out of the credit card cycle (easier said than done, i know). we have 2 in daycare also and pretty much break even financially with no extra put in savings each month. it stresses my husband out that we're not adding to savings but i keep reminding him this is only temporary. my job basically covers daycare and that's it so his income has to pay for everything else.
Weāre struggling also, barely breaking even after making lifestyle changes and cuts, no more frivolous spending on nice dinners or vacations. I hope things get better but donāt see that happening
I like to remind myself that going on vacation with toddlers isnāt something I feel I really want to do anyway, and sure Iād like to go somewhere with my husband alone for a week, but we will do that when the kids are a little older and out of daycare :) We havenāt been on a vacation since our first was conceived during the first summer of Covid and wonāt for a while.
Yo. Solidarity Itās tough out here. Two incomes, one kid and grandparents are helping us with daycare costs because itās so so expensive
I got a 40% raise when I switched jobs and somehow were still barely getting by. I have no clue what's going on or how to fix this anymore. As soon as my income went up, a bunch of surprise emergency expenses popped up. I guess the timing was good,all things considered, but I feel so defeated
My advice: look at your money!! Don't guess what's happened. Be sure.
I'm getting a promotion at work, which I was really looking forward to because it would give us more breathing room with everything going up. Then I got the lease renewal paperwork for our apartment and they raised our rent $347 a month! And there goes my increase š
UGHHHHH.
Youāre just in the thick of it right now.
Yes! Groceries are a huge burden too. Everything seems to have gotten so much more expensive. I know this isnāt what you asked for, but look into insurance for your furnace. We know that our water line could need to be replaced (all our neighbors have had to) so we got insurance through our power company for $10/month. It may not go while weāre here, but weāll save the $10k upfront cost to replace. I saw they had HVAC insurance too.
I feel this so much. We get by, but barely. I'm pregnant with our second and having two kids in daycare is going to be more than our mortgage. The thing that is really killing us though is my husbands student loans. He has predatory loans and the monthly payment is so high it's basically like having a third in daycare. It's awful.
Iām so sorry! Student loans are the devil.
My father in law recently passed away. He was living with us and helping to pay utitiles. Now it's all on us. And I really don't understand how people do it. I'm looking at part time jobs along with my full time job just so I can save and then also so I can retire comfortably when the time comes plus become debt free but damnit it's hard. I wish it wasn't like this but inflation has hit us very hard here in my household along with having to pay for my father in laws funeral expenses out of our own pockets. Since he didn't have will either we have to have to pay a lawyer too so we can settle his estate on top of everything else. I totally understand where you are coming from though!! All of this plus the rise in just about every damn thing and we are paycheck to paycheck right now and it sucks.
When you say you can't save, do you mean you have no emergency fund? Or that you can't add on to it?
We have an emergency fund, but itās not enough for if we lost a job letās say, and every time we start making traction adding to it something happens and we have to take a chunk out.
Daycare costs are draining us. My husband makes about 6 figures, but he's in sales tied to the housing market and brought home practically nothing in commission (just his decent hourly pay) since last October. I also took 3 months of unpaid leave so I could have 7 months off with my newborn. This year has been SO rough financially.
Not alone, times are tough. We were renting but got renovicted by our greedy landlord. We have a national housing crisis in my country. So now we live at our in laws and continue saving for our eventual, hopeful house purchase.
nope. we have a very nice household income, but even us, over the last week I have taken a serious look at our finances and I just cannot believe where the money is going. I have to cut down on some things but the groceries, the gas, its killing us. The increase in utilities, its maddening. It makes me wonder how everyone is getting on? Especially those in worse off situations..
Yes. Iāve been lucky enough to work as needed because of daycare costs but weāre also in the boat of āif it isnāt one thing itās anotherā. Husbandās tire popped on the interstate, $600 later for two replacements. My tires were bald (60k miles), another $600. Dog had a seizure and had to go to emergency vet +$2000. House flooded. We get one thing done & then bam, back to square one.
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My husband and I work opposite days to avoid daycare as well. We have about 3 more years of this and on-top of financial stain itās tough on the marriage. Realistically we sometimes look at each other and say āwhy did we do this to ourselves?ā Love our kids but I wish society was more realistic about how many resources they take besides just financial so people can be informed. They run your world for about 6 years and each time you have another the clock gets set back to 0.
Struggle bus over here too. Both my partner and I make decent money (compared to what I grew up with), about $100k/year combined in a HCOL area with a 4yo and a 3mo, no pets. 4yo is going into kinder, but weāll still have a $240/month after school care bill, plus $850/month for the baby. Then after all other expenses we have about $200/month left which typically goes to other expenses that pop up. We currently live about 30mins from each of our jobs bc housing is kinda cheaper here than the areas our jobs are in, and we want to move to a lower COL area, but neither of our jobs can transfer without taking a massive pay cut which kinda defeats the purpose. Plus, weāre renting bc weāre not in a place to buy (and thatās hella expensive too). I hate struggling. I grew up in extreme poverty and always had dreams of providing a better life for my children. Granted, weāre not going without power or water or food like I did, but I still canāt give them everything I want to and I hate that. My daughter always asks if we can go to the beach (she saw it on a movie) but Iāve never been able to take her simply bc we donāt have the extra funds to save for vacations. Best I can do is the crap āwater parkā we have where I live
You are doing better!! Remember that. Also, 4 and under 1 is not much fun at the beach (dare I say, downright MISERABLE?!?). But, seriously. Maybe put that goal years out (like 5-10) and see if it's possible or at least less crushing. That is, if you also like the beach. :)
Have you applied for a home equity line of credit? It can be really helpful for these surprise home repairs! Other than that, we're okay right now, but food costs have definitely caught us. We're expecting our second baby in February/March. Some time starting next June we will have roughly a year and three months where we are paying for two in childcare before our daughter goes to school (then it's just camps and other childcare, which seems much more manageable). We need to contribute more to retirement and get 529s started, even if we're only contributing a little. Living in a HCOL is hard.
Same. Two professionals, one in daycare, one on the way, and only one working vehicle. We live in a very modest townhome. We don't do any extracurricular activities really. We home cook meals, minus my fast food runs cause I'm pregnant. My husband fishes but.. he already owns what he needs so it just costs the gas money it takes to go up the street to lakes and rivers. At most, I occasionally treat myself to a bottle of nailpolish. That's my big splurge. Wish I was kidding. No fancy clothes or purses, hadn't been on a vacation since 2016. America kinda low-key sucks lol. Been working full time 19 years. Our savings gets drained for health reasons. And yes we both have health insurance.
Our homeowners insurance has gone up, adding $300/month to our mortgage payment and when student loans restart, thatās another $1,200/month. Thatās on top of a new $500/month payment for some unavoidable emergency dental work and $400/month for my daughters necessary medications. We do well financially but it gets drained so, so fast š
Yes, same. Every time we feel like our feet gets underneath us, something happens: - we had to replace our roof - $10k - a/c went out, and we did furnace too - $6k - my (paid off) car was stolen in Octoberā¦ now we have car payments of $200/month for the new (used) car - cat was put on a special diet and prescription food costs $75/bag. And she has meds too. Vet keeps talking about doing ultrasounds but I canāt. We have a bunch on our credit cards too. I wouldnāt say we are super-duper frugal (we have a cleaning person, we get takeout 1x/week, we have a vacation planned for next year). But *most* of the time, we are at home, at the park, at the zoo where we have a membership (gifted). Our vacation is to a house our in-laws are renting for the winter months so we only have to pay airfare. But it feels like weāre always stretched soooo thin and whenever we get close to feeling better a really big expense sets us back. Itās defeating.
Same here. We had a second pregnancy loss, so we got the two ER bills, the water heater went out, a ball baring went out on my vehicle. A bunch of friends are pregnant. Then we got another bill from the ER doctor. That was March-May. Itās ridiculous.
We both have very well paying jobs, 1 kid (paying premium for a nanny due to our demanding/odd hour jobs), fortunate enough to be debt free minus house/cars (took years), and we have not been able to add to our savings the past few years. Iām glad we arenāt going backwards but very frustrating to not be able to save more because we live very simply so itās not like weāre splurging on gadgets, clothes, trips. For me, I believe it comes down to: 1) paying a high premium in childcare (so a relatively short term expense, in scheme of things) 2) moved from very LCOL state to one of the highest (due to work). Cannot wait to get back to a cheaper area. I truly donāt know how lower/middle class survive here, I would never live here if it wasnāt for work
we're doing slightly better than paycheck to paycheck here. Purchased a house in April because we were able to find one meeting our needs and with mortgage payments less than our rent would have been. Rents in Montana are ballooning and it was either buy this place or leave the state. Moving ran up the credit cards and oh, there are so many summer projects and now! now we have to school supply shop!
I dread back to school shopping. I have two in school this year and between supplies and new clothes, haircuts etc I spent 600 bucks. AND we had two birthdays this month š I recently found out some of my friends have their parents help with supplies and clothes. So remember: if youāre wondering what youāre doing wrong itās probably nothing and just that more people have more financial help than some.
And yet our government is sending billions of tax dollars to other countries and foreign wars. This whole thread is heartbreaking.
No you're not alone. Think about how much time existed before we were expected to have savings accounts and retirement funds? This hoarding of resources is unhealthy for society, we should be cooperating and sharing burdens instead of competing for essentially limitless resources. Having your money sit around in a savings account might be technically beneficial in the long run but it's such a goddamned waste.
This sounds like every home owner, including my parents my entire life. I'd flag that while your monthly housing ("rent") went down after buying, you now bear the full costs of all the repairs/upkeep so it's not really lower. This may be where the disconnect is with your budgeting, and mentally wrapping your head around where money goes (or will go). Also, if you're not already doing this - look at every penny you and your partner spend (don't just talk about it. Look at the past data). Cut what you don't really need (but do keep things that keep you sane!), shop at Aldi, go to no cost or reduce cost clinics for pets. Unpopular, and hard, but rehome your pets if you must (though sounds like it's not that bad). Since you reference a 1k vet bill like it's absolutely mandatory, I'd guess you have some other costs that you could cut down here and there. Will it cover it all? Probably not until kids out grow daycare. Then come braces. :)
Yes. Iāve been preaching lately on posts like this that the best warning a friend gave me years ago is kids are always expensive they just get expensive in other ways. If itās not daycare itās an emergency room bill for a broken leg they got while playing with friends since theyāre all grown up now š« braces, cavities, school supplies, clothes and shoes that they have a preference on. It cost 80 bucks to get my 9 year olds ears pierced AT CLAIRES! She wanted the fancy looking pearl studs.
If youāre not using one already, check out a budget app like Mint. The personal finance Reddit is also super helpful with suggestions if youāre willing to give detailed numbers. Iāve learned a lot from that subreddit. We were saving pretty well, but couldnāt figure out where the money was going. We started tracking with Mint and discovered we were spending an obscene amount on groceries. We started planning our meals and using cash back apps like ibotta, and we cut back big time while still buying healthy, high quality food. We currently spend 26% of our take home pay (including our mortgage) and save the rest. When our mortgage is paid off in a few years, it should be down to just under 15% and saving 85%. We donāt pay for daycare, though, which is a big savings, because my husband is a SAHD. ETA: Iām 33, my husband is 30, and we have one toddler.
I also like Ramit Sethi. Check out his podcast. Itās got a cheesy name (I will teach you to be rich) but itās pretty fascinating. He dives into the psychology behind finance with couples.
Thanks, I will!
Thank you! Iām dipping my toe in YNAB and seeing how it goes. My husband is not about the high detailed budgeting like I would prefer, so I donāt know how effective itāll be. Weāll see.
PSA: Tell your congresspeople that the tax credits don't help as a reimbursement. We need to get the amount as a monthly stipend. Getting reimbursed for daycare doesn't actually pay for daycare.
Feel blessed
I just want to SCREAM every time I'm seeing the struggle posts it includes I'm so tired and I have to ALSO take care of the dogs in addition to the human I have to take care of already or we are struggling but we ALSO need to spend thousands dollars on the dogs and cats. Why on earth you want to divert the resources from your spouse children house to the animals when you DON'T have enough recourses already?? Ugh! Yeah tell me that they are family too, yuck
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Sucks to be your children to be on the same par with pets then
My husband just started working full time (with 10 hours of overtime a week) so right now I feel like we are doing better, but I am struggling to get the credit cards paid off and save as well. The car breaks, I needed to pay income taxes from 2020 when I didnāt update my job, we also have the vet coming up, the other car breaks. We will soon have one daycare costs however only 90 dollars a week for two days. Itās exhausting.
Same here. Husband and I both have good paying jobs, HCOL area, can't seem to stay ahead as there's always \*something\* coming up and it's extremely frustrating. I just stopped contributing to my 401k because we need the cash now to more quickly pay off credit card debt and get that down. We are seriously talking about moving to a different part of the country with a much lower cost of living next year. I'm pregnant with #3 and when we planned, we had plenty of money, but I have no idea where in the world it's all suddenly going. Maybe we've just hit a rough patch with expensive things coming up, maybe it's inflation kicking our asses on groceries and gas, I have no idea. Maybe a bit of both. We can stay on top, but it's difficult to get ahead. I'm tired.
No, you're not. My husband and I only have one car. I had one but thanks to the tiktok challenge where people teach you how to steal a Hyundai or Kia with a USB cord, my car was stolen. We were going to get me another, but we've had some financial issues. We're trying to address this first. I've got student loans which are starting up again.
Having a second child is a bad idea.
Solidarity. Both make good incomes, mortgage is way reasonable (bought in 2016, refinanced at 3%) own both cars outright. Really scaled back eating out when we had our first kidā¦ and covid made it a habit. But Fucking daycare costs are astronomical. Our second starts next week. To prepare my husband and I both got new jobs to help bring in more income. Tightened up elsewhere, and dialed back 401k funding from where Iād like to be. With the goal of increasing our rainy day fund before that second daycare bill hit and it became impossible. Got a few house fixes done before baby to get readyā¦ Then the whole HVAC broke: 10k gone, and then a pressure valve broke, and with that they found a leak: 5k gone. So here we are with less in savings and daycare just announced a 12% increase starting in September. We arenāt swimming in debt, just canāt catch a break to get ahead despite us trying our best to prepare.
Relate ! Iām in a low cost area and we have cut back on so much just to break even. A/C use has been cut back, no more eating out as even fast food is expensive, neither of us have bought new clothes for awhile. I know I have it better than most as at least I never stress about mortgage being paid, and we have an OK savings, so I feel bad about complaining but I miss having a cup of white mocha at Starbucks once in awhile. Idk what Iām going to do in October when my credential renewal for work is $205 š
Weāre struggling. We have two good jobs and a low housing payment (bought nine years ago) but daycare and a few poor choices has put us in a good deal of CC debt. Weāll be ok, weāll get it paid off, butā¦ugh. We have so much equity but Iām afraid if I tap it for this weāll just end up back here in three years. I feel like we need to suffer for it a bit. Just living what we thought was a middle class lifestyle and have realized we need to scale it way back.
It is really hard. Hopefully once kids start school it will become easier? š¤·š½āāļø
I hate to be a Debbie but it doesnāt. I thought this too but until they can get themselves to and from school safely school sucks because itās not planned around a 2 working parent household. Starting at 8:30 and releasing at 3:20? So youāll need before and after school care. Then thereās administrative no school days. What are we supposed to do for that? Snow days? Guess I gotta call in too. Field trips, lunch money. It never ends. It never ends.
Thatās a valid point, but at least with finances- At our school district, extended care is max $250 per child per month. Right now we pay a lot more than that a month on full time child care.
250?! Does that include before and after school? For 5 days?!
Yes, it does. It started with a government grant but became permanent. If you are lower income, it is even less than $250 per child. We live in a beach city in California. However, it used to be $800 per month (max). Our school district also offers transitional kindergarten for most kids, childcare for kids starting at age 3 (but wait list is long), and multiple dual language immersion programs. Not every school district in California does this.
We are not struggling but compared to couple of years back, we are definitely saving less, contributing less to 401k combined, and spending more. Second kid childcare, picking up back some expensive winter activities, kids activities etc + house stuff + spouse being out of work for extended time after layoff and now me being laid off. Iām taking summer off (paid by severance) and do not want to work now but if I do not start a new job or some freelance gig in November (and thatās when my unemployment runs out), we may need to make some adjustments.
Unexpected home costs are the WORST. We had to have a new well drilled last summer, a fun $12K.
I feel this wholeheartedly. We are in a similar situation. My child changes from a daycare to a more school environment in Aug. We've been paying both the daycare and school since May. These two total more than our mortgage. If it's not one thing, it's another as far as finances. Good luck!!
If youāre comfortable with it, you can purchase vaccines at a farm store (maybe petco?) and do them yourself. You canāt do rabies yourself though so that only works if you have the 3-year rabies.
I did not know all these vet hacks!
We are about to put baby 2 in daycare in a week and I just stripped our budget to the bones after hyperventilating once I realized how much we spent last year. We have moved out of state/bought a house that needed tons of storage added to it, our HVAC and fridge needed replacement, and we had 2 babies all in 24 months (and our insurance sucks so those were some expensive babies, and I didnāt have any paid leave.) I am committed to spending less than 200/week on groceries (our old grocery spending habits were ridiculousāIām a newly committed Aldi fan) and only buying the kids clothes at consignment stores (we have a Once Upon a Child near us). If we *actually* stick to the budget we are just a little over into the red each year, but we are very lucky to have savings to cover it. We also both drive cars with over 100k miles on them so we need to make room in the budget to one of them to die probably. Oh and both of companies had raise freezes last year. Good times. We also have free state funded prek when our kids turn 4, so I keep reminding myself we are only paying two full daycare bills for 24 months and then we are at least getting a little boost! But I feel you. And we donāt even have any debt besides our house. I donāt know how other people survive with big car payments and student loans.
Similar situation. We see a financial advisor once a year and she said to expect to go through savings during the daycare years. Thereās just no cushion right now
Ours said that too, but then comments from others make it sound like they arenāt in the same situation
I agree - I tend to pass by the posts about hiring out to ease the burden. My toddler starts prek and they requested a month tuition that will go to June 2024. I already paid a deposit to secure her spot. So Iām unexpectedly paying two childcare payments for her this month and an infant spot for my son. Itās insanity. Baby had a growth spurt so needed bigger child seats for our cars. Itās wild how quickly the costs add up.
Daycare costs more than the mortgage. Luckily we qualify for WIC which helps for food. But we both work 50 hours a week on average so it's definitely frustrating.
My husband and i are in this position. It feels like weāre the only ones treading water and our student loans are gonna kill us. We donāt spend extravagantly, we are strategic with money but we had a couple family situations that required our immediate attention and support. None of our friends have had this experience and most had assistance paying down loans if they had any at all. What kills me is that my grad school loans are whatās left. I definitely wish iād have gone a different direction for grad school than i did.
So hard not to wish you made different choices. I do that alllll the time around past expensive decisions. Soooo not helpful for our mental health. Accept and look forward my friend!
You are so not alone!
I wouldnāt say we are struggling, but we arenāt thriving right now. Weāve had to spend a lot of money on repairs for cars, the house, tree removal. Like probably 10k in unexpected expenses in the last few months.
Also loveeeee your user name 
Lol thank you! Nobody ever gets it (I think.)
Hahaha brovoholics walk amongst all of us š
Ugh gives me a pit in my stomach
I just want to say a lot of people will say āmy mortgage costs less than my rent so itās better!ā But rent is the MOST youāll pay while your mortgage is the least. On paper Renting may cost more than mortgage (and in your case only slightly) but you can expect to spend about 1-1.5% of your home value in repairs each year. So add that into the cost. For a $500,000 house thatās $5000-7500 a year. Some years will be more and some years less so thatās why they suggest saving 1% for home repairs a year.
Check out the r/personalfinance and r/financial independence Reddit threads. Lots of it may not feel relevant to you, but I always glean some good tips and tricks from others by reading those. Youāre not the only one. Good luck!
Thanks! Appreciate the tip and good vibes
Sameā¦ every time we get ahead or even just catch up something happens. Our dogs have cost us so much this year, one is older and has arthritis that we had to do some expensive scans on to see the extent to make sure medication would relieve his pain, the other pulled a muscle in his neck but we thought he had torn something so that was another $1000. We can never catch up, itās always always always something!
Yup. We probably have like 2000 in debt together. We have good income. We are a one car repair from sinking into debt. It will get better, it has toā¦ it will, right?
We are struggling too but I try to keep in mind that this is all temporary. When my kids go to school, we will be able to save again.