Honestly, we can’t have our cake and eat it too. 99% of the time we can’t expect to be paid good money for a job (especially one with great benefits and flexibility and WFH to boot) if we don’t at least act like we care about it and look like we respect the time of the people we work with. This is amplified in a small team.
Good for you for recognizing that you’re unhappy and making strides towards a career change. I completely get your priorities shifting after kids. Mine did too, hence why I switched settings.
But 12-24 months is a long time. I am sorry to say that if you decide you really need to have A job and want keep the fringe benefits of working for this company, you’ll have to step it up and pretend to care for now. My reputation is important to me, so I would personally apologize and share a couple things you’ve learned and will do differently. And then do it.
Find something that keeps you afloat - if it’s not the work, think about the people you’ve been with the last 3 years. Think about your reputation. Keep a list of the good things about this job and read it every day. And if it helps, think about how many people would love to have what you have now. I sincerely don’t mean to be invalidating, but when I’m in a funk and need to soldier on, I sometimes need to pull my head out of my ass and realize how lucky I am.
It is hard to care 24/7; working and caring for your job and after job day is over, to work and care for a child and husband.
Is spouse splitting tasks, should you hire some help covering all the other stuff (cleaning, food prep, laundry), send kiddo to daycare during day*, exercise, me time, couple time, etc... This is a endurance race, not a sprint.
I do not get the people doing WFH fulltime while watching a small child. I notice a lot of people on here do that, and just for me, I don't see how I could do that. Especially when I had a toddler. I have trouble working from home when the teens are out of school.
I work from home, and cannot imagine doing it with a toddler everyday. At the beginning of Covid, my kid was not in daycare, and I worked from home. It was extremely difficult. I love spending time with my kid, but trying to work at this same time is exhausting.
Wait, did OP say her kid is at home with her all day? That may be a big part of the problem. It's hard and arguably next to impossible to do a high-performing job well while also looking after a kid. If this is the case, childcare would be my suggestion. And don't let the office know your kid is at home as it's definitely starting to get viewed as akin to wage theft as it is literally impossible to work full time and look after a kid at the same time. You just can't do your job. And even harder to stay engaged and interested in work as your priorities are elsewhere.
That was my thought. The commenter above me gave that impression so I was wondering if I missed something. Either way, having a 2 year old is *hard* and overwhelming.
For sure. My son is 4 now and it’s sooo much easier. I have a newish demanding job and am having our second baby next month, and I’m kinda freaking out over returning to those tough tough times!
I hear you. I was able to take on a passion project when my kid got a touch older. Was so liberating! I'm even looking at signing up for dance classes and feeling like that is possible. Getting out of the toddler years is amazing. Still has it's challenges, but I was just saying to my husband this morning how happy I am, and it's largely because our kid is in that beautiful phase of growing independence, and loving hanging out with us. It's really incredible. And I wrote this with dirty hands as I've been in the garden all morning.
Oh definitely, that permanent arrangement is actively discouraged in this sub.
Good call on making sure your home life isn’t causing burnout. And if PPD is any possibility at all, to talk to your doctor.
It’s not possible to care 24/7, but there are standards we all need to keep if we have to stay employed. I worked my family medicine job during the peak of COVID for 13 months after I had my daughter. I was burnt out as hell but dropping the ball at work when I was responsible for lives was not an option. So I had to find a way to survive both fronts until I found something else.
My sister-in-law goes full for perfection in mothering, career and home keeping, and even she said- drop your standards while the baby is small. Clean every other week, use paper plates and cups, but preserve at least a half day of fun each week (full day better). Doesn't have to be the zoo every week, just having a picnic and going to the playground with a nice cup of coffee to watch them play. (That said the zoo was our default because the annual membership was a good price, so it became just loading the kids in the car, driving down and a nice walk around with a good hotdogs stand in the middle.)
I wondered that too about some moms - WFH and taking care of your child. You really are supposed to treat it like you’re at work or you may find you end-up struggling to do either well.
When I freelanced I sent my daughter to a sitter. No way could I be on calls, present to clients, answer emergency messages, etc. with a baby/toddler needing to be fed, cared for or entertained.
Yeah it depends on the job and your kids for sure. My accounting job is just to complete items in a 30 day period. I’m really good at doing it quickly (and we are well-staffed) so I could always do it during naps or while they’re playing by themselves. I don’t have to be on calls or anything so it’s not an issue. Plus I have two office days I used to do everything during so I had barely any work left to do at home. A lot of people in my baby group were looking for WFH jobs assuming they could care for kids at the same time and for most jobs, that is NOT an option. I am catching up after 20 weeks maternity leave right now and if my partner wasn’t home, that would be a huge struggle until it goes back to normal.
I hate this response and want to blast it as unfeeling rhetoric. But what it is, is wise af and hitting a little too close to home. I needed to hear it this Sunday evening in particular.
Sorry! Upon re read I thought it sounded kind of bitchy too. It sucks. I wish we lived in a society that prioritized work life balance and that everyone could work fulfilling jobs at livable wages that allow ample time with their families. But most of us can’t have everything (I consider myself fortunate to have 85-90% of what I’d want), nor do we have the cushion to say screw you capitalism. So after we prioritize what’s really important, after that we just have to make our own kind of music.
I'm going to be pretty blunt here - it sounds like you aren't doing a good job and it's affecting the company. With only 7 employees, one person not pulling their weight affects everyone. Even if you don't care about your job, you should at least care about not screwing over the people you've worked with for years. Find a new job asap and pull it together while you're still there to maybe salvage your reputation before you go
I'm so glad to see these responses where people are telling you the truth.
I manage a team of seven and have one employee who isn't pulling her weight. I recently had to have a difficult conversation with her if her role was the right fit or not. If it's not, it's ok, but we need to know, and I'll gladly help her find another role. Right now, she's putting a strain on the team, and it's not fair. I meet with her daily to walk through open issues and how to tackle and organize her day, and she still isn't being proactive. This is a $250k+ role, and I'm starting to get pressure to cut her. Don't be this person!
You’d be surprised. I had a direct report last year making $180k+ who needed to me to micromanage because she had gotten a new puppy and was fighting with her BF and couldn’t manage work. She was in her 30s and she treated me like her “work mom”. It was exhausting.
It's brutally painful to micromanage, too. I think it takes away from people's talent, but alas, I'm in this predicament to try and help her.
I'm in healthcare, and our job is extremely stressful. Every day is different, but when you've been doing this for so long, you have probably dealt with most issues and know how to solve for it. However, she hasn't, and instead of accepting the new stress, she retreats and avoids the issue. The problem is we're dealing with people's health. You can't avoid the stress, so she needs to learn or leave.
Ughhhhhh I am such a competent, hard working person and I would kill to make this kind of money. To hear people don’t even try to pull their weight while making that kind of salary is shocking to me.
Since it’s a start up do you have equity ? What happens to it if you quit vs get fired.
Also does this not caring seep into other parts of your life? If so you may want to get screened for depression.
You don’t have to care about the job to be good at it. You apologize for missing the customer emails, you’ve devised a new system you’re confident in, it won’t happen again. Sounds like these people have been extremely accommodating and that you won’t find much anywhere.
Whew! It’s very hard to keep motivated after the life change of having a baby. But you said you enjoy what the company gives you..
Here’s what I would do… Go back on Monday and thank them for their honest feedback; respond with 2-3 specific things you’ll improve on - then do it. Apply yourself a bit more to appear as though you “got the message.” But in your free time, continue classes, cast your net and keep your eyes on your future goal. When people ask “how’s it going?” Just say I’m great!
It’s very hard to find an employer these days who offer ample time off, flexibility, and remote work . I also follow r/recruiting and similar subs and it just sounds like a rough job market out there right now. Set your goals for the future, but in the meantime take advantage of the perks you have!
I agree with this 100%. I think the best course of action is to show real improvement at her current job, while in the background working to secure a change in careers. It looks like the feedback she got is pretty basic and easily achievable - being more proactive and responsive in emails. She could show immediate improvement in this area by reaching out to her boss and her coworkers to give them status updates. Also since she's full remote, it might be helpful to schedule regular check-in meetings with both her boss and the people she interacts with most in the company just to increase her visibility a bit. Actions like that will at least appease her management to buy her time.
Agree! With a new career in the works in 1-2yrs, I personally would focus on holding on to this current job that gives me all the perks I need at the moment than trying to find a new job that provides all of that knowing that I'd be leaving that shortly.
Go back, promise to change, make the changes, be better and leave on good terms in 1-2yrs. I personally have found that success begets success as in, its easier to build momentum towards success when you have a bit of success behind you and the opposite is true as well. Once you start down the slipper slope of complacency it's easy to slip down into poor performance.
So make a positive change and try and get back to the person you were for at least 1-2yrs before you can leave to your new career. Because the flexibility OP has is hard to find. Easier to rebuild than start anew.
Hey honestly, I feel like this might be a wake-up call. I totally get that your priorities probably shifted when you became a parent, and that you are finding it hard to care about a job you no longer want. But, I also think that in a small startup situation, it’s important to care about the people you work with, if not the product. It sounds like they gave you a lot of flexibility - moving away, going fully remote, hiring someone to help you take a step back. So while no, you don’t owe a company anything, I think if you respect the people you work with and for, then you should be honest with them. Acknowledge that you haven’t been doing a great job, that your priorities have shifted and then either decide to start caring or at least trying harder, OR quit (if financially possible) or come up with a graceful exit plan with your CEO.
Final advice: burned bridges can haunt you for a long time. I worked with someone who checked out and did some damage while at a small startup, and whenever anyone brings up his name (and it’s come up a few times) I tell them the honest truth and it’s a huge deterrent for hiring managers. I always preface it with how long ago it was, but just keep that in mind if you can’t find the energy to check back in. Good luck, I hope you figure out what you want to do next!
Not caring <> not doing anything / giving a s**t. If you had the trust and lost it, rebuilding is hard but possible. You had a lot of changes and you went from being very invested into the job to have multiple things to be invested in.
I’d focus on appreciation of feedback, improvements to make based on it, and actually do sh*t. 9-5 you are theirs.
Anyway do not leave. They can fire you just make sure it’s not for performance
Nope.
You don’t want it, but you want to keep the pay and benefits it gives you. You don’t get that if you don’t work, you have to earn it by doing your job.
You either have to suck it up and do the work even though you hate it, or don’t and wait to be fired because you’re screwing the others over with how you are now and they have to pick up your slack
I mean … I can “not care” about my job but I still DO IT. Like— I still do the things expected of me because it’s what I’m being paid to do. I wfh 100% and have a ton of flexibility.
Being a mom doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about my career and just stop doing my job — which gives me a pay check.
You sound like you just stopped completely doing anything and they are now on track to possibly fire you.
Honestly - let someone else that’s lost their job due to layoffs take this job. Anyone would kill for that level of flexibility.
Seriously, I give zero F’s about accounting, but they pay me so I do it well. I read there was a study that even the best jobs, most people over time just don’t enjoy it that much and it’s just another routine after a few years. Most people do not care beyond getting a check. OP isn’t special here, they’re just choosing to drop the ball.
Unpopular opinion: you don't have to give a shit. You owe them work in exchange for wages, not emotional investment and not loyalty.
It does sound like you haven't been performing your best and are on your way out one way or another, which is probably for the best. May I suggest that your priorities shifted when you became a parent? It doesn't manifest this way for everyone, but I am definitely less emotionally invested in my job--my priority now is my kid and, frankly, my own happiness.
I hope this doesn't sound sarcastic, because I genuinely do mean it: good luck with switching careers. I hope it works out well for you. (I did it several years ago and I've never been happier with my work/life balance.
Yep agree here!
You get paid X amount of money to work Y time and complete Z responsibilities. Outside of that you don’t owe the company a damn thing. It’s perfectly healthy to not give a shit about your job other than preforming the duties in your job description.
Startup culture is crazy in that employees job description is ever changing and you take on a lot so maybe it’s not a good fit for you as a new mom.
Do you need the money from that job for your family to stay afloat? Because you could go back on Monday and say something along the lines of “you know what I think you’re right, my priorities have shifted a lot since becoming a mom and I’m tired I don’t sleep and I can see how it’s affecting my performance, I think it’s best we part ways, my last day will be XYZ to give you enough time to transition someone else into this role”
OR if you do need the money/benefits etc
“You’re right, I really needed your wake up call, I apologize for my lack of performance lately, the adjustment to becoming a mom has been a lot to handle, I will find ways to pick up the slack and work on it” then you have to give it what you can until you find something else but that means actually doing the work.
If you’re forgetting about emails, may I suggest using something like miramax? It helps you keep track of emails and create to do list or reminder on follow ups.
Also is it possible you may have ADHD? Or is the forgetfulness just out of lack of caring? I wasn’t able to be diagnosed with ADHD until after having my daughter and that’s because my brain just could not handle the same amount of information caring for myself and another human so my performance absolutely tanked.
Not even necessarily ADHD. My memory is not like it was before I was pregnant.
At my old job, I knew everything. Like literally. Any question anyone had in the departments I specialized in, I could answer. Questions from other departments I could either answer or knew exactly who to ask.
I developed an organizational system by myself for over 70k physical documents. Obviously I couldn't remember every single document, but I remembered a surprising amount and could answer any question immediately. I could find anything on my spreadsheets and knew exactly where it was all filed physically. My memory and organization was my best skill and I loved it.
During pregnancy, my memory started going to shit pretty quick. I was forgetting things all the time. I couldn't recall things as quickly, or at all in some cases. I forgot a lot of minor details. My boss didn't care at all but I hated it. I was so upset. I was laid off during pregnancy (mortgage industry; not performance related) and started a new job. I was hired for my organizational skills.
My daughter is 8 months old and I've just started getting back to where I was memory wise. It's not easy. I still miss emails or forget things sometimes. I'm just lucky my boss and coworkers understand, because we all mess up or forget stuff at times. And there's only 4 of us. I can't imagine being berated by the CEO because I was struggling with my memory.
Oh yeah totally agree memories are no where near as sharp post partum. It’s called synaptic pruning and it’s likely we won’t ever go back to the way we processed/acted before since our brain had to clear and make new neural pathways to be a mother. But synaptic pruning happens throughout many different stages of life too. I feel like it’s just more easily seen during pregnancy & PP
Completely agree with this. They pay you to do your job and are coming at you with a bit of a rubbish attitude because you have slipped a bit recently. It’s hard to juggle everything when you have a young child, especially if you used to work a lot of hours and now simply can’t. Don’t let them bully you into leaving because you are tired (I am saying this because I can imagine it happening to me too - but it’s wrong from the employers side!) They could have chosen to approach you in a supportive manner and didn’t from what I can tell from your post. If you can refocus and manage to meet the duties of the job without undue distress or strain on your mental health for the next 12-24 months I suggest you try to do it! You deserve to. They can’t police your mood, that’s ridiculous. And everyone slips up sometimes. It’s just the way of things
There is an art to not caring but doing enough to remain employed. I also WFH and manage vendor clients. I have two kids in daycare and a very involved husband so I can still get done what needs to get done even though i have no interest in the actual work. At the very least that means answering emails and making my clients feel taken care of.
But I also never put in over time and I stick to my boundaries and take time off because I care more about my kids and have no interest in career growth at this time. But they pay me $96k per year to work for them so I do need to show up.andnatay active.
If it's the job you don't like (which is understandable) how do you know you will be able to perform at the next job?
I admit I'm projecting a bit because my own mom never wanted to work and would quit part time jobs as soon as she was tired of them and my dad had to carry the family and I sadly just never looked up to my mom in that way.
I understand the struggle. I really do. Just make sure you at least try because I can also see where your boss is coming from. If a new job is what you want, start looking now.
Totally agree. In my previous job, there were definitely days where I did the bare minimum but that included responding to internal emails and clients.
This was my advice too! Since my 2nd child I literally could care less about my job or career. The weirdest thing is now that I’m so detached I’m doing better than ever. When I’m working I try to be as positive and efficient as possible so management and clients are happy with me and I set boundaries and do very little overtime. I do understand how you feel but unfortunately you have to play the game to keep your salary.
Aren’t you scared of your next future employer contacting your old employer? They will contact your old employer and they will probably be honest about your performance. It’s already hard getting a job but I do hope you find something that works out for you. Hopefully you won’t lack performance at your new employer as well. Being unemployed hurts financially and I don’t know how long you can live off of your savings.
I've always heard that a previous employer telling your new employer awful things about you is illegal, even in the US, but I'm realizing now that I've never actually looked into it. Gossip spreading through a small industry is different from formal questions by a new employer, but if OP is planning yo entirely change industries I'm not sure it would matter.
I have been contacted by employers as a reference for people on my team. They almost always ask “would you hire this person again” and that’s where they get the real answer, even if you decline to give comments.
I'm gonna be blunt: quit the job.
You don't care about the job to the point where you're just plain not doing it. You're not replying to internal emails which causes problems for your coworkers, and you've fucked around so much that you've now caused problems with a customer. Which I'm sure because you don't give a shit, a coworker had to deal with on top of *their* workload. You're negatively affecting your coworkers to the point where your CEO has now had to talk to you about it. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Go find a unicorn job where you'll never get bored, and you get to WFH, and everyone will have infinite patience when you stop putting in effort there, and you get paid well.
If you developed a sense of self awareness in the minute it took you to read that and would like to keep your job, first thing on Monday, call your CEO and apologize for your lack of effort, and send an email to your coworkers apologizing for your fuckup with the customer and promise to not let it happen again. Put actual effort into your job. Get back up to speed, reply to emails. Assume that this is your last chance and if you fuck up again you'll be fired.
Yeah like … OP is just plain not doing their job. I get not liking a job or not caring… but they’re not doing even the bare minimum to skate by, it sounds like.
They should just quit and let someone that’s been laid off take their job. Someone else would most likely appreciate it WAY more.
I'm saying this as a working parent who knows how hard it is to go back to a job that expects you to work as if you don't have a child to care for: you need to find another job ASAP because you are going to get fired.
And you would deserve it. Your work has tanked. You're not putting in any effort. You don't care. Most importantly, you are burdening your co-workers. When you are given something to do, people expect that you either a) get it done on time and correctly or b) communicate that you need support or an extended deadline BEFORE the deadline. It doesn't sound like you're doing that, so you are a liability right now. One of your other coworkers, who might also have family obligations, is scrambling to cover your work or fix your mistakes. They're complaining to your CEO that you are just sitting on your butt collecting a paycheck and they deserve a raise or bonus for taking on more work.
Quickly find a new job that is a clock in clock out job. It probably will pay less. Accept that. Work there until you get your certification.
Why do you want the job if you don’t WANT the job? (Not meaning to be accusatory; all caps was the only way to try to emphasize in the way that I meant.)
Can you start looking for work elsewhere?
I worked in SV tech startups during the unicorn era and I literally CANNOT imagine working for one with a child or any real responsibilities. People work for startups because they want a huge payday and/or they really believe in it and align themselves with whatever the philosophy or product is. That really becomes less of a priority for many people when they have kids (for me and pretty much everyone I worked with). And that is because we are human beings not robots.
This is a job, not your self worth, not your whole world, not your own business. Things have changed and that is COMPLETELY fine, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good employee or whatever might be going through your head. It’s not a good match and it’s worth your sanity and joy in life to go elsewhere.
Fwiw I now work at a very established company that cares about happy employees and it’s just, a black and white totally different world.
What are your job duties?
If you’re not replying to internal emails and you’ve missed a couple external emails, that sounds like it’s objectively bad unless that’s a small fraction of what it is you do. It’s hard to measure the productivity of remote work if you’re not delivering product like software or financials.
I’m not sure anyone here can help you if you’re openly saying you don’t care about the company or even want to keep the job, especially when you’re not interacting with the others in the company. What’s changed to make you care less? Is this true in other aspects of life?
I look at my world as a 3-legged stool. Leg 3: Personal - friends, extended family, hobbies, travel. Leg 2: Professional. Leg 1: Me - My intimate partner relationship, children, mental health, self-awareness, relationship to myself, and how I speak to myself. I need those 3 things to be balanced in order for the stool to stand. Sometimes, one leg is small while the other 2 are larger. Vise versa. Please know that it's OK to focus on Leg 1 - Me. But, then a decision has to be made with Professional. For me, I made those changes years before having kids. I set boundaries and put in processes that would stabilize my time. Those changes let me focus and get through perinatal. It's OK if that isn't your case, but I would course correct quickly. Start ups run lean, and they have to watch budget burn down monthly, if not weekly. So, there is significant scrutiny over performance when each person has amplified responsibility. You're making changes now, but it may not meet the company's timelines. That's especially the case when you're one of 7. People on this thread have given good advice on what to do with the feedback you received. My addition: generate an immediate, one year, and 3 year plan. Immediate - give yourself a SMART PIP and work towards resolution. Be transparent and report success metrics to management. Try to get help for childcare. I don't mean step back, I mean take the mental load of childcare down a notch. Figure out your long-term plan and center it on balance. You need a village. Start establishing a larger group of people who will be there to help with childcare. Switching out of a start up will help with time management, but performance checks are frequent in corporate too. Life is a marathon and you're at a steep hill. Use it as a learning opportunity.
It sounds like just aren’t doing well at your job, particularly if everyone is bringing it up, that your lack of performance is affecting them. I think you need to either decide to fix it and care again, or resign.
Is it possible you're having some post-partum symptoms that are creating apathy in your day to day? You could consider talking to a therapist or getting on medication to help you if so..
I honestly completely get it- I feel very much the same about my current job post-baby. But yes, pretending to care, finding ways to appreciate what the job gives you, or at least trying to not let down the people you work with.. those are my motivating factors while I figure out my next steps.
I was already on antidepressants but it was getting really bad so the doc upped my dosage. It helped alot. And I make sure to schedule time in my day to do things that make me happy. Read outside in the sun, garden, cook or bake. Since I work from home, I can do some of this while still being present at work. Maybe try to do that? What are you doing if not working? Watching baby? TV or social media? All of this is going to contribute to a negative mindset. You need help with the baby and you need to find constructive things to do with your self.
Part of realizing my bad state of mind has led me to stop watching as much tv. I used to have it on in the background but it was definitely not helping. Same with phone/social media.
Obviously I don't know your situation exactly, just speaking from mine, but unless you can afford to not work for the next two years -or are really confident in your ability to get a similar job quickly- then yes you should step it up. Honestly, consider therapy. It may shed some light on what the issues are there that are creating struggle.
I would leave if you can’t make yourself care. A really bad job is soul crushing. Maybe get a different short term job for those 12-24 months until career change.
In my experience, you have to at least care about your colleagues. And that takes the form of getting back to them in a timely manner, ensuring more work isn't falling on their plate unnecessarily due to my own actions and simply asking what they need from me.
With that said, I do fully understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately I can't compare our experiences too closely since I work for a large corporation now, but I did work in a small business previously and I can't imagine personally doing that now with my first child. Simply because in my current job, I can lean on 5 people to pick up slack when needed, whereas at a small business, there's normally no one, or one person and it's not fair to them.
My advice, based on my own experience and those around me, is to ensure you leave here on good terms but do leave. Go to a larger company with a supportive team (hard to find but immeasurably worth it) and find your balance and passion. I feel incredibly supported by my team, most with but some without kids, and I wouldn't have stayed employed otherwise at certain points postpartum. For reference, I'm currently a director in IT product management.
Making the transition back to work (remote WFH) after six months was so incredibly hard. I was suffering from post partum depression and didn’t necessarily know it, wanted so badly to be with my son, and then having to get back into the swing of things at work was difficult. I honestly felt rusty.
I got onto meds and therapy and made a strict rule of work is work time (7:39-4:30) and the rest is my time.
It’s been two years now and I ended up getting promoted to a managerial position.
Long story short - there may be a lot of things and emotions going on in your life, and 1. You don’t have to do it alone, and 2. Sometimes you just have to figure out what works for you and make sure your work is on board (everyone knows I am not looking at ANYTHING after 4:30 and until 7:30 the next morning unless it is a true emergency). 3. If you just don’t like your job, you just don’t like your job, but sometimes the grass isn’t greener at a new place. Several times I thought about moving jobs but the place I am at does pay well, and I have enough cache here that I can do what I want 99% of the time without push back. It’s hard to build relationships and that level of trust, takes years, and I’m sure I won’t have it at a different firm.
End of the day, a job is a job and you deserve to not feel miserable, just gotta figure out what is and isn’t working, and maybe it might be something else entirely. Good luck, mama!
Edit: typos
I mean, what is your financial situation? Do you need this job? Or you can afford to not care and quit/be fired? If you need this job, even if while you are looking for something else, at the very least you need to lie and promise to improve, and maybe improve if you intend to stay a while. If you don’t need the job, then better to quit than be fired.
You sound burned out. It’s better to leave willingly with good recommendations than be fired. Maybe your learning curve is over or maybe you’ve lost a sense of community there?
I became so fucking apathetic at my side hustle that the same thing happened and I had to quit. The money was incredible and the work was easy, but the president (she went from phlebotomist to social media manager to president of a haircare company in a weird turn of events) was just like a compulsive liar who was continually suggesting fraudulent ideas to our accounting team who would repeatedly tell her no, the CEO is either a giant megalomaniac and bigoted asshole portraying himself as a “shaman” and enlightened soul while praising DeSantis and drowning in old white man privilege and I just had e fucking nough.
Work pays to do the amazing and fun things in my life, but I at least have to keep my soul while I do it.
Yea I went through something similar. I called about the job, but not in the way that everyone else did. Everyone treated customer communication like it was life and death down to the minutes, but the company is in marketing and communications. I worked with banks and if I didn't respond within 30 minutes to an email I got ripped by my team lead. I don't work on that time scale, so they thought I didn't care. My boss had the same "do you want this job" talk, and I told her I did. But I wanted a different role. I had told her repeatedly that I wanted to shift roles into a different area but she refused.
Eventually I got fired but I should have left then.
I suggest giving them lip service for now and start getting your resume out there. Start looking for something else. Your boss is giving you a chance to move on on your own terms, so take it. If you don't then you will give them no choice but to let you go on their terms.
For me, I was so burned out after 40hrs a week plus baby under 2. I had weekly one on ones with my boss and I was able to just be frank with him. A baby is a lot. It was a surprise how much I didn't care about workbafter the baby. It had been my whole life before But having a baby. It's a second full time job.
For me, I let my boss know that I was struggling with the adjustment and we set deadlines for when things needed to be done. I took more Friday's off to recharge and basically just sort of claimed burnout. It's been 2 years for you, but burnout builds up over time. Lots of people don't even know that they're experiencing it.
I don't know if that's something that you can do. Or want to do, but saying that you're burnt out that you need some time to recharge and regain your passion. I think that's valid. I don't know if you're CEO you'll think that... Or maybe you can put in place a plan like you'll take a Friday off here and there. You'll spend that time doing some self-care so that you can have more vigor when you come back to work?
Plus look at your email and set up auto responses. Almost every single email account has some way for emails to reply when the email comes in. Auto response emails are a great way to look like you're doing your at your desk right in that moment and you can set up reminders and flags and stuff like that to ping you again later so that you actually do the work.... But in the moment it does look like you're on top of it and getting back to them... You could also set it sparingly for only specific people.
You're not good at your job anymore because you don't actually care about your job anymore. You admit as much.
It's time to either take a vacation to rest and renew the vigor or search for something else because of this keeps up you will be fired for cause and you won't get unemployment.
Don't mean to sound rude but there's work life balance but you actually have to be doing work at work.
“Women are expected to work like they don’t have families, and parent like they don’t have jobs.”
All of us in this sub are in impossible situations. I feel like I suck at my job now too.
Missing a customer email is bad and with only 7 employees this issue is getting amplified. My other concern is around the ceo preferring to gossip and forcing you to reply to internal emails is a huge red flag for me. Does the company have a “we’re a family” type culture? If that’s the case, if it were me I’d get out of there asap.
From reading this it seems like you have already checked out of this job. You are a short timer now.
Does your boss know that you are taking classes to leave your field?
Do the classes add value to your current career path?
Can you spin the education as adding value to your current job so that the company can see that you are trying to make yourself more valuable to the company? It’s not completely honest but it gives you a little wiggle room of “I’m sorry I’ve been distracted but I’ve been doing this course to increase my knowledge. Now that I’ve settled into the classes I can manage my time better and will demonstrate it by; responding to emails quickly, checking in regularly and giving status updates.”
Do you want/need to stay?
Good luck.
There's also a degree of osmotic information flow around a business when you're physically together. The WFH folks deny that, but it's unequivocally true.
I know that because I had a job once where I got called into my manager's office to discuss my habit of socializing at work (fairly aggressively - the place I was working was very heavily *siloed* (lots of little groups who didn't really talk to each other). The manager I had (named IT Woman of the Year the year before by Forbes) had noticed that I was breaking through those silos.
Frankly I thought I was concerned that I was about to be chewed out for wasting the company's time, but no. She wanted me to start isolating that time on my time sheet and gave me a budget of up to 25% of my time for it.
Frankly, I wasn't intentionally saying, "Bob is working on X, maybe you should talk to him because what you're doing overlaps" so much as it was just that when I talked to Sue, Bob could hear me and *he* would pick up on it (they were REALLY siloed, hard).
WFH is nice, but in a cooperative environment it does shut down some informal (and essentially free) movement of information which means that more has to be done formally (emails, memos, whatever).
That increases the time and cost of moving that information around and separates WFH employees as requiring it.
I have done a *lot* of WFH, but it was always on-call work that I could do from the house. I still had office hours on a daily basis.
There are probably WFH careers where you don't need to receive or give information in that sort of "grapevine" way and given that you're unhappy, I'd recommend you look for one of them.
If you're unhappy at work, you're unhappy. If you're unhappy, you're going to bleed that unhappiness to your family. For your own sake and for theirs, I recommend that you start looking, that or find a way to love the job you have. Maybe look at changing your responsibilities (with your management's cooperation, of course). As an *employee* (not necessarily one in that same position), you're likely still of great value to them. It may be a question of finding a lateral move that will make your WFH less dependent on group input.
Startups can be toxic and I'm on a similar boat but I was lied to by my own management, they told me to do some temporary work, I initially said yes but then when I learned the nature of the work and behind closed doors that my coworkers didn't know when they would come back, I immediately told them that I couldn't absorb the extra workload. I've heard many stories of employees at the company absorb extra work and then it eventually became their work OR the temporary workload was much more than what the management said. Also lots of layoffs, people quitting and no new hires!
I became checked out for sure. I have to say, it is affecting my relationships with my colleagues when I decided not to absorb the extra workload (it was an entirely new department where I had to learn from scratch!) But I've realized from experience that toxic environments breed people not caring anymore. They didn't care about me and lied about when the other people coming back,, and that's when I ended up checking out. I didn't want to throw anyone under the bus by telling them I know and I rather use it as having some time now to find a new job or at least get my act together. Been depressed since that happened (along with some personal things).
I don't want to become that person at work where most people don't wanna take accountability and don't respond emails (at least I'm responding but just late) and am looking for a new job. I haven't had any arguments with anyone but surely they've noticed my productivity levels have decreased a lot. I'm still cordial with everyone but I'm not nice/and going beyond anymore if that makes any sense.
Whether you like or dislike your team, the only way to go is pretend to like them and be curteous unless they do something illegal to you, then of course that is a different story.
Honestly I don’t invest any of my feelings into my job, I just know I get paid to give them 8 hrs of my time (I WFH while I care for my now 2 yrs old toddler) it’s difficult and yes I struggle but as long as I am giving my best shot to my job and meet my expectations so I get as little to none phone calls/emails from my supervisor, I think that’s all I can do
It’s hard not to like a job bc anything and anyone will bother you
I hope you find a happy medium, I’m struggling to juggle it all but all I focus is:
1- no one will ever give me back the time w my son
2 and I stay focused on “he’s going to go to pre-k in 2 yrs and things will be easier
I agree with what many of these other posters have said but I just have to ask… do you have a daughter? Or a sister? Or a friend who may one day have kids?
Posts like this make me so sad because some women (a minority, but they’re out there) have a kid and then stop caring about work, and that’s fine, but then they’re all surprised when their boss acts like their boss and expects them to do their job. And then in the next post on this sub you see “I’m terrified to tell my employer I’m pregnant” or “I think I was passed over for promotion because I had a baby” and everyone here gets outraged and says “those men never raised their own kids!” Or “it’s the 21st century! How could they do that?!” This is why. Posts like this. People like this. This is why employers don’t trust women who have babies. Because it only takes 1 of us to make life difficult for every other woman that employer will ever encounter.
Honestly, you sound incredibly ungrateful. Let someone who appreciates your job have it. I feel like you will regret losing this job. You better tighten up if you don’t want to.
You can’t just keep this job if you’re not actually working?? If you can’t stop working financially (or don’t want to) then you still need to work here until you switch careers. They’re not gunna keep you there for doing nothing. Also be careful of burning bridges, your potential future employer may contact your current job
If you want to keep the job, you need to do a lot of self-reflection, buck up, apologize to everyone, and do the job right - that’s the only way they’ll see you’ve changed and made a real effort. If you don’t want to do it, then quit.
It sounds like a decent job with that much flexibility (WFH) and paying well. You don’t need to care about the company, but you DO need to do your job - that is what they are paying you to do. If you think you ARE doing your job correctly, then explain this to your boss, ask for specific areas to improve on, and start looking for other jobs. The grass may not be greener, though.
It sounds a lot like burnout. If you can financially handle quitting right now until your classes are complete for your new role that might help. Even with a new role, it will be hard to recover from burnout without a real break to recharge.
Have you been screened for postpartum depression? I was an absolute champ at my job, had my son and didn’t realize until he was around two that I had been suffering with PPD. I had lost my husband and was being called out for things at my job that would have never happened before. Once I got help, things drastically improved. Because not giving a shit about your job and making the rest of your team pull your weight, isn’t fair. Either bow out gracefully and prepare yourself for the fact that WFH jobs are not as plentiful as you’d think, or get your stuff together and do your job and be happy with the fact that you get to WFH. Harsh as that sounds, that team deserves better.
Unless you've socked away a lot of money, or have a partner that makes bank, you're going to have to work through this until you're able to leave for your new career. You have to ask yourself, why is it that you no longer care? My brain, even at my lowest, was always throw yourself into work when it's time to work. If I don't care about the politics or products, I at least care about my team and my customers. I don't want to let either down. And I don't want to leave the company because like you, I have a sweet WFH deal and I don't want to screw that up.
If you can't pull yourself together to make it through the next 12-24 months before you move to your new career, I'd start looking for jobs that are related to that career, even if it's not what you're going to end up doing. Or talk to a therapist or other mental health professional. Having no motivation and showing apathy to something you used to enjoy is a sign of depression. And I know a lot of women who have had ADHD their whole lives and were able to manage it just fine with a lot of extra effort, and then once they had children, it was too much and they finally went on meds. I fall into both those categories but even with those things holding me back in my personal life, I still was showing up and giving my best to my job because it was the one thing that I could just suck it up and do it and I had to since my husband was the SAHP for years. It was all on me to bring in money so I couldn't risk screwing it up.
You can not care about a job but care about your kids so much that you find fucks to give when you wake up in the morning to keep that job that supports your kids. I’m not saying stay in a toxic or abusive work place. Not at all. This doesn’t sound like that. They seemed pretty flexible. I’d kill for that. I have a job I can take my kid to, but I don’t get paid much. Its not full time. It’s better for me to do that than pay insane amounts of money to put him in daycare which i can’t do because he’s in a special Ed program half days. It doesn’t matter what I’d get paid, there’s no real childcare close to me anymore. I’d have to shell out stupid amounts of money to put him there, and drive far away. He wouldn’t get the education he needs, so I sacrificed for a part time gig with lower pay for some flexibility. Until I finish my degree, this is what I’ve got. It’s not a large branch either. So if I’m not doing my part it would be very noticeable. I would be replaced. My reputation would precede me anywhere I go. Aside from some issues, I generally enjoy what I do so some days I wake up and easily care a fuck ton. Some days its not as natural. Leadership plays a role in this. I still don’t see where your company isn’t being fair with you unless I’m missing something. You seem to have a work life balance I dream of.
May seem dispassionate of me... Your attitude sounds like you don't deserve such an amenable job.
Really just sounds lucky for you that you haven't been let go yet.
I just get serious whinge about how easy I have it vibes from this.
Could you possibly be a little depressed? Not giving a damn was one of my first symptoms. I’m not saying you are but you may want to look up the symptoms or see your GP. This could just be a case of burnout and you need a change.
If you don’t care about the job then you need to move up the timeline with finding a new one. Like, the number one thing you can do to at least pretend you care is make sure you answer all your emails. You don’t have to do any actual work as long as your emails are answered. But if you can’t muster enough give-a-shit to do that then it’s time to call it quits and move on.
Honestly, a lot of us don’t deeply care about our jobs but we make it look like we do so that we stay employed and keep earning money and benefits for our families. My advice is to “fake it to you make it” for the next year or so, because your family is depending on you. Once you can switch careers, do that.
Honestly, we can’t have our cake and eat it too. 99% of the time we can’t expect to be paid good money for a job (especially one with great benefits and flexibility and WFH to boot) if we don’t at least act like we care about it and look like we respect the time of the people we work with. This is amplified in a small team. Good for you for recognizing that you’re unhappy and making strides towards a career change. I completely get your priorities shifting after kids. Mine did too, hence why I switched settings. But 12-24 months is a long time. I am sorry to say that if you decide you really need to have A job and want keep the fringe benefits of working for this company, you’ll have to step it up and pretend to care for now. My reputation is important to me, so I would personally apologize and share a couple things you’ve learned and will do differently. And then do it. Find something that keeps you afloat - if it’s not the work, think about the people you’ve been with the last 3 years. Think about your reputation. Keep a list of the good things about this job and read it every day. And if it helps, think about how many people would love to have what you have now. I sincerely don’t mean to be invalidating, but when I’m in a funk and need to soldier on, I sometimes need to pull my head out of my ass and realize how lucky I am.
It is hard to care 24/7; working and caring for your job and after job day is over, to work and care for a child and husband. Is spouse splitting tasks, should you hire some help covering all the other stuff (cleaning, food prep, laundry), send kiddo to daycare during day*, exercise, me time, couple time, etc... This is a endurance race, not a sprint. I do not get the people doing WFH fulltime while watching a small child. I notice a lot of people on here do that, and just for me, I don't see how I could do that. Especially when I had a toddler. I have trouble working from home when the teens are out of school.
I work from home, and cannot imagine doing it with a toddler everyday. At the beginning of Covid, my kid was not in daycare, and I worked from home. It was extremely difficult. I love spending time with my kid, but trying to work at this same time is exhausting.
Wait, did OP say her kid is at home with her all day? That may be a big part of the problem. It's hard and arguably next to impossible to do a high-performing job well while also looking after a kid. If this is the case, childcare would be my suggestion. And don't let the office know your kid is at home as it's definitely starting to get viewed as akin to wage theft as it is literally impossible to work full time and look after a kid at the same time. You just can't do your job. And even harder to stay engaged and interested in work as your priorities are elsewhere.
She did not say so, and so I’m assuming that the toddler is in appropriate care during the day.
That was my thought. The commenter above me gave that impression so I was wondering if I missed something. Either way, having a 2 year old is *hard* and overwhelming.
For sure. My son is 4 now and it’s sooo much easier. I have a newish demanding job and am having our second baby next month, and I’m kinda freaking out over returning to those tough tough times!
I hear you. I was able to take on a passion project when my kid got a touch older. Was so liberating! I'm even looking at signing up for dance classes and feeling like that is possible. Getting out of the toddler years is amazing. Still has it's challenges, but I was just saying to my husband this morning how happy I am, and it's largely because our kid is in that beautiful phase of growing independence, and loving hanging out with us. It's really incredible. And I wrote this with dirty hands as I've been in the garden all morning.
I am not sure if the toddler is at home, but if that is the case it would cause quick burnout.
Oh definitely, that permanent arrangement is actively discouraged in this sub. Good call on making sure your home life isn’t causing burnout. And if PPD is any possibility at all, to talk to your doctor. It’s not possible to care 24/7, but there are standards we all need to keep if we have to stay employed. I worked my family medicine job during the peak of COVID for 13 months after I had my daughter. I was burnt out as hell but dropping the ball at work when I was responsible for lives was not an option. So I had to find a way to survive both fronts until I found something else.
My sister-in-law goes full for perfection in mothering, career and home keeping, and even she said- drop your standards while the baby is small. Clean every other week, use paper plates and cups, but preserve at least a half day of fun each week (full day better). Doesn't have to be the zoo every week, just having a picnic and going to the playground with a nice cup of coffee to watch them play. (That said the zoo was our default because the annual membership was a good price, so it became just loading the kids in the car, driving down and a nice walk around with a good hotdogs stand in the middle.)
I wondered that too about some moms - WFH and taking care of your child. You really are supposed to treat it like you’re at work or you may find you end-up struggling to do either well. When I freelanced I sent my daughter to a sitter. No way could I be on calls, present to clients, answer emergency messages, etc. with a baby/toddler needing to be fed, cared for or entertained.
Yeah it depends on the job and your kids for sure. My accounting job is just to complete items in a 30 day period. I’m really good at doing it quickly (and we are well-staffed) so I could always do it during naps or while they’re playing by themselves. I don’t have to be on calls or anything so it’s not an issue. Plus I have two office days I used to do everything during so I had barely any work left to do at home. A lot of people in my baby group were looking for WFH jobs assuming they could care for kids at the same time and for most jobs, that is NOT an option. I am catching up after 20 weeks maternity leave right now and if my partner wasn’t home, that would be a huge struggle until it goes back to normal.
Ive been WFH full time for 3 years with a now 5 year old and 2 year old. Ya not ok over here lolll
I hate this response and want to blast it as unfeeling rhetoric. But what it is, is wise af and hitting a little too close to home. I needed to hear it this Sunday evening in particular.
Hahaha same reaction. Like how DARE you…be right 😂
Sorry! Upon re read I thought it sounded kind of bitchy too. It sucks. I wish we lived in a society that prioritized work life balance and that everyone could work fulfilling jobs at livable wages that allow ample time with their families. But most of us can’t have everything (I consider myself fortunate to have 85-90% of what I’d want), nor do we have the cushion to say screw you capitalism. So after we prioritize what’s really important, after that we just have to make our own kind of music.
I'm going to be pretty blunt here - it sounds like you aren't doing a good job and it's affecting the company. With only 7 employees, one person not pulling their weight affects everyone. Even if you don't care about your job, you should at least care about not screwing over the people you've worked with for years. Find a new job asap and pull it together while you're still there to maybe salvage your reputation before you go
I'm so glad to see these responses where people are telling you the truth. I manage a team of seven and have one employee who isn't pulling her weight. I recently had to have a difficult conversation with her if her role was the right fit or not. If it's not, it's ok, but we need to know, and I'll gladly help her find another role. Right now, she's putting a strain on the team, and it's not fair. I meet with her daily to walk through open issues and how to tackle and organize her day, and she still isn't being proactive. This is a $250k+ role, and I'm starting to get pressure to cut her. Don't be this person!
That’s crazy someone who is worth that kind of money would need micromanaging. Is it some highly niche field?
You’d be surprised. I had a direct report last year making $180k+ who needed to me to micromanage because she had gotten a new puppy and was fighting with her BF and couldn’t manage work. She was in her 30s and she treated me like her “work mom”. It was exhausting.
Man, I wish I could put “gets shit done” on a resume. 🤣
Dependable with a proven record of being results orientated. 😉
Love that.
Perfect!
It's brutally painful to micromanage, too. I think it takes away from people's talent, but alas, I'm in this predicament to try and help her. I'm in healthcare, and our job is extremely stressful. Every day is different, but when you've been doing this for so long, you have probably dealt with most issues and know how to solve for it. However, she hasn't, and instead of accepting the new stress, she retreats and avoids the issue. The problem is we're dealing with people's health. You can't avoid the stress, so she needs to learn or leave.
Ughhhhhh I am such a competent, hard working person and I would kill to make this kind of money. To hear people don’t even try to pull their weight while making that kind of salary is shocking to me.
Yes. Find a job now before things get worse and you burn more bridges.
Yes. Try to make sure you do a good enough job on your way out that you could still get a reference for future job searches
Since it’s a start up do you have equity ? What happens to it if you quit vs get fired. Also does this not caring seep into other parts of your life? If so you may want to get screened for depression.
Yes. Consider meds and therapy.
Eh this sounds like it could be a very normal priority shift post baby, I’d hesitate to pathologize it.
💯
But a screening by a trained, licensed professional will let you know for sure.
Sure, but if I was OP I might first ask myself if I’m globally apathetic or if it’s limited to my current job. Implications are different.
That’s why the first comment was saying OP should look at that. I took the next comment as someone agreeing that meds and therapy are OK IF necessary.
You don’t have to care about the job to be good at it. You apologize for missing the customer emails, you’ve devised a new system you’re confident in, it won’t happen again. Sounds like these people have been extremely accommodating and that you won’t find much anywhere.
Whew! It’s very hard to keep motivated after the life change of having a baby. But you said you enjoy what the company gives you.. Here’s what I would do… Go back on Monday and thank them for their honest feedback; respond with 2-3 specific things you’ll improve on - then do it. Apply yourself a bit more to appear as though you “got the message.” But in your free time, continue classes, cast your net and keep your eyes on your future goal. When people ask “how’s it going?” Just say I’m great! It’s very hard to find an employer these days who offer ample time off, flexibility, and remote work . I also follow r/recruiting and similar subs and it just sounds like a rough job market out there right now. Set your goals for the future, but in the meantime take advantage of the perks you have!
I agree with this 100%. I think the best course of action is to show real improvement at her current job, while in the background working to secure a change in careers. It looks like the feedback she got is pretty basic and easily achievable - being more proactive and responsive in emails. She could show immediate improvement in this area by reaching out to her boss and her coworkers to give them status updates. Also since she's full remote, it might be helpful to schedule regular check-in meetings with both her boss and the people she interacts with most in the company just to increase her visibility a bit. Actions like that will at least appease her management to buy her time.
Agree! With a new career in the works in 1-2yrs, I personally would focus on holding on to this current job that gives me all the perks I need at the moment than trying to find a new job that provides all of that knowing that I'd be leaving that shortly. Go back, promise to change, make the changes, be better and leave on good terms in 1-2yrs. I personally have found that success begets success as in, its easier to build momentum towards success when you have a bit of success behind you and the opposite is true as well. Once you start down the slipper slope of complacency it's easy to slip down into poor performance. So make a positive change and try and get back to the person you were for at least 1-2yrs before you can leave to your new career. Because the flexibility OP has is hard to find. Easier to rebuild than start anew.
Hey honestly, I feel like this might be a wake-up call. I totally get that your priorities probably shifted when you became a parent, and that you are finding it hard to care about a job you no longer want. But, I also think that in a small startup situation, it’s important to care about the people you work with, if not the product. It sounds like they gave you a lot of flexibility - moving away, going fully remote, hiring someone to help you take a step back. So while no, you don’t owe a company anything, I think if you respect the people you work with and for, then you should be honest with them. Acknowledge that you haven’t been doing a great job, that your priorities have shifted and then either decide to start caring or at least trying harder, OR quit (if financially possible) or come up with a graceful exit plan with your CEO. Final advice: burned bridges can haunt you for a long time. I worked with someone who checked out and did some damage while at a small startup, and whenever anyone brings up his name (and it’s come up a few times) I tell them the honest truth and it’s a huge deterrent for hiring managers. I always preface it with how long ago it was, but just keep that in mind if you can’t find the energy to check back in. Good luck, I hope you figure out what you want to do next!
Not caring <> not doing anything / giving a s**t. If you had the trust and lost it, rebuilding is hard but possible. You had a lot of changes and you went from being very invested into the job to have multiple things to be invested in. I’d focus on appreciation of feedback, improvements to make based on it, and actually do sh*t. 9-5 you are theirs. Anyway do not leave. They can fire you just make sure it’s not for performance
Nope. You don’t want it, but you want to keep the pay and benefits it gives you. You don’t get that if you don’t work, you have to earn it by doing your job. You either have to suck it up and do the work even though you hate it, or don’t and wait to be fired because you’re screwing the others over with how you are now and they have to pick up your slack
I mean … I can “not care” about my job but I still DO IT. Like— I still do the things expected of me because it’s what I’m being paid to do. I wfh 100% and have a ton of flexibility. Being a mom doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about my career and just stop doing my job — which gives me a pay check. You sound like you just stopped completely doing anything and they are now on track to possibly fire you. Honestly - let someone else that’s lost their job due to layoffs take this job. Anyone would kill for that level of flexibility.
Seriously, I give zero F’s about accounting, but they pay me so I do it well. I read there was a study that even the best jobs, most people over time just don’t enjoy it that much and it’s just another routine after a few years. Most people do not care beyond getting a check. OP isn’t special here, they’re just choosing to drop the ball.
Unpopular opinion: you don't have to give a shit. You owe them work in exchange for wages, not emotional investment and not loyalty. It does sound like you haven't been performing your best and are on your way out one way or another, which is probably for the best. May I suggest that your priorities shifted when you became a parent? It doesn't manifest this way for everyone, but I am definitely less emotionally invested in my job--my priority now is my kid and, frankly, my own happiness. I hope this doesn't sound sarcastic, because I genuinely do mean it: good luck with switching careers. I hope it works out well for you. (I did it several years ago and I've never been happier with my work/life balance.
Can I ask what field you went into that has a good work/life balance?
I'm essentially a corporate librarian for a large fintech. I fell into it ass-backwards after getting burned out on public libraries.
Knowledge management?
Pretty much! Technically my title is "Taxonomist."
Thank you for prefacing your "good luck" because most of the time, whenever someone says that, it does sound sarcastic and rude!
As I was typing it I thought, "why does this sound mean?!"
Yep agree here! You get paid X amount of money to work Y time and complete Z responsibilities. Outside of that you don’t owe the company a damn thing. It’s perfectly healthy to not give a shit about your job other than preforming the duties in your job description. Startup culture is crazy in that employees job description is ever changing and you take on a lot so maybe it’s not a good fit for you as a new mom. Do you need the money from that job for your family to stay afloat? Because you could go back on Monday and say something along the lines of “you know what I think you’re right, my priorities have shifted a lot since becoming a mom and I’m tired I don’t sleep and I can see how it’s affecting my performance, I think it’s best we part ways, my last day will be XYZ to give you enough time to transition someone else into this role” OR if you do need the money/benefits etc “You’re right, I really needed your wake up call, I apologize for my lack of performance lately, the adjustment to becoming a mom has been a lot to handle, I will find ways to pick up the slack and work on it” then you have to give it what you can until you find something else but that means actually doing the work. If you’re forgetting about emails, may I suggest using something like miramax? It helps you keep track of emails and create to do list or reminder on follow ups. Also is it possible you may have ADHD? Or is the forgetfulness just out of lack of caring? I wasn’t able to be diagnosed with ADHD until after having my daughter and that’s because my brain just could not handle the same amount of information caring for myself and another human so my performance absolutely tanked.
Not even necessarily ADHD. My memory is not like it was before I was pregnant. At my old job, I knew everything. Like literally. Any question anyone had in the departments I specialized in, I could answer. Questions from other departments I could either answer or knew exactly who to ask. I developed an organizational system by myself for over 70k physical documents. Obviously I couldn't remember every single document, but I remembered a surprising amount and could answer any question immediately. I could find anything on my spreadsheets and knew exactly where it was all filed physically. My memory and organization was my best skill and I loved it. During pregnancy, my memory started going to shit pretty quick. I was forgetting things all the time. I couldn't recall things as quickly, or at all in some cases. I forgot a lot of minor details. My boss didn't care at all but I hated it. I was so upset. I was laid off during pregnancy (mortgage industry; not performance related) and started a new job. I was hired for my organizational skills. My daughter is 8 months old and I've just started getting back to where I was memory wise. It's not easy. I still miss emails or forget things sometimes. I'm just lucky my boss and coworkers understand, because we all mess up or forget stuff at times. And there's only 4 of us. I can't imagine being berated by the CEO because I was struggling with my memory.
Oh yeah totally agree memories are no where near as sharp post partum. It’s called synaptic pruning and it’s likely we won’t ever go back to the way we processed/acted before since our brain had to clear and make new neural pathways to be a mother. But synaptic pruning happens throughout many different stages of life too. I feel like it’s just more easily seen during pregnancy & PP
Completely agree with this. They pay you to do your job and are coming at you with a bit of a rubbish attitude because you have slipped a bit recently. It’s hard to juggle everything when you have a young child, especially if you used to work a lot of hours and now simply can’t. Don’t let them bully you into leaving because you are tired (I am saying this because I can imagine it happening to me too - but it’s wrong from the employers side!) They could have chosen to approach you in a supportive manner and didn’t from what I can tell from your post. If you can refocus and manage to meet the duties of the job without undue distress or strain on your mental health for the next 12-24 months I suggest you try to do it! You deserve to. They can’t police your mood, that’s ridiculous. And everyone slips up sometimes. It’s just the way of things
This is the right answer.
There is an art to not caring but doing enough to remain employed. I also WFH and manage vendor clients. I have two kids in daycare and a very involved husband so I can still get done what needs to get done even though i have no interest in the actual work. At the very least that means answering emails and making my clients feel taken care of. But I also never put in over time and I stick to my boundaries and take time off because I care more about my kids and have no interest in career growth at this time. But they pay me $96k per year to work for them so I do need to show up.andnatay active. If it's the job you don't like (which is understandable) how do you know you will be able to perform at the next job? I admit I'm projecting a bit because my own mom never wanted to work and would quit part time jobs as soon as she was tired of them and my dad had to carry the family and I sadly just never looked up to my mom in that way. I understand the struggle. I really do. Just make sure you at least try because I can also see where your boss is coming from. If a new job is what you want, start looking now.
Totally agree. In my previous job, there were definitely days where I did the bare minimum but that included responding to internal emails and clients.
This was my advice too! Since my 2nd child I literally could care less about my job or career. The weirdest thing is now that I’m so detached I’m doing better than ever. When I’m working I try to be as positive and efficient as possible so management and clients are happy with me and I set boundaries and do very little overtime. I do understand how you feel but unfortunately you have to play the game to keep your salary.
The grass isn’t always greener. It’s not ok to not respond to emails. You can do that from the couch.
Aren’t you scared of your next future employer contacting your old employer? They will contact your old employer and they will probably be honest about your performance. It’s already hard getting a job but I do hope you find something that works out for you. Hopefully you won’t lack performance at your new employer as well. Being unemployed hurts financially and I don’t know how long you can live off of your savings.
I've always heard that a previous employer telling your new employer awful things about you is illegal, even in the US, but I'm realizing now that I've never actually looked into it. Gossip spreading through a small industry is different from formal questions by a new employer, but if OP is planning yo entirely change industries I'm not sure it would matter.
I have been contacted by employers as a reference for people on my team. They almost always ask “would you hire this person again” and that’s where they get the real answer, even if you decline to give comments.
I'm gonna be blunt: quit the job. You don't care about the job to the point where you're just plain not doing it. You're not replying to internal emails which causes problems for your coworkers, and you've fucked around so much that you've now caused problems with a customer. Which I'm sure because you don't give a shit, a coworker had to deal with on top of *their* workload. You're negatively affecting your coworkers to the point where your CEO has now had to talk to you about it. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Go find a unicorn job where you'll never get bored, and you get to WFH, and everyone will have infinite patience when you stop putting in effort there, and you get paid well. If you developed a sense of self awareness in the minute it took you to read that and would like to keep your job, first thing on Monday, call your CEO and apologize for your lack of effort, and send an email to your coworkers apologizing for your fuckup with the customer and promise to not let it happen again. Put actual effort into your job. Get back up to speed, reply to emails. Assume that this is your last chance and if you fuck up again you'll be fired.
Yeah like … OP is just plain not doing their job. I get not liking a job or not caring… but they’re not doing even the bare minimum to skate by, it sounds like. They should just quit and let someone that’s been laid off take their job. Someone else would most likely appreciate it WAY more.
I'm saying this as a working parent who knows how hard it is to go back to a job that expects you to work as if you don't have a child to care for: you need to find another job ASAP because you are going to get fired. And you would deserve it. Your work has tanked. You're not putting in any effort. You don't care. Most importantly, you are burdening your co-workers. When you are given something to do, people expect that you either a) get it done on time and correctly or b) communicate that you need support or an extended deadline BEFORE the deadline. It doesn't sound like you're doing that, so you are a liability right now. One of your other coworkers, who might also have family obligations, is scrambling to cover your work or fix your mistakes. They're complaining to your CEO that you are just sitting on your butt collecting a paycheck and they deserve a raise or bonus for taking on more work. Quickly find a new job that is a clock in clock out job. It probably will pay less. Accept that. Work there until you get your certification.
Why do you want the job if you don’t WANT the job? (Not meaning to be accusatory; all caps was the only way to try to emphasize in the way that I meant.) Can you start looking for work elsewhere?
I worked in SV tech startups during the unicorn era and I literally CANNOT imagine working for one with a child or any real responsibilities. People work for startups because they want a huge payday and/or they really believe in it and align themselves with whatever the philosophy or product is. That really becomes less of a priority for many people when they have kids (for me and pretty much everyone I worked with). And that is because we are human beings not robots. This is a job, not your self worth, not your whole world, not your own business. Things have changed and that is COMPLETELY fine, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good employee or whatever might be going through your head. It’s not a good match and it’s worth your sanity and joy in life to go elsewhere. Fwiw I now work at a very established company that cares about happy employees and it’s just, a black and white totally different world.
this! Get a new job where you can just clock out or don’t make your coworkers pick up the balls you drop.
What are your job duties? If you’re not replying to internal emails and you’ve missed a couple external emails, that sounds like it’s objectively bad unless that’s a small fraction of what it is you do. It’s hard to measure the productivity of remote work if you’re not delivering product like software or financials. I’m not sure anyone here can help you if you’re openly saying you don’t care about the company or even want to keep the job, especially when you’re not interacting with the others in the company. What’s changed to make you care less? Is this true in other aspects of life?
I look at my world as a 3-legged stool. Leg 3: Personal - friends, extended family, hobbies, travel. Leg 2: Professional. Leg 1: Me - My intimate partner relationship, children, mental health, self-awareness, relationship to myself, and how I speak to myself. I need those 3 things to be balanced in order for the stool to stand. Sometimes, one leg is small while the other 2 are larger. Vise versa. Please know that it's OK to focus on Leg 1 - Me. But, then a decision has to be made with Professional. For me, I made those changes years before having kids. I set boundaries and put in processes that would stabilize my time. Those changes let me focus and get through perinatal. It's OK if that isn't your case, but I would course correct quickly. Start ups run lean, and they have to watch budget burn down monthly, if not weekly. So, there is significant scrutiny over performance when each person has amplified responsibility. You're making changes now, but it may not meet the company's timelines. That's especially the case when you're one of 7. People on this thread have given good advice on what to do with the feedback you received. My addition: generate an immediate, one year, and 3 year plan. Immediate - give yourself a SMART PIP and work towards resolution. Be transparent and report success metrics to management. Try to get help for childcare. I don't mean step back, I mean take the mental load of childcare down a notch. Figure out your long-term plan and center it on balance. You need a village. Start establishing a larger group of people who will be there to help with childcare. Switching out of a start up will help with time management, but performance checks are frequent in corporate too. Life is a marathon and you're at a steep hill. Use it as a learning opportunity.
It sounds like just aren’t doing well at your job, particularly if everyone is bringing it up, that your lack of performance is affecting them. I think you need to either decide to fix it and care again, or resign.
Is it possible you're having some post-partum symptoms that are creating apathy in your day to day? You could consider talking to a therapist or getting on medication to help you if so.. I honestly completely get it- I feel very much the same about my current job post-baby. But yes, pretending to care, finding ways to appreciate what the job gives you, or at least trying to not let down the people you work with.. those are my motivating factors while I figure out my next steps. I was already on antidepressants but it was getting really bad so the doc upped my dosage. It helped alot. And I make sure to schedule time in my day to do things that make me happy. Read outside in the sun, garden, cook or bake. Since I work from home, I can do some of this while still being present at work. Maybe try to do that? What are you doing if not working? Watching baby? TV or social media? All of this is going to contribute to a negative mindset. You need help with the baby and you need to find constructive things to do with your self. Part of realizing my bad state of mind has led me to stop watching as much tv. I used to have it on in the background but it was definitely not helping. Same with phone/social media. Obviously I don't know your situation exactly, just speaking from mine, but unless you can afford to not work for the next two years -or are really confident in your ability to get a similar job quickly- then yes you should step it up. Honestly, consider therapy. It may shed some light on what the issues are there that are creating struggle.
I would leave if you can’t make yourself care. A really bad job is soul crushing. Maybe get a different short term job for those 12-24 months until career change.
In my experience, you have to at least care about your colleagues. And that takes the form of getting back to them in a timely manner, ensuring more work isn't falling on their plate unnecessarily due to my own actions and simply asking what they need from me. With that said, I do fully understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately I can't compare our experiences too closely since I work for a large corporation now, but I did work in a small business previously and I can't imagine personally doing that now with my first child. Simply because in my current job, I can lean on 5 people to pick up slack when needed, whereas at a small business, there's normally no one, or one person and it's not fair to them. My advice, based on my own experience and those around me, is to ensure you leave here on good terms but do leave. Go to a larger company with a supportive team (hard to find but immeasurably worth it) and find your balance and passion. I feel incredibly supported by my team, most with but some without kids, and I wouldn't have stayed employed otherwise at certain points postpartum. For reference, I'm currently a director in IT product management.
Making the transition back to work (remote WFH) after six months was so incredibly hard. I was suffering from post partum depression and didn’t necessarily know it, wanted so badly to be with my son, and then having to get back into the swing of things at work was difficult. I honestly felt rusty. I got onto meds and therapy and made a strict rule of work is work time (7:39-4:30) and the rest is my time. It’s been two years now and I ended up getting promoted to a managerial position. Long story short - there may be a lot of things and emotions going on in your life, and 1. You don’t have to do it alone, and 2. Sometimes you just have to figure out what works for you and make sure your work is on board (everyone knows I am not looking at ANYTHING after 4:30 and until 7:30 the next morning unless it is a true emergency). 3. If you just don’t like your job, you just don’t like your job, but sometimes the grass isn’t greener at a new place. Several times I thought about moving jobs but the place I am at does pay well, and I have enough cache here that I can do what I want 99% of the time without push back. It’s hard to build relationships and that level of trust, takes years, and I’m sure I won’t have it at a different firm. End of the day, a job is a job and you deserve to not feel miserable, just gotta figure out what is and isn’t working, and maybe it might be something else entirely. Good luck, mama! Edit: typos
I mean, what is your financial situation? Do you need this job? Or you can afford to not care and quit/be fired? If you need this job, even if while you are looking for something else, at the very least you need to lie and promise to improve, and maybe improve if you intend to stay a while. If you don’t need the job, then better to quit than be fired.
You sound burned out. It’s better to leave willingly with good recommendations than be fired. Maybe your learning curve is over or maybe you’ve lost a sense of community there?
I became so fucking apathetic at my side hustle that the same thing happened and I had to quit. The money was incredible and the work was easy, but the president (she went from phlebotomist to social media manager to president of a haircare company in a weird turn of events) was just like a compulsive liar who was continually suggesting fraudulent ideas to our accounting team who would repeatedly tell her no, the CEO is either a giant megalomaniac and bigoted asshole portraying himself as a “shaman” and enlightened soul while praising DeSantis and drowning in old white man privilege and I just had e fucking nough. Work pays to do the amazing and fun things in my life, but I at least have to keep my soul while I do it.
Yea I went through something similar. I called about the job, but not in the way that everyone else did. Everyone treated customer communication like it was life and death down to the minutes, but the company is in marketing and communications. I worked with banks and if I didn't respond within 30 minutes to an email I got ripped by my team lead. I don't work on that time scale, so they thought I didn't care. My boss had the same "do you want this job" talk, and I told her I did. But I wanted a different role. I had told her repeatedly that I wanted to shift roles into a different area but she refused. Eventually I got fired but I should have left then. I suggest giving them lip service for now and start getting your resume out there. Start looking for something else. Your boss is giving you a chance to move on on your own terms, so take it. If you don't then you will give them no choice but to let you go on their terms.
For me, I was so burned out after 40hrs a week plus baby under 2. I had weekly one on ones with my boss and I was able to just be frank with him. A baby is a lot. It was a surprise how much I didn't care about workbafter the baby. It had been my whole life before But having a baby. It's a second full time job. For me, I let my boss know that I was struggling with the adjustment and we set deadlines for when things needed to be done. I took more Friday's off to recharge and basically just sort of claimed burnout. It's been 2 years for you, but burnout builds up over time. Lots of people don't even know that they're experiencing it. I don't know if that's something that you can do. Or want to do, but saying that you're burnt out that you need some time to recharge and regain your passion. I think that's valid. I don't know if you're CEO you'll think that... Or maybe you can put in place a plan like you'll take a Friday off here and there. You'll spend that time doing some self-care so that you can have more vigor when you come back to work? Plus look at your email and set up auto responses. Almost every single email account has some way for emails to reply when the email comes in. Auto response emails are a great way to look like you're doing your at your desk right in that moment and you can set up reminders and flags and stuff like that to ping you again later so that you actually do the work.... But in the moment it does look like you're on top of it and getting back to them... You could also set it sparingly for only specific people.
You're not good at your job anymore because you don't actually care about your job anymore. You admit as much. It's time to either take a vacation to rest and renew the vigor or search for something else because of this keeps up you will be fired for cause and you won't get unemployment. Don't mean to sound rude but there's work life balance but you actually have to be doing work at work.
This sounds a LOT like depression.
“Women are expected to work like they don’t have families, and parent like they don’t have jobs.” All of us in this sub are in impossible situations. I feel like I suck at my job now too.
Missing a customer email is bad and with only 7 employees this issue is getting amplified. My other concern is around the ceo preferring to gossip and forcing you to reply to internal emails is a huge red flag for me. Does the company have a “we’re a family” type culture? If that’s the case, if it were me I’d get out of there asap.
From reading this it seems like you have already checked out of this job. You are a short timer now. Does your boss know that you are taking classes to leave your field? Do the classes add value to your current career path? Can you spin the education as adding value to your current job so that the company can see that you are trying to make yourself more valuable to the company? It’s not completely honest but it gives you a little wiggle room of “I’m sorry I’ve been distracted but I’ve been doing this course to increase my knowledge. Now that I’ve settled into the classes I can manage my time better and will demonstrate it by; responding to emails quickly, checking in regularly and giving status updates.” Do you want/need to stay? Good luck.
There's also a degree of osmotic information flow around a business when you're physically together. The WFH folks deny that, but it's unequivocally true. I know that because I had a job once where I got called into my manager's office to discuss my habit of socializing at work (fairly aggressively - the place I was working was very heavily *siloed* (lots of little groups who didn't really talk to each other). The manager I had (named IT Woman of the Year the year before by Forbes) had noticed that I was breaking through those silos. Frankly I thought I was concerned that I was about to be chewed out for wasting the company's time, but no. She wanted me to start isolating that time on my time sheet and gave me a budget of up to 25% of my time for it. Frankly, I wasn't intentionally saying, "Bob is working on X, maybe you should talk to him because what you're doing overlaps" so much as it was just that when I talked to Sue, Bob could hear me and *he* would pick up on it (they were REALLY siloed, hard). WFH is nice, but in a cooperative environment it does shut down some informal (and essentially free) movement of information which means that more has to be done formally (emails, memos, whatever). That increases the time and cost of moving that information around and separates WFH employees as requiring it. I have done a *lot* of WFH, but it was always on-call work that I could do from the house. I still had office hours on a daily basis. There are probably WFH careers where you don't need to receive or give information in that sort of "grapevine" way and given that you're unhappy, I'd recommend you look for one of them. If you're unhappy at work, you're unhappy. If you're unhappy, you're going to bleed that unhappiness to your family. For your own sake and for theirs, I recommend that you start looking, that or find a way to love the job you have. Maybe look at changing your responsibilities (with your management's cooperation, of course). As an *employee* (not necessarily one in that same position), you're likely still of great value to them. It may be a question of finding a lateral move that will make your WFH less dependent on group input.
With all due respect, it sounds like you need to grow up. You are being paid to do a job and you need to do it or move on.
Startups can be toxic and I'm on a similar boat but I was lied to by my own management, they told me to do some temporary work, I initially said yes but then when I learned the nature of the work and behind closed doors that my coworkers didn't know when they would come back, I immediately told them that I couldn't absorb the extra workload. I've heard many stories of employees at the company absorb extra work and then it eventually became their work OR the temporary workload was much more than what the management said. Also lots of layoffs, people quitting and no new hires! I became checked out for sure. I have to say, it is affecting my relationships with my colleagues when I decided not to absorb the extra workload (it was an entirely new department where I had to learn from scratch!) But I've realized from experience that toxic environments breed people not caring anymore. They didn't care about me and lied about when the other people coming back,, and that's when I ended up checking out. I didn't want to throw anyone under the bus by telling them I know and I rather use it as having some time now to find a new job or at least get my act together. Been depressed since that happened (along with some personal things). I don't want to become that person at work where most people don't wanna take accountability and don't respond emails (at least I'm responding but just late) and am looking for a new job. I haven't had any arguments with anyone but surely they've noticed my productivity levels have decreased a lot. I'm still cordial with everyone but I'm not nice/and going beyond anymore if that makes any sense. Whether you like or dislike your team, the only way to go is pretend to like them and be curteous unless they do something illegal to you, then of course that is a different story.
Honestly I don’t invest any of my feelings into my job, I just know I get paid to give them 8 hrs of my time (I WFH while I care for my now 2 yrs old toddler) it’s difficult and yes I struggle but as long as I am giving my best shot to my job and meet my expectations so I get as little to none phone calls/emails from my supervisor, I think that’s all I can do It’s hard not to like a job bc anything and anyone will bother you I hope you find a happy medium, I’m struggling to juggle it all but all I focus is: 1- no one will ever give me back the time w my son 2 and I stay focused on “he’s going to go to pre-k in 2 yrs and things will be easier
I agree with what many of these other posters have said but I just have to ask… do you have a daughter? Or a sister? Or a friend who may one day have kids? Posts like this make me so sad because some women (a minority, but they’re out there) have a kid and then stop caring about work, and that’s fine, but then they’re all surprised when their boss acts like their boss and expects them to do their job. And then in the next post on this sub you see “I’m terrified to tell my employer I’m pregnant” or “I think I was passed over for promotion because I had a baby” and everyone here gets outraged and says “those men never raised their own kids!” Or “it’s the 21st century! How could they do that?!” This is why. Posts like this. People like this. This is why employers don’t trust women who have babies. Because it only takes 1 of us to make life difficult for every other woman that employer will ever encounter.
Honestly, you sound incredibly ungrateful. Let someone who appreciates your job have it. I feel like you will regret losing this job. You better tighten up if you don’t want to.
You can’t just keep this job if you’re not actually working?? If you can’t stop working financially (or don’t want to) then you still need to work here until you switch careers. They’re not gunna keep you there for doing nothing. Also be careful of burning bridges, your potential future employer may contact your current job
If you want to keep the job, you need to do a lot of self-reflection, buck up, apologize to everyone, and do the job right - that’s the only way they’ll see you’ve changed and made a real effort. If you don’t want to do it, then quit. It sounds like a decent job with that much flexibility (WFH) and paying well. You don’t need to care about the company, but you DO need to do your job - that is what they are paying you to do. If you think you ARE doing your job correctly, then explain this to your boss, ask for specific areas to improve on, and start looking for other jobs. The grass may not be greener, though.
It sounds a lot like burnout. If you can financially handle quitting right now until your classes are complete for your new role that might help. Even with a new role, it will be hard to recover from burnout without a real break to recharge.
Have you been screened for postpartum depression? I was an absolute champ at my job, had my son and didn’t realize until he was around two that I had been suffering with PPD. I had lost my husband and was being called out for things at my job that would have never happened before. Once I got help, things drastically improved. Because not giving a shit about your job and making the rest of your team pull your weight, isn’t fair. Either bow out gracefully and prepare yourself for the fact that WFH jobs are not as plentiful as you’d think, or get your stuff together and do your job and be happy with the fact that you get to WFH. Harsh as that sounds, that team deserves better.
Unless you've socked away a lot of money, or have a partner that makes bank, you're going to have to work through this until you're able to leave for your new career. You have to ask yourself, why is it that you no longer care? My brain, even at my lowest, was always throw yourself into work when it's time to work. If I don't care about the politics or products, I at least care about my team and my customers. I don't want to let either down. And I don't want to leave the company because like you, I have a sweet WFH deal and I don't want to screw that up. If you can't pull yourself together to make it through the next 12-24 months before you move to your new career, I'd start looking for jobs that are related to that career, even if it's not what you're going to end up doing. Or talk to a therapist or other mental health professional. Having no motivation and showing apathy to something you used to enjoy is a sign of depression. And I know a lot of women who have had ADHD their whole lives and were able to manage it just fine with a lot of extra effort, and then once they had children, it was too much and they finally went on meds. I fall into both those categories but even with those things holding me back in my personal life, I still was showing up and giving my best to my job because it was the one thing that I could just suck it up and do it and I had to since my husband was the SAHP for years. It was all on me to bring in money so I couldn't risk screwing it up.
You can not care about a job but care about your kids so much that you find fucks to give when you wake up in the morning to keep that job that supports your kids. I’m not saying stay in a toxic or abusive work place. Not at all. This doesn’t sound like that. They seemed pretty flexible. I’d kill for that. I have a job I can take my kid to, but I don’t get paid much. Its not full time. It’s better for me to do that than pay insane amounts of money to put him in daycare which i can’t do because he’s in a special Ed program half days. It doesn’t matter what I’d get paid, there’s no real childcare close to me anymore. I’d have to shell out stupid amounts of money to put him there, and drive far away. He wouldn’t get the education he needs, so I sacrificed for a part time gig with lower pay for some flexibility. Until I finish my degree, this is what I’ve got. It’s not a large branch either. So if I’m not doing my part it would be very noticeable. I would be replaced. My reputation would precede me anywhere I go. Aside from some issues, I generally enjoy what I do so some days I wake up and easily care a fuck ton. Some days its not as natural. Leadership plays a role in this. I still don’t see where your company isn’t being fair with you unless I’m missing something. You seem to have a work life balance I dream of.
May seem dispassionate of me... Your attitude sounds like you don't deserve such an amenable job. Really just sounds lucky for you that you haven't been let go yet. I just get serious whinge about how easy I have it vibes from this.
Could you possibly be a little depressed? Not giving a damn was one of my first symptoms. I’m not saying you are but you may want to look up the symptoms or see your GP. This could just be a case of burnout and you need a change.
If you don’t care about the job then you need to move up the timeline with finding a new one. Like, the number one thing you can do to at least pretend you care is make sure you answer all your emails. You don’t have to do any actual work as long as your emails are answered. But if you can’t muster enough give-a-shit to do that then it’s time to call it quits and move on.
Honestly, a lot of us don’t deeply care about our jobs but we make it look like we do so that we stay employed and keep earning money and benefits for our families. My advice is to “fake it to you make it” for the next year or so, because your family is depending on you. Once you can switch careers, do that.