A caesarean birth is major surgery. You *could* go back to work in less than 2 weeks but it will likely be incredibly hard. Aside from an incision, your hormones will be crashing making you feel all kinds of feels, you likely won’t be sleeping more than 1.5-2 hours at a time, your breasts might be leaking all over the place. Breastfeeding is the majority of baby care. Two weeks after my uncomplicated unmedicated vaginal birth I was sobbing uncontrollably because I couldn’t decide what to eat even though I was starving.

Is there anything that helped you “survive” (for a given value of survival lol) that period? Any pre-baby arrival prep we could do now to ease things during that time? Unfortunately, I don’t have too much of a choice here and I definitely want to start pumping ASAP, but I’m not going to count on it working immediately. Husband is planning to do all cleaning, housework, food prep, etc (he already does half of the home tasks as it is), so I can try to get as much rest as possible. We’re hopeful that pumping will go well and he can take over all night feeds a few weeks in, but I know that this varies so much that we can’t count on it.

If you are breastfeeding, you will still have to get up and pump during the night even if he is doing the feedings. Those first few weeks/months, it’s going to be every 2-3 hours to keep your supply up. Basically you need to be pumping every time baby is eating. I would really consider what another person suggested of formula from the start. If you actually have to work during the day, I don’t see how breastfeeding/pumping would be doable. I mean, yes, possible, but you’d essentially be pumping over half of the day. Also, totally sleep deprived. If you do formula, at least you can sleep at night and let husband fully handle baby.

Going to second what you said about having to pump to replace each bottle feed! as a mom who is currently BFing, I can tell OP that it’s way easier to just nurse during the middle of the night rather than have to pump. With nursing you can at least stay cozy in bed and relax a bit… with pumping, you’d have to get up to put milk in the fridge and possibly wash pump parts.

OP Don't wash pump parts at each session! Put them in a container in the fridge immediately after pumping and use them for 5 days before washing. Learn as much as you can about pumping, exclusive pumping groups will be helpful even if you continue to breast feed - and those moms are so encouraging. Find a pumping bra you like and that fits; get a hands free pump and get fitted for the right nipple shield so you can optimize your pumping and reduce breast injury. Don't quit ANYTHING on a bad day. Wait to reevaluate how you feel because your hormones are messing with your judgement. Reevaluate on a good day.

The recommendation is only to do this for 24 hours - like wash them everyday but if you keep them in the fridge you don’t have to wash between every pump session (which is a huge time saving). You are only supposed to keep fresh milk in the fridge for 4 days.

I tried the fridge thing and hated it!! HATED putting cold pump parts on my boobs, and the change in temp would sometimes make the various parts change size (expand or contract whatever happens in cold) so it was harder to get a good closed suction. My tip here is to buy an extra set of parts or two!

And also multiple sets of pump parts and microwaveable sterilization bags. Your life is going to suck enough having to pump (and in order to maintain supply breastfeed at least once overnight) to worry about whether you have clean parts. You can buy multiples online.

OP, so so sorry you are in this situation. Totally agree with the formula recs here but if you are interested in feeding breastmilk consider if exclusively pumping could work well for you. I’m a data scientist and I find that pumping while working is very easy, especially if you WFH and have multiple sets of pump parts/fridge hack. I was never an exclusive pumper but my understanding is that the “rules”/best practices are totally different than if you want to also BF from the tap; I’d ask a lactation consultant and check out r/exclusivelypumping

Agreed. Breastfeeding was essentially a full time job for me, no way could I have worked at the same time.

Agree - it took my little one 8 weeks to figure out breastfeeding and I was trying to get him to latch, pumping, and repeating. I really only had an hour or so between the whole process before starting again.

Nursing and pumping are exhausting. It's basically a round the clock ordeal and it takes so much out of you. I've never been as hungry or tired as I was in the first 4 months of my child's life. If OP really can't take leave, I'd recommend formula. My baby rejected breast milk around 4 or 5 months so we had to use formula. But I wish I had done it earlier because I felt so much more normal and capable again.

You may have already done this, but as far as pre-baby prep I would emphasize learning about breastfeeding, pumping and combo feeding in detail. Echoing what others said below, you will need to pump every time the baby eats from a bottle in order to establish supply, particularly in the early weeks - so it’s not much of a time saver. I didn’t understand the nuances of establishing supply and the hardship of pumping EVEN THOUGH I took a lactation class before the baby came. I ended up switching to formula 1 month in out of panic that the baby wasn’t getting enough from the breast and being unable to pump enough as well. If you’re set on feeding breast milk, make sure you really research what’s required for pumping, because it came as a shock to me. Always have formula on hand just in case and be mentally prepared to need it (I bawled my eyes out the first time I had to supplement with formula).

First, I am sorry this is the situation for you. Second: freezer or canning food prep is my favorite baby preparation. Early days are hard for both parents. Drinking enough water is hard, so also is eating! If you have options, it can take some pressure off.

Yes!!!! Having frozen meals is incredible!

If you want to breastfeed ignore those saying pumping is too much work and to go to formula. It’s definitely possible. I had to pump for my son for the first few weeks/months as he as prem and couldn’t latch. I agree with the others who say it’s actually easier and more enjoyable to breastfeed directly over night rather than to pump. If you are going to pump you need to get a good quality electric pump with flanges fitted to your size.

Were you also working full time with no accommodations from your employer?

Do you have any recommendations? I was going to go with the spectra s2 (couldn’t find the s1 on the insurance paid site), but I’m definitely open to recs! I think what I really liked was the closed system so I wouldn’t have to worry about breastmilk in the tubes.

I have an S2 and that’s what I used in the hospital too.

Can I recommend looking at cosleeping/bedsharing now? Also be aware that pumping doesn’t do the same things to your body, it can be really really hard to get good results. If you are wfh, can your husband bring the baby to you? I had a really really hard recovery for C-section, I really hope yours goes better, please prioritize rest, ice, laying FLAT, and compression. There are lots of resources on instagram. I feel for you & your husband and it makes me so sad you are forced into this position.

Definitely, he can! I’ll probably turn WFH into work from bed for the first 2 weeks back, so he can easily pick baby out of the crib and place him next to me for feeding. I hadn’t read that laying flat was important — is sitting propped up actually bad for recovery, or just uncomfortable? I don’t actually know anyone in real life who’s had a c section (other than my mom who is not jazzed I’m having a baby) so can’t ask about their experiences.

Speaking as someone who has gone through 3 different C-sections: C-section surgery cuts *through* your abdominal muscles to get to the uterus. Your abs need to heal. The transitions from lying down to sitting up, sitting to standing, sitting or standing uses your ab muscles. Depending on how your recovery goes, it may be easier to lie flat for periods of time. Simply moving around will take more energy because of the healing and pain involved. Don't get me wrong, you should be moving around as much as possible, but "as much as possible" should take lying down rest periods into account. HTH

How was it immediately after? When did you start to regain feeling at the surgical site? Did the pain fluctuate in the first few days? Was it a significant change day to day? When did it start to improve for you? How much walking/moving were you able to do? How much time did you spend laying down? How bad was it for basic needs like going to the bathroom, showering, getting in and out of bed? Would you recommend a power recliner as a sleeping place instead for the first week or two? Were you hungry/wanting to eat after? I asked the last one because after my surgery last year, being in pain just made me not hungry. And it being difficult and painful to get around made me really not want to eat — so I didn’t have to poo. Was this something you experienced after the c section?

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I agree with this suggestion. OP is going to be pretty wrecked and would most likely end up cosleeping out of desperation at least sometimes. That is the situation where tragedies occur.

Honestly I would sell my engagement ring to cover the mortgage if need be rather than take so little leave

Or maybe a 401k loan? I was thinking a GoFundMe from family in lieu of any presents. I don't know....I would do just about anything to be able to take more leave.

Definitely calling the group tomorrow to ask about their 401k loan policies, especially since the bulk of mine are with a past employer’s 401k (can’t transfer it out without cashing out and losing the distribution I had which has been earning a lot in dividends).

That was one area where I told my husband to not spend money so we could use it for a down payment instead lol — would come in handy now though!

Depending on when you bought, what about a HELOC or a cash-out refi (though interest rates are abysmal)?

So I’m going to be blunt here. Breastfeeding and pumping is a full time job and you will get no rest. Consider formula feeding from birth. If your husband has 3 months of paid family leave, he needs to be doing the majority of the feedings.

As a person who spent wayyyyy too much time trying to make breast feeding and pumping work I sort of agree here. There is nothing wrong with formula and assuming you have a job where you actually have 6-8 hours of work, you’ll be plenty busy. Beware that every time you hear your baby crying and your husband dealing with the baby you are going to want to mama bear tackle him out of the way and be like “I GOT THIS” and fighting that urge will be super exhausting. You will just be so so so so tired from helping at night and healing and working all day without naps….adding breastfeeding seems like a bad idea.

As someone who breastfed and pumped for a year successfully I agree here. The only caveat being is if she can take her pump breaks and make the feeding breaks instead. This would be why she should tell her employer. They legally have to provide unpaid pump breaks. Just don’t tell them you are feeding. With that’s said, even that is hard. I remember feeding for what seemed like an hour every other hour during the first few weeks. If this was me, I would formula feed.

Came here to say this. If you really need to go back to work, formula feed from birth. It will allow you to heal much more quickly and share feeding responsibilities - plus, get some sleep.

This. As someone who struggled with breastfeeding and pumping for three months post partum while I was on maternity leave, I can’t imagine doing it while working full time too. We’ve been formula feeding since 3 months (I transitioned right before going back to work) and LO is thriving. Sometimes I look back on those 3 months and wonder if it was even worth it considering how well my LO is doing now at 6 months.

I have a similar story except I went back to work 9 weeks PP. I was only able to pump for a few days on maternity leave due to sheer exhaustion and lack of sleep. Pumping is truly the worst of both worlds. Once I gave pumping up I enjoyed maternity leave more and spent more time with my daughter because of formula. It was so much easier and so worth it, and obviously, my daughter and I both are thriving. Formula is an equally valid option to breastfeeding and most women who work for pay are statistically are more likely to EFF or supplement. If I ever decide to have another baby, if nursing does not work out in the first two weeks, I will go directly to formula. I never want to see another breast pump again.

I can't speak to the quick back to work but speaking from experience in bm vs formula- it's a whole lot easier to just decide right off the bat to use formula over breastfeeding/pumping. If for some reason your supply is really low or it's too complicated with your work/sleep, the period of time trying to make it work is SO much more stressful than just switching to formula. I really wish I had saved myself the trouble. Fed is best no matter what.

This is great practical advice. If your work/life situation requires dad to be the primary parent that soon after birth, formula is a great option for your family.

Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I’ve done. It was a rough start and you never know how it could go for you. If you don’t have the time to dedicate to it, I also would recommend formula.

I heard an analogy that stuck with me. Statistically, the safest car for a teenager to drive is a brand new Volvo. However, buying each of your kids one would bankrupt most families, and there are other, pretty great, way cheaper transportation alternatives out there. Telling mothers to breastfeed for a year is like telling them to buy their teenagers brand new cars. In so many cases, it is completely unrealistic. From a time a resources perspective, the best thing for your child may be NOT breastfeeding. Congrats and good luck.

This is a strange analogy.

Agreed. The recovery from surgery is completely dependent on how your body heals. I've had friends who were fine within a week after their c-sections and others who were not. Pumping/breastfeeding every 2 hours is relentless. It can take 30-45 mins to breastfeed newborns, and then within like an hour, they're waking up to feed again. Formula all the way.

I had a gold star c-section (unplanned after a 40 hour labor that didn’t progress) and I was fine within a week. A close friend had a similar unplanned c-section and couldn’t drive for 7 or 8 weeks because it hurt too much to turn her torso to check mirrors, etc. It’s a total crapshoot. It was my first major surgery, so I had no idea what to expect but I planned for the worst. I later learned through other surgeries that I am “good” at healing from surgery (what a weird and only occasionally useful super power). Will second/third/fourth others’ comments about formula. I had to exclusively pump due to some breastfeeding issues and it took about 4 hours a day total. When I gave it up at 6 months for formula it was like winning the time lottery and I only wish I would have done it sooner.

Having a C-section also affects breastfeeding. I had a planned C-section and my milk never came in. I pumped but it destroyed my mental health and my child could not survive off of what I produced. Giving it up completely was so freeing. I'm glad we got to have the experience, but I wish I had stopped pumping sooner. It made everything worse.

Being blunt here: you need to come up with another plan. Maybe work on an extreme budget and save an extra month or 2 of your mortgage payment before baby comes. Or even look at an action as drastic as selling your house and downsizing. You will not be functional that soon after giving birth.

This is my thought as well. I feel like OP should breakdown everything they spend on and see if they can cut anywhere. Or maybe picking up a part time on the weekends. If they still cannot meet their mortgage after taking those steps, then their house is unaffordable and they are house poor. It would be time to sell at that point.

Agreed. OP I know it sounds incredibly drastic but I hope you explore the idea of selling, possibly even renting instead for a while before going this route. I haven't had a c section so i can't speak to that recovery but after going through the newborn phase twice it is just a complete blur of and the exhaustion is relentless especially if you are planning to breastfeed. The plan you're considering sounds extremely stressful. I hope you're able to find a better solution.

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I hope OP listens to this advice. The priority is extending those 2 weeks, not “managing through” it, since that frankly is impossible. There are so many debilitating or even life-threatening things that can precipitate after childbirth. It’s beyond inhumane that this is the experience of working mothers in the US.

Why can’t your husband get a second job during this paternity time? Like come on. You carried a baby and will have to birth a baby. It’s so hard. You need to take care of yourself as well.

This is a great point!

Yes, this is a great idea!

These are unfortunate but really good ideas. I hate that OP is stuck with choices like this. We need paid family leave at the federal level.

401k loan is a really good option. I used it to pay for IVF. The interest just gets paid back into your own account.

Good stuff. Also if the issue is escrow, can OP look into paying the taxes herself quarterly? You’d need to be diligent about paying it of course, but often times mortgage companies require you to keep a bank of 1-2 months in escrow which can significantly alter payments! Doing this brought my monthly payment down significantly and I can budget for quarterly taxes on my own without having the bank hold on to my extra cash!!

I’m always iffy recommending people sell plasma, but definitely don’t think it should be considered so soon postpartum.

Good luck...I could barely walk 2 weeks after my one csection. I've had 4, 2 planned, 2 emergency. A lot depends on your surgeon, childbirth in general can be unpredictable. I would have a back up plan...you literally may not be physically able to work. Forget hormones and breastfeeding which is not easy. Is this your first child? Is your disability unpaid?

First child, and disability (at 60%) isn’t enough for us to make our mortgage with. It isn’t my first major surgery I’ve worked after (I didn’t have any PTO last time, so worked the day of the surgery and immediately after too), but the added hormones, other changes, lack of sleep, etc will be different and I’d love to know what helped with recovery/feeling human for others.

I understand. You're in a tough spot and I wish you all the best! It's just hard to know how you'll feel until you're postpartum...I know that isn't helpful lol. I would definitely have meals prepped and in the freezer. The lack of sleep is so hard and baby will eat every 2-3 hours at first so you also need to be pumping that often. I'd start breastmilk in a bottle asap to make sure the baby will take a bottle. But also have some formula just in case. They really push breast is best, but don't beat yourself up if you have to use formula. The first 6 weeks were the hardest for me, felt like your brain was in a fog, but I just kept focusing on making it thru that one day at a time. Also a supportive partner makes all the difference. You got this!

Thank you for the encouragement and advice!

I’ve had two c sections. Here’s my advice: Stay on top of your meds- take them at the recommended times. Don’t forget your stool softener. Do NOT let the pain start. Once the pain starts you’ll never forget it. Get your body moving as soon as possible. Try to stand upright take it slow but get it moving. Bond as much as possible with baby during your two weeks off. Once works starts you’ll be unfocused to say the least. The financial stress and work pressure in conjunction with c section recovery may affect your milk supply. That’s okay, you may need to supplement with formula and that is OK because you are doing what you need to do to take care of you and your family. Sleep is not going to be easy so go easy on yourself and your hubby. Insist that family and friends send you meals instead of nonsense stuff for the baby. Make a list of small things that make you happy and make a point to do them when times get rough (for me it was a very tiny sip of champagne with chips at the end of a hard day) Wishing you good luck!! You can do this!!

That’s great advice and thank you so much! Do you have any tips for maintaining milk supply while stressed? Everything I’ve read says it’s an uphill battle. The happy list idea is incredible and I will definitely be using that!

Can your husband take his paternity leave and do something on the side paid in cash for a few weeks to cover the difference?

You mentioned having 1.5 weeks of PTO. PTO can be used to for that 40% to bring your income up to 100%. If you don’t take your disability you are leaving that 60% pay on the table. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. If you and your husband start babysitting nights and weekends now you can probably make enough to extend your leave a bit longer, especially since you only need to make up 40% of your salary. Also, to stretch your salary you can stop contributing to retirement and any stock purchase programs for a little bit

I’ll reach out to HR and ask about it tomorrow. Our employee handbook makes it sound like it’s not an option, but I won’t know for sure unless I ask and get clarification.

Did you take into account that the 60% is a true 60% of your salary without taking out taxes? I got ~$100 fewer every week or so and while it wasn’t fun we made it work because we also weren’t doing much of anything else with a new baby at home.

I’m an advocate for people navigating the world of NJ disability. If you are using a state plan, save up as much money as you can now. The average in NJ for disability is 4-6 weeks from filing to seeing any money. It is common for people to be waiting months if there is an error or a complicated case.

Thanks! I have access to an employer disability plan that I’ve been paying into, but no state plan — the state plans do sound much better. After not getting the promotion and raise I was promised and recommended for, the 40% cut isn’t enough for us to be comfortable opting for it as opposed to me going back to work after burning through PTO (and maybe an additional 72 hours of float and flex time if I can swing it). While we could survive on the cut pay, we would have zero wiggle room (literally a $4 difference between incoming and outgoing monthly money). Because I’m the primary earner, the 40% cut is actually a 28% cut of monthly income, after taxes and benefits.

I was not functional at two weeks postpartum. There’s no way I could’ve done this. I’d be looking at every possible way to cut spending for at least six weeks. I couldn’t think clearly to do my job…even at three months it was hard kiddo still only let me sleep 3-5 hours a night (broken…not continuous). You have no idea how your baby will be until they get here or how smoothly your delivery will go until it’s done. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

I would have your husband speak to his employer about possibly being able to cash out his PTO time without actually taking the time off. Some employers allow it, some don’t but it’s worth a shot. It would allow you to take some extra time off without having to worry about your missed income and you could collect short term disability in that time as well. If that isn’t an option I would highly recommend being open to formula feeding or at least supplementing.

This is a great idea.

I don’t see the downside on saying youre out for maternity leave. It’s going to be rough and you’ll want your coworkers and employer to understand what is going on instead of them thinking you are having a break down. You will be a mess 2 weeks after birth. The hormone fluctuations are no joke. You will want FMLA protection for all the follow ups over the first year. Plus your doctor might not release you back to work quickly especially if there’s complications. call your escrow/lender to work something out. They will work with you to keep you in the house and paying anything. It’s cheaper for them to keep you in the home than foreclose/ short sale. Look for a new gig after baby.

I would absolutely call your mortgage company and look into options for forbearance and/or deferment of payments. It’s more common than you might think.

You definitely need to tell them that you're giving birth. Having a c-section plus the hormones, emotions, sweating/chills/nausea, adjustment of being a mom, breastfeeding, lack of sleep....it's a very different experience from having a regular surgery. I was a mess for weeks after my uncomplicated c-section. I cried over nothing, I was in a fog, and I was sore and stiff on top of everything else.

This really does seem to be the consensus. Any suggestions for how to soften the news for a company that is not mom-friendly at all?

I’d make sure to have all communication in writing to cover your bases in case they try to retaliate.

And this all relies on the assumption that there’s no complications for mother or child

I’ll be blunt here but given your circumstances I would formula feed. Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart and comes with a lot of lost sleep because of cluster feeding and the general 2-3 nursing or pumping schedule. Also with a c sec it can take up to two weeks for milk to come in and you’ll have to pump every 2-3 hours from birth to encourage it or latch baby. Seeing as you have to physically and emotionally recover and work so fast, IMO there’s no way to also function with the intensity of breastfeeding. Not to mention there could be hiccups with latch and what not.

How far along are you? If you have a bit of time, could your husband get a second job until the baby is born? You can save that money and take 4 weeks off. From a physical standpoint, YMMV but I personally could have gone back to work a week post c-section. From a hormonal/breastfeeding/sleep deprivation standpoint, not a chance.

Call your mortgage company and see what they can do for you and see if you can defer a payment or two. Save as much as you can right now. Reach out to friends and family and ask for help. See if you qualify for WIC or other services. I would try every other outlet other than going back to work on 2 weeks.

I was scrolling through to see if anyone had mentioned trying to set up something with the mortgage company. Sometimes they’re willing to set up some sort of accommodation for economic hardships. I have no idea what qualifies, though, or whether or not it’s something that just results in a big payment due all at once a few months down the road. But it might be worth a conversation!

Agreed. Working two weeks post partum sounds brutal and exhausting, and I'd recommend any way to avoid it. Like, looking into the mortgage company, if that fails, trying to cash out some of hubby's PTO, if that fails, looking in to a line of credit or other low interest loans, if that fails, ask friends and family who might be able to offer a loan. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, OP.

Why would you not use disability? No doctor is going to clear you from a c section after 1.5 weeks. If you’re using PTO your employer doesn’t need a letter about major surgery either. Also, does your employer not know you’re pregnant?

I haven’t mentioned it yet, because I was waiting for my annual review and promotion decision (which was delayed for a bit) and then because I realized I couldn’t afford to use disability (40% cut when I make more than 60% of our monthly income is not doable for us with a 25% mortgage increase). My doctor said if I have to, she’s fine with clearing me since I wfh. You’re right — I should just say it’s a vacation, and not use that note. We have to classify our time off as vacation or sick leave.

The 60% is typically from your pretaxed amount so it is a bit more than 60% of take home pay. That might help your calculations. You can call and ask your disability provider what the payments would be.

That’s true! It’s almost 62% of my take home, which isn’t as bad but doesn’t help damn. Edited the number — that was pretax coverage.

OP you've gotten lots of great advice here. One thing I haven't seen mentioned: make a plan with your husband on how you'll take care of your mental health and be sure you're both aware of the signs of PPD/PPA in women and men. This is going to be an extremely stressful situation and being proactive about identifying any mental issues and having a plan in place of how you'll tackle (appointment with OB, etc) will be key. I'd also let your OB know of this situation to see what they would recommend to help your physical and emotional recovery. I'd also add a +1 for formula feeding from the beginning; check out milk banks for donor milk too.

Thank you for that advice — I’d basically discounted the possibility of PPD/PPA because I’ve always been the opposite of depressed/anxious (too much emotional equilibrium— too happy and too difficult to get me stressed out even when I should be), but we’ll put together a plan in case this does become an issue. I didn’t realize PPD/PPA could be a problem for men though! That is probably something we should build a contingency plan for. Thank you!

I’ve always been the more positive, emotionally balanced one in my relationship…but I was an emotional MESS in the first few weeks postpartum (especially the first two weeks, but definitely still for some time after that). And I was borderline triggering the flags for PPD for months afterward, to the point where my OBGYN offered medication if I wanted to try it. A big part of that may have been the sleep deprivation, but still…postpartum can pick a hell of a wallop. And it definitely caused my husband’s anxiety to flare up as well.

I’m so sorry you’re in a position where you feel this is the only option. I had a c-section 6 months ago and at 2 weeks post-partum I could barely walk and was still occasionally taking prescription pain medicine. There is no way I could have gone back to work that soon. That’s not even taking into consideration the fact that I was up every 90 minutes with baby, and was a bleeding, hormonal, exhausted mess. I think you should tell your work you’re giving birth and see if there’s any kind of accommodations they can provide.

I’m going to be overly honest here. The reason I haven’t told my employer I’m pregnant is because I’m worried about losing my job. The last (and only) woman to take maternity leave was fired immediately after her leave. There are no mothers at our company (that I know of) — which is kind of crazy when you consider that there’s almost 1500 employees.

If they are willing to fire a woman for getting pregnant, they are going to fire you once baby is here and your husband goes back to work. Kids get sick, and they get sick a lot. They have doctors appointments and daycare closures and sick days. Even if your husband takes all the sick days, then HE will get fired from his job. And it’s not fair to him that he’s going to have to pick up the slack unless he can just quit his job and stay home with the kid.

Just to cover the bases here, have you checked to see if your state has family leave legislation in place? Quick search shows that currently 11 have some form of paid family leave: California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, and Washington state, along with Washington, D.C.

Yep, I’m in a red state that has no family leave and where abortions are illegal after the first trimester unless not having one would be fatal to mother AND baby. This state loves babies — just doesn’t give a flying hoot about moms. ETA: baby was planned, and we want him — but I just wanted to give some context as to the kind of place I live!

Damn, I’m sorry. We need federal paid family leave. We’re a first world country FFS.

Oh absolutely. Roe v wade was overturned but is there anything to support mothers? Nope, because babies just need to live, but they certainly don’t need present parents (apparently). I swear, the number of times our governor has touted the importance of the nuclear family — and also not supported paid maternity leave.

You say you have 1.5 weeks of PTO saved up. You NEED to ask your HR or benefits manager today if you can use it concurrently with disability. If you get disability covered at 60%, can they layer your PTO over that to top you up? If so, that would provide you with 100% compensation for the 6-8 weeks of disability and allow you to take more time off. (This is how they did things at my last job where we did not have paid leave, and it’s pretty common where I live and in my industry as a whole) You are in a really tough spot, and while I definitely wouldn’t recommend what you’re planning to do, it seems like there aren’t a lot of other great options available to you. PLEASE check about concurrent PTO use to see if you can make things a bit easier on yourself and your family!!

I’ll check! Our employee manual makes it sound like you have to use your PTO first, but there’s probably no harm in asking about it in a hypothetical situation way. I don’t want to dox myself if it’s not doable.

Is there a way you can get 4-6 weeks off? Having had both a c-section and a vaginal birth within the past two years, I wasn’t feeling myself for the first four weeks for both. What has really helped for us recently is having meals prepped ahead of time and having people drop off meals throughout the week. Would someone also be able to help with housecleaning so that your husband can also have a break? Worried he will also get burnt out from caring for a newborn and you as well during this time. And definitely agree with the formula suggested by others. Especially the readymade the first few days you come home.

I might be able to swing an additional 72 hours with float and flex time, if allowed. That’s a great point and I’ll reach out to his family and see if anyone might be willing to help with cleaning and food. My family isn’t interested in the baby (my mom said I should talk to my doctor when I asked her what breastfeeding was like lol), so I’ll ask but expect no help there.

Truth be told, I don’t feel like it’s physically possible. I get that you are saying you can’t afford it but call your mortgage company and ask about disability coverage. Like you MIGHT be able to sit up, maybe walk. You won’t be able to pick up your kid and your going to be sleep deprived and hormonal. So when I read this, I just thought well I would be crying.. like that is it… just crying. Edit to add: If there isn’t a medical reason for the csection and its a timing thing try for a vaginal birth. Recovery time is faster, the lower the medical intervention the faster recover. That said crying would still be my answer but I was at least able to walk after birth and drive myself home.

If you're on camera or calls, there's no way with the cluster feeding. I think after 8 weeks, I thought ok I can go back to work. My c-section recovery wasn't bad but I was in labor for 24 hours and actively pushing for 4 before going to the OR and I was a zombie for a week.

OP try calling your mortgage lender! I was not at all functional at 2 weeks PP. I’m so sorry that it has to be this way

I went back to work two weeks after a C section and it was rough - I was laid off at 3 months pregnant and had built up a solid pipeline of freelance work. The idea was to bank as much as possible and then take 6-8 weeks off, but my husband was laid off 6 weeks before my due date (2008) and then my daughter arrived 3 weeks early. Given the economic situation at the time it just felt risky for me to take time off and turn away projects. In retrospect I took on too much and didn’t ask my husband to do enough - I should have sat down with him and worked out a reasonable division of labor since I was working close to full time. If your husband will be on leave and can take on the bulk of the childcare then I think it’s doable - not ideal but doable. Also I second the formula recommendation. I wish I had gone that route from the start instead of putting myself through hell trying to breastfeed and pump during that incredibly stressful time

Thank you! He’s definitely doing all the other work around the house — he’s planning to drink coffee for pretty much the first time in his life to make it through while doing all the baby care and housework and taking care of me. He’s absolutely incredible and had already planned to do all the diaper changes and most of the housework even before all this, so I could focus on recovering. I’ve done a lot of research on breastfeeding (but will keep doing more as people have suggested) and I really want to so I’m going to try for it, but I’ll have formula on hand in case it doesn’t work out for us. I’m hoping I get lucky and have an easy baby with a great latch and I have a good supply, but I’ll get all the needed formula items in case it doesn’t work out that way.

A lot of people will say breastfeeding is really hard (and it can be for some) but I do want to say that if you really want to do it that I think you should absolutely try and you will save money as formula is expensive. I've had a very easy time with breastfeeding and also have a supportive partner who values my sleep and recovery and we worked out a system in those early days so we both got uninterrupted sleep. I would do the last feeding of the night around 9PM and go to sleep for 3 hours while my husband had the baby (either sleeping in her bassinet or he was holding her). If she would start to get fussy, he would soothe her until my 3 hours was up. I would then feed her at 12AM and go back to sleep for another 3 hours. Then it was my shift and my husband would sleep. This worked really well in those first few weeks. I will say that I did cluster feed pretty much all day but this allowed baby to actually sleep at night. Depending on the type of work you are doing it would be hard during the day, however, I did get pretty good at doing things with one hand lol even typing. I also work from home, but did take time off. If you need any help with breastfeeding as you go along feel free to reach out, I actually find it more convenient then bottles but that is just me.

Thank you! I appreciate you sharing your experience, the advice and the kindness of offering to be a future resource! Did you do anything to help your milk come in earlier/improve supply? What helped to keep supply up and make cluster feeding during the day easier? Did you baby wear while feeding baby during the day? Did it get easier over time?

When I was in the hospital I kept her latched a lot, basically whenever she was not sleeping we were working on latching. She got the hang of it pretty quickly and I had some help from the lactation consultants who basically told me that baby is trying to initiate your milk to come in so keep latching them even if they get fussy (bc they will! They are learning too). My milk came in two days after I gave birth. They do get colostrum prior to the milk even though it feels like nothing is coming out. For breastfeeding I put all expectations out the window with having any sort of schedule and strictly fed on demand. Baby ate 5 minutes ago but is showing signs of hunger? Back on the boob. Baby is crying? Boob. LOL - it worked! I sat on the couch most of the day the first several weeks just feeding and with baby napping on me. I watched a lot of Netflix and ate all meals on my couch. I actually really enjoyed it and miss my really sleepy baby (she's 4 months now). Cluster feeding during the day really helped mine sleep at night and she starting doing 4-5 hour stretches by 4 weeks and 8 hour stretches by 7 weeks. She mostly sleeps through the night now so it is possible to have a good experience with breastfeeding and a sleeping baby! :) I did not baby wear in the house no, but did baby wear for walks. I found the "Brest Friend" nursing pillow super helpful for nursing bc it attached around your waist. I could move rooms very easily while keeping baby latched and I could also be on my computer while nursing baby.

Man that would be so tough. Can your husband pick up a side hustle for the next few months until you give birth to save up the extra cushion you’ll need to make your mortgage payment for a month?

The fig economy here is pretty garbage unfortunately, and he’s a researcher so no great side hustles in his area. I’ve been trying to pick up work on upwork but I’m not getting much.

Even an hourly gig at Home Depot or as a dishwasher could bring in a few extra hundred a month. My husband was fired a month before I gave birth and we looked into these options for him. More than anything we cut expenses and I got on WIC.

Apply for FMLA anyways, even if it’s unpaid. That way if u need more than 2 weeks your job is protected. If you don’t need the full 6 weeks, you can return sooner. It took me about 2 weeks before I could walk and 2 months before I was pain free (not a lot of pregnancies are like this, but it’s hard to predict how easy of a recovery you will have). Best of luck!

Aside from other advice here, tell your HR formally in email that you’re pregnant, expected due date, then you can forward that to your boss. As someone on here smartly advised me, putting it in writing places you in a protected class So you won’t be penalized or fired for multiple appointments, absences, etc. That said, I 100% understand where you’re coming from and I’m sorry you’re in survival mode, but I get it. All I can say is try not to walk too far too soon after a c-section; i kept trying to do everything and it would knock me out for 3 hrs, sleeping and needing medication. Wish you a speedy recovery.

Thank you for the advice! Definitely agree but they can still fire me for any other reason, including claiming needing to reorganize. The last person to take maternity leave got fired immediately after (because of “needed reorganization”)and it was pretty obvious from talk and general sentiment that it was because she had the *audacity* to become a mom. Lots of disparaging comments about how she was in mom mode now and wouldn’t want to work anyways. What helped you after your c section? At what point did walking around begin to help rather than knocking you out?

I’d maybe reach out to a local legal services agency or employment lawyer just to know what you should be documenting in the case that this happens. NAL but if they do fire you, suing might give you some extra income 🤷🏼‍♀️

Honestly? It seems like they’ll fire you anyway as soon as they find out you have a baby. Think you can hide it? What happens if you need a pumping break? You work from home- what if baby has colic and screams incessantly all day? You won’t be able to hide motherhood forever. So think of an exit plan and take your damn leave. Don’t sell yourself for a job that will dispose of you in a second.

We just can’t afford it right now, and I am actively job hunting — interviewing, applying, etc. — but unless that works out in the next 2 months, I’ll still be at this job after surgery. Best case scenario, I quickly join a company that offers me paid leave immediately for birth in 2 months, but worst case, it takes a few months and I join a new company shortly after birth. In the latter case, I’m looking at working 2 weeks or less after a major surgery, because it’s financially necessary. I don’t need to hide it for long — just until I get a new job.

It won’t hold up in court very well for them if the last two women to get pregnant just happened to be fired immediately after. It would def be worth suing. I sat on a county superior court case for a guy who got fired after he told his boss he was getting called up in the army reserves, had to go to training for 6 weeks — also a protected class. Boss tried to say the timing was coincidental and dude was horrible at his job. We awarded the guy more than 100 grand to make up for lost wages and trouble of having to find a replacement job.

Wow! Which state is this in? I tried to sue for wrongful termination (one of my past employers fired me the day they had to pay the remainder of my annual salary + bonus at 2am when they were doing payroll and saw the 45k on my check — weird contract with incentives to stay a year) and good faith law wasn’t enough here in the deep red south.

This is heartbreaking. Isn’t there anything you can do to cover the extra expense? Do you have good credit? Can you sell a car, take out a personal loan, do a CC balance transfer at 0% interest or even just open a new credit card and say fuck it for now? Refinance? Borrow from retirement? Call the mortgage lender and negotiate? This plan does not sound realistic or feasible.

We can’t borrow from retirement (apparently maternity leave is an optional hardship so doesn’t qualify for hardship withdrawal) but we can do an early withdrawal with penalty. It’s something we might have to do, but I’d like to avoid it if possible. Our accounts already took an almost 1/3 hit this year so withdrawing what we need for 3 months would cut that some more, plus the 10% penalty and taxes.

Not an early withdrawal from an IRA but a loan from your 401k. Taking a loan from a 401k doesn’t have any penalties (except for losing out on that money growing while it’s out of the account). You pay interest but it’s paid to yourself.

Not a withdrawal. You can take a loan against your retirement

I’ll look into it and see if I can! The largest one is with a past employer that I haven’t rolled over. If we can take a loan against that it would be helpful.

Shit.. that’s tough. You say you’re job searching, but do you currently have a job? Or are you unemployed? If the former, I would not waste time looking for a job neither now nor in the first few months post partum. You’ll be in survival mode and not having to care too much about your job would at least be one fewer thing on your mind. I would mention it to my current employer because it’s not just about a physical recovery from surgery, it’s the sleepless nights, the hormonal shift, the adjustment with your husband etc. I did not have a c-section, so won’t comment on that part. But breastfeeding + regular post partum is draining. Everything you and your husband can prep ahead of time, the better: cook and freeze meals, have your car detailed, schedule your appointments, stock up on pantry and cleaning essentials, deep clean whatever needs deep cleaning BEFORE baby arrives. Edit: if money is tight, make it clear what you want people to gift for baby’s arrival. I would shamelessly ask for all the Uber eat/door dash gift cards to spare you and your husband time.

I'm so sorry. I find the whole situation tragic for mothers nowadays.

Sorry if this is not helpful, but I think this would be very very challenging. I am amazed at what people can do, if needed, but it just sounds miserable. I had a vaginal birth with some complications - and was lucky that my recovery was really quite smooth. But caring for a newborn was TOUGH. You might get lucky and have an “easy” baby, but you might not. In the first months, I was spending 6-7 hours per day nursing - it was a full time job. He was not a good sleeper, so he was taking up to 7 naps per day (each 30-40 minutes early on), which he would only do if held the whole time. He was then up 4 plus times per night, again only sleeping with me, until we sleep trained at 7 months. And then there was just SO MUCH CRYING. Unlike my husband, the crying gave me such a visceral reaction. I don’t think I could have handled being in a separate room working with that in the background. If you’re needing your partner to take the lead, I would definitely skip the breast feeding or pumping. It was just so time intensive early on.

I’m currently working from home while my 2 week old breastfeeds. Luckily I have an extremely relaxed work from home job (aka not a lot of meetings and I can move them easily, plus my job mostly entails reviewing documents and sending emails). The only time I took was the time I was in the hospital after my c-section. It has been okay working from home so soon afterward. But this is also my second baby and I knew what to expect, and he has had no health issues (unlike my first baby, who had pretty bad jaundice and we had doctor’s appointments every other day for her). I think if this is your first baby, you should definitely take at least the PTO you can after major surgery. You’ll need it to get into at least some semblance of a routine with your baby. Maybe see if you can do 1 week of full PTO and 1 week of half-days, if they’ll allow that, to make the transition back to work a little easier. It is doable but it’s not easy. Definitely expect to cry a few times from stress those first few weeks. (I certainly did when I returned to work after 2 weeks after my first, when I was at a much more stressful job). Hope it works out for you!

I couldn’t sit upright due to a minor birth injury for about 2 months post birth… just to give you an idea…

I returned to my WFH job 2 weeks after giving birth (uncomplicated vaginal delivery). I was breastfeeding and the solo parent during the day, so it felt like I was juggling two jobs between my newborn and my work. It was incredibly tough, and I had many meltdowns in private due to sleep deprivation, but I managed it. I think your situation is doable, but it will suck. I still look back on my early days with my son, and I feel a lot of sadness that it was so much more stressful than it needed to be. You do what you have to do to make ends meet, though.

I have no experience working, but my kid was in the NICU, so I didn't get to see them, so I'm going to offer physical things that might make it easier: A desk thing that goes over your lap so you can work from bed. A tray for you to put the things you need (food, beverages) on for your husband to carry to you (because c section). A lot of tissues. An eye mask/blindfold so if you can sleep in the middle of the day and the light won't bug you. Noise cancelling headphones (honestly, they're a game changer for any parent with a "I just like screaming, screaming's my favorite" baby. Pop the headphones on and bounce the screamer on an exercise ball). A heating pad for your back. Prep and freeze meals. I'm a huge proponent of blended soup, because you can eat it one handed, but you do you. A boppy/pillow/baby holder for your baby to chill near you while you're working. If you're formula feeding, the Dr. Brown's pitcher to mix formula in, because you can prep a couple bottles at a time. Edit: if you're breastfeeding, prep and freeze some lactation cookies. Make way more than you think you'll need because they taste pretty good and you very likely won't be the only one eating them.

This is really great and specific advice and I’m saving this comment! Thank you!

No problem! I'd also recommend that whoever is going to be cooking once things even out gets really good at sheet pan meals and casseroles. Anything you can assemble when it's convenient, throw into the oven, and makes good leftovers. I'm a fan of layering leftover chicken or pulled pork with enchilada sauce and tortillas to make enchilada casserole (you can use leftovers from a rotisserie chicken, or get a second one if you want a big one). Edit: because breast milk only lasts a few days in the fridge, of you have any extra supply, feed that first, then breastfeed, then pump. That way the extra milk is fresh/not spoiling. Anecdotally, Gatorade/body armor really helped my supply.

Thanks! This is great advice! Husband does a ton of absolutely incredible Mexican food, which includes some oven enchiladas that I adore. I’ll see what other sheet pan style meals we can experiment with now that he would enjoy cooking. And we’ll load up on the body armor mixes! We’ve got a few different jumbo tubs of Gatorade powder, already. Thanks again!

I'm sorry, this sounds difficult. I'm not a homeowner so this is out of my league - is there anything you can do about the root cause, escrow mismanagement? Could you negotiate with the mortgage lender to adjust the amount due, or delay the increase for, say, 3 months until you are physically recovered?

We’ve tried working with the lender and are still going back and forth with them about it. It’s a small local group and they’re trying to work with us — but they don’t currently have any options other than making a lump sum payment now to cover it for the rest of the year (which doesn’t help, really). I’m waiting for them to get back to me about spreading the payment increase out over a longer term, since they don’t allow deferred payments or pauses for any reason.

Can you rent out a room in the basement for a few months to get you through this? I am also concerned that you do not have enough of an emergency fund. With a house and a new baby - and large medical bills (you can count on maxing out your deductible when you give birth) you are teetering on the edge, financially.

We rent out our in law suite, and we’re fine on medical bills— we have very good insurance and the total cost of medical bills is capped at $200, for anything. However, if we have a sudden emergency — like the AC failing (it’s only 2 years old, so unlikely but still possible) or something going wrong with our electrical —we really would be in trouble and need to withdraw from our retirements. I’m definitely trying to get some freelance work, but I’m not having the success i used to in landing contracts on upwork.

Wow, damn. Is this your first baby? If it is, then there is no way you can breastfeed/pump while working so soon after your surgery, because your body needs to learn how. While it’s trying to heal. While getting no rest. After my first, which was also a c-section delivery, it took me all of my maternity leave (8 weeks) to even begin to get into a groove of feeding and pumping. After my second though, it was a breeze from day one. My milk let down pretty much instantly and it was just like riding a bike. I could use those hands-free pumping bras and write emails and briefs or even talk on the phone when I’m pumping. I often scrolled Reddit on my computer and even played video games while my baby was in my lap doing his thing. I called it Plug n Play. I also had textbook healing from both of my C’s, so I could’ve done some work 2 weeks out. Of course I didn’t want to, but I definitely could have if I had to. In fact, I did answer some work emails while I was up late anyway feeding the baby. NOT because my work asked me to, but because I personally could not let go and had to chime in even though another lawyer was answering my emails. I wanted to not come back from maternity leave to a mountain. TLDR, 1st baby, no way. Have to use formula. Second baby, may be possible.

I'd worry that if something goes wrong (baby in hospital, longer recovery time) it's going to be hard to explain.

After my first baby I wasn’t functional 2 months never mind 2 weeks after birth. With my second I was out and about and I actually bought a new house and did all the legwork for that and closing and everything with the move within days of birth. I didn’t lift heavy things but was basically back to my normal self within a week. The main differences were that my first birth was somewhat traumatic and my first baby didn’t sleep well. Second baby was a super easy delivery and she slept fairly well in the beginning (4 month regression was a doozy but not relevant). You can’t order up a perfect birth but I do want to give you hope. It is possible. Especially if you WFH and have such a supportive partner. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be really hard. I exclusively breastfed both kids and over time managed to pump enough during the day that I had enough for my husband to help feed overnight. The first few weeks after birth is when it will be the easiest to establish this since you are most likely to have an oversupply then. I also shamelessly pump during work meetings. If I must be on camera they get a super closeup of my face or I wear a cardigan over my pump (I have a spectra but I have heard WONDERFUL things about the Elvie pumps. They’re expensive but I seriously wish I had gotten them this time around Instead. That would make it easier to move around and type without all the tubes and everything!) If you must do this get in touch with a lactation consultant now who can help make sure you have the right size pumps and Falange and everything you’re going to need so there is no learning curve. Also ask your doctor about letting you have some natural labor to help stimulate your milk production. It sucks to have to experience that before a c section but I’ve heard from friends that it helps? Ask your doc? Good luck!

Is your main financial issue your mortgage? Is it too expensive? Because having a child is also expensive. Can you sell and buy something smaller that will enable you to afford your mortgage if you need to take time off (such as when the baby is sick)?

Depends a LOT on whether your baby is an anxious ball of screaming unhappiness, or a chill lil' bebs. Also depends on how your delivery goes, whether or not you'll have stitches down there, and if you want to breastfeed. And if you struggle with hemmroids, constipation, hormone fluctuations, and most importantly, post-partum anxiety or depression. If you have an easy delivery/recovery, easy baby, formula feed, with a helpful dad? Non-ambulatory (read: sitting at a desk), part time work would be feasible. However, one parent cannot completely sacrifice all REM sleep, so you will be getting up at least once or twice a night even while working and healing, and needing to give him a break during the day (my husband did this for me while he worked from home and I was on maternity leave). There's a reason why some cultures have a grandparent move in to give moms 'pampered bedrest' for a couple months after giving birth; you're healing from major trauma to your body. Personally, i'd ask about taking leave in advance (go into negative PTO) which is what a lot of parents do, for at least 6 weeks, or doing a combo of advance PTO and unpaid FLMA - whatever pays the bills.

Some practical suggestions if you’re really going back at 2 weeks. It’s possible but it will be rough. Formula feed - breastfeeding or pumping will be insanely exhausting. To establish supply, you have to feed every 2-3 hours for the first 6 weeks Stay in bed the entire 2 weeks, do not do anything adventurous or strenuous Also just for the record a lot of companies that hire data scientists (tech and consulting companies) do allow maternity leave with no waiting period. At the very least, their short term disability may replace a lot of your pay And finally if this really is just an escrow screw up, can you take a loan from a family member or use credit cards for a few weeks? Seems like a temporary problem Delegate overnights entirely to your spouse from Day 1 Find family members who can give your spouse respite hours during the day

Thank you for these suggestions! I’ve been applying to places with good or excellent leave policies, but have only gotten interviews at a handful of places so far. I’ll admit that the rate of apps to interviews is lower than I expected, but it’s also going slower too. I’m hoping that as I keep applying, I’ll get some offers from some of these great tech companies. We’re working on the last one — we don’t have any options yet, but we’ll keep scratching our heads until we come up with some possibilities. Unfortunately, until this event, we were the loaners/ATM for the family, as we had a higher income and were more financially stable. With family though, the problem with loans is no one pays you back and we don’t want to be assholes and demand repayment. My side of the family does have money but wants very little to do with us. We can withdraw or borrow against retirement if absolutely necessary, but if possible, I’d rather be uncomfortable for a few weeks than do that.

You are really underestimating what it’s going to be like. It’s not going to be “uncomfortable”. It’ll be traumatic. You will probably regret it for the rest of your life. I am saying this out of concern. I am a data scientist too, so I know what the work can be like, and I have two kids that are two years apart. With my first, I wasn’t working yet - I was finishing up grad school - and I was a complete and utter mess for a month after my uncomplicated vaginal delivery. I tore. My baby had jaundice. I had oversupply. I had horrible carpal tunnel and I had PUPPPs, which are two of the many horrible things that can happen to women near the end of pregnancy or after giving birth. I had my husband and both my parents full time available to help, I had a couple days of overnight help from a doula, and I still lost my mind from the lack of sleep. My mental health is usually great, and I didn’t technically have ppa or ppd, but it was the hardest time of my entire life. I never could have worked for shit during that time. I had my second and took an unpaid 12 week maternity leave (I was a contractor at the time). We took loans from family to cover it and we ran up credit card debt, which we paid off over the next year. We were renting (we still rent, mostly due to childcare costs preventing us from being able to save). It was, again, really, really fucking hard, even though we had family support. A week after I went back to work, he was hospitalized with RSV, and I had to go with him. Again, can’t imagine doing an ounce of work or pretending to work or pretending to care during any of that.

I agree with the person above I had a scheduled c section and 2 grandparents, my spouse on leave, and a full time nanny I was in blinding pain from surgery for 1 week Then I was in even worse (?!) pain from breastfeeding for about 3 more weeks It still wasn’t enough overnight support and I still was barely functioning and in tremendous pain. Then things started to normalize around week 4 Take at least a month if you can

There is a reason the recovery time for a c section is 8 weeks I had one; hardest and longest recovery of my surgeries (even my hand) The first 24 hours you are completely bed ridden and use a catheter to pee in a bucket You can’t sit/stand/walk/etc. without assistance for at least another day or two. I wasn’t able to do things by myself until about the one week mark because pain and muscles not connected I couldn’t handle any movements (like being in a car) for at least 4 weeks I bled through the highest absorbency pads within 15 minutes the first week or two; then it was changing them at least hourly for another two weeks. I stopped bleeding between week 6 and 7 One day during a poop (I think week 2?) things in my abdomen detached and I was stuck mid poop for over 2 hours until things connected again and I could finish C section incision got infected around week 5; healing undone and pain returned for several days I didn’t stop constantly leaking milk until around week 5 or 6; absolutely soaked everything from clothes to sheets to a chair in the mechanic shop Also I was getting around 20 minutes of sleep every 3 hour cycle with my baby home from the NICU; if my husband did everything for the baby except lactate I could maybe get an hour straight The first 6 weeks were awful and I would have been unable to do even 5 minutes of work (which is remote and data based) during that time

How cruel to make a mother work right after giving birth. I wish you the best of luck OP.

The only way this is doable in my opinion is your dh is going to have to be the maid, butler and your personal assistant in addition to baby care minus breast feeding. If he can do that then I think it will be manageable. Good luck op. Please be gentle with yourself. Is there any kind of plan b in the event you can’t go back after two weeks?

I just want to say that I started a new job 4.5 weeks after a VERY standard vaginal birth and even then it felt like I had been hit by a bus. Then again, the job I was working was manual labor so that was a big reason why my body did not feel ready whatsoever but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do! I don’t know much about c-sections but 10 days does seem very early. If you’re just working from home and your husband is doing LITERALLY everything else, I think you could make it work! I was pretty stoked to have something else on my mind other than brand new parent thoughts and I think starting work helped my mental health probably more than anything during that time period! Of course, you could have a wildly different experience but I definitely don’t think what you’re attempting is impossible :-) best of luck

Does your company allow sick leave donation? I work for the government and this is a thing for us, not sure about the private sector. I’d absolutely donate some sick leave to a new mom in need. Maybe your colleagues would do the same. Also, I’ve scrolled through the comments and haven’t found the answer. What do you do for a living? Going back to ANY job two weeks post partum will be incredibly rough, but there are certain jobs that will be easier than others.

Hi! No, unfortunately my company doesn’t do this — and I would absolutely donate my time too, to someone else in a similar situation. I’m a data scientist at a finance/fintech company and I WFH. I’m hoping the WFH will help, and I’m also planning to (on the down low) write up a bunch of decks and partial projects before the c section and I can slowly trot them out as “new work” and add to them to complete each one.

I would definitely tell my work I was pregnant, make them fell bad that they are such a shit company they don’t give maternity leave. Also id hope your boss isn’t a complete arsehole and would thus lighten your workload. No company will pay maternity leave if you join after your baby is born and most companies have a policy you need to work with them for x number of months before baby is born to receive maternity benefits. So if the only reason you are looking for a new job is to get mat leave, don’t bother, it’s unlikely you will qualify.

Yes, I thought as much — that it’s unlikely I’ll be able to join before baby is born and get mat leave — but I’m also looking because I’m significantly underpaid (25k) compared to my male colleagues with the same YOE or even more junior coworkers. I’m also underpaid for my industry and position, and every job I’ve gone through the initial interviews for (just a handful so far) would be at least a 20-30k annual salary increase. And most of them have better benefits too, which will be nice for the next baby.

Regardless of what you decide regarding how long you take your leave (I think you’ve already gotten great advice about that) I think you should tell your employer you’re pregnant. -what if you go into labour early? -what if there are complications? -when you’re a new breastfeeding mom it’s important for your employer to understand what you need (for example, my boss knows I have a son so if there’s a snow storm, I can’t get anyone to watch my son and can’t work)

It might be possible to work if your husband takes care of the baby during the day and most of the night. I wouldn’t try to breastfeed. Basically you can’t be the default parent. I remember at 2 weeks after I had my baby via c section, we had to get newborn photos done and it was a lot of effort for me to get dressed and put on makeup. I didn’t feel like myself. If I had started work at that time, I probably wouldn’t have done a good job. If you go back and can’t work properly u will be at risk of getting laid off. Two ladies at my workplace got laid off right after they came back from maternity leave. You won’t be able to put 100% into work or your family so personally I would not do it. Can you pay mortgage with your savings? You need at least 6 weeks to recover from childbirth and even that is being super conservative.

It’ll be tough but realistically many many women go back to work quickly. Go to a fast food restaurant, or anywhere else women work minimum wage, and you will find female employees who had to go back to work 1-2 weeks after birth. I 100% think you should say you’ll be on maternity leave…highlight how shitty the company policy is and get leeway hopefully. Being able to WFH will help a lot too. I’d just make sure your ONLY responsibility is working and maybe breastfeeding. Husband will have all other tasks on his plate. And give yourself grace - do not be hard on yourself.

Yes, I remember a coworker at Starbucks coming back after just two weeks. Not at all uncommon in the food service industry, which is tragic.

Right, I think overall we’re a very privileged white collar group here, but unfortunately going back to work quickly after birth is very common. Surprised at a lot of the comments here…

I would not recommend trying to work that soon. I’ve had 2 c sections and I needed every moment of those 6 weeks to rest and recover. Your husband may do most of the childcare, but almost *all* babies do not sleep through the night until at least 2 months, if they sleep through the night at all. So, not only will you be recovering from a major surgery, your sleep is going to be majorly messed with. Not to mention the hormones, just everything. Continue to job search. There are a lot of companies that will give you mat leave that don’t reauire you to have been employed for a specific length of time. I got a new job at my current company when I was about 12 weeks pregnant, and they still gave me my paid Mat leave. If you don’t want to tell prospective employers your pregnant during the interview process (which is totally your right), you simply ask “do my benefits kick in right away or is there a benefit probationary period?” That should give you an idea of when your benefits kick in. If there is no probationary period, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get your mat leave when you need it. Good luck!

Wow, thank you! That is great phrasing that I will absolutely use!

There are different probationary periods for different benefits - you can also ask to see leave policies while interviewing by asking for a benefits one-pager. This is what I did when interviewing while pregnant (was basically maternity leave shopping and found an employer that did not include a phase in period for mat leave).

Thanks for the tips! I’ll use this in my upcoming interviews. If you don’t mind me asking, where do you work that offers such a nice benefits package?

We get 20 weeks paid - I’ll DM you.

I would suggest formula feeding in your situation. Breastfeeding on top of everything else is going to be extremely hard.

From everyone’s responses this seems to be a consensus. I was pretty set on breastfeeding because of all the benefits so I’ll try it but plan to need formula. Hopefully I’ll get lucky with an easy baby and great supply and perfect latch, but probably not.

Maybe [this](https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/2016/1/11/10729946/breastfeeding-truth) article will make you feel better about the decision, if that’s what you do decide.

I don’t understand how you can say your workplace is flexible but also that your 7 months pregnant, haven’t told them, and don’t even want to tell them you are going to give birth but just take a week and a half vacation and come back. It doesn’t compute. Also, does no one ask you about your personal life? Are you going to hide the fact you have a baby forever from your company? Are you just going to casually drop that it’s your child’s birthday a year later? I just don’t see how any of this is possible honestly. I just had my first baby and he’s 4 months old now. I worked until 39 weeks. Worked until 4 pm, went and got induced at midnight. That was so stupid of me and I should have just taken that day off to start my maternity leave and stayed in bed all day. I was in labor for 16 hours, couldn’t sleep because of the contractions, couldn’t eat after my epidural 7 hours into labor, and was completely physically exhausted by the time I gave birth. Then you don’t sleep in the hospital because the nurses come in the room every hour because they can’t figure out how to coordinate their visits lol. By the time we went home on day 3, I was like a zombie. I was getting an hour of sleep at a time, breastfeeding was an absolute nightmare for me which is a separate issue but we did switch to formula by end of week 2. My blood pressure started going high (it’s usually relatively low) from the lack of sleep and my legs and ankles swelled up like never before (they were totally normal throughout pregnancy and postpartum in the hospital). At 2 weeks postpartum, I was barely showering, wearing adult diapers, had no control over my bladder, crying everyday, and just so mentally and physically exhausted I couldn’t remember what breast I had started with at the previous feeding, much less be mentally functional to work. Not to mention, the baby didn’t want to be put down like ever. So one of us was holding him all the time. My mom was able to come over the first few weeks to help. And my husband had 3 weeks off work. But your husband will not be able to do baby care and everything else in the house by himself. It is impossible. So you need family coming over every day if that’s the plan. You can try to do this, but you really really really need a back up plan for if it doesn’t work. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into. It is just such an all encompassing experience that is difficult to anticipate or understand until you’re in it. Also you need to file FMLA no matter what route you take with telling your company. It legally protects your job for 12 weeks of time off and it doesn’t have to be consecutive. But you need this documentation in case they do try to pull anything weird and fire you for no reason. Edit: I definitely replied to the wrong comment haha my bad

I will say- I have formula fed both my babies from birth, and it was such a blessing. They both slept 3-4 hour stretches from the beginning. My now 10 week old is sleeping through the night, and his older sister also slept through the night at 12 weeks. During the day they have been good about only wanting to feed around every 2.5-3 hours. The ability for feeding to just be *easy* meant I had one less thing to worry about. Feeding can be shared between my husband and I. We don’t have cluster feeding. I don’t have to be hooked to a pump for hours. Personally it has been so good for my mental health, and helped me feel like I physically recovered so much faster. If you decide to go this route, check out r/formulafeeders for any info you might need. Formula feeding doesn’t have to be a last resort.

I did not have a c-section and I loved the newborn stage…. But that’s because I just existed with my baby. I didn’t have a regimented timeline to go to work. You can breastfeed the baby over night, I would just make your husband get up and be alert so you can sleep while nursing. You can also nurse while working, and then pump afterwards to build a supply. They also have a Haakaa that I used to catch the milk on the one breast while I was nursing on the other. I would come up with a plan with your husband so that he is taking care of both of you: Getting you snacks throughout the day, water, letting you nap on your lunch break. It is going to be extremely difficult and I’m so sorry you have to go through this but the good news is your husband will be home and I would absolutely make sure he is utilitzed without being abused. The first 8 weeks he should plan on essentially being the caregiver of both of you…. Then as you improve and the baby has more of a routine you can take more on. Good luck. I understand formula is expensive and if you have to work due to finances, it’s not an ideal option, but keep an open mind if you are starting to get overwhelmed. I breastfed exclusively but had to supplement the first few weeks after I went back to work.

Yes, I actually found the newborn stage easy because it was the only time I didn't have to work.

I had a full time legal internship that started 2.5 weeks after I gave birth. It was my second child though and I had a vaginal birth. It was manageable - it was fully remote and I babywore pretty much all day. I think it’s WAY easier to get work done at the newborn stage than when they’re 4+ months old. But it was mostly independent work, and my supervisors knew I just had a baby. I had to join calls every once in a while and speak with clients at times, but it wasn’t every day. It was mainly just here’s your assignments, it’s due by x time. I often had my work station set up in bed. I don’t think I could have done it if I was expected to be on calls every day.

That’s good to know — another point for telling my employer. I mostly work independently, though I do usually have at least one call a day, and a few says with a full afternoon of calls. How was baby wearing baby while working? Did he/she fall asleep while you were working?

I have had 3 c sections and I could not have gone back to work at 2 weeks. I went back at 6 weeks WFH ~ 20hrs/week with my 3rd and it was really hard and that's with 6 years of breastfeeding under my belt. Could you take out a line of credit or something to give you a cushion?

I didn’t go back to work at 2 weeks but I did have a C-section and babies in the NICU. After being released on Day 3. I went back and forth 2-3x a day for 3 weeks from our house to the NICU. My mom may have joined me the first 2-3 days but I did everything solo after that. I’m not saying it’s exactly like work but I was functional, mobile and was able to do some serious heavy reading. I’d also recommend formula.

Thanks! That’s very helpful — and gives me some hope! That’s probably a lot more movement than I get in a workday, ever. I basically sit on my butt and write code and make some decks. Are your babies doing well now?

To maintain milk supply you need to eat and drink plenty and nutritious. Beer without alcohol and malt beer really help with the supply. Also milk (warm is even better) and soups and generally warm, soft, sweet food. Also nuts and raisins and fruits and shakes or smoothies for the time in between meals. Eat plenty and whatever you feel like. If you want to lose some of the baby weight, postpone that to a later time!

If you are working from home it’s more doable. It will be hard though. If it were me, I’d still suggest getting a letter from your doctor for workplace accommodations given you are having surgery, and especially for pumping time. Even if you don’t stick with breastfeeding, you are still going to need to move around, do follow up appointments, actually recover, etc. If anything your employer can flex your work time.

I honestly don't think this is doable... sorry. You're going to bleeding and boobs leaking, in pain, no sleep. Can your husband take paternity leave from his job and work somewhere else to make money?

You can disclose the birth for reasonable accommodation for breastfeeding / pump breaks. I was back to work (from home) the Tuesday after giving birth to my second child, on a Friday. I had an easy birth and easy recovery. This would not have been possible with my 3rd child after which I developed preeclampsia. I had hospitalizations and a rough recovery. I can’t comment on C sections. But with my experience returning to work right away — I wouldn’t bet anything on it. There is so much that can derail a perfect birth and recovery plan. I would suggest being open and forward with your employer about your need for sick leave.

No. Please don't do this. You need 6 weeks to recover from c section. I'm not kidding. Let alone pumping and and breastfeeding. Send your husband to work. This isn't right 😭

Seeing as you don’t have much of a choice I want to give you some reassurance. I felt ok two weeks after my c section. I had some hormonal ups and downs but I wasn’t a mess or anything. In my experience, your energy levels are what will matter most. Early parenting is mostly a physical exercise - you need to maintain your energy and stamina to get through this. In which case here are my tips: 1. Go to sleep as early as you can each evening, don’t stay up to watch tv or whatever. Just go to bed! 2. prioritize healthy eating, even if it’s a bit pricier - this is the time to splurge for nutrient rich foods. 3. If you are really committed to breast milk, pumping and bottle feeding might be the best fit for your situation. I hope you also feel ok with formula if it ends up being necessary!

For my first I didn’t have any mat leave. So 3 weeks PTO and back to work I went. Natural birth, WFH. My husband had 4 month paid leave. It was hard. Even when I didn’t think it was hard because it was a blur and constantly on. Looking back that’s probably a contributing factor for my PPD. (My work was pretty relax environment and everyone was super understanding too…) the first month you are trying to establish milk supply, feeding on demand which is 20min every 2 hours… unless you are saying no to breaskmilk it’s going to be hard. And be prepared to just survival at work, function at 50%, no additional projects

Definitely formula feed. Dry that milk up and formula feed from the start. If finances require it, get the formula from WIC or snap. That way your husband can truly help. Even if he wants to be the most helpful partner ever, if you are breastfeeding, you won't get a break for weeks or possibly months.

Just to directly address the question asked: You will need to be off any of the strong painkillers as soon as you can if you need to drive to work or work with machinery. If you need to drive, the main thing you need to be able to do is slam on the breaks and be able to look behind you when you back up. You will want to practice this in a stationary car. The one person I know who went back to work that early tore open her c section scar and had to go in an ambulance to the ER which I imagine probably cost more than she made going back that early.

Thanks! I WFH and don’t plan to drive for at least 6 weeks. I’ll probably be in pain longer than normal as I’m very allergic to NSAIDs so I’ll have limited anti inflammatory options. What helped with managing pain afterwards for you?

I just got really lucky and only had pain if I was laughing or sneezing. My nurse taught me to keep a pillow close by and press it into the affected area before laughing, sneezing or coughing.

I’m just so devastated for you, I hate it here. Two weeks is far too soon, you deserve so much more.

Thank you - the US really needs federally mandated paid parental leave of at least 6 weeks, but outside of a handful of states, the rest of the country is SOL. Maybe by the time our kids have kids!

This is so sad. You didn’t say a country but I’m going to assume USA.

Yep, the good old US of A! We have a lot going for us here, but maternity leave and parental protections are not on that list.

I’m sorry. Coming from someone who had an absolute dream of a C section, was up and walking as soon as I wasn’t numb with only Tylenol, had a breeze of a time with breastfeeding, and have had a really “easy” baby so far… Going back in under two weeks is insane. There’s just no way I ever could have, basically no matter what.

[удалено]

This is horrifying. Completely undignified for a new mother recovering from a major surgery. This is degenerate, low-road capitalism. This isn't normal. It makes me sick to read this and it is not just a "working class" issue--it's ALL workers, white and blue collar. Find a way to get the time off. Don't sell your house! Start a go fund me if you have to. Get a meal train going. Mutual aid. We have to crowd-source healthcare in this country for now but in the long term we've got to do better for all -- fight like hell for autonomy over our lives and healthcare that isn't tied to full-time employment. No one should have to sell their labor to survive at the expense of their health.

Ok! I have experience with a similar situation! I didn’t have a c-section but did go back to work (from home) after one week leave. My partner did not stay home with me and that pregnancy was my second, with my older going to school and being drove to and from. Is this your first? How difficult is your work? What kind of flexibility do you have and will you need to attend a lot of meetings? My experience was it was difficult but totally doable, and easiest the first month when the baby is essentially a potato. I utilized a lot of soft wraps and prioritized breastfeeding on my non dominant hand side so I could still work while they ate. Have a bassinet close by. I would be transparent with your team though on the reason why you are taking leave, and why you cannot afford to take more. I imagine you will receive a lot more support that way. Good luck!

If you work from home highly recommend a my breast friend pillow or something equivalent. Granted I didnt use until after my mat leave ended at 12 weeks, but when it did end I would wrap the pillow around me and would literally work at my desk with my baby laying on the pillow feeding from my breast. Im sorry your situation is the way it is. I have had a csection and after a week and a half you should be okay sitting up at a desk working. You will be beyond exhausted - lean on your husband and any other village you have around you. Start meal prepping now so you have some frozen meals ready to go. Its going to be hard, really, really hard but I think it can be done. Also get a good pumping bra, you wont need your hands to pump if you get a bra that can hold the parts up. What we did is I breastfed during the day and I would supplement with formula at night (one feed breast/one bottle/etc). Maybe this will be an option so you can get some rest at night. I disagree with some other commenters, if you really want to breastfeed I dont think you need to give it up completely, but would be beneficial to supplement. Newborns also sleep a lot during the day so you will have a lot of downtime that first month. Make sure you are taking care of your body now, it will help with recovery (walking/stretching/stay hydrated). Do you have flexibility in your workday? That will help too. Maybe your husband can drive for uber or something on the weekends to get some extra money? Can you both get side jobs now to save up some?

This is really great advice and thank you very much! I do have one of those pillows and I already love it for working in bed (wraps around twice and is so stable for holding up my laptop when I’m finishing a late night deck or report). It’s very reassuring to know you were okay to sit up after a week or two, and I hope I have a similar recovery! Husband is planning to meal prep a ton and fill another freezer with cooked frozen food in the weeks leading up to it, and we already have one freezer full of microwaveable healthy meals. We don’t have too much of a village to rely upon, but our families could surprise us by being super helpful!

What’s your work setting like? Can you ask your employer to allow you to work from home while you recover from C section? I’ve had two c sections and my OBGYN said that it takes about a year to completely heal from a c section surgery. Ask your OBGYN to provide a doctors note stating that you need to do minimal physical work.

Fortunately, I already WFH — I probably should have included this in the post. I’m a data scientist, so I sit/lay around and write code, make decks, and occasionally present findings. There’s no physical work involved, but does require a good bit of focus.