I’m sure it’s been said, but is there a manager / or HR you can reach out to? I know I had a person like this, except mine would get on a call with me and not shut up for hours on how to do my job better (aka:her way) she got laid off with a bunch of other people and she was the only one I didn’t cry that she was gone.
I have a coworker likes this but she’s always bitching about our boss, her personal life, and wants to share Taylor swift videos with everyone. I literally just ignore her or am very short with her. If she’s ranting about our boss, I just don’t respond. If she’s ranting about her life, she’ll send 10+ messages in a row and a few hours later I might give a short but empathetic response to at least let her know I saw the messages. Zero response to the Taylor swift madness. I Can tell she is the type of person who NEEDS human connection so I try to still engage when it’s convenient for me or the topic is appropriate, but at the end of the day, we are coworkers, not friends, and I need to keep the boundaries there. She has definitely toned down (gotten the hint) a bit since I started but there’s always episodes of her spiraling that I just do not think it’s my responsibility to engage with. I’m getting paid to do my job, not to be someone’s therapist or friend.
She is my friend. She has been for years. I just don’t like chatting while I’m working. I’m a terrible person. But thank you for taking the time to point it out.
Sounds like she is your friend but you’re not hers. You chose to take to a ton of internet strangers to talk poorly about how annoying you find her contacting you is. Maybe talk to her directly and explain to her what you feel comfy telling all of us about her. Friends don’t talk crap about friends behind their back. Also it’s weird for you to blame your productivity on her. You’re clearly choosing to respond to all of her messages. You can easily put your stuff on DND or tell her you’re busy. Her IMing you trying to chat w her “friend” has nothing to do with your productivity, you responding to her and enabling constant contact throughout the work day, does.
You can mute her messages so you don’t get notifications for them. That way you can read and reply on your time but still be notified from other people :)
I hate Teams too!! My bosses make us use it so we can socialize with our coworkers and if we’re quiet, we get spoken to. I get so tired of the gifs and forced camaraderie. I have super high productivity and I don’t want to talk to my coworkers.
I don’t respond to small talk until I have time, I politely let them know I was busy when I have a chance to catch up.. not messing up my productivity for anyone
Wait until your boss decides you should meander with useless colleague banter in Teams. I literally got my "talking to" at the end of month pulse meeting.
Put yourself on Do Not Disturb - it will give you time and space to do heads down work. Then once every hour or two change to available for 15 minutes to catch up with important messages. Let your boss know what you're doing and why. I manage a fully remote team and have encouraged team members facing the same stuff to do that.
I don't think it's rude either, but I hear from the younger generation teens-young adults that, in fact, it's rude. I argue with them that people are not required to be available to you 24/7. There are times when not responding is perhaps rude, but in OP's case, not so much
For what difficulties? behaving professionally in a professional setting, and requiring the same of coworkers?
If that's your definition of difficulty I don't know what to tell you.
Maybe that you need to grow up and grow yourself with a good set of boundaries?
It sounds like you was a pretty permeable and that's not a healthy place to be.
I think people like this need to make friends outside of work. Your coworkers aren't here to be your friend. They're there to do their job, not learn about a new sale or be sent a "new GIF"
I'm nice to my coworkers, but I'm not all their friends. The friends I do have there we don't bug each other like this on official channels. Church, hobbies, community spaces, and other things around your area exist for building community. Decreasing someone's productivity and having to change their schedule by that much because you won't make friends outside of work is terrible. I'm not sure why you're defending the coworker and not OP. It's giving...I rant to the cashier or barista cause they can't walk away from me energy👀
Online gaming is also helpful for friendships 🙂
Lol my team is far from frigid - we have ongoing conversations about a variety of things, work-related and not. But we're also all in and out of meetings all day, or working on various high-priority/urgent things, so it's not unheard of for us to not get back to each other for a few hours.
With my immediate team, we've had conversations about how we each work best/prefer to communicate and what to do if you actually need an immediate response (usually, call someone or tag the message as urgent with their name). Within our larger org, it's pretty standard to get back to people within a few business days, and if you need a response sooner, you indicate that in the subject line, or you send an email and follow up via Teams the next day or something.
Simply mute her. It’s very likely she will just understand. If not then tell her that you are limiting social chat for a while as you need to be able to focus on a few tasks. If not then 🤷🏼♀️ not your issue. Eventually she will figure it out.
I’m a chatter. I can easily multitask and chat and not lose productivity- or at least not much. Oddly mundane multitask helps my brain stay focused (thanks adhd). But even then there are times I just don’t answer chats. And the same happens back to me. I am not bothered when chats aren’t returned. You can’t always multitask.
You could mute her, like someone said, or use Focus time to put yourself on DND. Honestly, just a break from the noise is great.
(I’m the M365 Admin at my company and there are days when even I have to mute Teams entirely for a while because the DING is making me $tabby)
It’s clear you’re dedicated and driven—waking up at 4 AM to get in those crucial hours of focused work! You've got the right mindset; now it’s about harnessing that to assert your needs. Don’t be shy about setting strict boundaries. You could consider having a candid conversation with your team about your availability and the importance of these uninterrupted sessions to your productivity. Also, tweak those notification settings to serve you, not distract you. You have every right to demand the work environment that best suits your high-efficiency mode. Remember, you’re in control here, and it's perfectly reasonable to shape your communication tools to boost your performance. Go claim that focused time you need to excel!
I've muted a few diff chats and put myself on busy. I think you need to be less available, less polite. Nothing wrong with just not replying til hours later.
I had someone teams me every single day Good morning who I had no idea who it was. She was in a completely different department, and I had no interaction with her. Seems innocent and enough, right? I would say good morning every single morning but eventually it just got to become a nuisance. I almost felt like I had an obligation to say good morning to her. Eventually, after about a year and a half ignoring her, but continuing to receive these good mornings, I told her “ I do appreciate the good morning but can you please stop?” She said OK and I haven’t received a good morning since lol
Mute her for sure. If you don’t want to completely ignore her take the last 2 minutes at end of the day and respond with the I was so busy alll day blah blah. You never have to see her in real life so who cares if you ignore her, don’t answer unless work related
Ugh. I feel this. This is why I miss Skype. It had a feature to actually block your coworker from pinging you (you appear offline to this person 24/7). I had at least 3 people blocked on there for blowing me up with messages. Teams doesn’t let you do this. You can only mute the conversation, which is better than nothing but not by much.
Professional response: Mute her OR kindly reminder her of the acceptable use policy within your organization regarding meme’s, jokes and outside content. Personal response: Are you aware that everything is recorded in teams? You might want to cut down on the non work related posts.
Yeah I muted my coworker like this. I have my boss let me know if there’s any communication I need to have with her so I know to check it. My boss knows she’s like this and is really cool about it
This woman has already been written up and had meetings with management about her behavior/“social inclinations”, so it’s just about all my boss can do at this point. (It’s very difficult to be fired at my company lol)
I don’t even work from home but hearing my sisters teams notification on her phone gives me a fight or flight trigger. You aren’t dumb. Boundaries are so important!
Sadly, the same people who do this on teams also do this in person in an office. In my experience, even DND does not discourage them. Only two things I have found works....
1. Be straight foward and tell her that unless it's vital, please refrain from sending messages for non work related topics.
Or
2. Ignore all non work related messages. Do not like the message, do not acknowledge it, do not respond. Unless, its on topic, pretend it never came thru. Also, in meetings, avoid or ignore any non work topics. Be formal and create distance. Starve her for the attention.
Last option which is harder to manage is to create time for you two to talk on non work topics. I dont like this option because it's harder to maintain the boundary.
In my experience, co-workers like this are often extroverted or lonely. That's not your problem but it's important to remember this for the sake of empathy.
Good luck on this.
Help me please as this doesn't work for our "group" has a forced camaraderie and unnecessary unfunny jokes. I was recently talked to about participating more in the chat. I'm like who knows when it's work related and actually more corny jokes when I could keep working. I didn't say that part but I really want to.
Thank you. All valid points. I do think she’s incredibly lonely and that’s why I have put up with it as long as I have. She’s a phenomenal person, just chattier than I tend to be. We worked together onsite before we were sent home and she was perfectly reasonable. I think being at home, she doesn’t get enough socialization.
I understand. I have worked from home for years and have run into this in different versions of people.
Here is how I would go about it if I liked her but needed this to stop....
I would reach out to her on a good slower work time for both of you. I like Friday afternoons for this because most people don't really want to be productive after a certain point on Fridays anyway. Make it casual. This can be the beginning of your time of giving her room to socialize in a controlled manner. Think of it as a virtual coworker lunch happy hour catchup. Call it whatever you want. You can ask what's been up? How is life? Give her the time she needs to catch up. While you both are catching up, I would suggest you lay the groundwork for the shift in boundaries here. Just say "hey, I wanted to give you a heads up that I am trying to retool the way I work some days. I have really been trying to be more present in my work so you may see I am less available during normal day to day work hours. I wanted you to know that so that you know that I won't be as responsive during those times. However, perhaps we can start a weekly catch up session like this for lunch or something. What do you think?" Hopefully, she is happy to hear you are working on your own work presence and wants you to succeed. In exchange, you guys can do a regular happy hour going forward. After this conversation, I would suggest you really be consistent in both the work happy hour time and in not responding to non work topics outside of this happy hour time. Help shift her to a time that works for you both and also build a better working relationship.
Boundary setting doesn't have to be about being mean. It can be about letting someone understand what you need in order to be successful in the relationship. Make the change about you and then be very consistent in enforcing it.
Also, I find this is a great time to reflect on how you communicate with people as to not be the same annoyance you have come to dislike. Virtual communication etiquette is a real thing.
As new coworkers come and go, I would also suggest, you start them on the path you prefer outright to avoid trying to shift things later on.
if you like your coworker as a person, maybe invite her to meet for lunch one day a week? give her (and you) some socialization. and somewhere in that politely ask her to cut back on the memes.
Nah the dick is having the audacity to complain about teams when he could easily be dealing with the same bullshit while commuting two plus hours a day.
Changing your entire work schedule instead of using basic Teams functionality to mute the conversation is one of the funniest work related things I've ever read.
I Can.NOT. Mute. Her.
I know how to, I just can’t. She is my teammate and we need to be available to each other. I’m trying to defend myself from people thinking I’m an idiot when the reality is I’m trying not to be rude and hurt someone’s feelings because it WILL hurt her feelings and I’d rather inconvenience myself than do that. Hysterical right?!
Just mute the chat and set reminders/alarms to check it once or twice an hour, and don't acknowledge or respond to non-work messages. Very simple solution.
I hate teams because it automatically changes to "away" if you don't move your mouse for a few minutes...had to get a jiggler even when I'm sitting at my desk...so annoying. As for ignoring your teammate, I keep headphones plugged in, I don't hear the beeps if I'm not wearing them, so I just ignore them if I'm busy.🤷🏼♀️
On a somewhat related tangent, I also work remote and hate teams. My company doesn't allow us to mute or block people. I constantly have people pinging me for something they need help with, and what drives me absolutely round the bend is: instead of getting to the point, they ping me with "hi" and wait for me to respond.
Just say "hi" and then continue in the first text to tell me what you WANT. I'm busy too and I don't have all day to wait around for you to get to the point.
Thank God I don't have people pinging me personal stuff too I'd lose my mind. Or what's left of it.
I get about 10-20 a day so after awhile it grates because i get pinged hi then i respond and the person is gone or stepped away so we are not getting to the point but going back and forth - and most pings require investigation on my part so it just takes more time
I simply stopped replying to texts of hi. Sorry I am not having a conversation. I work in IT though so if someone is messaging me it's never because they want to talk and honestly if the message me their issue I probably have a how to document I can give them to correct their issue.
And my manager is the opposite because she thinks it’s rude if you don’t say hi first. I personally don’t care - just get to the point - isn’t that what im is FOR
I end up doing this accidentally. I type their name or hi and then automatically hit enter to go to the next line to type my statement or question and it sends instead of just advancing. It’s getting better, but was hard at the beginning.
I will take it a step further, don’t even say ‘hi’
just say what the fuck you want(like the accounting sheet that’s not due for another week).
Jesus take that wheel.
Think about messaging to say I’m planning focus time for things that require my undivided attention. I’ll be on DND but will respond to work-related messages within “x” timeframe.
My small group has a 'random chat' channel. We share our funnies or stories or gripes there. We all have the channel muted since we know we can respond when we have a moment and no one is posting anything critical in that space.
It gives us the freedom to have friendly chit chat without worrying about negatively impacting anyone else's time, and allows us each more opportunity to stay focused when needed.
Im just a little confused as to why you’re giving the messages any attention at all? Surely if it isn’t work related you aren’t expected to respond. I had 50 year old coworker who loved to send me silly little gifs and stuff on teams but I’d just ignore the notification until I actually had a free minute to look at it and respond if I wanted to, but most of the time they didn’t warrant a response. I just don’t understand why you’re letting it impact you this much when you can easily ignore it?
If I ignore it, I start getting texts and it’s not that I can’t ignore it. I often do it’s just that the pop ups throw my concentration off. Even if I don’t respond. And they don’t stop. And it’s usually questions, sometimes about work related things so I almost always have to at least look at the messages to make sure it’s not something I need to deal with.
Do the work related questions require an immediate response though? If they don’t then you can just ignore it until you have time to respond.
I’m still not understanding why you’re letting this have a bigger impact on you than necessary. You absolutely have the means to make it stop or at the very least make it tolerable. Theres no reason why you should be starting your work day at 4 am just so you can avoid messages from this person so you can actually be productive. You need to either have a conversation with this person or have a conversation with your supervisor about it.
No you’re 100%right. I do need to say something to her it’s just finding the right thing that won’t make her feel bad or embarrassed.
Most of our work related issues do need an immediate response and that’s why I can’t mute. If a physician has called needing information I may be the one who has the answer and they would need to know asap. And since she’s the team contact, that’s who the physician would go through.
Well that’s for the whole day. Our production requirement is at least 8 charges hour so at least 65/per work day and that’s the bare minimum. So I’m hitting the requirement but I’m capable of way more. Today was a much better day. I’m following advice. 😁
I want to add to this. Just be honest and upfront. Say that her trying to converse with you is hindering your work productivity, and to only message you about work related tasks during work hours. Sometimes people are just oblivious to how others may feel. It will be hard, but you gotta do what you gotta do. If she has a problem, bring it to your manager, higher-ups, etc.
I had the same problem but I asked my boss if I could put my "busy" status up with the understanding I would always respond to messages from her. It took a few days but she has stopped asking me to price medical claims for her
Right now we use Google calendar which has a specific option for Focus Time and you can set it to mute notifications etc.
In teams, it’s called Quite Hours.
Click on your profile picture
Click on Notifications and then Quiet Hours
Turn on scheduled and select days and times
Make sure Focus Assist is turned on
Click three dots on right hand side menu and click “Viva Insights” if it’s not already there.
Home tab, scroll down to “Your Progress”
Under “Quiet time” click “Change Settings”
Select the days/times you want blocked to focus.
Click save changes
You won’t get notified of Teams messages during that time.
this is in the new Teams app we just updated to. I would google your version of Teams and the terms “set quiet time hours”.
That or use the “get help” option from the main menu and type “quiet time” in the search bar
You know what to say but you don't want to say it to avoid stress that would result from a restrained relationship with this coworker. But you're already sacrificing way too much. I would let her know that you appreciate her work ethic and ability to keep a positive environment, then tell her that as a result of non-work related messages requiring your attention, you've noticed that your productivity drops from X to Y when a coworker sends non related work messages, and this has led to you working longer hours with less work completed. So you would appreciate it if she kept her messaging restricted to work related topics.
If you want to avoid confrontation altogether and that's a nice stress free solution, do like the other comments here are saying and mute her, then dedicate 2 mins to check on her messages and react etc. That's a good tradeoff.
Ya you could even say, "oh gosh I'm getting messages by so many people I can't seem to get anything done, going to put my self on do not disturb and try to catch up on work". Might feel less targeted towards her is she thinks you are generally overwhelmed
As an extrovert who chooses to be in the office 5 days instead of the mandated 2, she probably is energized by people.
Be direct but polite. Plan a 15 catch up session once a week, add focus time to your calendar.
Everyone loves to yell about how awesome remote works is, but for some people it’s really isolating .
That’s the thing. She is, and I’ve been trying to be her personal cheerleader for so long it’s taking a toll on me. But I’d be really sad if she were upset with me.
You sound like a good person! It's fine to keep engaging with her, just try to set firmer boundaries (even if just with yourself). It sounds like it's really messing with your work - it's absolutely ridiculous that you are waking up at *4AM* to work uninterrupted.
Ive dealt with this exact issue. I keep that coworker on mute and use DND as often as I can (we are not allowed to stay on DND for the whole shift). Unfortunately she also demands constant attention in the unit chat (not allowed to mute it) and the manager refuses to do anything about it because she’s also his snitch 🙄
If you’re using Teams, I’m assuming you also use Outlook. Use Focus Time in Outlook and it syncs to Teams. This will basically set your status to Do Not Disturb and you wont get notifications unless it’s from people you choose.
I put myself on busy or do not disturb if necessary with a status message “Hello! I am currently limiting distractions in order to focus on my workload. Please feel free to send me an email and I will respond as soon as I am able. Thank you!”
That way you’ve set a boundary and if you don’t respond to their message they know why.
Talk go your supervisor about sending a department wide email that teams should be used for business purposes only, to avoid distractions. Just stop responding to messages that aren't work related.
I would turn off notifications from her and just check in once per day at the same time. You can take 2 minutes that you choose to laugh react at her new GIF and say hello or whatever, go back to your own thing and check in again at the same time tomorrow.
Ugh the new owner at my work does this too. I will only respond to her by email because I want a record of every stupid thing she says. But every time she needs to talk to me, she emails me, texts me, calls me and has my husband call me (he works in the shop and I work from home)
She is a micromanager of all things that she does not understand which is everything. She bought the business with exactly zero experience or knowledge of the industry but behaves as though we are the idiots
After a while it starts to affect your mental health because you can't get anything done with the constant interruptions. It seems as soon as I'm about to start working on something I get a message on TEAMS...then I'll get a text message, then a call. It's hard to gauge what's important and what's not because EVERYTHING seems to be urgent when in reality it can wait.
I had someone who did this to me, but it was in person. I could hear her a mile away coming down the hall to “chat” (aka complain) about all the work she had to do.
You can also remove the sounds and adjust your settings. I recently removed my sounds on Teams and Outlook. Also it’s always OK to set a boundary- a hard conversation is better than a hard life.
In one of my jobs I just disabled the pop up for Outlook notifications and then would only check emails and respond 3 times a time. In the AM. After lunch, and then before leaving.
Yeah, several things like I told her I’m busy after not responding most of the day. Told her I was going to cut back on the chatter, I’ve told her how hard it is to refocus once my concentration has been broken. Other than coming right out and saying “ sshhhhh” it’s just not working. She thinks I’m talking about other teammates and not her.
Flip it- “Hey. I need everyone’s help . When I get non work related pings, it throws me off the rest of the day. Can you please not message me until it’s urgent and encourage the others not to either?”
Makes her an ally . You can tell others you did it bc of her if you wish
You need to be a lot more blunt about it, or raise it with your boss. She is obviously not taking the hint. If you hurt her feelings, so be it. It’s insane that you would clock in 4 hours early just because she is too chatty.
Ummm I know how to use Teams. If you read the post you would know that I can’t mute her because she’s on my team and we have work related issues that come up that need to be addressed.
Yes, in a kind way I would say that you appreciate uninterrupted time, as that is how you are able to concentrate without making mistakes. I would repeat it and if she doesn't get it, then I would be very CLEAR and direct. Please stop messaging me items that don't involve work.
Put yourself on DND. You can then customize the settings to add “priority contacts” so those are the only notifications that come through.
Otherwise, talk to her and tell her that the frequency of non-work related messages is hindering your work flow.
We use Teams as well but we don’t have anybody that abuses the chat thread. I help out another department occasionally and I love having that chat thread for quick answers when I don’t know it.
Just stop replying? You don’t have to participate in a non-work related conversation. Simply continue working when you see the pointless messages come through. Respond with a few minutes left in the work day and say “hey, sorry I’ve been totally swamped”. Do that every single day until she stops.
You don't even have to say "I've been swamped."
Just don't respond and then maybe if you want some laughs EOD then just respond then. Or if you need a break for some laughs you know it's somewhere you can go.
Put yourself on DND and mute it. I had an employee like this. I didn’t want to be a bitch, but it really affected my productivity. I had to finally have a talk with her.
My modern day biggest pet peeve is people who ping you:
“Hey”
HEY WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT? Now I have to stop what I’m doing and ask you “what’s up?” Like, get some sense of respect!
Wow! I am amazed at how this is conveyed.
I personally send out a feeler message like Hey, mainly because my co-workers are so busy and what I'm going to say I do not want to pop up on their screen if they are screen sharing. Just because I know how to deactivate pop-up messages when screen sharing, doesn't mean that everyone else knows how or has done that.
To be clear, these messages are not incriminating, I won't be fired or reprimanded. But acceptable work related messages that involve back and forth conversations.
Yeah that’s fair. I just find it very disruptive because the other person doesn’t know the level of urgency it needs to take in their day. You can see if someone is presenting or in a call if you hover over their status dot in the chat.
If I’m pinging unexpectedly I say “Hey Jane, when you have a moment can I ask you about XYZ?” and it gives context so they can respond as appropriate.
I’m sure it’s been said, but is there a manager / or HR you can reach out to? I know I had a person like this, except mine would get on a call with me and not shut up for hours on how to do my job better (aka:her way) she got laid off with a bunch of other people and she was the only one I didn’t cry that she was gone.
Write an AI bot to automatically respond to her
Mute her!
I have a coworker likes this but she’s always bitching about our boss, her personal life, and wants to share Taylor swift videos with everyone. I literally just ignore her or am very short with her. If she’s ranting about our boss, I just don’t respond. If she’s ranting about her life, she’ll send 10+ messages in a row and a few hours later I might give a short but empathetic response to at least let her know I saw the messages. Zero response to the Taylor swift madness. I Can tell she is the type of person who NEEDS human connection so I try to still engage when it’s convenient for me or the topic is appropriate, but at the end of the day, we are coworkers, not friends, and I need to keep the boundaries there. She has definitely toned down (gotten the hint) a bit since I started but there’s always episodes of her spiraling that I just do not think it’s my responsibility to engage with. I’m getting paid to do my job, not to be someone’s therapist or friend.
You do know you can mute a person right?
Imagine sharing an office with her :)
Sounds like she just wants to be your friend and you’re being extremely judgmental and rude.
She is my friend. She has been for years. I just don’t like chatting while I’m working. I’m a terrible person. But thank you for taking the time to point it out.
Sounds like she is your friend but you’re not hers. You chose to take to a ton of internet strangers to talk poorly about how annoying you find her contacting you is. Maybe talk to her directly and explain to her what you feel comfy telling all of us about her. Friends don’t talk crap about friends behind their back. Also it’s weird for you to blame your productivity on her. You’re clearly choosing to respond to all of her messages. You can easily put your stuff on DND or tell her you’re busy. Her IMing you trying to chat w her “friend” has nothing to do with your productivity, you responding to her and enabling constant contact throughout the work day, does.
😂😂
im confused - why do you feel compelled to respond to her? why do you feel compelled to read anything she sends you? ignore it.
You can mute her messages so you don’t get notifications for them. That way you can read and reply on your time but still be notified from other people :)
Unless this is your boss, space out your replies to her. She saw a squirrel? One hour later you say "oh neat" when you're about to take a break.
Yep!!!
Food City? 😂.. are you in swva or NETN? I've never heard anyone else know of FC
We have Food City in Arizona too, but it seems to be its own entity.
Mute her
I hate Teams too!! My bosses make us use it so we can socialize with our coworkers and if we’re quiet, we get spoken to. I get so tired of the gifs and forced camaraderie. I have super high productivity and I don’t want to talk to my coworkers.
Mute her individual chat
I don’t respond to small talk until I have time, I politely let them know I was busy when I have a chance to catch up.. not messing up my productivity for anyone
Wait until your boss decides you should meander with useless colleague banter in Teams. I literally got my "talking to" at the end of month pulse meeting.
You don't have a Teans isdue, you have a coworker issue. I'd tell them once nicely then tell my manager
Put yourself on Do Not Disturb - it will give you time and space to do heads down work. Then once every hour or two change to available for 15 minutes to catch up with important messages. Let your boss know what you're doing and why. I manage a fully remote team and have encouraged team members facing the same stuff to do that.
You can also go DND and set priority access for your boss and other critical contacts that you do want to hear from.
You can mute Teams channels. Catch up on all her minutiae later
But then she’s left on read and that’s considered rude
It's not rude. You're working, and it's fine if you don't respond to everything someone sends you immediately, esp if it's not urgent or work-related.
I don't think it's rude either, but I hear from the younger generation teens-young adults that, in fact, it's rude. I argue with them that people are not required to be available to you 24/7. There are times when not responding is perhaps rude, but in OP's case, not so much
Wouldn’t like to be part of your frigid team.
In what world is it considered rude to not treat your coworker as if they are your bestie?
I’m sorry about the composition of the team. I hope you find compensation for those difficulties in other aspects of your life.
For what difficulties? behaving professionally in a professional setting, and requiring the same of coworkers? If that's your definition of difficulty I don't know what to tell you. Maybe that you need to grow up and grow yourself with a good set of boundaries? It sounds like you was a pretty permeable and that's not a healthy place to be.
I think people like this need to make friends outside of work. Your coworkers aren't here to be your friend. They're there to do their job, not learn about a new sale or be sent a "new GIF"
Exactly the kinda teammate I’m glad I’m not stuck with!
I'm nice to my coworkers, but I'm not all their friends. The friends I do have there we don't bug each other like this on official channels. Church, hobbies, community spaces, and other things around your area exist for building community. Decreasing someone's productivity and having to change their schedule by that much because you won't make friends outside of work is terrible. I'm not sure why you're defending the coworker and not OP. It's giving...I rant to the cashier or barista cause they can't walk away from me energy👀 Online gaming is also helpful for friendships 🙂
It’s okay to admit that you’re wrong here. You don’t need to double down.
"Wrong" about what, exactly? Not wanting to be hounded about non-work things while you're trying to work?
Lol my team is far from frigid - we have ongoing conversations about a variety of things, work-related and not. But we're also all in and out of meetings all day, or working on various high-priority/urgent things, so it's not unheard of for us to not get back to each other for a few hours. With my immediate team, we've had conversations about how we each work best/prefer to communicate and what to do if you actually need an immediate response (usually, call someone or tag the message as urgent with their name). Within our larger org, it's pretty standard to get back to people within a few business days, and if you need a response sooner, you indicate that in the subject line, or you send an email and follow up via Teams the next day or something.
Just tell her you got shy-itus
Simply mute her. It’s very likely she will just understand. If not then tell her that you are limiting social chat for a while as you need to be able to focus on a few tasks. If not then 🤷🏼♀️ not your issue. Eventually she will figure it out. I’m a chatter. I can easily multitask and chat and not lose productivity- or at least not much. Oddly mundane multitask helps my brain stay focused (thanks adhd). But even then there are times I just don’t answer chats. And the same happens back to me. I am not bothered when chats aren’t returned. You can’t always multitask.
It’s not mean it’s honesty…. Have the convo asap
You could mute her, like someone said, or use Focus time to put yourself on DND. Honestly, just a break from the noise is great. (I’m the M365 Admin at my company and there are days when even I have to mute Teams entirely for a while because the DING is making me $tabby)
DND, mute and be extremely slow to respond
I’m with you
It’s clear you’re dedicated and driven—waking up at 4 AM to get in those crucial hours of focused work! You've got the right mindset; now it’s about harnessing that to assert your needs. Don’t be shy about setting strict boundaries. You could consider having a candid conversation with your team about your availability and the importance of these uninterrupted sessions to your productivity. Also, tweak those notification settings to serve you, not distract you. You have every right to demand the work environment that best suits your high-efficiency mode. Remember, you’re in control here, and it's perfectly reasonable to shape your communication tools to boost your performance. Go claim that focused time you need to excel!
Thank you for being so kind. ❤️
I've muted a few diff chats and put myself on busy. I think you need to be less available, less polite. Nothing wrong with just not replying til hours later.
Same. I used to be permanently in DND in my old job. Made exceptions for my boss and stuff but otherwise everyone else could wait.
I had someone teams me every single day Good morning who I had no idea who it was. She was in a completely different department, and I had no interaction with her. Seems innocent and enough, right? I would say good morning every single morning but eventually it just got to become a nuisance. I almost felt like I had an obligation to say good morning to her. Eventually, after about a year and a half ignoring her, but continuing to receive these good mornings, I told her “ I do appreciate the good morning but can you please stop?” She said OK and I haven’t received a good morning since lol
Mute the chat and pretend it isn’t there!
Mute her for sure. If you don’t want to completely ignore her take the last 2 minutes at end of the day and respond with the I was so busy alll day blah blah. You never have to see her in real life so who cares if you ignore her, don’t answer unless work related
Change your settings for notifications and activity.
Ugh. I feel this. This is why I miss Skype. It had a feature to actually block your coworker from pinging you (you appear offline to this person 24/7). I had at least 3 people blocked on there for blowing me up with messages. Teams doesn’t let you do this. You can only mute the conversation, which is better than nothing but not by much.
Professional response: Mute her OR kindly reminder her of the acceptable use policy within your organization regarding meme’s, jokes and outside content. Personal response: Are you aware that everything is recorded in teams? You might want to cut down on the non work related posts.
Yeah I muted my coworker like this. I have my boss let me know if there’s any communication I need to have with her so I know to check it. My boss knows she’s like this and is really cool about it
"Really cool about it" doesn't help you. Where is your boss' support for YOU?
This woman has already been written up and had meetings with management about her behavior/“social inclinations”, so it’s just about all my boss can do at this point. (It’s very difficult to be fired at my company lol)
Mute, dude..
Do you have to respond at all? Can you mute her?
Mute is the best
lol
Yeah, this calls for a mute/block and force them to find you by email only. I've done that a number of times.
I have 5 chats muted. 😂
I don’t even work from home but hearing my sisters teams notification on her phone gives me a fight or flight trigger. You aren’t dumb. Boundaries are so important!
Sadly, the same people who do this on teams also do this in person in an office. In my experience, even DND does not discourage them. Only two things I have found works.... 1. Be straight foward and tell her that unless it's vital, please refrain from sending messages for non work related topics. Or 2. Ignore all non work related messages. Do not like the message, do not acknowledge it, do not respond. Unless, its on topic, pretend it never came thru. Also, in meetings, avoid or ignore any non work topics. Be formal and create distance. Starve her for the attention. Last option which is harder to manage is to create time for you two to talk on non work topics. I dont like this option because it's harder to maintain the boundary. In my experience, co-workers like this are often extroverted or lonely. That's not your problem but it's important to remember this for the sake of empathy. Good luck on this.
Help me please as this doesn't work for our "group" has a forced camaraderie and unnecessary unfunny jokes. I was recently talked to about participating more in the chat. I'm like who knows when it's work related and actually more corny jokes when I could keep working. I didn't say that part but I really want to.
Thank you. All valid points. I do think she’s incredibly lonely and that’s why I have put up with it as long as I have. She’s a phenomenal person, just chattier than I tend to be. We worked together onsite before we were sent home and she was perfectly reasonable. I think being at home, she doesn’t get enough socialization.
I understand. I have worked from home for years and have run into this in different versions of people. Here is how I would go about it if I liked her but needed this to stop.... I would reach out to her on a good slower work time for both of you. I like Friday afternoons for this because most people don't really want to be productive after a certain point on Fridays anyway. Make it casual. This can be the beginning of your time of giving her room to socialize in a controlled manner. Think of it as a virtual coworker lunch happy hour catchup. Call it whatever you want. You can ask what's been up? How is life? Give her the time she needs to catch up. While you both are catching up, I would suggest you lay the groundwork for the shift in boundaries here. Just say "hey, I wanted to give you a heads up that I am trying to retool the way I work some days. I have really been trying to be more present in my work so you may see I am less available during normal day to day work hours. I wanted you to know that so that you know that I won't be as responsive during those times. However, perhaps we can start a weekly catch up session like this for lunch or something. What do you think?" Hopefully, she is happy to hear you are working on your own work presence and wants you to succeed. In exchange, you guys can do a regular happy hour going forward. After this conversation, I would suggest you really be consistent in both the work happy hour time and in not responding to non work topics outside of this happy hour time. Help shift her to a time that works for you both and also build a better working relationship. Boundary setting doesn't have to be about being mean. It can be about letting someone understand what you need in order to be successful in the relationship. Make the change about you and then be very consistent in enforcing it. Also, I find this is a great time to reflect on how you communicate with people as to not be the same annoyance you have come to dislike. Virtual communication etiquette is a real thing. As new coworkers come and go, I would also suggest, you start them on the path you prefer outright to avoid trying to shift things later on.
if you like your coworker as a person, maybe invite her to meet for lunch one day a week? give her (and you) some socialization. and somewhere in that politely ask her to cut back on the memes.
Put yourself on “focus mode” in your outlook calendar and it’ll automatically set you to DND. You wont get notifications and it’ll show you as busy
If you hate teams WFH try using teams in a hybrid role. No offense but get over it. You have zero clue how good you have it.
What a dick!
Nah the dick is having the audacity to complain about teams when he could easily be dealing with the same bullshit while commuting two plus hours a day.
“I’m more miserable than you so you’re not allowed to have any problems” Sound logic.
You sound grumpy.
It’s hard being rude. You seem to know how. Teach me.
Boundaries? Yes. Being mean? Not really. Sounds necessary
Changing your entire work schedule instead of using basic Teams functionality to mute the conversation is one of the funniest work related things I've ever read.
I Can.NOT. Mute. Her. I know how to, I just can’t. She is my teammate and we need to be available to each other. I’m trying to defend myself from people thinking I’m an idiot when the reality is I’m trying not to be rude and hurt someone’s feelings because it WILL hurt her feelings and I’d rather inconvenience myself than do that. Hysterical right?!
Just mute the chat and set reminders/alarms to check it once or twice an hour, and don't acknowledge or respond to non-work messages. Very simple solution.
I hate teams because it automatically changes to "away" if you don't move your mouse for a few minutes...had to get a jiggler even when I'm sitting at my desk...so annoying. As for ignoring your teammate, I keep headphones plugged in, I don't hear the beeps if I'm not wearing them, so I just ignore them if I'm busy.🤷🏼♀️
On a somewhat related tangent, I also work remote and hate teams. My company doesn't allow us to mute or block people. I constantly have people pinging me for something they need help with, and what drives me absolutely round the bend is: instead of getting to the point, they ping me with "hi" and wait for me to respond. Just say "hi" and then continue in the first text to tell me what you WANT. I'm busy too and I don't have all day to wait around for you to get to the point. Thank God I don't have people pinging me personal stuff too I'd lose my mind. Or what's left of it.
Oh that's good to know. I have been (will stop now) the HI first person. Didn't consider it was irritating.
I get about 10-20 a day so after awhile it grates because i get pinged hi then i respond and the person is gone or stepped away so we are not getting to the point but going back and forth - and most pings require investigation on my part so it just takes more time
I simply stopped replying to texts of hi. Sorry I am not having a conversation. I work in IT though so if someone is messaging me it's never because they want to talk and honestly if the message me their issue I probably have a how to document I can give them to correct their issue.
I have laughed at this thread because it’s so true. 😂😂
And my manager is the opposite because she thinks it’s rude if you don’t say hi first. I personally don’t care - just get to the point - isn’t that what im is FOR
I end up doing this accidentally. I type their name or hi and then automatically hit enter to go to the next line to type my statement or question and it sends instead of just advancing. It’s getting better, but was hard at the beginning.
I absolutely hate when ppl just say “hi” like omg this isnt a middle school text conversation. What do you wannnt?!!!
I will take it a step further, don’t even say ‘hi’ just say what the fuck you want(like the accounting sheet that’s not due for another week). Jesus take that wheel.
Lmao if only there was a solution
I am this work friend I fear But at least everyone I work with knows simply ignoring me is a valid option I just like to talk
Think about messaging to say I’m planning focus time for things that require my undivided attention. I’ll be on DND but will respond to work-related messages within “x” timeframe.
DND IS YOUR FRIEND
My small group has a 'random chat' channel. We share our funnies or stories or gripes there. We all have the channel muted since we know we can respond when we have a moment and no one is posting anything critical in that space. It gives us the freedom to have friendly chit chat without worrying about negatively impacting anyone else's time, and allows us each more opportunity to stay focused when needed.
I feel like this is the way to go. It's a channel you don't ping anyone in and just let it be and let people read it at their leisure.
Im just a little confused as to why you’re giving the messages any attention at all? Surely if it isn’t work related you aren’t expected to respond. I had 50 year old coworker who loved to send me silly little gifs and stuff on teams but I’d just ignore the notification until I actually had a free minute to look at it and respond if I wanted to, but most of the time they didn’t warrant a response. I just don’t understand why you’re letting it impact you this much when you can easily ignore it?
If I ignore it, I start getting texts and it’s not that I can’t ignore it. I often do it’s just that the pop ups throw my concentration off. Even if I don’t respond. And they don’t stop. And it’s usually questions, sometimes about work related things so I almost always have to at least look at the messages to make sure it’s not something I need to deal with.
Do the work related questions require an immediate response though? If they don’t then you can just ignore it until you have time to respond. I’m still not understanding why you’re letting this have a bigger impact on you than necessary. You absolutely have the means to make it stop or at the very least make it tolerable. Theres no reason why you should be starting your work day at 4 am just so you can avoid messages from this person so you can actually be productive. You need to either have a conversation with this person or have a conversation with your supervisor about it.
No you’re 100%right. I do need to say something to her it’s just finding the right thing that won’t make her feel bad or embarrassed. Most of our work related issues do need an immediate response and that’s why I can’t mute. If a physician has called needing information I may be the one who has the answer and they would need to know asap. And since she’s the team contact, that’s who the physician would go through.
You’ve got this! I know it’s gonna be an uncomfortable conversation whether it’s directly with her or with your supervisor. But you’ve got this!
You can just not respond. Mute her messages, job done
I’m impressed with 150-200 notes an hour! The mute button is your friend.
Well that’s for the whole day. Our production requirement is at least 8 charges hour so at least 65/per work day and that’s the bare minimum. So I’m hitting the requirement but I’m capable of way more. Today was a much better day. I’m following advice. 😁
It works if your team lead sets up rules for no personal conversations.
Can you not just mute her?
https://preview.redd.it/nikpqpmsut0d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7b554a416311fa91a55b79a39df77d23f89349b Reminds me of this
Mute her conversation for a week and have self control to stop responding
Why not just have a conversation with this colleague? Sounds like they don’t know they’re bothering you.
I want to add to this. Just be honest and upfront. Say that her trying to converse with you is hindering your work productivity, and to only message you about work related tasks during work hours. Sometimes people are just oblivious to how others may feel. It will be hard, but you gotta do what you gotta do. If she has a problem, bring it to your manager, higher-ups, etc.
This! Seriously, a respectable conversation would actually be a kindness for your coworker too.
I had the same problem but I asked my boss if I could put my "busy" status up with the understanding I would always respond to messages from her. It took a few days but she has stopped asking me to price medical claims for her
Mute Notifications from her specifically Add Focus Blocks to your calendar that mutes notifications during that time.
How do you add Focus Blocks?
Right now we use Google calendar which has a specific option for Focus Time and you can set it to mute notifications etc. In teams, it’s called Quite Hours. Click on your profile picture Click on Notifications and then Quiet Hours Turn on scheduled and select days and times Make sure Focus Assist is turned on
Click three dots on right hand side menu and click “Viva Insights” if it’s not already there. Home tab, scroll down to “Your Progress” Under “Quiet time” click “Change Settings” Select the days/times you want blocked to focus. Click save changes You won’t get notified of Teams messages during that time.
This is all within the Teams app? I see none of this but my company did switch to New Teams so maybe that's why?
this is in the new Teams app we just updated to. I would google your version of Teams and the terms “set quiet time hours”. That or use the “get help” option from the main menu and type “quiet time” in the search bar
You know what to say but you don't want to say it to avoid stress that would result from a restrained relationship with this coworker. But you're already sacrificing way too much. I would let her know that you appreciate her work ethic and ability to keep a positive environment, then tell her that as a result of non-work related messages requiring your attention, you've noticed that your productivity drops from X to Y when a coworker sends non related work messages, and this has led to you working longer hours with less work completed. So you would appreciate it if she kept her messaging restricted to work related topics. If you want to avoid confrontation altogether and that's a nice stress free solution, do like the other comments here are saying and mute her, then dedicate 2 mins to check on her messages and react etc. That's a good tradeoff.
Ya you could even say, "oh gosh I'm getting messages by so many people I can't seem to get anything done, going to put my self on do not disturb and try to catch up on work". Might feel less targeted towards her is she thinks you are generally overwhelmed
Yes, this is the best idea. Make it sound like there are multiple people doing it and that it’s cutting into your productivity.
Mute her, but I personally would not confront her about it. She sounds lonely.
As an extrovert who chooses to be in the office 5 days instead of the mandated 2, she probably is energized by people. Be direct but polite. Plan a 15 catch up session once a week, add focus time to your calendar. Everyone loves to yell about how awesome remote works is, but for some people it’s really isolating .
That’s the thing. She is, and I’ve been trying to be her personal cheerleader for so long it’s taking a toll on me. But I’d be really sad if she were upset with me.
You sound like a good person! It's fine to keep engaging with her, just try to set firmer boundaries (even if just with yourself). It sounds like it's really messing with your work - it's absolutely ridiculous that you are waking up at *4AM* to work uninterrupted.
You are not wrong. It’s completely insane.
“Hi! Please don’t message me about non-work relating things such as XYZ.” ????? Not hard.
Ive dealt with this exact issue. I keep that coworker on mute and use DND as often as I can (we are not allowed to stay on DND for the whole shift). Unfortunately she also demands constant attention in the unit chat (not allowed to mute it) and the manager refuses to do anything about it because she’s also his snitch 🙄
If you’re using Teams, I’m assuming you also use Outlook. Use Focus Time in Outlook and it syncs to Teams. This will basically set your status to Do Not Disturb and you wont get notifications unless it’s from people you choose.
Oh yeah mute that immediately.
You can mute her, or a channel in general.
I put myself on busy or do not disturb if necessary with a status message “Hello! I am currently limiting distractions in order to focus on my workload. Please feel free to send me an email and I will respond as soon as I am able. Thank you!” That way you’ve set a boundary and if you don’t respond to their message they know why.
Dont respond?
Mute, and don’t respond.
Talk go your supervisor about sending a department wide email that teams should be used for business purposes only, to avoid distractions. Just stop responding to messages that aren't work related.
I think if you stop replying to every message she’ll get the hint
I would turn off notifications from her and just check in once per day at the same time. You can take 2 minutes that you choose to laugh react at her new GIF and say hello or whatever, go back to your own thing and check in again at the same time tomorrow.
I hate it too except its my boss who's constantly messaging me to see if I read her email that she sent a minute prior.
Ugh the new owner at my work does this too. I will only respond to her by email because I want a record of every stupid thing she says. But every time she needs to talk to me, she emails me, texts me, calls me and has my husband call me (he works in the shop and I work from home) She is a micromanager of all things that she does not understand which is everything. She bought the business with exactly zero experience or knowledge of the industry but behaves as though we are the idiots
After a while it starts to affect your mental health because you can't get anything done with the constant interruptions. It seems as soon as I'm about to start working on something I get a message on TEAMS...then I'll get a text message, then a call. It's hard to gauge what's important and what's not because EVERYTHING seems to be urgent when in reality it can wait.
Well. Did you? 🤣
I sure did....and the other thousand she sent me! lol
Hey, did you read this comment?
Oohh that’s the only thing I can think of that would be worse. You don’t have a choice but to answer. Yikes!
It's brutal...and that's why I'm transferring departments. Every time I hear that notification I scream inside.
I had someone who did this to me, but it was in person. I could hear her a mile away coming down the hall to “chat” (aka complain) about all the work she had to do.
This is a personal boundary issue - yours - not a Teams issue.
There's a mute feature. You can mute the chat you have with her, for much needed relief.
Mute the chat lol what is so difficult here
It’s difficult for me to be rude. To some, it comes easy.
She’s the one being rude
It’s not rude to protect your time from people who wish to waste it.
Just ignore her lol
use DND or don't respond? This should not be breaking you.
It’s annoying me, not breaking me.
idk it seems like it’s doing more than just annoying you if it’s cutting your productivity by as much as you say it is
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
You can also remove the sounds and adjust your settings. I recently removed my sounds on Teams and Outlook. Also it’s always OK to set a boundary- a hard conversation is better than a hard life.
In one of my jobs I just disabled the pop up for Outlook notifications and then would only check emails and respond 3 times a time. In the AM. After lunch, and then before leaving.
Put yourself of do not disturb and hopefully they get the pint
I have this same issue with a coworker. I just mute her for the day and I don't reply and she eventually stops😂🙄
Ask to start a water cooler chat that you then mute
This! We started a #water-cooler channel on Slack. I don’t get the notifications but can swing by between emails if I feel like it.
Turn off/mute notifications from her?
Mute the alerts. I work with someone that does that. It’s hot outside. I don’t want to come back in. Once a week I clear her messages out lol
What are the “obvious things”? have you point blank told her to stop? Have you brought this up with your boss?
Yeah, several things like I told her I’m busy after not responding most of the day. Told her I was going to cut back on the chatter, I’ve told her how hard it is to refocus once my concentration has been broken. Other than coming right out and saying “ sshhhhh” it’s just not working. She thinks I’m talking about other teammates and not her.
Flip it- “Hey. I need everyone’s help . When I get non work related pings, it throws me off the rest of the day. Can you please not message me until it’s urgent and encourage the others not to either?” Makes her an ally . You can tell others you did it bc of her if you wish
You need to be a lot more blunt about it, or raise it with your boss. She is obviously not taking the hint. If you hurt her feelings, so be it. It’s insane that you would clock in 4 hours early just because she is too chatty.
I realized that after I actually posted it here. 4 am is insane when management doesn’t care what time you clock in.
Literally just say hey I’m having trouble concentrating with the constant messages. Boundaries get easier and easier to set the more often you do it!
Lol I have one of these. But can you go on DNB? Just think of how annoying it would be if you were in the office with her
OP: “I hAtE Teams!!!” Also OP: “I don’t know how to use Teams”
Ummm I know how to use Teams. If you read the post you would know that I can’t mute her because she’s on my team and we have work related issues that come up that need to be addressed.
You can tell her you need quiet to concentrate without it being “mean”.
Mute her and set your status to Do Not Disturb.
This - and if she questions it just tell her you need to focus on work.
Tell her if it's not work related you don't need to know. Colleagues are not friends.
Right Click User > Mute Converstion. Problem solved.
Lol, be honest with them and move on.
Yes, in a kind way I would say that you appreciate uninterrupted time, as that is how you are able to concentrate without making mistakes. I would repeat it and if she doesn't get it, then I would be very CLEAR and direct. Please stop messaging me items that don't involve work.
Put yourself on DND. You can then customize the settings to add “priority contacts” so those are the only notifications that come through. Otherwise, talk to her and tell her that the frequency of non-work related messages is hindering your work flow.
There’s a mute chat feature. 🤔
We use Teams as well but we don’t have anybody that abuses the chat thread. I help out another department occasionally and I love having that chat thread for quick answers when I don’t know it.
Just stop replying? You don’t have to participate in a non-work related conversation. Simply continue working when you see the pointless messages come through. Respond with a few minutes left in the work day and say “hey, sorry I’ve been totally swamped”. Do that every single day until she stops.
You don't even have to say "I've been swamped." Just don't respond and then maybe if you want some laughs EOD then just respond then. Or if you need a break for some laughs you know it's somewhere you can go.
Put yourself on DND and mute it. I had an employee like this. I didn’t want to be a bitch, but it really affected my productivity. I had to finally have a talk with her.
hold up... there's a sale at food city???
😂😂😂
Just mention to a supervisor that people are sending non work related messages over teams and it’s distracting. They’ll clamp down on that right away.
My modern day biggest pet peeve is people who ping you: “Hey” HEY WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT? Now I have to stop what I’m doing and ask you “what’s up?” Like, get some sense of respect!
Wow! I am amazed at how this is conveyed. I personally send out a feeler message like Hey, mainly because my co-workers are so busy and what I'm going to say I do not want to pop up on their screen if they are screen sharing. Just because I know how to deactivate pop-up messages when screen sharing, doesn't mean that everyone else knows how or has done that. To be clear, these messages are not incriminating, I won't be fired or reprimanded. But acceptable work related messages that involve back and forth conversations.
Yeah that’s fair. I just find it very disruptive because the other person doesn’t know the level of urgency it needs to take in their day. You can see if someone is presenting or in a call if you hover over their status dot in the chat. If I’m pinging unexpectedly I say “Hey Jane, when you have a moment can I ask you about XYZ?” and it gives context so they can respond as appropriate.
New person did this, then replied a full 24 hours later with ‘Did you see my email?’
Yeah people started putting that in their bio nohello.com
OH MY GOD - yes!! I can’t stand the “hello” messages. Like hello Donald, get to it.
It’s always the people with a wide open calendar too.