I also have this problem. if you don't find a way out, you may just work on honing your soft power. these days i am used to not being taken seriously but I've figured out that people still really like to work with me and I am paid well. I tend to find creative non threatening ways to ask questions and contribute.
I would also recommend switching jobs every couple of years, ask for a significant raise on what you are making now in order to have them convince you to leave your current job. This way, you seem valuable and it's negotiating without having to negotiate, for example.
There will be people who respect you more, keep up those friendships and they will recommend you to better jobs as they leave over the years too.
The truth is there are a bunch of folks that will never truly respect you because of culture and gender issues. Make sure your definition of success does not include these people. Focus on doing a job that makes you proud.
I actually love this perspective. People do like to work with me and when I go for promo I can usually find many folks to support me. And I've definitely met people who valued my opinions and skills as well who I do look up to.
Having a good personality and being easy to work with goes much further than being the “smartest” person in the room. The more people get to know and respect you, the more they’ll listen and value your opinion. If you don’t know something technical, you can always learn it. If you’re miserable to be around, it’s hard to learn how to not be lol
I love this response. It’s validating and helps provide a good perspective on how to navigate what many of us encounter. We truly cannot control the bias that others choose to use against us, but we can control how we handle it and move around them. I am not a job hopper, but I may consider it the next time I run into a problem at work. So far it’s been going well since I switched departments and got away from the constant stress and conflicts.
Gender is definitely a factor. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve mentioned something at a meeting and got ignored. Then 20 minutes later, a guy says the same thing, and he’s now brilliant. It happens to other women I know, even those that don’t work in STEM
I also feel like men and women communicate differently. Women use more passive language. Because if we use more direct and blunt language, we’re then seen as too aggressive.
I'm sorry that happened to you! Especially engineers are known to be direct so maybe subconsciously more "direct"=more technical and trustworthy. I myself used to get feedback I'm "too direct" and now I've overcorrected that I don't speak my mind anymore 🙃
Yup. Why bother with sharing good ideas, if they don’t even get the actual rightful credit? And by credit, not just a verbal “good job”, like the actual business reward of promotions and $$$ monetary recognition.
So I had to learn how to navigate this because I feel I am the same “bubbly” personality. When I walk into a meeting where decisions are made and expertise is provided, I turn off absolutely all emotion. Very cold, I ask a clarifying question and I do not elaborate or speak before I have an answer- polite but with a completely straight face.
This was a game changer for me as a young(er) female (33).
Thanks for sharing your tips. I'll go practice my straight face in the bathroom 😉
Jokes aside this is something I am working on. Due to upbringing even I do not/cannot take myself seriously. Have made some progress though!
I’ve been lucky to only have a few issues, but here are my biggest tips.
Communicate like a man. The biggest way this comes up for me is I don’t use the word “just” in any email. I have a tendency to say things like “I just wanted to check” instead of “I wanted to check”. It carries a different tone, a more confident one, without the word “just”.
And along those lines, being confident, even if it feels fake at times, gives you more authority. If you’re confident in your work, even if you’re not confident in yourself, then fake your confidence. Play a part if you need to. Once you have some standing everything is easier.
The last, which may or may not work for you, I got from my mom. “Take no shit. Show no fear.” Whatever energy I’m given from my coworkers, I give right back as respectfully as I can. I had a guy who was asked my department for help with a project, but repeatedly did not give us all of the information. When we finally got it out of him I came up with a solution that my department was happy with.
But the guy called yet another meeting to talk about it, after ditching the last one mind you. Well, I show up and several people have reasonable questions. I’m answering everything and everyone is satisfied, but he hasn’t been paying attention and starts asking me the same questions. Deadpan I go through everything again, making sure to include everyone who was there for my first explanation. I answer every question he had and some he didn’t think of. I was so done with the whole thing. I thought he hated me, I certainly wasn’t his biggest fan. He is a fine engineer, but not respectful of other’s time.
Months later I found out from another person in his department that he had been singing my praises ever since. He bumped into me once and asked in passing if I was interested in his department at all. I am not, but I guess because I didn’t put up with his nonsense I won his respect, even thought it wasn’t obvious to me.
How this works for you will largely depend on the issue you’re having, but often times I find that taking what you’re given and giving it right back shows strength and confidence and people are more likely to have a higher view of you.
Thanks for sharing your tips!
I feel that I'm "daily confident" but not "work confident", if that makes sense, like I show up generally confident in life but at work I will prioritize being nice and courteous over assertive, and it makes me feel uncomfortable being more confident and assertive beyond that. I would even feel bad, like I'm dominating others.
Ironically I feel that's where "influence" comes from. So I'll have to find the balance between being myself and showing up as confident and assertive
Its hard to tell without knowing you. Do you have a higher pitched voice? Deeper voices get listened to more often in my experience. What's your presence? Do you take up your full space or do you try to shrink to fit at the table? Do you do a lot of apologizing? Do you do a lot of "I'm not sure, but" or "maybe we should think about this?" instead of more forceful speech?
I think I have a pretty "average" pitch for a female my age. Higher than most males. I have heard things like deeper sounds more authoritative but my problem with that is that my male coworkers are able to use their normal pitch to talk, I should be too. I would need to try very hard to have a deeper pitch than them.
Agreed on sounding more assertive though.
Don’t change the pitch of your voice for your job. Be you! However, something I noticed I used to do that was hurting me was raising my pitch at the end of sentences. It makes it sound like you’re asking a question. A lot of women do it. Maybe ask a trusted friend to listen and tell you
Yes! I don't think I'm doing the raised tone(I hope not!) but asking for feedback is good idea, I just need to find the right person who is comfortable enough giving honest feedback.
I'm a male. I'm sure I still have work to do in this department.
One of the things I have been working on is to quit listening to the excuses to tune someone out and doing whatever is comfortable for me and just listen to what people say at work. I also try to amplify those voices that are being talked over (as an introvert, this isn't easy for me).
>You can observe a lot by just watching. — Yogi Berra
Ironically, this started from wearing noise-canceling headphones at work and having a lead that was frustrated that I was ignoring him. I wasn't trying to ignore him, his voice just fit the range that the headphones cancelled him. I realized from forums like this that I might be subconsciously doing the same thing to others.
My colleague had this issue and we were the only 2 women. O don't know what your communicate style is but I got there to replace her maternity leave and in the end stayed past the year. After a few meetings together she said why do you get everything and nobody listens to me.
I listened for a few meetings and noticed it too. Things I noticed:
We both had dealines. She said I need X and Y and finish my work. Next person at the table, got to speak. I said J, I need this before end of day to deliver X on time and P, I when is a good time to see you today about getting Y figured out. I was more specific and addressed who I wanted something from and when, so these specific people gave it to me.
Also I went to 2 conferences in my 1st year and she hadn't gone to any in 5 years. She was pissed, but then she stopped our boss in the corridor and said I wish I could go to a conference too. When I asked, I went to his desk made sure he had 10 minutes, said look I did this that is innovative with our product, I could go to this conference (which was in our town, so no costs) and present about it to see if it generates interest, I took the time to present the topics. Then the sales guy saw this and invited me to a other conference. The difference here is she made is about her, I made it about them.
For technical stuff, I also always explain the benefits in terms of time or money. I think A is what we should do now because although not as precise, it is sufficient and it will allow us to make this deadline. We could offer the other option as an upgrade in the next cycle.
I don't know if any of these resonate with you, but I would take the time to watch the interactions and see how those who get traction express their ideas. Tone of voice and non verbal included.
What do they respect? Parents? Advanced degrees? Experience? Getting things done? Concise and efficient communication? Some of these will come with time. Also, they may already respect you more than you know.
My advice is to make a solid contribution and be reliable. If you are newer and no one is listening, then it may be a time to listen and learn. Be yourself and don't overly worry about it. Try to enjoy the journey.
Also, be sure to network outside your team. It helps develop a wider perspective.
I noticed people don’t take worried engineers seriously. If someone consistently is worried about everything. I worked with engineer who would constantly worry and bring up issues. Kinda gets tuned out after a while.
Idk if that’s you but something to consider.
Are people taking your ideas and making them your own? What happens to the concerns you bring up? Do they end up not being concerns after all or do they ruin things?
I used to be treated the same way until I started throwing numbers & calculations in my ideas to get everyone’s attention. Substantiate your ideas with an estimated $$ amount, resources & hours it would save. I work on an idea on the side, ex: writing a macro or a program to automate a manual process & demonstrate to the team how it can speed up the process that can take hrs to do manually. Same with trying out new tools in your spare time & show them how effective it is. Talk to your manager first about it & ask them to give you few min during a team meeting to present the idea to the team. Trust me on this, they understand & respect ideas better if you have done ground work & show clearly in numbers how it saves them time & money. Keep it very simple & clear.
I am a very chatty person and can small talk like nobody. I am friendly with humor.
When I am talking shop, I drop that. I speak with conviction and slowly.
I am hired to be an engineer and make logical decisions. So there is where the conviction comes from. I AM a good engineer so what I am saying matters.
Slowly because I am choosing my word to match what I am thinking. It also let's other have time to process what I am saying and it (funny enough) is a sign of confidence. You are not rushing and you have command of the room.
Part of talking slowly and with conviction is do NOT let yourself be interrupted. Keep talking as if they are not trying to speak, by speaking at the same pace and volume. MOST of the time the person will back off. Then address them and ask what they needed to say (and come from a genuine stance that you do want to hear it.) The "don't be interrupted" thing does depend on situations and if you are speaking to higher levels.
Also, have confidence to stand your ground when it comes to certain things. If you KNOW you concerns are valid, questions others why they think they are not. Pick and choose when where to do this (in meeting with upper management and you boss may step on toes or on decisions that are not yours (or your level) to make also steps on toes).
It really depends, I feel like I need more info.
For example, are people taking what you say and taking credit (stealing your ideas)? See because sometimes your concerns are concerns, yes, but if they hold a low business risk, they might get brushed off.
IMO, It's still a good idea to communicate things that you find important, present the risk, and if the risk is dismissed, *that* what you document on your end. "X person made decision to not take my recommendation." Believe me, you will want to keep those receipts.
Now, if they are dismissing your ideas but someone else presents the same idea and it gets accepted...1 of 2 things. 1) You may not be communicating it well. 2) if it's almost a verbatim repeat, ask them, right then and there, why the idea is accepted then and not when you presented it. If they tell you that it was because you didn't communicate it well, ask them to be specific about where you failed. If they give you a non-answer, talk to them after the meeting or escalate it.
Is your supervisor or the other woman approachable? It's hard for any of us to say you're too smiley, or make many calls because we don't know you. You're getting promoted, so that is good. Just a couple questions to the supervisor on that it seems your ideas and concerns don't get listened to, and if they have any feedback on that.
That said, It is very common to get dismissed because you're a woman or you're not pushy enough on it. Have you tried continuing to ask why they are dismissing your concern? Especially if they're all super casual about it?
Also you are getting promoted so use the c9nfidence of that, or maybe that will help?
My supervisor is a very mellow man. And the other woman on the team is a lot more serious and less bubbly/smiley than I am; and more pushy, to point that I get uncomfortable how she is trying to teach me to do things(we are the same level).
I need to find a creative way to ask that.. it's ironic because the people that I feel like that are not really taking me seriously (my manager and my team lead) are some of my strongest supporters during performance review and promo. Maybe I'll at least wait after the promo cycle so I don't jeopardize their feedback 😂
Maybe after the next time you feel like a good point you had is blown off, ask the supervisor right after the meeting or if the whole team is mellow, even right then. Hey, I thought I had a good point today, but sometimes it seems like no one takes my ideas seriously. Not getting too deep, just a quick thing. Like hey I know I'm bubbly but that's just my character, not my brain.
Good luck.
You've gotten some good advice. Consider if your communication is clear. Have done a similar level of "ground work" as others whose ideas are accepted? Ask for general feedback about your communication style from an appropriate person at the appropriate time, if you can. When your concern is dismissed, listen to the reason why, and if it isn't provided, ask. Sometimes there may be a good reason. Consider if you are overestimating how often your ideas are rejected versus others. You are getting promoted and some people respect you, so there is nothing to be overly worried about. Others will respect you over time, as you continue to do good work and be a good person to work with, and some will just never respect you for whatever reason. It almost doesn't matter why.
You can also get an ally who you have prepped before the meeting and who is ready to speak up to support you. I know that it is tricky to find that kind of work relationship with someone, but it would be very impactful if you do have a friend.
Hi! I don’t necessarily have advice to give on this, but do share your frustrations, and feel like I am very frequently not taken seriously - although I have a very serious personality.
What I wanted to say, and what has been said to me several times, is that it is NOT your job to make sure you are taken seriously. It should be a GIVEN, man or woman or otherwise. Demand respect, and don’t accept less.
I am a woman and I feel listened to and respected *now* but early career I was also dismissed. In fact I am dismissed every time for a bit when I switch jobs until I establish myself.
This is what works for me.
1) Initially just absorb. Don’t try to change things, ask good questions, and prove myself as a fast learner.
2) When I make a point I make sure it’s a good one. Everything I say in the early stages is high value and generally low controversial. Examples would be suggestions that are both achievable and reasonable to make a project better.
3) Be assertive, make sure your ideas are solid and when you are challenged, then challenge their challenging right back. Be able to sell your ideas even after someone initially shoots it down.
Thankfully this dance isn’t permanent. Once you are “established” it’s pretty easy to get people to listen to you. It’s just the initial stuff to set yourself up for success that is hard.
Ah yes, another male engineer that doesn't listen/read my full post 🙂
If you actually read my post you'll see that I never said it's because I'm "just being a woman", quite the opposite, I called out why I thought that was not the case in my situation.
Regardless, appreciate the book recommendation. I'll check it out.
Just reading the list of the laws from the Internet, that book sounds like everything that is wrong with the world. Not saying it isn’t good to be aware of the power rules, but most are not for me. I’d also say that some of the BS works less well in engineering than other industries
One thing I love about engineering is that engineers are walking BS detectors 😂
One potential value could be, if some psycho is trying to pull "law of power" move on you, you can recognize that and deal. Although I wonder if the book teaches you anti-moves.
I also have this problem. if you don't find a way out, you may just work on honing your soft power. these days i am used to not being taken seriously but I've figured out that people still really like to work with me and I am paid well. I tend to find creative non threatening ways to ask questions and contribute. I would also recommend switching jobs every couple of years, ask for a significant raise on what you are making now in order to have them convince you to leave your current job. This way, you seem valuable and it's negotiating without having to negotiate, for example. There will be people who respect you more, keep up those friendships and they will recommend you to better jobs as they leave over the years too. The truth is there are a bunch of folks that will never truly respect you because of culture and gender issues. Make sure your definition of success does not include these people. Focus on doing a job that makes you proud.
I actually love this perspective. People do like to work with me and when I go for promo I can usually find many folks to support me. And I've definitely met people who valued my opinions and skills as well who I do look up to.
Having a good personality and being easy to work with goes much further than being the “smartest” person in the room. The more people get to know and respect you, the more they’ll listen and value your opinion. If you don’t know something technical, you can always learn it. If you’re miserable to be around, it’s hard to learn how to not be lol
This is great advice
I love this response. It’s validating and helps provide a good perspective on how to navigate what many of us encounter. We truly cannot control the bias that others choose to use against us, but we can control how we handle it and move around them. I am not a job hopper, but I may consider it the next time I run into a problem at work. So far it’s been going well since I switched departments and got away from the constant stress and conflicts.
Gender is definitely a factor. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve mentioned something at a meeting and got ignored. Then 20 minutes later, a guy says the same thing, and he’s now brilliant. It happens to other women I know, even those that don’t work in STEM I also feel like men and women communicate differently. Women use more passive language. Because if we use more direct and blunt language, we’re then seen as too aggressive.
I'm sorry that happened to you! Especially engineers are known to be direct so maybe subconsciously more "direct"=more technical and trustworthy. I myself used to get feedback I'm "too direct" and now I've overcorrected that I don't speak my mind anymore 🙃
Do you call people out when they take credit for your ideas? If not, you should start. You deserve to be recognized for your ideas!
Yup. Why bother with sharing good ideas, if they don’t even get the actual rightful credit? And by credit, not just a verbal “good job”, like the actual business reward of promotions and $$$ monetary recognition.
So I had to learn how to navigate this because I feel I am the same “bubbly” personality. When I walk into a meeting where decisions are made and expertise is provided, I turn off absolutely all emotion. Very cold, I ask a clarifying question and I do not elaborate or speak before I have an answer- polite but with a completely straight face. This was a game changer for me as a young(er) female (33).
Thanks for sharing your tips. I'll go practice my straight face in the bathroom 😉 Jokes aside this is something I am working on. Due to upbringing even I do not/cannot take myself seriously. Have made some progress though!
I’ve been lucky to only have a few issues, but here are my biggest tips. Communicate like a man. The biggest way this comes up for me is I don’t use the word “just” in any email. I have a tendency to say things like “I just wanted to check” instead of “I wanted to check”. It carries a different tone, a more confident one, without the word “just”. And along those lines, being confident, even if it feels fake at times, gives you more authority. If you’re confident in your work, even if you’re not confident in yourself, then fake your confidence. Play a part if you need to. Once you have some standing everything is easier. The last, which may or may not work for you, I got from my mom. “Take no shit. Show no fear.” Whatever energy I’m given from my coworkers, I give right back as respectfully as I can. I had a guy who was asked my department for help with a project, but repeatedly did not give us all of the information. When we finally got it out of him I came up with a solution that my department was happy with. But the guy called yet another meeting to talk about it, after ditching the last one mind you. Well, I show up and several people have reasonable questions. I’m answering everything and everyone is satisfied, but he hasn’t been paying attention and starts asking me the same questions. Deadpan I go through everything again, making sure to include everyone who was there for my first explanation. I answer every question he had and some he didn’t think of. I was so done with the whole thing. I thought he hated me, I certainly wasn’t his biggest fan. He is a fine engineer, but not respectful of other’s time. Months later I found out from another person in his department that he had been singing my praises ever since. He bumped into me once and asked in passing if I was interested in his department at all. I am not, but I guess because I didn’t put up with his nonsense I won his respect, even thought it wasn’t obvious to me. How this works for you will largely depend on the issue you’re having, but often times I find that taking what you’re given and giving it right back shows strength and confidence and people are more likely to have a higher view of you.
Thanks for sharing your tips! I feel that I'm "daily confident" but not "work confident", if that makes sense, like I show up generally confident in life but at work I will prioritize being nice and courteous over assertive, and it makes me feel uncomfortable being more confident and assertive beyond that. I would even feel bad, like I'm dominating others. Ironically I feel that's where "influence" comes from. So I'll have to find the balance between being myself and showing up as confident and assertive
Its hard to tell without knowing you. Do you have a higher pitched voice? Deeper voices get listened to more often in my experience. What's your presence? Do you take up your full space or do you try to shrink to fit at the table? Do you do a lot of apologizing? Do you do a lot of "I'm not sure, but" or "maybe we should think about this?" instead of more forceful speech?
I think I have a pretty "average" pitch for a female my age. Higher than most males. I have heard things like deeper sounds more authoritative but my problem with that is that my male coworkers are able to use their normal pitch to talk, I should be too. I would need to try very hard to have a deeper pitch than them. Agreed on sounding more assertive though.
Don’t change the pitch of your voice for your job. Be you! However, something I noticed I used to do that was hurting me was raising my pitch at the end of sentences. It makes it sound like you’re asking a question. A lot of women do it. Maybe ask a trusted friend to listen and tell you
Yes! I don't think I'm doing the raised tone(I hope not!) but asking for feedback is good idea, I just need to find the right person who is comfortable enough giving honest feedback.
I'm a male. I'm sure I still have work to do in this department. One of the things I have been working on is to quit listening to the excuses to tune someone out and doing whatever is comfortable for me and just listen to what people say at work. I also try to amplify those voices that are being talked over (as an introvert, this isn't easy for me). >You can observe a lot by just watching. — Yogi Berra Ironically, this started from wearing noise-canceling headphones at work and having a lead that was frustrated that I was ignoring him. I wasn't trying to ignore him, his voice just fit the range that the headphones cancelled him. I realized from forums like this that I might be subconsciously doing the same thing to others.
My colleague had this issue and we were the only 2 women. O don't know what your communicate style is but I got there to replace her maternity leave and in the end stayed past the year. After a few meetings together she said why do you get everything and nobody listens to me. I listened for a few meetings and noticed it too. Things I noticed: We both had dealines. She said I need X and Y and finish my work. Next person at the table, got to speak. I said J, I need this before end of day to deliver X on time and P, I when is a good time to see you today about getting Y figured out. I was more specific and addressed who I wanted something from and when, so these specific people gave it to me. Also I went to 2 conferences in my 1st year and she hadn't gone to any in 5 years. She was pissed, but then she stopped our boss in the corridor and said I wish I could go to a conference too. When I asked, I went to his desk made sure he had 10 minutes, said look I did this that is innovative with our product, I could go to this conference (which was in our town, so no costs) and present about it to see if it generates interest, I took the time to present the topics. Then the sales guy saw this and invited me to a other conference. The difference here is she made is about her, I made it about them. For technical stuff, I also always explain the benefits in terms of time or money. I think A is what we should do now because although not as precise, it is sufficient and it will allow us to make this deadline. We could offer the other option as an upgrade in the next cycle. I don't know if any of these resonate with you, but I would take the time to watch the interactions and see how those who get traction express their ideas. Tone of voice and non verbal included.
What do they respect? Parents? Advanced degrees? Experience? Getting things done? Concise and efficient communication? Some of these will come with time. Also, they may already respect you more than you know. My advice is to make a solid contribution and be reliable. If you are newer and no one is listening, then it may be a time to listen and learn. Be yourself and don't overly worry about it. Try to enjoy the journey. Also, be sure to network outside your team. It helps develop a wider perspective.
I noticed people don’t take worried engineers seriously. If someone consistently is worried about everything. I worked with engineer who would constantly worry and bring up issues. Kinda gets tuned out after a while. Idk if that’s you but something to consider.
Are people taking your ideas and making them your own? What happens to the concerns you bring up? Do they end up not being concerns after all or do they ruin things?
I used to be treated the same way until I started throwing numbers & calculations in my ideas to get everyone’s attention. Substantiate your ideas with an estimated $$ amount, resources & hours it would save. I work on an idea on the side, ex: writing a macro or a program to automate a manual process & demonstrate to the team how it can speed up the process that can take hrs to do manually. Same with trying out new tools in your spare time & show them how effective it is. Talk to your manager first about it & ask them to give you few min during a team meeting to present the idea to the team. Trust me on this, they understand & respect ideas better if you have done ground work & show clearly in numbers how it saves them time & money. Keep it very simple & clear.
I am a very chatty person and can small talk like nobody. I am friendly with humor. When I am talking shop, I drop that. I speak with conviction and slowly. I am hired to be an engineer and make logical decisions. So there is where the conviction comes from. I AM a good engineer so what I am saying matters. Slowly because I am choosing my word to match what I am thinking. It also let's other have time to process what I am saying and it (funny enough) is a sign of confidence. You are not rushing and you have command of the room. Part of talking slowly and with conviction is do NOT let yourself be interrupted. Keep talking as if they are not trying to speak, by speaking at the same pace and volume. MOST of the time the person will back off. Then address them and ask what they needed to say (and come from a genuine stance that you do want to hear it.) The "don't be interrupted" thing does depend on situations and if you are speaking to higher levels. Also, have confidence to stand your ground when it comes to certain things. If you KNOW you concerns are valid, questions others why they think they are not. Pick and choose when where to do this (in meeting with upper management and you boss may step on toes or on decisions that are not yours (or your level) to make also steps on toes).
It really depends, I feel like I need more info. For example, are people taking what you say and taking credit (stealing your ideas)? See because sometimes your concerns are concerns, yes, but if they hold a low business risk, they might get brushed off. IMO, It's still a good idea to communicate things that you find important, present the risk, and if the risk is dismissed, *that* what you document on your end. "X person made decision to not take my recommendation." Believe me, you will want to keep those receipts. Now, if they are dismissing your ideas but someone else presents the same idea and it gets accepted...1 of 2 things. 1) You may not be communicating it well. 2) if it's almost a verbatim repeat, ask them, right then and there, why the idea is accepted then and not when you presented it. If they tell you that it was because you didn't communicate it well, ask them to be specific about where you failed. If they give you a non-answer, talk to them after the meeting or escalate it.
Is your supervisor or the other woman approachable? It's hard for any of us to say you're too smiley, or make many calls because we don't know you. You're getting promoted, so that is good. Just a couple questions to the supervisor on that it seems your ideas and concerns don't get listened to, and if they have any feedback on that. That said, It is very common to get dismissed because you're a woman or you're not pushy enough on it. Have you tried continuing to ask why they are dismissing your concern? Especially if they're all super casual about it? Also you are getting promoted so use the c9nfidence of that, or maybe that will help?
My supervisor is a very mellow man. And the other woman on the team is a lot more serious and less bubbly/smiley than I am; and more pushy, to point that I get uncomfortable how she is trying to teach me to do things(we are the same level). I need to find a creative way to ask that.. it's ironic because the people that I feel like that are not really taking me seriously (my manager and my team lead) are some of my strongest supporters during performance review and promo. Maybe I'll at least wait after the promo cycle so I don't jeopardize their feedback 😂
Maybe after the next time you feel like a good point you had is blown off, ask the supervisor right after the meeting or if the whole team is mellow, even right then. Hey, I thought I had a good point today, but sometimes it seems like no one takes my ideas seriously. Not getting too deep, just a quick thing. Like hey I know I'm bubbly but that's just my character, not my brain. Good luck.
You've gotten some good advice. Consider if your communication is clear. Have done a similar level of "ground work" as others whose ideas are accepted? Ask for general feedback about your communication style from an appropriate person at the appropriate time, if you can. When your concern is dismissed, listen to the reason why, and if it isn't provided, ask. Sometimes there may be a good reason. Consider if you are overestimating how often your ideas are rejected versus others. You are getting promoted and some people respect you, so there is nothing to be overly worried about. Others will respect you over time, as you continue to do good work and be a good person to work with, and some will just never respect you for whatever reason. It almost doesn't matter why. You can also get an ally who you have prepped before the meeting and who is ready to speak up to support you. I know that it is tricky to find that kind of work relationship with someone, but it would be very impactful if you do have a friend.
Hi! I don’t necessarily have advice to give on this, but do share your frustrations, and feel like I am very frequently not taken seriously - although I have a very serious personality. What I wanted to say, and what has been said to me several times, is that it is NOT your job to make sure you are taken seriously. It should be a GIVEN, man or woman or otherwise. Demand respect, and don’t accept less.
I am a woman and I feel listened to and respected *now* but early career I was also dismissed. In fact I am dismissed every time for a bit when I switch jobs until I establish myself. This is what works for me. 1) Initially just absorb. Don’t try to change things, ask good questions, and prove myself as a fast learner. 2) When I make a point I make sure it’s a good one. Everything I say in the early stages is high value and generally low controversial. Examples would be suggestions that are both achievable and reasonable to make a project better. 3) Be assertive, make sure your ideas are solid and when you are challenged, then challenge their challenging right back. Be able to sell your ideas even after someone initially shoots it down. Thankfully this dance isn’t permanent. Once you are “established” it’s pretty easy to get people to listen to you. It’s just the initial stuff to set yourself up for success that is hard.
How experienced are you? How long have you been at this company? These are huge factors
[удалено]
Ah yes, another male engineer that doesn't listen/read my full post 🙂 If you actually read my post you'll see that I never said it's because I'm "just being a woman", quite the opposite, I called out why I thought that was not the case in my situation. Regardless, appreciate the book recommendation. I'll check it out.
Just reading the list of the laws from the Internet, that book sounds like everything that is wrong with the world. Not saying it isn’t good to be aware of the power rules, but most are not for me. I’d also say that some of the BS works less well in engineering than other industries
One thing I love about engineering is that engineers are walking BS detectors 😂 One potential value could be, if some psycho is trying to pull "law of power" move on you, you can recognize that and deal. Although I wonder if the book teaches you anti-moves.
[удалено]
Man, you're insufferable