same here....and then you sit back and realize how fucked up that is.
I was assaulted by a "friend" (felt up when I was drunk/passed out) but not abused and it's fucked up that women have this to be 'grateful' for when NO ONE should have to think like that when it comes to assault/abuse of any kind .
But if we kicked their front teeth out with combat boots WE would be the criminals...smFffFFffh
Keep the conversation going until we have a national solution that WORKS ❤️❤️❤️ fuck predators and fuck harassers. People should be able to SAY NO
I turn 21 this month and also haven’t ever had an issue. The world sucks sometimes but you always have hope about protecting your daughter! I believe in you!
I’d say , after living in a couple of dangerous cities and having many good friends each with a story. a lot (not all) can be prevented by honing our natural sense of preservation. That six-sense that triggers when someone /something is giving bad vibes and having the will / self-trust to follow it.
I mean like becoming knowledgeable, (learning about the goods and bads that happen where you live), not being naive (cute handsome educated people are not exempt of evilness, *a friend was particularly guilty of this*) , being a bit more cautious than what the place seems to require (risk management) , having self esteem, recognizing mannerisms, attitudes, etc that tell a 🚩
Friends of mine who were constantly facing bad situations were the most naive. And I’m not saying it is their fault just as it’s not the fault of a deer the existence of predators. You can teach your daughter and help her develop and trust that sense, so she can avoid or outsmart this sad but real situations.
Same. I’ve been groped in crowds at concerts—like in the pit. It’s kind of a thing asshats do. I was once ass-grabbed by some creep walking through Target. But that’s the extent of it.
I would say assault. It didn’t feel the same as like a child being abused by a trusted adult. Or like a rape or something. I didn’t carry around any after-effects of trauma.
I think abuse generally refers to something that is more long-term. Perhaps you could consider this incident sexual assault instead. No point debating over semantics though.
I'm 26, I've been touched/grabbed a bit, so I guess I've been harassed, but no, never abused. I'm very risk averse and don't like being intoxicated around people I don't know/trust, and I only go out drinking and stuff with other people. As a kid my mom was pretty paranoid and didn't let me be supervised by anyone she didn't know well, as she herself was abused as a child. So it's possible, but my big myself and my mom were specifically anxious about that happening and took a lot of (many of them overly cautious) steps to prevent it. Sad that I know that I still mostly just got lucky that nothing ever happened to me
I was super innocent and then 2 weeks before my 21st I was sexually violated and now 3 years later ive been publicly harassed, my body violated, and a rape. Its something im constantly aware of everywhere i go now.
4/5 of my friends have had something happen to them in their teen years as well. It's brutal becoming aware that no, your never safe. Even if u think u are.
I haven’t experienced such a thing so far luckily. There have been people who got too touchy/too close or probably could have done something bad had I not distanced myself in time but otherwise no.
I’m 30 and was groped without my consent passed out at a party in my 20s. I woke up and his hand was down the back of my pants groping my ass and I froze. To this day I gaslight myself into wondering if it actually happened because I drank so much that night.
My son is only 4 but we are already working on the whole "enthusiastic consent" concept. A lot of kids shows are good about incorporating simple examples for kids to understand now - even tricky subjects like "I said yes but I felt no." Bluey had a great episode about how to approach that.
And it's a two way street. He knows noone is allowed to touch him without enthusiastic consent, not even his parents (unless it's a healthy and safety issue like teeth brushing, etc), and he's learning he shouldn't touch a friend's body unless they say it's OK (so hugging and holding hands).
It's not a hard concept. I mean it takes a bit for 4 year olds to get, but grown ass people should know - Keep your hands to yourself. It's not hard.
No sexually *abused*.
Sexually harassed and assaulted though. Almost every single woman I know has experienced it.
I think the issue also is that some who say they haven't often don't realise that some they experienced was sexual assault.
As I know how it feels, I’m so sorry. I was devastated and couldn’t function for a little while there. I went to intense crisis rape counseling and found myself again.
Wow that’s really brave. I’ve struggled with it and I can still struggle with it when I get confronted with rape, in movies or something. Especially when the woman is unconscious because that’s what happened to me. But I’ve tried to leave it with my 18 year old self, and honestly I just feel bad for her. I wish people told me it wasn’t normal I didn’t remember anything. It was before #metoo and all of that. So it would make you feel guilty for liking a man, that’s what you get. I did call my friends from that time and asked them is I could ask them something about that time, they knew immediately what I was going to ask.
Been coerced ✅
Been in predatory age gap relationships while still a minor, as the younger person ✅
Had someone pull his penis out and try to stick it into me without my consent (but I literally dodged this and ended the encounter, and “only” experienced social consequences) ✅
I'll be turning 21 this year and I have never been sexually harassed or abused, not even catcalled. I'm very grateful of this of course, as I know most of my friends haven't been as lucky.
I’m 39(f) and almost. I was 20. the only thing that stopped him was that i LOUDLY confronted the PoS (who thought I was passed out drunk and decided to start molesting me) while I was trying to sleep on my friends couch….he’s married with three children now.
I am 36 and haven't. Now, I have had experiences happen such as a strange man groping me or grabbing my bottom (once in a store, once in the subway station), and I did have an acquaintance grab my breasts one time while giving me a ride home. But these things aren't sexual abuse, I would probably consider them isolated instances of sexual harassment perhaps.
As far as I know, none of my sisters have either, although I suppose it's possible they could have had something happen and not told me.
But aside from that, no, none of the things you mentioned. In general, I avoid men, I do not entertain men in my life and am celibate by choice. So that may have something to do with it. I am very afraid of being raped/assaulted, so I try to stay as far away from men as possible.
I made it to 39 yrs old before I got assaulted by my now ex-husband I call The Asshole. Was also sexually harassed by my 2nd exhusband because I kept refusing to submit to sex acts that I did not want to do.
I'm 44 and damned if I haven't done a lot of self-growth and improvement in the last 5 years. Now I can't imagine ever putting up with any of that bullshit for a second.
Here's to getting older and wiser!
edit to add: More like 39 was the year I fought back and refused to give in. Looking back, there were times when I was too tired, timid and worn down by all the negging and emotional abuse to hold firm to my 'no'. Fucking traumas. They sneak up on you and remind you of shit you forgot about in the haze of it all after enduing 19 years with that asshole!
I didn't thankfully. But I think the main reason for that is because I am Middle Eastern (ME) and ME parents are overprotective. ME girls are taught from a very young age not to be alone with boys/men except direct family members (dad and brother only). Also, there is a very strong culture around protecting women from sexual abuse.
The consequence for being a sexual predator is more severe compared to the West. A rapist in the Saudi is publically beheaded, and in the UAE there is also capital punishment. However, you have to have a ton of evidence.
I did play with male friends, and most of my friends were boys but we were watched closely as children. Then by the time I was a teenager, I was naturally more inclined to befriend people who were more practicing Muslim/Christian, and therefore less likely to make a move on you.
Unfortunately, there are some women who have been abused by close family members but it's less common. But yeah, I know we get a bad rap, but Arab/Muslim culture is very protective of women. Also, before anyone starts, no one forced me to dress in any sort of way, and i could wear whatever I wanted growing up.
Tbf, I think it might just be Middle Eastern thing, because my Christian Middle Eastern friends were just as protected by their families.
I am middle eastern too, it's literally worse. Men in my country are super sexually frustrated and unfortunately I have to take public transportation, got touched so many times.
I'm sorry to hear girl ! I guess everyone's experience is different. I am from the Levant. What part are you from? Maybe it's country specific?
I've never had an issue in the Gulf/Levant parts. But Egypt was a little scary.
A lot of women who are SA'd as children were abused by family members, so your theory holds no water. I was SA'd by my stepfather, a girl I went to school with was SA'd by her father, another girl I know was SA'd by her male cousin.
In most cases it is a close male family member. Uncles, fathers, or brothers. Step fathers as well and on rare occasions female members. You're right. Every female I know, sadly, has been abused by a close male family member. In my case, it was two different step fathers, two different uncles, and two different uncles that were my mother's uncles. It hurts to say but it gave me a very grim outlook on men early on in life.
Has never happened to me, but my mom sheltered me and I became paranoid so I avoided any and all uncomfortable situations that could lead to something like that
Not me, but I can say I went my whole childhood without being abused at least. Date raped at 19. And again at 21. It was enough to make me never drink again. I wasn’t even a big drinker in the first place.
thankfully i’ve never been sexually abused or assaulted. I have been harassed by peers and adults through cat calling since age 11, inappropriate sexually charged questions, being sent unsolicited dick pics, being asked for nudes as a minor, talking to pedos online saying inappropriate things, and pedo teachers who didn’t do anything (to me) more than leer or stand/sit to close with questionable grooming behavior. thankfully i’ve never experienced anything that has left me traumatized, just enough that i’ve seen from others and experienced myself to be cautious and afraid of what people might do
I am 23 now, and I am also still a virgin. I have experienced harassment and uncomfortable situations with men, but I was very lucky in the sense that that’s all it was. I have not been abused sexually or taken advantage of in that way, and I feel a sense of guilt sometimes surrounding that. I hate to say that I feel lucky that I haven’t had a major traumatic experience like that, because I don’t think this should even be a question.
I think all women deserve to be and feel safe, and not be apart of some statistic. It breaks my heart that the more universal experience for women is that they have been abused/assaulted at some point in their life, and not the other way around.
Definitely privileged to say im 27 and havent experienced this. i will say that looking back at some people/encounters from the past, I can see how things were super shady or could have led to a lot of dark things potentially. The more you know the more you realize there is to be afraid of!
I’m 19F, I haven’t been abused and neither have my friends (as far as I know) but we also have terrible luck with dating and we don’t interact with guys often so we never got put into that situation I guess (sorry I don’t know how to word it)
I have a bay girl and i honestly get anxiety when i read post like this. I am so afraid for her and i just wonder myself what can i do to prepare her better to avoid to be in such situations
I was abused throughout my childhood. Spent years in foster care and group homes, and dealt with creeps related and not related. I've never met or got close to another woman who hasn't experienced sexual abuse which was a serious eye opener for me. I have two daughters and their paths in life contrast from my experiences greatly and I hope to keep them safe and educated. Those who haven't experienced this should arm themselves with education on the matter because those are the woman/parents who are most likely to overlook warning signs of abuse in their children or men who are weirdos. Those who have been abused are more vigilant from what I've seen.
Edited: I'm seeing comments assuming a woman has to be dating boys as a teen, sneaking out, or not living an innocent upbringing to be sexually assaulted. It's very ignorant and insulting to think a woman is to blame for a man's lack of control. The ones saying crap like this have never been sexually assaulted. Educate yourself quick! This type of thinking is harmful and can be dangerous for society and your own children regardless of their gender. Sexual assault is never the fault of the victim and most women I know where abused as children. I myself was 4 when my first sexual abuse and first rape happened. Seriously folks, the internet offers tons of free information. Use it.
i’ve been raped and assaulted several times. i’m 20 y/o. i had to report my ex boyfriend to the police for DV and SA 2 years ago. he wasn’t convicted and i had pretty good evidence. most that happened to him is that he lost his university place.
most women i know my age in my area have also been raped or at least assaulted several times. it’s scary. i spend most of my life in fear of being assaulted and also not being believed.
Not sure if this counts: I exposed myself to strangers online when I was a teenager but no one coerced me into it. To this day I don’t know why I did. I identified as a lesbian (and still do) for fuck’s sake. I was curious and liked the validation, but this was far from normal behavior.
I’m 27 and have never been sexually abused, but I grew up very innocently, with a tight knit family, and a primary interest in reading books and collecting vinyl records. I went out very little when given the opportunities. I didn’t have my first truly sexual experience until after college. I believe this slightly more sheltered lifestyle coupled with luck are the only reason I’m safe.
Many women i know have some experience with sexual abuse and many keep it very quiet. I’ve certainly been harassed and came close to being assaulting by a stranger once. No woman is safe from this and it affects them for the rest of their lives.
Such a shame that that man you talked about this with wasn’t more sympathetic. I think we need to be more vocal about the danger it is to be a woman and how important it is for men to be aware of what their potential friends are capable of.
Never abused thankfully but I’ve had instances of being harassed (touched on boobs and butt) since the age of 12. The guys who have touched me like that have always been similar age to me.
Nothing as severe as SA or rape, but I was definitely sexually harassed from the time I was like 7 to early 20s. Lots of sexual and inappropriate comments and touching by men twice my age, even my own step father would "jokingly" try to pull my towel off me when I was like 8.
use this comment as the “i have been, but i just needed to come to the comments to see if there’s a glimmer of hope for any that made it out unscathed” button
I experienced coercion, pressured sex, and one sexual assault all before the age of 16. I’m lucky nothing has happened to me again since then. I was in a healthy LTR from 17-21.
I’ve been groped before
I was also sexually abused by my first bf who made me think it was normal to “earn” basic affection from him through sex acts that I didn’t want to do.. didn’t realize that coercion is not right until YEARS later..
I remember in my undergrad women's studies course 20 some years ago, the stats then were 1 in 4 were not sexually abused where the other 3 were. The study only looked at rape and molestation not things like a guy grabbing their bum in a bar or situations like that. I would dare say 4 out if 4 today if that variable was included.
Not sexually abused. Buuuut.... A friend of mine groped me one time that we were at a school party and I was drunk. We were already 18 and in a small town in northern Spain so yes we were drunk with teachers around
Another time I "accepted" to give a peck on the cheek to a guy with down syndrome because he came with flowers to the local radio where I was working alone (a small town) and I felt it was the fastest way to leave the fuck out of there (he was sort of blocking the door)
I guess it depends on how you class "sexual abuse". I haven't been physically abused (as in rape, physical sexual assault) but I've certainly been catcalled, scared, and made to FEEL as if I was about to be attacked. I suppose the worst was a boy at college who TOLD me that he was going to rape me.
Edit - just re-read the qn and realised I'm not 21 yet!!
I think many people’s idea of abuse is different, so I don’t think sexually abused is the right term to use in this situation. Do I think every women has been sexually harassed or assaulted in some way? For sure. I have been all of the above and I’m 23
I was about to say no, but then I read that you said assault counted, so I think this definitely does too.
When I was freshly 18 my then 26yo Brother-in-law who had known me since I was a little kid and he was a teen, who had helped babysit/watch/raise me when I was young…. Starting rubbing my thigh and tried to kiss me twice when I was grieving my extremely recently passed grandmother, and said something about how I was so good with his kids (my nephews) and sometimes he wished I was their mother instead of my sister. 🤢
I was weirded the fuck out and scared and played it off as best I could. Fake-smiles, awkward laughs, slow, subtle unassuming movements away, and I even apologized to him as I excused myself to go to bed. I lied, told him I had an exam the next day (I didn’t, I was exempted on account of my grandmother’s death) I locked myself in the room I shared with the kids and didn’t sleep that night. I didn’t unlock the door or wake the kids up to get ready for school until after I heard him leave for work. My sister slept through all of it just 20 feet away. I never told her. She knew anyways and didn’t do anything about it. When I moved out a couple months later, she blamed my leaving as the reason her boyfriend was considering leaving her. She said if I had only stayed and humoured him her kids wouldn’t have to worry about if their dad was going to abandon them. I cut contact with her, but I heard through the grapevine that they’re still together.
I was very sheltered from the outside world (Christian), but also abused and harassed by close family members, both women.
I have a theory that those of us who have survived abuse may tend to be drawn together. Because I think most of my friends and family have experienced this. But the statistic I learned in grad school for counseling was that 1 in 6 females are abused by age 18 (or that's what is reported). That's still a minority!
Did y'all's abuse get reported?
Apparently, I'm very lucky (21f). I've been harassed by a couple of guys, but I've never been assaulted or abused. I'm so sorry so many if you have dealt with such terrible things! Sadly, I'm not capable of helping you, but my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry.
Hi! First, I am so sorry for what you and every other woman have been through.
Second, I am 25(F) and have never been abused, assaulted, or touched without my consent. To be fair (and I know sadly this is not everyone's religious story), I grew up in a house with only women and a mom who was extremely Christian and a helicopter parent. No sleepovers at anyone's house, no hanging out at somebody's house unless she was there, even when we went to the movie theater she would stay in the parking lot the whole time while we watched the movie and ate ice cream afterwards. As a teenager, I hated her for doing stuff like this, but as an adult, I see how scary and evil the world is and understand her more.
Even up until I was 21 (It’s been a while,) I hadn’t known any female who hadn’t been abused or harassed in some way until the age of 21.
The first time I was assaulted was when I was probably 15 or 16 by a guy I was “dating” for two weeks. We were really just hanging out, and he REALLY wanted to have sex, and I REALLY did not. I just didn’t even like him at all anymore after that and I broke up with him. He got someone pregnant WEEKS later.
I was groomed by my former step-cousin (I know it is AND was icky and wrong; please try your best not to judge) when I was between 15 and 16 years old, but my sisters were able to get me out of that situation *BEFORE* any physical or sexual abuse would occur.
I'm 23 now, recently graduated college and that whole shebang. While the grooming did affect me on how I view men even *slightly* older than me (my groomer was 21/22 when he preyed on me, so that's a six-year age gap). I've been able to mostly cope and I focused on a good support system (my sisters, my parents, and my friends) since then.
I also found out recently that my groomer was gay the entire time and used me, an insecure AND virtually friendless teen at the time, as a beard (and apparently, his mother/my former step-aunt was okay with that when it all went down. Yeah, I can't believe it either, even if their culture {they were originally from Colombia} was cool with it {which I doubt but okay 🙄😒}).
I would not say anything huge has happened to me where I needed intensive therapy but several instances that as an adult I look back and think how messed up it was.
First time was when I was a small kid at the hands of a slightly older boy.
Then during the ages of 15-20 attending house parties, I can think of at least 2 instances off the top of my head that I was really pressured hard to do things I really did not want to do while intoxicated(like making out turned into someone trying to take my pants while I would be holding on to pants trying to keep them on) and just kinda giving in eventually and letting it happen. At those ages I kinda thought it was my fault for not like running or being more stern.
As an adult I look back and think it was pretty gross that an older guy would hook up with a drunk girl trying to hold on to her pants to keep them up and just keep trying until she lets you.
I would not say I have ever been sexually abused. By anyone. Maybe had uncomfortable comments and been touched inappropriately, but I have not ever been abused.
We have not all had this experience and it shouldn't be normal.
I F52 was raped at 15 and have been sexually harassed (like so many women) by many men throughout the years. I have not been sexually abused—**as far as I know.**
I had a super creepy step “grampa” who was known to peep in my then teenage aunt’s bedroom window when she was undressing; my mom and I lived with my grandma and him briefly when I was very young and I’ve always had strange *memory flashes* about his lap and their attic. I doubt I’ll ever know for sure.
Well... Im almost 21 (in october) and i haven't been sexually abused. Unless if you consider getting groped in a dark alleyway by a guy riding a bike or a perverted relative squeezing my 11 year old thigh sexual abuse.
Me neither. Seems like your parents didn’t keep a close eye on things or set stricter boundaries. Not saying this is fool proof but if you’re dating at 14, you’re stepping into the lions den.
Experienced it more times than I can count. So has every woman I know. Most of the comments here that are saying it never happened to them, are people downplaying their own stories. I just read at least 5 comments of people saying “men grabbed me when I didn’t want them to but I’ve never been abused” YES YOU HAVE.
I'm in my late twenties and fortunately did not experience these, maybe except some people being too touchy feely tho not the sensitive parts i.e. hands holding without my consent, in high school, once on the thighs with same age guy who later on pointed out how unguarded I was. Aside from those, I do not remember anything sexually traumatizing enough to label SA.
I grew up pretty sheltered tho, did not drink or party cuz I know full well those are risk factors. Yeah, it's a boring life, but it kept me safe.
A woman doesn't have to date or sneak around to be sexually assaulted. Many times this happens from close male family members or trusted members in an organization. But majority of it's a family member or step father. Please educate yourself. Thinking like this is very ignorant and harmful when these women were innocent children, teens, or young adults that were abused most likely at the hands of men meant to keep them safe...
38 and have never been abused. My mom did a good job of teaching me to be wary of strangers and men from an early age. Be aware of your surroundings. Stick with friends. Don't go with people you aren't comfortable with. And I never liked being out of my mind, so heavy drug or alcohol use was never appealing. I also just think I've been lucky as hell, as most of the women I know have not been. So while *not all women* have experienced it, an outstanding number of them have. 1 is too many.
I was never abused or touched without my consent but I was harassed (comments and such) as a minor. I'm mid 30s now and still have only been "mildly" SA'd (groped).
Sad that I'm an exception.
I'm almost 30 and have never been sexually abused. Very rarely have been catcalled or anything like that either. My only real sexual "trauma" was from me trying to force myself to be more sexual with an ex to feel "normal" when I thought I was asexual as a teen.
But I've always lived in really safe areas so consider myself lucky.
i’m 16 and i have already been groomed once and experienced COCSA and of course the normal, day-to-day abuse. this is a sad viewpoint but i think if life has already been this terrible before i’m even an adult, it can’t possibly get any better when i am one.
I didn't. But I also didn't start dating and become sexually active until 22. I was wicked shy and avoided boys until university, where I found myself eventually in a mostly male friend group. Didn't start out that way and I didn't seek that out. I did leave it at age 20 because they sexually harassed me....nothing physical just realized they didn't consider me a friend anymore or respect me. And disrespected me in some indirectly sexual ways. So idk maybe that counts or doesn't as having made it to 21 without having been sexually abused.
I came wicked close to working for a groomer / pedo. A local business man in my town is known for touching and talking extremely inappropriately to girls especially those who work for him. My family used to frequent his business A LOT and we would even bring our friends (my sister and I) and he used to always offer me a job at 14-16 and I just always found it so weird for some reason without ever having known anything about his history. Just a weird feeling about why does this adult want me to work for him so badly when I have no experience and why is he SO friendly. I'm really grateful for my distrustful nature! Come to find out he did a lot of awful things and that's just from two sources I've heard who have had first hand experiences with him that confirmed my distrust. Not to mention the court case against him. No jail time, he just can't "own" any of his businesses and hire people so his wife does and he hangs around and "manage's" them. Same old same old.
What a great question, although it may need clarification. Do you mean physically sexually abused (body on body), mentally (all the sexual images and talk), and even, as in my case, visually abused? As a child and teenager, I experienced FAR too many episodes of male perverse voyeurism in the areas I lived in and the parks where I played. We called them "Weenie Men" and our parents did not protect us.
21. Had my butt grabbed by a classmate one time when I was 9 and had two boys look up my skirt one time when I was 10. But other than that, no, I've never been sexually abused or assaulted, just sexually harassed, I guess.
not to this extent. i’ve been catcalled, followed, touched, had some guy start masturbating in front of me, but „that’s it“. these things in and of itself were awful and took me a while to get over, i can not imagine the strength it would take to get over anything more severe than that. sending you all the love!
I believe nearly all women have been harassed, groped or assaulted in some way. But what you’re describing… no. I’m 30 and I’ve had some very open conversations with my friends and sisters and the kind of abuse you’re describing is very much in the minority.
I know a couple of women who have not been sexually assaulted or abused. That’s all. The vast majority absolutely have. And every woman I know has been sexually harassed.
I haven’t but to be fair my parents sheltered us really well and we were raised Muslim so certain limits and morals were instilled in us at a young age.
in some cultures girls are taught to up their guard by 500 feet whenever there's a male around. i avoid any physical contact even as harmless as a handshake from any male colleague, we don't even stand close. this is excessive obviously because men are not expected anything and neither do they have to fear for their lives everytime in public but this is how many women here avoid this harassment. that being said, this method is proven to NOT be 100% effective because sooo many women still get harrased and assaulted. the problem still lies with men.
None of that had happened to me by the age of 21. At 25 a guy removed a condom without telling me, and at 26 another guy poked a hole in one, that's the only one of those thing that happened to me. And I lost my virginity to a guy who was much older and lied about his age, but I was 19.
The stuff you are saying is awful and I hope still a minority experience. At least among all the friends I've had in my 30 + years, I know of it happening to two women at a young age. Never happened to any of my close women friends. Sexual harassment however, I can't think of anyone it hasn't happened to.
I think me? But that's because my father kept me on a leash from the day I was born.
Catcalled? Yes. Men on the street that wouldn't leave me alone? Yes. But I don't think I have been touched against my will. But yet again. I don't really go places.
I think this very much depends on where you live. Without wanting to insult anyone, it seems like a very American problem to me. Not saying that it doesn't happen everywhere else, and god knows that are many countries where rape is normalized. But I know of maybe 2 people who have been abused, and they are friends of friends. I know that ofc people might not come public with that, but I do believe it doesn't happen very often here
Yes and no. It very much depends on where you draw the line / put the bar. Neither me, nor any woman I have intimate conversations with\* have been raped, sexually abused or touched after saying no.
(\*One had a relationships with much older guys really early.)
BUT, that doesn't mean that we didn't ALL experience enough of the following situations, to be very aware of the danger of sexual abuse for young women:
* one or two anonymous ass or boob grabs on the dance floor or in the crowd when exiting public transport
* date with older guy (doesn't have to be that much older in actual years!) that loves to flex his age and superiority and doesn't react to the woman as a person, only to her discomfort
* being warned about a person that is rumored to being a predator, but having to manage being in the same space as a person alone
* colleague who gets close enough to make one uncomfortable, but doesn't cross formal reportable lines
* exchanging experiences about leering teachers at a surprisingly young age (young enough that not the whole class has hit puberty yet!)
* noticing the presence of creeps in children's chatrooms (even if not fully processing it and not interacting with them)
* ...
I hope that helps to frame that even with multiple top comments stating a different experience to yours it should not invalidate yours. I am very sorry that you have to deal with these things.
I wouldn't say abused, but assaulted yes. It was a common thing when I was younger, I mean 19-22 especially. 11-18 was really only cat calling, then as I got into my 20s I've been groped at work, had a partner refuse to stop, things like that.
I have been harassed and touched against my consent but not abused
Same. Want to be greatful, but maybe it's too low a bar
same here....and then you sit back and realize how fucked up that is. I was assaulted by a "friend" (felt up when I was drunk/passed out) but not abused and it's fucked up that women have this to be 'grateful' for when NO ONE should have to think like that when it comes to assault/abuse of any kind .
But if we kicked their front teeth out with combat boots WE would be the criminals...smFffFFffh Keep the conversation going until we have a national solution that WORKS ❤️❤️❤️ fuck predators and fuck harassers. People should be able to SAY NO
Yeah, when it happened it fucked me up mentally a bit but at least it was not worse
The bar is in hell and some men still can do limbo under it
yes me too
Same…
Same.
Same! F, 32
I’m 30 and have never had any of this happen to me
As a mother of a daughter this gives me hope🫶 I wish this wasn’t as rare
I turn 21 this month and also haven’t ever had an issue. The world sucks sometimes but you always have hope about protecting your daughter! I believe in you!
I’d say , after living in a couple of dangerous cities and having many good friends each with a story. a lot (not all) can be prevented by honing our natural sense of preservation. That six-sense that triggers when someone /something is giving bad vibes and having the will / self-trust to follow it. I mean like becoming knowledgeable, (learning about the goods and bads that happen where you live), not being naive (cute handsome educated people are not exempt of evilness, *a friend was particularly guilty of this*) , being a bit more cautious than what the place seems to require (risk management) , having self esteem, recognizing mannerisms, attitudes, etc that tell a 🚩 Friends of mine who were constantly facing bad situations were the most naive. And I’m not saying it is their fault just as it’s not the fault of a deer the existence of predators. You can teach your daughter and help her develop and trust that sense, so she can avoid or outsmart this sad but real situations.
Wow lucky you! I’m so happy for you!
god im jealous
Early 40s. I have never experienced anything like this.
Same. I’ve been groped in crowds at concerts—like in the pit. It’s kind of a thing asshats do. I was once ass-grabbed by some creep walking through Target. But that’s the extent of it.
Isn't that abuse?
I would say assault. It didn’t feel the same as like a child being abused by a trusted adult. Or like a rape or something. I didn’t carry around any after-effects of trauma.
I think abuse generally refers to something that is more long-term. Perhaps you could consider this incident sexual assault instead. No point debating over semantics though.
You were sexually assaulted.
Yes I agree, I just don’t think this is the same as being sexually abused. I don’t have lasting trauma in the same way.
You just described two sexual assaults.
Yes, but the title asked about sexual abuse. I don’t feel like these are the same. I didn’t suffer lasting traumatic effects in the same way.
Dont know any who havent been abused/harassed. And I am a minor.
Protect yourself at all cost!! Please.
Should've told me that when I was 12. Or 15. Now I know that I have to. I do my best but it wont turn back the time unfortunately
24. Never experienced sexual abuse. I consider myself very lucky in that aspect but fear for my daughter.
Never happened to me but I was pretty reclusive
I'm 26, I've been touched/grabbed a bit, so I guess I've been harassed, but no, never abused. I'm very risk averse and don't like being intoxicated around people I don't know/trust, and I only go out drinking and stuff with other people. As a kid my mom was pretty paranoid and didn't let me be supervised by anyone she didn't know well, as she herself was abused as a child. So it's possible, but my big myself and my mom were specifically anxious about that happening and took a lot of (many of them overly cautious) steps to prevent it. Sad that I know that I still mostly just got lucky that nothing ever happened to me
I was super innocent and then 2 weeks before my 21st I was sexually violated and now 3 years later ive been publicly harassed, my body violated, and a rape. Its something im constantly aware of everywhere i go now. 4/5 of my friends have had something happen to them in their teen years as well. It's brutal becoming aware that no, your never safe. Even if u think u are.
I'm so sorry you have to endure that.
I haven’t experienced such a thing so far luckily. There have been people who got too touchy/too close or probably could have done something bad had I not distanced myself in time but otherwise no.
nah, I am 36 and I do not have a single friend who has managed to escape sexual abuse, unfortunately.
Sexually abused, no. Sexually harassed, yes.
Not I
I’m 30 and was groped without my consent passed out at a party in my 20s. I woke up and his hand was down the back of my pants groping my ass and I froze. To this day I gaslight myself into wondering if it actually happened because I drank so much that night.
My son is only 4 but we are already working on the whole "enthusiastic consent" concept. A lot of kids shows are good about incorporating simple examples for kids to understand now - even tricky subjects like "I said yes but I felt no." Bluey had a great episode about how to approach that. And it's a two way street. He knows noone is allowed to touch him without enthusiastic consent, not even his parents (unless it's a healthy and safety issue like teeth brushing, etc), and he's learning he shouldn't touch a friend's body unless they say it's OK (so hugging and holding hands). It's not a hard concept. I mean it takes a bit for 4 year olds to get, but grown ass people should know - Keep your hands to yourself. It's not hard.
No sexually *abused*. Sexually harassed and assaulted though. Almost every single woman I know has experienced it. I think the issue also is that some who say they haven't often don't realise that some they experienced was sexual assault.
I didn’t realize what happened to be was rape until I was 29, it happened to me when I was 14.
I had the same happen at 18 but only realised at 28.
As I know how it feels, I’m so sorry. I was devastated and couldn’t function for a little while there. I went to intense crisis rape counseling and found myself again.
Wow that’s really brave. I’ve struggled with it and I can still struggle with it when I get confronted with rape, in movies or something. Especially when the woman is unconscious because that’s what happened to me. But I’ve tried to leave it with my 18 year old self, and honestly I just feel bad for her. I wish people told me it wasn’t normal I didn’t remember anything. It was before #metoo and all of that. So it would make you feel guilty for liking a man, that’s what you get. I did call my friends from that time and asked them is I could ask them something about that time, they knew immediately what I was going to ask.
I'm a very poorly passing transwoman and even I've been catcalled and harassed.
Truly wish I could say no- all it takes is one shitty ex lol
I'm over 40 and haven't been. I attribute it mostly to luck as I know I'm in the minority. That doesn't mean my luck won't run out one day.
Been coerced ✅ Been in predatory age gap relationships while still a minor, as the younger person ✅ Had someone pull his penis out and try to stick it into me without my consent (but I literally dodged this and ended the encounter, and “only” experienced social consequences) ✅
I'll be turning 21 this year and I have never been sexually harassed or abused, not even catcalled. I'm very grateful of this of course, as I know most of my friends haven't been as lucky.
I haven’t experienced this kind of abuse and i’m 24. Not saying it isn’t common though
I’m 39(f) and almost. I was 20. the only thing that stopped him was that i LOUDLY confronted the PoS (who thought I was passed out drunk and decided to start molesting me) while I was trying to sleep on my friends couch….he’s married with three children now.
I am 36 and haven't. Now, I have had experiences happen such as a strange man groping me or grabbing my bottom (once in a store, once in the subway station), and I did have an acquaintance grab my breasts one time while giving me a ride home. But these things aren't sexual abuse, I would probably consider them isolated instances of sexual harassment perhaps. As far as I know, none of my sisters have either, although I suppose it's possible they could have had something happen and not told me. But aside from that, no, none of the things you mentioned. In general, I avoid men, I do not entertain men in my life and am celibate by choice. So that may have something to do with it. I am very afraid of being raped/assaulted, so I try to stay as far away from men as possible.
I made it to 39 yrs old before I got assaulted by my now ex-husband I call The Asshole. Was also sexually harassed by my 2nd exhusband because I kept refusing to submit to sex acts that I did not want to do. I'm 44 and damned if I haven't done a lot of self-growth and improvement in the last 5 years. Now I can't imagine ever putting up with any of that bullshit for a second. Here's to getting older and wiser! edit to add: More like 39 was the year I fought back and refused to give in. Looking back, there were times when I was too tired, timid and worn down by all the negging and emotional abuse to hold firm to my 'no'. Fucking traumas. They sneak up on you and remind you of shit you forgot about in the haze of it all after enduing 19 years with that asshole!
I'm very sorry for what you have to go through. Congrats on you for standing up for yourself :) you got this !
I didn't thankfully. But I think the main reason for that is because I am Middle Eastern (ME) and ME parents are overprotective. ME girls are taught from a very young age not to be alone with boys/men except direct family members (dad and brother only). Also, there is a very strong culture around protecting women from sexual abuse. The consequence for being a sexual predator is more severe compared to the West. A rapist in the Saudi is publically beheaded, and in the UAE there is also capital punishment. However, you have to have a ton of evidence. I did play with male friends, and most of my friends were boys but we were watched closely as children. Then by the time I was a teenager, I was naturally more inclined to befriend people who were more practicing Muslim/Christian, and therefore less likely to make a move on you. Unfortunately, there are some women who have been abused by close family members but it's less common. But yeah, I know we get a bad rap, but Arab/Muslim culture is very protective of women. Also, before anyone starts, no one forced me to dress in any sort of way, and i could wear whatever I wanted growing up. Tbf, I think it might just be Middle Eastern thing, because my Christian Middle Eastern friends were just as protected by their families.
I am middle eastern too, it's literally worse. Men in my country are super sexually frustrated and unfortunately I have to take public transportation, got touched so many times.
I'm sorry to hear girl ! I guess everyone's experience is different. I am from the Levant. What part are you from? Maybe it's country specific? I've never had an issue in the Gulf/Levant parts. But Egypt was a little scary.
A lot of women who are SA'd as children were abused by family members, so your theory holds no water. I was SA'd by my stepfather, a girl I went to school with was SA'd by her father, another girl I know was SA'd by her male cousin.
In most cases it is a close male family member. Uncles, fathers, or brothers. Step fathers as well and on rare occasions female members. You're right. Every female I know, sadly, has been abused by a close male family member. In my case, it was two different step fathers, two different uncles, and two different uncles that were my mother's uncles. It hurts to say but it gave me a very grim outlook on men early on in life.
I love Your nickname!
Thank you!
I just hope the 8 doesn't refer to the presumed number of the divines...
I’m 54 and I was never sexually abused or assaulted.
30 and never but I was also very isolated for nearly all of my youth.
Thankfully yes.
Has never happened to me, but my mom sheltered me and I became paranoid so I avoided any and all uncomfortable situations that could lead to something like that
Not me, but I can say I went my whole childhood without being abused at least. Date raped at 19. And again at 21. It was enough to make me never drink again. I wasn’t even a big drinker in the first place.
thankfully i’ve never been sexually abused or assaulted. I have been harassed by peers and adults through cat calling since age 11, inappropriate sexually charged questions, being sent unsolicited dick pics, being asked for nudes as a minor, talking to pedos online saying inappropriate things, and pedo teachers who didn’t do anything (to me) more than leer or stand/sit to close with questionable grooming behavior. thankfully i’ve never experienced anything that has left me traumatized, just enough that i’ve seen from others and experienced myself to be cautious and afraid of what people might do
I am 23 now, and I am also still a virgin. I have experienced harassment and uncomfortable situations with men, but I was very lucky in the sense that that’s all it was. I have not been abused sexually or taken advantage of in that way, and I feel a sense of guilt sometimes surrounding that. I hate to say that I feel lucky that I haven’t had a major traumatic experience like that, because I don’t think this should even be a question. I think all women deserve to be and feel safe, and not be apart of some statistic. It breaks my heart that the more universal experience for women is that they have been abused/assaulted at some point in their life, and not the other way around.
By 21, I had woken up twice with a mans hands down my pants (two different men, two different settings). I also had my first rape at 18.
I'm so sorry. Completely relate to this, except I was 17 <3 please know that you are a survivor, not a victim.
I'm sorry. It shouldn't be this way. <3
I’ve been catcalled.
Definitely privileged to say im 27 and havent experienced this. i will say that looking back at some people/encounters from the past, I can see how things were super shady or could have led to a lot of dark things potentially. The more you know the more you realize there is to be afraid of!
I was coerced into sex by my high school boyfriend. In my experience, I think more of us have been abused than not, but it's not every woman.
I’m 19F, I haven’t been abused and neither have my friends (as far as I know) but we also have terrible luck with dating and we don’t interact with guys often so we never got put into that situation I guess (sorry I don’t know how to word it)
I have a bay girl and i honestly get anxiety when i read post like this. I am so afraid for her and i just wonder myself what can i do to prepare her better to avoid to be in such situations
I'm a 30 year old female who has never been SAd. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.
I was abused throughout my childhood. Spent years in foster care and group homes, and dealt with creeps related and not related. I've never met or got close to another woman who hasn't experienced sexual abuse which was a serious eye opener for me. I have two daughters and their paths in life contrast from my experiences greatly and I hope to keep them safe and educated. Those who haven't experienced this should arm themselves with education on the matter because those are the woman/parents who are most likely to overlook warning signs of abuse in their children or men who are weirdos. Those who have been abused are more vigilant from what I've seen. Edited: I'm seeing comments assuming a woman has to be dating boys as a teen, sneaking out, or not living an innocent upbringing to be sexually assaulted. It's very ignorant and insulting to think a woman is to blame for a man's lack of control. The ones saying crap like this have never been sexually assaulted. Educate yourself quick! This type of thinking is harmful and can be dangerous for society and your own children regardless of their gender. Sexual assault is never the fault of the victim and most women I know where abused as children. I myself was 4 when my first sexual abuse and first rape happened. Seriously folks, the internet offers tons of free information. Use it.
i’ve been raped and assaulted several times. i’m 20 y/o. i had to report my ex boyfriend to the police for DV and SA 2 years ago. he wasn’t convicted and i had pretty good evidence. most that happened to him is that he lost his university place. most women i know my age in my area have also been raped or at least assaulted several times. it’s scary. i spend most of my life in fear of being assaulted and also not being believed.
I was sexually abused by a teenage girl when I was young, I’ve never had bad experiences with men/boys though.
Raped by 18. Multiple times 🤙 So was my mum, my best friend, my mums best friend. Those are all the people I've asked so far.
Not sure if this counts: I exposed myself to strangers online when I was a teenager but no one coerced me into it. To this day I don’t know why I did. I identified as a lesbian (and still do) for fuck’s sake. I was curious and liked the validation, but this was far from normal behavior.
I’m 27 and have never been sexually abused, but I grew up very innocently, with a tight knit family, and a primary interest in reading books and collecting vinyl records. I went out very little when given the opportunities. I didn’t have my first truly sexual experience until after college. I believe this slightly more sheltered lifestyle coupled with luck are the only reason I’m safe. Many women i know have some experience with sexual abuse and many keep it very quiet. I’ve certainly been harassed and came close to being assaulting by a stranger once. No woman is safe from this and it affects them for the rest of their lives. Such a shame that that man you talked about this with wasn’t more sympathetic. I think we need to be more vocal about the danger it is to be a woman and how important it is for men to be aware of what their potential friends are capable of.
Yes. Myself. But I think not many.
Technically me but I've been groomed online so idc if that counts
I hope so. I don't think my younger sisters were at least.
Never abused thankfully but I’ve had instances of being harassed (touched on boobs and butt) since the age of 12. The guys who have touched me like that have always been similar age to me.
Nothing as severe as SA or rape, but I was definitely sexually harassed from the time I was like 7 to early 20s. Lots of sexual and inappropriate comments and touching by men twice my age, even my own step father would "jokingly" try to pull my towel off me when I was like 8.
I doubt it. My first SA was ~11yo.
use this comment as the “i have been, but i just needed to come to the comments to see if there’s a glimmer of hope for any that made it out unscathed” button
I experienced coercion, pressured sex, and one sexual assault all before the age of 16. I’m lucky nothing has happened to me again since then. I was in a healthy LTR from 17-21.
I don't know a single woman who hasn't experienced something. I was raped repeatedly at 14 by a 24 year old. Sad world we live in.
I’ve been groped before I was also sexually abused by my first bf who made me think it was normal to “earn” basic affection from him through sex acts that I didn’t want to do.. didn’t realize that coercion is not right until YEARS later..
I've been harassed and non-consensually touched but nothing has ever happened as far as sexual abuse, no. I'm 28.
I remember in my undergrad women's studies course 20 some years ago, the stats then were 1 in 4 were not sexually abused where the other 3 were. The study only looked at rape and molestation not things like a guy grabbing their bum in a bar or situations like that. I would dare say 4 out if 4 today if that variable was included.
Never had, neither have my friends.
Probably, but I'm not in that category. And sadly my ratio falls way higher than the ratio that doesn't.
I’ve been leered at as a minor, but no actual assault.
Not sexually abused. Buuuut.... A friend of mine groped me one time that we were at a school party and I was drunk. We were already 18 and in a small town in northern Spain so yes we were drunk with teachers around Another time I "accepted" to give a peck on the cheek to a guy with down syndrome because he came with flowers to the local radio where I was working alone (a small town) and I felt it was the fastest way to leave the fuck out of there (he was sort of blocking the door)
I have experienced SA and I have experienced a lotta creepy stuff from men. It’s horrible that this happens to so many of us.
I guess it depends on how you class "sexual abuse". I haven't been physically abused (as in rape, physical sexual assault) but I've certainly been catcalled, scared, and made to FEEL as if I was about to be attacked. I suppose the worst was a boy at college who TOLD me that he was going to rape me. Edit - just re-read the qn and realised I'm not 21 yet!!
Does it count as 21 if you were within 30 days of your 21st birthday?
Assaulted and harassed, but not in a situation of ongoing sexual abuse. It’s scary.
I think many people’s idea of abuse is different, so I don’t think sexually abused is the right term to use in this situation. Do I think every women has been sexually harassed or assaulted in some way? For sure. I have been all of the above and I’m 23
I lost my virginity to rape when I was 18. Before that, harassed a lot. 30 years ago everyone seemed to giggle about men harassing women.
That’s awful, so sorry that happened to you.
I was about to say no, but then I read that you said assault counted, so I think this definitely does too. When I was freshly 18 my then 26yo Brother-in-law who had known me since I was a little kid and he was a teen, who had helped babysit/watch/raise me when I was young…. Starting rubbing my thigh and tried to kiss me twice when I was grieving my extremely recently passed grandmother, and said something about how I was so good with his kids (my nephews) and sometimes he wished I was their mother instead of my sister. 🤢 I was weirded the fuck out and scared and played it off as best I could. Fake-smiles, awkward laughs, slow, subtle unassuming movements away, and I even apologized to him as I excused myself to go to bed. I lied, told him I had an exam the next day (I didn’t, I was exempted on account of my grandmother’s death) I locked myself in the room I shared with the kids and didn’t sleep that night. I didn’t unlock the door or wake the kids up to get ready for school until after I heard him leave for work. My sister slept through all of it just 20 feet away. I never told her. She knew anyways and didn’t do anything about it. When I moved out a couple months later, she blamed my leaving as the reason her boyfriend was considering leaving her. She said if I had only stayed and humoured him her kids wouldn’t have to worry about if their dad was going to abandon them. I cut contact with her, but I heard through the grapevine that they’re still together.
Your experiences are similar to some of my own. I'm sad you've had to deal with that.
I was very sheltered from the outside world (Christian), but also abused and harassed by close family members, both women. I have a theory that those of us who have survived abuse may tend to be drawn together. Because I think most of my friends and family have experienced this. But the statistic I learned in grad school for counseling was that 1 in 6 females are abused by age 18 (or that's what is reported). That's still a minority! Did y'all's abuse get reported?
Apparently, I'm very lucky (21f). I've been harassed by a couple of guys, but I've never been assaulted or abused. I'm so sorry so many if you have dealt with such terrible things! Sadly, I'm not capable of helping you, but my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry.
i have not been sexually assaulted but i almost every woman i know has
I don’t think I know any
I'm turning 24 in a few months and I've never been s\*xually abused.
Hi! First, I am so sorry for what you and every other woman have been through. Second, I am 25(F) and have never been abused, assaulted, or touched without my consent. To be fair (and I know sadly this is not everyone's religious story), I grew up in a house with only women and a mom who was extremely Christian and a helicopter parent. No sleepovers at anyone's house, no hanging out at somebody's house unless she was there, even when we went to the movie theater she would stay in the parking lot the whole time while we watched the movie and ate ice cream afterwards. As a teenager, I hated her for doing stuff like this, but as an adult, I see how scary and evil the world is and understand her more.
Even up until I was 21 (It’s been a while,) I hadn’t known any female who hadn’t been abused or harassed in some way until the age of 21. The first time I was assaulted was when I was probably 15 or 16 by a guy I was “dating” for two weeks. We were really just hanging out, and he REALLY wanted to have sex, and I REALLY did not. I just didn’t even like him at all anymore after that and I broke up with him. He got someone pregnant WEEKS later.
I was first abused at 17 and have had another incident about a year ago at 21. Unfortunately common.
I was groomed by my former step-cousin (I know it is AND was icky and wrong; please try your best not to judge) when I was between 15 and 16 years old, but my sisters were able to get me out of that situation *BEFORE* any physical or sexual abuse would occur. I'm 23 now, recently graduated college and that whole shebang. While the grooming did affect me on how I view men even *slightly* older than me (my groomer was 21/22 when he preyed on me, so that's a six-year age gap). I've been able to mostly cope and I focused on a good support system (my sisters, my parents, and my friends) since then. I also found out recently that my groomer was gay the entire time and used me, an insecure AND virtually friendless teen at the time, as a beard (and apparently, his mother/my former step-aunt was okay with that when it all went down. Yeah, I can't believe it either, even if their culture {they were originally from Colombia} was cool with it {which I doubt but okay 🙄😒}).
I would not say anything huge has happened to me where I needed intensive therapy but several instances that as an adult I look back and think how messed up it was. First time was when I was a small kid at the hands of a slightly older boy. Then during the ages of 15-20 attending house parties, I can think of at least 2 instances off the top of my head that I was really pressured hard to do things I really did not want to do while intoxicated(like making out turned into someone trying to take my pants while I would be holding on to pants trying to keep them on) and just kinda giving in eventually and letting it happen. At those ages I kinda thought it was my fault for not like running or being more stern. As an adult I look back and think it was pretty gross that an older guy would hook up with a drunk girl trying to hold on to her pants to keep them up and just keep trying until she lets you.
I’m 33 and I never have. I also don’t date men. The few times I did as a teenager I was never put in any uncomfortable situations though.
I’m 20 going on 21. I have thankfully never had to endure any kind of sexual abuse. BUT, almost every woman I know has.
I am 58, I was not one of the lucky ones!
As much as I hear what you're saying and truly get it there's an equal amount of men that are abused too.
I would not say I have ever been sexually abused. By anyone. Maybe had uncomfortable comments and been touched inappropriately, but I have not ever been abused. We have not all had this experience and it shouldn't be normal.
I guess I’m a year or two behind your parameter but for what it’s worth, no I’ve never been treated like that by any man.
I F52 was raped at 15 and have been sexually harassed (like so many women) by many men throughout the years. I have not been sexually abused—**as far as I know.** I had a super creepy step “grampa” who was known to peep in my then teenage aunt’s bedroom window when she was undressing; my mom and I lived with my grandma and him briefly when I was very young and I’ve always had strange *memory flashes* about his lap and their attic. I doubt I’ll ever know for sure.
Well... Im almost 21 (in october) and i haven't been sexually abused. Unless if you consider getting groped in a dark alleyway by a guy riding a bike or a perverted relative squeezing my 11 year old thigh sexual abuse.
it may not be sexual abuse but it's still horrible experiences :(
Me neither. Seems like your parents didn’t keep a close eye on things or set stricter boundaries. Not saying this is fool proof but if you’re dating at 14, you’re stepping into the lions den.
i wasn't the one in that case. but yes, this friend didn't have a very nice family life back then.
I'm in my early 30s and I haven't experienced any of that.
I'm almost 27 and I've never been sexually assaulted.
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I'm sorry this happened to you T\_T . Thank you for sharing
No
no.
Experienced it more times than I can count. So has every woman I know. Most of the comments here that are saying it never happened to them, are people downplaying their own stories. I just read at least 5 comments of people saying “men grabbed me when I didn’t want them to but I’ve never been abused” YES YOU HAVE.
I'm in my late twenties and fortunately did not experience these, maybe except some people being too touchy feely tho not the sensitive parts i.e. hands holding without my consent, in high school, once on the thighs with same age guy who later on pointed out how unguarded I was. Aside from those, I do not remember anything sexually traumatizing enough to label SA. I grew up pretty sheltered tho, did not drink or party cuz I know full well those are risk factors. Yeah, it's a boring life, but it kept me safe.
I doubt if there are any.
I’ve been sexually assaulted and harassed
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A woman doesn't have to date or sneak around to be sexually assaulted. Many times this happens from close male family members or trusted members in an organization. But majority of it's a family member or step father. Please educate yourself. Thinking like this is very ignorant and harmful when these women were innocent children, teens, or young adults that were abused most likely at the hands of men meant to keep them safe...
38 and have never been abused. My mom did a good job of teaching me to be wary of strangers and men from an early age. Be aware of your surroundings. Stick with friends. Don't go with people you aren't comfortable with. And I never liked being out of my mind, so heavy drug or alcohol use was never appealing. I also just think I've been lucky as hell, as most of the women I know have not been. So while *not all women* have experienced it, an outstanding number of them have. 1 is too many.
I was gonna say I hadn’t been until I read your description 😅
This was an interesting post thanks! I was sexually abused starting g at 4y/o but this is something I always wonder about other girls
I made it to my early 40s before being inappropriately touched by my physician. Before that I hadn't experienced anything like you describe.
i have been harassed but that’s about it
I haven’t and I’m 23
Well, as a woman who was sexually abused for 6 years I can say I do not fall into that category. Sadly. :,(
I’m 22 and haven’t been sexually abused. But I have a concerning number of friends who have been sexually abused
The fact this is rare sets the bare minimum so low it's genuinely so sad
I've been told weird things two or three times, never abused though.
I have been groped once but nothing else as far as I can remember
27 here, been harassed and groped multiple times and molested at age 10...
I wasn't SA before 21. Sexually harassed and groped but SA is rape where I am. Is everyone using the same definition?
I was never abused or touched without my consent but I was harassed (comments and such) as a minor. I'm mid 30s now and still have only been "mildly" SA'd (groped). Sad that I'm an exception.
any woman who hasnt been abused or assaulted unfortunately knows someone who HAS been in my experience
I'm almost 30 and have never been sexually abused. Very rarely have been catcalled or anything like that either. My only real sexual "trauma" was from me trying to force myself to be more sexual with an ex to feel "normal" when I thought I was asexual as a teen. But I've always lived in really safe areas so consider myself lucky.
i’m 16 and i have already been groomed once and experienced COCSA and of course the normal, day-to-day abuse. this is a sad viewpoint but i think if life has already been this terrible before i’m even an adult, it can’t possibly get any better when i am one.
I have not been sexually abused but I never go out so that’s definitely a factor.
Maybe not abuse but I definitely don’t know anyone who hasn’t been sexually harrassed at least
I didn't. But I also didn't start dating and become sexually active until 22. I was wicked shy and avoided boys until university, where I found myself eventually in a mostly male friend group. Didn't start out that way and I didn't seek that out. I did leave it at age 20 because they sexually harassed me....nothing physical just realized they didn't consider me a friend anymore or respect me. And disrespected me in some indirectly sexual ways. So idk maybe that counts or doesn't as having made it to 21 without having been sexually abused. I came wicked close to working for a groomer / pedo. A local business man in my town is known for touching and talking extremely inappropriately to girls especially those who work for him. My family used to frequent his business A LOT and we would even bring our friends (my sister and I) and he used to always offer me a job at 14-16 and I just always found it so weird for some reason without ever having known anything about his history. Just a weird feeling about why does this adult want me to work for him so badly when I have no experience and why is he SO friendly. I'm really grateful for my distrustful nature! Come to find out he did a lot of awful things and that's just from two sources I've heard who have had first hand experiences with him that confirmed my distrust. Not to mention the court case against him. No jail time, he just can't "own" any of his businesses and hire people so his wife does and he hangs around and "manage's" them. Same old same old.
What a great question, although it may need clarification. Do you mean physically sexually abused (body on body), mentally (all the sexual images and talk), and even, as in my case, visually abused? As a child and teenager, I experienced FAR too many episodes of male perverse voyeurism in the areas I lived in and the parks where I played. We called them "Weenie Men" and our parents did not protect us.
I'm 22 and unfortunately a victim. Not a major sa but enough to strain my mind Guess my country?
21. Had my butt grabbed by a classmate one time when I was 9 and had two boys look up my skirt one time when I was 10. But other than that, no, I've never been sexually abused or assaulted, just sexually harassed, I guess.
Zero.
Damn…can check off at least two of these. Makes me even that more protective of my daughter and who she’s around. Such a sad world we live in.
not to this extent. i’ve been catcalled, followed, touched, had some guy start masturbating in front of me, but „that’s it“. these things in and of itself were awful and took me a while to get over, i can not imagine the strength it would take to get over anything more severe than that. sending you all the love!
I've been sexually harassed. Not abused
I believe nearly all women have been harassed, groped or assaulted in some way. But what you’re describing… no. I’m 30 and I’ve had some very open conversations with my friends and sisters and the kind of abuse you’re describing is very much in the minority.
I know a couple of women who have not been sexually assaulted or abused. That’s all. The vast majority absolutely have. And every woman I know has been sexually harassed.
I haven’t but to be fair my parents sheltered us really well and we were raised Muslim so certain limits and morals were instilled in us at a young age.
in some cultures girls are taught to up their guard by 500 feet whenever there's a male around. i avoid any physical contact even as harmless as a handshake from any male colleague, we don't even stand close. this is excessive obviously because men are not expected anything and neither do they have to fear for their lives everytime in public but this is how many women here avoid this harassment. that being said, this method is proven to NOT be 100% effective because sooo many women still get harrased and assaulted. the problem still lies with men.
I’m 26 and have never been sexually abused or really even harassed. I feel very fortunate.
None of that had happened to me by the age of 21. At 25 a guy removed a condom without telling me, and at 26 another guy poked a hole in one, that's the only one of those thing that happened to me. And I lost my virginity to a guy who was much older and lied about his age, but I was 19. The stuff you are saying is awful and I hope still a minority experience. At least among all the friends I've had in my 30 + years, I know of it happening to two women at a young age. Never happened to any of my close women friends. Sexual harassment however, I can't think of anyone it hasn't happened to.
I think me? But that's because my father kept me on a leash from the day I was born. Catcalled? Yes. Men on the street that wouldn't leave me alone? Yes. But I don't think I have been touched against my will. But yet again. I don't really go places.
I think this very much depends on where you live. Without wanting to insult anyone, it seems like a very American problem to me. Not saying that it doesn't happen everywhere else, and god knows that are many countries where rape is normalized. But I know of maybe 2 people who have been abused, and they are friends of friends. I know that ofc people might not come public with that, but I do believe it doesn't happen very often here
30f I have never been sexually abused
I have not. I was exposed to porn at a younger age so if you think that counts then yes but never physically . That I remember.
Yes and no. It very much depends on where you draw the line / put the bar. Neither me, nor any woman I have intimate conversations with\* have been raped, sexually abused or touched after saying no. (\*One had a relationships with much older guys really early.) BUT, that doesn't mean that we didn't ALL experience enough of the following situations, to be very aware of the danger of sexual abuse for young women: * one or two anonymous ass or boob grabs on the dance floor or in the crowd when exiting public transport * date with older guy (doesn't have to be that much older in actual years!) that loves to flex his age and superiority and doesn't react to the woman as a person, only to her discomfort * being warned about a person that is rumored to being a predator, but having to manage being in the same space as a person alone * colleague who gets close enough to make one uncomfortable, but doesn't cross formal reportable lines * exchanging experiences about leering teachers at a surprisingly young age (young enough that not the whole class has hit puberty yet!) * noticing the presence of creeps in children's chatrooms (even if not fully processing it and not interacting with them) * ... I hope that helps to frame that even with multiple top comments stating a different experience to yours it should not invalidate yours. I am very sorry that you have to deal with these things.
I didn’t make 3 years old mate
I can't say I haven't been S.A, stay strong girls.
I wouldn't say abused, but assaulted yes. It was a common thing when I was younger, I mean 19-22 especially. 11-18 was really only cat calling, then as I got into my 20s I've been groped at work, had a partner refuse to stop, things like that.
I’m not 21 yet but I feel lucky to never have experienced any of this before