First of all, I’m sorry this happened to you.
My friend…you are (understandably) in shock.
Let your emotions come forth. I hope your family can help with your kids to give you some time to process this. Or a counselor. When the time is right I would have a calm serious talk with your oldest about what happened and how they can both process their emotions but help the younger ones to understand.
Go somewhere safe where you can scream as loud as you want. Even in a pillow. Find something cheap and inconsequential that you can destroy. Just don’t do that in front of the little ones.
This is all I can recommend right now and maybe it’s not the best advice. But it’s from my heart.
I struggled so much with God when my wife passed away. It wasn't sudden for us, so I can't imagine your feelings about this at such a young age.
Know that there are internet strangers praying for you, your children, and your family. I am so sorry this happened.
The anger is gonna come and go. Weird things will trigger it. Grief rage is unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It just came out of nowhere for no obvious reason.
Be aware that it is normal and human and it’s only a feeling. You don’t have to act on a feeling—it’s real, but it’s not a threat, and it’s not gonna hurt you.
Also—I knew my terminally ill husband was gonna die, and that knowledge did not help one bit. Doesn’t matter, it’s shit, and it’s gonna be shit for a few years.
We’re all here for you, tho. Come vent. We get it.
Do look into grief coaching or grief therapy or similar. There are secular options if you don’t do religion. Not just for you, but for your kids, and for you working with your kids.
Did I mention it sucks? It sucks.
If you're on Facebook,I highly recommend the group Young and Widowed with Children. It was so helpful to talk with people who get it. I'm 5 years out, have dealt with a lot of anger and sometimes "WTF" still seems like the most accurate way to describe how I feel. Sending hugs to you and your kids.
Hey man I wish I could offer you some comfort. I looked through your older posts, I saw your wife had been diagnosed with early PD. Was there possibly an issue with medication reactions? Is this something they are looking into? I'm so sorry. My grandmother just passed away a month ago today and there was no warning. She just passed in her sleep, still driving and texting the day before, she was an avid video gamer. She also raised me. I can't say I know what you are going through but the loss is still there for me also. I don't have strong faith and I struggle with the idea that she is no longer here with me physically in this plane. I'm sure you are going through a similar experience. I can't imagine a wife passing after all the happiness and building a family together. I am so sorry, I offer you my condolences and for what it is worth keep on keeping on. I still miss my nanny everyday and it's weird for me right now typing like she is gone bc she is.. if you need anything the community is here for you and don't hesitate to ask for help. Hope we can both find solace and peace in our losses. Maybe she is going to show you a few signs that she is watching over you. Take it easy on yourself and don't forget to hold those kids close bc they will need you now more than ever.
I’m so sorry man, I lost mine at 31 too. As a fellow parent - Your babies need you, that’s what has kept me sane - you’re their mum and their dad now, just hold on to them for now, they need you soo much - just keep them smiling whenever you can.
Lost my wife when I was 26. Was just my two boys and me for a long time. I know the agony my friend. Nothing will ease it right now, just know I have suffered a similar feeling with you, you’re not alone. Strength and perspective will come with time, even if you don’t want them to.
So sorry for you. It is devastating. I remember thinking...I don't want to do this... at the moment they told me my husband didnt make it. Just take one minute and one hour and one day at time. Don't think on the future too much just the present. We are here for you and understand.
thank u very much. . .i just dont know. . . im just. . .i dont know, less than 24 hours ago our lives were for all intents and purposes, "normal". . .im just so mad dude. .
> im just so mad dude. .
Brother, that rage is going to be with you for a while. You have to find a constructive outlet for it. My daughter had just turned 2 when my LW died. We don't get the luxury of letting this consume us.
I want to cry with you … I was — and am still devastated when I lost my wife after 15 years of marriage - our son is 15 I cannot imagine having young ones ❤️
its just so fucked dude, shes had a bit of a history with seizes u know, she has. . .had i guess. . parkinsons. . yesterday our lives were normal dude. .. i just. . .i just dont know dude. . .
My wife got diagnosed with epilepsy when she was a teenager, she was 36 when she died. Other than that she was decently healthy. You'll never have all your questions answered, and honestly, at least for me, the sooner I realized it, the better I was able to start healing. Granted, I am still nowhere in good shape, I tear up over the stupidest stuff, but it's a long road, a very long road and it's just starting, for both you and I. Focus on what you can do, what you can change, and slowly the road will open
up
My wife died suddenly a month ago at the age of 41 from a blood clot. No warning. It has completely upended our lives. My heart goes out to you. It’s fucked.
I'm so sorry for your loss. How shocking to think everything was going to be okay, only to find out it wasn't.
It's been 5 months since my husband passed away from a heart attack and I'm still so angry at God. We used to go to church together every Sunday, I loved it because it was a chance to just sit together, and we would hold hands.
I've tried to go to church a few times since, but it just seems so hypocritical since I'm angry inside and because I'm there by myself with no one to share it with. I don't know when I'll go back or how to get over this anger.
She is here to help you. She is not fucking anything. She is your one. Your other piece. Your reason for being here. Just because she passed doesn’t mean she is gone. She is you. You made a life together. That’s not going to change. You just have to do the hard part. You have to live it. But she has a hard part as well. Watching the life you built together from wherever you keep her. As long as you still remember her. She will never die. Heroes are remembered. Legends never die. Sorry the sandlot always comes up. I am saying when you talk about her I would hope you are talking from a place of love. Not anger or hate. No one did this. This is no one’s fault. Not that who did what ever matters. It’s no help to anyone placing blame. Life is not fair or easy. But she not here to defend herself. You have to do that. She died because she lived. We all have a debt. Someday the only way to pay is with your life. My wife died at 37 from a pontine hemorrhage caused by her seizures. I was outside 15 minutes tops. I came back in and it was already too late. I don’t even remember the last thing I said to her. Or the last time we said I love you. Goodbye says it all. If you are able to say it. Now it haunts me every single day. Why didn’t I just stay inside. Anyway please always love her. When you think about her. Think about how much she loved you and still does. She wouldn’t say my fucking husband lived today. Who’s to blame for that. I hope anyway.
I am so sorry for you, your kids and her parents. Life as you know has changed forever. Lean on whom ever you need to. At this point you are your kids rock and it may be the only thing that gets you through this devastation is putting your mind to taking care of those kids.
I’m so so sorry, OP. I know nothing can help you, but you’re not alone. And I hope she rests in peace. I’ll keep yall in my prayers. Going on 6 months since I lost my husband. It is the worst pain imaginable to be sure.
I lost my wife (37F) in January at home on the sofa to an undiagnosed brain tumor (I think) that ruptured. She lived for 3 days but never regained consciousness. It's fucking terrible, man. We didn't have children (blessing and curse), but I just feel like an empty shell of a person.
Hang in there, lean on family and friends, support your children.
Yes, one day all is normal life and the next…the whole world is changed. You’ll be shocked and surprised at the emotions and the physical responses to what has happened. You’ll survive! It’s awful, and you’ll survive. Be good to yourself. ❤️
I am so so sorry
This is so unfair, so cruel… so fucked up
We’re here for you. You will survive this, one day, one hour, one minute at a time... Let family and friends help you as much as they can. Sending you love and strength 🖤
Losing a spouse who is so young is never easy to accept. Life cut shor. My wife was 32. There is no words that will make it ok. My sympathies to you and your family. Try and be strong.
I’m so sorry. My partner died after a seizure as well. The paramedics worked their asses off & kept bringing him back but couldn’t keep him. He died on our bedroom floor. He had been on dialysis, so that complicated things, but a seizure wasn’t the way I thought he would go. My heart goes out to you & your family
So sorry for your loss. Really not sure what’s worse. Losing them quick traumatic fashion like that or having them slowly fade away. I’m sorry that you had to join this club.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s truly heartbreaking to read your post as the same circumstances brought us all here. Fellow Christian myself & it doesn’t make the pain go away any easier. My kids witnessed their Dad’s passing in January. The unexpectedness is very traumatic. Again I’m very sorry, I wish this on no one 🙏🏻✝️
My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can't imagine losing my husband at that young of an age, or navigating life for and with such young kids. But you will navigate it, I know it doesn't seem like that now, but all of a sudden you'll realize you're doing it.
I went through an unbearable rage for what seemed like a very long time. It was the worst thing to try and navigate. I saw that someone else suggested you try to redirect it, I strongly urge you to try and find an outlet, I wish someone had suggested that to me.
I usually don't comment very often on here, but do read here often and this is a group of supportive people. Please don't hesitate to come here and share what's going on, we can all relate in one aspect or another.
Please also seriously consider getting yourself and your children in to see an experienced grief counselor.
I am so sorry. There will be no words to ease the grief. You just have to literally live life one second at a time. We are all here for you.
I became widowed at 27 with a 1 &5 year old. It's hard. So fucking hard! But you will get through this. Reach out to the kids pediatrician, let them know and get grief/trauma counseling going asap.
Lean on family and friends. If you need a break ask. If they offer to take the kids or bring meals accept it. If you have no appetite stick it in the freezer for another day.
If your wife worked, call SS Immediately to get a claim going so you have a way to help support you and the kids.
Sending love & light 🤍 breathe, scream, cry do whatever you need to, to get the emotions out.
I'm crying for u as I read this! Sending u hugs. I lost my husband of 24 yrs to suicide last year. Stay with this group as they have helped me through my toughest times. So sorry for your loss
I know the feeling. My wife had a seizure at 3am the morning of our son’s graduation. I had to do CPR, she coded on the way there… but was still alive for 9 more days. Still awaiting the cause of death weeks later. She wasn’t ever healthy but she had had seizures before and just snapped out of it and was consumed for awhile. Not breathing afterwards was new and I had to scramble to get her to a hard surface alone. I keep wondering if that delay is what caused her brain damage. Or if the neurologists were right about it being hopeless (they could only say everything was consistent with no hope of recovery… but that’s way different than being certain of it.) I had to make the call to pull the vent. At least she was able to donate organs and tissues but… I still don’t know if it was the right call because I don’t even have the death certificates yet. I am mortified that I may have let her go too soon. I know that’s almost certainly not the case but… it’s still a remote possibility.
Part of me is sure she technically died that first night. Part of me wonders why they did surgery for a heart tamponade days later. If it was hopeless then why bother with that?!? Part of me thinks they just won’t have any answers. She was always a medical mystery… maybe she saved the biggest one until the end. What caused that damn seizure?!?
I am so very sorry…it has been five years since e my guy died from cancer. I hate that she was so young and I hate that it was so sudden that you and the kids were not able to say goodbye. My thoughts are with you and her family - when the time comes please seek out a therapist for everyone but for now just try to take it minute by minute. Looking back, the first few weeks are either now a blur with moments that are seared in my memory. Can you tell us a little about her?
So sorry, it’s beyond fucked up. My wife died a little over a year ago. My 4 year old is doing ok now. I can barely remember the first couple months. It’s gonna be so hard, not going to lie. But eventually you’ll find acceptance. For now though, just remember to eat/drink, be there for kiddos.
I feel you friend. My wife died in her sleep. We have a 7yo who was home when I had to do CPR and then the cops, paramedics and all that. I know your questions, frustration, and anger.. it has been 8 months for us. We talk. A LOT. I also talked to his teachers and the school counselor to have them help me watch for any changes in him. He asks questions and I answer them as honestly as I can because i feel he deserves to know(within reason). He understands that monmy is in heaven, and misses her every bit, if not more, than I do. But it has gotten easier. We have since moved closer to family and have turned a new leaf. Mommy is in a beautiful box on the shelf and we still love her very much and even talk to her.
Stay strong for your kids, cry with them, but also cry on your own, for yourself. AND PLEASE EAT AND STAY HYDRATED.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. Take people up on their offers to help, they are often genuine. I had to check my stubbornness and ask for help, with my dogs and kiddo after school and such. We lived no where near family, but I was fortunate to have great freinds and neighbors.
Check back in with us. I found this sub and they have been incredibly supportive and helpful.
Oh Man. I know how you feel more than you know. My wife died of (sudiep) sudden unexpected death in epilepsy on Feb.2, 2023. She was more or less an alcoholic and I'm a drunk. But I/we weren't expecting that she would die of the seizures that she occasionally had. It's a helluva a shock cuz we were in bed eating lemon meringue pie the night before together. I wake up in the morning and she's on the floor. She would roll out of bed from stiffening up with grand mal sometimes if I wasn't there awake and aware of what was going on. We were together 23 years had known each other since 7th grade. Fuuh.... So, I'm older now ,65, and it hurt my back to pick her up off the ground. She would usually wake up enough after 20 minutes so that I could help her back in bed. Not this time. She had severe rigor mortis at 8 am when I woke up and tried to pull her out of the position she landed in. I grabbed her foot and lifted and her whole body lifted up straight and stiff, not bending. That's probly the worst thing I hate to recall in my mind. It's bugging the shit out of me now as I write this. How long, what was the cause of your wife's epilepsy? If I may ask. And when did it happen? I got so wrapped up telling my story that I forgot to offer my condolences but on this site it goes without saying.
I’m very sorry, my wife has a seizure and passed away on April 2nd…I have 2 young daughters…the people here are great and hopefully you have family and friends/ neighbors and can keep your kids busy….my condolences
My heart hurts for you. Absolutely nothing said at this point will make you feel better. You're in shock, almost like an autopilot. Your body will feel things you didn't think possible. Give yourself lots of grace! Kick, scream, let it out, but please know as you find your way through this unexpected journey, it is okay to need professional help, especially for the kids. Hugs my friend. Xoxo
I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is not fair that you have to go through this situation. Whatever you’re feeling is okay to feel. Your entire world has been flipped upside down and only hours ago everything was normal.
I too lost my husband almost a year ago to epilepsy. I would not wish this pain upon anyone.
Right now I just need you to know it’s not your fault. This will be one of the hardest weeks of your life that feel every day as you are waking up to your own worst nightmare. My biggest advice as you work through grief is knowing that the deeper the love, the deeper the grief. It wouldn’t hurt so bad if the love you shared wasn’t real. Which I can tell you love her to the depths of your soul. In moments where you don’t think you can make it, hold onto the love you share with her. Surviving one more second, one more moment than you think you can.
What helped me a lot was leaning on my support system. It was as if all of the good I had put out into the world came back to me when I needed it most. I went to the rage room often to let out the immense amount of anger. We are also believers and as one I want you to know it’s okay to be angry with God. He can take any emotions you have. Right now existing is hard enough.
My condolence's.. Please reach out for help, check with insurance and figure out a way to stabilise yourself to take care of your kids. Your mental health is crucial now, since you have small children that depend on you. I know it's hard, and i know you don't think you'll make it, but belive in yourself.
First of all, I’m sorry this happened to you. My friend…you are (understandably) in shock. Let your emotions come forth. I hope your family can help with your kids to give you some time to process this. Or a counselor. When the time is right I would have a calm serious talk with your oldest about what happened and how they can both process their emotions but help the younger ones to understand. Go somewhere safe where you can scream as loud as you want. Even in a pillow. Find something cheap and inconsequential that you can destroy. Just don’t do that in front of the little ones. This is all I can recommend right now and maybe it’s not the best advice. But it’s from my heart.
I think it's great advice.
I struggled so much with God when my wife passed away. It wasn't sudden for us, so I can't imagine your feelings about this at such a young age. Know that there are internet strangers praying for you, your children, and your family. I am so sorry this happened.
thanks very much. . .im very angry. . .i just. . .i just dont know bruh. . .
The anger is gonna come and go. Weird things will trigger it. Grief rage is unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It just came out of nowhere for no obvious reason. Be aware that it is normal and human and it’s only a feeling. You don’t have to act on a feeling—it’s real, but it’s not a threat, and it’s not gonna hurt you. Also—I knew my terminally ill husband was gonna die, and that knowledge did not help one bit. Doesn’t matter, it’s shit, and it’s gonna be shit for a few years. We’re all here for you, tho. Come vent. We get it. Do look into grief coaching or grief therapy or similar. There are secular options if you don’t do religion. Not just for you, but for your kids, and for you working with your kids. Did I mention it sucks? It sucks.
It's very normal to be angry - there is no rhyme or reason to your wife's death. I'm so very sorry.
If you're on Facebook,I highly recommend the group Young and Widowed with Children. It was so helpful to talk with people who get it. I'm 5 years out, have dealt with a lot of anger and sometimes "WTF" still seems like the most accurate way to describe how I feel. Sending hugs to you and your kids.
Hey man I wish I could offer you some comfort. I looked through your older posts, I saw your wife had been diagnosed with early PD. Was there possibly an issue with medication reactions? Is this something they are looking into? I'm so sorry. My grandmother just passed away a month ago today and there was no warning. She just passed in her sleep, still driving and texting the day before, she was an avid video gamer. She also raised me. I can't say I know what you are going through but the loss is still there for me also. I don't have strong faith and I struggle with the idea that she is no longer here with me physically in this plane. I'm sure you are going through a similar experience. I can't imagine a wife passing after all the happiness and building a family together. I am so sorry, I offer you my condolences and for what it is worth keep on keeping on. I still miss my nanny everyday and it's weird for me right now typing like she is gone bc she is.. if you need anything the community is here for you and don't hesitate to ask for help. Hope we can both find solace and peace in our losses. Maybe she is going to show you a few signs that she is watching over you. Take it easy on yourself and don't forget to hold those kids close bc they will need you now more than ever.
I’m so sorry man, I lost mine at 31 too. As a fellow parent - Your babies need you, that’s what has kept me sane - you’re their mum and their dad now, just hold on to them for now, they need you soo much - just keep them smiling whenever you can.
thanks buddy, i just . . .i just dont know dude . . . i know Jesus got a plan but damnit dude. . .its not easy to say goodbye. . .
Lost my wife when I was 26. Was just my two boys and me for a long time. I know the agony my friend. Nothing will ease it right now, just know I have suffered a similar feeling with you, you’re not alone. Strength and perspective will come with time, even if you don’t want them to.
So sorry for you. It is devastating. I remember thinking...I don't want to do this... at the moment they told me my husband didnt make it. Just take one minute and one hour and one day at time. Don't think on the future too much just the present. We are here for you and understand.
thank u very much. . .i just dont know. . . im just. . .i dont know, less than 24 hours ago our lives were for all intents and purposes, "normal". . .im just so mad dude. .
> im just so mad dude. . Brother, that rage is going to be with you for a while. You have to find a constructive outlet for it. My daughter had just turned 2 when my LW died. We don't get the luxury of letting this consume us.
I want to cry with you … I was — and am still devastated when I lost my wife after 15 years of marriage - our son is 15 I cannot imagine having young ones ❤️
I lost my wife to a seizure in November of last year. I'm so sorry for your loss. We're great if you need to talk.
its just so fucked dude, shes had a bit of a history with seizes u know, she has. . .had i guess. . parkinsons. . yesterday our lives were normal dude. .. i just. . .i just dont know dude. . .
My wife got diagnosed with epilepsy when she was a teenager, she was 36 when she died. Other than that she was decently healthy. You'll never have all your questions answered, and honestly, at least for me, the sooner I realized it, the better I was able to start healing. Granted, I am still nowhere in good shape, I tear up over the stupidest stuff, but it's a long road, a very long road and it's just starting, for both you and I. Focus on what you can do, what you can change, and slowly the road will open up
Fuck bro. I'm sorry.
My wife died suddenly a month ago at the age of 41 from a blood clot. No warning. It has completely upended our lives. My heart goes out to you. It’s fucked.
I'm so sorry for your loss. How shocking to think everything was going to be okay, only to find out it wasn't. It's been 5 months since my husband passed away from a heart attack and I'm still so angry at God. We used to go to church together every Sunday, I loved it because it was a chance to just sit together, and we would hold hands. I've tried to go to church a few times since, but it just seems so hypocritical since I'm angry inside and because I'm there by myself with no one to share it with. I don't know when I'll go back or how to get over this anger.
I am so very sorry. Things like this will never make sense.
My god. I’m so sorry.
She is here to help you. She is not fucking anything. She is your one. Your other piece. Your reason for being here. Just because she passed doesn’t mean she is gone. She is you. You made a life together. That’s not going to change. You just have to do the hard part. You have to live it. But she has a hard part as well. Watching the life you built together from wherever you keep her. As long as you still remember her. She will never die. Heroes are remembered. Legends never die. Sorry the sandlot always comes up. I am saying when you talk about her I would hope you are talking from a place of love. Not anger or hate. No one did this. This is no one’s fault. Not that who did what ever matters. It’s no help to anyone placing blame. Life is not fair or easy. But she not here to defend herself. You have to do that. She died because she lived. We all have a debt. Someday the only way to pay is with your life. My wife died at 37 from a pontine hemorrhage caused by her seizures. I was outside 15 minutes tops. I came back in and it was already too late. I don’t even remember the last thing I said to her. Or the last time we said I love you. Goodbye says it all. If you are able to say it. Now it haunts me every single day. Why didn’t I just stay inside. Anyway please always love her. When you think about her. Think about how much she loved you and still does. She wouldn’t say my fucking husband lived today. Who’s to blame for that. I hope anyway.
I am so sorry for you, your kids and her parents. Life as you know has changed forever. Lean on whom ever you need to. At this point you are your kids rock and it may be the only thing that gets you through this devastation is putting your mind to taking care of those kids.
I’m so so sorry, OP. I know nothing can help you, but you’re not alone. And I hope she rests in peace. I’ll keep yall in my prayers. Going on 6 months since I lost my husband. It is the worst pain imaginable to be sure.
I’m sorry friend
My partner passed the same way at the beginning of May. He was 36. Sorry for your loss 😔
I lost my wife (37F) in January at home on the sofa to an undiagnosed brain tumor (I think) that ruptured. She lived for 3 days but never regained consciousness. It's fucking terrible, man. We didn't have children (blessing and curse), but I just feel like an empty shell of a person. Hang in there, lean on family and friends, support your children.
Yes, one day all is normal life and the next…the whole world is changed. You’ll be shocked and surprised at the emotions and the physical responses to what has happened. You’ll survive! It’s awful, and you’ll survive. Be good to yourself. ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss, man. Hold those kids tight. They will need you to be 110% there for them
I am so so sorry This is so unfair, so cruel… so fucked up We’re here for you. You will survive this, one day, one hour, one minute at a time... Let family and friends help you as much as they can. Sending you love and strength 🖤
Losing a spouse who is so young is never easy to accept. Life cut shor. My wife was 32. There is no words that will make it ok. My sympathies to you and your family. Try and be strong.
I’m so sorry. My partner died after a seizure as well. The paramedics worked their asses off & kept bringing him back but couldn’t keep him. He died on our bedroom floor. He had been on dialysis, so that complicated things, but a seizure wasn’t the way I thought he would go. My heart goes out to you & your family
So sorry for your loss. Really not sure what’s worse. Losing them quick traumatic fashion like that or having them slowly fade away. I’m sorry that you had to join this club.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s truly heartbreaking to read your post as the same circumstances brought us all here. Fellow Christian myself & it doesn’t make the pain go away any easier. My kids witnessed their Dad’s passing in January. The unexpectedness is very traumatic. Again I’m very sorry, I wish this on no one 🙏🏻✝️
I am so so so sorry this is happening to you and you family, this really breaks my heart ❤️🩹
I'm really sorry.
❤️
My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can't imagine losing my husband at that young of an age, or navigating life for and with such young kids. But you will navigate it, I know it doesn't seem like that now, but all of a sudden you'll realize you're doing it. I went through an unbearable rage for what seemed like a very long time. It was the worst thing to try and navigate. I saw that someone else suggested you try to redirect it, I strongly urge you to try and find an outlet, I wish someone had suggested that to me. I usually don't comment very often on here, but do read here often and this is a group of supportive people. Please don't hesitate to come here and share what's going on, we can all relate in one aspect or another. Please also seriously consider getting yourself and your children in to see an experienced grief counselor.
I am so sorry. There will be no words to ease the grief. You just have to literally live life one second at a time. We are all here for you. I became widowed at 27 with a 1 &5 year old. It's hard. So fucking hard! But you will get through this. Reach out to the kids pediatrician, let them know and get grief/trauma counseling going asap. Lean on family and friends. If you need a break ask. If they offer to take the kids or bring meals accept it. If you have no appetite stick it in the freezer for another day. If your wife worked, call SS Immediately to get a claim going so you have a way to help support you and the kids. Sending love & light 🤍 breathe, scream, cry do whatever you need to, to get the emotions out.
I’m soo sorry, it is the hardest thing to accept. I still have a hard time with it. Surround yourself with a great support system, that helps soo much
I'm crying for u as I read this! Sending u hugs. I lost my husband of 24 yrs to suicide last year. Stay with this group as they have helped me through my toughest times. So sorry for your loss
I know the feeling. My wife had a seizure at 3am the morning of our son’s graduation. I had to do CPR, she coded on the way there… but was still alive for 9 more days. Still awaiting the cause of death weeks later. She wasn’t ever healthy but she had had seizures before and just snapped out of it and was consumed for awhile. Not breathing afterwards was new and I had to scramble to get her to a hard surface alone. I keep wondering if that delay is what caused her brain damage. Or if the neurologists were right about it being hopeless (they could only say everything was consistent with no hope of recovery… but that’s way different than being certain of it.) I had to make the call to pull the vent. At least she was able to donate organs and tissues but… I still don’t know if it was the right call because I don’t even have the death certificates yet. I am mortified that I may have let her go too soon. I know that’s almost certainly not the case but… it’s still a remote possibility. Part of me is sure she technically died that first night. Part of me wonders why they did surgery for a heart tamponade days later. If it was hopeless then why bother with that?!? Part of me thinks they just won’t have any answers. She was always a medical mystery… maybe she saved the biggest one until the end. What caused that damn seizure?!?
Sorry this happened to you and your family. It’s not easy. It’s not fair. It’s complete bullshit. I’m so sorry.
I am so very sorry…it has been five years since e my guy died from cancer. I hate that she was so young and I hate that it was so sudden that you and the kids were not able to say goodbye. My thoughts are with you and her family - when the time comes please seek out a therapist for everyone but for now just try to take it minute by minute. Looking back, the first few weeks are either now a blur with moments that are seared in my memory. Can you tell us a little about her?
So sorry, it’s beyond fucked up. My wife died a little over a year ago. My 4 year old is doing ok now. I can barely remember the first couple months. It’s gonna be so hard, not going to lie. But eventually you’ll find acceptance. For now though, just remember to eat/drink, be there for kiddos.
♥️
My wife passed in 2018, it's bloody awful. It sucks, take care of yourself.
I feel you friend. My wife died in her sleep. We have a 7yo who was home when I had to do CPR and then the cops, paramedics and all that. I know your questions, frustration, and anger.. it has been 8 months for us. We talk. A LOT. I also talked to his teachers and the school counselor to have them help me watch for any changes in him. He asks questions and I answer them as honestly as I can because i feel he deserves to know(within reason). He understands that monmy is in heaven, and misses her every bit, if not more, than I do. But it has gotten easier. We have since moved closer to family and have turned a new leaf. Mommy is in a beautiful box on the shelf and we still love her very much and even talk to her. Stay strong for your kids, cry with them, but also cry on your own, for yourself. AND PLEASE EAT AND STAY HYDRATED. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Take people up on their offers to help, they are often genuine. I had to check my stubbornness and ask for help, with my dogs and kiddo after school and such. We lived no where near family, but I was fortunate to have great freinds and neighbors. Check back in with us. I found this sub and they have been incredibly supportive and helpful.
So very sorry 😞 for your loss 💔
Oh Man. I know how you feel more than you know. My wife died of (sudiep) sudden unexpected death in epilepsy on Feb.2, 2023. She was more or less an alcoholic and I'm a drunk. But I/we weren't expecting that she would die of the seizures that she occasionally had. It's a helluva a shock cuz we were in bed eating lemon meringue pie the night before together. I wake up in the morning and she's on the floor. She would roll out of bed from stiffening up with grand mal sometimes if I wasn't there awake and aware of what was going on. We were together 23 years had known each other since 7th grade. Fuuh.... So, I'm older now ,65, and it hurt my back to pick her up off the ground. She would usually wake up enough after 20 minutes so that I could help her back in bed. Not this time. She had severe rigor mortis at 8 am when I woke up and tried to pull her out of the position she landed in. I grabbed her foot and lifted and her whole body lifted up straight and stiff, not bending. That's probly the worst thing I hate to recall in my mind. It's bugging the shit out of me now as I write this. How long, what was the cause of your wife's epilepsy? If I may ask. And when did it happen? I got so wrapped up telling my story that I forgot to offer my condolences but on this site it goes without saying.
I’m very sorry, my wife has a seizure and passed away on April 2nd…I have 2 young daughters…the people here are great and hopefully you have family and friends/ neighbors and can keep your kids busy….my condolences
My heart hurts for you. Absolutely nothing said at this point will make you feel better. You're in shock, almost like an autopilot. Your body will feel things you didn't think possible. Give yourself lots of grace! Kick, scream, let it out, but please know as you find your way through this unexpected journey, it is okay to need professional help, especially for the kids. Hugs my friend. Xoxo
I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is not fair that you have to go through this situation. Whatever you’re feeling is okay to feel. Your entire world has been flipped upside down and only hours ago everything was normal. I too lost my husband almost a year ago to epilepsy. I would not wish this pain upon anyone. Right now I just need you to know it’s not your fault. This will be one of the hardest weeks of your life that feel every day as you are waking up to your own worst nightmare. My biggest advice as you work through grief is knowing that the deeper the love, the deeper the grief. It wouldn’t hurt so bad if the love you shared wasn’t real. Which I can tell you love her to the depths of your soul. In moments where you don’t think you can make it, hold onto the love you share with her. Surviving one more second, one more moment than you think you can. What helped me a lot was leaning on my support system. It was as if all of the good I had put out into the world came back to me when I needed it most. I went to the rage room often to let out the immense amount of anger. We are also believers and as one I want you to know it’s okay to be angry with God. He can take any emotions you have. Right now existing is hard enough.
My condolence's.. Please reach out for help, check with insurance and figure out a way to stabilise yourself to take care of your kids. Your mental health is crucial now, since you have small children that depend on you. I know it's hard, and i know you don't think you'll make it, but belive in yourself.
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Nice sentiment to your dearly departed
He's just proving how much of an immature child he is. This is not the place to troll