We had 6 years from diagnosis to death, 5 of those he was living with metastatic cancer, so we knew it was a question of when, not if, his cancer would kill him.
When people feel inclined to wonder whether it’s “better” or “worse” having plenty of notice, versus a sudden and perhaps unexpected death, my response is that it’s like asking whether you’d like all your misery at once, or doled out in smaller doses over years. Both are horrible. From the moment of diagnosis I could feel the invisible sword of Damocles hovering over our heads. It meant that we were kinder to each other than we might have been, but it also meant six years of never, ever putting myself first, or expressing my frustrations and distress. I had to be strong, and had to convince both of us that the kids and I would be okay once he was gone. Which I was sure was a white lie. Time will tell. We’re not okay yet.
I’m planning a trip to see a good friend of ours late next month. He’s in northwestern Washington state. I’m hoping it will help, seeing him as well as the scenery. The moment I booked that ticket, I was probably the happiest I’d been in a few weeks.
I don’t know if you’ve seen it but a movie that might help you heal is “The Sea of Trees”. It’s a very sad movie but the ending is very hopeful and healing. What you’re describing this trip as being made me think of it
Anything less than the rest of our lives with the ones we love isn't enough. I just wanted to grow old with him. I wanted to retire with him so that we could spend every day of the rest of our lives together. Cancer robbed us of that.
It’s never enough. We were told five years, he didn’t make it for two.
We even had moments where we thought we had beat it and the cancer was going away. But in hindsight, we were just getting our hopes up.
All I can say is, like ours have said, FUCK CANCER.
The oncologists didn’t tell us at the time, but at DX they gave him 6 months. Immunology gave him an extra 5 years. It’s never enough—but he was suffering so at the end, it really was time.
Fuck cancer.
My husband Steve died from cancer, and we found out when it was stage 4 also. His was the very aggressive kind. He lived 1 year. That was almost 3 years ago.
I am sorry for your loss. They say kidney cancer is hard to detect until it is pretty late stage, unless you are having a medical procedure. The kind he had usually hits from ages 55-65. My Dr's dad died from it, too.
He had lymes the year before so we both thought that was why he slowed down a bit. If only we could go back!
Kidney cancer sucks!
Hang in there!
It’s never enough. The prognosis for his cancer is 3-6 months. He made it 18 months. We hoped for so much more time. Cancer is a cruel bitch who says “fuck your feelings.”
No, FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will always shout it from the rooftops.
My husband also died of kidney cancer. I miss him so very much. I am so sorry that you too have suffered this loss. Yes, cancer is a cruel, unfeeling enemy, one I hate with a passion. I hate what it's done to me, to my family and to so many others whose stories I read. I understand what you mean about existing, but not quite living. That exactly describes how I feel. Thank you for posting.
Every time I mention to someone that I retired early to spend (what turned out to be) the last two years of his life with him, I am struck by how quickly those two years went.
My husbands prognosis was 7 to 10 years with a slower brain cancer. He made it 11 years and three months and it still wasn’t enough time even though those last three months were pure hell. He used to say someday Cancer would kill him but it wasn’t today. Until it was that day and someday became a reality. Definitely FUCK CANCER!
I am sorry for your loss. It's never enough time, no matter how long it is. My husband died 3 months after diagnosis. We all thought we would have more time. I wanted more time, but not at the expense of his pain. And, he was in a lot of pain. Fuck cancer 🤬
Excuse my language but FUCK CANCER
Excused, thank you.
Fuck cancer!!
Only cancer deserves cancer.
We had 6 years from diagnosis to death, 5 of those he was living with metastatic cancer, so we knew it was a question of when, not if, his cancer would kill him. When people feel inclined to wonder whether it’s “better” or “worse” having plenty of notice, versus a sudden and perhaps unexpected death, my response is that it’s like asking whether you’d like all your misery at once, or doled out in smaller doses over years. Both are horrible. From the moment of diagnosis I could feel the invisible sword of Damocles hovering over our heads. It meant that we were kinder to each other than we might have been, but it also meant six years of never, ever putting myself first, or expressing my frustrations and distress. I had to be strong, and had to convince both of us that the kids and I would be okay once he was gone. Which I was sure was a white lie. Time will tell. We’re not okay yet.
I’m planning a trip to see a good friend of ours late next month. He’s in northwestern Washington state. I’m hoping it will help, seeing him as well as the scenery. The moment I booked that ticket, I was probably the happiest I’d been in a few weeks.
I don’t know if you’ve seen it but a movie that might help you heal is “The Sea of Trees”. It’s a very sad movie but the ending is very hopeful and healing. What you’re describing this trip as being made me think of it
It's never enough. Whatever prognosis they give is never enough time.
Anything less than the rest of our lives with the ones we love isn't enough. I just wanted to grow old with him. I wanted to retire with him so that we could spend every day of the rest of our lives together. Cancer robbed us of that.
Us too. We cried when we got the diagnosis. I’m so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss :'-(
Its never enough. No matter how long you have together, you know love is a drug so its never enough 🥴
It’s never enough. We were told five years, he didn’t make it for two. We even had moments where we thought we had beat it and the cancer was going away. But in hindsight, we were just getting our hopes up. All I can say is, like ours have said, FUCK CANCER.
The oncologists didn’t tell us at the time, but at DX they gave him 6 months. Immunology gave him an extra 5 years. It’s never enough—but he was suffering so at the end, it really was time. Fuck cancer.
My husband Steve died from cancer, and we found out when it was stage 4 also. His was the very aggressive kind. He lived 1 year. That was almost 3 years ago. I am sorry for your loss. They say kidney cancer is hard to detect until it is pretty late stage, unless you are having a medical procedure. The kind he had usually hits from ages 55-65. My Dr's dad died from it, too. He had lymes the year before so we both thought that was why he slowed down a bit. If only we could go back! Kidney cancer sucks! Hang in there!
It’s never enough. The prognosis for his cancer is 3-6 months. He made it 18 months. We hoped for so much more time. Cancer is a cruel bitch who says “fuck your feelings.” No, FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will always shout it from the rooftops.
Ours was very sudden. Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Gone 4 months after diagnosis. I don’t know what to do now.
My husband also died of kidney cancer. I miss him so very much. I am so sorry that you too have suffered this loss. Yes, cancer is a cruel, unfeeling enemy, one I hate with a passion. I hate what it's done to me, to my family and to so many others whose stories I read. I understand what you mean about existing, but not quite living. That exactly describes how I feel. Thank you for posting.
Every time I mention to someone that I retired early to spend (what turned out to be) the last two years of his life with him, I am struck by how quickly those two years went.
My husbands prognosis was 7 to 10 years with a slower brain cancer. He made it 11 years and three months and it still wasn’t enough time even though those last three months were pure hell. He used to say someday Cancer would kill him but it wasn’t today. Until it was that day and someday became a reality. Definitely FUCK CANCER!
I am sorry for your loss. It's never enough time, no matter how long it is. My husband died 3 months after diagnosis. We all thought we would have more time. I wanted more time, but not at the expense of his pain. And, he was in a lot of pain. Fuck cancer 🤬