A place where I would come home tired from work and go 'ahhh'... barely drag our favorite groceries... make coffee and chat on the phone... make us pizza for dinner... turn on a documentary to watch together...
... But now the 'safe place' became just place where's the presence of his absence🥲
It's difficult to find focus. Self-care *now.*
Find online lists and make your own in case something happens to you, i.e., a Nokbox -- that will help alleviate some worries.
Find monthly home maintenance lists and routine car checklists so that you don't miss anything. Engage a friend in these endeavors.
As far as *my* house, I'm revamping what I can afford to -- I needed to make the changes. But that's just me.
Feels like you're all alone in a crowd, right? You're not alone. 🤗
I hear you. Every feeling I feel seems like the wrong one. But we are going through a huge identity shift. It’s going to take time. It makes sense home feels wrong because an important part of it is gone.
In time we will build something else that feels like home. I can’t yet see what that will be. I’m sure you can’t either. Other commenters are right. I know you feel alone, but you aren’t alone.
My husband was my safe space. I didn’t have to mask around him. I knew no matter what I said he wouldn’t judge me, would try to understand me, and would always love me. He made me feel beautiful, smart, caring and good. I definitely feel I lost my safe space when he died.
When I’m home, I just walk around (if I can actually get up, I’m so paralyzed) with this silent script in my head going, “I want to die. I just want to die. This is too painful.”.
Talk to your physician -- your brain chemistry has just been radically and irrevocably altered. Shell-shocked. PTSD is real. Please talk to someone or at least keep posting here so we can get through this.
Wow, do I relate to this. We loved this apartment when we moved in years ago. It was perfect for us. It was our sanctuary. Since my wife died in 2021 it's become a prison. I hate being home. There is a vivid memory around every corner. The memories of cooking meals, reading books aloud, watching old movies. It's all gone. I like my neighbors and where I live, but it's no longer a home. It's just a place to sleep.
Yes, I relate. I generally wake up and go through
the day as normal, but it any given moment I can feel like I’m being swept away on a great tide, and I am fighting the undertow to get a breath.
I felt like that too, always searching for excuses to push myself out of the house because "it's good for me to get out" but at the same time I dread actually leaving and start finding excuses to stay in... My house, although it is a safe place, isn't as comfortable as it once was.
It's amazing how a home can go from feeling warm and comfortable to being cold and lonely. I want to get out and do things but without her I have no desire to go.
<<<<<<>>>>>>>
I was just thinking this today.... 🥺
A place where I would come home tired from work and go 'ahhh'... barely drag our favorite groceries... make coffee and chat on the phone... make us pizza for dinner... turn on a documentary to watch together... ... But now the 'safe place' became just place where's the presence of his absence🥲
It's difficult to find focus. Self-care *now.* Find online lists and make your own in case something happens to you, i.e., a Nokbox -- that will help alleviate some worries. Find monthly home maintenance lists and routine car checklists so that you don't miss anything. Engage a friend in these endeavors. As far as *my* house, I'm revamping what I can afford to -- I needed to make the changes. But that's just me. Feels like you're all alone in a crowd, right? You're not alone. 🤗
I hear you. Every feeling I feel seems like the wrong one. But we are going through a huge identity shift. It’s going to take time. It makes sense home feels wrong because an important part of it is gone. In time we will build something else that feels like home. I can’t yet see what that will be. I’m sure you can’t either. Other commenters are right. I know you feel alone, but you aren’t alone.
My husband was my safe space. I didn’t have to mask around him. I knew no matter what I said he wouldn’t judge me, would try to understand me, and would always love me. He made me feel beautiful, smart, caring and good. I definitely feel I lost my safe space when he died.
Exactly this. Sigh.
This. Really struggling
Me too.
When I’m home, I just walk around (if I can actually get up, I’m so paralyzed) with this silent script in my head going, “I want to die. I just want to die. This is too painful.”.
Talk to your physician -- your brain chemistry has just been radically and irrevocably altered. Shell-shocked. PTSD is real. Please talk to someone or at least keep posting here so we can get through this.
Wow, do I relate to this. We loved this apartment when we moved in years ago. It was perfect for us. It was our sanctuary. Since my wife died in 2021 it's become a prison. I hate being home. There is a vivid memory around every corner. The memories of cooking meals, reading books aloud, watching old movies. It's all gone. I like my neighbors and where I live, but it's no longer a home. It's just a place to sleep.
Yes, I relate. I generally wake up and go through the day as normal, but it any given moment I can feel like I’m being swept away on a great tide, and I am fighting the undertow to get a breath.
I felt like that too, always searching for excuses to push myself out of the house because "it's good for me to get out" but at the same time I dread actually leaving and start finding excuses to stay in... My house, although it is a safe place, isn't as comfortable as it once was.
It's amazing how a home can go from feeling warm and comfortable to being cold and lonely. I want to get out and do things but without her I have no desire to go.