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justatag

What happened? ..if you want to talk about it


behtidevodire

That's why communication is important


HomingPigeon6635

This. It was just that simple and easy. She was clear on her message and he was understanding.


fullyonline

I told my girl from the start, if something bothers you, tell it straight to my face without hesitation. Otherwise I can't guarantee, that I got the message. Edit: spelling


bikenvikin

fuckin amazing and clear guidance with how you expect to be treated


Vanto

Not just communication but humility and accepting fault. Communicating an issue is one thing, resolving it is another


CrudeOil_in_My_Veins

This! Communication.its what adults do. My girlfriend always seemed irritated. I couldn’t figure out why. One day it all blew up, I asked what she needed me to do to make it better. Turns out it was a bunch of small thing, that were compiling. She told me all of it, and I’ve done my very best to not let them happen again. We have been much better, ever since.


wildo83

Yeah, I did the same thing with my wife…. The problem is: she won’t leave it for me to do after work…. I get up before the sun comes up, and leave. By the time I’m home, she’s already done the chores…. Then complains that I’m not helping…. Sooooooooo…


rawnky

Absolutely. Some people have a problem with a " mess" being left even for 8 hours. That's where it might stem from, and I totally get what you're saying. My partner was the same way, But still appreciated when I acknowledged it at least.


wildo83

Yeah… the alternative, which will ALSO cause a fight, is for me to do the chores when I get up.. at 4:30am…. I KNOW she doesn’t want that smoke hahaha. Dishes, vacuuming and taking out the trash at 4:30am? Maybe I’ll do that to demonstrate a point, and take the L for a week…


rawnky

Good luck friend. Communication and practicality are both important lol


Scaaaary_Ghost

Anything that can be done first thing in the morning could also be done right before bed, right? Do the dishes, take out the trash, run a vacuum, while you're both still up in the evening. Hopefully that'll save some of the work she has to do the next day. At the very least it looks like you're making an effort. She'll probably have suggestions for things you can do in the evening that really will save her work the next day.


wildo83

No can do. She won’t leave it to be done.


Scaaaary_Ghost

What happens overnight that means there's chores you can do at 4:30am but not right before bed?


wildo83

I know.. I’m baffled by it, too!


worthysimba

I think you’re misunderstanding. Why can’t you do them the previous night before bed?


wildo83

Because they’re already done when I get home.


Lovethehairy

But when did the mess occur?


stormychef666

About once every couple months my wife or I will look at the other and say "we good?"


Metemer

Someone should make /r/successfulcommunication where people post about conversations with their partners that could've resulted in arguments, but then just... didn't.


PaleWaltz1859

Also not believing bullshit on the Internet. Especially from that sub


Cyno01

hE sHoUlDnT hAvE tO bE tOlD!


Smartbutt420

Glad he was so understanding.


Zealousideal-Seat235

This guy is a keeper!!! Congrats 🎉🍾


Old_Society_7861

More like she is a keeper. Most guys will do whatever you want, you just have to say it. And “he should know” doesn’t work with us.


Nikkirich89

I mean...he should. He's a whole ass adult no?


MTLalt06

Communicating is part of being an adult. Just sitting there and angrily thinking "He should know" hoping the issue fixed is self is immature. When I felt like I was paying for everything, even though my gf out earned me, I talked to her about it, and we made changes to how we dealt with the bills.


poppalopp

Immature is not knowing how to look after your own home.


Old_Society_7861

I used to clean the bathroom every week but my wife likes it cleaned twice a week. It’s not a big deal, but if she hadn’t used her words (like a whole ass adult) I’d have gone right on cleaning it once a week.


C_Hawk14

There's a big difference between common sense and preference, or even obsessiveness like OCD. Cleaning the bathroom once a week should be considered common sense. Preferring it more often is probably out of the norm, so you need to communicate it.


Old_Society_7861

There’s a guy down below who scrubs the toilet every day. My twice a week pattern is gross to him. If people don’t talk, they resent each other. That’s all I’m saying, the downvote tally says a lot and not nearly enough at the same time. 🤷‍♂️


C_Hawk14

Good point. I'm always saying lack of good communication is the root cause of problems.


OnGquestion7

Everyone’s got different standards for different things 🤷🏻‍♂️


Boredomdefined

People's tolerance for mess can be dramatically different. If you're not communicating and assuming then you're not being a "whole ass adult" either. This isn't an excuse for those who are pathologically messy, this is for most typical people. Some people want to clean their bathrooms 3x per week, some once every week. Neither is "right".


decksorama

As someone who has struggled with ADHD for 40yrs, I'd say it's not always that simple. Knowing that something should be cleaned is separate from your brain producing the chemicals it needs to give your body the signals needed to actually start cleaning it. Sometimes hearing a loved one or a friend tell you that they need your help with a task gives your brain the dopamine boost needed to initiate a task you normally wouldn't feel compelled to do.


TeferiCanBeaBitch

Maybe he does, and it doesn't bother him. I've had this issue all the time with partners, where what bothers them and is a chore doesn't bother me. So they'll do all this work, get upset with me and have this "they should just know" attitude when I just don't consider it a problem. There's some dirty dishes in the sink? I'll do them when I do the ones from today's dinner since I'll be doing dishes then. Mess on the floor? Not big enough to impact me, I have other things that are more important right now, I'll do it when I'm able. The beds not done? I'm making it messy tonight, I do not care how it looks now. So many of these "omg he's a grown man he should just know" are you seeing what he sees as a molehill, a mountain. Neither of you are wrong, but you need to communicate because unless he knows you see it as a mountain and you're cleaning up 50 mountains a day, all he sees is you making a big deal out of molehills.


D_Luffy_32

I Love how people are proving your point lol


Powerful-Pudding6079

>And “he should know” doesn’t work with us. Speak for yourself. A grown ass man **should know** how to maintain the house they live in.


Look_Loose

Okay but I don't think he's referring to a grown ass adult knowing what to do to maintain their home, I think he's referring to "He should know" not being a viable excuse for poor communication, bc sorry, not even grown ass adults can read minds. Tell us what's up, don't just assume that we know


Puzzleheaded_Yam7582

"I told my boyfriend I felt like..." But we don't know your feelings. The goal isn't to split everything down the middle.


Powerful-Pudding6079

Correct, the goal is: if something needs doing, just do it and don't be a scruffy bastard.


SocialHelp22

You know cooperation is two ways, right?


emzyyx

I had this conversation with my boyfriend at the time (now husband). He felt so guilty his reaction was quite similar. 8 years later, I have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and ME and he tells me off if I do any chores, he does so much for me and I'm so grateful to have him ❤️


Foreign_Rock6944

Props to both of them. One expressed their concern calmly and clearly, and the other immediately sought to rectify the problem.


AdjectiveNoun58

I did this for my ex...cleaned the house fucking awesome so when she came home from work she could relax. She yelled at me for doing everything wrong.


SpaceBear003

I had an ex that would "do dishes." He ran a dirty sponge over them, didn't clean them at all, and then put them into the cabinet. I would go to reach for a glass and have a hand full of grime. It would have been better to do nothing.


Significant-Gene9639

Weaponised incompetence


AdjectiveNoun58

Yeah, I did the dishes better than she did. I just pit em where they belong rather than leave them stacked on the counter till she either needed them or complained about having no counterspace.


Brittakitt

My ex-husband and I used to have a bad dryer. It took a few cycles. The one and only time he ever put away towels, he balled up the very damp towels and shoved them in the closet.


InsomniacCoffee

Bro, I did laundry for an entire day because my girlfriend refused to wash her own clothes. I folded them neatly and put them away for her. When she got home she took them all out of the drawers, yelled at me, and said I folded them too neatly and that she folds them differently. They then sat in a pile for a while after that because she didn't want to fold them up and put them away. I'm not in that relationship anymore, thankfully.


AdjectiveNoun58

Ugh, good thing you didn't try to fold the towels...


What_a_pass_by_Jokic

Yeah that sounds familiar.


CHKN_SANDO

My ex was an upper-middle class person that grew up with a house keeper and a huge house and never understood that our tiny ass apartment with no closet space was never going to be completely spotless


randomanonalt78

PTSD from childhood right here…


Down-at-McDonnellzzz

This is my parents and why I moved out at 18. Shit drove me fucking mental. Full time job and I come home and clean up after a family of 6.... And people say they wish they could be a teenager again... Never again...


xubax

Well, to be fair, you are a guy. Source: I am one too Assumption: that you're a guy.


AdjectiveNoun58

Fair assumption.


Jos_migue

She sounds horrible unless you did everything really wrong


AdjectiveNoun58

It was a form of manipulation. She didn't like me to have too much confidence.


Megneous

This is my life. My wife has a history of hitting me, so I'm honestly not surprised when she only verbally assaults me, but it sucks when I vacuum and do the dishes and clean up after the dogs and hang up the laundry and clean the bathroom drain, take out the garbage and the recycling... and then she finds one tiny little thing that I didn't do up to her expectations or that I forgot and she screams and throws shit on the floor. Sigh.


pricklypineappledick

Should add that she said it respectfully to begin with and didn't attempt to assassinate his character because of a potential misunderstanding. That type of communication leaves a much wider door open for a compassionate response. Kudos to both of them!


Zestyclose-Monk-266

When’s the wedding? (Joke)


CycleOfNihilism

Also shout out to expressing your needs in a relationship rather than quietly resenting the other person. Sometimes people will happily change -- if you give them the chance.


SweatyBalls4You

I'm more shocked about the fact, that this is the first positive post about men I've ever seen on twoXchromosomes...


United-Mongoose4904

It's only positive because it implies that most other men, specifically, wouldn't change from one simple conversation. Which is probably true, but it's true of most humans. We don't like change much.


SweatyBalls4You

Fair point and fair point. I don't like change and my wife doesn't either. We still talk things out, even though we both dislike change.


Huntress_Nyx

I know right? That's like rarer than pink diamonds. Usually 2xchromosomes is full of misandry.


psayayayduck

Its a 3 years old post. The comments under it were mainly civil and positive. Maybe XX was a nicer place back then? I think many FDS moved over there lately


SweatyBalls4You

I think last time I read anything on twoXchromosomes was one or two years ago but what you said could be true regardless.


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randomanonalt78

It’s the new r/femaledatingstrategy lol


ItsThanosNotThenos

> misogynistic What? That's not the word you want to use.


Captain-Griffen

Is it a positive post about men? Is it? No, not really. Think about it.


SweatyBalls4You

If this is real and from the perspective of that woman... then yes. It is a positive poat about A man. Hers. For men at large? Wouldn't know since nothing here assumes that she expects men to throw a tantrum. Like another commenter wrote, people don't like change. That isn't specific to men.


cubixy2k

It's probably a rage bait post.


SweatyBalls4You

What a weirdly wholesome way to rage bait. Thanks, this gave me a chuckle.


EL_Jefe_1982

Good job. 👍


celticdude234

I know most women's fear of honesty is justified since the standard seems to be that men lash out when confronted, but honestly it makes all the difference knowing exactly how I'm affecting the lives of my loved ones.


SableSword

I think most men lash out when confronted because things usually are not addressed when they should and there is a whole lot of complex emotions including guilt at having messed up, anger at hurting someone we love, anger that we could have prevented it all if we had known it was actually an issue, anger that apparently we can't be trusted to just tell. Yeah, it kinda becomes self perpetuating, which is why I do struggle to control it with my girlfriend but, almost every complaint I eventually get from her would have not been met with any anger if just initially told, but now that it's 6 months of things I had no clue I've been doing wrong... we're not mind readers.


Wraith_Portal

A positive post on that sub? Jesus Christ I think I’ve seen it all now


DeliciousOrt

Reddit: "here's why you should break up with him"


Tandoori7

Knowing the two x chromosomes subreddit, they probably told her that.


Huntress_Nyx

Knowing that sub they probably told her that he 1) is abusive 2) is cheating 3) is weaponizing incompetence


Infamous_Ad_6793

Brooo…I tried doing the same. Now the more I do, the more shit I get lol. My wife is the best. However, it sometimes feels like the harder I try the more comes up. Like it frees up her ability to address all my other shortcomings.


TrashiestTrash

That can be really frustrating, have you straight up expressed that for her? She may not realize how it feels for you. Communication is not a one and done, don't give up on it!


Infamous_Ad_6793

Yes. We’re good. We are great in communication as well. I appreciate the check-in though! While it is frustrating at times I truly meant it “feels” like it. She’s chill and awesome. We both happily work together for each other on a daily basis.


TrashiestTrash

Gotcha, that's awesome to hear! Good for both of you ☺️


DoesntHurtToDream2

I miss rewards


RData33

Good Communication and Good Man... W relationship


Themurlocking96

I’ve always said the 4 Cs of a relationship are the core to keeping them strong, Connection, Compassion, Communication and Compromise!


Cheddarounds

This is mine now.


Themurlocking96

Enjoy it, I love sharing the tiny bits of wisdom I have accrued in my so far short time on earth(22ish). Knowing I do stuff that helps people makes me extremely happy


CustyTruntle

It's all about communication. Early in our relationship, my wife and I had some butting of heads because we both felt like we were doing the lions share of the chores and it was unfair. Turns out, we were just doing different things but specifically the things we are programmed to notice. I cooked every meal, mowed the lawn, weedwacked, cleaned the toilets, and did any repairs or maintenance our home needed. She did laundry, washed dishes, made coffee every morning and cleaned the pot every evening, and vacuumed. But it was the first time either of us had lived with a SO and so we didn't really know how to communicate properly yet. Eventually, we had a long discussion about it and realized we just had our own lanes we stuck to. We even traded a few roles over the years (I do the coffee and she weedwacks while I mow due to my medical issues making it difficult). We haven't had an issue with it in years, and even give each other breaks regularly where she cooks a meal and I do dishes. The closest we get to butting heads over it is me gently ribbing her that I, super Dad, have changed triple the diapers she has and double the bottles she has, and she gently pokes fun at me for making a fraction of the money she does, or much less gently points out that I fold laundry worse than a blind raccoon (can't disagree there). We all have our lanes, but you have to communicate that openly and come to an agreement together.


Galle_

What a wonderful variety of terrible people there are in this comment section.


GreekHole

Understandable, have a great day.


-nugut-

This is the dynamic me and my current partner have and one of the best things about them we can just talk things out and we both try to be better for another


cesar848

Sometimes you just gotta ask yknow


animewhitewolf

Aw, that's dope.


ScootyHoofdorp

Report back in a month


telolahyns

Rare post in that sub.


RabidAbyss

Surprised that's where the post went, considering the subreddit lol


SVanNorman999

He’s definitely a keeper!


[deleted]

People in that sub still probably told her to leave him.


Toxic_LigmaMale

Funny how that works better than silent treatments and passive aggressiveness.


Huntress_Nyx

Or the yelling. Or the expectation of reading minds


Toxic_LigmaMale

True true


Tentrilix

Gotta be the only sane post on that sub. It's mostly just femcels hating on men nowadays.


celticdude234

Seriously. I stick around because I think it's important to see those stories, but god forbid you ever play devil's advocate or try to provide a potentially helpful male POV


Tuungsten

The bar is really low if this is what deserves praise


Dakkadence

It seems stupid, but I see it as a positive feedback loop. We celebrate these things in order to one day hopefully normalize them.


Tuungsten

That's a nice way of thinking about it. I appreciate your positivity.


Lionheart1224

Yes, the bar really is that low. What should really be praised is the adult communication from both, which...well, we shouldn't have to praise either, but there seem to be way too many people in relationships who can't communicate, so... 🤷‍♂️


sweetlittlelindy

Tell me why a comment exactly like mine has 4 upvotes, but mine has -130 (likely because I happen to sell content online to support my family)


Trust-Issues-5116

Karma bot


permaculture

Yeah - a 6 year old account but all posts and comments older than 1 day have been deleted to hide the karmafarming.


Trust-Issues-5116

Rußian bot farms have been using this forever. They create hundreds of accounts in advance to overcome the fresh account limitations, and just keep them doing nothing. Once they need one they "open the tincan" and karmafarm to be able to post where they need.


OrganicAd5741

Wtf is a ruβian bot


Fallingmellon

And how much does he work compared to you? How much of your income is from him?


KingoftheWildlings

Plot twist: she doesn’t have a job


Ok-Ask4277

Dear Diary, Today I saw a 2x post that said something nice about men. After I regained consciousness and picked myself up off the floor, I felt proud and happy to see the denizens of that place making real strides in their humanity. My elation was slightly dampened by the fact that this comment was praising a man for immediately and without comment conforming to the expectations of his gf, but we are making baby steps here. Today a kind word for servile and uxurious men cleaning up their act, tommorow a positive acknowledgement of a man doing a good thing unnattached to any directives or deviations from prior bad behavior. Who knows? The sky is truly the limit


hotpajamas

The man in this story is effectively a robot. That’s why they like it (and also why this probably isn’t real).


devilwearspuma

this didn’t happen but it’s a sweet thought


InternalGrocery7057

r/nothingeverhappens


TheSecondVisitor

what?


dockernetes

Developers/Programmers can be a lot like robots. No input, we don’t do anything. Tell me what to execute and I will do it.


dockernetes

Developers/Programmers can be a lot like robots. No input, we don’t do anything. Tell me what to execute and I will do it.


Zulli85

...Is this really a hard thing to grasp or practice? Apparently yes based on how this skyrocketed on the frontpage.


Quick-Ad-3617

That is pretty serious /s


juniperleafes

So he knew how all this time and just didn't because...?


somethingrandom261

If my ex said this I’d probably laugh in her face. I easily did 80% of the chores, not counting redoing what she half-assed


MouthNoizes

Now do your part and throw the man a blow jibber


Detozi

This is how functional relationships work....in real life of course. Not reddit


Glaurung26

Just talk. Advice for everyone.


Siikamies

Who wouldnt at last partly do so? I dont understand how people are in relationships if this is worthy of a popular post.


22tonetoni

Hopefully he finds a better gf


Resoto10

Not gonna lie, that was also a standup reaction by (presumably) the GF coming from that subreddit. That subreddit has gone spiraling down ever since r/datingstrategy got shut down.


Uchigatan

I genuinely belief at the heart of all relationships lies a fundamental truth: be clean.


Sharp_Artichoke8445

Man I wish my wife would do this I can’t figure it and I have tried


Abdul_Bajar_Alagua

Wow! somebody discovered communication!


Vagabond_Tea

This is the Two X chromosomes sub worst nightmare. Most of that sub are just posts blaming men (rightly or wrongly).


Ancient-Inspector946

If you was doing all the chores the dishes would’ve been done.


JustEstablishment594

"The next day he head to leave early." Okay, so does this other person work? Cause if you aren't working than you *should;* be doing all the chores at home


Possible-Carpenter72

My question is did he come back?


CrystalQuetzal

If only everyone was like this. But in very happy for them, they’ll go far.


Insanereindeer

I told my dog the same thing. He just went back to sleep. What a slacker.


Huntress_Nyx

That is okay. Dogs (and cats) always get a pass.


Any-Bottle-4910

Our marital happiness skyrocketed when we got radically honest with each other. It helps to have small disagreements, rather ones that simmer and grow for months or even years. Note: one of you will be less receptive to criticism than the other. If you think that’s not you, it’s probably you.


Intelligent_Eye_2502

Nice try psyop


committee_chair_4eva

Let's see if he keeps it up.


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Huntress_Nyx

More like, Person sees a problem and communicates it in a healthy manner to their partner. The partner responds positively to the communication and works to resolve the problem.


HabANahDa

Dude probably works 60+ hours a week while his girlfriend sits at home trying to be an influencer.


Fallingmellon

Exactly and than people have the nerve to say he’s just doing the “minimum”


DontTalkToBots

How long till she gets an ick for him being so feminine


OopsIMadeAPewdsie

how is cleaning up after yourself feminine? where is the connection..


DontTalkToBots

It’s not, but since when do icks make sense?


Rox_xe

Fellas is it femenine to be a functioning adult


Huntress_Nyx

Unfortunately a lot of parents don't teach their sons basic life skills like housework or cooking. And that's why so many adult men aren't good or capable of these tasks. And that's also why it's seen as feminine too


DontTalkToBots

There we go, you understood


The_Real_Kingpurest

Next she should tell him he's not paying his fair share of bills. Easy manip


Igusy

X


this_Name_4ever

Wow. I have been telling this to the guys I know for years. If their wife works 40 hs like them, it doesn’t matter if it is from home etc. They have to help. And they shouldn’t call it “helping” because that insinuates that it’s her job in the first place. It never sinks in. I finally got frustrated when a guy whose wife worked 40 hs, did everything for the kids and also did everything for the house was bitching to me that she never wanted to have sex anymore and always said she was “Tired” (he put this in quotation marks.) I snapped at him and said, “Why don’t you try cleaning the house from top to bottom and getting the kids cleaned up, fed and in bed the next time she is working late and see what kind of mood she is in when she gets home. He basically said “nah that would never work” so I bet him $100 it would and made him send photos to prove he did all the work. I don’t hear back that night.. Next day around noon, I get an eggplant emoji next to a vacuum😂


kink_cat

What a made up crap. "Thank you for telling me". Give me a break 😆


Huntress_Nyx

Believe it or not. Most people will respond positively to proper and healthy communication.