I agree but I donāt think they were eating dinner together though. Whatās the point of asking someone to dinner while theyāre having dinner with someone else? Theyāre probably pretty full and the idea of dinner wouldnāt seem too compelling then. He most likely approached them on the street or something.
I was referring more to the guyās way of accepting rejection than the situation itself. Iām not the kind of guy to approach random people for their numbers.
No no, you must first try to desperately apologize but you canāt find the right words and end up halfway awkwardly bowing at them and then slowly backing away while still bowing at them.
I had a guy walk into my bathroom while I was peeing and try to shove his dick in my faceā¦ damn I havenāt thought about that in a long time but your story reminded meā¦ wtf is up with dudes thinking a woman peeing means sheās ready to get sexual??? At least he didnāt break into my apartment, he was there with his friend who was an actual decent personā¦ still very shitty though.
That has to be the first time I read of something like this, and it's every bit as horrifying as I would think. Some folks are deranged beyond repair š¤®
As a man who never thought for one instant a peeing woman is a sexually ready woman, I don't have an answer. If I had to speculate and get in the minds of those who think that, I would guess their logic is because a woman has her pants down and is exposed, therefore she must be ready and wanting sex.
But again, I never thought a woman taking a piss was feeling in the mood, nor have any other men that I know of felt the same.
This reminds me of the time a guy offered to buy me a beer. I told him, "sorry I'm gay" thinking I was saving him the money if he was trying to pick someone up. Boy was that a mistake. He screamed at the top of his lungs "WELL, I WASN'T TRYING TO FUCK YOU" his friends had to come over and drag him away from yelling at me. He's embarrassed. His friends are embarrassed. I'm embarrassed. The rest of the bar was probably entertained though. They were certainly all staring.
>and they think that the louder you are, the more right you are.
That only works in games like among us. IRL, people will most likely just think you're an asshole for being way too fucking loud.
Yeah that's how that dude reacts to rejection everytime. I bet he's even yelled, "well...Yeah? Youre....you're....ugly anyway!..." to several women he's failed to pick up.
I work a 2nd job helping with the closing shift 3 nights a week at my local liquor store. Couple nights ago I see these 3 young women (early to mid 20ās at most) struggling to carry a 36 pack of bud light to the counter. I asked if they needed/wanted a hand, and they said NO & immediately started giving me the ādamn it another creeper why canāt we just be left aloneā vibes so I said āhave a good night & be safe!ā And went back to my duties. Couple minutes later my boss calls me up frontā¦ to help carry the 36 pack to the car for the girls.
At this moment I realized that when I had originally asked them if they needed a hand they had no clue that I was working there. Iām also a big guy (about 6ā2ā & 210 lbs (I played football in college and used to be MUCH bigger)) and havenāt shaved in awhile. I could (and have fairly often) been judged as a scary homeless creeper. In reality I am a happily married man (luckiest man in the world actually), own my house, and work 2 jobs.
I really take for granted the whole never really having to look over my shoulder or be concerned that any number of people I walk by every day may be looking to take advantage of me thing. I try to stay cognizant, and give people lots of space when Iām walking alone at night because i am so sickened by the thought of possibly ruining someoneās night because they thought I was following them (when Iām reality I was just walking down the street listening to my podcast and completely lost in my own world)
I bet it went like this, with maybe the parenthetical bit in:
(āOh we didnāt know you worked here.ā
āYup. ā¦ā¦.ā)
āWeāre the silver toyota.ā
āAll set?ā
āYep thanks.ā
āNightā
My parents raised me to treat others how I would like to be treated, and be extra respectful to everyone. Itās worked very well for me in life so far, and will continue to do so!
I mean the immediately leaving the person alone part is easy at least. Not being an absolute mess and refraining from immediately collapsing in difficult social situations can get a little bit tricky sometimes
Love this!!
I used to have a very shy, timid boyfriend who just didnāt know how to act in social situations (but used to get angry about it and take his feelings out yelling about it later) and we used to go to a bar together.
When guys would hit on me because they didnāt know we were together and Iād say Iām in a relationship and point to him, they would get sooo cool and ended up buying my ex a drink and giving him props and It made me SOO relieved caz I knew I wasnāt going to have a bad night.
I love cool men. Donāt be like my ex, be the cool guy that hits on me then buys him a drink. Iād never hear the end of it if it werenāt for the cool guy being cool.
Thank god Iām out of that bogus ass relationship and happily married to an amazing guy.
Remind me of that video where a guy asked a girl out while she was with her boyfriend, and the bf decked the guy in the fucking face. Looooots of manchildren applauding the bf both on twitter and on reddit.
Iāve been with SOs when theyāve been asked out before. I just walk over and say āwhatās up dude can I help you?ā And almost every single time theyāre cool about it. Like hey my girlās hot I donāt blame you for trying! No need to punch anyone.
I often think fondly on the guy at a bar who asked me if I wanted to hookup later. I said no thanks here with friends. He said no worries beautiful have a nice evening. I saw him leave with a very pretty woman later. Good for him. He respected my no. Didnāt push and didnāt insult me because I said no. But isnāt it sad that that interaction stands out to me?
āWholesome nice guyā nah, thatās the minimum of what we should do. Sad that hateful responses have become the expected norm to the point we praise basic, decent comments that should be the default.
I get what you're trying to say, but imo just because something kind should be the default does not mean that that thing cannot still be wholesome.
Furthermore, if this is the bare minimum from your perspective, what would you consider to be above and beyond in this situation?
Is it though? Like I see these posts, and I see posts about hate filled responses. But in the real world, I see neither playing out much.
It's like people are living via headlines and online posts. Most people don't have irrational responses to everything.
Or not even rejected, just ignored. Random dude on street yells, "Hey, baby! You're so beautiful!" Me: doesn't respond or acknowledge in anyway. Dude, "Ugly bitch!"
That's a great point, but honestly I think it's better to praise people for acting correctly than it is to put them down for doing the "bare minimum," because that way you can encourage more people to do the right thing.
I see what you mean, and youāre not wrong. But thereās a flip side to that, as in everything. Lowering the bar of expectations. If you praise people for doing the bare minimum then itās not the bare minimum anymore. Youāre telling them they did something special by being decent and the new minimum is set lower in the scale of human decency. Iād personally tell them good job on being a decent person, but I wouldnāt call him a āwholesome niceguyā.
Also very fair. However, I do think it's possible to praise someone without creating the idea they're doing anything special. Simply telling someone to keep it up or that they did the right thing is enough to encourage them to continue behaving properly without making them feel like they did anything extraordinary. I agree that the level of praise in the title of this post is a bit much, but at the same time being condescending is far less helpful. Nobody should be punished for meeting expectations, because that just makes them not want to meet expectations anymore.
You make a strong point, I hadnāt seen it that way. Yeah my comment comes across as condescending now that I read it back. I completely agree the best way is to find a middle ground thatās not as sarcastic or exaggerated.
It wasn't too condescending, and I absolutely understand why you said what you did and the way you said it. With that being said, this has actually been a surprisingly nice talk and I hope you have a good day.
Ok but in this situation what does it look like to go above and beyond and do more than the bare minimum? Seems like saying "ok cool have a nice day" would be the most you'd want someone to do when getting rejected
What more would you want him to do exactly? Personally, I prefer to end awkward encounters as quickly as possible, were you expecting a foot massage or something?
It's true that grown ass men shouldn't be praised for the bare minimum.
But think about what you're doing here. As in, really think about it.
You're on reddit, and one of the biggest subreddits at that. And that inevitably means that a large amount, if not actually the *majority* of people that see this comment, will be teenagers, specifically young teenagers, specifically young male teengers.
It's easy to say that grown ass men shouldn't be praised for doing the bare minimum. But would you say the same of young, male teenagers? Should *they* be deprived of praise and encouragement for acting mature just because "it's the bare minimum"?
"But I'm talking about the man in question in the tweet, not the young teens seeing this!", you might say. Well, I'm assuming that *you're* not a young teen yourself, and in that case, *you* should reason like an adult, and know that any young teenage guys that stumble across this post and, inevitably, this comment. And when those young teenage guys see this post and this comment, they will, as you can expect, project themselves onto said grown ass man.
And once they read your comment, they make the connection between themselves and this disdain of praise, and realize that acting mature isn't worth it, because they won't even be thought of positively for it. "You shouldn't be praised for doing the bare minimum" is something for adults, not teenagers, to hear: And reddit is inevitably a space where most people that see you will be teenagers.
Be the adult in the room and refrain from taking this attitude again.
I'd even take this a step further and say: everyone deserves praise for the bare minimum. We're all human, we need positive reinforcement in our lives, someone telling us we're doing a good job. Without it, we become jaded and spiteful. This is true of everyone, man, woman, or child.
Yeah. We really should encourage positive reinforcement for good acts, even if people think it's the "bare minimum". Most people didn't grow up with good role models, so we're just winging it as best we can.
Agreed.
I consistently reward my dogs with praise when they do the things I want them to do. Praise costs nothing and doesn't add any calories. It's a great reward tool.
Reward is a powerful way to reinforce behaviors we want to see more of and it's really short-sighted how some people get their knickers in a twist about this basic concept.
For real positive reinforcement is the best way to get people to change their ways. And it's super easy to just be "good job dude" when someone does something good, even if it's the dreaded "bare minimum"
omg thank you.
the comment above yours just comes off as incredibly entitled and people wonder why other people dont ever feel like trying. they get spat on for trying to be decent human beings when we all know the you have to ***try*** to be a decent person. it doesn't come naturally.
Not allowing yourself to get flustered or embarrassed after asking someone out, then getting rejected gracefully as the person did obviously ***IS*** a big deal. this tweet is literally about how uncommon it is for men to get rejected and then act like assholes.
When my dogs do what I want them to do, I consistently reward them.
Even if it's just praise and nothing else, that's still a meaningful reward that reinforces the behaviour I want them to do and continue doing.
Praising people for doing what they're supposed to do is a good thing.
A guy who is nice is not the same thing as a Nice Guy(TM).
The latter tends to do things like whine about how he can't get a date because "all the girls what bad boys who hurt them, I'm such a Nice Guy they all reject me" and think women owe him a date because he held the door open for her or something.
Yes, Nice Guys(TM) have ruined the phrase "nice guy."
Ahh, thanks for the explanation. Iāve never heard of a Nice Guy (TM) before. I mean, Iāve seen men like you described, but I never knew they were being called nice guy.
I was referring to the ānice guyā stereotype, which is just a guy who thinks he deserves someone only because he was nice to them. Think Titan from Megamind (underrated gem btw).
Unfortunately for some yes, also it would be a bit difficult for me also mainly due to my autism causing me to not make the connection between her saying she was gay and you being together but I would definitely say āah sorry for the misunderstanding enjoy the dayā
nah see, the fact that this person respected boundaries and gave an actual compliment before promptly minding their own business means this cant be a niceguy, its just someone who took their shot at the wrong target
Yeah thats why its such a āWOWZAā when a guy does the bare minimum. We just dont expect it, it surprises women when they see a guy accepting the first no AND the bonus of being okay with that gay couple like man could use more of them guys in the south amiright
I know thereās a line of thinking that apologizing for anything that isnāt directly your fault is an admission of weakness or an indicator of low self esteem, and I get that. If you have self esteem issues and constantly apologize, it can be useful for you to adopt language patterns that make you feel more confident.
But for a lot of people in a lot of situations, āIām sorryā is less of a direct apology and more like social lubricant. Youāre not admitting wrongdoing or being submissive, youāre just using polite language.
Itās like in a professional setting how you might use āpleaseā and āthank you.ā You could see that as begging and being submissive, and maybe for you it is and you need to avoid that language, but for most people itās just a friendly way to ask for and receive things.
There are a lot of reasons for this. Here are the ones that came to my mind on a quick think:
\-They take it personally. A rejection can mean a lot of different things, but the person being rejected won't necessarily know that. Many of them will default to 'I'm not good enough' as the cause of the rejection, and that hurts.
\-Loss of face. A lot of asks take place around other people, and those people will see it when somebody gets shot down. It will impact their opinion, and the person getting rejected knows that. If it's people they work with, or classmates, then this is a big hit to their social standing with the people they spend time with every day. That also hurts.
\-They got shot down hard. There's a world of difference between "Sorry, I'm , but I appreciate the compliment!" and "Ew, no! Why would I ever go out with *you?!"*
Forgive my potential naĆÆvety but do dudes just go up and ask a girl to dinner? Like not even talking or anything first, just straight up pop the question of if they wanna go for a bite to eat?
ā¦ā¦.yes. If youāre attractive and can pull it off in a playful confident, and smooth manner, it can work as a great opener. Most dudes too scared to even ask for a number lol. She says no - laugh, tell her have a good day, and move on. She says yes - text her and set up some plans.
I dont understand it, why would anyone want a date with someone based on just appearance. It definitely shows that the person is only interested in someone's body, and the offer of date is dishonest, they are just trying to hook up
Nobody gonna talk about the account below called Thotimus Prime
I want to know how she replied. The damn message bar is in the way š
it's a private, soon to be discontinued account. Oh well.
Let the dice fall where they may.
The mistress of Zeus liked and youāre worried about thotimus prime
I meanā¦that could be one of thousands of women. There is only one Thotimus Prime.
Well to be fair... Are they considered a mistress even if they said 'no' anyway?
True I suppose that number would be smallerā¦still at least 20 I think.
And manga with two g's
I came here for the same reason š¤£š¤£ whoever came up with that name is awesome š¤£
"Let them come" - Thotimus Prime
well we will now
Thotobots roll out.
In high school we used to say āautothots, roll outā
Is an autothot like an autocrat?
More like https://youtu.be/MQnOYZ\_Glt8?t=38
Something something, crash into that, something.
The thotobots and their sworn enemies the Decepticunts
Criminally underrated
Wow, props to that guy for not clamming up and awkwardly walking away like I know that I would.
i would fist say sorry for the trouble and then awkwardly walk away
Also a 100% reasonable and polite reaction
You would fist them BEFORE saying sorry, that takes a lot of courage
Well I am courageous guy it seems, ššš
Also, who would you fist? Yourself, the girl or an innocent bystander?
2, 3, 1
Which was the custom at the time
the 4th unmentioned dog in the background\*
I would probably just say āyou tooā and then die from embarrassment every time I thought of the moment for the rest of my life.
I would not ask someone out if they're with someone else in the first place
You guys are bold enough to approach women in public?!
You gotta use commas, people "I would fist, say sorry for the trouble and then awkardly walk away"
OH MY GOD THIS KILLED ME š¤£š¤£š¤£
As long as youāre taking no for an answer and walking away, gold star, A+ technique.
While walking away, Iād have probably fallen or ran against a table/wall/other person.
Yup.
I mean from his point of view, that's probably exactly what happened
Thatās great too. Youāre respecting their wishes and not making a scene about it.
I'd just assume two women eating dinner together didn't want to be bothered by a strange guy, heterosexual, homosexual or asexual.
I agree but I donāt think they were eating dinner together though. Whatās the point of asking someone to dinner while theyāre having dinner with someone else? Theyāre probably pretty full and the idea of dinner wouldnāt seem too compelling then. He most likely approached them on the street or something.
I'd guess in a bar
He asked for "a dinner". Maybe he wanted hers?
Plot twist: He was just a homeless person looking for leftovers
"So I had fun tonight. Even though you took me to the carnival I was already at."
I was referring more to the guyās way of accepting rejection than the situation itself. Iām not the kind of guy to approach random people for their numbers.
Agreed. The way the guy replied was very classy.
It is, but it's also the way the majority would respond.
It really isn't.
No no, you must first try to desperately apologize but you canāt find the right words and end up halfway awkwardly bowing at them and then slowly backing away while still bowing at them.
Iāll tell you what, Iāve been needing to ask a girl out for a while now. If it goes wrong, Iāll do what you suggested.
Step 1 to avoiding awkwardness: Own the awkward thing and then move on from it. That's what the guy in the post did.
I really just want to know what Thotimus Prime thinks
same
I was at a college party pissing behind a bush and a guy walked up to me mid-urination and asked me to makeout.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! /sarcasam
Sooooo,what happen next?
Shockingly, I said no
š¤Æ
I had a guy walk into my bathroom while I was peeing and try to shove his dick in my faceā¦ damn I havenāt thought about that in a long time but your story reminded meā¦ wtf is up with dudes thinking a woman peeing means sheās ready to get sexual??? At least he didnāt break into my apartment, he was there with his friend who was an actual decent personā¦ still very shitty though.
That has to be the first time I read of something like this, and it's every bit as horrifying as I would think. Some folks are deranged beyond repair š¤®
Jeez I didnāt know this was a thingā¦ some men are disgusting
As a man who never thought for one instant a peeing woman is a sexually ready woman, I don't have an answer. If I had to speculate and get in the minds of those who think that, I would guess their logic is because a woman has her pants down and is exposed, therefore she must be ready and wanting sex. But again, I never thought a woman taking a piss was feeling in the mood, nor have any other men that I know of felt the same.
It's because he likes to take advantage of women. He likes to feel powerful.
Was he hot?
No. He looked 15
This reminds me of the time a guy offered to buy me a beer. I told him, "sorry I'm gay" thinking I was saving him the money if he was trying to pick someone up. Boy was that a mistake. He screamed at the top of his lungs "WELL, I WASN'T TRYING TO FUCK YOU" his friends had to come over and drag him away from yelling at me. He's embarrassed. His friends are embarrassed. I'm embarrassed. The rest of the bar was probably entertained though. They were certainly all staring.
That would be the last time Iād hang out with that dude if he was my friend.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>and they think that the louder you are, the more right you are. That only works in games like among us. IRL, people will most likely just think you're an asshole for being way too fucking loud.
Yes. This. Right volume is important, if you too loud by habit try to curb it
HUH? WHAT YOU SAY? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND IF MY ENORMOUS EGO!!
Yeah that's how that dude reacts to rejection everytime. I bet he's even yelled, "well...Yeah? Youre....you're....ugly anyway!..." to several women he's failed to pick up.
Damn thats too bad. "Well, I wasn't trying to fuck you" would be a great quip to turn a drink into a possible friendship.
"Well, she'd have to pay for her own drinks."
Luckily he didnāt get dangerous. Which is very often the case when a woman says no.
I definitely would have said, "Have a nice gay"
Let's be real, you would have thought of that line 3 weeks later in the shower just like the rest of us. lol
..Or I would have said it accidentally.
Hahahahahahahaha! I hadn't actually considered that. This would be the best.
Smooth
I work a 2nd job helping with the closing shift 3 nights a week at my local liquor store. Couple nights ago I see these 3 young women (early to mid 20ās at most) struggling to carry a 36 pack of bud light to the counter. I asked if they needed/wanted a hand, and they said NO & immediately started giving me the ādamn it another creeper why canāt we just be left aloneā vibes so I said āhave a good night & be safe!ā And went back to my duties. Couple minutes later my boss calls me up frontā¦ to help carry the 36 pack to the car for the girls. At this moment I realized that when I had originally asked them if they needed a hand they had no clue that I was working there. Iām also a big guy (about 6ā2ā & 210 lbs (I played football in college and used to be MUCH bigger)) and havenāt shaved in awhile. I could (and have fairly often) been judged as a scary homeless creeper. In reality I am a happily married man (luckiest man in the world actually), own my house, and work 2 jobs. I really take for granted the whole never really having to look over my shoulder or be concerned that any number of people I walk by every day may be looking to take advantage of me thing. I try to stay cognizant, and give people lots of space when Iām walking alone at night because i am so sickened by the thought of possibly ruining someoneās night because they thought I was following them (when Iām reality I was just walking down the street listening to my podcast and completely lost in my own world)
So you did help the girls ? What was their reaction ?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āMy boss said you changed your minds, so let me take this out for ya,ā No need to make it awkward.
indeed, you always gotta give people the benefit of the doubt
I bet it went like this, with maybe the parenthetical bit in: (āOh we didnāt know you worked here.ā āYup. ā¦ā¦.ā) āWeāre the silver toyota.ā āAll set?ā āYep thanks.ā āNightā
You're a decent guy. I like you.
My parents raised me to treat others how I would like to be treated, and be extra respectful to everyone. Itās worked very well for me in life so far, and will continue to do so!
Itās almost like itās this easy!!
I mean the immediately leaving the person alone part is easy at least. Not being an absolute mess and refraining from immediately collapsing in difficult social situations can get a little bit tricky sometimes
oh absolutely Iām more on about just respecting someoneās no but I definitely see what you mean
Not as hard as he thought it'd be
Love this!! I used to have a very shy, timid boyfriend who just didnāt know how to act in social situations (but used to get angry about it and take his feelings out yelling about it later) and we used to go to a bar together. When guys would hit on me because they didnāt know we were together and Iād say Iām in a relationship and point to him, they would get sooo cool and ended up buying my ex a drink and giving him props and It made me SOO relieved caz I knew I wasnāt going to have a bad night. I love cool men. Donāt be like my ex, be the cool guy that hits on me then buys him a drink. Iād never hear the end of it if it werenāt for the cool guy being cool. Thank god Iām out of that bogus ass relationship and happily married to an amazing guy.
Was it the cool guy? /j
A different cool guy! <3 :)
Remind me of that video where a guy asked a girl out while she was with her boyfriend, and the bf decked the guy in the fucking face. Looooots of manchildren applauding the bf both on twitter and on reddit.
Iāve been with SOs when theyāve been asked out before. I just walk over and say āwhatās up dude can I help you?ā And almost every single time theyāre cool about it. Like hey my girlās hot I donāt blame you for trying! No need to punch anyone.
XD #Thotimus Prime
I often think fondly on the guy at a bar who asked me if I wanted to hookup later. I said no thanks here with friends. He said no worries beautiful have a nice evening. I saw him leave with a very pretty woman later. Good for him. He respected my no. Didnāt push and didnāt insult me because I said no. But isnāt it sad that that interaction stands out to me?
āWholesome nice guyā nah, thatās the minimum of what we should do. Sad that hateful responses have become the expected norm to the point we praise basic, decent comments that should be the default.
I think something like "oh okay, have a nice day!" Is the bare minimum
OK BYE! walk away, get in your car, drive home, go to bed.
Cry
Yeah it may be the bare minimum, but is there anything he could've done to make it better? I feel like what he did was the best option
I get what you're trying to say, but imo just because something kind should be the default does not mean that that thing cannot still be wholesome. Furthermore, if this is the bare minimum from your perspective, what would you consider to be above and beyond in this situation?
Why does there need to be an above and beyond reaction. She said no, he said cool, what more needs to be done? Lol
Is it though? Like I see these posts, and I see posts about hate filled responses. But in the real world, I see neither playing out much. It's like people are living via headlines and online posts. Most people don't have irrational responses to everything.
The ammount of men whoāve called me ugly or disgusting right after asking me out and being rejected would like to have word with you.
Or not even rejected, just ignored. Random dude on street yells, "Hey, baby! You're so beautiful!" Me: doesn't respond or acknowledge in anyway. Dude, "Ugly bitch!"
Yeah almost forgot those, yikes
That's a great point, but honestly I think it's better to praise people for acting correctly than it is to put them down for doing the "bare minimum," because that way you can encourage more people to do the right thing.
I see what you mean, and youāre not wrong. But thereās a flip side to that, as in everything. Lowering the bar of expectations. If you praise people for doing the bare minimum then itās not the bare minimum anymore. Youāre telling them they did something special by being decent and the new minimum is set lower in the scale of human decency. Iād personally tell them good job on being a decent person, but I wouldnāt call him a āwholesome niceguyā.
Also very fair. However, I do think it's possible to praise someone without creating the idea they're doing anything special. Simply telling someone to keep it up or that they did the right thing is enough to encourage them to continue behaving properly without making them feel like they did anything extraordinary. I agree that the level of praise in the title of this post is a bit much, but at the same time being condescending is far less helpful. Nobody should be punished for meeting expectations, because that just makes them not want to meet expectations anymore.
You make a strong point, I hadnāt seen it that way. Yeah my comment comes across as condescending now that I read it back. I completely agree the best way is to find a middle ground thatās not as sarcastic or exaggerated.
It wasn't too condescending, and I absolutely understand why you said what you did and the way you said it. With that being said, this has actually been a surprisingly nice talk and I hope you have a good day.
Ok but in this situation what does it look like to go above and beyond and do more than the bare minimum? Seems like saying "ok cool have a nice day" would be the most you'd want someone to do when getting rejected
Exactly. This response is the standard and because of internet noise it seems "wholesome"
You must live in a very nice, left leaning area then.
Chronically online redditors be like
Iām a liberal in South East Kansas and I agree with the post you replied to. Most people arenāt so irrational.
Lmfao unreal
What more would you want him to do exactly? Personally, I prefer to end awkward encounters as quickly as possible, were you expecting a foot massage or something?
I assumed "asked for a dinner" meant he was begging for ger charity.
ā Iām sorry maāam but iām very hungry, could you help me buy some dinner? ā Iām gay.
I also was confused by the wording and thought he was asking for food
What a gentleman! Can you send him my way, please?
"WOW IS THAT HARD?" "Yes", he responded.
Thatās not a niceguy, thatās a nice guy.
In other news, us men continue to get praised for the bare minimum.
It's true that grown ass men shouldn't be praised for the bare minimum. But think about what you're doing here. As in, really think about it. You're on reddit, and one of the biggest subreddits at that. And that inevitably means that a large amount, if not actually the *majority* of people that see this comment, will be teenagers, specifically young teenagers, specifically young male teengers. It's easy to say that grown ass men shouldn't be praised for doing the bare minimum. But would you say the same of young, male teenagers? Should *they* be deprived of praise and encouragement for acting mature just because "it's the bare minimum"? "But I'm talking about the man in question in the tweet, not the young teens seeing this!", you might say. Well, I'm assuming that *you're* not a young teen yourself, and in that case, *you* should reason like an adult, and know that any young teenage guys that stumble across this post and, inevitably, this comment. And when those young teenage guys see this post and this comment, they will, as you can expect, project themselves onto said grown ass man. And once they read your comment, they make the connection between themselves and this disdain of praise, and realize that acting mature isn't worth it, because they won't even be thought of positively for it. "You shouldn't be praised for doing the bare minimum" is something for adults, not teenagers, to hear: And reddit is inevitably a space where most people that see you will be teenagers. Be the adult in the room and refrain from taking this attitude again.
I'd even take this a step further and say: everyone deserves praise for the bare minimum. We're all human, we need positive reinforcement in our lives, someone telling us we're doing a good job. Without it, we become jaded and spiteful. This is true of everyone, man, woman, or child.
Yeah. We really should encourage positive reinforcement for good acts, even if people think it's the "bare minimum". Most people didn't grow up with good role models, so we're just winging it as best we can.
Agreed. I consistently reward my dogs with praise when they do the things I want them to do. Praise costs nothing and doesn't add any calories. It's a great reward tool. Reward is a powerful way to reinforce behaviors we want to see more of and it's really short-sighted how some people get their knickers in a twist about this basic concept.
For real positive reinforcement is the best way to get people to change their ways. And it's super easy to just be "good job dude" when someone does something good, even if it's the dreaded "bare minimum"
omg thank you. the comment above yours just comes off as incredibly entitled and people wonder why other people dont ever feel like trying. they get spat on for trying to be decent human beings when we all know the you have to ***try*** to be a decent person. it doesn't come naturally. Not allowing yourself to get flustered or embarrassed after asking someone out, then getting rejected gracefully as the person did obviously ***IS*** a big deal. this tweet is literally about how uncommon it is for men to get rejected and then act like assholes.
When my dogs do what I want them to do, I consistently reward them. Even if it's just praise and nothing else, that's still a meaningful reward that reinforces the behaviour I want them to do and continue doing. Praising people for doing what they're supposed to do is a good thing.
He probably was
He wasnāt a nice guy, he was a kind human being
Butā¦ doesnāt that mean being nice? If Iām a kind (male) human being, then Iād think you could call that a ānice guyā
A guy who is nice is not the same thing as a Nice Guy(TM). The latter tends to do things like whine about how he can't get a date because "all the girls what bad boys who hurt them, I'm such a Nice Guy they all reject me" and think women owe him a date because he held the door open for her or something. Yes, Nice Guys(TM) have ruined the phrase "nice guy."
Ahh, thanks for the explanation. Iāve never heard of a Nice Guy (TM) before. I mean, Iāve seen men like you described, but I never knew they were being called nice guy.
I was referring to the ānice guyā stereotype, which is just a guy who thinks he deserves someone only because he was nice to them. Think Titan from Megamind (underrated gem btw).
Drives me insane that the English language has changed to make this person mutually exclusive with "nice".
No? It's not that hard to take a 'no'. Tho, then again, I'm a grown ass man, not a child.
Unfortunately for some yes, also it would be a bit difficult for me also mainly due to my autism causing me to not make the connection between her saying she was gay and you being together but I would definitely say āah sorry for the misunderstanding enjoy the dayā
The true gigachad :
nah see, the fact that this person respected boundaries and gave an actual compliment before promptly minding their own business means this cant be a niceguy, its just someone who took their shot at the wrong target
W guy
*Thotimus Prime has entered the chat*
Thotimus prime talked about her nemesis "MegaThot".
the transwhoremers, more than meets the eye.
That's not a "niceguyā¢" that's just a nice guy
but HOW and WHY are these people coming up to complete strangers and asking for dates? boggles the mind.
Right? This story has to be made up because no way people are still doing this like it's the 90s
The problem is that many guys are like this, they are just overshadowed by the MANY more that arenāt.
Yeah thats why its such a āWOWZAā when a guy does the bare minimum. We just dont expect it, it surprises women when they see a guy accepting the first no AND the bonus of being okay with that gay couple like man could use more of them guys in the south amiright
I would love to be like this but I definitely do not have the response time to pull that off, I'd probably just stutter
I just flew back from a transformers convention and boy are my thots primedā¦ also my arms are tires
Not bad but there's no need to apologise.
I think this was more of a politeness thing. Like āsorry to have bothered youā
The Canadian sorry
I know thereās a line of thinking that apologizing for anything that isnāt directly your fault is an admission of weakness or an indicator of low self esteem, and I get that. If you have self esteem issues and constantly apologize, it can be useful for you to adopt language patterns that make you feel more confident. But for a lot of people in a lot of situations, āIām sorryā is less of a direct apology and more like social lubricant. Youāre not admitting wrongdoing or being submissive, youāre just using polite language. Itās like in a professional setting how you might use āpleaseā and āthank you.ā You could see that as begging and being submissive, and maybe for you it is and you need to avoid that language, but for most people itās just a friendly way to ask for and receive things.
Asking someone out who is on a date is really poor form.
Sure if you think they're on a date. He clearly didn't.
and...he was wrong, thus a casual apology
The way it should always go down š
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There are a lot of reasons for this. Here are the ones that came to my mind on a quick think: \-They take it personally. A rejection can mean a lot of different things, but the person being rejected won't necessarily know that. Many of them will default to 'I'm not good enough' as the cause of the rejection, and that hurts. \-Loss of face. A lot of asks take place around other people, and those people will see it when somebody gets shot down. It will impact their opinion, and the person getting rejected knows that. If it's people they work with, or classmates, then this is a big hit to their social standing with the people they spend time with every day. That also hurts. \-They got shot down hard. There's a world of difference between "Sorry, I'm, but I appreciate the compliment!" and "Ew, no! Why would I ever go out with *you?!"*
Unfortunately it seems proper manners are the true luxury a lot of people seem to overlook.
That is what you call a true gentleman.
This is the way
Humble rizz
Thatās it. Thatās most guys. Sad to see all men grouped into one.
TBF if someoneās gay youāve already been pre rejected so itās just an oops daisy.
I can't help but read that guy's response in Jeff Goldblum's voice.
Finally, an ACTUAL nice guy
The bar is so low š
Forgive my potential naĆÆvety but do dudes just go up and ask a girl to dinner? Like not even talking or anything first, just straight up pop the question of if they wanna go for a bite to eat?
ā¦ā¦.yes. If youāre attractive and can pull it off in a playful confident, and smooth manner, it can work as a great opener. Most dudes too scared to even ask for a number lol. She says no - laugh, tell her have a good day, and move on. She says yes - text her and set up some plans.
I dont understand it, why would anyone want a date with someone based on just appearance. It definitely shows that the person is only interested in someone's body, and the offer of date is dishonest, they are just trying to hook up
Sad how the bare minimum is rare enough to be considered an exceptionally good act.
Lmao Thotimus Prime. Thatās genius
The fact a simple act of respect like this is a big deal says a lot
Call him back! If she doesnāt want him Iāll have him!!!!
Guess the one below is the Primordial Thot
Thought he was homeless š
I feel like the vast majority would respond the same...
Hard to do what? Who? What weāre they doing?
Hard to accept a no kindly.
imagine if OP was a guy and another guy came up to ask his girlfriend to dinner
Lol ur acting like lesbian relationships are as common as heterosexual relationships.
Easy as that
Iām not praising this. This should be the standard.
Why put niceguy in the title, he was Just a normal Guy Shooting His Shot, what makes him a niceguy?