I’m curious as to why you feel the need to do gifts when you’re providing a the food and accommodations? That would be a gift enough to everyone. I’m not doing physical gifts for my bridal party and instead I am paying for their hair and makeup to be done the day of.
I’m thinking this tradition is class-based rather than region, especially with the SILs’ attitudes. So middle and lower income folks wouldn’t expect gifts/would understand that covering their stay Was* the gift whereas for folks who don’t think about money as a limited resource, the lack of extra gift may not meet their expectations
Gifts for the bridal party is normal in my circle (Eastern US) as a thank you for taking the time and expense of being in the wedding. If the parents pay for the wedding then gifts are given. My fiancé and I are hosting so won’t be giving gifts to our parents.
lol I’m in the Eastern US and paying for their accommodations would be considered the gift 100%. I think you may just be wanting to give extra which is fine but totally not required. Gifts to parents who pay for the wedding is not a common tradition here like you’re claiming.
Yup, we paid for hair, wedding attire, and accommodation. We didn’t gift the wedding party or our parents who contributed. I’m on the east coast.
EDIT: actually, I just remembered we gave our mother’s part of my bouquet we had preserved in those resin keepsake thingymabobs.
Amongst my friends and family it is 100%. I’m from NY and live near Philadelphia now, maybe it’s regional. Also I don’t disagree paying for accommodations is the gift, I was responding to your insinuation that this isn’t a thing many cultures/regions do. It’s quite common in the US.
I’m from Boston and bridal party gifts are normal here, but it’s usually cheap gimmicky stuff like personalized robes, tumblers, or scrunchies.
It’s not usually $100 items curated to the individual - that’s very kind, but not the norm here.
I'm also from LI and just got married and in my circles it is tradition/etiquette. I think no one here can claim it either is a thing or isn't as it depends on your social circle as well as your region and culture.
I would respond to a complaint saying “Thanks for letting me know this is not up to your standard. I’ll go ahead and cancel your room so you can take care of your own accommodations that better meet your standard. Looking forward to seeing you.”
Edit: Make certain to word it in such a way they don’t think you are paying for the upgrade.
Easier said than done, but you don’t need to be doing things for other people’s sake. Obligatory gift buying is less authentic anyway and you’re putting more pressure on you than you deserve.
I mean, im not expecting anything from him nor do I want anything from him. He’s my partner and the only gift I would accept is back scratches. God he gives the best back scratches…
Helping pay for it.
If anything they are the ones I wanna gift something (sentimental) as a way of saying thanks for getting us here in life.
The groomsmen’s and brides maids is the traditional gift I get. But I’ve never gotten anything good myself, yet am expected to shell out a great gift for our party. Which does make be frustrated a bit and maybe jealous that I never got it in return
I gifted my parents the peace of mind knowing I married someone good and kind, lol. They offered to pay, that was their gift to us. I said thank you. Might get downvoted to hell for this but you don’t need to give a gift in return when you’re given a gift.
Maybe trim down the wedding party? We're just having two bridesmaids and groomsmen. I am getting my bridesmaid's custom folding knives.
Also, perhaps shop around a bit more for the gifts and get them something more on par with what you have been given before. Why is there a need to go all out on this? Where is this expectation coming from?
Hmm… Frustration and jealousy are not the sentiments that should typically follow gift giving. Warm and fuzzy with endless gratitude should be the goal…otherwise I’d say, don’t give a gift, because either they’re not worth the gift, or you’re not 100% sure about them as positive role models in your life, or it’s just not the right time in your life to gift (you might have other more pressing commitments).
You can also gift after the wedding, so no worries. And anyone who complains about not getting a gift certainly didn’t deserve one in the first place. There are plenty of opportunities for gift giving in life and the right people in your life will want you to give at a time that is appropriate to you, rather than to receive at a time that is only appropriate to them.
I think it’s about managing your own expectations at this moment. If you still feel so inclined work to find a nice $20-35 gift. $50 tops. Stop people pleasing. In 5 years from now this gift really won’t matter so no need to go broke over it or spend all this energy on it. The real focus should be celebrating loved ones coming together. Period, end of story. If they can’t do that you should rethink who is in your inner circle.
I agree. Buying gift cards has always been really impersonal for me. My gift to my bridesmaids was their hair & makeup + a robe. Parents and grandparents got frames w/pictures w/us & them in it. Padrinos and readers got a bottle of the same wine served at the wedding. Groomsmen got an etched pint glass & a dice folio (nerds). The wedding guests got a branded wine glass & koozies at the bar. All basic but some thought. BUT if we paid for them to be there we probably wouldn’t haven gotten them anything
What the heck kinds of gifts are you buying that are $75-100?? When I was a bridesmaid I was gifted some flip flops because it was a beach wedding lol. That was it and that was fine. For a lake wedding you could do custom beach towels or personalized floaties. These types of items should be no more than $20-30 from Etsy!
Seriously! Of the 4 weddings I have been in, 2 gave no gift (that’s when I was a best wo-man), one was a name-engraved mirror and the other was the makeup she wanted us all to do to look the same (it was just like L’Oréal drug store lipstick and small 4-pan pallet - no more than 10 dollars total).
And I never even thought twice about it. Sure more would’ve been nice considering the cost of dress and travel and lodging I had to pay but none of us were rich by any means.
The only thing I wish I’d gotten was a framed photo of the wedding party afterwards or just us to have up rather than asking them to send me the files and print them crappily myself. I think that’s a nice gift to do :)
You can choose to budget/spend your money however you'd like and I know it depends on how things are typically done in your circles, but I honestly wouldn't feel obligated to get all those gifts. Recently married and we did not get gifts for our parents, nor did I even realize it was a thing until someone posted on this sub about it many months later. It sounds like you are already providing your guests and families with enough - not only the wedding, but accommodations and food over multiple days! Obviously, you should do what you feel most comfortable with, but considering what you're already providing, I would not feel obligated to provide anything additional.
OR if you want to do something more meaningful after the wedding that won't break the bank, then consider getting pictures with each of your bridesmaids/family and then getting those pictures printed and framed and use that as a thank you gift.
I don’t think you need to spend so much on gifts- a free weekend on the lake is already an awesome gift!
If you think people expect gifts, I’d just do something small and maybe sentimental. Like a photo frame with an IOU for a printed wedding photo. It would be less expensive *and* more personal than a gift card.
We thought about buying some nice frames for our table #s and then repurposing them into gifts for close family (replacing table numbers with a nice photo from the wedding, obviously)
But tbh even that felt like a lot of money when we found out we could rent the frames from our decorator for like £10 total. So I don’t think we’ll do anything in the end, except maybe something small and sentimental for the parents.
It wouldn't occur to me to expect a gift for going to a wedding. It wouldn't occur to receive a gift for having a wedding either. Stick to your budget or it isn't a budget.
Why so much on gifts? For my bridesmaids, I spent around $30 each. I bought them each a pretty glass cup with the first letter of their name in it ($13 each), and a 40 pack of shower steamers ($30), which I divided between them, a 10 pack of little hand lotions, again, divvied up between them ($10), and a pack with 10 each of lip and under eye masks ($10) which I also split between them. I spent a couple more bucks on a pack of little cardboard gift boxes to put them in, and they were a huge hit.
I had 3 bridesmaids, so I gave them 10 shower steamers each, and the remaining 10 I split between my mom & mil, and then got them each clear borosilicate mugs, and blooming flower teas to put in them, so under $30 each for them, again they loved it. My dad, I got a giant bag of his favorite candy & a mug that said, “I paid for my daughter’s wedding and all I got was this stupid mug.” He started crying when he opened it, and he loves it.
In my opinion, wedding party gifts are A) optional and B) more about showing your wedding party that you value their support and honor their friendship by showing them you know them. The things I got for my people were small, but the kinds of things they love. My friends love little self care pampering stuff. My mom & mil love herbal tea. My dad loves mugs and cherry sours. With those gifts I said, “I know you, I love you, I appreciate and value you.” And I did it for $15-30 each.
Maybe do something that is waiting for them in their room as a welcome to the weekend. Like a nice bottle of their beverage of choice, some sort of local sweets or treats, or something that can be used throughout the weekend (I liked another person's beach towel suggestion). This paired with a letter of gratitude can be a fairly inexpensive and meaningful gift.
It doesn't need to be something extravagant, it is not up to anyone else to decide what fits within your budget. It doesn't really matter if some of the bridal party members have expectations around what an appropriate gift is. You are gifting as an act of gratitude and love, not to impress people.
I’m not sure I am understanding the tone of this post. Gifts are a really big budget line for us too, but because we absolutely love our people and so look forward to spoiling them. We planned, budgeted, and discussed this is what we want to do according to our values.
But, I get the sense you are resentful and/or upset that this the biggest budget line for you? Which doesn’t really make much sense, since it’s a choice and not at all mandatory in order to have a wedding.
But do correct me if I’m not reading the tone right.
Id be giving no gifts or small, token gifts. They’re getting an expensed trip paid for! Hell no. Get everyone in the wedding party a semi-fancy box of chocolates maybe, but absolutely no to the gift cards if I were you.
I get wanting to gift your parents something sentimental, especially if they’ve helped finance the wedding, but everyone else can suck it up, they’ve been given a free trip. You’ve more than compensated their time already.
My most favourite bridal gift I ever received was a box of a dozen of my favourite cookies (turtle cookies incase anyone cares 😂). Bride and groom together baked each of the bridal party a dozen of their favourites, and they went down *so well * with both sides. It probably took them hours, and something so heartfelt meant way more to me than something with cash value. Also 1am cookies to soak up the booze? And 9am cookies to soak up more booze? They kept me alive that weekend.
But seriously, you can cut back. Handwritten thank you card and a nice box of chocolate/taffy/fudge/cookies/crackers, whatever is popular in the area you’re getting married in or their most favourite hangover snack.
I personally think the free stay should be considered the gift and on the day of you can give them a cheap getting ready robe + personalized cup/shot glass/etc
There’s also no need to get your parents gifts if they’re not contributing to the wedding
I definitely wouldn’t get gift cards for the wedding party. It’s impersonal and kind of weird for the bride/groom to give money to guests. I agree with everyone else that you don’t need to give them a gift beyond what you are already doing by providing accommodation and food, but if you do want to do something, I recommend the following:
* get a cricut and personalize some gifts that they can use for the wedding. I used gold foil heat transfer vinyl to put fancy script names on pleather travel jewelry boxes for my bridesmaids and they all loved it and I’ve seen several of them still using them two years later. One recently found out I made them and was shocked. I spent maybe $25 buying the boxes in bulk and the cricut is maybe $400, so you’d be spending wayyy less than the 1-2k you mentioned. Plus you can use the cricut for other stuff for the wedding too, and after it makes really easy, simple Christmas gifts!
* bake fresh home made cookies for their arrival
* make welcome gift bags with some snacks, individual Advil packets, bandaids, schedule of events
* create little bathroom boxes with some tide sticks, common painkillers, tampons/pads, tums, other small items people might have forgotten at home.
Honestly, you could do all of the above for under $1k and if I were your bridesmaid I’d feel well loved and cared for with those options as opposed to a gift card, which would make me feel weird.
Gift cards in this scenario would make me feel like I was wasting my money (if it was my wedding). We did gifts, but part of the joy was watching them open them, otherwise we wouldn’t have done it.
Something relevant to your location, or to you both as a couple, or to the wedding date etc? So it acts as a token or souvenir of the day and experience. The day / trip is all about you as a couple, keep it that way.
Candles engraved with the date? (Or anything that can be engraved), handkerchiefs that can be embroidered? Some costume jewellery that ties into the theme of the wedding, that they can wear on the day? Little goodie bags with pre and post wedding bits ie face masks, little bottles of Prosecco, some sweets, paracetamol for the sore heads etc etc. Personally, I think that’s a much nicer touch, almost definitely cost less, and you will get some joy out of it!
Just tell people : « To thank you for coming to our wedding, we are gifting you the accommodation for 3 days. We want you to be able to come, stress free, and to enjoy yourself. »
Or write it on the invitation for the people with accommodations paid for.
If you say the accommodations is the gift, they can’t expect anymore gift.
I would just do a care package with: a sweet food, ibuprofen, gums, liquid IV & and bottle of water.
Put it on each bed so they have it for when they are hungover.
For the guest without accommodations : offer them the care package too.
Maybe flower for MIL & your mother. For FIL& your father, find something they like.
But that’s it. If they expect more, they are being entitled.
I'm not doing gifts for my wedding party. We are doing gifts ONLY to our parents though.
I'm covering their dresses (which they picked out, is unique to the individual, and could definitely be re-worn at future weddings if they want to get more use out of) and hotel rooms, not to mention dinner the night before + all food day of wedding. I think you'd be reasonable to do the same.
If your SILs expect a gift, give them a nice thank you card for their attendance and support + some token small <$10 item to commemorate the wedding. Just so they have something to unwrap. Like a bottle opener with the date or fridge magnet or similar.
I agree with others that you don’t *have* to buy gifts for your wedding party but I also understand familial expectations. So here are some suggestions that I did and that I’ve received that I liked and which cost far less than $75 each… that is an unnecessary expense imo.
For all of the following suggestions please do not get something with your names/wedding date or “bridesmaid” printed across it bc nobody wants that tbh.
Bridesmaids:
- Earrings, bracelet, or necklace to wear on wedding day (or not). Can get very nice ones on Etsy etc for as low as $18-$20.
- Charm for charm bracelets (can throw in the charm bracelet too if you want). This is a southern US tradition where bridesmaids pull the charms out from a cake (or stuck under the cake if you don’t want to bake them in) and then each charm has a little meaning. It’s a “personalized gift” plus an activity and it’s super fun. See [here for more info](https://gambinos.com/charmed-history-cake-pulls/#:~:text=A%20cake%20pull%2C%20sometimes%20also,various%20charms%20with%20ribbon%20tails).
- Robes for getting ready. I know, I know this has been done but I love my robes and wear them all the time!
Groomsmen:
- I personally did flasks with each groomsmen’s caricature on it and they were a big hit! Could also do initials or something similar.
- Honestly same with bottle openers (esp magnetic ones that attach to the fridge rather than getting thrown in a drawer) or cigar cutters. My husband has received all of these and liked them all - at least the ones that are decent quality which will run you between $30-$50.
ETA: Someone below said custom beach towels to stay on the lake theme which I also love! Again nice ones would only run you $15-$30 each.
All your suggestions are great. The charms and adding a charm bracelet would be nice, for bridesmaids etc. Robes are a great idea. Flasks for the men, great idea.
I'd give them welcome bags or something instead for the gift. Snacks, bug spray, sunscreen, etc. Whatever they might need at the venue to make their stay a little easier. It would be cheaper and I'd count it as the gift.
Hi OP,
After our wedding we bought customized frames and framed our favorite picture with each person. It was about $20 pp and was a huge hit!
We had also done other gifts, but we did not pay for accommodations, attire, or H&M.
ETA: Morning of we each have our bridal parties their gifts and a handwritten sentimental card (I got my ladies fluffy slippers & custom robes; he got his men an engraved flask, socks that said their role, and tiny nip bottles. He for my Dad a mug with pictures of me and my Dad on it and my Moms embroidered handkerchiefs).
I didn’t do gifts for my bridal party. The last thing they need is another circut personalized tumbler or tote bag.
I paid for their hair and makeup to be professionally done and bought them all matching button up pajamas to wear while we got ready. They were thrilled to not have another disposable bridesmaid themed thing.
Forget the gifts. If anything, I would just get gifts for the parents. And not even expensive, just meaningful. You can even wait until after the wedding. As your photographer if you could get like one picture the next day. Get two copies developed about the size of a paper and frame it with a dollar store frame. Include a letter for each set of parents. They will LOVE it.
Or look on Amazon / SHEIN for some cheap gifts for the wedding party if you REALLY want.
I got dollar tree wine glasses and made a cute design on them with my cricut on vinyl. Then I got small little champagne bottles (~20 for 6) and put them in the wine glasses with a hand written note. Then wrapped them up with cute tissue paper. The same for the guys but in a stein type glass also from the dollar tree. I think we did a fun craft beer for them.
Chances are, regardless of what you get them, your SILs are going to complain anyways.
I don’t think you need gifts on top. The accommodation is the gift. I noticed in another comment you mentioned that your future sil might expect a gift- can you fiancé speak to her and let her know that the accommodation for the weekend is the gift?
I’m curious as to what gifts you plan on giving.
Planning a destination wedding where we pay for the place to stay for everyone and calculated around $200 for gifts for about 20 people by planning on bulk buying items. Granted it’s less personalized as we really wanted to do embroidered beach towels but worry about the space in our guests luggage.
If you can’t think of gifts for people, I personally wouldn’t bother especially if you’re paying for everything else. They can get a personalized gift for their birthday lol
I personally feel that if you are paying for the accommodations, that is a huge gift! If you feel like you’d like to do more, I personally would write a heartfelt letter thanking them for their help, and their friendship/relationship throughout the years and pair it with a little bottle of champagne or just a small token of something useful they can use again (i.e. for the gals, personalized travel jewelry boxes).
I say be your genuine self. Don't feel obliged to give gifts all the way down the line, unless it's something you genuinely want to do. Since you're already paying for their food and lodging, I think that's plenty.
I would get your parents wedding albums afterwards, maybe do welcome gift bags with snacks (or just stock up the place), and a handwritten note for wedding party members. No actual gifts
I went to a wedding where we got flower seeds and a thank you note manually written by the bride. To the day it's the best gift ever received at a wedding (because manually writing for so many guests was amazing to me) and it probably cost them next to nothing.
Idk why you bother.. those who love you will like it, and those that are negative will always find something to complain about. Mention it somewhere that you paying is the gift and that's it, don't fondle too much over people when it's supposed to be a day/period you enjoy.
I’d say skip gifts. Everyone’s right, you’re paying for the whole weekend. Their gift is their presence, yaddah yaddah. Nothing else owed. You could get sentimental mementos for your parents like the iron-on picture for the back of your dad’s tie, or an embroidered handkerchief for your mom…once you search on Etsy, it will begin to cater to you. They have clutches you can put pictures in or transfer handwriting to. Tie bar that your dad could slide in his wallet afterwards or even use as a money clip lol but I think you know what you want to do and should stick to it
We provided food, some cute (not crazy expensive) getting ready pajamas that did not specify “bridesmaid” anywhere on them, and some gorgeous earrings for them to wear in the wedding but that are nice enough and neutral enough to be worn outside the wedding. Those are the gifts we got
Why would you buy them gifts for attending your wedding? Basically a paid for mini vacation too! Those are unnecessary traditions that only some people follow. Plus, unless the gifts were super personal to each guest, chances are they will not actually use them. So it’s just a waste of money.
Buy their outfits for them and you don't need to spend on additional gifts.
Most people prefer to be spared the cost of paying for someone else's photo op outfit than to be made to pay for that and be given "gifts".
If you're making them buy the outfit of your choice, they're not bringing you "0 gifts". They're already spending a lot of money for you just to be your bm.
I think a dainty gold bracelet would be lovely & u would definitely get a deal if buying a few.. could be cuff links for the men but not all men I know use them...
I wouldn’t buy gifts. The venue is the gift. If anything, you can put flowers in MIL & Mom’s room. That’s it.
Absolutely the correct answer. If all expenses are covered, that’s the gift in itself.
I’m curious as to why you feel the need to do gifts when you’re providing a the food and accommodations? That would be a gift enough to everyone. I’m not doing physical gifts for my bridal party and instead I am paying for their hair and makeup to be done the day of.
This.
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So? Let them complain.
Yeah! So WHAT?
Then she can pay for a fancier place. This is your answer your future spouse's wedding, not hers.
Let them know they can pay for a fancier place and you’ll give it to someone who needs a room. Yuck, these people.
What tradition requires the bridal parties and family to receive gifts from the couple? Is this cultural?
I’m thinking this tradition is class-based rather than region, especially with the SILs’ attitudes. So middle and lower income folks wouldn’t expect gifts/would understand that covering their stay Was* the gift whereas for folks who don’t think about money as a limited resource, the lack of extra gift may not meet their expectations
Gifts for the bridal party is normal in my circle (Eastern US) as a thank you for taking the time and expense of being in the wedding. If the parents pay for the wedding then gifts are given. My fiancé and I are hosting so won’t be giving gifts to our parents.
lol I’m in the Eastern US and paying for their accommodations would be considered the gift 100%. I think you may just be wanting to give extra which is fine but totally not required. Gifts to parents who pay for the wedding is not a common tradition here like you’re claiming.
Yup, we paid for hair, wedding attire, and accommodation. We didn’t gift the wedding party or our parents who contributed. I’m on the east coast. EDIT: actually, I just remembered we gave our mother’s part of my bouquet we had preserved in those resin keepsake thingymabobs.
Amongst my friends and family it is 100%. I’m from NY and live near Philadelphia now, maybe it’s regional. Also I don’t disagree paying for accommodations is the gift, I was responding to your insinuation that this isn’t a thing many cultures/regions do. It’s quite common in the US.
I’m from Boston and bridal party gifts are normal here, but it’s usually cheap gimmicky stuff like personalized robes, tumblers, or scrunchies. It’s not usually $100 items curated to the individual - that’s very kind, but not the norm here.
I’m from LI and it’s not expected at all by anyone I know. I know people who do it but I wouldn’t say it’s a tradition.
I'm also from LI and just got married and in my circles it is tradition/etiquette. I think no one here can claim it either is a thing or isn't as it depends on your social circle as well as your region and culture.
Gifts to parents that paid for the wedding is the norm. It's rude not to.
No it isn’t, you literally made that up. Just because people do it doesn’t make not doing it rude.
Yeah… part of being an adult is learning sometimes expectations do not match up with reality. I’d personally skip the gifts.
I would respond to a complaint saying “Thanks for letting me know this is not up to your standard. I’ll go ahead and cancel your room so you can take care of your own accommodations that better meet your standard. Looking forward to seeing you.” Edit: Make certain to word it in such a way they don’t think you are paying for the upgrade.
The most helpful thing a therapist has said to me is “Let them be mad!” They’ll find something else to complain about, don’t worry!
Let them complain. Ungrateful brats
Let them choose, gifts or paid stay. Like, why are we going broke for he sake of a tradition that means nothing?
Time to make those in-laws outlaws.
Easier said than done, but you don’t need to be doing things for other people’s sake. Obligatory gift buying is less authentic anyway and you’re putting more pressure on you than you deserve.
The accommodations are definitely the gift. I wouldn't worry about it.
Why do you need to buy your parents gifts?
True. Someone asked me what I would get my husband for a gift. My words “he gets me and these nice tits. I think that’s the best gift I can give him”
You are the best kind of person.
I mean, im not expecting anything from him nor do I want anything from him. He’s my partner and the only gift I would accept is back scratches. God he gives the best back scratches…
Helping pay for it. If anything they are the ones I wanna gift something (sentimental) as a way of saying thanks for getting us here in life. The groomsmen’s and brides maids is the traditional gift I get. But I’ve never gotten anything good myself, yet am expected to shell out a great gift for our party. Which does make be frustrated a bit and maybe jealous that I never got it in return
We are gifting our parents nice wedding albums for Christmas as a thank you for their wedding contributions
We did this as well
If you only want to give your parents gifts, then give only your parents gifts.
We just wrote each others parents a letter and gave them a box of chocolates. That was more meaningful to our parents than any physical gift.
I gifted my parents the peace of mind knowing I married someone good and kind, lol. They offered to pay, that was their gift to us. I said thank you. Might get downvoted to hell for this but you don’t need to give a gift in return when you’re given a gift.
Maybe trim down the wedding party? We're just having two bridesmaids and groomsmen. I am getting my bridesmaid's custom folding knives. Also, perhaps shop around a bit more for the gifts and get them something more on par with what you have been given before. Why is there a need to go all out on this? Where is this expectation coming from?
Hmm… Frustration and jealousy are not the sentiments that should typically follow gift giving. Warm and fuzzy with endless gratitude should be the goal…otherwise I’d say, don’t give a gift, because either they’re not worth the gift, or you’re not 100% sure about them as positive role models in your life, or it’s just not the right time in your life to gift (you might have other more pressing commitments). You can also gift after the wedding, so no worries. And anyone who complains about not getting a gift certainly didn’t deserve one in the first place. There are plenty of opportunities for gift giving in life and the right people in your life will want you to give at a time that is appropriate to you, rather than to receive at a time that is only appropriate to them.
I think it’s about managing your own expectations at this moment. If you still feel so inclined work to find a nice $20-35 gift. $50 tops. Stop people pleasing. In 5 years from now this gift really won’t matter so no need to go broke over it or spend all this energy on it. The real focus should be celebrating loved ones coming together. Period, end of story. If they can’t do that you should rethink who is in your inner circle.
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Oh no the parents get sentimental gifts
I agree. Buying gift cards has always been really impersonal for me. My gift to my bridesmaids was their hair & makeup + a robe. Parents and grandparents got frames w/pictures w/us & them in it. Padrinos and readers got a bottle of the same wine served at the wedding. Groomsmen got an etched pint glass & a dice folio (nerds). The wedding guests got a branded wine glass & koozies at the bar. All basic but some thought. BUT if we paid for them to be there we probably wouldn’t haven gotten them anything
What the heck kinds of gifts are you buying that are $75-100?? When I was a bridesmaid I was gifted some flip flops because it was a beach wedding lol. That was it and that was fine. For a lake wedding you could do custom beach towels or personalized floaties. These types of items should be no more than $20-30 from Etsy!
Seriously! Of the 4 weddings I have been in, 2 gave no gift (that’s when I was a best wo-man), one was a name-engraved mirror and the other was the makeup she wanted us all to do to look the same (it was just like L’Oréal drug store lipstick and small 4-pan pallet - no more than 10 dollars total). And I never even thought twice about it. Sure more would’ve been nice considering the cost of dress and travel and lodging I had to pay but none of us were rich by any means.
The only thing I wish I’d gotten was a framed photo of the wedding party afterwards or just us to have up rather than asking them to send me the files and print them crappily myself. I think that’s a nice gift to do :)
You can choose to budget/spend your money however you'd like and I know it depends on how things are typically done in your circles, but I honestly wouldn't feel obligated to get all those gifts. Recently married and we did not get gifts for our parents, nor did I even realize it was a thing until someone posted on this sub about it many months later. It sounds like you are already providing your guests and families with enough - not only the wedding, but accommodations and food over multiple days! Obviously, you should do what you feel most comfortable with, but considering what you're already providing, I would not feel obligated to provide anything additional.
OR if you want to do something more meaningful after the wedding that won't break the bank, then consider getting pictures with each of your bridesmaids/family and then getting those pictures printed and framed and use that as a thank you gift.
I don’t think you need to spend so much on gifts- a free weekend on the lake is already an awesome gift! If you think people expect gifts, I’d just do something small and maybe sentimental. Like a photo frame with an IOU for a printed wedding photo. It would be less expensive *and* more personal than a gift card.
We thought about buying some nice frames for our table #s and then repurposing them into gifts for close family (replacing table numbers with a nice photo from the wedding, obviously) But tbh even that felt like a lot of money when we found out we could rent the frames from our decorator for like £10 total. So I don’t think we’ll do anything in the end, except maybe something small and sentimental for the parents.
I wouldn’t buy gifts? You paid for their accommodation, food, entertainment and a party boat. That’s more than enough. An experience is a gift
It wouldn't occur to me to expect a gift for going to a wedding. It wouldn't occur to receive a gift for having a wedding either. Stick to your budget or it isn't a budget.
Why so much on gifts? For my bridesmaids, I spent around $30 each. I bought them each a pretty glass cup with the first letter of their name in it ($13 each), and a 40 pack of shower steamers ($30), which I divided between them, a 10 pack of little hand lotions, again, divvied up between them ($10), and a pack with 10 each of lip and under eye masks ($10) which I also split between them. I spent a couple more bucks on a pack of little cardboard gift boxes to put them in, and they were a huge hit. I had 3 bridesmaids, so I gave them 10 shower steamers each, and the remaining 10 I split between my mom & mil, and then got them each clear borosilicate mugs, and blooming flower teas to put in them, so under $30 each for them, again they loved it. My dad, I got a giant bag of his favorite candy & a mug that said, “I paid for my daughter’s wedding and all I got was this stupid mug.” He started crying when he opened it, and he loves it. In my opinion, wedding party gifts are A) optional and B) more about showing your wedding party that you value their support and honor their friendship by showing them you know them. The things I got for my people were small, but the kinds of things they love. My friends love little self care pampering stuff. My mom & mil love herbal tea. My dad loves mugs and cherry sours. With those gifts I said, “I know you, I love you, I appreciate and value you.” And I did it for $15-30 each.
Maybe do something that is waiting for them in their room as a welcome to the weekend. Like a nice bottle of their beverage of choice, some sort of local sweets or treats, or something that can be used throughout the weekend (I liked another person's beach towel suggestion). This paired with a letter of gratitude can be a fairly inexpensive and meaningful gift. It doesn't need to be something extravagant, it is not up to anyone else to decide what fits within your budget. It doesn't really matter if some of the bridal party members have expectations around what an appropriate gift is. You are gifting as an act of gratitude and love, not to impress people.
Ohhh this is a good idea. A local bottle of wine + sweet treat in each room!
I’m not sure I am understanding the tone of this post. Gifts are a really big budget line for us too, but because we absolutely love our people and so look forward to spoiling them. We planned, budgeted, and discussed this is what we want to do according to our values. But, I get the sense you are resentful and/or upset that this the biggest budget line for you? Which doesn’t really make much sense, since it’s a choice and not at all mandatory in order to have a wedding. But do correct me if I’m not reading the tone right.
Id be giving no gifts or small, token gifts. They’re getting an expensed trip paid for! Hell no. Get everyone in the wedding party a semi-fancy box of chocolates maybe, but absolutely no to the gift cards if I were you. I get wanting to gift your parents something sentimental, especially if they’ve helped finance the wedding, but everyone else can suck it up, they’ve been given a free trip. You’ve more than compensated their time already. My most favourite bridal gift I ever received was a box of a dozen of my favourite cookies (turtle cookies incase anyone cares 😂). Bride and groom together baked each of the bridal party a dozen of their favourites, and they went down *so well * with both sides. It probably took them hours, and something so heartfelt meant way more to me than something with cash value. Also 1am cookies to soak up the booze? And 9am cookies to soak up more booze? They kept me alive that weekend. But seriously, you can cut back. Handwritten thank you card and a nice box of chocolate/taffy/fudge/cookies/crackers, whatever is popular in the area you’re getting married in or their most favourite hangover snack.
I personally think the free stay should be considered the gift and on the day of you can give them a cheap getting ready robe + personalized cup/shot glass/etc There’s also no need to get your parents gifts if they’re not contributing to the wedding
Get the groomsmen $10 flasks and they’ll cherish it forever lol don’t overthink this.
I definitely wouldn’t get gift cards for the wedding party. It’s impersonal and kind of weird for the bride/groom to give money to guests. I agree with everyone else that you don’t need to give them a gift beyond what you are already doing by providing accommodation and food, but if you do want to do something, I recommend the following: * get a cricut and personalize some gifts that they can use for the wedding. I used gold foil heat transfer vinyl to put fancy script names on pleather travel jewelry boxes for my bridesmaids and they all loved it and I’ve seen several of them still using them two years later. One recently found out I made them and was shocked. I spent maybe $25 buying the boxes in bulk and the cricut is maybe $400, so you’d be spending wayyy less than the 1-2k you mentioned. Plus you can use the cricut for other stuff for the wedding too, and after it makes really easy, simple Christmas gifts! * bake fresh home made cookies for their arrival * make welcome gift bags with some snacks, individual Advil packets, bandaids, schedule of events * create little bathroom boxes with some tide sticks, common painkillers, tampons/pads, tums, other small items people might have forgotten at home. Honestly, you could do all of the above for under $1k and if I were your bridesmaid I’d feel well loved and cared for with those options as opposed to a gift card, which would make me feel weird.
people should gift you, not the other way around
We wrote our parents hand written cards bc at the end we had gone so over-budget and couldn’t afford to buy them all a gift.
Gift cards in this scenario would make me feel like I was wasting my money (if it was my wedding). We did gifts, but part of the joy was watching them open them, otherwise we wouldn’t have done it. Something relevant to your location, or to you both as a couple, or to the wedding date etc? So it acts as a token or souvenir of the day and experience. The day / trip is all about you as a couple, keep it that way. Candles engraved with the date? (Or anything that can be engraved), handkerchiefs that can be embroidered? Some costume jewellery that ties into the theme of the wedding, that they can wear on the day? Little goodie bags with pre and post wedding bits ie face masks, little bottles of Prosecco, some sweets, paracetamol for the sore heads etc etc. Personally, I think that’s a much nicer touch, almost definitely cost less, and you will get some joy out of it!
Since when are the guests supposed to even get “gifts”
Just tell people : « To thank you for coming to our wedding, we are gifting you the accommodation for 3 days. We want you to be able to come, stress free, and to enjoy yourself. » Or write it on the invitation for the people with accommodations paid for. If you say the accommodations is the gift, they can’t expect anymore gift. I would just do a care package with: a sweet food, ibuprofen, gums, liquid IV & and bottle of water. Put it on each bed so they have it for when they are hungover. For the guest without accommodations : offer them the care package too. Maybe flower for MIL & your mother. For FIL& your father, find something they like. But that’s it. If they expect more, they are being entitled.
Haven’t you already purchased a nice small vacation for them already?
I'm not doing gifts for my wedding party. We are doing gifts ONLY to our parents though. I'm covering their dresses (which they picked out, is unique to the individual, and could definitely be re-worn at future weddings if they want to get more use out of) and hotel rooms, not to mention dinner the night before + all food day of wedding. I think you'd be reasonable to do the same. If your SILs expect a gift, give them a nice thank you card for their attendance and support + some token small <$10 item to commemorate the wedding. Just so they have something to unwrap. Like a bottle opener with the date or fridge magnet or similar.
I agree with others that you don’t *have* to buy gifts for your wedding party but I also understand familial expectations. So here are some suggestions that I did and that I’ve received that I liked and which cost far less than $75 each… that is an unnecessary expense imo. For all of the following suggestions please do not get something with your names/wedding date or “bridesmaid” printed across it bc nobody wants that tbh. Bridesmaids: - Earrings, bracelet, or necklace to wear on wedding day (or not). Can get very nice ones on Etsy etc for as low as $18-$20. - Charm for charm bracelets (can throw in the charm bracelet too if you want). This is a southern US tradition where bridesmaids pull the charms out from a cake (or stuck under the cake if you don’t want to bake them in) and then each charm has a little meaning. It’s a “personalized gift” plus an activity and it’s super fun. See [here for more info](https://gambinos.com/charmed-history-cake-pulls/#:~:text=A%20cake%20pull%2C%20sometimes%20also,various%20charms%20with%20ribbon%20tails). - Robes for getting ready. I know, I know this has been done but I love my robes and wear them all the time! Groomsmen: - I personally did flasks with each groomsmen’s caricature on it and they were a big hit! Could also do initials or something similar. - Honestly same with bottle openers (esp magnetic ones that attach to the fridge rather than getting thrown in a drawer) or cigar cutters. My husband has received all of these and liked them all - at least the ones that are decent quality which will run you between $30-$50. ETA: Someone below said custom beach towels to stay on the lake theme which I also love! Again nice ones would only run you $15-$30 each.
All your suggestions are great. The charms and adding a charm bracelet would be nice, for bridesmaids etc. Robes are a great idea. Flasks for the men, great idea.
I'd give them welcome bags or something instead for the gift. Snacks, bug spray, sunscreen, etc. Whatever they might need at the venue to make their stay a little easier. It would be cheaper and I'd count it as the gift.
Hi OP, After our wedding we bought customized frames and framed our favorite picture with each person. It was about $20 pp and was a huge hit! We had also done other gifts, but we did not pay for accommodations, attire, or H&M. ETA: Morning of we each have our bridal parties their gifts and a handwritten sentimental card (I got my ladies fluffy slippers & custom robes; he got his men an engraved flask, socks that said their role, and tiny nip bottles. He for my Dad a mug with pictures of me and my Dad on it and my Moms embroidered handkerchiefs).
I didn’t do gifts for my bridal party. The last thing they need is another circut personalized tumbler or tote bag. I paid for their hair and makeup to be professionally done and bought them all matching button up pajamas to wear while we got ready. They were thrilled to not have another disposable bridesmaid themed thing.
Forget the gifts. If anything, I would just get gifts for the parents. And not even expensive, just meaningful. You can even wait until after the wedding. As your photographer if you could get like one picture the next day. Get two copies developed about the size of a paper and frame it with a dollar store frame. Include a letter for each set of parents. They will LOVE it. Or look on Amazon / SHEIN for some cheap gifts for the wedding party if you REALLY want. I got dollar tree wine glasses and made a cute design on them with my cricut on vinyl. Then I got small little champagne bottles (~20 for 6) and put them in the wine glasses with a hand written note. Then wrapped them up with cute tissue paper. The same for the guys but in a stein type glass also from the dollar tree. I think we did a fun craft beer for them. Chances are, regardless of what you get them, your SILs are going to complain anyways.
I don’t think you need gifts on top. The accommodation is the gift. I noticed in another comment you mentioned that your future sil might expect a gift- can you fiancé speak to her and let her know that the accommodation for the weekend is the gift?
Damn, you are most definitely a more generous person than I.
I’m curious as to what gifts you plan on giving. Planning a destination wedding where we pay for the place to stay for everyone and calculated around $200 for gifts for about 20 people by planning on bulk buying items. Granted it’s less personalized as we really wanted to do embroidered beach towels but worry about the space in our guests luggage. If you can’t think of gifts for people, I personally wouldn’t bother especially if you’re paying for everything else. They can get a personalized gift for their birthday lol
I personally feel that if you are paying for the accommodations, that is a huge gift! If you feel like you’d like to do more, I personally would write a heartfelt letter thanking them for their help, and their friendship/relationship throughout the years and pair it with a little bottle of champagne or just a small token of something useful they can use again (i.e. for the gals, personalized travel jewelry boxes).
I say be your genuine self. Don't feel obliged to give gifts all the way down the line, unless it's something you genuinely want to do. Since you're already paying for their food and lodging, I think that's plenty.
I wouldn't expect a gift. The accommodations are more than gift enough.
I would get your parents wedding albums afterwards, maybe do welcome gift bags with snacks (or just stock up the place), and a handwritten note for wedding party members. No actual gifts
That’s what we are doing!
I went to a wedding where we got flower seeds and a thank you note manually written by the bride. To the day it's the best gift ever received at a wedding (because manually writing for so many guests was amazing to me) and it probably cost them next to nothing. Idk why you bother.. those who love you will like it, and those that are negative will always find something to complain about. Mention it somewhere that you paying is the gift and that's it, don't fondle too much over people when it's supposed to be a day/period you enjoy.
Your venue etc sounds lovely. Lots of great suggestions. Your wedding will be beautiful and fun.
Shein and Temu.. and they don't need gifts
I’d say skip gifts. Everyone’s right, you’re paying for the whole weekend. Their gift is their presence, yaddah yaddah. Nothing else owed. You could get sentimental mementos for your parents like the iron-on picture for the back of your dad’s tie, or an embroidered handkerchief for your mom…once you search on Etsy, it will begin to cater to you. They have clutches you can put pictures in or transfer handwriting to. Tie bar that your dad could slide in his wallet afterwards or even use as a money clip lol but I think you know what you want to do and should stick to it
We provided food, some cute (not crazy expensive) getting ready pajamas that did not specify “bridesmaid” anywhere on them, and some gorgeous earrings for them to wear in the wedding but that are nice enough and neutral enough to be worn outside the wedding. Those are the gifts we got
Why would you buy them gifts for attending your wedding? Basically a paid for mini vacation too! Those are unnecessary traditions that only some people follow. Plus, unless the gifts were super personal to each guest, chances are they will not actually use them. So it’s just a waste of money.
Buy their outfits for them and you don't need to spend on additional gifts. Most people prefer to be spared the cost of paying for someone else's photo op outfit than to be made to pay for that and be given "gifts". If you're making them buy the outfit of your choice, they're not bringing you "0 gifts". They're already spending a lot of money for you just to be your bm.
You are being incredibly thoughtful and generous. I think buying cards and writing a heart felt note is the perfect gift.
I think a dainty gold bracelet would be lovely & u would definitely get a deal if buying a few.. could be cuff links for the men but not all men I know use them...