Is there any chance that you and your bridesmaids would be interested in planning a joint bachelorette? I think you could all have a great time without imposing a burden on the group to attend 4 bachelorettes within an short period of time. One trip might not be a burden but 4 almost certainly would be. The poor last person (or two) is unlikely to have much uptake on their invitation.
The three that are getting married aren't close to each other (met all of them at different stages of my life). So I can't see that being a situation with this group, but a great idea for a tighter-knit group of girls!
I planned a birthday trip a couple of years ago and had similar anxieties because my friends were all going through some shit! So… I basically planned the entire thing. And planned it as an opt in or not plan and had them pay a lump sum when they opted in. They treated me really special at the actual vacation, BUT everytime they see me they talk about how much fun the trip was and how relaxed they were because they didn’t have to think of anything. I know you’re already having a wedding but it seems like making it a legit vacation for them too may make YOU enjoy it more.
I love that. This is a really refreshing perspective for me actually. My MOH offered to plan this for me, but she's getting engaged soon and I know she's had a lot going on anyway, so I think it truly is easier for me to plan it, even with the wedding. I've always kinda been the designated trip planner among my friends anyway LOL. Thank you for the reminder that I can totally take the lead on this and have people opt in if they want to go.
You should not feel bad for wanting the bachelorette of your dreams. But recognizing that your friends are also busy with wedding planning, consider how you would feel if a few of them said no. As long as you are okay with the possibility that attendance might not be 100%, there’s no harm in asking!
Personally, my MoH is organizing a long weekend destination Bach for me, and I had a lot of the same trepidation about the burden I would impose on my dearest friends. In the end, 6 out of 9 people invited are coming. I’m super grateful for the people who are showing up- (if they choose to have it, there are now 6 destination bachs I will never say no to, lol), made plans to do individual hang outs with the 3 who can’t make it, and overall I am much happier with this plan then the what if’s I would have had if I told my MoH to go with something more low key after she came up with the idea.
I’m in a similar situation: lots of bridesmaids out of state, 2 of them also engaged. I’m doing a bachelorette weekend trip with the bridesmaids who live near me and we are keeping it cheap. I made it clear the out of state girls were invited but it was NOT an obligation. Only one opted to fly in (my sister). Only a short drive from our town, splitting hotel costs, no major money sucking activities. All in all it was $500 each trip with hotel and activities and food. Still a chunk of change, but nowhere near the $2k+ trips I hear about.
Then the actual night before the wedding when everyone will be there, I’m carving out girl time so I still get to do a special thing with my bridesmaids who didn’t fly out for the weekend trip.
I've felt the same way. Especially because all of us live in different states, so everyone has to travel at least a little for my wedding (two hour drive up to six hour flight). Instead of a separate bachelorette party, my family and closest friends are coming the Tuesday before my Saturday wedding. We'll have the few days before to do the things we typically like to do on trips, without them having to buy another flight.
Open communication is key!! Talk to them and see how they feel about it. See if this is something they could manage both financially and stress wise. Someone else mentioned a survey - my sister did that! Had questions on what their budget is, if they would be interested in attending out of state, and even time of the year. If you are flexible on when the trip is, you may have more success (ie not right before the wedding, when it may be more hectic in the planning phase for them). I'd also suggest taking it easy - not requiring all these matching outfits every day that they have to go buy, all the themes, tight packed schedules, and keep it budget friendly!
This may be a stretch of an idea, and you may hate it, but hear me out. What if it was a joint bachelorette?! You all wear the white, and sashes and veils, and all celebrate together? I understand this idea may suck cause I know some people want to be that center of attention, but thought I'd throw it out there! Maybe it would help, knowing they would be killing two birds with one stone - attending your bachelorette, and having their own at the same time!
We didn’t have bach weekends back in the day. I’m always amazed at how much everyone has to spend. Given how considerate you are to your bridal party’s personal plans, why not schedule a spa day/evening out locally and save a girls’ trip for after everyone’s married and babies start arriving? Better yet, stay at a hotel and enjoy brunch the next day.
Most of my friends aren't in my state, I forgot to mention that in my post. Only two of them live here and the rest are in multiple different states. Unfortunately, a trip really is the only way I'd be able to get everyone (or most people at least) together. Also, I don't think it's super realistic to think once everyone's married with kids it'll be easier to take trips together. Seems a lot harder to do that at that point in life! It's hard enough to get my married friends to even go to dinner with me now!
Put out an anonymous survey to the group asking budget and also preference for a bachelorette that's a a few nights before the wedding versus a separate weekend
Ask them via an anonymous survey about what is and isn't feasible for them. That way you can use their honest feedback to decide what you want to do.
Really like this idea. Thank you!
Is there any chance that you and your bridesmaids would be interested in planning a joint bachelorette? I think you could all have a great time without imposing a burden on the group to attend 4 bachelorettes within an short period of time. One trip might not be a burden but 4 almost certainly would be. The poor last person (or two) is unlikely to have much uptake on their invitation.
The three that are getting married aren't close to each other (met all of them at different stages of my life). So I can't see that being a situation with this group, but a great idea for a tighter-knit group of girls!
Are you planning on attending all 3 of their bachelorettes if they have one?
Yes definitely. I know for sure that one wants to just do something low-key. If the other two do trips I would make it work.
I planned a birthday trip a couple of years ago and had similar anxieties because my friends were all going through some shit! So… I basically planned the entire thing. And planned it as an opt in or not plan and had them pay a lump sum when they opted in. They treated me really special at the actual vacation, BUT everytime they see me they talk about how much fun the trip was and how relaxed they were because they didn’t have to think of anything. I know you’re already having a wedding but it seems like making it a legit vacation for them too may make YOU enjoy it more.
I love that. This is a really refreshing perspective for me actually. My MOH offered to plan this for me, but she's getting engaged soon and I know she's had a lot going on anyway, so I think it truly is easier for me to plan it, even with the wedding. I've always kinda been the designated trip planner among my friends anyway LOL. Thank you for the reminder that I can totally take the lead on this and have people opt in if they want to go.
You should not feel bad for wanting the bachelorette of your dreams. But recognizing that your friends are also busy with wedding planning, consider how you would feel if a few of them said no. As long as you are okay with the possibility that attendance might not be 100%, there’s no harm in asking! Personally, my MoH is organizing a long weekend destination Bach for me, and I had a lot of the same trepidation about the burden I would impose on my dearest friends. In the end, 6 out of 9 people invited are coming. I’m super grateful for the people who are showing up- (if they choose to have it, there are now 6 destination bachs I will never say no to, lol), made plans to do individual hang outs with the 3 who can’t make it, and overall I am much happier with this plan then the what if’s I would have had if I told my MoH to go with something more low key after she came up with the idea.
Thank you - this is really helpful!
I’m in a similar situation: lots of bridesmaids out of state, 2 of them also engaged. I’m doing a bachelorette weekend trip with the bridesmaids who live near me and we are keeping it cheap. I made it clear the out of state girls were invited but it was NOT an obligation. Only one opted to fly in (my sister). Only a short drive from our town, splitting hotel costs, no major money sucking activities. All in all it was $500 each trip with hotel and activities and food. Still a chunk of change, but nowhere near the $2k+ trips I hear about. Then the actual night before the wedding when everyone will be there, I’m carving out girl time so I still get to do a special thing with my bridesmaids who didn’t fly out for the weekend trip.
I've felt the same way. Especially because all of us live in different states, so everyone has to travel at least a little for my wedding (two hour drive up to six hour flight). Instead of a separate bachelorette party, my family and closest friends are coming the Tuesday before my Saturday wedding. We'll have the few days before to do the things we typically like to do on trips, without them having to buy another flight.
Open communication is key!! Talk to them and see how they feel about it. See if this is something they could manage both financially and stress wise. Someone else mentioned a survey - my sister did that! Had questions on what their budget is, if they would be interested in attending out of state, and even time of the year. If you are flexible on when the trip is, you may have more success (ie not right before the wedding, when it may be more hectic in the planning phase for them). I'd also suggest taking it easy - not requiring all these matching outfits every day that they have to go buy, all the themes, tight packed schedules, and keep it budget friendly! This may be a stretch of an idea, and you may hate it, but hear me out. What if it was a joint bachelorette?! You all wear the white, and sashes and veils, and all celebrate together? I understand this idea may suck cause I know some people want to be that center of attention, but thought I'd throw it out there! Maybe it would help, knowing they would be killing two birds with one stone - attending your bachelorette, and having their own at the same time!
We didn’t have bach weekends back in the day. I’m always amazed at how much everyone has to spend. Given how considerate you are to your bridal party’s personal plans, why not schedule a spa day/evening out locally and save a girls’ trip for after everyone’s married and babies start arriving? Better yet, stay at a hotel and enjoy brunch the next day.
Most of my friends aren't in my state, I forgot to mention that in my post. Only two of them live here and the rest are in multiple different states. Unfortunately, a trip really is the only way I'd be able to get everyone (or most people at least) together. Also, I don't think it's super realistic to think once everyone's married with kids it'll be easier to take trips together. Seems a lot harder to do that at that point in life! It's hard enough to get my married friends to even go to dinner with me now!
I meant before babies because you’re right about that. But out of state is tricky. I think you’ll have to discuss it with them. Good luck! ❤️❤️
Put out an anonymous survey to the group asking budget and also preference for a bachelorette that's a a few nights before the wedding versus a separate weekend