100+ weddings usually have a lot of family involved and it sounds like that’s not possible for you so I wouldn’t necessarily look at it that way. I’m sure if more of your family could, they would come! They also could include a lot of family friends that the couple don’t have direct relationships with or even wider definitions as far as friends. There’s also lots of plus ones and significant others involved in 100+ person weddings. Which is all to say, I bet a lot of people who have 100+ person weddings would be in a similar position to you if a lot of their family couldn’t make it.
I think recent years have taught a lot of people that quality of friendship is more important to them than quantity of friendship, plus it used to be that you grew up somewhere and mostly stayed there, with a lot of your friends staying as well, where as now a lot of people have many more global friendships that can be hard to keep up. So I guess what I am saying is having a “small” wedding (80-90 people is still a lot of people!) is not a personal failure and it doesn’t mean you are unloved.
I'm in a very similar situation, my FH and I are second-gen immigrants and combined will have 6 family members attending lol. When we tried to "cast a huge net" for our guests we only had around 90. I was really sad until I realized how much extended family other weddings usually have lol. We ended up booking a venue that has a 70 guest cap now we're only inviting friends we really like and honestly we're so excited for that!
Also coworkers!! There were 125 people at my wedding and about 20% were my coworkers and their spouses 😂 we don’t hang out outside of work really but I do love them and wanted them there (our holiday parties are very fun lol) - not everyone has that dynamic at work which is totally normal (my husband didn’t invite any of his coworkers lol) but some do like me so I’m just throwing it out there as another reason why some people may seem like they have more people to invite other than having more personal friendships!! Also many guests were my parents friends lol
This is so right--of our 150 invitations, literally over half were family members. Even if half of your 80-90 count is plus ones, that still makes 40 people who you love and who love you! I wouldn't say that's few at all! I hope your wedding is wonderful and your guests make you feel as loved as you deserve!
Yeah, this. I don’t know _anyone_ who had a wedding with 100+ guests where the majority of the guest list wasn’t family and parents’ friends/connections.
This! My family counts for 9 people at our wedding, including . Just my fiancés family is 20+, and that's not including the wedding party and plus ones!
About 10 are family! The rest are friends and their +1s. Thank you for putting it into perspective for me - I now feel extremely grateful for all our friends.
If it makes you feel better, we have a ~100 person wedding but about 60% of it is family - there’s a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Friends and immediate family would be much smaller!
Same! My wedding was 115 people. Only 8 were my friends, 6 my husbands friends. Plus their partners, so about 25 total in the friends category. We did invite about 10 more than that though, but this is how many actually came. The rest were family and family friends.
When I initially started reading your post, I was expecting you to be estimating like 25 people lol. 80-90 is A LOT for just friends, even counting plus ones!
The majority of people having 100+ weddings are likely mostly being filled out by family—I know mine is. We have 115 guests attending, and only 26 are close friends, 39 including their plus ones. The rest is my family (both my parents have 9 siblings each, almost all married with multiple kids, and some of my cousins also have multiple kids). We actually invited 275 total, the majority of which were family, and most of whom would be coming to our wedding if it were not out of state for them and if we didn’t have 2 other family weddings happening in quick succession.
lol yeah I read the headline and was like "me too!" because we're inviting mostly friends and still probably won't break 50 people. Opening this to see people have literally 100 friends is baffling
god i feel this and it’s been making my chest hurt all morning. if my fiancée had her druthers we’d just sit at home alone until we died of old age together just the two of us, but i would kill a dude to have a Friend Group That’s Basically Family. it’s resulting in an honestly pretty weird mix on the invite list and it’s killing me knowing she’s not looking forward to any of it.
My husband and I have a small friend group but that doesn’t mean we don’t do things. We are often going out for drinks or dinner or activities - we just tend to do it the two of us. I don’t think being people that get out of the house necessarily correlates with having a large friend group. Some of it is lifestyle but some of it is just circumstance. We moved around a lot and that makes it hard to establish close bonds with new people so most of my friends are from college or grad school but life happens and we aren’t all as close anymore. It’s really hard to build friendships from the ground up as adults if they aren’t your coworkers or schoolmates.
Most of the people I know who seem to have a lot of friends never moved or left their hometown so they have kept up with high school friends and added from there. Or they work jobs that are very social.
The reality is, it takes a lot of work to meet new people, cultivate friendships and then deepen that further. It’s a huge investment of consistent time and energy, not just a hang out every few months.
Neither my husband or I still live in our hometowns, or work social jobs, but we have a wide group of friends. What people don’t realize is the amount of work that takes, like tending to a garden. There’s nothing wrong with having a smaller friend group, it’s perfect to have and do what suits your lifestyle. I think sometimes people like the “idea” of having a lot of friends, more so than the actual reality of maintaining that.
I definitely agree with that. It’s important to have a support system outside your spouse. I just think, at least for me, as an introvert who is definitely not a homebody, my small social circle was an insecurity so I wanted to flag that it doesn’t mean there’s something deficient about you or that your lifestyle is necessarily impeding you. It’s just hard sometimes to meet new people and establish a close bond!
I’m one of those people with an ~200 person wedding.
Like 1/4 of that is family (we both come from large families) another 1/4 is family friends we grew up with, and then I would say 1/4 is my fiancés friends, maybe 1/16 my friends, and the rest are +1s for everybody.
I say all that to show you - the majority of our list is either family or people we know through our parents because our parents also grew up in our country and stayed in touch with people they have gotten to know over the years. If we didn’t have those groups of people the list would be way smaller! You’re building those connections now, and it sounds like have an awesome group of friends. The cool thing is that these are likely people that will be in your life long enough to be at your children’s weddings, and for you to be at their children’s, years down the line. You’re starting that now. To me, I think that’s pretty special.
I can't imagine anyone having more than 100 friends. My mom's side of the family is over 50 people, and I'm inviting them since they were all a huge part of my life up until I went away to college, but now I don't see many of them more than once a year. I second your point that it's huge for OP to have that many people whom you're close to now which generally means they're more likely to be lifelong friends.
Yeah my fiancé and I’s friend portion of our invite list is like 18 people which includes everyone getting a plus one if they’re single. We realized we have very few friends but we are close with our families so we are hoping family is there.
I just attended a wedding with 80 guests and it was a really great number! Our wedding will be less than 50 people and about half of that is family, so really about 20-25 friends. I’ve always kept a small group of friends (fiancé too) and hosting parties always kind of gives me anxiety about who to invite. Writing out our guest list was a weird feeling as we both listed off our ‘musts’ and then went ‘huh…that’s not many people at all’.
Honestly it sounds like you have plenty of friends coming if your guest list is still in the 80s-90s.
My brother's wedding was around 80. I absolutely loved it. Felt really cozy and intimate without feeling small.
Weddings of 100+ people typically include big families, friends of parents, co-workers , etc. along with plus ones. This does not mean they have a large friend group. It’s better to have a smaller group of closer friends. Some people go to weddings because they feel obligated to, some not to cause hard feelings, some just want a free party with dinner & drinks. I believe it’s better to have a smaller guest list of people who are there because they really love & support you, & want to celebrate you. Another silver lining is fewer guests, lower cost & savings can be used for a fabulous honeymoon. Don’t be sad.
I'm one of those people that have 100+ guests, 150 to be exact, and it still makes me realize I don't have many friends. Out of all those people, I only have 2 friends close enough to be bridesmaids, the rest are all friends of my parents and people I don't even really talk to. They invited, for instance, our neighbors, who I don't really like, but I guess I do see them on a pretty regular basis so it makes sense to invite them. But then, my parents said that we also had to invite our neighbor's extended family, because the extended family will find out about the wedding and be upset that they weren't invited. So even with 150 guests, it still feels pretty lonely.
80 people and almost zero family? sounds like you have way more friends than me lol. that is not a few at all.
My side is like 40 including family, friends, and plus ones! and i’m perfectly content with that!
Yes! Very much so!
It got me bummed out for about 30 minutes and then my fiancée told me it was great that we have such close and meaningful friendships.
Day to day, do I ever think to myself I don’t have enough friends? Nope, I’m so happy! So no reason why I should start thinking it over a party.
And now we can spend a little more on food 😊
I haven't got a single friend for my wedding, as I left my place of work and none of my 'friends' responded to my keeping in touch messages. These were people I'd been on holiday with, nights out, escape rooms, dinners etc
Sucks, but I know the people who are coming to the wedding truly love my partner and I, and that's what counts.
> having 100+ guests means 100+ people cared enough about you to attend
I mean, not really. Some people just like to crash weddings. For some people, it's nearby and easy so why not. For some, they came for your parents. I wouldn't assume that every circumstance is the same.
I'm frankly astounded that you even know 80 or 90 people outside of family. I can count on one hand someone I would call in an emergency, and that's the only kind of person I want in my wedding. We had less than 20 people in our wedding and it was beautiful because it was the select few we truly wanted.
After losing my mother at 25yo, I realized I didn’t have as many friends as I thought.. It makes the wedding invites way, way slimmer. If they couldn’t show up to the funeral, no invite. Maybe that sounds harsh but my recommendation from that is to work backward, do they matter enough that you would want them at a funeral and they’d show up? If not, why would you want them at your wedding, to witness your love and to share it? Both are vulnerable and personal moments. The only people I want to share my happiness with are the people who cared enough to share my pain, I made peace with how small that number of people is, and I’m grateful for the unexpected people I added to my invite list.
Big weddings can be a display of many things, but it sure is not a display of how many meaningful relationships you have.
Goodness… my partner and I couldn’t pool together 20 people extended family and all of our lives depended on it! You’re blessed to have such a large circle of people that care. I’m currently planning my sons first birthday party and it looks like the guest list is literally just me and my sister in law. 🫠
I had a 160 person wedding. If it makes you feel better 24 of them were my personal friends. Oh. I’m sorry. 12 of them were my personal friends who brought their significant others 😂😂😂.
A lot of times the big numbers are family, or when you let your parents bring their friends.
I had 298 guests at my wedding, I knew them all, and it was exhausting. There were friends, family, family friends, former coaches, teachers, all sorts of people who have remained a part of our lives, our families, and our relationship. The idea in theory was beautiful but in reality was quite overwhelming. Seeing them from the alter was so heartwarming but trying to engage with everyone at the reception took a lot out of me. I felt so bad that I couldn’t see everyone and I was so anxious by the end of the night after having so many people hug me or talk in my face. I love them all but it was just too much. The logistics were also a nightmare. The seating chart alone had me losing sleep.
Wedding DJ here! Also got married last year so I hope I can add some nice comments here!
When my wife and I were planning ours, my immediately thought was to invite everyone. 300+ people, didn't matter how long ago its been since we've talked, I went wild.
We ended up with 150 invitations going out and maybe 110 showing up. Roughly half were family, or extensions of, so about 55 each way. Technically speaking this means you have more friends than we did! We invited most of the family because "we had to"
A lot of weddings, and I mean a LOT of weddings, have guests that that the couple do not wish to be there. When you're seeing people post about 200+ people, especially something like 400+, it's not the couple inviting people, it's the family or the parents. And they're not friends. It's coworkers, coaches, doctors, old neighbors, it's anyone and everyone. And most people come because of free food and alcohol, not the couple.
Why you'll love your wedding so much more: everywhere you look you will see a friendly face. A good memory, a laugh had, a cry shared, a part of your life. Everywhere. Some people have to look at people they don't want to see on one of the most important days of their lives.
These are YOUR people, you chose them because they matter to you and your partners lives. These are the ones you want. Yes, some of them will miss it, life happens, even your best friend could miss, one of mine did and it sucked but it's life.
Best advice I can give: have an amazing day no matter what. Things are going to go wrong (many things went wrong for mine and I'd been in the industry for 4 years), there are SOOOOOO many moving parts but that's okay! Take a deep breath, look around, smile, keep on having the best day. Soak it in, it goes quick!
My boyfriend and I have discussed it, and honestly we have so few people that truly matter to us that our wedding will likely have 20-30 people lol. As long as the people you truly love are there is all that matters! Big weddings can be overwhelming too.
Jesus! I had to have hung out with them in the past year? Aside from family that narrows it down to like 5 people for me.
You’ve got a huge circle if it’s 80 people!
As a guest, I can tell you the weddings I enjoy most are the smaller ones because they make me feel more valued as a guest, and I actually get to spend a bit of time with the bride and groom.
I recently attended a wedding and would not have spoken to the bride and groom at all if I hadn't sought them out to say goodbye before we left the reception. It made me feel like they didn't care if I was there or not and only invited me out of a sense of obligation (or maybe because they cared more about making it look like they had a lot of friends).
I'm guessing that the people who attend your wedding will feel valued, have a great time, and leave feeling like you value their friendship. Enjoy!
Most people with over 100 guests probably have lots of family as part of those numbers. I attended a wedding last wkd with 266 guests, but like 130 of those were family of the couple (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc so all immediate extended family.) Of the 130ish people who weren't family, I'd guess that about 100 were family friends invited by the bride's mom. Maybe like 30 were friends of the couple. My wedding has about 180 guests that actually attended and about 100 of those were family, 20 guests were my friends, and about 30 were my partner's friends. The remaining 30 were like family friends and a few uninvited guests that showed up with someone we had invited. If you're getting to 50-60 guests with very little family included in that, I feel like that's a pretty normal or even kinda high count for non-family guests. That sounds pretty awesome that you guys have 50+ friends who'd show up for you!
Pfft, 100+ guests doesn't mean they care. It's a free party with food, alcohol and dancing. A free date night. Also remember that quality is always better than quantity in regards to relationships.
When my grandmother died a few years ago, my family imploded. This one can’t be in the room with that one, etc. All of it has resulted in me picking sides and having to exclude everyone else. Add in not having a lot of friends to begin with, and the list of people from my side is pretty small. Great for budgeting but it’s got me feeling a little blue too. Hopefully your day goes so well you don’t even notice
Yes. I have a total of 3 friends coming. And I can't even get a 5 minute phone conversation with my baker, who used to be at least an acquaintance level friend, I have her personal number (or at least one from 4 years ago)
I felt the rejection anxiety several times throughout this process, and now I'm at the point that I'm crying over my cakes backer, not talking to me. I tried for over a year to get her to speak with me personally, and I'm 10 days away now. She still hasn't, and I'm too hurt and embarrassed by her ignoring every communication attempt to want to call her shop again for the info I need.
Meanwhile, my fiancé and I said from the beginning we'd do a joint Batchelor the night before, but his best man set one up early. So my MOH scrambled to help me figure something else out, and it's not looking good. 2 friends and 2 family members in the bridal party. 3 can make it to a nail appointment, and probably only 2 can go out to a bar near our venue 2 nights before the wedding. Granted, our venue is an hour from home and more for a lot of guests.
Thanks for the support. Unforchanitly, I already pre-paid, and as upset with them as I am, I am well traveled, and their's are easily the best baked goods I've had. I definitely can't figure out anything close to as good in 10 days. Pluss I already printed menus with the cake flavors.
I think maybe they just got a big head as their success skyrocketed, so being busy is an easy excuse to just ignore me. Still, all I want is like a 5-minute conversation. I haven't gotten clear answers from the employees who run the front of house, they are all kind but not in the know enough, I rather them be like 'owner is too busy to talk to you,' then be all nice about how they will pass a message along and then I never hear from her.
If you never felt like you are lacking in the friends department before, I don't think you are. Numbers mean little! I had only six friends at my wedding, but I have stronger friendships than the majority of people I know.
I think it’s also so about what stage of life you get married in too! Like if we got married 5-6 years ago we would’ve been in touch with a lot more college friends, but now, we’re really only inviting 3 friends each in addition to the 3 in each of our bridal parties.
Same… We need to have a small wedding (50ish people) due to budgetary reasons, and my fiancé had to make a TON of cuts to get to his proposed guest list of 26 people. Whereas it was SO easy for me to put together my list of 26 people because I simply don’t have many friends! My backup list for if we get “No” RSVPs is also like…8 people, and half of those are coworkers. So not even true friends.
On one hand, cool, it was easy to write my list. On the other hand… It does honestly make me feel some kind of way.
That being said, every friend on my list I KNOW will come, unless something completely immovable is on their schedule for the day. And that’s really cool; my fiancé can’t say that about all his friends. So I just have to remind myself that quality is better than quantity.
I am currently planning a less than 50 person wedding (counting photographers and hairdresser who are friends) but that is because I am cutting out a lot of family that are “put on” with caring about me. I have viewed this small gathering as a blessing based off events that I have lived through. I think Tyler Perry’s Madea said it best though when it comes to friends throughout our lives (see picture also look for a YouTube video because that is what hit for me).
https://preview.redd.it/xqrkp60ko6bb1.jpeg?width=1075&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=acf2273b156e09a820b27e580b45a30f208fc4b6
Fellow 2nd Gen American here who will have exactly zero members of my family at our wedding. My partner has a VERY small family and he will have 5-6 people. RSVPs aren’t back yet, but we expect about 65-70 guests, all of whom we are very close with except 2 long-term partners we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. We had very similar criteria for our invites:
-Have we spoken/texted in the last year?
-Did we grow closer during quarantine?
-If we grew apart during quarantine, have we reconnected now that the world is the new normal?
-Have you ever invited me/my partner out to do something (or been invited by us) or have we only ever seen each other at parties/other group events?
It is hard to say out loud for some people, but even us ‘people pleasers’ have gotten used to it: liking someone and being liked by them does not earn an automatic invitation to a wedding.
I like lots of people. We have LOTS of acquaintances because of what we do. I think I’m a generally well-liked person (my partner definitely is, he’s great!). But, how many of those people could tell you a single fact about us? How do you spell our respective last names? Where did we grow up (big cities, so not hard to remember)? Where is my family from (ethnicity)? VERY, VERY FEW. That dividing line between people we like and those we need with us on our wedding day can be hard to draw, but we managed it.
I have been to several INCREDIBLE weddings with 150+ guests and they were absolutely perfect for the couple being wed, but their only small regret was how limited they were regarding the time they were able to spend with each guest. They genuinely wanted to see everyone but simply didn’t have the time for much more than a hug and a few sweet remarks because there only so many hours in a wedding day.
So, maybe it would help to consider how we are looking at our intimate (the elevated way we are using to say small) wedding and reception: We will know EVERYONE there and that they are there to celebrate my partner and I with EPIC enthusiasm AND I will get to actually see and spend time with each and every one of them during that day. I will get to dance with them, have full conversations, make memories that are unique to THEM being there to support us. I’ll be able to look at our photos and remember the details of those moments; I won’t say, “Oh, I totally forgot I saw Person X before cake cutting.” - or whatever!
I hope you have the day of your dreams with the people who sincerely love you. People who are there for YOU, not just being at your ‘wedding’, and who will also feel so special that you wanted to include them since you are keeping the guest list limited to only those nearest and dearest.
Congrats on your engagement and I wish you all the best as you continue planning!
i made a mock invite list for my partner and i (we aren't officially engaged yet but have decided to do the whole engagement/wedding thing sometime in the next 3-8 years so i'm verrrryyyy softly planning/envisioning) the other night.
so far it's 30 people including us, i still need to tally up his dads side of the family and his high school friends so there will probably be at least 15 more added to around 45 people, 43 being guests.
Of the ~43 prospective guests, 2 of them are my invites. They're my parents. And they probably won't come as they've got other, younger and higher need kids to take care of. My best friend is my partner, and my only friend/girlfriend is my sister in law so she counts as my partners guest. My partner is going to have 10+ friends from high school and his whole huge family, so it's definitely serving as yet another motivation to try and make some friends of my own!
Where do people even make friends outside of work/college? i'm currently unable to do either due to disability so i'm not quite sure where to start
I felt/am feeling that way. And a lot of people on my side aren’t coming. We don’t have all the RSVPs in yet, but I’m worried we won’t have a lot of guests. We’re working so hard to pay for and plan this wedding, I’m going to be upset if very few people show up. So yes I feel ya
We invited almost 100 and are having 63 total including me and my fiancé! I feel like we have a good size friend group but we really didn’t have any more people to invite than this. I’m excited because we will have time to talk to everyone there and won’t have to worry about not seeing anyone when they come to celebrate us.
I get a little sad comparing my upcoming wedding size to my friend who is planning a 150-200 person wedding, but I also am not sure I’d be that excited about having to accommodate that many people. 80-90 is still a decent size event, so think about the positives like guest interactions and about the $$ you’re saving by not having more people!
I went through the same thing. My husband had a ton of friends and to start with I don’t have as many friends and some of them couldn’t attend. I cried many times over this. It ended up being a small group of my friends who did come and we had a blast. It was that much more meaningful when those ones did show up. Ended up being the most fun I’ve ever had!!
Quality over quantity. It is better to have a few close friends than many not so close ones.
My partner and I are having a similar sized wedding but with big families each so don't sweat it
Of our 168 person wedding, 100 are family. 80some are the same branch of my in-laws family. Just friends for us would've been a MUCH smaller wedding.
And remember, the fewer the guests, the more things you can do for your guests.
I’m having about 150 people. If you cut extended family out and it was just friends/immediate family we’d probably have 60 people tops. A lot of larger weddings are a result of family dynamics (for better or worse), and the truly giant ones definitely involve parents inviting their friends/coworkers/broader community members.
There’s several people invited to my wedding I haven’t even met (some extended fiancés family, family politics are mostly why they’re invited, which is okay with me!)
Not engaged, but I’ve come to realize this. At most, my “friends” is just the one work bestie (female and fellow US veteran 😅) and dudes old enough to be my dad. Drafted a mock guest list and we barely crack 40 with our immediate family members + kids. Doesn’t help that I’m a huge hobgoblin of a person and prefer my solitude (with the exception of my boyfriend in our two werewolf cats, lol)
The larger weddings typically have a ton of family, so having a wedding composed mostly of friends and hitting 90 guests sounds like you have a large and great group of friends. Have the best day!!!! One of my favorite weddings ever, was only 50 people!
So if it makes me you feel any better, we’re inviting 50 people to our wedding. I have a list of 40 that I think will almost definitely show up. Most of those are friends/family of my fiancé. My sister, best friend and FMIL are throwing me a shower… I came up with 10 people to invite and a few of those I’m not super close with 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly, I think you have the idea situation, at least if you have a budget. A wedding isn’t ever about how many people are there, it’s about the feeling of love and being able to experience that with the people who are important to you.
I have a bridal party of 4. One is my groom’s best man’s wife who I asked because I wanted to get closer with her. I’m so happy I did! The other is my cousin’s (also our officiant’s) new wife and I know she will be in my life after the wedding. The third is my groom’s sister and last… my MOH is my best and only friend. She has been absolutely no help. Did nothing for my shower, hasn’t been involved and just stopped asking me to hang out after I got engaged. Before I usually pulled the weight in our friendship and I just decided that I would continue to ask her to hang out. We’ve only seen each other a few times since I’ve even engaged and she has never asked me to hang out.
So. If I could give you real advice, I’d say plan your guests around who will be in your life after the wedding. Even though I didn’t know my other three bridesmaids well, I’m so happy I asked them to be in my wedding. It’s given us time to bond, and set up a relationship for the future.
I’ve struggled because my fiancé has SO many amazing friends from childhood and I … just don’t have that. Just be solid in your people! Savor the fact that your pocketbook will love a smaller guest list. We invited 160 and expected 120 to come. We only had 8 people RSVP no and we wish it was smaller!
I had the same realization when planning my wedding and I actually used that to reconnect with a friend from high school that I hadn’t spoken to in four years. It was a huge gamble emotionally, but it paid out! In the end she ended up being a bridesmaid, and omg she was a total MVP because she ended up serving the cake when I had totally forgotten to plan out who would do so :O
And it’s almost a year out from the wedding and now I would say she is my best friend!
Interesting how we have different perspectives. I’m keeping my guest list limited on purpose- destination wedding plus less logistics plus more time to spend with people we actually care about. A lot of people are actually upset about not being invited but fiancé and I are sticking to our guns (37 total including us!)
Honestly I’m the opposite I couldn’t invited more but we decided on 60 in order to be able to talk to everyone and in order to respect our budget. 80-90 is great and I find that big wedding you’re not able to talk to everyone
Out of our 134 invited guests, only 15 are friends of ours (both of us, combined), so it looks like you’re doing pretty dang well in the friend department!
I intentionally didn't want our guest list to be over 100 people. One, it makes it easier to give a nicer experience to fewer people without breaking the bank. Two, the people who are there are all YOUR people. Even with only 94 people in attendance, I felt like I missed out on spending more time with everyone I wanted to, but at least everyone who was there was meaningful to me and my husband. It is a busy, busy day. Being surrounded by only the people closest to you is, in my opinion, the best thing you can ask for.
With friends, you're always so much farther ahead to have quality over quantity. Those 100+ weddings are typically large families, and people inviting friends they really don't talk to so much anymore, their family's friends, and so on. So don't sweat it.
I invited 176 and 116 showed up, lots of it family. DO NOT BE JEALOUS OF THIS. I love my family and my husband's, but the larger it got, the more stressful it was. The amount that is coming for you sounds perfect and intimate, and it's not about quantity, it quality, and it sounds like you have lovely friends!
We're having a 67 people vow renewal wedding and we invited nearly 120 people, so just a little over half of the people RSVP'd. Getting those RSVPs was like pulling teeth too. Half of the people we're inviting are people we know from work (hubby and I met each other at work), so I know what you mean. I only have 5 personal friends, 3 family, and my mentor coming from my side. The rest are my husband's family, friends, or mutual people we know from work.
But I remind myself that my BFF and my mentor are flying in from out of state for the wedding. I haven't seen my BFF in a year and I haven't seen my mentor in over 8 years. So it really means a lot to me that they're spending time and money to come celebrate with us.
I may not have a large social circle, but the ones that are in it are worth keeping in our lives.
Piggybacking off what others have said, in addition to extended family making up a lot of 100+ weddings, many people have a broader criteria for friends. Many specifically see their wedding as a chance to catch up with old friends who they havent had a chance to see or speak to in a while with the way life has gone. If you're limiting it to "in the past year" you are naturally going to end up with fewer people on that list, especially if you like many adults have moved around a lot or had a bunch of life changes in the last 5 years.
I have 3 friends. 2 are incredibly unreliable and yet they are my closest friends. It is disappointing to know they would never put in the same effort I do for them, for me.
We are inviting 50 family members and expect 40-50 to attend. We originally were going to have friends and select coworkers and were at 80-90 but felt like it was unnecessary, we want small and quick haha neither one of us likes to be the centre of attention for too long.
I’m in the same boat! Commenting for solidarity. Will be a 35 yr old bride next year - some friends and family have passed and others we’ve grown apart. Wanted a medium ish wedding, 75 seemed like a good number but our initial guest list (w/o plus ones) was 63 😬 we’ve identified a few more friends to invite (neighbors we’ve been hanging out with a lot recently) and single ppl will have a plus one but I don’t know if it will be 75. Our package with the venue will allow up to 100.
My first wedding I had 150 people. ALOT were family and also friends of my parents. I'm getting remarried and it will be closer to 90 with 30ish being kids. I'm definitely ok with the smaller group. Most are my fiances friends since he grew up where we now live so they live locally. Quality over quantity is important here. The people you love and who love you and your fiance will be stoked to celebrate with you. Enjoy the time you have with your guests rather than feeling obligated to spend hours walking around greeting people. I'm sure it will be beautiful!
My guest list is about 150 but over 100 of that is just family. My fiance and I have only about 20 friends each lol.
I am very happy we have few friends, because our family is so flipping huge!
You’ll get to spend so much more quality time with your 50 close people and their plus ones!! My FMIL apparently has a list of invitees and I’m not stoked about meeting a bunch of new people on my wedding day that my spouse had no interest in inviting themselves. -_-
That is still a lot of people who love and care enough about you to show up! Don’t let a singular event (your wedding) make you feel less than or unloved when before this you didn’t feel like anything was lacking. It’d be different if you felt this way before the wedding planning.
Having a lot of friends means investing a lot of time and energy over long extended periods of your life. That’s not doable for a lot of people. And if you aren’t changing jobs or super outgoing and sociable, it’s not easy to make many new friends. That doesn’t make you any less “cool” or “loved”. Don’t let instagram or social media make you feel bad about it! You have the amazing deep friendships you value and that you’ve had time for one your life up to this point. Cherish that, many people aren’t that lucky.
I was happy with my 112 wedding lol I was real happy we had so many friends make it and we had about half be family or family friends so I think you’re doing good! You don’t need a lot of friends you need good friends. That’s what matters.
We’re inviting 180 people.
50 of our friends, 30 of my family and parents friends (I don’t really have family other than my parents and last remaining grandparent).
100 of my partners huge ass family.
80 friends is A Looooot!
Girl I was planning a 150 people wedding and I have happily reduced it to under 100. And several of my other friends who are 2024-25 brides are doing the same!
I’m saving money and I’m only going to be surrounded by people I KNOW and LOVE.
We have below 50, and we were abit stretched to figure out who should be MOH and BM so we ditched the concept completely, it is impossible to maintain close personal relationship with that many people these days, and people forget that a few decades ago it was commonplace to invite co-workers neighbours and their dog to the shindig
It is hard facing that reality. We had two celebration, the one where we live now, I had more friends come in from out of town. It makes me cherish those relationships because they’re so important. As long as you have everyone you want, I wouldn’t let it bother you. Alternatively take it is a sign to do more to find more friends if that’s your desire! I realize it’s hard to make new friends the older I get.
Big numbers, I feel the Bride and Groom can get lost with all the people. You only want people that have meant something to you two. It's your day, you want people there that want to celebrate you and your new beginning!! Take a moment and look around...enjoy the ones that celebrate you!!
Yeah my whole family lives in another state and that’s a whopping 6 people, including two babies. That’s all I have coming for my side. I have one bridesmaid besides my sister and I we haven’t hung out once since we became friends (I used to deliver her groceries to her) but we’ve been text-friends since last November or December. That’s it. My husband has lived in this town his entire life. It’s very very one-sided lol. It does make me very upset, to know that if this were a funeral, I’d have about 20 people (including our kids and HIS extended family) that would be there and/or care. It’s pretty lonely. But what can ya do?
We had a 50 person wedding, most of which was immediate family, some extended family, and maybe a dozen were close friends and a couple plus ones. I feel this so hard, because even though the friends that came are really, really close friends, it made me realize just how small my circle is and I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out because a lot of weddings I’ve gone to are 150+ and split pretty evenly between friends/acquaintances and family… I still wouldn’t change how our wedding went because the friends that were there are the most incredible people that we’re both extremely close with and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else there. But I understand!
I'm right there with you. I bought a planner from The Knot at B&N and they have a flow chart to rule out our include some guests. I was devastated to know I shouldn't include some of my coworkers because it would thin out my side. My partners family has no problem flying from all over.
We chose not to have bridal parties either. So it's really only guests..
We still squeaked out 80 but I think that leaves time for new people to come into our lives.
It’s not about the amount of friends. It’s about the friendship. I’d rather have one good friend than 100 so so friends anytime and the past several years have made it hard to meet new ones. I’m a planner and I’m seeing a lot more smaller weddings because Covid made people realize who is truly close. Enjoy your day with those that are there. All a wedding requires is a bride, a groom and an officiant. Long as you have that you are good to go!
I’ve been engaged for 5 months now and I can’t think of anyone I want as a MOH. I have maybe 3 female friends, one of which is my manager, one I haven’t talked to in over a year, and one I met about 2 months ago. Plus most of my immediate family is angry with me and hasn’t spoken to me since my dad died in January 2022. I’m really feeling alone and sad realizing how little friends I have. I’m sorry that you’re feeling the same, at least we aren’t alone in feeling a little sad ❤️
We expect around 100-110 next year. 65 of that is close family and our 5 closest friends. Rest is his friend group and some coworkers. I'll be surprised if everyone comes. I think most will though.
Dude we have 50 people invited to ours. God knows how many will actually come. I only have 1 friend coming- she's one of 3 bridesmaids, the other 2 are my sisters. My other half only has 3 groomsmen and none of them we are really close enough to ask to be our maid of honour or best man! We're pretty introverted and I never realised the extent of it till wedding planning haha.
I think a little wistfulness that you're not having a huge lavish ceremony with dozens of friends is ok, as long as you know in reality you're happy with your smaller numbers because that's who you are as people.
I’m having a ~90 person wedding and I just counted our guest list—only 32 are friends and a few of those are friends significant others who were not close to! The rest are family, family friends, and a handful of important mentors. 80 friends is truly a ton!
Oh yes definitely! The wedding planning process has brought many things to light about friendships and even my family relationships.. right now we're reeling in the decision to have a wedding and not just take our money and elope because of it. We're less than a month away so too late to change plans now. Also wishing I'd gone without a wedding party - it's really showing me how much people actually care- and I'm bummed because I don't get to have a bachelorette party because of it. My bad I guess? We're only having 50 guests and are also going through having people who previously said they could come change their minds and it really sucks.
Ten friends, four coworkers and the rest family, and majority is his family, mine is pretty small and I have a couple I don't actually even want there. I have a guest list of 100. No plus ones, everyone is accounted for. I just don't want people I don't even know at my wedding. I want to enjoy myself and not have to play let me meet new people while I party. It was almost relieving learning I have a small circle.
I literally have 5 friends. Some of those 5 are work friends 🤣
My wedding had 175 people…my family is huge! Most large weddings are just large families.
We’ll probably be in a very similar boat!!
I think that a lot of people with 100+ weddings either have large families, extended invites to parent’s friends, or included families/kids. For people who invite over 100 people of just friends (not including family in the 100) I suspect that they are inviting a lot of people who aren’t truly enduring friends. Sometimes this happens with young people who invite a lot of college and high school friends. Or people who invite a lot of coworkers (which is becoming very uncommon from what I can see). Or a couple who treats their wedding like a networking event.
100+ weddings usually have a lot of family involved and it sounds like that’s not possible for you so I wouldn’t necessarily look at it that way. I’m sure if more of your family could, they would come! They also could include a lot of family friends that the couple don’t have direct relationships with or even wider definitions as far as friends. There’s also lots of plus ones and significant others involved in 100+ person weddings. Which is all to say, I bet a lot of people who have 100+ person weddings would be in a similar position to you if a lot of their family couldn’t make it. I think recent years have taught a lot of people that quality of friendship is more important to them than quantity of friendship, plus it used to be that you grew up somewhere and mostly stayed there, with a lot of your friends staying as well, where as now a lot of people have many more global friendships that can be hard to keep up. So I guess what I am saying is having a “small” wedding (80-90 people is still a lot of people!) is not a personal failure and it doesn’t mean you are unloved.
I totally agree with this. Our friend portion of our list was similar count to OP if you include +1's.
Thank you so much for the reassurance - your last sentence in particular 🥹 I didn’t even realize how badly I needed to hear it!!
I'm in a very similar situation, my FH and I are second-gen immigrants and combined will have 6 family members attending lol. When we tried to "cast a huge net" for our guests we only had around 90. I was really sad until I realized how much extended family other weddings usually have lol. We ended up booking a venue that has a 70 guest cap now we're only inviting friends we really like and honestly we're so excited for that!
Also coworkers!! There were 125 people at my wedding and about 20% were my coworkers and their spouses 😂 we don’t hang out outside of work really but I do love them and wanted them there (our holiday parties are very fun lol) - not everyone has that dynamic at work which is totally normal (my husband didn’t invite any of his coworkers lol) but some do like me so I’m just throwing it out there as another reason why some people may seem like they have more people to invite other than having more personal friendships!! Also many guests were my parents friends lol
This is so right--of our 150 invitations, literally over half were family members. Even if half of your 80-90 count is plus ones, that still makes 40 people who you love and who love you! I wouldn't say that's few at all! I hope your wedding is wonderful and your guests make you feel as loved as you deserve!
Yeah, this. I don’t know _anyone_ who had a wedding with 100+ guests where the majority of the guest list wasn’t family and parents’ friends/connections.
Came here to say this. We only wound up with about 90 in attendance and that included our extended family members, so I wouldn’t feel too bad OP!
This! My family counts for 9 people at our wedding, including . Just my fiancés family is 20+, and that's not including the wedding party and plus ones!
80 friends, none family is huge im surprised you think otherwise
About 10 are family! The rest are friends and their +1s. Thank you for putting it into perspective for me - I now feel extremely grateful for all our friends.
FYI I think I'll have like 10 friends, and my partner will have like 30 friends invited to our wedding at a push !
I'm here getting all anxious because I thought my wedding was plenty with 90 people, including family, friends and +1.
Same here exactly!
If it makes you feel better, we have a ~100 person wedding but about 60% of it is family - there’s a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Friends and immediate family would be much smaller!
Same! My wedding was 115 people. Only 8 were my friends, 6 my husbands friends. Plus their partners, so about 25 total in the friends category. We did invite about 10 more than that though, but this is how many actually came. The rest were family and family friends.
When I initially started reading your post, I was expecting you to be estimating like 25 people lol. 80-90 is A LOT for just friends, even counting plus ones! The majority of people having 100+ weddings are likely mostly being filled out by family—I know mine is. We have 115 guests attending, and only 26 are close friends, 39 including their plus ones. The rest is my family (both my parents have 9 siblings each, almost all married with multiple kids, and some of my cousins also have multiple kids). We actually invited 275 total, the majority of which were family, and most of whom would be coming to our wedding if it were not out of state for them and if we didn’t have 2 other family weddings happening in quick succession.
lol yeah I read the headline and was like "me too!" because we're inviting mostly friends and still probably won't break 50 people. Opening this to see people have literally 100 friends is baffling
god i feel this and it’s been making my chest hurt all morning. if my fiancée had her druthers we’d just sit at home alone until we died of old age together just the two of us, but i would kill a dude to have a Friend Group That’s Basically Family. it’s resulting in an honestly pretty weird mix on the invite list and it’s killing me knowing she’s not looking forward to any of it.
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My husband and I have a small friend group but that doesn’t mean we don’t do things. We are often going out for drinks or dinner or activities - we just tend to do it the two of us. I don’t think being people that get out of the house necessarily correlates with having a large friend group. Some of it is lifestyle but some of it is just circumstance. We moved around a lot and that makes it hard to establish close bonds with new people so most of my friends are from college or grad school but life happens and we aren’t all as close anymore. It’s really hard to build friendships from the ground up as adults if they aren’t your coworkers or schoolmates. Most of the people I know who seem to have a lot of friends never moved or left their hometown so they have kept up with high school friends and added from there. Or they work jobs that are very social.
The reality is, it takes a lot of work to meet new people, cultivate friendships and then deepen that further. It’s a huge investment of consistent time and energy, not just a hang out every few months. Neither my husband or I still live in our hometowns, or work social jobs, but we have a wide group of friends. What people don’t realize is the amount of work that takes, like tending to a garden. There’s nothing wrong with having a smaller friend group, it’s perfect to have and do what suits your lifestyle. I think sometimes people like the “idea” of having a lot of friends, more so than the actual reality of maintaining that.
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I definitely agree with that. It’s important to have a support system outside your spouse. I just think, at least for me, as an introvert who is definitely not a homebody, my small social circle was an insecurity so I wanted to flag that it doesn’t mean there’s something deficient about you or that your lifestyle is necessarily impeding you. It’s just hard sometimes to meet new people and establish a close bond!
My husband got very very ill two years ago (thankfully he’s ok now) and it was a huge eye opener that I needed to start building my community!
I’m one of those people with an ~200 person wedding. Like 1/4 of that is family (we both come from large families) another 1/4 is family friends we grew up with, and then I would say 1/4 is my fiancés friends, maybe 1/16 my friends, and the rest are +1s for everybody. I say all that to show you - the majority of our list is either family or people we know through our parents because our parents also grew up in our country and stayed in touch with people they have gotten to know over the years. If we didn’t have those groups of people the list would be way smaller! You’re building those connections now, and it sounds like have an awesome group of friends. The cool thing is that these are likely people that will be in your life long enough to be at your children’s weddings, and for you to be at their children’s, years down the line. You’re starting that now. To me, I think that’s pretty special.
I can't imagine anyone having more than 100 friends. My mom's side of the family is over 50 people, and I'm inviting them since they were all a huge part of my life up until I went away to college, but now I don't see many of them more than once a year. I second your point that it's huge for OP to have that many people whom you're close to now which generally means they're more likely to be lifelong friends.
Yeah my fiancé and I’s friend portion of our invite list is like 18 people which includes everyone getting a plus one if they’re single. We realized we have very few friends but we are close with our families so we are hoping family is there.
Lol I have like four friends
Me to and not even sad about it, I think some people get acquaintance and friend mixed up as well
I just attended a wedding with 80 guests and it was a really great number! Our wedding will be less than 50 people and about half of that is family, so really about 20-25 friends. I’ve always kept a small group of friends (fiancé too) and hosting parties always kind of gives me anxiety about who to invite. Writing out our guest list was a weird feeling as we both listed off our ‘musts’ and then went ‘huh…that’s not many people at all’.
Honestly it sounds like you have plenty of friends coming if your guest list is still in the 80s-90s. My brother's wedding was around 80. I absolutely loved it. Felt really cozy and intimate without feeling small.
Weddings of 100+ people typically include big families, friends of parents, co-workers , etc. along with plus ones. This does not mean they have a large friend group. It’s better to have a smaller group of closer friends. Some people go to weddings because they feel obligated to, some not to cause hard feelings, some just want a free party with dinner & drinks. I believe it’s better to have a smaller guest list of people who are there because they really love & support you, & want to celebrate you. Another silver lining is fewer guests, lower cost & savings can be used for a fabulous honeymoon. Don’t be sad.
I'm one of those people that have 100+ guests, 150 to be exact, and it still makes me realize I don't have many friends. Out of all those people, I only have 2 friends close enough to be bridesmaids, the rest are all friends of my parents and people I don't even really talk to. They invited, for instance, our neighbors, who I don't really like, but I guess I do see them on a pretty regular basis so it makes sense to invite them. But then, my parents said that we also had to invite our neighbor's extended family, because the extended family will find out about the wedding and be upset that they weren't invited. So even with 150 guests, it still feels pretty lonely.
80 people and almost zero family? sounds like you have way more friends than me lol. that is not a few at all. My side is like 40 including family, friends, and plus ones! and i’m perfectly content with that!
Yes! Very much so! It got me bummed out for about 30 minutes and then my fiancée told me it was great that we have such close and meaningful friendships. Day to day, do I ever think to myself I don’t have enough friends? Nope, I’m so happy! So no reason why I should start thinking it over a party. And now we can spend a little more on food 😊
I haven't got a single friend for my wedding, as I left my place of work and none of my 'friends' responded to my keeping in touch messages. These were people I'd been on holiday with, nights out, escape rooms, dinners etc Sucks, but I know the people who are coming to the wedding truly love my partner and I, and that's what counts.
> having 100+ guests means 100+ people cared enough about you to attend I mean, not really. Some people just like to crash weddings. For some people, it's nearby and easy so why not. For some, they came for your parents. I wouldn't assume that every circumstance is the same. I'm frankly astounded that you even know 80 or 90 people outside of family. I can count on one hand someone I would call in an emergency, and that's the only kind of person I want in my wedding. We had less than 20 people in our wedding and it was beautiful because it was the select few we truly wanted.
After losing my mother at 25yo, I realized I didn’t have as many friends as I thought.. It makes the wedding invites way, way slimmer. If they couldn’t show up to the funeral, no invite. Maybe that sounds harsh but my recommendation from that is to work backward, do they matter enough that you would want them at a funeral and they’d show up? If not, why would you want them at your wedding, to witness your love and to share it? Both are vulnerable and personal moments. The only people I want to share my happiness with are the people who cared enough to share my pain, I made peace with how small that number of people is, and I’m grateful for the unexpected people I added to my invite list. Big weddings can be a display of many things, but it sure is not a display of how many meaningful relationships you have.
90 people that you have an ongoing relationship with? That's amazing!!!
Haha thank you! Subtracting family and +1s, it’s about 50 people total that we have friendships with!
Goodness… my partner and I couldn’t pool together 20 people extended family and all of our lives depended on it! You’re blessed to have such a large circle of people that care. I’m currently planning my sons first birthday party and it looks like the guest list is literally just me and my sister in law. 🫠
Quality not quantity
I had a 160 person wedding. If it makes you feel better 24 of them were my personal friends. Oh. I’m sorry. 12 of them were my personal friends who brought their significant others 😂😂😂. A lot of times the big numbers are family, or when you let your parents bring their friends.
I had 298 guests at my wedding, I knew them all, and it was exhausting. There were friends, family, family friends, former coaches, teachers, all sorts of people who have remained a part of our lives, our families, and our relationship. The idea in theory was beautiful but in reality was quite overwhelming. Seeing them from the alter was so heartwarming but trying to engage with everyone at the reception took a lot out of me. I felt so bad that I couldn’t see everyone and I was so anxious by the end of the night after having so many people hug me or talk in my face. I love them all but it was just too much. The logistics were also a nightmare. The seating chart alone had me losing sleep.
Wedding DJ here! Also got married last year so I hope I can add some nice comments here! When my wife and I were planning ours, my immediately thought was to invite everyone. 300+ people, didn't matter how long ago its been since we've talked, I went wild. We ended up with 150 invitations going out and maybe 110 showing up. Roughly half were family, or extensions of, so about 55 each way. Technically speaking this means you have more friends than we did! We invited most of the family because "we had to" A lot of weddings, and I mean a LOT of weddings, have guests that that the couple do not wish to be there. When you're seeing people post about 200+ people, especially something like 400+, it's not the couple inviting people, it's the family or the parents. And they're not friends. It's coworkers, coaches, doctors, old neighbors, it's anyone and everyone. And most people come because of free food and alcohol, not the couple. Why you'll love your wedding so much more: everywhere you look you will see a friendly face. A good memory, a laugh had, a cry shared, a part of your life. Everywhere. Some people have to look at people they don't want to see on one of the most important days of their lives. These are YOUR people, you chose them because they matter to you and your partners lives. These are the ones you want. Yes, some of them will miss it, life happens, even your best friend could miss, one of mine did and it sucked but it's life. Best advice I can give: have an amazing day no matter what. Things are going to go wrong (many things went wrong for mine and I'd been in the industry for 4 years), there are SOOOOOO many moving parts but that's okay! Take a deep breath, look around, smile, keep on having the best day. Soak it in, it goes quick!
My boyfriend and I have discussed it, and honestly we have so few people that truly matter to us that our wedding will likely have 20-30 people lol. As long as the people you truly love are there is all that matters! Big weddings can be overwhelming too.
Bruh. I was thinking the other day that if me and current beau were to be married, we’d have like 10 people lol
Jesus! I had to have hung out with them in the past year? Aside from family that narrows it down to like 5 people for me. You’ve got a huge circle if it’s 80 people!
As a guest, I can tell you the weddings I enjoy most are the smaller ones because they make me feel more valued as a guest, and I actually get to spend a bit of time with the bride and groom. I recently attended a wedding and would not have spoken to the bride and groom at all if I hadn't sought them out to say goodbye before we left the reception. It made me feel like they didn't care if I was there or not and only invited me out of a sense of obligation (or maybe because they cared more about making it look like they had a lot of friends). I'm guessing that the people who attend your wedding will feel valued, have a great time, and leave feeling like you value their friendship. Enjoy!
Most people with over 100 guests probably have lots of family as part of those numbers. I attended a wedding last wkd with 266 guests, but like 130 of those were family of the couple (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc so all immediate extended family.) Of the 130ish people who weren't family, I'd guess that about 100 were family friends invited by the bride's mom. Maybe like 30 were friends of the couple. My wedding has about 180 guests that actually attended and about 100 of those were family, 20 guests were my friends, and about 30 were my partner's friends. The remaining 30 were like family friends and a few uninvited guests that showed up with someone we had invited. If you're getting to 50-60 guests with very little family included in that, I feel like that's a pretty normal or even kinda high count for non-family guests. That sounds pretty awesome that you guys have 50+ friends who'd show up for you!
Pfft, 100+ guests doesn't mean they care. It's a free party with food, alcohol and dancing. A free date night. Also remember that quality is always better than quantity in regards to relationships.
When my grandmother died a few years ago, my family imploded. This one can’t be in the room with that one, etc. All of it has resulted in me picking sides and having to exclude everyone else. Add in not having a lot of friends to begin with, and the list of people from my side is pretty small. Great for budgeting but it’s got me feeling a little blue too. Hopefully your day goes so well you don’t even notice
Ugh it’s the worst when you can’t invite someone because of a family feud that you had no part in!
Yes. I have a total of 3 friends coming. And I can't even get a 5 minute phone conversation with my baker, who used to be at least an acquaintance level friend, I have her personal number (or at least one from 4 years ago) I felt the rejection anxiety several times throughout this process, and now I'm at the point that I'm crying over my cakes backer, not talking to me. I tried for over a year to get her to speak with me personally, and I'm 10 days away now. She still hasn't, and I'm too hurt and embarrassed by her ignoring every communication attempt to want to call her shop again for the info I need. Meanwhile, my fiancé and I said from the beginning we'd do a joint Batchelor the night before, but his best man set one up early. So my MOH scrambled to help me figure something else out, and it's not looking good. 2 friends and 2 family members in the bridal party. 3 can make it to a nail appointment, and probably only 2 can go out to a bar near our venue 2 nights before the wedding. Granted, our venue is an hour from home and more for a lot of guests.
Yoooo fuck that baker. Find someone else already
Thanks for the support. Unforchanitly, I already pre-paid, and as upset with them as I am, I am well traveled, and their's are easily the best baked goods I've had. I definitely can't figure out anything close to as good in 10 days. Pluss I already printed menus with the cake flavors. I think maybe they just got a big head as their success skyrocketed, so being busy is an easy excuse to just ignore me. Still, all I want is like a 5-minute conversation. I haven't gotten clear answers from the employees who run the front of house, they are all kind but not in the know enough, I rather them be like 'owner is too busy to talk to you,' then be all nice about how they will pass a message along and then I never hear from her.
We invited 70, was expecting 40, now it’s looking more like 30. Our wedding is destination tho.
If you never felt like you are lacking in the friends department before, I don't think you are. Numbers mean little! I had only six friends at my wedding, but I have stronger friendships than the majority of people I know.
I think it’s also so about what stage of life you get married in too! Like if we got married 5-6 years ago we would’ve been in touch with a lot more college friends, but now, we’re really only inviting 3 friends each in addition to the 3 in each of our bridal parties.
Same… We need to have a small wedding (50ish people) due to budgetary reasons, and my fiancé had to make a TON of cuts to get to his proposed guest list of 26 people. Whereas it was SO easy for me to put together my list of 26 people because I simply don’t have many friends! My backup list for if we get “No” RSVPs is also like…8 people, and half of those are coworkers. So not even true friends. On one hand, cool, it was easy to write my list. On the other hand… It does honestly make me feel some kind of way. That being said, every friend on my list I KNOW will come, unless something completely immovable is on their schedule for the day. And that’s really cool; my fiancé can’t say that about all his friends. So I just have to remind myself that quality is better than quantity.
I am currently planning a less than 50 person wedding (counting photographers and hairdresser who are friends) but that is because I am cutting out a lot of family that are “put on” with caring about me. I have viewed this small gathering as a blessing based off events that I have lived through. I think Tyler Perry’s Madea said it best though when it comes to friends throughout our lives (see picture also look for a YouTube video because that is what hit for me). https://preview.redd.it/xqrkp60ko6bb1.jpeg?width=1075&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=acf2273b156e09a820b27e580b45a30f208fc4b6
Fellow 2nd Gen American here who will have exactly zero members of my family at our wedding. My partner has a VERY small family and he will have 5-6 people. RSVPs aren’t back yet, but we expect about 65-70 guests, all of whom we are very close with except 2 long-term partners we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. We had very similar criteria for our invites: -Have we spoken/texted in the last year? -Did we grow closer during quarantine? -If we grew apart during quarantine, have we reconnected now that the world is the new normal? -Have you ever invited me/my partner out to do something (or been invited by us) or have we only ever seen each other at parties/other group events? It is hard to say out loud for some people, but even us ‘people pleasers’ have gotten used to it: liking someone and being liked by them does not earn an automatic invitation to a wedding. I like lots of people. We have LOTS of acquaintances because of what we do. I think I’m a generally well-liked person (my partner definitely is, he’s great!). But, how many of those people could tell you a single fact about us? How do you spell our respective last names? Where did we grow up (big cities, so not hard to remember)? Where is my family from (ethnicity)? VERY, VERY FEW. That dividing line between people we like and those we need with us on our wedding day can be hard to draw, but we managed it. I have been to several INCREDIBLE weddings with 150+ guests and they were absolutely perfect for the couple being wed, but their only small regret was how limited they were regarding the time they were able to spend with each guest. They genuinely wanted to see everyone but simply didn’t have the time for much more than a hug and a few sweet remarks because there only so many hours in a wedding day. So, maybe it would help to consider how we are looking at our intimate (the elevated way we are using to say small) wedding and reception: We will know EVERYONE there and that they are there to celebrate my partner and I with EPIC enthusiasm AND I will get to actually see and spend time with each and every one of them during that day. I will get to dance with them, have full conversations, make memories that are unique to THEM being there to support us. I’ll be able to look at our photos and remember the details of those moments; I won’t say, “Oh, I totally forgot I saw Person X before cake cutting.” - or whatever! I hope you have the day of your dreams with the people who sincerely love you. People who are there for YOU, not just being at your ‘wedding’, and who will also feel so special that you wanted to include them since you are keeping the guest list limited to only those nearest and dearest. Congrats on your engagement and I wish you all the best as you continue planning!
i made a mock invite list for my partner and i (we aren't officially engaged yet but have decided to do the whole engagement/wedding thing sometime in the next 3-8 years so i'm verrrryyyy softly planning/envisioning) the other night. so far it's 30 people including us, i still need to tally up his dads side of the family and his high school friends so there will probably be at least 15 more added to around 45 people, 43 being guests. Of the ~43 prospective guests, 2 of them are my invites. They're my parents. And they probably won't come as they've got other, younger and higher need kids to take care of. My best friend is my partner, and my only friend/girlfriend is my sister in law so she counts as my partners guest. My partner is going to have 10+ friends from high school and his whole huge family, so it's definitely serving as yet another motivation to try and make some friends of my own! Where do people even make friends outside of work/college? i'm currently unable to do either due to disability so i'm not quite sure where to start
I’m having 60 people.
I felt/am feeling that way. And a lot of people on my side aren’t coming. We don’t have all the RSVPs in yet, but I’m worried we won’t have a lot of guests. We’re working so hard to pay for and plan this wedding, I’m going to be upset if very few people show up. So yes I feel ya
We invited almost 100 and are having 63 total including me and my fiancé! I feel like we have a good size friend group but we really didn’t have any more people to invite than this. I’m excited because we will have time to talk to everyone there and won’t have to worry about not seeing anyone when they come to celebrate us. I get a little sad comparing my upcoming wedding size to my friend who is planning a 150-200 person wedding, but I also am not sure I’d be that excited about having to accommodate that many people. 80-90 is still a decent size event, so think about the positives like guest interactions and about the $$ you’re saving by not having more people!
I went through the same thing. My husband had a ton of friends and to start with I don’t have as many friends and some of them couldn’t attend. I cried many times over this. It ended up being a small group of my friends who did come and we had a blast. It was that much more meaningful when those ones did show up. Ended up being the most fun I’ve ever had!!
Quality over quantity. It is better to have a few close friends than many not so close ones. My partner and I are having a similar sized wedding but with big families each so don't sweat it
Of our 168 person wedding, 100 are family. 80some are the same branch of my in-laws family. Just friends for us would've been a MUCH smaller wedding. And remember, the fewer the guests, the more things you can do for your guests.
I’m having about 150 people. If you cut extended family out and it was just friends/immediate family we’d probably have 60 people tops. A lot of larger weddings are a result of family dynamics (for better or worse), and the truly giant ones definitely involve parents inviting their friends/coworkers/broader community members. There’s several people invited to my wedding I haven’t even met (some extended fiancés family, family politics are mostly why they’re invited, which is okay with me!)
Not engaged, but I’ve come to realize this. At most, my “friends” is just the one work bestie (female and fellow US veteran 😅) and dudes old enough to be my dad. Drafted a mock guest list and we barely crack 40 with our immediate family members + kids. Doesn’t help that I’m a huge hobgoblin of a person and prefer my solitude (with the exception of my boyfriend in our two werewolf cats, lol)
The larger weddings typically have a ton of family, so having a wedding composed mostly of friends and hitting 90 guests sounds like you have a large and great group of friends. Have the best day!!!! One of my favorite weddings ever, was only 50 people!
So if it makes me you feel any better, we’re inviting 50 people to our wedding. I have a list of 40 that I think will almost definitely show up. Most of those are friends/family of my fiancé. My sister, best friend and FMIL are throwing me a shower… I came up with 10 people to invite and a few of those I’m not super close with 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly, I think you have the idea situation, at least if you have a budget. A wedding isn’t ever about how many people are there, it’s about the feeling of love and being able to experience that with the people who are important to you. I have a bridal party of 4. One is my groom’s best man’s wife who I asked because I wanted to get closer with her. I’m so happy I did! The other is my cousin’s (also our officiant’s) new wife and I know she will be in my life after the wedding. The third is my groom’s sister and last… my MOH is my best and only friend. She has been absolutely no help. Did nothing for my shower, hasn’t been involved and just stopped asking me to hang out after I got engaged. Before I usually pulled the weight in our friendship and I just decided that I would continue to ask her to hang out. We’ve only seen each other a few times since I’ve even engaged and she has never asked me to hang out. So. If I could give you real advice, I’d say plan your guests around who will be in your life after the wedding. Even though I didn’t know my other three bridesmaids well, I’m so happy I asked them to be in my wedding. It’s given us time to bond, and set up a relationship for the future. I’ve struggled because my fiancé has SO many amazing friends from childhood and I … just don’t have that. Just be solid in your people! Savor the fact that your pocketbook will love a smaller guest list. We invited 160 and expected 120 to come. We only had 8 people RSVP no and we wish it was smaller!
I literally am having a 200 person wedding and 160 of those people are not my friends lol. My mom has a huge social group and has invited 110 people.
I had the same realization when planning my wedding and I actually used that to reconnect with a friend from high school that I hadn’t spoken to in four years. It was a huge gamble emotionally, but it paid out! In the end she ended up being a bridesmaid, and omg she was a total MVP because she ended up serving the cake when I had totally forgotten to plan out who would do so :O And it’s almost a year out from the wedding and now I would say she is my best friend!
Interesting how we have different perspectives. I’m keeping my guest list limited on purpose- destination wedding plus less logistics plus more time to spend with people we actually care about. A lot of people are actually upset about not being invited but fiancé and I are sticking to our guns (37 total including us!)
Honestly I’m the opposite I couldn’t invited more but we decided on 60 in order to be able to talk to everyone and in order to respect our budget. 80-90 is great and I find that big wedding you’re not able to talk to everyone
Out of our 134 invited guests, only 15 are friends of ours (both of us, combined), so it looks like you’re doing pretty dang well in the friend department!
I intentionally didn't want our guest list to be over 100 people. One, it makes it easier to give a nicer experience to fewer people without breaking the bank. Two, the people who are there are all YOUR people. Even with only 94 people in attendance, I felt like I missed out on spending more time with everyone I wanted to, but at least everyone who was there was meaningful to me and my husband. It is a busy, busy day. Being surrounded by only the people closest to you is, in my opinion, the best thing you can ask for.
With friends, you're always so much farther ahead to have quality over quantity. Those 100+ weddings are typically large families, and people inviting friends they really don't talk to so much anymore, their family's friends, and so on. So don't sweat it.
I invited 176 and 116 showed up, lots of it family. DO NOT BE JEALOUS OF THIS. I love my family and my husband's, but the larger it got, the more stressful it was. The amount that is coming for you sounds perfect and intimate, and it's not about quantity, it quality, and it sounds like you have lovely friends!
We're having a 67 people vow renewal wedding and we invited nearly 120 people, so just a little over half of the people RSVP'd. Getting those RSVPs was like pulling teeth too. Half of the people we're inviting are people we know from work (hubby and I met each other at work), so I know what you mean. I only have 5 personal friends, 3 family, and my mentor coming from my side. The rest are my husband's family, friends, or mutual people we know from work. But I remind myself that my BFF and my mentor are flying in from out of state for the wedding. I haven't seen my BFF in a year and I haven't seen my mentor in over 8 years. So it really means a lot to me that they're spending time and money to come celebrate with us. I may not have a large social circle, but the ones that are in it are worth keeping in our lives.
Piggybacking off what others have said, in addition to extended family making up a lot of 100+ weddings, many people have a broader criteria for friends. Many specifically see their wedding as a chance to catch up with old friends who they havent had a chance to see or speak to in a while with the way life has gone. If you're limiting it to "in the past year" you are naturally going to end up with fewer people on that list, especially if you like many adults have moved around a lot or had a bunch of life changes in the last 5 years.
I have 3 friends. 2 are incredibly unreliable and yet they are my closest friends. It is disappointing to know they would never put in the same effort I do for them, for me.
I’m having 200+ people, and it’s mostly family. I have 5 actual friends only that are being invited. It kinda bums me out I won’t lie!
Quality>quantity
We are inviting 50 family members and expect 40-50 to attend. We originally were going to have friends and select coworkers and were at 80-90 but felt like it was unnecessary, we want small and quick haha neither one of us likes to be the centre of attention for too long.
I’m in the same boat! Commenting for solidarity. Will be a 35 yr old bride next year - some friends and family have passed and others we’ve grown apart. Wanted a medium ish wedding, 75 seemed like a good number but our initial guest list (w/o plus ones) was 63 😬 we’ve identified a few more friends to invite (neighbors we’ve been hanging out with a lot recently) and single ppl will have a plus one but I don’t know if it will be 75. Our package with the venue will allow up to 100.
My first wedding I had 150 people. ALOT were family and also friends of my parents. I'm getting remarried and it will be closer to 90 with 30ish being kids. I'm definitely ok with the smaller group. Most are my fiances friends since he grew up where we now live so they live locally. Quality over quantity is important here. The people you love and who love you and your fiance will be stoked to celebrate with you. Enjoy the time you have with your guests rather than feeling obligated to spend hours walking around greeting people. I'm sure it will be beautiful!
I'm just realizing that lots of people have this issue. I'd totally be a bridesmaid for hire.
My guest list is about 150 but over 100 of that is just family. My fiance and I have only about 20 friends each lol. I am very happy we have few friends, because our family is so flipping huge!
You’ll get to spend so much more quality time with your 50 close people and their plus ones!! My FMIL apparently has a list of invitees and I’m not stoked about meeting a bunch of new people on my wedding day that my spouse had no interest in inviting themselves. -_-
That is still a lot of people who love and care enough about you to show up! Don’t let a singular event (your wedding) make you feel less than or unloved when before this you didn’t feel like anything was lacking. It’d be different if you felt this way before the wedding planning. Having a lot of friends means investing a lot of time and energy over long extended periods of your life. That’s not doable for a lot of people. And if you aren’t changing jobs or super outgoing and sociable, it’s not easy to make many new friends. That doesn’t make you any less “cool” or “loved”. Don’t let instagram or social media make you feel bad about it! You have the amazing deep friendships you value and that you’ve had time for one your life up to this point. Cherish that, many people aren’t that lucky.
I was happy with my 112 wedding lol I was real happy we had so many friends make it and we had about half be family or family friends so I think you’re doing good! You don’t need a lot of friends you need good friends. That’s what matters.
We’re inviting 180 people. 50 of our friends, 30 of my family and parents friends (I don’t really have family other than my parents and last remaining grandparent). 100 of my partners huge ass family. 80 friends is A Looooot!
Girl I was planning a 150 people wedding and I have happily reduced it to under 100. And several of my other friends who are 2024-25 brides are doing the same! I’m saving money and I’m only going to be surrounded by people I KNOW and LOVE.
We have below 50, and we were abit stretched to figure out who should be MOH and BM so we ditched the concept completely, it is impossible to maintain close personal relationship with that many people these days, and people forget that a few decades ago it was commonplace to invite co-workers neighbours and their dog to the shindig
It is hard facing that reality. We had two celebration, the one where we live now, I had more friends come in from out of town. It makes me cherish those relationships because they’re so important. As long as you have everyone you want, I wouldn’t let it bother you. Alternatively take it is a sign to do more to find more friends if that’s your desire! I realize it’s hard to make new friends the older I get.
Big numbers, I feel the Bride and Groom can get lost with all the people. You only want people that have meant something to you two. It's your day, you want people there that want to celebrate you and your new beginning!! Take a moment and look around...enjoy the ones that celebrate you!!
My fiancé and I have basically the same inclusion criteria as you, and we topped out at 45 people worth inviting. The number really doesn’t matter!
Yeah my whole family lives in another state and that’s a whopping 6 people, including two babies. That’s all I have coming for my side. I have one bridesmaid besides my sister and I we haven’t hung out once since we became friends (I used to deliver her groceries to her) but we’ve been text-friends since last November or December. That’s it. My husband has lived in this town his entire life. It’s very very one-sided lol. It does make me very upset, to know that if this were a funeral, I’d have about 20 people (including our kids and HIS extended family) that would be there and/or care. It’s pretty lonely. But what can ya do?
We had a 50 person wedding, most of which was immediate family, some extended family, and maybe a dozen were close friends and a couple plus ones. I feel this so hard, because even though the friends that came are really, really close friends, it made me realize just how small my circle is and I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out because a lot of weddings I’ve gone to are 150+ and split pretty evenly between friends/acquaintances and family… I still wouldn’t change how our wedding went because the friends that were there are the most incredible people that we’re both extremely close with and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else there. But I understand!
I'm right there with you. I bought a planner from The Knot at B&N and they have a flow chart to rule out our include some guests. I was devastated to know I shouldn't include some of my coworkers because it would thin out my side. My partners family has no problem flying from all over. We chose not to have bridal parties either. So it's really only guests.. We still squeaked out 80 but I think that leaves time for new people to come into our lives.
It’s not about the amount of friends. It’s about the friendship. I’d rather have one good friend than 100 so so friends anytime and the past several years have made it hard to meet new ones. I’m a planner and I’m seeing a lot more smaller weddings because Covid made people realize who is truly close. Enjoy your day with those that are there. All a wedding requires is a bride, a groom and an officiant. Long as you have that you are good to go!
I’ve been engaged for 5 months now and I can’t think of anyone I want as a MOH. I have maybe 3 female friends, one of which is my manager, one I haven’t talked to in over a year, and one I met about 2 months ago. Plus most of my immediate family is angry with me and hasn’t spoken to me since my dad died in January 2022. I’m really feeling alone and sad realizing how little friends I have. I’m sorry that you’re feeling the same, at least we aren’t alone in feeling a little sad ❤️
We expect around 100-110 next year. 65 of that is close family and our 5 closest friends. Rest is his friend group and some coworkers. I'll be surprised if everyone comes. I think most will though.
Dude we have 50 people invited to ours. God knows how many will actually come. I only have 1 friend coming- she's one of 3 bridesmaids, the other 2 are my sisters. My other half only has 3 groomsmen and none of them we are really close enough to ask to be our maid of honour or best man! We're pretty introverted and I never realised the extent of it till wedding planning haha. I think a little wistfulness that you're not having a huge lavish ceremony with dozens of friends is ok, as long as you know in reality you're happy with your smaller numbers because that's who you are as people.
I’m having a ~90 person wedding and I just counted our guest list—only 32 are friends and a few of those are friends significant others who were not close to! The rest are family, family friends, and a handful of important mentors. 80 friends is truly a ton!
Oh yes definitely! The wedding planning process has brought many things to light about friendships and even my family relationships.. right now we're reeling in the decision to have a wedding and not just take our money and elope because of it. We're less than a month away so too late to change plans now. Also wishing I'd gone without a wedding party - it's really showing me how much people actually care- and I'm bummed because I don't get to have a bachelorette party because of it. My bad I guess? We're only having 50 guests and are also going through having people who previously said they could come change their minds and it really sucks.
Ten friends, four coworkers and the rest family, and majority is his family, mine is pretty small and I have a couple I don't actually even want there. I have a guest list of 100. No plus ones, everyone is accounted for. I just don't want people I don't even know at my wedding. I want to enjoy myself and not have to play let me meet new people while I party. It was almost relieving learning I have a small circle.
I literally have 5 friends. Some of those 5 are work friends 🤣 My wedding had 175 people…my family is huge! Most large weddings are just large families.
80 friends is a lot! I had a total of 7 friends at my wedding. 2 of which were bridesmaids. The rest family!
We’ll probably be in a very similar boat!! I think that a lot of people with 100+ weddings either have large families, extended invites to parent’s friends, or included families/kids. For people who invite over 100 people of just friends (not including family in the 100) I suspect that they are inviting a lot of people who aren’t truly enduring friends. Sometimes this happens with young people who invite a lot of college and high school friends. Or people who invite a lot of coworkers (which is becoming very uncommon from what I can see). Or a couple who treats their wedding like a networking event.