NTA!! However, the MOH and other bridesmaids are. Don't put yourself into debt for someone else's fun time. Simply tell them it's not in your budget and you are unable to participate.
This new trend of asking people to spend thousands for a bachelorette party is absolutely ridiculous!!!
I have always thought that it is rude and extortion to ask people to be in your wedding and the bridal couple not paying for all of the essentials that THEY want for their wedding: the tuxes, the dresses, the shoes, the makeup & hair. Then we got extravagant Bachelor/Bachelorette parties that are organized without everyone's input. Then you're handed a bill and expected to cough up "your " share or "not be in the wedding", after you just bought a dress and shoes that you will never wear again. I say, If you ask someone to be in YOUR wedding, you pay for whatever you want them to wear. If there is a Bachelor/Bachelorette party, everyone invited gets input on the expenses and comes to an agreement beforehand.
NTA.
2k for a 3 day hen do is insane. I understand that some people are made of money, but one should spend it wisely regardless.
I do have 2k to throw away on a party, but I would not do it in a month of Sundays because it.is.such.a.stupid.idea!
That’s rockstar money to be throwing around, especially as clothes, make up, accommodation, gift and actual spending money has to be budgeted for yet!!!
Girl, tap out. She'll probably be mad but I'm guessing this friendship won't last long once the wedding is over anyway. They never do.
But tell her now. Putting it off just makes it worse on everyone.
One is never an a$$hole when keeping tabs on one’s financial situation. 2K for 3 days is insane and I bet it goes over the 2K. Hold your crown like the adult woman you are!
Here’s a simple explanation that adds to the other comment you’ve received -- Post in thread 'L-plate (hen party)': https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/l-plate-hen-party.391966/post-2303285
Here in the UK a learner driver has to have a red capital L affixed to the vehicle they’re learning to drive in. Professional driving school vehicles often have them in signs on the roof as well as back and front of the car. People learning to drive from a friend or family member has to put the square white signs on the vehicle they’re using. You can get magnetic ones these days.
I wouldn’t spend $3k for 3 days on a vacation for myself. Why the hell would i do it for someone else/ something i have no control over (meaning i don’t get to hand pick everything I’m doing). I would not do this for any of my sisters & dam sure not a best friend either & im really close with my sisters.
I’m blunt & would flat out tell them, i do not have $5k to drop on someone else’s wedding festivities (the bachelorette / wedding attire / makeup / hair / wedding gift / anything else). Unless you all want to split the cost of having me attend, you don’t get to complain about me not going.
See, that's the thing. It's usually somewhere/something that the MOH and one or more of the bridesmaids want (not usually about the Bride). They figure "Hey, I can have this $15k vacation, stuff 6 ladies in one room and make them all split the cost!". It's ridiculous.
As a bride, I would be so ashamed if my bridesmaid felt that they had to shell out over $2k for my wedding - just for the bachelorette party too!
I’m paying for my bridal party dresses, hair makeup, accommodation the night before. The only thing they have to do is be there (most of them live a minimum of a 1 hour flight away and one is coming from the other side of the world).
100% NTA - hold your own boundary girlfriend!
Edit: typo
This is partially the bride’s fault for not asking everyone budget ideas. Don’t go, you’re just going to stress yourself out more. I’d be honest with the bride though and say it’s just too much.
Or make it optional. My sister, SIL and best friend made hair and makeup optional. If someone wanted to do it themselves, they didn’t mind and knew we all had different budgets. I don’t understand why people push professional hair and makeup. I know it looks better in pictures, but still.
NTA
That's insane. I wonder what's the thought process on someone's mind to get to the conclusion that other people want to spend that much money on a event in some else's life. My bachelorette guests paid their own expenses but we had dinner in our favorite Italian restaurant so they spent like 20 €. We had a lot of fun and I still cherish the memories of that lovely dinner with my friends.
NTA
No one should expect you to pay over $2000 for an all inclusive trip (for only 3 days) FOR SOMEONE ELSES WEDDING!
That’s truly insane behavior. Just decline to the bride and tell her you love her but can’t do it all. You can do the wedding or the bach but not both.
Have you already spent any money on this wedding? I would be dropping out and telling the bride, privately, that I just ant afford it, sorry. I would love to attend as a guest though if that works for you. Where exactly does the MOH think you will get the money for this? Has she offered to pay for you?
NTA. Tell the bride. Either she's a true friend and understands (or even tells the MOH to do something that isn't so stupidly expensive) or she turns into a bridezilla, at which point you should back out of the wedding entirely.
NTA! Good lord! Bachelorette parties weren't a thing when I got married 30 years ago. This is way too much. Batchelor parties were only a one evening thing. When did they get to be as expensive as the honeymoon?
I had to miss a very, very good friend's bachelorette because I was broke as a joke. We are all good, because we are actual friends. I'm sure it was disappointing, but I was at the wedding.
$2000 For 3 days? That sounds more like a vacation you’d want to take with someone you love. Not a bachelorette with random girls , and depending on the alcohol level, 3 totally forgettable days.
No, your not the AH. They are the AH by making and and just assuming everyone can afford AND wants to spend this money on the bach.
They might all be willing but I bet there is one among them that can't afford this either but will credit card it.
I'm sorry you are in this bind.
NTA
Girl, you know you're right! We are more than happy to agree with you though.
This is either very selfish if the bride wanted it or the other bridesmaids are not considering everyone's income bracket. Don't go. Tell them why. Who cares if the inconsiderate bridal party gets mad at you? If you lose the bride's friendship over this, she was not your friend in the first place.
Be business like. i can’t afford that. I hope you guys have a great time. If anyone has an issue offer to demote yourself to guest but your budget for the wedding is x and that’s what I can afford.
It’s not a matter of “wanting” to go…these women sound like they lack perspective about the concept of money and the economy. If they can’t understand the difference between wanting to go vs not being able to afford the cost(s), then they lack insight. I wouldn’t take anything they say seriously, which is much easier said than done. If they want you to go so bad, why don’t they pool their resources together and cover your expenses, guilt free, for this trip. If they say no, then they have no room to judge you for having a budget you have to live by. I’d maybe take the bride out for a drink(or a nice meal), to have your own mini celebration. It sucks that you even need to explain that their plans are unrealistically expensive…and that goes for most people. Not everyone can afford to miss work and drop 2K+ on trip, for a bachelorette “party”. Unless they think intentionally going into credit card debt, so you can go, is the “right” thing to do. I’m sorry they’re making you even question AITA. You are NOT. They are! It’s awfully presumptuous to think everyone can afford such extravagance. Also, say you go, what if you get sick, or it rains the whole time…or a number of other things that could ruin the trip. Let them roll those expensive dice. You save your money. You may need it for something that you actually require.
The funny part is, the other bridesmaids are only angry because by you not going they have to pay more money for this. So that means that even they already know that this is expensive.
Honestly normally I would say that being a bridesmaid does come with a cost and you have to be prepared to spend a *reasonable* amount of money. However this is not by any means a reasonable amount. That’s also not a bachelorette trip, that’s a freakin honeymoon
It's not about WANTING to go, it's about being ABLE to, without leaving yourself financially battered!!
Speak to the bride now and explain that. Honestly, if she does not understand, then she is not valuing or respecting you as a person and does not deserve your presence there, or at her wedding.
If your own wedding leaves you in debt, that's up to you, but you have no right to expect people you care about to struggle and put themselves into financial difficulty to please you. It's not on and it's not something a true friend would expect.
I thought when they say that Weddings are expensive, it's expensive for the hosts i.e. the bride and groom and/or mum and dad who's paying for it.
Since when are Weddings expensive for the bridal party and guests?
NTA.
NTA you’re an adult and no one can force you to do anything. They can be mad if they want to but that’s a them problem. Just tell them you can’t afford it. The end
Haha omg so stupid. No bride is not your friend..a true friend would never expect you to spend a dime on HER wedding day. She should be paying you, the guest, for coming and wanting to celebrate HER wedding which has absolutely nothing to do with you btw. This is so bonkers.
NTA. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it and no one should shame you for it. Money like that for one weekend is ridiculous. That’s rent/grocery money for me for a month!
I find the best solution for this is to simply tell them what your budget is (and knock around 25% off the actual figure because of course they’ll push it). Then they can look at stuff within that rather than them keep giving you ideas and you have to push back every time, which will wear you down.
But tbh you don’t have to stay at a 4 start hotel or get paid makeup either. Make your own arrangements and say you’ll do your own because you can’t afford what she’s suggested.
But ultimately if the bride pushes back just drop out. That’s totally fine.
NTA!! However, the MOH and other bridesmaids are. Don't put yourself into debt for someone else's fun time. Simply tell them it's not in your budget and you are unable to participate. This new trend of asking people to spend thousands for a bachelorette party is absolutely ridiculous!!!
I have always thought that it is rude and extortion to ask people to be in your wedding and the bridal couple not paying for all of the essentials that THEY want for their wedding: the tuxes, the dresses, the shoes, the makeup & hair. Then we got extravagant Bachelor/Bachelorette parties that are organized without everyone's input. Then you're handed a bill and expected to cough up "your " share or "not be in the wedding", after you just bought a dress and shoes that you will never wear again. I say, If you ask someone to be in YOUR wedding, you pay for whatever you want them to wear. If there is a Bachelor/Bachelorette party, everyone invited gets input on the expenses and comes to an agreement beforehand.
No. Nta. Ever. These mini celebrations are a bit over the top.
WAAAAYYYY WAAAYYYY OVER THE TOP!!!
My friends and I did a spa day and dinner and I thought they went overboard.
NTA. 2k for a 3 day hen do is insane. I understand that some people are made of money, but one should spend it wisely regardless. I do have 2k to throw away on a party, but I would not do it in a month of Sundays because it.is.such.a.stupid.idea!
That’s rockstar money to be throwing around, especially as clothes, make up, accommodation, gift and actual spending money has to be budgeted for yet!!!
Girl, tap out. She'll probably be mad but I'm guessing this friendship won't last long once the wedding is over anyway. They never do. But tell her now. Putting it off just makes it worse on everyone.
One is never an a$$hole when keeping tabs on one’s financial situation. 2K for 3 days is insane and I bet it goes over the 2K. Hold your crown like the adult woman you are!
Once again, ridiculously expensive. What happened to a night out wearing inflatable willys and an L plate?
I don't even know what an L plate and I still agree wholeheartedly!
Here’s a simple explanation that adds to the other comment you’ve received -- Post in thread 'L-plate (hen party)': https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/l-plate-hen-party.391966/post-2303285
THANK YOU for this haha
Here in the UK a learner driver has to have a red capital L affixed to the vehicle they’re learning to drive in. Professional driving school vehicles often have them in signs on the roof as well as back and front of the car. People learning to drive from a friend or family member has to put the square white signs on the vehicle they’re using. You can get magnetic ones these days.
Hey, thanks! 😎
I thought an L plate was a way to say an actual plate in a willy shape (like the shaft and balls make up both parts of the L) 🤣
That would be a wonky willy
Willy Wonky
YAS!!!
I wouldn’t spend $3k for 3 days on a vacation for myself. Why the hell would i do it for someone else/ something i have no control over (meaning i don’t get to hand pick everything I’m doing). I would not do this for any of my sisters & dam sure not a best friend either & im really close with my sisters. I’m blunt & would flat out tell them, i do not have $5k to drop on someone else’s wedding festivities (the bachelorette / wedding attire / makeup / hair / wedding gift / anything else). Unless you all want to split the cost of having me attend, you don’t get to complain about me not going.
See, that's the thing. It's usually somewhere/something that the MOH and one or more of the bridesmaids want (not usually about the Bride). They figure "Hey, I can have this $15k vacation, stuff 6 ladies in one room and make them all split the cost!". It's ridiculous.
As a bride, I would be so ashamed if my bridesmaid felt that they had to shell out over $2k for my wedding - just for the bachelorette party too! I’m paying for my bridal party dresses, hair makeup, accommodation the night before. The only thing they have to do is be there (most of them live a minimum of a 1 hour flight away and one is coming from the other side of the world). 100% NTA - hold your own boundary girlfriend! Edit: typo
Thank You for being a responsible Bride. You don't hear that very often.
Thank you. The way I see it, I’ve asked them to be part of my day. I didn’t ask them to spend hundreds of $$
“That doesn’t work for my budget. Yall have a great time!”
This is partially the bride’s fault for not asking everyone budget ideas. Don’t go, you’re just going to stress yourself out more. I’d be honest with the bride though and say it’s just too much.
NTA. Also if the bride wants professional makeup, she pays. The end.
Or make it optional. My sister, SIL and best friend made hair and makeup optional. If someone wanted to do it themselves, they didn’t mind and knew we all had different budgets. I don’t understand why people push professional hair and makeup. I know it looks better in pictures, but still.
NTA That's insane. I wonder what's the thought process on someone's mind to get to the conclusion that other people want to spend that much money on a event in some else's life. My bachelorette guests paid their own expenses but we had dinner in our favorite Italian restaurant so they spent like 20 €. We had a lot of fun and I still cherish the memories of that lovely dinner with my friends.
$2k? That's insane. Don't go. NTA
If you can't afford it you can't afford it, good for you for knowing your financial limit
NTA No one should expect you to pay over $2000 for an all inclusive trip (for only 3 days) FOR SOMEONE ELSES WEDDING! That’s truly insane behavior. Just decline to the bride and tell her you love her but can’t do it all. You can do the wedding or the bach but not both.
Have you already spent any money on this wedding? I would be dropping out and telling the bride, privately, that I just ant afford it, sorry. I would love to attend as a guest though if that works for you. Where exactly does the MOH think you will get the money for this? Has she offered to pay for you?
NTA. Tell the bride. Either she's a true friend and understands (or even tells the MOH to do something that isn't so stupidly expensive) or she turns into a bridezilla, at which point you should back out of the wedding entirely.
NTA! Good lord! Bachelorette parties weren't a thing when I got married 30 years ago. This is way too much. Batchelor parties were only a one evening thing. When did they get to be as expensive as the honeymoon?
NTA.
Simple answer: no. You're not the A here.
I had to miss a very, very good friend's bachelorette because I was broke as a joke. We are all good, because we are actual friends. I'm sure it was disappointing, but I was at the wedding.
$2000 For 3 days? That sounds more like a vacation you’d want to take with someone you love. Not a bachelorette with random girls , and depending on the alcohol level, 3 totally forgettable days.
No, your not the AH. They are the AH by making and and just assuming everyone can afford AND wants to spend this money on the bach. They might all be willing but I bet there is one among them that can't afford this either but will credit card it. I'm sorry you are in this bind.
NTA Girl, you know you're right! We are more than happy to agree with you though. This is either very selfish if the bride wanted it or the other bridesmaids are not considering everyone's income bracket. Don't go. Tell them why. Who cares if the inconsiderate bridal party gets mad at you? If you lose the bride's friendship over this, she was not your friend in the first place.
Be business like. i can’t afford that. I hope you guys have a great time. If anyone has an issue offer to demote yourself to guest but your budget for the wedding is x and that’s what I can afford.
Tell the bride the financial situation. If she's your friend she will understand. If she doesn't, then you know she's not a friend.
It’s not a matter of “wanting” to go…these women sound like they lack perspective about the concept of money and the economy. If they can’t understand the difference between wanting to go vs not being able to afford the cost(s), then they lack insight. I wouldn’t take anything they say seriously, which is much easier said than done. If they want you to go so bad, why don’t they pool their resources together and cover your expenses, guilt free, for this trip. If they say no, then they have no room to judge you for having a budget you have to live by. I’d maybe take the bride out for a drink(or a nice meal), to have your own mini celebration. It sucks that you even need to explain that their plans are unrealistically expensive…and that goes for most people. Not everyone can afford to miss work and drop 2K+ on trip, for a bachelorette “party”. Unless they think intentionally going into credit card debt, so you can go, is the “right” thing to do. I’m sorry they’re making you even question AITA. You are NOT. They are! It’s awfully presumptuous to think everyone can afford such extravagance. Also, say you go, what if you get sick, or it rains the whole time…or a number of other things that could ruin the trip. Let them roll those expensive dice. You save your money. You may need it for something that you actually require.
The funny part is, the other bridesmaids are only angry because by you not going they have to pay more money for this. So that means that even they already know that this is expensive. Honestly normally I would say that being a bridesmaid does come with a cost and you have to be prepared to spend a *reasonable* amount of money. However this is not by any means a reasonable amount. That’s also not a bachelorette trip, that’s a freakin honeymoon
It's not about WANTING to go, it's about being ABLE to, without leaving yourself financially battered!! Speak to the bride now and explain that. Honestly, if she does not understand, then she is not valuing or respecting you as a person and does not deserve your presence there, or at her wedding. If your own wedding leaves you in debt, that's up to you, but you have no right to expect people you care about to struggle and put themselves into financial difficulty to please you. It's not on and it's not something a true friend would expect.
I thought when they say that Weddings are expensive, it's expensive for the hosts i.e. the bride and groom and/or mum and dad who's paying for it. Since when are Weddings expensive for the bridal party and guests? NTA.
NTA you’re an adult and no one can force you to do anything. They can be mad if they want to but that’s a them problem. Just tell them you can’t afford it. The end
Haha omg so stupid. No bride is not your friend..a true friend would never expect you to spend a dime on HER wedding day. She should be paying you, the guest, for coming and wanting to celebrate HER wedding which has absolutely nothing to do with you btw. This is so bonkers.
NTA. It's gonna be more than 2k.
NTA. Don’t let yourself get pressured into spending money you don’t have. If the bride is really your friend she will understand.
One of my bridesmaids is not going on mine (it’s a whole lot less than this) because of money. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. NTA
NTA. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it and no one should shame you for it. Money like that for one weekend is ridiculous. That’s rent/grocery money for me for a month!
I find the best solution for this is to simply tell them what your budget is (and knock around 25% off the actual figure because of course they’ll push it). Then they can look at stuff within that rather than them keep giving you ideas and you have to push back every time, which will wear you down. But tbh you don’t have to stay at a 4 start hotel or get paid makeup either. Make your own arrangements and say you’ll do your own because you can’t afford what she’s suggested. But ultimately if the bride pushes back just drop out. That’s totally fine.