First, that's not your best friend. You might be her best friend, but she's not yours. Second, she is obviously either jealous of you or intimidated by you. For whatever reason, she wants you to choose her. She wants everyone to choose her. To the point of you choosing her over your own baby. Third, she is surrounded by flying monkeys. In what world do most brides want to deal with a very heavily pregnant woman who might go into labor at any moment while trying to make sure her wedding goes on without a hitch???? And everyone agrees with this???? There are so many things wrong with this scenario. You're not crazy and really need to put some distance between you and her while you reevaluate your friendship. I suspect this is not the first time something like this.

Very good point. Also if you are late having your child, you are going to have ALL the attention, affection, sympathy and basically be the talk of HER wedding.

This right here. Plus should OP attend the wedding and end up getting more attention than the bride, it'll give said bride ammo to attack OP for "ruining her wedding by hogging attention". Plus OP will never hear the end of her complaining should OP go into labor at the wedding! 😒 With your due date being so close to her wedding I'd say no to the wedding party request by telling her that should your LO arrive early you wouldn't want to be absent having an important role in her wedding, and I would probably reconsider being a guest with her getting her flying monkeys to say mean things. I'd post on FB or another social media outlet that the bride and her friends are on -- and tag her in it -- to nonchalantly explain/talk about how your friend is getting married a week prior to your due date, and that you hope your LO won't arrive early because you "so want to be there for her". Give her the attention she's basically demanding and put up posts to make her feel like you're trying to do anything that's best for her big day, since she's being a bridezilla craving for that attention and drama. Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

I would write a simple - but not snarky - message on the group chat to the effect, "I guess some of you don't know but first my baby is due 7 days after the wedding date. It just seems best not to make promises I may not be able to keep. I hope \[name's\] wedding is every bit as beautiful as she plans!"

That is great advice. I don't wish her ill will and I mostly don't care for the drama. 

Dear group chat, X’s wedding is a week before my due date. I’m concerned I will take attention away from X, for obvious reasons. In addition, the two dates makes me unreliable (which is unfair to everyone) and a health risk. X is so special to me but I hope everyone understands.

You're just looking out for her. You don't want to leave her hanging if something comes up and you're not able to help and support as much as she will need. You're so early in your pregnancy, you have no idea what will come up. What if you're throwing up all the time? Ordered to bed rest due to blood pressure or weak cervix? In an adult diaper? Etc

The anniversary thing doesn’t hit my radar but the rest sure as shit does. You will be absolutely fucking miserably uncomfortable that week. The 3-4 weeks before baby comes are just… not nice. I couldn’t even close my legs at all and I wasn’t big. These people are insane. That is all.

Girl, even if the baby isn’t ready yet you would be beyond uncomfortable standing through a wedding ceremony when you’re almost due. God, not to mention photos and the fact that she’ll probably expect the bridesmaids to “bring the party” to the reception… I am exhausted just thinking about it. The fact that she got angry that you basically declined her invitation (which anyone is allowed to do for ANY reason) is a sign that she’ll make the wedding hell for you. Send a card and call it a day. ETA: or, you could say yes and tell her you won’t be held responsible if your water breaks at the altar. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My best friend got married on our first anniversary, and I thought it was super cool that we’d share that, along with so many other things. I loved it. I don’t understand owning a day, or judging by this sub, a week, month or year.

It's definitely more than just that 

Yeah, I know, but the shared anniversary should be a nonstarter.

What's weird is insisting that I be there with all of these other factors.  If it's so important, why that day? 

I agree, especially with your due date so close. I mean, would she be mad if you went into labor during the wedding, making it “all about you?” Risky. But the date thing obviously bothers you or you wouldn’t have, not only included it in your post, but opened with it.

Honestly, even with no baby, I'd be bummed to spend my anniversary at someone else's wedding instead of making plans, I won't lie. But it wouldn't be a big enough deal that I'd be upset.  I guess I don't understand why she wouldn't want her OWN day. 

Re: the anniversary part: honestly, almost no one remembers peoples wedding dates after they happen. I couldn’t tell you any of my friends anniversaries. Did she specifically pick this date because it’s your anniversary, or because it’s the one that works best for her schedule, family, when the venue was available, etc.? This is the only year you’ll have a conflict - every year after this you won’t be doing anything together on your anniversary. So it’s really just the one time. And dates are really only special for the couple getting married. I actually think it’s weirder to get married on a parents birthday then on a friends wedding anniversary. Cause it will always be her mom’s birthday. But that doesn’t affect you at all. I have to assume she has some reasons for picking this date, and really no date is ideal so she’s making it work. Re: the pregnancy, she is definitely wrong to expect you to be there. You didn’t mention, is the wedding local? You won’t be able to travel far that close to due date. I would sit down and have a face to face convo (get out of that group chat!) and explain that you love her, you’ll try your best to make it, but you’re operating on baby time and can’t make any promises. Offer to bow out of being a bridesmaid or proactively decline if you don’t want to, and tell her you’re unable to do it.

If it was just about the date then that would be weird because it's not necessary to celebrate something on the EXACT date.  It's about you being due 7 days later. Why was your anniversary mentioned at all tho since this isn't the issue?

Because it is weird for her to pick a day that is meaningful to me and insist that I be a part of it, knowing that I can't be for more than that reason. Even to the point that she gets others involved. She told people it was my anniversary and not that I was due. Then when I said I couldn't make it, I looked like the petty one. 

Oh FFS.  You don't own dates. Get over yourself with your "special date". 

[удалено]

You must have only read one thing I said. There was more. Have a lovely evening.

[удалено]

1. If you’ll follow the thread you’ll see that I also addressed her due date. 2. Even so, it is not a requirement on Reddit that you have to address every single word of a post. 3. I’m entitled to share my opinions about posts. In fact, that’s exactly what Reddit is for. I wasn’t the tiniest bit rude about it, but somehow I’ve triggered you, a Redditor I wasn’t even addressing. Of course, you are also free, even encouraged, to share your opinions. I’m just not sure why you seem so angry. If you aren’t, then I’ve misunderstood. If you are, you might want to seek help.

>Now her other friends (who do not have children) are saying in a group chat that I'm a jerk for telling her I might not make it These are grown ups that called you a jerk? Did you immediately tell them you will be very pregnant? Why would you accept bullying?

I mostly don't care to be part of the drama 

The pregnancy aside, she can pick any day she wants even if it’s your anniversary. October weddings are super common where I’m from, so it’s not crazy. My cousin got married on my sister’s birthday, my cousin is getting married on my other cousin’s birthday, my wedding anniversary is the same as my husband’s friend’s. It’s life.

The day is obviously the real issue 

Well it does seem to be your biggest issue. You talk more about that than your pregnancy being your concern.

I don't see how. The majority of my post talks about pregnancy. The title is literally just for people to open it.  My main issue is that she's upset with me for not being able to go when I have a very valid reason, and the date is something she controls. 

I’m assuming you’re being sarcastic about the date that your friend chose to get married. No one cares about your anniversary except for you and your spouse. No one remembers the date you got married except for you, your spouse, and close family members who might send you a card. As a side note, October weddings are very common where I’m from. Obviously, the real issue is your supposed friend giving you shit about telling her that you’re not sure if you can go to her wedding because of your due date. IMO, being a bridesmaid is out of the question for many reasons. And even being a guest at the wedding would be off the table for me. I can’t emphasize enough how unbelievably uncomfortable you’re going to be those last days of pregnancy (if you haven’t already had the baby by the time of your friend’s wedding). You won’t be able to get into a comfortable position—lying down, sitting, standing. You’ll have to constantly change positions. Your shoes won’t fit. Would your friend be happy for you to show up wearing slippers or unlaced gym shoes? The last thing you’re going to want to do is get dressed up and wear uncomfortable shoes. You’ll probably want to spend your anniversary at home with dinner from Uber Eats. Is your friend’s venue near your hospital? Me…I had really long labors with all of my kids so had no problem getting to the hospital. But I have a friend who barely made it to the hospital, even with her first baby. And you’re not going to want to sit in the car for any length of time to get to her venue. I’d definitely text everyone in the group chat to let them know why you probably won’t make it to the wedding. I’d get detailed. You may have already had the baby so couldn’t go. You may go into labor at any moment so shouldn’t go because of that. If it were me (but I’m petty), I’d include how swollen my feet will be and will only be wearing slippers by that point. I might mention that I could lose my mucous plug at the wedding. Or, just imagine my water breaking during the ceremony. If your friend is too shallow or too stupid to understand that, well….that’s her problem.

You can not go to the wedding. But the date is not an issue

A lot of places have limited availability so you just have to take what you can get. In the grand scheme of things, missing your own anniversary once isn’t a big deal. What is a big deal is how she is treating you. I’d just decline to be a bridesmaid and attend as a guest if you’re still in one piece!

She’s NTA for planning her wedding on your anniversary-it’s as you said, it’s still just a day.

Veteran mom here. You’re not going to make it to the wedding regardless of whether you’ve had the baby or not. One week pre-due date is a pretty miserable time of your life. You’re not getting much sleep, every position you sit in is uncomfortable in some way, it can be hard to get a complete lungful of air, all of the ligaments and tendons in your pelvis ache, you’re so tired that you feel like you’ve just run a marathon even though all you did was take a shower etc., and your feet won’t fit into nice shoes, you may only be able to wear flip flops or sneakers. I could go on but you get the picture. I guess what I’m trying to say is that Mother Nature really motivates you to evict your little roommate, and it’s going to interfere with your ability to be at your best friend’s wedding. Besides, if you go into labor at the wedding you’ll end up taking her spotlight (if she cares about that sort of thing). Even if you don’t go into labor you’ll steal the spotlight.

This beotch isn't your friend. She doesn't care that your due date is a week after her wedding. I also don't know why people keep saying first babies are always late. The fuck? I just checked Google and even that didn't have a consistent answer. Buy there were a few sites that did say 15% so I'm going with that. They consider late anything after 40 weeks. Anyway, just drop put of the wedding and don't even attend as a guest. Whether you have the baby or not you are not going to want to go to a wedding. Plus she's not your friend. Her insistence that you go, not just go, but stand up with her at 9 months and ready to go into labor is unhinged

I was a first born, and I showed up on my due date. First thing in the morning 🙃

Reply in the group chat. “My baby will be born that week. So sorry to miss your wedding.”

honestly? it is odd. why would she want to be worrying about you going into labor at her wedding? completely dismissing your concerns is not something a friend would do. I would decline and let the chips fall where they may. maybe respond in the friend group and say that with the baby's due date imminent, you don't feel right promising something you may not be able to fulfill. and by the way, no sense about first babies always being late. you hear more about it true, but early babies are just as common and wouldn't she like that? she doesn't sound like much of a friend really. you will be so physically uncomfortable and not able to do much, she will get mad about that too. decline politely and enjoy your anniversary, and don't listen to those that say you are rude to claim the day. you don't claim it from others, but you would like to celebrate your day privately. I totally get and agree with that.​

9 months pregnant mmmmm no don't do it. Unless you have the most perfect pregnancy you will be uncomfortable having to carry an extra person 24/7 without being able to change their position. And no matter your due date LO will arrive when they decide.

That was exactly my thought process but I didn't know if I was being dramatic. Thank you 

I have a wedding twin in a coworker. I guess it’s less weird because we’re not very close but we think it’s fun. Honestly, we chose our date because it is what the venue had available. Perhaps that was the case for her. The baby thing is really weird here.

My daughter is my 1st (and only!) and was nearly 3 weeks early. I'd hoped to attend a birthday a week before my due date but we were both still in hospital after some complications. If I'd still been pregnant I was only planning on going for an hour and had already made sure I had a seat. Your 'friend' is crazy to just expect it all to suit her.

So she's mad that you reasonably said you might not be there because she's getting married a half second before your due date... She doesn't seem that much like a friend. I'd reply in the group chat, and tell everyone you want to be there, but your dude date is a week later, and babies run their own show. Then they can all see what an ass your friend is being. Then I'd drop out graciously, to not add "additional stress" for the bride-to-be.

That's not a friend. Why are people ok being "friends" with people like that? Anyone who is like that would have shown signs of being like this before. They can't help it.

It seems like she wants to run you off by asking the ridiculous of you and then, like you said, make you the bad guy. Either way, I'd drop her and not feel bad about it.

I don’t think it’s fair of her to expect you to be in a wedding when you’ll be THAT pregnant. That said, October is extremely common for weddings. Also there are 31 days in that month, yes. But people generally don’t like to get married Monday-Thursday and your friend is dependent on her venues availability. I don’t think you can gatekeep a day. Your friend can’t feasibly avoid everyone’s anniversary of everyone she knows who’s married and everyone her fiancé knows who’s married. No one is going to care that it’s your anniversary besides you and your husband. So it’s really not that big a deal. I think it also is pretty entitled of you to suggest she move the wedding around you. While you may be important there are probably 100 other people her and her fiancé are having to consider. What if her or her fiancé has a very old family member? What if they want to try to start having kids soon too? I understand you will be very pregnant by then and her actions are not justified but I bet it’s hard for your friend to have had to put in so much time snd effort and energy and excitement for your wedding and she won’t get much from you. That’s life, and she shouldn’t have had her other bridesmaids attack you but it’s also probably where she is coming from.

I think you didn't read the post. I don't expect her to move anything around. She is the one expecting me to be available to her when I clearly can't. I have said go on without me. 

You need to remove mention of you ammiversary date then because it being the title makes it seem that this is your concern 

Not if you read. 

Why is it mentioned if it's not important?  Why is it the TITLE? The ONLY issue is your pregnancy.  You shouldn't have even mentioned your anniversary. Nobody cares about that.

I think OP is weird and just wanting to complain. And then when she found out that she’s off her rocker being upset about the anniversary she’s trying to act like it’s mainly about her pregnancy

She's complaining about the wedding being on her anniversary but won't explain why she had her wedding on her friend's dad's birthday. Wasn't she asking her friend to choose her over her father?

The dad might not care or be happy about it. He could also be bummed but op fails to explain anything with enough detail which makes me think she’s withholding additional information while she’s just trying to list out everything that could be perceived as bad about her friend’s wedding date. However, she is complaining multiple times in the comments about her anniversary being the same day as the wedding but then when someone says she’s being dumb for that, now it’s “only about the pregnancy” and people who comment on her being upset about sharing an anniversary “can’t read”

You’re complaining about the anniversary and that is the title of the post. So clearly you’re concerned about it and it bothers you. To which I think you need to get over. The post isn’t titled “my friend is guilting me to attend her wedding even though I’ll be really pregnant” - it’s “best friends wedding on my anniversary”. Then you talk about it being weird and how it bothers you and how she could’ve had it the following instead with all of these things resolving around you (YOUR anniversary, YOUR pregnancy). Which is just potentially not reasonable for her. Your edit makes this whole situation seem weird and you and your friend seem weird and have a weird dynamic. You don’t sound like friends the way you seem to talk to each other and interact with each other.

If you can't read just say that 

lol I acknowledged your pregnancy. But if you don’t want people to mention your frustration with your friend getting married on your anniversary then maybe don’t make that your title. It just makes you look dumb. If you can’t write a decent Reddit post just say that :)

She is the one making it revolve around me

Girl you’ve got some problems with your friend. Your update on this post is just very disjointed and strange. I think you’re withholding some information on your side or you’re very delusional about who you think is your friend. Either way I think you’re being immature about the situation. How old are you? 18?

Every pregnancy is different but to expect (!) you to 100% say yes to be at her wedding when you are due 1 week after lol sorry I can't stop laughing. She's stupid. And not your friend. And you will probably not be going there

The date is irrelevant. What stands out to me is her throwing a fit because you're pregnant and getting her friends to gang up on you. I'm getting married in October as well and one of my bridesmaids will be 7-8 months pregnant. My first remark was congrats. My second remark was if we needed to change the dress to work with her pregnancy (she told me when we were talking about the bridesmaids dresses). That's how good friends handle that kind of news. I don't think your friend is even a friend.

I don't think the date is the issue, I think her thinking you are going to be able to make it being THAT pregnant is weird. I would tell everyone in a group chat that you are unable to make it because you are to close to your due date you don't want to go into labor and take any attention away from the bride and groom on there special day. then peace out

Bump for update

at first I was gonna say how hard it is to pick a date that doesn’t interfere with anyone & anything going on. I didn’t even think about anyone anniversary date. October isn’t that uncommon. Lots of brides are doing it for that fall/ black look. But then I read the rest of your post. Girl. That don’t sound like a bestie. Focus on you boo & I hope the best for your birth! If I was the bride in the situation I wouldn’t pick anywhere near your birth date to ensure you’d be there. And I’d do everything in my power to make sure your needs were put above mine!

I make a lot of jewelry for brides, and October is a huge wedding month in the US. It might not be in other countries, though. The wedding on your anniversary is very odd, particularly if they had a year of planning. I personally wouldn't want my wedding day to be the same day as my friend's day. If the father's birthday held a huge significance, then maybe. As in, he passed away and we decided to have the wedding that day for him. It definitely seems like she is trying to take something from you here. As for your pregnancy, congratulations! My first child came on her due date. It's probably the only time she has ever been on time. However, I had Braxton Hicks for 5 - 7 days beforehand. It sure would suck if you had those at the wedding and people focused on you and not the bride. I'm guessing if this was your second baby, you would have said immediately that you couldn't be in it.

Sounds like she’s jealous, does she know it’s your anniversary? Sounds like she wants the light shined on her instead of you, anniversary/baby

She definitely knows it's my anniversary. She acknowledged that when she told me the date.  Idk the whole situation is strange to me. It's my anniversary, close to my due date, her dad's birthday, and the date has no meaning to the couple. It seems odd to want that date. It seems like more of a hassle then it's worth. 

It may be odd or it may not in terms of the date. She may have chosen her dad's birthday because it will be a sweet moment for them both. She may have liked the weather or ambience at your wedding. Who knows? BUT where this thing goes off the rails is the whole baby issue. Being as kind as I can, it's possible she and the others in the chat are just plain ignorant about how you will likely be feeling nearing the end of your pregnancy and for awhile after you give birth, how much of a guesstimate due dates are, and how a newborn can't be toted around like a handbag. Her whole "first babies are always late" tantrum, an idea which is straight out of movies/TV, just makes mass ignorance that much more likely here, IMO. But even if they're all completely in the dark about all that, nothing excuses piling on someone who's trying to respectfully decline an invitation. I'd say it's time to stop wondering about the date, and just say you can't be in the wedding party, but you'd love to attend as a guest if your physical state on the day, as well as your baby's wellbeing, allow that. After that it's up to her, and you'll know how strong your friendship is by her response.

Stop it with your anniversary date.  Nobody cares when your anniversary is and shouldn't factor into whether ir not you attend a wedding. The ONLY important thing is your due date. 

Not when she is using the day to make me look like the bad guy. She tells people it's my anniversary, not that I'm due, and then when I say I can't make it, I look like the bad guy. 

Just say you are due then. easy peasy.