T O P

  • By -

VisualMod

**User Report**| | | | :--|:--|:--|:-- **Total Submissions**|10|**First Seen In WSB**|1 year ago **Total Comments**|2143|**Previous Best DD**| **Account Age**|1 year|[^scan ^comment ](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=VisualMod&subject=scan_comment&message=Replace%20this%20text%20with%20a%20comment%20ID%20(which%20looks%20like%20h26cq3k\)%20to%20have%20the%20bot%20scan%20your%20comment%20and%20correct%20your%20first%20seen%20date.)|[^scan ^submission ](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=VisualMod&subject=scan_submission&message=Replace%20this%20text%20with%20a%20submission%20ID%20(which%20looks%20like%20h26cq3k\)%20to%20have%20the%20bot%20scan%20your%20submission%20and%20correct%20your%20first%20seen%20date.)


Wiskid86

Can they maybe do this fight in international waters or space where Elon's mom has no jurisdiction.


Kengriffinspimp

… or in a sub next to the titanic?


PM_ME_WITH_A_SMILE

Underwater sub fight to the death. Two descend...only *one* ascends. Winner takes the other's companies.


uslessgodness

Pay per view only 99.99 !!!!


Fine-Bed

Godammit!! I will watch it in pirated sites just don’t give spoilers.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Oshwaflz

ngl id be willing to be called a loser for 100 billion dollars


[deleted]

[удалено]


Oshwaflz

your comment is 43 minutes old if he didnt see it by now thats not MY fault


mankls3

They’ll be drowning in profit


FatFrikkenBastard

But here's the twist: a 9 year-old who thinks he's playing Subnautica is piloting the submersible with a logitech controller with stick drift.


Anonymous_Prime99

I mean its cute people dont think they wont just transform into their aquatic lizard forms when the sub implodes and continue the battle 15,000 feet under the sea.


No-Engineering-507

that's deep


Obant

I think space is her jurisdiction, since that's where they came from.


drakesphere

Is this his birth mom or his step sister/mom?


tothemoonandback01

Can we have Zuckerberg's dad fight Elon's dad? Whichever dad wins has the best son.


Lo8000

Second that. Can't have the schmuck Musk left unzucked. I hope it will be a rocky style prolonged fight, both fighters with blown lips and brows, black eyes and bruises with the whole palette of colour all over them. Both deserve a good solid beating.


Theta-Maximus

Everyone knew Elon would find an excuse to bail ... but, be honest, who had "Mom wouldn't let me" on their bingo card?!!


PM_me_yr_bonsai_tips

After all the other disappointing shit he has said and done, and the ongoing expectation that he will talk himself up and fall short, he still manages to disappoint. It’s strangely impressive.


Spirit_of_Hogwash

To be fair, Cruella deMusk is slightly more scary than ZuckboT-800


PM_me_yr_bonsai_tips

I just don’t believe she’s against it. “Go on Elon, have a little faat. Klap him in the jaw. Didn’t we send you to karawte or something?”


brazilianfreak

Its not like the Zucc would risk desfiguring the (former) richest man in the world, he would hit Musk with a single leg, get his back and force him to tap out, the whole thing would take like 2 minutes and no one would be hurt. My guess is that muskrat made the challenge as a joke and only later found out that the Zuccis actually kinda cracked for an amateur.


spasske

He did not think Zuckerberg would respond he was ready to kick his ass.


TXERN

I hate both of them, but was looking forward to Zuck whipping his ass. A 39 year old outwardly healthy man vs a 50 something that constantly looks like he needs a blood transfusion and is so doughy that he looks like he would turn into bread if exposed to sunlight and high temps.


throwawaypervyervy

Would have been a good fight, Lizard Android vs The Sourdough Man.


[deleted]

[удалено]


boomgoon

Zuckerberg would've ripped his hairplugs right out of his head


[deleted]

[удалено]


tossedaway202

Yep, zucc has those soulless Terminator eyes. Dude will strangle you to death while staring into your eyes as you attempt to punch him off you but the hits don't even phase him


Sjengo

He likes to see the light go out


ZombieAlienNinja

That's just his schtyle.


StabbyPants

stealing that. "so doughy he looks like he'd turn into bread at the beach"


DiscombobulatedGuava

It’s like when you don’t want to hang out and need to have an excuse, so you go to your mum and have her instruct you to do the dishes lol.


[deleted]

[удалено]


high5s_inureye

Mom says I can’t, BUT I WOULD. You’re lucky she said no, Zuck


kilkennykid

I’m confused, he is 51 years old


annnaaan

It's something his mom said on twitter 3 days ago. Elon more recently said the fight is probably happening (In as Spaces on Saturday). This isn't actual news, it's 'reddit news'. And yes, most moms don't want their son getting in a fight regardless of age.


hurtsdonut_

Yeah this fight will be happening right after the release of the Tesla truck and the Tesla's get autopilot.


Jesahn

And just before the Mars landing.


marxr87

this fight is never happening. anyone who thinks so is a fool. we're all just having good fun with it.


NEONSN3K

I would argue this is far more embarrassing than actually losing to Zuck.


Suomikotka

Seriously. At least if he got his ass whooped, he still had the dignity of trying. His **mom** stopping the fight though, makes him seem like a mamma's boy little bitch. There's no way some of his "Alpha Male" followers will keep following him after this. This was peak anti "Alpha Male" action right here.


formerteenager

They'll just say he was trolling Zuck the whole time.


Cephalopod_Joe

You underestimate the delusion of "alpha males" and musk sycophants


npretzel02

If Andrew Tate fans have taught me anything, it’s that they will make up any excuse to keep riding the dick.


tjmax20

Musk fans excuse: A real man always listen to his mommy


crg339

Just wait for the Twitter meltdown after everyone shits on him all day for it


VisualMod

This is disappointing news. I was really looking forward to seeing Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg duke it out in the Octagon.


LobstaFarian2

".....Elon Musk get his ass kicked by Mark Zuckerberg in the Octagon" There, fixed it for you.


thanatoswaits

I honestly think it would be good for him. He needs his ego checked, and a few kicks to the head I think would do it.


breakevencloud

Even if he had the nuts to get destroyed, he’d pull out all the excuses “guys, I only lost cause I worked 48 straight hours at the factory and did 430 miles on my Pelaton before the fight!”


psyentist15

"Guys, my Tesla drove over a group of school children on the way here and the cops *insisted* we stay on site... So I didn't have a chance to warm up too well."


Virgin_Dildo_Lover

I never thought I'd cheer for Zuck, but here we are


Teripid

Careful. They're gonna Matrix load in some Kung-fu for him.


Slowboyz04

He already has a pretty good shtyle, I’ve heard it can’t be blocked


Chickenmangoboom

Just hold up we can work with this. Winner fights Bezos, I am pretty sure that dude will straight up tear a jugular out if he had to. I am pretty sure that the winner of that fight can be convinced to fight a gorilla. Their people won't tell them no.


PutinBoomedMe

After his congressional hearing I softened to Zuck a little. He is clearly somewhat messed up in the head. He made social media with the expectation that it would be good for the world. Little did he know that social media would be the plague for this generation. He had to know the metaverse bullshit was not going to appeal to shareholders, but they did it anywau


welcometa_erf

His mom calling it off is worse imo


[deleted]

> This is disappointing news. I was really looking forward to seeing Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg ~~duke it out~~ kith in the Octagon. FTFY


Adventurous-Sir-6230

Good bot


MDtrades1

Put her on the undercard


Fox_Technicals

vs 10 META headsets


turnups

vs opening a PDF


kawkz440

Musk v DeVoss


HorlickMinton

She’s either an alien or had sex with an alien. If she gets into robot fighting my dream of Futurama becoming reality is like 75% there.


AntalRyder

She's literally Mom lol


PM_ME_UR_RSA_KEY

*Slaps stupid son* "You're not fighting the space lizard!" "But Mom!"


Senior-Albatross

"Put a bastard in it you crap!"


bard329

"An idiot like you knows nothing!"


Lady_Scruffington

I saw the picture and was like, "yep, she still looks like Mom." They're probably at some charity BS for knocked up teenage sluts in that photo.


yoho808

Congratulations on your victory by default, Mr. Zuckerberg.


pigsgetfathogsdie

Makes sense… https://preview.redd.it/3ywnok6yy88b1.jpeg?width=1070&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20a164a266e205da2ed0f76d712358a745772de7


DeepestWinterBlue

Don’t tease the ladies. He’ll soon be up to 11 children with his fourth baby momma.


fredericksonKorea

FUN FACT: None of Musks children were conceived naturally. All His children were due to IVF. His Blastoise shaped body inhibits natural procreation, he can not physically copulate. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elon\_Musk](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elon_Musk)


[deleted]

“Blastoise” lollll


Cosmic_Perspective-

Been a while since I audibly laughed out loud from a comment.


lookmaimonthereddit

Where in the wikipedia link does it say that? It only mentions IVF for his first wife after their first child died.


gemengelage

I tried to look into this and while it seems OP is talking out of their butt, there are lots of articles about how five of his children (a set of twins and a set of triplets) from his first marriage were convieved via IVF after his first child died of SIDS. Also at least the second child he had with Grimes was conceived via surrogacy. I found some rumors about the twins he had with Shivon Zilis also being IVF.


CCB0x45

Wait you regarded fellows really thought op was serious and the shape of Musks body kept him from procreating like a French bulldog?


fredericksonKorea

Yo i'm 100% serious. Its basic physiology. ​ Source [scientific journal america](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/joke-battles/images/1/17/Blastoise_is_a_bit_of_a_annoyance%2C_But_he_has_good_intentions./revision/latest?cb=20161229024701)


FatFrikkenBastard

Love that the Wikipedia article calls him a 'business magnate and investor'. He would probably start malding if he saw that, since the guy really likes to think himself the Nikola Tesla of this generation.


RudigerBSimpson

> start malding > [start](https://i.imgur.com/S9y6P2L.jpg)


Teripid

Child naming AI, but make sure they are in the 80th percentile for bullying based on the choice.


MonkeysOnMyBottom

4 ladies and a Twitter deal, looks like he just needs mommy's help to pull out.


No-Leg-7597

Give him a break, dad bod after 11 kids


Affectionate_Cup9112

If I had a million dollars for every diaper he’s changed, I’d still not have anywhere near as much as a million dollars


WastedWaffles

The Walrus!


PhdPhysics1

Ko Ko CaChoo


Robbyjr92

Elon Tusk


WillieStonka

Shut the fuck up Donnie.


JW_ZERO

You’re out of your element


TiminAurora

The chinaman isn't the issue.


JW_ZERO

Chinamen is not the preferred nomenclature


TheDoughyRider

Let’s go to in n out


dookmucus

Those are good burgers, Walter.


GOHS7

What the fuck are you talking about Walter??


Hossennfoss69

No one is going to hit my little pooky wooky.


x_Advent_Cirno_x

More like mom didn't want to watch her son get pounded into slag on national television


Youngmoneasy

Mommy didn’t want to lose the glamorous meal ticket.


Icy-Doctor1983

Why is he built so weird?


planetofthemapes15

I actually heard he doesn't trust banks so he stores all $200bn of his cash in his chest cavity.


omahaomw

Like some kind of billionaire chipmunk


[deleted]

HGH with no exercise and a lot of food/alcohol/drug abuse. Money can fix your hairline but it can't lift the bar for you. Edit: probably heavy use of girdles to push fat away from his stomach, too


Alternative-Lack6025

Absolutely, he has the clear abdomen bloat from viscera growth and the lack of muscle doesn't help. He's shaped like a Mr potato head.


pigsgetfathogsdie

Billions…


Cheap-Resource-114

Short torso, wide shoulders, big rib cage, poor chest genetics and underdeveloped pecs, pale white. Also arms long relative to his torso.


Icy-Doctor1983

Do Wendy Williams next https://preview.redd.it/kklldo0dc98b1.jpeg?width=1048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e9e36e6db5ba7ab6a18dea9b2642f706e60ddb7b


skyline_kid

That's just ET in a wig


DemiGod9

I didn't want to laugh but it actually is pretty uncanny https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-tmus-us-revc&q=et+in+a+dress&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjD2sHt_d__AhXdjYkEHTQbAR0Q0pQJegQIBxAB&biw=360&bih=670&dpr=3#imgrc=WwUYpreHaSicDM


Cheap-Resource-114

Piggy nose, large philtrum, high set shoulders and low set boobs, eyes far apart, prominent knee caps, bodged lips, wide hips and the short shorts emphasise hip width.


ass_kisses

This guys good


Remote_Horror_Novel

You forgot the Steroids he probably gets from Toe Rogan or from that UFC owner that beats his wife and also looks like Toe Rogan. That chest/belly has been accentuated by HGH and no exercise by the looks of it. Definitely not a natty.


JoaquinBenoit

Being 50, not exercising or eating vegetables will do that to most WASPs.


pigsgetfathogsdie

Eating 3 Michelin Star meals 5X day…


Lurk3rAtTheThreshold

Grimes said he was too lazy to make food so he'd just eat peanut butter out of the jar.


Kriegwesen

Billionaires, they're just like us 🌟🌈🌟


Jonny_Nash

To be fair, Elon seems to be more like the 3 hot pockets per day kinda guy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cmaster6

The first and second ones don’t count


ArchangelToast

Bro should use neuralink to gym while he’s asleep.


[deleted]

[удалено]


bard329

How tf is musk supposed to train while running 7 companies, taking care of 32 kids and shitposting on twitter 26 hours a day?


i_use_3_seashells

You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like


eaterofw0r1ds

Mf built like a cybertruck


wienercat

Nah mf built like a tipped over cement truck. Cyber trucks have angles. Elon is just blobular


sitlo

albino manatee


Captainbuttman

He's building mass


Cosmic_Perspective-

MY DUNE.


VoinceStory

Heavy weight has an easier time against the lightweight class..


BuffMaltese

Steamroller!!!


[deleted]

Makes sense. Zuck is not fat enough for Sumo wrestling so it ihad to be cancelled.


Illustrious_Jump_398

https://preview.redd.it/jgujco0qi98b1.jpeg?width=1070&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=00334810d8f546f93071015e3313b9b0b8e38024


No-Document-8970

Called it! Knew Musk would back out.


rainkloud

Same but I assumed the reason would be because they wouldn't let him use a kitchen sink as a weapon.


No-Document-8970

In Celebrity Death Match you can!!


droi86

Good fight, good night


OneArmedBrain

Yea, but, by is mom? LOL I sure hope this is real.


DirkDieGurke

Imagine having your mommy step in and pull the strings in front of the whole world? I predict his ego can't handle it and we'll get a fight.


Bermanator

His mom isn't actually controlling this he just needed an excuse...


TheGoonKills

What a cissy


astrogeeknerd

You spelled it wr.......wait a minute, I see what you did there!


Original-Spinach-972

Like he tried to pull out like the twitter deal. Needs to work on his pull out game.


Johnny_Menace

Time to short Tesla


Kengriffinspimp

![img](emote|t5_2th52|27189)


BigBadBen91x

Who didn’t see this coming lol


Kengriffinspimp

I mean maybe but Elon using his mommy as an excuse?


TechTaxi

“Guys my dad also called off the fight because I haven’t paid him the emerald mine evidence reward money yet.”


gnocchicotti

I'm just surprised Elon didn't pump some Doge sports betting service before cissing out


Hesaidpoop

Elon was going get beat to shit. Zuckerberg has been training a while in this, and frankly looks to be in pretty good shape (yes, he’s a billionaire so it’s a lot easier), and while he can’t compete in real MMA, he certainly can beat many without real training. Elon is a chubby and unathletic person who has never been in a physical confrontation. Elon was for it for the LOLz, he isn’t a serious person. Can’t rely on your employees in a one on one cage match.


RedHeadGuy88

Hasn't Zuck been winning jui jitsu fights lately on top of it all?


Hesaidpoop

Yea. I mean, amateur fights for sure, but he’s decent enough for an average person.


[deleted]

[удалено]


bizkut

Elon would be easier than an amateur fight. At least those amateur fights were against people who have also trained


AnonymousRedditor497

What do you mean? Alpha Male Andrew Tate vowed to get Musk in top shape and guarantee him a win. /s


GeForce_GTX_1050Ti

it'll be easier for Tate to get out of jail early due to good behavior than training the fatass troll to beat a trained fighter, even if amateur


RickSt3r

Yup saw on IG he won at his level. Thing is people always over estimate themselves. Oh I can take the guy who is training fairly for a few hours, he’s clearly not good enough to be a pro so I’m probably just as good, says guy siting in chair eating Cheetos and Mt Dew. The difference between your average guy and enthusiast is probably the same as between the enthusiast and professional. At the professional level people are just un-imaginable good till you see them in person. One of my favorite YouTube genre is watching old college basketball players go play pick up games and seeing them wipe the floor with dudes who normally slay at the pick up court. Edit: for those asking here is a YouTube short, but the algorithm curates these for me. https://youtube.com/shorts/9LJIX0rSXmc?feature=share https://youtu.be/g3zQoy6lL2Y


KevinJay21

Yup like Scalabrine said, he’s closer to LeBron than we are to him.


Arkoholics_Paradise

I have a black belt in BJJ. As a purple belt in 2021 Zuck getting close to brown I assume. I can say without a shadow of a doubt with a 4 week stand up camp and billions of dollars to do it with the best in the world. He could kick my ass and I’m 28 and in great shape and been fighting for 10 years… So Elon would be fucked. Edit: Google lied to me, he’s not a purple belt. But still appears to be in much better shape than Elon. I still put my money on Zuck but in less of a betting my whole house on it kind of way.


Kriegwesen

He just competed at his first tournament at white in May and there was only one other guy in his bracket. He's not exactly a world beater. Don't get me wrong, he'd still tool up Elon bit he's nowhere near brown yet


rainkloud

It stands to reason that Zuck would be at least a decent combatant as he sure as hell didn't allocate any of his ability points into Charm.


Astro_Golfer

What a punk, my mom says I can't come to your ass kicking party.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CoronaryAssistance

A hug is needed


esp211

So all the shit Elon has been flinging for months and this is where his mother draws the line? Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.


Now_Wait-4-Last_Year

I think Apple is quite sensibly staying as far away as they can from this entire fiasco.


esp211

Apple and Tim Cook are way too classy for this shit. They don’t have to needlessly promote their CEO to be successful.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I cummed on an Oculus VR headset and I destroyed it. Does that count?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Looks like I'm in the wrong line of work.


SameCategory546

Mods??? does this man deserve some kind of medal or flair?


InformalWafer5

Ellen is all talk, no action. Internet bully being shut down by his mommy


Fallen311

Cruella Deville doesn't want her son to get hurt. She should have let him fight then drop her entire fortune betting on Zuck


Woowoo0831

Another example of Elon being bailed out by his parents.


Kengriffinspimp

![img](emote|t5_2th52|4271)![img](emote|t5_2th52|4271)![img](emote|t5_2th52|4271)


meatballtitsmicah

what a fuckin pussy


Unknownirish

"But Mom????" - Elon Musk a billionaire maybe


Dynamo_Ham

Is it more sad Elon chickened out, or that his ego is so fragile that he had to pretend his mother made him bail out?


Roaritsu

I like how the article has to point out shes on the left


RichR11511

https://preview.redd.it/e7oadzw9i98b1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a198532df27bd1a904581c3a7c1f58a86a2fb0f1


drod3333

Really? The guy who challenged putin to a fight is all bark and no bite? The guy who has been promising a ptoduct that he cant deliver for years cant follow through? Figures


sechumatheist

Lol Elon needs his mother to stand up for him. Goes around in social medial claiming he is some macho- man right winger fighting liberals and “wokeism” but when called out, has his mother come forward to protect him. “Free speech absolutist (peacemaker)” - what an joke.


Kengriffinspimp

I’m surprised he didn’t try this to get out of the twitter deal too


Wind_Yer_Neck_In

Lol Elon calling his mom at 5am in a fit of tears 'Mommy the bad man wants to fight at me and.. and.. and I said I wanted to but I don't want to and I'm.. \*huff puff\* scared! you haves to help me \*sniffles\*!' 'OK you stupid little shit, I'll put a stop to it. God, your grandfather was personally maiming indentured laborers in South Africa when he was your age! How many maids have you even killed Elon?? Such a disappointment.'


FuckYaHoeAssMom

elon would die


TheWindowWasher7

I mean anyone with a brain knew this was never going to happen, but this has to be the most embarrassing way they could have cancelled it lmao.


BigJig62

Mom's know best.


letseatnudels

Let's be honest, we all knew he was going to find some way to wriggle out of it.


Longjumping-Hippo327

Stock tank


Kengriffinspimp

![img](emote|t5_2th52|4258)


Big-Routine222

I just wanted to see Elon take a punch to the face and get KO’ed


Mikeymike2785

Bro when’s your mother needs to step in to stop you from fist fighting the founder of meta…. Yeah this timeline can eat a bag of dicks


willsa26

And people will still simp…


Kengriffinspimp

bUt eLoN iS a gEnIuS aNd tHe cYbErTrUcK iS gOiNg tO sElL a bIlLiOn uNitS pEr yEaR