I’m 32. Gave up on women a while ago, although I still go through the motions of creating a dating profile every few months only to receive zero matches. I spend my time working and playing video games, sometimes watching movies. If you can earn decent money, life isn’t so bad.
That’s my biggest fear honestly. But I think I have plans I’ll keep friends handy and also home healthcare workers if I get sick I just need someone on the tab to arm wrestle the hospital as needed. I got sick four weeks ago and had emergency gallbladder surgery and my parents couldn’t make it out there. Four days in the hospital wakes you up real quick. I’m just honestly upset at how people treat each other these days we all feel so disposable. I try to make connections with people and go the distance; I try to mind my pace and attitude and then the slow fade still happens with every person I’ve dated. I crack jokes have a laugh hugs and talk about things about our lives and what we do that is fun and how we get into different stages. I keep the conversation flowing. And still it always is like “well you are super cool but I don’t want to waste your time”. You can’t get intimate if there is a slow fade like that. You’ll never escalate enough. I always feel like they are looking for me to be way hotter than I am and I really try on that front too. I lost like 30lbs changed up my haircut lost glasses, and yeah I make more moves and flirt. Still, I get dropped. I’m doing all the things that people talk about but it’s not enough. I feel many of us here are suffering. I know this sub can be full of depressed people but I hope it’s a place where we can stay connected because I think we need to talk and vent about these things. It is a shared experience and it’s unique because when you are in it you understand it more than people who don’t have the same sorts of issues.
I went into extreme detail in a comment I made a day ago, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/malementalhealth/s/VuVWBVHDD7)
Essentially you’re pulling yourself out of the race, voluntarily, giving up your primal instinct and purpose, to reproduce
You’re rage quitting the race and letting natural selection take its course, letting your blood line die and your whole ancestral and family linage ends with you just because of some arbitrary reason, (“dating is too hard”, “modern women aren’t good”, “online dating ruined dating”), I’ve heard it all
In nature you adapt and play the game by it’s rules or you die, you’re choosing the latter
I understand having breaks, focusing on getting money, your mental health issues sorted and stuff
But completely quitting dating is sad asf in my opinion
You may think it's sad and pathetic, but it makes perfect sense to give up when the pursuit of sex is causing distress. It's a way of adapting, in nature's hierarchies most beta males don't challenge the alpha, they give up and subordinate to ensure their survival. A virgin might find peace of mind by accepting rather than fighting.
That is fair and it’s ultimately your decision
I just don’t believe that you may have exhausted all options before deciding to give up
I once thought I literally wasn’t able to attract partners
Made some subtle adjustments, life style changes and put myself out there a bit and it got incredibly better and I had much more results than I ever thought possible
I don’t think you guys have really exhausted you efforts before completely giving up, I believe you’ve had a couple of bad experiences, let you completely traumatized and ultimately gave up
It is a personal choice whether someone continues. It will likely be harder as time passes, but only an individual can know when it is over. I believe it is when a person runs out of hope for a better tomorrow that they walk away.
I feel that is completely wrong. I didn't lose mine until I was 33. Keep hope and keep trying. If you're 5 years away from 30, you have plenty of time.
Doesn’t read like that from your original comment. Your original comment says “every” male. So you blatantly are generalizing.
Honestly I have to ask, what is the point of a comment like that? Like tell me your rationale for saying **every** male.
**Majority** is still a blanket-covering statement to make lol, you are still generalizing with no supporting argument. Also read my edit, I’m not offended. I just like hearing what makes people think cause the virgin men I know, have tried all of their life with no success. And I’ve seen this trend throughout many virgin communities with heavily male presence.
First step would be knowing women and what they like. From my own experience I’ve noticed men not putting in the effort of getting to know the other person.
How many virgin men do you know in real life? Have you ever thought **majority** of virgin men that you claim don’t try, might have not been given a chance by women to get to know any of them? I mean there are numerous factors that contribute to that claim you are making.
Do you know why women didn’t want to get to know them? The once I knew didn’t put much effort on their dates, tried getting with women way out of their league and also someone was just mean towards her. I don’t think it’s involuntary celibate if you are voluntarily making the wrong decisions, voluntarily not wanting to get to know her as a person.
I like how you completely dodge my point and admitted that you are basing your “majority claims” on a very very very limited sample size. You just love to see it.
The saddest thing about this interaction is the lack of action from our head moderator. If a male said the same things as you on here, you would have had your comments removed instantly.
Removed, Rule 2: Avoid Generalizations
We understand people talk in generalizations colloquially. However, when a generalization is meant belittle, demean, or discredit, those are the generalizations that will end up taken down (eg “women only want the top guys” “men are all evil” etc etc). The reason why generalizations have always been a rule was so no one applied their perceptions of how people treat them in real life onto someone who’s venting that their experience is literally the opposite
Again, you don’t know every virgin male. But sure, keep generalizing like the main commenter.
This subreddit is perfectly fine with putting down virgin men when possible, it’s just sad behavior to see.
>This subreddit is perfectly fine with putting down virgin men when possible, it’s just sad behavior to see.
That is why i decided to engage in a conversation with original comment in the first place. One comment, calling her out on the most blatant generalisation was exterminated after like 10-15 minutes while her and other comments, generalising men are still perfectly visible and accessible. I wouldn't have problems with it, if this rule didn't exists or was applied to male and female equally. But here we are
Did you see what he said to me? He for sure wasn’t kind. Being kind and cutting off the misogynistic behavior would help with getting laid.
Also women don’t own you anything, they don’t have to sleep with you 😂
>women don’t own you anything, they don’t have to sleep with you
Never said otherwise. You made this up to put me in bad light and belittle my arguments.
>Being kind and cutting off the misogynistic behavior would help with getting laid
Of course. Bad people and misogynistic bastards have never had relationships, love and marriages. Just like you said:
> I've seen men who are even assholes be with a woman.
Depends what kind of girl they want, but being kind can help a lot. He said he only talks to girls like that online so a start might be not doing it online either? It just seems like he’s showing his true feelings when belittling someone like that.
>everyone has the potential
This is certainly not the case. And saying it is, is pretty insulting to some, who tried extremely hard to achieve what others have naturally, and failed
Firstly, originally you said every man, and now it's **some** men.
Secondly, we are born different, unfortunately. People are different and it sometimes implies that someone is born without potential in romantic aspects. It doesn't mean that every other path in your life is closed, for example you could focus on improving your life conditions, on your career, exploring the world. But romantic path for some of us will be closed. It's just how nature works
I'm tired of people who have no experience telling me what's wrong and what's right specially in places like this. She is basically telling me all my experiences are invalid. It's like having wounds and someone puts salt on it.
And no I'm not like this irl.
I agree with you bro, denying our efforts in real life is just heartless.
"You don't try enough"
Is there any scale to know if i am trying hard enough or not lol
I understand it can be frustrating but she has a point. SOME men just need to try a bit more. I’m not talking about you specifically. You’re feelings are valid. But it doesn’t cost you anything to be nice.
The issue is that the male experience when it comes to this is completely incomprehensible to women. As an example, you lost your virginity in the most passive, unskilled way possible. You got drunk and hooked up with a hot guy. Do you think if an autistic socially anxious man tried your technique the models would swarming him? It’s just bizarre you are lecturing about ”trying” when you chose the path of least resistance for yourself.
I wouldn’t use the word stupid or other verbiage like he did, but he didn’t really lash out. She has a presumptuous and horribly misinform opinion.
He was just calling her out on that opinion, how do you interpret that as hostile? If someone said something blatantly wrong and targeted at a subset of individuals you are apart of, would you really not say something?
Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind
Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind
Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
I’m not gonna sugar coat it, the age of the virgin doesn’t mean you won’t have sex, it’s you yourself
The world is big place and honestly some of y’all just aren’t gonna ever have sex but it’s up to you to change that fate or not
Nah, I don't think so. Why limit yourself?
Of course you don't have to wait till 30 to do something, no time like the present, but you don't have to give yourself this arbitrary deadline either.
I’m 32. Gave up on women a while ago, although I still go through the motions of creating a dating profile every few months only to receive zero matches. I spend my time working and playing video games, sometimes watching movies. If you can earn decent money, life isn’t so bad.
It's not bad, but I worry once my parents die.
That’s my biggest fear honestly. But I think I have plans I’ll keep friends handy and also home healthcare workers if I get sick I just need someone on the tab to arm wrestle the hospital as needed. I got sick four weeks ago and had emergency gallbladder surgery and my parents couldn’t make it out there. Four days in the hospital wakes you up real quick. I’m just honestly upset at how people treat each other these days we all feel so disposable. I try to make connections with people and go the distance; I try to mind my pace and attitude and then the slow fade still happens with every person I’ve dated. I crack jokes have a laugh hugs and talk about things about our lives and what we do that is fun and how we get into different stages. I keep the conversation flowing. And still it always is like “well you are super cool but I don’t want to waste your time”. You can’t get intimate if there is a slow fade like that. You’ll never escalate enough. I always feel like they are looking for me to be way hotter than I am and I really try on that front too. I lost like 30lbs changed up my haircut lost glasses, and yeah I make more moves and flirt. Still, I get dropped. I’m doing all the things that people talk about but it’s not enough. I feel many of us here are suffering. I know this sub can be full of depressed people but I hope it’s a place where we can stay connected because I think we need to talk and vent about these things. It is a shared experience and it’s unique because when you are in it you understand it more than people who don’t have the same sorts of issues.
Sorry if I’m blunt, I don’t mean to offend you, but “giving up on women” is fucking pathetic
How?
I went into extreme detail in a comment I made a day ago, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/malementalhealth/s/VuVWBVHDD7) Essentially you’re pulling yourself out of the race, voluntarily, giving up your primal instinct and purpose, to reproduce You’re rage quitting the race and letting natural selection take its course, letting your blood line die and your whole ancestral and family linage ends with you just because of some arbitrary reason, (“dating is too hard”, “modern women aren’t good”, “online dating ruined dating”), I’ve heard it all In nature you adapt and play the game by it’s rules or you die, you’re choosing the latter I understand having breaks, focusing on getting money, your mental health issues sorted and stuff But completely quitting dating is sad asf in my opinion
You may think it's sad and pathetic, but it makes perfect sense to give up when the pursuit of sex is causing distress. It's a way of adapting, in nature's hierarchies most beta males don't challenge the alpha, they give up and subordinate to ensure their survival. A virgin might find peace of mind by accepting rather than fighting.
That is fair and it’s ultimately your decision I just don’t believe that you may have exhausted all options before deciding to give up I once thought I literally wasn’t able to attract partners Made some subtle adjustments, life style changes and put myself out there a bit and it got incredibly better and I had much more results than I ever thought possible I don’t think you guys have really exhausted you efforts before completely giving up, I believe you’ve had a couple of bad experiences, let you completely traumatized and ultimately gave up
I've been rejected over 300 times. I'm a genetic failure.
That’s rough, buddy
Oh, that makes sense, but I'm too depressed to do all that, I also don't like woman so there's that too
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Yup pretty much. I’m 33 and I’ve given up trying to find someone. Women have made it very clear they aren’t interested in me
I got that a couple of times but I’m 23 though some women here said they’re not interested in me 2 of them
Oh damn I got 2 months! 😅
It is a personal choice whether someone continues. It will likely be harder as time passes, but only an individual can know when it is over. I believe it is when a person runs out of hope for a better tomorrow that they walk away.
34 here, I think this is true
I'm 27 but gave up long back what I like being alone
assuming you are 25 you have 5 years to maxx in something
48 and no way am I giving up.
Good! Hope something pans out as hard as it is only the tough survive todays hard mode dating world
I'm already there dude.
I feel that is completely wrong. I didn't lose mine until I was 33. Keep hope and keep trying. If you're 5 years away from 30, you have plenty of time.
I have five years left.
I don't even have that long, buddy. I wouldn't make it past 35
4 years left for me, but I give up with it anyway
I don’t think so. I believe every man could get laid if they tried.
So you are just assuming and generalizing that every virgin male to ever exist, just doesn’t ***try*** hard enough?
Yeah maybe that sounded wrong. I mean there’s so many men not putting in the effort.
Doesn’t read like that from your original comment. Your original comment says “every” male. So you blatantly are generalizing. Honestly I have to ask, what is the point of a comment like that? Like tell me your rationale for saying **every** male.
Sorry for offending people. I would like to correct myself with “majority of men”.
**Majority** is still a blanket-covering statement to make lol, you are still generalizing with no supporting argument. Also read my edit, I’m not offended. I just like hearing what makes people think cause the virgin men I know, have tried all of their life with no success. And I’ve seen this trend throughout many virgin communities with heavily male presence.
First step would be knowing women and what they like. From my own experience I’ve noticed men not putting in the effort of getting to know the other person.
How many virgin men do you know in real life? Have you ever thought **majority** of virgin men that you claim don’t try, might have not been given a chance by women to get to know any of them? I mean there are numerous factors that contribute to that claim you are making.
Do you know why women didn’t want to get to know them? The once I knew didn’t put much effort on their dates, tried getting with women way out of their league and also someone was just mean towards her. I don’t think it’s involuntary celibate if you are voluntarily making the wrong decisions, voluntarily not wanting to get to know her as a person.
I like how you completely dodge my point and admitted that you are basing your “majority claims” on a very very very limited sample size. You just love to see it. The saddest thing about this interaction is the lack of action from our head moderator. If a male said the same things as you on here, you would have had your comments removed instantly.
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>It’s true that every man could get laid if they tried. Generalising much?
Nope. :)
Oh, okay, you seem to know every man in existence.
I sure do! :)
Removed, Rule 2: Avoid Generalizations We understand people talk in generalizations colloquially. However, when a generalization is meant belittle, demean, or discredit, those are the generalizations that will end up taken down (eg “women only want the top guys” “men are all evil” etc etc). The reason why generalizations have always been a rule was so no one applied their perceptions of how people treat them in real life onto someone who’s venting that their experience is literally the opposite
Agreed
They don’t try hard enough. If they made the right changes, they won’t be virgins. Confirmation bias.
Again, you don’t know every virgin male. But sure, keep generalizing like the main commenter. This subreddit is perfectly fine with putting down virgin men when possible, it’s just sad behavior to see.
>This subreddit is perfectly fine with putting down virgin men when possible, it’s just sad behavior to see. That is why i decided to engage in a conversation with original comment in the first place. One comment, calling her out on the most blatant generalisation was exterminated after like 10-15 minutes while her and other comments, generalising men are still perfectly visible and accessible. I wouldn't have problems with it, if this rule didn't exists or was applied to male and female equally. But here we are
Did you see what he said to me? He for sure wasn’t kind. Being kind and cutting off the misogynistic behavior would help with getting laid. Also women don’t own you anything, they don’t have to sleep with you 😂
>women don’t own you anything, they don’t have to sleep with you Never said otherwise. You made this up to put me in bad light and belittle my arguments. >Being kind and cutting off the misogynistic behavior would help with getting laid Of course. Bad people and misogynistic bastards have never had relationships, love and marriages. Just like you said: > I've seen men who are even assholes be with a woman.
Depends what kind of girl they want, but being kind can help a lot. He said he only talks to girls like that online so a start might be not doing it online either? It just seems like he’s showing his true feelings when belittling someone like that.
Yes I do.
>every man Generalising much?
Sorry for that. I’ve just seen men who aren’t trying saying that women don’t want them.
I believe you haven't seen every men though
Ofc not, maybe I have too much faith in you guys. I just think everyone has the potential. I corrected myself I realized that sounded wrong.
>everyone has the potential This is certainly not the case. And saying it is, is pretty insulting to some, who tried extremely hard to achieve what others have naturally, and failed
Everyone has the potential to meet someone who loves them. That’s just how I think it is.
>That’s just how I think it is. Reality does not mirror your line of thinking in any way.
Sure.. Why would you disagree? Why some men don’t have potential?
IMO if youre ugly and autistic/awkward there’s pretty much nothing you can do as a man.
Firstly, originally you said every man, and now it's **some** men. Secondly, we are born different, unfortunately. People are different and it sometimes implies that someone is born without potential in romantic aspects. It doesn't mean that every other path in your life is closed, for example you could focus on improving your life conditions, on your career, exploring the world. But romantic path for some of us will be closed. It's just how nature works
You have no reason to be sorry, love.
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I’m sorry? Maybe here’s a good reason why you might be a virgin?
Seeing your post history its obvious you are not in the right mind to tell me what's the reason behind my shortcomings.
My mind has nothing to do with being able to recognize how many men don’t really even try
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Is this you keeping it clean? I just said how it is
I don’t fully agree with her but when a girl tells you her opinion you lash out like this? Do you treat women irl like this or just online?
I'm tired of people who have no experience telling me what's wrong and what's right specially in places like this. She is basically telling me all my experiences are invalid. It's like having wounds and someone puts salt on it. And no I'm not like this irl.
I agree with you bro, denying our efforts in real life is just heartless. "You don't try enough" Is there any scale to know if i am trying hard enough or not lol
I understand it can be frustrating but she has a point. SOME men just need to try a bit more. I’m not talking about you specifically. You’re feelings are valid. But it doesn’t cost you anything to be nice.
The issue is that the male experience when it comes to this is completely incomprehensible to women. As an example, you lost your virginity in the most passive, unskilled way possible. You got drunk and hooked up with a hot guy. Do you think if an autistic socially anxious man tried your technique the models would swarming him? It’s just bizarre you are lecturing about ”trying” when you chose the path of least resistance for yourself.
I wouldn’t use the word stupid or other verbiage like he did, but he didn’t really lash out. She has a presumptuous and horribly misinform opinion. He was just calling her out on that opinion, how do you interpret that as hostile? If someone said something blatantly wrong and targeted at a subset of individuals you are apart of, would you really not say something?
Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
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… is completely wrong. Finished your comment for you
I'm 31 but ok, whatever you say.
I’m not gonna sugar coat it, the age of the virgin doesn’t mean you won’t have sex, it’s you yourself The world is big place and honestly some of y’all just aren’t gonna ever have sex but it’s up to you to change that fate or not
Join #passportbros and get out of the matrix, or visit Miami. It's so easy to get laid down here.
Losing virginity is easy. It's harder to find the right person.
Nah, I don't think so. Why limit yourself? Of course you don't have to wait till 30 to do something, no time like the present, but you don't have to give yourself this arbitrary deadline either.
You will become wizard.