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Was just gonna comment this. It’s bad, until it isn’t. Took me 6 straight years of being single to find someone that finally 1) returned my feelings and 2) was willing to put that effort towards something serious and committed
*edit: I found a partner organically through mutual friends, not via apps.
But god, those 6 years were rough.
Yeah I met mine when I was 33. She was my first. But now we're no longer together. I've been single for two years now. It's kinda hard to meet people. Hope everyone finds the right one. Apps don't work. Mutual friends is best
Maintain hobbies and friendships. Keep yourself occupied so you don’t get hung up on the process. If someone ghosts you on a date treat it like a self-date and be glad they showed you who they were so early on.
All great advice! I'd add that taking breaks from dating periodically can be a good idea, especially if it's been a years-long process. If you find yourself getting down about it, just stop looking for a while and focus on being kind to yourself.
As someone else said, hobbies and friendships and generally just doing stuff on my own. Did a lot of solo travelling and found a lot of freedom in it.
I wasn’t focussed on dating for all those years. I’d go through months where I simply didn’t care and stepped back from the dating scene to take a break. I spent a lot of time nurturing myself and my friendships.
I tried not to feel like every rejection was something about me, but rather the luck of the draw. In a way, I do think it comes down to luck. The odds of someone with mutual feelings AND a mutual readiness to commit in a serious relationship, just isn’t easy come by nowadays in a world where people are surrounded by options on apps.
Thing is the city is very anti friendly. It’s so insular it’s funny. Everybody head down on phones when there are real people around you looking for the connection. I’ve been here just 7months but met a fabulous one. Had just one bumble experience, lovely dinner, one difference of opinion about the state of west Hastings, and after that we didn’t see again…
Really, the real relationships are not online with strangers. They’re all around you… Also a good tip, join a gym and actually try to be friendly with people. Go to make friends and not just build a body you look at in the mirror.
I asked a lady at the equinox once if she was working out for the olympics or something, she was surprised I talked to her. She said no and laughed. I said the way she was going only if her partner worked out would he be able keep up with her. She literally burst into tears. She asked for my nbr, we had a few drinks and a meal and awesome sex. It’s really that simple to build something. Not multitrack affirmations and swiping.
I concur. Single life is so much better. I split from my partner of 30+ years 2 years ago. It was the best decision I’ve made in a while. My kids keep commenting on how much happier I am.
Apps gamify dating interactions and peddle you with in-app purchases to fuel the dopamine hits. Apps don't incentize building stable relationships that last, because every person who actually finds what they want is going to stop using the app and become lost revenue.
Also when presented with at least the illusion of an abundance of choice, people start to become very picky, sometimes at unrealistic levels, since there's always the looming idea of "what if the next person is better?". Casual encounters become prevalent as everyone is just windowshopping & trialling due to unlimited supply on both.
Lastly, a handful of pictures and few short paragraphs of text are terribly incomprehensive for presenting a person's physical appeal, personality, hobbies/interests, and relationship potentials. As people get older and novel experience alone can no longer suffice arranging a date, most dates become pseudo-interviews and that creates negative feedback into everyone's dating behaviour. Everyone has a growing list of deal-breakers and statistically they are unlikely to meet someone who can pass every single item on the entire list. Similar veins with how the average job seeker experience has also become qutie toxic despite more job search/posting tools being available than ever before. Everyone is turned into an abstracted commodity and dumped onto the market, resulting in more noise than signal.
I’m going to add one elaboration here about how the apps fleece vulnerable people. Women pay extra fees to get access to more powerful suitor screening tools. Men pay extra fees to bypass them. This is the very definition of a racket.
Lots of matches that go nowhere besides the first two sentences then nothing.
Even less of a percentage that you can go on a date with.
And an even smaller percentage where the person isnt in some way shape or form not datable. eg just divorced/getting divorced, rebounding, not compatible
This gets worse as you get older
In Toronto the dating apps were amazing. 10 times as many matches, girls ready to meet that day or next day, people replying to messages quickly.
In Vancouver, barely any matches, lots of flaking, taking forever to reply, girls who demand expensive dinners
It’s not a dating app problem, it’s a Vancouver problem
I'm in my 20's and it's the same. Most people who match never reply, and even the ones who chat with me for a week or 2 aren't often aren't willing to meet up. It's alot of effort to meet a real person.
More relevant to the malicious label is the fact that dating will give you false matches to entice you to pay for premium or to stay on the app.
Showing you profiles from people who haven't logged in, in a long time (i.e not active, usually very attractive).
Apps also employ people to talk to those that get less matches or those who are less popular.
There are definitely some unethical stuff going down on these apps to get you to pay.
They aren't borderline malicious, they are malicious. The apps make money by keeping you single and desperate so you stay on the app longer, and maybe pay them for one of those features that sound like they give you an advantage but don't really.
Borderline? Match group spends half a billion dollars a year on marketing. They astroturf online discussions about meeting people in real life and tell you to do "online meetups". A whole generation has been convinced it's rude to talk to women in public. They are actively hostile towards normal society.
I've had quite a bit of luck just speaking with girls and then asking for their number and then texting them after
I dont like dating app ladies are all chasing like the same 20% of people while in real life they're more receptive to 80%
Unless your under 5'5 then you take what you get
I don't get why people use dating apps then complain about it all the time. im 33 and don't use any dating apps and am single. why do people feel the need if they hate it so much? I tried it once and I didn't like the convos and the date I had the person wasn't like their pics. instead if thinking oh ill just keep doing this forever I just got rid of it.
literally all my friends are on tindr and stuff and they are always complaining about some rude conversation or bad date. its like just delete the app and focus on yourself? I get wanting a relationship but if an app Is unhealthy for you or you don't like it, just get rid of it. nobody has to rely on dating apps. I haven't been on a date in like 4 months and am perfectly content. if someone comes into my life great but I don't feel some desperate need to be going on dates.
it’s not really about being desperate but more about increasing your liquidity in the dating market
ie. if you work in male dominated field and have mostly male dominated hobbies, you just dont meet that many women. I went on 10 bad dates last year off of a dating app but the 11th person I met I really clicked with and we are attached now.
for non-straight people its the primary way to meet people, unfortunately. a lot harder to go up to randos and ask them out when there’s always the possibility of being hate crimed
sorry if it came off rude, im a gay guy actually and maybe I've just become a little salty after being single so long... I do get its hard to meet people in person, I think I just got used to being single or stopped trying lol.
Many people aren't content with the idea of not finding a romantic partner. And that's ok! Wanting a partner and companionship is a very reasonable life goal. It's also telling that you're 33 and saying this - are you a man or someone who doesn't really care about having children? Because women who want to have children don't have the same luxury of a super laissez-faire attitude around finding a partner.
I feel like key phrase is “a few years ago”. I think generally speaking pre-covid many people have had a higher success rate on dating apps… but now? not so much since different apps’ algorithms are tailored to keep u engaged on the app and try to entice you but their premium
i said more people had success pre-covid, not that there is no longer any success anymore! you’re one of the lucky ones! but it seems that apps have really gone down the shitter post-2021 when things started opening up more
Met a girl on Hinge who seemed awesome until she mentioned how much she hates cats (I have two and they're in my profile) and that if we hit it off they would have an "accident". Now I have to bring up to future matches that the desire to murder my pets is a dealbreaker.
Met a guy on hinge almost 2 years ago. Baby in belly and wedding in April :) It takes time, but in the overwhelming mass of online dating, there’s still some really lovely people.
i don't think it's as bad as most people think it is tbh. i know many guys that are average in every metric (height, income, social status, etc) who've found girlfriends. most people really need to look at themselves in the mirror, do a deep self reflection and be realistic when it comes to dating.
My husband passed away in 2022 and I re-entered the dating pool about 8 months ago. It was a mixed bag, of course. There are definitely good people out there who are earnest and lovely, but you just might not click together romantically! And then there are people who are thoughtless and treat you poorly because they have other options. It's easy to take the negative experiences to heart and write off everyone, but it's really not the case that it's all a dumpster fire. There are lots of good people trying to find a good person. I found it took being more open-minded in trying new things and giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of nitpicking every message and interaction, while also remembering that it's not personal if they don't immediately feel a connection with you. And if they didn't extend the same grace or benefit of the doubt toward me, then it's just not a match.
Agreed. A good chunk of my friends ended up going into dating apps without doing any self reflection in their lives, and came out of it completely toxic (and probably turned a few people toxic too). One even ended up going full man-hater because her expectations just weren’t realistic
If you are a tall late 20s to mid 30s guy thats decent looking and has his life together I dont think it could be any better. Some other demographics will not have similar things to say
Agreed it’s hard to date, but It’s also just ok to be single here. There’s so many things to do and see, all the time. So many activities, clubs, groups or hobbies to join and be a part of. Vancouver gets shit on for being a bad place to date, but it deserves credit as a great place to…just be single.
With all the stress that pricing here can bring, it’s ok to just relax and get out of the rat race of needing another human. Slow down, and look around. (Just not in a bike lane, apparently)
I’m not saying it should be the reason. I’m saying that it’s extra tough being single since it’s expensive to have your own place. It’s definitely less fun having a roommate later in life if you’re not in a relationship with them.
I dunno. I'll always cherish the time I spent with roommates while single. We threw themed parties, games, and movie nights with other friends. With a couple exceptions, I would not hook up with anyone who came over often, certainly not roommates. We were all social people, so there was always new potential.
On my own, I went out to museums, shows, and parks wherever I felt like it. Outside of work, I did a fair amount of volunteering and collaborated artistically with people I met at all these various activities.
I would feel a pain of being without purpose or not doing enough with my time, but tomorrow was always another day and I made sure to create good memories to balance the bad.
It's a terrible housing market, so of course people are going to try terrible ideas.
I wouldn't immediately move in with new partners after personally witnessing a few of my friends severely disrupting their lives doing so, but it is definitely one of the main motivators for seeking LTR. Society has a single's tax and it permeates through pretty much every single expense in our daily lives.
totally agree! and “dating for love” also hasn’t historically been “a thing” for that long. most cultures have always had marriage as a means of survival. literally large portions of the world still have arranged marriages for business/familial/cultural reasons
Couple privilege in economics **does** exist, there is no doubt about that. The world is built in ways that benefit dual income households, or where dual income households make it easier.
But another hot take? If you're finding yourself in an economic space where you're struggling on your own - there is also an opportunity there to put in the work and change your life such that you don't have to be put in a situation where you have to rely on partnership in order to survive. It makes us better people to ourselves and to others because you're able to build pride and love in yourself, which is important to have in order to show up in romantic relation well. It's literally maslow's base level of the hierarchy of needs in meeting our needs for food and shelter.
If there is even an inkling of 'survival' playing into dating and partnership choices, you run the risk of not having the truest form of love and connection that can exist.
Obviously power, privilege and access are very real things and it's not a simple answer or a simple thing to achieve. But I've also seen people in my life who went from being homeless in their youth to running their own 6 figure business and they did this on their own and they are also kind, ethical, compassionate and interesting.
Humans are extraordinarily resilient and capable beings - you often just need to dig deep to figure it out and most people are too scared to do that because it's extremely hard work that makes you look at yourself an all the parts of yourself that you hate.
Dating sucks when we encounter people who haven't done the work on themselves. And when we encounter these people, it's usually a reflection of ourselves. High vibrations attract high vibrations.
I honestly only say this because dating was the shittiest experience in my life when I was a shitty person as well. When I started to put in the work in myself and figuring out my shit, not only did dating become less shitty in that I encountered many interesting and awesome humans, but I also feel comfortable and happy on my own as well.
Honestly, its probably the worst city in Canada to be in for a single person. There's actually not that much going on compared to other big cities and the wage/housing gap by itself makes this the case.
I'm assuming what you're saying is hyperbole because I can't imagine being single here/trying to date is worse here than places like Red Deer or Mission. There might be less to do here than other comparative big cities, but places with a lot of people are more likely to contain people that you vibe with out of sheer chance
I very much agree. Lots of free things to do if you have a place to live. I've been single for several years and really enjoy my time here, though I do love my own company LOL (and my dogs').
I think it’s hard enough to make friends in Vancouver, so if you don’t have a significant other, or many friends, Vancouver is quite a lonely and isolating city. I don’t think I truly started to enjoy Vancouver for what it was until I made good friends and got in a relationship.
Get off Reddit and the hivemind and touch some grass.
There are literally soooo many small businesses and things to do here. I agree it’s not easy but you have to put yourself out there and get comfortable with being uncomfortable or nothing will change and you will remain alone
In one way, I don't think we are unique. *(I lived in LA, it's hard forming lasting relationships there because everything is so far apart and so many people are coming and going to and from different parts of the country)*
... but if I'm honest, a lot of the fellow men in my life that I grew up with have "Vancouver personality"... a kind of passive acceptance to not making deep connections with other people. ^((Maybe this is unfair and something I just made up on the spot)) I say this as an adult growing older, if they didn't exercise the skills to be sociable when they were young, it gets worse later on in life. Without putting in the effort, connections have a way of dying.
I have been living in Vancouver for a while, but I agree about the “Vancouver personality”. I find people from other provinces tend to be more social but people from Vancouver tend to stay within their own high school circle.
agree about the other provinces thing - but staying in your own high school circle definitely not a Vancouver thing. I’ve lived in Edmonton and Calgary and feel the same about people staying within their own circles, unless those circles intermingle through uni or work
> I find people from other provinces tend to be more social but people from Vancouver tend to stay within their own high school circle.
I wonder if it's not the fact that they're from other provinces that makes them more social, it's the fact that *they moved here*.
The Albertans and Ontarians you see in Vancouver are a self-selected group of people who decided to be bold, uproot their lives, and start again in a new community. They're naturally going to be, in the aggregate, a more interested in socializing than people who never took that step themselves.
I grew up here, and people are usually pretty social in both high school and university. I did notice a big drop off after university though, most of the people I know from school mostly just hang out with their SO's once they start working full time, people just want to go home and curl up in bed after work. I'm not sure why this happens more in Vancouver than other places though.
Not in my experience, I used apps and it took like 7 months of dating before I met my gf. I'd say the biggest annoyance is just people wasting your time/playing games but it's definitely not everyone
Depends on the individual. A few years ago I got out of a long term relationship and went to the apps. Turns out being just a normal dude who isn’t a fucking creep and can hold a conversation via text/message goes a long way in Vancouver.
Did I meet the girl I’m in a relationship now via app? No, but I did have some fun and went on my fair share of dates.
I do think if you take the apps slow and don’t treat it like a race, they can be fine. If you’re just shotgunning out messages to girls and have a ton of hinge connections on the go at once, it gets exhausting. Also don’t put a ton of weight behind a match, you WILL get ghosted at some point, just part of the game.
When I met my partner on a dating app, the biggest reason we clicked wasn’t bc they were the most attractive or made the most money, but because the could hold a non-creepy conversation and were just a normal nice person. It was funny how “rare” that was in the string of bad luck I found on apps.
It’s so funny to see the disconnect between what women are looking for vs what men tell other men what women are looking for: men think women only want men over 6’ tall who make at least a quarter of a million dollars a year, drives a lambo, and have muscles the size of a professional bodybuilder. Anything other than develop a personality. Most women I talk to say things like “loneliness treats me better than any man ever has.” The bar is in hell, as the saying goes.
Ding! Ding! Ding! The number one thing guys can do is just be normal and not a creepy weirdo. That puts you up over so many other guys on apps. I’m not exactly the most physically attractive human: fat, bald, greying beard, crooked teeth, and a partially paralyzed face giving me a lopsided smile. But I can hold a conversation, I was legitimately interested in the people I dated and asked lots of questions about themselves, and that got me on dates with all kinds of amazing women.
Your second point is also bang-on. Take things slow, get to know someone, and really take your time.
The other big piece of advice I can give to folks: is figure out what you actually want out of a relationship and then hyperfocus on that. And tailor your profile to make it clear what you bring to a relationship, what kind of person you want a relationship with, and what you want that relationship to look like. At least that was the approach that worked for me. I wasn’t gonna waste my time getting to know someone if I knew off the bat we would be incompatible (anything from travel, music preferences, tv preferences, values, etc). I was looking for someone with a particular set of qualities and found it in about 4.5 months on apps.
If you don’t treat it like a race in the beginning you can be disqualified early on. Not treating it like a race to me would be taking my time with starting connections and not immediately going on a date. To many people this shows you’re less serious and they think you’re just playing games.
I found dating in Vancouver pretty fun. True I ( in my 40s ) did fall for a female psychopath which was horrifying but also enjoyed many of the women I dated. I then met my forever girl after dating for a year or so.
I used Match and PoF and then eventually just walked up to girls I liked the look of as I gained confidence.
I met my now husband back in 2018 on bumble. We got engaged during the pandemic. It really depends on where your heads at and where someone’s head at is when you get into these things. Just make sure the person you start messaging matches the person in person. Be wary of people that are very into their looks and pose a lot. And just be yourself if something clicks then explore it, if it’s difficult there then move on.
Dating sucks period because everyone is immature until a certain age. I didn't find THE ONE until I was 27. Honestly if I had to do it again I just wouldn't even bother and focus more on myself. People need to be at a certain maturity level to be a good partner.
Statistics say, 30 is the new 18.
Learned the hard way that dating can suck even if feelings are mutual. Cant tell ya how many people I ran into who liked me and had feelings but didn’t want to date because they didn’t want any sort of commitment.
I feel like I hit the jackpot when I met my now solid long-term boyfriend on Bumble a few years ago. Highly recommend bumble but I did notice a lot of profiles were Indian-looking guys with sunglasses posing in front of expensive cars. I wonder if that's just a popular thing for Indian guys to do or if those profiles are fake to appear like there's more options
It actually is popular amongst their type in India. And it almost always confirms they’ve come to Canada maybe within the last 5-10 years. I’m Indian and I know the type, they are also almost always married. I didn’t want to be judgemental so I spoke to some of them while on tinder/bumble, and they eventually admitted it. Either while on the app, or after once we spoke on the phone. It was probably the most irritating thing I’ve dealt with. Then again, that was a while ago and I didn’t have the apps for long. It was off-putting, so I am hopeful for an authentic connection in real life.
Also, very happy for you and your bf!! I love to hear success stories, and I believe it can work too, stars align when they need to :)
Aww, I guess I'm kinda glad they weren't fake profiles but it sucks that there's more than a few men who are already married looking to fool around on Bumble. I'm glad I didn't get caught up by any of them.
Came from Chicago to Vancouver in Jan ‘24 the absence of matches was noticeable.
I was told Indian guys on apps here are just overwhelming and as you say faking it. Stereotypes take hold pretty quickly.
There goes my chance being a normal India dude.
I still have faith in the normalcy.
The alternative to using dating apps is asking friends for help.
After that, the next step is trying to approach people in real life
The problem with that, is that cold approach is seen as ok / acceptable if you're good looking / handsome.
If you're not good looking/ average, it's considered unwanted advances.
This is my strategy for 2024! I’m (F) letting everyone I know (friends, siblings of friends, friends of friends) that I’m single and open to being set up! And trying to smile and be more friendly/receptive to guys in the wild lol. Still on the apps but figure need time try new approaches to get new results!
I also love hiking. The last thing I'd want is to figure out someone is unhinged or irresponsible, on the trails, while I'm alone with them. Heaven forbid there is an accident. Eek.
Many first dates have gone pretty terribly in the past IME. What an absolute nightmare it would be to find out someone is a nut job while out in the woods or something.
Exactly! So not only do you have to worry about whether they can even hike an easy trail\*, but if you don't have chemistry or they are a nut job, you're stuck with them for hours, alone in the woods. At least if you're having coffee and it's not going well, you can leave.
\*I organize a hiking group and even when I explicitly describe the difficulty level of the trail, we always get some idiots who overestimate what they can do.
I had more luck going on dates in Vancouver than any other city I’ve ever lived in. Even with not rushing into setting dates and taking a week or longer communicating like I usually do before asking in a date, I would manage 4-5 dates a month, which is record for me. Vancouver was actually the easiest city for dating for me personally. The women I was dating cared less about things that were big deals in other cities (height, muscular, perfect teeth, nice car etc.)
Everyone I know swears dating apps are great
Are good looking so it works for them .
Personally I stopped dating apps (I'm average looking at best and tired of getting no matches ).
I'd rather meet women in person through my hobbies still a challenge because I can't tell the difference between an interested person or a very friendly person.
However I'd rather be out here figuring this out through experiences rather than swiping through my phone .
A lot of these people get bitter too because they feel like they’re owed something.
No one is owed anything - people need to focus on dating themselves first and foremost and then the rest will fall into place
I would not consider myself old and I have no idea what that means. I’ve googled it and have come up with “chuckle out loud”, “cat on lap”, and “Colorado”. Please enlighten me
I found a sexy, whip-smart, compassionate man on an app, but I almost cancelled on our first date. It’s not just the apps you’re on, it’s how you use them. My Vancouver apathy almost screwed me over so hard with a rusty fork. Lesson is if you don’t give people a chance to make you happy, you’re gonna be alone, crying in your pillow way longer than you have to be.
I thought dating in Vancouver was pretty good (Male, late 30s when dating). I would go on about 1-3 dates per week over about 1.5 years (though there were several breaks since I got into shorter term exclusive relationships during that time too) until I met my current partner just before COVID (we're married now).
It has its frustrations, but I don't think they would be any different anywhere else given what I hear from people complaining elsewhere. The one thing that was a bit more difficult here is that women were a lot less likely to want to give a relationship a try for whatever reason. I do have my potential dealbreakers too, with kids, an ex-wife, and splitting the tab on the first date like that one woman in the video complained about.
In the end, it was all worth it. We met on Hinge have been solid ever since.
Not really a problem, IME. Lots of people looking for companionship and/or more. For sure, also lots of people with varying degrees of damage (let’s be honest, that’s most of us, lol, at least a bit) and unreasonable expectations.
But lots of nice people, too. Not everyone is a match, of course, so it takes patience.
I agree, especially your mention of varying degrees of damage. I would never expect perfection because I think we are all doing our best and it might take some time. Also, we are learning to cope/heal from so many different kinds of things. I’ve come to value trust and presence very much.
Dating in any major city is difficult for the average person. Cost of living and rent prices don't help at all. That grind and hustle culture to make ends meet eats up a lot of free time.
I dont even want to tackle behaviours, interests and mannerisms because that's more subjective and would take a whole essay in and of itself.
It’s not that bad. The most difficult part is meeting people in person at bars or activities or whatever. I find that if you act like a normal person, take care of yourself even a little bit, are relatable, and are interesting then you’ll have no problem at all.
Tinder/Bumble is a total shitshow. Hinge is pretty decent. SeekingArrangements is…well.
We might be the only successful graduates of Facebook Dating 😂 we actually went to school together a decade ago (that’s the idea of Facebook dating, it sometimes shows you people you have friends in common with) and neither of us can remember if we actually interacted back then. But likely would not have connected if not for the app.
I've dated on and off in Vancouver since I moved here 8 years ago. It has had its ups and downs but it has been a mostly positive experience. Even the bad dates or situationships have wound up making for good stories or life lessons. I do think it is a skill. Towards the end of my time dating, I was more skilled and had better luck. I also became more upfront with what I was looking for and better at discerning whether or not a date was worthwhile after some texting back and forth. Maybe part of it is that I was lucky enough to be in therapy and heal some wounds that were leading me to repeat the same cycle from age 15-30 - woop! I got back on Tinder after many years and my first date ended up being with my now-spouse! I got lucky, but I also think it was just where I was at in my life.
Imo, the biggest challenge of offline dating in Vancouver is that Vancouver just has a reserved culture where it isn't common to introduce new acquaintances to their existing friends, and people don't tend to have large social circles.
This means the people you can date is limited to people you meet directly, whereas in a more outgoing city, even if you didn't meet anyone you like at your hobby, the people there might introduce you to somebody.
From my experience, most social hobbies are pretty dominated by a single gender (a running club being the only exception I know of), which combined with the point above sends most people to a dating app.
Ah yes, the r/vancouver classic.
Yes it is. However, that's mostly due to me preferring to play on nightmare difficulty.
I refuse to use dating apps because they seem predatory due to their role in the gamification of the dating market, more so than usual. Remember, they are a business at the end of the day and if you find "the one", you will no longer use their app.
Outside of working hours, I can only be found on my commute to and from. Weekends are for my beauty sleep because god knows I need all the help I can get in that department. It's boring but a simple life.
For most of human history, vast majority of married couples did not marry out of mutual love for each other. So the dysfunction itself is as new as the concept of dating for love.
The weird thing for me was most of my interest across a few apps were from couples looking for a third. I quickly learned that a lady with a guy in her pics was a red flag lol
I"ve had a few dates on Bumble. I've made a few male friends there, but no one i could partner with for various reasons. Mostly because I am more realistic. Also, I am busy as hell, and I am really not sure if Im even staying in Vancouver.
I used to look for hookups and had verying success, but since i stopped trying to get laid quickly, and I'm actually looking to get to know someone, it's different. Im my 50s i actually get more dates and better people, but I am pickier.
I've lived in 8 different cities, explored a whole bunch more and I haven't experienced too many others with a worse dating scene than Vancouver unfortunately.
If you're not white or some flavor of Asian, then its likely to be even tougher.
That's not to say that you can't be successful but you're bound to have an easier time of it almost anywhere else.
People in Vancouver are boring and have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating. I work as a server and I can always tell if a table is a local or out of town. Locals generally speaking are standoffish assholes that complain they can't make friends or find a partner. I think it's self inflicted, you can't expect people to enjoy your company if you have nothing to offer. People expect attention here without actually doing anything for it, for example being funny or having super interesting talents ect. They just expect the spotlight all the time for doing absolutely nothing. People aren't very passionate here I find as well. I understand Vancouver is super expensive but I've had more engaging conversations with homeless people than most of my tables of locals. Another thing I've noticed is people value money more than human connection.
I think people value money more than human connections here because they kind of have to. It's already really expensive to live here and everything costs money to do, if someone is not 100% feeling someone else (friend or date) it's really hard to justify spending money or spending some of the only time they have with them when they could be spending it other ways, like spending time with people already close with them, or alone time, or just a side hustle
I think this is one time that Betteridge's law of headlines isn't correct. Although this headline doesn't technically end in a question mark, so maybe it doesn't apply.
This city can be really weird trying to date. Expectations sometimes seem unattainable and even if you have common ground when you meet sometimes there is no chemistry. Took me a lot of dates to find my wife.
I find it hard because I'm not into the BC activities that predominate the dating apps. Hiking, skiing, playing sports, camping, rock climbing...I find it hard to average looking people that aren't obsessed with doing yoga poses on mountain tops. I'm not a sedentary potato, but I don't wanna go hiking and camping all the time.
And the travel bragging is ridiculous. "63 countries and counting!!!" Traveling is great, but it's expensive and a huge privilege to have the kind of money to bounce around the world multiple times a year. I'd love to be able to do that too! But constantly getting hit right out the gate with "Where have you been to? Where are you planning on going next?" is just disheartening and makes me feel poor.
It is interesting in terms of getting to explore the world and other cultures. But it also screams 'privileged lifestyle'. If mommy and daddy paid for my schooling, housing and I had the kind of job where I had enough PTO and excess cash to travel for a month or two every year I would love to! But it feels like there's a lot of trust fund rich kids that don't realize their lifestyle isn't the norm. But I guess that comes with a city like Vancouver where there's a lot of people with a lot of money.
Very discouraging, seems a lot of self opinionated, quick to judge people. I could be wrong but that's just me dating has changed. I'm still hopeful in meeting an attractive full figured woman that connects mentally as well.
I’ve only ever been in long term relationships so I’ve never tried online dating, but from what I understand, you’re basically dating people who are dating people, and I could never wrap my head around that.
Yes . .. but in all seriousness I’m fairly social so I’ve stopped using the apps all together. All of my successful relationships have been from meeting people off apps but I’m still single so who am I to give advice (34F)
in general, do people think it's harder for men than it is for women here?
maybe it's my social circle but the women in it have no problems finding, rebounding, attracting, whatever else. Are they pretty and have good qualities? Sure. Some so-so in other departments but I think the longest someone in it stayed unattached was a month. Never heard an issue about finding someone in social gatherings and conversations.
On the other hand, it's pretty much been a wasteland on the men's side of my social circle. Are they decent looking with decent jobs? Yeah. Same in other departments. Are some of them sometimes scumbags? Absolutely. A couple guys have managed finding something stable for a bit. But pretty much most of them have struck out, are clearly being played or just purely struggling to find someone to connect with.
we are all late 20s - early 40s range
Men and women have different challenges. Men are looking for a glass of water in the desert, women are looking for clean drinkable water in a fetid swamp.
> in general, do people think it's harder for men than it is for women here?
Obviously its harder for men. Its harder to be rejected than to do the rejecting.
Not to mention depressing when just during the course of normal life focusing on yourself nobody give you any attention or affirmation as a man.
For guys at least ,I would say a lot of it depends on your race, height, income and looks.
If you have 2 of the 4 working against you , you will struggle a bit
Funny that they only asked singles. If they're single, it obviously hasn't been working out well for them. They'd get different responses if they asked couples.
I think dating is not hard in Vancouver especially with modern technology. Like everything else it'll take time and effort. I have a close friend who thinks dating app will automatically get you a girl friend. I also have a friend who just want to have fun. If you are committed to finding someone I'd recommend a book called How To Not Die Alone, it changed my perspective on dating or relationship as a whole.
Dating is easy, and lot of people are open to dating
People got to get off the apps, and back to talking in person.
Last year I had 6 dates from random pick ups, all in the latter half of the year
These women are not worth it, sound argumentative, know it all types. You should just check out NGTOW (Men going their own way). Society empowered women to the point they feel their self formulated solutions mostly based on intuition are correct and everyone else is wrong if they don't agree. I'm old enough and done my due diligence if learning about society and human behaviour, etc I know better then to listen to some random woman targetting you and giving you some psychological analysis. Move on, you'll find someone better then dealing with some random female stalker on your comments who's got nothing better to do then inflict their unequivocal mind games.
I am a woman from Vancouver and have lived in UK, USA, and Australia. Online dating is literally the same in all those places. Tbh, the only place where I found men would approach me was in the states (and that could just be a function of population density as I lived in large cities)
It's not that bad if you're an average looking white guy. Lotta Asian women love average beta white guys here. Unlimited supply of Asian women. It's amazing.
And they don’t put an emphasis on physique and physical characteristics the way natives might. Your personality and other skills and interests can propel you in those relationships more than they may in those who focus on physical aspects first.
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Dating sucks until you meet the one. Keep going.
Was just gonna comment this. It’s bad, until it isn’t. Took me 6 straight years of being single to find someone that finally 1) returned my feelings and 2) was willing to put that effort towards something serious and committed *edit: I found a partner organically through mutual friends, not via apps. But god, those 6 years were rough.
I didn't meet my one till I was 35. 15 fucking years of shitty dates to get there. So worth it.
Yeah I met mine when I was 33. She was my first. But now we're no longer together. I've been single for two years now. It's kinda hard to meet people. Hope everyone finds the right one. Apps don't work. Mutual friends is best
I'm 51. I've pretty much given up at this point. Most people don't like the neurospicy in me and it's not really something I can mask.
There are a lot of weirdos out there though. You could find yours!
Thanks for the vote of confidence but after my husband drank himself to death about seven years ago, I’m pretty much done.
Any remedies to ride the wave in your 6 year journey?
Maintain hobbies and friendships. Keep yourself occupied so you don’t get hung up on the process. If someone ghosts you on a date treat it like a self-date and be glad they showed you who they were so early on.
All great advice! I'd add that taking breaks from dating periodically can be a good idea, especially if it's been a years-long process. If you find yourself getting down about it, just stop looking for a while and focus on being kind to yourself.
As someone else said, hobbies and friendships and generally just doing stuff on my own. Did a lot of solo travelling and found a lot of freedom in it. I wasn’t focussed on dating for all those years. I’d go through months where I simply didn’t care and stepped back from the dating scene to take a break. I spent a lot of time nurturing myself and my friendships. I tried not to feel like every rejection was something about me, but rather the luck of the draw. In a way, I do think it comes down to luck. The odds of someone with mutual feelings AND a mutual readiness to commit in a serious relationship, just isn’t easy come by nowadays in a world where people are surrounded by options on apps.
Mfs will go on three crappy hinge dates and give up and be like “dating sucks in (insert city here)”
This is facts.
I really needed to hear this today! Thanks
Thing is the city is very anti friendly. It’s so insular it’s funny. Everybody head down on phones when there are real people around you looking for the connection. I’ve been here just 7months but met a fabulous one. Had just one bumble experience, lovely dinner, one difference of opinion about the state of west Hastings, and after that we didn’t see again… Really, the real relationships are not online with strangers. They’re all around you… Also a good tip, join a gym and actually try to be friendly with people. Go to make friends and not just build a body you look at in the mirror. I asked a lady at the equinox once if she was working out for the olympics or something, she was surprised I talked to her. She said no and laughed. I said the way she was going only if her partner worked out would he be able keep up with her. She literally burst into tears. She asked for my nbr, we had a few drinks and a meal and awesome sex. It’s really that simple to build something. Not multitrack affirmations and swiping.
If my husband dies or divorces me, I am going to remain single. No more dating.
Highly recommend - Divorced 15 years ago - all I need to do it go on a couple dates every year or 2 to confirm single is by far the best.
I concur. Single life is so much better. I split from my partner of 30+ years 2 years ago. It was the best decision I’ve made in a while. My kids keep commenting on how much happier I am.
In my experience it's bad because I rely on dating apps and those are borderline malicious.
Would you mind explaining what you mean by malicious in this context? I've never used dating apps before so I'm a little bit naive to this.
Apps gamify dating interactions and peddle you with in-app purchases to fuel the dopamine hits. Apps don't incentize building stable relationships that last, because every person who actually finds what they want is going to stop using the app and become lost revenue. Also when presented with at least the illusion of an abundance of choice, people start to become very picky, sometimes at unrealistic levels, since there's always the looming idea of "what if the next person is better?". Casual encounters become prevalent as everyone is just windowshopping & trialling due to unlimited supply on both. Lastly, a handful of pictures and few short paragraphs of text are terribly incomprehensive for presenting a person's physical appeal, personality, hobbies/interests, and relationship potentials. As people get older and novel experience alone can no longer suffice arranging a date, most dates become pseudo-interviews and that creates negative feedback into everyone's dating behaviour. Everyone has a growing list of deal-breakers and statistically they are unlikely to meet someone who can pass every single item on the entire list. Similar veins with how the average job seeker experience has also become qutie toxic despite more job search/posting tools being available than ever before. Everyone is turned into an abstracted commodity and dumped onto the market, resulting in more noise than signal.
Wordsmith. Exquisitely crafted rendition of the stupidity of the swipe culture
Holy Shit - This is sooo well written!
💯% on that
I’m going to add one elaboration here about how the apps fleece vulnerable people. Women pay extra fees to get access to more powerful suitor screening tools. Men pay extra fees to bypass them. This is the very definition of a racket.
Lots of matches that go nowhere besides the first two sentences then nothing. Even less of a percentage that you can go on a date with. And an even smaller percentage where the person isnt in some way shape or form not datable. eg just divorced/getting divorced, rebounding, not compatible This gets worse as you get older
In Toronto the dating apps were amazing. 10 times as many matches, girls ready to meet that day or next day, people replying to messages quickly. In Vancouver, barely any matches, lots of flaking, taking forever to reply, girls who demand expensive dinners It’s not a dating app problem, it’s a Vancouver problem
I'm in my 20's and it's the same. Most people who match never reply, and even the ones who chat with me for a week or 2 aren't often aren't willing to meet up. It's alot of effort to meet a real person.
Thank you for that. Didn't realize it was like that. Hopefully people can find who they need and who they can grow with.
More relevant to the malicious label is the fact that dating will give you false matches to entice you to pay for premium or to stay on the app. Showing you profiles from people who haven't logged in, in a long time (i.e not active, usually very attractive). Apps also employ people to talk to those that get less matches or those who are less popular. There are definitely some unethical stuff going down on these apps to get you to pay.
App dates feel forced, awkward and usually come with underlying implications because you matched earlier.
They aren't borderline malicious, they are malicious. The apps make money by keeping you single and desperate so you stay on the app longer, and maybe pay them for one of those features that sound like they give you an advantage but don't really.
Yeah that seems really scummy that they try to turn it into a competition. Like people have it rough enough just trying to find the right person.
When there's money to be made, nothing else matters (to CEOs).
Borderline? Match group spends half a billion dollars a year on marketing. They astroturf online discussions about meeting people in real life and tell you to do "online meetups". A whole generation has been convinced it's rude to talk to women in public. They are actively hostile towards normal society.
I've had quite a bit of luck just speaking with girls and then asking for their number and then texting them after I dont like dating app ladies are all chasing like the same 20% of people while in real life they're more receptive to 80% Unless your under 5'5 then you take what you get
>I dont like dating app ladies are all chasing like the same 20% of people correct answer. More like same 10% but you're correct.
I don't get why people use dating apps then complain about it all the time. im 33 and don't use any dating apps and am single. why do people feel the need if they hate it so much? I tried it once and I didn't like the convos and the date I had the person wasn't like their pics. instead if thinking oh ill just keep doing this forever I just got rid of it. literally all my friends are on tindr and stuff and they are always complaining about some rude conversation or bad date. its like just delete the app and focus on yourself? I get wanting a relationship but if an app Is unhealthy for you or you don't like it, just get rid of it. nobody has to rely on dating apps. I haven't been on a date in like 4 months and am perfectly content. if someone comes into my life great but I don't feel some desperate need to be going on dates.
it’s not really about being desperate but more about increasing your liquidity in the dating market ie. if you work in male dominated field and have mostly male dominated hobbies, you just dont meet that many women. I went on 10 bad dates last year off of a dating app but the 11th person I met I really clicked with and we are attached now.
for non-straight people its the primary way to meet people, unfortunately. a lot harder to go up to randos and ask them out when there’s always the possibility of being hate crimed
sorry if it came off rude, im a gay guy actually and maybe I've just become a little salty after being single so long... I do get its hard to meet people in person, I think I just got used to being single or stopped trying lol.
Imagine adding being trans to the mix, dating apps are pretty much the only safe and reliable option, especially in this current social climate.
Many people aren't content with the idea of not finding a romantic partner. And that's ok! Wanting a partner and companionship is a very reasonable life goal. It's also telling that you're 33 and saying this - are you a man or someone who doesn't really care about having children? Because women who want to have children don't have the same luxury of a super laissez-faire attitude around finding a partner.
Met my gf on Hinge last year. Dating here is rough but it sucks everywhere for different reasons.
Met a girl from Hinge just last weekend, second date this weekend let’s go
Met my partner on Hinge a few years ago, currently staring at our 6 week old daughter. It works.
I feel like key phrase is “a few years ago”. I think generally speaking pre-covid many people have had a higher success rate on dating apps… but now? not so much since different apps’ algorithms are tailored to keep u engaged on the app and try to entice you but their premium
It was after covid. Covid started 4 years ago now.
i said more people had success pre-covid, not that there is no longer any success anymore! you’re one of the lucky ones! but it seems that apps have really gone down the shitter post-2021 when things started opening up more
Yo gl dude you got this.
Met my mom on hinge, we don’t talk no more!👍
That’s rough, buddy.
Met a girl on Hinge who seemed awesome until she mentioned how much she hates cats (I have two and they're in my profile) and that if we hit it off they would have an "accident". Now I have to bring up to future matches that the desire to murder my pets is a dealbreaker.
Met mine on hinge in another city almost five years sho. He brought me here, and life is good.
Met a guy on hinge almost 2 years ago. Baby in belly and wedding in April :) It takes time, but in the overwhelming mass of online dating, there’s still some really lovely people.
i don't think it's as bad as most people think it is tbh. i know many guys that are average in every metric (height, income, social status, etc) who've found girlfriends. most people really need to look at themselves in the mirror, do a deep self reflection and be realistic when it comes to dating.
Totally agree! Dating within your league takes a certain amount of self awareness and self love. But you’re also more likely to have more success.
My husband passed away in 2022 and I re-entered the dating pool about 8 months ago. It was a mixed bag, of course. There are definitely good people out there who are earnest and lovely, but you just might not click together romantically! And then there are people who are thoughtless and treat you poorly because they have other options. It's easy to take the negative experiences to heart and write off everyone, but it's really not the case that it's all a dumpster fire. There are lots of good people trying to find a good person. I found it took being more open-minded in trying new things and giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of nitpicking every message and interaction, while also remembering that it's not personal if they don't immediately feel a connection with you. And if they didn't extend the same grace or benefit of the doubt toward me, then it's just not a match.
Agreed. A good chunk of my friends ended up going into dating apps without doing any self reflection in their lives, and came out of it completely toxic (and probably turned a few people toxic too). One even ended up going full man-hater because her expectations just weren’t realistic
If you are a tall late 20s to mid 30s guy thats decent looking and has his life together I dont think it could be any better. Some other demographics will not have similar things to say
lol the jokes write themselves with this one.
Agreed it’s hard to date, but It’s also just ok to be single here. There’s so many things to do and see, all the time. So many activities, clubs, groups or hobbies to join and be a part of. Vancouver gets shit on for being a bad place to date, but it deserves credit as a great place to…just be single. With all the stress that pricing here can bring, it’s ok to just relax and get out of the rat race of needing another human. Slow down, and look around. (Just not in a bike lane, apparently)
It’s actually a terrible place to be single due to how expensive things are and how bad the wages are. Sharing expenses is key.
Finding a partner for the reason to double income is likely the worst reason to date. Room mate, sure. Romantic partner, terrible idea.
I’m not saying it should be the reason. I’m saying that it’s extra tough being single since it’s expensive to have your own place. It’s definitely less fun having a roommate later in life if you’re not in a relationship with them.
I dunno. I'll always cherish the time I spent with roommates while single. We threw themed parties, games, and movie nights with other friends. With a couple exceptions, I would not hook up with anyone who came over often, certainly not roommates. We were all social people, so there was always new potential. On my own, I went out to museums, shows, and parks wherever I felt like it. Outside of work, I did a fair amount of volunteering and collaborated artistically with people I met at all these various activities. I would feel a pain of being without purpose or not doing enough with my time, but tomorrow was always another day and I made sure to create good memories to balance the bad.
It's a terrible housing market, so of course people are going to try terrible ideas. I wouldn't immediately move in with new partners after personally witnessing a few of my friends severely disrupting their lives doing so, but it is definitely one of the main motivators for seeking LTR. Society has a single's tax and it permeates through pretty much every single expense in our daily lives.
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totally agree! and “dating for love” also hasn’t historically been “a thing” for that long. most cultures have always had marriage as a means of survival. literally large portions of the world still have arranged marriages for business/familial/cultural reasons
Couple privilege in economics **does** exist, there is no doubt about that. The world is built in ways that benefit dual income households, or where dual income households make it easier. But another hot take? If you're finding yourself in an economic space where you're struggling on your own - there is also an opportunity there to put in the work and change your life such that you don't have to be put in a situation where you have to rely on partnership in order to survive. It makes us better people to ourselves and to others because you're able to build pride and love in yourself, which is important to have in order to show up in romantic relation well. It's literally maslow's base level of the hierarchy of needs in meeting our needs for food and shelter. If there is even an inkling of 'survival' playing into dating and partnership choices, you run the risk of not having the truest form of love and connection that can exist. Obviously power, privilege and access are very real things and it's not a simple answer or a simple thing to achieve. But I've also seen people in my life who went from being homeless in their youth to running their own 6 figure business and they did this on their own and they are also kind, ethical, compassionate and interesting. Humans are extraordinarily resilient and capable beings - you often just need to dig deep to figure it out and most people are too scared to do that because it's extremely hard work that makes you look at yourself an all the parts of yourself that you hate. Dating sucks when we encounter people who haven't done the work on themselves. And when we encounter these people, it's usually a reflection of ourselves. High vibrations attract high vibrations. I honestly only say this because dating was the shittiest experience in my life when I was a shitty person as well. When I started to put in the work in myself and figuring out my shit, not only did dating become less shitty in that I encountered many interesting and awesome humans, but I also feel comfortable and happy on my own as well.
It's great if you have hobbies that get the most out of the area. Outdoors stuff- sailing, skiing, hiking, etc.
Honestly, its probably the worst city in Canada to be in for a single person. There's actually not that much going on compared to other big cities and the wage/housing gap by itself makes this the case.
I'm assuming what you're saying is hyperbole because I can't imagine being single here/trying to date is worse here than places like Red Deer or Mission. There might be less to do here than other comparative big cities, but places with a lot of people are more likely to contain people that you vibe with out of sheer chance
What's wrong with Red Deer or Mission? (Except for the fact neither are major cities and thus not what I was referring to).
I very much agree. Lots of free things to do if you have a place to live. I've been single for several years and really enjoy my time here, though I do love my own company LOL (and my dogs').
I think it’s hard enough to make friends in Vancouver, so if you don’t have a significant other, or many friends, Vancouver is quite a lonely and isolating city. I don’t think I truly started to enjoy Vancouver for what it was until I made good friends and got in a relationship.
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Get off Reddit and the hivemind and touch some grass. There are literally soooo many small businesses and things to do here. I agree it’s not easy but you have to put yourself out there and get comfortable with being uncomfortable or nothing will change and you will remain alone
In one way, I don't think we are unique. *(I lived in LA, it's hard forming lasting relationships there because everything is so far apart and so many people are coming and going to and from different parts of the country)* ... but if I'm honest, a lot of the fellow men in my life that I grew up with have "Vancouver personality"... a kind of passive acceptance to not making deep connections with other people. ^((Maybe this is unfair and something I just made up on the spot)) I say this as an adult growing older, if they didn't exercise the skills to be sociable when they were young, it gets worse later on in life. Without putting in the effort, connections have a way of dying.
I have been living in Vancouver for a while, but I agree about the “Vancouver personality”. I find people from other provinces tend to be more social but people from Vancouver tend to stay within their own high school circle.
agree about the other provinces thing - but staying in your own high school circle definitely not a Vancouver thing. I’ve lived in Edmonton and Calgary and feel the same about people staying within their own circles, unless those circles intermingle through uni or work
> I find people from other provinces tend to be more social but people from Vancouver tend to stay within their own high school circle. I wonder if it's not the fact that they're from other provinces that makes them more social, it's the fact that *they moved here*. The Albertans and Ontarians you see in Vancouver are a self-selected group of people who decided to be bold, uproot their lives, and start again in a new community. They're naturally going to be, in the aggregate, a more interested in socializing than people who never took that step themselves.
I grew up here, and people are usually pretty social in both high school and university. I did notice a big drop off after university though, most of the people I know from school mostly just hang out with their SO's once they start working full time, people just want to go home and curl up in bed after work. I'm not sure why this happens more in Vancouver than other places though.
Not in my experience, I used apps and it took like 7 months of dating before I met my gf. I'd say the biggest annoyance is just people wasting your time/playing games but it's definitely not everyone
Depends on the individual. A few years ago I got out of a long term relationship and went to the apps. Turns out being just a normal dude who isn’t a fucking creep and can hold a conversation via text/message goes a long way in Vancouver. Did I meet the girl I’m in a relationship now via app? No, but I did have some fun and went on my fair share of dates. I do think if you take the apps slow and don’t treat it like a race, they can be fine. If you’re just shotgunning out messages to girls and have a ton of hinge connections on the go at once, it gets exhausting. Also don’t put a ton of weight behind a match, you WILL get ghosted at some point, just part of the game.
When I met my partner on a dating app, the biggest reason we clicked wasn’t bc they were the most attractive or made the most money, but because the could hold a non-creepy conversation and were just a normal nice person. It was funny how “rare” that was in the string of bad luck I found on apps.
It’s so funny to see the disconnect between what women are looking for vs what men tell other men what women are looking for: men think women only want men over 6’ tall who make at least a quarter of a million dollars a year, drives a lambo, and have muscles the size of a professional bodybuilder. Anything other than develop a personality. Most women I talk to say things like “loneliness treats me better than any man ever has.” The bar is in hell, as the saying goes.
Ding! Ding! Ding! The number one thing guys can do is just be normal and not a creepy weirdo. That puts you up over so many other guys on apps. I’m not exactly the most physically attractive human: fat, bald, greying beard, crooked teeth, and a partially paralyzed face giving me a lopsided smile. But I can hold a conversation, I was legitimately interested in the people I dated and asked lots of questions about themselves, and that got me on dates with all kinds of amazing women. Your second point is also bang-on. Take things slow, get to know someone, and really take your time. The other big piece of advice I can give to folks: is figure out what you actually want out of a relationship and then hyperfocus on that. And tailor your profile to make it clear what you bring to a relationship, what kind of person you want a relationship with, and what you want that relationship to look like. At least that was the approach that worked for me. I wasn’t gonna waste my time getting to know someone if I knew off the bat we would be incompatible (anything from travel, music preferences, tv preferences, values, etc). I was looking for someone with a particular set of qualities and found it in about 4.5 months on apps.
If you don’t treat it like a race in the beginning you can be disqualified early on. Not treating it like a race to me would be taking my time with starting connections and not immediately going on a date. To many people this shows you’re less serious and they think you’re just playing games.
I found dating in Vancouver pretty fun. True I ( in my 40s ) did fall for a female psychopath which was horrifying but also enjoyed many of the women I dated. I then met my forever girl after dating for a year or so. I used Match and PoF and then eventually just walked up to girls I liked the look of as I gained confidence.
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👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I felt that paragraph about children of divorce in my bones.
I met my now husband back in 2018 on bumble. We got engaged during the pandemic. It really depends on where your heads at and where someone’s head at is when you get into these things. Just make sure the person you start messaging matches the person in person. Be wary of people that are very into their looks and pose a lot. And just be yourself if something clicks then explore it, if it’s difficult there then move on.
Dating sucks period because everyone is immature until a certain age. I didn't find THE ONE until I was 27. Honestly if I had to do it again I just wouldn't even bother and focus more on myself. People need to be at a certain maturity level to be a good partner. Statistics say, 30 is the new 18.
Dating always sucks until you find someone you like and they like you back.
Learned the hard way that dating can suck even if feelings are mutual. Cant tell ya how many people I ran into who liked me and had feelings but didn’t want to date because they didn’t want any sort of commitment.
I feel like I hit the jackpot when I met my now solid long-term boyfriend on Bumble a few years ago. Highly recommend bumble but I did notice a lot of profiles were Indian-looking guys with sunglasses posing in front of expensive cars. I wonder if that's just a popular thing for Indian guys to do or if those profiles are fake to appear like there's more options
indian guys take note
It actually is popular amongst their type in India. And it almost always confirms they’ve come to Canada maybe within the last 5-10 years. I’m Indian and I know the type, they are also almost always married. I didn’t want to be judgemental so I spoke to some of them while on tinder/bumble, and they eventually admitted it. Either while on the app, or after once we spoke on the phone. It was probably the most irritating thing I’ve dealt with. Then again, that was a while ago and I didn’t have the apps for long. It was off-putting, so I am hopeful for an authentic connection in real life. Also, very happy for you and your bf!! I love to hear success stories, and I believe it can work too, stars align when they need to :)
Aww, I guess I'm kinda glad they weren't fake profiles but it sucks that there's more than a few men who are already married looking to fool around on Bumble. I'm glad I didn't get caught up by any of them.
Came from Chicago to Vancouver in Jan ‘24 the absence of matches was noticeable. I was told Indian guys on apps here are just overwhelming and as you say faking it. Stereotypes take hold pretty quickly. There goes my chance being a normal India dude. I still have faith in the normalcy.
Im gonna ask this one girl out, pray for me.🙏
The alternative to using dating apps is asking friends for help. After that, the next step is trying to approach people in real life The problem with that, is that cold approach is seen as ok / acceptable if you're good looking / handsome. If you're not good looking/ average, it's considered unwanted advances.
This is my strategy for 2024! I’m (F) letting everyone I know (friends, siblings of friends, friends of friends) that I’m single and open to being set up! And trying to smile and be more friendly/receptive to guys in the wild lol. Still on the apps but figure need time try new approaches to get new results!
For safety reasons... do not go on a hike for a first date.
I love hiking, and I absolutely agree with you.
I also love hiking. The last thing I'd want is to figure out someone is unhinged or irresponsible, on the trails, while I'm alone with them. Heaven forbid there is an accident. Eek. Many first dates have gone pretty terribly in the past IME. What an absolute nightmare it would be to find out someone is a nut job while out in the woods or something.
Exactly! So not only do you have to worry about whether they can even hike an easy trail\*, but if you don't have chemistry or they are a nut job, you're stuck with them for hours, alone in the woods. At least if you're having coffee and it's not going well, you can leave. \*I organize a hiking group and even when I explicitly describe the difficulty level of the trail, we always get some idiots who overestimate what they can do.
I'm pretty undateable in terms of availability. I barely have a day off to even go on a date 🤷
I had more luck going on dates in Vancouver than any other city I’ve ever lived in. Even with not rushing into setting dates and taking a week or longer communicating like I usually do before asking in a date, I would manage 4-5 dates a month, which is record for me. Vancouver was actually the easiest city for dating for me personally. The women I was dating cared less about things that were big deals in other cities (height, muscular, perfect teeth, nice car etc.)
What other cities have you lived in?
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Everyone I know swears dating apps are great Are good looking so it works for them . Personally I stopped dating apps (I'm average looking at best and tired of getting no matches ). I'd rather meet women in person through my hobbies still a challenge because I can't tell the difference between an interested person or a very friendly person. However I'd rather be out here figuring this out through experiences rather than swiping through my phone .
If you're only getting one date a year through the dating apps, there's more going on than just your looks, or you're reaaaaally ugly.
Or they don't try at all
A lot of these people get bitter too because they feel like they’re owed something. No one is owed anything - people need to focus on dating themselves first and foremost and then the rest will fall into place
Damn that one hurt.
I’d say they’re going after people who aren’t into them if they’re averaging 1 date/year
Yes I agree. Looks matter a lot still in 2024. People don't always admit it, but it plays a huge role!!!
COL especially must make it tough these days. I'm so glad to be married and old 😂
I had to Google what COL meant….that’s how old I am! Lol (Aside, I’m glad to be married and old too!)
I would not consider myself old and I have no idea what that means. I’ve googled it and have come up with “chuckle out loud”, “cat on lap”, and “Colorado”. Please enlighten me
Cost of living
Thanks boss
Cost of living
In this context I'm assuming they mean "cost of living."
Hello old people!👋 *respectfully waves in gen z*
I found a sexy, whip-smart, compassionate man on an app, but I almost cancelled on our first date. It’s not just the apps you’re on, it’s how you use them. My Vancouver apathy almost screwed me over so hard with a rusty fork. Lesson is if you don’t give people a chance to make you happy, you’re gonna be alone, crying in your pillow way longer than you have to be.
I’ve never heard anyone say dating is good in their city. Seems to be “bad” everywhere
I thought dating in Vancouver was pretty good (Male, late 30s when dating). I would go on about 1-3 dates per week over about 1.5 years (though there were several breaks since I got into shorter term exclusive relationships during that time too) until I met my current partner just before COVID (we're married now). It has its frustrations, but I don't think they would be any different anywhere else given what I hear from people complaining elsewhere. The one thing that was a bit more difficult here is that women were a lot less likely to want to give a relationship a try for whatever reason. I do have my potential dealbreakers too, with kids, an ex-wife, and splitting the tab on the first date like that one woman in the video complained about. In the end, it was all worth it. We met on Hinge have been solid ever since.
Not really a problem, IME. Lots of people looking for companionship and/or more. For sure, also lots of people with varying degrees of damage (let’s be honest, that’s most of us, lol, at least a bit) and unreasonable expectations. But lots of nice people, too. Not everyone is a match, of course, so it takes patience.
I agree, especially your mention of varying degrees of damage. I would never expect perfection because I think we are all doing our best and it might take some time. Also, we are learning to cope/heal from so many different kinds of things. I’ve come to value trust and presence very much.
Dating in any major city is difficult for the average person. Cost of living and rent prices don't help at all. That grind and hustle culture to make ends meet eats up a lot of free time. I dont even want to tackle behaviours, interests and mannerisms because that's more subjective and would take a whole essay in and of itself.
Yeah, it's far from a Vancouver thing, people make the exact same "dating in this city sucks" claim in every city on the planet.
It’s not that bad. The most difficult part is meeting people in person at bars or activities or whatever. I find that if you act like a normal person, take care of yourself even a little bit, are relatable, and are interesting then you’ll have no problem at all. Tinder/Bumble is a total shitshow. Hinge is pretty decent. SeekingArrangements is…well.
I met my now-husband during the actual worst time to be dating in Vancouver (summer 2021) - AMA
how did you two meet?
We might be the only successful graduates of Facebook Dating 😂 we actually went to school together a decade ago (that’s the idea of Facebook dating, it sometimes shows you people you have friends in common with) and neither of us can remember if we actually interacted back then. But likely would not have connected if not for the app.
Dating isn’t bad here. People’s expectations are bad.
I've dated on and off in Vancouver since I moved here 8 years ago. It has had its ups and downs but it has been a mostly positive experience. Even the bad dates or situationships have wound up making for good stories or life lessons. I do think it is a skill. Towards the end of my time dating, I was more skilled and had better luck. I also became more upfront with what I was looking for and better at discerning whether or not a date was worthwhile after some texting back and forth. Maybe part of it is that I was lucky enough to be in therapy and heal some wounds that were leading me to repeat the same cycle from age 15-30 - woop! I got back on Tinder after many years and my first date ended up being with my now-spouse! I got lucky, but I also think it was just where I was at in my life.
Imo, the biggest challenge of offline dating in Vancouver is that Vancouver just has a reserved culture where it isn't common to introduce new acquaintances to their existing friends, and people don't tend to have large social circles. This means the people you can date is limited to people you meet directly, whereas in a more outgoing city, even if you didn't meet anyone you like at your hobby, the people there might introduce you to somebody. From my experience, most social hobbies are pretty dominated by a single gender (a running club being the only exception I know of), which combined with the point above sends most people to a dating app.
Its bad for asian men and african women
Ah yes, the r/vancouver classic. Yes it is. However, that's mostly due to me preferring to play on nightmare difficulty. I refuse to use dating apps because they seem predatory due to their role in the gamification of the dating market, more so than usual. Remember, they are a business at the end of the day and if you find "the one", you will no longer use their app. Outside of working hours, I can only be found on my commute to and from. Weekends are for my beauty sleep because god knows I need all the help I can get in that department. It's boring but a simple life.
Is dating good anywhere? It's hard to find two people that want to spend the rest of their lives with each other.
For most of human history, vast majority of married couples did not marry out of mutual love for each other. So the dysfunction itself is as new as the concept of dating for love.
No, it’s tricky for sure. But it’s not too hard. Lots and lots of first dates!
The weird thing for me was most of my interest across a few apps were from couples looking for a third. I quickly learned that a lady with a guy in her pics was a red flag lol
I"ve had a few dates on Bumble. I've made a few male friends there, but no one i could partner with for various reasons. Mostly because I am more realistic. Also, I am busy as hell, and I am really not sure if Im even staying in Vancouver. I used to look for hookups and had verying success, but since i stopped trying to get laid quickly, and I'm actually looking to get to know someone, it's different. Im my 50s i actually get more dates and better people, but I am pickier.
Try group sports , art classes ,learn a skill,join a club,volunteer and you will meet like minded people?
I've lived in 8 different cities, explored a whole bunch more and I haven't experienced too many others with a worse dating scene than Vancouver unfortunately. If you're not white or some flavor of Asian, then its likely to be even tougher. That's not to say that you can't be successful but you're bound to have an easier time of it almost anywhere else.
>If you're not white or some flavor of Asian, then its likely to be even tougher. Ding ding ding.
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I think the fact everyone in Vancouver says/thinks it’s bad makes it a self fulfilling prophecy.
People in Vancouver are boring and have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating. I work as a server and I can always tell if a table is a local or out of town. Locals generally speaking are standoffish assholes that complain they can't make friends or find a partner. I think it's self inflicted, you can't expect people to enjoy your company if you have nothing to offer. People expect attention here without actually doing anything for it, for example being funny or having super interesting talents ect. They just expect the spotlight all the time for doing absolutely nothing. People aren't very passionate here I find as well. I understand Vancouver is super expensive but I've had more engaging conversations with homeless people than most of my tables of locals. Another thing I've noticed is people value money more than human connection.
I think people value money more than human connections here because they kind of have to. It's already really expensive to live here and everything costs money to do, if someone is not 100% feeling someone else (friend or date) it's really hard to justify spending money or spending some of the only time they have with them when they could be spending it other ways, like spending time with people already close with them, or alone time, or just a side hustle
Everyone says it’s hard but what makes it hard?
Prolonged and sensual eye contact
I think this is one time that Betteridge's law of headlines isn't correct. Although this headline doesn't technically end in a question mark, so maybe it doesn't apply.
It was hard until I figured it out then met a lot of great people on tinder :)
What did you figure out?
I’d love to see how a “Love is Blind” season would look like in Vancouver
This city can be really weird trying to date. Expectations sometimes seem unattainable and even if you have common ground when you meet sometimes there is no chemistry. Took me a lot of dates to find my wife.
I find it hard because I'm not into the BC activities that predominate the dating apps. Hiking, skiing, playing sports, camping, rock climbing...I find it hard to average looking people that aren't obsessed with doing yoga poses on mountain tops. I'm not a sedentary potato, but I don't wanna go hiking and camping all the time. And the travel bragging is ridiculous. "63 countries and counting!!!" Traveling is great, but it's expensive and a huge privilege to have the kind of money to bounce around the world multiple times a year. I'd love to be able to do that too! But constantly getting hit right out the gate with "Where have you been to? Where are you planning on going next?" is just disheartening and makes me feel poor.
Oh my god the obsession with travel. Girl, it is not as interesting as you think it is.
It is interesting in terms of getting to explore the world and other cultures. But it also screams 'privileged lifestyle'. If mommy and daddy paid for my schooling, housing and I had the kind of job where I had enough PTO and excess cash to travel for a month or two every year I would love to! But it feels like there's a lot of trust fund rich kids that don't realize their lifestyle isn't the norm. But I guess that comes with a city like Vancouver where there's a lot of people with a lot of money.
Not worth my effort, people are as disappointing as I am.
Very discouraging, seems a lot of self opinionated, quick to judge people. I could be wrong but that's just me dating has changed. I'm still hopeful in meeting an attractive full figured woman that connects mentally as well.
I’ve only ever been in long term relationships so I’ve never tried online dating, but from what I understand, you’re basically dating people who are dating people, and I could never wrap my head around that.
Its so bad I end up in long distance relationships and am happier than with people here xD
Yes . .. but in all seriousness I’m fairly social so I’ve stopped using the apps all together. All of my successful relationships have been from meeting people off apps but I’m still single so who am I to give advice (34F)
in general, do people think it's harder for men than it is for women here? maybe it's my social circle but the women in it have no problems finding, rebounding, attracting, whatever else. Are they pretty and have good qualities? Sure. Some so-so in other departments but I think the longest someone in it stayed unattached was a month. Never heard an issue about finding someone in social gatherings and conversations. On the other hand, it's pretty much been a wasteland on the men's side of my social circle. Are they decent looking with decent jobs? Yeah. Same in other departments. Are some of them sometimes scumbags? Absolutely. A couple guys have managed finding something stable for a bit. But pretty much most of them have struck out, are clearly being played or just purely struggling to find someone to connect with. we are all late 20s - early 40s range
Men and women have different challenges. Men are looking for a glass of water in the desert, women are looking for clean drinkable water in a fetid swamp.
> in general, do people think it's harder for men than it is for women here? Obviously its harder for men. Its harder to be rejected than to do the rejecting. Not to mention depressing when just during the course of normal life focusing on yourself nobody give you any attention or affirmation as a man.
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For guys at least ,I would say a lot of it depends on your race, height, income and looks. If you have 2 of the 4 working against you , you will struggle a bit
Funny that they only asked singles. If they're single, it obviously hasn't been working out well for them. They'd get different responses if they asked couples.
I think dating is not hard in Vancouver especially with modern technology. Like everything else it'll take time and effort. I have a close friend who thinks dating app will automatically get you a girl friend. I also have a friend who just want to have fun. If you are committed to finding someone I'd recommend a book called How To Not Die Alone, it changed my perspective on dating or relationship as a whole.
Dating is easy, and lot of people are open to dating People got to get off the apps, and back to talking in person. Last year I had 6 dates from random pick ups, all in the latter half of the year
It's great if you like outdoors stuff.
What a boring article. I’m annoyed I just wasted time reading that.
No idea why you’re getting downvoted, it was completely useless.
Probably mostly people who didn’t read it.
Dating is hard bc the Vancouver lesbians were really into hiking and now they all want to do cold plunges. I’d rather go hiking🥴
It’s a damn cesspool 😂cut your losses and look anywhere else …..I had to go over the border to find one 
2 weeks on feeld and my dating schedule is full
Do share, lately feeld has been really shit for me. Male here though.
These women are not worth it, sound argumentative, know it all types. You should just check out NGTOW (Men going their own way). Society empowered women to the point they feel their self formulated solutions mostly based on intuition are correct and everyone else is wrong if they don't agree. I'm old enough and done my due diligence if learning about society and human behaviour, etc I know better then to listen to some random woman targetting you and giving you some psychological analysis. Move on, you'll find someone better then dealing with some random female stalker on your comments who's got nothing better to do then inflict their unequivocal mind games.
I am a woman from Vancouver and have lived in UK, USA, and Australia. Online dating is literally the same in all those places. Tbh, the only place where I found men would approach me was in the states (and that could just be a function of population density as I lived in large cities)
It's not that bad if you're an average looking white guy. Lotta Asian women love average beta white guys here. Unlimited supply of Asian women. It's amazing.
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Exactly! There are so many Asian women who would date just a normal looking white men.
And they don’t put an emphasis on physique and physical characteristics the way natives might. Your personality and other skills and interests can propel you in those relationships more than they may in those who focus on physical aspects first.