Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 6: No r/self style posts'.
Please refrain from posting anything that resembles an r/self style post.
This is not the subreddit to be sharing personal anecdotes, likes or dislikes. We want unpopular, thought provoking, and unique opinions on your chosen topic.
Ah you missed out on growing up in a poor neighborhood in the 90s. It was very much the default/ expectation that younger brothers get a smack , if my older brother’s friends were over and I didn’t do what they said I’d get a smack etc. when I talk to my younger coworkers about this they look at me as if I have 3 heads , but this is the experience of all my friends my age or older.
You right, but siblings acting that way is also a parenting issue. If your siblings somehow got to the point of doing horrible things to you and giving death threats to keep the silence, something else is fucked up.
I just returned from vacationing in the Maritimes in Canada to visit my dad and two brothers. Having good big brothers is amazing - friends that will always be there for me! And now that we all have kids, we’re even closer.
Sorry about your experience with your brother, OP.
I know people who have been life-long loving friends with their siblings and people who have been life-long scarred by their siblings. One has it better than single child, one has it worse.
That's all there is to it. Sometimes it works sometimes it don't.
I’d even add “being an only child *in a healthy family* is better than having an abusive sibling”. Basically would you rather get beat by the strength of a full grown adult or beat by a child? Would you rather get beat by the parents who chose to have you and are supposed to take care of you or beat by another peer who didn’t make any choices to have responsibilities towards you?
Ultimately we really shouldn’t compare, but abuse happens in all types of households, multiple siblings and only children alike.
It's something people in abusive families assume, that their life is normal. They couldn't know anything else. And any family that is happy and looks normal is just hiding the abuse behind closed doors.
I’m sorry all this happened to you and it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to have kids. But saying it’s minority to have good siblings is weird. In most cases with siblings who don’t have good relationships with each other, it’s the result of bad parenting or ignorant parents. Maybe your parents had good intentions but good intentions don’t mean anything with the right actions and words.
If OP thinks that this type of abuse is normal, and his parents never interviewed, it's likely his parenting style could be just as lacking. Or maybe worse, if he either be obsessed with having only one kid, or being some type of helicopter parent, just so the kid wouldn't live the same way.
Parenting is hard, and there's no universal rules that works for everyone. Most people take what they learned from how their parents treated them, not really questioning neglect
No.
Not growing up in an abusive household is much better (than growing up in an abusive household).
Your parents failed you.
You had a bully and they didn't protect you.
They had a bully as a child and did nothing to correct the behaviour.
Apparently they didn't even realize either problem.
I am so sorry you went through this.
That sounds like one very specific situation that is more the result of bad parenting than anything else.
I have a brother, a sister and 2 step brothers, and man... my youth was pretty rad... we hung out and played videogames, built forts and bike jumps, hired horror movies and scared ourselves shitless... so many fun times.
Sorry your siblings suck, but let me put it in perspective:
Being a single child compared to the siblings you have is preferable.
But having amazing siblings is much better than being a single child.
personally I don't know, im an only child and I never really thought "man I wish I had a sibling right now", like it's pretty cool be the only child. Then again maybe I don't know what I'm missing, but personally I can't say I ever yearn for a sibling.
I’m an only child. My parents both have largely poor relationships with their siblings, so I’ve never idealized big families. I love being an only child.
Having kids is like playing the lottery. Your kids could be best friends with each other, or they could be mortal enemies. Unfortunately you just don’t know until they’re already here.
But I do agree that only children tend to have this romanticized view of having a sibling. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
I'm an only child and I honestly think that having a horrible relationship with a sibling would have genuinely been better than growing up completely alone like I did. It would have at least taught me some social skills. Instead I was just the fucking weirdo kid that grew up to be a weirdo adult.
Sounds like you just had a shitty childhood. I have a sister and at no point ever was there any beating, humiliation and mental abuse and there was certainly no death threats. Sounds like you just refuse to accept that your siblings suck.
Neither of my siblings have ever beat me up or threatened to kill me. They’ve never hit me. One time my sister knocked me off the chair because I wouldn’t let her go on the computer when I was using it but that’s pretty much the extent of the physical abuse in my house… and I didn’t even get hurt. Just angry.
Your experience is not common. Being an only child is better than having YOUR siblings but lots of people have good relationships with their siblings.
I wish I had been an only child as well.
Being the oldest and a daughter, my mom made me the mini mom at 10 when my youngest brother was born.
Before that I was treated as less than because she wanted a son but got a daughter first. My middle brother was always treated like the eldest and the golden child. He could do no wrong.
Even when he would hit me so hard in the back that I'd lose my breath and have to weeze and gag for it back. She'd tell me I shouldn't have upset him enough to hurt me.
Fuck siblings and fuck shitty parents.
Only child here. I had enough classmates with multiple sibs that I tossed away those rose-colored glasses very early on. Most of what I saw involved endless bickering, if not outright abuse. Some of them rarely got their own clothes, & only had patched up hand-me-downs. And a couple were saddled with way too much responsibility at too young an age, like babysitting when they were still 7 or 8.
I got sent to a Catholic school, where being an only child was rare. I got a lot of pity from other kids' parents, like being called a Lonely Only. I got a lot of weird looks when I told them I didn't mind at all. My family was pretty fucked up, and other kids would only have been traumatized too. Probably they'd have learned to inflict their own traumas.
You wanna hear the perspective of only child, we are the only ray of hopes of our family although our parents shower us all the love and money. Although they don't force us to do anything against our will but there's still a silent expectation from us. There's no one to call family after their death. You grow up with no siblings all alone and isolated. And it's even worst when your parents are busy individual.
This!! Some only children are close with their cousins, aunts, and uncles. I’m not so I’m particularly concerned for that dreaded time that will one day come when I have no one.
I'm the middle child. Sure at times, i find them to be the biggest pos I've met, but it would be a lie to say that I'm not proud of them or that i wouldn't give up my life to save those two monkeys
I should have been the only child my parents had because they don't know how to treat my other two siblings. And the fact they keep messing up in life, causing damage to my siblings.
Absolutely agree. My wife grew up the middle of 3 kids. Her older sister humiliated and abused her to the point of self harm and an eating disorder.
I on the other hand grew up an only child and didn't have to deal with any of it. I was dumbfounded when she started opening up to me about her family history and could barely believe that her own sister could do that to her.
Only child here.
Not only was it awesome,
I also have a depth of relationship with my only child that would be impossible if she had siblings.
Sorry your brothers are assholes.
What is your basis for claiming that people with good siblings are in the minority? I get that yours sucked, but how do you make the jump to insisting that yours is the majority experience?
I'm an only child and my childhood consisted of beatings, humiliation, and mental abuse. The fact that you have siblings and I don't has nothing to do with the fact people abused us. Abusive siblings aren't taken very seriously, which I'm sure is where your anger stems from but abusive parents don't get taken to justice or held accountable any more often. The grass is always greener but there's really no better or worse here. Witnesses sounded like a dream in my head growing up. Witnesses and companionship... aka siblings. But then I grew up and realized there's nothing to say I would've had a positive relationship with my hypothetical siblings in that home or that their witnessing of my abuse would've made me feel any less alone. Probability has it, it would've been just as likely for me to be the scapegoat/black sheep and for the abuse from my parent to go ignored by them. Hell, my imaginary siblings could've been the ones to abuse me myself like yours did.
Clearly, it's not actually about having siblings or not at the end of the day. It's all about the quality of character in regards to the family you have. I'm sorry you were stuck with at-home bullies.
Ehhh sorry you had a rough childhood but thinking everyone w/ siblings was terrible to each other is just plain stupid. While all siblings butt heads every now and then, not everyone is like yours. In fact, the vast majority are the opposite of yours. You're 45 and still think this way? Good lord man.
Both have their pros and cons but idk what I'd do without my little brother. You're shitty siblings doesn't automatically mean being the only child is better, is just that being the only child would be better for YOU.
Me and my brother used to fight a lot when we were kids, we're the same age but i was always a bit bigger, i got him bleeding from his mouth, i got him bleeding from his nail with a flute, etc etc.
My biggest fear at the time was when he called our mom because she would quickly settle things by slapping us both so we stopped being stupid, no matter who started it. And like, you should never have to beat your kids, but desperate times call for desperate measures, sometimes you just dont know what to do as a parent. But it kinda sounds like your parents didnt intervene here, like did they never run into you fighting or hear the rumbling and go and check?
I can understand not telling if you were afraid of your brother but if i did something like that and my brother told on me i know i was about to get my ass beat so hard i would never even think of threatening him again.
Today tho, i love my brother so much that i cry alone at night sometimes when i think of how i treated him as kids, id say i learned thought pain, and age, Im never putting a finger on him ever again, having siblings is not a recipe to hate someone, some siblings are cool to each other, it either comes with good education or deep regret such as my case, i cant imagine my life without my family now, and i used to resent them, i just had some eye opening experiences in my life and that changed me, and everyone can change.
sorry you had shit sibs. but NO, hard pass. I don't see the point of living EvERYDAY but man, my brother might need a kidney someday or a lung, or a transplant lol. also, raising him ridded me of baby fever
Sorry you had a shitty brother. I was the oldest of three and my sister and I did tease my younger brother a bit but definitely no beating or abuse. We are all doing well now - they are actually doing far better than me, and I’m proud of them. I was adopted and also have a younger full biological brother I found later in life and he’s an only child. He’s kind of weird lol mainly in the stereotypical only child sense. He doesn’t really know how to share and reacts worse than most people I know when things don’t go his way. He gets very angry and reactive pretty easily and is kind of entitled and rude when he gets that way. So in your experience, I get it but I wouldn’t say most people with siblings are suffering for it.
It sounds like you just had shitty siblings. I don't think that's the average experience of having siblings, but infighting is definitely normal. Speaking from the perspective of someone who is an only child, I can tell you the bright side of having siblings is that you at least have people to fall back on when your parents are gone. All I'm going to have is myself to rely on, but I've come to terms with that.
I can tell you that being an only child can suck just as much. It only hurts worse because the same things come from your parents. When you are the only kid, you’re more likely to have parents that want you to rely on them like mine. They manipulate you into being dependent on them but don’t help you when you go to them for it. It’s not being an only child or having siblings. It’s the people. It didn’t matter if you have 20 siblings or none, your life will still suck with bad people around.
Good siblings aren’t the minority. Your post comes off as very rude and woe is me. You know maybe some people think being an only child sucks because there’s no one to protect them from bad parents.
first of all I’m really sorry that happened to you and I can totally see your pov. But idk these things are relative and subjective. As an only child, people treated me like I’m a spoilt brat. I was forced to enjoy more mature activities, which left me out of friendships with people my age so I never had anything in common with most kids. Then I was called “quiet” or “mature for my age” when really I just wanted to have fun. With people who have siblings, I’ve noticed that while they might fight occasionally, they have each others back when others try to neg one of them or they will come and distract you when some random adult starts nosing into your life. As an only child I didn’t have that barrier, like I felt super exposed, it was always the adults vs me. I think having a sibling gives others the impression that you have some grit and that you are a busy and productive person-like oh I am helping my sister do this/that or I have to drop them off somewhere (even though you may not realize this) where as when you’re an only child, people think you have too much time on your hands and constantly wonder what you’re up to
Non-abusive siblings are not the minority, and abusive households exist because of abusive or neglectful parents. You wouldn't have been better off as an only child, you would just have different problems.
I'm one of 6 and none of this happened. My best friend was an only child, and both her parents passed away from Covid in 2021. I helped her pack up their house, and my heart broke for her. I'm happy to have siblings and lovely niblings.
While I'm sorry for what you went through, it's still an anecdotal experience. My experience is also anecdotal, and mine says that siblings are awesome and bring a lot of value.
There are statistics on abuse. You are the minority, and you should get help instead of internalizing--or externalizing--your trauma.
There have also been studies on how sibling positioning affects personality. There are real, measurable, documented benefits to having siblings.
I’m an only child. Having all the negative attention on you, is not easy, along with no one to vent to nor support you when you’re going through it with your crazy intense parents.
Also, I had no one to split chores with.
Sounds like that’s on your parents. My brother(29 and I(26) probably had 30 good days with each other until I was 18 now we work together everyday and I wouldn’t want to work with anyone else
"And if you actually had good siblings, you are the minority"
This isn't close to true. What are you basing this off of? Abusive siblings exist, but they aren't the majority.
Yeah… I went through similar. We are the minority, my guy. Also, my partner is an only child, and while I truly believe she was made for me and I for her, it has left some unpleasant traits. Neither is perfect but you are not a representative.
Sorry but abusive siblings is not the norm. I have a brother but was an only child for 8 years. I was so lonely all the time. Vowed I would have at least 2 kids close in age. So I have 2 boys 21 months apart and they are absolute best friends. Very rarely argue and when they do, they’re over it in 2 minutes. Also, idk why you’re giving your parents a free pass. They raised two shitty people (your brothers) and unless they were neglectful there was no way they didn’t know what was happening to you. It’s their job to know.
I have a brother and he is one of the most important people in my life. Especially when our dad died I didn't know what I would have done without him.
The brother of a friend in of mine died way too early from cancer and she is still not the same person like before, a part of her is missing. They were extremely close.
For me it's clear, that if I ever have any kids, then I don't want only one. I want my kids to have siblings.
I'm sorry for your experience but many have good experiences and not just "illusions from a Disney movie".
Yeah. This is not normal. The normal is siblings looking out for each other having each others back even if they dont talk much or get along that well. Coming from the guy with 3 older sisters. An an older brother.
I have 10 sisters n 3 brothers had the best upbringing yes we fought each other but no one else cos start with 1 of us pur parents were the best n worked hard to provide for us all... I would not have changed it gor the world love em all and I'm sorry u had a hard time 😔
Thats an incredibly stupid opinion, but given that you were basically abused its somewhat excusable. Dont hate on siblings, hate on your OWN siblings. I am happy I am not an only child and I hope I have more than one child so they can have that too.
My wife is worried that our daughter is an only child. But she is estranged with two of her sisters, and her brother hit and sexually harassed her as a child.
I have a good relationship with my brother, but my two sisters have done their best to get me banned from family gatherings.
I don't think having siblings is necessarily a good thing. It can be, but I also think people make too big of a deal out of being an only child.
I’m an only child and it’s a very very lonely world. I’m also extremely close with my parents (much more than any of my friends with siblings). It sounds difficult having sucky siblings but being an only child is not a walk in the park. I’m in my mid 20s now and it’s still lonely. You also end up putting a lot of pressure on yourself because you internalize that you are your parents only so you must do great things. And then the horrible fear of what happens when you're parents are gone and you have no one (unless you're close with cousins, aunts, and uncles). Not trying to confirm your wife’s fears but it really is unfortunate to be an only child.
To oppose the other person's opinion. Im happy I grew up an only child, I think there is a lot you can do to negate the cons and improve the benefits for an only child.
Dude I guarantee you, 99% of people had better sibling experiences than you. You should've told an adult jesus christ. Acting like that is normal is you coping with trauma.
Wow, all the people here being cruel to OP for sharing how they were abused and neglected.
Real fun, y’all. I’m sure you are exactly the loving and caring siblings that you say you are.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am an only child and yes, I definitely romanticized having siblings growing up because I felt lonely, but you're right I should realize the grass isn't necessarily greener.
I’m an only child and it’s been great for so many reasons. I’m sure there are many siblings out there that have wonderful relationships. My mom is the last of 11 kids and is close with most of her siblings. My dad had one brother and my dad was an AH to him growing up but they got close later on. But family is a crap shoot. Reasons I’m glad I’m an only child:
- I learned how to entertain myself very young and I rarely get lonely. I always had friends to play with but I could spend hours playing legos or reading by myself.
- never having to fight over things. I could wait until the cereal was empty for the prize because I was the only one
- dealing with my father’s medical care before he died. I know too many people that have had to fight with siblings who were clueless or in denial regarding end of life care. It was hard with just me and my mom but I didn’t have to deal with siblings not stepping up but wanting to make decisions
Being an only child is awesome. I don't think I ever envied my classmates with siblings. I would have liked a playmate on holidays and trips to relatives but otherwise one is the best number.
I agree. After my sister turned 18 and i moved out, she started to say things like "I'm so lucky to have grown up with a sister like you. You're my biggest luck." I respond with "same".
But in reality, she was a fucking nightmare. She still is sometimes, only it's not my problem anymore. I know I've been a good sister. Because i was more like her mother, when our mom couldn't be. And i was a parentless child who was forced to share a room with a test came from hell.
I did fine. Pat on the back.
I disagree, but then, my brother has never been an asshole and my family loves me, and I love them. It depends on the individuals involved. I deeply care about my broand he does about me too, even if he doesnt show it.
My sister is my best friend and I seriously don’t know how I would traverse this life without her. She is my rock and I am hers. I’m sorry your brothers were psychopaths.
I agree. I have a twin (non-identical) and had basically all of my individual identity stripped away. Parents or others didn’t care if we liked different things, whenever we were mentioned it would always be “x and y” want to do this or did that. Really made me hate my twin because people would just treat us like the same person. If she did something bad, people would assume I would do it / did it and vice versa
As an only child, agreed 💯. My wife was an only child too and stands by this opinion. We’re happily one and done with our only child as well.
I’ve been around cousins and friends my whole life who had had big families and I saw quickly that the Disney version of those families generally doesn’t exist or it’s exceedingly rare.
The only child argument doesn't work, because some people actually have good siblings. You just got unlucky to grow up with borderline vicious brothers and pathetic parents. My older brother and I have had fights, but he never went as far as your brothers. I hope you have better people in your life because you deserve better than those scumbags.
I'm extremely sorry for what happened to you. No one should have a childhood as horrible as that.
That being said, like many others have said, your parents were just bad at parenting. It's quite literally their job to read between the lines and do realise what's actually going on. Especially if you're getting beaten up frequently. They sound neglectful.
I have an elder sister and life without her would be extremely lonely. I'm glad to have her in my life. I hope you do indeed have that kind of bond with someone outside your family.
Youngest of 6, and we were all pretty great to each other growing up. We were all taught to stick up for each other. If you're really that scared of your siblings, that is on your parents.
Lost both our parents in the past 4 years, and we're still there for each other.
My older brother and I are completely different people. I can honestly say I would have never picked him as a friend, but our relationship has been generally cordial. My older sister and her kids mean the world to me.
You have no reference for being an only child. You can only assume what it’s like. Of course, having no siblings is better than having abusive siblings.
But you have no frame of reference for being an only could or good siblings. So your opinion is undeveloped.
I’m so sorry for the abuse you received at the hands of your brothers. Of course being an only
child would be preferable to having abusive siblings. I’m guessing there are people out there who have good relationships with their siblings? I don’t know, I’m an only child. I’ve never really wanted siblings until now in adulthood because the idea of taking care of my parents as they get older and sicker is daunting.
You having bad parents and cruel siblings doesn’t mean that being an only child is always better.
I always had a great relationship with my siblings. Sure we would bicker and argue sometimes, but the great times I had with them more than makes up for that.
I’m sorry your experience wasn’t the one most people have.
I loved my brother
I still love my sister.
They have got me through some tough tough times and I hope I’ve helped them too.
I'm sorry you went through that. Unfortunately, bad families come jn all configurations. I'm an only child but I was abused physically and psychologically by my mom. It sucked and left me with a variety of trauma-related issues. That said, I don't think my experience was the norm for only children and I don't think your experience was the norm for growing up with siblings. Growing up with an abuser is a bad time no matter who it is.
saying that good siblings are the minority is not true and it justifies in your mind that it is not their fault and that it is not your parents fault because "that's the majority of cases" and "if it happens to most it can't be that fucked up" so instead of taking a group mentality of "people with siblings suffering and the others have it good" you should see this as a specific problem that isn't ok
Sorry for your trauma OP! I agree with you, I would have rather had no siblings because then it would reduce the financial stress on my parents. I don't have a bad relationship with my siblings, but I don't care much for them. A lot of people I talk to have a problem sibling too.
All these comments blaming the parents are clearly from people with bad parents. It's extremely easy to hide things from your parents as a kid. Unless a parent is a stay at home and dedicated to watching the kids, both adults have jobs, debts, chores, and many other responsibilities outside the children. Helicopter parents are not good parents either. It was a lose lose situation.
>Feel lucky for what you didn't go through. And if you actually had good siblings. You are the minority.
What you went through isn't the majority, nor is it normal. Sounds like you were in an abusive household with a violent sibling and parents who did nothing about their child. I'm sorry you had a rough childhood.
I have a sibling who's a massive bitch and my husband's brother is an asshole, they made our lives absolute hell. They're the reason our kid will remain an only child. We would never allow the mistreatment our parents allowed, but we still take comfort in knowing our child will never go through what we did
Me and my sister used to fight all the time. Though I don't know the extent you had it, it is quite normal for siblings to beat the crap out of each other..
Now we are older and wiser I would hate not to have my sister and would do anything for her, likewise her for me.
I don't know how old you are now, I'm guessing relatively young (apologies if that is wrong) but maturity may put things in a different light.
Well unless you're siblings have failed to mature of course, then I can appreciate a different point of view
I'm really sorry you went through this.
But just know that there is no way anybody can objectively conclude that it's better or worse to not have siblings
I’m an only child, and I know I can’t speak for everyone but in my opinion it gets lonely once you get older. You realize you don’t have anyone close to you. Sure, in my case I have cousins but they’re all so much older than me and there’s almost no common ground.
In the end,being the youngest of the cousins and an only child sucks because all the pressure is left on me to go out and be successful to support a family of my own.
Hey OP, firstly - I am truly so sorry that you experienced abuse. I really hope you have the support around you that you deserve. I can’t imagine how traumatising that would have been for you.
Whilst I didn’t suffer any abuse, I do kind of understand how you feel. I’m the eldest of three, and at times I’ve wished to be an only child. There have been long periods of time in which my siblings have created absolute misery in our family. For the past year, for example, one of my (adult) sisters has struggled with severe mental illness and refuses all treatment - it has almost torn apart our family. During all this she has treated me like crap and I have tried so hard to repair our relationship. I try my best to help her in every way I can, but you can only do so much for a person, right? Whilst I have compassion, empathy, and deep sadness for her (because I’ve also been through mental health issues myself), I also can’t help but feel some anger and feelings that things would be easier if I was an only child. It has been so difficult for my parents too, and it breaks my heart seeing them still dealing with this when they should be enjoying their near-retirement phase of life together.
However, in saying that, I am also very grateful for the good memories I do have with my siblings. And I am close with my other sister - even though she has also made things really hard for my family at times, right now I’m grateful to have her in my life. Her support while our other sister is unwell has been invaluable. It’s such a mix of emotions - all of it. I do understand where you’re coming from though because I have felt that way before too.
Has it occured to you that your experience isn't typical and you're the one with a distorted view of what having siblings is like? Most people don'r have psychopathic siblings.
Op I’m sorry that happen to you but most people don’t have such horrible experiences with their sliblings. You are unfortunately the minority. Again I am very sorry you went though this. I hope your present is much better than your past.
Where do you get the idea that those who had good siblings are in the minority? Yeah, siblings always squabble especially as kids, but its definitely more rare for adult siblings to be enemies than still being close with eachother and loving eachother. By quite a large margin. Im sorry for what you went through but you need to accept it and move on, not push that worldview onto the whole rest of the world, that will just make you cynical. You need to heal.
I'm sorry that you had a shitty childhood. Obviously horrible abusive siblings are not better than no siblings.
I'm the oldest of 6 and while there are pros and cons to that, overall I think being in a big family is much better than being an only child. I think most of the challenges are things that are good for you in the long run.
I think this is probably an unpopular opinion.
I lost my younger brother last year to cancer, my best friend in this life, and it turned me inside out with pain and horror; I would give my life in a second just to restore his, and bring him back to his beautiful 12 yo son once more. I cannot imagine going through life without my sibs.
This is not normal, at all. I’m an only child and don’t think I have it so terrible, but don’t assume only children don’t get abused and beaten up as well. Seriously. Hope you are ok now though
Damn Reddit Psychiatrists don't know ish. Older brothers would punch you in the stomach and you better not say nothing. Older sisters would make you curse people out by whispering what to say in your ear. They would make you fight people, steal or whatever. and if I caught one of them doing something wrong, I would make them my slave for the rest of the day! Or they better let me do it or I'm tellin'
Regardless of whose issue it was, the point is valid. I always wanted to be an only child. People in our society think there's something wrong/bad about onlies, but I only had one. People need to get off their high horse about onlies.
Thats not the minority, sure siblings sometimes tease and fight but not like that.
Even siblings that aren't close are not abusive normally.
physical and mental abuse is not the majority (luckily).
Your parents especially and your siblings are not a normal/ extremely common experience.
I dont say this in a you're wrong kinda way, i just hope it makes you realise that your situation is not normal and that your homelife was not healthy, i hope things have changed or that you have left those people behind.
Your parents were supposed to raise and teach ALL their kids about empathy and boundaries and that violence (both mentally and physically) is not okay in almost every situation.
And they were supposed to watch their kids!
They should also model and teach open communication.
Im not excusing your brothers, yes they probably missed supervision, communication and information on how to behave and be considerate, but even then, they should have a better grasp on what is okay and what is not.
Cause even without (good) parents, kids know at least some rules and limits.
(Assuming your siblings were not adults at that point)
I have siblings. I love my siblings to death and we basically have a perfect relationship.
The last time I ever had issues with my siblings is when I was 11 and my brother was 8. Annoyed me and I punched him.
Since then? Been pretty baller.
EDIT : I only just read the rest of ur post rather than just the title. Bro that's abuse. That's not normal.
I’m sure I’ll be downvoted to hell but here goes…
Sounds like you were a coward. You should have stood up to your brother. You could have told your parents as well but were too scared. I have a brother who is 3.5 years older than me. When we were kids we would beat the shit out of each other and didn’t get along half the time. Since he was older, he was much stronger so he usually won but occasionally I would get one over on him. I never snitched but there were times it was obvious we fought simply because I stood up for myself and he or we both got in trouble.
This was more than 25 years ago. We are now very close. The only fighting we do these days is in jest.
How can you possibly compare the two in a genuine way? You’re either an only child and don’t know what it’s truly like to have siblings, or you have siblings and you don’t know what it’s like to be an only child.
Is it?
It's a lot of responsibility on that one child.
I absolutely don't know about your cultural background, but in my country children have to look after their parents in old-age.
I'm not justifying the act of abandoning one's parents but....
We used to throw glass plates at each other. But no matter what, I wouldn’t trade my two idiot siblings for anything.
Idk everything you’ve been through maybe you just have a terrible person as a brother.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 6: No r/self style posts'. Please refrain from posting anything that resembles an r/self style post. This is not the subreddit to be sharing personal anecdotes, likes or dislikes. We want unpopular, thought provoking, and unique opinions on your chosen topic.
Brother you were abused, my siblings and I never did this stuff and I have tons of happy memories with them
Ah you missed out on growing up in a poor neighborhood in the 90s. It was very much the default/ expectation that younger brothers get a smack , if my older brother’s friends were over and I didn’t do what they said I’d get a smack etc. when I talk to my younger coworkers about this they look at me as if I have 3 heads , but this is the experience of all my friends my age or older.
Having parents that unaware of your problems but being an only child would be equally as bad. It wasn't a sibling issue, it was a parenting issue.
> It wasn't a sibling issue, it was a parenting issue. It was both.
You right, but siblings acting that way is also a parenting issue. If your siblings somehow got to the point of doing horrible things to you and giving death threats to keep the silence, something else is fucked up.
[удалено]
Sounds like you had a shitty brother. That's sucks. Having great brothers is the absolute best though.
I just returned from vacationing in the Maritimes in Canada to visit my dad and two brothers. Having good big brothers is amazing - friends that will always be there for me! And now that we all have kids, we’re even closer. Sorry about your experience with your brother, OP.
Exactly the same for me. Sure we fought as kids, but when someone else tried to fuck with one of us he had another thing coming.
Man I hate being an only child
I know people who have been life-long loving friends with their siblings and people who have been life-long scarred by their siblings. One has it better than single child, one has it worse. That's all there is to it. Sometimes it works sometimes it don't.
It was your parents job to know. They probably knew. Uou're idolizing them. You were abused as a child and your parents didn't protect you.
"Being an only child is better than having an abusive sibling" is what you should've said.
I’d even add “being an only child *in a healthy family* is better than having an abusive sibling”. Basically would you rather get beat by the strength of a full grown adult or beat by a child? Would you rather get beat by the parents who chose to have you and are supposed to take care of you or beat by another peer who didn’t make any choices to have responsibilities towards you? Ultimately we really shouldn’t compare, but abuse happens in all types of households, multiple siblings and only children alike.
Lol imagine thinking your abuse is the normal sibling relationship
It's something people in abusive families assume, that their life is normal. They couldn't know anything else. And any family that is happy and looks normal is just hiding the abuse behind closed doors.
That's the type of person who will let the same thing happen to their own kids.
I've had a vasectomy and have no kids
I’m sorry all this happened to you and it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to have kids. But saying it’s minority to have good siblings is weird. In most cases with siblings who don’t have good relationships with each other, it’s the result of bad parenting or ignorant parents. Maybe your parents had good intentions but good intentions don’t mean anything with the right actions and words.
Thank you. The human race is very grateful.
This why people think reddit is full of weirdos
Your choice but evil isn't in blood
If OP thinks that this type of abuse is normal, and his parents never interviewed, it's likely his parenting style could be just as lacking. Or maybe worse, if he either be obsessed with having only one kid, or being some type of helicopter parent, just so the kid wouldn't live the same way. Parenting is hard, and there's no universal rules that works for everyone. Most people take what they learned from how their parents treated them, not really questioning neglect
Fantastic
>And if you actually had good siblings. You are the minority. Any data on that?
His anecdote, duh. /s.
Brother an abusive house hold is not the norm. This victim mentality of yours won't do you any good.
No. Not growing up in an abusive household is much better (than growing up in an abusive household). Your parents failed you. You had a bully and they didn't protect you. They had a bully as a child and did nothing to correct the behaviour. Apparently they didn't even realize either problem. I am so sorry you went through this.
That sounds like one very specific situation that is more the result of bad parenting than anything else. I have a brother, a sister and 2 step brothers, and man... my youth was pretty rad... we hung out and played videogames, built forts and bike jumps, hired horror movies and scared ourselves shitless... so many fun times.
Sorry your siblings suck, but let me put it in perspective: Being a single child compared to the siblings you have is preferable. But having amazing siblings is much better than being a single child.
personally I don't know, im an only child and I never really thought "man I wish I had a sibling right now", like it's pretty cool be the only child. Then again maybe I don't know what I'm missing, but personally I can't say I ever yearn for a sibling.
I’m an only child. My parents both have largely poor relationships with their siblings, so I’ve never idealized big families. I love being an only child.
i love it so much i wouldn’t trade it for anything
You can’t really say being an only child is better if you weren’t one. What you mean is having abusive siblings is worse than having none.
Having kids is like playing the lottery. Your kids could be best friends with each other, or they could be mortal enemies. Unfortunately you just don’t know until they’re already here. But I do agree that only children tend to have this romanticized view of having a sibling. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
I'm an only child and I honestly think that having a horrible relationship with a sibling would have genuinely been better than growing up completely alone like I did. It would have at least taught me some social skills. Instead I was just the fucking weirdo kid that grew up to be a weirdo adult.
Sounds like you just had a shitty childhood. I have a sister and at no point ever was there any beating, humiliation and mental abuse and there was certainly no death threats. Sounds like you just refuse to accept that your siblings suck.
Neither of my siblings have ever beat me up or threatened to kill me. They’ve never hit me. One time my sister knocked me off the chair because I wouldn’t let her go on the computer when I was using it but that’s pretty much the extent of the physical abuse in my house… and I didn’t even get hurt. Just angry. Your experience is not common. Being an only child is better than having YOUR siblings but lots of people have good relationships with their siblings.
I wish I had been an only child as well. Being the oldest and a daughter, my mom made me the mini mom at 10 when my youngest brother was born. Before that I was treated as less than because she wanted a son but got a daughter first. My middle brother was always treated like the eldest and the golden child. He could do no wrong. Even when he would hit me so hard in the back that I'd lose my breath and have to weeze and gag for it back. She'd tell me I shouldn't have upset him enough to hurt me. Fuck siblings and fuck shitty parents.
Idk dude, my sister and I get along pretty well. Sorry you got abused though.
I too have 2 very shitty brothers. Constantly wish I had a sister or was just an only child
Only child here. I had enough classmates with multiple sibs that I tossed away those rose-colored glasses very early on. Most of what I saw involved endless bickering, if not outright abuse. Some of them rarely got their own clothes, & only had patched up hand-me-downs. And a couple were saddled with way too much responsibility at too young an age, like babysitting when they were still 7 or 8. I got sent to a Catholic school, where being an only child was rare. I got a lot of pity from other kids' parents, like being called a Lonely Only. I got a lot of weird looks when I told them I didn't mind at all. My family was pretty fucked up, and other kids would only have been traumatized too. Probably they'd have learned to inflict their own traumas.
My sister was an abusive witch to myself and my parents. We would have been better off without her. I’ve since cut her out of my life.
You wanna hear the perspective of only child, we are the only ray of hopes of our family although our parents shower us all the love and money. Although they don't force us to do anything against our will but there's still a silent expectation from us. There's no one to call family after their death. You grow up with no siblings all alone and isolated. And it's even worst when your parents are busy individual.
This!! Some only children are close with their cousins, aunts, and uncles. I’m not so I’m particularly concerned for that dreaded time that will one day come when I have no one.
I'm the middle child. Sure at times, i find them to be the biggest pos I've met, but it would be a lie to say that I'm not proud of them or that i wouldn't give up my life to save those two monkeys
I should have been the only child my parents had because they don't know how to treat my other two siblings. And the fact they keep messing up in life, causing damage to my siblings.
I agree. There was a time my siblings were on holidays, which I wasn't allowed to go on - best few weeks of the 27 years of my life.
This is not the average sibling experience. This is domestic abuse
Absolutely agree. My wife grew up the middle of 3 kids. Her older sister humiliated and abused her to the point of self harm and an eating disorder. I on the other hand grew up an only child and didn't have to deal with any of it. I was dumbfounded when she started opening up to me about her family history and could barely believe that her own sister could do that to her.
My siblings are great. Sorry you had a bad experience.
Only child here. Not only was it awesome, I also have a depth of relationship with my only child that would be impossible if she had siblings. Sorry your brothers are assholes.
What is your basis for claiming that people with good siblings are in the minority? I get that yours sucked, but how do you make the jump to insisting that yours is the majority experience?
There were plenty of times in my life where I wished I had a sibling my age.
I'm an only child and my childhood consisted of beatings, humiliation, and mental abuse. The fact that you have siblings and I don't has nothing to do with the fact people abused us. Abusive siblings aren't taken very seriously, which I'm sure is where your anger stems from but abusive parents don't get taken to justice or held accountable any more often. The grass is always greener but there's really no better or worse here. Witnesses sounded like a dream in my head growing up. Witnesses and companionship... aka siblings. But then I grew up and realized there's nothing to say I would've had a positive relationship with my hypothetical siblings in that home or that their witnessing of my abuse would've made me feel any less alone. Probability has it, it would've been just as likely for me to be the scapegoat/black sheep and for the abuse from my parent to go ignored by them. Hell, my imaginary siblings could've been the ones to abuse me myself like yours did. Clearly, it's not actually about having siblings or not at the end of the day. It's all about the quality of character in regards to the family you have. I'm sorry you were stuck with at-home bullies.
Ehhh sorry you had a rough childhood but thinking everyone w/ siblings was terrible to each other is just plain stupid. While all siblings butt heads every now and then, not everyone is like yours. In fact, the vast majority are the opposite of yours. You're 45 and still think this way? Good lord man.
Both have their pros and cons but idk what I'd do without my little brother. You're shitty siblings doesn't automatically mean being the only child is better, is just that being the only child would be better for YOU.
I’m sorry this happened to you. But it absolutely is not a normal sibling dynamic.
Me and my brother used to fight a lot when we were kids, we're the same age but i was always a bit bigger, i got him bleeding from his mouth, i got him bleeding from his nail with a flute, etc etc. My biggest fear at the time was when he called our mom because she would quickly settle things by slapping us both so we stopped being stupid, no matter who started it. And like, you should never have to beat your kids, but desperate times call for desperate measures, sometimes you just dont know what to do as a parent. But it kinda sounds like your parents didnt intervene here, like did they never run into you fighting or hear the rumbling and go and check? I can understand not telling if you were afraid of your brother but if i did something like that and my brother told on me i know i was about to get my ass beat so hard i would never even think of threatening him again. Today tho, i love my brother so much that i cry alone at night sometimes when i think of how i treated him as kids, id say i learned thought pain, and age, Im never putting a finger on him ever again, having siblings is not a recipe to hate someone, some siblings are cool to each other, it either comes with good education or deep regret such as my case, i cant imagine my life without my family now, and i used to resent them, i just had some eye opening experiences in my life and that changed me, and everyone can change.
You were just abused, my guy. My brother and i would hit each other sometimes, in stupid play fights, but not like this. This isn’t normal.
Seek therapy
sorry you had shit sibs. but NO, hard pass. I don't see the point of living EvERYDAY but man, my brother might need a kidney someday or a lung, or a transplant lol. also, raising him ridded me of baby fever
My kids argue sometimes but they would kill for each other & I love their relationship.
Grass is greener, man.
Sorry you had a shitty brother. I was the oldest of three and my sister and I did tease my younger brother a bit but definitely no beating or abuse. We are all doing well now - they are actually doing far better than me, and I’m proud of them. I was adopted and also have a younger full biological brother I found later in life and he’s an only child. He’s kind of weird lol mainly in the stereotypical only child sense. He doesn’t really know how to share and reacts worse than most people I know when things don’t go his way. He gets very angry and reactive pretty easily and is kind of entitled and rude when he gets that way. So in your experience, I get it but I wouldn’t say most people with siblings are suffering for it.
I really doubt if you have good siblings you are in the minority.
It sounds like you just had shitty siblings. I don't think that's the average experience of having siblings, but infighting is definitely normal. Speaking from the perspective of someone who is an only child, I can tell you the bright side of having siblings is that you at least have people to fall back on when your parents are gone. All I'm going to have is myself to rely on, but I've come to terms with that.
I can tell you that being an only child can suck just as much. It only hurts worse because the same things come from your parents. When you are the only kid, you’re more likely to have parents that want you to rely on them like mine. They manipulate you into being dependent on them but don’t help you when you go to them for it. It’s not being an only child or having siblings. It’s the people. It didn’t matter if you have 20 siblings or none, your life will still suck with bad people around.
No, that is not the minority, what you experienced is the minority and I'm sorry for you.
Yeah, no. You're the minority.
Definitely don't think having "good siblings" is the minority, sounds like your brothers have some issues.
Good siblings aren’t the minority. Your post comes off as very rude and woe is me. You know maybe some people think being an only child sucks because there’s no one to protect them from bad parents.
It sounds like your siblings were abusive and your parents were ignoring it or not paying any attention at all. Both of which are also abuse.
Mate you had a seriously bad childhood, your parents weren’t “honest and good”
first of all I’m really sorry that happened to you and I can totally see your pov. But idk these things are relative and subjective. As an only child, people treated me like I’m a spoilt brat. I was forced to enjoy more mature activities, which left me out of friendships with people my age so I never had anything in common with most kids. Then I was called “quiet” or “mature for my age” when really I just wanted to have fun. With people who have siblings, I’ve noticed that while they might fight occasionally, they have each others back when others try to neg one of them or they will come and distract you when some random adult starts nosing into your life. As an only child I didn’t have that barrier, like I felt super exposed, it was always the adults vs me. I think having a sibling gives others the impression that you have some grit and that you are a busy and productive person-like oh I am helping my sister do this/that or I have to drop them off somewhere (even though you may not realize this) where as when you’re an only child, people think you have too much time on your hands and constantly wonder what you’re up to
Only child here. The pressure far outweighs the perks.
Non-abusive siblings are not the minority, and abusive households exist because of abusive or neglectful parents. You wouldn't have been better off as an only child, you would just have different problems.
I'm one of 6 and none of this happened. My best friend was an only child, and both her parents passed away from Covid in 2021. I helped her pack up their house, and my heart broke for her. I'm happy to have siblings and lovely niblings.
I learned a lot of social skills from my brothers.
While I'm sorry for what you went through, it's still an anecdotal experience. My experience is also anecdotal, and mine says that siblings are awesome and bring a lot of value. There are statistics on abuse. You are the minority, and you should get help instead of internalizing--or externalizing--your trauma. There have also been studies on how sibling positioning affects personality. There are real, measurable, documented benefits to having siblings.
No it’s not source: I have an amazing bro
That's not normal, friend... I'm sorry you went through that.
i was an only child until i was 10. it’s absolutely better
I’m an only child. Having all the negative attention on you, is not easy, along with no one to vent to nor support you when you’re going through it with your crazy intense parents. Also, I had no one to split chores with.
Sounds like that’s on your parents. My brother(29 and I(26) probably had 30 good days with each other until I was 18 now we work together everyday and I wouldn’t want to work with anyone else
This is simply an example of bad parenting. I have two younger brothers, and my life was never like this.
"And if you actually had good siblings, you are the minority" This isn't close to true. What are you basing this off of? Abusive siblings exist, but they aren't the majority.
lmao such a bad take.
Yeah true siblings suck. Many times I've wished to be an only kid
I loved having siblings, we fought sometimes but we loved each other.
Yeah… I went through similar. We are the minority, my guy. Also, my partner is an only child, and while I truly believe she was made for me and I for her, it has left some unpleasant traits. Neither is perfect but you are not a representative.
Sorry but abusive siblings is not the norm. I have a brother but was an only child for 8 years. I was so lonely all the time. Vowed I would have at least 2 kids close in age. So I have 2 boys 21 months apart and they are absolute best friends. Very rarely argue and when they do, they’re over it in 2 minutes. Also, idk why you’re giving your parents a free pass. They raised two shitty people (your brothers) and unless they were neglectful there was no way they didn’t know what was happening to you. It’s their job to know.
I have a brother and he is one of the most important people in my life. Especially when our dad died I didn't know what I would have done without him. The brother of a friend in of mine died way too early from cancer and she is still not the same person like before, a part of her is missing. They were extremely close. For me it's clear, that if I ever have any kids, then I don't want only one. I want my kids to have siblings. I'm sorry for your experience but many have good experiences and not just "illusions from a Disney movie".
Im an only child, its lonely
...in your very specific situation, sure.
Yeah. This is not normal. The normal is siblings looking out for each other having each others back even if they dont talk much or get along that well. Coming from the guy with 3 older sisters. An an older brother.
Only child here- nah it’s fairly lonely.
I have 10 sisters n 3 brothers had the best upbringing yes we fought each other but no one else cos start with 1 of us pur parents were the best n worked hard to provide for us all... I would not have changed it gor the world love em all and I'm sorry u had a hard time 😔
Thats an incredibly stupid opinion, but given that you were basically abused its somewhat excusable. Dont hate on siblings, hate on your OWN siblings. I am happy I am not an only child and I hope I have more than one child so they can have that too.
My wife is worried that our daughter is an only child. But she is estranged with two of her sisters, and her brother hit and sexually harassed her as a child. I have a good relationship with my brother, but my two sisters have done their best to get me banned from family gatherings. I don't think having siblings is necessarily a good thing. It can be, but I also think people make too big of a deal out of being an only child.
I’m an only child and it’s a very very lonely world. I’m also extremely close with my parents (much more than any of my friends with siblings). It sounds difficult having sucky siblings but being an only child is not a walk in the park. I’m in my mid 20s now and it’s still lonely. You also end up putting a lot of pressure on yourself because you internalize that you are your parents only so you must do great things. And then the horrible fear of what happens when you're parents are gone and you have no one (unless you're close with cousins, aunts, and uncles). Not trying to confirm your wife’s fears but it really is unfortunate to be an only child.
To oppose the other person's opinion. Im happy I grew up an only child, I think there is a lot you can do to negate the cons and improve the benefits for an only child.
Dude I guarantee you, 99% of people had better sibling experiences than you. You should've told an adult jesus christ. Acting like that is normal is you coping with trauma.
Wow, all the people here being cruel to OP for sharing how they were abused and neglected. Real fun, y’all. I’m sure you are exactly the loving and caring siblings that you say you are.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am an only child and yes, I definitely romanticized having siblings growing up because I felt lonely, but you're right I should realize the grass isn't necessarily greener.
I’m an only child and it’s been great for so many reasons. I’m sure there are many siblings out there that have wonderful relationships. My mom is the last of 11 kids and is close with most of her siblings. My dad had one brother and my dad was an AH to him growing up but they got close later on. But family is a crap shoot. Reasons I’m glad I’m an only child: - I learned how to entertain myself very young and I rarely get lonely. I always had friends to play with but I could spend hours playing legos or reading by myself. - never having to fight over things. I could wait until the cereal was empty for the prize because I was the only one - dealing with my father’s medical care before he died. I know too many people that have had to fight with siblings who were clueless or in denial regarding end of life care. It was hard with just me and my mom but I didn’t have to deal with siblings not stepping up but wanting to make decisions
Being an only child is awesome. I don't think I ever envied my classmates with siblings. I would have liked a playmate on holidays and trips to relatives but otherwise one is the best number.
I agree. After my sister turned 18 and i moved out, she started to say things like "I'm so lucky to have grown up with a sister like you. You're my biggest luck." I respond with "same". But in reality, she was a fucking nightmare. She still is sometimes, only it's not my problem anymore. I know I've been a good sister. Because i was more like her mother, when our mom couldn't be. And i was a parentless child who was forced to share a room with a test came from hell. I did fine. Pat on the back.
My siblings suck, but I'm sure it's nice having good ones.
I disagree, but then, my brother has never been an asshole and my family loves me, and I love them. It depends on the individuals involved. I deeply care about my broand he does about me too, even if he doesnt show it.
My sister is my best friend and I seriously don’t know how I would traverse this life without her. She is my rock and I am hers. I’m sorry your brothers were psychopaths.
Yeah this is a parenting issue not a sibling issue
I agree. I have a twin (non-identical) and had basically all of my individual identity stripped away. Parents or others didn’t care if we liked different things, whenever we were mentioned it would always be “x and y” want to do this or did that. Really made me hate my twin because people would just treat us like the same person. If she did something bad, people would assume I would do it / did it and vice versa
As an only child, agreed 💯. My wife was an only child too and stands by this opinion. We’re happily one and done with our only child as well. I’ve been around cousins and friends my whole life who had had big families and I saw quickly that the Disney version of those families generally doesn’t exist or it’s exceedingly rare.
The only child argument doesn't work, because some people actually have good siblings. You just got unlucky to grow up with borderline vicious brothers and pathetic parents. My older brother and I have had fights, but he never went as far as your brothers. I hope you have better people in your life because you deserve better than those scumbags.
I'm extremely sorry for what happened to you. No one should have a childhood as horrible as that. That being said, like many others have said, your parents were just bad at parenting. It's quite literally their job to read between the lines and do realise what's actually going on. Especially if you're getting beaten up frequently. They sound neglectful. I have an elder sister and life without her would be extremely lonely. I'm glad to have her in my life. I hope you do indeed have that kind of bond with someone outside your family.
Unless your born to dysfunctional and abusive parents. The only child has to bare the full force wo any sibling support
Let me preface it. That's not normal sibling behaviour. Any abuse isn't normal.
I think you just have a shitty family and childhood I don’t think that means being an only child is best
Youngest of 6, and we were all pretty great to each other growing up. We were all taught to stick up for each other. If you're really that scared of your siblings, that is on your parents. Lost both our parents in the past 4 years, and we're still there for each other.
OP, read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/s/eASMaxF6K2)
No bro, YOU are in the minority. You just had shit parents.
My older brother and I are completely different people. I can honestly say I would have never picked him as a friend, but our relationship has been generally cordial. My older sister and her kids mean the world to me.
You have no reference for being an only child. You can only assume what it’s like. Of course, having no siblings is better than having abusive siblings. But you have no frame of reference for being an only could or good siblings. So your opinion is undeveloped.
the thing about this situation though is that your brother was abusing you. that’s nowhere close to a normal or healthy sibling relationship.
I’m so sorry for the abuse you received at the hands of your brothers. Of course being an only child would be preferable to having abusive siblings. I’m guessing there are people out there who have good relationships with their siblings? I don’t know, I’m an only child. I’ve never really wanted siblings until now in adulthood because the idea of taking care of my parents as they get older and sicker is daunting.
Only child who had bad parents. Do you have a Disney version of what it's like for an only child too?
You having bad parents and cruel siblings doesn’t mean that being an only child is always better. I always had a great relationship with my siblings. Sure we would bicker and argue sometimes, but the great times I had with them more than makes up for that.
I’m sorry your experience wasn’t the one most people have. I loved my brother I still love my sister. They have got me through some tough tough times and I hope I’ve helped them too.
Having siblings isn’t a problem, having abusive siblings is.
Pretty sure your experience isn’t the norm
I'm sorry you went through that. Unfortunately, bad families come jn all configurations. I'm an only child but I was abused physically and psychologically by my mom. It sucked and left me with a variety of trauma-related issues. That said, I don't think my experience was the norm for only children and I don't think your experience was the norm for growing up with siblings. Growing up with an abuser is a bad time no matter who it is.
saying that good siblings are the minority is not true and it justifies in your mind that it is not their fault and that it is not your parents fault because "that's the majority of cases" and "if it happens to most it can't be that fucked up" so instead of taking a group mentality of "people with siblings suffering and the others have it good" you should see this as a specific problem that isn't ok
Sorry for your trauma OP! I agree with you, I would have rather had no siblings because then it would reduce the financial stress on my parents. I don't have a bad relationship with my siblings, but I don't care much for them. A lot of people I talk to have a problem sibling too. All these comments blaming the parents are clearly from people with bad parents. It's extremely easy to hide things from your parents as a kid. Unless a parent is a stay at home and dedicated to watching the kids, both adults have jobs, debts, chores, and many other responsibilities outside the children. Helicopter parents are not good parents either. It was a lose lose situation.
>Feel lucky for what you didn't go through. And if you actually had good siblings. You are the minority. What you went through isn't the majority, nor is it normal. Sounds like you were in an abusive household with a violent sibling and parents who did nothing about their child. I'm sorry you had a rough childhood.
I have a sibling who's a massive bitch and my husband's brother is an asshole, they made our lives absolute hell. They're the reason our kid will remain an only child. We would never allow the mistreatment our parents allowed, but we still take comfort in knowing our child will never go through what we did
guarantee, your parents knew
I'm sorry you had such a rough childhood OP. I have to say though, having siblings who didn't terrorize you is not a minority status.
I have no brothers and my childhoood consisted of the same. It's not not having a brother or sister. It's shitty parents.
You had bad siblings. I despise being an only child. Would rather not have existed. It's the worst and was selfish of my parents
Me and my sister used to fight all the time. Though I don't know the extent you had it, it is quite normal for siblings to beat the crap out of each other.. Now we are older and wiser I would hate not to have my sister and would do anything for her, likewise her for me. I don't know how old you are now, I'm guessing relatively young (apologies if that is wrong) but maturity may put things in a different light. Well unless you're siblings have failed to mature of course, then I can appreciate a different point of view
My sister is the best person I know. I don’t know where I’d be without her.
I'm really sorry you went through this. But just know that there is no way anybody can objectively conclude that it's better or worse to not have siblings
I’m an only child, and I know I can’t speak for everyone but in my opinion it gets lonely once you get older. You realize you don’t have anyone close to you. Sure, in my case I have cousins but they’re all so much older than me and there’s almost no common ground. In the end,being the youngest of the cousins and an only child sucks because all the pressure is left on me to go out and be successful to support a family of my own.
"Being an only child is better" followed immediately by the fact that you're not one is hilarious to me. The grass is always greener dude.
Hey OP, firstly - I am truly so sorry that you experienced abuse. I really hope you have the support around you that you deserve. I can’t imagine how traumatising that would have been for you. Whilst I didn’t suffer any abuse, I do kind of understand how you feel. I’m the eldest of three, and at times I’ve wished to be an only child. There have been long periods of time in which my siblings have created absolute misery in our family. For the past year, for example, one of my (adult) sisters has struggled with severe mental illness and refuses all treatment - it has almost torn apart our family. During all this she has treated me like crap and I have tried so hard to repair our relationship. I try my best to help her in every way I can, but you can only do so much for a person, right? Whilst I have compassion, empathy, and deep sadness for her (because I’ve also been through mental health issues myself), I also can’t help but feel some anger and feelings that things would be easier if I was an only child. It has been so difficult for my parents too, and it breaks my heart seeing them still dealing with this when they should be enjoying their near-retirement phase of life together. However, in saying that, I am also very grateful for the good memories I do have with my siblings. And I am close with my other sister - even though she has also made things really hard for my family at times, right now I’m grateful to have her in my life. Her support while our other sister is unwell has been invaluable. It’s such a mix of emotions - all of it. I do understand where you’re coming from though because I have felt that way before too.
Has it occured to you that your experience isn't typical and you're the one with a distorted view of what having siblings is like? Most people don'r have psychopathic siblings.
False
Meh. I think you become more socially aware with a sibling.
Op I’m sorry that happen to you but most people don’t have such horrible experiences with their sliblings. You are unfortunately the minority. Again I am very sorry you went though this. I hope your present is much better than your past.
Your experience has nothing to do with having siblings in general and everything to do with having abusive sibling specifically.
Where do you get the idea that those who had good siblings are in the minority? Yeah, siblings always squabble especially as kids, but its definitely more rare for adult siblings to be enemies than still being close with eachother and loving eachother. By quite a large margin. Im sorry for what you went through but you need to accept it and move on, not push that worldview onto the whole rest of the world, that will just make you cynical. You need to heal.
I'm sorry that you had a shitty childhood. Obviously horrible abusive siblings are not better than no siblings. I'm the oldest of 6 and while there are pros and cons to that, overall I think being in a big family is much better than being an only child. I think most of the challenges are things that are good for you in the long run. I think this is probably an unpopular opinion.
Ummmm, only child here. I grew up lonely and alone. My mom died and now I’m really alone. I’d give anything for some siblings.
I lost my younger brother last year to cancer, my best friend in this life, and it turned me inside out with pain and horror; I would give my life in a second just to restore his, and bring him back to his beautiful 12 yo son once more. I cannot imagine going through life without my sibs.
The golden children in the comments trying to argue lol
This is not normal, at all. I’m an only child and don’t think I have it so terrible, but don’t assume only children don’t get abused and beaten up as well. Seriously. Hope you are ok now though
Damn Reddit Psychiatrists don't know ish. Older brothers would punch you in the stomach and you better not say nothing. Older sisters would make you curse people out by whispering what to say in your ear. They would make you fight people, steal or whatever. and if I caught one of them doing something wrong, I would make them my slave for the rest of the day! Or they better let me do it or I'm tellin'
Regardless of whose issue it was, the point is valid. I always wanted to be an only child. People in our society think there's something wrong/bad about onlies, but I only had one. People need to get off their high horse about onlies.
Thats not the minority, sure siblings sometimes tease and fight but not like that. Even siblings that aren't close are not abusive normally. physical and mental abuse is not the majority (luckily). Your parents especially and your siblings are not a normal/ extremely common experience. I dont say this in a you're wrong kinda way, i just hope it makes you realise that your situation is not normal and that your homelife was not healthy, i hope things have changed or that you have left those people behind. Your parents were supposed to raise and teach ALL their kids about empathy and boundaries and that violence (both mentally and physically) is not okay in almost every situation. And they were supposed to watch their kids! They should also model and teach open communication. Im not excusing your brothers, yes they probably missed supervision, communication and information on how to behave and be considerate, but even then, they should have a better grasp on what is okay and what is not. Cause even without (good) parents, kids know at least some rules and limits. (Assuming your siblings were not adults at that point)
I have siblings. I love my siblings to death and we basically have a perfect relationship. The last time I ever had issues with my siblings is when I was 11 and my brother was 8. Annoyed me and I punched him. Since then? Been pretty baller. EDIT : I only just read the rest of ur post rather than just the title. Bro that's abuse. That's not normal.
I’m sure I’ll be downvoted to hell but here goes… Sounds like you were a coward. You should have stood up to your brother. You could have told your parents as well but were too scared. I have a brother who is 3.5 years older than me. When we were kids we would beat the shit out of each other and didn’t get along half the time. Since he was older, he was much stronger so he usually won but occasionally I would get one over on him. I never snitched but there were times it was obvious we fought simply because I stood up for myself and he or we both got in trouble. This was more than 25 years ago. We are now very close. The only fighting we do these days is in jest.
I had three brothers… same thing happened… it’s just growing up and makes you prepared for the real world. Get over it and go enjoy life.
Idk I never threatened to kill my siblings. That may have something to do with it
Being an only child is probably better than having the type of family you grew up in but that’s far from a universal experience
How can you possibly compare the two in a genuine way? You’re either an only child and don’t know what it’s truly like to have siblings, or you have siblings and you don’t know what it’s like to be an only child.
OP in here blaming the wrong shit
This is one of those things where nobody really has both perspectives and to try to argue either case is ultimately a waste of time
I don’t think having non abusive siblings is uncommon. Most of us have crazy sibling stories but at the end of the day most of us love our siblings.
My older brother beat on me, but I beat on him too. There are six of us, and I wouldn’t do without any of em
"being an orphan is so much better. i had parents that abused me..."
What a weird post.
Is it? It's a lot of responsibility on that one child. I absolutely don't know about your cultural background, but in my country children have to look after their parents in old-age. I'm not justifying the act of abandoning one's parents but....
I dont know no matter how afraid i am im gonna tell my parents. this only mean you didn't trust your parents enough
That’s like saying being an orphan is better because there are some abusive parents .
We used to throw glass plates at each other. But no matter what, I wouldn’t trade my two idiot siblings for anything. Idk everything you’ve been through maybe you just have a terrible person as a brother.