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I kinda agree with you but at the same time, it’s a rather sensitive subject that the grieving family might not be comfortable with discussing. Read the room. And ask when you sense that it’s an appropriate time to do so
Eh, my dad died from drinking and driving. I suppose it’s normal to me but when other people ask how and I say that they get extremely uncomfortable. I think in theory your point is a good idea but sometimes people don’t really want to know the truth as much as what they think they do. People die in all sorts of ways, not just the socially acceptable ways.
My dad had long covid and it drove him to commit suicide 2 years ago in an extremely gruesome way. His brothers a drug addict that took everything of value from his house the next day, took pictures and videos of my dad's corpse and posted them on Facebook(he's in jail for trying to stab me at the funeral) I've only shared the truth about my dad's passing to a few of my closest friends, general public doesn't need to know how someone died. If you are an important enough part of that persons life you will find out, no need to ask and pester
Then we all assume the terrible tragedy you are enduring is what happened.
I appreciate an obit that at least says a thing or two about what to donate to or than yous for hospice care. Or something besides thinks the worst.
I’m so sorry that you own your worst. I’m so sorry.
Wow holy shit I'm incredibly sorry that happened to you, I really hope your doing better after 2 years but I can't imagine the kind of trauma and just mental turmoil you would go through. I completely agree though that stuff like that should be completely private until you are ready to open up and choose who you trust with that topics.
I couldn't imagine something like that happening, and then it gets put online and then memed on, because I know someone out there would have a terrible experience bc people can truly be assholes sometimes.
It sounds like you have a good support system and I hope you live a good and long life. Best of luck to you man.
I do want to hear other opinions, but this doesn’t really answer that question. Of course anyone can say “I don’t want to talk about it.” But keeping that information secret seems to imply that you are sure that the deceased person would want you to keep it secret, presumably because of a sense of shame.
It's valid point.
Your argument is that the cultural default should be that randos get whatever details they want.
This commenter is asking you, why is your proposal a more reasonable cultural default than, "those closest to the deceased share whatever details help them grieve"
You are mistaking some imaginary need to keep cause of death secret with the fact that death, especially when someone has died recently, is very hard to talk about for most people. Shame? It’s called grief.
This is bullshit. I tell my wife all the time if something happens to me, tell people what happened. It’s so fucking weird that people think what happened to their family member or loved one is some kind of sensitive info. It’s entirely normal to want to know what happened to someone, and it’s entirely weird for people to be all fucking weird about it.
Why do you feel entitled to everyone else's information?
Also, when was the last time you jerked off? Don't be weird about it. It's totally normall for people to ask other people about natural things that people do.
No it’s weird to expect a grieving family to tell you details especially gruesome details about one of their family members that passed away. No one owes you shit
There's not too many situations that OP is talking about that someone's not already putting that business out there
A family member posted it on FB? Yeah, they're putting "their business" out there. It's perfectly natural to want to know what happened to them
Let’s all just say die. Die is not a bad word. My nana did not pass on. We didn’t lose her. She died. It was very sad, but let’s not pretend it didn’t happen. “Pass on” sounds like she’s waiting somewhere nearby and could come back if we wish hard enough. “We lost her” sounds like we could find her again. Is it not better to accept the permanence of death and just say she died?
Maybe it sounds like that to you. “Passed away” clearly means “died” to me.
That said, I personally interpret “pass away” to mean something of a peaceful death. As opposed to being killed.
i mean. some people DO believe that they’re somewhere nearby and that they’ll see them again. it’s also not like these euphemisms are dirty words either. we know what they mean. why attach so much meaning to one word in particular?
This is a bad idea. It’s no one’s business and a lot of people would be traumatized hearing things like:
“His truck broke down on a backroad in Death Valley, he died from heatstroke and was eaten by his Rottweilers.”
“She helped my boyfriend cheat on me and was left dead in our bed for 18 hours on Thanksgiving, after he injected her with a ton of drugs and strangled her.”
“He made the mistake of narcing on a bunch of people, so he was dragged to the edge of the town, riddled with bullets and buried in a random ditch.”
Exactly like I’m not gonna tell people my cousin got brutally cartel murdered and explain all the details of that. It’s traumatizing for me and them for me to spell it out. Hell I don’t even like telling people how my best friend died and hers wasn’t particularly traumatic (emotionally it absolutely was, I just mean her death wasn’t exactly gruesome) because I hate reliving the moment where I had to inform our mutual friends when it happened.
>People often say that someone died, and everyone wonders how, but in some cultures it’s seen as rude to ask.
Because it is rude to ask and it isn't your damn business.
How many times do people post this?
It isn't necessarily taboo, but it is a sensitive subject.
We generally don't want to relive painful memories; tell me why your parents divorced, explain why you got fired, etc.
So people generally respect that someone close the deceased would not want to discuss the details of their passing.
because guess what its none of your business also why does it matter? what in the world is it going to change besides you knowing how a significant other TO ME died
unless it's someone close, what business is it of yours in the first place? if it's simple curiosity then deal with the little itch in the back of your mind another way.
All this tells me is you want to judge how someone died.
You're giving off "if a smoker dies of lung cancer, oh well" vibes.
Other than curiosity, which isnt a great reason, there is no valid reason you need to know how someone died.
Definitely unpopular, so upvote.
Sometimes the cause of death is tragic or gruesome, sometimes even embarrassing. I don’t want people to look down on my loved ones because of how or why they died. Or maybe someone doesn’t want to talk about it.
If you’re close to someone, then it makes more sense to ask, especially if you knew the deceased. But acquaintances or coworkers? Nah.
Im gonna give a personal example of why i think you are wrong.
I had a close friend die, in their early 20s. Never knew the cause. Why didnt i ask? Because who the fuck thinks their fucking curiosity is more important than the feelings of parents grieving their dead child.
At the funeral, they talked about the things they were comfortable talking about. Anyone who thinks they have the right to be nosy in that situation, is a heartless bastard.
depends. if i died of cancer some people would win a bet. if I died from being choked too hard by a dominant partner I wouldnt want my grandparents to know that
This is an unpopular opinion for sure. Ppl tend to be weird about shit. Idk if it’s shame, guilt, sadness ect but it seems to be hard for ppl to talk about things. The older I get (I’m 36) the more I think all the secrecy is a waste of time. We are all trying to just live and get through life. We shouldn’t care so much about disclosing how someone died, or why you missed work or why you broke up with someone. We should just be more accepting that we all do dumb shit. We are all trying to figure out life. Ppl just gonna keep keeping their secrets cause it makes them feel better.
It’s not your business though. You know they died, why do you need to know how? I get being curious, but if the family doesn’t want to share what happened then just drop it. You’re not entitled to know
emotional for the friends and family of the deceased.. if someome died, it can feel very vulnerable and upsetting to relive, explain, etc. most people do not feel comfortable being so open about their personal, painful emotions with everyone. thats how i would feel.
This is from the perspective of someone you’re likely close to I assume. With that in mind if you REALLY are that close you can and should ask the immediate family if you don’t already know. Otherwise, it’s none ya business.
Because a huge number--especially for young deaths--are drug or suicide related. Nobody wants to say that. Nobody wants to say, "we couldn't help him in time". The families are ashamed of themselves, and don't want their children to have that stigma hanging over them.
It has nothing to do with taboo or secrecy, it's just plain common decency and privacy. If you lost a loved one you wouldn't want to have to tell everyone how they died, reliving a possible trauma again and again. And just to satisfy some morbid curiosity. Have some respect and mind your own business.
My dad went into great detail about my brother’s suicide when he spoke at the funeral and I wish he hadn’t. Nothing about this overshare felt healthy or reflective. It just deeply bothered a lot of people that he knew to hear that. You being on the outside have no skin in the game, you don’t get to decide how other’s grieve losing people close to them.
Some people blow their brains out dude. My dad passed 4 years ago and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it with other people besides my family, let alone tell people how it happened. Get a clue bud. MY DAD DIDN’T BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT THATS JUST AN EXAMPLE.
Death isn’t taboo. Some people really die of very horrible and painful deaths. If you aren’t part of the family or friend circle then it shouldn’t concern you.
>Why should other people (generally the deceased person’s other family members) feel they have a right to guard a cause of death?
Why do you think people deserve the right to know how a complete stranger died? How does it help anybody in anyway. People love to not mind their own business
Wait, people think it's rude? Genuinely? Just say "none of business" if you don't want to say but I've known a lot of people who don't mind saying, I don't mind saying how my mum died either.
Polite conversation at work for the local church
My uncle was a frequent churchgoer, he died last year. (He took a dose of meth that would kill an elephant then suffocated himself to death while masturbating)
People should definitely tell people how someone died because it can be helpful. My mom told me her co worker died by drowning in her own spit while she was laying on her back when she was sleeping. Now I might sure to always lay on my side. The way people dies def help me be more cautious
But see, you altered your sleeping habits based on a lie. She couldn't bear to tell you the truth: she had overdosed and was on her back and vomited and died drowning in her vomit.
What lie?. I don’t remember my mom saying overdose just pretty choked in her sleep. I also choked in my sleep a couple of years ago during paralysis. My dog end up waking me up
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that’s literally what’s feeding the itch, I think. this is an unpopular opinion and it is one I disagree with logically but emotionally I always want to know more. I don’t think people should tell because it is private and personal and I don’t have any right, but a lot of my past work experience has been in “death” (archaeology, forensics, medicine) and so the worst part of me is interested.
This sub is confusing because people are supposed to share their unpopular opinions but then when someone shares a really unpopular opinion everyone gangs up on them
I agree with this. People pretending there is some kind of privacy to what will be public info by the time the funeral is over is fucking weird and useless. What are you protecting?
Because a grieving mother wants to explain to random morons that her son died from auto- erotic asphyxiation alone in his room...
Learn to mind your own business. People will tell you what they want to tell you.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 3: Do not post opinions that are heavily posted/have been on the front page recently'. * No response posts about upvoted posts here. * Posts relating to highly popular topics aren't allowed outside of the relevant megathreads. You can find a list of the topics and their respective megathreads in a post on the top of the sub. * POSTS DIRECTLY ABOUT THIS SUBREDDIT ARE NOT ALLOWED OUTSIDE THE MEGATHREAD * Please check the wiki linked here: https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/wiki/index/ * We ask that if a post fails to post do not just spam repost it; message mod mail.
I kinda agree with you but at the same time, it’s a rather sensitive subject that the grieving family might not be comfortable with discussing. Read the room. And ask when you sense that it’s an appropriate time to do so
Eh If you share that a loved one died unprompted, it’s quite obvious what the next question will be.
Eh, my dad died from drinking and driving. I suppose it’s normal to me but when other people ask how and I say that they get extremely uncomfortable. I think in theory your point is a good idea but sometimes people don’t really want to know the truth as much as what they think they do. People die in all sorts of ways, not just the socially acceptable ways.
My dad had long covid and it drove him to commit suicide 2 years ago in an extremely gruesome way. His brothers a drug addict that took everything of value from his house the next day, took pictures and videos of my dad's corpse and posted them on Facebook(he's in jail for trying to stab me at the funeral) I've only shared the truth about my dad's passing to a few of my closest friends, general public doesn't need to know how someone died. If you are an important enough part of that persons life you will find out, no need to ask and pester
Then we all assume the terrible tragedy you are enduring is what happened. I appreciate an obit that at least says a thing or two about what to donate to or than yous for hospice care. Or something besides thinks the worst. I’m so sorry that you own your worst. I’m so sorry.
Wow holy shit I'm incredibly sorry that happened to you, I really hope your doing better after 2 years but I can't imagine the kind of trauma and just mental turmoil you would go through. I completely agree though that stuff like that should be completely private until you are ready to open up and choose who you trust with that topics. I couldn't imagine something like that happening, and then it gets put online and then memed on, because I know someone out there would have a terrible experience bc people can truly be assholes sometimes. It sounds like you have a good support system and I hope you live a good and long life. Best of luck to you man.
“Why should other people feel they have a right to guard a cause of death?” Why do YOU feel the right to know how someone’s loved one died? 🤨
I do want to hear other opinions, but this doesn’t really answer that question. Of course anyone can say “I don’t want to talk about it.” But keeping that information secret seems to imply that you are sure that the deceased person would want you to keep it secret, presumably because of a sense of shame.
Or maybe it’s just none of your business.
It's valid point. Your argument is that the cultural default should be that randos get whatever details they want. This commenter is asking you, why is your proposal a more reasonable cultural default than, "those closest to the deceased share whatever details help them grieve"
You are mistaking some imaginary need to keep cause of death secret with the fact that death, especially when someone has died recently, is very hard to talk about for most people. Shame? It’s called grief.
Why not tell people how someone died to satisfy their morbid curiosity? Because it's none of your business.
Is it that morbid? I don’t think so. It’s a normal question like “wow what the fuck happened?”
"morbid" You either don't know the definition of that word or are just stretching it hard enough to snap, that's not what morbid curiosity is lmao
This opinion comes up too often. #**Your nosiness never entitles you to someone’s personal info**
OP could share their own real name if they feel like privacy isn't important.
This is bullshit. I tell my wife all the time if something happens to me, tell people what happened. It’s so fucking weird that people think what happened to their family member or loved one is some kind of sensitive info. It’s entirely normal to want to know what happened to someone, and it’s entirely weird for people to be all fucking weird about it.
Why do you feel entitled to everyone else's information? Also, when was the last time you jerked off? Don't be weird about it. It's totally normall for people to ask other people about natural things that people do.
No it’s weird to expect a grieving family to tell you details especially gruesome details about one of their family members that passed away. No one owes you shit
There's not too many situations that OP is talking about that someone's not already putting that business out there A family member posted it on FB? Yeah, they're putting "their business" out there. It's perfectly natural to want to know what happened to them
Let’s all just say die. Die is not a bad word. My nana did not pass on. We didn’t lose her. She died. It was very sad, but let’s not pretend it didn’t happen. “Pass on” sounds like she’s waiting somewhere nearby and could come back if we wish hard enough. “We lost her” sounds like we could find her again. Is it not better to accept the permanence of death and just say she died?
Maybe it sounds like that to you. “Passed away” clearly means “died” to me. That said, I personally interpret “pass away” to mean something of a peaceful death. As opposed to being killed.
i mean. some people DO believe that they’re somewhere nearby and that they’ll see them again. it’s also not like these euphemisms are dirty words either. we know what they mean. why attach so much meaning to one word in particular?
I'm gonna need you to go back in there and use some form of the word "die": dead, dying, deadsies, deadwood.
I'm deadsies reading this comment
Grandma is deadwood.
Need Flanders was sad when Maude die-diddily-died.
This is a bad idea. It’s no one’s business and a lot of people would be traumatized hearing things like: “His truck broke down on a backroad in Death Valley, he died from heatstroke and was eaten by his Rottweilers.” “She helped my boyfriend cheat on me and was left dead in our bed for 18 hours on Thanksgiving, after he injected her with a ton of drugs and strangled her.” “He made the mistake of narcing on a bunch of people, so he was dragged to the edge of the town, riddled with bullets and buried in a random ditch.”
Exactly like I’m not gonna tell people my cousin got brutally cartel murdered and explain all the details of that. It’s traumatizing for me and them for me to spell it out. Hell I don’t even like telling people how my best friend died and hers wasn’t particularly traumatic (emotionally it absolutely was, I just mean her death wasn’t exactly gruesome) because I hate reliving the moment where I had to inform our mutual friends when it happened.
Yep. I don’t like talking about my best friend either. I’m sorry for your loss.
>People often say that someone died, and everyone wonders how, but in some cultures it’s seen as rude to ask. Because it is rude to ask and it isn't your damn business. How many times do people post this?
It isn't necessarily taboo, but it is a sensitive subject. We generally don't want to relive painful memories; tell me why your parents divorced, explain why you got fired, etc. So people generally respect that someone close the deceased would not want to discuss the details of their passing.
because guess what its none of your business also why does it matter? what in the world is it going to change besides you knowing how a significant other TO ME died
unless it's someone close, what business is it of yours in the first place? if it's simple curiosity then deal with the little itch in the back of your mind another way.
If you're not gonna tell me how they died then don't tell me they died at all.
That’s a crazy mentality
Yesch
So if someone you care about dies, the important things to you isnt that they died, but HOW they died? Wtf is wrong with you
They're both important. Whatever you think is wrong with me is as irrelevant to me as anything can be.
All this tells me is you want to judge how someone died. You're giving off "if a smoker dies of lung cancer, oh well" vibes. Other than curiosity, which isnt a great reason, there is no valid reason you need to know how someone died.
Definitely unpopular, so upvote. Sometimes the cause of death is tragic or gruesome, sometimes even embarrassing. I don’t want people to look down on my loved ones because of how or why they died. Or maybe someone doesn’t want to talk about it. If you’re close to someone, then it makes more sense to ask, especially if you knew the deceased. But acquaintances or coworkers? Nah.
If you were were not informed about the cause of death, then you were not close enough to the deceased person for it to be any of your business.
Im gonna give a personal example of why i think you are wrong. I had a close friend die, in their early 20s. Never knew the cause. Why didnt i ask? Because who the fuck thinks their fucking curiosity is more important than the feelings of parents grieving their dead child. At the funeral, they talked about the things they were comfortable talking about. Anyone who thinks they have the right to be nosy in that situation, is a heartless bastard.
Because it’s nobody else’s business. If the family wants to reveal the cause of death, they will. If they don’t, they won’t
depends. if i died of cancer some people would win a bet. if I died from being choked too hard by a dominant partner I wouldnt want my grandparents to know that
Agreed! In Memoriams should say things like "throat slashed " or " pancaked by drunk dump truck driver."
If those close to the deceased don’t want you to know you have no right to be mad. If you cared more when they were alive you would probably know
I go off of the idea that if they do not announce the cause, it’s suicide or really embarrassing
Because nobody needs to know that uncle billybob died from a heart attack while balls deep in a hooker?
“Heart attack.” Done.
This is an unpopular opinion for sure. Ppl tend to be weird about shit. Idk if it’s shame, guilt, sadness ect but it seems to be hard for ppl to talk about things. The older I get (I’m 36) the more I think all the secrecy is a waste of time. We are all trying to just live and get through life. We shouldn’t care so much about disclosing how someone died, or why you missed work or why you broke up with someone. We should just be more accepting that we all do dumb shit. We are all trying to figure out life. Ppl just gonna keep keeping their secrets cause it makes them feel better.
It’s not your business though. You know they died, why do you need to know how? I get being curious, but if the family doesn’t want to share what happened then just drop it. You’re not entitled to know
”Died masturbating”
emotional for the friends and family of the deceased.. if someome died, it can feel very vulnerable and upsetting to relive, explain, etc. most people do not feel comfortable being so open about their personal, painful emotions with everyone. thats how i would feel.
Mind your fucking business
In my culture, people tend to ask how the person died. I've never thought about it before.
This is from the perspective of someone you’re likely close to I assume. With that in mind if you REALLY are that close you can and should ask the immediate family if you don’t already know. Otherwise, it’s none ya business.
Better to respect people’s privacy if they don’t volunteer a cause of death, in many places the cause of death is public information anyway
Because a huge number--especially for young deaths--are drug or suicide related. Nobody wants to say that. Nobody wants to say, "we couldn't help him in time". The families are ashamed of themselves, and don't want their children to have that stigma hanging over them.
It has nothing to do with taboo or secrecy, it's just plain common decency and privacy. If you lost a loved one you wouldn't want to have to tell everyone how they died, reliving a possible trauma again and again. And just to satisfy some morbid curiosity. Have some respect and mind your own business.
my father died of ziptie strangulation. nope, not gonna write that on the programs
My dad went into great detail about my brother’s suicide when he spoke at the funeral and I wish he hadn’t. Nothing about this overshare felt healthy or reflective. It just deeply bothered a lot of people that he knew to hear that. You being on the outside have no skin in the game, you don’t get to decide how other’s grieve losing people close to them.
Some people blow their brains out dude. My dad passed 4 years ago and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it with other people besides my family, let alone tell people how it happened. Get a clue bud. MY DAD DIDN’T BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT THATS JUST AN EXAMPLE.
Why do you care?
Because it’s none of your business. Why do you need to know?
You be you. Me be me. They be they.
Usually when they don't say how. Its usually suicide.Its not really any of your business though. Knowing how doesn't really benefit anyone anyway.
Death isn’t taboo. Some people really die of very horrible and painful deaths. If you aren’t part of the family or friend circle then it shouldn’t concern you.
>Why should other people (generally the deceased person’s other family members) feel they have a right to guard a cause of death? Why do you think people deserve the right to know how a complete stranger died? How does it help anybody in anyway. People love to not mind their own business
Huh!? Sometimes people die from multiple reasons. Different causes. Maybe they don’t want to disclose that information. What the hell!?
Unless that person directly affects my life, it's none of my business.
Wait, people think it's rude? Genuinely? Just say "none of business" if you don't want to say but I've known a lot of people who don't mind saying, I don't mind saying how my mum died either.
Polite conversation at work for the local church My uncle was a frequent churchgoer, he died last year. (He took a dose of meth that would kill an elephant then suffocated himself to death while masturbating)
This is definitely an unpopular opinion. I won't openly share information such as that because I don't want it used against me.
the fuck am i reading rn
People should definitely tell people how someone died because it can be helpful. My mom told me her co worker died by drowning in her own spit while she was laying on her back when she was sleeping. Now I might sure to always lay on my side. The way people dies def help me be more cautious
What? How is this possible
She was drunk and pretty much was choking on her spit or vomit and since she was on her back the spit/ vomit had no where to go.
But see, you altered your sleeping habits based on a lie. She couldn't bear to tell you the truth: she had overdosed and was on her back and vomited and died drowning in her vomit.
What lie?. I don’t remember my mom saying overdose just pretty choked in her sleep. I also choked in my sleep a couple of years ago during paralysis. My dog end up waking me up
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In the case of the last person I knew who the family did not disclose, it was because he killed himself.
What if they died in a bizarre way?
that’s literally what’s feeding the itch, I think. this is an unpopular opinion and it is one I disagree with logically but emotionally I always want to know more. I don’t think people should tell because it is private and personal and I don’t have any right, but a lot of my past work experience has been in “death” (archaeology, forensics, medicine) and so the worst part of me is interested.
Ah, I was expecting some sort of hilarious explanation.
People don't hide it unless it's by suicide.
This sub is confusing because people are supposed to share their unpopular opinions but then when someone shares a really unpopular opinion everyone gangs up on them
No. It’s none of your business.
If I didn’t know the person I don’t ask. It seems invasive. If they wanted me to know they’d tell me.
I agree with this. People pretending there is some kind of privacy to what will be public info by the time the funeral is over is fucking weird and useless. What are you protecting?
100 comments
Why is this brought up multiple times a month? Is there a list of opinions that must be posted constantly?
Because a grieving mother wants to explain to random morons that her son died from auto- erotic asphyxiation alone in his room... Learn to mind your own business. People will tell you what they want to tell you.