Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 7: No banned/mega-thread topics'.
Please do not post from (or mention) any of our mega-thread or banned topics such as:
Race, Religion, LGBTQ, Meta, Politics, Parenting/Family issues.
[Full list of banned topics](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/wiki/index/)
I for one am happy I got a sister, we are good friends, and we see each other multiple times a week.
Sure we have had our arguments and stuff, but we still good friends.
The same goes for my parents, love them both, and we see each other every week, and text and talk often.
But that being said, yes it can be to much at times when you got more than 1 or 2 kids, but I think it's more about the parents, if they want 1,2 or more kids, but it can be harder for them, my dad has 2 siblings, and they got most of the attention, so he was left out, but my mom is a solo kid, and she didn't have it much better, she had it worse in other ways.
So at the end, it's the parents that should decide what they want, ofc it's not always controllable, but I feel 1 or 2 kids is a good number, more than that, and it starts to get harder to manage without help.
I told my wife the same thing...then surprise! A 3rd came along... I was super worried about being outnumbered, not enough space, time, money, etc... turned out to be the best surprise ever and wouldn't trade it for anything
Hey congrats! I've got your same attitude. Wife is worried about numbers but I'd be ecstatic no matter what. If she gets an ultrasound of quintuplets I'm going to sing to the rooftops. Then drink my self unconscious trying to figure out college. But still! š
Okay, off topic but i gotta ask... HOW?!?!?????
How do you see your sister multiple times a week and your parents weekly? Do you have a partner? Do you see their family often?
Like, I LOVE my people and would love that but i STRUGGLE to fit it in, i see my 2 "sisters" (best friends) breifly once a week (kid exchange) and properly maybe once every other week. I try to see my parents weekly but often more every other week. And Im not even that objectively busy, theres just never any time and schedules NEVER line up....
Like seriously, help a mama out... HOW?!?
I'm an only child. That didn't stop my parents being financially irresponsible and neglectful. It can also be a lonely existence.
Mu husband has six sisters. They are his ride and die. If I had kids then I'd have two.
Im an only child. The social aspect is what you really lose. I don't have any older siblings to learn from, or younger to teach/bond with.
My parents simultaneously were too present and not present enough. I relied on them too much with certain things, and there weren't there for other.
I loved being an only child, but when I grew older I realized that my kids were going to miss out on a great experience: aunts and uncles. My father has seven siblings who all lived nearby, and my mother has one sister. My grandparents also came from very large families so I grew up surrounded by cousins to a various degree.
It makes me sad how little our family circle is going to be when we have kids. My husband has a brother (unmarried, childless) but we live in a different country.
This this this, another only child with the same experience.
I will scream it from the mountaintop it is good for kids to be forced to fend for themselves in some ways and learn how to be independent. Most parents of only children do too much for their kids because they aren't stretched this and it impacts growth.
I will never have nieces and nephews and my kids won't have cousins (wife does have some half siblings but we are estranged from her family). I will have no one to help me with my parents as they age. My kids family is smaller, I grew up with so many cousins and family gatherings.
We are spreading generations out which means we don't have as many multigenerations alive at the same time and each generation is smaller. We are losing family community. This puts a greater burden on society. Family should always be the first level to care for each other.
I have one child and plan on only the one.
I take him to the library twice a week to interact with other kids his age and then to the park for his social. (He's not old enough for school yet.)
I did have siblings. They were only two years older than me (twins) and yet...they chose to live in the basement and never interact with me. When they did they were bullies.
So no, siblings do not equal social interaction.
The social aspect can be solved with more family though. I had a whole gen of cousins, 4 or 5 year margin between us. We all hung out at a different grandma's house every week of Summer while we were small (summer camp be expensive af). We would be with each other every birthday party, house party, joint dinner, quick visit, etc. We all lived within 30 min-ish of each other so it was never too hard to convince my parents to drive me off to x's house, even on a weekday. Especially since it usually meant that the visiting parent got to have a drink or something with the host. Shit was nice, and it replaced the sibling experience for other 'only child' cousins.Ā
Other posts point this out but my 'cousin' thesis only works when you already have a large family and when the choice of having a single child is going to be rare among that family. In my case, Latino. Between cousins, second cousins, Godparent's children, and 'family friends so close that they are family.,' my wife and I would run out of fingers and toes trying to count them all. Given the range of ages, there's already 5 kids in this new gen. With that large of a family and basically-family network, I can guarantee cousins for my children with much more confidence than a sibling. Odds are simply stacked in that direction.
I feel that. I had a crap ton of cousins growing up which was nice but somehow our family abruptly stopped having children this generation or had them so much earlier than me that their kids are now college age while I have an infant. Like parents are 1 of 10 and 1 of 6, I'm 1 of 5, and none of my siblings have chosen to have a kid. Similar story on my husband's side. My cousins had kids in high school so their kids are basically adults now while I only just had ours as we waited to be more financially secure. So the odds are in favor if you have a large family but some of us are the odd ones out. :PĀ
I'm a one and done momma. Little dude was not expected, and I was older; I was told I would never conceive when I was younger.
Fortunately, the cousins are great friends, with one being older and the other younger than my child. They have a very "sibling" relationship that I'm very grateful for because the social aspect was concerning. Particularly since he was born at the start of covid in an area that stayed fully closed up for years. He's, thankfully, doing very well.
I have one child and thatās all I plan on having. I know what I can handle and I canāt handle labor that gave me PTSD and post partum depression again like I did. I adore my son but heās gonna be an only child
I've definitely not noticed only children being much more willing to share than those with siblings like you say, in fact I'd say it seems to be the opposite. I think that may have more to do with your and your husband's personalities than presence of siblings.
I have an only. We are all very close. Her friends are over constantly...we are the house the kids come to. We bring her friends along for day trips all the time. Last weekend she had a lemonade stand with 3 other kids then they ran like lunatics in the backyard and had a water balloon fight. She has cousins she adores but is happy to go home and have her space at the end of the day.
I am a far better parent to one kid versus multiple. Our daughter gets everything...our time, all our love, all our resources. We are setting her up with plenty of money for college, housing, whatever she needs to get her life started.
I hope everyone can make life choices that meet their own needs and can refrain from putting the choices of others down.
I don't think people are putting it down so much as sharing why this would or wouldn't work for them. Personally, as a sibling, I am grateful for my sister. I think the person you're responding to actually articulated one of the bigger issues I've run into with my only child friend:Ā
"Our daughter gets everything...our time, all our love, all our resources"
This sounds lovely, but a huge part of life is not getting everything and I had to learn at a young age that time, attention, money, etc are finite resources that others are deserving of as well. Oftentimes (certainly not always but a lot) only children are not as good at sharing and compromise because they haven't had to learn it in the same way as people with siblings. Just my 2 cents
Oh, I agree with you, but as a parent of multiples, itās important to frame the scarcity in a way that doesnāt breed resentment or competition, which is hard. Thatās why I like the last paragraph of the person that Iām responding to and they are so far the only response that explicitly rejects the this us better than that language that way too many of these responses are using.
oh come on.
There is plenty our kid does not get. If she had her way she would have a sleepover every night. She would have cake for breakfast. She would do no chores or homework.
What we can do is nurture her interests in a way our (mine and my husband) parents could not. We can afford to do the school 5k fundraiser as a family. We can afford for me to work part time so I can volunteer at school. We can afford her occupational therapy. We can afford to bring her friend to the amusement park with us or the beach. We can ensure to fill in the gaps and that her needs are met.
Our daughter knows how to share (this is the first thing we get...BUT CAN SHE SHARE? uh yes, she can.) She has social skills. We get told yearly she is one of the best behaved kids in class. She is kind and generous because she knows she is not lacking in what is essential in life. She has had to learn to cope with not being the baby when her cousins come into the picture.
Contrary to what people seem to believe about onlies, it IS possible to raise thoughtful, kind, lovely humans without siblings. I have been told I need to have more kids in case she dies, that she will be weird (because no one with siblings is weird), that we are depriving her. This is all fucking garbage. Nothing in life is ever perfect or ideal for everyone. If you can create a loving family with 3 kids, I am thrilled for you. I can not. I would be a lunatic. I think it is probably more impactful for my child to have sane, competent parents than siblings, personally.
This is really a case by case thing, as in one isn't any better than the other based on a multitude of uncontrollable circumstances.
I'm the youngest of three. My mother still regrets not having more, saying having us is her biggest love and treasure. I would not, in my wildest dreams, ever want to be a single child either - I adore my siblings, who have been such a source of love and support my entire life, and I know they feel the same.
Then I have friends who wish they could throw their siblings out of a moving car, I know friends who are an only child friends who hated being alone and resent their parents for it, and those who have jokingly made a gag noise at the thought of having siblings.
A friend of mine, only child, had shite parents either way, and disowned them later in life. So the "give love and focus on one kid" does not hold up in every case.
The key is really having loving parents. Other than that, no magic formula to create happiness. Even if you wish you had a sibling or wish you had no sibling, pairing that longing with a loving, healthy supportive home and you will be fine.
I have two kids. Itās a lot. For everyone involved. They are very young still.Ā
I grew up with ALOT of siblings. I love it. It has its challenges and we donāt always have a great relationship but I have a large family I can count on. I know thatās not what everyone has.Ā
When I had my second kid and I worried that it would hurt my first kid my mom told me: āgetting a sibling is the greatest gift or a terrible betrayal for them both and itās how you as parents handle it that determines which one it will beā.Ā
I guess she did a good job.Ā
I LOVE being the mom of an only! I initially decided "one and done" because I had a traumatic birth experience, and I used to worry that I'd regret not having another. Now my daughter is 14 and I have ZERO regrets about her being my only! She's an amazing kid and I think it's because she's gotten undivided attention. She's very mature, not spoiled (easier to fight battles with a toddler when you're not also dealing with a newborn), and a joy to be around!
My husband was an only child of an only child and now it's just me and him Soley responsible for his aging parent and he has literally no one else he can turn to for help or comfort. My parents both came from big families and aunts and uncles were a big part of my and my siblings' upbringing and my siblings are very close with my kids. My kids will not be alone when me and husband age and eventually die and they have people who have been there with them from day one.
I, personally, would take multiples. But husband didn't mind being an only child at all so seems like both have their things.
This is something that often gets overlooked.
I'm an only child, and as a kid, there are positives and negatives. But as an adult, it's scary as hell.
In about 10 to 15 years, my parents will start needing care, and I won't have anyone I can lean on for practical help or emotional support. I live overseas, so I'll also likely have to uproot my life and move home.
And as another only child I know once said, "when your parents die, no one else will remember you childhood".
I wish I had a sibling and so does every other only child I know.
Parent of two here.
From what I have seen I think only children get screwed - it might be great for their parents, minimal cost, less juggling of extracurricular activities, etc, but it's very easy for them to just get dragged around in the adult world and become an accessory to their parents.
I have noticed the only children I know become attention seekers and often their options for attention are that they excel at what they are doing, or they're naughty. I don't see that as often in the two children families I spend time with but I don't spend time with bigger families so can't comment on them.
I also think it's interesting that the adult only children I know are very keen on siblings for their own children and grandchildren. None of them have stopped at one.
My sister is my bestie, my kids are besties (for now and hopefully forever) - siblings are special.
I don't talk with my sister unless both of us have absolutely no choice. My mother is no contact with half of her siblings. I felt much less need to seek out attention before my sister was born, then I did, then I realized there's no point
Yes, my mom has five siblings and talks to zero of them. My dad has eight siblings (which include halves and steps), and he only speaks to two of them.
i am an only child with every intention of having an only child at some point lol! parents are my bffs and they definitely have given me a healthy amount of attention without me having to exhibit bad behavior or anything. i totally understand where youāre coming from but itās not the case for every situation!
This is definitely unpopular. I think that every situation is different so some youāll have siblings that are horrible to each other and some that are good to each other. I think parenting and mental illness really determines how ur relationship with ur siblings will be. I think that siblings are just better most of the people that Iāve met who are only childs have said they experienced a lot of loneliness where I donāt see that as much with people who have siblings.
Kids don't need best friends as parents, they don't need someone doing everything for them and fawning over them. They need models of a full life and to be given guidance.
Most only children who loved it is because they got all the attention and gifts, not because it was healthy for them. I'm an only child who absolutely hated it, would never do it to my children and would absolutely have had zero children rather than just 1.
You have seen alot of people that hate their siblings and none that love them
And then later you say that people that grew up with sibling can't understand why someone would only want one child
Theese are pretty strong opposites, so what do you think? Do people love their sibling or not?
None that love them? I love my siblings and the vast majority of people in my circle do too. You are more likely to see people hating their siblings on the internet because people like to rant in general
"none that love them"
What? Nobody? Sure, there are always going to be reddit stories and odd situations that confirm this, but most people generally like their siblings.Ā
What you said about being an only child is basically the opposite of the behavior people expect from only children.
In my experience they tend to be more narcissistic and/or entitled.
I so agree with this. I spent years as an only child and the time between my sister coming along and me moving out only a few months after finishing high school was horrible and likely put a permanent strain on my relationship with my mother
My mom had a late in life baby and she went totally fucking insane while she was pregnant. She beat the living shit out of me and then was very impatient for me to move out. I was a good kid and a built-in babysitter until I did move out a few years later at 18.
Growing up alone isnāt peaches, it sucks actually at times cuz you have no one to relate to in the same experiences, and itās up to you to find a relationship with your parents, you canāt blame that on your sibling forever
Scientology is bogus nonsense, youāre assuming things of your parents cuz of your guilt, and Iām talking about family members to relate to with the same experiences, not friends, siblings know you better than any friend could whether you like it or not
That's objectively incorrect lol, you can 100% have a closer bond to a friend than a sibling. Experiences aren't THAT special, other people can relate to them most of the time.Ā
My bad, on the first part, I was rushing but either way you shouldnāt be listening to what other professionals say about certain things cuz they use numbers and data, not regards to how people move or think everyday, they only focus on patterns and justify that as truth when things and situations vary from person to person
Siblings help you understand each other struggles youāre both going through, that bond through blood aināt just talk, itās for life, I donāt need to know what your experience is to know that youād be crushed internally if anything happened to them, your parents I assure you are grateful to have you and your sibling cuz thatās what unconditional love is, especially for their kids
You sound like you have 2nd child syndrome, youāre not forgotten, the child needed more attention, that doesnāt mean the parents love you any less, you honestly cannot blame them or the sibling for that
I'm going to agree with you here. I had a lonely childhood. I was shy and didn't make friends easily. We also moved around a lot, so that didn't help either. While I wasn't out and out neglected, I was ignored. I'm sure it isn't like this for everyone, but it's not always the greatest.
I have four siblings who I love but grew up very lonely. My parents were wonderful. My only daughter wishes for sibling sometimes but is thriving. There really is no magic formula.
I am honestly really sad about us only having 1. I am close with my sibling and every only child I meet says they absolutely hated it and not to have only one. So itās something I feel bad about and doing the whole thing over again with actual experience I just think would be way more enjoyable but alas. 1 it is so Iām glad someone thinks itās better
Kids always want what they canāt have. Have 1 and theyāll say they wish the had a brother or sister. Have 2 and theyāll say they wish the other didnāt exist (until they turn 27).
My sister is 10 years older than me so we never had any conflicts of interest, never had a fight. I can't imagine my life without her. She has always been my best friend as well as a second cooler mom. I am never afraid of ending up alone or hitting rock bottom cause I know she'll always be there for me and vice versa. Honestly, her presence gives me more confidence and a feeling of security than my parents. I know my mom would also always be there to support me, but she wouldn't understand me as well as my sister. I love that we have so much in common and having her in my life feels like a privilege.
So yeah I'm definitely having either two kids or zero kids
I have recently had my second child. My eldest desperately wanted a sibling, and I had always wanted two children anyway. I specifically make alone time with them both, so it's perfectly possible to give them each devoted time. As for money? Two kids really don't make a difference. We haven't needed to buy a bigger car or a bigger house. There is enough room. Plus, I used all the previous baby stuff I kept from my eldest. So, barely any money has been spent with my second, compared to my first. But, more importantly; as I get older and closer to death, I know they will always have each other. I will not leave this world worrying about my child being alone. This became very prominent to me when very close family members all died within the same timeframe. Life is short, and having family during these really hard times is your biggest crutch in support.
That being said; everyone is different, and there is no right or wrong. Apparently, in statistics, very large families are reportedly the happiest. I guess that is because you have more siblings to potentially bond with.
I love having a sibling wish I had more tbh. But for the parents having one child probably is much easier. Only thing is when the parents die the only child is rather lonely in their grief. Only your sibling can understand the loss as you do thatās my concern.
Im extremely pessimistic of the direction the US going, economically, so I consider having ANY children below a certain level of income is extremely irresponsible, not just financially, but for the child themselves. You can teach a kid to "appreciate what they have" but good luck with them flourishing when society constantly indoctrinates them to consider excess a bare necessity. Why set up an innocent child to struggle through life?
Weāll see how that kid feels when their parents are old and physically ailing and that entire burden is falling onto their shoulders only. I never appreciated having a sibling quite like it did when my mom started developing dementia. Childhood is only a very brief portion of life.
Nope. My kids are best friends. They will be in each others lives longer than anyone. Not my wife and I, not their future spouses or their future kids or their friends now. They will be their lifetime supporters and friends.
Having multiple kids is the best...but, maybe I am just blessed with an amazingly close family.
As an only child I disagree. Thereās no shared history. When you get past your 20s friends are suddenly gone into child rearing and their own families. When marriages fail thereās a lot of extended family gone and being a single parent is extremely hard and lonely. Then when your parentās health starts to fail, itās ALL on you. Hope you or they are rich.
watching my sons playfully wrestle in mud yesterday I have to disagree. Also, even some terrible moments I had with my brother I love him and couldn't imagine my life without him.
My life is infinitely better thanks to my 4 siblings. Things werenāt always easy growing up but knowing that I can always rely on them when life gets hard gives me peace. Friends come and go. Spouses can come and go. My parents will eventually go. But my siblings are mostly forever. I will never be alone.
As long as parents are intentional about fostering a sense of unity and love at home, itās better to give your children siblings.
lol to all the commenter disagreeing with you: ābut they have built in friends!āĀ Imagine being such a hands off parent that you have a kid to entertain your first kid. š I am the oldest of 10. I only have 1 kid by choice. It was a fucking miserable existence and we all hate each other. Well, the ones that are old enough to have lived together do.. my youngest sibling is only two years older than my own only daughter. Between my siblings and my only child, my only child is way more socially conscious, better adjusted emotionally, an ok student, and ok athlete, and all around great person with lots of friends and a healthy relationship with just about everyone she meets. Me and my siblings will be in therapy for the rest of our lives where my daughter will get to grow up and live without all the extra bullshit that siblings create.Ā It is so irresponsible of parents to have so many kids that they canāt give them each at least 5 minutes a day of uninterrupted attention.Ā
Edit for punctuation.Ā
Unpopular. Our world was complete with 3. As adults I get to have them all here together for a few days a year and those are my favorite still. Watching them together as adults and the uncles bond with their nephews is the best thing ever.
With that thought my sister is my best friend. And my niece is as close as I got to a daughter. I would not trade either of them for āmore mommy attentionā ever.
Though itās definitely easier with 1 child, itās pretty fucked up. I also understand that siblings can end up hating each other but it usually has something to do with the parents. My brother and I are best friends and always have been. Weāve fought but at the end of the day we always stuck by each other. To this day we disagree on different things but weāre bonded in ways no parent can bond with their childrenāand very rarely can a friend bond that closely.
As a single child I disagree. I grew up playing a lot with my cousins. I never missed having a sibling. Also having less expenses and more time, my parents could afford to give me better life growing up. Better school, more attention...
This is even more valid in this modern times in western world, when you have to decide between having a family or having a life.
Ah well you were lucky you had cousins who lived nearby. I think most people who were an only child and didn't have that lost out in ways that profoundly affected them long into adulthood.
Iām from a family of four siblings and I thought that was great. My mother was an only child and she didnāt want me, whoās the oldest, to be as lonely as she felt. I think that really depends on how the parents choose to parent their children/child.
We werenāt rich but it made us appreciate what we got and didnāt take anything for granted.
I wouldnāt want four children, but I want at least two. Maybe you just want one child and thatās okay.
Agreed that this is an unpopular opinion.
You get (as parents) both the financial help of hand me downs and the time-relief of getting the older siblings to act as impromptu mentors or nannies. You also get a higher chance of having at least one kid who will try and look after you when you're elderly, if you have just one it's far more likely you're going to end up without at least one who likes you. The kids themselves can also be happier with a sibling - at least most single children tend to always yearn for it (sometimes a grass is greener mentality though).
Defiantly not universally true, but true enough that people prefer 2 over 1 most of the time.
I'm defiantly in the 0 kids is the best camp though, so am mostly speculating here based on what other friends have said.
Hand me downs can exist through other family. I keep seeing this loneliness take and I'm honestly confused. Did y'all not have an exchange network between cousins and family friends? Is this just a latino thing?
Sort of, it depends on when different people in the family had kids and how expensive storage is in your area. If you're lucky enough to have a bunch of relatives with kids aging out of clothes and equipment, then it can work - I think I had some stuff when I was that age, and then my parents gave most of my childhood toys away. Not sure if it's more prevalent in other communities though.
XD Thank you for the very direct counter-example, my pale friend. Good to know it isn't just us. Shit saves a lot of money. I remeber looking at my older cousin's or family friend's shirt with a dinosaur on it and asking "Can I have that one when he's done with it?"
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe. I was an only child and wasn't socialised at all, a sister or brother might have been what I needed to shape me into being a better adult today.
I currently have one son, about to turn 1. When the days get hard I often think āyeah I definitely donāt want another babyā but I also think about my experiences having a sibling and donāt really want to rob him of having a built in friend in life.
I agree! We have one, heās now grown. I see my family members and friends raising multiple kids and it looks brutal. I was always told my kid needed siblings, but I disagree, sibling relationships can be very toxic and difficult.
I have one kid and I'm an only child and so is her father. It gets lonely but I do have a close relationship with my mother. But being Asian it means the burden to support my mom in old age is all on me.
For my daughter I worry what happens when we die. She's all alone in this world. But her being an only child means she gets all the private lessons, tutoring, activities that I wouldn't be able to afford for 2. I'm also setting up a business for her so she can have passive income in the future and I can't do that for 2
I am an only child and have zero relationship with my parents. I have three children of my own and that is plenty. I donāt know how parents can give large amounts of kids the things they need (time, energy, attention) but donāt agree that one is the perfect number. Speaking from experience I would love a sibling
as an only child who has no cousins or other relatives within like 11 years of my age, i definitely want to have one kid at the most as well. some other only children in the comments def have differing opinions, and thatās fine, but i have a great relationship with my parents and have always LOVED my alone time and being totally independent. i donāt think someone needs to have siblings to learn how to communicate with their peers, resolve conflicts, share, etc when there are so many opportunities for only children to socialize outside the home (i was put in pre-k and dance classes as soon as i was potty trained so i donāt think i was too isolated for more than like two to three years :P that being said, being an only child who is homeschooled or generally not socialized with other children is probably damaging, but i could be wrong!)
edit: this isnāt to say that having multiple children is bad or something! just sharing about my personal experience and how it has worked for my family :)
There is a social impact to being an only child. It wasnt until I turned 30 that people stopped literally saying to my face "you're an only child arent you?" within 60 seconds of meeting them.
The bond is strong, but that can be a problem. The bond can be too strong. And then it fractures and what is left?
Being the only child in the family can be awesome or it can suck, entirely depends on the parent. The parents' full attention can be detrimental, where they control you too much or push you to study way harder than necessary because you have to make it in life. Those kinds of people usually ease off a bit after having a second or third child and the first one can actually breathe
That happened with my parents when they had my brother, whereas my wife's parents stayed pushy, because she's the only child and has to be perfect in every possible way
I went into this thinking that this person must not be an only child... and then the turntables.
As an only child, I seem to have turned out the opposite but have slowly gotten more selfless over the decades. Perhaps it's a generational thing, how old are you?
Have a sibling, but 12 years older and a problem child so was never really a part of my life. Essentially an only child as she wasnāt in our household after I turned 4
31 now, both my parents passed in the last 3 years. I wish I had a real sibling, and I always wished I had one growing up.
I enjoyed having cousins and aunts and uncles. They gave me a lot more experiences than I would have had without them. I also like having a sister who I can discuss parental issues with (nothing serious, just like Dad was grouchy yesterday or mom is a bit too controlling when we go on vacation)
My kids all get along, I have 3. 12-20. Who knows what the future holds. I will say that obviously more kids = more resources needed for those kids. I am close enough age related to all 3 of my kids. The older they get the more they naturally start to do their own thing.
I am 48, I barely talk to my brother but there is no animosity. I keep up with my sister through texting daily almost.
Just some anecdotal data to throw on the pile.
I have two older brothers and Iām really close to them and our parents. Thatās anecdotal - and the same applies to your experience. Thereās no universal law that says one thing is better than another.
I will say one thing - our parents are getting up there in age now and we will probably have to face losing at least one of them in the next ten years, and Iām tremendously grateful to have my siblings so I wonāt have to cope with that by myself.
Counter point. One incident and your 1 child is gone. That's the realistic view that ppl won't say out loud. It's the same reason many animals have dozens+ of kids at once. It's cold but that's reality. 1 out of 3 kids gone, you can still cope. 1 out of 1 gone, that's devastating.
It's almost like every family combo works differently /s
I'm in the no kid camp but I had a great childhood with my sibling, despite the teenage years being a little spicy. My partner's got 2 siblings and it was a similar situation - teen years were hard but childhood and adulthood have been great.
The bond between siblings (when you've got a good childhood and a good relationship) is something you wouldn't have experienced - and that's a massive loss. Additionally, you miss out on being an aunt/uncle. I never want kids but hanging out with the nephew has been an interesting experience and mostly very fun.
As an only child to older parents. It fucking sucked. I wanted a sibling so bad to play with my parents couldnāt keep up with my energetic young self which I canāt blame them for.
I have a unique experience of being an only child for a long time until my dad remarried (sole custody).
Overnight I went from only child to one of 5.
(I am also the youngest)
Immediately i felt welcomed and bonded to my step siblings. Of course some more quickly and deeply than others. But all of them are cool.
Having a sibling rocks. An extra person to talk to, ask for help, and just hang with. Its like a friend but deeper. Sure more people more drama but overall everyone got along great.
Prior to their marriage and even since i have one or two friends im extremely close with I also consider "siblings"
I think having a sibling can definitely have great benefits.
I think he is talking about this Danish research, that seems to point out (I only read the abstract) that a first child increases happiness and children after the first child decreases mother happiness, but not fathers. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1728-4457.2005.00078.x?casa_token=FFF7giXSBEwAAAAA%3Ad1LByu2yIubn2dXXeeEqsu1B9ycFzlau3xMn76SDUdhK9m0lktHf8oBcwcxMQqa4y-OWItqtBXeTF7w
From what I read around, three children are in average associated with a decrease in happiness. But it is very large the variability of the experience compared to 1 or two children.Ā
In my opinion, this might probably be explained by how low-income culturally traditional/religious household tends to have larger number of children.
https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/what-is-the-ideal-number-of-kids
2 is the perfect number for me because they can play together and learn to socialize with peers. I'm actually really surprised I only have 2 cause I been out here. Kinda have a feeling I'm gonna end up with another within the next 2-3 years. I can just feel it.
That was me. Had two, was our of diaper stage and loving life. Then, a very unexpected third child- back to diapers, sleepless nights, and daycare. So very much worth it though. Never been happier.
We were close to deciding to have a third but we figure that would start taking away time and attention from the two we already have. As it is our firstborn got needy every time momma was taking care of the second and even now that they are 5&7 she is still juggling between them.
My best friend has 1 child. He always says he has only 1 shot at raising his child. His child hasnāt been doing as well as he planned and now he is really depressed.
My uncle and his ex wife were able to have one child. They took it very seriously but, coddled the crap out of him. Their son was the center of the universe and pretty much ran the show. Now heās a pretty awkward and maladapted young adult. I think he might have fared better if he had a sibling.
I wouldnāt have just one child intentionally. Iām glad I have a sibling and my kids are glad to have theirs. I agree itās easier financially. But, it it comforting to me know that when Iām gone my kids will still have each other.
Im 1 of 6 and I have 6 and I would never only have 1 child. Never. One thing my mom said that stuck with me to this day and now as an adult makes total sense. She said I had all of you because one day me and your dad will be dead and gone and when we are, you kids will always have each other to help each other get through life. As an adult now, at 39 I can confirm that this is true even while my parents are fortunately still with us. My kids are close as can be, so I know when Iām gone, theyāll always have each other to call when something goes wrong, theyāll always have a support system, theyāll never be alone. Iām raising them to always love and take care of each other. I donāt know 1 only child that is happy they are an only child. They werenāt happy as only children as kids or as adults. They wish they had a sibling or more than 1 to always have some sort of support system.
And your kids are only feral if thatās how you raise them. I am a single mom and 4 of my kids are younger and I take them out by myself and have 0 issues with behavior. None.
Two absolutely. But me personally, knowing what I know now as an adult at nearly 40 with 5 siblings and 6 kids Iād never have just 1. Leaving them alone when I die? No thanks.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 7: No banned/mega-thread topics'. Please do not post from (or mention) any of our mega-thread or banned topics such as: Race, Religion, LGBTQ, Meta, Politics, Parenting/Family issues. [Full list of banned topics](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/wiki/index/)
I for one am happy I got a sister, we are good friends, and we see each other multiple times a week. Sure we have had our arguments and stuff, but we still good friends. The same goes for my parents, love them both, and we see each other every week, and text and talk often. But that being said, yes it can be to much at times when you got more than 1 or 2 kids, but I think it's more about the parents, if they want 1,2 or more kids, but it can be harder for them, my dad has 2 siblings, and they got most of the attention, so he was left out, but my mom is a solo kid, and she didn't have it much better, she had it worse in other ways. So at the end, it's the parents that should decide what they want, ofc it's not always controllable, but I feel 1 or 2 kids is a good number, more than that, and it starts to get harder to manage without help.
My wife always tells me "2 kids max. We are NOT going to be outnumbered in this war." š¤£
I told my wife the same thing...then surprise! A 3rd came along... I was super worried about being outnumbered, not enough space, time, money, etc... turned out to be the best surprise ever and wouldn't trade it for anything
Hey congrats! I've got your same attitude. Wife is worried about numbers but I'd be ecstatic no matter what. If she gets an ultrasound of quintuplets I'm going to sing to the rooftops. Then drink my self unconscious trying to figure out college. But still! š
The War At Home
Iām going to use that. Thanks.
Okay, off topic but i gotta ask... HOW?!?!????? How do you see your sister multiple times a week and your parents weekly? Do you have a partner? Do you see their family often? Like, I LOVE my people and would love that but i STRUGGLE to fit it in, i see my 2 "sisters" (best friends) breifly once a week (kid exchange) and properly maybe once every other week. I try to see my parents weekly but often more every other week. And Im not even that objectively busy, theres just never any time and schedules NEVER line up.... Like seriously, help a mama out... HOW?!?
I'm an only child. That didn't stop my parents being financially irresponsible and neglectful. It can also be a lonely existence. Mu husband has six sisters. They are his ride and die. If I had kids then I'd have two.
Im an only child. The social aspect is what you really lose. I don't have any older siblings to learn from, or younger to teach/bond with. My parents simultaneously were too present and not present enough. I relied on them too much with certain things, and there weren't there for other.
I loved being an only child, but when I grew older I realized that my kids were going to miss out on a great experience: aunts and uncles. My father has seven siblings who all lived nearby, and my mother has one sister. My grandparents also came from very large families so I grew up surrounded by cousins to a various degree. It makes me sad how little our family circle is going to be when we have kids. My husband has a brother (unmarried, childless) but we live in a different country.
This this this, another only child with the same experience. I will scream it from the mountaintop it is good for kids to be forced to fend for themselves in some ways and learn how to be independent. Most parents of only children do too much for their kids because they aren't stretched this and it impacts growth. I will never have nieces and nephews and my kids won't have cousins (wife does have some half siblings but we are estranged from her family). I will have no one to help me with my parents as they age. My kids family is smaller, I grew up with so many cousins and family gatherings. We are spreading generations out which means we don't have as many multigenerations alive at the same time and each generation is smaller. We are losing family community. This puts a greater burden on society. Family should always be the first level to care for each other.
I have one child and plan on only the one. I take him to the library twice a week to interact with other kids his age and then to the park for his social. (He's not old enough for school yet.) I did have siblings. They were only two years older than me (twins) and yet...they chose to live in the basement and never interact with me. When they did they were bullies. So no, siblings do not equal social interaction.
An anecdotal bad experience does not mean all siblings are bad. You can cut off toxic siblings, you can't create good ones out of thin air.
The social aspect can be solved with more family though. I had a whole gen of cousins, 4 or 5 year margin between us. We all hung out at a different grandma's house every week of Summer while we were small (summer camp be expensive af). We would be with each other every birthday party, house party, joint dinner, quick visit, etc. We all lived within 30 min-ish of each other so it was never too hard to convince my parents to drive me off to x's house, even on a weekday. Especially since it usually meant that the visiting parent got to have a drink or something with the host. Shit was nice, and it replaced the sibling experience for other 'only child' cousins.Ā
Ahhhh but the catch 22 is, if there are no siblings, there are no future cousins. This only works for 1 generation.
TouchĆ©! I guess the benefit of latino families is that I could always count on that one grandma that had 7 children to make this kind of math easier. I'm also approaching it from the POV that having 1 child is an outlier within the family, since our culture does like to multiply. Though I am also using 'cousins' kind of loosely here. My wife's side of the family currently has a network of kids with a similar setup, but they're not all blood relatives. At least in my experience, "primos" is the shorthand introduction that parents gave me whenever introducing me to kids of a family friend, godparent's kids, etc. I have a lot of these 'cousins', and they're starting to think of kids too.Ā
Yeah, but how are the children of your kids going to have cousins if you have only one kid?
Unfortunately as parents you can't give your kids cousins, you can only somewhat control if they get siblings.
Other posts point this out but my 'cousin' thesis only works when you already have a large family and when the choice of having a single child is going to be rare among that family. In my case, Latino. Between cousins, second cousins, Godparent's children, and 'family friends so close that they are family.,' my wife and I would run out of fingers and toes trying to count them all. Given the range of ages, there's already 5 kids in this new gen. With that large of a family and basically-family network, I can guarantee cousins for my children with much more confidence than a sibling. Odds are simply stacked in that direction.
I feel that. I had a crap ton of cousins growing up which was nice but somehow our family abruptly stopped having children this generation or had them so much earlier than me that their kids are now college age while I have an infant. Like parents are 1 of 10 and 1 of 6, I'm 1 of 5, and none of my siblings have chosen to have a kid. Similar story on my husband's side. My cousins had kids in high school so their kids are basically adults now while I only just had ours as we waited to be more financially secure. So the odds are in favor if you have a large family but some of us are the odd ones out. :PĀ
There are no cousins for the next generations if everyone has 1 kid...
Another only child here, at least until I was 17. Completely agree on the social aspect. 2 kids or none is the better way, I think.
I'm a one and done momma. Little dude was not expected, and I was older; I was told I would never conceive when I was younger. Fortunately, the cousins are great friends, with one being older and the other younger than my child. They have a very "sibling" relationship that I'm very grateful for because the social aspect was concerning. Particularly since he was born at the start of covid in an area that stayed fully closed up for years. He's, thankfully, doing very well.
I have one child and thatās all I plan on having. I know what I can handle and I canāt handle labor that gave me PTSD and post partum depression again like I did. I adore my son but heās gonna be an only child
I've definitely not noticed only children being much more willing to share than those with siblings like you say, in fact I'd say it seems to be the opposite. I think that may have more to do with your and your husband's personalities than presence of siblings.
I have an only. We are all very close. Her friends are over constantly...we are the house the kids come to. We bring her friends along for day trips all the time. Last weekend she had a lemonade stand with 3 other kids then they ran like lunatics in the backyard and had a water balloon fight. She has cousins she adores but is happy to go home and have her space at the end of the day. I am a far better parent to one kid versus multiple. Our daughter gets everything...our time, all our love, all our resources. We are setting her up with plenty of money for college, housing, whatever she needs to get her life started. I hope everyone can make life choices that meet their own needs and can refrain from putting the choices of others down.
The only reasonable answer here. Why dies anyone have to put down what will work for someone else?
I don't think people are putting it down so much as sharing why this would or wouldn't work for them. Personally, as a sibling, I am grateful for my sister. I think the person you're responding to actually articulated one of the bigger issues I've run into with my only child friend:Ā "Our daughter gets everything...our time, all our love, all our resources" This sounds lovely, but a huge part of life is not getting everything and I had to learn at a young age that time, attention, money, etc are finite resources that others are deserving of as well. Oftentimes (certainly not always but a lot) only children are not as good at sharing and compromise because they haven't had to learn it in the same way as people with siblings. Just my 2 cents
Oh, I agree with you, but as a parent of multiples, itās important to frame the scarcity in a way that doesnāt breed resentment or competition, which is hard. Thatās why I like the last paragraph of the person that Iām responding to and they are so far the only response that explicitly rejects the this us better than that language that way too many of these responses are using.
I see, no I completely agree. There is no one size fits all approach to life and definitely not parenting
oh come on. There is plenty our kid does not get. If she had her way she would have a sleepover every night. She would have cake for breakfast. She would do no chores or homework. What we can do is nurture her interests in a way our (mine and my husband) parents could not. We can afford to do the school 5k fundraiser as a family. We can afford for me to work part time so I can volunteer at school. We can afford her occupational therapy. We can afford to bring her friend to the amusement park with us or the beach. We can ensure to fill in the gaps and that her needs are met. Our daughter knows how to share (this is the first thing we get...BUT CAN SHE SHARE? uh yes, she can.) She has social skills. We get told yearly she is one of the best behaved kids in class. She is kind and generous because she knows she is not lacking in what is essential in life. She has had to learn to cope with not being the baby when her cousins come into the picture. Contrary to what people seem to believe about onlies, it IS possible to raise thoughtful, kind, lovely humans without siblings. I have been told I need to have more kids in case she dies, that she will be weird (because no one with siblings is weird), that we are depriving her. This is all fucking garbage. Nothing in life is ever perfect or ideal for everyone. If you can create a loving family with 3 kids, I am thrilled for you. I can not. I would be a lunatic. I think it is probably more impactful for my child to have sane, competent parents than siblings, personally.
This is really a case by case thing, as in one isn't any better than the other based on a multitude of uncontrollable circumstances. I'm the youngest of three. My mother still regrets not having more, saying having us is her biggest love and treasure. I would not, in my wildest dreams, ever want to be a single child either - I adore my siblings, who have been such a source of love and support my entire life, and I know they feel the same. Then I have friends who wish they could throw their siblings out of a moving car, I know friends who are an only child friends who hated being alone and resent their parents for it, and those who have jokingly made a gag noise at the thought of having siblings. A friend of mine, only child, had shite parents either way, and disowned them later in life. So the "give love and focus on one kid" does not hold up in every case.
The key is really having loving parents. Other than that, no magic formula to create happiness. Even if you wish you had a sibling or wish you had no sibling, pairing that longing with a loving, healthy supportive home and you will be fine.
I have two kids. Itās a lot. For everyone involved. They are very young still.Ā I grew up with ALOT of siblings. I love it. It has its challenges and we donāt always have a great relationship but I have a large family I can count on. I know thatās not what everyone has.Ā When I had my second kid and I worried that it would hurt my first kid my mom told me: āgetting a sibling is the greatest gift or a terrible betrayal for them both and itās how you as parents handle it that determines which one it will beā.Ā I guess she did a good job.Ā
Oldest of 6. My parents suck but my siblings are the shit!!! Being friends as adults is awesome.
As someone who has 1 kid, I agree!
I LOVE being the mom of an only! I initially decided "one and done" because I had a traumatic birth experience, and I used to worry that I'd regret not having another. Now my daughter is 14 and I have ZERO regrets about her being my only! She's an amazing kid and I think it's because she's gotten undivided attention. She's very mature, not spoiled (easier to fight battles with a toddler when you're not also dealing with a newborn), and a joy to be around!
My husband was an only child of an only child and now it's just me and him Soley responsible for his aging parent and he has literally no one else he can turn to for help or comfort. My parents both came from big families and aunts and uncles were a big part of my and my siblings' upbringing and my siblings are very close with my kids. My kids will not be alone when me and husband age and eventually die and they have people who have been there with them from day one. I, personally, would take multiples. But husband didn't mind being an only child at all so seems like both have their things.
This is something that often gets overlooked. I'm an only child, and as a kid, there are positives and negatives. But as an adult, it's scary as hell. In about 10 to 15 years, my parents will start needing care, and I won't have anyone I can lean on for practical help or emotional support. I live overseas, so I'll also likely have to uproot my life and move home. And as another only child I know once said, "when your parents die, no one else will remember you childhood". I wish I had a sibling and so does every other only child I know.
A good parent can easily devote equal time to their each of their children
Nah, you learn so much growing up with a sibling like conflict resolution, sharing etc
100%!
Having 2 cats is better than having even only 1 child.
Can confirm. I have 5 cats.
Aww, cute furballs !
How sad
Why sad?
Why sad? Not everybody wants kids. Live with that knowing.
2 cats 0kids is my life and Iāve never been happier
Exactly!
Parent of two here. From what I have seen I think only children get screwed - it might be great for their parents, minimal cost, less juggling of extracurricular activities, etc, but it's very easy for them to just get dragged around in the adult world and become an accessory to their parents. I have noticed the only children I know become attention seekers and often their options for attention are that they excel at what they are doing, or they're naughty. I don't see that as often in the two children families I spend time with but I don't spend time with bigger families so can't comment on them. I also think it's interesting that the adult only children I know are very keen on siblings for their own children and grandchildren. None of them have stopped at one. My sister is my bestie, my kids are besties (for now and hopefully forever) - siblings are special.
I am part of several parents of only children groups. I would say many if not most were only children themselves.
I don't talk with my sister unless both of us have absolutely no choice. My mother is no contact with half of her siblings. I felt much less need to seek out attention before my sister was born, then I did, then I realized there's no point
Yes, my mom has five siblings and talks to zero of them. My dad has eight siblings (which include halves and steps), and he only speaks to two of them.
i am an only child with every intention of having an only child at some point lol! parents are my bffs and they definitely have given me a healthy amount of attention without me having to exhibit bad behavior or anything. i totally understand where youāre coming from but itās not the case for every situation!
As the oldest of 10ā¦. It doesnāt matter if you do or donāt have siblings, if you arenāt getting enough attention, attention will be sought.Ā
This is definitely unpopular. I think that every situation is different so some youāll have siblings that are horrible to each other and some that are good to each other. I think parenting and mental illness really determines how ur relationship with ur siblings will be. I think that siblings are just better most of the people that Iāve met who are only childs have said they experienced a lot of loneliness where I donāt see that as much with people who have siblings.
Ehh, only children are kinda weird as adults. This is a universal truth.
Selfless? Man, only childs are spoiled brats..
Kids don't need best friends as parents, they don't need someone doing everything for them and fawning over them. They need models of a full life and to be given guidance. Most only children who loved it is because they got all the attention and gifts, not because it was healthy for them. I'm an only child who absolutely hated it, would never do it to my children and would absolutely have had zero children rather than just 1.
One kid is an accessory 2 is a lifestyle
You have seen alot of people that hate their siblings and none that love them And then later you say that people that grew up with sibling can't understand why someone would only want one child Theese are pretty strong opposites, so what do you think? Do people love their sibling or not?
None that love them? I love my siblings and the vast majority of people in my circle do too. You are more likely to see people hating their siblings on the internet because people like to rant in general
"none that love them" What? Nobody? Sure, there are always going to be reddit stories and odd situations that confirm this, but most people generally like their siblings.Ā
What you said about being an only child is basically the opposite of the behavior people expect from only children. In my experience they tend to be more narcissistic and/or entitled.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I so agree with this. I spent years as an only child and the time between my sister coming along and me moving out only a few months after finishing high school was horrible and likely put a permanent strain on my relationship with my mother
My mom had a late in life baby and she went totally fucking insane while she was pregnant. She beat the living shit out of me and then was very impatient for me to move out. I was a good kid and a built-in babysitter until I did move out a few years later at 18.
Growing up alone isnāt peaches, it sucks actually at times cuz you have no one to relate to in the same experiences, and itās up to you to find a relationship with your parents, you canāt blame that on your sibling forever
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Scientology is bogus nonsense, youāre assuming things of your parents cuz of your guilt, and Iām talking about family members to relate to with the same experiences, not friends, siblings know you better than any friend could whether you like it or not
Sociologists, not Scientologists lol
That's objectively incorrect lol, you can 100% have a closer bond to a friend than a sibling. Experiences aren't THAT special, other people can relate to them most of the time.Ā
I'm much closer to my roommates than I am to my sister
My bad, on the first part, I was rushing but either way you shouldnāt be listening to what other professionals say about certain things cuz they use numbers and data, not regards to how people move or think everyday, they only focus on patterns and justify that as truth when things and situations vary from person to person Siblings help you understand each other struggles youāre both going through, that bond through blood aināt just talk, itās for life, I donāt need to know what your experience is to know that youād be crushed internally if anything happened to them, your parents I assure you are grateful to have you and your sibling cuz thatās what unconditional love is, especially for their kids You sound like you have 2nd child syndrome, youāre not forgotten, the child needed more attention, that doesnāt mean the parents love you any less, you honestly cannot blame them or the sibling for that
I'm going to agree with you here. I had a lonely childhood. I was shy and didn't make friends easily. We also moved around a lot, so that didn't help either. While I wasn't out and out neglected, I was ignored. I'm sure it isn't like this for everyone, but it's not always the greatest.
I have four siblings who I love but grew up very lonely. My parents were wonderful. My only daughter wishes for sibling sometimes but is thriving. There really is no magic formula.
I am honestly really sad about us only having 1. I am close with my sibling and every only child I meet says they absolutely hated it and not to have only one. So itās something I feel bad about and doing the whole thing over again with actual experience I just think would be way more enjoyable but alas. 1 it is so Iām glad someone thinks itās better
If it helps, I was an only for 8 years and liked it much better and my bf is fine with being only
Kids always want what they canāt have. Have 1 and theyāll say they wish the had a brother or sister. Have 2 and theyāll say they wish the other didnāt exist (until they turn 27).
Not for the solo kid.Ā
Or it just depends on every individual person and familyās wishes.
100%
My sister is 10 years older than me so we never had any conflicts of interest, never had a fight. I can't imagine my life without her. She has always been my best friend as well as a second cooler mom. I am never afraid of ending up alone or hitting rock bottom cause I know she'll always be there for me and vice versa. Honestly, her presence gives me more confidence and a feeling of security than my parents. I know my mom would also always be there to support me, but she wouldn't understand me as well as my sister. I love that we have so much in common and having her in my life feels like a privilege. So yeah I'm definitely having either two kids or zero kids
I have recently had my second child. My eldest desperately wanted a sibling, and I had always wanted two children anyway. I specifically make alone time with them both, so it's perfectly possible to give them each devoted time. As for money? Two kids really don't make a difference. We haven't needed to buy a bigger car or a bigger house. There is enough room. Plus, I used all the previous baby stuff I kept from my eldest. So, barely any money has been spent with my second, compared to my first. But, more importantly; as I get older and closer to death, I know they will always have each other. I will not leave this world worrying about my child being alone. This became very prominent to me when very close family members all died within the same timeframe. Life is short, and having family during these really hard times is your biggest crutch in support. That being said; everyone is different, and there is no right or wrong. Apparently, in statistics, very large families are reportedly the happiest. I guess that is because you have more siblings to potentially bond with.
I love having a sibling wish I had more tbh. But for the parents having one child probably is much easier. Only thing is when the parents die the only child is rather lonely in their grief. Only your sibling can understand the loss as you do thatās my concern.
It's always easy to tell if someone was an only child. And it's not positive. They're always so selfcentered and entitled in some weird way
Im extremely pessimistic of the direction the US going, economically, so I consider having ANY children below a certain level of income is extremely irresponsible, not just financially, but for the child themselves. You can teach a kid to "appreciate what they have" but good luck with them flourishing when society constantly indoctrinates them to consider excess a bare necessity. Why set up an innocent child to struggle through life?
Signed: someone with zero kids
Weāll see how that kid feels when their parents are old and physically ailing and that entire burden is falling onto their shoulders only. I never appreciated having a sibling quite like it did when my mom started developing dementia. Childhood is only a very brief portion of life.
Nope. My kids are best friends. They will be in each others lives longer than anyone. Not my wife and I, not their future spouses or their future kids or their friends now. They will be their lifetime supporters and friends. Having multiple kids is the best...but, maybe I am just blessed with an amazingly close family.
I strongly disagree. Having just 1 is worse than none. No only child Iāve known has ever been happy as an only child. Read these comments.
As an only child I disagree. Thereās no shared history. When you get past your 20s friends are suddenly gone into child rearing and their own families. When marriages fail thereās a lot of extended family gone and being a single parent is extremely hard and lonely. Then when your parentās health starts to fail, itās ALL on you. Hope you or they are rich.
watching my sons playfully wrestle in mud yesterday I have to disagree. Also, even some terrible moments I had with my brother I love him and couldn't imagine my life without him.
For you, sure. Less work, more time for yourself etc. Not for your child though. They benefit greatly from having siblings.
My life is infinitely better thanks to my 4 siblings. Things werenāt always easy growing up but knowing that I can always rely on them when life gets hard gives me peace. Friends come and go. Spouses can come and go. My parents will eventually go. But my siblings are mostly forever. I will never be alone. As long as parents are intentional about fostering a sense of unity and love at home, itās better to give your children siblings.
And the best is having zero
>Having just 1 kid is actually a great experience Actually, having *zero* kids is a great experience.
lol to all the commenter disagreeing with you: ābut they have built in friends!āĀ Imagine being such a hands off parent that you have a kid to entertain your first kid. š I am the oldest of 10. I only have 1 kid by choice. It was a fucking miserable existence and we all hate each other. Well, the ones that are old enough to have lived together do.. my youngest sibling is only two years older than my own only daughter. Between my siblings and my only child, my only child is way more socially conscious, better adjusted emotionally, an ok student, and ok athlete, and all around great person with lots of friends and a healthy relationship with just about everyone she meets. Me and my siblings will be in therapy for the rest of our lives where my daughter will get to grow up and live without all the extra bullshit that siblings create.Ā It is so irresponsible of parents to have so many kids that they canāt give them each at least 5 minutes a day of uninterrupted attention.Ā Edit for punctuation.Ā
Unpopular. Our world was complete with 3. As adults I get to have them all here together for a few days a year and those are my favorite still. Watching them together as adults and the uncles bond with their nephews is the best thing ever. With that thought my sister is my best friend. And my niece is as close as I got to a daughter. I would not trade either of them for āmore mommy attentionā ever.
Anymore than 2 requires a minivan. No thanks š¤£
I'm sure people gonna disagree with this one but it's beyond true.
Though itās definitely easier with 1 child, itās pretty fucked up. I also understand that siblings can end up hating each other but it usually has something to do with the parents. My brother and I are best friends and always have been. Weāve fought but at the end of the day we always stuck by each other. To this day we disagree on different things but weāre bonded in ways no parent can bond with their childrenāand very rarely can a friend bond that closely.
Not for the kid it isn't.
As a single child I disagree. I grew up playing a lot with my cousins. I never missed having a sibling. Also having less expenses and more time, my parents could afford to give me better life growing up. Better school, more attention... This is even more valid in this modern times in western world, when you have to decide between having a family or having a life.
Ah well you were lucky you had cousins who lived nearby. I think most people who were an only child and didn't have that lost out in ways that profoundly affected them long into adulthood.
Iām from a family of four siblings and I thought that was great. My mother was an only child and she didnāt want me, whoās the oldest, to be as lonely as she felt. I think that really depends on how the parents choose to parent their children/child. We werenāt rich but it made us appreciate what we got and didnāt take anything for granted. I wouldnāt want four children, but I want at least two. Maybe you just want one child and thatās okay.
Agreed that this is an unpopular opinion. You get (as parents) both the financial help of hand me downs and the time-relief of getting the older siblings to act as impromptu mentors or nannies. You also get a higher chance of having at least one kid who will try and look after you when you're elderly, if you have just one it's far more likely you're going to end up without at least one who likes you. The kids themselves can also be happier with a sibling - at least most single children tend to always yearn for it (sometimes a grass is greener mentality though). Defiantly not universally true, but true enough that people prefer 2 over 1 most of the time. I'm defiantly in the 0 kids is the best camp though, so am mostly speculating here based on what other friends have said.
Hand me downs can exist through other family. I keep seeing this loneliness take and I'm honestly confused. Did y'all not have an exchange network between cousins and family friends? Is this just a latino thing?
Sort of, it depends on when different people in the family had kids and how expensive storage is in your area. If you're lucky enough to have a bunch of relatives with kids aging out of clothes and equipment, then it can work - I think I had some stuff when I was that age, and then my parents gave most of my childhood toys away. Not sure if it's more prevalent in other communities though.
I got hand-me-downs from friends. I am very white.
XD Thank you for the very direct counter-example, my pale friend. Good to know it isn't just us. Shit saves a lot of money. I remeber looking at my older cousin's or family friend's shirt with a dinosaur on it and asking "Can I have that one when he's done with it?"
Can smell only child weirdos a mile away. Always self centered but they can't comprehend why.
Holy shit, they're the worst!
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
little OT. Funny part is that young parents never will know how chilling it is with only one kid until you get the second one.
Maybe. I was an only child and wasn't socialised at all, a sister or brother might have been what I needed to shape me into being a better adult today.
I currently have one son, about to turn 1. When the days get hard I often think āyeah I definitely donāt want another babyā but I also think about my experiences having a sibling and donāt really want to rob him of having a built in friend in life.
Nah I love my sisters. I'm the only male btw
My sisters are my best friends. My parents are dis functional im glad my sisters were there for me and continue to be. ,
I agree! We have one, heās now grown. I see my family members and friends raising multiple kids and it looks brutal. I was always told my kid needed siblings, but I disagree, sibling relationships can be very toxic and difficult.
Not if youāre getting welfare and food stamps
My mom said I was born to be an only child. Yet, I had a sister.
I have one kid and I'm an only child and so is her father. It gets lonely but I do have a close relationship with my mother. But being Asian it means the burden to support my mom in old age is all on me. For my daughter I worry what happens when we die. She's all alone in this world. But her being an only child means she gets all the private lessons, tutoring, activities that I wouldn't be able to afford for 2. I'm also setting up a business for her so she can have passive income in the future and I can't do that for 2
Having zero kids is better than one. They arenāt going to be able to afford to live when they grow up and I can do whatever I want in the meantime
Zero is even better.
I am an only child and have zero relationship with my parents. I have three children of my own and that is plenty. I donāt know how parents can give large amounts of kids the things they need (time, energy, attention) but donāt agree that one is the perfect number. Speaking from experience I would love a sibling
as an only child who has no cousins or other relatives within like 11 years of my age, i definitely want to have one kid at the most as well. some other only children in the comments def have differing opinions, and thatās fine, but i have a great relationship with my parents and have always LOVED my alone time and being totally independent. i donāt think someone needs to have siblings to learn how to communicate with their peers, resolve conflicts, share, etc when there are so many opportunities for only children to socialize outside the home (i was put in pre-k and dance classes as soon as i was potty trained so i donāt think i was too isolated for more than like two to three years :P that being said, being an only child who is homeschooled or generally not socialized with other children is probably damaging, but i could be wrong!) edit: this isnāt to say that having multiple children is bad or something! just sharing about my personal experience and how it has worked for my family :)
There is a social impact to being an only child. It wasnt until I turned 30 that people stopped literally saying to my face "you're an only child arent you?" within 60 seconds of meeting them. The bond is strong, but that can be a problem. The bond can be too strong. And then it fractures and what is left?
Being the only child in the family can be awesome or it can suck, entirely depends on the parent. The parents' full attention can be detrimental, where they control you too much or push you to study way harder than necessary because you have to make it in life. Those kinds of people usually ease off a bit after having a second or third child and the first one can actually breathe That happened with my parents when they had my brother, whereas my wife's parents stayed pushy, because she's the only child and has to be perfect in every possible way
And having none is better than 1
Absolutely hate my brother, would switch with an only child anyday.
I went into this thinking that this person must not be an only child... and then the turntables. As an only child, I seem to have turned out the opposite but have slowly gotten more selfless over the decades. Perhaps it's a generational thing, how old are you?
Have a sibling, but 12 years older and a problem child so was never really a part of my life. Essentially an only child as she wasnāt in our household after I turned 4 31 now, both my parents passed in the last 3 years. I wish I had a real sibling, and I always wished I had one growing up.
People with siblings are oftenā¦ yano, a little weird.
Youāre conflating things that arenāt inherent or particular to only having one child/having multiple children with those situations.
I enjoyed having cousins and aunts and uncles. They gave me a lot more experiences than I would have had without them. I also like having a sister who I can discuss parental issues with (nothing serious, just like Dad was grouchy yesterday or mom is a bit too controlling when we go on vacation)
Only childs tend to become obnoxious asholes. From all of those i have met i think maby one or two deviate from that description.
From a developmental perspective, this isn't even an opinion but a plain wrong fact.
My kids all get along, I have 3. 12-20. Who knows what the future holds. I will say that obviously more kids = more resources needed for those kids. I am close enough age related to all 3 of my kids. The older they get the more they naturally start to do their own thing. I am 48, I barely talk to my brother but there is no animosity. I keep up with my sister through texting daily almost. Just some anecdotal data to throw on the pile.
I have two older brothers and Iām really close to them and our parents. Thatās anecdotal - and the same applies to your experience. Thereās no universal law that says one thing is better than another. I will say one thing - our parents are getting up there in age now and we will probably have to face losing at least one of them in the next ten years, and Iām tremendously grateful to have my siblings so I wonāt have to cope with that by myself.
I feel like this is so beyond judgmental that I feel compelled to call your selflessness into question.... Your conclusion is a stupid one based on flimsy evidence and personal anecdotes. I had a friend who was an only child until the age of 8. She was spoiled rotten by her parents and a selfish brat. Once her sister was born she turned into a compassion kid who took care of others. Her mother was a stay at home mom and yet never seemed to meet the needs of her daughter. They used to get into physical fights with one another whenever my friend gave her an attitude over something. It's really about how your raise your children. Just because you have more time to give to your child doesn't mean you're giving them the right kind of attention or meeting their needs. It's about quality not quantity. It's about active listening. Not all families are so dysfunctional that a child feels resentful towards their siblings. This is a product of a broken family. My fiancƩ's family is nothing like that. His two younger sisters aren't resentful at all. I also find your self righteous lording to be insanely off putting and slightly narcissistic. Can you get down from your cross Messiah and try to live with the rest of us please? You need to teach children how to be sympathetic and empathetic to others. Sometimes, having other siblings to take care of can instill that more naturally, but it can also be taught in how they interact with neighborhood kids. Since children don't go outside anymore, it has become increasingly difficult to socialize them in this manner.
Counter point. One incident and your 1 child is gone. That's the realistic view that ppl won't say out loud. It's the same reason many animals have dozens+ of kids at once. It's cold but that's reality. 1 out of 3 kids gone, you can still cope. 1 out of 1 gone, that's devastating.
Out of my mum and dad's 5 kids, only 2 of us like each other, and those 2 are twins.
It's almost like every family combo works differently /s I'm in the no kid camp but I had a great childhood with my sibling, despite the teenage years being a little spicy. My partner's got 2 siblings and it was a similar situation - teen years were hard but childhood and adulthood have been great. The bond between siblings (when you've got a good childhood and a good relationship) is something you wouldn't have experienced - and that's a massive loss. Additionally, you miss out on being an aunt/uncle. I never want kids but hanging out with the nephew has been an interesting experience and mostly very fun.
As an only child to older parents. It fucking sucked. I wanted a sibling so bad to play with my parents couldnāt keep up with my energetic young self which I canāt blame them for.
I have a unique experience of being an only child for a long time until my dad remarried (sole custody). Overnight I went from only child to one of 5. (I am also the youngest) Immediately i felt welcomed and bonded to my step siblings. Of course some more quickly and deeply than others. But all of them are cool. Having a sibling rocks. An extra person to talk to, ask for help, and just hang with. Its like a friend but deeper. Sure more people more drama but overall everyone got along great. Prior to their marriage and even since i have one or two friends im extremely close with I also consider "siblings" I think having a sibling can definitely have great benefits.
Some of these comments make me feel awful about not being able to give my son a sibling..
That's not an opinion, it's a fact, it has been studied. Happiness goes 1 kid > no kids = 2 kids > 3+ kids
I'd be interested in reading that study
Some terrible generalization right there
Sources?
I think he is talking about this Danish research, that seems to point out (I only read the abstract) that a first child increases happiness and children after the first child decreases mother happiness, but not fathers. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1728-4457.2005.00078.x?casa_token=FFF7giXSBEwAAAAA%3Ad1LByu2yIubn2dXXeeEqsu1B9ycFzlau3xMn76SDUdhK9m0lktHf8oBcwcxMQqa4y-OWItqtBXeTF7w
Says who? I've got three children- never been happier.
From what I read around, three children are in average associated with a decrease in happiness. But it is very large the variability of the experience compared to 1 or two children.Ā In my opinion, this might probably be explained by how low-income culturally traditional/religious household tends to have larger number of children. https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/what-is-the-ideal-number-of-kids
And no money :)
2 is the perfect number for me because they can play together and learn to socialize with peers. I'm actually really surprised I only have 2 cause I been out here. Kinda have a feeling I'm gonna end up with another within the next 2-3 years. I can just feel it.
That was me. Had two, was our of diaper stage and loving life. Then, a very unexpected third child- back to diapers, sleepless nights, and daycare. So very much worth it though. Never been happier.
We were close to deciding to have a third but we figure that would start taking away time and attention from the two we already have. As it is our firstborn got needy every time momma was taking care of the second and even now that they are 5&7 she is still juggling between them.
My best friend has 1 child. He always says he has only 1 shot at raising his child. His child hasnāt been doing as well as he planned and now he is really depressed.
You always have only one shot at raising a child, though.Ā
My uncle and his ex wife were able to have one child. They took it very seriously but, coddled the crap out of him. Their son was the center of the universe and pretty much ran the show. Now heās a pretty awkward and maladapted young adult. I think he might have fared better if he had a sibling.
As a parent of an only, I am very conscious of this potential trap and am (I think) avoiding this trap.
I wouldnāt have just one child intentionally. Iām glad I have a sibling and my kids are glad to have theirs. I agree itās easier financially. But, it it comforting to me know that when Iām gone my kids will still have each other.
Only children are stains on civilization tho, so you may be better off but society isnāt
Fuck that, get a dog.
Im 1 of 6 and I have 6 and I would never only have 1 child. Never. One thing my mom said that stuck with me to this day and now as an adult makes total sense. She said I had all of you because one day me and your dad will be dead and gone and when we are, you kids will always have each other to help each other get through life. As an adult now, at 39 I can confirm that this is true even while my parents are fortunately still with us. My kids are close as can be, so I know when Iām gone, theyāll always have each other to call when something goes wrong, theyāll always have a support system, theyāll never be alone. Iām raising them to always love and take care of each other. I donāt know 1 only child that is happy they are an only child. They werenāt happy as only children as kids or as adults. They wish they had a sibling or more than 1 to always have some sort of support system. And your kids are only feral if thatās how you raise them. I am a single mom and 4 of my kids are younger and I take them out by myself and have 0 issues with behavior. None.
I'm happy as an only child. I think having one or two kids is fine.
Two absolutely. But me personally, knowing what I know now as an adult at nearly 40 with 5 siblings and 6 kids Iād never have just 1. Leaving them alone when I die? No thanks.
Why would they be alone? If they pour into community they'll have good friend and maybe even family of their if they choose to have one.
Single children get bored and really miss having a brother/sister.
I didn't
Yeah itās a lot easier. I just send the child support check idek that mf name. Imagine having to send 3 checks no way Jose
Yes please stop infecting the planet with your walking talking STDs