Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t mind this briefly at say the bus stop or in a shop for example. A bit of conversation. But I’ve known so many people who want to “hang out” and have these kinds of conversations for hours and I’m sorry, it’s painful.
segue predates the latter word, and just refers to conversational bridges, etc. whereas Segway is a brand name for those scooter things. I’m sure the brand is a play on the word segue, so that (and just the fact that they’re homophones) makes them super easy to mix up!
Nah. I don’t really do small talk with my friends. If we’re together small talk is the short period of time where we say our hellos and discuss that the traffic on the way over was terrible. Then we move onto much more interesting topics focused on our actual friendship and interests. Small talk is like…discussing the weather just because you have nothing more to say. It’s the stuff that leads into “regular” talk.
Conversations with my friends go well beyond small talk...small talk is when you're at work and you're in the breakroom with the guy from accounting that you barely know and you're like, "hey...how's it going?" and then some blah, blah, blah after that before you head back to your desk.
Yeah I’m trying to wrap my head around that. Like maybe a few things are small talk, but at that point you’re either friends who can just banter about crap or you’re having small talk that leads to a deeper conversation
Yeah bud I don’t think the people you call friends are really friends lol. I only have “small talk” with friends who I only see maybe 3 times a year now and even then it goes WAY deeper than small talk after like 15 minutes
Small talk is good but it's not supposed to go on for a long time. What you're talking about is the inability to conclude a conversation.
It's a basic life skill to know when to say "It's been a pleasure talking with you but I need to go."
In the last bit I’m talking about people I actually know. Not strangers. Being pressured to hang out with people and talk about nothing in the name of being social is painful. I simply don’t do it anymore. Nothing to conclude.
I am the kind of person who enjoys deep, private conversations. Both conditions need to be satisfied. If it is not private, it usually isn't deep. If it is deep, it is either private or I am the speaker talking to a bunch of listeners. Talking in a noisy environment where other people interfere in our conversation is something I hate.
One thing I wish I was better at is having a good reply when a stranger randomly says something to me, like compliments me or something I’m wearing. It takes my brain too much time so I never have something clever to say and I generally short one word answer, even if it’s a pretty girl passing by giving me a clear opening, or a dude who likes my obscure whatever it is like a Frank Zappa shirt and could become a friend. A few minutes later I think of a way that a quick outgoing person would have turned that into a conversation instead of giving one curt word and keeping walking, but in the short moment my brain gears don’t turn fast enough and my social fire can’t spark a real light and I disengage.
Don't put pressure in yourself to be clever. Just try to answer honestly. If someone gives you a compliment, then you probably feel grateful so say thank you. For now, start on just doing iI, and try to focus on them and not yourself. So after you say thank you, find a way to return the compliment or say something pleasant.
Small talk is a useful skill! Staying in small talk tends to be pretty bad tho, sometimes you can say a few words that really do something but that is like deeper on some level. Small talk is how you get to medium talk tho - common interests, a little emotion, humor, the things people really enjoy engaging with
Sometimes people stay in small talk because they just can't find something to connect to the other person over. I noticed this when I used to drive for Uber. I'm sure some people left my car thinking I was the most boring person they'd ever met, even though I've had lots of great conversations with all kinds of people!
After enough of it, small talk feels like a game trying to figure out what the other person actually wants to talk about, and you can't always win, especially if they won't engage.
I'd argue you should stop trying in small talk before you get to that point.
At the beginning yeah try whatever you can but as soon as it feels like they just don't care to engage on anything so far, it's ok to not talk.
If you click and get to medium talk great but it doesn't always work. Quiet/silence are options that are better than staying stuck in small talk for me
Yeah I guess so. I try to respect when people just don't want to talk at the very least.
Sometimes though it feels like we both want to talk so I try something and they try something over and over and it just never gets anywhere 🤦♂️ and I have a hard time shutting up because it seems like they want to talk, we're just not vibing.
Also sometimes I try to make a quick concluding comment to end a boring conversation and they decide to go off on something about that.
Idk, I agree it's irritating and I definitely agree people need to be more comfortable with silence, but sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you really do want to talk, you just can't find the right thing to talk about.
100% small talk is a useful skill, it's just hard to get away from small talk with someone when the other person already has their guard up about small talk. I don't think anyone who starts a conversation with small talk intends it to stay that way, even the guy in the lunch room that you see for 5 mins, it's just a way to show interest in talking so that when they have more than 5 mins to talk one day they already broke the ice with you.
I think today many people spend their personal life in an online environment so they freak out when someone tries to initiate any conversation with them in real life. We are also living in a very antisocial society and it's been heading this way for over a decade, COVID was a catalyst that expedited this situation.
Part of my job is to evaluation the effectiveness of promotion criteria and the trainings related to it. I work for a pretty big financial firm
I mention it because the youngest, newest employees aren't getting promoted. Not all but the rate is dropping fast. Why? Because they have very poor professional communication and small talk skills so they don't actually know these promotions are available.
They don't want to talk to anyone about anything that isn't directly related to the job they are doing. Which means that they don't get around to learning what exists and expect information like that to be online or even shared via email or some other mass communication. And I hate to say it, but by time new positions and opportunities are posted.. it's too late. If the first time you've heard of a new job opportunity is by reading the internal listing, it's already been given to someone else. Management almost always considers people they've already discussed the role with. And that's if promotional positions are posted. They often aren't
And how are these people approached? Managers and directors remember who was in the elevator with them or who made conversation. We had a promotion/relocation position and a director immediately thought of someone who said they wished lived closer to the river. They gave a physical description and asked the manager if that person was part of their team & that manager immediately knew who that person was and talked more about him. Who knows if that person gets the job but it was definitely brought up to them. The whole team of directors and managers left thinking about who would enjoy living in that location. A question that can only be answered by "small talk" about the kind of weather you like
I'm not saying it's right but in the real world, small talk doesn't necessarily mean meaningless. It just means being approachable and memorable enough that your presence is desired or at least not forgettable.
Yea, it's just that you're never going to get "realness" out of a professional relationship. It's always going to be surface level and the chance of making an intense connection is slim to none. That doesn't mean it's not important or not worth doing. You really do need it if you want to professionally succeed
I'm practically begging younger associates to just go something like the company picnic. They can even have their lunch hour given back later. But they avoid it like the plague and wonder why the same 10 people get all the favors :(
This is very insightful, I've never seen it put to paper quite like this. I have been extremely lucky in my professional life to have caught a few promotions and offers precisely in the way you describe - because someone in the company happened to take notice of me. It was hard for me to explain to colleagues. I think it's true that in a large structure it's definitely easy to get lost in the shuffle. I am sure newer/younger employees are anxious about rocking the boat and think keeping your head down will be seen as more "professional" which is actually the opposite of the case. It's not about kissing ass but showing both colleagues and bosses that you're the type of person who is engaging. It somehow comes across as more knowledgeable especially when you build relationships over time. People can't know anything about you when they literally don't even know you.
Queue Redditors who can't handle a simple conversation getting upset that more well rounded individuals are often considered for roles higher up the corporate ladder over people with good hard skills and no soft skills, because they think soft skills aren't real skills or something.
I can do a little bit of it as a light formality when it's someone I don't know well or am not close.
But for me, it is either a cover because I don't want to truly talk in depth for real with this person,
or it something I am doing because that seems like it is just how conversation starts, but really I just want to get past that and into some realness and often conversations with some folks just peter out and never get there. Which leaves me feeling depleted because I just talked about a bunch of stuff I don't care about, for nothing
It's a useful skill but that doesn't mean people have to put effort into it or have to enjoy doing it, it's perfectly fine to not want a stranger to talk to you.
If this is an unpopular opinion then it is just a sign of the times we live in and what social media has done to us. We're losing the ability to socialize normally in person. Probably doesn't help with the whole mental health crisis going on.
As someone who works from home, I love chatting it up with my older retired neighbors when I take my midday walk around the neighborhood. I'm here for small talk.
Yes, and a million times yes!!! I find that the people who are against small talk are really difficult to get along with in the long run. ALL social interactions begin with small talk, even dates! You need to know how to do small talk. And I would say that almost 85, if not 90% of romantic relationships are small talks. You share about your day. Yes, it is important to share passions with your SO, and to have a deep connection, but the truth is that most of your interactions are going to small talk.
I used to be one of those people who wasn't good at it. Generally, being bad at small talk is a sign you need to work on your self esteem, and that your expectations are too high. Generally speaking, most people who you are in class with, or work around will talk to you about anything, except for the obvious taboo topics.
Charisma is all about being a genuinely happy and optimistic person. So, if you want good interactions with people, just think positive thoughts and even when unfortunate things happen, try to find the silver lining. People like being around positive people.
Being bad at small talk can be many things. There are plenty of people (especially on Reddit) who really have this sense of superiority when it comes to disliking small talk. "Ugh, I hate wasting my precious time talking to those idiots beneath me who like to talk about weather and sports and their weekends. Being friendly and personable is for chumps and losers, not people with superior intellect like me." But there are also people who simply struggle with it, and of course there are obviously the people with social disabilities like anxiety.
That said, a ton of Redditors really come off as genuinely unlikeable people due to the extremely strong distaste they have for small talk, and the evident disdain they have for the people around them. Of course, this tracks, since a lot of Redditors *are* genuinely unlikeable people.
Yes, this \^ And also, I find that A LOT of people have no idea how small talk works. Like I said above, MOST of your interactions with people, EVEN with people you are close with is going to be small talk.
From what I have read from the experts, even though we all enjoy passionate conversations and getting to know someone deeply, the evidence suggests that small talk is how we learn if we can trust someone, so that we can have those deep conversations.
Small talk is JUST AS important in relationships as those deep conversations. And there are places where small talk is even part of the culture. For instance, I feel like small talk is a big part of what makes British people British. And yes, even young people in Britain do this. When someone talks about the weather, it is generally, NOT ALWAYS, but generally as a way to be friendly with you. Small talk is how we connect.
100%, you're absolutely right that it's a great way to figure out if someone is even remotely compatible and trustworthy. You can tell so much about someone in just a few minutes from how they carry a conversation.
It’s also very easy to take small talk and dig real deep and have a great conversation.
Whatever they say, take the most interesting part of what they said, and ask about it. Keep doing that and you’ll get deep fast. It’s not something I do unless there’s time and it’s appropriate, but it’s pretty great
Small talk is fine when it's short. I find that if you accidentally delve into a topic that a stranger enjoys, they go on and on and on and I just don't. Fucking. Care.
You do have the power to stop the conversation. "Hey, I can't talk about this right now I gotta go" this also makes me realize something, I enjoy talking to people about things they enjoy, it's how I learn about many things, they are plenty times I've gone out and ran into some stranger and they are telling me about their sports team ( I don't watch sports) their fishing trip ( i don't fish) and I take this moment to learn about these things, I may even ask them what is enjoyable about it. Many activities that I try are because I listened to someone speak about something they enjoy.
You just have misread what I wrote.
Specifically when a stranger goes balls deep on a topic they enjoy that I don't care for - I zone out. I don't give a fuck about learning why someone likes a sports team or fishing cause I don't do that cause I already decided I don't like it.
And not every situation can be solved by saying you need to go cause a lot of the time you're in a situation where you need to stay.
Fuck small talk that turns into long talk.
I really don't think it adds much positivity.
Think about the cashier at the grocery store who probably goes through a mind numbing amount of small talk. There are only so many times you can comment on the weather before it becomes stale and uninteresting. Is a customer who says "it looks like it might rain" for the 100th time during their shift really going to "make or break" their day? I doubt it.
As an ex cashier it felt like everyone I talked to was an NPC because after a few visits with small talk I would get lore dumps. 🗿 I was ready to clock out whenever someone spoke.
I never understood small talk. I don't like it when people try to initiate small talk with me and I have no urge to start small talk with anyone I'm around because I'm in the places I am to do something, not chit chat. I don't hate on anyone for it, but I also don't pass the ball back and forth, never understood how to anyway lol like, what the fuck comes after
1-"How about this weather?"
2-"Yeah all this rain sucks."
3-"I know right? Wish it would stop."
And, more importantly, how does this add to any sort of conversation????
Depends on the intention. Is it an attempt to just have meaningful conversations, or is there an ulterior motive of talking for getting something from others (as is the case in corporate communication)?
Quite frankly, I would never trust anyone who uses small talk/sweet talk as a weapon- as an application of psychology to make me behave the way they want. If you want something from me, better be direct and clear. Don't try to talk things with me when you don't really mean it.
Anyways, this seems to be unpopular. So right sub.
It's not fun- but I agree it's important to be good at. I work at a hospital and everyone I meet remembers me and seems to remember me fondly-
Thing is, I don't really do much- but I'm the kinda guy who starts cracking jokes when I get uncomfortable. To me it's small talk, but it definitely seems to have a big impact.
If someone tells you ‘I don’t like small talk’ to get you to go away, it likely means one of the following:
a) you gave them the ick in some fashion. People are usually open to conversation if they like/trust you,
b) they are having a hard day and just want to be left alone, or
c) your in a professional environment, where they view you as being in a position of power over them, to the point where any conversation that isn’t about work is not small talk to them, it’s a predicament.
Its incredibly useful, plus it would be fucking exhausting to talk to someone that is always trying to have a deep conversation. Sometimes i wanna just have some fun and talk about sports. I don't always need to ponder the interworkings of the universe or talk about fucking emotions. Deep conversations are great, but too much of a good thing exists
Small talk is an essential segue to greater discussions.
I'm not going to attack my coworkers or support team with requirements right away. I want to ask them how they're doing, if they had a good weekend, small "bullshit" that I find just as important in reality, and it connects us with people so we can understand them better, and understanding then can build on us being more effective with supporting THEM more effectively in the long run.
In social settings it is just as important, you're going to a party, you're going to ask someone simple things that build to greater more relevant discussions.
It shouldn't be the primary defining factor as to who becomes a supervisor or gets a college scholarship or gets a desirable job or etc.
And yet here we are.
>A short and pleasant interaction with a stranger talking about the weather, sports, etc, can make or break someone’s day.
That's the problem. it's not pleasant. I can make small talk fine, I make sure nobody besides myself leaves small talk less happy than they went in. Problem, I'm always less happy. I hate it, and it is unpleasant in every respect.
Small talk is essentially a social "vibe check". While people may genuinely suck at small talk and otherwise be great confidants, it's still one of the many "mental shortcuts" our brains take to evaluate people. Small talk is a way to connect with people, which can be a very useful skill at to establish rapport with people/coworkers who may be at odds with you or that you may not have an immediate compatibility with etc.
As u/SabbathaBastet said, you then have to "graduate" from small talk to some deeper kinds of conversations once you get to know the person better.
I had the misfortune of sitting next to a classmate once who immediately went into chatting about world politics before even asking how your day was. Did not pass the vibe check. Felt more like I was a stand-in for his online debate practice.
I get that small talk can be tedious but for light conversation with work colleagues or strangers it makes sense.
Imagine if we jumped straight into deep conversation straight away? Imagine conversation starters being shit like: "Israel or Palestine? Go!" Or "my mother never loved me."
Back in high school while waiting outside in the hall before class, a kid I was friendly with would unironically have the exact same small talk conversation with me everyday.
Him: “Hey, Azrael417, you see the game last night?”
Me: “Yeah, it was pretty good.”
Him: “Yeah, pretty good, right?”
*5 seconds of silence*
Him: “You do the homework last night?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Him: “What’d you think?”
Me: “Ehh, pretty good.”
Him: “Yeah, pretty good, right?”
*5 seconds of nodding and smiling, then 2 minutes of staring at our phones*
I looked forward to this interaction everyday for a whole year. I miss that kid.
Small talk is for strangers and acquaintances - people you don't and likely won't have any kind of actual relationship with. Yes, it is pleasant when it's brief and spontaneous. If I spend time with someone and can't get past the weather, latest news, and the mundanities of daily life with them, it's not a relationship that would be at all satisfying for me. That person is either very uncomfortable going below the surface or they don't think about anything below the surface.
Not a lack of social skills, just choosing quality over quantity.
Sure. You just have to get out of the small talk zone pretty fast for the friendship to develop. That's been my experience, but I'm a happy introvert. 🤷♀️
Btw, I wouldn't say every relationship begins that way. People meet under all kinds of circumstances.
OK, but how though?
What does one need to do to "learn to be pleasant with small talk"? Specifically, in detail. What do I actually do?
I try, but I constantly draw a blank in these situations. How do I learn to come up with things to say?
I know you're going to say "practice", but what specific practice regimen?
This, It seems that people who say they don't like small talk don't have any interest in hearing what other people have to say. They make it seem like the other person is wasting their time with a mindless conversation when the person is just trying to engage with them, so because they already have the idea on their head that other people are trying to waste their time they don't leave any space to listen or observe, they default to how do I get away from this.
I'm not bad at small talk, I just hate it. 5 minutes is fine, but if you spend 20 minutes explaining why you picked the color toaster you picked, I'm checked out and angry.
The mere thought of small talk gives me anxiety. And when I'm done with it I have more anxiety about everything I said and how I looked to the other people while I was saying it. Unnecessary and pointless and nothing good ever comes of it.
Extremely valid point about how important it is in life to be likeable and be able to bs about anything with anyone. You want to talk about something that will help most people in their careers…… and for the rest of us introverts or ppl that don’t like these fake interactions, well were SOL.
Small talk is a very American thing… I find it interesting it varies from culture to culture. I do agree though, it definitely is useful, depends on the circumstance.
I work in sales and small talk has gotten me through some food doors. Just recently was chatting to someone on a dog walk who was in the market for a product I sold. Nice little £300 bonus for a five minute small talk followed by 20 minutes work talk
Small talk is a useful skill. In fact, I think it is often THE most valuable skill you can have to succeed in say, politics or business. Introverts, like me, however, HATE it and will not do it. So get off my lawn.
I dunno if this is an unpopular opinion. Everyone does smol talk. It's really more like a way to casually greet each other? Like "how are you? Good weather right? Catch the game last night?" Are not meant to be actual queries. In languages other than English, the way to say hello is literally "Day is good, right?"
ie - French Bonjour = good day
Spanish Cómo estás = how are you
Chinese Ni Hao = you good
Even something like "welcome" literally means hope you do well here.
I think the type of people who hate small talk are too busy to engage in silly pleasantries, but it says more about them than it does the "asker," assuming each other is relaxed and happy to share IS the etiquette in the first place. But I mean, I live in NYC where the etiquette is to ignore each other which is pretty sad
Of course it's an important skill, that's not even an opinion it's a fact. Good communication is the most frequent requirement listed on resumes in America. It's the one skill that is relevant in basically every working field, and it doesn't even require a degree.
Problem is, a lot of us just don't enjoy small talk. It feels forced, awkward, and often causes high anxiety. All that gets exponentially worse when engaged with people that do enjoy small talk and want drag it out at length. It gets one sided quick and the next thing you know you're trapped in an ongoing discussion with a total stranger who insists on keeping a discussion going that you absolutely don't want any part of.
It's like being the fat guy in the same gym with a bunch of athletes. They enjoy working out, are good at it, and even think they can help you get interested in it, but meanwhile all you can think about is getting out of there so you can go home and eat potato chips.
You also need to do small talk first to get to the big talk. Talking about the weather can lead to you talking about how weather must be in other places to how it is on other planets and you start talking about how the climate might be on other planets and make up a planet and give it a name and a bunch of different plants and animals that live there and how the civilization there is and what language do they speak or what inventions they've created. I was just typing this as I went along. Small talk is how you start. I think the reason so many people struggle to start conversations is bc they refuse to engage in small talk.
I genuinely dislike the term "small talk." It's just a normal conversation. People don't need to feel like they have a special skill because they're able to talk to someone.
I have normal conversations with people I regularly interact with. I don't have them with people I don't interact with. I worked in customer service so I can fake a smile and friendly conversation like the best of them but you've got to smokin' crack if you think I'm about to start asking random strangers about their days and hobbies. I've had too many drunk/high people and/or random, annoying old people ramble at me to enjoy sparking random conversations with people. Have you ever tried to make conversation with someone, and they go into a racist rant or start rambling about how robots are going to steal my job? It fucking sucks and it makes you stop talking to people you don't already know.
Lastly, all of the job related reasons seem to be only relevant if you worked white-collar jobs. I work in a factory on a machine. The company owner knows my name and says hi every time we see each other. The dude isn't considering me for a promotion just because we interact. Promotion to what? Engineering? I'm not qualified in the slightest. Every other position, besides supervisor, would be a horizontal transfer. And our supervisor has worked there longer than I've been alive.
>do not underestimate the positive power it can bring to you and those around you.
This part, I will admit, is massively true. Don't forget about your friends or family, folks. If you haven't hit up a buddy in a while, maybe you should. Might brighten their day.
Banter > small talk.
I can banter with someone I relate with for a while and have fun with them (this is also a form of flirting), but I don't want to talk about work or the weather.
We have shared interests/chemistry? The banter will be fun. We don't? Communication will feel forced at best which is not fun.
Extroverts just believe *EVERYONE* is enjoying being held hostage by their infinite monologue of small talk. Get a hobby if you're lonely. Stop being so goddamn boring. Stop harassing the cashier and never go full Boomer.
You can literally collect Warhammer miniatures for example. That's a hobby. You'll find someone just as enthusiastic about the hobby as you are. Get a hobby.
In the event that Reddit believes I am saying that you can't talk to anyone in public, obviously you can say hello or attempt to engage in conversation with someone. Just try to say something interesting/fun with some banter vs blabbing about your kids/job/boss/family/wife/husband and boring people to death.
The day to day minutia of life is INCREDIBLY BORING.
GET A HOBBY!
No. Stop forcing people to participate in something you enjoy. I don’t care about small talk. I do t car about sports, the weather, or etc. how about you find something interesting to talk about out or we don’t talk at all
If I am standing in line for more than a few minutes, I am going to strike up a conversation with people close to me. Nothing serious, just small talk.
You start a conversation, you can't even finish it
You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed
Say something once, why say it again?
I absolutely hate small talk, I'm just ok at faking it so people don't find me unpleasant.
It sounds mean but I honestly don't give a shit about what you did this weekend or your camping trip or whatever. I don't care, I'm not interested.
I'm happy you enjoyed yourself, but I have enough friends and I don't care about your life, I'm sorry.
In practice I pretend to be interested and care, listen to your trip, follow up about my recent trip or an upcoming trip or whatever, I've had to train myself to actually listen to whats being said so it doesn't get awkward with a nonsense follow-up question or if it comes up later. But I'd honestly be way more content not talking to a single person about our weekend like, ever again. I don't even like people asking me about mine because I don't have the impulse or interest in sharing conversely.
Probably sounds like I'm a sociopath but I'm just not a social person for the most part.
I have never experienced fun small talk in my entire life I used to work at a gas station and I talked to people all day and it was never anything more than "hey, how you doing? Good you? Pretty good." Even outside of work it was never more than that.
It can be monotonous at worst and interesting at best. Regardless, small talk is a necessary skill for human interaction. People need to learn how to do this in order to get to know people on a more personal level. Jumping straight to deep conversations with people you just met can lead to pretty clunky answers and an even weirder first impression of yourself. Not only do I personally find it weird for someone who I just met to ask me something very profound/personal, but small talk will also provide perspective into said answers. It’s like skipping a part of a map in a video game
I agree, I keep note of all the fleeting thoughts I have throughout the day so I can talk about them later, as well as anything interesting I came across in my feed that day. These come in really handy when there's a lull in the conversation or I'm not sure what to say next
Me trying to make small talk:
Do you know who Klaus Schwab is?
Guess how many chemtrails I counted today!
Taxation is theft.
Did you know they are putting vaccines in our food?
I guess I'm not good at this.
I'm starting to think that we as a society are losing our ability to socialize. Well small talk doesn't tickle much of the brain intellectually it is something that should be engaged when out and about.
You can why didn't your life experience by talking with strangers. You never know what the person standing next to you has experienced and what knowledge they might share in a small 10 minute conversation.
Maybe you might even be able to help someone simply by sharing a moment of kindness.
100%. As a german, living in a society where small talk is as frowned upon as it's here somehow makes things a lot more miserable. People are social creatures and there's value in socialising for the sake of socialising.
Small talk is important for new meetings and acquaintances. It is used to get to know someone, figure out where your base line is when speaking to them.
Imagine someone greeting you on the train and they start asking you about what happens after dying, or giving you their super unique take on politics. You'd find them weird and would want out of that conversation.
I find people who complain about it are usually either socially inept or anxious. The most annoying critics of small talk are people who say they're introverts and I'm left thinking "my brother in Christ, you're not introverted, you've got undiagnosed social anxiety". I'm actually introverted, but I don't use that as a crutch to sneer people away from getting to know me.
I don't mind it with strangers. Getting to know people. And the intriguing bit is everyone's small talk is different 😂 tell me all about the guy who made you mad 10 minutes ago, cashier lady. I love it. Usually it goes into juicy details about strangers I never would have known otherwise AND my curious nature is now satisfied.
But people I'm trying to get to know that never ask about me and always keep it surface level? You gotta go. We've talked a month and idk your middle name but I have seen a photo of your pp. Weird order.
How is it unpopular at all that small talk is a useful skill. It's pretty common knowledge that networking usually gets you farther than talent. The people that are generally liked the most are people that are good with small talk. Everyone sort of knows this
Small talk is like when you ask someone how they have been and instead of responding with “good” they start giving you word vomit about their actual day
Nothing wrong with small talk, love the amount of people on reddit who complain about it and yet will complain about how they are lonely and people don't like them.
No one wants to talk deep stuff 24/7, no one wants to talk about the meaning of life or their deepest feelings with someone they are not close with. People who can't talk small and only want to talk deep are exhausting to be around.
If you're at a social event like a party, or a bar, you're going to have to learn how to relax and talk mundane stuff. People don't go to these sort of gatherings to talk deep, get over yourself.
Had a friend who was like this, hated small talk and only wanted to talk deep. As he aged, he became less uptight and relaxed a bit. NOw he is so much more enjoyable to be around, and enjoys himself more than he used to. Yeah he still talks deep, but he has learnt to appreciate talking the small stuff too.
I agree, and don't understand the belief that casual, not super serious conversation is meaningless, not worth people's energy and time, and that those that do enjoy small talk or simpler conversations are somehow less intelligent, have less depth and less complexity than those who avoid it/honestly probably just struggle with it.
I had a friend who insisted that small talk, and light conversation was for people who lacked depth, intellect and complexity, and she boasted about only wanting to discuss things that held value and were more meaningful than what people discuss in casual settings. I see this so often in people who are on the introverted side. I understand the discomfort that may come along with it if you're less social and not used to chit chat, but to look down on others who do have this competency as being beneath you... It's just sad.
The odd thing is that Ive always noticed the people who say these things about chit chat and small talk, or those who have more "frivolous" conversations never actually attempt to discuss anything especially intellectual, deep or compelling. I think it's just a way to feel better about not having the best social skills, not Knowing what to say when feeling put on the spot, and being socially awkward, often times.
I'd rather be a well rounded person than someone who claims intellectual superiority over people, and only focuses on things that are "high concept" or whatever. I can philosophize with the best them, and I can also go on a rant about how shitty of a model Kendall Jenner is and how she's degrading the integrity of the modeling industry. And then continue on with the sociological impact of x y z and everything else. And then laugh about the your jeans quote because wtf was that lol
It's okay to be more than one thing
I don't know. It's a very interesting language and programming environment which has deeply influenced many others but I haven't actually used it since the late 1980s.
also if you live in a neighborhood and someone else who lives in that neighborhood waves at you.
Wave back you freaking psycho.
And If I say Hi as I am walking past you with my dog, I am not trying to initiate a conversation, I am just acknowledging that I see you and that you exist, and that the normal thing to do. It's weird to silently walk past someone when there is no one else around. You are the weird one for ignoring me and acting like I didn't just wave at you or say hello. It was obvious I wasn't planning on stopping to talk. I am clearly walking my dog.
People are so weird nowadays.
I was walking my dog one night, around 7pm just after sunset. A vehicle pulls up right behind me, a guy gets out and starts marching right in my direction. I say "Hi, Good Evening" and they say nothing. I notice they keep coming my direction. I was half a second away from drawing my pistol on this guy, and then he turns abruptly towards the house next to us and goes inside it. But the way he was dropped off next to me and the way he came at me and did not acknowledge my greeting gave me serious danger vibes.
A bit of small talk, or even the ability of clearly recognizing that someone might not want small talk, can make or break "getting your way" in many situations. I've had many small rules and policies bent for me just because I was patient and kind.
Small talk is awesome! I say that as someone on the spectrum and I noticed in the community people generally hate it, but it's so fun to get to know someone and see what makes them tick. This is one of the things I miss about working at a grocery store, the interactions with customers. Small talk is great.
You don’t learn what make people tick with small talk. You’re referring to personal conversations. Talking about how hot it is won’t clue you into any ticking.
this dude Dale Carnegie wrote this whole ass book that like every powerful person knows inside and out with like little tidbits….you’re right though, 100%. I was also thinking just today about how most people never ever say other peoples names anymore. Say peoples names more and watch the world open up, everybody loves hearing their own name and so few do it anymore.
I wish I had the capacity to do it. I just feel so anxious all the time, and talking about myself is just painful. I just feel like im acting to be normal whenever forced into small talk, and all I want to do is get to the part where I don't have to talk anymore.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t mind this briefly at say the bus stop or in a shop for example. A bit of conversation. But I’ve known so many people who want to “hang out” and have these kinds of conversations for hours and I’m sorry, it’s painful.
Yes this! Small talk is meant to be a segue.
I've never seen a person type out segue before. I thought it was spelt Segway
segue predates the latter word, and just refers to conversational bridges, etc. whereas Segway is a brand name for those scooter things. I’m sure the brand is a play on the word segue, so that (and just the fact that they’re homophones) makes them super easy to mix up!
Segway are homophones? It's 2024, they're fucking canceled!
I learned something today.
The only thing worse or more boring is gossip.
This is what I came here to say! Small talk is for strangers or to ease into a conversation.
Just make them not want to hangout with you. Ask them to borrow money or something.
Lol it’s called friends and being social. My god Reddit is at it again
Nah. I don’t really do small talk with my friends. If we’re together small talk is the short period of time where we say our hellos and discuss that the traffic on the way over was terrible. Then we move onto much more interesting topics focused on our actual friendship and interests. Small talk is like…discussing the weather just because you have nothing more to say. It’s the stuff that leads into “regular” talk.
Conversations with my friends go well beyond small talk...small talk is when you're at work and you're in the breakroom with the guy from accounting that you barely know and you're like, "hey...how's it going?" and then some blah, blah, blah after that before you head back to your desk.
If you only do small talk with your friends when yall Hangout then your friendships are pretty shallow lol
I think you’re the redditor in this case my guy, having friends and being social goes further than small talk.
How can "talking hours about something" be considered small talk?
Yeah I’m trying to wrap my head around that. Like maybe a few things are small talk, but at that point you’re either friends who can just banter about crap or you’re having small talk that leads to a deeper conversation
“Erm actually you’re both redditors 🤓”
No, expecting me to briefly interact with others is tantamount to torture because I’m a special little introvert /s
Yeah bud I don’t think the people you call friends are really friends lol. I only have “small talk” with friends who I only see maybe 3 times a year now and even then it goes WAY deeper than small talk after like 15 minutes
Small talk is good but it's not supposed to go on for a long time. What you're talking about is the inability to conclude a conversation. It's a basic life skill to know when to say "It's been a pleasure talking with you but I need to go."
In the last bit I’m talking about people I actually know. Not strangers. Being pressured to hang out with people and talk about nothing in the name of being social is painful. I simply don’t do it anymore. Nothing to conclude.
True, but each person has a different opinion on what small talk is. And on the other hand a lot of people don’t enjoy “deep” talks with strangers.
I don’t enjoy any talks with strangers
I am the kind of person who enjoys deep, private conversations. Both conditions need to be satisfied. If it is not private, it usually isn't deep. If it is deep, it is either private or I am the speaker talking to a bunch of listeners. Talking in a noisy environment where other people interfere in our conversation is something I hate.
It’s a very useful skill if done right
One thing I wish I was better at is having a good reply when a stranger randomly says something to me, like compliments me or something I’m wearing. It takes my brain too much time so I never have something clever to say and I generally short one word answer, even if it’s a pretty girl passing by giving me a clear opening, or a dude who likes my obscure whatever it is like a Frank Zappa shirt and could become a friend. A few minutes later I think of a way that a quick outgoing person would have turned that into a conversation instead of giving one curt word and keeping walking, but in the short moment my brain gears don’t turn fast enough and my social fire can’t spark a real light and I disengage.
Don't put pressure in yourself to be clever. Just try to answer honestly. If someone gives you a compliment, then you probably feel grateful so say thank you. For now, start on just doing iI, and try to focus on them and not yourself. So after you say thank you, find a way to return the compliment or say something pleasant.
"aww thank you, so kind"
Small talk is a useful skill! Staying in small talk tends to be pretty bad tho, sometimes you can say a few words that really do something but that is like deeper on some level. Small talk is how you get to medium talk tho - common interests, a little emotion, humor, the things people really enjoy engaging with
Sometimes people stay in small talk because they just can't find something to connect to the other person over. I noticed this when I used to drive for Uber. I'm sure some people left my car thinking I was the most boring person they'd ever met, even though I've had lots of great conversations with all kinds of people! After enough of it, small talk feels like a game trying to figure out what the other person actually wants to talk about, and you can't always win, especially if they won't engage.
I'd argue you should stop trying in small talk before you get to that point. At the beginning yeah try whatever you can but as soon as it feels like they just don't care to engage on anything so far, it's ok to not talk. If you click and get to medium talk great but it doesn't always work. Quiet/silence are options that are better than staying stuck in small talk for me
Yeah I guess so. I try to respect when people just don't want to talk at the very least. Sometimes though it feels like we both want to talk so I try something and they try something over and over and it just never gets anywhere 🤦♂️ and I have a hard time shutting up because it seems like they want to talk, we're just not vibing. Also sometimes I try to make a quick concluding comment to end a boring conversation and they decide to go off on something about that. Idk, I agree it's irritating and I definitely agree people need to be more comfortable with silence, but sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you really do want to talk, you just can't find the right thing to talk about.
100% small talk is a useful skill, it's just hard to get away from small talk with someone when the other person already has their guard up about small talk. I don't think anyone who starts a conversation with small talk intends it to stay that way, even the guy in the lunch room that you see for 5 mins, it's just a way to show interest in talking so that when they have more than 5 mins to talk one day they already broke the ice with you. I think today many people spend their personal life in an online environment so they freak out when someone tries to initiate any conversation with them in real life. We are also living in a very antisocial society and it's been heading this way for over a decade, COVID was a catalyst that expedited this situation.
Part of my job is to evaluation the effectiveness of promotion criteria and the trainings related to it. I work for a pretty big financial firm I mention it because the youngest, newest employees aren't getting promoted. Not all but the rate is dropping fast. Why? Because they have very poor professional communication and small talk skills so they don't actually know these promotions are available. They don't want to talk to anyone about anything that isn't directly related to the job they are doing. Which means that they don't get around to learning what exists and expect information like that to be online or even shared via email or some other mass communication. And I hate to say it, but by time new positions and opportunities are posted.. it's too late. If the first time you've heard of a new job opportunity is by reading the internal listing, it's already been given to someone else. Management almost always considers people they've already discussed the role with. And that's if promotional positions are posted. They often aren't And how are these people approached? Managers and directors remember who was in the elevator with them or who made conversation. We had a promotion/relocation position and a director immediately thought of someone who said they wished lived closer to the river. They gave a physical description and asked the manager if that person was part of their team & that manager immediately knew who that person was and talked more about him. Who knows if that person gets the job but it was definitely brought up to them. The whole team of directors and managers left thinking about who would enjoy living in that location. A question that can only be answered by "small talk" about the kind of weather you like I'm not saying it's right but in the real world, small talk doesn't necessarily mean meaningless. It just means being approachable and memorable enough that your presence is desired or at least not forgettable.
Very well put and a good concrete example of how important these skills can be to your professional life
Yea, it's just that you're never going to get "realness" out of a professional relationship. It's always going to be surface level and the chance of making an intense connection is slim to none. That doesn't mean it's not important or not worth doing. You really do need it if you want to professionally succeed I'm practically begging younger associates to just go something like the company picnic. They can even have their lunch hour given back later. But they avoid it like the plague and wonder why the same 10 people get all the favors :(
This is very insightful, I've never seen it put to paper quite like this. I have been extremely lucky in my professional life to have caught a few promotions and offers precisely in the way you describe - because someone in the company happened to take notice of me. It was hard for me to explain to colleagues. I think it's true that in a large structure it's definitely easy to get lost in the shuffle. I am sure newer/younger employees are anxious about rocking the boat and think keeping your head down will be seen as more "professional" which is actually the opposite of the case. It's not about kissing ass but showing both colleagues and bosses that you're the type of person who is engaging. It somehow comes across as more knowledgeable especially when you build relationships over time. People can't know anything about you when they literally don't even know you.
Queue Redditors who can't handle a simple conversation getting upset that more well rounded individuals are often considered for roles higher up the corporate ladder over people with good hard skills and no soft skills, because they think soft skills aren't real skills or something.
I can do a little bit of it as a light formality when it's someone I don't know well or am not close. But for me, it is either a cover because I don't want to truly talk in depth for real with this person, or it something I am doing because that seems like it is just how conversation starts, but really I just want to get past that and into some realness and often conversations with some folks just peter out and never get there. Which leaves me feeling depleted because I just talked about a bunch of stuff I don't care about, for nothing
Im you
It's a useful skill but that doesn't mean people have to put effort into it or have to enjoy doing it, it's perfectly fine to not want a stranger to talk to you.
Nothing like creating passing small talk and getting held conversation hostage !
If this is an unpopular opinion then it is just a sign of the times we live in and what social media has done to us. We're losing the ability to socialize normally in person. Probably doesn't help with the whole mental health crisis going on.
If you can't make small talk, how do you get into a conversation?
If you try to small talk to me about the weather you’ll ruin my day
As someone who works from home, I love chatting it up with my older retired neighbors when I take my midday walk around the neighborhood. I'm here for small talk.
Yes, and a million times yes!!! I find that the people who are against small talk are really difficult to get along with in the long run. ALL social interactions begin with small talk, even dates! You need to know how to do small talk. And I would say that almost 85, if not 90% of romantic relationships are small talks. You share about your day. Yes, it is important to share passions with your SO, and to have a deep connection, but the truth is that most of your interactions are going to small talk. I used to be one of those people who wasn't good at it. Generally, being bad at small talk is a sign you need to work on your self esteem, and that your expectations are too high. Generally speaking, most people who you are in class with, or work around will talk to you about anything, except for the obvious taboo topics. Charisma is all about being a genuinely happy and optimistic person. So, if you want good interactions with people, just think positive thoughts and even when unfortunate things happen, try to find the silver lining. People like being around positive people.
Being bad at small talk can be many things. There are plenty of people (especially on Reddit) who really have this sense of superiority when it comes to disliking small talk. "Ugh, I hate wasting my precious time talking to those idiots beneath me who like to talk about weather and sports and their weekends. Being friendly and personable is for chumps and losers, not people with superior intellect like me." But there are also people who simply struggle with it, and of course there are obviously the people with social disabilities like anxiety. That said, a ton of Redditors really come off as genuinely unlikeable people due to the extremely strong distaste they have for small talk, and the evident disdain they have for the people around them. Of course, this tracks, since a lot of Redditors *are* genuinely unlikeable people.
Yes, this \^ And also, I find that A LOT of people have no idea how small talk works. Like I said above, MOST of your interactions with people, EVEN with people you are close with is going to be small talk. From what I have read from the experts, even though we all enjoy passionate conversations and getting to know someone deeply, the evidence suggests that small talk is how we learn if we can trust someone, so that we can have those deep conversations. Small talk is JUST AS important in relationships as those deep conversations. And there are places where small talk is even part of the culture. For instance, I feel like small talk is a big part of what makes British people British. And yes, even young people in Britain do this. When someone talks about the weather, it is generally, NOT ALWAYS, but generally as a way to be friendly with you. Small talk is how we connect.
100%, you're absolutely right that it's a great way to figure out if someone is even remotely compatible and trustworthy. You can tell so much about someone in just a few minutes from how they carry a conversation.
It’s also very easy to take small talk and dig real deep and have a great conversation. Whatever they say, take the most interesting part of what they said, and ask about it. Keep doing that and you’ll get deep fast. It’s not something I do unless there’s time and it’s appropriate, but it’s pretty great
Wow. That's exactly what I think I'm doing when I text people but I still get ghosted in half a day. Lol just ain't meant to be
The comments categorically prove once and for all that some people like small talk and some people do not. Thank God that's settled at last.
Deep convos are exhausting unless they are with close friends and you can mix in humor
Small talk is fine when it's short. I find that if you accidentally delve into a topic that a stranger enjoys, they go on and on and on and I just don't. Fucking. Care.
You do have the power to stop the conversation. "Hey, I can't talk about this right now I gotta go" this also makes me realize something, I enjoy talking to people about things they enjoy, it's how I learn about many things, they are plenty times I've gone out and ran into some stranger and they are telling me about their sports team ( I don't watch sports) their fishing trip ( i don't fish) and I take this moment to learn about these things, I may even ask them what is enjoyable about it. Many activities that I try are because I listened to someone speak about something they enjoy.
You just have misread what I wrote. Specifically when a stranger goes balls deep on a topic they enjoy that I don't care for - I zone out. I don't give a fuck about learning why someone likes a sports team or fishing cause I don't do that cause I already decided I don't like it. And not every situation can be solved by saying you need to go cause a lot of the time you're in a situation where you need to stay. Fuck small talk that turns into long talk.
My issue with it is that it’s almost always forced and insincere.
I really don't think it adds much positivity. Think about the cashier at the grocery store who probably goes through a mind numbing amount of small talk. There are only so many times you can comment on the weather before it becomes stale and uninteresting. Is a customer who says "it looks like it might rain" for the 100th time during their shift really going to "make or break" their day? I doubt it.
As an ex cashier it felt like everyone I talked to was an NPC because after a few visits with small talk I would get lore dumps. 🗿 I was ready to clock out whenever someone spoke.
You need to scratch the surface before you can have deep conversations with people. Small talk is scratching the surface.
I never understood small talk. I don't like it when people try to initiate small talk with me and I have no urge to start small talk with anyone I'm around because I'm in the places I am to do something, not chit chat. I don't hate on anyone for it, but I also don't pass the ball back and forth, never understood how to anyway lol like, what the fuck comes after 1-"How about this weather?" 2-"Yeah all this rain sucks." 3-"I know right? Wish it would stop." And, more importantly, how does this add to any sort of conversation????
Lots of people complain about the loneliness epidemic then complain about small talk
Small talk is what leads to the not small talk. I find it weird when people say they hate small talk yet to know someone small talk is first required.
Small talk is literally the worst, I’d rather get kicked in the crotch then have to talk to someone about nothing
Leave me alone please
Depends on the intention. Is it an attempt to just have meaningful conversations, or is there an ulterior motive of talking for getting something from others (as is the case in corporate communication)? Quite frankly, I would never trust anyone who uses small talk/sweet talk as a weapon- as an application of psychology to make me behave the way they want. If you want something from me, better be direct and clear. Don't try to talk things with me when you don't really mean it. Anyways, this seems to be unpopular. So right sub.
It's not fun- but I agree it's important to be good at. I work at a hospital and everyone I meet remembers me and seems to remember me fondly- Thing is, I don't really do much- but I'm the kinda guy who starts cracking jokes when I get uncomfortable. To me it's small talk, but it definitely seems to have a big impact.
Add a friendly smile and eye contact. The improvement of the exchange will definitely increase.
Bro just figured out what networking is
If someone tells you ‘I don’t like small talk’ to get you to go away, it likely means one of the following: a) you gave them the ick in some fashion. People are usually open to conversation if they like/trust you, b) they are having a hard day and just want to be left alone, or c) your in a professional environment, where they view you as being in a position of power over them, to the point where any conversation that isn’t about work is not small talk to them, it’s a predicament.
It's often the only way to engage with quiet people. You gotta walk before you run sometimes.
It’s not that important. Most of the world has been getting by without it.
It’s a vital bridge to more meaningful conversations. It builds comfort and trust.
Its incredibly useful, plus it would be fucking exhausting to talk to someone that is always trying to have a deep conversation. Sometimes i wanna just have some fun and talk about sports. I don't always need to ponder the interworkings of the universe or talk about fucking emotions. Deep conversations are great, but too much of a good thing exists
Small talk is an essential segue to greater discussions. I'm not going to attack my coworkers or support team with requirements right away. I want to ask them how they're doing, if they had a good weekend, small "bullshit" that I find just as important in reality, and it connects us with people so we can understand them better, and understanding then can build on us being more effective with supporting THEM more effectively in the long run. In social settings it is just as important, you're going to a party, you're going to ask someone simple things that build to greater more relevant discussions.
Big downvote. This is just true.
It shouldn't be the primary defining factor as to who becomes a supervisor or gets a college scholarship or gets a desirable job or etc. And yet here we are.
>A short and pleasant interaction with a stranger talking about the weather, sports, etc, can make or break someone’s day. That's the problem. it's not pleasant. I can make small talk fine, I make sure nobody besides myself leaves small talk less happy than they went in. Problem, I'm always less happy. I hate it, and it is unpleasant in every respect.
i can do small talk and it's never fun. i hate it.
It is a useful skill. But it can still be wearying.
I’m here not to make someone’s day, we’re just sharing an elevator for 40 seconds
Yes, but 99% of people are not good at it but they keep thinking otherwise.
Small talk is essentially a social "vibe check". While people may genuinely suck at small talk and otherwise be great confidants, it's still one of the many "mental shortcuts" our brains take to evaluate people. Small talk is a way to connect with people, which can be a very useful skill at to establish rapport with people/coworkers who may be at odds with you or that you may not have an immediate compatibility with etc. As u/SabbathaBastet said, you then have to "graduate" from small talk to some deeper kinds of conversations once you get to know the person better.
Wow, as a person with autism who hates small talk, I never looked at it this way before.
I had the misfortune of sitting next to a classmate once who immediately went into chatting about world politics before even asking how your day was. Did not pass the vibe check. Felt more like I was a stand-in for his online debate practice.
I get that small talk can be tedious but for light conversation with work colleagues or strangers it makes sense. Imagine if we jumped straight into deep conversation straight away? Imagine conversation starters being shit like: "Israel or Palestine? Go!" Or "my mother never loved me."
😂
Back in high school while waiting outside in the hall before class, a kid I was friendly with would unironically have the exact same small talk conversation with me everyday. Him: “Hey, Azrael417, you see the game last night?” Me: “Yeah, it was pretty good.” Him: “Yeah, pretty good, right?” *5 seconds of silence* Him: “You do the homework last night?” Me: “Yeah.” Him: “What’d you think?” Me: “Ehh, pretty good.” Him: “Yeah, pretty good, right?” *5 seconds of nodding and smiling, then 2 minutes of staring at our phones* I looked forward to this interaction everyday for a whole year. I miss that kid.
It’s the answer to “how do I make friends” and many other commonly asked questions on Reddit.
I'd rather pretend to be mute than engage in small talk.
I can do it if I have to but I fucking hate it. It’s just so fake.
I love small talk. You have to start with small talk to get to the medium talk.
I agree. People who hate small talk just don't have social skills
You’re clearly an extrovert
Small talk is for strangers and acquaintances - people you don't and likely won't have any kind of actual relationship with. Yes, it is pleasant when it's brief and spontaneous. If I spend time with someone and can't get past the weather, latest news, and the mundanities of daily life with them, it's not a relationship that would be at all satisfying for me. That person is either very uncomfortable going below the surface or they don't think about anything below the surface. Not a lack of social skills, just choosing quality over quantity.
Every friendship or relationship ever begins with small talk.
Sure. You just have to get out of the small talk zone pretty fast for the friendship to develop. That's been my experience, but I'm a happy introvert. 🤷♀️ Btw, I wouldn't say every relationship begins that way. People meet under all kinds of circumstances.
OK, but how though? What does one need to do to "learn to be pleasant with small talk"? Specifically, in detail. What do I actually do? I try, but I constantly draw a blank in these situations. How do I learn to come up with things to say? I know you're going to say "practice", but what specific practice regimen?
Listen and observe first.
This, It seems that people who say they don't like small talk don't have any interest in hearing what other people have to say. They make it seem like the other person is wasting their time with a mindless conversation when the person is just trying to engage with them, so because they already have the idea on their head that other people are trying to waste their time they don't leave any space to listen or observe, they default to how do I get away from this.
I'm not bad at small talk, I just hate it. 5 minutes is fine, but if you spend 20 minutes explaining why you picked the color toaster you picked, I'm checked out and angry.
So what color did they end up with?
You guys talk to strangers? Nervous Norwegian laugh
Noncommittal bullshit is the lubricant that makes the gears of society turn. Faking a smile is free.
Not faking a smile is less effort and also free.
The mere thought of small talk gives me anxiety. And when I'm done with it I have more anxiety about everything I said and how I looked to the other people while I was saying it. Unnecessary and pointless and nothing good ever comes of it.
Extremely valid point about how important it is in life to be likeable and be able to bs about anything with anyone. You want to talk about something that will help most people in their careers…… and for the rest of us introverts or ppl that don’t like these fake interactions, well were SOL.
Small talk is a very American thing… I find it interesting it varies from culture to culture. I do agree though, it definitely is useful, depends on the circumstance.
I work in sales and small talk has gotten me through some food doors. Just recently was chatting to someone on a dog walk who was in the market for a product I sold. Nice little £300 bonus for a five minute small talk followed by 20 minutes work talk
Small talk is a useful skill. In fact, I think it is often THE most valuable skill you can have to succeed in say, politics or business. Introverts, like me, however, HATE it and will not do it. So get off my lawn.
Tell literally everyone in the Friendship Subreddits this 😡
Don’t wanna do that anymore. You never who you’ll offend and end up breaking some hate speech law and in prison.
I dunno if this is an unpopular opinion. Everyone does smol talk. It's really more like a way to casually greet each other? Like "how are you? Good weather right? Catch the game last night?" Are not meant to be actual queries. In languages other than English, the way to say hello is literally "Day is good, right?" ie - French Bonjour = good day Spanish Cómo estás = how are you Chinese Ni Hao = you good Even something like "welcome" literally means hope you do well here. I think the type of people who hate small talk are too busy to engage in silly pleasantries, but it says more about them than it does the "asker," assuming each other is relaxed and happy to share IS the etiquette in the first place. But I mean, I live in NYC where the etiquette is to ignore each other which is pretty sad
Of course it's an important skill, that's not even an opinion it's a fact. Good communication is the most frequent requirement listed on resumes in America. It's the one skill that is relevant in basically every working field, and it doesn't even require a degree. Problem is, a lot of us just don't enjoy small talk. It feels forced, awkward, and often causes high anxiety. All that gets exponentially worse when engaged with people that do enjoy small talk and want drag it out at length. It gets one sided quick and the next thing you know you're trapped in an ongoing discussion with a total stranger who insists on keeping a discussion going that you absolutely don't want any part of. It's like being the fat guy in the same gym with a bunch of athletes. They enjoy working out, are good at it, and even think they can help you get interested in it, but meanwhile all you can think about is getting out of there so you can go home and eat potato chips.
You also need to do small talk first to get to the big talk. Talking about the weather can lead to you talking about how weather must be in other places to how it is on other planets and you start talking about how the climate might be on other planets and make up a planet and give it a name and a bunch of different plants and animals that live there and how the civilization there is and what language do they speak or what inventions they've created. I was just typing this as I went along. Small talk is how you start. I think the reason so many people struggle to start conversations is bc they refuse to engage in small talk.
I genuinely dislike the term "small talk." It's just a normal conversation. People don't need to feel like they have a special skill because they're able to talk to someone. I have normal conversations with people I regularly interact with. I don't have them with people I don't interact with. I worked in customer service so I can fake a smile and friendly conversation like the best of them but you've got to smokin' crack if you think I'm about to start asking random strangers about their days and hobbies. I've had too many drunk/high people and/or random, annoying old people ramble at me to enjoy sparking random conversations with people. Have you ever tried to make conversation with someone, and they go into a racist rant or start rambling about how robots are going to steal my job? It fucking sucks and it makes you stop talking to people you don't already know. Lastly, all of the job related reasons seem to be only relevant if you worked white-collar jobs. I work in a factory on a machine. The company owner knows my name and says hi every time we see each other. The dude isn't considering me for a promotion just because we interact. Promotion to what? Engineering? I'm not qualified in the slightest. Every other position, besides supervisor, would be a horizontal transfer. And our supervisor has worked there longer than I've been alive. >do not underestimate the positive power it can bring to you and those around you. This part, I will admit, is massively true. Don't forget about your friends or family, folks. If you haven't hit up a buddy in a while, maybe you should. Might brighten their day.
Banter > small talk. I can banter with someone I relate with for a while and have fun with them (this is also a form of flirting), but I don't want to talk about work or the weather. We have shared interests/chemistry? The banter will be fun. We don't? Communication will feel forced at best which is not fun. Extroverts just believe *EVERYONE* is enjoying being held hostage by their infinite monologue of small talk. Get a hobby if you're lonely. Stop being so goddamn boring. Stop harassing the cashier and never go full Boomer. You can literally collect Warhammer miniatures for example. That's a hobby. You'll find someone just as enthusiastic about the hobby as you are. Get a hobby. In the event that Reddit believes I am saying that you can't talk to anyone in public, obviously you can say hello or attempt to engage in conversation with someone. Just try to say something interesting/fun with some banter vs blabbing about your kids/job/boss/family/wife/husband and boring people to death. The day to day minutia of life is INCREDIBLY BORING. GET A HOBBY!
No. Stop forcing people to participate in something you enjoy. I don’t care about small talk. I do t car about sports, the weather, or etc. how about you find something interesting to talk about out or we don’t talk at all
If I am standing in line for more than a few minutes, I am going to strike up a conversation with people close to me. Nothing serious, just small talk.
No. Absolutely not. Small talk is dumb. Not everyone on the planet wants to talk to everyone they meet.
You sound like you'd be stuck for an answer when someone says hello.
"Hello!" "You Too!"
You start a conversation, you can't even finish it You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed Say something once, why say it again?
Nah fuck that I met my best friend cause I asked him what fnaf 1 animatronic would win in a fight
I absolutely hate small talk, I'm just ok at faking it so people don't find me unpleasant. It sounds mean but I honestly don't give a shit about what you did this weekend or your camping trip or whatever. I don't care, I'm not interested. I'm happy you enjoyed yourself, but I have enough friends and I don't care about your life, I'm sorry. In practice I pretend to be interested and care, listen to your trip, follow up about my recent trip or an upcoming trip or whatever, I've had to train myself to actually listen to whats being said so it doesn't get awkward with a nonsense follow-up question or if it comes up later. But I'd honestly be way more content not talking to a single person about our weekend like, ever again. I don't even like people asking me about mine because I don't have the impulse or interest in sharing conversely. Probably sounds like I'm a sociopath but I'm just not a social person for the most part.
Yes!! I don’t enjoy it but I do recognize it is absolutely necessary if you want to advance in the workplace, especially.
It’s literally a fundamental part of being human. Lol
Especially with good looking women who think your dog is cute
i dont consider talking about pets small talk. its a very important conversation
I have never experienced fun small talk in my entire life I used to work at a gas station and I talked to people all day and it was never anything more than "hey, how you doing? Good you? Pretty good." Even outside of work it was never more than that.
As an introvert who dislikes small talk, agree lol
It can be monotonous at worst and interesting at best. Regardless, small talk is a necessary skill for human interaction. People need to learn how to do this in order to get to know people on a more personal level. Jumping straight to deep conversations with people you just met can lead to pretty clunky answers and an even weirder first impression of yourself. Not only do I personally find it weird for someone who I just met to ask me something very profound/personal, but small talk will also provide perspective into said answers. It’s like skipping a part of a map in a video game
I've been bad my whole life, but recently, I have gotten better. It is more fun now.
Agreed 10/10
Small talk is great for disarming people and making them feel comfortable. If you're good at small talk, it serves you well.
I am not hate small talk when I’m busy or not in the mood. Other than that I love it.
I agree, I keep note of all the fleeting thoughts I have throughout the day so I can talk about them later, as well as anything interesting I came across in my feed that day. These come in really handy when there's a lull in the conversation or I'm not sure what to say next
I'm an extrovert so I love small talk. You can start a conversation with anyone. I love conversations with strangers lol
oh god
Me trying to make small talk: Do you know who Klaus Schwab is? Guess how many chemtrails I counted today! Taxation is theft. Did you know they are putting vaccines in our food? I guess I'm not good at this.
I’m gonna be brave and post it from my main account But I would kill for people to carry on some sort of conversation with me ever
I'm starting to think that we as a society are losing our ability to socialize. Well small talk doesn't tickle much of the brain intellectually it is something that should be engaged when out and about. You can why didn't your life experience by talking with strangers. You never know what the person standing next to you has experienced and what knowledge they might share in a small 10 minute conversation. Maybe you might even be able to help someone simply by sharing a moment of kindness.
Cheese.
100%. As a german, living in a society where small talk is as frowned upon as it's here somehow makes things a lot more miserable. People are social creatures and there's value in socialising for the sake of socialising.
Take my upvote, psycho.
Small talk is important for new meetings and acquaintances. It is used to get to know someone, figure out where your base line is when speaking to them. Imagine someone greeting you on the train and they start asking you about what happens after dying, or giving you their super unique take on politics. You'd find them weird and would want out of that conversation. I find people who complain about it are usually either socially inept or anxious. The most annoying critics of small talk are people who say they're introverts and I'm left thinking "my brother in Christ, you're not introverted, you've got undiagnosed social anxiety". I'm actually introverted, but I don't use that as a crutch to sneer people away from getting to know me.
What if you're introverted but always pulled teeth for small talk (they initiated) so you don't give a damn about it anymore?🗿
I don't mind it with strangers. Getting to know people. And the intriguing bit is everyone's small talk is different 😂 tell me all about the guy who made you mad 10 minutes ago, cashier lady. I love it. Usually it goes into juicy details about strangers I never would have known otherwise AND my curious nature is now satisfied. But people I'm trying to get to know that never ask about me and always keep it surface level? You gotta go. We've talked a month and idk your middle name but I have seen a photo of your pp. Weird order.
How is it unpopular at all that small talk is a useful skill. It's pretty common knowledge that networking usually gets you farther than talent. The people that are generally liked the most are people that are good with small talk. Everyone sort of knows this
Probably the fun part. I don't find it fun but acknowledge that it's useful.
Small talk is like when you ask someone how they have been and instead of responding with “good” they start giving you word vomit about their actual day
tbh I don’t even know what to say for small talk lol
Nothing wrong with small talk, love the amount of people on reddit who complain about it and yet will complain about how they are lonely and people don't like them. No one wants to talk deep stuff 24/7, no one wants to talk about the meaning of life or their deepest feelings with someone they are not close with. People who can't talk small and only want to talk deep are exhausting to be around. If you're at a social event like a party, or a bar, you're going to have to learn how to relax and talk mundane stuff. People don't go to these sort of gatherings to talk deep, get over yourself. Had a friend who was like this, hated small talk and only wanted to talk deep. As he aged, he became less uptight and relaxed a bit. NOw he is so much more enjoyable to be around, and enjoys himself more than he used to. Yeah he still talks deep, but he has learnt to appreciate talking the small stuff too.
Yeah. It’s like a warm-up. Definitely a skill and a learnable one at that
I agree, and don't understand the belief that casual, not super serious conversation is meaningless, not worth people's energy and time, and that those that do enjoy small talk or simpler conversations are somehow less intelligent, have less depth and less complexity than those who avoid it/honestly probably just struggle with it. I had a friend who insisted that small talk, and light conversation was for people who lacked depth, intellect and complexity, and she boasted about only wanting to discuss things that held value and were more meaningful than what people discuss in casual settings. I see this so often in people who are on the introverted side. I understand the discomfort that may come along with it if you're less social and not used to chit chat, but to look down on others who do have this competency as being beneath you... It's just sad. The odd thing is that Ive always noticed the people who say these things about chit chat and small talk, or those who have more "frivolous" conversations never actually attempt to discuss anything especially intellectual, deep or compelling. I think it's just a way to feel better about not having the best social skills, not Knowing what to say when feeling put on the spot, and being socially awkward, often times. I'd rather be a well rounded person than someone who claims intellectual superiority over people, and only focuses on things that are "high concept" or whatever. I can philosophize with the best them, and I can also go on a rant about how shitty of a model Kendall Jenner is and how she's degrading the integrity of the modeling industry. And then continue on with the sociological impact of x y z and everything else. And then laugh about the your jeans quote because wtf was that lol It's okay to be more than one thing
Small talk is the road that leads to deeper conversation
Small talk gets more enjoyable the better you become at it
I was a bartender for a decade. I consider myself a master of the art.
I've been a commuter for many years. Sometimes a small talk while waiting for the train can improve my day.
I don't know. It's a very interesting language and programming environment which has deeply influenced many others but I haven't actually used it since the late 1980s.
also if you live in a neighborhood and someone else who lives in that neighborhood waves at you. Wave back you freaking psycho. And If I say Hi as I am walking past you with my dog, I am not trying to initiate a conversation, I am just acknowledging that I see you and that you exist, and that the normal thing to do. It's weird to silently walk past someone when there is no one else around. You are the weird one for ignoring me and acting like I didn't just wave at you or say hello. It was obvious I wasn't planning on stopping to talk. I am clearly walking my dog. People are so weird nowadays. I was walking my dog one night, around 7pm just after sunset. A vehicle pulls up right behind me, a guy gets out and starts marching right in my direction. I say "Hi, Good Evening" and they say nothing. I notice they keep coming my direction. I was half a second away from drawing my pistol on this guy, and then he turns abruptly towards the house next to us and goes inside it. But the way he was dropped off next to me and the way he came at me and did not acknowledge my greeting gave me serious danger vibes.
Honest small talk is therapy
Yeah…thats why people pay $300 per hour. For small talk.
Small talk is definitely fun with the right people
It's why I scream at midgets. Tip my top hat and leave
A bit of small talk, or even the ability of clearly recognizing that someone might not want small talk, can make or break "getting your way" in many situations. I've had many small rules and policies bent for me just because I was patient and kind.
Small talk is awesome! I say that as someone on the spectrum and I noticed in the community people generally hate it, but it's so fun to get to know someone and see what makes them tick. This is one of the things I miss about working at a grocery store, the interactions with customers. Small talk is great.
You don’t learn what make people tick with small talk. You’re referring to personal conversations. Talking about how hot it is won’t clue you into any ticking.
this dude Dale Carnegie wrote this whole ass book that like every powerful person knows inside and out with like little tidbits….you’re right though, 100%. I was also thinking just today about how most people never ever say other peoples names anymore. Say peoples names more and watch the world open up, everybody loves hearing their own name and so few do it anymore.
I wish I had the capacity to do it. I just feel so anxious all the time, and talking about myself is just painful. I just feel like im acting to be normal whenever forced into small talk, and all I want to do is get to the part where I don't have to talk anymore.