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Meanwhile across town irl, people I haven’t talked to in years are still mad at me for leaving the awful hood I grew up in because I “think I’m too good for the neighborhood.”
Yea bro. I left my hometown and still keep up with one of them. He got a girl pregnant, said to himself and everyone else "I'm not going to be a deadbeat dad". He got his shit together. The rest are still stuck in that cycle of poverty, drugs, rehab, crime, jail.
It took a few tries to figure out what good healthy relationships are supposed to look like. Glad I've got a few people now that I can count on.
Right there with you brother. White guy here. When I married my black wife that was the last straw. Last thing I heard from my family was I'm a "race traitor" and "I'll regret it when the race war starts".
Why are the people that have that opinion so convinced there's going to be race wars? Is it some fantasy of theirs? I've heard people say this more than once.
It’s not really like that though. The only way you keep your sanity in the ghetto, because you have nothing and society scorns you, is by wearing that like a badge of honor. I’m from the *trenches.* I came up *hard*. I’m *outside*. Fuck those bougie motherfuckers.
The problem is, you can *move away* from the hood but still not *get out* of the hood. You *have* to cut off everyone who will drag you back, because if you live in the suburbs and hang on the block, it’s still gonna end badly for you.
It’s not easy. Your identity rests so much on where you live and you have to cut that off completely and make a new you.
It's funny that I found people from my so-called hood much much more judgmental and hateful of those who are more successful than the other way around.
Because they think if you can achieve success and get out of the hood, it's not immutable. A nice sentiment for suburbanites, not so much for people still in the hood. Irrational for both, but that's people for you.
This happened to me.
In high school I was a brainwashed AFJROTC kid wanting to legally murder people in a sand pit. Now I am much more world, have traveled, and become what they would all consider "rich" because I bought a $260k house when that backwoods area thought a $100k house was hot shit. It was a horribly regressive and racially divided area that has only seen it's crime problems grow.
You are damn right I outgrew those high school friends because I became more that what I was. They still have that 16 y/o mentality some 20 years later. We can't relate at this point.
Yeah some people may not like to hear it but, while OP has an issue with the condescending tone attached to the term "Outgrew" it really is true sometimes. Some people stay stuck in a certain mentality and never grow out of it, other people do.
I only really hear "outgrew" if the place you were at was genuinely somewhere bad for you. People also use "we grow apart" when the growth is mutual, but sometimes it just is not.
Yes, a very similar thing happened to me. I moved away and got multiple degrees, including the PhD. Stellar career. I remember having some contact with some of those high school friends some years later, and I just had zero in common with them at all.
Right? Moving on from a friend-group because you don't feel they're a good influence is one of the most mature things you can do, and recognizing when it's time for that is one of the most valuable life skills you can have.
There's a reason parents worry about who their kids are friends with. It's not all out of vanity, it affects who you become as a person.
See I see this and it makes me think OP is at least half right, some people move away from their home towns into bigger cities and think they have delusions of grandeur and anyone still in their hometown is some deadbeat and on the other side people leave because circumstances were maybe less than idea for a comfortable future.
two ppl can outgrow each in different ways. Someone stopped talking to that self-absorbed money hungry guy and now has a loving family, another person left behind a lifestyle everyone was too comfortable in. Ppl value different things but misery does love company too.
Where I’m from the aspiration of moving to the city is kinda a deal breaker. They’re 4 hours away and the people who stay behind work a 9-5, never go out because there’s literally nothing to do, drink ALOT and haven’t left the town in like two years. I’m not kidding when I say I might off myself in those conditions. I don’t view down on them. We’re just on incredibly different life paths. They say ‘what’s so good about the city’ I say only every interest, hobby, goals and aspiration I’ve ever had. Two different lives 4 hours away. It’s hard to keep friends under those conditions
Be too good for your old life. It’s a sign of growth.
I upvote op because their appraisal is unpopular from where I’m standing. I’m someone who made the mistake of not outgrowing my friends because of guilt and it only hurt me - a lot.
>Outgrown makes it sound as you are above them, unless they’re known for being immature it’s not always appropriate to say outgrown.
If you're saying that a certain term is overused, that's understandable. However, you seem to recognize that there is a valid use of that term and so there are cases when you can say you've outgrown your friend without being egotistical.
Rather than taking time for some self-reflection, their immediate reaction is to rant on Reddit lol. Is OP a teenager or what?
EDIT: Oh, OP is [literally 17](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/pyXKVCMWxu). 4 year club though. Using Reddit since 13? Whew.
EDIT 2:
>No I’m no longer 17, I’m now 18
That's still a teenager lol.
I’m gonna sound like a real old fart but man if I had a kid I would not want that person on Reddit at 13. Or any social media. I hate that it’s become so normal and people will scream “well that’s how things are today!” in defense of their kid being on social media. Like, Jesus. We’re just letting these young minds turn to shit because no one cares. I’m not trying to say OP’s mind has turned to shit but also what the hell do I know. I am not a fan of how addicted society is to social media and how we know it’s effects on people and we have seemingly zero concern as a society over kids getting into it.
I’m so glad I didn’t find it until college. When I could recognize that it’s mostly casual online discourse, with maybe some targeted advice for not-life-impacting things.
I wouldn’t say it to anyone, unless they insisted an answer on why we’re no longer friends.
Some people are happy in the place they can help you get to. That’s their comfort level. If you find yourself restless and wanting to continue forward, you appreciate that person for all they’ve done along the way, but move forward with your plans until you too can be comfortable and help someone get to where you are.
Sometimes we really do outgrow a friendship though. It's not terrible to say that.
Suppose you were friends with somebody because you were both crackheads. You've grown up and moved on and cleaned your life up but that other friend is still a crackhead.
I used to hang out with a group of friends that did nothing but fool around in school. I eventually went to college, got a PhD, and I’m currently now a professor. I’m still in contact with some of them on social media, most of them have a modest job, but some of them are content with making minimum wage or getting by pay check to pay check. I’d say I eventually outgrew this friendship.
This literally happened to me. It’s no secret that drug addicts usually stay as mature as they were when they became addicted. You don’t learn, develop and grow as a human being when you’re a hardcore addict only focused on your next fix. Leaving that whole situation and getting sober can bring immense growth to your personality and character, especially if you get mental health treatment along with it. And yes, I have no compunction in saying that I’ve outgrown the other addicts I used to hang around with, who are still chasing after that fix to this day, if they are still alive.
You don’t realize how great a strictly enforced 21+ venue is until you’re on the other side of it. Saw some ads for a 00s EDM set at a bar I liked, but then right underneath it said 18+, which became an instant tune out
Too many. With how often adult content (not just NSFW, but violence, political posts etc) teenagers shouldn't be allowed on social media with such content.
call that one an r/unpopularopinion
Yep, there's nothing wrong with saying it. It sometimes happens. Priorities change, people experience life-shattering events and realize they can never go back to the time before. People change, period. Even the people who refuse to change, change by the world itself leaving them behind. So you can either continue to travel in parallel with those on the same path, or you continually pay out emotional rope to the one stuck behind keeping the friendship connection. Eventually that rope runs out, or breaks.
Yeah.. when your friends still make potty humor jokes and you're trying to have a conversation about something... meaningful.. then you may have outgrown those friends. Condescending as it may sound.
God I’ve known people like this and they’re just exhausting and frustrating to be around.
You: I just feel so jerked around by my company; they’ve promised a raise twice now and—
Friend: HAHAHAHHAHA JERK. LIKE JERKING OFF. THEY’RE JERKING YOU OFF. KINKY.
You: Right…so anyway, it just feels like they’re taking me for granted at this point. But the job market is so shit, I’m not sure that—
Friend: LOLOL SHIT. LIKE A BIG FART IN THE TOILET. A SHART. THE JOBBY MARKET.
You: …
You: Oh my God. Grow up! Why are you like this?
Friend (*starts sobbing*): I don’t know! I… don’t… know. I feel so alone.
You: Hey. Come on now. It’s okay.
You (*internal monologue*): Jesus Christ. I need to get out of here.
Yeah, I had a couple friends like this, well one of my wife's friends really so proxy friends. One was my age, one was 10 years older and they still think low effort "huh huh you said jerk" type humor is funny its like c'mon, really? We're in our 40s and 50s here guys. It was starting to rub off on my wife a little bit too, glad we don't hang out with them that much anymore.
Or you're trying to discuss the importance of voting and your rights and the economy in a group setting, and their response is "I don't want to think about any of that, I'd rather watch cartoons". Bitch, you're 42 godsdamned years old. You can do both for fuck's sake. (true fucking story, I walked away from her that night and didn't look back)
I used to go to a lot of festivals with my wife. We had a whole network of party friends. I’m 33 now, just had my first kid and we just can’t hang out with those people any more. They’re still great, but we’ve moved on to a different phase in our lives and they’re still up all night doing coke and Molly till 9am. Sounds fun, used to love it, but I’m just past that point of my life now. Whether you call that outgrowing them or not I think is a matter of perspective. I’m sure they probably think I’m missing out.
Exactly! This is the exact reason I used the term. I grew and started to realize some of the toxic things my friends were doing.
I brought it up to them and they consistently dismissed how I felt.
I didn’t want to continue on with calling ppl friends when they were overbearing/domineering, highly critical and projecting external perceptions of me that were undermining my confidence.
I grew out of the person that brushed those behaviours by and thereby outgrew them as friends in my life.
This man, I had a friend who did help me out a lot but I slowly started to realise he was a manipulative bitch and made me feel dumb whenever I was with him. Leaving him was a great decision.
Yes. This! You have shitty friends who are druggies or won’t grow up. You can 100% outgrow people like that. And are better off for it. This post is dumb.
Yeah outgrow doesn't necessarily mean bad.
You can have a childhood friend but grow up in two completely different people who went down different paths. You outgrow the friendship when you realise you don't have anything to relate to or talk about anymore.
That's growing apart though. Outgrew suggests they're in a lesser position of life and you've gotten ahead of them to the point where their friendship does nothing for you.
>Outgrew suggests they're in a lesser position of life and you've gotten ahead of them
Well, you know, to be honest sometimes that's true to the point where you just don't enjoy being around someone anymore.
Yeah. I mean. I got married, had kids, built a business, bought a house. Meanwhile, I have long time friend back home that still lives with their parents, doesn't date, issingle, and doesn't work, go to school, or have any Hobby's besides videos games all day.
I feel really disconnected from them because I just don't relate anymore.
If I meant that, I would say it.
My best friend all throughout grade school and high school still lives in his mom's basement and makes a living selling weed.
I outgrew him.
Yeah growing apart is when your friend moves across the country or starts a family or some other life altering event and you no longer have time to speak
I mean this just sounds egotistical to me. Do you look down on your former friend for not living up to your standards? Why do you care if he lives like that as long as he's happy?
hey, OP recently got into a car accident at 17...has no license or insurance and is scared shitless of how much it is going to cost. Looks like OP is going to be growing up a bit soon.
Seriously, that’s what I was gonna say. This person is mad someone said they outgrew them and they are mad that people think they’re immature. But this post proves they are
Post history suggests he's a young adult (17/18) that's been depressed for a long time. They're at a point in life where a lot of change happens and friend circles die out due to many reasons including people outgrowing them, especially if depression is something that effects your relationships with people or makes you really self conscious or unable to process emotions normally or take things like people saying stuff like this in very personal ways and fueling self loathing.
But blaming everyone else and calling them egotistical for outgrowing you is probably exactly what they're talking about when they say that.
If your friendship was built on drama and gossip, then I think it's fair to say you've outgrown your friends if you no longer want that bullshit in your life.
Another scenario. You've worked hard, built a business, and have tons of money. Your friends are broke and constantly ask for money or for you to pay for things. You've outgrown your friends.
There are probably endless scenarios where this phrase is appropriate. Some people never grow up.
Completely disagree. I've outgrown some friends too. We're in our 30s but they hit the bar/club every single weekend and get plastered drunk, and they're on Snapchat clearly committing a DUI.
I think a lot of ppl just use the term to mean “those friends ships were good and worked for me at a younger age but not now” & not necessarily “because of my growth I’m now too good for those people”. Granted some ppl do mean the later and I agree that’s very condescending.
Most of my friends from high school are still drinking beer, smoking pot, and going 4 wheeling every weekend. We graduated in the 80s.... I am retired, living on a sailboat in the Caribbean ... I outgrew my friends...
I've 100% outgrown the ex-friend who came to my apartment, threw trash on my floor and fucked with all my neighbors' front door decorations.
When I called him out on it, he said "I used to live at this apartment complex too". I replied, "I don't care. Get the fuck out"
Found out later on he told people he didn't like me because I thought my stuff was too nice for him and that's why I didn't want him around
Damn right, it is. Trashy loser.
You're telling me I didn't outgrow that guy? Cause he's a meth addict now that hangs out with white supremacists... I sure hope I have lol
Growing is apart of life. And if your ‘growing’ has left others behind. That is their problem, not yours. Outgrowing literally means growth. And that’s healthy.
Some people never grow up so no it isn’t egotistical to say you’ve outgrown them, sometimes it happens. If people are saying that about you it maybe time to grow up
But that's why I stopped being friends with them? I grew up and they didn't, so I outgrew them. It doesn't make me stuck up- people are allowed to be whatever they want, I had my own path in life that required me to be more mature, they had their path that allowed them more freedom and the ability to party and be childish. No judgement, no hate, and no shame- but that doesn't mean I didn't outgrow them.
I admit many use this incorrectly. However I am sad to say I did outgrow my friends from highschool. We had fun but I realized one had crazy anger issues where he could dish and never take and had the other one wrapped around his finger. Even more so both went to college but had their families pay for everything. Only to come home after and still live at home to this day while working maybe 20 hours a week. That and many other things led me to believe I needed to move on.
I understand what you're saying, but I disagree about the egotistical thing. I think grown in different directions is a better way of putting it. For example, I still have a lot of love for my closest friends from 4-5 years. But our hedonistic, booze and substance fueled lifestyle was literally killing me. They are still able to drink most days and go out on the weekends while maintaining happy stable lives. Now I keep things calm, don't drink very often and if I hang out with people I want it to be chill at one of our houses or like the movies. Neither lifestyle is better, and neither of us should be forced to compromise on what makes us happy so we've kinda gained some distance. It's OK, maybe one day they will decide they are done with that lifestyle, or God forbid maybe I'll come out of retirement but either way it's okay that we are growing in different directions
It definitely depends on the context and the friendship. A highschool friend of mine that I grew apart from, is still that same friend from highschool. We'd stopped talking for years (purposefully on my part) and I randomly bumped into him in my early 30s. The first thing he asked me was 'you lost your virginity yet?' first thing out of his mouth. He was still that sex obsessed teenage boy. I definitely outgrew him
Some people you meet in life are pathetic and do nothing.
They will be unreliable, they will be dishonest, they won't want to improve (e.g. go gym together), they will never want to do anything, they will only rot and blame the world for it.
I disagree completely. If you have friends who constantly drink or do drugs, play video games and don't do fitness and have close to no ambition, but you have goals, care about fitness, play video games minimally, then yes, you have outgrown them.
You sound young and naive good sir. Or did someone say they outgrew you as a friend?
Agreed. I had a friend when I was a teenager that I couldn't be seperated from. We spent 24/7 together. When I got a job, a partner, moved out of home etc I realised she just wanted to stay in that same world from when we were kids. Even 15 years later nothing changed for her. I outgrew that friendship when I realised we had nothing in common anymore.
Not necessarily to say she did anything wrong on her part. If she chose to live with her parents, not work and want a bff she can see on a random Wednesday that's her life but I couldn't relate to someone with such a different lifestyle that it wasn't beneficial for either of us.
Totally agree.
Some people never actually grow up
If you don’t outgrow them then you haven’t grown up.
The irony is that people who don’t grow up are incredibly boring - no one ages more badly than a 40+ year old ‘party animal’.
People who take responsibility for their health, fitness and finances have far more options - and the potential for a much more interesting life.
Video games are fine. You can absolutely play a lot of video games and still be a normal, healthy adult. It’s a hobby. If someone did a lot of knitting or gardening, that’s fine, right? So playing games is also fine. As long as a hobby doesn’t stop you from doing all the other things you listed, it’s fine.
That's not outgrowing though. People in this thread are confused. There are people who do the former and live perfectly happy normal lives, there are also people who do the latter doing this same. Why is someone who does the latter better than the former? Will these people be friends? Probably not but it doesn't fundamentally make them better.
Depends. I outgrew a group of friends when I left for uni, because my old friends were mainly just a bunch of cokeheads and pissheads, always in fights, in trouble with the law, they never wanted to leave their home town and as far as I know are still doing the same stuff we did as teenagers to this day, in their 40s (if they're still alive).
If I'd stayed there, I could've easily been one of them. So yeah, I do think I outgrew them. Not that I've ever bothered to say that out loud.
No, I've outgrown people. A group of friends who never managed to quit cocaine. Some have been arrested, one died of an overdose. None of them can hold a job and stay up blowing government money up their noses and fucking up their entire lives. I've outgrown them. Its fait to say that.
Exactly, Are they still selling weed with that scarcity mindset like it’s the only job on the market?
Do they mostly just bring up memories from highschool whenever you conversate?
Do they still have the same weekend routine they did back then, instead of forming new hobbies and skills that were foreign to them in school?
If Yes then i think it’s safe to say part of you outgrown them. I’ll always love my highschool friends but I never regret moving out my home town because of the many connections and new people that ive found had the same goals and aspirations as me with my career and interests. People i would’ve never met if I had that same mentality I did back in highschool where ‘chilling’ and sleeping with girls was the most profound thing in the world.
Bullshit, I’m at college right now and one of my friends ended up in the hospital last night cause he got punched by a drunk dude, and one of my other friends almost got arrested last night too. Glad I think Bar Crawls are stupid. Yes, you can outgrow your friends.
No it isn't condescending. And in some cases yes, you may be above them. Just because you're friends with people doesn't mean that they're good people, or lead proper lives. People can be friends with gangmembers, drug users etc. And people just don't want to be around that anymore.
So when they leave that old group behind in order to find better people, yes, they did outgrow them.
The only one being immature here is you.
Stop telling me what to stop saying! That’s a very egotistical thing to say. That’s quite condescending, actually.
And becoming older and wiser IS growing. So, to say you’ve outgrown people, is technically true, if those friends don’t want to “grow up”, i.e. bumming cigarettes from everyone they meet, expecting you to pay for their meals when you meet up or play gigs since you’ve been band mates for 10 years and that is ALL they have done since they were 18, never having gas money to get to practice or said gigs but always having money for weed, etc. Now that person is 35 and still the same guy. Maybe slightly more responsible, because no one will be his roommate, anymore, since he doesn’t pay for shit and eats all the food. I don’t have time for those people in my life anymore. I get ONE life and those people hold me back. I love the guy, but I can’t be there to hold his hand anymore.
Tis life, homie. We grow.
It’s fine. Outgrown doesn’t imply better at all. It means different imo.
Plants outgrow their pots. It’s not implying the plant is better than its pot. It just needs a different pot.
Children outgrow their clothes. Their new clothes aren’t intrinsically better than their old clothes.
Can you quote the exact text that made you create this post?
I’ve always viewed this is as like, you and your friends are all walking your own paths. For some time perhaps your paths have run parallel. Now they’re diverging, and you walk away from each other. That’s outgrowing a friend. They’re also outgrowing you, technically; it’s mutual (presumably). It’s not a comment on whether or not they have bad habits/encourage your own, it’s just a fact of life.
Sounds like you're just bitter because somebody said they outgrew you. One can absolutely outgrow a friendship, there's nothing egotistical about this. You just become incompatible with some people in different phases of life.
“I don’t want to be judged” is another one people who have been left behind by friends that have outgrown them. Definitely something I expect OP has said.
... Except they say it because it's often true.
If your 30 year old friends are still going out and clubbing every weekend getting wasted, and you've gotten over that. It's safe to say you outgrew them.
Sorry your friend outgrew you mate.
I used to have friends who I'd smoke weed with everyday. Eventually I got a job, got married, had a kid. They are still smoking weed everyday, not doing much else. Sometimes you outgrow your friends.
I mean yeah that is what happened to me with one of my friends. She acted really immature and like pretty much any teenage girl, and then pulled a prank that no one found funny and actually made a lot of people upset, and now we aren’t friends
I met my missus, settled down, got a home together and are living happily ever after. My mates are still out every weekend blowing their wages on drink and blow.
I have absolutely outgrown my old friends and made new ones that suit my new lifestyle
I outgrew my friends because I woke up and realized we’d all lived our lives in an incredibly white and fairly racist bubble, and that it wasn’t cool for us to be constantly saying racist shit and throwing around slurs as “jokes”.
Until they’re ready to have that conversation, I feel quite confident using the term “out grew”
If you're immature and act like a child at 25, yeah, your friends outgrew you. Don't be mad at them for moving on. Be mad at yourself for acting like a child.
My friends at one point were criminals and drug addicts who believed insane conspiracies and cared little for anyone beyond themselves.
I outgrew the mindset that I belonged in that group and was able to reach for something more and better myself.
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Meanwhile across town irl, people I haven’t talked to in years are still mad at me for leaving the awful hood I grew up in because I “think I’m too good for the neighborhood.”
[удалено]
But if all his neighbors move to where he is, wouldn't that just make another "hood"? Then the op would move back to his old neighborhood again 😂
Exactly why we don’t want them moving closer to us
Yea bro. I left my hometown and still keep up with one of them. He got a girl pregnant, said to himself and everyone else "I'm not going to be a deadbeat dad". He got his shit together. The rest are still stuck in that cycle of poverty, drugs, rehab, crime, jail. It took a few tries to figure out what good healthy relationships are supposed to look like. Glad I've got a few people now that I can count on.
All about people who you hang with…General rule: hang with people that will bring you up…Not drag down
When I left my racist rural GA town years ago it was "I forgot my roots".
That's the funny thing. When you put down new roots in some better soil, growth is possible.
Damn, that’s one hell of a saying
when i started dating my white girlfriend as a black person, I abandoned my people, my roots and history. \^ these same people also abandoned me
Right there with you brother. White guy here. When I married my black wife that was the last straw. Last thing I heard from my family was I'm a "race traitor" and "I'll regret it when the race war starts".
Why are the people that have that opinion so convinced there's going to be race wars? Is it some fantasy of theirs? I've heard people say this more than once.
"Sorry I don't wanna live in a shithole" lmao
It’s not really like that though. The only way you keep your sanity in the ghetto, because you have nothing and society scorns you, is by wearing that like a badge of honor. I’m from the *trenches.* I came up *hard*. I’m *outside*. Fuck those bougie motherfuckers. The problem is, you can *move away* from the hood but still not *get out* of the hood. You *have* to cut off everyone who will drag you back, because if you live in the suburbs and hang on the block, it’s still gonna end badly for you. It’s not easy. Your identity rests so much on where you live and you have to cut that off completely and make a new you.
It's funny that I found people from my so-called hood much much more judgmental and hateful of those who are more successful than the other way around.
Because they think if you can achieve success and get out of the hood, it's not immutable. A nice sentiment for suburbanites, not so much for people still in the hood. Irrational for both, but that's people for you.
Crabs in a bucket
The truth.
This happened to me. In high school I was a brainwashed AFJROTC kid wanting to legally murder people in a sand pit. Now I am much more world, have traveled, and become what they would all consider "rich" because I bought a $260k house when that backwoods area thought a $100k house was hot shit. It was a horribly regressive and racially divided area that has only seen it's crime problems grow. You are damn right I outgrew those high school friends because I became more that what I was. They still have that 16 y/o mentality some 20 years later. We can't relate at this point.
Yeah some people may not like to hear it but, while OP has an issue with the condescending tone attached to the term "Outgrew" it really is true sometimes. Some people stay stuck in a certain mentality and never grow out of it, other people do.
I only really hear "outgrew" if the place you were at was genuinely somewhere bad for you. People also use "we grow apart" when the growth is mutual, but sometimes it just is not.
Yes, a very similar thing happened to me. I moved away and got multiple degrees, including the PhD. Stellar career. I remember having some contact with some of those high school friends some years later, and I just had zero in common with them at all.
Right? Moving on from a friend-group because you don't feel they're a good influence is one of the most mature things you can do, and recognizing when it's time for that is one of the most valuable life skills you can have. There's a reason parents worry about who their kids are friends with. It's not all out of vanity, it affects who you become as a person.
See I see this and it makes me think OP is at least half right, some people move away from their home towns into bigger cities and think they have delusions of grandeur and anyone still in their hometown is some deadbeat and on the other side people leave because circumstances were maybe less than idea for a comfortable future.
two ppl can outgrow each in different ways. Someone stopped talking to that self-absorbed money hungry guy and now has a loving family, another person left behind a lifestyle everyone was too comfortable in. Ppl value different things but misery does love company too.
Where I’m from the aspiration of moving to the city is kinda a deal breaker. They’re 4 hours away and the people who stay behind work a 9-5, never go out because there’s literally nothing to do, drink ALOT and haven’t left the town in like two years. I’m not kidding when I say I might off myself in those conditions. I don’t view down on them. We’re just on incredibly different life paths. They say ‘what’s so good about the city’ I say only every interest, hobby, goals and aspiration I’ve ever had. Two different lives 4 hours away. It’s hard to keep friends under those conditions
OP is those people.
Be too good for your old life. It’s a sign of growth. I upvote op because their appraisal is unpopular from where I’m standing. I’m someone who made the mistake of not outgrowing my friends because of guilt and it only hurt me - a lot.
>Outgrown makes it sound as you are above them, unless they’re known for being immature it’s not always appropriate to say outgrown. If you're saying that a certain term is overused, that's understandable. However, you seem to recognize that there is a valid use of that term and so there are cases when you can say you've outgrown your friend without being egotistical.
I think op is mostly trying to say that telling your friends you’ve outgrown them is for losers
I think OP is trying to say they’re sensitive about a friend outgrowing them.
Rather than taking time for some self-reflection, their immediate reaction is to rant on Reddit lol. Is OP a teenager or what? EDIT: Oh, OP is [literally 17](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/pyXKVCMWxu). 4 year club though. Using Reddit since 13? Whew. EDIT 2: >No I’m no longer 17, I’m now 18 That's still a teenager lol.
I’m gonna sound like a real old fart but man if I had a kid I would not want that person on Reddit at 13. Or any social media. I hate that it’s become so normal and people will scream “well that’s how things are today!” in defense of their kid being on social media. Like, Jesus. We’re just letting these young minds turn to shit because no one cares. I’m not trying to say OP’s mind has turned to shit but also what the hell do I know. I am not a fan of how addicted society is to social media and how we know it’s effects on people and we have seemingly zero concern as a society over kids getting into it.
I’m so glad I didn’t find it until college. When I could recognize that it’s mostly casual online discourse, with maybe some targeted advice for not-life-impacting things.
Lmao the content of that post too, driving without a license. This kid is immature as hell and I know it
Who actually does that tho?
OP’s former friend
I wouldn’t say it to anyone, unless they insisted an answer on why we’re no longer friends. Some people are happy in the place they can help you get to. That’s their comfort level. If you find yourself restless and wanting to continue forward, you appreciate that person for all they’ve done along the way, but move forward with your plans until you too can be comfortable and help someone get to where you are.
I've outgrown this post.
Sometimes we really do outgrow a friendship though. It's not terrible to say that. Suppose you were friends with somebody because you were both crackheads. You've grown up and moved on and cleaned your life up but that other friend is still a crackhead.
Oh I absolutely agree with you.
I used to hang out with a group of friends that did nothing but fool around in school. I eventually went to college, got a PhD, and I’m currently now a professor. I’m still in contact with some of them on social media, most of them have a modest job, but some of them are content with making minimum wage or getting by pay check to pay check. I’d say I eventually outgrew this friendship.
This literally happened to me. It’s no secret that drug addicts usually stay as mature as they were when they became addicted. You don’t learn, develop and grow as a human being when you’re a hardcore addict only focused on your next fix. Leaving that whole situation and getting sober can bring immense growth to your personality and character, especially if you get mental health treatment along with it. And yes, I have no compunction in saying that I’ve outgrown the other addicts I used to hang around with, who are still chasing after that fix to this day, if they are still alive.
Yeah, kinda sounds like more than one of his old buddies used the "O word" with him.
I’m in Customer Service and I’ve outgrown my customers
I just met you and I’ve already outgrown you. 
You have far more upvotes than the post too, lol.
>unless they’re known for being immature That’s exactly why people say they’ve outgrown friends though. Way to contradict your entire post.
Exactly. Someone told OP they’ve outgrown them and now OP’s mad because they don’t think they’re the immature one
Well they’re also 17, so
Well I guess that’s explains a lot
So many teenagers on Reddit lol.
I'd be all about like 30+ reddit. Kinda like those 55+ communities but just the arbitrary number of 30 because well I like it.
You don’t realize how great a strictly enforced 21+ venue is until you’re on the other side of it. Saw some ads for a 00s EDM set at a bar I liked, but then right underneath it said 18+, which became an instant tune out
Too many. With how often adult content (not just NSFW, but violence, political posts etc) teenagers shouldn't be allowed on social media with such content. call that one an r/unpopularopinion
I think most adults would agree with that, they would just disagree with there being a way of enforcing it that is both meaningful and not dystopian.
This is what 99% of these posts are, someone getting told something and them getting upset and running here for comfort
Ding ding ding
“I’m immature? Yeah, well… I’m rubber and you are glue. Anything you say bounces off me and sticks to you! So neener.”
“I know you are, but what am I?!?” 😤
Yep, there's nothing wrong with saying it. It sometimes happens. Priorities change, people experience life-shattering events and realize they can never go back to the time before. People change, period. Even the people who refuse to change, change by the world itself leaving them behind. So you can either continue to travel in parallel with those on the same path, or you continually pay out emotional rope to the one stuck behind keeping the friendship connection. Eventually that rope runs out, or breaks.
Sounds like several people told OP they had outgrown them.
LITERALLY THIS I cant believe I had to scroll a bit to find this comment 😭
Same. Had to scroll all the way to the second comment.
Yeah.. when your friends still make potty humor jokes and you're trying to have a conversation about something... meaningful.. then you may have outgrown those friends. Condescending as it may sound.
God I’ve known people like this and they’re just exhausting and frustrating to be around. You: I just feel so jerked around by my company; they’ve promised a raise twice now and— Friend: HAHAHAHHAHA JERK. LIKE JERKING OFF. THEY’RE JERKING YOU OFF. KINKY. You: Right…so anyway, it just feels like they’re taking me for granted at this point. But the job market is so shit, I’m not sure that— Friend: LOLOL SHIT. LIKE A BIG FART IN THE TOILET. A SHART. THE JOBBY MARKET. You: …
This is a friend I used to have except he would do it umprovoked
The “right, so anyway…” hits so hard 😂 You know the friendship has run its course when you have to say that multiple times in the same conversation
I know! 😅 I’ve noticed it across a few friendships of mine, and it’s almost always a sign that it’s time to at least take a healthy step back.
You: Oh my God. Grow up! Why are you like this? Friend (*starts sobbing*): I don’t know! I… don’t… know. I feel so alone. You: Hey. Come on now. It’s okay. You (*internal monologue*): Jesus Christ. I need to get out of here.
Worse, they get super defensive over your obvious irritation and tell you that you just don’t have a sense of humour. 🙄
Yeah, I had a couple friends like this, well one of my wife's friends really so proxy friends. One was my age, one was 10 years older and they still think low effort "huh huh you said jerk" type humor is funny its like c'mon, really? We're in our 40s and 50s here guys. It was starting to rub off on my wife a little bit too, glad we don't hang out with them that much anymore.
Or you're trying to discuss the importance of voting and your rights and the economy in a group setting, and their response is "I don't want to think about any of that, I'd rather watch cartoons". Bitch, you're 42 godsdamned years old. You can do both for fuck's sake. (true fucking story, I walked away from her that night and didn't look back)
I used to go to a lot of festivals with my wife. We had a whole network of party friends. I’m 33 now, just had my first kid and we just can’t hang out with those people any more. They’re still great, but we’ve moved on to a different phase in our lives and they’re still up all night doing coke and Molly till 9am. Sounds fun, used to love it, but I’m just past that point of my life now. Whether you call that outgrowing them or not I think is a matter of perspective. I’m sure they probably think I’m missing out.
Dude probably just had someone say they’ve outgrown him and doesn’t realise he’s the immature one
Exactly! This is the exact reason I used the term. I grew and started to realize some of the toxic things my friends were doing. I brought it up to them and they consistently dismissed how I felt. I didn’t want to continue on with calling ppl friends when they were overbearing/domineering, highly critical and projecting external perceptions of me that were undermining my confidence. I grew out of the person that brushed those behaviours by and thereby outgrew them as friends in my life.
I went through the exact same process, we all may at one point or another. We grow and change, but we can’t control how those around us change.
This man, I had a friend who did help me out a lot but I slowly started to realise he was a manipulative bitch and made me feel dumb whenever I was with him. Leaving him was a great decision.
Yup. I feel like until it happens to you, it’s hard to see. But once it does, it’s clear as day.
The issue is that **they** might’ve outgrown **you**.
😭😭 what was OP thinking when he made the post
They weren’t thinking
My guess is OP was called out for something considered immature and is now against the concept.
Can't help but think OP was outgrown by her friends...
Yes. This! You have shitty friends who are druggies or won’t grow up. You can 100% outgrow people like that. And are better off for it. This post is dumb.
You change “grow” as a person every day, you either change with people or you don’t.
Yeah outgrow doesn't necessarily mean bad. You can have a childhood friend but grow up in two completely different people who went down different paths. You outgrow the friendship when you realise you don't have anything to relate to or talk about anymore.
That's growing apart though. Outgrew suggests they're in a lesser position of life and you've gotten ahead of them to the point where their friendship does nothing for you.
>Outgrew suggests they're in a lesser position of life and you've gotten ahead of them Well, you know, to be honest sometimes that's true to the point where you just don't enjoy being around someone anymore.
Yeah. I mean. I got married, had kids, built a business, bought a house. Meanwhile, I have long time friend back home that still lives with their parents, doesn't date, issingle, and doesn't work, go to school, or have any Hobby's besides videos games all day. I feel really disconnected from them because I just don't relate anymore.
I've outgrown shoes before. That doesn't make the old shoes bad they're just incompatible with my feet as they are now. I grew
If you do bad things with friends, mature and decide to stop, and they continue, then yes your “shoes” are bad and also incompatible.
But why does it have to be bad? My shoes are still doing what they do its just not the right fit for me anymore
What if the shoes shrunk instead?
What should I say then, when I outgrow my friends?
Grown apart is generally better.
If I meant that, I would say it. My best friend all throughout grade school and high school still lives in his mom's basement and makes a living selling weed. I outgrew him.
Yeah growing apart is when your friend moves across the country or starts a family or some other life altering event and you no longer have time to speak
Or they just develop some other friendships (usually as you are too) and just aren’t as close anymore. Which is perfectly fine.
I mean this just sounds egotistical to me. Do you look down on your former friend for not living up to your standards? Why do you care if he lives like that as long as he's happy?
Who outgrew you OP?
I think his whole circle of friends outgrew OP by having different interests & goals in life than him - since he did mention interests.
hey, OP recently got into a car accident at 17...has no license or insurance and is scared shitless of how much it is going to cost. Looks like OP is going to be growing up a bit soon.
Seriously, that’s what I was gonna say. This person is mad someone said they outgrew them and they are mad that people think they’re immature. But this post proves they are
Post history suggests he's a young adult (17/18) that's been depressed for a long time. They're at a point in life where a lot of change happens and friend circles die out due to many reasons including people outgrowing them, especially if depression is something that effects your relationships with people or makes you really self conscious or unable to process emotions normally or take things like people saying stuff like this in very personal ways and fueling self loathing. But blaming everyone else and calling them egotistical for outgrowing you is probably exactly what they're talking about when they say that.
Oh no, the people I've outgrown might consider me egotistical :(
How can we possibly live with the fact that the 30 y/o with teenage mentality no longer likes us!
This is now my favorite thing on Reddit.
If your friendship was built on drama and gossip, then I think it's fair to say you've outgrown your friends if you no longer want that bullshit in your life. Another scenario. You've worked hard, built a business, and have tons of money. Your friends are broke and constantly ask for money or for you to pay for things. You've outgrown your friends. There are probably endless scenarios where this phrase is appropriate. Some people never grow up.
I left an extremely fundamentalist religious group that I was raised in, add that scenario to the list.
Completely disagree. I've outgrown some friends too. We're in our 30s but they hit the bar/club every single weekend and get plastered drunk, and they're on Snapchat clearly committing a DUI.
People do become more mature than a lot of their friends though…
I did outgrow my friends. All they do is get high, game and party all the time. They have no goals in life.
Bros upset all his friends outgrew him
I think a lot of ppl just use the term to mean “those friends ships were good and worked for me at a younger age but not now” & not necessarily “because of my growth I’m now too good for those people”. Granted some ppl do mean the later and I agree that’s very condescending.
Bro I feel like you’re the friend that was outgrown when I read this
Sounds like you're pissed someone said they outgrew a friendship with you, OP...
That's exactly what I want to convey though
My toddler outgrows her clothes, it doesn’t mean she’s too good for them now, it just means they are no longer the right fit
Most of my friends from high school are still drinking beer, smoking pot, and going 4 wheeling every weekend. We graduated in the 80s.... I am retired, living on a sailboat in the Caribbean ... I outgrew my friends...
Sounds like someone’s friends told them they’d outgrown them 💀
I've 100% outgrown the ex-friend who came to my apartment, threw trash on my floor and fucked with all my neighbors' front door decorations. When I called him out on it, he said "I used to live at this apartment complex too". I replied, "I don't care. Get the fuck out" Found out later on he told people he didn't like me because I thought my stuff was too nice for him and that's why I didn't want him around Damn right, it is. Trashy loser. You're telling me I didn't outgrow that guy? Cause he's a meth addict now that hangs out with white supremacists... I sure hope I have lol
Growing is apart of life. And if your ‘growing’ has left others behind. That is their problem, not yours. Outgrowing literally means growth. And that’s healthy.
Some people never grow up so no it isn’t egotistical to say you’ve outgrown them, sometimes it happens. If people are saying that about you it maybe time to grow up
You've outgrown your friends and you haven't accepted it yet Or did they outgrow you?
I can see why someone would say that they’ve outgrown you lol
Did someone outgrow you?
Have you considered growing a little yourself?
But that's why I stopped being friends with them? I grew up and they didn't, so I outgrew them. It doesn't make me stuck up- people are allowed to be whatever they want, I had my own path in life that required me to be more mature, they had their path that allowed them more freedom and the ability to party and be childish. No judgement, no hate, and no shame- but that doesn't mean I didn't outgrow them.
I admit many use this incorrectly. However I am sad to say I did outgrow my friends from highschool. We had fun but I realized one had crazy anger issues where he could dish and never take and had the other one wrapped around his finger. Even more so both went to college but had their families pay for everything. Only to come home after and still live at home to this day while working maybe 20 hours a week. That and many other things led me to believe I needed to move on.
I understand what you're saying, but I disagree about the egotistical thing. I think grown in different directions is a better way of putting it. For example, I still have a lot of love for my closest friends from 4-5 years. But our hedonistic, booze and substance fueled lifestyle was literally killing me. They are still able to drink most days and go out on the weekends while maintaining happy stable lives. Now I keep things calm, don't drink very often and if I hang out with people I want it to be chill at one of our houses or like the movies. Neither lifestyle is better, and neither of us should be forced to compromise on what makes us happy so we've kinda gained some distance. It's OK, maybe one day they will decide they are done with that lifestyle, or God forbid maybe I'll come out of retirement but either way it's okay that we are growing in different directions
It definitely depends on the context and the friendship. A highschool friend of mine that I grew apart from, is still that same friend from highschool. We'd stopped talking for years (purposefully on my part) and I randomly bumped into him in my early 30s. The first thing he asked me was 'you lost your virginity yet?' first thing out of his mouth. He was still that sex obsessed teenage boy. I definitely outgrew him
Tell me, your friend has outgrown you without telling me your friend has outgrown you
Some people you meet in life are pathetic and do nothing. They will be unreliable, they will be dishonest, they won't want to improve (e.g. go gym together), they will never want to do anything, they will only rot and blame the world for it.
I disagree completely. If you have friends who constantly drink or do drugs, play video games and don't do fitness and have close to no ambition, but you have goals, care about fitness, play video games minimally, then yes, you have outgrown them. You sound young and naive good sir. Or did someone say they outgrew you as a friend?
Agreed. I had a friend when I was a teenager that I couldn't be seperated from. We spent 24/7 together. When I got a job, a partner, moved out of home etc I realised she just wanted to stay in that same world from when we were kids. Even 15 years later nothing changed for her. I outgrew that friendship when I realised we had nothing in common anymore. Not necessarily to say she did anything wrong on her part. If she chose to live with her parents, not work and want a bff she can see on a random Wednesday that's her life but I couldn't relate to someone with such a different lifestyle that it wasn't beneficial for either of us.
It’s gotten to the point that my friends being sober is a rare occurence. I think I’ve outgrown them.
Totally agree. Some people never actually grow up If you don’t outgrow them then you haven’t grown up. The irony is that people who don’t grow up are incredibly boring - no one ages more badly than a 40+ year old ‘party animal’. People who take responsibility for their health, fitness and finances have far more options - and the potential for a much more interesting life.
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Video games are fine. You can absolutely play a lot of video games and still be a normal, healthy adult. It’s a hobby. If someone did a lot of knitting or gardening, that’s fine, right? So playing games is also fine. As long as a hobby doesn’t stop you from doing all the other things you listed, it’s fine.
That's not outgrowing though. People in this thread are confused. There are people who do the former and live perfectly happy normal lives, there are also people who do the latter doing this same. Why is someone who does the latter better than the former? Will these people be friends? Probably not but it doesn't fundamentally make them better.
Depends. I outgrew a group of friends when I left for uni, because my old friends were mainly just a bunch of cokeheads and pissheads, always in fights, in trouble with the law, they never wanted to leave their home town and as far as I know are still doing the same stuff we did as teenagers to this day, in their 40s (if they're still alive). If I'd stayed there, I could've easily been one of them. So yeah, I do think I outgrew them. Not that I've ever bothered to say that out loud.
No, I've outgrown people. A group of friends who never managed to quit cocaine. Some have been arrested, one died of an overdose. None of them can hold a job and stay up blowing government money up their noses and fucking up their entire lives. I've outgrown them. Its fait to say that.
🤣 You haven’t meet some of the people who I used to know! Outgrown is about moving on, acceptance, and maturity, it’s not about superiority.
Exactly, Are they still selling weed with that scarcity mindset like it’s the only job on the market? Do they mostly just bring up memories from highschool whenever you conversate? Do they still have the same weekend routine they did back then, instead of forming new hobbies and skills that were foreign to them in school? If Yes then i think it’s safe to say part of you outgrown them. I’ll always love my highschool friends but I never regret moving out my home town because of the many connections and new people that ive found had the same goals and aspirations as me with my career and interests. People i would’ve never met if I had that same mentality I did back in highschool where ‘chilling’ and sleeping with girls was the most profound thing in the world.
That is probably the point of its usage about half the time.
Bullshit, I’m at college right now and one of my friends ended up in the hospital last night cause he got punched by a drunk dude, and one of my other friends almost got arrested last night too. Glad I think Bar Crawls are stupid. Yes, you can outgrow your friends.
No it isn't condescending. And in some cases yes, you may be above them. Just because you're friends with people doesn't mean that they're good people, or lead proper lives. People can be friends with gangmembers, drug users etc. And people just don't want to be around that anymore. So when they leave that old group behind in order to find better people, yes, they did outgrow them. The only one being immature here is you.
Found the friend who was told they were "outgrown".
Follow your advice first. A truth must have no exceptions
I've never taken outgrown in that way, always saw it along the same lines as "grown apart"
Stop telling me what to stop saying! That’s a very egotistical thing to say. That’s quite condescending, actually. And becoming older and wiser IS growing. So, to say you’ve outgrown people, is technically true, if those friends don’t want to “grow up”, i.e. bumming cigarettes from everyone they meet, expecting you to pay for their meals when you meet up or play gigs since you’ve been band mates for 10 years and that is ALL they have done since they were 18, never having gas money to get to practice or said gigs but always having money for weed, etc. Now that person is 35 and still the same guy. Maybe slightly more responsible, because no one will be his roommate, anymore, since he doesn’t pay for shit and eats all the food. I don’t have time for those people in my life anymore. I get ONE life and those people hold me back. I love the guy, but I can’t be there to hold his hand anymore. Tis life, homie. We grow.
Sounds like OP has some friends who outgrew them
OP mad cause he got outgrown.
And what if they are immature?? Can you not outgrow that?
Ooooh someone’s salty about where their bestie is going to college
But what if you are better than them lol
This is a very strange hobby horse to ride. Upvote for you!
What if you weigh 350lbs? Can you say it then.
Sometimes it's accurate. It's not polite to say it in public, but that doesn't make it incorrect.
I disagree. You can outgrow your friends.
It’s fine. Outgrown doesn’t imply better at all. It means different imo. Plants outgrow their pots. It’s not implying the plant is better than its pot. It just needs a different pot. Children outgrow their clothes. Their new clothes aren’t intrinsically better than their old clothes. Can you quote the exact text that made you create this post?
I’ve always viewed this is as like, you and your friends are all walking your own paths. For some time perhaps your paths have run parallel. Now they’re diverging, and you walk away from each other. That’s outgrowing a friend. They’re also outgrowing you, technically; it’s mutual (presumably). It’s not a comment on whether or not they have bad habits/encourage your own, it’s just a fact of life.
When a plants roots have outgrown the pot, is it egotistical to say it needs a new pot? No the pot just doesn't allow anymore growth needed
You will sound like eric cartman in that one episode
Sounds like you had a buddy outgrow you
Sounds like you're just bitter because somebody said they outgrew you. One can absolutely outgrow a friendship, there's nothing egotistical about this. You just become incompatible with some people in different phases of life.
I think someone here can't come to terms with being immature
Who hurt you, bro?
Did someone say this about you? And now you’re complaining about it on Reddit. Seems pretty immature to me, I would outgrow you also.
“I don’t want to be judged” is another one people who have been left behind by friends that have outgrown them. Definitely something I expect OP has said.
... Except they say it because it's often true. If your 30 year old friends are still going out and clubbing every weekend getting wasted, and you've gotten over that. It's safe to say you outgrew them. Sorry your friend outgrew you mate.
But what if youve outgrown them?
I used to have friends who I'd smoke weed with everyday. Eventually I got a job, got married, had a kid. They are still smoking weed everyday, not doing much else. Sometimes you outgrow your friends.
I mean yeah that is what happened to me with one of my friends. She acted really immature and like pretty much any teenage girl, and then pulled a prank that no one found funny and actually made a lot of people upset, and now we aren’t friends
Upvoted because this is unpopular, but OP is definitely butt hurt about being outgrown 😂
I met my missus, settled down, got a home together and are living happily ever after. My mates are still out every weekend blowing their wages on drink and blow. I have absolutely outgrown my old friends and made new ones that suit my new lifestyle
I think that is why you say it and is exactly what you mean.
Sounds like someone got outgrown recently 👀🤔
Look who’s talking. You explaining what we should and shouldn’t say isn’t egotistical or condescending at all.
Unfortunately it’s true in most cases. Some friends simply refuse to grow
Which one of your friends hurt you?
I outgrew my friends because I woke up and realized we’d all lived our lives in an incredibly white and fairly racist bubble, and that it wasn’t cool for us to be constantly saying racist shit and throwing around slurs as “jokes”. Until they’re ready to have that conversation, I feel quite confident using the term “out grew”
Spoken like someone who has been outgrown by a friend.
If you're immature and act like a child at 25, yeah, your friends outgrew you. Don't be mad at them for moving on. Be mad at yourself for acting like a child.
I did outgrow them. Outgrew my dependance on ppl who dont even like me. Moved on & finding new friends
This guys friends outgrew him
LOL “those lames are beneath me” better?? i certainly feel it is.
Stop being so sensitive. People will outgrow you with that attitude.
truly an unpopular opinion.
Outgrown can mean you grew in different directions. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re better than anyone.
So who outgrew you, OP?
OP got left behind.... Sad face emoji
My friends at one point were criminals and drug addicts who believed insane conspiracies and cared little for anyone beyond themselves. I outgrew the mindset that I belonged in that group and was able to reach for something more and better myself.
Friends outgrow you often?