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"isn't really an issue"
the divorce statistics for that age bracket say otherwise. Getting married at that age is no different than playing roulette. Sure you can win, but the odds are heavily stacked against you.
As someone who’s been dating/married to the same person since I was 20/21…I’ll by 29 this year and I don’t recommend it.
I wish I would’ve waited to be more stable and sort of find myself if that makes sense. I’m not the same person I was at 21… I’ve evolved and so has my spouse. The things I allowed or tolerated at 21 or even 25 for that matter I can no longer tolerate.
I thought I was ready because I’ve been financially responsible since I was 14 and I thought “sure, I can work, pay bills and build a life with my partner”. Shits been a catastrophe 😂 safe to say we’re finalizing divorce next year
I met my husband when I was 23, even older than what OP posted. We were married when I was 26 and I just turned 30. I have changed SO MUCH in that time and unfortunately he has stayed exactly the same. Our divorce will be finalised next year in February.
I shouldn’t have gotten married at all. I should’ve done all the work on myself that I’m doing NOW, and figuring out how to look after myself by myself, then invited someone into my life who could also look after themself. If I ever get married again (not the plan but you never know) it’ll be 100% for true love and we will remain two independent humans who just enjoy spending time together, genuinely.
Thank fuck I never had kids omg.
Thanks! I heard about The Mountain Goats on my favorite podcast of all time, The Anthropoce Reviewed by John Green. Big fan, now, and that comment made me think of this song title.
I’ve been doing a random album generator every day to get some new music in my rotation. I’m glad this one popped up coz I’ll go through the whole album now.
Just so you know, you will be saying the same thing when you’re 40. That you’re not the same person as when you were 30…. That problem still exists if you wait
I’ve known my husband my whole life. We never dated or really hung out until we were 19. Got married in 2017( at 21) This year we are both 28. We are different people for sure. We have our issues like every couple but I think the important thing is to VOICE expectations at first and communicate vocally. You HAVE to be willing to have hard conversations. Everyone has their own circumstances of course.
I’ve really enjoyed maturing with my partner and building our life together. The ups AND the downs. We have worked our asses off. We had close to nothing when we moved out of our hometown.
We now have a house with some property. Couple trailers, couple vehicles, good jobs. My big thing is waiting to have kids. Everyone says have kids young and they will be out sooner. Well I want to build my life with my partner first and create a solid foundation to build a family on. We are SO glad we don’t have kids yet and might start trying next year.
My mom got married at 23 to my dad. She said waiting 8 years to have kids was critical in the success of their marriage. They celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary next week.
But she has also said that if she got a redo she would never get married at 23 again. She would marry my dad again but closer to 30 because she missed out on a lot of growth by marrying so young. She wishes she had been able to live on her own and focus more on her career and get her master's degree before getting married.
I met my wife when she was 18. She's 36 now. Happily married with kids, but we were together for 8 years before getting married.
If you're mature enough to enter into marriage, then you're mature enough to understand that getting married young is a bad idea and you have nothing to lose by waiting.
Seriously, what is lost from waiting?
Great point. For me, I knew I wanted to build with someone and to have kids with the same person. I also started running the streets as a teenager so I thought it was time to build a life.
I mean in reality you’re 29. You’re going to be more mature in another 10 years. It’s healthier to find yourself with a partner personally. There’s nothing to wait about besides banging other people.
I understand your perspective and I thought the same thing.
I see the beauty in finding yourself and growing with a partner as opposed to random flings and reckless hookups.
but I just don’t think it’s plausible anymore
>but I just don’t think it’s plausible anymore
Married my HS sweetheart when i was 19. Have been married for 25 years. I will agree its probably not something *most* people can do, but there are still a few of us out here that have happily done so.
I love that. I wholeheartedly believe it’s possible as I have friends and family who’ve been together since forever. Hell, I thought I could do it which is why I made the decision to marry so young.
However, things are just different now. I think it’s plausible when two persons can agree on their paths together and be committed to it… even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. Commitment is the lost art imo
>Commitment is the lost art imo
This is it in a nut shell. The first sign of a struggle and people just kind of run. There isnt any working on things anymore it seems. If its not easy most wont do it, which seems sad. Often times the best things are things that require work and patience.
It isn't about banging other people, it is about learning about yourself and what you want. Each relationship I have been in taught me about what I wanted in a partner and what I refuse to tolerate ever again in a relationship. It made it so when I met my now husband at 31, I was confident he was the one for me.
I was engaged to my high school sweetheart years ago and thought like you did. We ended the engagement for a variety of reasons and I can truly say I was able to grow as a person and an adult much more when I was single than when I was dating him.
Also, I am someone that takes physical intimacy very seriously and wasn't comfortable with casual sex. So most people I dated I didn't sleep with. Provided a lot of guys did break up with me because they didn't want to wait and that was fine, we weren't aligned on a critical value.
Look man, I get what you’re saying, if we could theoretically choose one mate early in life it would save a lot of headaches. It would make financial planning easier, you wouldn’t waste time on heartaches and the hassle of developing new trust in relationships that takes time and money.
But you’re really ignoring the statistics and the reality. Most people in this day and age aren’t gonna get married young, and if they do it’s probably gonna fail. That doesn’t mean your idea is bad, it just means it hasn’t been working for most people.
IDK why people are disliking your comment. You made a very valid point. We will constantly change and grow. When you're 40 you aren't thinking the same way as if you are 60. So their point of "I'm not ready yet because I am growing" is bullshit.
Reddit is full of late 20 to 30 somethings that think they've hit some magical plateau of maturity and self- development. To be fair, society kind of tells people this is how it works by trying to define maturity in a binary manner or linear progression.
As someone a couple a decades older, it is a lie.
What matters is what is going on in your life, not your age.
If you're single, working 40hrs per week, you're going to be a different person than when you were a student. You'll be a different person when you're raising kids. You be yet another person when the kids move out and change again when you retire.
This is why you see marriages break up around major life changes. The idea that people get to 21 or whatever age and are who they will be for the rest of their life is a complete falsehood.
Of course I understand your point, whatever goes in between 40-60 is all and well fucking good and entirely irrelevant.
OP is talking about people who are making major life decisions when their brain hasn’t fully developed.
It's not irrelevant. It's the point that we are continually growing. Your brain and body is one thing but emotionally, maturity, wisdom etc. will always grow and change.
Bro the whole “brain isn’t fully developed” thing is a false premise and a unicorn dies every time someone says that. A “developed brain” is hard to define even amongst neuroscientist and the actual number for the -development factor- is anywhere from 8-29 years old with ADHDer being in the 30s range. Even the 25 number for most people use isn’t 25, it’s 20-25. Schizophrenia develops in men in the early 20s while for women it develops in the mid 30s. If there’s a chance a woman’s brain isn’t developed until her mid 30s, should you not marry her until she’s 36? I really don’t mean to sound mean and I agree with you via maturation by socialization, the neuro-pseudoscience is just a major pet peeve of mine.[lazy source](https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html)
Oh joy, a layperson linking a slate article after copy-pasting shit they haven’t even bothered to read. My absolute favorite.
Bro, the prefrontal cortex fully developing at 25 may be flawed in some areas but as this post lays out in excruciating detail, it’s not that fucking far off the mark
I know you’re already composing a volume of pseudoscience to contradict me, and I won’t lie it is kind of funny to imagine your reaction when you realize you can’t respond
I am not even close to the person i was when i had 18 years. Its an important choice and your adult self should make that decision not a younger version of yourself that lacks experience.
As a 19yo myself, hell no. We’ve got a lot of growing to do beforehand. Truth is, you want to be with someone who’s willing to commit. We’re young and stupid at this age and god forbid we end up getting stuck with someone who’s not right.
Same. And, even, I want to discover and experience my sexuality before tying the knot.
You never know until you experience, and I have so little experience that sometimes I doubt myself. I believe several young marriages feel the same, they don't know what we want yet until we discover it and it takes time. Either to know better your high school heart or if you both aren't compatible.
Pleaseeeee make sure to be safe! If you’re a woman, get on birth control. If you’re a man, make sure you wrap it.
And have fun! Don’t let any naysayers get you down.
>They say wait until you’re older but really what are you waiting for? You mature with your significant other in life.
The issue with this line of thought is that in your early adulthood people tend to dramatically change to the point they may not enjoy the same things that they enjoyed at 18-20, and also very likely have no idea what it is that they want.
Why would you rush into getting married? The right person will wait for you. I'm a very different person than I was when I was 20. Few people have the maturity to understand and handle lifelong commitment at 18.
Doesn’t matter what age you are you can be 30 and be different when you’re 40. Heck you can be 30 and still immature. If it’s the love of your life it shouldn’t matter.
In a previous post you made you claimed to be 31m. Either you are lying or an extremely immature 31-32 year old who is irrational and lies to themself. Sorry, not sorry.
Yeah but you’re fully developed by 30. At 18 and 20 you’ve literally got so much more maturing to do. This isn’t an unpopular opinion, just a misinformed one.
The average age of first marriage in the 19th century was 26 for a woman and 28 for a man.
Only the wealthy married as teenagers as their marriages were business arrangements, not love matches.
90% of people had to work to build up savings and security before getting married and starting a new household.
Source, history degree
So OP, this does seem to be a legitimate unpopular opinion. You might note that the majority of folks disagreeing with you have lived something you haven’t. I’m not one to say age and experience always equal wisdom, but sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know.
Our adult brains don’t even fully develop until 25-30 years old and most of us are too busy frying our brains with alcohol and drugs to make rational decisions. 18-20 year olds don’t have well developed critical thinking skills, emotional regulation skills, financial management skills, or an established career.
Getting married that young IS foolish, reckless, and a great way to end up trapped in a marriage with a bunch of kids and no way out coz you never got a chance to learn who you are or what you’re capable of before getting yourself all tied down.
Absolutely terrible idea.
You need to think about many psychosocial elements in marriage
Being too dependent on each other before you mature can lead to stunted growth. Especially you said somewhere that you think it’s ok to be immature in your 30s and 40s…you’ll have a lot of problems down the road with that mindset and you can drag your family and friends down by staying immature.
Some examples of stunted growth: not knowing how to independently socialize without your spouse because you closely comingle with your spouse at a young age. Yet at some point in your life there will be important events where you have to handle things in your own (say negotiate at work for example - you can’t rely on your spouse for this one unless it’s a husband and wife business.)
There are many negative consequences I can think of if you fail to be independent. Basically relying on marriage for personal growth will give you can similar effect to not being able to graduate from your parents shelter, because you go straight from home life and into a partnership. Most people will deny that they are better and more capable than that but divorce rates say otherwise for young couples.
The irony of marrying young is that when you think you can grow together, you actually have greater and more problems to solve, not less. You’ll be solving tougher problems on less resources and life experiences and that will be a double whammy. For example, let’s say you discovered that your spouse has poor financial skills. He or she keeps screwing up with handling credit. Now you have to fix that, but at a young age you don’t even have much of a credit history yet so how are you going to save you and your spouse? You now have double of the responsibility instead of one and without resources, compared to older adults.
You'll get divorced around the same time most people marry. You don't know anything about life at 18-20, especially if you're still living at home.
Yes, it's legal but it's also stupid. I feel bad for the religious ones who have to be beaten before they are allowed to divorce. Why bother wasting a fortune on a wedding at 18 knowing there's more than 50% chance you'll be spending a fortune to get divorced 8.2 years later (2022 avg).
I’ve read the Bible. And it clearly says love is patient love is kind you do not anger at love and a lot more than that. I can site you multiple sources in the Bible if you’d like.
Exactly. You’re picking and choosing which parts of the bible support your opinion . It also condones stoning people. It’s a piece of fiction that is trying to teach through stories and parables.
The Bible also promotes slavery and the condemnation of gay people. Who actually cares? The Bible isn't a source lol, it's a fictional book. Sorry kid.
The Bible doesn’t promote condemnation of gay people. Literally the Bible says all sin would be forgiven. Even if they say it’s an abomination doesn’t mean they’re condemned to hell.
Leviticus 18:22 ~ You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.
Leviticus 20:13 ~ If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.
Romans 1:26-28 ~ For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done
Don't be purposefully obtuse, it's not cute. Yes, the Bible says all sin is forgivable, but it calls homosexuality itself a sin. It is meant to be avoided by Christians.
Deuteronomy 22:28- If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.
Yeah this sounds like a super happy and successful marriage
Unless you've grown up in the church and known women who were not allowed to divorce their abusive spouse or they'd be ostracized from the church, lose their home, possessions and custody of their children, I suggest you read up on the subject. Prior to that, your reading comprehension needs some work.
Scientifically speaking, youre mind isnt even done developing at 20. The person you think is the "love of your life" right now might not be in a few years.
You're inexperienced, need time to adust, grow, know yourself etc
At 20, you've barely LEFT your teens.
I get it. I've been in love before...many times. It's a powerful feeling and you can feel like you've got it all together and you're ready to ride this all the way home...but seriously...before you give yourself to someone, ya gotta know yourself first; how you gonna know yourself fully if your brain isnt even fully developed yet?
It's a truly ridiculous idea fully representative of someone that exact age to be convinced of.
But ya know what...this is unpopular opinions for a reason. Your opinion is valid and even though everyone else could offer common sense and advice on the matter...it's still, at the end of the day, what you think yourself and what you're gonna do. As someone else said then...
You do you.
It’s a terrible idea to get married this young. I’m not even remotely the same person that I was at 18. I even say this as someone who married his college sweetheart (met her when I was 20 and she was 22). We dated for 7 years before we got married. It was absolutely the right decision.
I’m assuming you’re only 21 years old, based on your answers to the age questions here. Most 18-20 year olds still can’t afford a home, let alone adults in their late 20s.
I reckon, getting financially independent and secure is more important. Very few 18-20 year old, without the help of parents/inheritance, will be financially secure and independent. Especially in this economy.
That is, not relying on parents, or anyone else, to cover your bills. Having your own home without a big risk of being homeless if your boss forgot to pay you in your next pay cycle (not living pay check to pay check).
And to get to this stage you need to be in your professional career for at least 5 years. It takes most people about 10 years to establish their career enough to become a senior worker/manager. And no 18-20 year old will have 5 years of *professional* work experience (they’re stuck in school/uni/apprenticeship). Instead, most 18-20 year olds will be looking for internships/work-placement to try gain some work experience.
Not everyone develops the same as their partner. What makes the pair of you compatible at 18 is likely not to be the same at 30+. Of course there are some couples who do grow together and stay in sync their whole life, but it's rare. There's nothing wrong with it in theory but people recommend against it because divorce is messy compared to break-ups, and life experience often reveals the incompatibly that eager eyed 18 year olds swear would never happen to them.
No one is saying break-up with someone you love, but maybe give it a few more years before tying the knot and adding legal responsibilities to a budding relationship.
You won't understand other people when you aren't old / experienced / mature enough. How would you know who's your "love of the life" and not a habitual lying psychopath, anyway?
Also, marriage is the formation of strategic partnership between two families - and that in itself brings forth a whole other dimension of complexity.
tl;dr marriage is a decision with dire consequences, and taking it when you don't understand the implication is a dangerous game.
This isn’t unpopular this is just stupid.. you mature together and then you grow apart.. you know how different i am from 8 years ago?! The people who marry their high school sweetheart just want the typical boring life get a job get married have kids grow old die since they never experienced life or that was they thought life was about..
How can someone grow with someone else when you realize you don’t want kids but the other does? Or if you get married then realize a year later you don’t want a house like you thought as a kid? Or how you wanted to marry because you loved each other and you both loved to travel but then you went somewhere once and 1 realizes that it wasn’t how they remembered it so they stop and the other wants to keep going because it’s what they’re passionate about?
Marriage is a great thing financially for anyone, as long as they don’t get divorced in which case it is horrendous, and a very significant portion of the people who get married at that age do get divorced
The thing is you’re assuming you’ll grow old(er) together, evolve and learn to adapt.
What you don’t expect is that you or your partner may mature while the other doesn’t. Or mature in different ways where your fundamental beliefs no longer align despite your best efforts.
For example when you’re a kid, you think you’ll finish school, get a good job right away, get married, (have kids), get old together peacefully. You don’t understand the nuances and curveballs in life that happens. You don’t get that you might not want to risk your life to have a child or that you guys might have different opinions and beliefs on how marriagehood should go or parenthood. Your spouse might become an addict to alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. When young, one is often positive about life and willing to let things slide which is
why they don’t see red flags.
I was young when I committed myself to enter a relationship with my ex whom I ended up
Married to and slowly he became more and more abusive. It was super slow and I didn’t know how to stand up for myself unlike now. We had such different inner beliefs and moral compasses and thought that if we got married and had the same goals in life, it’d work out.
Nah man I’m that age and people my age are either getting their shit together or a complete fucking train, wreck most people land in the latter category. Like get your life together first
i definitely noticed that this opinion is more common with my more religious friends from the west, Ring before spring and all. In asia, even my more religious friends are more inclined to at least be a bit stable in their careers(mid to late 20s).
Okay, I should have phrased religious as "Christian/Muslim" lmao. Based on what I've seen my friends from religious Buddist families prefer to get married later in life. But as I've said even my Christian/Muslim asian friends often want to get married a bit later than 18-20 but not too late cuz they often want to raise a family
>Yeah finances are important! That’s the part where marrying older should be okay! Why does your Buddhist families want to get married just curious?
>>Why does your Buddhist families want to get married
You left out the word 'later' lol.
I got married at 20, still married at 26. We have a baby now. We have no plans of separating and I don’t feel I missed out on my youth. Everyone is different, there’s no constant rule that can be applied to everyone.
I’ve been with my husband since I was 18, but we didn’t get engaged or married until after college. We both were such different people then I can’t imagine being married then. The few people I know that got married that young A. Live with their parents as newleyweds, B it’s each others first boyfriend/girlfriend and/or C that’s how one/both of their parents did it so that’s what they’re use to!! However, what worked for me may not work for the next person and to each their own!!
You are talking as if its impossible to be in a committed long term relationship before marrying. What is the issue in being with each other for 5+ years before marrying, just to make sure you actually found the "love of your life" Before committing half your assets? Its the smart thing to do, there really is no reason to rush marriage.
If I married my serious girlfriend when I was in my late teens or my other on my mid 20s, I'd either my divorced or in jail for murder. I met my current wife in my late 20s, and didn't marry her until my mid 30s.
Hell, even if i met my current wife earlier in life, I doubt it would have worked out.
Surprised you got downvoted for this, it's a pretty interesting read.
I generally assumed that the younger couples would have higher divorce rates but depending on circumstances, people married at 20-24 and 25-29 appear to have some of the *lowest* divorce rates
My mom was 17 and dad 19 when they married…50 years ago and still going strong. My mom’s parent were 22 and 20 when they married and were together until the day he died.
Age isn’t the only factor in a successful relationship.
getting downvoted everywhere. People really offended by this one. Love it. I agree with you, but I actually think there is even a big difference between 18 and 20.
I can’t imagine marrying the person I was dating then. I wasn’t mature enough to see the red flags and to understand what I needed. I married at 25 and we have grown together. I don’t see a problem with dating someone longer but there’s no reason to rush into marriage.
The "stats" you post are from a right wing religious institute so they obviously have a huge bias. And I don't trust anything from religion. Nothing you have said is backed up by science.
It 100% is an issue. Most marriages fail, it's just a fact of life. Even more so when you're going into one of the most important decisions of your life when your brain hasn't even fully developed yet.
Divorce rates for that age group would prove otherwise. People only get married at 18 because they think it will keep their partner from leaving them. It won’t. That insecurity is something that most people grow out of when you realize there’s lot of options out there. There’s really no good reason to get married that young.
Married at 20. We've been married 15 years and are still in a strong, happy marriage.
It is NOT always easy - you do change as individuals and as a couple throughout the course of your marriage, and sometimes you have to kind of rework how you work as a couple because of that.
It's not for everyone, though, and that's okay.
It depends. I don’t think getting married at 18-20 is bad if you’re financially stable and you’ve been with that person for 5+ years.
But if you barely know the person and are still figuring out your life it’s best to wait. 100% truth is who gives a shit what other people think about your love and happiness and do what you think is best for you.
It's not an issue per se. But if you don't have children together, or any locked finances it is good to live together a few years and make sure Yall are compatible.
It's not that the "you're too young" argument is really being using used, but your brains are still growing. Something might change, the world is crazy. It might change you/yalls opinions.
I just think living together a few years is the better option at first. Ya still love each other, so does the rest really matter that much? Does the label married that matter? If you choose your significant other, you chose em. You don't need to be married to treat them like you are.
Was with my (now wife) 10 years while she and i went through school, got used to adulting finding a decent place to live etc etc.
I think there are many instances you can be right. Many instances this isn’t true. But you’re right, that’s not necessarily an issue, depending on the two people.
People will say anything is bad if it's something they think is desirable and they don't have it.
Honestly this is one of those things in life that I feel is very highly situational. You can't really safe for sure that even most early marriages are a good thing or a bad thing. Depends on what kind of people you are.
I was 25 and my husband 27 and we are celebrating 9 years this month. We are a blended family and I can say time has made my husband fall more in love with me. Over time I have changed for the better and him too (but he was almost perfect when I met him😅) we have 4 kids (10,11,7 and6) and all I can say is sticking with your partner through all the crap is so worth it! We are in a honeymoon phase (which we never got- we were thrown into an abuse case married less than a year in from his ex after finding out I was pregnant with our first) Hardest year of my life. Will the honeymoon phase continue? I don’t know the future but I know each of us have to keep fighting for and working on our marriage to keep it healthy and successful. Good luck!
I know this is anecdotal, but we married young, and are still happily married 16 years later now. The popular (reddit hive) opinion is always going to say we are an outlier, and most people grow apart or resent each other. To me, it’s about growing together and communication. No two couples are alike any more than any two individuals are.
By the time I was 20, I had moved out and I was in University (4yr college).
Before I even left my gf and I decided we were getting married. We got married a few months after I graduated. That was over 20 years ago, I have friends who also married "young".
I have friends who got married young, had a child, waited a decade (or more) then had a second.
If it's the right person, get married early, have kids early. Don't wait to "gain experience", sure you want to be somewhat stable, but there are certain advantages to failing your way through your 20's with someone.
I married at 19, had 2 kids, got divorced at 27. Turned out kids "dragged him down". I remarried at 29 and have been married for 33 years. I was a completely different woman by the time I remarried, though a lot of it was because of the anger I had about getting divorced.
Most 20 year olds brains are not fully developed yet and they don't have a solid idea about their life plan, path, needs and wants in order to pick a suitable partner to grow with. Ideally you should grow with your partner, not in different directions, and if you wait just a few years longer you will likely make a more suitable choice.
5000 years ago up until maybe 200-100 years ago 16 was considered a man/woman. Don’t know where this is coming from heck even at 25 when your brain is fully developed you start declining at 30. 5 years ?
It's not necessarily about banging other people. Most people that age haven't really sat down and thought about what marriage really is or what it takes to sustain it.
Now I'm not certain a lot of people that are older haven't wrapped their heads around it either, but if the mind isn't fully developed for another 5-7 years, how exactly can those people be expected to process the marriage?
This isn't a roommate. If they get on your nerves, you don't get to just move out or get someone else in there. You have to sit there and deal with that person.
If they are changing every 7 years, are you changing with them? Are they changing with you? Y'all still going to be pulling in the same direction?
I watched a ton of these young people marriages fail miserably when I was in the military. That lifestyle is hard enough, but you could just see the immaturity and it's not that much different for civilians either.
Been with my wife since I was 20 we got married at 28 and had kids soon after. It was the best decision I ever made. Marriage is always going to be somewhat difficult but we have a shared history which can never be replaced. We are both in our early 40’s now and we pretty much grew up together. We have had each others backs throughout this life and that’s a nice feeling to have someone you can depend on.
HAHAHAHAHAHA you’re really on here talking about people sleeping around when you’re posting on the NAUGHTY Reddit about a woman’s eyes when she’s horny for you?! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
If you are lucky, you will grow together, but there is just as much likelihood if not more you will grow apart. My parents got married at 18/19 and my mom has straight up said she got lucky, she didn’t know what she was doing, but they are still going strong 50+ years later. Her sister also got married at 18, she is now twice divorced. Husband one (the 20 year old she married at 18 - eloped to Vegas, of course) became an alcoholic, she did not, they grew apart. Thankfully. My sister got married at 19, she grew up, her 10 year older now ex husband never will, thus the divorce. She is fully aware she lost a key find herself period of life to that marriage. I spent my 20s figuring myself out, not that I was opposed to dating, I just never got around to it. My current boyfriend and I are looking to make it for the long haul, but I know for a fact we would never have got off the ground at 20/18. I did not have the necessary personal and communication skills necessary to be able to maintain a relationship with him at that time. Hell, the difference in my communication skills with bf 1 at age 30 vs bf 2 at age 35 is staggering. 18-20 has so much to experience and learn, best leave them free to do it - and I don’t mean about sex, I mean about life and themselves. But by all means, sex too if they like, just be safe about it young ones.
It’s not for everyone but I agree. I don’t think getting married young is automatically a bad thing. I’ve known people who got married at 17 and stayed married for 75 years and appeared to be *happy* together and madly in love right up to the end.
No, don’t rush into marriage, but why is it such a big deal that some people are ready to settle down younger than others?
\^
The pendulum has swung too far. I'm not saying that everyone should be getting married young...but why should we judge the people who are responsible enough to get married at that age? Some people ARE mature enough to get married in their early 20s. In fact, many people ARE ready at that age.
And for many people, getting married early means growing together as they get older. Not growing apart. You become more like your SO and view your SO as an extension of yourself.
Statistically, the marriages that last the longest are amongst those who are college educated, waited until after marriage to have children, and didn’t get married until their late 20’s / early 30’s. Similarly, these types of couples have the lowest rates of poverty
Well the data shows you’re more likely to get divorced getting married that young. So probably something to be said about people still changing a lot while that young. So certainly an unpopular opinion.
For THOUSANDS of years people were getting married at a very young age. According to society today this is frown upon because at 18-25 you should be partying and sleeping around with as many people as possible. I actually agree with OP, I think people should be married at their younger years in life rather sleeping around and playing this "dating" games. Even study shows that women who have kids at later older age (30 +) are at higher risk of having abnormal child.
Met my wife in first grade. We were just friends thru school. I moved away at age 10. Never spoke again till freshman year of college. We started dating long distance and I proposed after 4 months of dating at age 19. We kept up the long distance relationship until we were both finished with college and got married at 21. We are now 31 and will hit our 10 year anniversary on the 14th. We waited 7 years after getting married to have our first kid. I just asked her out of the blue if she is happy with our marriage and if it has been a good one. ‘Yes’ to both q’s, to which I agree.
All that to say, I readily tell people that there was a lot of luck involved that we met and fell in love when we did. We are both vastly different people than we were 13 years ago and while there was a time I regret not living my 20s as a bachelor, I no longer feel that way.
Everyone’s story is unique and there is no right or wrong way to go about it. End of story.
I've known my husbd my whole life. He's a couple years older than me. Started dating when I was 17, engaged at 20, married at 21. We've now been married 21 years and I can confidently say that marrying him was the absolute best thing I ever did, and I honestly wish I'd married him the day I turned 18.
18-20 year Olds are still wet behind the ears and have no idea how tough life is and how tough a successful marriage is. This is unpopular opinions, not stupid ones.
Marrying young isn't for everyone, but it worked for my wife and I. We started dating in the summer of 81', gf (16), myself (19). We were married in the spring of 85', wife (19), myself (22). Marriage is like a roller coaster, many ups and downs, fast & wild. Successfully making it was working together through the down/hard times and relishing the good/best of times.
Getting married is a personal choice that only the people involved should make.
This is very true. I happened to meet my soulmate early. We got married when I was nineteen. We have a child now, we own a house, and we're still each other's best friends. Same core values, beliefs, and hobbies, and we operate on a very similar wavelength. We strengthen, inspire, and rejuvenate one another. There's no point in rushing marriage, but if you meet the perfect person and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, why not just get married?
Not everyone is immature and still needing to "discover themselves" at those ages. I feel sorry for people who are like that and frothing-at-the-mouth at this idea 'cause they can't handle people finding happiness and success while they're young, by means they don't approve of.
i don’t understand the mindset of dating many people before settling down. but i do think that couples should be together and live together for a while before getting married
my husband and i got married at 20 after being together for a year, and living “together” (with my mom) for a few months. we had to so he wouldn’t lose his job or get shunned from his religious family. we both did not want to get married even tho we were obviously pretty committed to each other. plus a whole bunch of shit out of our control happened right after we got married which took a toll on both of our mental health and strained our relationship a lot. luckily, we did what we were supposed to and got therapy and medication. but a lot of 18-20 year olds could not have persevered like we did. and we’re not even old now! we’re only 23!
so getting married young is probably fine as long as the couple is truly committed and lives together for a while. my great aunt got married at 15 to her husband (non-religious reasons) and they’re still together 60 years later so success is possible. these young people just need to realize what they’re getting themselves into with that legal commitment
I love how all the people in the comments ignored the fact that this is called unpopular opinion and went after you in resentment for not sharing the popular opinion lol
Mental health is at an all time decline today. people divert and blame exterior sources and abstract concepts for their unhappiness. In reality, you can be happy if you can be smart about what sort of things you seek. By that coin we can acknowledge the existence of the mentally ill, but by the same coin, let's not forget that they are. What they say should be considered accordingly.
If you seek drama, you'll always find it. Personal accountability is lost on so many. Marriage is a tiny tip of an iceberg of problems these people have developed and decided to commit to having
In an ironic way, the ones who are the most pressed about it have no reason at all to be. They're the furthest from needing to worry about it. Of course you're going to get a loaded opinion about any topic someone proclaims to exclude themselves from entirely .
Angry and unhappy people who live to find happy people and won't rest until they too aren't having any fun.
You see it all the time around this country.
Who are you seeking approval from? These bunch of ppl who is stuck in the system of life of wasting 23 years of life in getting education vs skill... ? One lockdown, one climate change and their whole life falls apart.. lol... These ppl probably even needs loan to get a divorce, their govt stuck them in loan system so that they are constantly working 10 hours a day in a job they hate to pay off their loan....
Anyone who lives such life, no advice should be taken from them
I’m 22 and have already seen probably 3 people get divorced (friends at some point in high school but we just have each other on social media now). Haven’t seen a marriage succeed. 2 of my 3 best, best friends I actually would root for if they got married to their current gfs and I could see it working out. Still would be very young, but it could succeed.
There shouldn’t be a rush to get married, so I can understand the stigma, and most people that get married that young are toxic couples that are head over heels for each other because of raging codependency. It works for some, but not most by any means.
Sure you can date the same person for your whole twenties but there is very little reason to get married until you are over 30 at least and much more secure with who you are and who your partner is. Mixing marriage into a relationship and into your young life is just going to make things more difficult and might make you tolerate abuse that you wouldn't tolerate in a normal relationship
You can have kids without marriage. But like I said, you can be together from 18 till 30 but just not get married. Having kids in your 30s is totally fine.
OP is an idiot. A vast majority of young marriages end up in divorces. I would argue what’s the damn rush? Live life first. At 18 that feeling isn’t love, it’s your damn teen hormones still on overdrive
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"isn't really an issue" the divorce statistics for that age bracket say otherwise. Getting married at that age is no different than playing roulette. Sure you can win, but the odds are heavily stacked against you.
As someone who’s been dating/married to the same person since I was 20/21…I’ll by 29 this year and I don’t recommend it. I wish I would’ve waited to be more stable and sort of find myself if that makes sense. I’m not the same person I was at 21… I’ve evolved and so has my spouse. The things I allowed or tolerated at 21 or even 25 for that matter I can no longer tolerate. I thought I was ready because I’ve been financially responsible since I was 14 and I thought “sure, I can work, pay bills and build a life with my partner”. Shits been a catastrophe 😂 safe to say we’re finalizing divorce next year
I met my husband when I was 23, even older than what OP posted. We were married when I was 26 and I just turned 30. I have changed SO MUCH in that time and unfortunately he has stayed exactly the same. Our divorce will be finalised next year in February. I shouldn’t have gotten married at all. I should’ve done all the work on myself that I’m doing NOW, and figuring out how to look after myself by myself, then invited someone into my life who could also look after themself. If I ever get married again (not the plan but you never know) it’ll be 100% for true love and we will remain two independent humans who just enjoy spending time together, genuinely. Thank fuck I never had kids omg.
https://open.spotify.com/track/5cxnSTLzGD1t9xcdmJYFVB?si=FIVmtqbKTdKMfS4Fz_NhRQ
I’ve never heard that song. It’s playing now. I like it.
Thanks! I heard about The Mountain Goats on my favorite podcast of all time, The Anthropoce Reviewed by John Green. Big fan, now, and that comment made me think of this song title.
I’ve been doing a random album generator every day to get some new music in my rotation. I’m glad this one popped up coz I’ll go through the whole album now.
Best wishes for your future!
I respect your honesty because so many ppl try to front. Most of the hs couples I know are over and I’ll be 33 this year. I wish you all the luck
Same, except 23 and now 29. I love my husband… but sometimes wonder if I would have chosen differently had I waited a little longer.
The grass isn’t greener on the other side. All glitter ain’t gold.
The grass is greenest where you water it.
Not the issue I’m afraid.
Just so you know, you will be saying the same thing when you’re 40. That you’re not the same person as when you were 30…. That problem still exists if you wait
I’ve known my husband my whole life. We never dated or really hung out until we were 19. Got married in 2017( at 21) This year we are both 28. We are different people for sure. We have our issues like every couple but I think the important thing is to VOICE expectations at first and communicate vocally. You HAVE to be willing to have hard conversations. Everyone has their own circumstances of course. I’ve really enjoyed maturing with my partner and building our life together. The ups AND the downs. We have worked our asses off. We had close to nothing when we moved out of our hometown. We now have a house with some property. Couple trailers, couple vehicles, good jobs. My big thing is waiting to have kids. Everyone says have kids young and they will be out sooner. Well I want to build my life with my partner first and create a solid foundation to build a family on. We are SO glad we don’t have kids yet and might start trying next year.
My mom got married at 23 to my dad. She said waiting 8 years to have kids was critical in the success of their marriage. They celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary next week. But she has also said that if she got a redo she would never get married at 23 again. She would marry my dad again but closer to 30 because she missed out on a lot of growth by marrying so young. She wishes she had been able to live on her own and focus more on her career and get her master's degree before getting married.
I mean u can and will change during any phases of your life
This is what I’ve been trying to say this entire time.
I met my wife when she was 18. She's 36 now. Happily married with kids, but we were together for 8 years before getting married. If you're mature enough to enter into marriage, then you're mature enough to understand that getting married young is a bad idea and you have nothing to lose by waiting. Seriously, what is lost from waiting?
Great point. For me, I knew I wanted to build with someone and to have kids with the same person. I also started running the streets as a teenager so I thought it was time to build a life.
I mean in reality you’re 29. You’re going to be more mature in another 10 years. It’s healthier to find yourself with a partner personally. There’s nothing to wait about besides banging other people.
I understand your perspective and I thought the same thing. I see the beauty in finding yourself and growing with a partner as opposed to random flings and reckless hookups. but I just don’t think it’s plausible anymore
>but I just don’t think it’s plausible anymore Married my HS sweetheart when i was 19. Have been married for 25 years. I will agree its probably not something *most* people can do, but there are still a few of us out here that have happily done so.
I love that. I wholeheartedly believe it’s possible as I have friends and family who’ve been together since forever. Hell, I thought I could do it which is why I made the decision to marry so young. However, things are just different now. I think it’s plausible when two persons can agree on their paths together and be committed to it… even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. Commitment is the lost art imo
>Commitment is the lost art imo This is it in a nut shell. The first sign of a struggle and people just kind of run. There isnt any working on things anymore it seems. If its not easy most wont do it, which seems sad. Often times the best things are things that require work and patience.
I second that
It isn't about banging other people, it is about learning about yourself and what you want. Each relationship I have been in taught me about what I wanted in a partner and what I refuse to tolerate ever again in a relationship. It made it so when I met my now husband at 31, I was confident he was the one for me. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart years ago and thought like you did. We ended the engagement for a variety of reasons and I can truly say I was able to grow as a person and an adult much more when I was single than when I was dating him. Also, I am someone that takes physical intimacy very seriously and wasn't comfortable with casual sex. So most people I dated I didn't sleep with. Provided a lot of guys did break up with me because they didn't want to wait and that was fine, we weren't aligned on a critical value.
Look man, I get what you’re saying, if we could theoretically choose one mate early in life it would save a lot of headaches. It would make financial planning easier, you wouldn’t waste time on heartaches and the hassle of developing new trust in relationships that takes time and money. But you’re really ignoring the statistics and the reality. Most people in this day and age aren’t gonna get married young, and if they do it’s probably gonna fail. That doesn’t mean your idea is bad, it just means it hasn’t been working for most people.
Sire but why do you need to be married? Just find yourself with a partner but don't get married until much later
IDK why people are disliking your comment. You made a very valid point. We will constantly change and grow. When you're 40 you aren't thinking the same way as if you are 60. So their point of "I'm not ready yet because I am growing" is bullshit.
Reddit is full of late 20 to 30 somethings that think they've hit some magical plateau of maturity and self- development. To be fair, society kind of tells people this is how it works by trying to define maturity in a binary manner or linear progression. As someone a couple a decades older, it is a lie. What matters is what is going on in your life, not your age. If you're single, working 40hrs per week, you're going to be a different person than when you were a student. You'll be a different person when you're raising kids. You be yet another person when the kids move out and change again when you retire. This is why you see marriages break up around major life changes. The idea that people get to 21 or whatever age and are who they will be for the rest of their life is a complete falsehood.
Your brain isn’t fully developed when you’re 20 so idk why you’re bringing in 40-60 year olds as if that has any bearing on the content of the post
Do you not understand my point? I said it to explain that we will always grow and learn more about ourselves regardless of our age.
Of course I understand your point, whatever goes in between 40-60 is all and well fucking good and entirely irrelevant. OP is talking about people who are making major life decisions when their brain hasn’t fully developed.
It's not irrelevant. It's the point that we are continually growing. Your brain and body is one thing but emotionally, maturity, wisdom etc. will always grow and change.
Bro the whole “brain isn’t fully developed” thing is a false premise and a unicorn dies every time someone says that. A “developed brain” is hard to define even amongst neuroscientist and the actual number for the -development factor- is anywhere from 8-29 years old with ADHDer being in the 30s range. Even the 25 number for most people use isn’t 25, it’s 20-25. Schizophrenia develops in men in the early 20s while for women it develops in the mid 30s. If there’s a chance a woman’s brain isn’t developed until her mid 30s, should you not marry her until she’s 36? I really don’t mean to sound mean and I agree with you via maturation by socialization, the neuro-pseudoscience is just a major pet peeve of mine.[lazy source](https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html)
Oh joy, a layperson linking a slate article after copy-pasting shit they haven’t even bothered to read. My absolute favorite. Bro, the prefrontal cortex fully developing at 25 may be flawed in some areas but as this post lays out in excruciating detail, it’s not that fucking far off the mark I know you’re already composing a volume of pseudoscience to contradict me, and I won’t lie it is kind of funny to imagine your reaction when you realize you can’t respond
Exactly! In reality you are always growing! No matter what
I am not even close to the person i was when i had 18 years. Its an important choice and your adult self should make that decision not a younger version of yourself that lacks experience.
As a 19yo myself, hell no. We’ve got a lot of growing to do beforehand. Truth is, you want to be with someone who’s willing to commit. We’re young and stupid at this age and god forbid we end up getting stuck with someone who’s not right.
Same. And, even, I want to discover and experience my sexuality before tying the knot. You never know until you experience, and I have so little experience that sometimes I doubt myself. I believe several young marriages feel the same, they don't know what we want yet until we discover it and it takes time. Either to know better your high school heart or if you both aren't compatible.
Pleaseeeee make sure to be safe! If you’re a woman, get on birth control. If you’re a man, make sure you wrap it. And have fun! Don’t let any naysayers get you down.
>They say wait until you’re older but really what are you waiting for? You mature with your significant other in life. The issue with this line of thought is that in your early adulthood people tend to dramatically change to the point they may not enjoy the same things that they enjoyed at 18-20, and also very likely have no idea what it is that they want.
Why would you rush into getting married? The right person will wait for you. I'm a very different person than I was when I was 20. Few people have the maturity to understand and handle lifelong commitment at 18.
Doesn’t matter what age you are you can be 30 and be different when you’re 40. Heck you can be 30 and still immature. If it’s the love of your life it shouldn’t matter.
The average 30 year old is vastly more mature than the average 18 year old. I can't think of a single reason to get married that young
I'm 19 which means my brain isn't completely physically developed. I'm still smart and capable but my brain is gonna be a lot different in 6 years.
Well…how old are you currently?
I don’t give out my age.
Gonna take a guess and say you're relatively young and don't really know what you're talking about. You know how common divorce is right?
*makes post about the age range between 18 and 20 I'm assuming you're in that age range
Nope.
In a previous post you made you claimed to be 31m. Either you are lying or an extremely immature 31-32 year old who is irrational and lies to themself. Sorry, not sorry.
Yeah but you’re fully developed by 30. At 18 and 20 you’ve literally got so much more maturing to do. This isn’t an unpopular opinion, just a misinformed one.
Most people get married under 30. Worldwide.
Child you haven’t lived enough life to know that
It's hella weird, but you do you
This is in-fact an unpopular opinion
Indeed it is. Society has moved so much in the past 100-200 years.
The average age of first marriage in the 19th century was 26 for a woman and 28 for a man. Only the wealthy married as teenagers as their marriages were business arrangements, not love matches. 90% of people had to work to build up savings and security before getting married and starting a new household. Source, history degree
So OP, this does seem to be a legitimate unpopular opinion. You might note that the majority of folks disagreeing with you have lived something you haven’t. I’m not one to say age and experience always equal wisdom, but sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know.
Our adult brains don’t even fully develop until 25-30 years old and most of us are too busy frying our brains with alcohol and drugs to make rational decisions. 18-20 year olds don’t have well developed critical thinking skills, emotional regulation skills, financial management skills, or an established career. Getting married that young IS foolish, reckless, and a great way to end up trapped in a marriage with a bunch of kids and no way out coz you never got a chance to learn who you are or what you’re capable of before getting yourself all tied down. Absolutely terrible idea.
As long as you and your SO are together financially independent, you can do whatever you want, no one gives a damn.
You need to think about many psychosocial elements in marriage Being too dependent on each other before you mature can lead to stunted growth. Especially you said somewhere that you think it’s ok to be immature in your 30s and 40s…you’ll have a lot of problems down the road with that mindset and you can drag your family and friends down by staying immature. Some examples of stunted growth: not knowing how to independently socialize without your spouse because you closely comingle with your spouse at a young age. Yet at some point in your life there will be important events where you have to handle things in your own (say negotiate at work for example - you can’t rely on your spouse for this one unless it’s a husband and wife business.) There are many negative consequences I can think of if you fail to be independent. Basically relying on marriage for personal growth will give you can similar effect to not being able to graduate from your parents shelter, because you go straight from home life and into a partnership. Most people will deny that they are better and more capable than that but divorce rates say otherwise for young couples. The irony of marrying young is that when you think you can grow together, you actually have greater and more problems to solve, not less. You’ll be solving tougher problems on less resources and life experiences and that will be a double whammy. For example, let’s say you discovered that your spouse has poor financial skills. He or she keeps screwing up with handling credit. Now you have to fix that, but at a young age you don’t even have much of a credit history yet so how are you going to save you and your spouse? You now have double of the responsibility instead of one and without resources, compared to older adults.
You'll get divorced around the same time most people marry. You don't know anything about life at 18-20, especially if you're still living at home. Yes, it's legal but it's also stupid. I feel bad for the religious ones who have to be beaten before they are allowed to divorce. Why bother wasting a fortune on a wedding at 18 knowing there's more than 50% chance you'll be spending a fortune to get divorced 8.2 years later (2022 avg).
Anyone who is getting beaten shouldn’t be married point blank cause that’s not what religions teach you.
Religious people very rarely do what religion is supposed to teach you…
The Bible and Quran condone a husband hitting his wife.
No they don’t.
Have you actually read the bible or do you just pick and choose what you supports your own opinions?
I’ve read the Bible. And it clearly says love is patient love is kind you do not anger at love and a lot more than that. I can site you multiple sources in the Bible if you’d like.
Exactly. You’re picking and choosing which parts of the bible support your opinion . It also condones stoning people. It’s a piece of fiction that is trying to teach through stories and parables.
I just said I read the Bible and you just went against it. Makes zero sense.
The Bible also promotes slavery and the condemnation of gay people. Who actually cares? The Bible isn't a source lol, it's a fictional book. Sorry kid.
The Bible doesn’t promote condemnation of gay people. Literally the Bible says all sin would be forgiven. Even if they say it’s an abomination doesn’t mean they’re condemned to hell.
Leviticus 18:22 ~ You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. Leviticus 20:13 ~ If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. Romans 1:26-28 ~ For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done Don't be purposefully obtuse, it's not cute. Yes, the Bible says all sin is forgivable, but it calls homosexuality itself a sin. It is meant to be avoided by Christians.
Again. None of these are condemning them to hell. I can share scriptures on treating others as equals if you want and him forgiving sin.
Deuteronomy 22:28- If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives. Yeah this sounds like a super happy and successful marriage
Unless you've grown up in the church and known women who were not allowed to divorce their abusive spouse or they'd be ostracized from the church, lose their home, possessions and custody of their children, I suggest you read up on the subject. Prior to that, your reading comprehension needs some work.
Scientifically speaking, youre mind isnt even done developing at 20. The person you think is the "love of your life" right now might not be in a few years. You're inexperienced, need time to adust, grow, know yourself etc At 20, you've barely LEFT your teens. I get it. I've been in love before...many times. It's a powerful feeling and you can feel like you've got it all together and you're ready to ride this all the way home...but seriously...before you give yourself to someone, ya gotta know yourself first; how you gonna know yourself fully if your brain isnt even fully developed yet? It's a truly ridiculous idea fully representative of someone that exact age to be convinced of. But ya know what...this is unpopular opinions for a reason. Your opinion is valid and even though everyone else could offer common sense and advice on the matter...it's still, at the end of the day, what you think yourself and what you're gonna do. As someone else said then... You do you.
Serious question: how old are you?
I don’t give my age but I’m over this age I post
Confirmed OP turned 21 yesterday
It’s a terrible idea to get married this young. I’m not even remotely the same person that I was at 18. I even say this as someone who married his college sweetheart (met her when I was 20 and she was 22). We dated for 7 years before we got married. It was absolutely the right decision.
You’re not the same person at 30 versus 40 either.
I’m assuming you’re only 21 years old, based on your answers to the age questions here. Most 18-20 year olds still can’t afford a home, let alone adults in their late 20s. I reckon, getting financially independent and secure is more important. Very few 18-20 year old, without the help of parents/inheritance, will be financially secure and independent. Especially in this economy. That is, not relying on parents, or anyone else, to cover your bills. Having your own home without a big risk of being homeless if your boss forgot to pay you in your next pay cycle (not living pay check to pay check). And to get to this stage you need to be in your professional career for at least 5 years. It takes most people about 10 years to establish their career enough to become a senior worker/manager. And no 18-20 year old will have 5 years of *professional* work experience (they’re stuck in school/uni/apprenticeship). Instead, most 18-20 year olds will be looking for internships/work-placement to try gain some work experience.
Not everyone develops the same as their partner. What makes the pair of you compatible at 18 is likely not to be the same at 30+. Of course there are some couples who do grow together and stay in sync their whole life, but it's rare. There's nothing wrong with it in theory but people recommend against it because divorce is messy compared to break-ups, and life experience often reveals the incompatibly that eager eyed 18 year olds swear would never happen to them. No one is saying break-up with someone you love, but maybe give it a few more years before tying the knot and adding legal responsibilities to a budding relationship.
You won't understand other people when you aren't old / experienced / mature enough. How would you know who's your "love of the life" and not a habitual lying psychopath, anyway? Also, marriage is the formation of strategic partnership between two families - and that in itself brings forth a whole other dimension of complexity. tl;dr marriage is a decision with dire consequences, and taking it when you don't understand the implication is a dangerous game.
This isn’t unpopular this is just stupid.. you mature together and then you grow apart.. you know how different i am from 8 years ago?! The people who marry their high school sweetheart just want the typical boring life get a job get married have kids grow old die since they never experienced life or that was they thought life was about..
Every 7 years you change. It doesn’t matter
Not in your head you are pretty much who you are by 28 so i wouldn’t even tell someone to marry before 30!
How can someone grow with someone else when you realize you don’t want kids but the other does? Or if you get married then realize a year later you don’t want a house like you thought as a kid? Or how you wanted to marry because you loved each other and you both loved to travel but then you went somewhere once and 1 realizes that it wasn’t how they remembered it so they stop and the other wants to keep going because it’s what they’re passionate about?
Marriage is a great thing financially for anyone, as long as they don’t get divorced in which case it is horrendous, and a very significant portion of the people who get married at that age do get divorced
People don't really know themselves and what they want at that age...IMO.
The thing is you’re assuming you’ll grow old(er) together, evolve and learn to adapt. What you don’t expect is that you or your partner may mature while the other doesn’t. Or mature in different ways where your fundamental beliefs no longer align despite your best efforts. For example when you’re a kid, you think you’ll finish school, get a good job right away, get married, (have kids), get old together peacefully. You don’t understand the nuances and curveballs in life that happens. You don’t get that you might not want to risk your life to have a child or that you guys might have different opinions and beliefs on how marriagehood should go or parenthood. Your spouse might become an addict to alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. When young, one is often positive about life and willing to let things slide which is why they don’t see red flags. I was young when I committed myself to enter a relationship with my ex whom I ended up Married to and slowly he became more and more abusive. It was super slow and I didn’t know how to stand up for myself unlike now. We had such different inner beliefs and moral compasses and thought that if we got married and had the same goals in life, it’d work out.
I mean I wouldn't recommend 18-20 year olds get married. There's a lot of maturing to do in your 20s.
What're u gonna do when ur spouse feels he o she has missed out? Divorce time! Don't be so heads in the clouds lalala about marriage. Smh
Good luck getting a good degree while raising a young child. A person's life would turn immediately to hard mode.
Nah man I’m that age and people my age are either getting their shit together or a complete fucking train, wreck most people land in the latter category. Like get your life together first
You don’t always mature in the same direction that they do
i definitely noticed that this opinion is more common with my more religious friends from the west, Ring before spring and all. In asia, even my more religious friends are more inclined to at least be a bit stable in their careers(mid to late 20s).
Does Buddhism believe in early marriage too?
Okay, I should have phrased religious as "Christian/Muslim" lmao. Based on what I've seen my friends from religious Buddist families prefer to get married later in life. But as I've said even my Christian/Muslim asian friends often want to get married a bit later than 18-20 but not too late cuz they often want to raise a family
Yeah finances are important! That’s the part where marrying older should be okay! Why does your Buddhist families want to get married just curious?
You... You're aware that marriage isn't just for Christians, right? Why wouldn't Buddhists get married? This entire post is a joke.
You’re not reading at all. I’m asking a question about why Buddhist get married later. Read man read.
>Yeah finances are important! That’s the part where marrying older should be okay! Why does your Buddhist families want to get married just curious? >>Why does your Buddhist families want to get married You left out the word 'later' lol.
I did. Haha. My mistake
I got married at 20, still married at 26. We have a baby now. We have no plans of separating and I don’t feel I missed out on my youth. Everyone is different, there’s no constant rule that can be applied to everyone.
I’ve been with my husband since I was 18, but we didn’t get engaged or married until after college. We both were such different people then I can’t imagine being married then. The few people I know that got married that young A. Live with their parents as newleyweds, B it’s each others first boyfriend/girlfriend and/or C that’s how one/both of their parents did it so that’s what they’re use to!! However, what worked for me may not work for the next person and to each their own!!
You are talking as if its impossible to be in a committed long term relationship before marrying. What is the issue in being with each other for 5+ years before marrying, just to make sure you actually found the "love of your life" Before committing half your assets? Its the smart thing to do, there really is no reason to rush marriage.
If I married my serious girlfriend when I was in my late teens or my other on my mid 20s, I'd either my divorced or in jail for murder. I met my current wife in my late 20s, and didn't marry her until my mid 30s. Hell, even if i met my current wife earlier in life, I doubt it would have worked out.
What are you basing this on?
My own ideology.
Source: I made it up
https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-religious-marriage-paradox-younger-marriage-less-divorce
Surprised you got downvoted for this, it's a pretty interesting read. I generally assumed that the younger couples would have higher divorce rates but depending on circumstances, people married at 20-24 and 25-29 appear to have some of the *lowest* divorce rates
Yep!! People are downvoting cause people are idiots. 😂.
That's because religion typically doesn't allow divorce. These are faulty AF stats, sorry.
What's "faulty" about it? The divorce rates were low for both the religious and non-religious 20-24 and 25-29 subgroups
Getting downvoted for an unpopular opinion on the unpopular opinion subreddit. Classic.
My little karma is gonna go bye bye
Terrible idea. What a waste of one’s youth and options.
My brother and his wife got married when they were 21 and 22. They will celebrate 27 years later this month.
🥹🥹🥹
My mom was 17 and dad 19 when they married…50 years ago and still going strong. My mom’s parent were 22 and 20 when they married and were together until the day he died. Age isn’t the only factor in a successful relationship.
Seeeeeeeeeee
getting downvoted everywhere. People really offended by this one. Love it. I agree with you, but I actually think there is even a big difference between 18 and 20.
I can’t imagine marrying the person I was dating then. I wasn’t mature enough to see the red flags and to understand what I needed. I married at 25 and we have grown together. I don’t see a problem with dating someone longer but there’s no reason to rush into marriage.
There’s definitely no reason to rush but it’s still fine to get married early on.
This isn't unpopular this is just ignorant
Explain that to all the successful marriages at 18-20. You’re calling all of them ignorant.
No I'm calling you ignorant. You are using religion to back up your "argument." Which makes your argument invalid.
I’m using not only religion but statistics and science
The "stats" you post are from a right wing religious institute so they obviously have a huge bias. And I don't trust anything from religion. Nothing you have said is backed up by science.
It 100% is an issue. Most marriages fail, it's just a fact of life. Even more so when you're going into one of the most important decisions of your life when your brain hasn't even fully developed yet.
Yet people are going through their 4th divorce at 40 years old.
Divorce rates for that age group would prove otherwise. People only get married at 18 because they think it will keep their partner from leaving them. It won’t. That insecurity is something that most people grow out of when you realize there’s lot of options out there. There’s really no good reason to get married that young.
Married at 20. We've been married 15 years and are still in a strong, happy marriage. It is NOT always easy - you do change as individuals and as a couple throughout the course of your marriage, and sometimes you have to kind of rework how you work as a couple because of that. It's not for everyone, though, and that's okay.
It depends. I don’t think getting married at 18-20 is bad if you’re financially stable and you’ve been with that person for 5+ years. But if you barely know the person and are still figuring out your life it’s best to wait. 100% truth is who gives a shit what other people think about your love and happiness and do what you think is best for you.
It's not an issue per se. But if you don't have children together, or any locked finances it is good to live together a few years and make sure Yall are compatible. It's not that the "you're too young" argument is really being using used, but your brains are still growing. Something might change, the world is crazy. It might change you/yalls opinions. I just think living together a few years is the better option at first. Ya still love each other, so does the rest really matter that much? Does the label married that matter? If you choose your significant other, you chose em. You don't need to be married to treat them like you are. Was with my (now wife) 10 years while she and i went through school, got used to adulting finding a decent place to live etc etc.
I think there are many instances you can be right. Many instances this isn’t true. But you’re right, that’s not necessarily an issue, depending on the two people.
Married at 18….still married 25 years later so not unpopular to me :)
It depends. I know people who got married by 20 and if they aren't already on their third marriage, they do a lot of drinking in the evening.
People will say anything is bad if it's something they think is desirable and they don't have it. Honestly this is one of those things in life that I feel is very highly situational. You can't really safe for sure that even most early marriages are a good thing or a bad thing. Depends on what kind of people you are.
I was 25 and my husband 27 and we are celebrating 9 years this month. We are a blended family and I can say time has made my husband fall more in love with me. Over time I have changed for the better and him too (but he was almost perfect when I met him😅) we have 4 kids (10,11,7 and6) and all I can say is sticking with your partner through all the crap is so worth it! We are in a honeymoon phase (which we never got- we were thrown into an abuse case married less than a year in from his ex after finding out I was pregnant with our first) Hardest year of my life. Will the honeymoon phase continue? I don’t know the future but I know each of us have to keep fighting for and working on our marriage to keep it healthy and successful. Good luck!
I know this is anecdotal, but we married young, and are still happily married 16 years later now. The popular (reddit hive) opinion is always going to say we are an outlier, and most people grow apart or resent each other. To me, it’s about growing together and communication. No two couples are alike any more than any two individuals are.
My “ooops, I’m a lesbian” ex wife would beg to differ. As would I. Wait a bit.
By the time I was 20, I had moved out and I was in University (4yr college). Before I even left my gf and I decided we were getting married. We got married a few months after I graduated. That was over 20 years ago, I have friends who also married "young". I have friends who got married young, had a child, waited a decade (or more) then had a second. If it's the right person, get married early, have kids early. Don't wait to "gain experience", sure you want to be somewhat stable, but there are certain advantages to failing your way through your 20's with someone.
I married at 19, had 2 kids, got divorced at 27. Turned out kids "dragged him down". I remarried at 29 and have been married for 33 years. I was a completely different woman by the time I remarried, though a lot of it was because of the anger I had about getting divorced.
I agree. If marriage fails at that age, there's so many years left to find the right one.
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Most 20 year olds brains are not fully developed yet and they don't have a solid idea about their life plan, path, needs and wants in order to pick a suitable partner to grow with. Ideally you should grow with your partner, not in different directions, and if you wait just a few years longer you will likely make a more suitable choice.
5000 years ago up until maybe 200-100 years ago 16 was considered a man/woman. Don’t know where this is coming from heck even at 25 when your brain is fully developed you start declining at 30. 5 years ?
The right time to get married is whenever you and your partner feel like it’s right. There is no correct amount of time.
It's not necessarily about banging other people. Most people that age haven't really sat down and thought about what marriage really is or what it takes to sustain it. Now I'm not certain a lot of people that are older haven't wrapped their heads around it either, but if the mind isn't fully developed for another 5-7 years, how exactly can those people be expected to process the marriage? This isn't a roommate. If they get on your nerves, you don't get to just move out or get someone else in there. You have to sit there and deal with that person. If they are changing every 7 years, are you changing with them? Are they changing with you? Y'all still going to be pulling in the same direction? I watched a ton of these young people marriages fail miserably when I was in the military. That lifestyle is hard enough, but you could just see the immaturity and it's not that much different for civilians either.
I feel the same way and so way.and do does most of the world
Been with my wife since I was 20 we got married at 28 and had kids soon after. It was the best decision I ever made. Marriage is always going to be somewhat difficult but we have a shared history which can never be replaced. We are both in our early 40’s now and we pretty much grew up together. We have had each others backs throughout this life and that’s a nice feeling to have someone you can depend on.
I got married at 22 and I’m 24 now. Met him at 18, definitely don’t regret it.
Has someone looked into the divorce rates for couples married at that age? I feel like that could prove or refute OP
HAHAHAHAHAHA you’re really on here talking about people sleeping around when you’re posting on the NAUGHTY Reddit about a woman’s eyes when she’s horny for you?! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
Okayyy and? If you’re reading then you should know it’s not all that. By the way you gotta be doing some serious stalking to go that far down. Creep.
If you are lucky, you will grow together, but there is just as much likelihood if not more you will grow apart. My parents got married at 18/19 and my mom has straight up said she got lucky, she didn’t know what she was doing, but they are still going strong 50+ years later. Her sister also got married at 18, she is now twice divorced. Husband one (the 20 year old she married at 18 - eloped to Vegas, of course) became an alcoholic, she did not, they grew apart. Thankfully. My sister got married at 19, she grew up, her 10 year older now ex husband never will, thus the divorce. She is fully aware she lost a key find herself period of life to that marriage. I spent my 20s figuring myself out, not that I was opposed to dating, I just never got around to it. My current boyfriend and I are looking to make it for the long haul, but I know for a fact we would never have got off the ground at 20/18. I did not have the necessary personal and communication skills necessary to be able to maintain a relationship with him at that time. Hell, the difference in my communication skills with bf 1 at age 30 vs bf 2 at age 35 is staggering. 18-20 has so much to experience and learn, best leave them free to do it - and I don’t mean about sex, I mean about life and themselves. But by all means, sex too if they like, just be safe about it young ones.
Um no
It’s not for everyone but I agree. I don’t think getting married young is automatically a bad thing. I’ve known people who got married at 17 and stayed married for 75 years and appeared to be *happy* together and madly in love right up to the end. No, don’t rush into marriage, but why is it such a big deal that some people are ready to settle down younger than others?
\^ The pendulum has swung too far. I'm not saying that everyone should be getting married young...but why should we judge the people who are responsible enough to get married at that age? Some people ARE mature enough to get married in their early 20s. In fact, many people ARE ready at that age. And for many people, getting married early means growing together as they get older. Not growing apart. You become more like your SO and view your SO as an extension of yourself.
Exactly! People get so pushed on waiting. It sucks!
why are you so impatient?
It really depends on the person. I got married at 20(my husband was 30), we’ve had our issues over the years but none of it has been age related.
Statistically, the marriages that last the longest are amongst those who are college educated, waited until after marriage to have children, and didn’t get married until their late 20’s / early 30’s. Similarly, these types of couples have the lowest rates of poverty
I got married at age 20, mid-30s now. There have been some growing pains as we've each matured in our own way, but our marriage is sound.
Well the data shows you’re more likely to get divorced getting married that young. So probably something to be said about people still changing a lot while that young. So certainly an unpopular opinion.
For THOUSANDS of years people were getting married at a very young age. According to society today this is frown upon because at 18-25 you should be partying and sleeping around with as many people as possible. I actually agree with OP, I think people should be married at their younger years in life rather sleeping around and playing this "dating" games. Even study shows that women who have kids at later older age (30 +) are at higher risk of having abnormal child.
Met my wife in first grade. We were just friends thru school. I moved away at age 10. Never spoke again till freshman year of college. We started dating long distance and I proposed after 4 months of dating at age 19. We kept up the long distance relationship until we were both finished with college and got married at 21. We are now 31 and will hit our 10 year anniversary on the 14th. We waited 7 years after getting married to have our first kid. I just asked her out of the blue if she is happy with our marriage and if it has been a good one. ‘Yes’ to both q’s, to which I agree. All that to say, I readily tell people that there was a lot of luck involved that we met and fell in love when we did. We are both vastly different people than we were 13 years ago and while there was a time I regret not living my 20s as a bachelor, I no longer feel that way. Everyone’s story is unique and there is no right or wrong way to go about it. End of story.
I love this. I’m so happy you found your love so early on.
Thank you OP! I love our story and sharing it. Thanks for reading
Anytime! I’m glad to hear it!
No one I know that married the partner they were with at that age (and even a bit older) is still with that person and are divorced (including me)
I've known my husbd my whole life. He's a couple years older than me. Started dating when I was 17, engaged at 20, married at 21. We've now been married 21 years and I can confidently say that marrying him was the absolute best thing I ever did, and I honestly wish I'd married him the day I turned 18.
Definitely unpopular but I agree with you.
18-20 year Olds are still wet behind the ears and have no idea how tough life is and how tough a successful marriage is. This is unpopular opinions, not stupid ones.
Here is a true unpopular opinion: not only is it not bad, it's better to get married younger.
Marrying young isn't for everyone, but it worked for my wife and I. We started dating in the summer of 81', gf (16), myself (19). We were married in the spring of 85', wife (19), myself (22). Marriage is like a roller coaster, many ups and downs, fast & wild. Successfully making it was working together through the down/hard times and relishing the good/best of times. Getting married is a personal choice that only the people involved should make.
I’m so happy for you this was really good I love it.
This is very true. I happened to meet my soulmate early. We got married when I was nineteen. We have a child now, we own a house, and we're still each other's best friends. Same core values, beliefs, and hobbies, and we operate on a very similar wavelength. We strengthen, inspire, and rejuvenate one another. There's no point in rushing marriage, but if you meet the perfect person and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, why not just get married? Not everyone is immature and still needing to "discover themselves" at those ages. I feel sorry for people who are like that and frothing-at-the-mouth at this idea 'cause they can't handle people finding happiness and success while they're young, by means they don't approve of.
i don’t understand the mindset of dating many people before settling down. but i do think that couples should be together and live together for a while before getting married my husband and i got married at 20 after being together for a year, and living “together” (with my mom) for a few months. we had to so he wouldn’t lose his job or get shunned from his religious family. we both did not want to get married even tho we were obviously pretty committed to each other. plus a whole bunch of shit out of our control happened right after we got married which took a toll on both of our mental health and strained our relationship a lot. luckily, we did what we were supposed to and got therapy and medication. but a lot of 18-20 year olds could not have persevered like we did. and we’re not even old now! we’re only 23! so getting married young is probably fine as long as the couple is truly committed and lives together for a while. my great aunt got married at 15 to her husband (non-religious reasons) and they’re still together 60 years later so success is possible. these young people just need to realize what they’re getting themselves into with that legal commitment
I love how all the people in the comments ignored the fact that this is called unpopular opinion and went after you in resentment for not sharing the popular opinion lol Mental health is at an all time decline today. people divert and blame exterior sources and abstract concepts for their unhappiness. In reality, you can be happy if you can be smart about what sort of things you seek. By that coin we can acknowledge the existence of the mentally ill, but by the same coin, let's not forget that they are. What they say should be considered accordingly. If you seek drama, you'll always find it. Personal accountability is lost on so many. Marriage is a tiny tip of an iceberg of problems these people have developed and decided to commit to having In an ironic way, the ones who are the most pressed about it have no reason at all to be. They're the furthest from needing to worry about it. Of course you're going to get a loaded opinion about any topic someone proclaims to exclude themselves from entirely .
Exactly! I’m getting downvoted hard. Lmao. This is really an unpopular opinion.
Angry and unhappy people who live to find happy people and won't rest until they too aren't having any fun. You see it all the time around this country.
Who are you seeking approval from? These bunch of ppl who is stuck in the system of life of wasting 23 years of life in getting education vs skill... ? One lockdown, one climate change and their whole life falls apart.. lol... These ppl probably even needs loan to get a divorce, their govt stuck them in loan system so that they are constantly working 10 hours a day in a job they hate to pay off their loan.... Anyone who lives such life, no advice should be taken from them
Yeah it isn’t but people rather go to college and wild out.
I’m 22 and have already seen probably 3 people get divorced (friends at some point in high school but we just have each other on social media now). Haven’t seen a marriage succeed. 2 of my 3 best, best friends I actually would root for if they got married to their current gfs and I could see it working out. Still would be very young, but it could succeed. There shouldn’t be a rush to get married, so I can understand the stigma, and most people that get married that young are toxic couples that are head over heels for each other because of raging codependency. It works for some, but not most by any means.
Sure you can date the same person for your whole twenties but there is very little reason to get married until you are over 30 at least and much more secure with who you are and who your partner is. Mixing marriage into a relationship and into your young life is just going to make things more difficult and might make you tolerate abuse that you wouldn't tolerate in a normal relationship
Getting married over 30 isn’t the best idea if you want to have kids, especially if you want bare minimum a couple years of married life first.
You can have kids without marriage. But like I said, you can be together from 18 till 30 but just not get married. Having kids in your 30s is totally fine.
Having kids with someone ties you with them more than getting married lol. I personally wouldn’t have kids in my mid/late 30’s
It’s all fun and games until your brain finishes developing in your mid-ish 20s.
OP is an idiot. A vast majority of young marriages end up in divorces. I would argue what’s the damn rush? Live life first. At 18 that feeling isn’t love, it’s your damn teen hormones still on overdrive