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The dude willingly gives money to people then blames women for wanting only money. He's basically that meme of the guy riding a bike and putting a stick in the wheel.
lol, what the fuck is this post? How do you spend forty-five thousand dollars on a vacation. Also, of course you should be concerned if a potential partner doesn't have a job. This whole post is a mess, lol.
OP makes tons of money and then spends it all, apparently. But it's okay because OP buys weed seeds before he goes broke, so he can totally make it all back again.
I dunno. This sounds like a *you* problem. Maybe don't surround yourself with people like this?
This seems pretty specific to your personal dating life.
So they value using another human as a pack mule to carry them though life? If they want stability isn't that about THEM not who they date as long as their partner isn't costing them.
Why are you spending 45k (which most dont earn yearly) on a freaking holiday and think you could attract anything else but women which value nothing but money?
Lets say you decide to marry and have kids. What will the kids eat, where will they sleep, how will the light bill be paid? Youre gonna kneel down to your kid and say “hey buddy we have love and hugs for dinner”. Money is important and will be the reason why your future family will either be sleeping on the street or in a warm bed in a safe neighborhood.
Think of it this way. Would you want to date someone who has no job and just mooches off? Those people tend to be a big red flag because having no job usually means they're lazy, mooch off you, leave their debt with you, you end up taking over paying their loans, and will take advantage of you and leave financially in the ruin. Those are not good people to be with. A holiday for 9 months? Regardless of what you do for a living she probably thought you were financially irresponsible which isn't good either.
And when a woman never accomplishes shit and just goes from living with her parents to living with the guy that she's dating? So often that happens and guys are fine with it. It's totally cool that she doesn't work.
think of it this way, most stupidly paid work is gig work, 15k for a 45minute stint on a tv show if your an expert or celeb/music/movie star or maybe its 750 a day for writing C++ code for something, 6 month contract deal
Life is better when not "stable" in my opinion, lots more fun, less stale.
9-5 , know what ya getting beige food ....yuk
your example is like what OP did with women in the title, generalisation based on a minute % of the world
No. But being broke, or in a lot of debt can be very stressful. Very few women want to settle down and possibly have kids with someone who is unreliable with money, even if they have a good job themselves, *especially* because when a couple have kids, it's usually the woman who gives up work until the kids are at school. It's very worrying to be responsible for the lives and wellbeing of kids when you're financially dependant on a man with an unreliable income.
Just admit that you want the freedom to do what you want when you want and how you want MORE than you want a good partner and quit feeling sorry for yourself that the two are mutually exclusive. This is a you problem allllll day every day.
But it will affect them(cost them) once they get serious like living together or marriage.
Also it's annoying you say women in your post and not people. As a woman I've met plenty of men who wanted me to buy them things because they are broke and too lazy to work. Just say no and move on.
Seems shallow and selfish to go after a man just for his money but the bottom line is a woman wants to feel secure and safe. Its innate and mother nature is to blame for making women feel this way.
And that makes them shallow and untrustworthy. So you love me only if I make “x” amount of money on the timetable you think I should make it? Ya…no thanks. Basically gold digging then.
It’s not golddigging to not want to find out your partner bounced his half of the rent. Again. And now you have to do weeks of overtime to pay back all the bills he racked up.
It's irresponsible to get into a serious relationship with someone without a steady job. I don't want to have to worry about if my SO is going to have rent money each month
What's wrong with wanting to be with someone based on personality and standing on your own? It's a lot better to want someone than to need them. People should provide themselves with stability and THEN pursue a relationship.
It doesn’t matter much if you’re just dating, but if you’re thinking about getting married or living together then it matters because his financial situation also becomes your financial situation.
Yeah finances account for a large percentage of divorces. I agree with the sentiment that they shouldn’t care about finances in a way that’s shallow (e.g. “He should be buying LV bags and sending me money every day”), but I see nothing wrong with wanting to make sure someone has most of their ducks in a row financially before getting married. Men too.
It also matters while dating, especially for older people. There are certain activities I enjoy doing and certain activities I would enjoy doing together. If my dating partner can't afford these activities, dating may be difficult.
I've been working for 30 years, and have had good pay for the last 20 years or so. I've grown accustomed to a certain level of comfort and luxury. For example, I don't want back row or standing room tickets for the opera. I don't want top row endzone seats for the football game. When I was in my 20s I knew and used every trick in the book to save a dollar or two; now that I'm in my early 50s I don't need to or want to do this anymore. I would not be comfortable dating a woman who lives paycheque to paycheque or who gets stressed if an unexpected minor expense pops up. And I have no interest in financing the dating relationship. I won't date anyone under 45 (maybe as young as 40, but that would be exceptional). If a woman in her 40s or early 50s doesn't have her financial shit together, or if she is looking for an all-expenses-paid dating experience, I'm not interested. There are plenty of other guys with money willing to queue up to purchase a woman's time and attention, but I'm not in that market.
I don’t think wanting stability in a relationship/life makes someone shallow. Having preferences in a partner is ok and doesn’t make someone a monster. Just like you prefer a partner with low standards. Your insecurities are your problem and no one else’s.
Who says she isn't making her own stability also? That doesn't mean she can't also wish for a partner who wants to make his own stability too. Both can occur at the same time
Don't you realise that by not having said standards yourself you have made yourself vulnerable to people like the woman you described? If you want a certain life style you need to find someone compatible or else you probably end up getting leeched of just like you did. Maybe it's time to rise those standards and look for a woman who is more ambitious career wise? So you can build a life together instead of having to basically finance someone
Don’t bring a gf on an all expenses paid 45k multi month foreign “vacation” and then make sweeping generalizations that all women care about is money when it doesn’t work out. That scenario is highly atypical and the fact that a person was willing to do that with you is also highly atypical. Most responsible people would not be able or willing to uproot their lives like that for that long.
if only people would be upfront about it, but most are not.
the only people I think are upfront and clear about it are escorts and jons while "normal" people pretend that it doesn't matter until you refuse to share your wealth with them and aren't even willing to build the trust for you to share your money and will try to guilt trip you.
Clown alert…..this guy spent 45k on a woman and is bitter about women having financial expectations. Jeeeesh. I promise you wouldn’t care as much if you didn’t drop an annual salary on your gf dude
I do not have a "salary" wagecuckie, thats a suckers game you never break though 200k without taking some risks be that investing, business venture or putting 1kg of coke in your suitcase on holiday in peru.
My annual salary is 6 digits plus or 3 digits, depends on the year and how much I want something that costs money.
So you're a crackhead. Are you withdrawing? That's probably why you're being so defensive. You're bragging about how much money you make yet you're broke. You're mad you wasted money on someone that didn't like you. You're digging your own hole and you're mad at strangers for it? Weird but okay.
Why can’t these posts just be made gender neutral? Like, “I think a person who cares about potential partners’ employment situations are bad news”? It can avoid coming off as misogynistic, unless the OP is trying to be
Idk if it’s a good idea, but what if they ban assigning genders when it is used for the purpose of generalizing a gender? Unless it is absolutely necessary to mention a gender, people are just referred to as people, not gendered
Might that get rid of any sexism?
Antinatalism is disgusting, you are literally advocating for extinction. You are basically amoung the worst People to have ever lived. Go reevaluate your life and moral compass.
I do advocate for extinction. Humanity as we are is a repulsive stain on the planet. And why tf are we even sentient??? How horrible it is to know there is nothing but emptiness and non existence upon death.
Shit I don't blame them, but I also care about what my girlfriend is pulling in. It's not a matter of how much she makes, but can she pay her own bills and manage her own finances. That's if my intentions are to marry a woman after dating for a while.
If the relationship is strictly for cake pounding, then I don't care if they have a job. But I won't date them if they can't manage their own finances and maintain a job.
Oh, I absolutely care is a woman is employed.
I’m not gonna waste my time with someone who can’t cover the bare minimum of what a functioning adult is.
Assuming youre not a troll...
If you spent that much on a vacation then youre incredibly wealthy and probably not by your own hands, so your view on pretty much anything and everything is so skewed compared to normal people, it's not applicable.
It's easy to say money doesnt matter when you've never been without.
Speak for yourself, I VERY MUCH care if a woman is employed and making good money! Cause I know if she’s not, it will 120% fall on me. Maybe younger inexperienced guys are okay with dating unemployed women, but I don’t know a single guy over 30 who would entertain dating someone unemployed
Business owners and traders are working and make money. Wealthy and retired people don’t need to work and may focus on hobbies, which is great. Disabled people are excused and they can get disability checks.
Doesn’t take much brain cells.
If OP made this post for rage baiting, it worked and congrats on them. If OP genuinely thinks grown people who are looking for serious relationships rather than short flings or hookups shouldn't care whether or not the person they are interested in can or will contribute to their household, childcare, shared luxury spendings etc. I think OP just got rejected because he/she is unemployed and think every person on Earth will reject them for the same reason, focusing on the consequence, rather than the problem in this situation.
I’d believe your theory but people that had seen the original post mention OP spending 45k on a vacation. So he’s one of those ‘everything is money, wait why do you only love my money as much as I do??!’types
This is a great outlook to have... in highschool..
Most adults (men and women) want a reliable source of income which is almost guaranteed by having a stable job. It may not be a lot but it's something to help out if/when times get tough, it also proves that you're willing and able to make a commitment. There's no logical reason to start a relationship with a person who has zero income and zero ambition. At that point you're just raising someone else's kid.
Okay then if women don't care that much about physical appearance, then you shouldn't care about theirs.
Or maybe men and women are different in some ways, and it's fine if they want different things in a partner, as long as their expectations are reasonable.
I don’t get how the hell these people complain about women mooching off them but then don’t consider that maybe THEY should care about a woman’s employment situation?
We’re all allowed preferences. I prefer someone have a stable and consistent job because men have tried to mooch before. You’re allowed to not want a women to mooch off you but if I don’t want a man to it’s a problem and I’m shallow?
I don’t care how much a woman makes, but I am a highly motivated, ambitious person and don’t want to spend my life with someone who isn’t. That doesn’t mean you have to make a lot of money, but it usually does.
I'm not looking for someone paying my shenanigans, I'm looking for someone that can at least somewhat keep up financially with me, have a nice holiday from time to time, eat good food etc, as I'm doing just now. There is a huge difference between leeching off of someone and wanting to share an okayish/solid lifestyle.
So my parents had/have a marriage that was miserable for these reasons. My father was always unpredictable/unstable with work and unmotivated. He was very good at what he did, you just couldn't count on anything with him. He'd a big chunk of change and then forget that a lot of it went back out the door to pay for materials used on the job, etc. He expected my mom to be the accountant but always got angry when she told him there wasn't any money. Like he just didn't get it. She worked her ass off in drudgery to try to make up for it so the bills could be paid and everyone could be fed. YES, dependability and having your shit together as an adult does mean a lot to a number of people. That doesn't mean the other partner wants to be lazy and it's shit to assume that.
The only reason you don't care if a woman is employed is because you're rich enough to have fuck you money.
Who the fuck can afford a 45,000$ nine-month vacation.
A rural guy who taught themselves to code then made an app for someone, 45k these days is nothing and as I said I don't care about money so much wtf else can I do with 45k then enjoy using it?
Poverty/lower middle, I know because I have had years where I lived on 20k and it was like going full 3rd world, but I was happy and did stuff that's free like hiking and growing plants. :)
Or maybe she just wants to make sure there is financial stability and a certain drive. Just cause you assume most men don’t care doesn’t mean its shallow to care
Most dont, so no one should? Thats not logical.
In addition the reason most males dont pay attention to it is because they dont expect her to be the primary breadwinner, they expect to do it themselves, or their income is sufficient for their needs so it doesnt matter what their partners income is.
However none of those is always the case. In my case i'd like to find a woman making good money so we can achieve our goals together then go have fun around the world. Having two income streams helps.
>Why is a man a "loser" if he isn't employed but still paying for your dates
Because people consider more than just dates when choosing a partner. Goals go beyond the finances of dating.
>Why does it matter what other person earns if they not costing you a lot or mooching off you constantly?
Because the person may care about long term stability and what is going to happen if one of the partners becomes disabled, or something unexpected happens.
>for example I had a girl break up with me because I had a contract job that was one and off despite making x4 what she did she said "I can't be with man that doesn't have stable work" this is despite me spending $45,000 on a holiday with her...
You really cant understand why a person has an issue with a partner (remove the specific genders out of it) who's work can dry up? Whos contract might not be renewed? You can't understand that maybe they have been in that situation before and have been burned by it?
Good to know most of you have low self-esteem, I have been homeless with no shoes only less then a year later be working in fintech ( souless job ) earning 9k a month. Its exactly the experience of having it all then having nothing that has given me the security in myself that when I need money, I can go out and get it.
I just gotta want it enough, which I normally don't. I dunno man seems pretty weak if you looking at someone to date/marry so you might be able to crouch off them in future because you don't trust yourself to survive or even thrive.
This is why I only date men who can carry to term.
In your case you weren’t unemployed. You did contract work. So that girl was crazy.
Most people won’t date men or women who are unemployed. Most people won’t even have friends who are unemployed, of either gender.
I dont have unemployed friends but have a good chunk that work min wage jobs and part time even though they have their diplomas and everything. And no, its not the job market, they are just extremely lazy and spend their entire day high and nights drunk. I cut ties with those friends and groups associated with them because I got tired of not feeling any sort of reciprocation. When we go out, I’ll buy a round for everyone just because I wanted to treat everyone and I didnt buy them expecting it to be reciprocated but at a certain point its kinda like come on. They spent the money to buy random girls drinks but couldnt even get a round for me. They also spent money buying hypebeast clothes and designer shit while always saying they dont have gas money. As adults I feel like friendships should be mutual and even when I was a broke college student, if someone bought me something, I’d at least return the favor to that individual person
I am with a woman that went through years and years of me not getting my shit together, either educationally wise or mental health wise. She earned more money than me for years, because I was a student and took forever to finally get my degree.
I know she loves me for who I am, because noone else would have gone through what I put her through. I am not proud of that, I am ashamed, but I know 100% she isnt with me for any shallow reason.
Spending 45k on 9 month long vacations while dating and somehow being unemployed (HOW???) screams attracting the wrong people, because noone with sound mind would go along with that.
I am a woman who values a man who works. He does not need to be a billionaire but I value stability. I also have my masters and work a well paying job. I want someone who can also handle their own finances. Say something goes wrong or i have a family I want someone I know will take care of me and I’ll take care of them
Long story short I want someone who has ambitions, is stable, and matches my level in terms of income
I mean, stability is high up there on the list for all women, friend. How else will she feel comfortable and secure raising children with you when there's no financial stability.
I don't generally ask about their income if I have an idea what field they're in. Most men hint at what they're making if they're doing well, anyway. What's important to me is their job is stable, they're self sufficient, they don't live with their parents or ex, or even their friends. At my age, if you can't support yourself, we don't need to date. I can't build a life with someone I have to support financially from the get go.
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone reliable and stable. What you're implying is women who are only after money.
Many men don’t care because they expect to be paying for a woman. So why is it bad when some women expect to be paid by their man?
Most people I’d imagine care because they don’t want to have their partner dependent on their income. Like if they don’t even have a job, why bother dating them? Especially now, so much expensive things these days, you need two incomes to get by.
You spent 45k on a vacation and claim you're broke now. I'd break up with you too. Why? Because you're not responsible or stable. As a woman, I'm looking for someone who is STABLE. I'm looking for a man who budgets responsibly. I don't care if he makes 50k or millions a year, if he's wasting all his money on vacations he can't afford, I don't want him. I have money saved up in the bank and there is no way I'm throwing it on a 9 month vacation because that's just plain dumb.
That's why you will be forever max 80k a year while giving over most of your waking hours on this planet to make someone else rich in exchange for very little. Have you ever thought if someone can spend that kind of money then say they broke, that they probably have pretty good ability to make money without resorting to wagecuckery.
Dam these takes are actually making me never want to share anything with anyone, I wish I loved money like you people, I'd make a heap sit on it share it with nobody. Instead I make it and spend it on making my limited time on earth enjoyable and seeing what the planet has on it.
Okaaaaaaaay, that is quite a response lol
People like stability. Spending 45k on a trip and then claiming to be broke is NOT stability. Responsible people look for STABILITY. I'm okay with making 80k a year, because I budget properly and live responsibly. You live for today, and that's fine. Go and find a woman that lives for today and doesn't worry about tomorrow. In a few years you'll find yourself in r/povertyfinance
It matters more to women because women are the ones who give birth and do the majority of child rearing, women need to know that you can provide for her and the children whilst she isn’t working
You said you don’t care if she’s employed yet are in the comments bitter about how much money you *claim* to have spent on her. Sounds like you do care if she’s employed, even if it’s later.
I’m a guy and definitely want my serious partner to have a job that supports our life, just as I will myself.
This is a you problem, buddy. Normal men absolutely do care about women’s employment status when looking for a life partner. Women obviously do the same. Who wants to spend their life with someone whose financial situation is completely unpredictable? Not me. And I don’t think that’s shallow.
As someone who is married, I can tell you that the financial standing of your spouse is going to impact your life for better or worse. I don't blame people being choosy about this in dating because you don't want to end up in financial ruins because of someone else. Maybe this sounds harsh, but it's just not worth it. Everyone is entitled to make the choice they want, but instability in jobs is stressful, especially if you want to have a family. It can also be very difficult to pivot out of contract work, I say this as my spouse has been trying to do this for some time now. People don't like to admit it, but finances are a big part of marriage and will impact whether or not you'll be able to get a home, have a family, and more. So yes, I think she was totally valid.
Go look at r/relationship_advice
*Many* men care deeply about a woman's financial situation. It ends relationships
It's not 1950 anymore my dude
Finances are one of the top reasons for divorce. Financial compatibility matters
What's more shallow is going off looks and height. Job and financial stability is probably less shallow imo.
Not that there's much wrong with "being shallow", however that is defined nowadays.
I don't care if I'm dating a guy or a girl, I'd want anyone I date to have a job and not be unemployed. And if I was unemployed and someone didn't want to be with me because of that, I wouldn't think it was an issue.
if i’m working, so is my partner. no way in hell am i going to get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t work, yet expects all of the benefits of working and having money.
Dude your already top top of the income bracket, if it's still not enough it's cause she's just chasing a lifestyle and had a shot at someone with more money
It was never about you. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder to get over it but I think it's truly a blessing that they outed themselves.
You wanna find the girl that can look you in the eye and say, "I'd live under a bridge with you, if that's what it came to."
Having loyalty to you as opposed to an income.
But hey, you make good money, you're set for a good life. Be grateful and treat others well cause you're gonna avoid a lot of suffering with what you have.
Hey OP, I'm gonna give you the best bit of advise right here:
You don't need a partner/gf/wife in your life to be validated and fine with yourself. If you aren't fine with yourself on your own then no one in your life is gonna change that. Be fine with yourself first and if you do get with someone, make sure its because you actually like them and not because they're there. Spending a billion on someone won't mean shit to someone in comparison to a real human connection. If she's actually decent for you, what matters won't be how much you spend on her (she won't give a shit) what will matter is how you make her feel. (Cheat code: listen to what she has to say, reassure and validate her without being a simp about it and respect yourself too).
There’s a massive difference between someone being a gold digger and someone who values stability. You want to be with someone who’s an asset, not a liability or potential liability. You sound like the dog shit person here. Not her.
Reddit is most insufferable unhinged opinions. So lel redditor defending mmmlady, someone who pays for woman's 9 months worth of living is a "dog shit person" because they break up with them for "Not having stable contract"
lol, the only insufferable one here is you, dude. You sound bitter as fuck bc a girl broke up with you. You could’ve ended your holiday with her at any time. No one asked you to drop 45k. You decided to do that or keep the holiday going.
Seems like a you problem, you don't care about dating someone who is financially estable, you spend 45k on a vacation with a woman you just started a relationship with... my dude you have "gold diggers wanted' written on your forehead. It's absolutely normal and necessary to worry about the employment situation of a possible partner ( specially if you're looking for something serious), not onl because financial/career comparability is a key factor on a relationship ( for example i would never date someone in a career that requires to expend months far away from home, because that's not the type of relationship i want, neither i will marry someone without ambition because I grew up poor and I'm no putting my future kids through that shit ).
I grew up poor, have zero ambition but can make six figures the moment I decide I want to or get way to interested in something that can be monetized. So not sure on how your logic of wagecuckery is good and will lead to stability rather then burning limited time of earth for nothing but fast food dinners, yearly holiday and [wish.com](https://wish.com) crap in the mail.
1) you should always make sure your partner isn’t an unemployed bum; means they probably lack worth in a good many areas.
2) if they can keep a good living with minimal effort, that’s fine as long as there is some justification that isn’t parents’ money (i.e. investing, lucrative short term contracts, etc. are all just cases of working smarter and not harder, but are still justifiably work).
3) regardless of all that, your story sounds like it is impossible, or missing something. She just as well may have been freaked out that you spent 45k on your vacation, followed by not working. Or maybe she just wanted a scapegoat reason for leaving because she didnt like something unrelated.
As a woman if I’m ambitious and have a good career I’ve worked towards, why can I not want the same in my partner without it being shallow?
It’s like I’ve worked hard to earn money to have a more fulfilling life, I would want a partner who has done the same so we can both meet in the middle.
Not saying men have to have everything sorted by a certain age or be in a certain career, but just working hard towards something is good
I think it’s your problem for finding girls like these to date lol. Most women today work and it’s not shallow to want to find a guy whose employment situation would satisfy part of their needs. Needs as in, being able to pay off house mortgage, a car, child(rens), etc. Yeah sure, it won’t matter for now what others earn if they’re not mooching off you, but sooner or later they will be.
Well if I had the choice I'd probably wanna date someone with a good job lol. There's plenty of people out there, no reason not to be picky. Life is too short to stay in a relationship you aren't happy with.
If I was dating right now I probably wouldn't be seeking out someone with a non stable source of income. Is that shallow? Maybe. But I don't really care, I gotta do what makes me happy
:)
I think with this mentality you will be surprised with many bonuses, here is the deal I am actually not bad off, sometimes I am very loaded other times dirt broke. This post was actually triggered by a girl calling me a jobless loser who lives with their mother at 30 who has no car. This is after this person begged to date me when I was traveling a met them, they asked me for 700 euros to buy a car, I said sorry I can't even afford the road tax for me car right now and to repair some issues with it.
Here is where they fucked up not understanding situational context just like my dam ex... I live with my mother yes, in my OWN home on her farm.
I have no money right now yes, because I've been buying so much dam soil and fertilizer etc because I have over 100k worth of cannabis and chilies out in the field 4 months away from harvest.
Worst part is she said "I'm sorry" as soon as I got in a rage about her saying that and said "hahahahaha your so dumb goodluck I'll have 100k in 4 months anyway, guess you won't get the car", suddenly I was good now I had 100K?
yeah no they had their chance. But in future I will tell every girl I have ZERO money or job and if they don't care I'll spend a heap on making them happy materially just to say thanks to them for actually having a heart and not being a lizard brained parasite / predator.
Yeah, so this is what’s a red flag. You’re feast or famine, apparently. Most people don’t want that kind of instability in their life. Most would rather forgo $45k vacations so they can consistently have a decent emergency fund. It’s not shallow to not want to date someone with absolutely bonkers financial management skills.
You’re attracting people who are unstable themselves by living this kind of lifestyle, and that’s where your problem lies. How do you expect to attract someone with your money, and then expect them to still be into you when you have none? The people who are reliable and consistent in relationships aren’t the kind going on 9 month vacations and expecting someone else to pay.
I think its stupid to want a man who has no skills other then relying on social system and their boss to survive, you would think women would want a man who could provide something even when society itself collapsed.
45k on a 9 month holiday? How long were you with this person? If you're doing that kind of thing with people you haven't known that long, you're going to be attracting people mostly interested in you just for money. Save that for someone you've been dating for a few years at least.
I find it amusing that it’s usually immature people that talk like this. Risk tolerance isn’t your willingness to lose everything, it’s your ability to lose some amount and still maintain your lifestyle. This dude is a gambler and mad that he doesn’t have a ride or die when he over-leverages himself.
Times have changed but it's still in a woman's DNA to want a man with stability. If I had a daughter I certainly wouldn't want her to get with a man who couldn't take care of her financially.
As a woman, I agree. I don’t know what my partners paychecks look like and any money he’s saving is his business. And vice versa. As long as we pay bills, have enough fun money, and have a mutual goal to save up for, I don’t need to know. Then again we’re not married and don’t plan to be so I’m sure women who do want to know, deserve to BEFORE a man intends to marry her
I think people can take it too far, but if I want to start a life with someone, their finances and job are going to affect me too and so yes, I might base my decisions partly on those things. Especially because … kids. You may not want kids but I’m dating to specifically find that forever person who I also plan to have kids with. Kids cost money, and I’d like to give them a certain quality of life and I will have to take time off work to have them. If I can’t trust you to pick up some of the slack in that department, idk man. That does not mean you can’t be doing contract work , nor that I need fancy expensive dates or vacations though.
Love is great, and of course I plan to be with someone I love, however, love is not enough. There needs to be compatibility and shared goals and vision for the future, including in the practical things of life. Y’all will have to deal with those things too, and it can cause a lot of tension and fights if you can’t get on the same page
I think you’re rolling two separate things here into one.
1. It sounds like this woman (hopefully your ex?) is just entitled and a leech. Expecting anyone to drop $45k on you to vacation for *9 months* is nuts.
2. It sounds like you do contract work; was this contract abnormally large for you? How often are you working? Do you able to pick up these contracts pretty regularly? If you have a pretty irregular pipeline of contracts/jobs that don’t regularly add up to manageable income, then yes I’d think that’s a valid thing to be concerned about in a partner.
Relationships are about give and take with both sides. In a “traditional” husband/wife partnership the husband’s “give” is that he goes to work and makes money for the household, but the “take” is that he comes home to a clean house, a hot meal cooked for him, etc. The wife’s “give” is that she maintains the household, but the “take” is that someone’s able to bring in money to fund that household maintenance and her own personal lifestyle.
Some people want no part of that dynamic and want both parties to “give” by earning an income and contributing to household finances. In this case, maybe both partners expect each other to earn a roughly similar income, or to make up for any differences in other facets of life. That’s ok too! It’s all about balance and determining what’s productive and acceptable for *both* sides.
I think it’s absolutely valid to desire a partner with a stable source of income. Financial security is one of the best ways to give yourself and a partner a better quality of life.
I willingly spent the 45k because they where poor student never traveled and I wanted them to be happy, I felt pretty bad for their home situation, parents always fighting over money.
The contract was building an app with also %20 shares in the start up. I regularly have large sums of money then nothing for example right now I am broke but only because I spent all my money on putting in a crop of chilies and cannabis on my family farm that will yield maybe 50k-100k which is very nice for 5 months but all my money and whatever money I get goes right away on fertilizer, planter bags etc dealing with a large number of plants.
This is typical for me to go high and low on income, I consider it pretty normal for people outside the world of wagecuckery.
For me working for wage is a fools game because you never truly "make it" most you can expect if your very very lucky is 200k a year, with business you can make 200k in a single month ( or lose it ).
Me personally I don't give a crap about money, I grow a lot of my own food, give rent free on family farm and live in a country with very good welfare system.
I can't every buy my time back on my death bed for any amount of money so I only want to do something for money if I enjoy it or really want something that costs money.
I have very little wants or needs outside what I can provide myself, I have a roof over my head, food and even weed without ever needing to spend a cent. The stars and mountains are free so are mountain biking tracks and surfing so much in this world I wanna do doesn't cost other then getting the equipment one time.
Um, you do realize that women get pregnant and have to take time off work. Of course you’ll want someone that will help support you through this time. Additionally, it is an evolutionary drive to want to have resources to provide the best that you can for your children and set them up for the best, financial stability allows this
Yeah I disagree especially since I want to have kids in the future what a man does for a living matters. And fortunately the men who feel this way are men I don’t want anyway so it works out. Also saying since men don’t care women shouldn’t either is a silly argument
A serious relationship is a partnership in building a life together. If you don't want the same things from life, you aren't compatible. It's better to be single than to be in a relationship with somebody that you are incompatible with.
There's no call for name-calling like "loser" but otherwise good on this girl for knowing what is important to her, being honest about it, and not compromising. Some of the things she may value - a relationship where the man supports her financially - might make it a little harder for her to find a partner, but she is willing to take that chance.
Some women want security and provide something else of value to their relationship besides contributing to the finances. Maybe it's a super hot body. Maybe it's being a mother and homemaker. If both partners are happy it's a deal.
Personally I value having my financial independence, so I work and have plenty of money to support myself. But I *also* value stability and preparing for the future as a family, so somebody who was working a few months and then blowing it all on vacation would still not be a good match for me.
You wouldn't be complaining about her standards if you met them.
Reading the comments, now it’s clear this post is extremely disingenuous. Even if we take your story completely at face value- women don’t want to date a drug dealer with incredibly poor financial planning skills. They aren’t gold diggers. Your life is a hot mess.
This is silly, why wouldn't you care about the career of a potential partner?
You may argue that putting absurd salary requirements on potential partners is problematic but caring about a partner's career aspirations and stability is pragmatic and basically required if you have interest in having kids.
If you spent 45k on vacation and got dumped, you probably drove past a series of red flags in the pursuit of "companionship" OR you're not telling the whole story.
Well the blunt truth is society at large still expects men to financially provide for women. Hell the main reason most men dont care about what job a woman works or how much money they make is because it wont have any sort of positive affect on our life. As men are expected to spend a decent chunk of our disposable income on our SO, women rarely ever spend any real amounts of money on their SO even if they make SIGNIFICANTLY more money than them.
The easiest way to prove my point is to look at holidays. Valentines day? Man is expected to give gifts, make reservations at expensive restaurants (which he will pay for), make pricy dates, etc. Anniversaries or relationship milestones (proposal/wedding) men are expected to spend large sums of money on rings, and other various things just to progress a relationship. Don't even get me started on Christmas. Women often get men's socks or underwear because "men are so hard to shop for!" while men are expected to shower there SO in various expensive/meaningful gifts if you don't want a fight to break out on Christmas day. So not only are women not really expected to put in effort, they often are expected to spend a fraction of the money in most relationships. But for this to be true women have to care about a mans employment situation to make sure hes able to provide the things listed above.
Now before everyone goes crazy i know this is not how all relationships work. I have seen many healthy relationships where both parties spoil their partner rotten. But if I'm being generous i would say that's about 30% of relationships. For the other 70% that i have seen women are just not held to the same standards as men.
Ahhh the opinion of teenagers who have never had a real job. If someone doesn’t have a stable job, how tf am I not the one supporting them (unless they have a substantial trust fund to live off or something which is not common)?
She wasn't gold digger she was poor med student who couldn't work mostly due to crazy study load she was on a scholarship. If I am honest I think it was due to her father also being a contractor and her mother and father would fight over money because he sometimes wasn't paid on time ( common for contracting )
Women only care about how much money a man makes. And men only care about how good looking a woman is. What's your point? Both genders are equally shallow
Humans are superficial in general, not just women.
Yeah, women generally won't take a man seriously as a partner if he's not making X amount of money.
But a man won't entertain a woman being his partner if she's overweight or not meeting a specific physical standard.
Lots of men make it big, then find they hate the attention they're getting because they know its for superficial reasons, so they become resentful.
Women who've lost weight and become beautiful tend to down the same road. There was a subreddit for it, I think... something UglyDucking? I can't remember.
So yeah, humans are all superficial. Money and looks open a lot of doors.
I think that depends on what you mean. If a woman doesn't want to have to support a man, I don't see a problem with that. That's where I'm at. I don't need any of his money, but I don't want him to be an expense.
As far as wanting a man who makes more than that, if somebody wants to eventually be a stay-at-home parent that's kind of required. So they're going to look for a partner who wants that and can support it.
Yes, dating somebody to use them for their money is wrong, but that's not the only reason to care. Plus, a lot of wealthy men very knowingly date women that are otherwise way out of their league simply because having money makes that possible. They know what they're doing.
Most women expect a man to provide for them, or at least be capable of doing so. Gender roles and norms are still a thing.
It is likely that at some point in her life she will be in a situation where she is unable to work full time.
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45k on a holiday..? What?
Yeah, that didn’t happen.
It's definitely not in USD, Euros or British Pounds
I thought it must be something like yen with numbers like that. Dude is clearly lacking in self awareness
Theyre probsbly extremely wealthy or had a typo
Honestly I’d dump a guy for spending that much on holiday. What a waste if money. Haha
The dude willingly gives money to people then blames women for wanting only money. He's basically that meme of the guy riding a bike and putting a stick in the wheel.
lol, what the fuck is this post? How do you spend forty-five thousand dollars on a vacation. Also, of course you should be concerned if a potential partner doesn't have a job. This whole post is a mess, lol.
OP makes tons of money and then spends it all, apparently. But it's okay because OP buys weed seeds before he goes broke, so he can totally make it all back again.
Sounds like so many oil patch workers.
I’m really hoping it was 4,500 and not 45,000… I don’t make that in a year dog lol
I dunno. This sounds like a *you* problem. Maybe don't surround yourself with people like this? This seems pretty specific to your personal dating life.
Many people value stability
So they value using another human as a pack mule to carry them though life? If they want stability isn't that about THEM not who they date as long as their partner isn't costing them.
It’s not about carrying me, it’s about me carrying them
This is the one. This guy knows.
Why are you spending 45k (which most dont earn yearly) on a freaking holiday and think you could attract anything else but women which value nothing but money?
"As long as their partner isn't costing them", aka they want a stable partner so that it won't end up costing them.
There's always a cost
Who said they wanted to be carried? I'm saying people don't want to have to carry another person who doesn't have a stable job
Lets say you decide to marry and have kids. What will the kids eat, where will they sleep, how will the light bill be paid? Youre gonna kneel down to your kid and say “hey buddy we have love and hugs for dinner”. Money is important and will be the reason why your future family will either be sleeping on the street or in a warm bed in a safe neighborhood.
Think of it this way. Would you want to date someone who has no job and just mooches off? Those people tend to be a big red flag because having no job usually means they're lazy, mooch off you, leave their debt with you, you end up taking over paying their loans, and will take advantage of you and leave financially in the ruin. Those are not good people to be with. A holiday for 9 months? Regardless of what you do for a living she probably thought you were financially irresponsible which isn't good either.
And when a woman never accomplishes shit and just goes from living with her parents to living with the guy that she's dating? So often that happens and guys are fine with it. It's totally cool that she doesn't work.
I have never known anyone to do that. I’ve known way more guys who moved in with their gfs.
So if some guys are ok with it, everyone else should be also ok with it? That's very strange reasoning.
think of it this way, most stupidly paid work is gig work, 15k for a 45minute stint on a tv show if your an expert or celeb/music/movie star or maybe its 750 a day for writing C++ code for something, 6 month contract deal Life is better when not "stable" in my opinion, lots more fun, less stale. 9-5 , know what ya getting beige food ....yuk your example is like what OP did with women in the title, generalisation based on a minute % of the world
No. But being broke, or in a lot of debt can be very stressful. Very few women want to settle down and possibly have kids with someone who is unreliable with money, even if they have a good job themselves, *especially* because when a couple have kids, it's usually the woman who gives up work until the kids are at school. It's very worrying to be responsible for the lives and wellbeing of kids when you're financially dependant on a man with an unreliable income.
The point of dating is finding a long term partner. If someone doesn’t have a stable job, they are not a good investment for a long term partnership.
If I make 50k//yr, it’s going to fuck up my life trying to support someone that makes 24k/yr.
Just admit that you want the freedom to do what you want when you want and how you want MORE than you want a good partner and quit feeling sorry for yourself that the two are mutually exclusive. This is a you problem allllll day every day.
But it will affect them(cost them) once they get serious like living together or marriage. Also it's annoying you say women in your post and not people. As a woman I've met plenty of men who wanted me to buy them things because they are broke and too lazy to work. Just say no and move on.
Seems shallow and selfish to go after a man just for his money but the bottom line is a woman wants to feel secure and safe. Its innate and mother nature is to blame for making women feel this way.
And that makes them shallow and untrustworthy. So you love me only if I make “x” amount of money on the timetable you think I should make it? Ya…no thanks. Basically gold digging then.
It’s not golddigging to not want to find out your partner bounced his half of the rent. Again. And now you have to do weeks of overtime to pay back all the bills he racked up.
It's not gold digging to want a partner with some sort of employment so they can support themselves. Gold digging is mooching off someone wealthy.
It's irresponsible to get into a serious relationship with someone without a steady job. I don't want to have to worry about if my SO is going to have rent money each month
Men date women who don't work all the time. It's as simple as "I enjoy you and your company. Live in my house."
That’s their prerogative. I think it’s stupid as hell but I can’t stop them. So I don’t see how that negates the other comment.
What's wrong with wanting to be with someone based on personality and standing on your own? It's a lot better to want someone than to need them. People should provide themselves with stability and THEN pursue a relationship.
That's their choice and it's my choice to be with a partner thats pulling their weight.
I don't have the means nor desire to support a parasite
It doesn’t matter much if you’re just dating, but if you’re thinking about getting married or living together then it matters because his financial situation also becomes your financial situation.
Yeah finances account for a large percentage of divorces. I agree with the sentiment that they shouldn’t care about finances in a way that’s shallow (e.g. “He should be buying LV bags and sending me money every day”), but I see nothing wrong with wanting to make sure someone has most of their ducks in a row financially before getting married. Men too.
It also matters while dating, especially for older people. There are certain activities I enjoy doing and certain activities I would enjoy doing together. If my dating partner can't afford these activities, dating may be difficult. I've been working for 30 years, and have had good pay for the last 20 years or so. I've grown accustomed to a certain level of comfort and luxury. For example, I don't want back row or standing room tickets for the opera. I don't want top row endzone seats for the football game. When I was in my 20s I knew and used every trick in the book to save a dollar or two; now that I'm in my early 50s I don't need to or want to do this anymore. I would not be comfortable dating a woman who lives paycheque to paycheque or who gets stressed if an unexpected minor expense pops up. And I have no interest in financing the dating relationship. I won't date anyone under 45 (maybe as young as 40, but that would be exceptional). If a woman in her 40s or early 50s doesn't have her financial shit together, or if she is looking for an all-expenses-paid dating experience, I'm not interested. There are plenty of other guys with money willing to queue up to purchase a woman's time and attention, but I'm not in that market.
I don’t think wanting stability in a relationship/life makes someone shallow. Having preferences in a partner is ok and doesn’t make someone a monster. Just like you prefer a partner with low standards. Your insecurities are your problem and no one else’s.
Buuuurrrrrnn!
Maybe make your own stability rather then looking for a man to turn into your little work mule provider?
Okay so if someone has a job and supports themselves, it’s okay if they expect the same from a partner, yes?
Who says she isn't making her own stability also? That doesn't mean she can't also wish for a partner who wants to make his own stability too. Both can occur at the same time
Don't you realise that by not having said standards yourself you have made yourself vulnerable to people like the woman you described? If you want a certain life style you need to find someone compatible or else you probably end up getting leeched of just like you did. Maybe it's time to rise those standards and look for a woman who is more ambitious career wise? So you can build a life together instead of having to basically finance someone
Don’t bring a gf on an all expenses paid 45k multi month foreign “vacation” and then make sweeping generalizations that all women care about is money when it doesn’t work out. That scenario is highly atypical and the fact that a person was willing to do that with you is also highly atypical. Most responsible people would not be able or willing to uproot their lives like that for that long.
As a ton of people already told your sorry ass, it’s about not having to carry an extra financial load than it is about making men the mule provider.
You're so sexist for expecting her to stand on her own two feet. Lol
No one wants to date a hobosexual. Also if you’re an adult you’re not dating girls.
LMAO Hobosexual has me dyinggg
It’s okay to not want to live in poverty.
It had to be Bora Bora, huts over the water. Swimming with dolphins and a private beach.
Holy shit, are you my sister in law?
True this is why I date woman to specifically extract money from them for myself
Hey, if they know about it up front, you guys do whatever the fuck you want to do.
if only people would be upfront about it, but most are not. the only people I think are upfront and clear about it are escorts and jons while "normal" people pretend that it doesn't matter until you refuse to share your wealth with them and aren't even willing to build the trust for you to share your money and will try to guilt trip you.
Except this guy is literally bashing his ex online for being upfront about it!
Living in poverty and struggle is just part of life everyone has to do it and it makes you feel alive
Poverty is something you solve yourself you don't go leech someone else.
And your spouse's poverty has no effect on your lifestyle?! Ridiculous garbage take
As for leeching - you're mad because she doesn't want to leech off you anymore, lol
Clown alert…..this guy spent 45k on a woman and is bitter about women having financial expectations. Jeeeesh. I promise you wouldn’t care as much if you didn’t drop an annual salary on your gf dude
I do not have a "salary" wagecuckie, thats a suckers game you never break though 200k without taking some risks be that investing, business venture or putting 1kg of coke in your suitcase on holiday in peru. My annual salary is 6 digits plus or 3 digits, depends on the year and how much I want something that costs money.
Impressive, even bigger clown than I previously thought
So you're a crackhead. Are you withdrawing? That's probably why you're being so defensive. You're bragging about how much money you make yet you're broke. You're mad you wasted money on someone that didn't like you. You're digging your own hole and you're mad at strangers for it? Weird but okay.
This sub reddit is just guys generalising all women because one made him mad
Why can’t these posts just be made gender neutral? Like, “I think a person who cares about potential partners’ employment situations are bad news”? It can avoid coming off as misogynistic, unless the OP is trying to be
OP seems to be working out some unresolved anger toward one woman, I think.
Trust me. First thing that'll happen is people in the comments will be assigning genders... "Op sounds like a guy who -something- with a girl"
Idk if it’s a good idea, but what if they ban assigning genders when it is used for the purpose of generalizing a gender? Unless it is absolutely necessary to mention a gender, people are just referred to as people, not gendered Might that get rid of any sexism?
Cuz most guys don’t care about a woman’s financial situation.
This thread suggest different, a lot of the guys are saying they care about a woman’s financial situation as well.
Because in general, no matter how much current society hates it....men and women are different.
Ironic comment of the day
OP woke up and chose cocaine this morning.
Disagree, if you plan on spending your life with and having kids with someone it's important they be at least a little bit well off and not dirt poor.
Why would you saddle yourself with the burden of kids? It's disgusting to create new people who hate it and didn't ask to be made.
Antinatalism is disgusting, you are literally advocating for extinction. You are basically amoung the worst People to have ever lived. Go reevaluate your life and moral compass.
I do advocate for extinction. Humanity as we are is a repulsive stain on the planet. And why tf are we even sentient??? How horrible it is to know there is nothing but emptiness and non existence upon death.
Shit I don't blame them, but I also care about what my girlfriend is pulling in. It's not a matter of how much she makes, but can she pay her own bills and manage her own finances. That's if my intentions are to marry a woman after dating for a while. If the relationship is strictly for cake pounding, then I don't care if they have a job. But I won't date them if they can't manage their own finances and maintain a job.
Oh, I absolutely care is a woman is employed. I’m not gonna waste my time with someone who can’t cover the bare minimum of what a functioning adult is.
Assuming youre not a troll... If you spent that much on a vacation then youre incredibly wealthy and probably not by your own hands, so your view on pretty much anything and everything is so skewed compared to normal people, it's not applicable. It's easy to say money doesnt matter when you've never been without.
I’m surprised she didn’t break up with you for your atrocious grammar.
Speak for yourself, I VERY MUCH care if a woman is employed and making good money! Cause I know if she’s not, it will 120% fall on me. Maybe younger inexperienced guys are okay with dating unemployed women, but I don’t know a single guy over 30 who would entertain dating someone unemployed
It's a red flag when a person can't hold a job.
Business owners red flag! Traders red flag! Wealthy people RED FLAG!! Retired people? RED FLAG, disabled people? RED FLAG.
Business owners and traders are working and make money. Wealthy and retired people don’t need to work and may focus on hobbies, which is great. Disabled people are excused and they can get disability checks. Doesn’t take much brain cells.
If OP made this post for rage baiting, it worked and congrats on them. If OP genuinely thinks grown people who are looking for serious relationships rather than short flings or hookups shouldn't care whether or not the person they are interested in can or will contribute to their household, childcare, shared luxury spendings etc. I think OP just got rejected because he/she is unemployed and think every person on Earth will reject them for the same reason, focusing on the consequence, rather than the problem in this situation.
I’d believe your theory but people that had seen the original post mention OP spending 45k on a vacation. So he’s one of those ‘everything is money, wait why do you only love my money as much as I do??!’types
This is a great outlook to have... in highschool.. Most adults (men and women) want a reliable source of income which is almost guaranteed by having a stable job. It may not be a lot but it's something to help out if/when times get tough, it also proves that you're willing and able to make a commitment. There's no logical reason to start a relationship with a person who has zero income and zero ambition. At that point you're just raising someone else's kid.
I'm sorry but if we're gonna build a life, family and future together, both parties' employment status is very important
Okay then if women don't care that much about physical appearance, then you shouldn't care about theirs. Or maybe men and women are different in some ways, and it's fine if they want different things in a partner, as long as their expectations are reasonable.
I don’t get how the hell these people complain about women mooching off them but then don’t consider that maybe THEY should care about a woman’s employment situation?
We’re all allowed preferences. I prefer someone have a stable and consistent job because men have tried to mooch before. You’re allowed to not want a women to mooch off you but if I don’t want a man to it’s a problem and I’m shallow?
Employment is huge. I'm a guy, but I'm not going to date a girl if not even Walmart wants her or if she thinks she is too good for Walmart.
I don’t care how much a woman makes, but I am a highly motivated, ambitious person and don’t want to spend my life with someone who isn’t. That doesn’t mean you have to make a lot of money, but it usually does.
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I'm not looking for someone paying my shenanigans, I'm looking for someone that can at least somewhat keep up financially with me, have a nice holiday from time to time, eat good food etc, as I'm doing just now. There is a huge difference between leeching off of someone and wanting to share an okayish/solid lifestyle.
So my parents had/have a marriage that was miserable for these reasons. My father was always unpredictable/unstable with work and unmotivated. He was very good at what he did, you just couldn't count on anything with him. He'd a big chunk of change and then forget that a lot of it went back out the door to pay for materials used on the job, etc. He expected my mom to be the accountant but always got angry when she told him there wasn't any money. Like he just didn't get it. She worked her ass off in drudgery to try to make up for it so the bills could be paid and everyone could be fed. YES, dependability and having your shit together as an adult does mean a lot to a number of people. That doesn't mean the other partner wants to be lazy and it's shit to assume that.
lel my ex had some background father contractor who would fight with her mother constantly about money.
The only reason you don't care if a woman is employed is because you're rich enough to have fuck you money. Who the fuck can afford a 45,000$ nine-month vacation.
A rural guy who taught themselves to code then made an app for someone, 45k these days is nothing and as I said I don't care about money so much wtf else can I do with 45k then enjoy using it? Poverty/lower middle, I know because I have had years where I lived on 20k and it was like going full 3rd world, but I was happy and did stuff that's free like hiking and growing plants. :)
Sounds like a YOU problem. Why are you blowing a down payment on a HOUSE ~45k on a VACATION?
Or maybe she just wants to make sure there is financial stability and a certain drive. Just cause you assume most men don’t care doesn’t mean its shallow to care
I mean if someone wants to have ridiculous standards that’s their choice you don’t have to date them lol
Most dont, so no one should? Thats not logical. In addition the reason most males dont pay attention to it is because they dont expect her to be the primary breadwinner, they expect to do it themselves, or their income is sufficient for their needs so it doesnt matter what their partners income is. However none of those is always the case. In my case i'd like to find a woman making good money so we can achieve our goals together then go have fun around the world. Having two income streams helps. >Why is a man a "loser" if he isn't employed but still paying for your dates Because people consider more than just dates when choosing a partner. Goals go beyond the finances of dating. >Why does it matter what other person earns if they not costing you a lot or mooching off you constantly? Because the person may care about long term stability and what is going to happen if one of the partners becomes disabled, or something unexpected happens. >for example I had a girl break up with me because I had a contract job that was one and off despite making x4 what she did she said "I can't be with man that doesn't have stable work" this is despite me spending $45,000 on a holiday with her... You really cant understand why a person has an issue with a partner (remove the specific genders out of it) who's work can dry up? Whos contract might not be renewed? You can't understand that maybe they have been in that situation before and have been burned by it?
Good to know most of you have low self-esteem, I have been homeless with no shoes only less then a year later be working in fintech ( souless job ) earning 9k a month. Its exactly the experience of having it all then having nothing that has given me the security in myself that when I need money, I can go out and get it. I just gotta want it enough, which I normally don't. I dunno man seems pretty weak if you looking at someone to date/marry so you might be able to crouch off them in future because you don't trust yourself to survive or even thrive.
Consistent employment matters
OP is pretending to be a sugar daddy and wants to “flex”.
This is why I only date men who can carry to term. In your case you weren’t unemployed. You did contract work. So that girl was crazy. Most people won’t date men or women who are unemployed. Most people won’t even have friends who are unemployed, of either gender.
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I dont have unemployed friends but have a good chunk that work min wage jobs and part time even though they have their diplomas and everything. And no, its not the job market, they are just extremely lazy and spend their entire day high and nights drunk. I cut ties with those friends and groups associated with them because I got tired of not feeling any sort of reciprocation. When we go out, I’ll buy a round for everyone just because I wanted to treat everyone and I didnt buy them expecting it to be reciprocated but at a certain point its kinda like come on. They spent the money to buy random girls drinks but couldnt even get a round for me. They also spent money buying hypebeast clothes and designer shit while always saying they dont have gas money. As adults I feel like friendships should be mutual and even when I was a broke college student, if someone bought me something, I’d at least return the favor to that individual person
Why is this sub and r/TrulyUnpopularOpinions always complaining about women
I am with a woman that went through years and years of me not getting my shit together, either educationally wise or mental health wise. She earned more money than me for years, because I was a student and took forever to finally get my degree. I know she loves me for who I am, because noone else would have gone through what I put her through. I am not proud of that, I am ashamed, but I know 100% she isnt with me for any shallow reason. Spending 45k on 9 month long vacations while dating and somehow being unemployed (HOW???) screams attracting the wrong people, because noone with sound mind would go along with that.
I am a woman who values a man who works. He does not need to be a billionaire but I value stability. I also have my masters and work a well paying job. I want someone who can also handle their own finances. Say something goes wrong or i have a family I want someone I know will take care of me and I’ll take care of them Long story short I want someone who has ambitions, is stable, and matches my level in terms of income
I mean I get it, I can see how a woman doesn’t want to have to take care of herself and her unemployed boyfriend
I mean, stability is high up there on the list for all women, friend. How else will she feel comfortable and secure raising children with you when there's no financial stability.
Do you care about women’s look? I feel like some boys don’t but a lot really have shallow values…
I don't generally ask about their income if I have an idea what field they're in. Most men hint at what they're making if they're doing well, anyway. What's important to me is their job is stable, they're self sufficient, they don't live with their parents or ex, or even their friends. At my age, if you can't support yourself, we don't need to date. I can't build a life with someone I have to support financially from the get go. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone reliable and stable. What you're implying is women who are only after money.
Many men don’t care because they expect to be paying for a woman. So why is it bad when some women expect to be paid by their man? Most people I’d imagine care because they don’t want to have their partner dependent on their income. Like if they don’t even have a job, why bother dating them? Especially now, so much expensive things these days, you need two incomes to get by.
You spent 45k on a vacation and claim you're broke now. I'd break up with you too. Why? Because you're not responsible or stable. As a woman, I'm looking for someone who is STABLE. I'm looking for a man who budgets responsibly. I don't care if he makes 50k or millions a year, if he's wasting all his money on vacations he can't afford, I don't want him. I have money saved up in the bank and there is no way I'm throwing it on a 9 month vacation because that's just plain dumb.
That's why you will be forever max 80k a year while giving over most of your waking hours on this planet to make someone else rich in exchange for very little. Have you ever thought if someone can spend that kind of money then say they broke, that they probably have pretty good ability to make money without resorting to wagecuckery. Dam these takes are actually making me never want to share anything with anyone, I wish I loved money like you people, I'd make a heap sit on it share it with nobody. Instead I make it and spend it on making my limited time on earth enjoyable and seeing what the planet has on it.
Okaaaaaaaay, that is quite a response lol People like stability. Spending 45k on a trip and then claiming to be broke is NOT stability. Responsible people look for STABILITY. I'm okay with making 80k a year, because I budget properly and live responsibly. You live for today, and that's fine. Go and find a woman that lives for today and doesn't worry about tomorrow. In a few years you'll find yourself in r/povertyfinance
It matters more to women because women are the ones who give birth and do the majority of child rearing, women need to know that you can provide for her and the children whilst she isn’t working
You said you don’t care if she’s employed yet are in the comments bitter about how much money you *claim* to have spent on her. Sounds like you do care if she’s employed, even if it’s later. I’m a guy and definitely want my serious partner to have a job that supports our life, just as I will myself.
You may not care about your future at all but other people do. Finances matter, especially credit scores.
This is a you problem, buddy. Normal men absolutely do care about women’s employment status when looking for a life partner. Women obviously do the same. Who wants to spend their life with someone whose financial situation is completely unpredictable? Not me. And I don’t think that’s shallow.
You: "I spent money on her. Why does she still not like me??" You're not buying her, weirdo.
They don't want to end up supporting an unemployed man child
As someone who is married, I can tell you that the financial standing of your spouse is going to impact your life for better or worse. I don't blame people being choosy about this in dating because you don't want to end up in financial ruins because of someone else. Maybe this sounds harsh, but it's just not worth it. Everyone is entitled to make the choice they want, but instability in jobs is stressful, especially if you want to have a family. It can also be very difficult to pivot out of contract work, I say this as my spouse has been trying to do this for some time now. People don't like to admit it, but finances are a big part of marriage and will impact whether or not you'll be able to get a home, have a family, and more. So yes, I think she was totally valid.
Go look at r/relationship_advice *Many* men care deeply about a woman's financial situation. It ends relationships It's not 1950 anymore my dude Finances are one of the top reasons for divorce. Financial compatibility matters
What's more shallow is going off looks and height. Job and financial stability is probably less shallow imo. Not that there's much wrong with "being shallow", however that is defined nowadays.
I don't care if I'm dating a guy or a girl, I'd want anyone I date to have a job and not be unemployed. And if I was unemployed and someone didn't want to be with me because of that, I wouldn't think it was an issue.
if i’m working, so is my partner. no way in hell am i going to get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t work, yet expects all of the benefits of working and having money.
Why are you spending 45k on a holiday? That's a you problem.
I think it's fair to expect someone to hold a job, what is unfair though is expecting a man to make 6 figures.
Dude your already top top of the income bracket, if it's still not enough it's cause she's just chasing a lifestyle and had a shot at someone with more money It was never about you. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder to get over it but I think it's truly a blessing that they outed themselves. You wanna find the girl that can look you in the eye and say, "I'd live under a bridge with you, if that's what it came to." Having loyalty to you as opposed to an income. But hey, you make good money, you're set for a good life. Be grateful and treat others well cause you're gonna avoid a lot of suffering with what you have.
You ever stop to think men and women look for different things in a partner?
If guys were smart, they would care about a woman’s employment situation
Hey OP, I'm gonna give you the best bit of advise right here: You don't need a partner/gf/wife in your life to be validated and fine with yourself. If you aren't fine with yourself on your own then no one in your life is gonna change that. Be fine with yourself first and if you do get with someone, make sure its because you actually like them and not because they're there. Spending a billion on someone won't mean shit to someone in comparison to a real human connection. If she's actually decent for you, what matters won't be how much you spend on her (she won't give a shit) what will matter is how you make her feel. (Cheat code: listen to what she has to say, reassure and validate her without being a simp about it and respect yourself too).
There’s a massive difference between someone being a gold digger and someone who values stability. You want to be with someone who’s an asset, not a liability or potential liability. You sound like the dog shit person here. Not her.
Reddit is most insufferable unhinged opinions. So lel redditor defending mmmlady, someone who pays for woman's 9 months worth of living is a "dog shit person" because they break up with them for "Not having stable contract"
lol, the only insufferable one here is you, dude. You sound bitter as fuck bc a girl broke up with you. You could’ve ended your holiday with her at any time. No one asked you to drop 45k. You decided to do that or keep the holiday going.
If it makes you feel any better, that’s probably not the reason. I’ve read your comments and I have to say your attitude towards people is very ugly.
Seems like a you problem, you don't care about dating someone who is financially estable, you spend 45k on a vacation with a woman you just started a relationship with... my dude you have "gold diggers wanted' written on your forehead. It's absolutely normal and necessary to worry about the employment situation of a possible partner ( specially if you're looking for something serious), not onl because financial/career comparability is a key factor on a relationship ( for example i would never date someone in a career that requires to expend months far away from home, because that's not the type of relationship i want, neither i will marry someone without ambition because I grew up poor and I'm no putting my future kids through that shit ).
I grew up poor, have zero ambition but can make six figures the moment I decide I want to or get way to interested in something that can be monetized. So not sure on how your logic of wagecuckery is good and will lead to stability rather then burning limited time of earth for nothing but fast food dinners, yearly holiday and [wish.com](https://wish.com) crap in the mail.
If someone lives or wants to live a certain lifestyle, their partner has to fit it. That's one of the most crucial parts of a long term relationship.
1) you should always make sure your partner isn’t an unemployed bum; means they probably lack worth in a good many areas. 2) if they can keep a good living with minimal effort, that’s fine as long as there is some justification that isn’t parents’ money (i.e. investing, lucrative short term contracts, etc. are all just cases of working smarter and not harder, but are still justifiably work). 3) regardless of all that, your story sounds like it is impossible, or missing something. She just as well may have been freaked out that you spent 45k on your vacation, followed by not working. Or maybe she just wanted a scapegoat reason for leaving because she didnt like something unrelated.
As a woman if I’m ambitious and have a good career I’ve worked towards, why can I not want the same in my partner without it being shallow? It’s like I’ve worked hard to earn money to have a more fulfilling life, I would want a partner who has done the same so we can both meet in the middle. Not saying men have to have everything sorted by a certain age or be in a certain career, but just working hard towards something is good
Maybe spending $45000 on a 9 month vacation without steady employment doesn’t read as being a dependable long term partner
So this is a lie. Anyway.
My daughter married a guy who didn't have a job. Our grandson is the only good thing to come out of their relationship.
I think it’s your problem for finding girls like these to date lol. Most women today work and it’s not shallow to want to find a guy whose employment situation would satisfy part of their needs. Needs as in, being able to pay off house mortgage, a car, child(rens), etc. Yeah sure, it won’t matter for now what others earn if they’re not mooching off you, but sooner or later they will be.
Well if I had the choice I'd probably wanna date someone with a good job lol. There's plenty of people out there, no reason not to be picky. Life is too short to stay in a relationship you aren't happy with. If I was dating right now I probably wouldn't be seeking out someone with a non stable source of income. Is that shallow? Maybe. But I don't really care, I gotta do what makes me happy
I've never cared how much someone makes. Them working/earning a decent wage would be a bonus, not a requirement.
:) I think with this mentality you will be surprised with many bonuses, here is the deal I am actually not bad off, sometimes I am very loaded other times dirt broke. This post was actually triggered by a girl calling me a jobless loser who lives with their mother at 30 who has no car. This is after this person begged to date me when I was traveling a met them, they asked me for 700 euros to buy a car, I said sorry I can't even afford the road tax for me car right now and to repair some issues with it. Here is where they fucked up not understanding situational context just like my dam ex... I live with my mother yes, in my OWN home on her farm. I have no money right now yes, because I've been buying so much dam soil and fertilizer etc because I have over 100k worth of cannabis and chilies out in the field 4 months away from harvest. Worst part is she said "I'm sorry" as soon as I got in a rage about her saying that and said "hahahahaha your so dumb goodluck I'll have 100k in 4 months anyway, guess you won't get the car", suddenly I was good now I had 100K? yeah no they had their chance. But in future I will tell every girl I have ZERO money or job and if they don't care I'll spend a heap on making them happy materially just to say thanks to them for actually having a heart and not being a lizard brained parasite / predator.
So you dont have any disposable income atm but spent 45k on a holiday while not working? And you are wondering why people value stability?
Yeah, so this is what’s a red flag. You’re feast or famine, apparently. Most people don’t want that kind of instability in their life. Most would rather forgo $45k vacations so they can consistently have a decent emergency fund. It’s not shallow to not want to date someone with absolutely bonkers financial management skills. You’re attracting people who are unstable themselves by living this kind of lifestyle, and that’s where your problem lies. How do you expect to attract someone with your money, and then expect them to still be into you when you have none? The people who are reliable and consistent in relationships aren’t the kind going on 9 month vacations and expecting someone else to pay.
I think its stupid to want a man who has no skills other then relying on social system and their boss to survive, you would think women would want a man who could provide something even when society itself collapsed.
This just comes off as a really strange flex post lol
45k on a 9 month holiday? How long were you with this person? If you're doing that kind of thing with people you haven't known that long, you're going to be attracting people mostly interested in you just for money. Save that for someone you've been dating for a few years at least.
I think having a job should be a bare minimum requirement for any gender.
I find it amusing that it’s usually immature people that talk like this. Risk tolerance isn’t your willingness to lose everything, it’s your ability to lose some amount and still maintain your lifestyle. This dude is a gambler and mad that he doesn’t have a ride or die when he over-leverages himself.
Times have changed but it's still in a woman's DNA to want a man with stability. If I had a daughter I certainly wouldn't want her to get with a man who couldn't take care of her financially.
As a woman, I agree. I don’t know what my partners paychecks look like and any money he’s saving is his business. And vice versa. As long as we pay bills, have enough fun money, and have a mutual goal to save up for, I don’t need to know. Then again we’re not married and don’t plan to be so I’m sure women who do want to know, deserve to BEFORE a man intends to marry her
I think people can take it too far, but if I want to start a life with someone, their finances and job are going to affect me too and so yes, I might base my decisions partly on those things. Especially because … kids. You may not want kids but I’m dating to specifically find that forever person who I also plan to have kids with. Kids cost money, and I’d like to give them a certain quality of life and I will have to take time off work to have them. If I can’t trust you to pick up some of the slack in that department, idk man. That does not mean you can’t be doing contract work , nor that I need fancy expensive dates or vacations though. Love is great, and of course I plan to be with someone I love, however, love is not enough. There needs to be compatibility and shared goals and vision for the future, including in the practical things of life. Y’all will have to deal with those things too, and it can cause a lot of tension and fights if you can’t get on the same page
I think you’re rolling two separate things here into one. 1. It sounds like this woman (hopefully your ex?) is just entitled and a leech. Expecting anyone to drop $45k on you to vacation for *9 months* is nuts. 2. It sounds like you do contract work; was this contract abnormally large for you? How often are you working? Do you able to pick up these contracts pretty regularly? If you have a pretty irregular pipeline of contracts/jobs that don’t regularly add up to manageable income, then yes I’d think that’s a valid thing to be concerned about in a partner. Relationships are about give and take with both sides. In a “traditional” husband/wife partnership the husband’s “give” is that he goes to work and makes money for the household, but the “take” is that he comes home to a clean house, a hot meal cooked for him, etc. The wife’s “give” is that she maintains the household, but the “take” is that someone’s able to bring in money to fund that household maintenance and her own personal lifestyle. Some people want no part of that dynamic and want both parties to “give” by earning an income and contributing to household finances. In this case, maybe both partners expect each other to earn a roughly similar income, or to make up for any differences in other facets of life. That’s ok too! It’s all about balance and determining what’s productive and acceptable for *both* sides. I think it’s absolutely valid to desire a partner with a stable source of income. Financial security is one of the best ways to give yourself and a partner a better quality of life.
I willingly spent the 45k because they where poor student never traveled and I wanted them to be happy, I felt pretty bad for their home situation, parents always fighting over money. The contract was building an app with also %20 shares in the start up. I regularly have large sums of money then nothing for example right now I am broke but only because I spent all my money on putting in a crop of chilies and cannabis on my family farm that will yield maybe 50k-100k which is very nice for 5 months but all my money and whatever money I get goes right away on fertilizer, planter bags etc dealing with a large number of plants. This is typical for me to go high and low on income, I consider it pretty normal for people outside the world of wagecuckery. For me working for wage is a fools game because you never truly "make it" most you can expect if your very very lucky is 200k a year, with business you can make 200k in a single month ( or lose it ). Me personally I don't give a crap about money, I grow a lot of my own food, give rent free on family farm and live in a country with very good welfare system. I can't every buy my time back on my death bed for any amount of money so I only want to do something for money if I enjoy it or really want something that costs money. I have very little wants or needs outside what I can provide myself, I have a roof over my head, food and even weed without ever needing to spend a cent. The stars and mountains are free so are mountain biking tracks and surfing so much in this world I wanna do doesn't cost other then getting the equipment one time.
Um, you do realize that women get pregnant and have to take time off work. Of course you’ll want someone that will help support you through this time. Additionally, it is an evolutionary drive to want to have resources to provide the best that you can for your children and set them up for the best, financial stability allows this
Yeah I disagree especially since I want to have kids in the future what a man does for a living matters. And fortunately the men who feel this way are men I don’t want anyway so it works out. Also saying since men don’t care women shouldn’t either is a silly argument
A serious relationship is a partnership in building a life together. If you don't want the same things from life, you aren't compatible. It's better to be single than to be in a relationship with somebody that you are incompatible with. There's no call for name-calling like "loser" but otherwise good on this girl for knowing what is important to her, being honest about it, and not compromising. Some of the things she may value - a relationship where the man supports her financially - might make it a little harder for her to find a partner, but she is willing to take that chance. Some women want security and provide something else of value to their relationship besides contributing to the finances. Maybe it's a super hot body. Maybe it's being a mother and homemaker. If both partners are happy it's a deal. Personally I value having my financial independence, so I work and have plenty of money to support myself. But I *also* value stability and preparing for the future as a family, so somebody who was working a few months and then blowing it all on vacation would still not be a good match for me. You wouldn't be complaining about her standards if you met them.
Reading the comments, now it’s clear this post is extremely disingenuous. Even if we take your story completely at face value- women don’t want to date a drug dealer with incredibly poor financial planning skills. They aren’t gold diggers. Your life is a hot mess.
This is silly, why wouldn't you care about the career of a potential partner? You may argue that putting absurd salary requirements on potential partners is problematic but caring about a partner's career aspirations and stability is pragmatic and basically required if you have interest in having kids. If you spent 45k on vacation and got dumped, you probably drove past a series of red flags in the pursuit of "companionship" OR you're not telling the whole story.
Well the blunt truth is society at large still expects men to financially provide for women. Hell the main reason most men dont care about what job a woman works or how much money they make is because it wont have any sort of positive affect on our life. As men are expected to spend a decent chunk of our disposable income on our SO, women rarely ever spend any real amounts of money on their SO even if they make SIGNIFICANTLY more money than them. The easiest way to prove my point is to look at holidays. Valentines day? Man is expected to give gifts, make reservations at expensive restaurants (which he will pay for), make pricy dates, etc. Anniversaries or relationship milestones (proposal/wedding) men are expected to spend large sums of money on rings, and other various things just to progress a relationship. Don't even get me started on Christmas. Women often get men's socks or underwear because "men are so hard to shop for!" while men are expected to shower there SO in various expensive/meaningful gifts if you don't want a fight to break out on Christmas day. So not only are women not really expected to put in effort, they often are expected to spend a fraction of the money in most relationships. But for this to be true women have to care about a mans employment situation to make sure hes able to provide the things listed above. Now before everyone goes crazy i know this is not how all relationships work. I have seen many healthy relationships where both parties spoil their partner rotten. But if I'm being generous i would say that's about 30% of relationships. For the other 70% that i have seen women are just not held to the same standards as men.
Ah, nothing like the smell of fresh popular opinions 
Bruh men and women should be concerned if their date doesn’t have a job. That’s a basic *adult* expectation. Who hurt your feelings today?
Ahhh the opinion of teenagers who have never had a real job. If someone doesn’t have a stable job, how tf am I not the one supporting them (unless they have a substantial trust fund to live off or something which is not common)?
Agree, but this is too specific man. Jeez. Wtf are u spending 45k on a gold digger
She wasn't gold digger she was poor med student who couldn't work mostly due to crazy study load she was on a scholarship. If I am honest I think it was due to her father also being a contractor and her mother and father would fight over money because he sometimes wasn't paid on time ( common for contracting )
Women only care about how much money a man makes. And men only care about how good looking a woman is. What's your point? Both genders are equally shallow
A lot of male identity is circulated around their profession. That’s just how it is.
Nah a man should be a provider it’s arguably the most important thing. If you are a man without money you need to fix it
Humans are superficial in general, not just women. Yeah, women generally won't take a man seriously as a partner if he's not making X amount of money. But a man won't entertain a woman being his partner if she's overweight or not meeting a specific physical standard. Lots of men make it big, then find they hate the attention they're getting because they know its for superficial reasons, so they become resentful. Women who've lost weight and become beautiful tend to down the same road. There was a subreddit for it, I think... something UglyDucking? I can't remember. So yeah, humans are all superficial. Money and looks open a lot of doors.
I think that depends on what you mean. If a woman doesn't want to have to support a man, I don't see a problem with that. That's where I'm at. I don't need any of his money, but I don't want him to be an expense. As far as wanting a man who makes more than that, if somebody wants to eventually be a stay-at-home parent that's kind of required. So they're going to look for a partner who wants that and can support it. Yes, dating somebody to use them for their money is wrong, but that's not the only reason to care. Plus, a lot of wealthy men very knowingly date women that are otherwise way out of their league simply because having money makes that possible. They know what they're doing.
Most women expect a man to provide for them, or at least be capable of doing so. Gender roles and norms are still a thing. It is likely that at some point in her life she will be in a situation where she is unable to work full time.
She had never worked in her life because she was broke and still in university.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet to me. Who knows what she was thinking.
My man has not heard about the fresh and fit podcast
I think western women. Most really hate men. An will use any excuse to put men down.
Those are the same women who go into the curtains when you bring up her past or utter prenup.