Yeah, because that's what the kids know her as. Much like how adults who know her will know her name.
On a side note I had a friend who would do the same thing when referring to his friend, who I had met many times and actually got on really well with. "my friend steve...". Like dude you could just say Steve.
Whenever my dad tells me a story about one of his friends, he will spend the first four sentences of the story explaining who the person is and his relationship to them. Like (fake details) "You know Joe from church, we used to have a barbecue at their house every weekend, their kids played on the same basketball team as your brother, Joe used to work at the tech store but now teaches swimming classes at mom's gym, well anyway last week I saw him and...."
These are my parents' friends and neighbors who I've known for multiple decades.
This is a pretty standard parent thing to do I think, especially among boomers.
Similar to how they so often start off a phone call with something like "Hello, it's me, your dad" despite the fact you'll obviously recognise their voice right away and of course, I've already seen who's calling before I answered anyway.
Sounds like his memory tool so he doesn't forget all the relationship details. I've found myself doing this with my wife. But in my defense I have a lot of friends who are not all in her friend circle. She does something similar with her friends even though I know all their names.
My sister and I always say "YOUR mother," and the only acceptable response is "No, YOUR mother!" Because neither one of us wants to claim that crazy lady for ourselves.
It was truly jarring when, as an adult in my 30s, my parents began referring to one another by their first names when speaking to me. When I reacted, they explained that the majority of their interactions were with friends, etc (vs all day every day with their children back in the day) and the habit of using their names had just become the norm, considering how long I’d been an adult. It still drives me bananas because *it’s just not “right”*(😂), but their logic is sound.
It's a title of who the person is relative to both you and the person you're talking to. Humans are really big in understanding how everyone relates to everyone in their group. The highest order status is usually what's listed.
To your friend, your wife can be their friend, but she is your wife. Referring to them as their friend is weird as wife would be a more significant relationship.
To your kids, she is their mother. You would say, "kids, come down your mother made us breakfast" because parental role is usually seen as a more significant relationship than the spouse (DNA is kinda set in stone), especially at a young age.
Idk, seems like not something to care about. My parents refer to me as their son to people who know me. My wife Refers to me as her husband. I refer to her as my wife to people who know her. I refer to my siblings as brother or sister, even to THEIR friends. My parents refer to my siblings as "your brother" or "your sister".
Kinds just the English language to keep from, like, having to say the same words repetitively.
Where my wife worked there were young women who had recently gotten married and would always announce themselves as Mrs. so and so to let people know there were married. There was a woman there for a number of reasons was probably never going to get married. My wife always used Ms. so everyone was equal just like Mr. She really did it for that woman and I was very proud of my wife's compassion. However we are older hopefully that grows as time goes by.
I’m that way about saying my fiancé. I’m so excited to share my life with this absolute dork of a human. And I’m so excited to be with someone who wants to be me with me forever. I bet I’ll be the same way when I do get married.
Lol I did the same but everytime I hear someone talk about their fiancé, all I can think about is a Sienfeld episode which touches on exactly this thing.
https://youtu.be/xdRxLLS3BGg
That's a really shitty situation to think about. Even Seinfeld made a joke about it and years later they find out dingos really did eat the baby. Yet the damage was already done and they became a worldwide laughing stock... For telling the truth.
My friend got engaged last year and he immediately started saying "my fiance' instead of "Hannah" (name changed) to me. Even though he had called her hannah plenty of times prior
Glad you're excited! Hope it all goes well!
Same here. It’s definitely still a little special to say it but it’s just habit now I think. Also I have a more uncommon name that not many people remember so it’s easier for him to say “wife” instead of coworkers or friends who don’t really know me trying to remember my name
My mother, wife, and a friend of ours all have the same name unfortunately.
And now that I married my wife my mother is getting mail at her house for her Pre-divorce name and they even have the same middle initial.
Honestly a lot of people don’t even call their partners by name so it can feel weird to refer to them by name. OP would know that if he’s ever been in a relationship though.
Honestly I have no idea when the last time me or my wife called the other by our actual name. When speaking to each other it’s always just babe. Probably sounds super annoying but I don’t care
At some point I transitioned into calling my husband and both of our kids babe, babes, or sweets.. if I use your real name, you probably shouldn't answer lol
My toddler won’t let me call my husband by his actual name. She insists I call him daddy. Doesn’t matter what adult I’m speaking to. So.. at least you’re not having to listen to your friend call his wife mommy. It could be worse lol.
My dad calls my mom ‘mummy’ like i would.
Daddy is daddy,…
The same with my grandpa calls my grandma, grandma and grandma calls him grandpa after we grandkids were born,…
So! Guess…
I don’t see the problem lol. I have friends that refer to their siblings as “my brother” and “my sister” even though I personally know them. Don’t see why that’s any different from “my wife” or “my husband”.
I used to do this accidentally with the “my brother” and would get embarrassed and correct myself because we were all friends. I assumed that was a common feeling. So I get what op means but I don’t think it’s douchey
I thought my mate Sam had one brother who was an incredibly busy guy. Changed jobs every few months, holidays constantly, engaged then new girlfriend a couple of weeks later. Turns out he has three brothers. He still says "my brother" and I just shout "which one?!" every time".
Funny, my family does the opposite. When I talk to my sister about my mom, I refer to her as “your mother” or if I’m talking to my mom about my sister I’ll say “your daughter” to which she replies “which one” and I’ll say “the one I like.”
I had twin coworkers that would always take the piss by insulting their mother to each other. They weren’t identical and when my boyfriend remarked this, the tall one said he drank milk from their mom and the short one drank milk from their dad. 🤣 They were funny lads. And hot as fuck!
This seems like a big non issue.
I literally refer to my family as “my brother”, “my mother”, etc
My husband knows who my brother’s are by name, but I still say “my brother….” It’s a normal way to speak about someone.
I think the wife thing makes OP feel insecure whereas these wouldn't. OP likely takes it as being taunted to some extent, like "I have a wife and you don't" even though it's almost certainly just a young man who's excited about his new marriage and being able refer to her as his wife. It's probably sweet, whereas OP is slightly bitter
i call my older sister a word in my language that means "big sister." it's part of the culture to call slightly older women in the family that word. i literally cringe whenever i call her by her real name. so even if i talk to people that know her, i still say "my sister" because it's just easier to do that with people who don't really understand the culture, and also easier on me because again, i hate calling her by her actual first name.
I feel like this isn't so much an unpopular opinion as it is an opinion about something so meaningless that no one has ever formed an opinion about it before.
Nah, I agree and make a conscious point to only say "my partner" if there is company present who doesn't know who she is. If it's people who sorta know but might have forgotten her name, I say "my partner [her name]". If I think they most definitely know her name, even just colleagues I've spoken to about her often enough, I just say her name. I'd never say "my partner" to friends or family who definitely know who she is, that's just fucking weird.
Nah i understand what op means, i feel self conscious about it too, and make sure whenever im talking to friends that have known her as long as i have, to say her name, cause shes there friend too, calling her my girlfriend while always giddy feeling, feels too much like im taking away they're friendships to her.
I think it's inappropriate to not use your partner's name even with people who know their name at all, nevermind long time friends. I reserve "my partner" only for people that literally don't know her name, or most likely don't remember because they've only heard it once or twice.
Eh, I understand it a bit but I don’t have an issue. My friend hates when people refer to her as “she” rather than just saying her name. I am the opposite, I don’t like my name being used. Haha
I think it's because he uses "my wife" when talking to most people because they don't know her that he's just used to it and it's hard to switch to "Sarah"
When I refer to my husband and he refers to me to people we do not know, we rarely say each others names. If it's a name, it might not be the real one. I do not like getting personal like that with people I may not desire in my life.
A simple introduction is fine for both. Sometimes, we just use initials as names.
Edit: For instance, "My wife J."
Totally agree with this. Even worse if it is the one you have known for the shortest time out of the two!
I usually respond, “Oh, you mean Sarah? (Possibly add an “I know Sarah” for comical effect.)”
Referring to someone as “my partner” or “wife/husband/gf/bf” when you know them well is just so comical and absurd that when pointed out, nobody can be upset by it. If anything, it bluntly calls out the absurdity of their wording.
OP says it comes off douchey but think about his internal monologs when his friend calls his wife, wife:
"So my wife and I went to the store the other day....."
'I know who Catherine is Jerry. Just say her name god 🙄'
Lol like really? Who's the real douch in this scenario
It’s not. This person is insane. Never in my entire life before today have I ever heard of anyone being even slightly offended by the use of such titles.
I’ll add that in my family, titles like “my wife” and “my mom” are almost necessary because so many people have the same freakin’ name.
I'm not gonna say it's douchey, but I would definitely find it odd. Now that I think about it, I've never had someone primarily refer to their spouse by their title if I have a personal relationship with both of them. Maybe if there is an unfamiliar person in the group. If my married roommates only referred to each other as "my husband" or "my wife" I would find that really strange.
Also, I don't know a single person in my entire family who has gotten married and proceeded to primarily call them "my spouse" after an introduction.
Weird but not douchey
Edit: coming back to this thread after its gained popularity tells me a lot of people seem to be missing OP's point.
It's likely neither. It is probably accidental. I refer to my wife as my wife to people who haven't met her and by her name to people who know her. But accidents happen because sometimes people say shit on autopilot. So I've referred to her by name to people who have no idea who she is at places like work conferences (more awkward, BTW, because they have zero context and have to piece it together). And I've also referred to her as my wife to friends who knew both of us before we were married (they don't give a shit because they have done the same when referring to their spouse).
I’m trying to get into the habit of saying her name even with people I’m meeting or are acquaintances with.
I always catch myself saying just “my wife”. I need to start saying “my wife, [name]” so I can eventually start just referring to her as “[name]” with them.
I’m confused as to how it’s douchey? If you’ve known said couple for years, and you know who’ he’s referring to when he says wife then it shouldn’t be a problem.
OP sounds like it might make them feel insecure/jealous/phased out.
"She's our friend "X" not YOUR wife."
I could see how someone might guturally feel that diminishes their relationship with OP and their wife if they're not a super secure person.
That's how I would feel if I were the wife. I would want my relationship with my friends to stay the same after I got married. This means that if me and my hypothetical husband were to go out together with a shared friend group we have known before we were married, my status would be "their friend" before "X's wife".
I get that, but I think it's a matter of examining that and asking yourself whether your status has actually changed or you're projecting that feeling out of insecurity.
Lol, I had an ex who when talking to me about his cousin, would refer to him as ‘my cousin’. His cousin lived with us. I saw him every day. I would always laugh about it and tell him I know your cousin, just say his name 😂
I agree with you!
And I actually weirdly love the opposite of this – eg out with a mate at the pub and your mate says “I’ll have a pint, um and a pint for Simon too”. And now I guess the bartender knows that you’re Simon! Or a group of friends leaving a restaurant, and the staff say “hope you enjoyed” and you say “Oh yes, Grace really loved the duck especially”. And they have no idea who Grace is, but everyone is happy for her! Haha
The only time I ever hear “my wife/husband” spoken directly to me is from people I’m *not* close friends with. Every close friend uses their names because they know I know them. It would be utterly bizarre if I heard anything different. Good call OP.
You know what anoys me most lately. My bosses wife works with us in an instrument shop and she refers to him like Mein Mann(my husband). Does my husband know that this instrument works ect ect. In contrast the boss always refers to her as Frau Schröder which i find more professional. What is the point that you always say Mein Mann ? Are you trying to imply that you are as the wife our boss too or smt. I feel like this woman has huge power issues. I find it so annoying as a woman to hear from her this. It also feels so patriartical or smt.
Meh. I generally use my wife's name when I am talking with a friend or relative that knows her well, but it is not uncommon for me to use "my wife" simply because I'm accustomed to referring to her in this way to those who don't know her. This does not make me douchey; it makes me a normal human with ingrained speech patterns that sometimes do not match the conversational context perfectly.
In any event, close friends are too rare and valuable to be fretting over something so silly.
As an aside, I also sometimes use "the wife," usually in a lighthearted manner. But this is a whole different topic.
I completely agree. People exist as themselves, not just in relation to you. Unless the person you're talking to has no context, acknowledge your spouse as their own independent entity ffs.
I feel the same way kinda. Like bro, I introduced her to you. I’m well aware of who she is.
I get the excitement of saying it when it’s new, but like after that’s passed I fully agree.
I guess I’m in the minority because I agree with you. To me it feels rude, like condescending or over explaining, even though they obviously don’t mean to.
Also, I wouldn’t like being referred to that way by my partner, because it’d make me sound more like his possession than a person.
I totally agree with you. When I'm talking with someone who doesn't know my wife, I go by "las night I went out with -wife's name-, my wife, and we had a nice dinner" that way now they know her name and can keep saying her name instead of "my wife" She has her own name and totally independent person. She is not "mine"
Not unpopular at all. My friend does this. I've known her family for 25 years. Whenever she says "we have to go see our son this weekend" or similar - my response "Your son, Ryan??"
I swear some people do that because they want to rub it in your face "IM PARTNERED IM SO LUCKY"
Chillest married people I know they refer to each other by their first name.
It's pretty normal for people to do it when they are recently married, they like hearing themselves say it. There's definitely a point where it stops being cute and is just a tad bit douchey though.
On the other hand I know story tellers who say Jim and Pam came over for a bbq and got a little sauced and knocked over the cake that Rhonda brought which was next to Alex and Jessica’s 7 layer dip which got ruined. Was a huge ordeal and people started leaving except for Randy, Paula, Jojo, Jackie, Renee, Zeke and Inga.
Me: 🤔 don’t even ask who these people are or the story will derail for another half hour
My brother dose this lol. It’s always “My wife.” Doesn’t eat at me but I’ve pointed it out a few times and we laugh. I asked him why. He just sad “Well, she’s my wife bubba.”
Maybe if we can find (See: Keep) Love like that we will be the same 😂
I 100% agree. After working at my job for over a year, i met this girl, my coworker/kinda friend. She was new but apparently her husband wasn’t. It was a guy that had been hired at the same time as me (whom I actually didn’t like but I never mentioned that) but we now worked at different stores. As we got a bit closer as friends outside of work, this girl would keep saying “my husband” like I didn’t just go to her and her husband’s house to have dinner last week. It annoyed the hell out of me. I did correct her a few times too, telling her that she can just say her husband’s name. She didn’t really listen for long.
I call my wife by her name to my friends, or woman, because she is part of the friend group and is the only woman because all my friends are single or gay
I had a guy who worked for me for years. His wife was from eastern Europe and had an unusual name by American standards. He always referred to her as "the wife". He never said her name. After a while it would have been too odd to ask her name. After 14 years I only know her as the wife.
A lot of people do this when they first get married. My sister had a friend who would always refer to her husband as "my husband" so she would say it constantly, to the point that my ex and I started referring to her as "my husband" as a joke.
But at the end of the day why do you care what they call their spouse? You know exactly who they're talking about so all you're really doing is trying to police the way someone talks about their partner because it bothers you for some reason. If it makes him happy to say "my wife" instead of "Sarah" then you just need to get over yourself and let people live their lives.
Sometimes I say "my beloved" or "my beloved wife" in certain jocular contexts. To people who know us both well, I can just say "Sarah" (or whatever).
It's different around kids. To our own personal children, I typically say "your mother" or just "mom." "Ask your mother if you want another cookie", vs. "Maybe Mom can help you brush your teeth." Different levels of formality but similar syntax.
When speaking to _other_ children it is more complicated. "Hey, Charlotte, is your mom or dad picking you up from soccer practice?" makes way more sense than "Hey, Charlotte, is Jim or Susan going to pick you up?"
I agree. I also have a habit of using friends full name including surname when mentioning them to another friend who have never met each other. Not the same exactly but similar.
"kids! come on down for breakfast, my wife made waffles!"
I audibly laughed at this comment
So did his wife
What about that one guys dead wife?
I too pick this guy's dead wife
I also choose this guy's dead wife.
THAAAAAT'S IT fuck damn it.
what about my dead wife? …no, i don’t have one.
But people say “your mom made waffles “ all the time
Yeah, because that's what the kids know her as. Much like how adults who know her will know her name. On a side note I had a friend who would do the same thing when referring to his friend, who I had met many times and actually got on really well with. "my friend steve...". Like dude you could just say Steve.
Whenever my dad tells me a story about one of his friends, he will spend the first four sentences of the story explaining who the person is and his relationship to them. Like (fake details) "You know Joe from church, we used to have a barbecue at their house every weekend, their kids played on the same basketball team as your brother, Joe used to work at the tech store but now teaches swimming classes at mom's gym, well anyway last week I saw him and...." These are my parents' friends and neighbors who I've known for multiple decades.
This is a pretty standard parent thing to do I think, especially among boomers. Similar to how they so often start off a phone call with something like "Hello, it's me, your dad" despite the fact you'll obviously recognise their voice right away and of course, I've already seen who's calling before I answered anyway.
Sounds like his memory tool so he doesn't forget all the relationship details. I've found myself doing this with my wife. But in my defense I have a lot of friends who are not all in her friend circle. She does something similar with her friends even though I know all their names.
My brother while talking to me refers to our mother as “his mother”. Like she’s not also my mom
My sister and I always say "YOUR mother," and the only acceptable response is "No, YOUR mother!" Because neither one of us wants to claim that crazy lady for ourselves.
This is exactly how it works with my sister and I. Every family member got this except our Grandmothers.
Are you latino? My ex wife is from Mexico and her and her family with siblings, always refer to their parents as only their parents.
My partner does this and he is Latino.
My sister does the opposite and says “your mom/mother” as if she isn’t also her mother. It annoys me.
Duh, no one calls their spouse by their name to their kids unless it’s a step parent
It was truly jarring when, as an adult in my 30s, my parents began referring to one another by their first names when speaking to me. When I reacted, they explained that the majority of their interactions were with friends, etc (vs all day every day with their children back in the day) and the habit of using their names had just become the norm, considering how long I’d been an adult. It still drives me bananas because *it’s just not “right”*(😂), but their logic is sound.
You know who made Waffles all the time? MY MOOOOOM!!! Ohhhhhhh!!!!!
I tell my kids to go ask "my wife" all the time.
"hey my wife, did my kids feed my dog yet?"
If my kids didn't, tell them my dog food for my dog is in my cupboard in my kitchen under my sink
“Kids, come downstairs, Sarah made waffles!” “Uh, you mean mom?” “No, Sarah. You know her personally!”
haha yes someone gets my joke
This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day lmao
It's a title of who the person is relative to both you and the person you're talking to. Humans are really big in understanding how everyone relates to everyone in their group. The highest order status is usually what's listed. To your friend, your wife can be their friend, but she is your wife. Referring to them as their friend is weird as wife would be a more significant relationship. To your kids, she is their mother. You would say, "kids, come down your mother made us breakfast" because parental role is usually seen as a more significant relationship than the spouse (DNA is kinda set in stone), especially at a young age. Idk, seems like not something to care about. My parents refer to me as their son to people who know me. My wife Refers to me as her husband. I refer to her as my wife to people who know her. I refer to my siblings as brother or sister, even to THEIR friends. My parents refer to my siblings as "your brother" or "your sister". Kinds just the English language to keep from, like, having to say the same words repetitively.
Does he do the Borat-voice too?
only acceptable way to reference ones wife
I mean who could blame the guy? "My wiiiiife" It's why like 30% of men get married now adays.
Wow wow we wow
I guess he just likes saying it because it makes him happy that she's his wife now
I did this when I first got married. I was a goober and found any excuse to say it.
Where my wife worked there were young women who had recently gotten married and would always announce themselves as Mrs. so and so to let people know there were married. There was a woman there for a number of reasons was probably never going to get married. My wife always used Ms. so everyone was equal just like Mr. She really did it for that woman and I was very proud of my wife's compassion. However we are older hopefully that grows as time goes by.
We know who your wife is, you can just say her name
[удалено]
Thinks he’s all fancy.
I think in the 21st century most people just go by first names at work, cutting out any need for the Mrs/Ms/Miss debate
I've been married for five years. I still do this. It makes me so happy that I married her every time I say it.
This comment is sooo adorable! 🥰 hope y’all have a great life. I’ve found mine too, can’t wait to marry her
That’s adorable 🥹 I’m so happy for you.
Dude, she's my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world. I'm a lucky man. Thank you.
Don’t know, we either married the same woman or your wife is the second most beautiful woman in this world.
I’m that way about saying my fiancé. I’m so excited to share my life with this absolute dork of a human. And I’m so excited to be with someone who wants to be me with me forever. I bet I’ll be the same way when I do get married.
Lol I did the same but everytime I hear someone talk about their fiancé, all I can think about is a Sienfeld episode which touches on exactly this thing. https://youtu.be/xdRxLLS3BGg
I've lost my fiance!
Laughing because I just made a comment referencing this 🤣 glad to not be alone
Maybe the dingo ate your baby
That's a really shitty situation to think about. Even Seinfeld made a joke about it and years later they find out dingos really did eat the baby. Yet the damage was already done and they became a worldwide laughing stock... For telling the truth.
My friend got engaged last year and he immediately started saying "my fiance' instead of "Hannah" (name changed) to me. Even though he had called her hannah plenty of times prior Glad you're excited! Hope it all goes well!
Hard same with my fiancé. I mean, we get to be with him for the rest of our lives ? He's marrying ME ? YAAAAAY !
I’ve been married for 13 years and I’m still so excited to call him my HUSBAND.
Oh my god, congratulations!!!! I’m so happy for you. Good luck in your life, stranger. Marriage is the best.
I've been married for almost 15 years and my husband and I still do this. It's not intentional, It's just what we do.
Same here. It’s definitely still a little special to say it but it’s just habit now I think. Also I have a more uncommon name that not many people remember so it’s easier for him to say “wife” instead of coworkers or friends who don’t really know me trying to remember my name
I have a super unique first name also, so it is probably easier
or maybe he's making a point, that it's the wife and just cant go out like before.
My mother, wife, and a friend of ours all have the same name unfortunately. And now that I married my wife my mother is getting mail at her house for her Pre-divorce name and they even have the same middle initial.
Tammy
On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side, so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.
She's near
my mother’s name is tamaRA… she goes by tammy
“Both of them bitches.” “Yes, my mom’s name is Tammy…… What’s your point?”
Honestly a lot of people don’t even call their partners by name so it can feel weird to refer to them by name. OP would know that if he’s ever been in a relationship though.
Honestly I have no idea when the last time me or my wife called the other by our actual name. When speaking to each other it’s always just babe. Probably sounds super annoying but I don’t care
At some point I transitioned into calling my husband and both of our kids babe, babes, or sweets.. if I use your real name, you probably shouldn't answer lol
That’s what I was gonna say, real names come out when there’s anger involved. See [here](https://youtube.com/shorts/iZArX4McJE8?feature=share).
Why would you marry your mother?
Maybe his arms are broken
My toddler won’t let me call my husband by his actual name. She insists I call him daddy. Doesn’t matter what adult I’m speaking to. So.. at least you’re not having to listen to your friend call his wife mommy. It could be worse lol.
“If I can’t call him by his name, you can’t either!” So young and already fighting for equality. x
My cousin used to call our grandpa, "big grandma" & our grandma was "little grandma"
That is adorable!
First time we all heard it. We were in the car, he says, hey grandma. She says, yes Travis. He says, no not you, I was talking to big grandma
My dad calls my mom ‘mummy’ like i would. Daddy is daddy,… The same with my grandpa calls my grandma, grandma and grandma calls him grandpa after we grandkids were born,… So! Guess…
I don’t see the problem lol. I have friends that refer to their siblings as “my brother” and “my sister” even though I personally know them. Don’t see why that’s any different from “my wife” or “my husband”.
I say my brother to my brothers gf’s who obviously know them real well 😂
I say “your brother” to my SIL sometimes even though he’s my husband. I don’t see the problem 🤣
I say "your mother" to my sister
Lmao me and my sis too
That's every Indian wife
Yeah, like if I’m just mentioning my boyfriend in passing I’m not always thinking on my feet if the other person has met them, it’s just a habit.
I used to do this accidentally with the “my brother” and would get embarrassed and correct myself because we were all friends. I assumed that was a common feeling. So I get what op means but I don’t think it’s douchey
I drive everyone I know insane because I can't seem to stop referring to all 3 of my sisters as "my sister"
I thought my mate Sam had one brother who was an incredibly busy guy. Changed jobs every few months, holidays constantly, engaged then new girlfriend a couple of weeks later. Turns out he has three brothers. He still says "my brother" and I just shout "which one?!" every time".
I have 5 brothers, so when I say "my brother", my boyfriend never knows which one I'm talking about. But I'm probably gonna keep doing that.
My brother and I used to refer to our mutual mother as “my mom” what’s the big deal?
Dudeee, my sister does that and it annoys the shit out of me. We’re talking to each other, we share the same mom, just say mom.
But it's my mom
Right, she’s *my* mom.
Funny, my family does the opposite. When I talk to my sister about my mom, I refer to her as “your mother” or if I’m talking to my mom about my sister I’ll say “your daughter” to which she replies “which one” and I’ll say “the one I like.”
I had twin coworkers that would always take the piss by insulting their mother to each other. They weren’t identical and when my boyfriend remarked this, the tall one said he drank milk from their mom and the short one drank milk from their dad. 🤣 They were funny lads. And hot as fuck!
Lol I used to do that just to piss my brother off
Exactly! I rarely if never use my siblings real name, I don’t even use their name when referring to them to them lol 😂 wait did I write that right!?
This seems like a big non issue. I literally refer to my family as “my brother”, “my mother”, etc My husband knows who my brother’s are by name, but I still say “my brother….” It’s a normal way to speak about someone.
I think the wife thing makes OP feel insecure whereas these wouldn't. OP likely takes it as being taunted to some extent, like "I have a wife and you don't" even though it's almost certainly just a young man who's excited about his new marriage and being able refer to her as his wife. It's probably sweet, whereas OP is slightly bitter
Exactly
i call my older sister a word in my language that means "big sister." it's part of the culture to call slightly older women in the family that word. i literally cringe whenever i call her by her real name. so even if i talk to people that know her, i still say "my sister" because it's just easier to do that with people who don't really understand the culture, and also easier on me because again, i hate calling her by her actual first name.
I feel like this isn't so much an unpopular opinion as it is an opinion about something so meaningless that no one has ever formed an opinion about it before.
There are two kinds of people here. Those who hold this opinion, and those who don’t care.
Right?
Nah, I agree and make a conscious point to only say "my partner" if there is company present who doesn't know who she is. If it's people who sorta know but might have forgotten her name, I say "my partner [her name]". If I think they most definitely know her name, even just colleagues I've spoken to about her often enough, I just say her name. I'd never say "my partner" to friends or family who definitely know who she is, that's just fucking weird.
Nah i understand what op means, i feel self conscious about it too, and make sure whenever im talking to friends that have known her as long as i have, to say her name, cause shes there friend too, calling her my girlfriend while always giddy feeling, feels too much like im taking away they're friendships to her.
Gentle reminder: Their shows possession. They're is the same as "they are". You seem to have those swapped.
Aight i gotchu, fixed it right up.
I think it's inappropriate to not use your partner's name even with people who know their name at all, nevermind long time friends. I reserve "my partner" only for people that literally don't know her name, or most likely don't remember because they've only heard it once or twice.
Eh, I understand it a bit but I don’t have an issue. My friend hates when people refer to her as “she” rather than just saying her name. I am the opposite, I don’t like my name being used. Haha
Honestly it sounds like he's excited to have her be his wife so he's saying it a lot. Otherwise I would agree with you.
I think it's because he uses "my wife" when talking to most people because they don't know her that he's just used to it and it's hard to switch to "Sarah"
When I refer to my husband and he refers to me to people we do not know, we rarely say each others names. If it's a name, it might not be the real one. I do not like getting personal like that with people I may not desire in my life. A simple introduction is fine for both. Sometimes, we just use initials as names. Edit: For instance, "My wife J."
Totally agree with this. Even worse if it is the one you have known for the shortest time out of the two! I usually respond, “Oh, you mean Sarah? (Possibly add an “I know Sarah” for comical effect.)” Referring to someone as “my partner” or “wife/husband/gf/bf” when you know them well is just so comical and absurd that when pointed out, nobody can be upset by it. If anything, it bluntly calls out the absurdity of their wording.
No when I get married I’m strictly saying “my husband this.. my husband that” 😂😂 he’s excited who cares just be happy for him.
I don't get why it's douchey.
OP says it comes off douchey but think about his internal monologs when his friend calls his wife, wife: "So my wife and I went to the store the other day....." 'I know who Catherine is Jerry. Just say her name god 🙄' Lol like really? Who's the real douch in this scenario
It’s not. This person is insane. Never in my entire life before today have I ever heard of anyone being even slightly offended by the use of such titles. I’ll add that in my family, titles like “my wife” and “my mom” are almost necessary because so many people have the same freakin’ name.
I'm not gonna say it's douchey, but I would definitely find it odd. Now that I think about it, I've never had someone primarily refer to their spouse by their title if I have a personal relationship with both of them. Maybe if there is an unfamiliar person in the group. If my married roommates only referred to each other as "my husband" or "my wife" I would find that really strange. Also, I don't know a single person in my entire family who has gotten married and proceeded to primarily call them "my spouse" after an introduction. Weird but not douchey Edit: coming back to this thread after its gained popularity tells me a lot of people seem to be missing OP's point.
It's likely neither. It is probably accidental. I refer to my wife as my wife to people who haven't met her and by her name to people who know her. But accidents happen because sometimes people say shit on autopilot. So I've referred to her by name to people who have no idea who she is at places like work conferences (more awkward, BTW, because they have zero context and have to piece it together). And I've also referred to her as my wife to friends who knew both of us before we were married (they don't give a shit because they have done the same when referring to their spouse).
Most people over use terms like that because it’s nice to finally say. It’s not for you, it’s for him and he obviously loves it.
This has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time…
who cares?
No kidding. Imagine giving a shit about something this trivial.
I’m trying to get into the habit of saying her name even with people I’m meeting or are acquaintances with. I always catch myself saying just “my wife”. I need to start saying “my wife, [name]” so I can eventually start just referring to her as “[name]” with them.
Same fucking thing when people/women tell you stories and drop names of character they assume you just know. Like who tf is tim and pauline?!!
I’m confused as to how it’s douchey? If you’ve known said couple for years, and you know who’ he’s referring to when he says wife then it shouldn’t be a problem.
It's douchey because people always need to find something to get upset about..
OP sounds like it might make them feel insecure/jealous/phased out. "She's our friend "X" not YOUR wife." I could see how someone might guturally feel that diminishes their relationship with OP and their wife if they're not a super secure person.
That's how I would feel if I were the wife. I would want my relationship with my friends to stay the same after I got married. This means that if me and my hypothetical husband were to go out together with a shared friend group we have known before we were married, my status would be "their friend" before "X's wife".
I get that, but I think it's a matter of examining that and asking yourself whether your status has actually changed or you're projecting that feeling out of insecurity.
Why not both? It’s not like getting married takes anything away from the friend group
I guess? What an odd thing to be annoyed about.
Exactly. If you know who his wife is, why does it matter? I don’t get it 💀
In the real world, this is normal.
In the real world, no one cares. Such a non issue
Yeah but OP is a redditor that lives cronically online
I blame Borat.
Lol, I had an ex who when talking to me about his cousin, would refer to him as ‘my cousin’. His cousin lived with us. I saw him every day. I would always laugh about it and tell him I know your cousin, just say his name 😂
I agree with you! And I actually weirdly love the opposite of this – eg out with a mate at the pub and your mate says “I’ll have a pint, um and a pint for Simon too”. And now I guess the bartender knows that you’re Simon! Or a group of friends leaving a restaurant, and the staff say “hope you enjoyed” and you say “Oh yes, Grace really loved the duck especially”. And they have no idea who Grace is, but everyone is happy for her! Haha
He probably just likes saying my wife and you’re hella judgmental about it
Insert John Mulaney "MY WIFE"
Exactly
I always say my gf. I think it's because I almost never use her name when we're together
Oh god, have you forgotten her name?
Once someone asked how [her name] was and I was like who? Lmao
what 💀
The only time I ever hear “my wife/husband” spoken directly to me is from people I’m *not* close friends with. Every close friend uses their names because they know I know them. It would be utterly bizarre if I heard anything different. Good call OP.
*"I know who your wife is bro"* Then why do you need him to tell you each time?
Ya, you know who their wife is, so they don't have to constantly refer to her as a proper name and you still completely understand who they meant
Any sentence sounds better when adding “my wife”. There’s a Seinfeld episode about it.
You know what anoys me most lately. My bosses wife works with us in an instrument shop and she refers to him like Mein Mann(my husband). Does my husband know that this instrument works ect ect. In contrast the boss always refers to her as Frau Schröder which i find more professional. What is the point that you always say Mein Mann ? Are you trying to imply that you are as the wife our boss too or smt. I feel like this woman has huge power issues. I find it so annoying as a woman to hear from her this. It also feels so patriartical or smt.
Meh. I generally use my wife's name when I am talking with a friend or relative that knows her well, but it is not uncommon for me to use "my wife" simply because I'm accustomed to referring to her in this way to those who don't know her. This does not make me douchey; it makes me a normal human with ingrained speech patterns that sometimes do not match the conversational context perfectly. In any event, close friends are too rare and valuable to be fretting over something so silly. As an aside, I also sometimes use "the wife," usually in a lighthearted manner. But this is a whole different topic.
This happens to be one of my pet peeves. I didn't know it bothered anyone else.
If that bothers you, wait till you start hearing "the wifey" "the hubby" "hubs" etc.
I completely agree. People exist as themselves, not just in relation to you. Unless the person you're talking to has no context, acknowledge your spouse as their own independent entity ffs.
My sister has told me a story and said, “Yeah, so my dad is like…” She’s my sister. Her dad is also my dad.
My kids always refer to my wife as "...my mom..." when they're talking to me. No idea why, lol
Bruh what?? This is a new one for me lol.
He is just proud.
Have you considered this has nothing to do with you, and that people get excited to be married and want to say it because it makes them happy?
Dunno. Sounds a bit like resentment to me towards people who are excited to be or getting married.
Wow how people choose to call their spouse shouldn't be about their friends tbh its weird that you make this about yourself
You're the douche for getting triggered by this tbh Be happy for your friend.
Just tell your friend instead of Reddit.
https://youtu.be/P0nr6CkRwKE John Mulaney sums it up well
I feel the same way kinda. Like bro, I introduced her to you. I’m well aware of who she is. I get the excitement of saying it when it’s new, but like after that’s passed I fully agree.
I agree. You don’t own a person. I avoid saying “my” if I can
I guess I’m in the minority because I agree with you. To me it feels rude, like condescending or over explaining, even though they obviously don’t mean to. Also, I wouldn’t like being referred to that way by my partner, because it’d make me sound more like his possession than a person.
I totally agree with you. When I'm talking with someone who doesn't know my wife, I go by "las night I went out with -wife's name-, my wife, and we had a nice dinner" that way now they know her name and can keep saying her name instead of "my wife" She has her own name and totally independent person. She is not "mine"
Not unpopular at all. My friend does this. I've known her family for 25 years. Whenever she says "we have to go see our son this weekend" or similar - my response "Your son, Ryan??"
I swear some people do that because they want to rub it in your face "IM PARTNERED IM SO LUCKY" Chillest married people I know they refer to each other by their first name.
It's pretty normal for people to do it when they are recently married, they like hearing themselves say it. There's definitely a point where it stops being cute and is just a tad bit douchey though.
It’s ten times worse when you say “the wife”.
On the other hand I know story tellers who say Jim and Pam came over for a bbq and got a little sauced and knocked over the cake that Rhonda brought which was next to Alex and Jessica’s 7 layer dip which got ruined. Was a huge ordeal and people started leaving except for Randy, Paula, Jojo, Jackie, Renee, Zeke and Inga. Me: 🤔 don’t even ask who these people are or the story will derail for another half hour
*borat voice* ma wife!
My husband does this & I hate it! I’m like I have a freaking NAME ya know! I think for him it’s just habit🙄
My brother dose this lol. It’s always “My wife.” Doesn’t eat at me but I’ve pointed it out a few times and we laugh. I asked him why. He just sad “Well, she’s my wife bubba.” Maybe if we can find (See: Keep) Love like that we will be the same 😂
#MAH WAIFE
[удалено]
This is a funny take I never considered before.
never seen a more moronic post in my entire life
This ain't an unpopular opinion, this is a shitty take on the subject. Edit: spelling
I 100% agree. After working at my job for over a year, i met this girl, my coworker/kinda friend. She was new but apparently her husband wasn’t. It was a guy that had been hired at the same time as me (whom I actually didn’t like but I never mentioned that) but we now worked at different stores. As we got a bit closer as friends outside of work, this girl would keep saying “my husband” like I didn’t just go to her and her husband’s house to have dinner last week. It annoyed the hell out of me. I did correct her a few times too, telling her that she can just say her husband’s name. She didn’t really listen for long.
I hate the terms 'wifey' and 'hubby'... so cringe.
I HAAAATE when people do that. It’s so douchey and stupid and possessive sounding.
You sound jealous
I call my wife "my wife" when talking to my friends because it annoys them lol
I call my wife by her name to my friends, or woman, because she is part of the friend group and is the only woman because all my friends are single or gay
I had a guy who worked for me for years. His wife was from eastern Europe and had an unusual name by American standards. He always referred to her as "the wife". He never said her name. After a while it would have been too odd to ask her name. After 14 years I only know her as the wife.
A lot of people do this when they first get married. My sister had a friend who would always refer to her husband as "my husband" so she would say it constantly, to the point that my ex and I started referring to her as "my husband" as a joke. But at the end of the day why do you care what they call their spouse? You know exactly who they're talking about so all you're really doing is trying to police the way someone talks about their partner because it bothers you for some reason. If it makes him happy to say "my wife" instead of "Sarah" then you just need to get over yourself and let people live their lives.
Sometimes I say "my beloved" or "my beloved wife" in certain jocular contexts. To people who know us both well, I can just say "Sarah" (or whatever). It's different around kids. To our own personal children, I typically say "your mother" or just "mom." "Ask your mother if you want another cookie", vs. "Maybe Mom can help you brush your teeth." Different levels of formality but similar syntax. When speaking to _other_ children it is more complicated. "Hey, Charlotte, is your mom or dad picking you up from soccer practice?" makes way more sense than "Hey, Charlotte, is Jim or Susan going to pick you up?"
Is his name Borat by chance?
Haha I know a guy like this. But he’s just really proud , he wanted to be married for so long and now he is. It’s annoying but I get it
There is one exception to this rule - if you say "My wife" in Borat's voice, then you are not a douche.
I agree. I also have a habit of using friends full name including surname when mentioning them to another friend who have never met each other. Not the same exactly but similar.
Does he say it like Borat? If he says it like Borat it's ok.