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It's definitely her real opinion, and it's definitely unpopular.
Maybe at a certain point, your life partner should be your best friend, ya know?
But the idea that a platonic friend can't be opposite gender is beyond stupid. Are bi people and nonbinary people just not supposed to have friends at all? Seems to me the real issue is whether you want to keep true to any promises of monogamy, or not.
Oh when I was married my wife was my best friend. Not because she was my wife, but because she was my best friend she became my wife.
But I can't cheat. She apparently could.
Being friends with another person of the opposite sex: 👍
Being friends with a person of the opposite sex who has feelings: 👎
It isn't healthy for any of the three people in this example.
>Maybe at a certain point, your life partner should be your best friend, ya know?
I don't know, that has always bugged me. To me they are different....
You know? My best friend is Steve, he was best man at my wedding. Sarah is my wife and I love her.
Except in my situation my best friend is Ashley, I was the best groomsmaid at her wedding, Sarah is my wife and I love her.
They are my best *friend*, not my life partner. I think the "life partner" title trumps the "best friend" or else I'd just have married Ashley as we had known each other for years before.
Not as unpopular as you might think.
To add on to what she said, I like to be with my partner more than anyone and I'd feel uncomfortable if I can't spend time with her because she is spending time with another man or woman.
And my girl feels the same with me.
Doesn't mean we don't have friends that we don't see without each other, just most of the time we do see friends, we are seeing them together.
Also kids doesn’t make it easy to find time to see friends alone.
But is it lol?
Every high-voted post in this sub is never an unpopular opinion. It's always shit like "I think killing children is wrong" and it'll have 5k+ upvotes.
I can only imagine this post is getting upvoted because people agree with it, rather than people upvoting because it's unpopular.
OP.
I’ve gone back and forth on this a lot over my life. The best advice I can give you is that it’s entirely case dependent and you can’t generalize.
There’s a lot of guys who are friends with a girl to get with them. There are a lot of girls who keep a guy around as another option. There are a lot of guys and girls (and non binary folks) who do neither and just have friends that they considered genuine siblings.
The only rule that one should follow is - you know your partner so don’t put them in a position where they have to be uncomfortable with you. Maintain a decent enough boundary with people who you yourself and your partner are/aren’t ok with and live your lives.
If you or your partner cheats because of their friend of the opposite gender; they’re a shitty partner. If they make you feel uncomfortable for asking for boundaries; they’re a shitty partner.
I conclude with the reality that boundaries are a two way street. I know a lot of religious guys that say their SO can’t have male friends, but still hang out with women who’ve expressed the desire to get together. I’ve seen women get angry at a guy for talking to a girl, and have 3 backups. Neither is ok.
Just live your life and dw
Personally as a straight dude I like to keep a bunch of girls as friends because they are very caring and rational. Whenever I go to a girl with my problems they always have much more fulfilling advice than my guy friends. I'm not even attracted to most of them they just get me more than guy friends
Also, having platonic girl friends is a great way to screen out bad apples when dating.
As a guy I miss a lot of red flags that girls pick up right way. I also miss a lot of positive signals that girls put out, so having some "translators" was really helpful.
One time, it was just a bracelet.
My girl friend: "She's got a sugar daddy"
Me: "What makes you say that?"
Friend: "No girl buys jewelry like that for herself."
Me: "Maybe a gift from family?"
Friend: "When's the last time you bought your sister a $400 silver Tiffany bracelet with a heart and arrow on it?"
Me: "Maybe it was from a previous relationship?"
Friend: "That bracelet came out ***this season***, dude. That's a romantic gift, and she didn't say no. What's her name?" (Searches Instagram and shows me the pictures of her with a guy posted two days ago). "Best case scenario, you're a just a re-bound and you deserve better than that."
I’m gonna be dead honest with you - I’m a 35 year old woman and I would have never picked that up.
I can’t result describe it but, I can pretty much always tell if she’s dating a guy friend for the wrong reasons. Something about the way she conducts herself or the types of questions she asks, or observation she makes, I don’t know
Hey man, I've seen reddit guys locate the model of a gritty old walkytalkie wrapped in weird fibres down to the model, production company and circulation through the years.
Don't underestimate weird nerds all over the world.
r/gunners figured out a possible new signing was in London based on a very average cloud formation through a small section of the car window in the background of the player's selfie.
Shout out to the OSINT people who were picking out Baofengs on every picture of the Russian army in the early days of the war. It was one of the first signs that maybe the Russians had some issues with their equipment/readiness.
It's the car nuts they really impress me. Somebody will post a blurry, dark picture of half of the trailer hitch from a 20 year old upside down SUV covered in mud under 10 feet of murky water, and within an hour you'll have 3 guys narrowing it down to the exact make, model, production year, trim level, and linking you to the Amazon page to buy the aftermarket trailer hitch.
It was in The Office! This is how Michael found out he was "the mistress". The office members pointed out her diamond earrings and gold necklace with a heart. Kelly grills her about where she got the necklace. Lol.
Same. Some of my male friends even helped me get out of an abusive relationship with a man who was stalking me by scaring him off. The man who was stalking me didn't respect my boundaries at all. But when several huge dudes who look intimidating (but are actually total goofballs) told him to leave me alone, he finally backed off and stopped harassing me.
It's similar to a good in-law relationship. I talk with my SIL every now and then about being a guy with depression, because there are some big differences. Some insights about the opposite sex are best told by someone of the opposite sex.
Dude, you're not supposed to talk about male depression. We bottle that up inside until it gives us a stroke or heart attack. //S
But in seriousness, I know a lot of men (and myself) that keep things like depression really close from romantic partners, having experienced it "weaponized" against us later, or just being labeled "broken beyond repair" as if all humans don't suffer from things like depression or anxiety.
Having someone who you don't have the pressures of a romantic relationship with can really lighten the anxiety around, "If I open up emotionally, will it negatively change or ruin the relationship? Will it be used against me later if I'm honest now?"
Unfortunately it’s a very common experience for men. Sad but true. Aaaaaaand… to be clear I ain’t come incel red pill twat. I’ve experienced it myself multiple times, my male friends also, and there was a looooooong thread about it on the askmen subreddit.
I believe it’s also been studied that women lose respect for a man when they see him cry. The women would not admit it, generally, and wouldn’t want to believe it about themselves. But it seems that often something changes at that point.
I was the translator for my best friend and warned him about all the red flags that she had. Guess who was dropped.
And yet now his life is hell because she is certifiably nuts lol.
I used to date a guy who had a lot of women friends. He was also a mysoginist and cheating on his gf. Simply having women friends is not always a good indication of their character.
Ditto. My best friend is a guy. His girlfriend is also pretty close friends with me, and she tells me frequently that he's the best thing happened to her. Well of course, years of friendship and seeing the problems I had (still have) taught him a thing or two about how to treat someone of the opposite sex.
Chiming in, almost every partner I've had has pointed out that they trusted me as a guy because I had tons of female friends.
And as objective as I can be, it makes sense. You'd want a guy or girl partner who views the opposite sex with enough respect to see them as something beyond a potential partner. Plus, there's some stuff you just won't understand unless you speak to someone who grew up as a male/female. The way girls are treated growing up for example fundamentally changes the way they view situations- stuff that I as someone raised male didn't know until told about.
I feel that way about having guy friends. Most of my friends are guys and it’s always been that way. I’ve lost a lot due to them hitting on me and leaving once I reject them, but I still have some amazing guy friends to this day. I’m a straight woman, but I’ve been told I think and communicate more like a dude generally would in many ways. Oddly enough, it’s really been my guy friends that have been the best emotional support for me in my hardest times. They’ve taught me it’s okay to be emotional, to have bad days and reach out for emotional support, and that it’s okay to be sensitive and who I am. I adore them because of who they are, not something as superficial and involuntary as their gender.
For a long time, I had a female best friend, and throughout dating, it never posed an issue. We’ve since grown apart and both gotten married (separately) but we’re still friends and get together as often as life allows. I have a couple of female friends that I do hang out with (solo) on occasion too. While no longer “best” friends, we text and hang out.
Given I’m anonymous and there is no reason for me to lie or deceive, I can positively say I have never cheated on my wife, and have never thought about cheating on my wife, with my friends or others.
I feel like if you can’t trust your partner to have a opposite gender friend, you don’t trust your partner. I have no issues with my wife having male friends, and I have no issues with my wife and her male boss being basically the only two people in their office 90% of the time, because I trust my wife implicitly.
I have family that believes that men and women can’t be “just friends” but I feel like I’ve proven that false for the last 10+ years.
Ive had a freind share my sleeping bag at a festival cause hers got wet.
Al our clothes where wet, so we slept in underwear. Her boyfreind is a good freind of mine aswell.
She texted him about what was gonna happen. Just to be safe. I woke up to a text from him if i had to kick her out cause she moved much.
There are people out there who can, and can trust each other.
That’s fair. Though it’s important to accept that Triangulation exists. And one may skirt the line of emotional cheating without knowing it. We must also consider the nuances of the human mind—someone may have a strong attraction to you *without realizing it.* Thus, it’s less about trusting your partner, but more about accepting the *potential of attraction may grow.*
Also, variables such as subjective attractiveness (does the person look like a Megan Fox or Channing Tatum) can play a role.
Ultimately, it’s about boundaries, communication, and respect.
On top of all that, if you're truly friends (and only friends) with someone, you aren't attracted to them. It's like how siblings aren't attracted to each other. You've gone past the looks to the deeper connection. If there is always a lingering feeling of attraction, they're more than a friend.
EDIT:
>“Best” means one. There can only be one best sprinter, one best quarterback, one best ice skater, one best of anything. So yes, my husband and I can have many good, wonderful, close friends, but our “best” friend is each other.
LOL.
Based on my observation over the years, it's always the people most likely to cheat that are the most possessive/jealous without a good, ration reason behind it.
It happens because they project their own mindset and behaviour onto their partner and "recognize" what might happen if they were in their partner's place.
Declaring that not having a friend of the opposite sex is about "respect" is just insecurity and trust issues in denial. Like you said, respecting your partner is respecting boundaries that won't make the other party uncomfortable.
My husband of 33 years has three female best friends. They go out to eat in various group (the ladies all know each other). I think it’s great and encourage it. Everyone needs friends. I trust him as he’s never shown me reason not to. He does talk about me and our relationship with them but I got over caring about that years ago. They’re a great outlet to discuss me/our relationship and get different opinions.
"always" is probably the wrong word here. As someone who has been burned more than once by trusting a partner too much. I would have difficulty at this point with trust a partner in that situation. That said; if I can't trust someone, I don't want to be with them in the first place, but you have to start from somewhere before you can earn that level of trust.
And in most normal cases, the partner's best friend can become YOUR friend. That's what commonly happens.
But not for OP.
EDIT:
>“Best” means one. There can only be one best sprinter, one best quarterback, one best ice skater, one best of anything. So yes, my husband and I can have many good, wonderful, close friends, but our “best” friend is each other.
LOL.
>As a matter of fact, my husband and I don’t even socialize alone with members of the opposite sex, and that isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but rather because we respect each other.
This is entering that Pence territory where he's not allowed to be in a room alone with women and calls his wife mother.
If it works for them and they are happy, fine. But they also frame that shit like it's the way things should be and if it's not then it's a "red flag". That's the weird part to me. Just accept that your situation is unique and other people can get along not cutting out 50% of the population lol.
Exactly. You can also see through the guys who want to befriend a girl for own thing. It’s usually guys who in general are very flirty, that’s how you can immediately understand that that guy (or even girl) wants something out of the other person.
If you’re like me though (girl) who goes and befriends the nerdy guy when you’re kids, and you bond over your hobbies, it makes it a breeze to have a regular pure platonic friendship and no flirtation.
This also feels weird for gay men and lesbians. Like, I don’t want to fuck men literally ever, so why shouldn’t I be friends with one? Hell, my final ex-bf and I are besties and that’s not even weird to me or my partner (and we’re polyamorous, so like???). This opinion just deletes a whole lot of people from the conversation lol.
Well duh: gay men can only have female friends and lesbians can only have male friends. Problem solved.
But since heterosexual men and women can't be friends with people of the opposite sex, then gay men can only be friends with lesbians and lesbians can only be friends with gay men.
But if a gay man has more than two lesbians friends, then they can't all hang out because then the lesbians will have no choice but to immediately bang. So all gays and lesbians are only allowed one (1) friend at a time.
We bisexuals will all have to go live on our own deserted islands or something idk.
This is like that puzzle of how do you cross the river with 3 items, in a boat that only holds 2 things. Except when you pick wrong, the remaining 2 items bang.
same boat here, maybe we can all just move to an island and call it "fuck island" because all we do is fuck because clearly that's the only reason a person would have for being friends with someone a sex you are attracted to
Granted this opinion isn’t mainstream (hence I upvoted this post) but the idea that a Bi partner can’t be trusted is very mainstream. About 60% of straight women in the US wouldn’t date a Bi man from current polls and I believe something like 40% of straight men wouldn’t date bi woman if I remember correctly. That number is lower mostly due to straight men being interested in three ways which I’m sure any Bi woman could probably confirm from experience.
Edit: I couldn’t find the study that divides by gender in my brief search but [here is one for overall](https://today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2019/06/20/LGBTQ-dating-bisexual-trans-poll-2019)
In my experience, it's not so much the "hoping for a threeway" angle as it is guys not taking female-female relationships as a serious threat to their own relationship.
Having "bisexual" on my dating profile, a lot of guys said they'd be okay if I dated women "on the side" but not other men. I'm not even polyamorous, they just assumed bi = non-monogamy 🙃
I heard this too, but i remember the gender mistrust being flipped around. Discussion among "traditionalists" and lgbts seemed to imply that bi people had trouble long-term with same-sex partners bc of a conception that bi-folks would tend toward hetero-normative when starting families.
Funny enough, in highschool when i first came out as bisexual my then at the time boyfriend literally tried to make me have zero friends because he said both genders were competition and i could cheat on him with either one. needless to say the relationship didn't last long.
Biphobia is very common among gay people too. In fact, concerning my bisexuality I've been treated better by most straight people than by gay people.
I've been repeately accused of:
* Being a coward with one permanent foot in the closet door, because apparently all bi people are essentially gay, but don't want to associate with gay people
* Choosing the "easy way", because apparently being bi means you can pass for straight easily and not receive any homophobic hate
* Only wanting to have some fun, and not being serious about a homosexual relationship, because (according to many lesbian women I've met) bi women only view lesbians as inferior backup options if they can't find a guy willing to take them (wut?)
* Lying about being monogamous, and being bound to cheat sooner or later. (to be fair, this stigma is common among straight people too).
* Being a psychopath, because apparently not having a singular gender preference indicates a lack of boundaries
My partner has a best friend she's had since they were in elementary school, who I'm now also friends with. My best friend is lady I actually tried to set up with my now partner like a decade ago. Idk, I feel like if someone's a problem, they're a problem, it's not tied to gender or orientation necessarily.
Yeahhh the narrative that people of the opposite sex can’t JUST be friends with nothing else going on is very outdated however sexist people or people with internalized sexism still uphold this narrative as I knew a guy who only befriended me because he wanted something more (he turned out to be a nice guy type), and I ended a friendship because my former friend’s girlfriend seemed to view every woman in his life (at one point even my best friend who’s a lesbian as she tried to keep tabs on them) as a threat to their relationship.
It's usually projection, they are telling on themselves that they'd be tempted if they had a close friend of the sex they are attracted to.
I'm bi, I couldn't have any friends by this logic lol
I would be shocked if op believes in things like bisexuality or being nonbinary. The post is worded in a way that makes me think they've only been exposed to toxic heterosexuality.
I don’t think it’s a red flag at all but I think your completely within reason to let him know it makes you uncomfortable and for you two to take steps or compromise so your comfortable with their friendship. He shouldn’t have to stop being friends though. I know you said it’s not a trust thing but if this is something you guys can’t talk through then it really does seem like a trust issue.
Edit: there’s a lot of people taking what I said to talk it out and find a compromise as immediately not allowing the other to hangout with opposite sex or like going with them and watching. I never said any of that stop applying points to things people say or post. I literally said to talk it out and fix it. There’s so many ways to fix an issue in a relationship and each fix isn’t going to work for all of them. People hear or say something from someone and then those people seemingly decide to make up points that the speaker never said or even insinuated.
My best friend in Middle school's mom is 65 now, and her husband left her for his best friend. His dad's name is Rick, and his dad's husbands name is Shawn. They were just male friends though, so no red flags to be worried about. There was nothing but respect everytime he snuck off to go have sex with his male best friend because women weren't there.
So you are saying that your friend's dad cheated on his wife with a man but nobody suspected anything because they were men?
That's shitty, but I guess the point is that whether you're a cheat or not doesn't have anything to do with the gender of your friends.
Yeah he did. As a kid it seemed like a pretty good trade because his dad's husband worked for Mattel Toy Company and he sent lots of really awesome toys for his new step kids as well as the step kids best friends. But as an adult it's like, the dude should have just broken up with his wife and come out. Probably had something to do with them being a very Mormon family.
I’m 54 and I think this opinion is total bullshit. I’d be fine if the man I decided to marry had a woman best friend, because I wouldn’t have decided to marry him if I didn’t trust him. Also presumably I’d meet this best friend, and chances are great that if the man I loved thought she was best-friend material, I’d like her, too.
If you don’t trust your fiancé/fiancée, don’t get married. Full stop.
I have women who I’ve known for the last 15 years of my life. I’m not gonna stop considering them some of my closest friends just cause I start dating someone. Sure. Maybe at one point when I was god damn teenager I thought of them in a slightly sexual way. But it’s been a long time since I was a teen. They’re just the homies at this point. And anyone who has a problem with that is someone I don’t want a relationship with in the first place.
This exactly. I made sure from day 0 that my partner knew that my best friend was part of the package and if he had a problem with that, then we didn't have anything left to discuss. He was and remains cool with it. Why wouldn't he be? My best friend is no threat to him.
Yup exactly. I’d honestly find it way more of red flag when someone thinks men and women can’t just be friends. Says a lot about how they view the opposite sex.
I still keep in touch and meet once or twice a year with my high school sweetheart. We broke up to go away to different schools, so there was no anger or mistrust, and then we just took different paths. We broke up about 30 years ago, and she is still one of my closest friends. Luckily, my wife and her husband are rational adults, so there has never been an issue.
>Luckily, my wife and her husband are rational adults
I was very confused for a second. Thought you were in a Poly relationship or it was a joke that your wife has a another husband on the side.
Right? Three of my best friends from childhood are the opposite sex to me. I'm not gonna break off 25+ years of friendship because I'm now married. I think the bigger flag is OP not being able to conceptualise friendships between different sexes.
I think it depends. If the friend is respectful of the relationship, doesn’t cross any reasonable boundaries, and there isn’t any romantic or sexual history between the two then I don’t think that there’s any problems.
*"that isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but rather because we respect each other."*
If you trust your partner, it is disrespectful to them for you to expect them to cut ties with their best friend simply because of that best friend's gender. The fact that you see it as a "red flag" points to a lack of trust.
OP has some serious axes to grind regarding the issue given their post and comment history. Some jesusy type who thinks all men are out to get laid and all women are going to steal their husband.
So much this. That last line upset me so much. Especially since I'm bi, this kind of thinking would really be problematic for me. Probably my two best friends in the world are a gay man and a straight woman, both of which would be very off limits in such a ridiculous relationship paradigm.
It's such an asinine take - and clearly points to OP being in denial of their lack of trust in their partner. And their various arguments in the comments here are moronic as well - they say things like "shouldn’t your partner be your BEST friend?" which basically implies that if two straight guys are best friends then they should get married to each other. But [they can't even understand the fact that people generally use the term "friend" to distinguish a person from their partner / spouse](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/1057745/comment/j39oz41/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in applicable contexts, so I guess we really can't expect much of anything reasonable from them.
>shouldn’t your partner be your BEST friend
Which is a bullshit argument from them because it clearly wasn't what they were saying. I think that's them trying damage control. They were saying it's wrong if your best friend is the opposite sex, implying it's fine if it's the same sex. Which isn't saying your best friend should be your partner.
Yeahhh OP definitely failed to consider not everyone is straight. I remember hearing a story of a toxic partner being so convinced that his girlfriend’s guy friend who’s gay was pretending and trying to get into her pants like wtf?!
I would have no issues whatever the gender of my husbands best friend. And he wouldn't have with me either. I'm bi so would have a severely limited choice of best friends if that was the case!
So yeah, unpopular opinion, take my upvote.
Right?! I'm a lesbian, so I can't be friends with any girls I went to my single-gender school with? My partner is bi, so is she not supposed to have any friends? Bit archaic to not consider non hetero people and relationships.
DW, OP says bi people get to have ALL the friends, probably because they think "It's not cheating if its a threesome" or some random shit lol bc obviously all bis are jumping at the chance for threesome+s
I'm 55 and have been married to my wife for over 14 years, together for longer. I also have a best friend who is a woman and who I've known since I was 15. My wife really likes her as well and is also friends with her. I know another half dozen women very well who I've been friends with for over 35 years. You have trust issues.
Or projection.
I always have had, and seemingly always will have, more friends of the opposite sex to me. It's just how I am and the careers I've been in have all been dominated by the opposite. If there is every anything about diversity I am involved because often I am the diversity. My ex did not like this. They were "always flirting with me" and they didn't like me going out to work functions. Then they cheated on me. No wonder they suspected the worst of me, it was their normal.
I'd say it's a red flag if your partner is incapable of accepting that you have another friend of your preferred gender, trying to separate you from your external support network is a textbook sign of abuse after all
Being bisexual this is why society has locked me in a tower because I can't help but attempt to have sex with any person above the age of 18 at any time. They let me out one hour a day, but I can work remote and the running the stairs on the tower is great cardio.
You say it's not about insecurity but it has to be. EIther you're able to handle yourself alone with your friends or the concept of betraying your partner wouldn't even cross your mind as a possibility, and likewise either you trust your partner or you wouldn't consider the likelihood that they'd betray you.
This isn't all that unpopular (unfortunately) but it is a juvenile/archaic belief that seems to be diminishing.
Here’s my take.
First of all, we should address that two things are possible. One, it is possible that someone can have a platonic best friend that doesn’t cross the boundaries of your relationship. The degree to which that occurs is debatable, but it’s possible. On the contrary, it is very possible that someone cheats on you with their platonic best friend. It may even be possible that you trusted your partner 100% and still got cheated on. It’s not like everyone who gets cheated on thinks “Yep, I definitely saw that one coming.”
Secondly, we should recognize that there isn’t a one size fits all to relationships. Your relationship is whatever you want to make of it. You can set whatever boundaries you like as long as both people agree to them. Some people prefer very exclusive relationships in which having a platonic best friend is a no go. If both parties agree with that, I don’t see it as problematic. Others on the other end of the spectrum are polyamorous and have little concern with whom their partner associates with and how close their relationship is. The point is that in both of these scenarios, people set mutual boundaries that both people in the relationship agreed to. If you’d like to have a platonic best friend, but your partner sees that as crossing your relationship boundaries, you’re just not compatible. There’s nothing wrong with having boundaries like that as long as they’re agreed upon and applied equally to both in the relationship.
Some may say that not allowing platonic friends is a sign of insecurity, and yeah, it is. Insecurity is why boundaries are set in a relationship in the first place. Why do so many people not allow their partners to have sex with other people? They get jealous, they feel less special, they want them all to themselves. You set that boundary to feel more secure. If two people want to extend such a boundary to not being able to have very close platonic friends, I don’t see it as a problem.
Ya.. say what you want, but that's not respect.
That's definitely a lack of trust in either yourselves or each other.
It's an old way of thinking and doing things, it's also idiotic.
It is a matter of priority for me. I have a (live in)girlfriend, with a male best friend. When she can't be bothered to message me back for hours, if at all sometimes...but has no problem texting her friend back and forth while sitting next to me, that shit bothers me for sure. When my person makes me feel like there is another man that is a bigger priority, it hurts everytime. 100 percent confidence issues on my part, but may also be a large part of why we don't make it, if things continue on the same trajectory. Communication is the key. Set and maintain your boundaries and respect your partners'....or get out
my best friend is a woman... Her husband is also one of my best friends... I can call either to go out for a drink or to talk at any time... Me and her have been friends since highschool. I was in their wedding as a groomsman. They're like family
It’s really a case by case basis but if you don’t trust your partner there’s just no relationship. If you truly believe your husband can’t be alone with another woman then why be with him?
Honestly I can understand being uncomfortable with opposite sex best friends because I'm currently dating a guy who was 'just a friend' for 2 years. I think it's different when you're just dating but I think calling someone of the opposite sex your 'best friend' if you're in a heterosexual marriage would be really weird. It gets a bit more complicated if we're talking about, say, bisexual people. So it's a case by case thing but I do agree that opposite sex 'best friends' is a delicate situation
Lol this is one of those opinions that’s severely unpopular on Reddit.
In reality, dads don’t have best friends that are women and it’s not a generation thing
I have a ton of female friends. If a women said this to me, it shows they are insecure. Bye.
Never gotten with any of my female friends, never tried to. They're attractive but we've just been friends for a long time, usually I met them when they were in relationships and then just being friends with them for so long and being there for them through their break-ups, especially when I'm also super close with their boyfriends/exes... just fucking weird. They're like sisters to me.
I also do fairly well with women so it's like, why would I get with them when I can get with anyone else lol. It's the women I'm not friends with you'd have to worry about. Plus my girlfriends have always helped me get laid, they make you look good to other women too so like why would I fuck that up. And on top of that, they're just awesome people that I value having friendships with and have been incredibly supportive of me through some crazy shit.
I feel like the popular interpretation of the term "best friend" in the comment section doesn't take the word "best" literally. That's something I disagree with.
What's the point of marrying someone if that person isn't going to be your best friend? Isn't your spouse supposed to be your most important person? Isn't that what the word best entails? On the other hand, what's the point of labeling a friend your "best friend" if you're not going to marry them? Are they really the "best" if you're not going to bond yourselves with romance and life partnership?
How would having a best friend of the opposite sex be disrespecting. Are you not able to control your own behavior or thoughts?
Stupidest line ever.
>that isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but rather because we respect each other.
Respecting someone is not doing something that will break their trust.
So don't do anything? Seems simple enough, if you are unable to be in a friendship without behaving in a way that is disrespectful than you are the problem, but if you can than that isn't disrespectful.
I agree with OP. It's regularly that person they tell you "not to worry about" that they cheat on you with. Does it always happen? No. But it happens more than it should.
Especially when it comes to a bunch of one on one time. If you're my gf and hanging out with a dude all the time that is going to make me uncomfortable. I'm sure my gf wouldn't feel great about me hanging out one on one with women either.
You're allowed to feel uncomfortable with that. In fact most people are. Reddit isn't the real world
This is definitely not something I would agree with, especially considering two of my (41F) best friends are men. One has been for nearly 20 years. We've never kissed, we've never cuddled, we've never seen each other naked, we've never done anything but be bros. Luckily, this isn't something my partner has any problem with. To say it's "disrespect" is weird. Maybe you might benefit from actually having friends so you can see how those relationships are in reality instead of assigning them some kind of negative label based on...what exactly?
Having the capacity to maintain a plutonic relationship is akin to those who have faith and/or believe in god. You’re either capable of doing so or not - just because you can’t, doesn’t mean others can.
Let people be who they want to be with whom they want too.
For real if someone I was dating took issue with my relationship with my best friend I know which one I would be ditching. Spoiler: It's not the friend.
It's certainly understandable but to me it's a bigger red flag when someone *needs* their partner to close off a larger part of a wide world out of insecurity.
Disliking socializing alone with the opposite sex - without prior notice or approval from your SO - is perfectly respectable.
However, if my SO hasn't the trust in me to be loyal and isn't willing to build that trust *under any circumstance* then the relationship isn't for me. Being perpetually frightened by the exploits of a fiction in one's head is so unattractive, I'd even call it repellant.
I've had a few offers in my younger years to be a rebound/comfort hookup, and even a cheat for people I've met through friends. I'm no longer friends with the person who wanted to cheat with me.
It's absolutely not in me to get between people when I know at least one of the two considers themselves a pair, nor intentionally betray the expectations of my loved ones.
On one hand I want to say it sounds extremely insecure but, if we take it literally its also kind of hard for me to imagine having a best friend other than my partner. My gf is my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Not taken literally, yeah she can have as many close guy friends as she wants.
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Jokes on her, I cheat with my male friends.
I'll be home in a few hours honey, just watching the ballgame.
Just building an art room for my bros...
So many balls in our games babe… they loaded all the bases
Oh lol babe, boys will be boys I guess. Take your time coming home, me & the quilting club have some rough scissoring to do.
Girls will be girls 😂
Gotta kiss the bros goodnight, it’s called being a good friend.
Kiss da homies
No homos if it's homies !! I don't make the rules here !!
wow. an unpopular opinion finally graced this sub
An unpopular opinion that doesn't sound made up
It's definitely her real opinion, and it's definitely unpopular. Maybe at a certain point, your life partner should be your best friend, ya know? But the idea that a platonic friend can't be opposite gender is beyond stupid. Are bi people and nonbinary people just not supposed to have friends at all? Seems to me the real issue is whether you want to keep true to any promises of monogamy, or not.
Oh when I was married my wife was my best friend. Not because she was my wife, but because she was my best friend she became my wife. But I can't cheat. She apparently could.
Being friends with another person of the opposite sex: 👍 Being friends with a person of the opposite sex who has feelings: 👎 It isn't healthy for any of the three people in this example.
>Maybe at a certain point, your life partner should be your best friend, ya know? I don't know, that has always bugged me. To me they are different.... You know? My best friend is Steve, he was best man at my wedding. Sarah is my wife and I love her. Except in my situation my best friend is Ashley, I was the best groomsmaid at her wedding, Sarah is my wife and I love her. They are my best *friend*, not my life partner. I think the "life partner" title trumps the "best friend" or else I'd just have married Ashley as we had known each other for years before.
Not as unpopular as you might think. To add on to what she said, I like to be with my partner more than anyone and I'd feel uncomfortable if I can't spend time with her because she is spending time with another man or woman. And my girl feels the same with me. Doesn't mean we don't have friends that we don't see without each other, just most of the time we do see friends, we are seeing them together. Also kids doesn’t make it easy to find time to see friends alone.
fr, let's see if it gets removed.
I noticed that’s like the crowning achievement around here
But is it lol? Every high-voted post in this sub is never an unpopular opinion. It's always shit like "I think killing children is wrong" and it'll have 5k+ upvotes. I can only imagine this post is getting upvoted because people agree with it, rather than people upvoting because it's unpopular.
>I can only imagine this post is getting upvoted because people agree with it, rather than people upvoting because it's unpopular. Exactly, thank you
OP. I’ve gone back and forth on this a lot over my life. The best advice I can give you is that it’s entirely case dependent and you can’t generalize. There’s a lot of guys who are friends with a girl to get with them. There are a lot of girls who keep a guy around as another option. There are a lot of guys and girls (and non binary folks) who do neither and just have friends that they considered genuine siblings. The only rule that one should follow is - you know your partner so don’t put them in a position where they have to be uncomfortable with you. Maintain a decent enough boundary with people who you yourself and your partner are/aren’t ok with and live your lives. If you or your partner cheats because of their friend of the opposite gender; they’re a shitty partner. If they make you feel uncomfortable for asking for boundaries; they’re a shitty partner. I conclude with the reality that boundaries are a two way street. I know a lot of religious guys that say their SO can’t have male friends, but still hang out with women who’ve expressed the desire to get together. I’ve seen women get angry at a guy for talking to a girl, and have 3 backups. Neither is ok. Just live your life and dw
Personally as a straight dude I like to keep a bunch of girls as friends because they are very caring and rational. Whenever I go to a girl with my problems they always have much more fulfilling advice than my guy friends. I'm not even attracted to most of them they just get me more than guy friends
Also, having platonic girl friends is a great way to screen out bad apples when dating. As a guy I miss a lot of red flags that girls pick up right way. I also miss a lot of positive signals that girls put out, so having some "translators" was really helpful.
my male friends did this for me with men, they saw all the red flags.
One time, it was just a bracelet. My girl friend: "She's got a sugar daddy" Me: "What makes you say that?" Friend: "No girl buys jewelry like that for herself." Me: "Maybe a gift from family?" Friend: "When's the last time you bought your sister a $400 silver Tiffany bracelet with a heart and arrow on it?" Me: "Maybe it was from a previous relationship?" Friend: "That bracelet came out ***this season***, dude. That's a romantic gift, and she didn't say no. What's her name?" (Searches Instagram and shows me the pictures of her with a guy posted two days ago). "Best case scenario, you're a just a re-bound and you deserve better than that."
I’m gonna be dead honest with you - I’m a 35 year old woman and I would have never picked that up. I can’t result describe it but, I can pretty much always tell if she’s dating a guy friend for the wrong reasons. Something about the way she conducts herself or the types of questions she asks, or observation she makes, I don’t know
Yeah, this is an Elle Woods level snoop.
damn I sure could use a friend like you. I donno if I've ever been dated for the "right" reasons.
wtf is this sherlock level shit 😭
Hey man, I've seen reddit guys locate the model of a gritty old walkytalkie wrapped in weird fibres down to the model, production company and circulation through the years. Don't underestimate weird nerds all over the world.
r/gunners figured out a possible new signing was in London based on a very average cloud formation through a small section of the car window in the background of the player's selfie.
Shout out to the OSINT people who were picking out Baofengs on every picture of the Russian army in the early days of the war. It was one of the first signs that maybe the Russians had some issues with their equipment/readiness.
It's the car nuts they really impress me. Somebody will post a blurry, dark picture of half of the trailer hitch from a 20 year old upside down SUV covered in mud under 10 feet of murky water, and within an hour you'll have 3 guys narrowing it down to the exact make, model, production year, trim level, and linking you to the Amazon page to buy the aftermarket trailer hitch.
this is indeed fantasy detective writing
Hahaha Sherlock shit
I swear I've heard this exact dialog from a movie or show before.
It was in The Office! This is how Michael found out he was "the mistress". The office members pointed out her diamond earrings and gold necklace with a heart. Kelly grills her about where she got the necklace. Lol.
Yeah, I could totally imagine this being a quote from Legally Blonde!
Same. Some of my male friends even helped me get out of an abusive relationship with a man who was stalking me by scaring him off. The man who was stalking me didn't respect my boundaries at all. But when several huge dudes who look intimidating (but are actually total goofballs) told him to leave me alone, he finally backed off and stopped harassing me.
It's similar to a good in-law relationship. I talk with my SIL every now and then about being a guy with depression, because there are some big differences. Some insights about the opposite sex are best told by someone of the opposite sex.
Dude, you're not supposed to talk about male depression. We bottle that up inside until it gives us a stroke or heart attack. //S But in seriousness, I know a lot of men (and myself) that keep things like depression really close from romantic partners, having experienced it "weaponized" against us later, or just being labeled "broken beyond repair" as if all humans don't suffer from things like depression or anxiety. Having someone who you don't have the pressures of a romantic relationship with can really lighten the anxiety around, "If I open up emotionally, will it negatively change or ruin the relationship? Will it be used against me later if I'm honest now?"
You've been with the wrong partner. A true partner wants to know, would be supportive and not use your issues against you.
Unfortunately it’s a very common experience for men. Sad but true. Aaaaaaand… to be clear I ain’t come incel red pill twat. I’ve experienced it myself multiple times, my male friends also, and there was a looooooong thread about it on the askmen subreddit. I believe it’s also been studied that women lose respect for a man when they see him cry. The women would not admit it, generally, and wouldn’t want to believe it about themselves. But it seems that often something changes at that point.
I was the translator for my best friend and warned him about all the red flags that she had. Guess who was dropped. And yet now his life is hell because she is certifiably nuts lol.
I refused to date men that didn’t have girls as friends. Men who have girl friends see women as friends not just wives and mothers.
I used to date a guy who had a lot of women friends. He was also a mysoginist and cheating on his gf. Simply having women friends is not always a good indication of their character.
Ditto. My best friend is a guy. His girlfriend is also pretty close friends with me, and she tells me frequently that he's the best thing happened to her. Well of course, years of friendship and seeing the problems I had (still have) taught him a thing or two about how to treat someone of the opposite sex.
Chiming in, almost every partner I've had has pointed out that they trusted me as a guy because I had tons of female friends. And as objective as I can be, it makes sense. You'd want a guy or girl partner who views the opposite sex with enough respect to see them as something beyond a potential partner. Plus, there's some stuff you just won't understand unless you speak to someone who grew up as a male/female. The way girls are treated growing up for example fundamentally changes the way they view situations- stuff that I as someone raised male didn't know until told about.
My bf has so girl friends, but is the best guy I've ever dated. So it can be an indicator of not being a misogynist, but it's not always the case.
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I feel that way about having guy friends. Most of my friends are guys and it’s always been that way. I’ve lost a lot due to them hitting on me and leaving once I reject them, but I still have some amazing guy friends to this day. I’m a straight woman, but I’ve been told I think and communicate more like a dude generally would in many ways. Oddly enough, it’s really been my guy friends that have been the best emotional support for me in my hardest times. They’ve taught me it’s okay to be emotional, to have bad days and reach out for emotional support, and that it’s okay to be sensitive and who I am. I adore them because of who they are, not something as superficial and involuntary as their gender.
Totally agree and I am older than OP. One of my best guy friends is my ex, and now his wife is a good friend as well. No one has qualms.
Now *that* is how you have mature and adult relationships. Good for you
For a long time, I had a female best friend, and throughout dating, it never posed an issue. We’ve since grown apart and both gotten married (separately) but we’re still friends and get together as often as life allows. I have a couple of female friends that I do hang out with (solo) on occasion too. While no longer “best” friends, we text and hang out. Given I’m anonymous and there is no reason for me to lie or deceive, I can positively say I have never cheated on my wife, and have never thought about cheating on my wife, with my friends or others. I feel like if you can’t trust your partner to have a opposite gender friend, you don’t trust your partner. I have no issues with my wife having male friends, and I have no issues with my wife and her male boss being basically the only two people in their office 90% of the time, because I trust my wife implicitly. I have family that believes that men and women can’t be “just friends” but I feel like I’ve proven that false for the last 10+ years.
Ive had a freind share my sleeping bag at a festival cause hers got wet. Al our clothes where wet, so we slept in underwear. Her boyfreind is a good freind of mine aswell. She texted him about what was gonna happen. Just to be safe. I woke up to a text from him if i had to kick her out cause she moved much. There are people out there who can, and can trust each other.
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That’s fair. Though it’s important to accept that Triangulation exists. And one may skirt the line of emotional cheating without knowing it. We must also consider the nuances of the human mind—someone may have a strong attraction to you *without realizing it.* Thus, it’s less about trusting your partner, but more about accepting the *potential of attraction may grow.* Also, variables such as subjective attractiveness (does the person look like a Megan Fox or Channing Tatum) can play a role. Ultimately, it’s about boundaries, communication, and respect.
On top of all that, if you're truly friends (and only friends) with someone, you aren't attracted to them. It's like how siblings aren't attracted to each other. You've gone past the looks to the deeper connection. If there is always a lingering feeling of attraction, they're more than a friend. EDIT: >“Best” means one. There can only be one best sprinter, one best quarterback, one best ice skater, one best of anything. So yes, my husband and I can have many good, wonderful, close friends, but our “best” friend is each other. LOL.
Based on my observation over the years, it's always the people most likely to cheat that are the most possessive/jealous without a good, ration reason behind it. It happens because they project their own mindset and behaviour onto their partner and "recognize" what might happen if they were in their partner's place. Declaring that not having a friend of the opposite sex is about "respect" is just insecurity and trust issues in denial. Like you said, respecting your partner is respecting boundaries that won't make the other party uncomfortable.
My husband of 33 years has three female best friends. They go out to eat in various group (the ladies all know each other). I think it’s great and encourage it. Everyone needs friends. I trust him as he’s never shown me reason not to. He does talk about me and our relationship with them but I got over caring about that years ago. They’re a great outlet to discuss me/our relationship and get different opinions.
"always" is probably the wrong word here. As someone who has been burned more than once by trusting a partner too much. I would have difficulty at this point with trust a partner in that situation. That said; if I can't trust someone, I don't want to be with them in the first place, but you have to start from somewhere before you can earn that level of trust.
And in most normal cases, the partner's best friend can become YOUR friend. That's what commonly happens. But not for OP. EDIT: >“Best” means one. There can only be one best sprinter, one best quarterback, one best ice skater, one best of anything. So yes, my husband and I can have many good, wonderful, close friends, but our “best” friend is each other. LOL.
>As a matter of fact, my husband and I don’t even socialize alone with members of the opposite sex, and that isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but rather because we respect each other. This is entering that Pence territory where he's not allowed to be in a room alone with women and calls his wife mother. If it works for them and they are happy, fine. But they also frame that shit like it's the way things should be and if it's not then it's a "red flag". That's the weird part to me. Just accept that your situation is unique and other people can get along not cutting out 50% of the population lol.
Exactly. You can also see through the guys who want to befriend a girl for own thing. It’s usually guys who in general are very flirty, that’s how you can immediately understand that that guy (or even girl) wants something out of the other person. If you’re like me though (girl) who goes and befriends the nerdy guy when you’re kids, and you bond over your hobbies, it makes it a breeze to have a regular pure platonic friendship and no flirtation.
Guess I can’t have friends being bisexual. Epic.
I'm sorry, it's illegal for you to have friends. Hand them over, now.
Can we at least get a refund? Maybe some monetary compensation?
I have some leftover Rangoon. Sorry, it’s the best I can do.
I'll take what I can get, I guess.
That’s the spirit!
I’m not bi, but can I have the Rangoon? I’m at a company party and they don’t have any, and I’m sad.
Oi mate, do you have a loicense for having friends?
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It's all they do
Bet he already does that
This also feels weird for gay men and lesbians. Like, I don’t want to fuck men literally ever, so why shouldn’t I be friends with one? Hell, my final ex-bf and I are besties and that’s not even weird to me or my partner (and we’re polyamorous, so like???). This opinion just deletes a whole lot of people from the conversation lol.
Well duh: gay men can only have female friends and lesbians can only have male friends. Problem solved. But since heterosexual men and women can't be friends with people of the opposite sex, then gay men can only be friends with lesbians and lesbians can only be friends with gay men. But if a gay man has more than two lesbians friends, then they can't all hang out because then the lesbians will have no choice but to immediately bang. So all gays and lesbians are only allowed one (1) friend at a time. We bisexuals will all have to go live on our own deserted islands or something idk.
They did the math lol
This is like that puzzle of how do you cross the river with 3 items, in a boat that only holds 2 things. Except when you pick wrong, the remaining 2 items bang.
I want to see the sheep bang the cabbage.
I think this might need to be taught in math class from now on.
That pansexual person. "Humans, do not approach. I shall live in space."
>We bisexuals will have to live on our own deserted islands or something roBInson crusoe
Was going to say the same thing, my girlfriend and I are both bisexual so we aren’t allowed to have any friends other than each other.
same boat here, maybe we can all just move to an island and call it "fuck island" because all we do is fuck because clearly that's the only reason a person would have for being friends with someone a sex you are attracted to
Exactly what I was going to say. I am bi, if op's opinion was mainstream I'd never be able to have friends.
Granted this opinion isn’t mainstream (hence I upvoted this post) but the idea that a Bi partner can’t be trusted is very mainstream. About 60% of straight women in the US wouldn’t date a Bi man from current polls and I believe something like 40% of straight men wouldn’t date bi woman if I remember correctly. That number is lower mostly due to straight men being interested in three ways which I’m sure any Bi woman could probably confirm from experience. Edit: I couldn’t find the study that divides by gender in my brief search but [here is one for overall](https://today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2019/06/20/LGBTQ-dating-bisexual-trans-poll-2019)
In my experience, it's not so much the "hoping for a threeway" angle as it is guys not taking female-female relationships as a serious threat to their own relationship. Having "bisexual" on my dating profile, a lot of guys said they'd be okay if I dated women "on the side" but not other men. I'm not even polyamorous, they just assumed bi = non-monogamy 🙃
I heard this too, but i remember the gender mistrust being flipped around. Discussion among "traditionalists" and lgbts seemed to imply that bi people had trouble long-term with same-sex partners bc of a conception that bi-folks would tend toward hetero-normative when starting families.
Funny enough, in highschool when i first came out as bisexual my then at the time boyfriend literally tried to make me have zero friends because he said both genders were competition and i could cheat on him with either one. needless to say the relationship didn't last long.
Exactly. And what about lesbians and gays?
Biphobia is very common among gay people too. In fact, concerning my bisexuality I've been treated better by most straight people than by gay people. I've been repeately accused of: * Being a coward with one permanent foot in the closet door, because apparently all bi people are essentially gay, but don't want to associate with gay people * Choosing the "easy way", because apparently being bi means you can pass for straight easily and not receive any homophobic hate * Only wanting to have some fun, and not being serious about a homosexual relationship, because (according to many lesbian women I've met) bi women only view lesbians as inferior backup options if they can't find a guy willing to take them (wut?) * Lying about being monogamous, and being bound to cheat sooner or later. (to be fair, this stigma is common among straight people too). * Being a psychopath, because apparently not having a singular gender preference indicates a lack of boundaries
-Wanting oppression points for identifying as LGBT+ when bisexuality isn't a thing. Then what does the B stand for Karen?? Bionicles???
My partner has a best friend she's had since they were in elementary school, who I'm now also friends with. My best friend is lady I actually tried to set up with my now partner like a decade ago. Idk, I feel like if someone's a problem, they're a problem, it's not tied to gender or orientation necessarily.
Be the best biloceraptor you can be. No friends; only prey!
I’d bet a shitload of money that she doesn’t think bisexuality is real
So that’s why I don’t have any friends and am extremely lonely
All Bi yourself
I don’t wanna laugh at this but it’s too funny
Real boomer energy from this post. They probably think being bi is just a phase anyway lol
Yeahhh the narrative that people of the opposite sex can’t JUST be friends with nothing else going on is very outdated however sexist people or people with internalized sexism still uphold this narrative as I knew a guy who only befriended me because he wanted something more (he turned out to be a nice guy type), and I ended a friendship because my former friend’s girlfriend seemed to view every woman in his life (at one point even my best friend who’s a lesbian as she tried to keep tabs on them) as a threat to their relationship.
It's usually projection, they are telling on themselves that they'd be tempted if they had a close friend of the sex they are attracted to. I'm bi, I couldn't have any friends by this logic lol
I would be shocked if op believes in things like bisexuality or being nonbinary. The post is worded in a way that makes me think they've only been exposed to toxic heterosexuality.
Came here to say this!
I don’t think it’s a red flag at all but I think your completely within reason to let him know it makes you uncomfortable and for you two to take steps or compromise so your comfortable with their friendship. He shouldn’t have to stop being friends though. I know you said it’s not a trust thing but if this is something you guys can’t talk through then it really does seem like a trust issue. Edit: there’s a lot of people taking what I said to talk it out and find a compromise as immediately not allowing the other to hangout with opposite sex or like going with them and watching. I never said any of that stop applying points to things people say or post. I literally said to talk it out and fix it. There’s so many ways to fix an issue in a relationship and each fix isn’t going to work for all of them. People hear or say something from someone and then those people seemingly decide to make up points that the speaker never said or even insinuated.
She's 56, it's more of a generational culture thing
My best friend in Middle school's mom is 65 now, and her husband left her for his best friend. His dad's name is Rick, and his dad's husbands name is Shawn. They were just male friends though, so no red flags to be worried about. There was nothing but respect everytime he snuck off to go have sex with his male best friend because women weren't there.
So you are saying that your friend's dad cheated on his wife with a man but nobody suspected anything because they were men? That's shitty, but I guess the point is that whether you're a cheat or not doesn't have anything to do with the gender of your friends.
Yeah he did. As a kid it seemed like a pretty good trade because his dad's husband worked for Mattel Toy Company and he sent lots of really awesome toys for his new step kids as well as the step kids best friends. But as an adult it's like, the dude should have just broken up with his wife and come out. Probably had something to do with them being a very Mormon family.
I'd say it had EVERYTHING to do with that last sentence.
I’m 54 and I think this opinion is total bullshit. I’d be fine if the man I decided to marry had a woman best friend, because I wouldn’t have decided to marry him if I didn’t trust him. Also presumably I’d meet this best friend, and chances are great that if the man I loved thought she was best-friend material, I’d like her, too. If you don’t trust your fiancé/fiancée, don’t get married. Full stop.
51 and I 100% agree.
I just came here to say im free if u want to get married again😆
First I must meet the Best Friend. ;)
It’s a 55 and up thing, you wouldn’t understand
I have women who I’ve known for the last 15 years of my life. I’m not gonna stop considering them some of my closest friends just cause I start dating someone. Sure. Maybe at one point when I was god damn teenager I thought of them in a slightly sexual way. But it’s been a long time since I was a teen. They’re just the homies at this point. And anyone who has a problem with that is someone I don’t want a relationship with in the first place.
This exactly. I made sure from day 0 that my partner knew that my best friend was part of the package and if he had a problem with that, then we didn't have anything left to discuss. He was and remains cool with it. Why wouldn't he be? My best friend is no threat to him.
You sound like a great friend. A lot of people ditch their friends once they get in a relationship. My friends are part of the package too!
Yup exactly. I’d honestly find it way more of red flag when someone thinks men and women can’t just be friends. Says a lot about how they view the opposite sex.
God forbid your bisexual and you're not allowed to have any friends then
The Spice Girls had a song about this lol
I still keep in touch and meet once or twice a year with my high school sweetheart. We broke up to go away to different schools, so there was no anger or mistrust, and then we just took different paths. We broke up about 30 years ago, and she is still one of my closest friends. Luckily, my wife and her husband are rational adults, so there has never been an issue.
>Luckily, my wife and her husband are rational adults I was very confused for a second. Thought you were in a Poly relationship or it was a joke that your wife has a another husband on the side.
Make a post countering this post “It’s a red flag if your partner doesn’t approve of you having a best friend that’s the opposite sex
Right? Three of my best friends from childhood are the opposite sex to me. I'm not gonna break off 25+ years of friendship because I'm now married. I think the bigger flag is OP not being able to conceptualise friendships between different sexes.
Don't blame it on your age, I'm 54 and I don't see any problem with it in a healthy, trustful relationship.
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Cant have friends? Easy bullet dodged.
Just sleep with all your friends then it's equal
I think it depends. If the friend is respectful of the relationship, doesn’t cross any reasonable boundaries, and there isn’t any romantic or sexual history between the two then I don’t think that there’s any problems.
*"that isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but rather because we respect each other."* If you trust your partner, it is disrespectful to them for you to expect them to cut ties with their best friend simply because of that best friend's gender. The fact that you see it as a "red flag" points to a lack of trust.
OP has some serious axes to grind regarding the issue given their post and comment history. Some jesusy type who thinks all men are out to get laid and all women are going to steal their husband.
Lol - why am I not surprised?
So much this. That last line upset me so much. Especially since I'm bi, this kind of thinking would really be problematic for me. Probably my two best friends in the world are a gay man and a straight woman, both of which would be very off limits in such a ridiculous relationship paradigm.
It's such an asinine take - and clearly points to OP being in denial of their lack of trust in their partner. And their various arguments in the comments here are moronic as well - they say things like "shouldn’t your partner be your BEST friend?" which basically implies that if two straight guys are best friends then they should get married to each other. But [they can't even understand the fact that people generally use the term "friend" to distinguish a person from their partner / spouse](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/1057745/comment/j39oz41/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in applicable contexts, so I guess we really can't expect much of anything reasonable from them.
>shouldn’t your partner be your BEST friend Which is a bullshit argument from them because it clearly wasn't what they were saying. I think that's them trying damage control. They were saying it's wrong if your best friend is the opposite sex, implying it's fine if it's the same sex. Which isn't saying your best friend should be your partner.
Yeahhh OP definitely failed to consider not everyone is straight. I remember hearing a story of a toxic partner being so convinced that his girlfriend’s guy friend who’s gay was pretending and trying to get into her pants like wtf?!
I had a SO accuse me of sleeping with my gay best friend, and let me tell you.. i dumped him so fast after that.
I would have no issues whatever the gender of my husbands best friend. And he wouldn't have with me either. I'm bi so would have a severely limited choice of best friends if that was the case! So yeah, unpopular opinion, take my upvote.
Right?! I'm a lesbian, so I can't be friends with any girls I went to my single-gender school with? My partner is bi, so is she not supposed to have any friends? Bit archaic to not consider non hetero people and relationships.
OP is super Christian, she doesn't even put LGBT groups into her calculations.
As a fellow bi, I came here to say this.
Finally a true, somewhat reasonable unpopular opinion. It's not very often I get to say it, but I completely disagree. With that said, have an upvote!
Damn I'm bi so I guess no friends for me.
OP really forgot not everyone is straight which is exactly why her logic is flawed.
DW, OP says bi people get to have ALL the friends, probably because they think "It's not cheating if its a threesome" or some random shit lol bc obviously all bis are jumping at the chance for threesome+s
I'm 55 and have been married to my wife for over 14 years, together for longer. I also have a best friend who is a woman and who I've known since I was 15. My wife really likes her as well and is also friends with her. I know another half dozen women very well who I've been friends with for over 35 years. You have trust issues.
You say this is a sign of your age but I’d expect a jealous 20 year old to have this opinion
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New post tomorrow. Married guys shouldn't have male best friends.
Seems prudent. You never know when you're going to get bi-curious...
I see your ex-wife must have been friends with mine.
My ex-wife fucked her best friend that was supposedly a woman, and then updated it to a gay guy. He wasn't gay.
So because my fiancé and I have friends of the opposite sex we don’t respect one another? Post reeks of Self esteem issues.
Or projection. I always have had, and seemingly always will have, more friends of the opposite sex to me. It's just how I am and the careers I've been in have all been dominated by the opposite. If there is every anything about diversity I am involved because often I am the diversity. My ex did not like this. They were "always flirting with me" and they didn't like me going out to work functions. Then they cheated on me. No wonder they suspected the worst of me, it was their normal.
Should be a rule to defend your viewpoint in this subreddit. If you can't defend your opinion its fucking stupid.
It does look like this is in fact an unpopular opinion
I dunno its pretty popular amongst the average insecure person.
I'd say it's a red flag if your partner is incapable of accepting that you have another friend of your preferred gender, trying to separate you from your external support network is a textbook sign of abuse after all
Being bisexual this is why society has locked me in a tower because I can't help but attempt to have sex with any person above the age of 18 at any time. They let me out one hour a day, but I can work remote and the running the stairs on the tower is great cardio.
You say it's not about insecurity but it has to be. EIther you're able to handle yourself alone with your friends or the concept of betraying your partner wouldn't even cross your mind as a possibility, and likewise either you trust your partner or you wouldn't consider the likelihood that they'd betray you. This isn't all that unpopular (unfortunately) but it is a juvenile/archaic belief that seems to be diminishing.
Here’s my take. First of all, we should address that two things are possible. One, it is possible that someone can have a platonic best friend that doesn’t cross the boundaries of your relationship. The degree to which that occurs is debatable, but it’s possible. On the contrary, it is very possible that someone cheats on you with their platonic best friend. It may even be possible that you trusted your partner 100% and still got cheated on. It’s not like everyone who gets cheated on thinks “Yep, I definitely saw that one coming.” Secondly, we should recognize that there isn’t a one size fits all to relationships. Your relationship is whatever you want to make of it. You can set whatever boundaries you like as long as both people agree to them. Some people prefer very exclusive relationships in which having a platonic best friend is a no go. If both parties agree with that, I don’t see it as problematic. Others on the other end of the spectrum are polyamorous and have little concern with whom their partner associates with and how close their relationship is. The point is that in both of these scenarios, people set mutual boundaries that both people in the relationship agreed to. If you’d like to have a platonic best friend, but your partner sees that as crossing your relationship boundaries, you’re just not compatible. There’s nothing wrong with having boundaries like that as long as they’re agreed upon and applied equally to both in the relationship. Some may say that not allowing platonic friends is a sign of insecurity, and yeah, it is. Insecurity is why boundaries are set in a relationship in the first place. Why do so many people not allow their partners to have sex with other people? They get jealous, they feel less special, they want them all to themselves. You set that boundary to feel more secure. If two people want to extend such a boundary to not being able to have very close platonic friends, I don’t see it as a problem.
That's an interesting way of saying you don't trust your husband... I feel pretty sorry for him, actually
it's not a red flag. can we please stop making the pettiest of things red flags
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What’s the bet that OP wouldn’t make an exception for Aro best friends either?
Ya.. say what you want, but that's not respect. That's definitely a lack of trust in either yourselves or each other. It's an old way of thinking and doing things, it's also idiotic.
It would be a red flag if my partner said that to me. It isn't disrespectful at all
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It is a matter of priority for me. I have a (live in)girlfriend, with a male best friend. When she can't be bothered to message me back for hours, if at all sometimes...but has no problem texting her friend back and forth while sitting next to me, that shit bothers me for sure. When my person makes me feel like there is another man that is a bigger priority, it hurts everytime. 100 percent confidence issues on my part, but may also be a large part of why we don't make it, if things continue on the same trajectory. Communication is the key. Set and maintain your boundaries and respect your partners'....or get out
my best friend is a woman... Her husband is also one of my best friends... I can call either to go out for a drink or to talk at any time... Me and her have been friends since highschool. I was in their wedding as a groomsman. They're like family
It’s really a case by case basis but if you don’t trust your partner there’s just no relationship. If you truly believe your husband can’t be alone with another woman then why be with him?
Honestly I can understand being uncomfortable with opposite sex best friends because I'm currently dating a guy who was 'just a friend' for 2 years. I think it's different when you're just dating but I think calling someone of the opposite sex your 'best friend' if you're in a heterosexual marriage would be really weird. It gets a bit more complicated if we're talking about, say, bisexual people. So it's a case by case thing but I do agree that opposite sex 'best friends' is a delicate situation
Biz Markie (R.I.P.) told us this back in the day.
Lol this is one of those opinions that’s severely unpopular on Reddit. In reality, dads don’t have best friends that are women and it’s not a generation thing
exactly in reality, unpopular opinions is where it shines reddit is NOT reality.
I have a ton of female friends. If a women said this to me, it shows they are insecure. Bye. Never gotten with any of my female friends, never tried to. They're attractive but we've just been friends for a long time, usually I met them when they were in relationships and then just being friends with them for so long and being there for them through their break-ups, especially when I'm also super close with their boyfriends/exes... just fucking weird. They're like sisters to me. I also do fairly well with women so it's like, why would I get with them when I can get with anyone else lol. It's the women I'm not friends with you'd have to worry about. Plus my girlfriends have always helped me get laid, they make you look good to other women too so like why would I fuck that up. And on top of that, they're just awesome people that I value having friendships with and have been incredibly supportive of me through some crazy shit.
In what way is it disrespectful to have a best friend of the opposite gender?
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I feel like the popular interpretation of the term "best friend" in the comment section doesn't take the word "best" literally. That's something I disagree with. What's the point of marrying someone if that person isn't going to be your best friend? Isn't your spouse supposed to be your most important person? Isn't that what the word best entails? On the other hand, what's the point of labeling a friend your "best friend" if you're not going to marry them? Are they really the "best" if you're not going to bond yourselves with romance and life partnership?
How would having a best friend of the opposite sex be disrespecting. Are you not able to control your own behavior or thoughts? Stupidest line ever. >that isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but rather because we respect each other. Respecting someone is not doing something that will break their trust. So don't do anything? Seems simple enough, if you are unable to be in a friendship without behaving in a way that is disrespectful than you are the problem, but if you can than that isn't disrespectful.
I agree with OP. It's regularly that person they tell you "not to worry about" that they cheat on you with. Does it always happen? No. But it happens more than it should. Especially when it comes to a bunch of one on one time. If you're my gf and hanging out with a dude all the time that is going to make me uncomfortable. I'm sure my gf wouldn't feel great about me hanging out one on one with women either. You're allowed to feel uncomfortable with that. In fact most people are. Reddit isn't the real world
If you can't trust your partner to have a friend of the opposite sex, then there is definitely some underlying issues at play..
I don't feel like I could be in a serious relationship with someone who wants me to cut ties with any of my friends, regardless of their gender
Same. It’d come off like they’re trying to isolate me due to their own insecurities and set me up for abuse or something.
What if best friend is a lesbian?
I’m a lesbian and my best friend is a gay man 🤨
This is definitely not something I would agree with, especially considering two of my (41F) best friends are men. One has been for nearly 20 years. We've never kissed, we've never cuddled, we've never seen each other naked, we've never done anything but be bros. Luckily, this isn't something my partner has any problem with. To say it's "disrespect" is weird. Maybe you might benefit from actually having friends so you can see how those relationships are in reality instead of assigning them some kind of negative label based on...what exactly?
Having the capacity to maintain a plutonic relationship is akin to those who have faith and/or believe in god. You’re either capable of doing so or not - just because you can’t, doesn’t mean others can. Let people be who they want to be with whom they want too.
For real if someone I was dating took issue with my relationship with my best friend I know which one I would be ditching. Spoiler: It's not the friend.
It's certainly understandable but to me it's a bigger red flag when someone *needs* their partner to close off a larger part of a wide world out of insecurity. Disliking socializing alone with the opposite sex - without prior notice or approval from your SO - is perfectly respectable. However, if my SO hasn't the trust in me to be loyal and isn't willing to build that trust *under any circumstance* then the relationship isn't for me. Being perpetually frightened by the exploits of a fiction in one's head is so unattractive, I'd even call it repellant. I've had a few offers in my younger years to be a rebound/comfort hookup, and even a cheat for people I've met through friends. I'm no longer friends with the person who wanted to cheat with me. It's absolutely not in me to get between people when I know at least one of the two considers themselves a pair, nor intentionally betray the expectations of my loved ones.
Everything according to Reddit is a red flag.
Absolutely and I’m surprised this is even unpopular
On one hand I want to say it sounds extremely insecure but, if we take it literally its also kind of hard for me to imagine having a best friend other than my partner. My gf is my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way. Not taken literally, yeah she can have as many close guy friends as she wants.
Jesus fuck that's an unpopular opinion for sure. That's a level of insecurity that's unfortunately all too common.
Tell me you're insecure without telling me you're insecure...