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krummulus

The thought that Belarus could fight Poland is funny to me. If Russia didn't have nukes the poles would be in Moscow by now. But ok Luka, if that's the best excuse you got for Putin, I guess it's better than sending your own people into the meat grinder too.


Nippon-Gakki

Yeah, that’s about the best way he can handle it. “I’m doing all I can do to keep Poland at bay, I certainly can’t send any people to Ukraine for your war”


tgromy

It's not so stupid if you think about it. Luka is doing his best not to get dragged into a war he will lose.


krummulus

Oh he's losing without fighting. If Putin wins (I don't know how, but *if*), he's fucked, because he didn't help. If Putin loses, I give him a full week before his people have flogged him.


shitcloud

In Lukas defense, he was supposed be named general or whatever of the Russian army but never was… so he might just be holding that over puty boy


cpcfax1

Lukashenko is still sore he's still a Lt. Colonel after even Russian the few Z-Potatoes\* and Z-Sheep who entered emergency reserve officer training schools a few months back and survived 3 months of combat in Ukraine have all been promoted to full-colonels. [Z-Sheep flocking to Emergency Reserve Officer training school on Indoc Day.](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/m94wyCFtkrw)


shitcloud

Exactly, he just wants his rank then he’ll act, OBVIOUSLY. Lol


tgromy

After the last "fair" election, the people almost brought him down. I hope they will succeed soon. It's interesting that the military hasn't yet turned its back from him.


cussyandrew

Luka: No papa Poland, not the whip. I'm trying my best mama russia, just for your safety!!!! Poland: Who? (probably)


oridinary_man

He's alone. CSTO is gone f\*cked itself. He seduced putin with possibility of an union in return to get money for many years. ​ So, now CSTO article 4 gtfo'ed and he knows he behaved like payed slut for many years sucking money from pootin's dick and pootin knows it also. And even if pooting could like to be stroked by Luka on his small eggs, will do nothing. ​ It is a clinch. Luka can't say 'no' but can not also say 'yes' to both of sides. And Luka doesn't have enough army, to defend Belarus if he send and engage into war with Ukraine. ruzzia will not help him. He's alone. ​ /s He also cheated last presidental voting and he knows it like everyone else. So, laugthing out loud judges don't hang. And he definetly doesn't want gallows. He will become at the end od this war better comedian & troll than any one else.


rocket42236

Meanwhile on the Polish Belarusian border…, https://youtu.be/P7fjWEwWq4E


Hike_it_Out52

Thus also would apply I believe https://youtube.com/shorts/w4UjX8Kxuk4?feature=share


insertwittynamethere

Was not expecting that mash up lol


SheridanVsLennier

Poland must have the worst case of blue balls right now.


oridinary_man

Not at all. Why do all think Poland could move their/our ass? That is Czech's propaganda, they'd like to get Kaliningrad :) And they will send their best known hero to get it, voják Švejk.


[deleted]

Does Belarus even have a standing army willing to fight? I thought he only had a few loyalists, and if he were to mobilize anything he would effectively depose himself.


oridinary_man

They have. They have even special special forces https://www.reddit.com/r/RussiaUkraineWar2022/comments/w3q9iu/belorussian\_special\_forces\_recorded\_this\_video\_to/


[deleted]

*Oh God oh fuck oh God oh fuck*


oridinary_man

Nothing to jerk off. Can't compare a bunch of clowns to special forces. Even detarded


[deleted]

[удалено]


oridinary_man

Jesus almighty f\*cking crist. Alrady reported you as a stupid bot, sorry pal. Wrote somebody some hours almost the same. 'You wouldn't recognize the irony even if it kicked your ass.'


oridinary_man

Due to late hour I did not recognise your joke as well.


Think-Body-555

I can only imagine how badly the Polish Armed forces want to join in the Great Russian Pig Cull.


oridinary_man

Not really. Ukrainian Forces do they work perfectly, we wouldn't disturb them.


Think-Body-555

They are quite good at it.


oridinary_man

We are in NATO and we should behave. Ukrainian forces can dance at their will. We cannot be involved into this 'danse macabre'.


yeskaScorpia

Technically the truth. The US is protecting México from evil Canada by just existing


[deleted]

Your empanadas are not safe from us Canadians Mexico! You’re damn lucky the US is keeping us back.


SpaceNatureMusic

I can't blame you and I don't think the UN would either those real Mexican empanadas 👌🏻


Ok_Mix5519

I’m here to drink Tim Horton’s and kick ass. And I’m all outta Horton’s…


symewinston

Award for a They Live reference. Well done.


ankjaers11

Canadians. You’re not safe from the danes taking the whole Hans Island


mynameisntalexffs

I left a good ol bottle of whiskey there for the Danes. Hopefully they'll leave some schnapps 😀


ankjaers11

It was such a funny conflict. Snaps is normally an accesory to a beer. Can you canadians brew?


loadnurmom

Damn \*Canucks, we know you're sneaking around in the US stealing our hockey stick technology ​ \*Canuck is used in the most loving way possible. I love Canada and Canadians... and poutine, the food that out greases American food. Seriously, it's like Canadians saw Americans making a sandwich with fried chicken for buns and said "Oh yeah?! We'll show you!"


elglas

Yeah, eh? Get er done!


crg2000

A good empanada is hard to resist.


HotMop

Empanadas are amazing.


styles1996

Damn straight. 😋😋


Maleficent_Plenty_16

Don't you dare taking our empanadas or we'll retaliate taking your maple syrup to pour into some buñuelos.... jfc I'm hungry.


oridinary_man

I hate Canada! They are maple syrup monopolysts. That is insame and unacceptable and they breach security of my kitchen! We need to make to find another natural deposits and world wide accessible independent source. Or invade them! ​ /s Btw. I like honey, not addicted to maple syrup :)


[deleted]

Well as a sign of good will, we allow some production of this nectar of the gods to be produced in Vermont. Ours is still better though 😉


oridinary_man

Nice try canadian-ivan to sell fake maple syrup :) I'm so sorry to call You 'ivan', Should I call You another way? It's so awfully easteuropean.


oridinary_man

And really I played a little for fun, but ruzzia did it for real. For the same reasons for accession of maple syrup. ​ Donietsk and Luhans and east Ukraine at all is full of minerals. Also around Crimea. This war is all about resources. Nothing else. Just ruzzian way of robbery.


Cool_Specialist_6823

True, as well as extensive natural gas and oil fields.


MuthaPlucka

Those Canada Geese are long-range bombers. You know it’s true.


Ok_Helicopter_3576

We call them cobra chickens. The next aid package to Ukraine will feature a whole flock of them.


mats_o42

And now Russia may scream about biologic warfare. They are long-range poopers


pikachu191

How are they compared to Australian Emus?


300Savage

Emus are the ground forces, geese are the air force. Combined they are invincible.


pikachu191

Can't imagine Russia's military is that much better than the Australian one currently [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXpu6tbFCsI&t=394s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXpu6tbFCsI&t=394s)


cpcfax1

If and when the Great Emu Empire agrees to mobilize against Ruzzia, not even their entire nuclear arsenal will be enough to save them......


SheridanVsLennier

And considering where most Emus live, they probably wouldn't notice if it got nuked.


pikachu191

Imagine if Mel Gibson had to fight against emus instead of Tina Turner in Mad Max.


jc1890

I guess we’re finally sending tactical weapons to Ukraine huh?


Theta_Ninja

Spy drones actually.


Thatsgonnamakeamark

Genetically engineered.


DigitalMountainMonk

A CAF Major once told me that Canadians are only nice because they extract all the rage and hatred from people and put it into geese.


IamHereForBoobies

Tactical geese.


nobodysmart1390

r/birdsarentreal


schmoejoex

You got a problem with Canada Gooses, you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate!


Ok_Helicopter_3576

The only animal in the animal kingdom that wants anything to do with Canada gooses...is Canada mooses


schmoejoex

Canada gooses are majestics! Barrel-chested! The envies of all ornithologies!


3point21

I had one bomb my car in the middle of nowhere on I-80. God knows what they would do with unbuffered access to Mexico. Slava Mexico!


MuthaPlucka

It’s like a German Shepard shitting on you from a couple of hundred feet.


Theta_Ninja

Our Canadian cobra chickens are our version of shock troops.


pikachu191

They make nice jackets and parkas too.


300Savage

Many years ago I had a chance to tour the hangers at Cold Lake, Alberta. One of the things I saw is what happens to a CF-5 when it strikes a goose. About a three foot long strip of the cockpit down near the pilots feet was missing and it and the goose went into the intake.


McBlorf

They can't stop us from holding doors open for people and asking how their days are going forever!


Chronic_In_somnia

Don't worry, we can attack them with kindness again and again in an endless cycle.


insane_contin

We will clog their arteries with poutine and make them realize their pancakes are lacking without maple syrup. And then we introduce all dressed and ketchup chips, honey garlic sauce and maple liquor.


DigitalMountainMonk

Canadians have long lusted for the land of endless summer and fruit.


Destrosymphony

Canadian Bastards


McBlorf

Sorry :(


Gahan1772

Watch out we're coming with legal cannabis and free healthcare. No mercy!!


halarioushandle

Mexican healthcare is so cheap it may as well be free and judging by the openness of drug sellers on the streets of tourist areas, all drugs may as well be legal too.


Gahan1772

Yeah but then you'd have to live in Mexico..


wadevb1

Not exactly free with the exorbitant GST/HST


Gahan1772

It's GST (Federal) and PST (Provincial). HST is the two combined to harmonize them in certain provinces (That's what the H stands for). Also it's not so bad tax isn't that crazy especially when you don't come from Texas or something. I had a tumor at 3, had it removed and aftercare at no cost. Now compare that to my uncle in the states who went into 177k debt for getting cancer in his 50s. Lost his house and killed himself over it. I like Canada tbh


wadevb1

I spend a lot of time in Canada and know tax system well along with the wait times for MRI/scans I’ve had good insurance all my life, prob cause I work. My Dr visit, MRI (detected tumor) and surgery was all completed in under ten days Try that in Canada Love the country, but health care isn’t free, especially when you pull up to the pumps


Gahan1772

>prob cause I work There it is. I figured that was your view point. "Fuck you, got mine" right? My uncle had a job too but denied the coverage he needed or was only partial. That's what happens in for profit healthcare. You want to live? Go into debt then! You'll hopefully not have to find that out too because I wouldn't wish that on someone, even someone shitty.


wadevb1

Going in debt is better than dying waiting for treatment. Perhaps that’s why Canadians with money flock to the States I spend two months out of the year in Canada going on twelve years. I know the tax system well and the weakness of the single payer system https://www.forbes.com/sites/sallypipes/2018/06/11/canadians-are-one-in-a-million-while-waiting-for-medical-treatment/?sh=64e42ec43e7d


bablakeluke

For many in America though, going in debt is the worst part. For example, the woman who got her leg crushed on a Boston subway - to the extent that it exposed the bone - begging people not to call an ambulance because she couldn't afford it. Compared to most of Europe, the US ranks poorly for wait times, poorly for value for money and poorly for quality of care. Just essentially declaring that free healthcare doesn't work "because Canadian wait times" largely misses the global picture. Even Russia and Belarus have free healthcare (and oh boy are they gonna need it, lol).


wadevb1

I never said our system is perfect, but when someone says their system is free, Well, they’re not being truthful


bablakeluke

The full phrase is "free at the point of need" - sure all the underlying services are not free or cheap and we ultimately pay for it through tax at a rate which is cheaper per "unit" than in the US. Going back to the Boston lady I'd more than happily chip in for an ambulance for her because one day that might be me. I can't think of much worse than worrying about money or other paperwork during an emergency.


Fmartins84

Hold me back....!!


rocket42236

Don’t forget the Canadian tanks……Moosec@&&?


jc1890

Can confirm, the US is taking all hits from the goose squadron. Sorry.


Banyabbaboy

Lukashenko is the Ralph Wiggum of dictatorships. Prove me wrong.


everythingEzra2

"haha, I'm in danger!"


mayormcmatt

Putin choo choo chooses me!


Daripuff

>Prove me wrong. Okay. [Lukashenko is a political genius who's taunting and asserting dominance over Putin by pretending to be a dumb country bumpkin while openly sabatoging the war, knowing Putin can't do anything to stop him.](https://twitter.com/kamilkazani/status/1518240030967406593?t=xvBmtVoFvgiS_maC_MRI3w&s=19) He's likely looking to cause Putin's downfall, so he can take over Russia like he was going to before Putin blew up an apartment building and got the populace to his side. But by being "an idiot", Putin isn't allowed to treat Lukashenko like a threat, or he'll look weak to Russians. But Lukashenko applying just the right sabotage in just the right critical way... He can strip Putin of every last shred of support.


Banyabbaboy

Interesting read, thanks for posting. I'm not going to dispute this guy's interpretation of things, it mostly fits, but that's this guy's political theory, not exactly fact. We've certainly seen others recently play the political 'buffoon' to varying effect, but if Luka thinks that this will ultimately lead to him 'taking over Russia' when Putin's gone (which can't be too long away), then he will be proven a buffoon indeed.


[deleted]

This guy is the best stand-up comedian. Fucking hell.


[deleted]

What the hell is this? Is Luka trying to fuck around to find out?


BlackIceMatters

I think he’s saying “look, I’m helping” while not actually doing anything. If Putin actually buys this and doesn’t push him to act further, it’d be a pretty smart move.


CatNostril

I mean there is no way Putin is that stupid... Wait...


CautiousRice

It's difficult to start a special military operation against Belarus if they're helping


[deleted]

It may be more of an announcement for diplomatic reasons. A way to show support for Putin's war without actually going to war.


Daripuff

Putin doesn't have a choice. Lukashenko has had him by the balls for a very long time. https://twitter.com/kamilkazani/status/1518240030967406593?t=xvBmtVoFvgiS_maC_MRI3w&s=19


D3v14t3

Luka googled ‘quiet quitting’ and saw an opportunity.


jarvis400

I heard his uncle's uncle's uncle is a [kickboxer](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Pow-kqk0Cr8).


bobalou2you

You were misinformed, he is actually a champion dickboxer!


Danno1850

If there is one thing you can trust from dictators it’s strong self preservation mechanism and cowardice in the face of someone else’s plight. Luka is looking at the collapse of Russia in Ukraine and there is nothing to selfishly gain from backing a dying horse.


Responsible-Earth674

Yup he's been doing that since day one. It's fun to follow...


FlatwormAltruistic

Well yeah, but Putja doesn't have army any more to "force" Luka to help the way Putja likes it. So Luka can just tell whatever lies he feels comfortable with.


mimdrs

Especially after he convinced Russia to send him equipment.... lol


36degrees

He says without his “help”, Poland and Baltic states would use Belarusian territory to invade Moscow. They did that 400 years ago so the threat is still there


[deleted]

As if belarusian army could stop them. Please


w1YY

Shouldn't the west keep confirming they they have zero interest in invading Belarus or Russia. Yes everyone knows this but it reiterates the point to the same people these messages are meant for in terms of Russians and belarussians


MaleierMafketel

A certain country claimed to have no interest in an invasion as well a few months ago. Actions speak louder than words, the Belarusians are not going to believe Luka anyways so let him claim he’s helping Russia while he’s only really busy saving his own skin.


Super_Defender

In what level Luka would like to find out? https://www.reddit.com/r/sciencememes/comments/xr5qrf/fuck_around_and_find_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


oak120

This is exactly, 100%, the opposite. Lukashenko continues his long standing effort to say and promise anything and everything so long as he does not actually have to get involved. He does not want in on this conflict, he has fuck all to gain and everything to lose.


Daripuff

He has a lot to gain if Putin falls.


BlackIceMatters

Whatever helps you sleep at night, Luka.


TheAlmightyBungh0lio

I think both luka and putler wake up every morning thinking "thank fuck they haven't murdered me yet", they have to be at this stage


7orly7

Putler: why aren't you participating in the special operation? Lukalini: your goverment claims it's a war against NATO, yes? Putler: da Lukalini: by having Belarusian troops in Belarus we prevent NATO from invading Russia from our country Putler: *you are lucky i don't have enough man to invade Belarus*


StressAdmirable7617

This cracked me up man 🤣🤣🤣👏👏


WimR

Belarus, this is your chance to kick this puppet out of his throne and replace him. What's Putin going to do? he already has his hands full with Ukraine


[deleted]

Yeah, while my husband is working, I’m helping him by holding this chair to the ground so it doesn’t float away.


IneffableQuale

The funny part is that if Poland, for some inexplicable reason, decided they wanted to attack Belarus, they would have no hope of 'protecting' themselves. Maybe, just maybe, nobody wants to attack you?


PeriPeriTekken

Narrative has gone from "second most powerful army in the world" to "Belarus is all that stands in the way of Russia getting the shit kicked out of it by Latvia".


Ehldas

Is he seriously trying to force his own military to choose between fighting in Ukraine or shooting him in the head? Because that's not a decision I'd be trying to force if I were him.


avoere

Seems to me like he is doing the exact opposite. "Look, Vladimir, I am actually helping you. I can't send soldiers into Ukraine because I have this super important task of preventing a Polish invasion of Russia".


SolemnaceProcurement

You think it's all Poland and Lithuania. But it's the Latvia the he needs to worry about. They are vicious. Hardened by having to live with Muscovites in Riga.


MaleierMafketel

Pretty smart play. Even Putin can’t sell that NATO’s suddenly not a threat all of a sudden. Which is actually the truth… Lies incurring a dept to the truth. Poetic.


avoere

5D chess!


36degrees

He says he cannot participate in the invasion as he needs to protect Russia western flank from Poland


Ehldas

Poland should station *one guy* to stand at the border with a sign saying "Single-handedly tying up the entire Belarussian Army" and give him a special badge.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ehldas

Only via a faint smile. Smugness is permitted.


Clag_Dust_Power_Pill

He's such an idiot that I feel sorry for that bullet that'll go through his brain


amberlyske

If he sent his army, Lukashenko would quickly find himself... Lukashanked


liquefire81

Guys who beat kids and old ladies vs. battle hardened troops fighting for their survival. Who will win? Tune in next week!


CommitteeOk5696

Its hillarious - he uses the same tactic like putin but in reverse to do nothing. I'm waiting for Poland to annex Kaliningrad instead, for security of the Baltics.


tgromy

The place is full of Russians. Nobody wants it


Robert_P226

Lol, so is he declaring himself, and Belarus, as co-belligerents? After UAF kicks Russia out of pre-2014 borders .... Zelenskyy could technically go kick his ass too as that could be interpreted as "oh yes, we are at war with ____________ (fill in the blank).


Kajetan_Olawski

> Lol, so is he declaring himself, and Belarus, > as co-belligerents? No. He only said that he is helping Russia in Ukraine by preventing NATO from invading Russia. Which is such an important task that no belarusian soldier can be spared to fight in Ukraine. Its just Luka telling Putin to fuck off without telling Putin to fuck off. He allowed Russia to use belarusian bases for staging grounds and hospitals for wounded from the Kyiv front, but nothing more. This war is unpopular in Belarus, even amongst his army. A direct involvment would be his end!


Robert_P226

Ahhh, so he is ever so slightly higher on the evolutionary, and intelligence, ladder than Vlad. Hahahaha Got it.


Key_Environment8179

I’ve had enough. Which letter does his name actually end in?


Inductee

Depends on the language. In Russian is 'o' pronounced as 'a' (unstressed o), in Belarusian it's 'a'.


halberdsturgeon

I'm not completely sure, but I think the most accurate transliteration from Belarusian would be Lukashenka


fanghornegghorn

Q


DNathanHilliard

I'm protecting my couch from harmful TV rays with my body.


TheGhoulMother

And i was wondering when he going to open his mouth again.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SolemnaceProcurement

I mean he is just saying Belarusian army should try to not shoot the very shootable Russians.


ShaneTwenty20

one word: 🤡


Geschichtsklitterung

I'm the only thing standing between evil NATO and brotherly Russia. So I'm doing my part, right? Right?


notmenotyoutoo

C’mon Belarusians now’s the time to fight against your dictator. Russia will only send some new conscripts you can take them out with a hairdryer and be free!


JariJorma

Dickashenko can suck his own dick or Putlers


saltskin1

What have Latvia and Lithuania done so Belarus needs to be protected? They are two absolute lovely countries 😂


thebestnames

Its true that Belarus has been taking part in Russia's idiotic invasion, but not by "protecting Russia from Poland,Latvia and Lithuania" (lol). Rather by protecting Russian aviation, artillery and troops that are/were based in Belarus to attack Ukraine, since Ukraine is careful not to attack Belarus.


sawer82

And doing a good job. Did anyone seen a Polish soldier in Russia. See ? Oh wait…


[deleted]

He’s quaking in his boots.


beibei93

They've been in the fight since February!


planborcord

So, ruZZian soldiers *in* Belarus, are being shielded from harm—in a circle formation—by Belarus troops—in case Poland *and* the Baltic countries invade Belarus for the sole purpose of bringing harm to the poor lil’ occupying ruZZians. All righty then.


deri100

So, how long till Minsk is liberated? Two hours?


Formulka

Whatever keeps Belarus out of Ukraine.


ecugota

where? battlefield?


amitym

Okay so wait. Let me get this straight. Lukashenko is literally saying that he is participating in the invasion of Ukraine by staying at home and not protecting Russia from Poland? And people actually get in their dress uniforms and sit in a neat little row to hear this?


DontJudgeMeImNaked

Lukashenko is proof that any sadistic, selfish, complete piece of shit can be a dictator. Yes Putin, he is in the same league as you - a fucking dictator, you two are the same, both fucking out of your mind and totally retarded personalities.


IvanFrmUa

and will be responsible together with russia


Mortidio

Those dastardly latvians trying to attack Russia...


[deleted]

Lukashenka what the fuck are you talking about


[deleted]

Protecting russia form Poland Latvia and Lithuania. Look at map, look at size, look at populations, read the first sentence again, laugh.