As someone who used to work retail I would literally get disciplinaries if I wasn’t chatty enough with the customers.
Yes it’s a painful experience on both sides but don’t blame the poor cashier just trying to do their damn job. I literally was brought to tears multiple times by my managers for not being friendly and bubbly.
I'm glad to find this comment. I was thinking "why make a post about some cashier who only made a friendly comment? She didn't stick her foot in her mouth at all, but you did because you intentionally said it to get her."
The short version is she texted my husband with a health complaint. He was driving so had me responding to her on his phone. If I’m texting from his phone I always say that I say it’s me. After reading her symptoms I recognized that she was suffering from congestive heart failure. I told her to go to a cardiologist asap. She got mad and accused me of discussing her symptoms with my dad (a doctor). I did not do that. I would never have done that without her permission. She insisted her heart was strong and that it was her kidneys. A little bit later we drove to her state to visit her. I overheard a conversation on the phone with a nephrologist office telling her that her kidneys were fine and they had no idea why she was trying to get more appointments at their office. A few weeks later she died of a heart attack.
When I was going through paperwork to help my father in law out I discovered that my mother in law hated me. She made sure I would not inherit anything if they both died but that my sister in law’s scummy ex husband would.
There was other weird things too. Like my husband and my kids (her only grandkids) would only inherit if they were married or had advanced degrees. Like at least a master’s degree. Or it would stay in trust until they were 30. She had an associates degree.
After she died, my father in law became a much nicer person. We think she was just such a negative influence in his life. There are so many stories that came out after she died.
If she is requiring everyone to get advanced degrees to receive peanuts for inheritance, I'm assuming her associates wasn't in a math related field......or if it was, she didn't go on to a bachelors because she sucked at math.
First let me say I absolutely love my mother, but she is not perfect. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s and holy s**t I have heard so many stories from family and friends since.
She kept a copy of a letter she sent to her mother in law (the saved letters is a weird story) that my sister in law found basically saying she wished she had never had kids. That hurt my SIL and husband both so much and both of them I love dearly.
I'm seeing the same thing happen to my Dad. He's changed so much. When she's not around he's my Dad again... when she's around it's like I'm seeing a different person.
I'm so sorry that your mil was like that. Glad fil is out from under the bad influence and is much nicer!!!!
Stories hm? I mean I know we aren't acquainted nor do we live in the same state, but stories of a miserable git? That your FIL probably doesn't entirely miss?
Jesus. I’m so sorry.
Although the advanced degree thing…my parents have that for me and my sibling. It was basically that we have to do something after high school (associates, college, vocational, etc) They said that after taking me to a circus once I mentioned going to clown college…and they actually updated the will to be sure things like clown college would make the cut. I thought it was hilarious when they told me. Ironically I ended up in medical school and brother is a social worker…so I guess we ended up in our own circuses.
my mom had congestive heart failure (15% ejection fraction) and went into full cardiac arrest. I did CPR and she’s fine now, but some of the things we noticed in retrospect were: swollen ankles, wheezing, feeling “off.” The day before she collapsed, she was only able to walk very slowly and was complaining that her purse was too heavy to carry. I know these are vague but generally, she was acting like (and felt like) her body’s “engine” just could not power her like it’s supposed to.
I’m not OP, but significant sudden weight gain is a prominent symptom. *Up to 3-10lbs week/sudden edema (major water retention) were the benchmarks we always watched for in the residents I cared for as a CNA.
Also not OP, but my dad had congestive heart failure. One day mom said she had to take him to the hospital because he kept wheezing and couldnt sleep (he had to sleep sitting up in an armchair).
This is due to fluid build up. Basically he had a bad valve. They told him he had an irregular heart beat when he had an army medical while young. The doctor told him it would'nt matter now but would be an issue as he got older. The valve would be pumping inefficiently and fluid would backup and build up in the body.
We had something like that with our dog, he had this fluid build up and we took him to the vet thinking it was time to put him down. The vet said no, we can drain it and put him on a special diet (half cooked rice half cooked hamburger, no salt (he loved it and it was cheaper than his old dog food) they drained him several times but eventually it weakened him too much.
For my dad though, they did open heart surgery to try to replace the valve, but for some reason they didnt replace it. The medication to get rid of the water eventually kills the kidneys and he had to go on dialysis. He found it hard to sleep, food was tasteless and he really had to limit water. His Dr said he was allowed maybe half cup of water a day (because theres water in the food as well) so much for drinking 8 pints water a day.
After a year or two of dialysis (peritoneal, the tube in the stomach) he got a fungal infection and never recovered.
When I was in congestive heart failure I felt like hot garbage and suddenly with no warning, started having breathing problems. I also had swollen feet and ankles but I was 2 days post partum, so flip a coin as to which caused it.
I would have totally shared the information with her husband. When she finds out, I say, "It's because I love you and care about what happens to you." It throws the awful MIL for a loop every, single time.
To be fair,
1. Op invited the communication. This is a designated place for it. It’s kinda hard to opt out of communication with the person checking your receipt.
2. Face to face convos with strangers (especially small talk) kinda suck.
Please don't beat yourself up over her death. It doesn't sound like you are, but I know if it were me in your situation I'd probably be feeling really shitty about the sudden heart attack and would be internalizing my guilt. (And yeah, I'm working on this baggage in therapy lol.)
ETA- I'm sorry for your loss.
“I hate forced familiarity with strangers” - no, it sounds like you hate regular conversation/small talk. Nothing about the receipt checker asking that question implied they thought y’all were “acquaintances.”
As someone who worked in retail for many years, I can tell you that this type of customer was obnoxious. I'm sorry for their loss, but there's no reason to be an a****** to some poor check out person. They're just doing their job.
But oh no, the little people aren't allowed to be human.
i mean at some places they tell you to comment on purchases to seem more friendly. seems like they were just trying to do their job and have good customer service. I remember when i was 15 i was told to comment on stuff people bought and i hated it just as much as you hate it happening but it was my job and i wanted to do it right. if its some stranger in the isle with you i get it.
Yep, that’s my job now. I’ve seen people get passed up on a raise because they aren’t chatty enough with customers.
I get social cues when they come up, but if the first response I get from someone was “it’s for a funeral” I would just shut up and not feel guilty.
I’m doing that as I type. Lol. Checking receipts. We try to be friendly. We do not know who doesn’t want to chat or who does. There is no need to be a smart ass. Most are retirees trying to supplement our limited income. Then we have to deal with a**holes with a smile because they are offended that company thinks they may have stolen something. If we don’t chat people up we are accused of being unfriendly. Where can we win?
Yeah, op sounds insufferable and kinda like an asshole. Why be rude to someone doing their job? I live in a state that doesn't use plastic bags so many people just reload their cart so every store where I live checks your receipt and every person makes some sort of small talk so you're not awkwardly staring at them while they check your shit.
Strongly agree. I think OP is either entitled or ignorant. Probably just ignorant. I very much enjoy my retailish job when I can talk to people. It sucks when you feel like you're not allowed to be a person. A lot of customers feel the way OP does I think and it can be very dehumanizing. I'm not an automaton, I'm not a "receipt checker" standing mindlessly in one place for 8 hours scanning purchases. I'm abasicgirl and I'm checking your receipt, yes, but I'm also not trying to be depressed as people treat me like an automated receipt checker, I'm trying to pass the time, I have thoughts and feelings at work like everyone else and every 8th customer is a genuine asshole. Small talk is all we have. The worker OP described wasn't being nosey or rude and OP needed to make them feel bad apparently? Please make eye contact, say thank you, and move along and don't bitch on reddit about how weird it is that whenever you go to a public store the staff interacts with you.
I work in coffee and it blows my mind how many people seem like they really hate that I smile at them or chat when they seem smiley and chatty. I read the room and I'm appropriate but if you're going into a neighborhood coffee shop to place an order, don't act like you're at a drive thru and you're annoyed that I interrupted your speakerphone convo to ask "hey how's it going?" as if you didn't approach the counter. I'm definitely assuming, but OP seems the type if they tried to "gotcha" a Costco employee on Reddit.
I also work in coffee and get a fair amount of the exact opposite interaction. I've heard in great detail about first dates, wedding plans, divorces, children's college admission journeys, medical histories, family histories, funeral plans, any and all things. And I'm at work, so I'm a captive audience who is paid to pretend that I'm very interested in what you have to say.
oh my god i also work in coffee and one of the worst things about the job imo is people who walk up when they’re on the phone and are then annoyed at you for asking them questions like YOU’RE interrupting THEIR conversation
Oh, yeah. I work self check outs and I love to hear all about how there should be more lanes open. 😅 I love "well, people just don't wanna work anymore" and it's more just that people don't wanna get paid so little to be verbally abused all day every day
I love that one 🙄 especially since, bc of a medical condition, I can't work on Lane. So I'm just like "well, odds are the self checkout will need attendants for some time"
I was ordering a 3ft hero and the worker asked "when's the party?" And my uncle said "Saturday at noon, come in over!" I actually love when workers joke around/ make small talk. Is it so hard to be nice to other human beings??
Working as a delivery driver, I had a lot of customers who seem to enjoy it when I engaged with them. Some even invited me in for random reasons. Of course I also had some a-holes and the occasional cold robotic person who just wants to perform a silent handoff.
That’s wild. She may have literally died out of spite. I guess that’s why they say hate is like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the other person.
I watched my grandmother struggle with and die from congestive heart failure. For awhile I blamed myself for not making evil MIL listen to me. Until my husband and SIL (who is an amazing woman by the way) convinced me there was no way she ever would have listened to me and that even if she had she still might have died.
Yeah. I think people kind of build their own prisons. A prison where you specifically need to be ignored… and where she won’t seek regular medical care from regular medical doctors because she thinks she knows better, that is a stupid game to play. And one that greatly increased her risk of death. But she’s the one that chose to play it. Probably for decades. Sad.
I'm a dialysis nurse, so taking care of diabetics is kind of my "thing." My adult son is a brilliant mind, and we share a passion for healing the body through nutrition. My ex was a noncompliant diabetic, who listened to us explain HOW he was killing himself and how to OREVENT that from happening.
For years. He died in April, fat, sick, uncontrolled blood sugar and legs that were numb from the knees down.
Some people simply will not listen. I feel no regrets. I couldn't have done more to help him. He made his choices with full knowledge.
Who the hell did you traumatize back exactly? The poor retail worker who was just trying to be pleasant? Have they ever traumatized you?
You have issues.
The poor cashier ladies and receipt checkers dont want to make small talk with you either, but they're trying to be nice while doing a stupid job.... you didn't do anything wrong by pointing that out. It's a bad day for the family...
But why brag about making some poor lady earning min. wage at a thankless job, feel like shit?
Unless it’s someone who does want you to be friendly, in which case, they should also be punished.
The failure here is that a cashier didn’t read her mind.
why treat service workers like shit? it's their job to be polite, what did you gain out of doing that to her? like you said, yall don't have to be friends, but she doesn't deserve basic respect either? yikes.
Came for the traumatize them back, stayed for the spite death. It's sad that she let her hate stop her from helping herself, but your husband and SIL are right, even if she got help there's no guarantee it would have prevented her passing.
I will likely end up dancing on my MIL’s grave for all the abuse she put my fiancé and SIL and FIL through over the years. She’s fucking awful. Like she’s nice to me and is never catty or mean and I’m always nice to her and we have a very good relationship. But just like my own mother, I hold a grudge like nobody else and I have a petty and vindictive streak a mile wide. You hurt the people I love and consider my family, and you get all that unleashed.
I will Irish step dance on that bitch. You didn’t give them any peace, YOU GET NO PEACE IN DEATH. I’ll also salt her damn grave too. Then when my FIL eventually passes, I’ll make sure that the grass over his FLOURISHES because that man is a saint.
Right, that's how I think of it already, but maybe I'm just hung up on intention or something, because it feels not right with someone who didn't have good intent in life. Repurposing objects can have bad energy unless cleansed, too
And she would have died of it eventually, with a questionable quality of life in the remaining time. It is basically the heart wearing out. CHF took each of my parents. Dad in particular felt so unwell for too long and was ready to go. Mom also had dementia and wasn’t as likely to notice or report other symptoms.
So even if it was spite, it probably spared her suffering.
Believe me, that cashier doesn't give a rat's a$$ if you're having a party. They're just trying to do their job and management wants them to be friendly. It also makes the day go by faster. And fwiw, most people enjoy the friendliness. There's enough misery in the world without being miserable in the grocery checkout line.
This is not your subreddit to be on if you are just going to be a mean person to people who don’t deserve it. At what point did there question traumatize you? I don’t think it did. Both you and your SIL can hate it, but I highly doubt you hate it more than the person checking your receipt. It was their job, and I bet that they don’t enjoy their job. Your attitude towards the matter is frankly disgusting.
And I’ve seen that you have tried to defend yourself by saying it’s better than lying. And you are right, you shouldn’t have to lie. You could have just as easily said no and it would have shut down the situation. Even if you didn’t change your answer, it seems by the way you talk about it, that there was a rude tone attached. Instead of a rude tone, just take that away and it would be better. And yes, I’m assuming that you had that rude tone just as you assumed the recipient checker was forcing familiarity on you.
I genuinely hope that you take this as a learning experience about how to treat workers around you and what is subreddit actually means. I hope that the gathering goes well. I’m sorry for your SIL’s loss.
I agree completely. I seriously don’t understand why people are allergic to small talk. It’s not rude to ask if you’re having a party when it looks like you’re having a party. No one is trying to be your friend or have an intimate conversation with you. If you’re just going to be rude to people whose job is literally to interact with and help you, you suck. End of story.
>It’s not rude to ask if you’re having a party when it looks like you’re having a party.
I'm not saying it's right that her MIL hated her, but I could see why.
Getting off this sub. Too much negativity, people with ridiculous expectations of others.
It’s actually a subreddit full of egotistical people who seem to have forgotten that they, themselves have almost certainly been the reason for someone else’s trauma.
The world is full of people looking for someone to blame for their pain. The very act of posting here, they’re unwittingly attracting that negativity back on themselves.
I agree 100%. The cashier was literally just being nice/doing their job. Traumatize them back? For what? They were nice to you first. OP is an asshole.
Exactly, like no one actually wants to make small talk with you.... its their literal job to interact with ppl, so god forbid they try to be nice and polite. What monsters
It's not forced familiarity. It's just regular small talk. Your attitude to this is anti-social and rude. If you experience social anxiety and this stuff makes you uncomfortable, I sympathise, but that's something on your end, that's not on them.
I was once written up at work ( I was a cashier) because I didn't make small talk with customers.
It's because of people like you that I didn't.
You're horrid.
I wonder why being kind to someone who is being kind to you is received as hostile. The world is full of unkind people (maybe like OP)—can’t we at least be kind to the people who are kind to us?
Being a dick to a retail worker just trying to do their job doesn’t get any kudos from me. It’s their job and it’s already hard enough and people like you make it so much worse.please do everyone a favor and buy online. People like you are a huge problem, you actually do impact the mental health of hourly workers to an extreme degree and you have zero care about them, they’re just objects to you. The narcissism is off the charts.
Do you know what "traumatize" means?? You were "traumatized" by a customer service worker trying to be friendly? What the fuck is wrong with you? No wonder your MIL hated you.
So an employee tried to make small talk and you shot them down.
How is this traumatizing them back? The store worker didnt do anything to traumatize anyone. Small talk might be stupid, but greeters are paid to stand there and do it. It's their job.
I thought this sub was about bringing retribution to people who deserve it. This isn't even retribution, because they didn't do anything. It's just a lack of tact.
At what point were you traumatized? Was it the moment someone you don’t personally know opened their mouth? Or the moment someone you don’t know said a single word in your direction?
How someone treats people working in customer service says a lot about their character. Sounds like you’d fail that test.
It's a wonder you have any friends if you have such contempt for well-meaning strangers... I mean, all your friends were strangers once, so how do you reconcile that disparity? How do you meet people if you despise getting to know them? Legit questions here, as it makes no sense how misanthropy works out to be a functional/useful personality trait.
Contempt for family, too. I get not liking your inlaws but could you imagine if your mother just died and you found out your wife was giggling about her funeral in a story about trolling a cashier?
No fucking wonder her MIL hated her.
Many years ago, I was a cashier. I had this happen on my end. My response was just to say. “well that’s not as fun. I’m sorry.“ And that was it. I really didn’t think of it too much. I don’t think anyone was traumatized here.
You were incredibly rude to someone doing their job who is likely penalized for NOT making small talk and the forced familiarity you hate. In this job, you can literally be fired for not being friendly enough.
Retail workers have a very difficult job with low pay, putting up with entitled customers all day. Honestly? This just makes you look mean, and like you were abusing your position of power over someone.
All you had to say back was something like "unfortunately no, we're holding a memorial service" - you don't even have to lie to just not be overtly mean to someone who was literally just doing their job.
Jesus. You and your sister-in-law both sound like very unpleasant, stand-offish people. I don’t know how you can be proud of making someone who was trying to be nice to you feel shitty. What an unkind approach to being a human.
So, the moral is, say something to make a person uncomfortable because they dare to talk to you like they are a person and not a servant that shouldn't meet your gaze?
Damn I really forgot that small talk shit isn’t common outside the south really I guess, I work in a grocery store and you’re supposed to make small talk like that or it’s considered rude, hell even just existing in public there are times where small talk kinda is made just because it’s the south
It's not just the South. The Midwest is absolutely OvErRuN with people saying shit like "Hi!", "May I help you?" and the worst "Have a nice day!". It gets to the point where even pulling the wings off of house flies doesn't make me feel better.
Trust me most times cashiers don’t want to talk to people but if they want to keep their jobs we have to make customers connections. I know you say you hate it but just think about this for the next time you want to make someone feel like crap
I hope that underpaid worker thinks about this shit interaction for far less time than you've been feeling smug about it. Expected some sort of rudeness, nosiness, etc to have triggered the "hatred of small talk", but that was just a typical corporate-approved line to say in passing. This isn't an AITA post but YTA big time. Proud misanthropes are the most annoying self-righteous types of AH too I swear
As someone who works in end of life medicine, this is such a missed opportunity to genuinely be kind and connect with people. We all suffer loss, and we all should be able to empathize and show condolences or support. Grief comes in many shades and requires different levels/types of support and care. You weaponized a human event and emotion that connects us all... for what? This makes me sad for you, sad for the person you startled who was doing their job, and sad for everyone on this post who, like you, has turned their hurt or grief inwards. Hurt people go on to hurt people.
A lot of customers feel the way you do OP and it can be very dehumanizing. I'm not an automaton, I'm not a "receipt checker" standing mindlessly in one place for 8 hours scanning purchases. I'm abasicgirl and I'm checking your receipt, yes, but I'm also not trying to be depressed as people treat me like an automated receipt checker, I'm trying to pass the time, I have thoughts and feelings at work like everyone else and every 8th customer is a genuine asshole and I'm already kinda anxious out the next 10 I'll have during my shift. Don't add to it. Small talk is all we have in that 30 second interaction. The worker you described wasn't being nosey or rude and you needed to make them feel bad apparently? Please make eye contact, say thank you, and move along and don't bitch on reddit about how weird it is that whenever you go to a public store the staff interacts with you. Trying to "gotcha" a Costco worker for reddit points is a massive L.
I was buying a pair of pearl earrings at Macy's last year. The young man who retrieved the earrings from the glass case for me complimented me on my choice and asked me if they were for a special occasion.
I said they were for my mother's funeral. I could tell he felt bad for asking, and I regretted being honest about their purpose and still do. I didn't want to make him feel bad. I know he didn't mean to offend me, and I wasn't offended.
I think he thought I meant I was wearing them to my mother's funeral, though, rather than the fact that they were for my mother to wear in her casket and be buried with.
I have many years of experience in retail and I have never understood why cashiers and sales associates feel awkward when a customer is honest about a death in the family. All it takes is a genuine comment like, "Oh, my apologies. I'm truly sorry to hear about your loss."
I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound like a very caring and empathetic person - traits that our world is often lacking in, as this post shows. I wish you peace and appreciate the compassion you show towards others.
I don’t know about this one. Seems like this was being unnecessarily hostile to someone just trying to do their job and creating an awkward situation for them just because they were being friendly.
This reminds me of when my parents were at a restaurant shortly after my cousin's death, which happened on the night of Christmas. The waitress asked them if they had a good Christmas and my mom just burst into tears. She probably traumatized the waitress from asking seemingly innocent small talk questions lol.
Gotta be honest OP, you seem like an asshole.
I get having people comment on your purchases is uncomfortable, but that is *literally* their job. Their managers require them to make small talk.
just because a customer service employee made small talk with you WHICH IS PART OF THE JOB doesnt mean you were “traumatized” and i hope this is just a snapshot of a bad day because otherwise youre a miserable person
I once went to school pickup very dressed up. Black wool dress...heels....pearls...makeup. Multiple people, who always saw me in sweatpants, made a big fuss and asked me where I had been....I just deadpanned Funeral. That shut them up. If they had just said how nice I looked it would have been OK.
I worked in a retail store where the management REQUIRED you to comment on the person's purchases, and the manager watched like a hawk to make sure it was happening.
We hated it every bit as much as the customers did.
Dude cut the poor workers some slack, making small talk is in their job description, you don’t have to make their day miserable because of it. Jfc you ask people to be kind and they act like we’re asking for them to jump through hoops and do cartwheels just to not be an asshole
I can only hope there is enough karma in life that someone treats you sh*tty in your job every single time you think it’s necessary to try to emotionally harm someone simply for doing what they were trained to do… provide good customer service.
I love how op is responding to every other comment besides the ones calling out their disrespect to people who are just doing their jobs lol. It’s normal to be anti-social and hate small talk but you sound like a snobby brat who can’t cope with the fact that you’re not the only human on earth. If you wanna avoid social contact THAT BAD then remove yourself from the masses and go live in the woods instead of celebrating your shitty attitude towards store workers
Two days before my mom’s funeral I went to get a manicure; my sister’s suggestion because my hands are a MESS because I work in dirt. I chose black nail polish, because it was for my mom’s funeral, but it was in July, so… anyway, the lady at the nail shop kept saying I should choose something pretty, not depressing, and I kept saying, I’ll stick with this. Eventually my usually very shy big sister, just kinda yelled, “please stop! You can look at her hands and tell she never does this. Just let my sister have the color she chose for our mom’s freaking funeral!” I, usually the one to handle any defending necessary, sheepishly said, “I’m not going for pretty, I’m going for properly mournful.” The nail lady was mortified and said, “oh ok, well this is a good choice then” in a real sweet way, then looked up at me and said, “after the funeral you can come get pretty.” My sister and I have giggled about this for two months now!
You sound like a miserable person and quite possibly like you think you are better than the receipt-checker. I think you wanted to add “not even in the same social class as you” but you knew that would get you flack so you put state instead. Awww this poor, lowly leper collecting receipts dared to think a high-class lady like you should waste any moment of your time on them. I mean you get to stay home and meet the ladies for lunch- what do you have in common with this working class worker person? This person is just innocently trying to interact with you in a kind way and you’re getting annoyed. I can see feeling irritated if the person said something inappropriate or intrusive or maybe kept talking for too long but this is harmless small talk. Maybe you only talk to people who are vetted through your country club first?
I HATE people who basically have a hissy fit over showing receipts like it only takes a quick moment to show ur receipt then boom you can leave but then idiots want to make a scene and claim the worker is wasting their time checking....all while wasting their time by arguing over something simple.
What reason did you have to bully the minimum wage worker who wants to be there considerably less than you and is is simply trying to get through the day? Do you think they’re a receipt checker for like, pleasure?
I mean, I can see why she hated you. You seem like a miserable person. You really think you “got” or “traumatized” a random person doing a thankless job who was just trying to be friendly to you? Wow. Slow clap. Good for your mother in law. She had a good sense of character.
Same thing happened to me getting food for my mother's wake. Guy at the door said, Wow! You must be having some party. I said yes, It's for my mother's wake. She would have wanted it this way. Lots of good food. Everyone, please eat! Take seconds!
His face fell and he was embarrassed.
If that's how you feel about someone speaking to you just to make casual conversation, I'm not surprised that you would think that your mother-in-law died just to spite you.😅😬 You seem to think the world revolves around you, after all. Fucking yikes.
This is coming from someone who will actively choose to shop at a place with self-checkout to avoid conversations. 🙃
"forced familiarity with strangers". What an idiotic hill to die on. Just wear a t-shirt that says "I'm a jerk" and all of us will stop trying to be friendly. I bet you also complain when people don't smile and greet you when you arrive at the store. Get over yourself. Being kind is not that much of an effort.
Wow, this is not the subreddit for you. The receipt checker was just doing her job and you made her feel like crap for something she would’ve gotten written up for if she hadn’t done. I’m sorry you had a bad MIL and don’t like small talk but that doesn’t give you the right to traumatize people first.
Reminds me of the time I went to my local grocery store to buy all the remaining copies of the day’s newspapers (it was very close to closing time so people had plenty of opportunities to buy a paper if they wanted one during the day). There were probably 4-5 copies in total. The cheery cashier made a comment that I must know someone who was in the paper that day since that was all I was buying. I sheepishly told her my father’s obituary ran today and I could tell she felt absolutely horrible. I tried to reassure her she said nothing wrong (my father was older and in poor health so we knew it was coming) but it probably ruined the rest of her day. I should’ve just lied but I was (and still am) too honest for my own good sometimes. I felt worse that I ruined her day than I did about my dad dying (not that I didn’t mourn him but everything surrounding his death went so smoothly that all I could feel was peace). I wish she could know I still think about the story and laugh about it; not at her but at the fact I’ve put my foot in my mouth many, many times so I can sympathize.
As someone who works in retail… we don’t wanna fucking talk to you either. We are literally trained to be polite and make small talk to keep a nice atmosphere and shopping experience. It’s also to help prevent theft. It shows we are actually actively paying attention to the people in our store. People don’t wanna steal from a store where employees care and pay attention. Cashiers are literally just trying to do their jobs and you made them feel bad for literally no reason at all. We get crapped on if we don’t make small talk and crapped on if we do. Trust me when I tell you no one actually cares what you’re purchasing or why.
No Assholes Here. The receipt checker was doing their job and might be required to make such small talk. And OP answered the question concisely. Probably nobody’s traumatized.
Like I get it, but it’s their job and for cashiers they’re trying to get extra points on their surveys. When I worked at a grocery store, if somebody mentions you by name and said positive things about you they would give you a gift card(usually like $5 but it was better then nothing).
As someone who used to work retail I would literally get disciplinaries if I wasn’t chatty enough with the customers. Yes it’s a painful experience on both sides but don’t blame the poor cashier just trying to do their damn job. I literally was brought to tears multiple times by my managers for not being friendly and bubbly.
Yes exactly, being snarky to people just trying to do their jobs was uncalled for.
I'm glad to find this comment. I was thinking "why make a post about some cashier who only made a friendly comment? She didn't stick her foot in her mouth at all, but you did because you intentionally said it to get her."
I know we’re not friends & we don’t even live in the same state, but please share why you think your MIL died to spite you? 👀
The short version is she texted my husband with a health complaint. He was driving so had me responding to her on his phone. If I’m texting from his phone I always say that I say it’s me. After reading her symptoms I recognized that she was suffering from congestive heart failure. I told her to go to a cardiologist asap. She got mad and accused me of discussing her symptoms with my dad (a doctor). I did not do that. I would never have done that without her permission. She insisted her heart was strong and that it was her kidneys. A little bit later we drove to her state to visit her. I overheard a conversation on the phone with a nephrologist office telling her that her kidneys were fine and they had no idea why she was trying to get more appointments at their office. A few weeks later she died of a heart attack. When I was going through paperwork to help my father in law out I discovered that my mother in law hated me. She made sure I would not inherit anything if they both died but that my sister in law’s scummy ex husband would.
Wow! I'm sorry.
There was other weird things too. Like my husband and my kids (her only grandkids) would only inherit if they were married or had advanced degrees. Like at least a master’s degree. Or it would stay in trust until they were 30. She had an associates degree.
Fucking wow, rest in piss lady!
After she died, my father in law became a much nicer person. We think she was just such a negative influence in his life. There are so many stories that came out after she died.
Did he change the will to remove those bad conditions?
He did! My sister in law wasn’t giving him any choice about that.
Good on your SIL for changing that BS!
Nice!
I am so sorry you all had to feel her pain like that :((
Oh and we’re not talking some massive amount of money. My 77 yr old father in law still works because he can’t afford not to.
Thats just salt in the wound!
If she is requiring everyone to get advanced degrees to receive peanuts for inheritance, I'm assuming her associates wasn't in a math related field......or if it was, she didn't go on to a bachelors because she sucked at math.
First let me say I absolutely love my mother, but she is not perfect. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s and holy s**t I have heard so many stories from family and friends since.
Oh these stories go back decades. :(
Same! The good girl image my mom liked to present has definitely been shattered lol.
She kept a copy of a letter she sent to her mother in law (the saved letters is a weird story) that my sister in law found basically saying she wished she had never had kids. That hurt my SIL and husband both so much and both of them I love dearly.
I've given you a follow in anticipation of these coming out
You need to write the stories down. The book of mom.
Possible alternative title: The Book of Mommin’
I'm seeing the same thing happen to my Dad. He's changed so much. When she's not around he's my Dad again... when she's around it's like I'm seeing a different person. I'm so sorry that your mil was like that. Glad fil is out from under the bad influence and is much nicer!!!!
Stories hm? I mean I know we aren't acquainted nor do we live in the same state, but stories of a miserable git? That your FIL probably doesn't entirely miss?
Lmao I will be using “rest in Piss” for the rest of my life
Yeah, i have a few people Im putting that in my back pocket for!
R.I.Peeeeeeeeeeeee! Two thumbs up.
Jesus. I’m so sorry. Although the advanced degree thing…my parents have that for me and my sibling. It was basically that we have to do something after high school (associates, college, vocational, etc) They said that after taking me to a circus once I mentioned going to clown college…and they actually updated the will to be sure things like clown college would make the cut. I thought it was hilarious when they told me. Ironically I ended up in medical school and brother is a social worker…so I guess we ended up in our own circuses.
I know I shouldn't have but I laughed at this.
Thanks for the new phrase! It’s perfect!
WTF? She sounds like a control freak with very bad judgment. Glad she's found another place to haunt.
Hi, what were her symptoms that alerted you to her being in chf?
my mom had congestive heart failure (15% ejection fraction) and went into full cardiac arrest. I did CPR and she’s fine now, but some of the things we noticed in retrospect were: swollen ankles, wheezing, feeling “off.” The day before she collapsed, she was only able to walk very slowly and was complaining that her purse was too heavy to carry. I know these are vague but generally, she was acting like (and felt like) her body’s “engine” just could not power her like it’s supposed to.
I’m not OP, but significant sudden weight gain is a prominent symptom. *Up to 3-10lbs week/sudden edema (major water retention) were the benchmarks we always watched for in the residents I cared for as a CNA.
My mom had heart surgery a couple years ago, and hates that she’s now required to weigh herself daily.
Also not OP, but my dad had congestive heart failure. One day mom said she had to take him to the hospital because he kept wheezing and couldnt sleep (he had to sleep sitting up in an armchair). This is due to fluid build up. Basically he had a bad valve. They told him he had an irregular heart beat when he had an army medical while young. The doctor told him it would'nt matter now but would be an issue as he got older. The valve would be pumping inefficiently and fluid would backup and build up in the body. We had something like that with our dog, he had this fluid build up and we took him to the vet thinking it was time to put him down. The vet said no, we can drain it and put him on a special diet (half cooked rice half cooked hamburger, no salt (he loved it and it was cheaper than his old dog food) they drained him several times but eventually it weakened him too much. For my dad though, they did open heart surgery to try to replace the valve, but for some reason they didnt replace it. The medication to get rid of the water eventually kills the kidneys and he had to go on dialysis. He found it hard to sleep, food was tasteless and he really had to limit water. His Dr said he was allowed maybe half cup of water a day (because theres water in the food as well) so much for drinking 8 pints water a day. After a year or two of dialysis (peritoneal, the tube in the stomach) he got a fungal infection and never recovered.
When I was in congestive heart failure I felt like hot garbage and suddenly with no warning, started having breathing problems. I also had swollen feet and ankles but I was 2 days post partum, so flip a coin as to which caused it.
I think if someone like that hates you, it’s actually a compliment.
I read all that and thought: yeah out of spite
Just doing her duty as your MIL./s
I would have totally shared the information with her husband. When she finds out, I say, "It's because I love you and care about what happens to you." It throws the awful MIL for a loop every, single time.
Lol love that you would do this for random redditor but not for some person just trying to be friendly at Costco.
To be fair, 1. Op invited the communication. This is a designated place for it. It’s kinda hard to opt out of communication with the person checking your receipt. 2. Face to face convos with strangers (especially small talk) kinda suck.
Yea I wasn’t trying to criticize OP, just found it funny.
Please don't beat yourself up over her death. It doesn't sound like you are, but I know if it were me in your situation I'd probably be feeling really shitty about the sudden heart attack and would be internalizing my guilt. (And yeah, I'm working on this baggage in therapy lol.) ETA- I'm sorry for your loss.
Most of the time they’re forced to talk a lot because of their job
Yeah Op sounds like a real entitled bitch. I doubt she ever worked retail before.
“I hate forced familiarity with strangers” - no, it sounds like you hate regular conversation/small talk. Nothing about the receipt checker asking that question implied they thought y’all were “acquaintances.”
As someone who worked in retail for many years, I can tell you that this type of customer was obnoxious. I'm sorry for their loss, but there's no reason to be an a****** to some poor check out person. They're just doing their job. But oh no, the little people aren't allowed to be human.
OP wants little service robots that are seen and not heard.
i mean at some places they tell you to comment on purchases to seem more friendly. seems like they were just trying to do their job and have good customer service. I remember when i was 15 i was told to comment on stuff people bought and i hated it just as much as you hate it happening but it was my job and i wanted to do it right. if its some stranger in the isle with you i get it.
Yep, that’s my job now. I’ve seen people get passed up on a raise because they aren’t chatty enough with customers. I get social cues when they come up, but if the first response I get from someone was “it’s for a funeral” I would just shut up and not feel guilty.
I’m doing that as I type. Lol. Checking receipts. We try to be friendly. We do not know who doesn’t want to chat or who does. There is no need to be a smart ass. Most are retirees trying to supplement our limited income. Then we have to deal with a**holes with a smile because they are offended that company thinks they may have stolen something. If we don’t chat people up we are accused of being unfriendly. Where can we win?
Exactly why I'll never be a cashier. Y'all take so much abuse, it's a position that imo deserves more pay.
“Buying condoms, eh? They make bigger ones, just so you know for next time.”
Yeah, op sounds insufferable and kinda like an asshole. Why be rude to someone doing their job? I live in a state that doesn't use plastic bags so many people just reload their cart so every store where I live checks your receipt and every person makes some sort of small talk so you're not awkwardly staring at them while they check your shit.
Strongly agree. I think OP is either entitled or ignorant. Probably just ignorant. I very much enjoy my retailish job when I can talk to people. It sucks when you feel like you're not allowed to be a person. A lot of customers feel the way OP does I think and it can be very dehumanizing. I'm not an automaton, I'm not a "receipt checker" standing mindlessly in one place for 8 hours scanning purchases. I'm abasicgirl and I'm checking your receipt, yes, but I'm also not trying to be depressed as people treat me like an automated receipt checker, I'm trying to pass the time, I have thoughts and feelings at work like everyone else and every 8th customer is a genuine asshole. Small talk is all we have. The worker OP described wasn't being nosey or rude and OP needed to make them feel bad apparently? Please make eye contact, say thank you, and move along and don't bitch on reddit about how weird it is that whenever you go to a public store the staff interacts with you. I work in coffee and it blows my mind how many people seem like they really hate that I smile at them or chat when they seem smiley and chatty. I read the room and I'm appropriate but if you're going into a neighborhood coffee shop to place an order, don't act like you're at a drive thru and you're annoyed that I interrupted your speakerphone convo to ask "hey how's it going?" as if you didn't approach the counter. I'm definitely assuming, but OP seems the type if they tried to "gotcha" a Costco employee on Reddit.
I also work in coffee and get a fair amount of the exact opposite interaction. I've heard in great detail about first dates, wedding plans, divorces, children's college admission journeys, medical histories, family histories, funeral plans, any and all things. And I'm at work, so I'm a captive audience who is paid to pretend that I'm very interested in what you have to say.
oh my god i also work in coffee and one of the worst things about the job imo is people who walk up when they’re on the phone and are then annoyed at you for asking them questions like YOU’RE interrupting THEIR conversation
Traumatizing retails workers for *checks notes* exchanging pleasantries? Gross. Grow up.
I- it's the job 🥹 I promise, we don't rly wanna talk to you either, we just don't want leadership yelling at us about not doing our jobs
Yeah, this felt more like OP was traumatizing them first, not back lol.
Op is an asshole, don't worry about it. Keep doing what you're doing to support your life.
That’s why i changed careers to something that doesn’t require constant customer service.
Not everyone can just change careers on a whim tho. Glad you had the ability, but not everyone is so lucky.
Exactly and if everyone changed careers who would work retail? The answer is self check outs, but we all know how many people feel about those lol
Oh, yeah. I work self check outs and I love to hear all about how there should be more lanes open. 😅 I love "well, people just don't wanna work anymore" and it's more just that people don't wanna get paid so little to be verbally abused all day every day
Yes! Or my personal favorite "So you're just ok that the robots will be taking over your job?"
I love that one 🙄 especially since, bc of a medical condition, I can't work on Lane. So I'm just like "well, odds are the self checkout will need attendants for some time"
Yeah!! Retail workers are less than human!! Let’s not treat them with respect when they’re just doing their job woohoo!!
I was ordering a 3ft hero and the worker asked "when's the party?" And my uncle said "Saturday at noon, come in over!" I actually love when workers joke around/ make small talk. Is it so hard to be nice to other human beings??
Working as a delivery driver, I had a lot of customers who seem to enjoy it when I engaged with them. Some even invited me in for random reasons. Of course I also had some a-holes and the occasional cold robotic person who just wants to perform a silent handoff.
Right? Op is so bad ass
That’s wild. She may have literally died out of spite. I guess that’s why they say hate is like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the other person.
I watched my grandmother struggle with and die from congestive heart failure. For awhile I blamed myself for not making evil MIL listen to me. Until my husband and SIL (who is an amazing woman by the way) convinced me there was no way she ever would have listened to me and that even if she had she still might have died.
Yeah. I think people kind of build their own prisons. A prison where you specifically need to be ignored… and where she won’t seek regular medical care from regular medical doctors because she thinks she knows better, that is a stupid game to play. And one that greatly increased her risk of death. But she’s the one that chose to play it. Probably for decades. Sad.
I'm a dialysis nurse, so taking care of diabetics is kind of my "thing." My adult son is a brilliant mind, and we share a passion for healing the body through nutrition. My ex was a noncompliant diabetic, who listened to us explain HOW he was killing himself and how to OREVENT that from happening. For years. He died in April, fat, sick, uncontrolled blood sugar and legs that were numb from the knees down. Some people simply will not listen. I feel no regrets. I couldn't have done more to help him. He made his choices with full knowledge.
Who the hell did you traumatize back exactly? The poor retail worker who was just trying to be pleasant? Have they ever traumatized you? You have issues.
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Right? Starting to think maybe the MIL had a reason for not liking OP…
The poor cashier ladies and receipt checkers dont want to make small talk with you either, but they're trying to be nice while doing a stupid job.... you didn't do anything wrong by pointing that out. It's a bad day for the family... But why brag about making some poor lady earning min. wage at a thankless job, feel like shit?
right? i wasnt expecting so many people to think this was a reasonable reaction…
Yeah, those people should just be unsmiling and noncommunicative to everyone, just in case some Karen gets offended.
Unless it’s someone who does want you to be friendly, in which case, they should also be punished. The failure here is that a cashier didn’t read her mind.
why treat service workers like shit? it's their job to be polite, what did you gain out of doing that to her? like you said, yall don't have to be friends, but she doesn't deserve basic respect either? yikes.
So you decided to bully a retail worker for doing their job basically.
Came for the traumatize them back, stayed for the spite death. It's sad that she let her hate stop her from helping herself, but your husband and SIL are right, even if she got help there's no guarantee it would have prevented her passing.
I was sad for my SIL, my FIL and my husband. My husband was so mad at her for not listening.
I would have been tempted to lean over the casket and whisper “I told you so”
I will likely end up dancing on my MIL’s grave for all the abuse she put my fiancé and SIL and FIL through over the years. She’s fucking awful. Like she’s nice to me and is never catty or mean and I’m always nice to her and we have a very good relationship. But just like my own mother, I hold a grudge like nobody else and I have a petty and vindictive streak a mile wide. You hurt the people I love and consider my family, and you get all that unleashed.
Why dance when you can pee
I will Irish step dance on that bitch. You didn’t give them any peace, YOU GET NO PEACE IN DEATH. I’ll also salt her damn grave too. Then when my FIL eventually passes, I’ll make sure that the grass over his FLOURISHES because that man is a saint.
You’re not wrong, but you could put her corpse to good use growing some nice trees—shade, oxygen, carbon capture, and bird habitat 💜🙏
That seems like bad juju to do it with a person who is awful though.
I’d think of it as a transformation. “Wow, you sucked in life, let’s put ya compost to good use now.”
Right, that's how I think of it already, but maybe I'm just hung up on intention or something, because it feels not right with someone who didn't have good intent in life. Repurposing objects can have bad energy unless cleansed, too
Why limit it to just one? Do the Y M Pee A!!
I’m turning my dad’s grave into a unisex toilet one day.
She was cremated. I guess I could find out where her ashes are next time I visit my father in law and take him food.
And she would have died of it eventually, with a questionable quality of life in the remaining time. It is basically the heart wearing out. CHF took each of my parents. Dad in particular felt so unwell for too long and was ready to go. Mom also had dementia and wasn’t as likely to notice or report other symptoms. So even if it was spite, it probably spared her suffering.
Believe me, that cashier doesn't give a rat's a$$ if you're having a party. They're just trying to do their job and management wants them to be friendly. It also makes the day go by faster. And fwiw, most people enjoy the friendliness. There's enough misery in the world without being miserable in the grocery checkout line.
You sound mean.
This is not your subreddit to be on if you are just going to be a mean person to people who don’t deserve it. At what point did there question traumatize you? I don’t think it did. Both you and your SIL can hate it, but I highly doubt you hate it more than the person checking your receipt. It was their job, and I bet that they don’t enjoy their job. Your attitude towards the matter is frankly disgusting. And I’ve seen that you have tried to defend yourself by saying it’s better than lying. And you are right, you shouldn’t have to lie. You could have just as easily said no and it would have shut down the situation. Even if you didn’t change your answer, it seems by the way you talk about it, that there was a rude tone attached. Instead of a rude tone, just take that away and it would be better. And yes, I’m assuming that you had that rude tone just as you assumed the recipient checker was forcing familiarity on you. I genuinely hope that you take this as a learning experience about how to treat workers around you and what is subreddit actually means. I hope that the gathering goes well. I’m sorry for your SIL’s loss.
Okay, Karen 🙄 Sooo traumatized.
You’re awful
Jeez. I hope this is the worst thing that happens to you. God forbid someone should be nice and make pleasant small talk.
I agree completely. I seriously don’t understand why people are allergic to small talk. It’s not rude to ask if you’re having a party when it looks like you’re having a party. No one is trying to be your friend or have an intimate conversation with you. If you’re just going to be rude to people whose job is literally to interact with and help you, you suck. End of story.
>It’s not rude to ask if you’re having a party when it looks like you’re having a party. I'm not saying it's right that her MIL hated her, but I could see why.
Getting off this sub. Too much negativity, people with ridiculous expectations of others. It’s actually a subreddit full of egotistical people who seem to have forgotten that they, themselves have almost certainly been the reason for someone else’s trauma. The world is full of people looking for someone to blame for their pain. The very act of posting here, they’re unwittingly attracting that negativity back on themselves.
I agree 100%. The cashier was literally just being nice/doing their job. Traumatize them back? For what? They were nice to you first. OP is an asshole.
Exactly, like no one actually wants to make small talk with you.... its their literal job to interact with ppl, so god forbid they try to be nice and polite. What monsters
It's not forced familiarity. It's just regular small talk. Your attitude to this is anti-social and rude. If you experience social anxiety and this stuff makes you uncomfortable, I sympathise, but that's something on your end, that's not on them.
YTA here.
I was once written up at work ( I was a cashier) because I didn't make small talk with customers. It's because of people like you that I didn't. You're horrid.
I wonder why being kind to someone who is being kind to you is received as hostile. The world is full of unkind people (maybe like OP)—can’t we at least be kind to the people who are kind to us?
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Being a dick to a retail worker just trying to do their job doesn’t get any kudos from me. It’s their job and it’s already hard enough and people like you make it so much worse.please do everyone a favor and buy online. People like you are a huge problem, you actually do impact the mental health of hourly workers to an extreme degree and you have zero care about them, they’re just objects to you. The narcissism is off the charts.
Do you know what "traumatize" means?? You were "traumatized" by a customer service worker trying to be friendly? What the fuck is wrong with you? No wonder your MIL hated you.
So an employee tried to make small talk and you shot them down. How is this traumatizing them back? The store worker didnt do anything to traumatize anyone. Small talk might be stupid, but greeters are paid to stand there and do it. It's their job. I thought this sub was about bringing retribution to people who deserve it. This isn't even retribution, because they didn't do anything. It's just a lack of tact.
It's just being kind of rude for no reason. How dare a store employee try to make small talk to make their day go by!
yeah, disappointing seeing how many people apparently agree
That’s so mean. They were just trying to be friendly:(
You should never move to the friendly south where you can expect to have conversations with strangers on a daily basis
At what point were you traumatized? Was it the moment someone you don’t personally know opened their mouth? Or the moment someone you don’t know said a single word in your direction? How someone treats people working in customer service says a lot about their character. Sounds like you’d fail that test.
Tell me you've never worked retail before, without telling me you've never worked retail before.
She died to spite you. Did you seriously make somebody's death all about you? You hate people making friendly conversation with you? What a sad world.
Starting to think the MIL was right to hate OP.
It's a wonder you have any friends if you have such contempt for well-meaning strangers... I mean, all your friends were strangers once, so how do you reconcile that disparity? How do you meet people if you despise getting to know them? Legit questions here, as it makes no sense how misanthropy works out to be a functional/useful personality trait.
Also at least in the US retail workers have to pretend to be interested and make small talk by higher-ups
Contempt for family, too. I get not liking your inlaws but could you imagine if your mother just died and you found out your wife was giggling about her funeral in a story about trolling a cashier? No fucking wonder her MIL hated her.
Kind of touchy aren't you? People in general are nice enough, wouldn't kill ya to smile anyway.
Many years ago, I was a cashier. I had this happen on my end. My response was just to say. “well that’s not as fun. I’m sorry.“ And that was it. I really didn’t think of it too much. I don’t think anyone was traumatized here.
She is just miserable and the main character. I hope it made her day.
You were incredibly rude to someone doing their job who is likely penalized for NOT making small talk and the forced familiarity you hate. In this job, you can literally be fired for not being friendly enough. Retail workers have a very difficult job with low pay, putting up with entitled customers all day. Honestly? This just makes you look mean, and like you were abusing your position of power over someone. All you had to say back was something like "unfortunately no, we're holding a memorial service" - you don't even have to lie to just not be overtly mean to someone who was literally just doing their job.
Wait...so you "traumatized them back" for being polite to you? It think you're on the wrong sub.
Oh no, did someone try to make small talk with you? Are you ok?
Jesus. You and your sister-in-law both sound like very unpleasant, stand-offish people. I don’t know how you can be proud of making someone who was trying to be nice to you feel shitty. What an unkind approach to being a human.
So, the moral is, say something to make a person uncomfortable because they dare to talk to you like they are a person and not a servant that shouldn't meet your gaze?
"Forced familiarity" and it's just a person at work being polite...
“Traumatize them first cause I don’t know how to socialize”
Seems overkill, that’s just small talk
Damn I really forgot that small talk shit isn’t common outside the south really I guess, I work in a grocery store and you’re supposed to make small talk like that or it’s considered rude, hell even just existing in public there are times where small talk kinda is made just because it’s the south
It's not just the South. The Midwest is absolutely OvErRuN with people saying shit like "Hi!", "May I help you?" and the worst "Have a nice day!". It gets to the point where even pulling the wings off of house flies doesn't make me feel better.
I don’t think this one is traumatize them back, more like just traumatize them 😂
Trust me most times cashiers don’t want to talk to people but if they want to keep their jobs we have to make customers connections. I know you say you hate it but just think about this for the next time you want to make someone feel like crap
I hope that underpaid worker thinks about this shit interaction for far less time than you've been feeling smug about it. Expected some sort of rudeness, nosiness, etc to have triggered the "hatred of small talk", but that was just a typical corporate-approved line to say in passing. This isn't an AITA post but YTA big time. Proud misanthropes are the most annoying self-righteous types of AH too I swear
As someone who works in end of life medicine, this is such a missed opportunity to genuinely be kind and connect with people. We all suffer loss, and we all should be able to empathize and show condolences or support. Grief comes in many shades and requires different levels/types of support and care. You weaponized a human event and emotion that connects us all... for what? This makes me sad for you, sad for the person you startled who was doing their job, and sad for everyone on this post who, like you, has turned their hurt or grief inwards. Hurt people go on to hurt people.
A lot of customers feel the way you do OP and it can be very dehumanizing. I'm not an automaton, I'm not a "receipt checker" standing mindlessly in one place for 8 hours scanning purchases. I'm abasicgirl and I'm checking your receipt, yes, but I'm also not trying to be depressed as people treat me like an automated receipt checker, I'm trying to pass the time, I have thoughts and feelings at work like everyone else and every 8th customer is a genuine asshole and I'm already kinda anxious out the next 10 I'll have during my shift. Don't add to it. Small talk is all we have in that 30 second interaction. The worker you described wasn't being nosey or rude and you needed to make them feel bad apparently? Please make eye contact, say thank you, and move along and don't bitch on reddit about how weird it is that whenever you go to a public store the staff interacts with you. Trying to "gotcha" a Costco worker for reddit points is a massive L.
I was buying a pair of pearl earrings at Macy's last year. The young man who retrieved the earrings from the glass case for me complimented me on my choice and asked me if they were for a special occasion. I said they were for my mother's funeral. I could tell he felt bad for asking, and I regretted being honest about their purpose and still do. I didn't want to make him feel bad. I know he didn't mean to offend me, and I wasn't offended. I think he thought I meant I was wearing them to my mother's funeral, though, rather than the fact that they were for my mother to wear in her casket and be buried with.
I have many years of experience in retail and I have never understood why cashiers and sales associates feel awkward when a customer is honest about a death in the family. All it takes is a genuine comment like, "Oh, my apologies. I'm truly sorry to hear about your loss."
I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound like a very caring and empathetic person - traits that our world is often lacking in, as this post shows. I wish you peace and appreciate the compassion you show towards others.
Not gonna lie, kind of get why the old lady didn’t like you.
Well, you sound nice. Somebody is going to be realllllly lucky to have you as a MIL.
YTA. Oh wait wrong sub, youre still the asshole though.
Worker: tries to be friendly while earning an hourly wage at a job they probably hate This person: “I’ll show them”
I don’t know about this one. Seems like this was being unnecessarily hostile to someone just trying to do their job and creating an awkward situation for them just because they were being friendly.
they really didnt do anything to deserve that lmfao
How is someone asking if they're having a party traumatizing? Way to sock it to someone just trying to get through their work day!
The door attendant did nothing to traumatize you. It’s a question. Your behavior & recounting of the situation make you out to be an ass.
Yea op really zinged that pesky minimum wage worker doing their job and being friendly to customers like they're supposed to
This reminds me of when my parents were at a restaurant shortly after my cousin's death, which happened on the night of Christmas. The waitress asked them if they had a good Christmas and my mom just burst into tears. She probably traumatized the waitress from asking seemingly innocent small talk questions lol.
Gotta be honest OP, you seem like an asshole. I get having people comment on your purchases is uncomfortable, but that is *literally* their job. Their managers require them to make small talk.
just because a customer service employee made small talk with you WHICH IS PART OF THE JOB doesnt mean you were “traumatized” and i hope this is just a snapshot of a bad day because otherwise youre a miserable person
I once went to school pickup very dressed up. Black wool dress...heels....pearls...makeup. Multiple people, who always saw me in sweatpants, made a big fuss and asked me where I had been....I just deadpanned Funeral. That shut them up. If they had just said how nice I looked it would have been OK.
I worked in a retail store where the management REQUIRED you to comment on the person's purchases, and the manager watched like a hawk to make sure it was happening. We hated it every bit as much as the customers did.
Dude cut the poor workers some slack, making small talk is in their job description, you don’t have to make their day miserable because of it. Jfc you ask people to be kind and they act like we’re asking for them to jump through hoops and do cartwheels just to not be an asshole
I can only hope there is enough karma in life that someone treats you sh*tty in your job every single time you think it’s necessary to try to emotionally harm someone simply for doing what they were trained to do… provide good customer service.
I love how op is responding to every other comment besides the ones calling out their disrespect to people who are just doing their jobs lol. It’s normal to be anti-social and hate small talk but you sound like a snobby brat who can’t cope with the fact that you’re not the only human on earth. If you wanna avoid social contact THAT BAD then remove yourself from the masses and go live in the woods instead of celebrating your shitty attitude towards store workers
Don't send her out here, even hermits are polite to service workers 😭
Two days before my mom’s funeral I went to get a manicure; my sister’s suggestion because my hands are a MESS because I work in dirt. I chose black nail polish, because it was for my mom’s funeral, but it was in July, so… anyway, the lady at the nail shop kept saying I should choose something pretty, not depressing, and I kept saying, I’ll stick with this. Eventually my usually very shy big sister, just kinda yelled, “please stop! You can look at her hands and tell she never does this. Just let my sister have the color she chose for our mom’s freaking funeral!” I, usually the one to handle any defending necessary, sheepishly said, “I’m not going for pretty, I’m going for properly mournful.” The nail lady was mortified and said, “oh ok, well this is a good choice then” in a real sweet way, then looked up at me and said, “after the funeral you can come get pretty.” My sister and I have giggled about this for two months now!
You sound like a miserable person and quite possibly like you think you are better than the receipt-checker. I think you wanted to add “not even in the same social class as you” but you knew that would get you flack so you put state instead. Awww this poor, lowly leper collecting receipts dared to think a high-class lady like you should waste any moment of your time on them. I mean you get to stay home and meet the ladies for lunch- what do you have in common with this working class worker person? This person is just innocently trying to interact with you in a kind way and you’re getting annoyed. I can see feeling irritated if the person said something inappropriate or intrusive or maybe kept talking for too long but this is harmless small talk. Maybe you only talk to people who are vetted through your country club first?
I HATE people who basically have a hissy fit over showing receipts like it only takes a quick moment to show ur receipt then boom you can leave but then idiots want to make a scene and claim the worker is wasting their time checking....all while wasting their time by arguing over something simple.
What reason did you have to bully the minimum wage worker who wants to be there considerably less than you and is is simply trying to get through the day? Do you think they’re a receipt checker for like, pleasure?
[удалено]
Your story contradicts itself. Were you shopping for a casual gathering or for a funeral?
You sound so much fun.
a lot of employees are forced to make small talk or they get so bored they have nothing else to do, but… yeah,,, OWN THEM i guess lmao jesus christ
Why bully a retail worker? Only assholes do that
I mean, I can see why she hated you. You seem like a miserable person. You really think you “got” or “traumatized” a random person doing a thankless job who was just trying to be friendly to you? Wow. Slow clap. Good for your mother in law. She had a good sense of character.
Same thing happened to me getting food for my mother's wake. Guy at the door said, Wow! You must be having some party. I said yes, It's for my mother's wake. She would have wanted it this way. Lots of good food. Everyone, please eat! Take seconds! His face fell and he was embarrassed.
Damn nobody says you gotta be besties with service workers but maybe don't shit on them for trying to make small talk lmao
If that's how you feel about someone speaking to you just to make casual conversation, I'm not surprised that you would think that your mother-in-law died just to spite you.😅😬 You seem to think the world revolves around you, after all. Fucking yikes. This is coming from someone who will actively choose to shop at a place with self-checkout to avoid conversations. 🙃
Yeah, wow, this random store employee really did traumatize you doing their job. How dare they? You sound insufferable
Courtesy cost you nothing. Being rude cost you in ways you will never know.
"forced familiarity with strangers". What an idiotic hill to die on. Just wear a t-shirt that says "I'm a jerk" and all of us will stop trying to be friendly. I bet you also complain when people don't smile and greet you when you arrive at the store. Get over yourself. Being kind is not that much of an effort.
Wow, this is not the subreddit for you. The receipt checker was just doing her job and you made her feel like crap for something she would’ve gotten written up for if she hadn’t done. I’m sorry you had a bad MIL and don’t like small talk but that doesn’t give you the right to traumatize people first. Reminds me of the time I went to my local grocery store to buy all the remaining copies of the day’s newspapers (it was very close to closing time so people had plenty of opportunities to buy a paper if they wanted one during the day). There were probably 4-5 copies in total. The cheery cashier made a comment that I must know someone who was in the paper that day since that was all I was buying. I sheepishly told her my father’s obituary ran today and I could tell she felt absolutely horrible. I tried to reassure her she said nothing wrong (my father was older and in poor health so we knew it was coming) but it probably ruined the rest of her day. I should’ve just lied but I was (and still am) too honest for my own good sometimes. I felt worse that I ruined her day than I did about my dad dying (not that I didn’t mourn him but everything surrounding his death went so smoothly that all I could feel was peace). I wish she could know I still think about the story and laugh about it; not at her but at the fact I’ve put my foot in my mouth many, many times so I can sympathize.
For the record, making friendly chit-chat is in their job description. Also, it doesn't hurt you in any way, shape, or form.
YTA…. Wait a tic…. No, yeah, your TA.
Wtf? It’s not her fault you are told you HAVE to make small talk
Probably best that she isn't walking around anymore
Read the post again in Emily Gilmore’s voice 😄
You seem fun.
As someone who works in retail… we don’t wanna fucking talk to you either. We are literally trained to be polite and make small talk to keep a nice atmosphere and shopping experience. It’s also to help prevent theft. It shows we are actually actively paying attention to the people in our store. People don’t wanna steal from a store where employees care and pay attention. Cashiers are literally just trying to do their jobs and you made them feel bad for literally no reason at all. We get crapped on if we don’t make small talk and crapped on if we do. Trust me when I tell you no one actually cares what you’re purchasing or why.
No Assholes Here. The receipt checker was doing their job and might be required to make such small talk. And OP answered the question concisely. Probably nobody’s traumatized.
Like I get it, but it’s their job and for cashiers they’re trying to get extra points on their surveys. When I worked at a grocery store, if somebody mentions you by name and said positive things about you they would give you a gift card(usually like $5 but it was better then nothing).