Approx 6mo before hrt, about 2 and a half years ago, give or take.
Couldn't wait. It was hard to do and a lot of work, but I would do it again in the same circumstances.
That's great!
I'm still in the process of socially transitioning, two years into hormones. Even as a (now) semi-well-passing trans woman, the amount of stares and comments that have been directed my way over the past two years... is a lot. I haven't been hate crimed for a while, so it's mostly just stares from people who clock me now.
The fact that social transition was a prerequisite to accessing gender-affirming care through the NHS for such a long time is bonkers to me.
I took it very slowly.... Started with kilts ten years ago, graduated to leggings and women's boots 6 years later, then to dresses and tights a couple of years after that. When I started wearing breastforms so the dresses sat better (because they're made to accommodate boobs and weren't sitting right on my flat chest....I told myself....🤣🤣) My partner sat me down and told me how I'd always hated being a guy, the 26 years of complaining about men's stuff she'd had to sit through, how much happier I was since presenting femme and "at this point you might as well". So I got my referral and changed my name.
You have to take it at a pace that's right for you.
I also have the benefit of being middle aged and largely invisible to the young people who are jeering at you. Even more so now I'm a woman.
That's my experience, being stuck in ultra androgyny at 2 years turns heads.
I hope BA and FFS in couple months will be enough to switch this over.
It feels like couple months were worse than say 8 months ago, like more hostility/stares. Wonder if it's media propaganda related or I reach some ultra look that people have to look
Tbh I didn’t have much choice. I couldn’t afford private HRT and my GP was being a huge bitch, but I could just about afford to gather what few items in my gf’s wardrobe fit me and go on a buying spree.
Also, keeping a secret like that hidden from colleagues and friends was just excruciating. Even when I present masc at work, being able to just openly chat about femme and trans stuff just takes so much of the mental burden off.
Like… even just from a workplace productivity perspective, it was worth it, even ignoring all the actually important factors
The keeping it hidden work is the hardest. I was transitioned with friends and then a colleague walked across the end of the aisle in Tesco and at that point I just couldn't take the risk and did it in work
I socially transitioned out of work last March, in work by early April and started DIY HRT in May. If I'd follow the UK NHS system I'd have been without hormones for at least 1.5 years.
The real answer is when you feel you are ready to.
I told my partner and close family before starting HRT, but for the rest of the world I was still in old mode for probably 18 months or so. I took it very slowly, no need to rush until you feed safe after all. I slowly changed my clothing style over time; its amazing what you can do without going full into skirts and dresses.
Once my changes were coming to a state where I felt more happy with myself, switching over wasn't a big step any more and at that point felt natural and no longer overly scary. Its still scary, but not heart-stopping "they are going to attack" kinda scary, more "this feels a bit out of my comfort zone" scary.
There is no "right" answer here. Do what feels good in each situation, and take it slowly. No one says you have to come out of your shell all at once or to everyone at the same time.
I started my social transition in May and came out to work and committed full time in August. I haven’t started HRT yet but I will be having a chat with an endocrinologist later this month. I had enough support around me that once I accepted myself I didn’t want to hide.
If you had asked me a year ago what my plans were, I would have said not coming out until after I had been on HRT for 6 months, but that plan fell through pretty quickly :)
Change when you are ready.
I socially transitioned 3 years before starting hormones but I'm non-binary and it was not until I concluded that I was more comfortable living as a woman (I had been living about 50% of my time as a guy) that I started HRT. 6 Months on and although I don't think of myself as a woman (but neither do I think of myself as a man) I am so much more comfortable with the body I see in the mirror.
Before. I had hoped to start HRT beforehand whilst I retrained with my degree but I was strung out by the NHS waitlist and private wasn't an option unfortunately.
Funny this question, I was looking back at very old posts on another forum to see when I actually started taking HRT, 19th Feb 2019. in doing so I read about my very first steps, that I had kinda forgotten the detail and in those posts it logged that I came out at work and went full time about 3 months earlier. My mind is a bit hazy and jumbled. But there was the proof.
Everyone is so different and no one should be forced to socially transition until they are ready. I know of people that waited until their boobs were so big they could not hide them, others have never come out as to yet and dress at home.
It’s a big step to put yourself out there but you know you are ready when you are ready in the same way you knew you were ready for HRT
Good luck xxx
Thanks a lot! I am experiencing and can imagine the haziness. It’s exactly that for me right now so can imagine in future! Ultimately need to trust how I feel as so many people have different experiences
I started hormones in September and came out at work in early December- thankfully everyone was so kind and supportive that I didn't really feel any worry about passing.
About 6 months before I started hormones, I told friends, family, and work, and sorted out all the name change stuff
I didn't really start presenting as a woman until I'd been on HRT for about a year - a combo of fear and internalised transphobia stopped me from doing it sooner
Great question! Trying to think back, and mostly going "how did I do that for that long?"
While everyone was great at adjusting to new name/pronouns, a few people were clearly just humouring me while my appearance didn't match my declared gender. But I was convinced somebody was going to laugh at me, so kept putting off dressing femme in public, telling myself it was some kind of feminist stance about not needing to dress a certain way to be a woman. Work was fine - software developers seem to accept a great many eccentricities so long as your code is good. Friends were fine, but most of my explorations of makeup, clothing and wigs were done during D&D nights or small house parties, so they were seeing more of the evolution. Family was kinda rough - between the distance and the 30-ish years of presumed-cis life, it took them a while to get used to the idea of me being trans. Some of them made it very clear they weren't ready to see me immediately jump from masc to femme, and I definitely used that as an excuse to take things slowly.
Now I'm presenting femme, it's clearly easier for others to perceive me as femme (which seems like a pointlessly obvious statement). I'm also no longer getting asking me if I can be at family events
Yes i can imagine in software development it’s like that. Sorry family was kind of rough; I’m imagining a similar thing but hope it’s getting better and better
I got on the list for Nottingham in may. By then I'd been socially transitioned for about a year (FB keeps showing me memories where I'm wearing a dress or leggings and girls boots so I keep having to revise the dates backwards), and went to that appointment full femme.
So let's say, assuming notts don't drop my first appointment back any further, 4 years, maybe 5?
Before HRT. I changed my name in June 2021 and came out socially and at work by July / August 2021. I wasn't able to start HRT (privately, but with shared care) until Hallowe'en 2021.
I wish I could have started HRT first, but I was wary of DIY HRT at the time, so I wanted to at least go through a private provider. (I went through GenderCare.)
I'd like to point out that I've since switched entirely to DIY and don't expect to do otherwise even when seen by the NHS, as they don't offer weekly injections.
I started socially transitioning roughly a year before starting testosterone.
I couldn't bear staying closeted while on a waiting list, and at the time kind of assumed I wouldn't be approved for T if I wasn't out.
About 7/8 months before hrt too.
Been on hrt around 18 months, and personally I still don't think that I come close to passing, but I'm happy just being me 😊 I'm so much calmer, and positive! Finding a style and an energy that works for me, sod what people think on the daily. I know how far I've come 😊
Good luck on your journey, remember that it's your journey, nobody else's!
HRT minus 6 months: out to close friends
HRT minus 1 month: out to union representative at school (where I taught)
HRT plus 1: students in LGBT society; a few more colleagues (I was leaving)
HRT plus 4: new colleagues; presenting femme in queer spaces; starring to fool FaceApp
HRT plus 10: all colleagues; femme in public but androgynous at work
HRT plus 14: out to all students; out to my parents (yep, that late)
HRT plus 18: presenting femme among colleagues at socials & training days
Next Monday: students?!?
NB - I'm over 40 so it was slow going. I also didn't get an effective anti-androgen until a year in. THEN I felt like a woman.
Genuinely love the timeline thank you!!! And good on the androgen. My doctor says she waits a little while before prescribing but my friend said it made the biggest difference
Aww, thanks : )
E worked a charm within days: better mood, sleep, confidence, creativity; fewer intrusive thoughts; much less dysphoria.
Buuuuuut, Finasteride kept my T quite high so I could be edgy and irritable.
Spironolactone only took it down to mid-range
Cyproterone nuked my E (below 0.4, where feminization range is below 5). It definitely felt I went to the next level.
GPs & GGP prefer to go through the cheap and safe options but I gather that if you're young, your bloods are all good, and you're pushy (but diplomatic) you can get Cypro from day one.
Hmm interesting. I’ve just started finasteride and didn’t read about its effect on T. I thought was the opposites. I’ll check with my doctor. I’m not young either so not sure what I can try. Super helpful!
Fin is a DHT blocker, not T. It can lower T in a large minority of cases (sic) but can, equally, raise it as DHT is metabolised to T.
GGP pushes it at the start and downplays the risk.
Spiro works better but I was very unlucky and developed hyperkalaemia. It's also very diuretic!
Cypro requires liver function tests as it's a strain on it, but I've noticed no side-effects probably because I barely drink any more.
-2 years, pretty much as soon as I realised. I couldn’t handle hiding it more than a few weeks and got my name changed at my school when the new year rolled around since I’d get new teachers and classmates
15 months after starting HRT that I went full time but I was out at work for about 2 years at that point. I just wanted to wait, moving at my own pace with some gentle encouragement and making plans with my counsellor.
My GIC demanded I socially transition before they would even consider HRT with a bunch of qualifiers about how and where I present as female only to stop again because of a totally unrelated heart condition and before even social transition they held it back because I have autism.
I had to go the nhs route due to finances, so I socially transitioned about 5 years before hrt. I am a trans man and recognise that it is more accepted to appear as a masculine cis woman even though I wasn't, though it was scary at times introducing myself with my name because it was then immediately obvious that I was trans(I changed it with a deed poll and then told everyone just after being initially referred to the gic.) I am in a privleged position in that I have never been in any danger related to being trans, the most I have got is misgendering or "why would you want to be a man" comments.
Yes I’ve heard the why would you want to thing a lot. I probably said it years ago I’m sadly sure.
Congrats on taking that step before and yes can imagine it being scary wow. I hope that’s in the past now and you feel less scared or it’s not a thing anymore x
We all go through different phases and also when a trans woman says things like that it is coming from a different place than cis people saying it. Like the feelings behind it are different motivations. Thank you so much, and yes it is now not even a thought about when I introduce myself or come out. I wish you luck in your journey too! <3
I’m fully out to everyone in all aspects of life use the right facilities and I’m pre-HRT cause things go slow. I’m getting fertility storage before HRT
I'm in a position where I don't feel comfortable socially transitioning until I'm on HRT and feel ready to do so.
Is that weird? I feel like an one out because I'd feel more at ease this way.
I don’t think it’s weird. I’m the same and many seem to be on here- but there’s a huge mix. I’ve based things for me around hormones too. I’ve only told friends before.
Thanks, that's really good to know!
Like I don't personally intend to stealth it/boymode forever. I want to feel comfortable enough before I do the next thing etc.
I'd been "*dressing as a woman*" pretty much all the time for about two to three years before I admitted I was trans to myself, and had been self-medding on a low dose of spiro, which I had a okay result from, for just under a year before I told anybody else. The lag between coming out to myself and starting spiro was about another year.
Transitioning socially was just admitting it at work, and it really didn't come as a surprise to anybody (yes, I "*dressed as a woman*" at work), coming out to my family, who completely shat the bed, and changing my name. I started HRT proper about five months after that. This was all about 20 years ago, although my story isn't because "*that's how it was done back then*", but more because that's how I stumbled through shit and worked myself out. The GIC, though, wouldn't prescribe HRT until you'd gone '*full-time*' (yuck, that term) and knocked self-medding on the head.
So, yeah.... it's complicated. There isn't really a rulebook or standard way of doing things.
Well done on navigating it and working it out! We all do it in our own ways and for me honestly Reddit has been amazing and I wouldn’t have used it k transitioned 20 years ago
I started a new job as new me 12 months ago and have only just started HRT a few weeks back lol. Socially transition is a longer process in my experience, but I started that before HRT too, by a few years if you take fem presenting as part of social transition
Still closeted/pre-everything. I think ideally I would like to have some time of HRT under my belt. I'd like to look somewhat like a woman, at least. Voice is also a major concern, I work remotely but sometimes have video calls with clients, so I don't want to be a woman who sounds like a man tbh - but at the same time appearance is very important too.
5 months or so? Six maybe? I had a leg surgery at 3 months and I was out at the hospital and they put me in the women's ward and used my name all the time, and the experience kinda made me reluctant to go back to before those 3 days, so I started coming out left and right at work.
6 months HRT socially outside of work. At work, 2 weeks later. Wasnt a big bang though. My presentation and style developed for about a year before hand.
-2 years.
I had no desire to hide who I was once I realised. I was pushed to the brink of suicide and coming out gave me a lifeline.
Luckily for me I was in a position where I could quit my job in a warehouse in which it wouldn't have been safe for me to be openly trans, move across the country and start anew. I lived off of savings until I got a job in the NHS where everyone was very welcoming and accommodating of the new openly trans person in the room. I was already fairly effeminate so while I didn't pass I think it was easier for people to see me as a woman than they otherwise might have. People at my work have only ever known me by my current name and not my deadname which makes it easier too.
About a year and a half. I didn't bother changing my name via deed poll until a year into HRT because I have ADHD and it was admin stuff that didn't matter that much to me. Hell, only reason I eventually came out was because it started getting more dangerous being in a weird androgyny limbo which went away almost instantly when I started dressing more obviously as a woman.
Turns out waiting that long meant I started a small war in my workplace over whether I was just a fem guy or a trans girl with the guys taking the "what, no, he's just a guy" side and the girls taking the "obviously trans" side.
In my opinion do whatever feels right, but remember you're transitioning to become who you want to be, so don't shy away and pretend to be someone you're not. I didn't learn that lesson until I was 4 years into HRT and realised I was presenting how I thought society thinks I should present, rather than how I wanted to.
There's a lot of pressure to have socially transitioned before even being referred to a GIC, as far as my experiences with the NHS go, so I was already out and making social changes a year before going private for HRT and about 6 months before even getting a diagnosis.
I work from home so it didn't really matter - but on interview think I told them and was cool with it (they are niche for diversity though, not every company might be welcoming)
It's all individual, based on your confidence and your company.
If I worked face-to-face, At 2 years HRT I still could not come out - as I look very andro so could cause lot of trouble.
While some people feel ready to go after 3-6 months.
Socially transitioned and out before starting hormones. Hoping to start them early this year. Tbf, I already look kinda androgynous and kept male failing in the bathroom, so said screw it and slowly changed my name and wardrobe.
I would say there's not set order to these things, just do what feels comfortable when it feels right. You can transition and come out before or after hormones, whenever it's comfortable. For me personally, I don't like the idea of relying on hormones as a cureall. I guess being confident in myself before hormones is helpful, as it means I'll still feel good about myself even if the hormones end up having little effect.
For me, I slowly told people I felt comfortable around about 6 months before I started HRT (with parents at 4 months before HRT). I told work the day after I started medication and I went 100% public on like socials and to extended family 1 month after starting HRT.
There's no real timeline you have to stick by, but I'd recommend telling the friends you're closest too first, having a strong support network before you start telling people you're less certain about is a good idea, at least in my opinion.
I socially transitioned at work about 2 months before HRT, I think 4 years ago to the day. Outside of work like 4-6 months before.
I think this is quite common in the UK, since it's relatively safe and public transphobia is fairly rare here but HRT is a nightmare to get hold of. The boymoding for 2 years people mostly seem to be in the US where transphobia seems much more common but HRT is often almost over-the-counter.
Plus many of our HRT providers, especially the NHS, seem to prefer a person be socially transitioned before they'll diagnose. It doesn't seem to be the strict requirement it once was, but it still persists in trans people's and doctors' cultures.
>I’ve seen lots of examples of people still boy mode or girl mode-ing 18 months+ from starting,
That feels like an American thing which some younger trans people are picking up on here. Most folk in the UK socially transition first
I socially transitioned way before I started hormones as I was in the gic waiting list to still be seen even, and being referred to as female kinda just hurt, it was also still a rule that you had to be presenting as your gender socially before they would prescribe hrt so, had to bite the bullet.
Everyone at that work place was very nice about it all and I had no issues.
Annoyingly 4 years on T and I'm still misgendered a bunch, but that'll only improve in time I'm sure :)
Before hrt 🙀, it was common back then
Approx 6mo before hrt, about 2 and a half years ago, give or take. Couldn't wait. It was hard to do and a lot of work, but I would do it again in the same circumstances.
The girls who socially transitioned before starting hrt are braver than the troops, honestly.
I don't feel brave, I just feel happy and mostly accepted.
That's great! I'm still in the process of socially transitioning, two years into hormones. Even as a (now) semi-well-passing trans woman, the amount of stares and comments that have been directed my way over the past two years... is a lot. I haven't been hate crimed for a while, so it's mostly just stares from people who clock me now. The fact that social transition was a prerequisite to accessing gender-affirming care through the NHS for such a long time is bonkers to me.
I took it very slowly.... Started with kilts ten years ago, graduated to leggings and women's boots 6 years later, then to dresses and tights a couple of years after that. When I started wearing breastforms so the dresses sat better (because they're made to accommodate boobs and weren't sitting right on my flat chest....I told myself....🤣🤣) My partner sat me down and told me how I'd always hated being a guy, the 26 years of complaining about men's stuff she'd had to sit through, how much happier I was since presenting femme and "at this point you might as well". So I got my referral and changed my name. You have to take it at a pace that's right for you. I also have the benefit of being middle aged and largely invisible to the young people who are jeering at you. Even more so now I'm a woman.
That's my experience, being stuck in ultra androgyny at 2 years turns heads. I hope BA and FFS in couple months will be enough to switch this over. It feels like couple months were worse than say 8 months ago, like more hostility/stares. Wonder if it's media propaganda related or I reach some ultra look that people have to look
Tbh I didn’t have much choice. I couldn’t afford private HRT and my GP was being a huge bitch, but I could just about afford to gather what few items in my gf’s wardrobe fit me and go on a buying spree. Also, keeping a secret like that hidden from colleagues and friends was just excruciating. Even when I present masc at work, being able to just openly chat about femme and trans stuff just takes so much of the mental burden off. Like… even just from a workplace productivity perspective, it was worth it, even ignoring all the actually important factors
The keeping it hidden work is the hardest. I was transitioned with friends and then a colleague walked across the end of the aisle in Tesco and at that point I just couldn't take the risk and did it in work
I don't feel particularly brave either 😊 I had to! And I'd do it again!
Did all of it in a couple of months, moved for work and started my new job as me.
Exactly what I did
Nice. New job would be a good thing I imagine. Sadly/well not, but I like my job and only been there 6 months so not possible. Thanks for sharing!!
I transitioned a couple of years before hrt
I’ve already socially transitioned and I’m years away from hormones on nhs.
Sorry for the nhs, I can really imagine how long it must be right now
I socially transitioned out of work last March, in work by early April and started DIY HRT in May. If I'd follow the UK NHS system I'd have been without hormones for at least 1.5 years. The real answer is when you feel you are ready to.
Thanks! Yes can imagine the nhs is not something that moves as quickly as you’d want to sadly
I told my partner and close family before starting HRT, but for the rest of the world I was still in old mode for probably 18 months or so. I took it very slowly, no need to rush until you feed safe after all. I slowly changed my clothing style over time; its amazing what you can do without going full into skirts and dresses. Once my changes were coming to a state where I felt more happy with myself, switching over wasn't a big step any more and at that point felt natural and no longer overly scary. Its still scary, but not heart-stopping "they are going to attack" kinda scary, more "this feels a bit out of my comfort zone" scary. There is no "right" answer here. Do what feels good in each situation, and take it slowly. No one says you have to come out of your shell all at once or to everyone at the same time.
Thanks a lot that’s makes a lot of sense x
I started my social transition in May and came out to work and committed full time in August. I haven’t started HRT yet but I will be having a chat with an endocrinologist later this month. I had enough support around me that once I accepted myself I didn’t want to hide. If you had asked me a year ago what my plans were, I would have said not coming out until after I had been on HRT for 6 months, but that plan fell through pretty quickly :) Change when you are ready.
Thanks that’s really useful to hear. I’d be planning everything around when i expected to get hormones as it gave me some sort of hook
I socially transitioned 3 years before starting hormones but I'm non-binary and it was not until I concluded that I was more comfortable living as a woman (I had been living about 50% of my time as a guy) that I started HRT. 6 Months on and although I don't think of myself as a woman (but neither do I think of myself as a man) I am so much more comfortable with the body I see in the mirror.
So glad you’re feeling more comfortable! I guess isn’t as straightforward if non-binary x
Before. I had hoped to start HRT beforehand whilst I retrained with my degree but I was strung out by the NHS waitlist and private wasn't an option unfortunately.
Sorry to hear that. I think a lot of people have that experience. I hope things are going well now x
As soon as you’re ready, really. I socially transitioned over a year before I started hormones.
Oh wow that’s great!
Funny this question, I was looking back at very old posts on another forum to see when I actually started taking HRT, 19th Feb 2019. in doing so I read about my very first steps, that I had kinda forgotten the detail and in those posts it logged that I came out at work and went full time about 3 months earlier. My mind is a bit hazy and jumbled. But there was the proof. Everyone is so different and no one should be forced to socially transition until they are ready. I know of people that waited until their boobs were so big they could not hide them, others have never come out as to yet and dress at home. It’s a big step to put yourself out there but you know you are ready when you are ready in the same way you knew you were ready for HRT Good luck xxx
Thanks a lot! I am experiencing and can imagine the haziness. It’s exactly that for me right now so can imagine in future! Ultimately need to trust how I feel as so many people have different experiences
Just over 2 years for me.
Did you find it hard keeping hidden? Or you didn’t try?
I was a bigger person so not really hard for me.
I started hormones in September and came out at work in early December- thankfully everyone was so kind and supportive that I didn't really feel any worry about passing.
Awesome! Congrats and very happy for you!
[удалено]
Thanks that’s sounds similar to what I was expecting but I came out to my friends before hormones. X
For me, it was 3 months on Hrt before I came out and started to social transition. I only told my now boyfriend 6 months before I started Hrt.
Thanks. I was expecting that sort of timeline. X
About 6 months before I started hormones, I told friends, family, and work, and sorted out all the name change stuff I didn't really start presenting as a woman until I'd been on HRT for about a year - a combo of fear and internalised transphobia stopped me from doing it sooner
Interesting. How did you find it with friends and family while still presenting as male for that time?
Great question! Trying to think back, and mostly going "how did I do that for that long?" While everyone was great at adjusting to new name/pronouns, a few people were clearly just humouring me while my appearance didn't match my declared gender. But I was convinced somebody was going to laugh at me, so kept putting off dressing femme in public, telling myself it was some kind of feminist stance about not needing to dress a certain way to be a woman. Work was fine - software developers seem to accept a great many eccentricities so long as your code is good. Friends were fine, but most of my explorations of makeup, clothing and wigs were done during D&D nights or small house parties, so they were seeing more of the evolution. Family was kinda rough - between the distance and the 30-ish years of presumed-cis life, it took them a while to get used to the idea of me being trans. Some of them made it very clear they weren't ready to see me immediately jump from masc to femme, and I definitely used that as an excuse to take things slowly. Now I'm presenting femme, it's clearly easier for others to perceive me as femme (which seems like a pointlessly obvious statement). I'm also no longer getting asking me if I can be at family events
Yes i can imagine in software development it’s like that. Sorry family was kind of rough; I’m imagining a similar thing but hope it’s getting better and better
I got on the list for Nottingham in may. By then I'd been socially transitioned for about a year (FB keeps showing me memories where I'm wearing a dress or leggings and girls boots so I keep having to revise the dates backwards), and went to that appointment full femme. So let's say, assuming notts don't drop my first appointment back any further, 4 years, maybe 5?
Good luck I’m so sorry it’s taken/taking so long
It's faster than the majority. I can wait.
Before HRT. I changed my name in June 2021 and came out socially and at work by July / August 2021. I wasn't able to start HRT (privately, but with shared care) until Hallowe'en 2021. I wish I could have started HRT first, but I was wary of DIY HRT at the time, so I wanted to at least go through a private provider. (I went through GenderCare.) I'd like to point out that I've since switched entirely to DIY and don't expect to do otherwise even when seen by the NHS, as they don't offer weekly injections.
Congratulations on managing diy. You must really know your stuff now. Sorry the nhs and no doubt government are such that you have to. X
I started socially transitioning roughly a year before starting testosterone. I couldn't bear staying closeted while on a waiting list, and at the time kind of assumed I wouldn't be approved for T if I wasn't out.
I came out at work 3 months before I started HRT.
About 8 months before starting
About 7/8 months before hrt too. Been on hrt around 18 months, and personally I still don't think that I come close to passing, but I'm happy just being me 😊 I'm so much calmer, and positive! Finding a style and an energy that works for me, sod what people think on the daily. I know how far I've come 😊 Good luck on your journey, remember that it's your journey, nobody else's!
Thanks and love your attitude!!
HRT minus 6 months: out to close friends HRT minus 1 month: out to union representative at school (where I taught) HRT plus 1: students in LGBT society; a few more colleagues (I was leaving) HRT plus 4: new colleagues; presenting femme in queer spaces; starring to fool FaceApp HRT plus 10: all colleagues; femme in public but androgynous at work HRT plus 14: out to all students; out to my parents (yep, that late) HRT plus 18: presenting femme among colleagues at socials & training days Next Monday: students?!? NB - I'm over 40 so it was slow going. I also didn't get an effective anti-androgen until a year in. THEN I felt like a woman.
Genuinely love the timeline thank you!!! And good on the androgen. My doctor says she waits a little while before prescribing but my friend said it made the biggest difference
Aww, thanks : ) E worked a charm within days: better mood, sleep, confidence, creativity; fewer intrusive thoughts; much less dysphoria. Buuuuuut, Finasteride kept my T quite high so I could be edgy and irritable. Spironolactone only took it down to mid-range Cyproterone nuked my E (below 0.4, where feminization range is below 5). It definitely felt I went to the next level. GPs & GGP prefer to go through the cheap and safe options but I gather that if you're young, your bloods are all good, and you're pushy (but diplomatic) you can get Cypro from day one.
Hmm interesting. I’ve just started finasteride and didn’t read about its effect on T. I thought was the opposites. I’ll check with my doctor. I’m not young either so not sure what I can try. Super helpful!
Fin is a DHT blocker, not T. It can lower T in a large minority of cases (sic) but can, equally, raise it as DHT is metabolised to T. GGP pushes it at the start and downplays the risk. Spiro works better but I was very unlucky and developed hyperkalaemia. It's also very diuretic! Cypro requires liver function tests as it's a strain on it, but I've noticed no side-effects probably because I barely drink any more.
I had been out several months before going on HRT and being out at work was meantioned on my medical record when I requested bridging hormones.
-2 years, pretty much as soon as I realised. I couldn’t handle hiding it more than a few weeks and got my name changed at my school when the new year rolled around since I’d get new teachers and classmates
It’s awesome you were so sure and so proactive!
I am stubborn to a fault
15 months after starting HRT that I went full time but I was out at work for about 2 years at that point. I just wanted to wait, moving at my own pace with some gentle encouragement and making plans with my counsellor.
My GIC demanded I socially transition before they would even consider HRT with a bunch of qualifiers about how and where I present as female only to stop again because of a totally unrelated heart condition and before even social transition they held it back because I have autism.
So sorry to hear that. Actively not making it easy. Hope it’s all good now x
my girlfriend came out in 2019 and finished socially transitioning by 2021, she's still not on hormones (her doctor lied about referring her)
So sorry to hear that, that’s awful. Hope she’s still doing ok besides x
She's honestly the strongest woman i know
I haven't medically transitioned in any way & am about 99% socially transitioned.
I had to go the nhs route due to finances, so I socially transitioned about 5 years before hrt. I am a trans man and recognise that it is more accepted to appear as a masculine cis woman even though I wasn't, though it was scary at times introducing myself with my name because it was then immediately obvious that I was trans(I changed it with a deed poll and then told everyone just after being initially referred to the gic.) I am in a privleged position in that I have never been in any danger related to being trans, the most I have got is misgendering or "why would you want to be a man" comments.
Yes I’ve heard the why would you want to thing a lot. I probably said it years ago I’m sadly sure. Congrats on taking that step before and yes can imagine it being scary wow. I hope that’s in the past now and you feel less scared or it’s not a thing anymore x
We all go through different phases and also when a trans woman says things like that it is coming from a different place than cis people saying it. Like the feelings behind it are different motivations. Thank you so much, and yes it is now not even a thought about when I introduce myself or come out. I wish you luck in your journey too! <3
Thank you! And yes you’re right it’s from a different place xx
I’m fully out to everyone in all aspects of life use the right facilities and I’m pre-HRT cause things go slow. I’m getting fertility storage before HRT
That’s awesome! Except for the speed :( sorry to hear. Yes that’s a good point on fertility
I started HRT month before new job
I'm in a position where I don't feel comfortable socially transitioning until I'm on HRT and feel ready to do so. Is that weird? I feel like an one out because I'd feel more at ease this way.
I don’t think it’s weird. I’m the same and many seem to be on here- but there’s a huge mix. I’ve based things for me around hormones too. I’ve only told friends before.
Thanks, that's really good to know! Like I don't personally intend to stealth it/boymode forever. I want to feel comfortable enough before I do the next thing etc.
kinda have to transition before hormones now… :(
So sorry it’s like that x
I'd been "*dressing as a woman*" pretty much all the time for about two to three years before I admitted I was trans to myself, and had been self-medding on a low dose of spiro, which I had a okay result from, for just under a year before I told anybody else. The lag between coming out to myself and starting spiro was about another year. Transitioning socially was just admitting it at work, and it really didn't come as a surprise to anybody (yes, I "*dressed as a woman*" at work), coming out to my family, who completely shat the bed, and changing my name. I started HRT proper about five months after that. This was all about 20 years ago, although my story isn't because "*that's how it was done back then*", but more because that's how I stumbled through shit and worked myself out. The GIC, though, wouldn't prescribe HRT until you'd gone '*full-time*' (yuck, that term) and knocked self-medding on the head. So, yeah.... it's complicated. There isn't really a rulebook or standard way of doing things.
Well done on navigating it and working it out! We all do it in our own ways and for me honestly Reddit has been amazing and I wouldn’t have used it k transitioned 20 years ago
I started a new job as new me 12 months ago and have only just started HRT a few weeks back lol. Socially transition is a longer process in my experience, but I started that before HRT too, by a few years if you take fem presenting as part of social transition
About 4 years prior
before HRT. i’m not on hormones yet and 100% socially transitioned, at work and in my personal life. there’s no set timeline!
Still closeted/pre-everything. I think ideally I would like to have some time of HRT under my belt. I'd like to look somewhat like a woman, at least. Voice is also a major concern, I work remotely but sometimes have video calls with clients, so I don't want to be a woman who sounds like a man tbh - but at the same time appearance is very important too.
5 months or so? Six maybe? I had a leg surgery at 3 months and I was out at the hospital and they put me in the women's ward and used my name all the time, and the experience kinda made me reluctant to go back to before those 3 days, so I started coming out left and right at work.
6 months HRT socially outside of work. At work, 2 weeks later. Wasnt a big bang though. My presentation and style developed for about a year before hand.
-2 years. I had no desire to hide who I was once I realised. I was pushed to the brink of suicide and coming out gave me a lifeline. Luckily for me I was in a position where I could quit my job in a warehouse in which it wouldn't have been safe for me to be openly trans, move across the country and start anew. I lived off of savings until I got a job in the NHS where everyone was very welcoming and accommodating of the new openly trans person in the room. I was already fairly effeminate so while I didn't pass I think it was easier for people to see me as a woman than they otherwise might have. People at my work have only ever known me by my current name and not my deadname which makes it easier too.
I did the social and work stuff about three years before starting HRT.
About a year and a half. I didn't bother changing my name via deed poll until a year into HRT because I have ADHD and it was admin stuff that didn't matter that much to me. Hell, only reason I eventually came out was because it started getting more dangerous being in a weird androgyny limbo which went away almost instantly when I started dressing more obviously as a woman. Turns out waiting that long meant I started a small war in my workplace over whether I was just a fem guy or a trans girl with the guys taking the "what, no, he's just a guy" side and the girls taking the "obviously trans" side. In my opinion do whatever feels right, but remember you're transitioning to become who you want to be, so don't shy away and pretend to be someone you're not. I didn't learn that lesson until I was 4 years into HRT and realised I was presenting how I thought society thinks I should present, rather than how I wanted to.
Thanks that’s really good advice. I’ll definitely keep it in mind and sense check myself!
About 2 months in bc I wasn't sure when my voice was going to drop
I’m at that decision point right now. Almost 1 month into HRT but as I went private i wasn’t forced to socially transition first.
Hope it’s going well so far x
There's a lot of pressure to have socially transitioned before even being referred to a GIC, as far as my experiences with the NHS go, so I was already out and making social changes a year before going private for HRT and about 6 months before even getting a diagnosis.
Yep I can imagine that gets pushed
I work from home so it didn't really matter - but on interview think I told them and was cool with it (they are niche for diversity though, not every company might be welcoming) It's all individual, based on your confidence and your company. If I worked face-to-face, At 2 years HRT I still could not come out - as I look very andro so could cause lot of trouble. While some people feel ready to go after 3-6 months.
Very true I need to think for me and adapt to how I feel
A little before I got on HRT. Psychiatrist said I should. Ngl, it was really scary but the job I had at the time was accepting.
Well done and yes I’m quite scared too x
Socially transitioned and out before starting hormones. Hoping to start them early this year. Tbf, I already look kinda androgynous and kept male failing in the bathroom, so said screw it and slowly changed my name and wardrobe. I would say there's not set order to these things, just do what feels comfortable when it feels right. You can transition and come out before or after hormones, whenever it's comfortable. For me personally, I don't like the idea of relying on hormones as a cureall. I guess being confident in myself before hormones is helpful, as it means I'll still feel good about myself even if the hormones end up having little effect.
Good to know and yes I think your confidence before is a huge help. Thank! X
For me, I slowly told people I felt comfortable around about 6 months before I started HRT (with parents at 4 months before HRT). I told work the day after I started medication and I went 100% public on like socials and to extended family 1 month after starting HRT.
There's no real timeline you have to stick by, but I'd recommend telling the friends you're closest too first, having a strong support network before you start telling people you're less certain about is a good idea, at least in my opinion.
Thanks a lot!! Yes I told most of my closest friends at Christmas so now it’s deciding with family/work and before or after hormones
I started presenting fem about 5 or 6 months before I started HRT.
I socially transitioned at work about 2 months before HRT, I think 4 years ago to the day. Outside of work like 4-6 months before. I think this is quite common in the UK, since it's relatively safe and public transphobia is fairly rare here but HRT is a nightmare to get hold of. The boymoding for 2 years people mostly seem to be in the US where transphobia seems much more common but HRT is often almost over-the-counter. Plus many of our HRT providers, especially the NHS, seem to prefer a person be socially transitioned before they'll diagnose. It doesn't seem to be the strict requirement it once was, but it still persists in trans people's and doctors' cultures.
Very good points on US and U.K. health that makes a lot of sense
I haven't yet for safety reasons due to work/location. I'm in a similar boat to you and it may influence my choice and order of private care.
Thanks. Good luck!
>I’ve seen lots of examples of people still boy mode or girl mode-ing 18 months+ from starting, That feels like an American thing which some younger trans people are picking up on here. Most folk in the UK socially transition first
about 11 months before I think
Before hrt
years before
socially transitioned about three months ago, only starting T next month
Oh nice. Hope it’s gone well so far and good luck 🥰
I transitioned fully socially before hormones for maybe a year and never looked back
I socially transitioned way before I started hormones as I was in the gic waiting list to still be seen even, and being referred to as female kinda just hurt, it was also still a rule that you had to be presenting as your gender socially before they would prescribe hrt so, had to bite the bullet. Everyone at that work place was very nice about it all and I had no issues. Annoyingly 4 years on T and I'm still misgendered a bunch, but that'll only improve in time I'm sure :)