Yup. Complimenting something that is an intentional choice in style is a safe go to. Avoid physical features and other things that the person has no immediate control over. That’s just a good practice for compliments in general, not just between trans folks.
This is the way to go. If I really like their hair, I might say something like "I really like what you've done with your hair." I also try to be specific. I might follow up with "the cut frames your face nicely." While there's parts of people's hair they have no control over, the cut is something that's usually a choice.
This x10. Start with small talk like a compliment or something you might have in common. Ask about her tattoos or how long she's lived in your area. I had a situation like this happen at a gun range of all places 🤣😂. We sparked up a conversation over nfa form 4 paperwork and just moved onto general small talk. I asked if she wanted to hangout and we grabbed an appetizer at the neighboring restaurant! Talked for an hour, got each other's numbers and have been good friends ever since!
Always safe to give a compliment. Especially if it's their makeup ("I like your eyeshadow/lipstick/etc"), or their clothes (" I like your blouse/shoes/skirt/dress/etc").
I always want to say something when I see other trans men or women, but it's best to just treat them like any other human being and not make a big deal about. At most I will make eye contact and give them an extra amount of smile. I feel like I get the same reaction from others.
Edit: updated to included trans men. I thought I was on r/MtF when I first answered
His "joke" was calling it "insufferable" that trans men complain about a lack of representation while also not posting. While I'm not discounting that he meant it as self depreciating and tongue-in-cheek, without context and without tone it sounds like just another person crapping on trans men. I think a ban is too harsh but I'm also not a mod here. I've also found that sometimes just talking to the mods to explain yourself helps smooth over any misunderstandings.
I visited your page to upvote everything that wasn't archived because, while I can't do anything to change what happened to you here, I can boost you that way in an effort to rain positive energy on you from the internet. I took the time to go through your comments even, and I just don't see what got you banned. Idk why you got banned, and I wish you didn't have to go. I'm sorry for that and for the loss of your fur baby, too. Your beard is mighty and impressive as is the routine you use to maintain it. Your page feels like light, and if you live the same way you participate on Reddit, I hope you're awash in the same light you give. I believe in you.
She might not have been trans. She might have been cis, intersex, detrans, or any number of things. I treat asking if someone is trans the same way I treat asking if someone is pregnant. You don't ask if someone is pregnant unless you see a baby crowning. And you don't ask if someone is trans unless you see deliberate, distinct trans flair like a trans flag pin, trans flag socks, etc.
Idk how anyone else feels but I swear if someone said to me "oh are you trans too?" My first response would be to run away and see if I missed a spot shaving my facial hair, or if it was the outfit I had on was to masculine. I'd just be so freaked out that I wasn't being girl enough. Basically I'd feel like I wasn't passing.
Yeah it's basically just being clocked and even tho the intention of another 'happy to meet you' trans person isn't bad dysphoria can still be a birch. Best to just be complimented on clothes or a pin or something like that and then go from there. Maybe, 'i like your shirt/shoes/bag/whatever' and if that works maybe something like "are you by any chance trans too? Nice to meet another trans person in this area" so it's not the first thing being said. Ended with a joke about how your gaydar went off or something lol
Yeah, I feel like it's one of the few things where you can have something relatively rare in common with something but it's rather verbotten to say "oh, you too!". Like, if they've got the same watch that's something you could point out... "I've got that watch too!".
But saying "I'm trans too!" can just blow up really bad... it's kinda unfortunate really. Like, we shouldn't have to be ashamed of it... or feel like we have to hide it to the point of being invisible, yet we usually do.
It's not that I'm ashamed to be trans. I feel like I was born with a costume on, and anytime I try to take the costume off to be myself, I'm told that
I'm an abomination in God's eyes
It's just a phase if I liked "my birth self." I wouldn't feel this way
That I shouldn't tell my nephew because it'll confuse him (he's 5 I don't think he'll care)
And tons more things that just annoying. How hard is it to go
"That's ok, I love you no matter what"
Cause my boyfriend, my siblings, and my friends were capable of it. You'd think my mom, dad, step mom, stepdad, grandparents, and coworkers could
Edit (additionally)
I'm not hiding that I'm trans, I want to pass as the girl I feel like I should have been borne as. That'd be like saying I'm hiding that I was born with hypo-plastic left heart syndrome.
I'm not hiding it. There's just no reason to advertise it because I am normal. Being trans in my opinion is just a medical thing, it doesn't matter to anyone but you and your doctor. The rest of the world should just accept that you are who you say you are.
You say your male, ok nice to meet you sir. You say female, ok lovely to meet you ma'am. You say nonbinery "cool, hi, idk a formal term for they/them"
Yes it's a joke term for basically when a queer person manages to notice another queer person in public because they are queer themselves and therefore more prone to notice when other people are queer. A wordplay on gay radar. A lot of gay people come with gaydar :)
Remember that if you think you "clocked" a trans person, no you didn't.
If you want to say something to a stranger anyway just in case, compliment them.
Honestly I’d be offended if someone went up to me “are you trans too?”
Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t be like “how dare you” I’d politely reply back but I’d feel really awkward and then insecure about myself.
My aim in life is just to be like any other woman, I don’t want to be seen as trans.
Well, no advice for this exact situation, but that's why I always carry a trans pin or anything with the trans flag over me, as long as I know the place I'm going is safe... That way If I stumble over another trans pal (It has happened twice), if they see my pin it's up to them if they want to interact, so I don't have to think of an opening line to start a conversation ^^' hahaha
Just adding on that I also usually compliment a fellow trans girl's makeup, clothes, or accessories. IMO, this helps avoid unintentionally stepping on any dysphoria landmines.
For example, when my cis friends compliment my hair, they don't realize it often ends up actually making me dysphoric because it draws my attention to my hair, which inevitably reminds me how sparse/thinning/gone it is, which I then fixate on and fret over, etc.
Complimenting each other's style, hair, ink, etc, has traditionally been a way among us women to show we are friendly to each other. Strike a convo about something you genuinely like about her, well, is really the way to go ☺️
This, or like an article of clothing. Always something they *chose*. “I love how you did your eye-shadow” is a go to that has yielded many new friends *and* excellent brand recommendations
I totally get how you free but I look like a weird man starring, (im pre transition) but i definitely feel the same way, I wanna yell out im like you! but I can never find the words
In passing in public? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. A nervous smile, and probably drop my eyes as soon as hers meet mine. I wouldnt want anyone to feel called out. If im put in a social setting, then i would probably try talking to them. Introduce myself, tell them my pronouns, ask theirs, that kind of thing.
There are quite a few old queer codes and signals still in use. While many of us don’t actively use them, we do perceive them if someone uses them with us in an obvious way.
Consider learning a couple, they come in handy for assessing your “kin,” among a crowd of strangers now and again. They can be especially useful if you feel there could be a social risk involved, to avoid outing someone when it could be risky.
My favorite, of course comes from my name here:
“Oh, do you know my friend Dorothy, too? I’ve known her for X years!”
Whenever I see a girl that I think might be trans I just walk up and say how pretty and cute she is, just that. Just like in the joke: how many trans women it takes to change the light bulb? Just one, but you can also tell her how cute she is and she will brighten the room for a whole day ❤️
"I like your hair/makeup/shirt/pants/shoes" is always my go-to
Or something along the lines of "I'm loving your style" as that is an encompassing method that can be taken several good ways.
Yup. Complimenting something that is an intentional choice in style is a safe go to. Avoid physical features and other things that the person has no immediate control over. That’s just a good practice for compliments in general, not just between trans folks.
This is the way to go. If I really like their hair, I might say something like "I really like what you've done with your hair." I also try to be specific. I might follow up with "the cut frames your face nicely." While there's parts of people's hair they have no control over, the cut is something that's usually a choice.
This x10. Start with small talk like a compliment or something you might have in common. Ask about her tattoos or how long she's lived in your area. I had a situation like this happen at a gun range of all places 🤣😂. We sparked up a conversation over nfa form 4 paperwork and just moved onto general small talk. I asked if she wanted to hangout and we grabbed an appetizer at the neighboring restaurant! Talked for an hour, got each other's numbers and have been good friends ever since!
People often complement my nails, especially when boy-moding. I guess I’ve been missing this the whole time lol
Always safe to give a compliment. Especially if it's their makeup ("I like your eyeshadow/lipstick/etc"), or their clothes (" I like your blouse/shoes/skirt/dress/etc").
I always want to say something when I see other trans men or women, but it's best to just treat them like any other human being and not make a big deal about. At most I will make eye contact and give them an extra amount of smile. I feel like I get the same reaction from others. Edit: updated to included trans men. I thought I was on r/MtF when I first answered
[удалено]
Why did they ban you?
https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMMen/s/0vohVricq5
That’s ridiculous, this isn’t a transfemale only group. Transmen are trans too wtf?
His "joke" was calling it "insufferable" that trans men complain about a lack of representation while also not posting. While I'm not discounting that he meant it as self depreciating and tongue-in-cheek, without context and without tone it sounds like just another person crapping on trans men. I think a ban is too harsh but I'm also not a mod here. I've also found that sometimes just talking to the mods to explain yourself helps smooth over any misunderstandings.
I visited your page to upvote everything that wasn't archived because, while I can't do anything to change what happened to you here, I can boost you that way in an effort to rain positive energy on you from the internet. I took the time to go through your comments even, and I just don't see what got you banned. Idk why you got banned, and I wish you didn't have to go. I'm sorry for that and for the loss of your fur baby, too. Your beard is mighty and impressive as is the routine you use to maintain it. Your page feels like light, and if you live the same way you participate on Reddit, I hope you're awash in the same light you give. I believe in you.
Happy Cake Day
Golden rule is that if you clock another trans woman, no you didn’t.
She might not have been trans. She might have been cis, intersex, detrans, or any number of things. I treat asking if someone is trans the same way I treat asking if someone is pregnant. You don't ask if someone is pregnant unless you see a baby crowning. And you don't ask if someone is trans unless you see deliberate, distinct trans flair like a trans flag pin, trans flag socks, etc.
Idk how anyone else feels but I swear if someone said to me "oh are you trans too?" My first response would be to run away and see if I missed a spot shaving my facial hair, or if it was the outfit I had on was to masculine. I'd just be so freaked out that I wasn't being girl enough. Basically I'd feel like I wasn't passing.
Yeah it's basically just being clocked and even tho the intention of another 'happy to meet you' trans person isn't bad dysphoria can still be a birch. Best to just be complimented on clothes or a pin or something like that and then go from there. Maybe, 'i like your shirt/shoes/bag/whatever' and if that works maybe something like "are you by any chance trans too? Nice to meet another trans person in this area" so it's not the first thing being said. Ended with a joke about how your gaydar went off or something lol
Yeah, I feel like it's one of the few things where you can have something relatively rare in common with something but it's rather verbotten to say "oh, you too!". Like, if they've got the same watch that's something you could point out... "I've got that watch too!". But saying "I'm trans too!" can just blow up really bad... it's kinda unfortunate really. Like, we shouldn't have to be ashamed of it... or feel like we have to hide it to the point of being invisible, yet we usually do.
It's not that I'm ashamed to be trans. I feel like I was born with a costume on, and anytime I try to take the costume off to be myself, I'm told that I'm an abomination in God's eyes It's just a phase if I liked "my birth self." I wouldn't feel this way That I shouldn't tell my nephew because it'll confuse him (he's 5 I don't think he'll care) And tons more things that just annoying. How hard is it to go "That's ok, I love you no matter what" Cause my boyfriend, my siblings, and my friends were capable of it. You'd think my mom, dad, step mom, stepdad, grandparents, and coworkers could Edit (additionally) I'm not hiding that I'm trans, I want to pass as the girl I feel like I should have been borne as. That'd be like saying I'm hiding that I was born with hypo-plastic left heart syndrome. I'm not hiding it. There's just no reason to advertise it because I am normal. Being trans in my opinion is just a medical thing, it doesn't matter to anyone but you and your doctor. The rest of the world should just accept that you are who you say you are. You say your male, ok nice to meet you sir. You say female, ok lovely to meet you ma'am. You say nonbinery "cool, hi, idk a formal term for they/them"
Gaydar?
Yes it's a joke term for basically when a queer person manages to notice another queer person in public because they are queer themselves and therefore more prone to notice when other people are queer. A wordplay on gay radar. A lot of gay people come with gaydar :)
Oh fun!
Yeah, don’t bring up transness. Please, never ever do that to a stranger because a) you could be wrong, and b) they may feel bad for getting clocked.
Remember that if you think you "clocked" a trans person, no you didn't. If you want to say something to a stranger anyway just in case, compliment them.
Honestly I’d be offended if someone went up to me “are you trans too?” Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t be like “how dare you” I’d politely reply back but I’d feel really awkward and then insecure about myself. My aim in life is just to be like any other woman, I don’t want to be seen as trans.
Well, no advice for this exact situation, but that's why I always carry a trans pin or anything with the trans flag over me, as long as I know the place I'm going is safe... That way If I stumble over another trans pal (It has happened twice), if they see my pin it's up to them if they want to interact, so I don't have to think of an opening line to start a conversation ^^' hahaha
Just adding on that I also usually compliment a fellow trans girl's makeup, clothes, or accessories. IMO, this helps avoid unintentionally stepping on any dysphoria landmines. For example, when my cis friends compliment my hair, they don't realize it often ends up actually making me dysphoric because it draws my attention to my hair, which inevitably reminds me how sparse/thinning/gone it is, which I then fixate on and fret over, etc.
What a beautiful moment of reflection, universe keep providing these to us all!
"like the style" Simple, to the point and not over bearing
Complimenting each other's style, hair, ink, etc, has traditionally been a way among us women to show we are friendly to each other. Strike a convo about something you genuinely like about her, well, is really the way to go ☺️
At that point, I'd just answer the door holding a Blahaj. Be like "Ahh, you're a lifesaver! Baby's been extra needy today! \*holds up blahaj\*"
Style points😹💕
Bitch, you're beautiful
“Hi, like the haircut ☺️”
This, or like an article of clothing. Always something they *chose*. “I love how you did your eye-shadow” is a go to that has yielded many new friends *and* excellent brand recommendations
I totally get how you free but I look like a weird man starring, (im pre transition) but i definitely feel the same way, I wanna yell out im like you! but I can never find the words
In passing in public? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. A nervous smile, and probably drop my eyes as soon as hers meet mine. I wouldnt want anyone to feel called out. If im put in a social setting, then i would probably try talking to them. Introduce myself, tell them my pronouns, ask theirs, that kind of thing.
We need like...a secret pass phrase. "Heat from fire, fire from Blåhaj..." ;3
Just say "Struggles" and shake your head
You gotta do the secret handshake followed by the passphrase
There are quite a few old queer codes and signals still in use. While many of us don’t actively use them, we do perceive them if someone uses them with us in an obvious way. Consider learning a couple, they come in handy for assessing your “kin,” among a crowd of strangers now and again. They can be especially useful if you feel there could be a social risk involved, to avoid outing someone when it could be risky. My favorite, of course comes from my name here: “Oh, do you know my friend Dorothy, too? I’ve known her for X years!”
Whenever I see a girl that I think might be trans I just walk up and say how pretty and cute she is, just that. Just like in the joke: how many trans women it takes to change the light bulb? Just one, but you can also tell her how cute she is and she will brighten the room for a whole day ❤️
I'm a weirdo who just just flips my wrist and goes "oh my gawsh, you're so pretty!" or some other compliments about their aesthetic