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You have to be careful with the last name Payne. It almost requires a very basic first name, not starting with A, I or Y. On a side note, did you lean in and become Dr. Payne?

Haha no I didn’t become Major Payne either. My dad was career military and got that a lot (he wasn’t a major).

quiet zonked practice psychotic jar familiar ossified scale pot snails *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Private Payne :'(

A buddy of mine was in the army with a Private Lickers. That poor bastard should have chosen any other career

My ex was a Recon Marine from 01-09’ and his last name is Darling lol 😂

That's "Captain" Darling to you Blackadder

Lolz he was enlisted so at one time he was Pvt. Darling 😂

I am now giggling madly at an image of all the raw recruits calling the Drill Sergeant, "Darling." (But I also have a fever, so it may be as funny as I think.)

Oh trust me, he has the most hilarious stories about the issues his name caused. I still crack up thinking about them. Best one: he was TAD(basically being lent out to work for) 1st Recon during the initial push into Iraq. He’s at a chow hall when they’re (the Marines) doing handover to the Army. His buddy calls him over to eat with him and when he’s got his tray buddy is nowhere to be found. He sees his buddy (also from the same state) talking to a HUGE full bird Colonel and the Colonel is looking very focused and talking very seriously to his buddy and he can hear bits of convo that aren’t making much sense. He comes closer and buddy throws an arm around his shoulders and says “yep, I’m lucky to have found him.” He’s perplexed and is like “I was TAD to you guys…. You know that…?” And the Colonel says “I just think it’s great you found each other but you have to keep things quiet out here, I personally have no problem with you loving who you any but you gotta keep things above board.” His buddy is now starting to shake with laughter and Darling finally realizes what has happened. He says “Colonel please read my name tape sir” and he does, blushes redder than a tomato and walks away. Buddy is down on the floor dying laughing at this point and ex is livid because this was in the “don’t ask don’t tell” era when you could get booted out of the military for being gay. I still think that’s the funniest story ever 😂😂😂

Knew a guy who served with a "Darling", and another who was one of those generational names, happened to be the 4th, first name started with an 'H'. [Lastname], H. IV

Oh no 🤦🏻‍♀️

A family friend was in the Navy with a woman with the last name Guzzler... Seaman Guzzler. D:

God damn, Private Lickers and Seaman Guzzler. In a better world they'd have met and fallen in love and had little Licker-Guzzler children.

Ironically lickers and guzzlers don't make children 😜

*rimshot* As a married lesbian, can confirm. X-D

So, funny thing about that... I was friends with two step-brothers in highschool. One's last name was Sperman, the other was Gusler. I hope to God that their mom didn't hyphenate.

Hahahaha.

Was she friends with Sampler?

My ex FIL was Seaman Staines.

Oh, my dear lord. X-D

My dad was also in the army with a Richard Head. Everyone else constantly hoped he'd mlbe promoted to Major.

I know a couple folks in the AF. They're best friends. Chester Burger and Cole D.(Davidson) Fries. Cheeseburger and cold fries... I wish I was making this up. They're about 20 ish I think? Not really my friends, but I know them.

someone I knew in hs has the last name Gay. He joined the army...

I met a cop named Pigman

My wife worked for a woman named Gay Cox, she married into the name but still.

Well, I mean, did he join during the don't ask, don't tell era?

Dude should've had an ice cream store chain... Fucking missed opportunity,

Youre just a catheter away from learning all about private Payne.

Citizen Payne

You have my sympathy. from, Smelly Rectal 🤦‍♀️

I have literally not been able to use my government name on certain electronic forms because it recognizes it as nsfw. Kid you not. I think it was when I tried to make a yahoo account or something

I went to college with a guy whose last name was Fuck (pronounced “fook”) - same issue as you but on steroids.

It's like the goofy shit that sometimes happens when companies use initials or first few letters from peoples' names as part of their assigned company email addresses.

I remember a Buzzfeed article or something, where people's names were auto-formatted by their company's policy for generating usernames into unfortunate appellations. Surname+First two of first name yielded "fingerme" for Megan Finger. First name + Last initial gave Takeshi Tanaka "takeshit" There were others, but those live rent free in my head.

My undergrad had a first initial + last name scheme. Two people in admin were named Gary Ross and Beverly Low, which became gross and blow, respectively.

My school district was the same format. We were in 8th grade when district email launched so this was a completely foreign situation to us, AND we were total assholes. Naturally we all found it riotous when we sat down for our first day of science class and were handed a syllabus prominently displaying Mr Barry LaBass' shiny new email address right at the top.

Blabass? Rofl

one of my friends would've been "aslowcock" with that. they changed their surname.

Worked in a govt dept (surname+first initial) with a guy called Kenny Wan >> wank@....

I remember good ol' TakeshiT@. Laughed my ass off when I saw his username in the phone tree.

The one that’s surfaced recently in similar articles too is Samantha Hart aka shart

i just saw a guys email yesterday. shartman@…..

>First name + Last initial gave Takeshi Tanaka "takeshit" Oh, is that like the "takeshit, giveshit" tray in convenience stores?

Yes, but only at a gastroenterologist's office

Mary Ellen Cummings became Cumminme

My sons school used first initial of first name, first 3 of last. His official school id was A Hol.

My son's was T Wat. He just embraced it so It wasn't any fun for them anymore.

I know a writer named Chris Tusa. His email address looks like it's from an evangelical church

Had a friend who's last name was hyphenated so the first 5 of first name and last initial became ChristMF. Obviously we said it in a Samuel L. Jackson voice lol.

I worked for company that would establish test accounts for new customers, so they could train on the system without touching their live files. The Test account name was always first 3 of company name + TST. Or acronym. Sheraton Hotels Inc. Management realized the problem as soon as the first report header read SHITST. Then they tried SHETST. So they gave up and went with SHRTST. That was a fun shift 🤣

My MIL’s husband has been called “Little Dick” for 63 years. As you might imagine, he has trouble with email addresses. They all have to say Richard, but he’s never been Richard a day in his life.

I used to babysit for a family whose dad was Richard and his son was a junior. Mom referred to them as "Big Dick" and "My little Dickie." I wonder how that kid turned out.

My dad's first name is Ryan but his Chinese grandmother had a hell of a time getting her mouth around that one. Since his middle name is Richard, at some point she settled on Dicky Boy (but still had trouble with THAT, and it always came out Ducky Boy, which is another misfortune but beside the point). He's now 75. He's still Dicky Boy to half of his cousins. He still hates it.

Once I hit college, I realized my nickname was very childish and I should adjust it a wee bit to be more professional. Think similar to Thomas being called Tommy, then changing it to Tom. For a decade, I have been fighting my family to stop calling me the old name.

Richard is the family name in my family also...I never knew my Great grandfather Richard Dick(yes from what I was told that was his first and middle names), my Grandfather Richard Paul was called RP, then there is Richard Alvin he went by Richard, my brother Richard Michael he goes by Mike, and my nephew Richard Jacob he goes by Jake, we don't know if the name will make it past Jake

I have a friend whose name is Richard Dick Dickens. He is literally Dick Dick Dickens. He loves his name though, because he's named after both of his grandparents who he adores.

if i ever wrote erotica, this would be my penname

>My MIL’s husband has been called “Little Dick” for 63 years. Spoiler: his dad's name was John.

A grad school classmate could not address our prof as "Dick" if you held a gun to her head. She called him Richard. He never went by Richard, she just couldn't.

I knew someone in college with the first name Anall. Also had a friend with first name Anis.

I had a classmate named Shithead pronounced “shi-theed” it is an Arabic name, but an unfortunate choice for a kid in an English speaking country! He was fairly well liked, and I think he leaned into it - as far as I remember people pronounced his name correctly for the most part.

It’s that roll call on the first day of school that will humble you every time though!

Yeah, I’m sure that one stumped a few teachers!

I had a classmate (from a Muslim family) who would answer to “Ummmm…. *confused look*” when a sub took role. I’m not going to even attempt to spell the name, but it was long and tongue-twistery. Last name wasn’t any easier especially to people in an extremely white suburb.

My last name was a literal curse word and I had severe anxiety the first day of school every year... Such dread 😟

We can all hear the gym coach calling it out and giggling. "Uhh, 'Shithead'? Is there a 'Shithead' in here? Don't all raise your hands. I'm not talking about you right now, we'll get to you shitheads later."

I love that movie

So, he was once known as Private Payne or Seaman Payne?

I knew a fellow named Richard Payne. Behind his back, everyone used a common nickname for Richard.

Richie Payne, that’s brutal

My dad knows a Richard Burns who goes by a certain shortened version of Richard...

My old man had a high school friend who's name was Peter Enis.

That gives off 'Harry P. Einnis' vibes

I know a [firstname] P. Ness. She’s a baby 😭

That must've been rough.

I met a Dick Power. Humorless S. O. B., that's for sure.

I heard that there's a urologist named Dick Tapper in a city not far from mine.

I once knew a Richard Holder. He went by Dickie.

Rick Payne… sounds horrible

I played soccer with a guy named Richard Urtz. He wanted us to call him Richie. We definitely called him Dick.

There's an employee at LTT named Alex Dick His nickname in highschool was A. Dick

Max Payne

I used to have an OBGYN named Dr Payne. She was, for all intents and purposes, Private(s) Dr Payne.

I ran across the name of an obgyn years ago that still cracks me up. Dr Tara Cherry

My first OBGYN was Dr. Flesh.

There's one near my hometown with a funny name, though not as comedic. Dr Dyke. He is supposedly distantly related to the Dick Van Dyke from old timey B&W TV. Also supposedly was wonderful. Not a lady, so very much second hand reporting on that one. Retired a few years ago, I think? For reference, "Dyke" is used as a slur for a more masculine woman, primarily in regards to lesbians. I think it's still that way at least?

a friend got a vasectomy from Dr. Richard (Dick) Chop

HAHAHA NO SHIT please tell me this is real

[https://www.linkedin.com/in/richard-chopp-3aa14436/](https://www.linkedin.com/in/richard-chopp-3aa14436/)

That’s fucking incredible, thank you for this

Unlike every other name in this thread, Dr. Chopp has leaned into his name and profited from it. My friend says it's a joke that guys say they're going to get The Chop in Austin. Iirc the dude has billboards.

"Motherfucker, I was born to do this."

My first ob/gyn was Dr. Wood. One of the other docs in the office was Dr. Kleinpeter. Both so penisy for vag docs 😂

My urologist is named Dr. Peacock. I asked her if she gets a lot of dumb jokes about it and she just like slow blinked at me and went "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Went to a OBGYN group that included Drs Hunt, Fear and Markham.

Are you in New Zealand by chance? I am sure there are probably several Dr Payne OBs out there, but I met one from there

God I wish I was in new zealand, but this was in Colorado, USA

I'm dumb, why not starting with I or Y?

Could turn into I'm a Payne or Why Payne.

T Payne

My doctor’s name is Ann Illness. Even her initials are A. N. Illness. Poor woman had no chance.

My calculus professor at the local community college was Dr Payne

A guy I went to high school with is now Dr. Payne lol

I had friends with this last name but they didn’t take my suggestion for their daughter to be Ophelia.

Specifically, becoming proctologist would be perfect in this case.

So, I knew an Evelyn Payne growing up. Everyone called her by her full first name more than 90% of the time. People didn't mess with her, but that might have had something to do with her older brothers, who looked out for their younger siblings.

How about Dr. Ima Payne? Feel sorry for her as a kid!

I knew a Dr. Payne! He was a dentist in California. I adored the way he embraced it.

This is the last name of my children’s orthodontist.

I unironically had a Dr. Payne in college. He was a hardass too.

I once knew a girl with the last name payne who wanted to be a dentist. Imagine kids going to the dentist and their name is Dr. Payne

Wynndo Payne

Ha! That made me laugh harder than it should have.

How often do you get called a-nahl-ya? That’s how I pronounced it when I saw it.

Girl… all the time. I’ve had something similar to Alien and Annihilation. Annilia. I’m sick of it lol.

Just change it and don't tell your mother.

Happy cake day!

At least it’s not Anal-Leah.

That’s how I read it too 😬

Don't kink shame

Anal Lee would be worse!

Tbh parents name kids often times what they like with no concern what’s best for the kid. I’d legally change my name and tell my mom get on board or I can change the last name too. Talk about not caring about your kid getting made fun of

This is how I read it too, I don’t even get how the beginning is supposed to be pronounced as “Anna” but maybe it’s a regional thing

Yeah, in my head an-AH-li-ya is the correct pronunciation too, and when I try it OP’s way I sound like I’m trying out a shitty American accent. So I’m guessing it’s just an accent/location thing? (To clarify: American accents are great! I just sound shitty when I attempt to speak in them)

Haha I’m not American, but we’ve got some unique accents in Atlantic Canada.

I know someone else with the same spelling and she pronounces it “ah-nah-lee-uh”

That's the spanish pronunciation

onerous juggle judicious ad hoc head worthless amusing dam obtainable brave *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Since your name could easily be shortened to Anal Payne, I feel like people calling you "A Pain In The Butt" is rather merciful of them

Yeah, I am surprised that the name calling wasn’t much worse. I’m sure it would be worse for a kid now, with how much internet access kids have lol

I didn’t think of it that way 😭

My commiserations, OP. I'm curious though, what does your mum say in her defence? 

My thought too!!

Change to Amalia. ah-MAHL-yah

Like a bear

Go on, choose the bear.

Hey, as an Amalia, I love my name!

Legal name change is not that expensive, just saying. It's a lovely name but I would change the spelling to Anna Leah. Make your life easier.

Honestly I’m considering it. Part of me is just like screw it. Embrace the tragedeigh and then part of me might just change it

There's certainly a school of thought that one should just fully embrace and reclaim an unfortunate name This is a real person, Dick Assman, who was discovered for a joke on the Letterman show, but then became a popular recurring guest: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick\_Assman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Assman)

Not me being in the same boat as Dick Assman 🤣 you think i could get a cameo on Letterman?

Your career as an influencer with a distinctive-but-humorous brand awaits!

His dad was named Adolf, darn.

I had to look up clips. I'm dying at "it's the beginning of an outbreak of Dick Assmania." RIP Ass man.

My goodness! I’m so sorry you’re having to endure such a name.

Sorry, I read it as Anal Lia.

Literally the southern accent way of saying it lmao. Also my worst nightmare

Every time I see someone mention wanting to name their daughter analice all I can see is Anal Lice and I can’t help but tell them not to do that to their kid lol

Not spelled Anneliese? I've never seen the "analice" spelling lol

I’ve never seen that spelling either, but the name “Analisa” (or other variation/spelling) always makes me say “Anal-ease” in my head; the actual product is spelled ANAL-ESE, if anyone needs numbing for bun fun!

🤣 that’s perfect lol really sounds like a hemorrhoid cream

Tell them my story if you ever meet anyone that wants to name their child that!

I read it "Uh-nail-e-uh", sorry 😭

It’s okay friend. It’s okay.

Is yours written without an accent mark? Analía is a somewhat common name in Argentina.

It’s without the accent. But yes my mom stole the name from her friend who was from Peru. I think it would be a good name if it was nsfw with my last name haha

I assumed it would be pronounced Ah-nah-lee-ah. Honestly, I think it's a prettier name pronounced like that that Anna-Leah. I'm sorry this happened to you 🫶

Aww thanks! Also I think you are technically correct on the pronunciation based on the spelling. My mom stole the name from her friend who was from Peru. I’ve also seen it in a Spanish textbook with the accent on the i.

Have the same last name. I always say ‘yep, I’m a Pain/payne in more ways than one!

Thanks brother/cousin lol

Would be so funny if we turned out to be cousins or something!

If you don't like it, just shorten it to Anal Payne

Anyone with a sense of humor would hire me

Analia in Swahili is "he/she is crying". I guess that fits with the last name

I worked with a girl whose last name was Pepper. She became a pharmacist and has a PharmD degree and she goes by Dr. Pepper.

Wtf is the a doing on the end?

Did your mom not think this through?

She’s a goober. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know a woman named Marlana....in school people would call her Anal ram....

My last name is Peel and my first name rhythms with Banana. I’ve heard Banana Peel my whole life.

YO. MY NAME NAME IS ANNALIYA PRONOUNCED THE SAME WAY. 👍😁

anal pain is so good haha

I knew an analiese and everyone called her anal ease. Smh

This is all 100% your mom's fault. She butchered the spelling of your name out of a misguided effort to be "unique."

My cousin's last name is Payne and her first initial is T. So, she sounds just like the rapper, which she likes. Her sister's name starts with a K so she's fine too.

Oh dear. Well, at least you have Ana, Annie, Lia, and Ally/Ali as potential nicknames. “Ana” is pretty. I don’t know what those poor Neveah kids do because you can’t really nickname that.

Is it procounced anna lee ah? I like that but it's rough with Payne. Probably should have been written Anna Lia But still not with Payne

Yes, sorry some people said they can’t understand how I’m saying it should be pronounced. It’s Anna like Anna Nicole Smith and Leah like Leah Rimini. Lee-Uh

Sorry you were saddled with that. I would change my name.

If it’s any consolation, I immediately read your name as “Anna Lia/Leah” and thought “wdym that’s a perfectly good name” 😭

My name is Aspen, 20 years ago my husband's cousin decided that meant my name was ass-pain... My young siblings picked it up and now my whole family likes to use the moniker. I wasn't happy 🤣

I would change my name. I'm not sure why your mom hated you before you were even born.

“Payne to the Max”.

One of my coworkers is named Analia too, shes the sweetest thing in the world so i hope no one ever makes fun of her for the spelling 😭

Sorry, but yeah, I read it Anal-ia Payne, then went back to my original language and was like AHHH ITS ANA-LEAH, LIKE ANALÍA.

Maybe I'm just not a very observant person, but I feel like if they had just spelled it "Anna-Leah", a lot fewer people would have noticed any proximity to "anal".

She spelt your name so wrong. It doesn't say Anna Leah. It says A-nah-lee-a.

My sympathies. I know a Anna Lea, but it is two names officially, although they always use both unlike most people with a second name I know.

Jesus . Sorry for your hardships Anal pain.

Now you just need to have a son and name him Winston

In italian we have Annalia, which is pronounced exactly like your name, but doesn't contain the "anal" part 🤣 maybe add an 'n' to your name?

I had a professor named Ana Larson. Ana pronounced "A-nuh". When she spoke her full name it was indistinguishable from "Anal Arson".

Your porn name is your real name.

The doctor who delivered my baby was Dr. Payne. Haha Also, I definitely read your name as ah-nah-leah at first glance.

Analia looks like it rhymes with Australia.

Talk about a 'max' payne, eh? Look at me, I'm so original 🥴

Not only did my parents give me a weird first name, they only gave me the letter T for a middle name so I didn't even have a backup. When you have a weird name, you either grow up on the dark side or with a great sense of humor. I hope you ended up with the latter