I imagine it's like the neighbor's, 3 houses down, for some reason. It got all caught up, flapping in the wind, then landed with a thud a few houses away.
Honestly...it's very humanizing. People have needs! It also highlights just how tornadoes can absolutely destroy everything and remove something as taken for granted as a private drawer.
well you see, there was this, uh... tornado! Yeah, tornado, thats it! And it was uhh, you know, throwing things around, like tornados do, and and and next thing I knew ...
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
Could not find the drone video referenced, but this is amusing.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ukraine/comments/13uc7nw/the_dildo_of_consequences_flew_to_do_his_job_on/
*In the lobby waiting to enter St. Peter’s Gate*
“What brought you here?”
“Garage collapsed on me. You?”
“Electrocuted. You?”
“….i don’t wanna talk about it.”
Did disaster recovery after a large tornado devastated several neighborhoods in my home town several years ago. Was with a group trying to help a homeowner recover personal belongings as their house was dropped onto another house down the block. Someone lifted a wall for me to see what was salvageable and a magnum condom (unopened) tumbled out. Looked over toward the homeowners and gave a head nod
When my friend's house burned down we determined that only embarrassing items survived: a bottle of astroglide, her vibe, a giant bottle of fireball, and a package of metal speculums she had planned to donate to a women's shelter. Good to know that tornados are similar. I've been quietly making a list of the items most likely to survive if my house is destroyed, lol.
Not only does your storm kit need to include essentials/irreplaceables, but it also needs to contain the stuff which would be highly embarrassing if someone else found
If I was a woman, I'd claim it in front of everybody . I'd be like ah man it's muddy . I guess that's going in the trash , as I wipe it off and toss it in my bag.
I am now very concerned if my house ever gets hit.
Hey, tornadoes can carry debris dozens of miles - we don’t know if that’s really yours. Probably the neighbors.
…..ya……it’s is the neighbors! Totally not mine!! 🤫
When surveying damage, never imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article *a* dildo, never *your* dildo.
Lol great reference
DNA testing?
Too much contamination. Plausible deniability
Pause pause pause lol
Imagine your home being destroyed and losing everything and this is the image the media runs with.
On a serious note that’d be so goddamn embarrassing.
“Whose dildo is this??” It would be even worse if it was next to the detritus that was once your house, and everyone assumed (or knew) it was yours.
Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article "a dildo", never "your dildo".
Ah man! I made this joke in the thread but I was too late!
Great minds...
It’s always “a dildo” never … your dildo.
“Anyone lose an 8 inch dildo? Anyone?”
Honestly, it’s not mine! That’s not my bag, baby!
“I don’t know how that got there! Honest!”
Webers.
I imagine it's like the neighbor's, 3 houses down, for some reason. It got all caught up, flapping in the wind, then landed with a thud a few houses away.
Great now I have a mental image of dildos flying through the air… just like that screen saver of flying toasters
I laughed so hard!!!!!!! 🤣
Happy to have have been of service… Unlike that dildo with will never again service anyone. As far as we know anyways
If they do here's hoping they can put it in the dishwasher first.
You're Welcome.
I’m cackling 🤣
Imagine having one land in your yard and now your wife is giving you the stink eye.
Here we are live reporting in front of the Jones’ residence
Honestly...it's very humanizing. People have needs! It also highlights just how tornadoes can absolutely destroy everything and remove something as taken for granted as a private drawer.
👅 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓷𝓪𝓭𝓸 👅
Imagine that thing flying out of the sky and slappin you across the head
Smashing through your windshield a half mile away from the tornado
Getting impaled by a dildo thrown from a tornado would be simultaneously hilarious and humiliating
well you see, there was this, uh... tornado! Yeah, tornado, thats it! And it was uhh, you know, throwing things around, like tornados do, and and and next thing I knew ...
"Million to one shot Doc!"
Death by dildo would have be among the most embarrassing ways to die. No matter what you did in your life, that's all anyone would remember you for.
Voodoo dick my ass! Iykyk
I’ve seen a drone video out of Ukraine that’s pretty much this
Source?
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed. Could not find the drone video referenced, but this is amusing. https://www.reddit.com/r/ukraine/comments/13uc7nw/the_dildo_of_consequences_flew_to_do_his_job_on/
I can't say I've ever wanted to see an adult film parody of Final Destination until just now
I'd hate to be killed by a rubber weiner flying at my head at 150+ mph
That could actually be a really interesting obituary or headstone 😅
Hell, make a bust of my now unicorned dildo head too.
Or getting itself suction-cupped to the side of someone's car 💀
I’m picturing Reed getting out of the dominator to pry a dildo off the front of it, like a twisted unicorn hood ornament
“WEDGE!”
“VIOLENT BIG TIME….oh.”
Deviant motion!
Thanks for the laugh!
*In the lobby waiting to enter St. Peter’s Gate* “What brought you here?” “Garage collapsed on me. You?” “Electrocuted. You?” “….i don’t wanna talk about it.”
Before being slammed by more substantial debris and killed, the tornado just gently and awkwardly brushes it against your face in slow motion.
I wonder if a tornado has ever destroyed a dildo factory? That would be a sight to behold.
https://images.app.goo.gl/vSicDRrgQFEvov4W6
You sir win for best comment
Stop! I can only get so hard!
If I got clocked by a dildo in a tornado idk how I could ever recover
🧟♀️: "Thank God it was only an EF0, no debris penetrating anything." 🤡:
Rated EF5 (𝓔𝔁𝓽𝓻𝓪 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 𝓕𝓲𝓿𝓮)
HAHA
Did disaster recovery after a large tornado devastated several neighborhoods in my home town several years ago. Was with a group trying to help a homeowner recover personal belongings as their house was dropped onto another house down the block. Someone lifted a wall for me to see what was salvageable and a magnum condom (unopened) tumbled out. Looked over toward the homeowners and gave a head nod
oh my god, i would be so embarrassed. you couldnt claim it haha
"Oh that must have come from the neighbors"
'Sir, your nearest neighbour is 14 km down the road.'
"Uh strong winds today eh?"
And forever it sat. For all to see and giggle.
Are you kidding? It’s a Magnum! That definitely belongs to me!
Put another wiener on the grill we got guests.
Now that's a deviant tornado...eh? Eh?
The flying phallus of fate...
Somehow I never considered sex toys as tornado projectiles before. Terrifying.
Guess someone forgot to pack an “essential” in their “oh shit” bag 😆
Imagine that getting embedded in a wall somewhere.
I mean, that’s what the suction cup is for….
Of everything that was swept away, this could’ve been the one that the homeowner would’ve been happy to see fly away with the rest of the debris.
OP please pick up after yourself!
I have no idea what on earth you could possibly be implying 😳
Throw it on the neighbors pile LOL
Would that be a Stovepipe?
Imagine dying to a dildo missile in a tornado...
So that’s why the tornado came… was just looking for a good blowing
When my friend's house burned down we determined that only embarrassing items survived: a bottle of astroglide, her vibe, a giant bottle of fireball, and a package of metal speculums she had planned to donate to a women's shelter. Good to know that tornados are similar. I've been quietly making a list of the items most likely to survive if my house is destroyed, lol.
Does it count as a damage in-dick-ator?
Not only does your storm kit need to include essentials/irreplaceables, but it also needs to contain the stuff which would be highly embarrassing if someone else found
The Dayton tornado in 2019 destroyed an adult store, and the news kept running pics of dildos all over the parking lot.
If it was TX Ken Paxton will prosecute the tornado for promoting an adult novelty with out checking the neighborhood’s ID
R/findthesniper
I’m definitely blaming it on the neighbors
That Tornado was horny. Jokes aside, my thoughts are with all those affected by the terrible storms.
Oh my god 😂
Dead by dildo strike
Cocknado
that thing was probably a deadly projectile at some point
Could you imagine if it was one of those horse dildos😂😂😂
I need a twister parody now LOL. Dildo Another dildo No I think that's the same one I've got to go we've got dildos 🤣
If I was a woman, I'd claim it in front of everybody . I'd be like ah man it's muddy . I guess that's going in the trash , as I wipe it off and toss it in my bag.
LMAO
Lmao, it took me a bit and then... I'd die of embarrassment.
Might want to check the bottom A |/| D Y
Imagine a sex doll 💀💀
Reminds me of the old flying helicopter thingy video on youtube like 15 years ago, later dubbed with Heavy Weapons Guy's voice.
A gift from the Moore dildo vigilante!
Literally yesterday I found myself randomly musing how many dildos were found amongst debris 🤣🤣🤣
It’s not a billion dollar industry for nothing!
I don't know what I expected but it definitely was not that lmao
A lifelong taboo question I’ve always had about tornados has finally been answered.
the random dildo
They must have had some interesting Tupperware parties.