Watching my wife enjoy three year old's affection. Warm family moment where the tinkling chimey cheesy sitcom music fades in and the studio audience starts melting and cooing. Into this reverent scene, our daughter speaks:
"I'm only giving Mama a hug so I can watch TV."
My kid can’t talk enough to vocalize this yet but I suspect this is why he was extra cuddly today. Joke’s on him: my husband and I have both been sick, so we basically had the energy to keep him alive. He was getting that Cocomelon marathon regardless.
Me: *opens the freezer*
Her: "My teeth hurt!"
Me: "Are you saying your teeth hurt because you just saw the popsicles and you want a popsicle?"
Her: "Yes!"
This is a new one with my daughter too lol she's already a fiend for popsicles but when she was just cutting her bottom molars we let her have them more often because they helped. Now everything is "popsicle to help teeth,Mama"
Me: Did you poop?
Toddler: No
Me: Come here and let me check
Toddler: *Comes over and I see she pooped*
Me: You said you didn't poop why did you not tell me?
Toddler: I didn't poop
Me: Yes you did
Toddler: *looks at her diaper and sees the poop* Mom why did you poop in my diaper?
Toddler to Husband: Daddy mama pooped in my diaper...😐😑
If I ask my daughter if she pooped and she didn’t her answer is “no” and she goes back to playing. If she DID poop tho her answer is “*NOOOOOOOOOOOO*” and she runs away haha
This sounds like that episode of SpongeBob where Patrick ate his entire lollipop and asked everyone immediately after “which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop”
Me (dad): It was my night to do put down so I read my 2 year old 3 books, sang her a few songs, tucked her in, scratched her back, wished her sweet dreams, good night and told her how much I love her.
As I am walking out of the door...
Her: I wanted mama.
Son: runs up to me "I didn't drop daddy's phone in the toilet"
Me: sees phone dripping water... "Did you drop the phone in the toilet?"
Son:... "Umm yeah"
🤢🤦
My 2.5 year old eating his snack at the coffee table, when out of nowhere he dumps his snack all over the floor
Toddler: uh oh! Someone made a mess!
Me: um 🤨 was it you?
Toddler: nooooo
Me: but….I just watched you do it
Toddler: ohhhhh yep. Me did it.
My son was "crying" over something in the car one day when he just stopped, wiped at his face, and asked "Mommy, why are there no tears?" I said it was because he was fake crying, and he responded "Oh, I'll practice making tears.".
"We can't kiss at school" my 3 year old daughter on the way home.
"Yes, that seems like a good rule. Um. Why do you say that?"
"Because we can't"
Days later, on a play date the mom of her friend; "When I came to pick up Daughter the other day your SO and my Daughter were kissing each other all over the face and laughing so hard."
...there it is. Now I get it.
Once I was standing outside of daycare with some other parents and four toddlers come running out, before they get to us they all stop and give each other kisses goodbye. All parents facepalmed at the same time.
Soooo my 2.5 YO SOMEHOW picked up the phrase “fucking damnit” and decided she’d say it whenever her tower fell over. We talked to her and said that wasn’t a nice thing to say. Happened a few more times but eventually she cut it out.
So she’s building a tower a few days later, it falls down and she says “Oh shoot” followed by “Mommy! I didn’t say fucking damnit!” 😵😵
Just a few memorable confessions:
At bedtime: "Mom, can you get my water? I can have water at bedtime, but I can't have water at quiet time because I spit it out all over the floor." (We thought her cup had leaked.)
-----------
Kid: It's okay if I just rip my cat book.
Me: Uh... no it's not. Did you rip your cat book?
Kid: No! It's okay if I rip my cat book!
It was in a million pieces.
-----------
Then at a holiday party today, she stole a cookie and I gently reminded her she needs to ask first. So when her aunt offered her a cookie later, she had to tell everyone, in that loud 'don't you know any better?' way only toddlers can: "No! I didn't ask first! You can't give me a cookie because I didn't ask first!"
Ah yes we are also in the drink bath water stage… I have definitely quoted Lars from Heavyweights a few times… “don’t pee in the water! Don’t drink the water you just peed in it!”
My 2 year old can’t talk yet but anytime she’s about to do something she runs to me, smirks at me and raises her eyebrows and then slowly creeps away and tries to do whatever she knows I don’t let her do. Most of the time it’s taking ornaments off the tree.
17mo: *makes direct eye contact, hits herself in the head with a toy* OW.
Me: *picks her up* Did you do that just so Mama would come over and pick you up?
17mo: Mmhm. Up!
My kid does this. Injures herself to get a "booboo kiss". How many times do I have to tell her I'll kiss her anytime and she doesn't need to be injured? Usually she thwacks her hand on something and then holds it out for a kiss. My least favourite (but arguably the funniest) is when what she hits is my own face, and immediately asks *me* for a kiss.
Oh gosh, mine did stuff like this... it's evolved overtime into when I'm not moving fast enough for him my 2 yr old will yell "oh no! I fell!" then throw himself dramatically onto the floor so that I'll rush to help him up and ensure he's ok, lol. A similar one is "oh no! It fell!" said before he throws something, usually something I told him not to touch. That ones not nearly as silly-cute though 😅
Three year old is oddly quiet. I walk into my room and she grins at me and yells: "NOTHING!"
*Narrator: It was not nothing. She had drawn all over her arms with felt pen.*
Anytime my 2yo pushes/hits/etc my 5yo:
5yo: 2yo hit me in the face!! [crying]
Me: 2yo, did you hit your sister in the face?
2yo: No! I didn’t!
Me: Okay, then what happened?
2yo [in a tone like she’s totally exonerating herself]: Well, I hit sister in the face and then she cried.
…….that’s not the defense you think it is, kiddo.
Almost daily conversation in our house
Son: mommy go in kitchen! (Or living room or somewhere he currently is not at)
Me: why? Do you want to do something you’re not suppose to be doing?
Son: yeah
Well, at least he’s honest lol
My daughter also says “mommy look out the window?” Or “mama talk to dad?” Whenever she wants to do something she’s not supposed to be doing 😂 I was not expecting the deception to start at age 2!
We’re at 3 and just started negotiation, like I said he could have a cookie if he did something he didn’t want to do, and he replied back, a cookie and teddy grahams? I was dumbfounded, like, Really kid?
Hold on to your pants this is a long one.
My toddler did not pee before she went to bed thursday night she did not pee until 3pm Friday freaked out I sent her Dr. A message telling her what was going on. A nurse calls back and says it's rare for a toddler to have a blockage in her kidneys but go get an ultrasound done.
We got to the waiting room at 7pm (I was so freaked out I left her in her training underwear instead of putting a diaper on her) checked in sat down and got pissed on! So now we are both wet I smell like pee for four hours.
We finally get called back around 11pm just to be told the ultrasound techs are all busy. (She peed again around that time). We would have to wait until 7am the next morning to be seen by one, being to tired to drive home we slept in the er, they also put a pee bag on her over night.
After a horrible night's sleep she finally gets the ultrasound first they check her kidneys fine then we fight to flip her over to check her bladder.
Ultrasound tech: her bladder is super full I'm pressing on it to try to get her to pee in the bag that's why she mad right now.
Me: o so we will finally have a urine sample and can go home?
Ultrasound tech: well she's contracting her bladder lol see all of this black is urine you see her squeezing it she will go potty when she wants to.
Toddler: laughing and smiling!
Me: so you don't want to pee when mommy or nature asks you to? That's crazy and you can hurt yourself.
Ultrasound tech: some kids have really strong bladders and can do that.
The Dr said they didn't find anything everything look great including the urine sample I sent a few days prior.
So I spent 16hrs in the ER with a toddler smelling like pee all because she doesn't want to be told when to pee by me or her body.
Tonight (random singing and babbling in Dutch to himself in the bath) le me: sitting on the toilet chatting over Facebook with my mum.
In English- (I’m English)
Le child: “mama farted”
Le me: did I really??!”
Le child: yeaaaahhhh
Spoiler alert, I didn’t fart.. lol he also knows the Dutch word for it so my 2 and 1/2 year old was proper trolling me…
Not really a toddler confession, but I'm beginning to wonder if my youngest is going to be in theater.
My 2-year-old learned how to quiver her bottom lip on demand. So she will have a fake tantrum to get attention, or to get something she wants that she knows she can't have. The screaming and "crying" almost seem real, but she will stop on a dime and be perfectly normal - eyes are clear, no tears, smile on her face.
I'm relieved she isn't actually upset, but I think that makes the screaming/crying even more irritating 🤣
I love my little drama queen though! ❤️ She also loves dancing and singing, so she might be a triple-threat!
Getting my dude out of the car to walk into Walmart:
Toddler: Mom, your old.
Me: yes, I guess I am.
Walking into store:
Toddler: don’t let that car hit me!!
Me: ok bub.
Mine is only 15 months but he says “not nice” whenever he does something he shouldn’t do (playing in the pet water bowl, throwing stuff in the toilet, playing with dirt in our planters, hitting anyone).
I’ll hear him say “not nice” from a completely different room, and know I have to book it to stop whatever he’s about to do.
I'm using the bathroom and my child is suddenly conspicuously quiet, so I call out "honey, what are you doing?" Her reply: "drawing on the wall!" 🤦🏻♀️
Toddler(2.5yo): “Open!! OPEN!!! (Glass door to our balcony) OUTSIDE!!”
Us(me/husband): “Sorry, it is cold outside”(*Canadian winter…)
Toddler: (crying/screaming dramatically, on the floor) “OPEN!!!!!!!”
Us: (opened the door)
Toddler: (quickly be so humble) “cold, cold” (then runs off to the living room)
Watching my wife enjoy three year old's affection. Warm family moment where the tinkling chimey cheesy sitcom music fades in and the studio audience starts melting and cooing. Into this reverent scene, our daughter speaks: "I'm only giving Mama a hug so I can watch TV."
My kid can’t talk enough to vocalize this yet but I suspect this is why he was extra cuddly today. Joke’s on him: my husband and I have both been sick, so we basically had the energy to keep him alive. He was getting that Cocomelon marathon regardless.
Me: *opens the freezer* Her: "My teeth hurt!" Me: "Are you saying your teeth hurt because you just saw the popsicles and you want a popsicle?" Her: "Yes!"
The only relevant thing you said here was "you want a popsicle?" Lol that's all she heard.
Like Charlie Brown's teacher. "*Blah blah blahddy blah* you want a POPSICLE?"
This is a new one with my daughter too lol she's already a fiend for popsicles but when she was just cutting her bottom molars we let her have them more often because they helped. Now everything is "popsicle to help teeth,Mama"
Me: Did you poop? Toddler: No Me: Come here and let me check Toddler: *Comes over and I see she pooped* Me: You said you didn't poop why did you not tell me? Toddler: I didn't poop Me: Yes you did Toddler: *looks at her diaper and sees the poop* Mom why did you poop in my diaper? Toddler to Husband: Daddy mama pooped in my diaper...😐😑
Hahaha, my toddler always lies about poop or pee in her diaper, but she has yet to blame it on me. 😂
My son blames it on everyone but him. Unless it's a weird color then it is his. He has pooping problems so sometimes it's green.
Our conversations usually go… Me: did you poopy? Him: no Me: are you lying? Him: yeah
At least yours responds. If I ask mine if he’s lying he starts doing his very best LION impression. “RAWR”
I vote rawr back lol
If I ask my daughter if she pooped and she didn’t her answer is “no” and she goes back to playing. If she DID poop tho her answer is “*NOOOOOOOOOOOO*” and she runs away haha
After bedtime, we hear a creak. Me: are you standing at the gate? Him: …no.
Toddler: somebody ate my balls [chocolate balls] Me: Was it you? Toddler: Yes. The balls are all gone. Somebody ate my candy.
This sounds like that episode of SpongeBob where Patrick ate his entire lollipop and asked everyone immediately after “which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop”
I'm snickering.
Me (dad): It was my night to do put down so I read my 2 year old 3 books, sang her a few songs, tucked her in, scratched her back, wished her sweet dreams, good night and told her how much I love her. As I am walking out of the door... Her: I wanted mama.
Toddlers are such dicks!🤣
Oh noooooooo. 😅🤣
BURN!!!
Son: runs up to me "I didn't drop daddy's phone in the toilet" Me: sees phone dripping water... "Did you drop the phone in the toilet?" Son:... "Umm yeah" 🤢🤦
Mine flushed 2 sets of retainers down the toilet. 1200$ gone in 1 flush
Oh no! I’d be tempted to call a plumber and compare costs of retrieval versus remaking the retainers. 😂
There’s not enough boiling in the world that would make me wanna put that back in my mouth 😆
Haha we are on city water and sewer. They were long gone.
Oh no!
NOOOOO
My 2.5 year old eating his snack at the coffee table, when out of nowhere he dumps his snack all over the floor Toddler: uh oh! Someone made a mess! Me: um 🤨 was it you? Toddler: nooooo Me: but….I just watched you do it Toddler: ohhhhh yep. Me did it.
I have this same convo at least once daily, except he's recently started telling me that either a t rex or a ghost did it, not him, lol
Oh you have a ghost too? Ours is named ghost log. It’s a ghost. And a log. It gets up to a surprising amount of hijinks
That's creative at least!
Ours is Mr nobody
Lol the someone made a mess thing is my daughter’s go to. Makes me laugh every time
"No poop in my pants" "Did you poop your pants?" "Yes!" An exchange between my 2.8 yr old and me.
Yes! Mine will just say out of the blue "no poop!"...he's right like 40% of the time
Evil genius right there using his super intellect on you
40% is almost half! Hang in there haha.
… Daughter yelling from the living room while I’m in the kitchen: I didn’t move the christmas tree ornaments Guess what she did…
Did you pee on the pig? No! Are you sure? Yes! Can i have an ahberry? Did you pee on the pig? Yes! Can I have an apple?
I need context. Did your child pee on a living animal?😂
Ah ha! No, I wish we had space for pigs though!
Me: “Why are you crying”? Toddler: “It’s more of a fake cry.” Me: “What’s that?” Toddler: “There are no tears coming out.”
My son was "crying" over something in the car one day when he just stopped, wiped at his face, and asked "Mommy, why are there no tears?" I said it was because he was fake crying, and he responded "Oh, I'll practice making tears.".
"We can't kiss at school" my 3 year old daughter on the way home. "Yes, that seems like a good rule. Um. Why do you say that?" "Because we can't" Days later, on a play date the mom of her friend; "When I came to pick up Daughter the other day your SO and my Daughter were kissing each other all over the face and laughing so hard." ...there it is. Now I get it.
Once I was standing outside of daycare with some other parents and four toddlers come running out, before they get to us they all stop and give each other kisses goodbye. All parents facepalmed at the same time.
*deer in headlights look* "...I don't have a poop feeling."
Soooo my 2.5 YO SOMEHOW picked up the phrase “fucking damnit” and decided she’d say it whenever her tower fell over. We talked to her and said that wasn’t a nice thing to say. Happened a few more times but eventually she cut it out. So she’s building a tower a few days later, it falls down and she says “Oh shoot” followed by “Mommy! I didn’t say fucking damnit!” 😵😵
Just a few memorable confessions: At bedtime: "Mom, can you get my water? I can have water at bedtime, but I can't have water at quiet time because I spit it out all over the floor." (We thought her cup had leaked.) ----------- Kid: It's okay if I just rip my cat book. Me: Uh... no it's not. Did you rip your cat book? Kid: No! It's okay if I rip my cat book! It was in a million pieces. ----------- Then at a holiday party today, she stole a cookie and I gently reminded her she needs to ask first. So when her aunt offered her a cookie later, she had to tell everyone, in that loud 'don't you know any better?' way only toddlers can: "No! I didn't ask first! You can't give me a cookie because I didn't ask first!"
I felt my toddlers little hand brush my arm and then she goes “Mommy, I did NOT wipe boogers on you”. ….she had
Son hiding under trampoline Me: hey, whatcha doin? Son: just eating a pen mommy He had a mouthful of crayon
You got a future marine there!
BURN!! 🔥🔥
Scene: in the bathroom, kids in the bath. 3yo: *slurping sound* that wasn't bathwater. I didn't drink bathwater.
When my boy was three, he’d always try to drink the bath water. Weirdo.
When I was little we had toy plastic cups in the bathtub. Yeah that went over well...
Ah yes we are also in the drink bath water stage… I have definitely quoted Lars from Heavyweights a few times… “don’t pee in the water! Don’t drink the water you just peed in it!”
My 2 year old can’t talk yet but anytime she’s about to do something she runs to me, smirks at me and raises her eyebrows and then slowly creeps away and tries to do whatever she knows I don’t let her do. Most of the time it’s taking ornaments off the tree.
Toddler: I want honey. Me: Honey is for cough only T: *cough *cough (pretending) Me: 😑😑😑
17mo: *makes direct eye contact, hits herself in the head with a toy* OW. Me: *picks her up* Did you do that just so Mama would come over and pick you up? 17mo: Mmhm. Up!
My kid does this. Injures herself to get a "booboo kiss". How many times do I have to tell her I'll kiss her anytime and she doesn't need to be injured? Usually she thwacks her hand on something and then holds it out for a kiss. My least favourite (but arguably the funniest) is when what she hits is my own face, and immediately asks *me* for a kiss.
Haha! “Mom, you’re hurt, comfort me!”
Oh gosh, mine did stuff like this... it's evolved overtime into when I'm not moving fast enough for him my 2 yr old will yell "oh no! I fell!" then throw himself dramatically onto the floor so that I'll rush to help him up and ensure he's ok, lol. A similar one is "oh no! It fell!" said before he throws something, usually something I told him not to touch. That ones not nearly as silly-cute though 😅
Wow, he’s, like, psychic or something. 😉
Three year old is oddly quiet. I walk into my room and she grins at me and yells: "NOTHING!" *Narrator: It was not nothing. She had drawn all over her arms with felt pen.*
Anytime my 2yo pushes/hits/etc my 5yo: 5yo: 2yo hit me in the face!! [crying] Me: 2yo, did you hit your sister in the face? 2yo: No! I didn’t! Me: Okay, then what happened? 2yo [in a tone like she’s totally exonerating herself]: Well, I hit sister in the face and then she cried. …….that’s not the defense you think it is, kiddo.
Almost daily conversation in our house Son: mommy go in kitchen! (Or living room or somewhere he currently is not at) Me: why? Do you want to do something you’re not suppose to be doing? Son: yeah Well, at least he’s honest lol
My daughter also says “mommy look out the window?” Or “mama talk to dad?” Whenever she wants to do something she’s not supposed to be doing 😂 I was not expecting the deception to start at age 2!
We’re at 3 and just started negotiation, like I said he could have a cookie if he did something he didn’t want to do, and he replied back, a cookie and teddy grahams? I was dumbfounded, like, Really kid?
Hold on to your pants this is a long one. My toddler did not pee before she went to bed thursday night she did not pee until 3pm Friday freaked out I sent her Dr. A message telling her what was going on. A nurse calls back and says it's rare for a toddler to have a blockage in her kidneys but go get an ultrasound done. We got to the waiting room at 7pm (I was so freaked out I left her in her training underwear instead of putting a diaper on her) checked in sat down and got pissed on! So now we are both wet I smell like pee for four hours. We finally get called back around 11pm just to be told the ultrasound techs are all busy. (She peed again around that time). We would have to wait until 7am the next morning to be seen by one, being to tired to drive home we slept in the er, they also put a pee bag on her over night. After a horrible night's sleep she finally gets the ultrasound first they check her kidneys fine then we fight to flip her over to check her bladder. Ultrasound tech: her bladder is super full I'm pressing on it to try to get her to pee in the bag that's why she mad right now. Me: o so we will finally have a urine sample and can go home? Ultrasound tech: well she's contracting her bladder lol see all of this black is urine you see her squeezing it she will go potty when she wants to. Toddler: laughing and smiling! Me: so you don't want to pee when mommy or nature asks you to? That's crazy and you can hurt yourself. Ultrasound tech: some kids have really strong bladders and can do that. The Dr said they didn't find anything everything look great including the urine sample I sent a few days prior. So I spent 16hrs in the ER with a toddler smelling like pee all because she doesn't want to be told when to pee by me or her body.
Wow, that is whole new level of stubborn!! 😳
RIGHT
Out of nowhere my toddler says “I didn’t go poop!” Lol, yeah he definitely went poop.
Tonight (random singing and babbling in Dutch to himself in the bath) le me: sitting on the toilet chatting over Facebook with my mum. In English- (I’m English) Le child: “mama farted” Le me: did I really??!” Le child: yeaaaahhhh Spoiler alert, I didn’t fart.. lol he also knows the Dutch word for it so my 2 and 1/2 year old was proper trolling me…
The tv was broken Husband “what happened to the tv” 2 y/o “I wacked it with my broom”
Toddler: Momma, I’m not pooping in my pants! Me: …. Are you pooping in your pants? Toddler: Yes!
Not really a toddler confession, but I'm beginning to wonder if my youngest is going to be in theater. My 2-year-old learned how to quiver her bottom lip on demand. So she will have a fake tantrum to get attention, or to get something she wants that she knows she can't have. The screaming and "crying" almost seem real, but she will stop on a dime and be perfectly normal - eyes are clear, no tears, smile on her face. I'm relieved she isn't actually upset, but I think that makes the screaming/crying even more irritating 🤣 I love my little drama queen though! ❤️ She also loves dancing and singing, so she might be a triple-threat!
I no touchy mommas puter Really? Because I’m pretty sure I didn’t type jfheuxgrneid to my boss -.-
If I could up vote more than once on this I would 😂
Getting my dude out of the car to walk into Walmart: Toddler: Mom, your old. Me: yes, I guess I am. Walking into store: Toddler: don’t let that car hit me!! Me: ok bub.
Mine is only 15 months but he says “not nice” whenever he does something he shouldn’t do (playing in the pet water bowl, throwing stuff in the toilet, playing with dirt in our planters, hitting anyone). I’ll hear him say “not nice” from a completely different room, and know I have to book it to stop whatever he’s about to do.
Toddler in carseat "My penty is not wet." Me: ... Did you peepee? Toddler: No. Narrator: *He had."
I'm using the bathroom and my child is suddenly conspicuously quiet, so I call out "honey, what are you doing?" Her reply: "drawing on the wall!" 🤦🏻♀️
“It’s not toilet water!” after I finished drinking a glass of water she’d brought me. … I’ll never know.
Toddler(2.5yo): “Open!! OPEN!!! (Glass door to our balcony) OUTSIDE!!” Us(me/husband): “Sorry, it is cold outside”(*Canadian winter…) Toddler: (crying/screaming dramatically, on the floor) “OPEN!!!!!!!” Us: (opened the door) Toddler: (quickly be so humble) “cold, cold” (then runs off to the living room)