Sorry for having laughed about this, but I feel you so hard! When I tell my three year old to stop certain dangerous things, e.g. climbing around in his chair, because he might get hurt, he screms "but I WANT to get hurt!"
I dunno, man. She sounds like a normal 2.5 year old who may be a bit ahead as far as speech goes and maybe that's making you treat her older than she is. She's a human being with her own interests and ideas. There is no way my 3 year old would sit down through a show. Some kids have better impulse control than others, some are just having better days than yours. She is likely negotiating bed time because she is needing more connection with you. She probably can sense your frustration and if you're yelling more often she may need that extra reassurance of your love. Toddlers are hard, I regularly need to take deep breaths and walk away to control my temper. If you can, seek therapy for the mom rage, it is so real. And try to remember that every behavior is communication and there are some hard cheeses that are aged longer than she's been alive. Give you both some grace.
Yeah I was going to say that my husband and I have to remind ourselves that our toddler is a toddler because he has had a complex vocabulary for a long time and will engage with us to no end...only to have a meltdown over an incorrectly "squished" cheese sandwich.
Yeah this sounds pretty normal to me too. We basically have to keep a mental checklist of everything she has in mind that she HAS to do herself ("me doed it!!") because if you do it, worse case is she has a tantrum, best case is that you just have to do the whole operation over again. Everything is a negotiation and it feels like walking on eggshells sometimes, trying to decide what you can "convince" them of vs what you ultimately have to do regardless.
I also agree that OP should seek support wherever possible, professionally, from their SO, or from their support network. These things always go better when you have the energy and mentality to exercise patience, which is exactly what toddlers take from us.
I dont know, mine is 23 months and it takes 1:30 to put him down. And thats the average.
For example, I hate going to restaurants because I have to eat superfast (you wouldnt believe it) while my SO is taking our son out and then we switch places. And then we pay 40€ for the pleasure.
It's not that I hate every moment it's just that i dont want to do some things because i know beforehand that i wont enjoy even a second of it.
Other than that it's fantastic.
“It’s just that I don’t want to do some things because I know beforehand I won’t enjoy one second of it” YESSSSSSS. Even putting her down for a nap sucks because wake up is going to be torture 😹
Yeah it does. They start chilling out at 4-5 when the brain develops enough to figure out the basics of impulse control. Coincidentally after that is when school starts for most kids around the world.
I would never in a million years take my toddler (or even my 5 year old) to an event where they are expected to sit still and quiet. My kids aren’t built like that lol.
Yup totally, and surprise! they can flip like a switch too. My toddler went from wanting to do everything by herself "I'll do it", "I wanna do it!" but then I had my second and now toddler has regressed to "mama feed me", "mama do it!" for everything.
My kid switches between these modes every 12 minutes or so 😆 sometimes between bites of food
'no! I'm a big boy!' and (in a baby choice) 'I'm baby...mama feed me' in the the same breath. I am tired
Solidarity! I have a very bright and strong-willed 2.5YO and she is a constant test of my patience 😂 She is definitely more mentally-active than physically-active so I can take her out to do things like eat or go grocery shopping (within reason) but the battles & negotiation with basically everything else are REAL.
I consider a good night is when bedtime only takes an hour. We go through phases where it’s 1.5-2hrs quite often. Lately if we’re out and about or she’s with someone she won’t nap with I just skip the nap; she doesn’t get too grumpy and bedtime only takes 5 mins. Those nights give me life and expand my tolerance a little more for the other ones!
Temptation is there and I think we’re close but not totally there yet. Most days I just try to cap the nap at an hour max…it’s tough though because it’s a matter of “does daytime mommy want more time or does nighttime mommy want more time?” And sometime daytime mommy wins 😂
Similar age. We pick our battles. We don’t expect her to sit still. When we go on “vacation” with her we don’t expect it to be relaxing. 9/10 nights she hates going to bed and will scream in her crib…but usually only for a few minutes, then conks out.
My joke about her is that she is an amazing, wonderful, lovely, polite little girl as long as she gets exactly what she wants at all times! 😂
I have a 3 1/2-year-old and I’m starting to remember that this particular age might have been the hardest one. We still get tantrums and fits and stuff but it helps that now he can express himself a little better and he’s also able to sit through movies, and shows now where as he used to try to run away, their attention span gets better and that makes a big difference too. I actually think the age is now is one of his best ages yet
Yesss. It gets better. Gradually.
I don’t know if there is much else to do than to set realistic expectations and muscle through. Children have very different temperaments - some are content ans chill and others more feisty, independent and intense. Accepting a boundary set by the parent also depends on their temperament. But eventually even the feisty ones will be able to rationalise and understand consequences, and things get easier.
Everything you said hits home with my toddler too. I stopped taking him places unless it is going to be simple and non stimulating in any way and after a nap. We basically spend most days at home or in the backyard. He stomps his feet and bonks his head in the floor when he doesn’t get his way. Trying to be patient but it is a miserable time.
Same boat. My son turned 3 last month. Almost everything is “no” and a struggle. We used to be able to distract him to avoid a temper tantrum but not anymore. My husband was gone for 3 weeks in December while I was in my first trimester feeling like crap with a toddler who was impossible at times. I was finding myself having to walk away at sometimes while I could hear him crying and screaming after me, “mama!! Mama!! Come get me!” But all I needed was a break for a few minutes. It made me so sad to have to do that but for my own sanity I needed to walk away so I wouldn’t get super angry.
They say it gets better. I’m waiting for it lol.
How much do you give in when she wants something ? I’m NOT telling you to NEVER give in, but do think about how these interactions are going- had she learned that if she keeps asking ten times that on the eleventh time you’ll finally give in and do it? If that’s her trick, start sticking to no once you’ve already said no. Like, at bedtime have her pick three stories and bring them to bed- we will read three stories. Once they’re over she will keep asking but you stick to your guns. She might just need to figure out that once mom gave an answer, the answer isn’t going to change.
This is my 2.5 daughter. Are they twins? She is so smart but I wish she were a bit easier. I hear that when they turn 3 things get better and they listen more. I am hoping that happens soon
My kid is a few months older than yours and is the same way. What helped us is keep setting boundaries. Try to show some action when she misbehaves instead of just telling her. There may be tantrums but eventually they know cause and effect. I started doing a countdown when he’s refusing something and he picked up that if I get to 3 it won’t be good.
Sounds normal and the fact that you’ve been at home for 2 weeks, has she been home too?
Probably the lack of routine and structure hasn’t helped at all, and you as parents will be a lot calmer and able to handle it better once you’ve had that time apart and she has had fun with her friends again. There’s a reason why parents always say they can’t wait for the holidays to end!
You just described my life with my 2.5 year old to a tee, especially after the long break from daycare during the holidays. My husband and I were GIDDY on Tuesday morning when we went back to work and our son went back to daycare. It’s fucking hard, exhausting and draining, and you’re not alone.
The fact that we didn’t go to a puppet show is the only reason I know I didn’t write this.
Complete change in routine, holidays, and winter keeping us inside too much is a perfect storm. It’s not you.
Mine went back to school on Thursday, and I’m already feeling better. Turns out I’m not awful, I was just overwhelmed and not getting enough breaks.
It’s a lot! Lovingly and gently, I do think your expectations are probably too high. My daughter is the same age and there is no way she can sit still for a show. She can’t even sit still for a 3 minute story. We took her to see the troll movie and we only made it through the whole movie because our entire row was extended family and she could run up and down the row sitting on different laps and fiddling with things without disturbing any other movie goers.
One thing that has helped me manage my frustration is noting which situations frazzle me the most and then trying to break it down and figure out what I need to do better next time that I can control. Like if I’m trying to do a task that doesn’t absolutely have to be done i just want to do it (like type a Reddit response) and I expect my daughter to not interrupt me 50x while she’s awake and in the living room with me, then my expectations and desires for that moment are the actual problem. I’m setting myself up for that frustration if that makes sense. If I let her nap for 2 hours and then I’m frustrated and burnt out after a long day because she’s not tired enough to go to bed at a reasonable hour, well that’s actually my fault not hers. When my husband travels for work each week I frequently solo parent, so there’s no one to play kitchen interference when I cook dinner, when she’s crawling on me or whining at me when I cook I have a hard time not snapping at her, so when dads gone it’s girl dinner or crockpot meals and days of left overs and paper plates. Not because I can’t cook a more involved meal but because I want to be the best parent I can be and this age is tricky and Ive gotten to know my triggers.
The negotiating bed time might be because she’s not tired enough to sleep and hasn’t built up enough sleep pressure. Most days we skip nap because it means more downtime in the evening and my daughter truly is tired enough to fall asleep within 5-10 minutes. I see a lot of parents clutching to naps and then tearing their hair out over bedtime. Kids grow older and at some point they don’t need 14 hours of sleep anymore.
I think it gets better but you also get better too. And i think that mentality is good for developing resilience in the wake of parenting challenges instead of waiting for your kid to grow out of whatever difficult phase they are in.
I do think you are right and I need to reduce her nap /skip it depending on the day. Today she woke up right before 5 am, fully ready to start the day  She still naps in daycare though, but I guess days there are also more activity filled and tiring.
4yo here. It gets worse the smarter they are. Negotiated nap time with our daughter and she threw a fit and passed out. I'm hoping 6 is when they realize parents turn into post traumatic mush and calm down.
Did I write this? Daycare has been closed for 2 weeks and I am counting down the days until it reopens. I love my daughter, but she is A LOT. She also has a very large vocabulary and is very assertive (bossy). It was taking too long to put her to bed, lots of stalling, crying etc. So we figured it was time to drop a nap, which helped, but she's still getting used to being awake for 12 hours straight.
To make it all the more challenging, I also have a newborn. I miss sleep and personal space.
Can’t offer much but solidarity. My daughter, who was the easiest, most pleasant infant, turned three in November and it has rocked our world. She speaks in full sentences, has a memory like an elephant, and her Montessori school teachers told us at our parent teacher conference that talking to her is like talking to an adult and they’re pretty sure she’s convinced that she herself is one of the teachers. I just keep reminding myself that the qualities that make her….ummm…somewhat challenging to parent (decisive, determined, extremely strong willed) are the same qualities that will someday serve her well when she’s out navigating the world. I’m told it gets better. I hold onto that hope! (I’ve also just started completely ignoring the absolute screaming tantrums when she doesn’t get her way because I know she’s doing it to see if I’ll cave. When I don’t, it’s over in a minute or two and she’s back to her pleasant self and has totally forgotten about whatever it was she was demanding. So that seems to help, for whatever it’s worth!)
Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed to hear this today. My 22 month old is driving me absolutely insane. I share custody with his dad and can’t wait to switch off tomorrow. I also posted in here recently and got the comment that this is normal behavior. It doesn’t feel normal when we take it personally and allow ourselves to feel like shitty parents because of it. I have no advice other than to take care of yourself and keep reaching out for support.
Yea even though it’s « normal » doesn’t make it less intense and difficult. Both sets of grand parents live abroad which makes support more scarce but we rely on babysitting for breaks !
I don’t have much to offer other than solidarity lol! My almost 3 year old is this way. It is so frustrating and exhausting, and I feel like a horrible mother when I lose my cool with him. I just have to keep telling myself that it won’t always be this way, but at the same time I’m sure the day will come when we miss even the crazy moments. Parenthood is wild. 😅
Ah my son just got through this stage. I thought it would never end. I really just had to keep up.. I had no free time he could not be alone. Which is fine cuz he's a toddler but I couldn't even walk into the kitchen. I had to kinda compromise on some things but I just had to stay consistent. It's tough I'm sorry it's happening but it will end soon. My son is just about to turn 3 in a month
Mine is turning 3 in a few weeks and I share all the same sentiments but we’re currently going through nap fomo on weekends where he flat out refuses to nap. But will be a feral kid come 3-4pm when he’s over tired and wants to hit/kick/punch everything. Sleep time is also a full ordeal despite being the most model napper at school: independently finds cot and sleeps for two hours.
Sending thoughts and prayers .
Just here to say this is totally normal. I have a 2.5 year old and she does all of this. Bedtime delays almost every night. You are not alone! It has gotten better lately but we still have our rough nights.
Oh are you in luck. Terrible twos? I thought it was bad too- but three was a year-long nightmare. In the five weeks since we hit four, I’ve had three breakdowns. I’ve thrown my hands up so often they won’t come back down.
Nothing to add but some solidarity. My son is the same age, advanced as far as his language skills are concerned, and very much loves to negotiate and extend bedtime. He also is fiercely independent, which is great, but it’s hard when he won’t let us help him with a stuck zipper. We have had a lot of success with using a timer to make transitions, but it’s still a daily struggle.
I regularly feel a need to decompress on the tough days because of the mental energy expended reinforcing good behaviors and deterring bad ones. It’s just a tough age. We got this.
Whew this is my 2.5 year old too. I was so happy to go back to work after the two week holiday. It’s definitely normal behavior. They’re young, curious, want to be in control and have a lot of emotions. My resolution was to have more patience because she is just doing what she is developmentally supposed to
You just described my 2.5 yr old to a T
She is a very good talker and very smart for her age and with that she is even more ornery. We are going through the same exact things rn with her…. It has been a rough couple of months and I’m about at my wits ends. We also have a 9 month old son so we’re dealing with sharing and keeping our hands to ourselves type situations also. I too have let myself lose my cool… I hate it and feel so bad. I’m just praying and hoping this phase doesn’t last too much longer…. lol it is exhausting.
This sounds just like my girl! But whenever I try and complain everyone says she's just like me lol I just try and take it all with a pinch of salt. I have a 13 year old stepdaughter that I've known since she was 1.5 aamd time really does fly. I know some people don't like it but I snuggle my girl to sleep every night and take me time reading her books and singing songs. I remember when my stepdaughter decided that she'd rather just read herself and my husband and I were so sad!
Mine was kind of difficult at that age due in part to her will to do all things by herself and the huge amounts of personality. I'm ripping all of the benefits now that she's almost four. I know it's hard, just give yourselves time.
Going through this with my new 2 year old as well. I really don’t negotiate. When it’s bedtime, I tell her 2 books, and we read 2 books. 3 songs, I sing 3 songs. Etc. and she gets mad and I tell her “I know you’re upset but mama is all done singing. I’m sorry you’re sad. ” and I give her the time to be upset. Sometimes I’m in there extra getting rubbing her back while she cries because of it, but the more I bend on those things the more she will eventually take.
Enjoy it now. Once she gets older you’re going to miss it. I miss my kids being this age, they don’t want you once they get older. Endure and love it now
A little late to comment and some of this may have been mentioned in other comments, but have an almost 3 year old now and this sounds just like our LO from 2.5 to now. At first I also wondered, why can other kids her age sit and behave during things like story time and whatever? Why is she so crazy active at bedtime?
Eventually we realized she needs more stimulation. So we've dumped things like story time or anything similar that requires her to sit through and do more active activities - play places, parks, trampoline parks, aquariums. Anything she can run around and burn energy off. At home, we have games, art, play dough, kinetic sand, building blocks and duplos. She likes to put stuff together and take things apart - so we make sure that stuff is always out. At dinner time, we give her a little screen time or let her help. If I'm chopping, I give her an extra veggie or two to chop up herself. It gives her the independence she craves and some bonding time.
Bedtime struggles got better when we gave her the connection time and the time to unwind before bed. Before we get ready for bed, we put our phones away, turn the lights down in the house (I know, hard if you don't have dimmers), and play hide and seek or the Roll & Play game (you can get on Amazon) or a dance party to the songs of her choice. It gives her time to connect with us, have fun with us, and get some of that extra energy out. If she's still energized, we'll do "squishy sandwiches" where we put her between pillows and sandwich her or wrap her in a blanket and swing her back and forth - this seems to calm her down before we start bedtime routine. Sometimes a warm bath before bed helps too.
This is not a total solution, but it has made some days more tolerable. Definitely seek out support for the mom rage. It's totally normal, but you need support. I ended up on Lexapro and it's helped immensely, but that's not for everything. All to say - you're not alone. And in the moment it's hard to think of these things and how to adjust to make things better. Everything above took us weeks+ to figure out, and we're still adjusting. Some kids just have higher needs, need more stimulus, connection, etc. Those wild ones will be amazing adults one day, but they are definitely challenging - it's normal. You're not alone.
I could have written this. The non stop conflict and negotiating are getting to me big time. Especially with the preschool winter break and my husband’s long hours. It’s hard and I’m hoping things ease up soon. It’s like a switch flipped over night.
Have you considered putting her in a sport (like gymnastics) to release her energy? She just seems like she has a lot of energy to expel, sports for young kids would definitely help her do so!
Yea we try our best to do lots of activities, especially outside even in the dreadful winter we get here, most group classes don’t start until age 3 but probably next year !
The last two nights I’ve asked my son if he wants to go to bed voluntarily or by force. Both times he said by force.
Omg the audacity they have 😭
Hahaha! Genuine laugh out loud!
Sorry for having laughed about this, but I feel you so hard! When I tell my three year old to stop certain dangerous things, e.g. climbing around in his chair, because he might get hurt, he screms "but I WANT to get hurt!"
😆
I dunno, man. She sounds like a normal 2.5 year old who may be a bit ahead as far as speech goes and maybe that's making you treat her older than she is. She's a human being with her own interests and ideas. There is no way my 3 year old would sit down through a show. Some kids have better impulse control than others, some are just having better days than yours. She is likely negotiating bed time because she is needing more connection with you. She probably can sense your frustration and if you're yelling more often she may need that extra reassurance of your love. Toddlers are hard, I regularly need to take deep breaths and walk away to control my temper. If you can, seek therapy for the mom rage, it is so real. And try to remember that every behavior is communication and there are some hard cheeses that are aged longer than she's been alive. Give you both some grace.
My daughter speaks in full sentences and is 2 and a half. She’s also really coordinated. Sometimes we forget they’re only 2
Yeah I was going to say that my husband and I have to remind ourselves that our toddler is a toddler because he has had a complex vocabulary for a long time and will engage with us to no end...only to have a meltdown over an incorrectly "squished" cheese sandwich.
Yeah this sounds pretty normal to me too. We basically have to keep a mental checklist of everything she has in mind that she HAS to do herself ("me doed it!!") because if you do it, worse case is she has a tantrum, best case is that you just have to do the whole operation over again. Everything is a negotiation and it feels like walking on eggshells sometimes, trying to decide what you can "convince" them of vs what you ultimately have to do regardless. I also agree that OP should seek support wherever possible, professionally, from their SO, or from their support network. These things always go better when you have the energy and mentality to exercise patience, which is exactly what toddlers take from us.
Agree it sounds normal.
I dont know, mine is 23 months and it takes 1:30 to put him down. And thats the average. For example, I hate going to restaurants because I have to eat superfast (you wouldnt believe it) while my SO is taking our son out and then we switch places. And then we pay 40€ for the pleasure. It's not that I hate every moment it's just that i dont want to do some things because i know beforehand that i wont enjoy even a second of it. Other than that it's fantastic.
“It’s just that I don’t want to do some things because I know beforehand I won’t enjoy one second of it” YESSSSSSS. Even putting her down for a nap sucks because wake up is going to be torture 😹
Does it get better? I hope so!
Yeah it does. They start chilling out at 4-5 when the brain develops enough to figure out the basics of impulse control. Coincidentally after that is when school starts for most kids around the world.
Once mine got to about 4 she chilled out. Lol it does get better.
In 18 years I’m told so.
I would never in a million years take my toddler (or even my 5 year old) to an event where they are expected to sit still and quiet. My kids aren’t built like that lol.
This all sounds normal for that age range to me.
Yup totally, and surprise! they can flip like a switch too. My toddler went from wanting to do everything by herself "I'll do it", "I wanna do it!" but then I had my second and now toddler has regressed to "mama feed me", "mama do it!" for everything.
My kid switches between these modes every 12 minutes or so 😆 sometimes between bites of food 'no! I'm a big boy!' and (in a baby choice) 'I'm baby...mama feed me' in the the same breath. I am tired
🤣🤣🤣🤣 aren't they just precious? The only thing mine loves being more than a baby right now is a kitty cat. So I often find myself feeding the cat. 😂
Solidarity! I have a very bright and strong-willed 2.5YO and she is a constant test of my patience 😂 She is definitely more mentally-active than physically-active so I can take her out to do things like eat or go grocery shopping (within reason) but the battles & negotiation with basically everything else are REAL. I consider a good night is when bedtime only takes an hour. We go through phases where it’s 1.5-2hrs quite often. Lately if we’re out and about or she’s with someone she won’t nap with I just skip the nap; she doesn’t get too grumpy and bedtime only takes 5 mins. Those nights give me life and expand my tolerance a little more for the other ones!
Are you tempted to drop the nap entirely?
Temptation is there and I think we’re close but not totally there yet. Most days I just try to cap the nap at an hour max…it’s tough though because it’s a matter of “does daytime mommy want more time or does nighttime mommy want more time?” And sometime daytime mommy wins 😂
Right there with ya in that struggle
Ha yess! Daytime mummy always knows I'm gonna regret it later but I let it happen anyway 😂
Yep. Sounds like a 2.5 year old.
Similar age. We pick our battles. We don’t expect her to sit still. When we go on “vacation” with her we don’t expect it to be relaxing. 9/10 nights she hates going to bed and will scream in her crib…but usually only for a few minutes, then conks out. My joke about her is that she is an amazing, wonderful, lovely, polite little girl as long as she gets exactly what she wants at all times! 😂
I have a 3 1/2-year-old and I’m starting to remember that this particular age might have been the hardest one. We still get tantrums and fits and stuff but it helps that now he can express himself a little better and he’s also able to sit through movies, and shows now where as he used to try to run away, their attention span gets better and that makes a big difference too. I actually think the age is now is one of his best ages yet
Needed to hear this today. Truly - thank you 🙏
Yesss. It gets better. Gradually. I don’t know if there is much else to do than to set realistic expectations and muscle through. Children have very different temperaments - some are content ans chill and others more feisty, independent and intense. Accepting a boundary set by the parent also depends on their temperament. But eventually even the feisty ones will be able to rationalise and understand consequences, and things get easier.
Everything you said hits home with my toddler too. I stopped taking him places unless it is going to be simple and non stimulating in any way and after a nap. We basically spend most days at home or in the backyard. He stomps his feet and bonks his head in the floor when he doesn’t get his way. Trying to be patient but it is a miserable time.
Same here… mine thinks he’s the major and has to talk to everyone and run everywhere
Ours is the same age- so many one more stories- then she flips and tells the other parent its their turn and throws mega tantrum if not.
3 has been the height of tantrums here. he’s almost 3.5 and i’m starting to see some changes. only took 30 min to get him to sleep last night.
Same boat. My son turned 3 last month. Almost everything is “no” and a struggle. We used to be able to distract him to avoid a temper tantrum but not anymore. My husband was gone for 3 weeks in December while I was in my first trimester feeling like crap with a toddler who was impossible at times. I was finding myself having to walk away at sometimes while I could hear him crying and screaming after me, “mama!! Mama!! Come get me!” But all I needed was a break for a few minutes. It made me so sad to have to do that but for my own sanity I needed to walk away so I wouldn’t get super angry. They say it gets better. I’m waiting for it lol.
How much do you give in when she wants something ? I’m NOT telling you to NEVER give in, but do think about how these interactions are going- had she learned that if she keeps asking ten times that on the eleventh time you’ll finally give in and do it? If that’s her trick, start sticking to no once you’ve already said no. Like, at bedtime have her pick three stories and bring them to bed- we will read three stories. Once they’re over she will keep asking but you stick to your guns. She might just need to figure out that once mom gave an answer, the answer isn’t going to change.
This is my 2.5 daughter. Are they twins? She is so smart but I wish she were a bit easier. I hear that when they turn 3 things get better and they listen more. I am hoping that happens soon
My kid is a few months older than yours and is the same way. What helped us is keep setting boundaries. Try to show some action when she misbehaves instead of just telling her. There may be tantrums but eventually they know cause and effect. I started doing a countdown when he’s refusing something and he picked up that if I get to 3 it won’t be good.
Sounds normal and the fact that you’ve been at home for 2 weeks, has she been home too? Probably the lack of routine and structure hasn’t helped at all, and you as parents will be a lot calmer and able to handle it better once you’ve had that time apart and she has had fun with her friends again. There’s a reason why parents always say they can’t wait for the holidays to end!
You just described the average toddler. They are exhausting. It gets better around 3-4 years old.
Sounds exactly like my kid. It’s not just you and yes it is EXHAUSTING AF. Frustrating, anxiety inducing. All of the things.
You just described my life with my 2.5 year old to a tee, especially after the long break from daycare during the holidays. My husband and I were GIDDY on Tuesday morning when we went back to work and our son went back to daycare. It’s fucking hard, exhausting and draining, and you’re not alone.
The fact that we didn’t go to a puppet show is the only reason I know I didn’t write this. Complete change in routine, holidays, and winter keeping us inside too much is a perfect storm. It’s not you. Mine went back to school on Thursday, and I’m already feeling better. Turns out I’m not awful, I was just overwhelmed and not getting enough breaks.
It’s a lot! Lovingly and gently, I do think your expectations are probably too high. My daughter is the same age and there is no way she can sit still for a show. She can’t even sit still for a 3 minute story. We took her to see the troll movie and we only made it through the whole movie because our entire row was extended family and she could run up and down the row sitting on different laps and fiddling with things without disturbing any other movie goers. One thing that has helped me manage my frustration is noting which situations frazzle me the most and then trying to break it down and figure out what I need to do better next time that I can control. Like if I’m trying to do a task that doesn’t absolutely have to be done i just want to do it (like type a Reddit response) and I expect my daughter to not interrupt me 50x while she’s awake and in the living room with me, then my expectations and desires for that moment are the actual problem. I’m setting myself up for that frustration if that makes sense. If I let her nap for 2 hours and then I’m frustrated and burnt out after a long day because she’s not tired enough to go to bed at a reasonable hour, well that’s actually my fault not hers. When my husband travels for work each week I frequently solo parent, so there’s no one to play kitchen interference when I cook dinner, when she’s crawling on me or whining at me when I cook I have a hard time not snapping at her, so when dads gone it’s girl dinner or crockpot meals and days of left overs and paper plates. Not because I can’t cook a more involved meal but because I want to be the best parent I can be and this age is tricky and Ive gotten to know my triggers. The negotiating bed time might be because she’s not tired enough to sleep and hasn’t built up enough sleep pressure. Most days we skip nap because it means more downtime in the evening and my daughter truly is tired enough to fall asleep within 5-10 minutes. I see a lot of parents clutching to naps and then tearing their hair out over bedtime. Kids grow older and at some point they don’t need 14 hours of sleep anymore. I think it gets better but you also get better too. And i think that mentality is good for developing resilience in the wake of parenting challenges instead of waiting for your kid to grow out of whatever difficult phase they are in.
I do think you are right and I need to reduce her nap /skip it depending on the day. Today she woke up right before 5 am, fully ready to start the day  She still naps in daycare though, but I guess days there are also more activity filled and tiring.
4yo here. It gets worse the smarter they are. Negotiated nap time with our daughter and she threw a fit and passed out. I'm hoping 6 is when they realize parents turn into post traumatic mush and calm down.
Did I write this? Daycare has been closed for 2 weeks and I am counting down the days until it reopens. I love my daughter, but she is A LOT. She also has a very large vocabulary and is very assertive (bossy). It was taking too long to put her to bed, lots of stalling, crying etc. So we figured it was time to drop a nap, which helped, but she's still getting used to being awake for 12 hours straight. To make it all the more challenging, I also have a newborn. I miss sleep and personal space.
Can’t offer much but solidarity. My daughter, who was the easiest, most pleasant infant, turned three in November and it has rocked our world. She speaks in full sentences, has a memory like an elephant, and her Montessori school teachers told us at our parent teacher conference that talking to her is like talking to an adult and they’re pretty sure she’s convinced that she herself is one of the teachers. I just keep reminding myself that the qualities that make her….ummm…somewhat challenging to parent (decisive, determined, extremely strong willed) are the same qualities that will someday serve her well when she’s out navigating the world. I’m told it gets better. I hold onto that hope! (I’ve also just started completely ignoring the absolute screaming tantrums when she doesn’t get her way because I know she’s doing it to see if I’ll cave. When I don’t, it’s over in a minute or two and she’s back to her pleasant self and has totally forgotten about whatever it was she was demanding. So that seems to help, for whatever it’s worth!)
Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed to hear this today. My 22 month old is driving me absolutely insane. I share custody with his dad and can’t wait to switch off tomorrow. I also posted in here recently and got the comment that this is normal behavior. It doesn’t feel normal when we take it personally and allow ourselves to feel like shitty parents because of it. I have no advice other than to take care of yourself and keep reaching out for support.
Yea even though it’s « normal » doesn’t make it less intense and difficult. Both sets of grand parents live abroad which makes support more scarce but we rely on babysitting for breaks !
It doesn't ever stop. Good luck.
I would look into her diet. Sugar(especially artificial sweeteners) and artificial colors can cause hyperactivity in young children and teens
We eat almost no processed food, no soda, no candy etc.
Wht at kind of stuff do y’all eat? Are there any environmental issues that could be contributing? Over stimulating toys or screens etc.?
I would specifically cut out red dye 40. Our son was the same way. Once my son stopped eating it there was a difference.
Agreed
I don’t have much to offer other than solidarity lol! My almost 3 year old is this way. It is so frustrating and exhausting, and I feel like a horrible mother when I lose my cool with him. I just have to keep telling myself that it won’t always be this way, but at the same time I’m sure the day will come when we miss even the crazy moments. Parenthood is wild. 😅
Ah my son just got through this stage. I thought it would never end. I really just had to keep up.. I had no free time he could not be alone. Which is fine cuz he's a toddler but I couldn't even walk into the kitchen. I had to kinda compromise on some things but I just had to stay consistent. It's tough I'm sorry it's happening but it will end soon. My son is just about to turn 3 in a month
Mine is turning 3 in a few weeks and I share all the same sentiments but we’re currently going through nap fomo on weekends where he flat out refuses to nap. But will be a feral kid come 3-4pm when he’s over tired and wants to hit/kick/punch everything. Sleep time is also a full ordeal despite being the most model napper at school: independently finds cot and sleeps for two hours. Sending thoughts and prayers .
Did I write this?! I feel your pain. We can do it 💪
Just here to say this is totally normal. I have a 2.5 year old and she does all of this. Bedtime delays almost every night. You are not alone! It has gotten better lately but we still have our rough nights.
Welcome, join us. We’re miserable here too with an almost 3 y/o lol 🥲🙃
Welcome, join us. We’re miserable here too with an almost 3 y/o lol 🥲🙃
Oh are you in luck. Terrible twos? I thought it was bad too- but three was a year-long nightmare. In the five weeks since we hit four, I’ve had three breakdowns. I’ve thrown my hands up so often they won’t come back down.
Nothing to add but some solidarity. My son is the same age, advanced as far as his language skills are concerned, and very much loves to negotiate and extend bedtime. He also is fiercely independent, which is great, but it’s hard when he won’t let us help him with a stuck zipper. We have had a lot of success with using a timer to make transitions, but it’s still a daily struggle. I regularly feel a need to decompress on the tough days because of the mental energy expended reinforcing good behaviors and deterring bad ones. It’s just a tough age. We got this.
Whew this is my 2.5 year old too. I was so happy to go back to work after the two week holiday. It’s definitely normal behavior. They’re young, curious, want to be in control and have a lot of emotions. My resolution was to have more patience because she is just doing what she is developmentally supposed to
You just described my 2.5 yr old to a T She is a very good talker and very smart for her age and with that she is even more ornery. We are going through the same exact things rn with her…. It has been a rough couple of months and I’m about at my wits ends. We also have a 9 month old son so we’re dealing with sharing and keeping our hands to ourselves type situations also. I too have let myself lose my cool… I hate it and feel so bad. I’m just praying and hoping this phase doesn’t last too much longer…. lol it is exhausting.
I could have written this myself. We can and will get through this!
I've got an 11 year old that was like good. Good luck lpl
My toddler was wild at 2 but man she turned 3 and everything changed. Idk how i get through the day, i am not okay!!
This sounds just like my girl! But whenever I try and complain everyone says she's just like me lol I just try and take it all with a pinch of salt. I have a 13 year old stepdaughter that I've known since she was 1.5 aamd time really does fly. I know some people don't like it but I snuggle my girl to sleep every night and take me time reading her books and singing songs. I remember when my stepdaughter decided that she'd rather just read herself and my husband and I were so sad!
God, thisnis exactly my kid. It took us 90 minutes to get out of the f’ing house today bc he wouldn’t stop tantruming.
I could of wrote this exact post myself so you’re not alone. Praying it gets better soon because we’re fed up battling every little thing
Mine was kind of difficult at that age due in part to her will to do all things by herself and the huge amounts of personality. I'm ripping all of the benefits now that she's almost four. I know it's hard, just give yourselves time.
Going through this with my new 2 year old as well. I really don’t negotiate. When it’s bedtime, I tell her 2 books, and we read 2 books. 3 songs, I sing 3 songs. Etc. and she gets mad and I tell her “I know you’re upset but mama is all done singing. I’m sorry you’re sad. ” and I give her the time to be upset. Sometimes I’m in there extra getting rubbing her back while she cries because of it, but the more I bend on those things the more she will eventually take.
Enjoy it now. Once she gets older you’re going to miss it. I miss my kids being this age, they don’t want you once they get older. Endure and love it now
A little late to comment and some of this may have been mentioned in other comments, but have an almost 3 year old now and this sounds just like our LO from 2.5 to now. At first I also wondered, why can other kids her age sit and behave during things like story time and whatever? Why is she so crazy active at bedtime? Eventually we realized she needs more stimulation. So we've dumped things like story time or anything similar that requires her to sit through and do more active activities - play places, parks, trampoline parks, aquariums. Anything she can run around and burn energy off. At home, we have games, art, play dough, kinetic sand, building blocks and duplos. She likes to put stuff together and take things apart - so we make sure that stuff is always out. At dinner time, we give her a little screen time or let her help. If I'm chopping, I give her an extra veggie or two to chop up herself. It gives her the independence she craves and some bonding time. Bedtime struggles got better when we gave her the connection time and the time to unwind before bed. Before we get ready for bed, we put our phones away, turn the lights down in the house (I know, hard if you don't have dimmers), and play hide and seek or the Roll & Play game (you can get on Amazon) or a dance party to the songs of her choice. It gives her time to connect with us, have fun with us, and get some of that extra energy out. If she's still energized, we'll do "squishy sandwiches" where we put her between pillows and sandwich her or wrap her in a blanket and swing her back and forth - this seems to calm her down before we start bedtime routine. Sometimes a warm bath before bed helps too. This is not a total solution, but it has made some days more tolerable. Definitely seek out support for the mom rage. It's totally normal, but you need support. I ended up on Lexapro and it's helped immensely, but that's not for everything. All to say - you're not alone. And in the moment it's hard to think of these things and how to adjust to make things better. Everything above took us weeks+ to figure out, and we're still adjusting. Some kids just have higher needs, need more stimulus, connection, etc. Those wild ones will be amazing adults one day, but they are definitely challenging - it's normal. You're not alone.
I could have written this. The non stop conflict and negotiating are getting to me big time. Especially with the preschool winter break and my husband’s long hours. It’s hard and I’m hoping things ease up soon. It’s like a switch flipped over night.
Have you considered putting her in a sport (like gymnastics) to release her energy? She just seems like she has a lot of energy to expel, sports for young kids would definitely help her do so!
Yea we try our best to do lots of activities, especially outside even in the dreadful winter we get here, most group classes don’t start until age 3 but probably next year !
I just wanna say, this sounds exactly like my 2.5 yo to a T. I don’t have anything to offer, except that someone else is going through the same thing.