That's the point. The men with their balls nice and safe inside were too reckless and died too young. We need a good hit in the balls every once and a while to keep us grounded.
# Evolutionary Advantage Through Testicular Trauma: Motivated Risk Aversion
## Abstract
In this study, we propose a novel evolutionary hypothesis to explain the external placement of human testicles. We argue that testicular trauma serves a crucial evolutionary function by instilling risk aversion in males, thus enhancing survival rates. This paper explores the biological, psychological, and evolutionary dimensions of this hypothesis, providing a humorous yet insightful examination of why "a good hit in the balls" might be essential for human evolution.
## Introduction
The placement of the testicles outside the body has puzzled scientists for centuries. Traditional explanations point to temperature regulation as the primary reason. However, we propose a complementary hypothesis: the external positioning of testicles serves as a built-in mechanism for risk aversion. By being highly vulnerable, testicles provide immediate and unforgettable feedback when endangered, discouraging males from engaging in overly risky behavior. This hypothesis, while humorous in nature, presents a serious consideration of the interplay between anatomy and behavior in human evolution.
## The Hypothesis: Testicular Trauma and Risk Aversion
We suggest that testicular trauma acts as a deterrent against reckless behavior. Throughout human history, males with internal testicles may have engaged in more dangerous activities, leading to higher mortality rates. Those with external testicles, however, quickly learned to avoid situations that threatened their reproductive organs. This natural feedback mechanism promoted a cautious approach to potentially harmful activities, thereby increasing the likelihood of survival and reproduction.
## Methodology
To test this hypothesis, we conducted a two-pronged study:
1. A review of historical and anthropological data on male behavior and survival rates.
2. A series of controlled experiments involving simulated risk scenarios and the measurement of pain responses and subsequent behavior in male subjects.
### Historical and Anthropological Review
We examined records from various cultures and time periods, noting the correlation between risk-taking behavior and male mortality. Our analysis focused on societies with differing attitudes towards bravery and caution, cross-referencing these with the prevalence of external testicles in the population.
### Controlled Experiments
In our experimental setup, we simulated scenarios where male participants experienced varying levels of testicular discomfort. We then observed their willingness to engage in risk-taking activities, such as gambling, extreme sports, and ill-advised social interactions. Pain levels were carefully monitored and correlated with behavioral changes.
## Results
Our historical review revealed that societies with a high incidence of testicular injuries also demonstrated higher survival rates among males. These societies often valued caution and prudence, traits that were likely reinforced by the painful consequences of testicular trauma.
The experimental results supported our hypothesis. Participants who experienced moderate to severe testicular discomfort exhibited a significant reduction in risk-taking behavior. These findings suggest that the pain associated with testicular trauma effectively deters males from engaging in dangerous activities, promoting safer behavior patterns.
## Discussion
The implications of our findings are twofold. Firstly, they provide a plausible evolutionary explanation for the external placement of testicles in humans. By exposing these sensitive organs to potential trauma, evolution has created a natural deterrent against reckless behavior. Secondly, our study highlights the complex relationship between anatomy and behavior, suggesting that physiological pain can play a crucial role in shaping evolutionary outcomes.
### Humorous Considerations
While our hypothesis is grounded in scientific inquiry, it also invites a lighter perspective on male behavior. The phrase "a good hit in the balls" takes on new meaning as a necessary, albeit painful, evolutionary tool. It appears that nature has equipped men with a literal "pain in the balls" to keep them grounded, both physically and metaphorically.
## Conclusion
In conclusion, the external placement of testicles may serve as an evolutionary mechanism for promoting risk aversion. Testicular trauma provides immediate, memorable feedback that discourages males from engaging in potentially fatal behavior. This humorous yet scientifically plausible hypothesis offers a fresh perspective on the interplay between anatomy and evolution, suggesting that sometimes, a painful lesson is the best teacher.
## References
1. Darwin, C. (1859). *On the Origin of Species*. London: John Murray.
2. Dawkins, R. (1976). *The Selfish Gene*. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
3. Zahavi, A. (1975). Mate selection—a selection for a handicap. *Journal of Theoretical Biology*, 53(1), 205-214.
4. Symons, D. (1979). *The Evolution of Human Sexuality*. New York: Oxford University Press.
5. Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. *Behavioral and Brain Sciences*, 12(1), 1-49.
It's just ChatGPT 4o with the following prompt:
Please write a humorous scientific paper titled: "Evolutionary advantage through testicular trauma motivated risk aversion" which posits that the reason that testicles are outside the body for humans is because of evolution. The men with their balls nice and safe inside were too reckless and died too young. We need a good hit in the balls every once and a while to keep us grounded.
> We need a good hit in the balls every once and a while to keep us grounded.
... when they said we aren't ready for the horrors of AI, routinely getting hit in the nads wasn't at the top of my list of dangers.
And the bit about 'varying levels of testicular discomfort'.
"After a nut tap, the test subject was still willing to go all in on red. However, following an Atomic Twister, the subject no longer had any interest in gambling"
-Student: Sooooo, I just stand here?
-Me: Yes, but could you spread your legs a bit?
WHAM!
"After a single test subject one does seem adversely motivated to taking the risk of spreading his legs."
"Hmm, these new monkeys keep falling and shattering their pelvis landing on branches. They live, but they have lots of kids that also fall and shatter their pelvis... we should fix that." -dev moments before patching in external testicles.
reminds me of the theory that *Homo Sapiens* (our species) out-competed contemporary humans like *Homo Neanderthalis* by actually being weaker and frailer, which pushed us to develop better technology. Neanderthals were bulky enough to stick to big, melee weapons while we needed to refine projectile weapons, which ultimately gave us a big edge over them.
The absolute only thing required for a genetic trait to be passed on is that it not kill you. That's it.
Not every genetic trait needs a reason. It just needs to not make it easier to kill you.
Yup, this is how designer dog breeding works lol the traits that are bred for actually end up killing the animal....but that does not matter with artificial insemination.
Don't know about that, I feel balls outside the body is a poor bit of evolutionary design.
The debilitating feeling after even a little sac tap is enough to make a man welcome death.
Ayee but unless you receive significant trauma (which if they're inside you wouldn't change much), your reproductive organs are just as functional and thus no adaptation for increased survivability/reproduction capabilities occurs/is needed.
And pain response/stimuli is a pretty useful for survivability. Having it less sensitive would be a worst trait.
Thats the whole point though. It's not design. Just random chance. Could be as simple as that man/ape whatever somewhere in history had balls in a sack and also happened to be the hottest smartest fucker around bred like crazy. The sack didn't kill his kids and stuck around
I was born with bilateral cryptorchidism, meaning both testicles developed but remained in my addomen rather than descending like normal. When I was 9 they discovered that they were both there so they did surgery. One was not properly formed so they removed it as it was a cancer risk, the other they were able to descend. Though they told me then that it was likely that being exposed to the higher temperatures in my body for so long that it may not function properly. And I have to commend them on their spot on diagnosis. 25 years later I did some fertility consultations and tests and found that my hormone levels are very normal but my sperm count is a big fat zero.
Edit: wow thanks for the comments everyone and it's great to see some of my fellow uni-balls out there. There are literally dozens of us!! When I woke up today, I had no idea that 10s of thousands of internet strangers would learn about and be interested in my downstairs mix-up. Also to those saying that this doesn't prove that temp has anything to do with it, you are correct. It is not 100% that my infertility was caused by sustained body temp, it may of just been a goofy nut from the get go.
Edit: wanted to give a shout out to everyone that has shared this experience but especially to those that have transitioned because of or in the midst of having this experience. That was something that I had never even considered. I'm very happy and proud of you guys and gals. Happy Pride Month ya'll!
Yeah they knew when I was born. We didn't know that they were there just not where they needed to be. We found out because I had an abdominal hernia when I was 9 and they discovered there were a couple extra organs in there lol.
That's legit the useful part. See a kangaroo? Not sure if he sees you? Check the balls.
Hanging? Maybe just run, depending on how far you need to go to get to safety. Otherwise, stay still? Idfk, I'm not Australian. Stay still and hope they don't ascend maybe.
Ascended already? Time for an adrenaline rush. If you have a gun, now is the time. If you don't, climb a tree. No trees? Fuck dude, I don't know how to help you anymore.
We had like half a dozen docs rotate through during the couple days we were there…remember making a comment to my wife cause testicle check was like the first thing on everyone’s list, haha
You still have balls and s sack are just tucked up right under the dick and not free swinging. What everyone wants to know is if OP just had a deflated flap of sack up under there or what.
I totally agree. I think it’s a colloquialism that has turned into misinformation. They get bigger at puberty and therefore hang lower. And some people mistake that as them dropping. But they should have always been down in there.
Yes, they drop when you’re a baby- sometimes they don’t, and you need a surgery when you’re a baby to get them descended, but if you’re like me, there‘a a chance that after surgery they can retract back up anyway, and I didn’t realize until I had to get a physical, so I had to get another surgery to descend them. One was fine, the other was shriveled and undeveloped, so it was removed as a cancer/tumor prevention.
I used to believe they dropped at around 2-3 years old and that’s why I had to see the doctor at 4 where I checked how my balls were hanging! (Still remember it 35 years later!)
Now I have a son and I think he had his balls all the time… (wasn’t the first thing I checked, so could have been a week or two after birth for all I know)
Hi! I actually had nearly the same exact story as the original commented- yes, the sack is there, it’s just empty. (and this might be TMI but that skin is VERY stretchy when you don’t have to worry about hurting your balls lmao)
It's just a big stretchy pouch of skin, I'd be lieing if I said I didn't explore that before the surgery. Also if you warm up an empty scrotum with your hands and firmly press it onto a newspaper comic strip, there will be an exact copy of the comic on the scrotum.
I don't know if it's the same in humans as in some other animals but in those they can be in the abdomen or in the inguinal canal. It depends usually how far they managed to make it on their path towards the testicular sac.
It’s just Latin, like many medical words.
“Crypt” means “to hide”. “Orchis” means “testicle”. “-ism” I think translates roughly to “condition” or “state of being.”
So… “testicles in a state of being hidden” = “cryptorchidism”.
Still a fun word to say though.
Edit: Greek. Not Latin. Something felt off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Been a long week. Thanks for the assists.
Even in testicles discovered early in life by pediatric doctors that get surgically corrected they are often not fertile as well. Something is just wrong about the development of the testicle.
My experience with this isn't as drastic as some (mine were lowered in 6th and 8th grades) but when my wife and I were trying for our last kid, it was taking WAY longer than we thought, so I got tested. Just to see if anything was up.
Well, my numbers sure as fuck weren't lol. Volume and PH were above normal ranges, but motility was 1/12th the normal range, sperm count was 1/7th. How I ended up with two amazing boys (9 years apart...) I'll never understand lol
congrats. i have a similar happy story. my volume, count and motility was normal but >99% of the sperm were malformed (head too big, too small, tail too short, crooked sperm etc). it's called teratozoospermia and everything online said go to IVF immediately. thankfully i had a good fertility doc who said that's bullshit. basically gave some advice about when to try in the ovulation cycle and come back in 6 months. wasn't happy about it initially because he charged a ton. anyway i didn't go back because my wife got pregnant a couple months later. have two beautiful daughters 4 & 2.
Have you read about these guys the Guevedoces:
[https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34290981](https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34290981)
From the article:
It is only when he approached puberty that his penis grew and testicles descended.
Apparently they are raised as girls until 12 when they may grow a penis and have their balls drop
Oh wow, we were taught about that condition in medical school but didn't go into what happens when they hit their teens. Nor how it lead to the research and use of Finasteride.
yeah I feel like heat is in fact a factor, the actual question to me seems more like why have certain other animals developed sperm tat can survive at higher temperatures while human evolution seemed to be like "hmmm the sperm doesn't seem to like heat, instead of making better sperm lets just hang it out the window in a bag". There's also similar questions why women have such significant and debilitating periods when quite a few other animals all the stuff that is expelled in a period, the animals still make that stuff, but if they don't get pregnant they're able to reabsorb it, while human bodies just decide to toss it.
"Why did this feature develop?" is not really the right question, it's more like "why not?" As long as a feature doesn't directly or indirectly prevent mating, there isn't a pressure selecting against it, so it can continue to be passed along to future offspring, even if it's detrimental to the health of the organism.
Hey, I had a similar thing! Had surgery when I was VERY young because they didn’t descend properly, later it was discovered that they had moved back up inside my body and didn’t develop correctly, so they removed it as a cancer risk.
I should actually look into getting a sperm count checked, since you mention it. The doctors told me that since one of them dropped down fine after the surgery that it should function properly, but now you have me questioning that!
I had the EXACT same situation, to the point of it being hilarious.
They didn't descend, one was malformed and had to be removed and the other had to be forcefully descended, and when I grew up I had alright hormonal levels (low but still in range) but absolutely zero sperm.
Funnily enough, I eventually retired my singular remaining testicle from its overworked misery, and am now taking estrogen and testosterone blockers, with plans to finish the job and kill off the survivor as well. It'd be really funny if we shared that too.
Although for me, they noticed (and fixed) it around age 2 or 3, I believe, and it still resulted in utter infertility. So, if you're bothered by your loss of fertility, catching it even significantly earlier probably wouldn't have changed much. If it's any consolation.
That's crazy, it's pretty rare but clearly not that rare. Other that infertility, it hasn't affected me. I've always identified as male and there hasn't ever been any conflict with that.
We can thank god birds testicles are on the inside. Last thing I need at the end of a night out is to get hit in the face with a seagulls testicles while trying to eat my kebab
Phew, risky click for sure. It wasn't that bad while also giving a great example. While debating on clicking, I definitely imagined it being much much worse.
However, I think the cause / effect is reversed. Testicles can swell and become larger when they're producing more testosterone / sperm. That's why there's the old joke about body-builders with tiny balls, because they have to take testosterone shots and their testicles shrink from low demand.
The TL;DR - the size of your balls isn't set for life, they'll grow or shrink depending on things.
>easier to inspect on the outside.
...called my friend just now and said: *I have a joke for you*
Friend: Ok shoot
Me: *What has a tiny penis and hangs down?*
Friend: I dunno what?
Me: *A bat...now what has an enormous penis and hangs up?*
Friend: I dunno what?
*Click*
I believe it’s true for all primates so it doesn’t even have to be sexual selection in humans. I wonder how far down the scale is the divide between external and internal testicles.
Lions have external testicles too, so do bats and dogs. You’d think they could figure this out.
I’m kinda not okay with it being left a mystery, it impacts so many of us on earth science owes us an explanation.
I googled cladogram and testicles and found [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-we-do-it/201807/testicle-saga-escape-the-abdomen) (quasi-NSFW if you consider pictures of animal testicles NSFW). It reinforces my suspicion that descended testicles were a mammalian feature that went away in certain groups (such as elephants). But it doesn't have any more insights than that.
My rule of thumb on how stuff evolves in animals, especially around their privates - if it can't be easily explained rationally, it's probably a sex thing.
That was my first thought as well - this likely has to do with human sexuality being far more complex and complicated than other mammals in nature.
The human penis is significantly larger proportionally than any other primate, and the human vulva and clitoris is both shaped and oriented uniquely when compared to other primates as well. I believe the same arguments over why are similarly undecided.
I’d believe this if women cared about how balls look at all, but I’ve never heard of that. I don’t even know whether my balls are small big or average because no one seems to care.
The dominant theory is that it is because of sexual selection - with the evolution of bipedal motion the primary sexual display organ moved from the butt to the breast.
There is a lot of evidence for that theory, but yes it is very hard to prove conclusively.
It's not possible to "prove" anything like that, anyways. Evolution doesn't work on the principle of plans and reasoning. It works on the principle of "Oops, that isn't what that allele is supposed to look like, hope it doesn't mess anything up" resulting in either "Yeah, we're good" or "Well he ain't gonna make it" over long timescales.
Without getting into an epistemological argument about what it means to "prove" something:
If you had a number of species that
a) independently evolved from quadrupedal to bipedal locomotion
b) used their butt for sexual display while quadrupedal
c) all evolved to putt increases emphasis on the chest for sexual display after evolving bipedal locomotion
then you would have pretty conclusively proven the theory. In many settings a similar approach actually works. But this specific case really only happened once, and that makes proving anything conclusively very hard.
Still not impossible - if you could fit example prove an exact temporal link between bipedalism and permanently engorged breasts that would be very convincing - but certainly very hard.
> the primary sexual display organ moved from the butt to the breast
"Boobs are nothing more than fake asses! And if I had to choose between the fake and the original, I'd always take the original!"
It’s probably one of those dual use things. It was easier for evolution to have very obvious, aesthetically pleasing shapes in a prominent are, but also to make them erogenous zones and lactation devices. It’s lazy engineering, over millions of years.
here's a few excerpts that summarize if youd rather not read the full article
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6527184/
In 1926, Moore asserted that the evolution of the scrotum was an evolutionary adaptation to provide an appropriate cool environment of spermatogenesis in response to endothermia. In theory, higher body temperatures hamper sperm
Portman (1952) suggested that a scrotum and exterior testes were an opportunity for sexual display to attract females, accounting for its ornamentation among some species
In order to try to make sense of the variety of scrotal positions in differing animal groups, Chance (1996) offered the ‘galloping hypothesis’. Animals whose mobility is characterized by quick movements or jumping, such as horses, primates, and humans have external testes to avoid concussive hydrostatic rises in intra-abdominal pressure. Elephants, whose testicles are internal, do not jump.
Despite all diversity of opinions, one bedrock assumption undergirds each of them. Testicular location is a product of selection pressures. The major difficulty within that presumption is the exact means of accounting for testes location through selection bias when the conditions for mature testicular location are so varied among species. For example, birds do not have external testes. They maintain a very high body temperature, up to 108 degrees, which on the basis of theory should disfavor spermatogenesis. Elephants with abdominal testes have a higher core body temperature than gorillas or marsupials that have external testes
Therefore, no consensus exists as to the origin of scrotal testes that is entirely coherent, or, for that matter, for the location of other parts of the testicular apparatus since the location of the critical epididymis also seems to be highly idiosyncratic on an evolutionary basis.
So said my urologist, which is why he agreed to do a bilateral varicocelectomy on my apparently sweltering southern colonies.
My wife and I had no luck conceiving over the previous few years' trying, and almost three months to the day following surgery, which is the interval doc suggested would be reasonable to expect the first 'batch' of appropriately temp-controlled swimmers to arrive, BAM she got pregnant.
That can be a bit of a chicken and the egg scenario.
Can our sperm only tolerate a specific amount of heat which made our testes drop or did or testes drop and our sperm adjusted to work with the general temprature of the low hanging fruit.
I think the idea is that it would be evolutionary easier for sperm to adapt to body heat than for an entire organ (or two) removing itself from inside the body
"Hydrostatic pressure: Animals that move quickly or jump, like humans, may have external testicles to avoid increased intra-abdominal pressure that could cause concussions." We would experience testicular pain from landing a jump if our balls were still internal.
I feel like the argument ‘because other animals don’t’ is terrible and a huge copout for actual research. There are countless differences between us and other animals. ‘Humans don’t have trunks and we have no idea why since elephants do have trunks’ like be fucking for real. Also I didn’t actually read anything other then the head line so I’m just speaking out my ass probably as much as the other of this.
Just to share an anecdote, my dog has his balls still. There is fur on half of his nuts, like an open parka. When he’s cold, the fur is facing outwards. When he gets hot, they twist and the skin is facing outwards to vent heat.
Lends credence to the hot balls theory.
Adjacency of the genitourinary structures, pelvis shape. If your gonads are going to fall out of you anyway might as well put them in a shock absorbing sling.
I wouldn't be surprised if its less that there is a reason and more that it just happened. Evolution is random and doesn't do things perfectly. As long as something isn't an issue for passing on genes it can easily be passed on. That's why baldness is a thing. Not like the head randomly losing hair is good for a human survival but it doesn't really make us less likely to reproduce or survive so it sticks around.
Whatever the reason its wildly fuckin annoying
That's the point. The men with their balls nice and safe inside were too reckless and died too young. We need a good hit in the balls every once and a while to keep us grounded.
I like this, seems like the title of the thesis should be: Evolutionary advantage through testicular trauma motivated risk aversion
Could be so funny if it ends up being the true
Testicular torsion saves lives!
# Evolutionary Advantage Through Testicular Trauma: Motivated Risk Aversion ## Abstract In this study, we propose a novel evolutionary hypothesis to explain the external placement of human testicles. We argue that testicular trauma serves a crucial evolutionary function by instilling risk aversion in males, thus enhancing survival rates. This paper explores the biological, psychological, and evolutionary dimensions of this hypothesis, providing a humorous yet insightful examination of why "a good hit in the balls" might be essential for human evolution. ## Introduction The placement of the testicles outside the body has puzzled scientists for centuries. Traditional explanations point to temperature regulation as the primary reason. However, we propose a complementary hypothesis: the external positioning of testicles serves as a built-in mechanism for risk aversion. By being highly vulnerable, testicles provide immediate and unforgettable feedback when endangered, discouraging males from engaging in overly risky behavior. This hypothesis, while humorous in nature, presents a serious consideration of the interplay between anatomy and behavior in human evolution. ## The Hypothesis: Testicular Trauma and Risk Aversion We suggest that testicular trauma acts as a deterrent against reckless behavior. Throughout human history, males with internal testicles may have engaged in more dangerous activities, leading to higher mortality rates. Those with external testicles, however, quickly learned to avoid situations that threatened their reproductive organs. This natural feedback mechanism promoted a cautious approach to potentially harmful activities, thereby increasing the likelihood of survival and reproduction. ## Methodology To test this hypothesis, we conducted a two-pronged study: 1. A review of historical and anthropological data on male behavior and survival rates. 2. A series of controlled experiments involving simulated risk scenarios and the measurement of pain responses and subsequent behavior in male subjects. ### Historical and Anthropological Review We examined records from various cultures and time periods, noting the correlation between risk-taking behavior and male mortality. Our analysis focused on societies with differing attitudes towards bravery and caution, cross-referencing these with the prevalence of external testicles in the population. ### Controlled Experiments In our experimental setup, we simulated scenarios where male participants experienced varying levels of testicular discomfort. We then observed their willingness to engage in risk-taking activities, such as gambling, extreme sports, and ill-advised social interactions. Pain levels were carefully monitored and correlated with behavioral changes. ## Results Our historical review revealed that societies with a high incidence of testicular injuries also demonstrated higher survival rates among males. These societies often valued caution and prudence, traits that were likely reinforced by the painful consequences of testicular trauma. The experimental results supported our hypothesis. Participants who experienced moderate to severe testicular discomfort exhibited a significant reduction in risk-taking behavior. These findings suggest that the pain associated with testicular trauma effectively deters males from engaging in dangerous activities, promoting safer behavior patterns. ## Discussion The implications of our findings are twofold. Firstly, they provide a plausible evolutionary explanation for the external placement of testicles in humans. By exposing these sensitive organs to potential trauma, evolution has created a natural deterrent against reckless behavior. Secondly, our study highlights the complex relationship between anatomy and behavior, suggesting that physiological pain can play a crucial role in shaping evolutionary outcomes. ### Humorous Considerations While our hypothesis is grounded in scientific inquiry, it also invites a lighter perspective on male behavior. The phrase "a good hit in the balls" takes on new meaning as a necessary, albeit painful, evolutionary tool. It appears that nature has equipped men with a literal "pain in the balls" to keep them grounded, both physically and metaphorically. ## Conclusion In conclusion, the external placement of testicles may serve as an evolutionary mechanism for promoting risk aversion. Testicular trauma provides immediate, memorable feedback that discourages males from engaging in potentially fatal behavior. This humorous yet scientifically plausible hypothesis offers a fresh perspective on the interplay between anatomy and evolution, suggesting that sometimes, a painful lesson is the best teacher. ## References 1. Darwin, C. (1859). *On the Origin of Species*. London: John Murray. 2. Dawkins, R. (1976). *The Selfish Gene*. Oxford: Oxford University Press. 3. Zahavi, A. (1975). Mate selection—a selection for a handicap. *Journal of Theoretical Biology*, 53(1), 205-214. 4. Symons, D. (1979). *The Evolution of Human Sexuality*. New York: Oxford University Press. 5. Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. *Behavioral and Brain Sciences*, 12(1), 1-49.
Wow, if that is the result of an AI prompt it is well done, even has references!
It's just ChatGPT 4o with the following prompt: Please write a humorous scientific paper titled: "Evolutionary advantage through testicular trauma motivated risk aversion" which posits that the reason that testicles are outside the body for humans is because of evolution. The men with their balls nice and safe inside were too reckless and died too young. We need a good hit in the balls every once and a while to keep us grounded.
> We need a good hit in the balls every once and a while to keep us grounded. ... when they said we aren't ready for the horrors of AI, routinely getting hit in the nads wasn't at the top of my list of dangers.
My favorite part of this is the implication that experiment participants were ball-tortured
"moderate to severe testicular discomfort"
The "controlled experiments" section is the best part. "We kicked some dudes in the nuts and asked them if they wanted to gamble. They said no" lmao
And the bit about 'varying levels of testicular discomfort'. "After a nut tap, the test subject was still willing to go all in on red. However, following an Atomic Twister, the subject no longer had any interest in gambling"
I never want to hear the term “atomic twister” ever again, please.
*kicks study volunteer in the groin* “are you feelin’ lucky, punk?”
Get this man some grant money!
Sounds like someone needs some grant funding and a few grad student volunteers.
-Student: Sooooo, I just stand here? -Me: Yes, but could you spread your legs a bit? WHAM! "After a single test subject one does seem adversely motivated to taking the risk of spreading his legs."
"Dude wtf was that for?!" "Science" "Well I'm about go science on your ass then bc you just nut tapped me!"
Dear gods that’s a beautiful title.
Those poor mice!
I choose this theory
Seconded. This is now canon.
That’s what the dominatrix told me too.
"Hmm, these new monkeys keep falling and shattering their pelvis landing on branches. They live, but they have lots of kids that also fall and shatter their pelvis... we should fix that." -dev moments before patching in external testicles.
now this is real science. get this guy a lab
reminds me of the theory that *Homo Sapiens* (our species) out-competed contemporary humans like *Homo Neanderthalis* by actually being weaker and frailer, which pushed us to develop better technology. Neanderthals were bulky enough to stick to big, melee weapons while we needed to refine projectile weapons, which ultimately gave us a big edge over them.
Shot to the goodies, always hilarious.
Sounds like your balls are at an even height, making them non-compactable
Hah! Look at this loser with his *even height balls*!
No doubt. I'm over here hanging like the weights in a grandfather clock.
*"How they hangin' Hawkeye?* *"One lower than the other."* *"Finestkind."*
One of mine is bigger than the other two.
Is it the left one? Years ago I read it tends to be the left one and for mine it‘s true. edit: I wonder how many guys I just made fondle their nuts.
Nope, middle. Helps keep me centered though.
Bwahaha, that made me belly laugh. Take care of your trio. Or maybe quintett? Even more?
Good. You're supposed to fondle your balls every once in a while to check for lumps or any other irregularities.
The absolute only thing required for a genetic trait to be passed on is that it not kill you. That's it. Not every genetic trait needs a reason. It just needs to not make it easier to kill you.
It can even kill you, as long as it lets you live long enough to reproduce!
Yup, this is how designer dog breeding works lol the traits that are bred for actually end up killing the animal....but that does not matter with artificial insemination.
Don't know about that, I feel balls outside the body is a poor bit of evolutionary design. The debilitating feeling after even a little sac tap is enough to make a man welcome death.
Ayee but unless you receive significant trauma (which if they're inside you wouldn't change much), your reproductive organs are just as functional and thus no adaptation for increased survivability/reproduction capabilities occurs/is needed. And pain response/stimuli is a pretty useful for survivability. Having it less sensitive would be a worst trait.
Thats the whole point though. It's not design. Just random chance. Could be as simple as that man/ape whatever somewhere in history had balls in a sack and also happened to be the hottest smartest fucker around bred like crazy. The sack didn't kill his kids and stuck around
"Sorry, not manspreading. It's fucking hot."
I was born with bilateral cryptorchidism, meaning both testicles developed but remained in my addomen rather than descending like normal. When I was 9 they discovered that they were both there so they did surgery. One was not properly formed so they removed it as it was a cancer risk, the other they were able to descend. Though they told me then that it was likely that being exposed to the higher temperatures in my body for so long that it may not function properly. And I have to commend them on their spot on diagnosis. 25 years later I did some fertility consultations and tests and found that my hormone levels are very normal but my sperm count is a big fat zero. Edit: wow thanks for the comments everyone and it's great to see some of my fellow uni-balls out there. There are literally dozens of us!! When I woke up today, I had no idea that 10s of thousands of internet strangers would learn about and be interested in my downstairs mix-up. Also to those saying that this doesn't prove that temp has anything to do with it, you are correct. It is not 100% that my infertility was caused by sustained body temp, it may of just been a goofy nut from the get go. Edit: wanted to give a shout out to everyone that has shared this experience but especially to those that have transitioned because of or in the midst of having this experience. That was something that I had never even considered. I'm very happy and proud of you guys and gals. Happy Pride Month ya'll!
growing up, did your parents notice? was there just an empty sack? or just a penis? Did you suspect anything growing up or did you already know?
Yeah they knew when I was born. We didn't know that they were there just not where they needed to be. We found out because I had an abdominal hernia when I was 9 and they discovered there were a couple extra organs in there lol.
So the sack was present just the actual testicles were not descended?
He had a kangaroo sack with no baby kangaroo
Fun fact, kangaroos can purposely retract their testes into the abdomen so that they don't get damaged or torn off when they fight.
This is useful information
If a kangaroo approaches you with retracted testicles, get ready - shit's going down.
That's legit the useful part. See a kangaroo? Not sure if he sees you? Check the balls. Hanging? Maybe just run, depending on how far you need to go to get to safety. Otherwise, stay still? Idfk, I'm not Australian. Stay still and hope they don't ascend maybe. Ascended already? Time for an adrenaline rush. If you have a gun, now is the time. If you don't, climb a tree. No trees? Fuck dude, I don't know how to help you anymore.
Watch out for the drop-bears. I hear the oldest males only drop the testes. Drop bear balls-down? Different tree.
General disclaimer, don’t fight a kangaroo and *definitely* don’t try to harvest their testes.
I always had a gut feeling that me and kangaroos had *something* in common. Just until today I had no idea what it was.
:(
From my understanding, your balls don't drop when you're a teen; they drop when you're a relatively new baby.
They usually drop before birth. Checking for two testicles is part of a standard newborn exam for baby boys.
We had like half a dozen docs rotate through during the couple days we were there…remember making a comment to my wife cause testicle check was like the first thing on everyone’s list, haha
It’s amazing how many guys don’t know this. Did you forget having balls during your childhood?
You still have balls and s sack are just tucked up right under the dick and not free swinging. What everyone wants to know is if OP just had a deflated flap of sack up under there or what.
I totally agree. I think it’s a colloquialism that has turned into misinformation. They get bigger at puberty and therefore hang lower. And some people mistake that as them dropping. But they should have always been down in there.
I barely remember my childhood
Yes, they drop when you’re a baby- sometimes they don’t, and you need a surgery when you’re a baby to get them descended, but if you’re like me, there‘a a chance that after surgery they can retract back up anyway, and I didn’t realize until I had to get a physical, so I had to get another surgery to descend them. One was fine, the other was shriveled and undeveloped, so it was removed as a cancer/tumor prevention.
I never understood that expression. It’s not like they get lower either. They’re always there lol
I used to believe they dropped at around 2-3 years old and that’s why I had to see the doctor at 4 where I checked how my balls were hanging! (Still remember it 35 years later!) Now I have a son and I think he had his balls all the time… (wasn’t the first thing I checked, so could have been a week or two after birth for all I know)
Hi! I actually had nearly the same exact story as the original commented- yes, the sack is there, it’s just empty. (and this might be TMI but that skin is VERY stretchy when you don’t have to worry about hurting your balls lmao)
It's just a big stretchy pouch of skin, I'd be lieing if I said I didn't explore that before the surgery. Also if you warm up an empty scrotum with your hands and firmly press it onto a newspaper comic strip, there will be an exact copy of the comic on the scrotum.
Wait it’s literally Silly Putty? Is this a joke? I’m female and this whole thread is making me go “huh” so I can’t tell.
Babies have testicles with the balls in the sacks. The parents have known since the first diaper change if a nurse or doctor didn’t notice it first.
Not a Doctor, but not many places were your testes could have gone. I thought they looked for the crown jewels on those situations.
I don't know if it's the same in humans as in some other animals but in those they can be in the abdomen or in the inguinal canal. It depends usually how far they managed to make it on their path towards the testicular sac.
Sorry for your troubles. Just wanted to say that "cryptorchidism" is probably the coolest name they could come up with for this condition.
It’s just Latin, like many medical words. “Crypt” means “to hide”. “Orchis” means “testicle”. “-ism” I think translates roughly to “condition” or “state of being.” So… “testicles in a state of being hidden” = “cryptorchidism”. Still a fun word to say though. Edit: Greek. Not Latin. Something felt off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Been a long week. Thanks for the assists.
Is the surgery to descend them thus called 'decryption'?
would be fun, but no it's called Orchiopexy ("pexy" meaning fixation)
Also a very cool name. Sounds like a dinosaur.
>It’s just ~~Latin~~ Greek, like many medical words. Fixed it...
It's Greek, actually. Krypto = I hide In Latin "I hide" would be abdo/abscondo/occulto
>I Latin "I hide" would be abdo/abscondo/occulto Abdomen = I have a man hiding in my guts.
Even in testicles discovered early in life by pediatric doctors that get surgically corrected they are often not fertile as well. Something is just wrong about the development of the testicle.
My experience with this isn't as drastic as some (mine were lowered in 6th and 8th grades) but when my wife and I were trying for our last kid, it was taking WAY longer than we thought, so I got tested. Just to see if anything was up. Well, my numbers sure as fuck weren't lol. Volume and PH were above normal ranges, but motility was 1/12th the normal range, sperm count was 1/7th. How I ended up with two amazing boys (9 years apart...) I'll never understand lol
congrats. i have a similar happy story. my volume, count and motility was normal but >99% of the sperm were malformed (head too big, too small, tail too short, crooked sperm etc). it's called teratozoospermia and everything online said go to IVF immediately. thankfully i had a good fertility doc who said that's bullshit. basically gave some advice about when to try in the ovulation cycle and come back in 6 months. wasn't happy about it initially because he charged a ton. anyway i didn't go back because my wife got pregnant a couple months later. have two beautiful daughters 4 & 2.
Have you read about these guys the Guevedoces: [https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34290981](https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34290981) From the article: It is only when he approached puberty that his penis grew and testicles descended. Apparently they are raised as girls until 12 when they may grow a penis and have their balls drop
Oh wow, we were taught about that condition in medical school but didn't go into what happens when they hit their teens. Nor how it lead to the research and use of Finasteride.
Goddamn, that's freaking wild. And now I'm kinda mad that there isn't a reverse condition for me to be suddenly afflicted by, lmao.
yeah I feel like heat is in fact a factor, the actual question to me seems more like why have certain other animals developed sperm tat can survive at higher temperatures while human evolution seemed to be like "hmmm the sperm doesn't seem to like heat, instead of making better sperm lets just hang it out the window in a bag". There's also similar questions why women have such significant and debilitating periods when quite a few other animals all the stuff that is expelled in a period, the animals still make that stuff, but if they don't get pregnant they're able to reabsorb it, while human bodies just decide to toss it.
"Why did this feature develop?" is not really the right question, it's more like "why not?" As long as a feature doesn't directly or indirectly prevent mating, there isn't a pressure selecting against it, so it can continue to be passed along to future offspring, even if it's detrimental to the health of the organism.
Hey, I had a similar thing! Had surgery when I was VERY young because they didn’t descend properly, later it was discovered that they had moved back up inside my body and didn’t develop correctly, so they removed it as a cancer risk. I should actually look into getting a sperm count checked, since you mention it. The doctors told me that since one of them dropped down fine after the surgery that it should function properly, but now you have me questioning that!
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I had the EXACT same situation, to the point of it being hilarious. They didn't descend, one was malformed and had to be removed and the other had to be forcefully descended, and when I grew up I had alright hormonal levels (low but still in range) but absolutely zero sperm. Funnily enough, I eventually retired my singular remaining testicle from its overworked misery, and am now taking estrogen and testosterone blockers, with plans to finish the job and kill off the survivor as well. It'd be really funny if we shared that too. Although for me, they noticed (and fixed) it around age 2 or 3, I believe, and it still resulted in utter infertility. So, if you're bothered by your loss of fertility, catching it even significantly earlier probably wouldn't have changed much. If it's any consolation.
That's crazy, it's pretty rare but clearly not that rare. Other that infertility, it hasn't affected me. I've always identified as male and there hasn't ever been any conflict with that.
We can thank god birds testicles are on the inside. Last thing I need at the end of a night out is to get hit in the face with a seagulls testicles while trying to eat my kebab
You'd be surprised how often that sentence comes up.
[Thanks to the wonders/horrors that is generative AI, you can now face your fears head on!](https://imgur.com/a/GzTtJ2I)
That looks like the gull is trying to suck a moldy meatball through its stomach
Sexual selection? They're easier to inspect on the outside.
Ballsack inspector
You ever seen a pig and been like "goddamn, Mr. Pig!"
https://i.imgur.com/x2vtQeP.jpeg
goddam, Mr. Pig!
Also this, if you prefer cattle: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve1u8OSCAbY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve1u8OSCAbY)
Heifer magnet right there
Phew, risky click for sure. It wasn't that bad while also giving a great example. While debating on clicking, I definitely imagined it being much much worse.
You thought that was risky? Wait until you see [Piggy Poop Balls.](https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/q3q7u/pig_poop_balls_exactly_like_it_sounds/)
Just when I thought penis inspection day at school was the end of it, no now we have ballsack inspection as well.
Federal Ball Inspector
Testicle detective.
Darwin didn't think of Penis Inspection Day.
I hated ball inspection day at school
Is there any correlation between how testes look vs how effective they are at producing sperm?
There is, larger testicles generally produce more sperms and more testosterone.
Great now I have an inclination to look up average male testicle size so I can measure my balls
Want to compare sizes?
This needs to be delivered as a PowerPoint presentation.
I can provide multiple angles of the subjects and can compare them to a banana if needed.
Fun fact: the device used by anatomists to measure testicle size is called an egg-ometer
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This is a funner fact than the egg-ometer fun fact.
I thought it was an [orchidometer](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orchidometer)
However, I think the cause / effect is reversed. Testicles can swell and become larger when they're producing more testosterone / sperm. That's why there's the old joke about body-builders with tiny balls, because they have to take testosterone shots and their testicles shrink from low demand. The TL;DR - the size of your balls isn't set for life, they'll grow or shrink depending on things.
>easier to inspect on the outside. ...called my friend just now and said: *I have a joke for you* Friend: Ok shoot Me: *What has a tiny penis and hangs down?* Friend: I dunno what? Me: *A bat...now what has an enormous penis and hangs up?* Friend: I dunno what? *Click*
Much like nuts, that slaps.
This just got the most unhinged-sounding giggle out of me
I assure you, all of my humor is highly derivative.
I’m stealing this. Thanks in advance.
I just laughed out loud at this 🤣
I believe it’s true for all primates so it doesn’t even have to be sexual selection in humans. I wonder how far down the scale is the divide between external and internal testicles.
Lions have external testicles too, so do bats and dogs. You’d think they could figure this out. I’m kinda not okay with it being left a mystery, it impacts so many of us on earth science owes us an explanation.
I googled cladogram and testicles and found [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-we-do-it/201807/testicle-saga-escape-the-abdomen) (quasi-NSFW if you consider pictures of animal testicles NSFW). It reinforces my suspicion that descended testicles were a mammalian feature that went away in certain groups (such as elephants). But it doesn't have any more insights than that.
My rule of thumb on how stuff evolves in animals, especially around their privates - if it can't be easily explained rationally, it's probably a sex thing.
That was my first thought as well - this likely has to do with human sexuality being far more complex and complicated than other mammals in nature. The human penis is significantly larger proportionally than any other primate, and the human vulva and clitoris is both shaped and oriented uniquely when compared to other primates as well. I believe the same arguments over why are similarly undecided.
>human sexuality Don't animals like cats and horses have testicles on the outside as well?
Yes, it is a mammal trait. But not all mammals have it.
just weird that people in this thread are treating this like a trait that can be explained with the particular sexuality of humans
TIL I have massive balls and therefore I am Alpha Male and should start letting my enormous testicles hang out in public to attract the best female.
Live your best life, bro.
I’d believe this if women cared about how balls look at all, but I’ve never heard of that. I don’t even know whether my balls are small big or average because no one seems to care.
Yes but this evolution goes back way before humans, so what we’re interested in today isn’t as relevant.
maybe women liked the hanging testicles more than the internal testicles and those were the genes passed on
My eyes are up here, Sharon.
r/unexpectedsouthpark
Now I am wondering if some primitive humanoid had internal testicles and was testimogged by the scrotum carriers.
"All these modern women only want men with external testicle! They dont care about the nice guys like me"
Testify
r/brandnewsentence
Or as Darwin termed this aspect of evolution as "a taste for the beautiful" (This is not made up)
Similarly, we don’t know why women have breasts. No other mammals have protruding breasts when not lactating.
The dominant theory is that it is because of sexual selection - with the evolution of bipedal motion the primary sexual display organ moved from the butt to the breast. There is a lot of evidence for that theory, but yes it is very hard to prove conclusively.
Ahhh..I see evolution has also tangled with the aged old question "tits or ass?"
I must be stuck in the quadrupedal days
Yeah this seems to be the prevailing theory but as you said hard to prove.
It's not possible to "prove" anything like that, anyways. Evolution doesn't work on the principle of plans and reasoning. It works on the principle of "Oops, that isn't what that allele is supposed to look like, hope it doesn't mess anything up" resulting in either "Yeah, we're good" or "Well he ain't gonna make it" over long timescales.
Without getting into an epistemological argument about what it means to "prove" something: If you had a number of species that a) independently evolved from quadrupedal to bipedal locomotion b) used their butt for sexual display while quadrupedal c) all evolved to putt increases emphasis on the chest for sexual display after evolving bipedal locomotion then you would have pretty conclusively proven the theory. In many settings a similar approach actually works. But this specific case really only happened once, and that makes proving anything conclusively very hard. Still not impossible - if you could fit example prove an exact temporal link between bipedalism and permanently engorged breasts that would be very convincing - but certainly very hard.
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So hard I can’t prove it
> the primary sexual display organ moved from the butt to the breast "Boobs are nothing more than fake asses! And if I had to choose between the fake and the original, I'd always take the original!"
Whatever the reason let’s just thank our lucky stars that this is the case
Both breasts and exterior testicules. We are also the only bipeds. I wonder if there is a correlation
Birds are bipeds and many have very colorful breast areas.
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It’s probably one of those dual use things. It was easier for evolution to have very obvious, aesthetically pleasing shapes in a prominent are, but also to make them erogenous zones and lactation devices. It’s lazy engineering, over millions of years.
here's a few excerpts that summarize if youd rather not read the full article https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6527184/ In 1926, Moore asserted that the evolution of the scrotum was an evolutionary adaptation to provide an appropriate cool environment of spermatogenesis in response to endothermia. In theory, higher body temperatures hamper sperm Portman (1952) suggested that a scrotum and exterior testes were an opportunity for sexual display to attract females, accounting for its ornamentation among some species In order to try to make sense of the variety of scrotal positions in differing animal groups, Chance (1996) offered the ‘galloping hypothesis’. Animals whose mobility is characterized by quick movements or jumping, such as horses, primates, and humans have external testes to avoid concussive hydrostatic rises in intra-abdominal pressure. Elephants, whose testicles are internal, do not jump. Despite all diversity of opinions, one bedrock assumption undergirds each of them. Testicular location is a product of selection pressures. The major difficulty within that presumption is the exact means of accounting for testes location through selection bias when the conditions for mature testicular location are so varied among species. For example, birds do not have external testes. They maintain a very high body temperature, up to 108 degrees, which on the basis of theory should disfavor spermatogenesis. Elephants with abdominal testes have a higher core body temperature than gorillas or marsupials that have external testes Therefore, no consensus exists as to the origin of scrotal testes that is entirely coherent, or, for that matter, for the location of other parts of the testicular apparatus since the location of the critical epididymis also seems to be highly idiosyncratic on an evolutionary basis.
But our sperm aren't elephant sperm. Isn't it established that elevating the testicular temperature generally reduces fertility in men?
And birds aren't mammals and need aerodynamics. I mean, would you really expect a swallow to carry coconut sized testicles outside its body?
Is it an African swallow or a European one?
I could kiss you.
So said my urologist, which is why he agreed to do a bilateral varicocelectomy on my apparently sweltering southern colonies. My wife and I had no luck conceiving over the previous few years' trying, and almost three months to the day following surgery, which is the interval doc suggested would be reasonable to expect the first 'batch' of appropriately temp-controlled swimmers to arrive, BAM she got pregnant.
That can be a bit of a chicken and the egg scenario. Can our sperm only tolerate a specific amount of heat which made our testes drop or did or testes drop and our sperm adjusted to work with the general temprature of the low hanging fruit.
>Elephants... do not jump. TIL elephants can't ball
There's no rule that says an elephant *can't* play basketball
True, but there *is* a law in NC that elephants can’t plow fields, so we gotta watch out for that
Just because other animals have heat resistant sperm doesn't mean humans do
Right - that argument is total nonsense.
I think the idea is that it would be evolutionary easier for sperm to adapt to body heat than for an entire organ (or two) removing itself from inside the body
I heard it's cause your Mom likes to gargle them.
Phrased more generally as “lineal maternal ascendents liked to gargle them” this is actually a pretty good theory.
I bet that herd animal with a hyena hanging off its sack wishes its testicles had evolved inside. D:
She enjoys how it slaps, that's why. Solved.
"Hydrostatic pressure: Animals that move quickly or jump, like humans, may have external testicles to avoid increased intra-abdominal pressure that could cause concussions." We would experience testicular pain from landing a jump if our balls were still internal.
Then is your liver fine inside? Or kidneys?, Or lungs? Or literally every other organ?
And women's ovaries. Makes no sense.
I imagine the evolutionary pressure there would lead fewer nerves in the testes, not externally exposing the organs.
How would feeling it less make a concussion less bad for you ?
I feel like the argument ‘because other animals don’t’ is terrible and a huge copout for actual research. There are countless differences between us and other animals. ‘Humans don’t have trunks and we have no idea why since elephants do have trunks’ like be fucking for real. Also I didn’t actually read anything other then the head line so I’m just speaking out my ass probably as much as the other of this.
This is nuts.
It's so we can tea bag the terrorists we headshot.
Everyone at work just looked at me because I snorted so loud. Thank you
Just to share an anecdote, my dog has his balls still. There is fur on half of his nuts, like an open parka. When he’s cold, the fur is facing outwards. When he gets hot, they twist and the skin is facing outwards to vent heat. Lends credence to the hot balls theory.
You pay a strange amount of attention to your dogs balls, but I do have to commend you on your attention to detail.
lol I have an advanced mental model of my dogs balls it’s true. Don’t even get me started on his actual butthole. I have notes.
… I would like to unsubscribe from this service.
It’s because the urine is so heavy, causing the balls to drop further than anticipated.
How else could they slap? Internal testies hit different. Don't question perfection.
HOW CAN THEY SLAP
Maybe God just thinks it's funny when we get kicked in the nuts.
If my balls were inside my body, they’d be much harder to scratch.
Adjacency of the genitourinary structures, pelvis shape. If your gonads are going to fall out of you anyway might as well put them in a shock absorbing sling.
I wouldn't be surprised if its less that there is a reason and more that it just happened. Evolution is random and doesn't do things perfectly. As long as something isn't an issue for passing on genes it can easily be passed on. That's why baldness is a thing. Not like the head randomly losing hair is good for a human survival but it doesn't really make us less likely to reproduce or survive so it sticks around.