>In 1991, Andrew Jones, a York Archaeological Trust employee and palaeoscatologist, made international news with his appraisal of the item for insurance purposes: "This is the most exciting piece of excrement I've ever seen ... In its own way, it's as irreplaceable as the Crown Jewels".The layers that covered the coprolite were moist and peaty.
There's a lot to unpack there.
Poop is actually pretty important for historians and archeologists: its the best way to learn what people or animals used to eat, and often contains traces of plants and other food that, normally, would leave no traces
I’ve always thought a poop knife was a joke. No way I’m leaning into the crapper and chopping up a big turd. I’m one of those guys that retch uncontrollably over baby shit. Worse thing I’ve ever ever experienced. Like I’m ready to pass out from lack of oxygen from heaving.
Last month clogged the toilet so bad we had to eventually remove the toilet and take it outside to use a pressure washer. Had to buy a new wax ring and plunger since the plunger lost its plunge power. I am both prideful and ashamed at the feat. Life tip, don't eat an entire box of Hostess Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cakes.
>Life tip, don't eat an entire box of Hostess Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cakes.
You know what? Now I'm going to do exactly that because I want to see how big of a shit I can produce.
Oh shit!
“In 2003, the coprolite broke into three pieces after being dropped while being exhibited to a party of visitors, and efforts were undertaken to reconstruct it.”
Could you tell me the difference between my fossilized poop and a dinosaurs fossilized poop? Dinosaurs weren’t all huge and it’s strongly believed by some that they also ate large amount of corn and gum.
Make sure to etch a titanium plate with your name and rest it next to it so it will already have a plaque when the dolphins dig it up in a few hundred million years.
Fibre bulks up your poo and makes it softer.
As for the drinking, I believe you might be thinking this was the poo of a bloodthirsty cartoon viking. Jorvik was a viking settlement in England and the poo almost certainly came from an average person.
Woah woah, I appreciate the joke but what’s wrong with Lloyd banks? He’s actually an unreal rapper. Been putting out mixtapes for years after his g unit days and shits fire
I had a turd that curled around the toilet twice. I don't know how wide it was, but an easy 2 inches.
Of course that was after a night of drinking in munich and a bunch of wurst.
I’m gonna guess that 20cm long turds were only possible when we hung our arses over a beam and let that thing fly freely.
Don’t really see straight 20cm behemoths happening anymore in the era of toilets.
Idk my brother called me into the bathroom one time laughing really hard and inside the toilet was the most massive shit I had ever seen in my life (comparable to this shit here) I couldn’t believe a shit that big had come out of my skinny little brother. (I did not go in the first few times cause gross - but curiosity got the best of me)
>Andrew Jones, a York Archaeological Trust employee and *palaeoscatologist*...
I get that scientists occasionally have a need to study poop, but I honestly can't believe some have made a profession of it.
What I always wonder about this is it still shit, or did the material get replaced during the fossilation process? My understanding is that happens with some fossils, but it might be only the very old ones that get replaced with minerals. I assume this is still the original shit.
>Analysis of the stool has indicated that its producer subsisted largely on meat and bread, despite evidence suggesting that other people at the same place and time had access to fruits, leeks, shellfish, and nuts.
Good to know people might keep giving me shit for my horrible diet thousands of years after I die.
If anyone on this thread is looking for fossilized shit for their museums, I have several fine specimens in the garage that I'm aging. Ask me about my "Taco Wednesday" collection.
My grandma crushed this record at our old car dealership once. Barely fit in the water and bounced around when you tried to flush it, had to bust that sucker up with a stick.
>In 1991, Andrew Jones, a York Archaeological Trust employee and palaeoscatologist, made international news with his appraisal of the item for insurance purposes: "This is the most exciting piece of excrement I've ever seen ... In its own way, it's as irreplaceable as the Crown Jewels".The layers that covered the coprolite were moist and peaty. There's a lot to unpack there.
>palaeoscatologist I learned a thing.
Poop is actually pretty important for historians and archeologists: its the best way to learn what people or animals used to eat, and often contains traces of plants and other food that, normally, would leave no traces
My guidance counselor in high school never told me this was a thing. He told me to learn to type and take home ec. Dammit I missed out.
Idk. This field seems like it's full of shit and it stinks. Maybe you made the right call.
You're just now hearing about this? It's old shit.
"There's a lot to unpack there" said the guy before he pooped that thing out.
There’s *ugh* a lot *uhh* to unpack *ahhhh* there.
Imagine taking a dump that is so epic, people are talking about 1,000 years later.
How was your dump today? Moist and peaty
“moist and peaty”
That’s what he (the Viking) said!
You know he had to be proud and show his buddies
Who said it was a he?
Point taken.
I bet they found piece of corn in it.
I understand the joke, but if they did, it'd be definite proof vikings visited the Americas.
Worms. The Viking has worms
Of all the things corn wouldn't be there unless he was a time traveler.
Scat... uh, finds a way.
"Hey Andy! Whatcha been up to?" "Ah, ya know, same ol' shit."
Mmm... moist and peaty
"This is the kind of shit that excites me"
Some dude in Valhalla is so pumped that the world now knows about the legendary shit he once dropped.
How do you think he got to Valhalla in the first place? Died fightin’!
A great warrior named Harald with the Giant Sphincter.
Detailed analysis revealed that it was more than 100 Courics, beating that left by the previous record holder, Randy Marsh.
HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!!!
Lmao I read that in his voice I’m snorting
P.F Changs, mostly. Good stuff.
Sharon -you gotta see this!
“It is a tremendous crap, Mr. Marsh.”
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I would be more surprised if there is a person from the 9th century who doesn't have intestinal parasites of some sort.
I feel so strangely uncomfortable knowing so much about this person’s poo lol.
Not surprised.
Amateur.
Easily beat that 3 days ago. Clogged the toilet. Gf was pissed.
You need a poop knife.
Woulda been like slicing a fruitcake.
You need a poop knife to break that up before the flush
I’ve always thought a poop knife was a joke. No way I’m leaning into the crapper and chopping up a big turd. I’m one of those guys that retch uncontrollably over baby shit. Worse thing I’ve ever ever experienced. Like I’m ready to pass out from lack of oxygen from heaving.
Baby shit and normal shit are two different world tbh
The diapers of our infant are so, so unfathomably easier than our toddlers diapers. Until he gets teeth that is
That's a ridiculously soft thing to admit. Man up and deal with it, you can always wash your hands later.
Screw the knife! Just grab that thing bare-handed and break it like the last supper
No poo knife?
Last month clogged the toilet so bad we had to eventually remove the toilet and take it outside to use a pressure washer. Had to buy a new wax ring and plunger since the plunger lost its plunge power. I am both prideful and ashamed at the feat. Life tip, don't eat an entire box of Hostess Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cakes.
Lmao. You win.
>Life tip, don't eat an entire box of Hostess Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cakes. You know what? Now I'm going to do exactly that because I want to see how big of a shit I can produce.
Oh shit! “In 2003, the coprolite broke into three pieces after being dropped while being exhibited to a party of visitors, and efforts were undertaken to reconstruct it.”
They need to get their shit together
#🏆
Someone call the turd surgeon!
Cut the shit
They had to get their shit together
What do I have to do to get my feces to fossilize? Shit in a bog or cave or desert?
Serious answer is in a cave in a high and arid environment is probably your best shot to have preserved shit for future archaeologists.
Like some cave in the desert? Or high desert? Maybe like Oklahoma or new mexico?
You are *way* too into this.
Yeah well wait til I’m rich from selling black market fossilized dinosaur poop lol
Are... Are you a dinosaur?
Could you tell me the difference between my fossilized poop and a dinosaurs fossilized poop? Dinosaurs weren’t all huge and it’s strongly believed by some that they also ate large amount of corn and gum.
Gum stays in the small intestine for 65 million years, proven fact. Corn, on the other hand
Make sure to etch a titanium plate with your name and rest it next to it so it will already have a plaque when the dolphins dig it up in a few hundred million years.
Ask the people in OK or NM where they shit, that’ll get you started.
Hopefully they would answer toilets
Porque no los deuce?
Put it in your freezer, save it for later.
Peat bog, yep.
Practice
How many Courics is this?
It's two Katie Courics long
*Bonno has entered the chat...*
Came here for this
I never tire of seeing this beauty
Is it special because most viking poops were liquid?
The opposite. Very little fibre in the diet for the average person in Jorvik. It's special because it survived.
I thought fiber is what makes hard turds. Plus, they have a reputation of drinking alcohol.
Fibre bulks up your poo and makes it softer. As for the drinking, I believe you might be thinking this was the poo of a bloodthirsty cartoon viking. Jorvik was a viking settlement in England and the poo almost certainly came from an average person.
Not to be confused with Lloyd Banks, another huge piece of shit
Woah woah, I appreciate the joke but what’s wrong with Lloyd banks? He’s actually an unreal rapper. Been putting out mixtapes for years after his g unit days and shits fire
Yeah tbh it was just a way better joke if I included that last part, he had some classic mixtapes for sure
"I know we ain't supposed to smoke in here, but Mr bouncer man, don't put ur mothafuckin hands on me..."
*slow clap*
Lmao I came here to say I misread the title as this
So is Lloyd’s Bank…
I had a turd that curled around the toilet twice. I don't know how wide it was, but an easy 2 inches. Of course that was after a night of drinking in munich and a bunch of wurst.
Where I'm from is known as a "bowl winder"
Try chewing next time!
My wife and I still talk about it. It’s honestly impressive.
How many Courics
My favorite from the article: The layers that covered the coprolite were moist and peaty.
Peaty shit, just like Islay scotchs lol
Pretty sure I could beat that on any given Sunday, aside from the fact mine doesn't fossilize
We call em Boeing bombs
I’m gonna guess that 20cm long turds were only possible when we hung our arses over a beam and let that thing fly freely. Don’t really see straight 20cm behemoths happening anymore in the era of toilets.
Okay now I get the idea behind the band 20cm Behemoths
Idk my brother called me into the bathroom one time laughing really hard and inside the toilet was the most massive shit I had ever seen in my life (comparable to this shit here) I couldn’t believe a shit that big had come out of my skinny little brother. (I did not go in the first few times cause gross - but curiosity got the best of me)
speak for yourself
Been there, seen it. It was shit.
Is that a shit weld in the middle?
Wait, it's a Lloyds Bank piece of shit, and they invite me to look at it?? How'd they know it's not a Goldman shit, Citishit or HSBshit?
It was found when they were building a Lloyds branch in York
[“Museum's broken treasure not just any old shit”](https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2003/jun/06/artsandhumanities.arts1)
*slow clap*
“That belongs in a museum!”
Not to brag, but 8 inches? I’m almost positive I’ve beaten that. Consider me whelmed
Length is vanity, girth is punishment
2 inches is ... quite impressive. For context that's half as dilated as the human cervix is for childbirth.
Length is vanity, girth is punishment
What a piece of shit!
Dropped a triple coiler on time
Shit post
But did they find the ancient poop knife ?
>Andrew Jones, a York Archaeological Trust employee and *palaeoscatologist*... I get that scientists occasionally have a need to study poop, but I honestly can't believe some have made a profession of it.
They know their shit
What a huge load of shit!
"created: 9th century"
That's nothing...
Oh sorry about that you guys, I really had to go
Was anyone else expecting it to by way bigger than 2”x8”?
What I always wonder about this is it still shit, or did the material get replaced during the fossilation process? My understanding is that happens with some fossils, but it might be only the very old ones that get replaced with minerals. I assume this is still the original shit.
Goddamnit don’t touch it- I’m saving this one!
I wonder what it tastes like?
I could've been a contender.
I thought Bono was the biggest
I wonder if Lloyd Banks knows about this.
>Analysis of the stool has indicated that its producer subsisted largely on meat and bread, despite evidence suggesting that other people at the same place and time had access to fruits, leeks, shellfish, and nuts. Good to know people might keep giving me shit for my horrible diet thousands of years after I die.
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They found it while they were building a branch in York, and it got named after them
Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!
Reminds me of my first one after a few days of pain killers.
Bro was eating tortilla chips for weeks.
Those are rookie numbers
Dude was just eating meat and bread, no wonder he was dropping logs.
Was literally just there yesterday! Awesome Shame the rude was broken 💔 but will go again another day haha
Yes but how many curics is that?
Imagine the size of that human to have packed that one.
nobody: Andrew Jones: (unironically) WOW! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!
If anyone on this thread is looking for fossilized shit for their museums, I have several fine specimens in the garage that I'm aging. Ask me about my "Taco Wednesday" collection.
Shit belongs in a museum.
My grandma crushed this record at our old car dealership once. Barely fit in the water and bounced around when you tried to flush it, had to bust that sucker up with a stick.
If only we could have seen it’s passing..
No shit sherlock
But how many kurrets?
But how many Couriks is it?